The Prize (1963) - full transcript

As the Nobel Prize winners come to Stockholm to receive their awards, their lives are overturned and perturbed in various ways.

I wonder if everything
will go well this time.

Each year I worry.

Each year everything
has gone well.

When will I stop worrying?

Soon enough, I suppose.

The only advantage of being 79.

Once again, the Swedish
academy of science has voted.

The Royal Caroline
Institute has voted.

The Swedish academy
of letters has voted.

Once again, man bestows
immortality on his fellow man.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this year's winners
of the Nobel prize.

The prize for literature went to the
American novelist Andrew Craig,

the youngest man
to be thus honored

since Rudyard Kipling
won the prize

at the age of 42.

Mr. Craig is best known
in Europe

for his anti-fascist novel

"the imperfect state."

Dr. Max Stratman...

In chemistry, the prize went to
the French husband-and-wife team.

Dr. Claude Marceau
and Dr. Denise Marceau.

They achieved the prize for their
researches into sperm structure

and the vitrification
of human reproductive cells.

In physics, the German-born
physicist Dr. Max Stratman,

now living in Atlanta, Georgia.

Dr. Stratman was
awarded his prize

for his research
in the field of solar energy

and the development
of new rocket propellants.

In traditional ceremonies
at concert hall,

the king will present them
with a gold medallion,

a Nobel diploma,
and a check for $50,000.

Dr. Claude et Denise Marceau

de Paris...

Dr. Max Stratman...

For their work in overcoming

the immunological barrier

to organ transplantation
in the human body,

Dr. John Garrett
of the United States

and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy

were jointly awarded

the Nobel prize in medicine.

Dr. Garrett's award
is one of 3 Nobel prizes

given this year to citizens
of the United States.

The others are physicist Dr.
Max Stratman

and novelist Andrew Craig.

The winners will arrive in Stockholm
shortly before the ceremonies

and stay at the grand hotel,

which is the custom.

Oscar, Hilding, stop it at once!

Must I remind you again?

During Nobel week,
nothing but English

is to be spoken here.


Even when you quarrel.

But it is my turn to deliver
the trays, Mrs. Ahlquist.

Last year, it was his.

Gentlemen, please. You will
both deliver the trays.

Both? Both?

One to carry,
the other to assist.

I will carry.

No, I will.

You will
alternate on each delivery.

Now don't let me hear
another word about this,

especially in Swedish.

Now which is first? Medicine,
literature, chemistry, physics?

The way I feel, I am in
the mood for medicine.

The way you sound, you should
be in the mood for physics.

"The Nobel prize for medicine"

"is equally divided between Dr.
John Garrett of the United States"

"and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy."

Ja. So... ja. Dr. and Mrs.
John Garrett and children,

suite 447.

Let's go, assistant.

Mrs. Garrett?


With the best wishes
of the management.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Well, can't you ask
someone at the hospital

for Dr. Oman's private number?

Right over there.

It's not in the book.
He must live in the suburb.

Ooh, can I have some?

Me, too!
I want this banana.

- I want this.
- I want it.

Be quiet. Be quiet.

Shh. Your father. Now get your hands off.
Amy, David.

Please. Please. Here.

No, thank you. Good night.

Good night. Thank you.

No, I am not ill,
but it's important

that I speak to Dr. Oman.

Why not? Because you had dinner.

Come to think of it,
I am getting ill.

You know what, madam?
I've just had an idea.

I'm going to hang up.
That's right. Good-bye.

Oh, we should never
have left California.

Won't tomorrow be time enough?
You're exhausted.

I wanted to have the evidence on
Farelli before the press conference.

Are you so sure
there is evidence?

What's a Farelli, mommy?

Stupid, he's the man that stole
half of daddy's Nobel prize.

Aren't they
supposed to be in bed?

Yes, yes. Come on.

Come on, now. Move. Bed.

♪ Farelli is a-smelly ♪

♪ Farelli is a-smelly ♪

No, no, no, mama.

Who is there, man or woman?

The waiter here, sir.

Dr. Farelli?

Uh-huh. In the flesh,
as you can see.

Compliments of the grand hotel.

Oh. Magnifico. Come in. Come in.

Over there next to
my mother, please,

so she can stuff herself
without moving.

Madame Farelli.

Madame Farelli.

Good night. Good night.

I thank you a thousand times.

Just what I needed.



I suggest that you watch
my performance

with our Nobel prize
winners in chemistry...

Dr. Claude Marceau
and Dr. Denise Marceau.

There is much to be
learned by observing me.

I agree. You should be
placed under observation.

Good evening, doctor.

I did not order anything.

A gift of the management for
you and your esteemed wife.


Good evening, madame doctor.

Thank you, and the same to you.

Ahem. Do you have one of those

for the young lady
in the next room,

my, uh... ahem... my secretary?

Miss Souvir? Oh, yes, doctor.

Not only the laureates
but their guests as well

receive every hospitality
of the management.

Perhaps you would like
to enclose a card,

suitably inscribed.

Thank you. Thank you.
Good night.

Denise. Denise, must you
in front of them?

If we're going to go
through with this charade,

let's at least have a few
laughs along the way.

Did I know we are going
to win the Nobel prize?

The least we can offer in return

is a few days of dignity.

Dignity? It's disgraceful.

It's positively immoral,

you and I living together
in the same room this way.

We are husband
and wife, aren't we?

Yes, but what will
she think, hmm?

Come in, Cheri.

The door is open.

Oh. Bonsoir.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Oh, is that for me?

Who likes me so much?

The grand hotel, miss Souvir.

Oh, not you?

To the grand hotel.
Put it right there.

Is the champagne cold?

Perfect. Shall I open?

No, no. Too soon, too soon.

Merci beaucoup, gentlemen.

And you will leave the door open

un tout petit peu? Like so, yes?

Good night.

Good night.

He did say secretary, didn't he?

Something must have been
lost in the translation.


Good evening. Miss Stratman?


For Dr. Stratman and you from the
management of the grand hotel.

Well, how kind of you.

I'll take it.
My uncle is resting.

Oh, are you sure
you can handle it?

If I drop it, I'll call you,

and we'll pick up
the pieces together.

Very well.
Good night, miss Stratman.

Good night, and thank you.

Oh, I thought it was
those people

to take you out
to the nightclubs.

Mr. and Mrs. Bergh
aren't due for an hour.

And what are you doing
out of bed?

Can you imagine putting my old
body in this beautiful thing?

It's an insult to the tailor.

Emily, when the king
shakes my hand,

couldn't I just be wearing
a sweater or something?

No. And if you don't
lie down, uncle Max,

I'm not going to let
you go out tonight

on that secret
rendezvous of yours.

Oh, secret nothing.

Just ashamed of old friends.

Oh, if only you
weren't going out.

Well, what have we
got here, liebchen?

Schnapps? Ha ha!

You'll crush it.

Oh, on purpose. I choose to
keep myself from admitting

I just can't wait to wear
it to the concert hall.

Well, good stuff.

Worthy of the double occasion...

Seeing you for the first
time as a grown-up woman,

and then this... this wonderful
foolishness of your old uncle

being called to Stockholm
for the Nobel prize,

like he was somebody important.

You're supposed to be resting.

Enough rest. If I don't
take some schnapps quick,

I might wake up and the whole thing
will turn out to be a dream.

It's no dream, uncle Max.

This is the suite of the Nobel
prize winner for literature.

Mr. Andrew Craig, is it not?

Yes, it is. Set it down
over there, please.

Don't go yet.

You will have to
remove the bottles.

Remove them?

Champagne, beer, aquavit? Out.

But then Mr. Craig will
have nothing to drink.

Exactly. Now please do as I say.

Begging your pardon,
but who says?

Miss Andersen of the
foreign office says.

In 30 minutes, Mr. Craig will
be landing at the airport.

And here we are,
playing games. Catch.


There he is.

You fly a very nice
glider, miss Munsen.

Thank you, Mr. Craig.

You also mix a very
civilized Martini.

Perhaps one too many
for such a short flight?

Never deny a man his
right to be unconscious.

I'm afraid
they're waiting for you.

Yes, I'm afraid so, too.

