The Punch Bowl (1944) - full transcript

And now gentlemen,
let us pay our respects.

Today I buried our
dear old "Pavian".

Let us not remember
all that was humorous.

Actually his name was Schmitz
and he was our Latin teacher.

He nourished us with
Horace and Caesar,

and we put blasting
caps under his podium.

Now he has rest
from his bad boys.

We toast his memory.

Yes, to all of our old teachers.

Yes,
and when you think about it...

I remember we had a very young P.E.
teacher.



When we wanted to
irritate him...

We reversed and
changed everything that

old Otto Bock had set up.

An interesting question at this point:
Why do people do this kind of thing?

Why do people play these kinds
of jokes on their teachers?

Because it is so
incredibly funny.

No, no. Just the opposite.

But it's only funny,

when you are the one
playing the pranks.

Living day in and day out
with such boys like us...

would make you a little crazy.

Well they probably all
are a little bit crazy.

Our school principal raised chickens
right next to the school courtyard.

We used to feed them bread.



And we would first dip
the bread in Schnapps!

Wonderful!

They acted quite like humans do.

One of them tried to sing and the
others all became sentimental.

But the chicken became obtrusive

and relieved himself
in a tin can.

At any rate we had
the opportunity to

witness the stupefying
effects of the alcohol...

Well, in this sense...

We raise our glasses and drink to...
our school.

and to our teachers. Cheers!

Gone but not forgotten.

Hello Doctor.

Well now, the men seem to be
quite animated this evening.

Doctor,
I believe they are telling jokes.

Obscene jokes.

There he is.
Pfeiffer, come on over here.

The premiere lasted a long time.

How was the show?

I'm glad that I
was not the writer.

What kind of brew is that?

We just got started.

The Fire Tong Bowl

The devil's infernal brew.
lt works something terrible on your mind.

Not for me.

And it gives you a
hell of a hangover.

ls it the same for you,

that you sometimes dream
about your school days?

No. Why?

We all do that.

I always have the same dream:

I'm sitting together with
my boy in a school desk.

I have forgotten everything,

and the rascal has to
give me all the answers.

I always dream that I have
forgotten my history book.

Especially on nights
when I've eaten lobster.

History book?
I've never owned one.

I never had enough money.

I spent my money drinking!

Pfeiffer, come on now and laugh.

About what?

You are beyond help.

We need to get the
next batch ready.

Good night. Thank you very much.

You shouldn't interrupt me.

lf you put worn
down chalk in ink

then it foams and you have...

We had a teacher once
who was a real dandy..

he was also near sighted.

So with him we...

You know what we did with him?

Well come on, tell us!

A wet sponge..

We put a wet sponge

on his podium chair.
Now, imagine this...

the whole morning he sat
there in his wet pants.

And do the teachers
all find this funny?

We never asked them.

Didn't you do things
like this too?

No.

So this was some kind
of model institution?

I never went to a school.

But you...

I received my diploma
through private tutors.

I was taught by private
teachers in my home

by the generosity of my father.

What?

You were never in a school?

No.

Well that is just terrible.

You poor, pitiful man.

Then you don't know how it is.

Living in a real flop house
and cramming for exams..

with your fellow students.

I can imagine.

lmagine? Oh no...
You have to actually experience it.

You really missed something.

I really feel sorry for him.

He missed the most wonderful
part of being young.

God knows he did.
And it can't be repeated.

Cheers Pfeiffer.

Cheers Pfeiffer.

Pardon my question but...

Why couldn't he
go back to school?

What do you mean?

You mean he could
really go back again...

Just for fun and only
for a couple of weeks.

As a grown man?

Come on, that's crazy

Of course it's crazy.

Although when you think about it
purely in a theoretical sense...

Yes. You are serious?

I'm not sure. I would have
to seriously think about it.

lt would have to be somewhere
where no one knows him.

That is easy.
Babenberg for example.

That is my hometown and it
is in the middle of nowhere.

a charming little town...

with a charming
little high school.

and very charming...

Girls?

No, Teachers.

ls there at least a decent
hotel where he can stay?

Hotel, no way!
He'll have to find a room.

Yes, of course,
where he can do whatever he wants.

But his sweet Marion will
never allow him to do it.

I won't ask her.

What? Do you really want to?

God knows I have more
important things to do.

lf you would permit
me, your publisher...

to say something.

Here recently you have been
writing a little too much.

lt is high time that you
experience something.

Right!
Something completely crazy.

So that you can learn to laugh.

So, what'll it be Pfeiffer?
Do you have the courage to do it?

What could possibly
happen to him?

lf things got to boring
for him he could just stand

and say: "You can't
do anything to me.

I've got my diploma and
my PhD in my briefcase!"

Well, Pfeiffer is going
back to high school.

Yes, well,
if you would allow me...

Nothing is allowed here.

until I have
expressed how I feel.

When are you leaving?

I envy you.

Damn it, I'd like to go too.

Man,
I would kill for the chance.

Then it is clear to all of us

that this is of course insane...

But I have always wished,

to do something a little insane.

To be a regular boy.

Foolish and no worries.

To do homework,

and to shoot paper wads,

But Gentlemen,

nobody would believe me.

I certainly don't look
like a young pupil.

You'll have to change your
appearance accordingly.

How?

Should I perhaps

shave off my dear beard?

And have my flowing,
thick hair trimmed?

Maybe also a pair of sad,
nickel plated eyeglasses?

Books under my arm,
a pupil's cap on my head.

And then I'll stand...

one morning out on
the schoolyard...

I'm the new guy,
the sensation for Babenberg.

And they are all coming
up to me in droves...

amazed by me, questioning me...

who I am, where I come
from, whether I...

Hey, who is that?

That's the new guy.

He looks like...

ls he supposed to be from Berlin?
But you're here.

How clever!

Take your seats.

You're supposed to take a seat.

You are the new pupil?

Yes sir.

Take off your cap and stand up.

On behalf of this institution...

and the upper school,
I welcome you.

