The Perfect Furlough (1958) - full transcript

Sir, the psychologists
are here.

- Send them in.
- Yes, sir.

Gentlemen,
would you come in please?

- Colonel.
- Sit down, gentlemen.

It's Lieutenant Loren.

She was on the research staff
that prepared that report.

Hmm.

I'll be brief
and to the point.

The Army
has a personnel problem.

Presenting it
to you, gentlemen,

and you lieutenant,
is Major Collins' idea.



Major.

- Yes, sir.
- The pointer.

Yes, yes.

This is
the North Polar region.

Somewhere in this vast
arctic waste

the Army has
an experimental radar station.

Top secret.

104 men volunteered
to go there

for the year it would take
to complete the project.

Now, these men
are all handpicked,

all specially trained,
and all bachelors.

Bachelors, colonel?

Well, major, these men

are to live in complete
isolation for one full year.



The Army thought the bachelors
could weather it

easier than married men.

Gentlemen,
the Army was wrong.

How long have these men
been up there?

Seven months.

And their condition?

Their condition
can best be described as...

Indifference
to the lieutenant's presence,

as, um... restless.

The reports are all here.

Moods ranging from violence
to apathy,

lack of respect
for authority,

negligence in their work.

Now, Major Collins
has been working

on this problem for months.

You see,
we have done everything

that is humanly possible
for us to do for them.

We sent them books,
we sent them magazines,

we sent them
puzzles and records.

We event went so far
as to send them

a gross of do-it-yourself kits.

But, well,
the men just don't seem to be interested

in doing it themselves.

The answer seems
fairly obvious, colonel.

- What these men need is...
- No, major, we know what the men need.

- This is not...
- I was going to suggest furloughs.

Impossible.
We couldn't spare the men.

Now we...
That is Major Collins.

I'm so sorry.

We asked you here,
not to suggest furloughs,

but to come up with
some psychological gimmick

which will take their minds
off furloughs.

But do we want to take
their minds off furloughs?

Lieutenant,
I can see we're not

all firing
on the same target.

Well, sir,
I don't think that she meant quite that.

On the contrary.

Emotionally, these men can't
last another five months in isolation.

We've already
established that, lieutenant.

- And you can't give them furloughs?
- Right.

Well, since all 104 men
can't go on furlough,

- perhaps one man could go for all of them.
- One man?

I suggest that we let
the men at the base

decide what they would
consider the perfect furlough.

And then select one man
to go on it.

Emotionally, every man there
will go on this furlough

with the winner,
they will all live

vicariously
in his experience.

Well, I don't think that
she meant... it might work.

Well, from a moral standpoint
alone,

consider how active
their minds would be

just thinking up
this perfect furlough.

Hmm.

- Hmm?
- Mm-hmm.

What time is it?

- April.
- Five months to go.

Five months.

I thought I told you
to keep away from my girl.

Furlough, furlough!

Furlough!

Hey, hey, wait for me!

Furlough!

Three weeks, we name it.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'm really surprised
at you fellas.

Is this the outfit
I'm serving with?

The Army has offered us
fillet mignon,

and you guys wanna
settle for a ham sandwich.

"Ham sandwich"?

Yeah, look, if the Army
is really sincere

about this perfect furlough,

which I doubt,
then let's pick one.

Let's shoot for the moon,
what have we got to lose, right?

First question is where?

No more suggestions.

Paris.

Item two,
the right woman.

Gentlemen,
I give you Sandra Roca.

The Argentine bombshell.

When I accepted this idea,

I thought the men
would want a trip home.

To be with their mothers,
their girlfriends.

But no, they've got
to have a movie star.

Out of 104 men, 104 voted for three
weeks in Paris with Sandra Roca.

How did I get myself
talked into this?

Well I put in a long-distance
call to Hollywood, sir,

and spoke to Miss Roca's
personal manager

a Mr. Harvey Franklin,
and he was very Cooperative

and he said
that he would talk to her

and he would get
right back to us, sir.

Well, I hope
he can arrange it.

For your sake!

Sandra,
where is your patriotism?

Oh, Harvey, that is not fair.

You know I would do
anything for the boys.

I am as patriotic
as the next star.

But I have done three pictures
in a row

without a rest,
and you promised

I could have a little rest.

I know, Sandra, I know.

I am so, so tired.

And so are those boys
up at that base.

Those boys up there
are freezing their... freezing.

This is your chance
to show them some gratitude.

To make some American soldiers
happy.

Do you know what it means
if you refuse to go?

It means that we will lose

$2 million worth
of free publicity.

I'm sorry, Harvey,
but I must go away and relax.

You can relax in Paris,
dear.

Ha, with a soldier alone.

Oh, boy, I can tell you have
never been out with a soldier.

These are not
ordinary soldiers.

These are all scientists.

Once I went out
with a scientist, too.

They are even worse
than soldiers.

All he wanted to do
was examine me

like if I were a bug
or something.

- Sandra, my baby...
- No, no, no, ho, ho, no, no, ho.

After all I've done for you,
this is the way you repay me?

- Oh, please, Harvey.
- Oh, no, no, no, you're a big star now.

You don't have to listen to me.

But just tell me one thing.

Who discovered you
in the Argentine?

On the pampas
riding a jackass?

- Burro, it was a sweet, little burro.
- All right, the burro.

Forty miles from Buenos Aires and
you had never even been to Buenos Aires.

Who took you to Hollywood?

Who bought you
your first pair of shoes

and taught you
how to walk and talk?

And who kept you from marrying
that garage mechanic

just because you loved him?

You always make me
feel so ungrateful.

Even your name Sandra,
I gave you that.

My own dear
departed wife's name.

Every time you talk like this,
you mixed up me so much

I don't know
what to do anymore.

I want you to do
anything you want to do.

- Doesn't matter if it hurts me.
- Oh.

Warren, 94.

- Thank you, sir.
- Williams.

- Yes, sir.
- Ninety-five.

- Wilson, 96.
- Hey, Williams.

How they gonna pick
the winning number?

Well, she's gonna draw it out
of a fish bowl.

Man, that sure was
a great idea ya had, huh?

Thanks, Dombronski.

- She's gorgeous.
- Gorgeous.

- Dombronski, I got another great idea.
- Yeah?

How we can double
our chances at winning.

- Yeah?
- Shh.

- Shh.
- How?

This is the way we'll do it.

No, no, not with you,
just forget the whole idea. Forget it.

- What do you mean forget it?
- Dombronski, you're too conservative.

