The Privates (2017) - full transcript

- Field Unit one, Field Unit one,

May 28th, 5:19 p.m, inhibitor test,

pre-show rehearsal, entity is 53%.

- Ben, let's go!

Setlist.

Kep, can you get your box of science shit

out of the van before we go?

- No.

- Gotcha.

Not a scientist, you majored in English.

- I'm changing this whole thing.



- You both invited
everyone you know right?

Are you high?

- I got them for everybody,
no one's even trying them.

- Kep, you wanna walk me
through this fiasco here?

What am I looking at?

- Acoustic induction
inhibitor, my design.

Attached to the pre-amp
stage, we all have 'em.

- Oh good.

- Zero dilation
level but I already set it

so don't touch it
- Right.

- This is volume,
volume is volume obviously.

- This is gonna help something?

- The overload in theory
will shut us down before--

- Oh god, oh god, okay, okay.
- The situation.



- What's this field test?

- It's research.

I have a theory.

- Can we all just cool it and
act like a normal regular band

for like a half hour, 40 minutes?

Anybody have a pick?

- Only have one.

- How do you only have one pick?

- I only use one.

- She only needs one pick!

One, two, three, four

- We need to borrow some
emergency scenarios for tonight.

♪ I wanna go down ♪

♪ To the deep end ♪

- You're rushing.

♪ Get back what's gone wrong ♪

♪ You've been keeping ♪

♪ Down the aisles ♪

♪ Inbetween the rows, ohhhh ♪

♪ I wanna go down ♪

♪ I needed someone-- ♪

- Max.

♪ I wanna slow down-- ♪

- Still starting fires Max.

- Okay before we all get totally
sidetracked we're dragging

the verse tempo.
- Max.

- The verse tempo is perfect.

- Totally disagree.

- Still happening Max.

- Well something happened Ben, yes.

- How's the inhibitor?
- It's fine.

- It didn't do anything did it?

- This is the same as Kenny
from Banowitz' house party

and the garage two weeks
ago and you know it.

- How come you get to be Kep?

I'm a Kepell too, we should
get the same nickname.

- It's confusing.

- You're amp caught fire
in the garage, not Kep's.

- You have got to be kidding me.

- Kenny's house?

I mean like why are we
responsible for every basement

with bad wiring all of a sudden?

- It's not the wiring.

- Ben's right, scorch marks
on the power transformer

are identical to the frame
at Banowitz' house party.

This whole area here,
it's incredibly unclear

what's going on in this area.

- Okay, can we, I understand
we're all a little jazzed up

right now but we have a show to play,

like an actual show at a rock club.

First one, long time coming

and you know we're not gonna cancel

on the account of a little smoke.

- A little smoke from what?

- Don't be ominous, don't be sensational.

- Are we really talking
about canceling, why?

Because of that?

- Can you get us up and running
in the next hundred minutes?

- Barely.

- How can we play tonight?

There's one shitty emergency
exit in that place.

- Plus the front door, that's two.

- Canceling now is really unprofessional.

- Okay, band meeting, I
didn't wanna get any hopes up

but I have it on good authority

that Pool Party Eddy is coming tonight.

That's a big fly

- Very good authority in fact.

And y'know, you get Pool Party Eddy and--

- Pool party Eddy parties.

- Exactly, Pool Party Eddy parties,

Pool Party Eddy parties lead to blogs

and blogs lead to vlogs,
vlogs lead to y'know whatever,

so on and so forth, but like hey,

do I agree that one guy gets
to decide which band is which?

No, but that's what's going on right now

and that's how it works now apparently,

so that's what's happening.

- Guys.

- What good is Pool Party
Eddy if we burn him to death?

- It's never gonna be perfect Corkus,

we can't keep obsessing
over every little thing.

Hey!

- What is that?

- It's a tape.

- Wow.

- A tape?

- Yeah, like a tape,
it was a tape anyways.

- It's the research.

- Wait, so what are you saying,

you're saying that you put
those down there and-- ?

