The Out-Laws (2023) - full transcript

A straight-laced bank manager about to marry the love of his life. When his bank is held up by infamous Ghost Bandits during his wedding week, he believes his future in-laws who just arrived in town, are the infamous Out-Laws. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food

♪ Now, baby, when you sigh
I wanna sigh with you ♪

♪ When you cry
I wanna cry some too ♪

♪ Now, ain't that love ♪

♪ Oh, bring that love ♪

♪ That I feel in my heart with you ♪

♪ When your friends
Turn their back on you ♪

♪ I'll be here just to see you through ♪

♪ Ain't that love, baby
That I feel in my heart for you ♪

♪ Oh, play it, son ♪

♪ Now, ain't that love ♪

♪ Ain't that love ♪

♪ Come on, now
Ain't that love, now ♪

♪ Ain't that love, baby
That I feel in my heart for you ♪

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ All dressed in... ♪

♪ White ♪

♪ Follow the sound of my voice
Right here ♪

♪ Stop right there! ♪

Okay, open your eyes.

It's a 3D seating chart.

- Built to scale, naturally.
- Wow!

Each action figure
corresponds to the personality

and/or appearance of our guest.

- Babe, this is incredible!
- You like it?

- Yeah, I like it. I love it.
- Mmm.



Who's He-Man?

What do you mean, "Who's He-Man?"


Look at his butt cheeks,
then look at mine.

- Tell me it's not the same.
- Mmm-hmm. Yep, I see it now.

All right! So what do we think?
Bride gets final say.

- Those are your parents, right?
- Mmm-hmm.

Do you think we could
add two more to that table?

My parents just emailed
that they're coming.

- Are you kidding? What?
- Yeah.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God, Parker.

Oh, I get to meet your parents, finally!


Oh, okay.

I'm gonna marry this guy.

Oh, gosh, that is...
Oh, you have to be so psyched.

Are you psyched? You're not psyched.
Are you psyched at all?

- Is there any psyched happening?
- Yeah. Yeah, no, I...

It's... It's totally great. I just...

I've told you. They can be...

They can be a lot.

Okay, have you met my parents?

I only picked Skeletor and Medusa

because they don't make
Stalin and Lizzie Borden dolls.

Yeah, I'd probably regret it one day
if my parents didn't come to my wedding.

Yes, you would.
We're gonna get through this.

'Cause there is nothing He-Man
and the pink Power Ranger

can't handle together.

Unless Hordak shows up at the wedding.

Is that a deep cut He-Man reference?


Oh, I love you.

Oh, I love you too.

♪ Gravy gettin' buck ♪

♪ Every time I get up in it ♪

♪ Always pull up
With a plethora of women... ♪

Your Aunt Linda, she's allergic to nickel.

Does the silverware have nickel?

I don't know, Mom.

Cheap silverware has nickel.
Nickel-plated, okay?

You're not gonna skimp on the silverware?

I'll make sure we have high-quality,
nickel-free silverware.

- Okay?
- Good.

But that's not why I called.
I've got good news.

Parker's parents can come to the wedding.


Guys, I know you're there,
I can hear Dad's nose whistle.

I'm sorry, what kinda parents
skip their own daughter's wedding?

They're not skipping it!
That's the thing, they're not!

Oh, please.

I'm sorry, they were living
with the Yanomami tribe in the Amazon.

It's not exactly easy for them to travel.

No wonder Parker became a stripper.

She's not a stripper!
I've told you a million times!

She runs a yoga studio!
A very successful one!

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yes, you knew that!
I invited you to a class.

You expect your mother to get on a pole?

- There's no pole! It's a yoga studio!
- I'll bet business is booming.

It is booming.
Not in the way I think you're inferring.

- I'm just saying.
- Please.

Please, can we just not make it weird?
Just this one time?

- Weird?
- We're not weird! You're weird!

Your father and I
have been talking about it recently.

You've become weird, Owen.

It's true!

And you never behaved
like that before you met this stripper!

♪ Light the blunts up
When I walk in the building ♪

♪ Gravy gettin' buck
Every time I get up in it ♪

♪ Always pull up
With a plethora of women ♪

♪ I be like
"Yup, ooh, that's how I be living" ♪

♪ Mama say, "What's up?"
She trying to get it ♪


Let me get this straight.
You haven't met this woman's parents yet?