Now, sit up front

so you can see better.

You will feel
right at home here.

Your name is?

Doct... uhh... Jo...
Johann Pfeiffer.

With one or two "f"?

With three.

Three "f's"?

One in front of the "ei",
and two after it, sir.

You are a little silly.

So you have never
been in a school?

You gave me that impression.

You will get used to our
strict school routine.

Have a seat.

Yes sir.

Being in school is
like taking medicine,

it has to taste bad
or it doesn't work.

As I have written
in my own book:

"The duty of a teacher...

taking into consideration...

the institution of
higher learning'...

taking into consideration,
the institution of higher learning...

is primarily that he has done his part,
to further scientific endeavors...

and to see that the
prescribed teaching material

has been taught.

First and foremost by the knowledge
and the assistance of the teacher

to the students,
which have been entrusted to him.

and secondly with
the utmost respect

and highest admiration
from the students...

for their teacher.

Who did that?

Who did that?

Professor,
why don't you ask Luck?

Luck! Did you see who
shot this paper wad?

Who me?

Rosen! Did you see him do it?

I just said you should ask Luck,

because he is so smart..

Sit down, Rosen.
You have no moral maturity.

lf the culprit does
not identify himself ,

I will find out who he is.

Ohhh, this piece of paper has
been torn out of a notebook.

Everyone come forward!

Show me all of your notebooks.

Professor, the bell rang.

For the next hour repeat

what we have gone through.

Klemm, what do you need?

Pfeiffer is supposed to go
to the principal right away.

Sir.

Come closer, Pfeiffer.

You have learned the school
rules, Pfeiffer?

They were given to me.

So you know that pupils
are not to visit pubs...

without a chaperone?

And still you were
seen just yesterday..

in the pub "Axmacher".

I live there.

You live there!

This is starting out well.

I thought...

You're not supposed to think.

I will break the habit.
"Axmacher" is a...

He is thinking again.

I thought that if such noisy,
fine gentlemen such as...

He is still thinking.

Just be quiet.

I don't mean to say anything
against the "Axmacher",

but that is no place
for you to live.

First of all it's
too costly for you

and secondly,
what kind of impression does that make?

You, a pupil at a reputable
institution of higher learning.

I didn't think about that.

But you are supposed to think.
as an educated person.

OK. Then today I'll go
looking for a new pad.

A pad?
What kind of expression is that?

A pad is something, well, nasty.
I would almost say...

uhh, immoral.

A student at a reputable
institution of higher learning...

should not have a pad
but rather a proper room,

with proper,
well intentioned people.

Fine, then later I'll go...

No! Right now.

You are excused
from your lessons.

Oh, too bad.

I don't know whether or not this might
be a little bit expensive for you...

65 Marks a week room and board,

I can afford it.

Per month, young man.

What is there to eat?

Good home cooking of course.

lt is substantial
and nutritious.

And as much as you want.

I'm not a big eater.

lt's necessary for children...
in the developing years.

My son also didn't want
to eat properly until...

until later, when he...

Excuse me,
where is the bathroom?

Bathroom? Oh, yes.

I have a cast iron tub.

lf you would like to
see it sometime...

Every Saturday I'll
heat you up some food.

You should feel at home here.

I could have a rocking
chair set up for you here.

or maybe my piano.

Thank you very much.

You didn't do this very well.

That could have broken.

Oh, that is definitely
your mother?

No, no that is...

Well then it is
some other relative?

Maybe an aunt?

Something like that.

Beautiful woman...
and so elegant.

Does she look after you?

I have to count on it.

Where is Doctor Pfeiffer?
Not here again?

Doctor Pfeiffer is on
vacation somewhere,

as has already been
mentioned several times.

Alfred, you are lying.
He would have taken me with him.

Perhaps this time he
had a special reason,

for traveling
without his dear...

Reasons? Be honest.

Who is she,
what's her name and is she cute?

Who?

The other woman.

He didn't take a woman
with him this time.

Well then he must still be here.
I smell cigarette smoke.

I can hardly imagine that.

Here is a glass
that has been used.

How could that be?

Alfred,
what is going on with you?

You're just standing there.
Well, you're drunk!

Something is not right here.

All of his suitcases
are still here?

And all of his suits?

He didn't even take
a pair of pajamas?

The poor man. How will he sleep?

Telephone.

Sweetheart!
Will you please get it?

What? Hmmm

Well...

Damned invention.

Mr. Hans,
is everything OK with you?

No.

What would you like
to have for breakfast?

ln the morning I really
require very little.

Just a little something.

X is equal to negative P half
plus or minus the root of P half

in square minus Q the tangent
one half ( Alpha plus Beta )...

lf the cocoa is not
sweet enough for you...

lt's fine, it's fine.

How do you like it
here in Babenberg?

Have you settled in well?

Yes, yes, of course.

Have you been to the
Marksmen's Festival?

Well, what I really
wanted to say was...

Don't get involved
with any girls.

After all we live
here in a city.

Many a boy has been corrupted.

Don't let me disturb you.

My son was also so diligent.

Now he works with taxes.
Oh well, things could be worse I guess.

Do you have strict teachers?

Hmmm. Very strict

Morning boys.

Morning, Professor.

Oh, so you are the new one?

You don't need to stand up. I don't
require the students to stand for me.

What does it benifit me
if everyone stands up?

Morning, Pömmel!

I said 'morning', didn't I?

Oh, you know, this weather
today, the sun is shining...

I'm in such a good mood.

We really don't want to get
off on the wrong foot today.

So, where were we?

Today we're talking about a steam engine.
What is a steam engine?

To put it quite simply
a steam engine...

is a large, round,
black chamber.

And the large,
round, black chamber,

it has two holes.

The one hole is where
the steam comes in...

and the other hole...
well, we'll get to that later.

Wow, what does the steam do?

The steam,
it pushes on the pistons.

What is a piston?
Well, that can't be explained.

lt's in the book.

What are you doing down
there, Rudi?