I need a man
who isn't afraid to lose.

- Who's afraid to lose?
- You are.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

I come from a long line
a losers.

My father still
votes prohibitionist.

Okay. This is the deal.

You and I will play
a game of chance.

If you win, you get my number
and if I lose,

you get my number.

Now, you pick the game
you wanna play.

Any game you like.

- Any game I want?
- Pick it.

- High-card.
- Oh, no, you're a devil with cards.

- But you said any game.
- Okay, cards.

- Here's my chip.
- Here's my chip.

You go.

Jack.

Queen.

Put the cards away,
we're not allowed to gamble.

And somewhere
in the frozen wastes

of the Arctic,
at a secret base,

104 men
are tensely gathered

around
their shortwave radio,

awaiting the results
of the drawing.

And here comes
Sandra Roca now.

Here she comes.

She's accompanied
by her personal manager,

Mr. Harvey Franklin.

She looks beautiful.

She's wearing
a pale blue sheath dress.

She steps up to the fish bowl.

She draws the number,
here it is.

Number 14.

I won, 14, me. Me, I won,
Paris, a movie star.

- Yes.
- I won, 14.

Marvin, Marvin,
listen to me carefully.

I'm your corporal,
so you know I wouldn't lie to you.

- Oh, no, no.
- But you're in no condition to go to Paris.

- Who isn't?
- You're not.

Look at yourself.

- You're a sick boy.
- Well, all I got is a sore throat.

All T got is a sore throat, you've had
a sore throat now for seven months.

It's a medical fact that the
subzero temperatures up here

kill all the germs,
yet you caught a cold.

So?

Marvin, your resistance
is so low

that you caught a dead germ.

Can you imagine what's
gonna happen over there?

Those French germs
are murder.

They won't even wait for you
to get to the airport.

They'll fly out to meet you.

You'll come back a broken man.

I'll take my chances.

- Okay, if you feel you're up to it.
- Up to what?

Marvin, when you're in Paris
with Sandra

you're not there
for yourself,

you represent 104 men.

You're obligated to see
that we enjoy ourselves.

I'll do my best.

I hope it's good enough.

Because you have to live up
to the expectations

of every man
in this outfit,

and you know
what they expect.

I'm only human.

That may not be enough.

This is going to take
a giant among men.

I'll try not to let ya down.

Marvin, you're not
letting me down,

I'm your corporal.

Them, and regardless
of what happens

I'll always remember you
as a brave man.

- Brave?
- Mm-hmm.

I admire you, it takes guts to
make that kind of a sacrifice.

- What sacrifice?
- Your fiancé Gladys.

Don't mention her name
in the latrine.

Marvin I've got to
for your own good.

How do you think
she's going to take this?

Sitting home alone,

while you're traipsing
around Paris

with another woman.

- Maybe she won't find out.
- She won't find out, huh?

You're out
with a movie star,

it's going to be in every newspaper,
television, newsreels.

Poor trusting Gladys,
humiliated, deceived,

laughed at by her friends,
what has she got left?

Where did you say
she worked?

- The Empire State Building.
- Empire...

Is that worth just a few
lousy weeks in Paris, hmm?

Have fun, killer.

Hodges!

This Corporal Hodges,

did it ever occur
to either one of you

to read his personnel file?

- No, sir.
- No, no.

He is the only man who didn't
volunteer to go to the Arctic.

He was sent there at the personal
request of Congressmen Billings.

May I ask why, sir?

Women, lieutenant,
the corporal likes them.

And they like him.

Up to now, the Army has
preferred this type of arrangement.

But not to the extent that
Corporal Hodges carries it.

Let me read
from his record.

"On August 21st,
on an inspection tour of Camp McHenry,

Congressman Billings
caught someone climbing out

of the corporal's
barrack's window.

His daughter.

When he was in Korea,
some USO entertainers came there.

He was assigned to drive
one of the girls

by Jeep from Seoul
to Yeongdeungpo.

"It took them six days."

How far was it?

Three miles.

And here in Tokyo,

"The girl was the cousin
of a cabinet minister.

Had a full battalion

of Japanese Police
out looking for them."

All they found was
an abandoned rickshaw

and two pairs
of chopsticks!

Its been the same story
at every post

he's ever been assigned to.

- He's compiled quite a military record.
- Oh, yes.

Militarily,
he's something else again.

Engineer corps,
exceptional ability.

Twice up
for direct commission.

- But each time...
- A woman.

Yes. We even have
his pre-Army record.

He is the only
high school student

who was ever sued for breach
of promise by his teacher.

When you research
the behavior patterns

of the American soldier,
how did you leave him out?

- He's your leading character.
- It's very interesting.

- Obviously an over active libido.
- Obviously.

But how do we inactivate it?

If there were only some way
we could call this whole thing off.

Well, I'm...

I'm afraid it's too late
for that, sir.

His plane is due
in half an hour, sir,

and Miss Roca's already
on way to the airport.

This furlough has
become the focus

of a good deal
of publicity.

If anything goes wrong,

if this situation
gets out of hand,

you realize the embarrassing
position the Army would be in.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes.

Therefore, since it was
your idea, lieutenant,

and since you talked me
into it, major,

I'm going to hold you both
personally responsible.

- Thank you, Bill.
- Right.

Wow.

- Hello there.
- Hello.

You're lovely,
you're absolutely lovely.

Thank you.
You are too.

- Thank you.
- Corporal Hodges, I'm Major Collins.

How do you do, sir?

- Lieutenant Loren.
- Sir.

And Miss Baker,
studio representative for Miss Roca.

- Miss Baker.
- And Sergeant Nickles has been assigned

with the trip
to the single corps.

- Wonderful.
- Yes.

Well, you leave for Paris
on the 8:30 flight tonight.

Mm.

Meanwhile,
we've arranged for hotel rooms for you

so that you can freshen up.

- Mm, nice. Oh, I almost forgot.
- Um.

I've got a little gift here
from the fellas at the base.

- Oh, how very sweet of you.
- There.

- It's a walrus tusk ring.
- Oh, it's beautiful.

- I have the mate to it if you'll notice.
- Oh.

Legend has it...
Eskimo legend that is,

that if you rub them together
it ensures good hunting.

Oh, I like that.

Well, good hunting, corporal.

Well, lieutenant.

I think you'd better
have a talk with him, sir.

I think we'd better
both have a talk with him.

You know, frankly, after what
I've read about Miss Roca...

I mean, millionaires,

movie stars,
that sort of thing,

I'd rather hope that she wouldn't
give him a second thought.