What are you saying?

It's not the wiring.

What the hell does that mean?

We liquefy tapes?

- So awesome.

- Looks, it's never
happened twice in a row,

so it's not gonna happen
tonight, it's sporadic.

Empirically speaking, that's good science.

Plus Kep, I mean you'll have
a chance to get more data.

- Hmm.

- I wanna play as much as anybody,

you think I don't wanna play
awesome shows all day long?

But I have to refill another extinguisher

at the fire house now.

Sooner or later someone's
gonna start asking questions.

- I don't wanna have to refill anything,

I just wanna do what we've

been trying to do for once, one time.

- Okay, fine, no one else cares

whether we survive or not, neither do I.

I've done all this safety
shit and obviously,

no one's taking it seriously.

- Do you have any idea how
many Kelvins we must be

generating to do something like this?

- We're wearing--
- Anybody?

- The jumpsuits tonight.

It's a lot

- Huh!

- That was insane.

My heart is pounding,

feel like I could go for a run right now.

Huh, feel my pulse.

- We shouldn't have
done that, that was bad.

- Right, you're right.

Someone could've died.

- Who exactly could've died?

Nobody came.

- Not nobody, Pool Party Eddy came, right?

He coulda died.

- No he wasn't there, six
weeks we've been playing this--

- I think the field unit's
out, so frustrating.

18 tape decks down the drain

Why's Roka not here?

Hi.

I got the tapes.

- Roka.

- I hope we're not playing
there again, that was wild.

The ceiling collapsed
on the front entrance.

Ben was totally right
about the emergency exits,

it was totally shut so the sound guy

and I had to escape through
the bathroom window.

I feel incredible.

- Right!

- That was the best show ever.

That was the most fun I've had

probably since Kep's birthday party.

- That was a good party.

- It was the best party.

You're burned, that looks really bad.

- Max, I know I've been
a real stickler about

the safety shit and everything

but I get it now, exact same page.

- Are you crazy?

- I feel a little crazy.

- We coulda killed somebody.

If they'd showed up.

- Pool Party Eddy showed up.

- What, no he didn't, we're dangerous.

- A million bands are dangerous.

- Bands play shows people go to.

They don't liquefy tapes.

We're just four people
starting fires together.

- Yeah and how many bands do
you know that can do that?

- Are you okay?

- I don't know, I don't know?

What's clicking?

- What is that?

- My geiger-counter.

- Roka, c'mere
- Baby Kep.

- Kep, you were saying
something about the data.

Somehow inaudible frequencies
created by the four of us

are generating what I now
believe to be a self sustaining,

electromagnetic, feedback
loop of unstable,

possibly radioactive energy,

which is by passing the
pre-amp stage entirely.

That's why the inhibitors don't work.

- Frequencies, you've heard of this?

- No one has heard of
this, to my knowledge.

- He did come.

Oh my god, Sarah Jepsen's
got a renovation party.

- Inspector Guardian's playing that show,

it's gonna be packed.

We're doing it right?

- Obviously.

- We have to do it.

- We could burn the place down.

- Sarah's parents are done on
the existing structure anyway,

we'll be doing them a favor.

Plus, Kep would have a
chance to get more data.

- Hmm.

Privates, all right.

Whoo!

- I'm not saying we didn't sound good.

Band meeting, Kep, brass tacks,

what are we dealing with science wise.

- For starters, we've possibly created

an entirely new energy--

- I like that, I wanna come back to that.

But short term, more like
for Friday, survival wise.

- Us or the crowd?

- Us AND the crowd.

- We're gonna have to
focus on containment,

I can modify the inhibitors

but we're gonna need more than jumpsuits.

- Can we still get the lightning?

- We're gonna have to
purchase a few things.

- Okay, who wants to keep going,

let's see about burning
this house down Friday.

- Why is he called Pool Party Eddy?

- He had a pool party
one time, someone died.

- Oh no.
- Yeah, right.

- Of course back
then he was just Eddy.

- Well that's not
a very good nickname.