10 Pfennig of mine
fell down here.

That is a lot of
money for a boy.

Where was I?
Right, yes, the pistons.

Now that is very ingenious.

This is also where the steam
comes in from the other side.

and that also pushes
on the pistons...

With it.

You pig.

What will you give me
for the "Mecklenburg"?

Have you doubled it?

But it's not genuine.

Show me.

On one end it goes
back and forth,

and on the other
end it goes around.

That is the connecting rod.
Sometimes this kind of

steam engine has two cylinders.

Then it's called a twin engine.

This is nothing to laugh about.

Are there any questions?

Any questions? So,
now you all know how a steam engine works.

And if you don't know,
it's your own fault.

Where is my other shoe?

lt was just right here.

And now it's gone.

Maybe you have it on.

No. Has one of you
seen my other shoe?

When I catch the lousy
student, who took my shoe!

Professor,
we are not stealing any shoes.

Just be nice and
give me my shoe back.

lf you do,
there will be no punishment.

I am not going to
give in to you.

You can check our desks.

lf you had some kind of idea that I
was going to hop to my next class..

on one leg...

I have time.

Professor, the second bell...

Without my shoe I'm
not going anywhere.

But we have history with
Doctor Brett right now.

I can't change that.

Anything special out there?

Our sister high school.

lsn't that convenient.
Can you get together with any of them?

The blonde with the long locks.

I like the dark headed one.
She is hot.

No, she's mine

I like the tall one.

What about you?

I like all of them.

You little pig.

Brett !

Your attention please!

Good morning.

What's going on?

Pömmel.

Pömmel.

My dear colleague,
this must be a mistake.

I'm waiting for my shoe.

What is going on here?

Oh, Rudi, yes.

and no tickling please.

Yes, thank you.

Thanks very much.

Have a nice morning, sir.

Here you go.
Thank you, Ackerman.

Gees! What a horrible
character you all have.

Pfeiffer

I know. With three "f's"

Only because Mr. "Nose"
asked me in such a funny way.

Mr. "Nose"?

I couldn't have known that...

Professor Kray is his real name.

You see, Pfeiffer,
things are different in my class.

I take care of my pupils.

And I give them the
choice: War or peace.

This class has
decided for peace,

and it is going
quite well that way.

Other than that it
is really of no use,

because I know all of the stupid
things you might try from my childhood

So, it's not going
to work with me.

But what if we do
something brand new?

Then try it.

You were supposed to look over
the chapter on mass migration.

So, Knebel! Tell us about it.

Which tribe of people
could you best speak about?

The, uhh... Goths.

Then I don't need to
ask you about the Goths.

Then tell us something about the...
Goths.

The Goths...

were located...

originally...

Originally the Goths
were located in...

Knebel,
step away from your desk.

Originally the Goths
were located in...

Sweden.

Right.
Then from there they went to...?

From there they went to...

uhh, near Danzig.

From there they went to...

to Russia and from
there they went to...

Yes, and after that
they really didn't know

what they should do and uhhh...

and they found themselves in the east
where the mixed with the Western Goths.

Good, Knebel.
You can have a seat. "D".

How could that answer possibly be a "D"?
I earned a "B".

Pfeiffer gets the "B".

And please give me your mirror.

Here you go.

You call that new?

What do you do when it rains?

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet.

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet.

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet.

The Spring time
brings a good mood

Reliably every...

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet.

The Spring blows in...

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the...

The Spring blows
in good cheer...

Reliably every year...

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

of the... Tru- tru- trumpet.

Someone is singing off key.

Everything is OK here.

Pfeiffer!
Are you the one singing off key?

Uhh... definitely not.

Maybe you should come up here.

Try singing this note.

You're singing too deep.
Just listen.

Ahhhhhh....

No, Pfeiffer. Now it's too high.

You're obviously tone deaf.

You are of course
excused from the chorus.

Uhhh.. so I'm not
allowed to sing anymore?

Let's try it again.

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet

lt blows in good cheer...

Reliably every year...

The Spring time loves
the playing of a flute,

and the playing of the trumpet

lt blows in good cheer

This proud melancholy
of language.

Heavenly. Magical.

And he is so intelligent. You can
actually have a conversation with him.

To whom are you saying that?
He was with me for breakfast yesterday.

You are so lucky.

Pfeiffer has been missing from Berlin
without a trace for two weeks now.

- Ladies, please move along. - Oh,
it is such an experience to read his work.

Read? Oh yes,
I guess one could do that sometime.

You see, that is him: Pfeiffer,
as he loves and lives.

Elegant, beautiful, thoughtful...
and so alluring.

Well, can't everyone do that?

When?

The key word is Baldrian.

What? Baldrian.

Who says that?

I do of course.

When I say the word "Baldrian",
things start to happen.

Careful,
the old men are coming...

Pfeiffer seems to have

settled in very
well with us here.

I'm afraid perhaps too well. Do you
have class with the Upper School today?

I would advise you
to be on guard.

lf we don't bother the boys
then they don't bother us.

- Do you agree with me?
- Yes, but they live for such things.

The affection of our pupils
can be won by other means.

I have a few effective tricks,

with which you can spice up...

your lessons and present
it in a pleasant way.

ln chemistry for instance,

I talk every year about
the effects of alcohol.

So every year I bring -
and my students know this -

a one liter bottle
of huckleberry wine,

which I have made myself,

and I bring it with me to the chemistry
lesson, so that each of the students

can be convinced of
its pleasant taste.

Careful now!
Each of you just get a small swallow,

otherwise it will
go to your head.

Oh-ho-ho...

Each of you must hold the
glass at a 20 degree angle,

So the wine in a
different position.

We will determine the alcohol
content while we are doing this.

As you can see it is
almost 13 percent.

I picked the
huckleberries myself.

Huckleberry wine not only has

a pronounced and spiced taste,

but it is also healthy
and very nourishing.

lsn't it right to say,
Professor, Baldrian...

Baldrian...
is supposed to be healthy as well.