I'm not concerned
about her second thought.

It's the first one
that worries me.

Will you send two dozen
of your finest roses

to Miss Sandra Roca?

Now, lieutenant, are you the kind
of an officer that goes by the book

or is it all right
if I call down

and have them send up
some drinks?

I wouldn't want you to waste
your liquor, corporal.

- Well, it's not my liquor...
- Sit down.

See, I won a contest
in the Army...

I said sit down, corporal.

Yes, ma'am.

Now,
we have something very important to discuss.

Yes, ma'am.

- The Army...
- Oh, there you are, lieutenant.

- Major.
- I'm sorry that I'm a bit late.

I was just about to go
into the matter, sir.

Perhaps you'd better take over.

- Very well. Corporal.
- Sir.

I'm going to eliminate all

preliminary verbal skirmishes
and fire point-blank.

Fire away, sir.

Now, in a few hours,
you're gonna take off for Paris.

Yes, sir.

And for the next three
weeks you're going to be

in fairly close personal
contact with Miss Roca.

Yes sir.

Now,
while the Army naturally wants you to have

a good time,
we expect you not to...

- Not to, uh...
- "Not to," sir?

Precisely,
not to take advantage of the situation.

- I understand, sir.
- In other words, corporal,

The Army expects you to behave
like a gentleman.

I'll do my best, sir.

Good, good, good.

Well, lieutenant,
we better be getting along.

- I'll see you later, corporal.
- Yes, sir.

Good-bye lieutenant,

- it was so nice meeting you.
- Good-bye.

And corporal,
we do have your word?

You have my word, sir.

Good.

Yes, yes, good night.

- Seems Cooperative enough.
- Yes, he does.

- And quite sincere.
- I noticed that.

- You trust him?
- No.

Neither do I.

Whenever the studio
sends out one of their stars

like Sandra,
they send along someone from publicity.

- Oh.
- In addition to publicist, I also play

nurse maid
and mother confessor.

Mr. Franklin insists
on a watchdog for Sandra.

You see,
she doesn't understand English really well

and if anybody talks too fast,
she's liable to say yes

when she should've said no,
you follow?

- Mm, and so you say no for her.
- Constantly.

Well, if it was that big,
it wasn't American.

Was it?

I didn't realize you were coming
along on this trip, lieutenant.

Oh, last minute orders.

Well, there goes the pilot, I hope they
left somebody up front to fly the plane.

As long as we're on the subject of men,
this Corporal Hodges,

I didn't know the Army
had men like that

up in the Arctic.

Neither did the Army.

It's criminal keeping a
man like that in deep freeze.

- Oh, is that Copenhagen?
- Oh, is it?

- No, I don't think so.
- Oh, he seems to be thawing out.

Speaking for Sandra, I think you
better start brushing up on saying no.

Speaking for Sandra,
I don't know how long I can hold out.

We're stationed in the Arctic,

1,600 miles from the
nearest thing that isn't frozen.

600 miles
from the nearest Eskimo,

but the book says
the captain has to punish us.

So, what does he do?

He restricts us
to the base for 48 hours.

Oh, and what is that,
"restrict"?

I hate to break up a party,
but...

Oh, please,
Corporal Hodges has been

telling us some very
funny stories about officers.

Hasn't he, major?

Oh, very amusing, yes.

Sandra, it's after 12:00.

Oh, so soon?
Oh, well.

You are not going to the bed?

Oh, the corporal and I are
gonna stay here awhile and talk.

- I understand, Army talk, huh?
- Yes.

- Buenas noches.
- Buenas noches.

Yeah.

Tell me, sir,
what's new at the Pentagon?

Well, since you asked, there's been
a bit of trouble on the second floor.

Oh.

- Hola.
- Hola.

Is something wrong?

Oh, yes, you see,

the window curtain
doesn't want to close.

- Oh, that's a shame.
- Oh, yes.

- Maybe I could fix it.
- Gracias.

- Well, here we are.
- Yes.

It's a lovely little place
you have here.

- Oh, isn't it cozy? Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

- But look.
- Oh, yes.

- You tickles me.
- Soamll.

- Oh.
- Oh, isn't that terrible?

I hope the rest of the plane is put
together better than these curtains.

Oh, I hope so.

Yes, well,
what are we gonna do?

- I don't know, I...
- I have it.

Why don't you sleep
in my booth?

- In yours?
- Well, it's only a suggestion.

Oh. Oh, but that would not
be fair.

- To who?
- Well.

Where would you sleep?

Yeah, well, I'll sleep here,
I'll sleep in your booth.

Oh, oh, this is so sweet of you,
Paul. Gracias.

- Yes, ma'am, I'll go get my stuff.
- Yes, yes.

Be back in a minute.

I hope I have the chance

to do something
for you sometime.

- As a matter of fact you...
- Buenas noches.

Buenas noches.

Good night.

- Paul.
- Yes?

I am so happy that you won.

Paul.

I forgot my stockings.

Good morning.

- How do you feel?
- Fine.

That's good
because I feel wonderful.

That, lieutenant,
can end my army career.

I've got to radio ahead
to Paris.

Let's go, sergeant.

- What goes?
- You do, third floor.

And how long do I have the
pleasure of this honor guard?

- As long as you're in Paris.
- Whee.

Down here.

Oh, my money clip.

I don't wanna lose that.
That's an heirloom.

This belonged to my
grandmother. It was a medallion.

My grandfather took it and made it into
a money clip. I better check the springs.

They got a little loose.

- Here.
- Oh, why don't we have a little talk, hmm?

- This a bribe?
- No, I wouldn't bribe you fellas.

Let's just say it's a donation
in mutual understanding.

She said he'd try
something like this.

- She?
- The lieutenant.

Oh.

Here.

All right, turn around.

Nice big smile.
That's it.

Okay, here we go. Come on now,
look like you're enjoying yourself.

Nice big smile.

Thank you.

- Lieutenant, happy Bastille Day to you.
- Thank you, major.

Voila.

Are you having fun, Paul?

Yes.

Then blow
your little horn.

No, I don't think I can handle
anymore cocoa, thank you.

Publicity pictures, corporal.

After all,
we don't want it to look

as if you were having
a drunken orgy, do we?

Compliments of the management,
lieutenant.

- 103 postcards.
- Thank you very much.

Oh, but of course.

I thought the men at the base

would appreciate it if you sent
each of them a short personal note.

Huh, mambo.

- Miss Roca, would you care to dance?
- Oh, si, very, very much.