Good-bye, miss Munsen.

Good-bye, Mr. Craig.

You know, watching you walk up
and down that aisle tonight,

I feel as though I've known
your legs all my life.

Ha ha ha! Now, you behave
yourself in Stockholm.

Silly girl.

Can you smile, Mr. Craig?

Yes, if you say something funny.

Mr. Craig, I am
count Bertil Jacobsson.

On behalf of the city
of Stockholm,

I welcome you to Sweden.

Thank you very much, sir.

I'm very happy to be here,

I think.

This is Mr. Clark Wilson
of your splendid embassy.

Ah, yes. Mr. Wilson.

Congratulations, Mr. Craig.

You've done us proud,
Americans everywhere.

Just one of those things.

Another picture,
please, Mr. Craig.

I want to ask you a few questions, Mr.
Craig, please.

Wait a minute. Where were you
fellows when I needed you,

when my books
were being published?

Mr. Steen Blickman
of the Swedish academy.


Honored, Mr. Craig,
greatly honored.

Thank you very much.

Radio Sweden. A few words, Mr.
Craig, please.

Oh, yes. Well, I'm, uh...

I've always wanted
to see Sweden.

I never thought
I'd be able to do so

under such rewarding

$50,000 reward, huh?

We were rather worried
when you failed to arrive

on the morning plane
from Copenhagen.

Oh, yes. Well, I met this
Danish girl in Tivoli.

An old friend?

She is now.

Excuse me,
count Jacobsson.

Why, certainly.

Mr. Craig, allow me
to introduce myself.

I'm miss Inga Lisa Andersen of
the Swedish foreign ministry,

assigned to you for your
stay here in Stockholm.


Hello. I have a car
waiting outside.

Will you follow me,
please? Excuse me.

Things are looking up.

Mr. Craig, a few
more words, please.

And immediately afterwards, there
will be a tour of the city.

Am I keeping you awake?

Just barely. That's all right.
Go ahead. Keep going.

This can wait.

Don't go away mad,
miss Andersen.

I'm rude to everyone.

I know that, Mr. Craig.

Before taking this assignment,

I tried to make myself
an authority on my subject.

Well, just how much do you know?

Your lack of regard
for the Nobel prize,

your threat to turn it down,

your decision to come
to Stockholm

only because $50,000... how did
you put it in "time" magazine?

"Ain't hay"?

That's right. "Ain't hay."

Yes, I think you have caught
the outer man, miss Andersen,

but bear in mind
that 9/10 of the iceberg

is generally hidden from view.

And in your case, it
happens to be ice cubes.

Well, we have been
doing our homework.

Thank you.

What do you plan to do
about these ice cubes?

Nothing. Just hope and pray.

We'll do our best.

We certainly will.

How come you instead of
some aging male diplomat?

You're unattached and alone,

and there are social
functions to attend,

and we felt it would be
happier for you this way.

That's thoughtful of the
Swedish government,

but aren't they a little
concerned about you?

Oh, you mean
your reputation with women?

Something like that.

Mr. Craig, I hope
you'll forgive me,

but in matters of sex, compared
to the average Scandinavian,

you would be considered
a mere amateur.

Miss Andersen,
will you marry me?

We have a saying in Sweden.

Why settle for one dish
when there's smorgasbord?


Nice little place
you have here.

Your suite faces the Royal
Palace across the water.

I hope you find
everything satisfactory.

If the king promises
not to watch.

What's on the agenda for
you and me tonight?

You have a formal
press conference

at 11:00 tomorrow morning,

Oh, this is Mr. Andrew Craig
from the United States.

Mr. Lindquist will
anticipate your every need.

Welcome to grand hotel, Mr.

Thank you very much.

Would you excuse me
for a moment, please?

Oh, yes.

Professor Stratman.

You will mail this
for me, please.


Shouldn't one Nobel prize
winner know another?

Mr. Andrew Craig of literature,

Dr. Max Stratman of physics.

Oh. Ah.


So this is the young man

who has done so many
fine things with words.

If you please.

Oh. Just a minute.

Thank you.

I have been looking forward to
meeting you, Mr. Andrew Craig.

And I, too, doctor.
Congratulations, of course.

Yes, but do you
really mean of course?

You and I will have to
have a little talk.

We will?

While I admire the words
that you've written,

I cannot say the same
for what you've spoken

to the newspapers back home
about the Nobel prize,

how it means nothing
to you but money.

Now, is that enough
respect for Mr. Nobel

and the wonderful united
states of America?

Tomorrow, perhaps some
schnapps and conversation, ja?

If you promise not to spank me.

I make no promises.


Tomorrow. Thank you.

Tell me, what do, uh, people
around here do at night?

Well, we have the Royal Opera,

the Royal Dramatic Theater...

No, no, no. Something a tiny
bit more vulgar than that...

You know, dancing, music, beverages
with a slight alcoholic content.

I see.

A little, uh,
local color floating about.

Local color.

Always adds interest to a place.

Let's see. We have the...

The golden crown
in the old town.

No, the golden crown
would not do.

Ahem. Why not?

Too many young girls
with the wrong ideas.

Awful. Yes.

Glad you warned me.

So you'll remember to forget it.

Very kind of you.

Always glad to be of service.

Everything seems to be in order.

Now, you will be ready to meet
the press tomorrow morning?

Oh, absolutely. I'm going
straight to sleep.

You wouldn't care to help me turn
down my bed covers, would you?

I'm afraid I have
no skill as a chambermaid.

Nobody's perfect.

Except during Nobel week.

Yes, Mr. Craig?

Yes, miss Andersen.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I'll have the hall
Porter make the reservations.

Wasn't that Andrew Craig,

the Nobel laureate
in literature?


Oh, now, Rolf.

Stockholm during Nobel
week is a China shop

with no place for bulls.

Have you read any of his books?

We work for the foreign
office, miss Stratman,

not the Swedish
academy of letters.

Well, I think he's marvelous.

Uncle Max.

I thought that you were
off to your meeting.

Oh, well, some people it gives
me a pleasure to keep waiting.

I'm glad. Now I can
kiss you good-bye again.

What is this good-bye business?

Aren't you planning
to come back tonight?

Not if Mr. and Mrs. Bergh
keep their promise

and take me to every nightclub
I should see in Stockholm.

And some she shouldn't see, too.


I've given Mr. Bergh a list.

Everything from the ambassador
to the golden crown.

What can he do? He promised.

Well, enjoy, enjoy. Good night.

Good night.



My old friend Max.

So we meet again, Eckhart.

I flew in this morning
just to see you.

I should be honored.

Instead, my stomach hurts.

We'll fix that.

I know a place where the food
is warm and the beer is cold.

No. We will walk. I have no
wish to be seen with you.

Well, walking is good
for the soul, I admit.

You read my note.

And threw it away.

Were my congratulations
not welcome?

I told myself,
"I will not answer him."

"I will not meet him."

But you came.

An old man's pride which says,

"can a man be worthy
of the Nobel prize

"and not be able to handle
two minutes of conversation

with a former colleague?"

Two minutes only?

So commence.

Your country needs you, Max.

My country is the united
states of America.

I have it in writing.

We'll say my country, then.

Which belongs to others.

We want you with us.

Now, please...

I am authorized to offer
you the highest position,

complete autonomy, 3 times the
money you earn in America.

Now, I've heard enough.

To work for us
is to give strength

to the cause of peace
throughout the world. Peace?

Peace, you say?

Is there no love for the
fatherland left in you?

Strangely enough, more than
is left in you and your kind.

Now, listen to me.

I am ordered to say this.

Starting tomorrow when
you talk to the press,

you will begin
to prepare the world

for your voluntary
defection to your homeland.

You will indicate
there are warmongering uses

to which America puts
its men of science.

And then at concert hall,
you will make the gesture

that dramatizes your disapproval

of the work you have done
for the imperialists.

This gesture, Eckhart...

Draw me a diagram.

It will be necessary for you
to renounce the Nobel prize.

For this they've sent
you to Stockholm.

For this nonsense you've
brought me out here

in the middle of the night.

In a matter
as important as this,

I couldn't sleep well unless I
made at least one serious attempt

to persuade you before
severer measures are taken.