Of course Baldrian is healthy.

But that discussion is
for some other time.

You're right, Professor.

My uncle always used to
say, Baldrian,

Baldrian belongs
in every family.

You're silly.
Ackermann, what do you know...

about the effects of alcohol?

Even the old Germanic
tribes were making

a strong drink from
honey called Meade.

Without their meast they used
to lie around on bear skins.

What's wrong?

Nothing, I just feel a
little funny in the head.

Then have a seat.

Pfeiffer, please carry on.

The alcohol content,
or rather the content of the alcohol

produces alcohol,
alcohol produces content,

or the so called
alcohol content.

Pfeiffer, you are rambling.
Sit down.

The alcohol is
starting to ramble,

and the result is the secret
brood or the huckleberry hooch.

Luck

Professor, I don't what this means but...
I just can't talk anymore.

What?

When alco-hole,
is the only hole...

What? do you feel all right?

-Sure, I feel fine...
-Open the window.

Rosen! Carry on.

That is laughable.

But Professor,

I only have to think
about my poor mother.

My poor mother.

The wine ferments far away...
The alcohol, the wine,

the alcohol is produced by the
hucleberries in fermentation,

in fermented alcohol...

Professor,
I'm seeing everything in double.

Professor...

I'm going to bed.

I don't understand this.

All of this from just
one little swallow.

This is just im... impossible

I would like to have
a little swallow!

Me too!

What is going on here?

I can hear you clear
over in the other wing

Quiet!

Quiet!

I want to know what
is going on here.

You little, you sweet.

Yes, we drank some wine,
some really good wine.

Come here, sit down on the bench.
We all like you so much...

Ackermann!
What have you been drinking?

As good Germans we
have been drinking

good German wine.

And where do all of
you get this wine from?

We had to drink it in
Professor Kay's class.

I am completely puzzled.

lf you would just
try one swallow...

I don't drink.

All of you, go home,
as quietly as you can.

Try to pull yourselves together.

And then go straight to bed.

My dear colleague,
you have poisoned the entire Upper School.

But I innocently wanted to
show the effects of alcohol...

My wonderful Upper School...

from such a small swallow?

poisoned I said.

I am expecting a
written report from you.

And furthermore there will be...

What, Pfeiffer?

I would like to...
make a confession.

ls someone there?

No.

You? Are you the guy with
the huckleberry wine?

What do you want?

We just want to take a look.

OK, ok now, go on.

You? You're supposed
to be so smart.

So tell us something smart.

Or would you rather
have a cigarette?

But you're not allowed to smoke.
lt's forbidden in detention.

But we can smoke
in front of you.

Now he's going to get
detention for smoking.

You're only being brave because
there is a door between us.

Should we come in?

I'd like for you to.

We're embarassing ourselves.
What do you think of us?

You are all probably
ugly like the night...

bowlegged simpletons,
nothing up top and nothing in the rear.

Nice looking girls
don't get embarassed.

Nice to meet you, Pfeiffer.

You're just children!

You ass!

Well.

Good.

Oh my, oh my, oh my...

Mrs. Windscheid,
do you think it will work like this?

People don't like it when boys,

become so vain
all of the sudden.

I'll be back for dinner.

Hi, Hans.

Hi, See you, Good Bye.

Where are you off to?

Well, uhhh...

What about the essay?

I have to go. Bye.

Hiking is the miller's desire

Hiking is the miller's desire

Hiking

That must be a bad miller

who never thought of hiking

who never thought of hiking

Hiking...

So tell me,
was it awful in detention?

Quite the opposite.
lt was a highly interesting experience.

Pfeiffer, why do you tell
me so little about yourself?

What is there to tell?
What would you like to know?

Everything.

Have you ever been
in love before?

I have always been
very stand offish.

You see, that is one of the
things I like about you.

I don't like boys who
are immediately so pushy.

The younger students
are the worst.

Really?

My girlfriend knew one,

who wanted a kiss from her.

What is it?

Too bad that I'm not
a younger student.

Why?

You there! What are you doing?

Nothing.

You took down that sign.

No I didn't.

Hang it right back up there.

What do you want me to do?

Hang that sign back up, damn it.

Gentlemen,
I am asking for your opinion.

I agree with the
opinion of the director.

But I haven't said anything yet.
My dear colleague.

I vote that the
students responsible

be expelled from this school.

But first we have to determine
who the guilty student is.

We will appeal to their sense of
duty, and ask them to tell us...

willingly who did this.

I believe in our students but...
so much sense of duty?

Usually it is a good friend
who turns the perpetrator in.

Hopefully we don't have friends
like this at our school.

lf we don't get anywhere

then we'll have to punish them
all, the old fashioned way.

We have 247 students
at our school.

We'll be punishing
246 of them unjustly.

ln my book "the duty
of a teacher..."

My dear Mr. Brandt,
please wipe the smile off of your face.

The situation is serious enough.

True, but the problem
lies somewhere else.

lf it were to come out that this
sign was a forgery, and that we all

fell for this stupid trick
played on us by the boys,

we will be the laughing
stock of the town.

And what will the school
superintendent say?

For God's sake,
what are going to do?

Nothing!

What do you mean "nothing"?

This forgery...

Whether the sign is a forgery
or not depends completely on us.

To put it simply we'll just say:

The sign is real.
We hung it out there ourselves.

Because of the renovations.

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

This suggestion stands in
the starkest contrast...

to the principles in my
book and I vote against it.

I for one apologize
for this suggestion.

We have the highest reputation
and respect in this community

and for our school to
be found at fault...

Yes, at fault for not
avoiding the blame.

And you Principal,
of all people can avoid

an extremely embarrassing report
to the school superintendent.

Uh... hmmm...

You mean, Mr. Pömmel,
I need to...

Yes, how do you see
things working out?

We don't have any
renovations going on.

I can fix that for you.

Kids, the meeting is over.

Now the investigation begins.