Private Phillip Anderson.

Come on, lieutenant,
let's level with each other.

Why the storm troopers,
why everything?

The government feels that
Sandra should be protected.

Suppose Sandra doesn't want
to be protected.

You keep acting like
she's some sort of wildlife.

Oh,
it's not Sandra whom we consider wildlife.

Oh.

You see,
we're trying to protect her

from a man
who's personnel file

reads like a Stag movie.

- You read the file?
- All of it.

- Well, I guess there's nothing to add.
- We're trying to see to that.

Private Phillip Anderson.

Lieutenant,
as a psychologist to a patient,

what's wrong with me?

Well, I don't know you
well enough to say.

Well,
I do know there's something wrong with me.

For an example,
here I am a grown man

and I still like women.

There's absolutely
nothing abnormal

about a man
liking women, corporal.

But there is a limit.

What do you do after
you catch the limit,

do you throw
the next one back?

I was foolish
to even discuss it with you.

No, lieutenant,
I am being very serious.

You've studied the subject.
You're very objective about it.

You're above sex.

Start writing, corporal.

- Are you having fun, Paul?
- Yeah.

Then blow your little horn.

Well, Miss Roca,
did you have a good time?

Oh, ves, I think Paris
is a beautiful city.

I had a wonderful time.

Oh, and you,
you are so sweet.

Spending your whole evening
writing postcards to your amigos.

That'll do, let's go.

That's right.

Lieutenant, I'm sorry
I only got as far as the S's.

Oh, that's
perfectly all right,

you can finish in the morning.

Yes.

Sergeant.

"Compliments of the
management.” For what?

Okay.

Vicki, Paul is coming down
with some champagne.

Oh.

I'm glad I stopped by.

Closet.

May I... oh,
I'm terribly sorry, sir.

- Did you hurt yourself?
- No.

- It's quite all right.
- May I have room service?

This is Corporal Paul Hodges,
room 723.

I... no, I moved.

Yes,
I'm on the seventh floor now.

- That's a nice bathroom.
- Careful, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, that'll be a good fall.

And that door
is the only way out.

Oh, this room
will do just fine.

- Excuse me, sir.
- That's quite all right, corporal.

Room service? Would you
send up a scotch and water?

Yes, and would you have
a bellboy bring up

all the latest magazines?

I'd like a ham sandwich
from the kitchen

and would you see to it that the
valet reports to me immediately?

Thank you. That's all right,
isn't it, sir?

Why, of course, corporal,
as I've told you repeatedly,

the Army wants nothing more
than for you to have a good time.

Thank you, sir.

Good night, Hans.

Good night, Sylvia.

Hello, can I have
Sandra Roca's room, please?

- Sandra?
- Si.

- Paul.
- Oh.

- What are you doing?
- I am in the bed.

Are you alone?

I mean, is Lieutenant Loren
still there?

No, she has gone.

- She said you were not coming and...
- Oh, but I am.

- You are?
- Don't go away.

Entre.

I had your luggage sent right to
your room. I know you will like it.

From the window,
you can see the river's end.

Isn't it romantic, Henry?

- I'm bushed, lets get some shut-eye.
- Oh.

I hope you will enjoy
your stay with us.

I'm sure we will.

If there is anything I can do.

- Well, you can put a new bulb in here.
- Oh, course, immediately.

The hotel provide
many services.

If you need any tickets
to the theater...

Oui.

We arrange guided tours
of the city.

The exchange of dollar
into franc.

Oui.

No!

- No!
- No!

Come in.

- Good morning, corporal.
- Good morning, warden.

You're a little off
your game today.

I'm a little shaky
this morning.

I didn't get to bed
until ten o'clock last night.

We've canceled the schedule
for this morning.

Sandra's gone
to the dressmaker,

and then has to return here
to have her hair done.

We'll pick up again after
lunch with visits to the Tuileries.

- The Tuileries, huh?
- Napoleon's tomb and Le Pont Neuf.

Wee.

I should think you'd take
more interest in seeing Paris.

Lieutenant, for two weeks

I've been hounded, trailed,

pushed around by those
leftovers from the Stone Age.

- They're only following orders.
- Mm-hmm, well if the orders

were to ruin my furlough,
you've succeeded.

Whether you believe it or not,
we wanted you to enjoy yourself.

Lieutenant, how do you think
I can enjoy myself

when every time I turn around,
you're standing there?

Lieutenant,
I'm sorry, I apologize.

It's just that I'm tired
of being watched.

Paris is such a lovely city
and I am interested in seeing it.

But not at the end of a leash.

If I could just go
for a walk by myself.

- A walk?
- Mm-hmm, just a walk.

- Where would you go?
- Well, I dunno, up and down, around.

- And all you'd do is walk?
- Mm-hmm.

Left right, left right.

Just walk.

How long would you be gone?

You name it.

Two hours?

- Two hours.
- All right.

Lieutenant,
I won't forget this.

I mean it, thank you.

Tell them.

Let him go.

Afternoon.

- Begging your pardon, lieutenant.
- Yes?

I think you just goofed.

Well, he's just going
for a walk for two hours.

- What can happen in two hours?
- In Paris?

Here.

- Enjoying Paris?
- Are we still in it?

Well, I told ya
I was gonna go for a walk.

- Can you ride a bicycle?
- Anything to get off my feet.

Hmm, well,
that kills that idea.

- Comfortable?
- Yes, fine, thank you.

Good.

- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.

- Do you speak English?
- Yes, I do.

May I sit down, thank you.

Oh, that's my sister.

Well, why you leave her
sitting alone?

I was hoping some gentlemen
would walk by.

- You see, we have a problem with my sister.
- Oh?

Yes, we've been trying
to find her a husband.

My parents are very concerned.
You see, she's almost 40.

- Forty?
- Mm-hmm.

She does not look it.

No, we've had
the very best doctors.

Oh, she's had a face-lift?

Three times,
the doctors say one more time

and they lift the face
right off the head.

Viva la France.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, don't worry,
your brother is very smart.

He will find a husband for you.

Miss.

Is there a window in there?

Oh, I don't now,
I've never been in there.

Could you ask someone
to go in

and see if
there's a soldier there?

- Jacques?
- Oui?

Oh, thank you.

You like soldiers?

No.

- No.
- No?

- No.
- No?

Oh, thank you.

Merci.

- Well, hi.
- Hi, where's Sandra?

In there getting
her hair done.

I thought sure he'd
come here. He got away.

- Who got away?
- Crawled out the window at the men's room.