So now you can sleep well.

What is this?
What are you doing?

What are you doing?


Ja. Skool.

I've been wearing you out
tonight, haven't I, Mr. Bergh?

Not at all, miss Stratman.

I always yawn deliberately

after the third
smoke-filled cabaret.

It helps the
breathing, you know.

Oh, Rolf.

I'm sorry.
I don't speak Swedish.

He doesn't speak English.

He's inviting you
to dance with him.

I'd be delighted.
Is it all right?

- Ja.
- No.

Ivar Cramer.


I told him he gets one dance.



Put it on my check.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I think we should go now.

But... guess what.

I've just met some dear
friends from London

on the other side of the room,

and they've asked me to join them.
Do you mind?

Not at all. Good
night, miss Stratman.

Come along, Sylvia.

Thank you so much
for everything.

I really enjoyed being here.

Good night, dear.

- Good night.
- Good night.

I was only looking.

If you don't want
people to look,

you should cover her with a
burlap bag or something.


Stay out of this.

On second thought, she'd
look great in a burlap bag.

There's only one way
to settle this.

Let's step outside.

Me and the girl.


Go away. Shoo. Shoo.

What is this?

Red cross rescue
service or something?

Could crawl.

Well, I'll sit down, then.

My name is Smith.

I'm an American tourist,
and I am slightly tiddly.

I never would have guessed.

Hey, shall I give you
my money now,

or would you rather
roll me later?

You have just given me an idea.

Oh. Drink?

No, thanks.

You speak very good English
for a nondrinker, miss...

Greta Garbo.

Mind if I call you Ingrid?

Not at all.


Why don't we get out
of this crowded place?

What's the matter?
Don't you like crowds?

There are some things that
should only be done in private,

Mr., uh, Smith.


And we wouldn't want to
do anything conspicuous,

would we, Mr. Smith?

How old are you?


I don't know.

I mean, most of the girls
in this place are...

You look as though
you ought to be in bed.

I accept.

Who's your sick friend?

Say, are we really going

where I think we're going?

To your hotel, of course.

Oh, incredible country, Sweden.

What's so incredible about it?

Well, I don't know. It's just
so chock-full of surprises.

You think this is something?

Wait till we get to the hotel.

Shouldn't we, um,
go up separately?

Oh, it's all right.
They know me here.

Have you got your key?

I never make a move without it.

You Americans are so clever.

The only trouble is, I haven't
done anything to deserve this.

Oh, yes, you have.

Funny thing. Everybody tells
me that I look like, uh,

Andrew Craig, the fam...

Is not that door,
and is not that door.

It is...

This door.

Wrong door.

Uh-uh. Right door.


Wrong door.


Right door.

Sleep tight, Mr. Andrew Craig.

Andrew Craig.

I'm Dr. Stratman's niece Emily.

You can thank me in the morning.

Oy, oy, oy.

Who was that?

Andrew Craig, my good
deed for tonight.



We will have it.

Ivar said everything
went all right.


Now, you must stop
worrying, Emily.

I know.

I command it.

What time is it?

10 minutes past 12:00.

Wrong. You can't read the
dial without your glasses.

Smart girl.


Nothing closer than 6 feet.


Madame Marceau,
may I raise a point

that might seem
a trifle irreverent?

If the point
is not too sharp.

Considering that you and your
husband achieved the Nobel prize

through your work in the preservation
of human reproductive cells,

isn't it a bit ironic that you and Dr.
Marceau have never had any children?

Ironic, no. Explainable, yes.

I fail to see
what this has to do...

My husband and I have
worked so long together

as a scientific team

that perhaps we may have
come to see each other

only as gray matter,

I myself have not yet learned
to cope with the situation,

but I think my husband has made

a rather successful adjustment.

Would you care to read that
back to me, miss Souvir?

I'm sorry. I did not get it.

Oh. I was so sure you would.

Perhaps you'd like to
say something, Claude.

No. I think you've said
enough already.

And now please forgive us.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

Where's your sleeping beauty?

I'm trying, but...

Why don't you go up and get him?

Together at any time

or correspond with each other?

I'll answer that. We did
not work together at all.

I knew nothing whatever
of Dr. Farelli's research,

and I must assume that he
knew nothing of mine.

Only one other man
knew of my techniques...

There were long nights
of lonely battle,

I in the Istituto Superiore
di Sanità in Rome

while unknown to me, my
admirable colleague Dr. Garrett

was pursuing his victory in
far-off Pasadena, California,

each of us using
the same methods

of trial and error.

Dr. Farelli is too kind

when he gives me credit
for using his methods.

I crawled from "a"
to "b" to "cc"

while he was leapfrogging
from "a" to nz"

without making a single
experiment in between.

Well, in Rome
one does as the romans do...


Dr. Garrett, a moment ago,

you said that another
man knew of your work.

Yes. Dr. Eric Oman,
a prominent surgeon

right here in Stockholm.

3 years ago, when I learned
that he was doing work

in the field of heart

I corresponded with him,

and I offered him
all of my findings,

in the strictest
of confidence, of course.

One of the reasons that I am
happy to be in Stockholm now

is that I will have the pleasure
of meeting Dr. Oman face to face,

a pleasure which I believe you
had last year, Dr. Farelli.

Mm-hmm. In Geneva, yes.

Regrettably, there was not time

for more than a brief
meeting between us.

I'm sure.

Come in.

Set it down. I'll
have it in a moment.

Suppose it doesn't
want to be had.

Can I interest you
in leaving immediately?

You wouldn't have some ham and
eggs in that handbag, would you?

There's coffee at the
press conference.

Mmm. The condemned man
ate a hearty nothing.

Tell me, why all this
fear of the press?

Because it is time, methinks,

to let them in on a few secrets

that I've been living
with for much too long.

What sort of secrets?

I'm a slow writer.

I'd say you work rather fast.

Miss Stratman did all the work.
1 just supervised.

Interbreeding of Nobel prize
winners or their families

while guests
of the Swedish government

is not something
we encourage, Mr. Craig.

To tell the truth, she
didn't lay a glove on me.

I'd like to be able
to believe that.


I find honesty
irresistible in a man.

Stick around.

What are you planning to do?

Be irresistible.

Except for reading everywhere

that you have found a way to
harness the rays of the sun,

I have been unable to learn
precisely what you have done.

I have asked the Royal
Swedish Academy of Science,

and they cannot
or will not tell me.

Well, they cannot tell you

because they have
been so instructed

by the United States government

in the name of so-called
national security.

I seem to get the impression

that you're not
completely in accord

with the Washington authorities.

Well, secrecy is becoming a
way of life in this world,

an attitude which is excused
by using the word "survival."

It is an unhappy condition
for the scientist.

But secrecy was not the
invention of the United States.

If it weren't for the policy
of the iron curtain...

Excuse me, please.

I will answer questions about
science or myself, and that is all.

And again I must
remind the photographers

there are to be no pictures
without permission.

Dr. Stratman, it is a matter
of curiosity to many of us

why you remained in Germany and continued
your work there during the second world war

when so many others
left the country or escaped.

I do not know of the
circumstances of the others.

I can only answer for my own.

Those dearest to me were
in concentration camps...

My poor wife, my brother
Walter, his family...

And so long as I cooperated,

they were kept alive,
but unfortunately,

despite my efforts,

only my niece Emily survived.

I trust this satisfies
your curiosity.

Is it not a fact that you were
kidnapped by American army in Berlin

at the end of the war

and taken to the united
states at gunpoint

and forced to work for the
American imperialists?

No comment.

All it takes is a simple "no"
for an answer, professor.

Let me end this
interview by saying

that a scientist always
prefers to carry on his work

where he can feel that
his accomplishments

will not be perverted to the
exploitation of mankind.

This has been weighing
heavily on my mind of late.

Exactly what do you mean?

Now I must thank you all
for your attention.

Good day.

Perhaps the strain
was on the other foot.

Allow me to introduce our Nobel
prize winner for literature...

Mr. Andrew Craig.

This is Dr. Stratman.

It's all right. We've al...

I am pleased
to meet you, Mr. Craig.

I had believed you to
be a much older man

to have such knowledge.