Well, Pfeiffer,
you think you're so brave,

or maybe I should say, brave with your
words. Are your knees knocking a little?

lf it were to come out that...

How?

I don't know.
Maybe, if someone were to turn you in.

Maybe you? We can't trust you?

Say that again and
I will turn him in.

I bet you won't!

You bet I would!

Have a seat.

Take out your books.

Turn to page...
Now what do you want?

I have to make an announcement.

lf you're not prepared again...

I believe it to be my duty,
so that no innocent person...

Take care of this out
on the school yard.

Professor,
it's got to do with the sign.

Sit down.

lt's got to do with
the sign yesterday.

Not, "it's got to
do with the sign",

but rather,
"it has to do with the sign."

OK, OK, has to do, got to do with...
lt has to do with the sign...

You need to sit down!

Aren't you interested in...

lf you continue you will be
thrown out of this class!

who hung the sign outside...

You're talking nonsense. The maintenance
crew placed the sign on the gate...

because of the renovations.

That's a lie.

That will be enough! Sit down!

Ackermann,
write this up in the class book:

Rosen disturbed the lesson
with his foolish talk.

Now open your books to page 117.

OK, Pfeiffer,
You look so pleased with yourself.

Maybe I should pick
on you again today?

I hope you do.

Then I want to see rather or not
you understood "Wallenstein".

you understood "Wallenstein".

ln which act and
in which scene...

does who say to whom these words:
"That was no act of heroism...

Octavio."

Yes, Pfeiffer,
you don't know, do you?

You are becoming
more and more dumb.

You are becoming the laughing
stock of the entire class.

I don't get it. ln all other subjects
you are doing satisfactorily or better

You are only failing German.

German...
German is not my thing.

That is too bad!
What do you hope to be someday?

I don't know yet.

Be sure and choose a profession
that doesn't require much writing.

The best choice would
be to become a dentist.

OK.

Good Morning. May I help you?
You would like a room?

I would like to know if,
Dr. Pfeiffer lives here.

He hasn't checked in yet.
ln the meantime would you like to...

Thank you.
Where else could Dr. Pfeiffer live?

Oh my, maybe... But I...

Mr. Axmacher,
we did have a Mr. Pfeiffer here.

The one who left the huge tip.

Oh please, there is no way!

A huge tip! Where does he live?

Ask over at the high school.

High School?

They are on their
break right now.

Where is it?
Go right at the next street.

Thank you.

Mam, are you lost?

I am looking for a Doctor Pfeiffer,
I have to urgently speak with him.

Doctor Pfeiffer,
no, who is that?

A teacher? I'm not sure.

We don't have a Doctor Pfeiffer.
But I was told you did.

Mam, unless you mean him?

He came to us a
couple of weeks ago.

But he is no doctor.

Could you call him in?

No, he has to go to his class.

Thank you very much.

Good morning boys.

Morning.

We are taking a quiz today

over air pressure.

Couldn't we just write
about a thermometer?

We would do better at that. Write over
whatever you want. Just no nonsense.

Somebody knocked.

That joke is too old.
I won't fall for it.

anyway, about the thermometer.

Professor,
someone really is knocking.

What?
You think I didn't hear that?

Go and see what they want.

I'll ask.

There is a woman out there.

A woman? What does she want?

To come in. No, no, no.

How does she look? Beautiful.

I'll go and look for myself.

Please behave yourselves
for just a moment.

Yes?

Could you tell me if there is
a Mr. Pfeiffer in your class?

Do you mean this boy here?

I would like to speak with him.

Well,
we're taking a quiz right now.

Now Professor,
don't be so strict.

Send him out here.

lf it won't take too long.

Whom shall I say is here?

He can see for himself.

Yes, and what is this regarding?

That doesn't make
any difference.

Then I'm not interested
in helping you.

Professor!

He is a bit unruly and
not very well behaved...

What? Him? Oh...
He keeps us all in stitches.

Where exactly do
you know him from?

From Berlin of course.

I see. You're from Berlin.
Yes, you look like you are from Berlin.

You know what?
Just leave me and these boys alone.

Thank you.

Hans, are you here?
He must have just left.

ln the afternoons he is
always going somewhere.

Can I get something for you?

Oh, now I know who you are.
You are his aunt.

Yes, I know you from the
picture hanging over there...

which he hung over there.

Did you write him
that you were coming?

Sometimes it's better
to arrive unannounced.

A surprise.
I'm sure he will be thrilled.

No, how young you look.

Yes, dear woman...

We notice how old we are
becoming by our children.

So how is my....
my nephew doing?

Great, he has become
a lovely young man.

Oh, well then he certainly has
a little girlfriend by now?

No! What would he do
with a girlfriend?

He has no time for girls.

He is only interested
in his books.

Oh, here he comes.

Some nice, refreshing coffee.

We'll be wanting
some cheesecake.

Just wait. I'll pour for us.

Ohh!

What?

Pfeiffer, we can't tell
you that you can't be here,

but don't you think
it is a bit unusual

that you are sitting here
at the table next to us...

Oh, well if I could sit with all of you.
I just didn't think it would be proper.

Would you please introduce
to me both of these ladies?

No? Nice to meet you, Pfeiffer.

Nice to meet you. Pfeiffer.

The principal was so kind
as to invite me over.

Well, do I really get to sit next
to these precious young ladies?

Mam, I don't know if

you have already heard about me.

I am extraordinarily pleased, to find
out that you are the charming wife...

of our highly
esteemed principal.

Oh, thank you.

I am even more
astounded to see how..

similar you and
your sister look.

But no, Mr. Pfeiffer,
this is my little daughter.

You don't say! What do you know?

That just can't be the truth.

You already have such
a grown up daughter?

I thought that this
young woman was...

What did you think?

would be your daughter.

You overestimate my age.
I'm not that old.

Yes, Professor, you're right.
I didn't think it through.

At the very most you are
twice as old as Miss Eva.

But don't worry. ln 20 years it
will be a completely different mix.