Well, if he crawls in here,
I'll step on him. What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll explain later. Have you got any money?

I've got a cab
waiting downstairs.

Are you kidding? No,
I haven't, I'll go ask Sandra.

Would you?
Thank you.

Sandra?

San...

Sandra?

I'm terribly sorry,
where is Miss Roca?

I do not know.

This soldier
comes in that door,

gives me 10,000 francs
and tells me to go set my hair.

So, I'm setting it.

Well, did he say
where they were going?

All I hear him tell her,
he has rented a car

and they are going
on a picnic.

I can't drink much, you know,

- two drinks, and I forget what I'm doing.
- I'll remind you.

Do you know what the
French put in their wine?

Hmm?

- Atmosphere.
- Bottoms up.

- Mm, it's good.
- Marvelous wine.

Delicious.

Oh, you know,
I used to know another boy named Paul.

Really?

I was 13 and he was 14,
and I was in love with him

and he wouldn't even
look at me.

- He used to call me Flacuchina.
- Flacuchina?

- You know, skinny.
- Skinny.

Oh, you should have seen me.

No hips, flat chested,

all the boys used
to laugh at me.

And then one day,
they stopped laughing.

That'll wipe the smiles
off their faces every time.

- I'm starving, let's eat, no?
- No.

How can you think of food
at a time like this?

- No, Paul, no.
- Why not?

- I can't.
- Why can't you?

I mean, I'm married.

- You're married?
- Mm-hmm.

- I had to keep it a secret.
- Mm-hmm.

- No one knows outside of Fred.
- Who's Fred?

My husband.

Oh.

He's an accountant
in Mr. Franklin's office.

Oh, you don't know what
it would do to Harvey

if he knew I was married.

- Who's Harvey?
- Mr. Franklin.

- Oh, I see, yes.
- You see, he has made me everything I am.

You know, the sex,
Argentine bombshell.

And he says bombshell's
should not get married.

All that publicity
about me and other men,

- who would believe it?
- Yeah.

Harvey has done so much for me
that I just don't want

to hurt him, but I fell
in love with Fred,

and we pretend
we are just friends

but we are not friends,
we are married.

Oh, you are angry, aren't you?

No, no, I'm not angry.

I'm just trying to find
some way to apologize.

Oh.

I think I'll start by drinking
a toast to you and Fred.

No wine.

Oh, that is very sweet
of you, Paul.

May your marriage defy time,
and Mr. Franklin.

Yes.Salud.

Well, keep trying, sergeant, he may have
rented the car under an assumed name.

Okay.

Four o'clock.

You sure you don't want
anything to eat?

Liz, aren't you even
a little concerned?

Course
I'm a little concerned.

I'll be a little bit more
concerned after I finish my lunch.

There's nothing I could have
done about it, anyhow.

If she really wanted to go,
I couldn't have stopped her.

Girl's over 21.

I can't say I blame her.

I really must be slipping.

I considered myself
an old pro in this department,

and I've missed every signal.

Meaning what?

Oh,
it's pretty obvious the guy's getting to you.

He's what?

You know all you've done
for the past three hours?

Stare out that window,
look at your watch,

and smoke one cigarette
after another.

Of course I have.

This whole project
is my idea.

If something goes wrong,
I'm in a lot of trouble.

And I'm not, I suppose?

I'm following orders.

If the army wasn't concerned,
I couldn't care less.

Oh, I see,
it's the army, is it?

You're being ridiculous,
Liz.

Corporal Hodges
is the one kind of man

I couldn't possibly
be interested in.

Why, he's so obvious,
I can tell you

every move he's going to make
before he even makes it.

Well, you tell me
the next move,

- I wanna be there.
- You're welcome to him and lots a luck.

Oh, come off it,
lieutenant.

Admit it,
the guy bugs you.

As far as I'm concerned, a bug is
something you find crawling in your bed.

I rest my case.

What happened? Something run,
run, run, and stop?

- We run out of gas.
- Oh.

Oh, you planned it,
you planned it.

I was covering every angle.

Oh, Paul, you are nice,
but you are naughty.

Hola.Hello.

Bonjour, you are
blocking traffic, monsieur.

We ran outta gas.

My father says
he will push you to our house.

- We have some gasoline.
- Thank you.

- Merc1

- He's going to bring the gasoline.
- Good.

Tell me, what are those men
doing over there?

Oh, they are crushing
the grapes.

For over 300 years now,

my family
has been making wine.

Oh, and my I go and take
a little look?

- Oh, yes, yes, of course.
- Oh, gracias.

- It means thank you.
- Oh, I see.

You are very nice.

Thank you, papa.

- May I help you?
- Please, would you hold the top?

- Oh, yes, of course.
- Thank you.

- My father says you are a very lucky man.
- Oh, really?

Papa. He says when am I going
to bring home

a lovely girl like that.

- You will.
- He wants me to get married.

Good.

He says I will not
be young forever.

He says it's very good for a
man to be married, look at you.

Oh, well, I'm not married.

No, we just happen
to be good friends.

Papa. Papa.

He says to be friends
with a beautiful girl

is just like
owning a Rembrandt

and turning it
against the world.

If telling the major's
gonna get you

in so much trouble,
I don't understand why you have to tell him.

He's going to find out
sometime.

I know,
but there's no sense...

- Oh, hello, muchachas.
- Hola Sandra, what happened?

- Oh, we had a picnic.
- I'll bet you did.

She drank a little
too much wine.

- Just this much.
- And what she couldn't drink, she wore.

Come on, Sandra, we'll slip into
something a little less colorful, huh?

That's a girl,
come on, this way Sandra.

- That's it. Come on.
- Adios, Paulito.

- Adiés.Such a gentleman.
- Come on.

- Easy, easy.
- I think you and I better see the major.

- I ran outta gas.
- Of course.

Shall I tell you what Sandra
and I did all afternoon?

Please do.

We talked. Mm-hmm.

We had a nice,
long friendly discussion.

If she's the result
of a friendly discussion,

I'd hate to have
an argument with you.

- She fell into a wine vat.
- During a lull

- in the conversation, no doubt.
- Huh.

I think we better have
that talk with the major.

No, I think we better clear
this up first, lieutenant.

You're not even interested in the truth,
are you?

Corporal.

You've passed judgment,
and nothing's gonna change your mind.

- I had you pegged before I even met you.
- Oh.

There are textbooks
written about men like you.

Freud, humanity drowning
in an ocean of sex.