Apparently you don't recall our
meeting last night, doctor.

How are you feeling
today, Mr. Craig?

Fine. Oh, I mean fine,
fine, yes, thanks to you.

You and my uncle Max
have met before?

Yes, although it seems that...

Mr. Craig, they're
waiting for you.

Oh, excuse me.

I hope you'll bear in mind

this is the world press.


Come, liebchen.

I would like to stay and listen to Mr.
Craig a while.

Wouldn't you?

All right.


Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Andrew Craig
of the United States.

Mr. Craig.

gentlemen, fire away.

Yes. Mr. Craig, please,
what was your first reaction

when you received the
news of your Nobel prize?

Uh, no reaction at all.

I was dead drunk at the time.

Well, you seem
perfectly sober right now,

so may I ask you, how does
it feel to be in the company

of William Faulkner, Albert
Camus, and Ernest Hemingway?

I'll answer that with
a question: Why me?

I haven't had
a book out in 5 years.

But that has little
bearing on your body of work...

6 superlative novels.

Not one of which
sold enough copies

to stick in your left eye.

Do you find
that alcohol stimulates

your creative imagination?

Not at all. It just
happens to be necessary.

Why necessary?

Oh, I don't know. I suppose
it's because I'm a sorehead.

I'm sore at myself for not
being able to interest

the reading public,

and I'm sore
at your Swedish academy

for forcing me to
stand up before the world

and die in public
when I was doing

such a damn good job
of it in private.

But, Mr. Craig,

what about "return to Carthage,"

the book that you've been
writing for the past 6 years?

There is no
"return to Carthage."

It's all a fiction
designed by me

to conceal the fact that I
just ain't got it anymore.


Well, if your books haven't sold

and you haven't written
anything for several years,

how have you been
earning a living?

Are you sure you'd like to know?

Ja, please.

Detective stories.

Detective stories?

Yes. I've been keeping
myself well-dressed,

well-fed, and well-oiled

by grinding out
detective stories...

Mystery novels, private eyewash,

all under a pseudonym.

Ah. Don't ask me what the other name is.
I won't tell you.

Somebody from the Swedish academy
might read one of those books,

and they would
take back the $50,000.

You'll forgive
my saying so, sir,

but I feel it hard to believe

that the Andrew Craig who
wrote "The walls of Croyden"

and "the imperfect state"

is even capable of doing what you
have just described to us here.

Well, let's just say
that I have a nose

for sniffing out
the mysterioso in life,

for finding devious plots
in everything that I observe.

I don't suppose you'd care
to give us a demonstration

of this, uh, nose?

Well, it is rather
short-order cooking.

How about this one?

Nobody steal it. I may
want to use it sometime.

Nobel prize winner
comes to Stockholm.

He's wined, dined,
interviewed, and awarded,

and all the time, what nobody
knows is that he's an impostor.

An impostor?

Yes. Sent here
by the real prize winner

so that he can slip off to a
secret weekend of joy in Acapulco.



How do you know that I'm
really Andrew Craig

and not some gate-crasher?

What? Because I look
like his photographs?

Have any of you ever seen me

before I arrived
in Stockholm last night?

Maybe Dr. Stratman over there is really Dr.
Marceau with a beard

and, uh, Dr. Marceau is really
his wife's hairdresser.

Thank you very much for the
demonstration, Mr. Craig.

Not at all.

I think we've taken enough of Mr.
Craig's time for now,

ladies and gentlemen.

This press conference
is adjourned.


I could be discharged
for saying it.


Then there's more
where that came from.

I suggest you save
it for a rainy day.


Oh, Mr. Craig.

Could I talk
to you for a moment?

There, you see? Not all is lost.

Someone still wants
to talk to me.

Miss Stratman, this is miss
Andersen of the foreign ministry.

How do you do, miss Andersen?

Miss Stratman.

Miss Andersen is
officially in charge of me

during my stay in Stockholm.

What a delightful assignment.

And thank you for handling
it for me last night.

Anytime, miss Andersen.

Why don't we all
have lunch or something?

I must go now,

and please don't forget

the reception at count
Jacobsson's villa

starts at 7:00.

Don't run.

I'll pick you up at 6:30.

Here's my card.

Office number and home
number, in case you need me.

Good day.

Well, I don't think
I like you either.

Hmm. This just isn't my day.

Where can we talk?

There must be a bar
somewhere in the hotel.

Well, if there isn't,
you'll invent it.

Thank you.

You can start working
on another one of these.



You were sort of
sneaky last night.

Wasn't I, though?

You never could have done
it if I'd been sober.

I never would have wanted
to if you'd been sober.

Why did you want to?

A fool and his Nobel
reputation are soon parted.

I think I took care of that
at the press conference.

No. You were wonderful.

Thank you.

What sort of trickery do you
have in store for me today?


Yes. You said you wanted to
talk to me about something.

Yes. I heard you tell
my uncle Max

that you met him last night.

Yes, when I checked into
the hotel in the lobby.

The desk Porter introduced us.

Oh, I see.

Tell me, does your uncle

have lapses of memory?

I wouldn't know.

I really don't know
uncle Max all that well.

I was just a tiny little thing

when he went off to
America after the war.

How could anyone leave

a tiny little thing
like you behind?

I was already in Montreal,

living with a family there

after my mother and father died.

Uncle Max and I corresponded,

but somehow we just never
managed to get together.

Then I went to college
in London and stayed on.

It wasn't until
he won the Nobel prize

and I cabled him a hint that
he invite me to join him here

that I really got to see him.

That was yesterday morning.

We're practically strangers.

Did you notice anything
different about him today?

I mean, as compared
with yesterday?


You'll laugh.

Tell me the joke.

Well, when I met
your uncle last night,

he, uh, seemed quite friendly.

He was familiar
with my work and me,

and, uh... thank you.

And he enjoyed having
his picture taken,

and he was noticeably

Then today,

he acted as though
he'd never met me,

his voice sounded
slightly different,

he looked slightly different,

and he objected to having
his picture taken,

and he, uh, was
noticeably anti-American

to the press.

Uncle Max?

And last night when I
shook hands with him,

I had the feeling that I
was much taller than he,

and today he seems to...

Ha ha ha!

Yes, he seems to
have grown a little.

Mr. Craig, you must
do yourself a favor.

Don't say a word
about this to anyone,

and in the interest of preserving
your precarious reputation,

I won't either.

I shall take it
under advisement.

Oh, now I've got to run.

There's uncle Max.

I promised
I'd meet him for lunch.

See you tonight if not sooner.

Put this on my check, please.

Oh, Mr. Craig.


I'm Denise Marceau.

Oh, Dr. Marceau, of course.

I should have recognized you.

Well, how could you recognize me

when you still have in your eyes

that beautiful Stratman girl?

May I say that my
eyes are large enough

to hold two beautiful women?

So I've heard.

Please sit down.

Science needs the
advice of literature.

But I was just
going to have lunch.

Splendid idea. Please.

Oh, Martini very dry.

Make that two.

Oh, I believe I see miss
Stratman in your left eye.

Oh, forgive me, doctor.

Oh, no. Not doctor, please.


Ah, rhymes with chemise?

Oh, I knew you were the
right man to advise me.

What kind of advice
was this again?

Purely literary, I assure you.

Given the following situation:

A husband loves his wife

but has forgotten he loves her

because of his infatuation

with another woman's body.

Problem: How should the story

proceed to a happy
ending for the wife?

May I call you Andrew?

Oh, please do.

Now, does she win back her
husband with threats?

Never works.

Then does she try
to open his eyes

to the truth about
the other woman?

What is the truth?

Ravishing, damn her.

Ooh, that's bad.

Well, then I see no other way

but for the wife to find
an equally attractive male

to remind her husband

that she, too, is desirable.

Does that sound
workable, Andrew?

What would she have in
mind for this male?

Once having found him,

she could pretend
to a relationship...

You know, create the illusion,

not the fact.

Not the fact.

Thank you.


To illusions.

Oh, this is my third Martini,

and I haven't even had
any breakfast yet.

I'm with the hotel. Thank you, Dr.
Marceau, Mr. Craig.

We must make sure that
my husband gets a copy.