No. It's not that weird.

They've been off the grid
the whole time we've been together.

That's so fucking weird, man.

Owen, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,

but when you first told us about Parker,
we thought you were makin' her up.

That does hurt my feelings.

But it shouldn't hurt your feelings,
because I've never seen you with nobody,

so I'm like, "This can't be a real woman.
Maybe it's a mannequin or a sex doll."

But guess what? She was real.

When I saw her,
I was like, "Girl, you alive!"

This motherfucker
made this fairy tale come true.

Because I didn't believe
shit you said at first.

This couldn't be
hurting my feelings any more.

What we're saying is,
is that whatever spell or potion you used

to trick that woman into liking you
isn't gonna work on her parents.

Oh, you're worried about me with parents?

The only people that love me
more than parents? Grandparents.

You sit me next to a grandma at dinner,
watch the sparks fly.

Oh, this is the diaper! She did it again!

Hey! Hey! Just...

Uh, why am I even doing this?
This isn't my job. This is Gary's job.

Guys, where's Gary?

All right, no more "accidentally" locking
Gary in the vault. I'm serious.

It's this new security system
you designed.

- Shit is mad complicated.
- It should be. It's a vault.

It's state-of-the-art.
No one's getting in this bad boy.

Oh! Is this the same one Phoebe King has?

- Essentially.
- Who is Phoebe King?

Phoebe King manages Atlas Reserve,
the top bank in the state.

Not a top bank. Mmm-mmm.

There's not, like,
an official ranking or anything.

100% is, they wrote a whole article.
Yeah, that's the top bank in the state.

It's a good bank, decent bank. Clean.

Last conference,
Owen got called out by Phoebe King,

by her saying that a Butterball turkey
could break into our vault.

I don't exactly remember it like that.

And she called you a dickless troll.

- Oh!
- Damn!

Now, I tried not to laugh,

but I couldn't help it
'cause it was fucking hysterical.

- Imagining you without a dick.
- Ooh!

Just nothing but a smooth surface,
no genitalia at all.

Dickless troll,
that's borderline unprofessional.

Fucking hilarious.

And you know what? I'd love to see
a Butterball turkey break into this.

♪ She left me roses by the stairs ♪

Hey, Gary.

You're lucky I had mints in my pocket.
I could have starved in here.

For probably the 50th time,

there's an emergency escape latch
on the inside of the door.

Every vault has one.

And like I keep telling you...

I can't find it!

God damn, Gary.

So, um, Parker,

um, I understand that
your parents are doing the right thing

and coming to your wedding.

Isn't that nice? It's very nice!

- Yes, it is! Thanks, Mom.
- Yeah. Super nice.

She hasn't
seen her parents for a very long time.

I know. I know.

- How come they're not showing up?
- They live in a cave in the jungle.

- Like Bin Laden?
- A little like Bin Laden, right.

- Um, that's... That's not it.
- It's okay, I got it.

- Can I see your tattoos again?
- Oh, um, not right now.

Your Aunt Margie
isn't the biggest fan, so, shh.

She said you got them so you
could get bigger tips when you strip.

- Uh, once again, I'm not a stripper.
- My boyfriend's gonna get a tattoo.

- Oh, yeah? Of what?
- My name across his lower back.

Hey, cuz!

Jesus! Hi, buddy. Well, don't...

How come I wasn't
invited to the, uh, bachelor party?

- You know I'm, like, an EMT now, right?
- I do know that, yeah.

Yeah, well, I'd love to give you
a ride in the ambulance.

- You know, hit the siren, zip around town.
- That's fun.

Yeah, maybe, uh, flatline you in the back,
go to the other side.

Ask Grandpa Seymour
what it was like dying by, you know...

Okay, stop it. All right.

- Why is he doing that?
- That was a rumor. Stop.

No, man. She walked in on it.
She was so sad when she found him.

Guy's a legend, died beating off.

I'm getting a phone call. Lucky for me.
I didn't even plan this.

This just happened coincidentally.
Hey, storage space!

Ah, thanks for returning my call!

- This is Owen Browning again.
- What the fuck do you want?

Well, I'm getting married in a week,

so I'm putting together
a little photo montage.