I have a suggestion
for you, lieutenant.

Why don't you quit
being a lifeguard

and jump in the water
with the rest of us slobs?

Or are you afraid
you won't know how to swim?

- Come here.
- Let go of me.

- I said take your hands off me.
- Shut up.

- You're talking to an officer, corporal.
- Shut up, sir.

Ouch!

I don't wanna see what you have to show me,
now let me go.

Do you realize... do you
realize what you're doing?

You'll get 10 years of hard labor for this,
now let me go.

Let me go or I'll scream.

Go ahead scream,
they don't understand a word of English.

Where are we going?

You mind getting up there,
please?

- Oh, this is ridiculous. Oh.
- Do as I say, lieutenant.

- All right, so I'm here.
- Just one moment, please.

Would you tell them
to continue?

She was standing there.

He brought the grapes.

He walked up there
very quietly.

Someone in the vineyard
yelled, "Hey, Armand."

Armand is his name.

My father says,
"Two women in the vat

in one day, it will be
a good winter year."

Who is it?

It's me,
ma'am. Some more hot water for your tub.

- Oh, thank you, I can't reach it.
- Shall I pour?

No, no, would you set it
on the table for me?

To your right and higher.

Up and right, now, down,
oh that's fine, thank you.

Incidentally,
we were invited for dinner

and I took the liberty
of accepting.

But my clothes are still wet.

- What's that?
- It's your dinner outfit, ma'am.

- What is it, a bedsheet?
- Mm-hmm, and four safety pins.

Corporal,
I couldn't possibly appear in a bedsheet.

Very well, if madam wishes
to appear in four safety pins.

Well, no, on second thought,
you can leave the sheet.

- I'll figure something out.
- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you, corporal.
- Yes, ma'am.

There.

What do you think?

I think you're right.

My friend.

Good, very good.

Lieutenant,
dinner's ready.

Thank you.

Push the lamp,
he wants to look at her.

- Can I help?
- Oh, no, that's all right, I can manage.

- Oh, excuse me.
- That's all right.

He says he likes her
better than the first one.

She is a cleaner woman.

When the other one left
she was covered with wine.

At least she took a bath.

When you leave
with a woman...

it's more pleasant
if she likes to bathe.

And also, she is not lazy.
She offered to do the dishes.

She is quiet.

And good-natured.

And a loyal face.

Oh, Papa.

What'd he say?
Come on, tell me.

He said she would make
a good wife.

Would you excuse me?

A good soldier never forgets
his ammunition.

You made quite an impression
with the father and son.

Oh?

They said you were clean,

quiet, good-natured.

- And had a loyal face.
- Swell.

All the qualities
of a good wife.

Sounds more like a poodle.

Best a Frenchman can do
is say you have a loyal face,

kind of shakes a girl up.

You won't object
to a local opinion.

I think
you've got a pretty face.

A very pretty face.

And if it'll make you feel
any better,

I don't see a trace
of loyalty in it.

Thank you.

You're all tied up.

Nothing will tie you up quicker
than KP.

Get you right in the neck
and the shoulders.

I had a buddy in my outfit
who used to do the same for me.

Used to work his fingers
straight down my spine.

It's amazing how quickly
you can relax

with the slightest pressure
in the right spot.

The theory is that
if the muscles relax,

the nerves relax.

Relax.

We just violated
Article 93, Section seven.

- Have we?
- No enlisted man shall kiss

or embrace a superior officer.

Shall we turn ourselves in?

Let's talk about it.

- My room?
- The bar.

- Twenty minutes.
- Half an hour.

Twenty minutes.

No, no, that's all right,
I'll hold on.

Oh, he's in the...
That's it.

Crestview five,
four, one, nine, nine.

Yes, that's right.

Mr. Harvey Franklin.

Hollywood, California.

Don't tell me.

You've been on a picnic.

What's wrong with Sandra?

She's coming down with a cold.

Driving around
with all those wet clothes on.

Doctor's in there
with her now.

Yes, yes, I'm still here.

And you have to report a cold?

Sandra is a
multimillion-dollar property,

if she so much as sneezes,
MR. Franklin's entire staff

says gesundheit
and takes an aspirin.

Is it a bad...

Well, lieutenant.

- You got back.
- Yes, sir.

- Where were you?
- Out, sir.

Out. I presume when you say "Out,”
you mean unconscious?

I was in a wine vat, sir.

Any person who'd let Corporal
Hodges go out for a walk

deserves to end up
in a wine vat.

Really, lieutenant,
you knew better.

Mr. Franklin, Liz Baker.

Now, don't worry,
but Sandra's got a cold.

- What?
- Yes, sir.

- Cold?
- That's right, sir, a little cold.

Well,
how did she get a cold?

Well, it's something
that she caught.

What do you mean it's
something that she caught?

Well, you know
how those things are.

You are supposed
to protect her, Miss Baker.

If there is anything
to be caught,

it is your job
to catch it.

Oh, it's only the sniffles,
Mr. Franklin,

the doctor's in there
with her now.

The doctor's coming out now.

There's nothing to worry
about. She is a healthy woman.

He says there's nothing
to worry about,

she's a healthy woman.

She will have a fine baby.

- She will have a fine... oh.
- Miss Baker.

Would you hold on there
just a minute, Mr. Franklin?

- A baby?
- Oui, oui, madam.

But doctor, she's not married.

How can she have a baby?

It's really very simple,
monsieur.

Are you sure
you haven't made a mistake?

It isn't 1
who have made the mistake.

Aw.

I'll be right with you,
Mr. Franklin.

Hello, Miss Baker!

Doctor, what are you saying?

I wanna make sure...

Oh, oh, wait a minute,
doctor, doctor.

You'll be sure you won't say
a word about this to anyone.

Oh, I understand.

- Where's Corporal Hodges?
- Miss Baker!

I think that's an arbitrary
and unfair accusation, sir.

Operator, I've been cut off.
We'll soon find out.

Miss Baker.
Miss Baker!

Hi, there, Mr. Franklin.

- Miss Baker!
- Are you still there, Mr. Franklin?

Of course I'm still here,
what's going on there?

Well, about Sandra,
it's turned out to be something

a little bit more
than a cold.

I'm warning you,
Miss Baker,

if anything's happened
to Sandra, it means your job!

Well, speaking
as an ex-employee.

What happened?

Well, sir... well, sir,
Sandra is going to have a baby.

Miss Baker.

I shall hold you
personally responsible.

Mr. Franklin,
no jury in the world would believe that.