There's a telephone call for you, Mr.
Craig. Follow me, please.

Don't go away.

Thank you.

Hello. Mr. Craig here.

I can't.

Did you say Stratman?
Well, what about Stratman?

Can you speak English?

Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Ne quittez pas.

Excuse me. My name is Craig.
Do you speak Swedish?

I was born in Stockholm.
I hope so.

Could you tell me what the
gentleman on the other end

is trying to say?

Marten Trotzig Lane, number 40.

He says come right away.

Lindbloom is his name.

It is something about
you and a Mr... Strutman?

Very serious and urgent
matter, he says.

Then he hangs up.

Hmm. What was
that address again?

Wait. I'll write it for you.

Marten trotzig Lane, number 40.

That is in the old town,

just across the canal.

Lindbloom. And hurry.
Right away, he says.

Thank you very much.

Good day.

They have called to tell you

your Nobel prize
was a clerical error.

Don't want you to think
that I am terribly rude,

but something urgent
has come up,

and I'm going to have to
leave right away.

Oh, what's her name?

Probably miss wild goose chase.

Will you forgive me?

Never, and I'm going to make
you pay for it tonight.

Marten trotzig Lane.

Ja. Ja.


Mr. Lindbloom?


Mas. Mas.


Excuse me. Excuse me. Where
can I find an officer?

No, thanks. An officer.

Where can I find an officer?

A constable?

No! No! Back!

Back! No! Stop!

No! Back! Back! Back!

No. I am sorry. I can't help it,

but the whole story
is so amusing,

especially the part about the new Dr.

Well, I'm doing
my best to amuse you.

Now, I hope you don't
mind my asking,

but had you been drinking?

I told you. I only said that

to the crew that fished me out

so they'd believe I fell in.

And I'm very glad you didn't
tell them who you were.

I was afraid they'd
throw me back in.

But no drinking, yes?

No drinking. No. I had one
Martini with Emily Stratman.


Oh. Make that two.


And one little Martini
with Denise Marceau.

With Denise Marceau.

But that's all.

What happened?

No time to get around to
the mother of Dr. Farelli?



They should have
left me in those clothes

when they dried them
in the boiler room.

We really should go to the
hotel and let you change.

No, no. We're going to number
40 marten trotzig Lane,

and then maybe you and your
friend constable Strohm

will find things
a little less amusing.

I hope you won't do anything

to antagonize the police.

We must keep it out of
the papers, you know?

Just keep me out of the canal.

This city doesn't need police.

They need lifeguards.



Uh, Mrs. Lindbloom?


I'm v-very sorry
to bother you, uh...

She does not speak English.

- Goddag.
- Goddag.


Something's wrong.
She's too cheerful.

Ask her what happened
to her husband.

Uh, may I carry on,
constable strohm?

Please do, miss Andersen.

Her husband is on a
holiday in Switzerland

and has been gone
for almost a week.

Is that Oscar?

Ah, ja. Ja. Oscar.

His body was lying
right there in this room.

I saw it this afternoon.

She has been home all day,

and she says you are
making a joke.

If she thinks that's funny,

wait till she gets
to the funeral.

Ask her, uh, what
he does for a living.

Did for a living.

Theatrical makeup and wigs

for Swedish films.

I see.

Did he know a man
by the name of Stratman?

Stratman? Nej.

Perhaps we should
leave, miss Andersen.


Wait a minute. I'm telling you.

I saw him sitting there
right in front of the te...

The television set.

Ask her where the TV set is.

They have no television set.

She's lying. It was right there.

He was probably watching
the press conference.

Something he saw,
something I said.

That's why he called me
at the hotel.

Shall we go, Mr. Craig?


What about, uh, mas, mas?


I already told you.
Mas means seagull,

and Stockholm is full
of seagulls. Please.

What's happening?

We are leaving.

You mean, this is it?


Well, I certainly enjoyed
your performance

as the merry widow.

Ja. Ha ha! Ja.

I know what you're thinking.

You do?

Yes. Why don't you just
come right out and say it?

All right. I was
wondering what to wear

to the reception tonight.

Yes. You're right.
I made the whole thing up.

I had nothing better to do with
myself today, so I invented the murder

and then decided to try a
half gainer into the canal.

Constable strohm? Yes?

What are you planning
to do about all this?

As a favor
to the foreign ministry,

the police will forget
the entire incident.

You mean, including the
character with the sunglasses

who tried to kill me?

The feeling seems
to be that he, too,

is on his holiday
in Switzerland.

I'm surprised you don't
arrest me for drunk diving.

Mr. Craig? Hmm.

Now, can I trust you
alone until 6:30?

Yeah. I'm just going to
be soaking in a hot tub,

trying to defrost.
What can happen to me?

You could always
go down the drain.

Miss Andersen, will
you do me a favor?

Before you pick me up tonight,

would you mind soaking

in a hot tub yourself?

I think you could stand a
little defrosting, too.

Good evening.

Good evening.

Who is it?

Somebody dangerous.



Still alive?


Your press conference
in the evening papers.

How did I make out?

I suggest you don't
learn to read Swedish.

Ooh. I don't suppose
there was anything

in the newspapers about a
dead man named Lindbloom?

Nothing. May 1?



Bath oil.

What's the Swedish word
for, um, enchanting?


And for female?


Who are you planning to
use Swedish with tonight?

Who are you planning
to enchant tonight?


Why don't we have a little...

Drink before we go?

We are late.

It's... it's out of the question.

You're absolutely right.

What are you doing?

Inspecting the foreign ministry.

And I didn't want to
come to Stockholm.

This is not on the Nobel
schedule, Mr. Craig.

I think you should be prepared

to make unscheduled
flights, miss Andersen.

I never should have
listened to you.

What did I say?

About defrosting in the bathtub.

Did you?

Much too long.

Well, I've been getting
into hot water all my life.

I thought an iceberg
never melts.

I thought Sweden was neutral.

You shouldn't have done that.

I don't want the king to see.

He'd understand that I'm
merely doing my duty.

Mmm. Don't stop.

Keeping you out of one
kind of trouble...


By getting you into another.

This calls for
more than a drink.


This calls for...

All sorts of things.


We may even have to...




We can't be late
for the reception.

Oh. There are the Stratmans.

And here are we, and
let's keep it that way.

No. I think we ought
to mosey over

and see what we can see.

I think not.

You just don't want
me to be near Emily.

I just don't want you
near her uncle.

If it is her uncle.

See what I mean?

Oh, boy.

What is it?

That waiter over there.

Oh. What about him?

He looks like the guy...

Hello. Waiter, waiter.

Excuse me.

Uh, ha ha! Haven't we
met somewhere before?


Oh, now, surely you remember me.

Andrew Craig. Hmm? Nobel
laureate in drowning.

Uh, how about this?
Lindbloom. Chop, chop.

Nothing, huh?

Uh, what's your name?

Daranyi, sir.

Daranyi, huh?

Would you like a canape?

Which one has the body in it?

Now, don't look at me that way.

Where's count Jacobsson?

No, please. Why not?

I don't want to see you
make a fool of yourself.

Then you'd better stay here.

Ah, count Jacobsson.

Ah, there you are, Mr. Craig.

May I see you
for just one second?

Carlo Farelli, Mr. Andrew Craig.

How do you do? I'm delighted.

Signora Farelli,
Mr. Andrew Craig.

How do you do? How do you do?

Mr. John Garrett
and Mrs. Garrett.

Congratulations, Craig.

Yeah, well, we're a long
way from home, aren't we?

You can say that again.

I want to see you.

John, not now.

There's something very
strange happening here.

Yes, of course. This is Dr.
Denise Marceau

and Dr. Claude Marceau.

Mr. Andrew Craig.


I never should have
left you today.

Your wife and I almost
had lunch together.

I have already seen
the photograph

of your tete-a-tete, Mr. Craig.

I hope we were in focus.

Thank you for
the flowers you sent me.

3 dozen of the most
beautiful roses.

Well, I'm extravagant,
aren't you?

Oh. This is mademoiselle Souvir,

the secretary of Dr.
Claude Marceau.


Congratulations, doctor.

Ah. Finally. You, see.
There's this...