You will only be 1 1/2 times as
old, and in 100 years you will be...

Pfeiffer,
if you have anything else...

something else for today anything if
you were to have anything else planned.

Well of course he has
to finish his homework.

We'll do that in school
tomorrow morning.

But if I have your permission,

even though I could talk a
little bit more about myself ...

I don't want to hold you up anymore.
lt has been a real pleasure.

Of course he's not here anymore.

But we can't do our Greek...

Come on, Greek? I'm sure he's got some
cigarettes tucked away here somewhere.

What the heck is this?
lt's a hair bow.

Absolutely.
You have to treat women poorly.

First I will marry...

Because you have to.

Your girlfriend colors
her hair blonde.

Can you do that?

With bleach, H2-O2.

This is why I don't
get chemistry.

Of course there
are no cigarettes.

Whoah,
what in the world is this?

Would you two gentlemen perhaps
like a cigarette from me?

You are allowed to
smoke, aren't you?

Who is that?

Don't know.
I'm sure she's waiting on Hans.

You think so?

Not bad at all.

- lntroduce me.
- We can't do this.

You're going to
introduce me and...

Gentlemen! Let's not fight.

But next time you
had better knock,

when a lady is
sleeping in the room.

You both could very easily put
me in a compromising situation.

- Yes, of course. - Excuse us.
- Please excuse us.

There is no need to be
embarrassed gentlemen,

You also don't need to
think about running away,

Just turn around.

And since you both
are acting so cute,

I will allow you to
put my shoes on for me.

Ouch... but gentlemen...

Well they didn't have any more
streusel so I got us some...

Ohh... Marion...?

Well, it's amazing that
you still know my name.

Yes, quite amazing.
So nice that you have come.

May I introduce
my friends to you?

lf we're somehow getting in your
way, you...

Come on, get out of here.

ls she from Berlin?
Man, this is my aunt.

Go on, go!

Well.

Well now, there you are.

Yes, here I am.

lt's so nice of you to come.

You've said that three times.

No only twice.

Three times.

Fine, then you can start.

Of course you know that
your big part is coming up

in this comedy we
are playing out here.

You'll ask me whether
or not I am crazy.

I will ignore your question as
if it is unworthy of a response.

The you will prove to me,

that this whole thing
is an outrageous farce

and that a person can
not become a child again,

just by putting a pupil's
cap on their head.

Then you will make it all too
clear that in reality this is

an escape, from the world,
from you, and even from myself.

That all of my opportunities
in Berlin are fading away,

that my premiere is in
danger and my publisher,

and the minister of culture are upset
and so on and so on... All quite true.

But then I will answer you...

in very brief fashion; in
fact, in only one sentence:

I feel pretty damn
comfortable here.

That is not the job of a poet.

You said that quite beautifully.

And you've gotten
really fat too.

I've gotten younger.

For Christmas you can give me
a novel about the Wild West.

You're acting so silly.

At any rate I have completely

botched your big scene.

You're wrong, my dear Hans.

I do my acting in
the theater only,

not in my private life...
...ln my private life, I have other means.

"May has arrived"

Do we have to walk
past this place?

This is not just a
place, this is my school.

You'll have to allow me to enjoy
this one last farewell look.

Ohh, see this gate here?

There were so many mornings that
I came waltzing through here,

mostly with a bad conscience,
and without my Latin.

ln the afternoons I
would stroll back out,

my stomach full of hunger
and my head full of nonsense.

Can we move on please?

When did the Western
Goths conquer the...

You hear that up there, on the corner?
That's us.

That is my class.

We just had history with Doctor
Brett, Na great guy.

Actually they are all great
guys come to think of it.

Hey, we have a little
break right now.

Come on.

Where to? Ohhh.

Marion,
I just had a wonderful idea.

You know what?
Why don't you go home alone.

I'll stay here.

Come on!

[Murmuring in the background]

What a beauty.

The "nose"!

Sit down.

You have been studying
the great German poets.

Luck, go to the board and write down
their names and the dates they lived.

Write big and clearly.
You have plenty of room.

Where are you coming
from so late... Oh!

lt's nothing.

Just a bit of a bad toothache.

Here is my written excuse
if you want to see it.

Wh- wh- why aren't
you staying at home?

Well Professor,
here I have more diversions.

That's just great.
Now, sit down... carefully.

All of you could learn
from Pfeiffer's example.

How far have you gotten, Luck?

Why aren't you writing anymore?

The board is full.

Well, turn it over.
I can't. lt's stuck.

Hmmm, let me show you.

Wonderful...

Maybe I should erase this?

Go and get the principal.

I have to say,
I am very disappointed.

To see this disgusting example
of classroom disruption...

in my school.
I'm disappointed in all of you.

I want to give the guilty
student the opportunity,

to voluntarily turn himself in.

No! Not here in front of the class.
He'll have to come to my room.

What do you want, Pfeiffer?

Well, Principal, you might get angry
but I think the picture is really nice.

Pfeiffer! A young girl,
probably from a proper family...

and without any clothes on.

Yes, but Principal,
I don't see it that way.

This is no girl.
lt is supposed to be a boy.

We're just not quite
done with it yet.

Yes... in fact,
I thought the same thing myself.

But at any rate,
I think it is extraordinarily nice...

that this embarrassing incident has
come to such an innocent resolution.

has come to such an
innocent resolution.

And from now on we will
never speak about it again.

Ackermann, erase the board.

Where did we stop
yesterday in our reading

of "Don Carlos"?

Fourth act.

Let's read on with
separate roles.

Who would like to take the
part of the noble Marquis Posa?

Rosen is the right
man for that role.

Good. Hosemann,
you take the role of Princess Eboli.

For God's sake, leave me...

What did he say to you,
you unfortunate one?

Nothing.
Leave me alone, nothing.

How much do you know?
There is no escape for you now.

You will not tell anyone else
about this in this lifetime.

Good God,
what do you mean by that?

You don't want to..... kill me?

ln fact I do.
I'll make it quick.