Oh, I feel so silly
getting a cold.

Nurse, don't you have
to go to the drugstore

to get some medicine
or something?

Monsieur, in France
we call it a pharmacist.

I will try to think
of something.

- Yes.
- Excuse me.

- Sandra.
- Are you kidding?

I realize that this
is a rather indelicate way

to bring up such a personal matter,
but naturally, we found out.

- About what?
- About you.

Now, I fully understand why
you have to keep it a secret,

- but I...
- You mean you know?

- Everything.
- Oh.

Oh, boy.

Did Paul tell you?

Does Paul know?

- I told him this afternoon.
- And what happened when you told him?

Well, when I explain him
the situation I was in,

I thought he was going
to be very angry.

It is not the sort of a thing
you tell a man

when he takes you on a picnic.

- No, it's... no.
- But when you did tell him, what happened?

- He wished me luck.
- He wished you luck?

And he also said we would
always be very good friends.

- Isn't that sweet?
- It's adorable.

- Yes.
- Now, Sandra, you just lie back and relax,

and everything's going
to be all right.

Are you satisfied, lieutenant?

- He wished her luck.
- Yes, I'm...

Oh, all right, all right,
what's going on?

- You're confined to quarters.
- Confined to quarters, why?

All T know is you're to speak
to nobody and see nobody.

- I gotta call lieutenant.
- No calls.

You don't understand,
I have...

We don't have to understand.

You mean you're not mad,
Mr. Franklin?

Well I'll admit at first,
I was angry, Miss Baker.

Angry enough to murder you.

But on the airplane, the colonel
and I were talking. I'm a realist.

And when I face a situation,

I like to look
at the good side.

And what a good side this has.

- It has?
- The perfect ending to the perfect furlough.

Having a baby?

Miss Baker,
in a situation like this,

what is the customary thing
the man does?

- Blows town?
- He gets married.

- Corporal Hodges and Sandra?
- It's the Cinderella story.

Corporal marries
glamorous movie queen.

Why, the public
will eat it up.

And think of what it will do
for your recruiting, colonel.

Why, you'll be able
to end the draft.

Well, you see it may not be
quite that simple, sir.

You see, Corporal Hodges
denies the whole thing.

- What if he refuses?
- That's ridiculous.

What man in his right mind
would take

20 years of hard labor against
a lifetime with Sandra Roca?

That was what you were going

to give him,
isn't it, colonel?

Any suggestions,
lieutenant?

I see
no other alternative.

If Sandra's willing
to marry him.

Oh, she will.

It's a little late
for natural selection.

Oh, I don't want Sandra
to know that I'm here.

She'll probably think I'm
going to be furious with her,

and instead, I'm going
to arrange everything.

You see, in my business,
we have ways

of handling
this sort of thing.

Of course it'll be
a quiet wedding.

But the way I'll manage it,

they'll be more publicity
than if

they'd been married
in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Just sit down, it'll get it.

Hello.

Oh, yeah,
Miss Baker, he's here

but you can't talk to him.

You called to talk to me?

Oh. Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Okay, thanks.

What a mixed-up dame.

She calls to tell me
Lieutenant Loren

got permission
from the colonel

to go back to the states.

She's checking out now.

Now, why would I be
interested in that?

- That's 65.
- Sixty-five?

Sixty-five.

That is 60 cents you owe me.

- Can I...
- Yeah, go ahead.

Oh.

Good afternoon,
madam, don't be alarmed,

I'm here
on government business.

I was just inspecting.

You pass.

Thank you
for your cooperation.

Sir.

- Daphne.
- Hello, poopsie.

- Follow that cab.
- We brought you a little gift.

Thank you,
will you follow the cab? She's getting away.

Which one of the two women
is it?

The one that took a bath.

He says that 60 years ago he too chased
a woman down this very same street.

Did he catch her?

How do you think I was born?

Do you think we could ask your
father to go just a little faster?

- What?
- He does not wish to catch up

- until he reaches the Lou Fairmont.
- Oh.

Well, why?

Papa.

Because it was there
that he caught my mother.

He's very sentimental.

Look out!

Look out!

- You all right?
- Oh, the leg, oh, it's an old war wound.

Oh, phony,
you're all right.

Listen to me, lieutenant.

I'm not the father
of the baby.

- Sure.
- Will you listen to me?

- Come on, driver, let's go.
- Look.

Just give me one moment
to talk to me.

You see what happened was,
there was a mistake.

No, will you wait
just a minute?

Wait just a minute, hold on.
Wait, just...

I'm sorry about the wine.

- What, what?
- He says forget about the wine.

- Go catch the woman.
- Okay, good-bye.

Wait a minute!

- Will you listen to me?
- No, I won't listen.

Will you please get out of the car,
corporal?

No.

- Back to the hotel.
- To the airport.

- Where do you think you're going?
- Home.

- Why?
- What do you expect me to do,

- stay here until the baby is born?
- Will you listen to me?

I won't listen to you,
I've gotten into enough trouble

- listening to you.
- I am not the father of the baby.

Please hurry, driver.

- I'm sorry, excuse me.
- Has it ever occurred to you

- that I might be telling the truth?
- You're hurting my arm.

Lieutenant,
I am not the father of that baby.

Oh, sure.

See, Ethel, didn't I tell you the
Wildest things went on in Paris.

Well, I certainly hope so.

- I'm warning you, corporal.
- Ask Sandra.

She's hardly in condition to be a
character witness. I'm Lieutenant Loren.

- You just won't believe me, will ya?
- No.

Have a nice trip.

May I have your ID card,
lieutenant?

Hello?

Another scotch.

No, no, monsieur,
I cannot accept you money.

- Why not?
- A man like you does not pay.

Corporal Hodges
et Lieutenant Loren?

Who said let them eat cake?

Harvey Franklin.

Oh, excuse me.

- Oh, doctor.
- You want to see me?

Yes, please. Doctor Colbert,
you know Miss Baker.

- Yes, we met.
- Colonel Leland.

- How do you do, doctor?
- Mr. Franklin.

Doctor.

And...

Doctor, the nurse said that.

Miss Roca is running
a temperature.

Oh, it's very slight.

She's so happy
about having a baby.

Then it will be possible
for her to be married today.

Not only possible,
but advisable.

Well, then it's all set.

All we need now
is the bride and groom.

She is marrying
Corporal Hodges, isn't she?

Oh, yes, yes of course.

The poor lieutenant.

The lieutenant?

Oui, you mean
you do not know?

Know what?

May I speak to you privately?