Oh. You know Mr. Wilson
of your embassy here.

Yes, yes, of course.

Well, Mr. Craig, that was
quite a splash you made

in your newspaper
interviews today.

Well, if you think
that was a splash.

Uh, now, you see that
waiter over there?


Well, do you know who he is?

Uh, obviously an employee

of the firm catering
this occasion.

His name is Daranyi.

I see.


Gentlemen, please don't laugh,

but he tried to kill me today.

Ahem. My dear count, what
would your guests say.

Mr. Craig, please, I beg of you.

Now, wait a minute.
He murdered a man

by the name of Lindbloom,

who was going to
tell me something

about Dr. Stratman.

He knows that I know,

so he pushed me into the canal.

And you drowned, no doubt.

I think we should
call the police

and question the fellow

and, while we're at it,

see if we can't find
Lindbloom's body.

Oh. Oh, it's missing.


How awkward.

Mr. Craig, don't you think
you have gone far enough?

I did my best to save you
from yourself today

by cutting your
press conference short.

I tried to save you
further embarrassment

by not telling Mr. Wilson

miss Andersen's report to me.

What report?

She has given me full details

of your highly
imaginative afternoon.

Oh, she has, eh?

I found it necessary
to reprimand her

for not tending to you properly.

Oh, you shouldn't
have done that.

I hope I won't
have to do it again.




So you, uh, reported

to count Jacobsson today, eh?

I had to. Please forgive me.

Did he tell you what
kind of bath oil to use?

You don't think that, do you?

I don't know what to think.

This, foolish man.


You know, whatever is
going on around here,

I'm going to get
to the bottom of it,

if only to prove to you

that I am not as big a
nut as you think I am.

What are you going to do?

Even if I knew, do you
think I'd tell you?

You'd blab
everything to teacher.

So, uh, what
would you like, dear?

Well, I can't quite
make up my mind.

Hello there.


Who are you tonight... how
are you tonight, doctor?

Too many, uh, bubbles
in the mouth,

eh, Mr. Craig?

You should have seen the bubbles

in my mouth this afternoon.

I'm afraid you're a
little too quick for us.

Only two kinds, they say,

the quick and the dead.

Eh, professor?

Mmm. I'm sorry. Do you know

miss Andersen
of the foreign ministry?

Oh. Good evening, miss Andersen.

Good evening.

Dr. Stratman!

Oh. I'm so relieved to see
you here this evening.

Well, I hope you didn't think

I was too feeble for such
festivities, Mrs. Garrett.

Oh, no. You see, this evening

when my husband
returned to the hotel,

he said to me, "Saralee,
I know it couldn't be,"

"but I could have sworn
I saw Dr. Max Stratman"

"in a hospital corridor
this afternoon"

"being wheeled to an
operating room or someplace,"

"and he looked
sort of unconscious."

And I said, "why, you must
have been seeing things."

Well, I was right,
wasn't I, Dr. Stratman?

Hold the fort.

Where is that man now?

My drinking has nothing
to do with it.

Now, please, Dr. Garrett.

You're gonna hear
what I have to say.

You can fool the Nobel
committee and the press,

but you can't fool me.

You are joking with me, Dr.

And don't give me that
innocent Italian charm.

Sure, Eric Oman had
nothing to tell me

at the hospital this afternoon.

How could he after you
got to him first?

I give you my word. I never...

You used my findings,

my years of work!


And covered the thievery

with one rotten, lying
word... improvise.

Make yourself sober,

and maybe someday,
il will let you apologize.

No, wait. No, wait.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

Stay out of this!

I am... am most
embarrassed, Mr. Craig.

Go to hell!

I'm very sorry, but
there's something

I have to ask you.

I don't want to talk about it.

Which hospital
did you visit today?

Leave me alone.

No, Dr. Garrett,
this is important.

Your wife said
that you saw a man

that looked like Max Stratman

being wheeled down a
hospital corridor today.

Amazing likeness.

Which hospital?

Ohh. I think I'm gonna be sick.

But which hospital?

Flora sanitarium, fourth floor.



I have just done a wicked thing.

I changed the place cards
at the dinner table

to put us side by side.

Oh. Well, you better
switch them back again,

or you'll be talking
to an empty chair.

Oh. We've just had
a lovers' quarrel?

What do you know about
the flora sanitarium?

It's a private institution

for rich nervous breakdowns.

Where is it?

On Paulsolmen.

How far away?

A few minutes driving time.

Paulsolmen, hmm?

You're not thinking of leaving?

I'll be right back.

But dinner. Make excuses for me.

I'll go with you.

Oh, no, you won't.

What took you so long?

I didn't know I was expected.

Mr. Craig's coat, please.

Shall we use your car or mine?

Are we going someplace together?

That hospital, of course.

Of course.


Meanwhile back at the ranch,

they discover
we're both missing.

Wonder what they'll think.

People will say we're in love.

Tell me something. Anything.

Earlier today, you implied

that I was, um,
imagining things,

and pretty ridiculous
things at that.

Here you are on your way
to double-check them.

When did you change your mind?

Oh. I haven't changed my mind.

I just want to be there
when you change yours.

I see.

You don't sound very convinced.

But I'm beginning to be
convinced about you all right.

Wait here.

Yes. If I'm not out in two
days, come in and get me.

Uh, good evening.

We're... do you speak English?


Uh, do you have a patient
here by the name of Stratman?

Wait here, please.

Mind if I do the talking?

I'm not even here.

I'm Dr. Eckhart.

May I be of assistance?

Yes. My name is Craig,
and this is miss Stratman.

We're trying to find out if
you have a patient here,

uh, miss Stratman's uncle,
Dr. Max Stratman,

or else someone
who looks like him,

possibly on the fourth floor?

There's no Stratman here.

Well, here's a picture of him.

Does that face look familiar?

Oh. Nobel prize winner.

And that's you...
Mr. Andrew Craig.

I am honored.

Yes or no, doctor? No.

It's a matter of some urgency.

Would you object if we looked
around the fourth floor?

Is this your request,
miss Stratman?


Come with me.


What about that one?


For how long?

A week or so.

- May 1?
- Yes.

Coming, Mr. Craig?

I suppose you must
think that I'm...

Where's miss Stratman?

I believe she's
waiting downstairs.

I'm terribly sorry to have
bothered you, doctor.

No bother. It gave me the
pleasure of meeting you.

All right.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Hey! Hey!


Why, you...

Oh, not again.

Oh. Come on, Daranyi.

Just because I didn't eat

one of your damn canapes.

Excuse me. I need help.
Could you tell me...

What? No, I can't.

No, I can't.

Herrar. Herrar.

Yes. Herrar. Herrar. Of course.

Someone's following me.

Clothes off, or no in here.

I need the police.

Nothing on. Nothing on.

Nothing on?

Ahh! Stop it. I'm ticklish.


Hold it. No, no. Just a minute, please.
Do you speak English?

Why, yes. Most of us
here do, I'm sure.

Well, I need help.

Then as a courtesy to our
visitor from another land,

I will continue
in English, all right?

No, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand.
I'm in trouble!

Clothing does more than
keep out the sun and air.

It makes the human anatomy
excessively mysterious,

giving rise
to improper thoughts.

Just... just... just a minute.

I'm being followed by two men

who are trying to kill me.

No. They're right back...

I, uh, I want you to
send for the police.

No. I'm serious.

Now, I can't explain
everything to you...

Americans are rarely
serious about nudism,

but kindly remember
that you are in Sweden.

Yes. And about to get a
knife in my naked back.

Now, please, do not
disrupt this meeting again!

Because if you persist,
I will summon the police.

Can I borrow your towel?

I should say not.

One has only to observe...


Which modesty takes in
different parts of the world,

to recognize
the essential falsity.

If a man came upon
a naked Swedish girl

or a naked French woman
by accident...

You can be sure
it was no accident.

She would quickly cover a
certain area of her lower body

with her hands,

but if she were
a naked Arab woman,

she would cover her face
before all else.

Oh, yes. I've got a couple
of tomatoes back home

that I wish would do
the same thing.

I have asked you to stop!

What? And leave
that poor Arab woman

with her bare face hanging out?