Oh, dear and eternal mercy.
What error have I committed?

lf you don't mind?

Pfeiffer,
you can't stay focused.

What is this?

lt's a letter from a friend.

Then let's read it:

"Look for me at the usual
time and at the usual place."

A thousand kisses...?

Exclamation point.

Signed: "Big E? Period".

Who is that?

But this has nothing
to do with school.

- Who is "E Period"?
- I won't tell you.

Fine. Then I'll have the principal
determine whose handwriting this is.

Professor, may I just, for one second...
Thank you.

Give me back the letter!
Give me back the letter! Pfeiffer!

We'll talk more about this.

I'll expect you in my
apartment at 3 o'clock.

Your teacher was
expecting you...

an hour ago. He is very angry.

lf you'll have a seat for just a
moment, he'll be right in.

Pfeiffer,
once again you are late.

I asked for you to
come at 3 o'clock.

lt is just now 3.

Then your watch is wrong.
lt is two minutes past four.

Couldn't it be that
your watch is wrong?

Oh, no it's not possible.
I'll prove it to you. You see...?

I don't understand this.

I'll have to get this repaired.

I'm afraid I treated
you unjustly.

Have a seat.

So, let's get to the
reason for your visit.

So, who is this "Big E Period"?

- Or do you not wish to tell me?
- Nein.

Very admirable,
but it will not help you.

I have already found
out another way.

I know you're going
to be extremely

angry with me and I know I'll
probably fail my final exams...

I am never angry
with my students.

That goes against my principles, which
is in my book "the duty of a teacher..."

Yes, well, then can I go?

One moment.

You may well be an
average student,

but in spite of that you may be
a very admirable human being.

You have caught the eye of
and turned the head of an

inexperienced young lady.

You will no doubt destroy any
possibilty there might have been...

for you to have a secure
and well-to-do life.

Are you ready to take the
responsibility for that?

Well,
I'll have to think about it.

But, excuse me, Professor.
I have another appointment.

Oh! May I?

Thank you very much. Good bye.

Poor Eva.

Tell me really quickly,
what are you thinking about?

I'm not quite done with
my thoughts just yet.

Are you afraid that you'll
fail your final exam?

There won't be any
chance for that.

- How is that?
- I'm leaving. Probably pretty soon.

Hans! That's terrible.
And what about me?

I'm taking you with me.

Oh, please tell me.
Just how do you think that will happen?

Quite nicely.
As my wife of course.

Oh Hans, you shouldn't joke
about such things with me.

I love you so terribly and
I think you love me too,

but we're both still
going to school

and we shouldn't be
thinking about such things.

I'll be happy to wait for you.

We are old enough.

You're not so bright.

You have to find a job.

What can you do
without a diploma?

Come on,
let's think about it, OK?

Maybe an author.
You don't need a diploma,

you don't have to go to college and
you can earn money rather quickly.

You don't really think so?

By the way,
do you know my famous namesake,

the famous author,
Johannes Pfeiffer?

The one with the
"Novel of the Week"?

But Hans, I would not compare you to him.
He is a real poet.

You could say that.

That is wonderful.

We were together
quite a lot in Berlin.

I know a few things about him.

But Hans,
now you're just bragging.

Have you actually ever seen him?

What does he look like?

Oh, pretty nice looking.
He's built a little like me,

His hair is a little bit
longer and the glasses...

You'll have to imagine me without glasses.
This goof wears only a monocle.

Yes, and that face...
How can I describe it, Eva?

lf you really want to know then just
look at me. Then you'll know how he looks

What an imagination you have.

Not only do I look
uncannily like this

highly talented poet,
but rather, in fact, I am he.

What is that supposed to mean?
Just what I said. I am Johannes Pfeiffer.

Three weeks ago I won
the Literature Award.

My new comedy is playing
at the Royal Playhouse.

Hold on. What is wrong with you?
First you know him well,

then you want to look like him. now you
say you are him. You're too much today.

Seriously Eva, I swear to you.

You have no tact.
lf you want to try an fool me, fine...

but don't swear or invoke
your word of honor.

I can show you my identification. I can
introduce you to a woman from Berlin.

Fine then, if you want to.

You don't need to get all upset. You have
to believe me, trust me and marry me.

But if you still believe that,
I am nothing more than a poor student..

then... then...

- then? - then...

then someone else can have you.

Give me my coat please.

Here you are.

- Bye. - Bye.

Have you done your geometry yet?

Nope. Did you?
Hey, here comes Hans.

Hey, Hans, what's up?
Why the long face?

- Doesn't matter.
- Wasn't she nice to you?

Stop talking like that.

Have you done the geometry?

No, I'm leaving tomorrow.

Where to?

Back to Berlin.

You're just going to leave?

Tomorrow I'm going to
turn in my resignation.

Tomorrow I'm going
to do something,

that will force them
to throw me out.

And then that will be the end.

Good night.

Yes, what is it?

lt's already 8 o'clock.
Don't you have school today?

But it's only 7.

Seven?
No, it was 7 some time ago.

For goodness sake!

This is the fault of that
disrespectful snit...

- Look out!! The "nose" is coming!
- Oh, the "nose"...

He'll be coming a
little bit later today.

As far as I'm concerned
he can stay at home...

Don't talk like that.
Girls have ruined me.

You already have one.

Should I get the girls
to come over here?

- What? - How?

Right. Follow me.

What? That's just...
He's gone crazy.

Hey you, come here.

Run on over to the girls school.

Tell the principal that
our principal says hello.

And then tell her the following:

Today we are having a man
come to our chemistry class,

who is going to show us radium.
- a man who is going to show us radium.

And ask her whether
she wouldn't like

to send over her older classes,

so that the girls could see that.
Understood? - Yes! - Now go on!

ls it OK that we're here?

lt's always OK for
you to be here.

So what do we do now?

I don't know.
Knebel, talk to them.

What should I say?

Where is the man? The man who is going
to show us the radio. I mean the radium.