Yes, certainly.

Excuse me.

Major Collins.

Would you excuse me?

What is this about
a lieutenant?

Mr. Franklin,
I assure you, I don't...

Doctor, what is going on here?

La vie.Life.

Are you sure,
hold the wire, please.

Her plane's
oh runway now, sir.

- It's ready for takeoff.
- Get the control tower,

- and get her off that plane.
- Yes, sir.

Colonel?

Later, something has come
up that may change everything.

- Then get the military police.
- Yes, sir.

No, no, don't get them.

I don't wanna cause her
any more embarrassment

- than necessary.
- Colonel, will you please...

- Tell them to hold her until we get there.
- Yes, sir.

I've always said
this is what happens

when you've got women
in an army.

I should never have listened to
this confounded idea in the first place.

- The lieutenant too?
- Well, you see...

- Well, I mean...
- Well, I know, but...

The control tower.

Colonel, my studio has
two unreleased pictures

with Sandra,
that's $3 million I have invested in her.

We'll discuss it after I've seen
Lieutenant Loren. I have to consider her too.

And what does the Army
have invested in her?

Two tired uniforms?
I'll reimburse ya!

Thank you. They're taking
her off the plane now, sir.

Well, let's go.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- I beg your pardon.
- What do you want?

Have you seen this man?

- What do you want with him?
- It's a personal matter.

I'm his superior officer,
what kind of a personal matter?

I found him with my wife,
she had no clothes on.

Are you sure?

- How do you mean am I sure?
- Well, I didn't...

We've been married
for five years.

I ought to know
when she has no clothes on.

- When did it happen?
- About an hour ago.

Oh, well,
that's not possible, sir.

You see, Corporal Hodges
is confined to...

Corporal Hodges
is in his quarters, isn't he?

No, sir,
that's what I was coming to report.

What?

Well, you see,
when this gentlemen came looking for him,

we discovered he was gone.

- He's loose in Paris?
- Well?

Well, everybody's loose
in Paris.

Don't just stand there,
find him!

I want him here
when I get back!

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.

Don't just stand there,
find him!

Please. Please, colonel.

Wait a minute Mr. Franklin. What
am I supposed to do, you can't...

You stay here
and watch the cake!

What about my wife?

Oh, tell her to put
some clothes on.

- Monsieur.
- I didn't order this.

Compliments of that gentleman.

- Who is he?
- The house detective.

- House?
- Qui, monsieur.

Will you please
have patience, judge?

I assure you
that there will be a wedding.

May we have two scotches
and water, please?

- Here's your hat, soldier.
- Thank you.

- Corporal Hodges?
- That's right.

Well, I'm Harvey Franklin.

- Nice for both of you.
- I'm from Hollywood.

I just flew in.

- Sandra's Harvey Franklin?
- The same.

Come with me.
Come on.

Paul, guess.

- Sandra.
- Harvey.

What are you doing here?

Well, with my little girl
in trouble,

you didn't think
I'd stay away, did ya?

You thought I'd be mad,
didn't you?

Well, I'm not,
and I made all the arrangements.

Oh?

The magistrate.

- Magistrate?
- The bridal suite.

- The bridal suite?
- And wait till you see the wedding cake

- I had made for you.
- Wedding cake? Well, for what?

Well, now, you can't get married
without a cake, can you, dear?

Married?

Paul, you did not tell him?

Oh.

Well, I am already married.

Married?

- Married?
- To Fred.

- Oh, I'm Paul.
- Marcel.

Who's Fred?

Fred Sloane,
he works for you

in the accounting department.

Not any more he doesn't.

Nobody works for me
who stabs me in the back.

How can you do this to me,

after all the things
that I have done for you?

- Here we go.
- Who discovered you on the pampas

- riding on a jackass?
- You.

Will you speak in English,
how many times have I told you

English,
who took you to Hollywood?

You, you brought me
to Hollywood

and you taught me
to walk and talk.

I was just as happy when I
didn't know how to walk and talk.

- Even her name, I gave her that too.
- Well, you can have it back.

If I was still
on that sweet little burro,

I wouldn't have to hide
the most wonderful

and beautiful thing
that can happen to a girl.

And here I am, having a baby
and I can't even tell anyone.

- Sit down, sit down.
- Only to you, Paul.

I have been waiting for you all morning,
and you didn't even show up.

Well, something came up.

How do you think I feel?

It is not fun having a baby
all by yourself.

- Will you stop gibbering?
- If I feel like gibbering, I'll gibber.

- And let me leave you with one final gibber.
- Gibber.

If Fred goes, I go.

Oh, now, now, look,

now, now, Sandra, now,
don't get excited, dear.

Sandra, dear,
now this is Harvey talking to you, dear.

- Mr. Franklin.
- He's all yours, colonel.

Where have you been
for the last two hours?

- We've been looking.
- Never mind, major,

I'll take care of this.

Well, everything's
under control.

I'm happy,
I'm glad you're married.

- Who's married?
- She's married?

Yes, she's married.
She's married to Fred.

- Fred?
- Mm-hmm.

Who's married to Fred who?

Sandra is married to a fella
named Fred Sloane

who happens to work
for Mr. Franklin

who also happens to be
the father of the baby.

Any questions?

It's kind of a drag,
isn't it, lieutenant?

Destroys your faith
in Dr. Freud.

If it's all the same
to you, sir,

I'd like to go back
to the base.

Well, corporal, it seems
we owe you an apology.

Now, if there's
anything I can do...

With your permission, sir,
I'd like to go and pack.

- Well, yes, certainly.
- Thank you.

But colonel.

Now, look you don't want Fred

to be in the accountant
department all his life, do ya?

Sandra, I'll make him
a producer.

Come in, Harvey.

Colonel,
I was stupid to lie to you.

I was embarrassed.

I realize it's something that
can't be hidden indefinitely.

You mean you really are?

Get him.
Stop him.

Hurry up, don't let him
get away again.

Naturally, I'll resign
from the service anyway,

but I'd like to think it was
because I was getting married.

Well, since Miss Roca already has a husband,
that's no problem.

Suppose Corporal Hodges
denies the whole thing?

Don't worry,
it won't do him any good.

You come with me.

You're pretty sneaky,
lieutenant.

Like you said,
the guy bugs me.

Hold it please, corporal.

You know I'm gonna get
this marriage annulled.

- You are?
- Mm-hmm.

In about 40 years.

Man, what a time
we must be having.

Dig that crazy
looking lieutenant.

Wow, what a parlay.