If a man were to surprise...

Psst. Mr. Norberg.

A naked Chinese woman...

She would try to hide her feet.

A celebes woman
would cover her knees,

a Samoan girl her navel.

Listen. I once surprised a girl

who was part Chinese,
part Samoan,

and part celebes, and when I...

She had a terrible time.

Under international nudism...
Under international nudism,

every part of the body
would be revealed.

What about elbows?

A person would have
to cover nothing,

for there would be
nothing to fear.

Question! Question!

And the consequence would be

a generally higher standard
of morality all around.

Mr. Speaker, I demand
to know your position

on the question of naked elbows.

Why don't we throw him out?

Let's all throw him out, Mr.

Be patient!

Be patient!

He will not be with us for long.

Permit me to continue.

Stop peeking at me!

What kind of nasty minds
do you have anyway?

If anybody touches me,
I'll scream.

Uh, my friends,
what is our goal then?

It is to promote
the physical well-being

in a more relaxed atmosphere.

Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy!
Lies, lies, lies.

I wish to be heard. Now,
listen to me, all of you.

I'm speaking as an American
citizen and as a non-nudist...

Throw him out, Mr. Norberg!

Temporarily caught
with his pants down,

but don't listen
to Mr. Norberg there

because he's playing
the skin game.

While you're sitting
here in the altogether,

your clothing lies back
there in the locker rooms

at the mercy of
professional thieves!

Mr. Norberg is stealing
the shirts off your back,

and that's the naked truth!

Easy does it, boys.

You will put your
clothing on, please.

Well, if you want me
to go in there,

you're gonna have to
come in there with me.

Can't you dress yourself?

There are two men in there
waiting to kill me.

Why do you think I sent for you?

Oh. Come along.

All right.

Hmm. So they got away.

Yes, sir. Just get dressed.

How do you like that?
They stole my clothes!

Hold on to your towel, please.

Come along.

Yes, I, um... we ought to go
straight to headquarters.

I've got a rather
involved story to tell,

and it may take some time,
but it's rather urgent.

Ja, sure.

There won't be any need to
tell us anything, Mr. Craig.

We know all about you and your
stories from constable strohm.

Oh, yes, well,
I can explain all that,

but couldn't we...

Please get in the car.

Get some sleep, Mr. Craig.

Thanks a lot.

I'm going to 4. You?


yes, I always take a brisk
walk before bedtime.

It helps me to fall asleep.

It's a bit chilly out tonight.

That's why I wore the towel.

No key.


Oh, ma'am. Shh! Ma'am. Ma'am.


Oh. Andrew.

May I, uh, come in?

Such a question.

At last, you are living
up to your reputation.

Well, I'll explain about
all this some other time.

But I understand everything.

Well, but right now,
could you do me a favor?

Call the desk and have them
send me up my key, room 443.


Uh, meanwhile,
why don't you put on

something more comfortable?

To a beautiful evening.

To the woman who has
made it beautiful.

Dr. Marceau, telephone.

Follow me, please.


Allo, Claude. C'est Denise.

Mon Cheri, je voulais te dire

j'ai un homme nu
dans ma chambre.


Non, ce nest pas possible.

Hello. This is Dr. Marceau.

Would you kindly send
to my room the key

to Mr. Andrew Craig's suite,
number 4437?

Well, of course it is for him.


Your key's on the way.


Put this on and give me
that ridiculous towel.

Oh, thanks.

Hello? Could you hold on for
just one moment, please?

Hello? Andrew Craig speaking.

Do you have a bureau of
shipping here in the city?

One hook in the back would
you, please, Andrew?

Yeah. That's right.

Arrivals and departures.

Now, let me tell you
what you missed

at the reception tonight.

No, no, no. Some other time.
What was that?

And the zipper.

Well, could you find out what
time they open in the morning?


Yes, I'll wait.

A marvelous reaction

took place between
my husband's secretary

and that charming Italian
Dr. Farelli.

Oh, wonderful.

Thanks to my
scientific manipulation

of the place cards
at the dinner table.


What are you doing?

Oh. I'm so happy, I want
to share it with you.

Well, uh, yes. Never mind.
Some other time.

Oh, hello, Claude.

You know Andrew Craig.

More so every moment.

My dressing gown looks

almost as well on you
as it does on me.

And so, I might add,
does my wife.

Very ingenious woman, your wife.

Excuse me. The key of Mr. Craig.

Yes. I have to run.

Good night, doctor. I shall
return this in the morning.


Thank you, Andrew.

Oh, Andrew.
You forgot your towel.


I think you need to be
watched more closely.

I think so, too.


How could you do this to me?

You deserve it.

I've been beside
myself all night.

I wish I could be beside
yourself all night.

Tell me what happened.

You'd never believe it.


It's not mine. It's
Claude Marceau's.

His wife gave it to me.

Well, I was naked. What
else could she do?

And what was she wearing?

Oh. Sort of an
off-the-shoulder smile.

I want to know everything.

First things first.

Now, where would you
like to start,

with Denise Marceau
and you naked

or Emily Stratman and you
cleverly slipping away

from the party?

Ah. The foreign
ministry is jealous.

And waiting for an answer.

In due time. In due time,

but first, I have
to scout around

and get some shipping

and the bureau of
shipping is closed.

What sort of shipping?

Cargo ships, freighters,
everything in port,

what's arriving, what's sailing.

I hope not sailed.

That should be
in the evening papers.

Oh, of course.

You translate. I've
got to get dressed.

Am I permitted to ask

the importance of these ships?

Yes. I'm playing a hunch.

Dear old Max Stratman

has been hustled
aboard one of them

from that sanitarium tonight.


Well, everything today
sailed this afternoon.

What about tomorrow?

Tomorrow. White explorer,

destination San Francisco.


The George P. Wilson
bound for Marseille.


The boulanger for Antwerp.


Dampfschiff moewe for Leningrad.

Leningrad? Hmm.

Well, go on.

Nothing. Probably
just a coincidence,

but dampfschiff moewe is German.

It means steamship seagull.

Lindbloom's seagull.

That's what he was
trying to tell me.

That's it. That's got to be it.

Arrives pier 18 tomorrow
morning from Tallinn.

But not in yet?

And, um, sails tomorrow night

to Leningrad.

Tomorrow night?

Oh, of course.

Right after the Nobel ceremonies

with the real Stratman on board
smuggled behind the iron curtain

while who knows what that phony
Stratman does at the ceremonies.

You're going too fast for me.

No, no, no, no. It's perfect.
It all fits.

Now, then, if we
do anything tonight,

we might tip them off,

force them to change
their plans.

They might even kill Stratman,

but tomorrow, they'll
fall into their own trap.

They'll put Stratman
aboard the seagull,

and then we have the police
move in and search the ship.

On what evidence?

No evidence. A hunch,
and a damn good one.

Isn't that enough?

Enough for an international
incident, yes.

I love everything about you

except your misguided
diplomatic caution.

Lindbloom had
something to tell me.

That word was seagull. Daranyi
tried to kill me again tonight.

So tomorrow, we are going
to go to count Jacobsson

or someone who knows
how to listen

and get some action
before it's too late.

All right. We'll talk
to count Jacobsson.

He'll be at concert hall

at the rehearsal tomorrow.

And you'll back me up?

Yes. Promise?


Who is it?

The bellboy, sir.

Mr. Craig, a gentleman
brought these to the hotel,

saying you forgot your
clothing at the gymnasium.

Oh. On the chair, please.

Was he a tall gentleman
with a thin face?

Yes, sir.

That was no gentleman.

He instructed me to say to you

he will be seeing you again.

Oh. How comforting.

Will there be anything
else tonight, sir?

I hope so.




I think I like you a little bit.

I think I like you
a little bit, too.

And I approve of gymnasiums.

You must be in excellent
physical condition.

You must be in excellent
physical condition, too.

Good night, dear assignment.

Good night.

Concert hall, please.


Remember me, Mr. Craig?

Dr. Eckhart.

Never forget the face.

Please forgive me for inviting
myself into your car,

but I feared I might not
have an opportunity

to speak to you in time.

In time?

About miss Inger Lisa Andersen.