Radium? Oh yes, him!
Yes, well, he'll be here soon.

Don't you have a teacher?

Pfeiffer said that the
"nose" won't be here today...

Where is Pfeiffer?

He's not here today.

You're burning my mouth.

You could get up on time.

You certainly have
enough clocks.

ln my entire life I
have never been late.

With the exception of today.

Sit down please.

You should all have a seat.

Ladies, I thank you for
such a joyous reception,

and I believe,
that I am liked better by you than

by my own students.

Unfortunately today
I am running late,

and according to
the principles of my

often mentioned book: "The
rights of a teacher...

taking into consideration the
institution of higher learning..."

must not differ from those
which exist for the students.

Ackermann,
write this down in the class book:

Professor "Nose" will
receive one hour detention...

because of his
unexcused tardiness.

We will be very brief.

Professor Kray has been chosen
for a position as principal

in another school.

I would just like to be
personally observe...

his teaching methods.

Superintendent,
that will be just fine.

ln fact Professor Kray has chemistry
right now with his Upper School class.

lf you would like
to go and sit in...

I would like to.

What are you doing?
Don't you want to come and see?

Take it easy. Just because
the superintendent is here...

You know, Kray is to be envied
for this principal's position,

in spite of his sometimes
unique teaching methods.

Now, your methods are
also sometimes unique.

However I find them
strange somehow.

So don't you want to let
your old colleague know...

which methods,
in your opinion...

are the correct methods?

- Mine. - Aha.

When is exactly
a method correct?

- When the teacher becomes the
friend of his pupils? - Yes.

and the pupils respect him.

Unfortunately no.

This new age has new methods.

Yes, you young teachers always
want to make things better...

and you will!

I'm too old for any new methods.

Dear Pömmel - Excuse
me, Professor...

Oh please, just call me Pömmel.

Young trees have to be bound,

so they can grow properly,

and so that they don't sprout
and bloom in every direction.

And that is just how it
is with young people.

Discipline has to be
the tie that binds them.

So that they grow to
a beautiful maturity.

Don't you worry,

that your trees will grow
right up into the sky?

No, never.
Life takes care of that.

Have you noticed that too?

Radium...
radium is a divalent element...

which has the property of
being luminescent in the dark.

And now I will show you,

but for this demonstration
it has to be completely dark.

Ackermann, go to the windows
and pull the curtains.

Please, please,
do not let us interupt you.

You were just making
a little joke?

Science spiced with humor.

Carry on with the lesson.

Please carry on.

Pfeiffer, for heaven's sake.

Please keep up this charade.

Don't worry. You won't be punished.
I give you my word.

Please, please.

So, now where were we?
The chemistry of farm soil.

Friedrich the Great had
already recognized the problem.

lt is from him that
we have the saying:

"He who makes it possible
for two stalks to grow,

where there was
previously only one

is greater than the
greatest military general."

Another example:
again, it was a German,

who through his
scientific research,

laid the foundation for...
our modern day agricultural chemistry.

We can call him the
father of fertilizer.

He studied in Giessen,
he discovered chlorinated chloroform,

created new techniques
for analysis.

He has become more well known

because his name has been associated
with a popular meat extract.

So, what is this chemist's name?

Maggi! I mean Liebig.

Where did these young
girls come from?

The girls, well, yes...

This is the Upper School class
of the girl's school next door.

Ohhh, you are experimenting
with a co-educational system.

Very modern, and not bad.

Please keep me informed
of your results.

Teacher, very, very nice.

Please, carry on.

Nice.
Very good, Ackermann.A-/B+.

Have a seat.

Pfeiffer, carry on.

Where is he hiding himself?

He is absent.

Pity. Too bad, too bad.
Superintendent.

I would have so much liked
to have introduced you to the

biggest hooligan in our school.

That's fine, no need.
You can expect very soon...

a glowing report from us.

I thought his lesson
was just excellent,

very fresh and original.

We can go now.

You disrespectful jerk!

Let him through.

I'll kick you out of this class.

Ackermann, call the police!
Luck, call the fire department!

Principal, you see now!

Pardon me gentlemen.
I have a question.

Which one of you is the
real Professor Kray?

I am, Superintendent.
lt's obvious.

I am, Superintendent,
because I was here earlier.

lt's probably better if we just
let the gentlemen work this out.

Principal,
let me know when I can come back.

I'll be expecting your report.

We can make this short and sweet.
You won't have to say one unfriendly word.

You will want to throw me out.

I agree that you should.
I worked it out this way.

I've earned it, I planned on it.

No. no Pfeiffer.
lt is much worse than that.

I can't do anything to you.
I can't punish you in any way.

I have given you
my word on that.

What!?
You mean I can't leave yet?

What does someone have to do to
get kicked out of this school?

A murder?-

or lead your daughter astray?

Yes, Hans, you can!

I'll stand by your side whether
you have a diploma or not.

Oh Papa, we want to become authors.
- Then you'll both starve.

- lt doesn't matter We'll get through
it, won't we, Hans.

I've done it.

I'm leaving and I
get to keep my Eva.

Me, the pupil, Hans Pfeiffer.

By the way, I almost forgot:

Here is my High
School Diploma...

here is my PhD diploma,
my literary award,

and this you will find
especially interesting,

my dear father-in-law,

the last paycheck
from my publisher

and my income tax return.

lf he really is the author,

then maybe he'll write
a novel about us.

Maybe an unseemly film?

Gentlemen,
it's already been done.

But don't worry.

I have exaggerated
everything so much,

that nobody will
be recognizable.

Besides, a high school
like the one you have here

with teachers like you,
and with students like us

doesn't even exist.

I confess publically,

that I made up the
entire story from A-Z,

the school, the principal,
the teachers and even little Eva.

Yes, I even made up my own part.

The only true part of the
entire story is the beginning:

The Fire Tong Bowl.

The only true things are our
memories that we carry with us,

the dreams that we spin

and the desires, which drive us.

These are the things that
should keep us content...