What, uh, about miss Andersen?

I know how greatly
it would grieve you

if she were to be found tomorrow

the victim of some
unfortunate accident.

Eckhart, I don't know
who you are,

and I don't know exactly what
all this dirty mess is about,

but how would you
like to wind up

in one of your own
hospital beds?

Tend strictly
to your own affairs,

and immediately after
the great Nobel event

comes to an end, miss
Andersen will be released

as untouched and as
lovely as she was

when she left your hotel
suite last night.

What do you mean released?

She's perfectly safe in
our hands, I assure you.

You're lying.
She's waiting for me

right now at concert hall.

No, Mr. Craig.

Well, if she's not there,

then I'll call the foreign
ministry, and they'll take...

And they will tell you

that she was regrettably
summoned to the bedside

of an aging relative
in northern Sweden.

We have already sent a
message in her name.

You will do nothing further,

say nothing further to anyone,

particularly the authorities.

Is that clear, Mr. Craig?

Her life is in your hands now.

Oh, here we are, concert hall.

If you don't mind, I'll
continue in this car.

Now rise, gentlemen,

and after a moment,

come down to me, the king,
to accept your award.

Perhaps you'd like to
accept both prizes.

If you mean an additional prize

for tolerance
and restraint, yes.

His majesty will
then make the presentation.

Dr. Farelli,
I'll take your hand.

Dr. Garrett...

Excuse me.

Your hand.

Now, gentlemen,
if you'll step back,

bow, and return to your seats.

Not so fast.

I, uh, just want to thank you

for everything,
especially last night.

You've been such
a lovely little peach.

Do you mind, please?

I thought I didn't give a
damn about the Nobel prize,

but now, thanks to you and
your ugly little playmates,

I'd rather lose my neck than
see the wrong man get it.

I've had about enough
thanks for today.

You will have a lot worse coming

if anything... if anything
happens to Inger Lisa Andersen.

You remember that?

Oh, Mr. Craig,
you're just in time.

Where, uh, where is
miss Andersen?

Oh. I'm sorry. Ja. She had to
journey to Oernskoeldsvik,

an illness in the family,

but I can arrange
for someone else.

Oh, no, never mind.

Then if you'll take your
place on the stage, please.

Oh, I can't.

But the rehearsal.

There isn't time.


Is something wrong?

No, no, nothing. Nothing at all.

Oh, then, please.

Excuse me.

Mr. Craig. Mr...

Wer ist da?

Daranyi and ivar.

Wer ist da?


What's this?

What's this?

Well, help me. I'm a writer,
not a weightlifter.

Mr. Craig.

Are you all right, professor?

I've never felt better
in all my life.


You know, it's all your fault.

You should have stayed
with me last night.

All your fault.
You didn't insist.

Now, what's this all about?

You tell him, miss Andersen.

Well, you see, the other
Stratman is his brother.

Emily's father?

Yes. Twin brother Walter.

He's supposed to have died in
a prison camp during the war.

Get his belt.

Wound up behind the iron curtain

and became one of them,

Tie his feet.

But it's him they want,

his brain working for them.

A man named, um, Eckhart
is running the show.

Ja, and boasting to me
in that hospital

about all his tricks,
the dirty swine.

What tricks?

Well, it would be bad for world
opinion if they kidnapped me,

so they have to make it seem like I was
leaving because I wished to leave.

My brother will step onto
the stage of concert hall,

posing as me,

and nobody will ever
know the truth.

Only he's not going
to get on that stage

because you're going
to get there first.

We'll never make it in time.

What's Emily's part in this?

Well, first, they shocked her

with the news that her
father was still alive,

and then they forced
her into helping them

by saying his life would be
in danger if she didn't.

You... you... you mustn't
blame my Emily.

She really loves me.

Well, I am glad to hear that.

All right. You're off
to the concert hall.

Oh, no, no. I'm too weak.

Aren't we all? Come
on, come on, come on.

On your feet.


Please, oh, please.

It will be all right.

What now?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Here. Stop.

I guess we're gonna
have to take a ride.

Must we?

Oh. And I was so comfortable.

I'll be in the next one.

Daranyi. Shh.

Do you know what you're... unh...

What you're doing to me?

I guess we'll
have to get married.

You haven't given me an answer.

To what?

My proposal.

The answer is yes.

If you take your elbow
out of my... unh... ribs.

Let's go.

You all right, professor?

Kaput bin ich.

What do you... what do you...

Pull this one. The other one.
Yes, yes.


No, no, please.

Dr. Farelli?

Hello, Mr. Craig.

I hate to do this,
but I need you.

What is it?

Max Stratman... he's collapsed.

Ay. Where is he?

Right here. Follow me.

The house doctor's
out on an emergency.

They don't know for how long.

Grave, molto grave.

Ah. Dr. Garrett, come on in.

I don't think you need me.

Oh, please,
Dr. Garrett, quickly.

I must have your opinion.

He's had a cardiac arrest.

Si. Ventricular
fibrillation, I think.

Or tachycardia.

Wh-what does that mean?

His heart is fluttering.
There's no effective beat.

It's hopeless unless we can
get him to a hospital.

It's too late. No time, no time.

I think he's failing.

You can't let that happen.

improvvisare, improvise!

What are you gonna do?

He must live.

Open his shirt.

You'll kill him.

Get back.

Oh, uh, don't touch him.

Stand back.

Where am 1? Heaven?


Ah. Heaven.

We did it, Dr. Garrett.

We did it!

You did it.


Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

No, please.

Please. We're late
for concert hall.

Oh. Don't be foolish.

No. Getting out of bed now
would be a grave risk.

But now at the greatest
moment of my life.

Oh. My dear Stratman,
if I were you,

I would stay put, huh?

Yes, but you're not me.

I'm going. Nothing will stop me.

Nothing. Please. I feel fine.

All right. All right.

I feel all right.

Just rest a moment.

Shall we tell them that you're...

No, no, no. Don't tell
anybody about anything,

regardless of what happens
later, all right?

All right.

Everybody, hear me.

Get ready. The king is entering.

Mr. Craig?

How do you feel?

I feel well, Dr. Farelli.

How do you feel?

Mr. Craig?
Where is Mr. Craig?

He is not here.
What is going to happen?

Ohh. That I should have to wear

a headwaiter's uniform

instead of my
beautiful dress suit.

Think of the poor headwaiter,

sitting around in his underwear.


All my life I'm an ox.

Tonight, I feel like a dog.

You're doing fine. Up there.

Up there? Oh. I can't do it.

To Dr. John Garrett
of the United States

and Dr. Carlo Farelli of Italy.


Oh, please. Just for a minute.

Why don't you let me
carry you, doctor?

Because I'm a stubborn old man

who wants to do this
on his own two feet.

The introduction is brief.

They are coming to you,
Dr. Stratman.

Ach, der liebe.

For his distinguished research

in the field of photochemical
solar energy conversion

and for his discovery of
hitherto undreamt of methods

of employing solar energy

to synthesize
new rocket propellants,

the Nobel prize in physics to Dr.
Max Stratman of the United States.

I want to talk to you.

Let go of me!

It's about your daughter Emily.

I have no daughter!

I know you're Walter Stratman.

I know the whole story.


She did it for you.
Do something for her.

Free her. Tell her
she's got no obligation.

Look out!

Unh... Max Stratman.

Ach. You fool.

Take care of him.

A good performer knows...

When to leave the stage,
ja, liebchen?

And so farewell to Max

and farewell to Walter Stratman

and good-bye to the makeup magic

of Oscar Lindbloom,

who could not hold his tongue.

But my father.

We had to deceive you
into believing he was alive

in order to get your help.

Who are you?

I'm just an actor who
specializes in political roles.

Your friend Mr. Craig
has rewritten

my ending... badly.


For his writings in support
of humanitarian ideas,

for his restless curiosity,

his unending search
for the truth,

his unconquerable spirit,

and his adventurous imagination

that seems to recognize
no boundaries,

the Nobel prize of literature

to Mr. Andrew Craig
of the United States.

I owe him so many explanations

I won't know where to begin.

From London by mail.

Why do I
always worry each year

that something
is going to go wrong?

It never does.