But here's the thing, I don't have
any photos of my fiancée's family.

And rumor has it that they actually
have a unit in your storage facility.

Um, it should be under the name McDermott.

Do... Do you have the locker?

- Oh, my God!
- I'm on fire!

- EMT!
- Oh, shit.

Soy sauce!

Mom! That's not water!

Yeah. You told me to call if anyone
asked about the McDermott locker.

McDermott locker?


Do you have a name?

Owen Browning.

These diamonds are shit.

What is it?

It's silly. I thought that...

I thought that button was
a trap door to a shark tank or something.

Trap door? No!

I just wanted someone
to come clean up this mess.

- What mess?
- You.

"Shark tank."

Call the aquarium!

Does your dad always keep
an extra shirt in the trunk of his car?

Ha! Yeah, well...

It's not the first time
he caught on fire in a restaurant.

And then how about
when your niece asked me

if my neck flaps in the wind
when I ride a bicycle?

Thank you for not being offended.

They are truly disturbed people.

Ugh, God. Now, you're gonna
have to meet my family.

- Are you worried they won't like me?
- No, not at all. Are you?

No! Mmm-mmm.

Not liking you
is like not liking Mr. Rogers.

The Notorious F-R-E...


- When do they come into town?
- Not until the night before the wedding.

Oh! That gives me just enough time.

Oh, yeah? Time for what?

I've got
something special planned.

Oh! Is that right?

Love it.

Oh! Oh, you scared me.

Okay, yeah, yeah.
Do that thing you like to do.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

♪ Get some, get some ♪

♪ Get up and have fun
We lookin' so fly ♪

♪ Everybody get down to get some... ♪

Somebody balled out at Michaels crafts.

Just makin' some prezzies
for Parker's parents.

If you do me a favor,
could you not say the word "prezzies"?

Know what I mean? Just own it, brother.
You do arts and crafts.

You're a craft man.

I think it's sexy as hell when a man
is passionate about something.

- Thank you, Marisol.
- Just not this pussy shit.

Man, shut the fuck up, Gary. God damn.

Thanks for
going to the store. I was dreading that.

No problemo.

Hey, I got that tofu you like.
I know my girl likes her tofu extra firm.

I like my tofu like I like my men.

Real hard.

Oh, okay.

All this talk is making me think
that we might be boinkin' tonight.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna twist you like one
of your Go-Gurts and slurp you dry.

Oh! Oh...

Uh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, well, I'm willing to try anything.

- I guess I'll start stretching.
- Okay, babe, love you!

I love you too! Oop.


♪ Oh, sweet Parker ♪

♪ The time has come ♪

♪ We'll be boinkin' till the morning sun ♪

♪ I swear ♪

♪ I care ♪

♪ Pickle chips ♪

♪ Ritz Stackables ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight we're going to bone... ♪

Hi, Owen.

No, you don't!

- Oh, shit! Well done.
- Oh, shit.

- Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.
- You all right there, Owen?

She took a self-defense class.
Looks like money well spent.

Please don't kill me.

- Let's get this little shit up. Come on.
- Yeah, let's get him. Come on, get up.

There you go. We're not gonna kill you.
We're Parker's parents.


- Oh! Okay.
- Yeah.

Okay, yeah!

Well, Mr. and Mrs. McDermott,
it is an honor to...

Oh! Come here! Come here!

Let's forget the formalities, shall we?
"Mr. McDermott," all that crap.

- Yeah.
- Call me Billy.

Okay, Billy.

Oh, well, you must be Parker's dad
because you two kiss exactly the same.

- I'm Lilly.
- Hey, Lilly.

- Yeah, thanks, that's good.
- Okay, yeah.

- Mom?
- Oh, look who's here!

- Aw, baby! Oh, my God!
- Dad? What?

You're here!
What are you doing here?

Yeah, the flight was early, and, uh...
Actually, you were singing.

I heard you singing a little ditty
about boinking our daughter.


Uh, just a little ditty
that I was doing in private.

Didn't know it was, uh,
in front of my future in-laws.

- How'd... How'd you guys get in?
- The door was unlocked.

That is weird, 'cause
I never forget to lock the front door.

Are you calling my wife a liar? Huh?

You calling my wife a liar?
Is that it?

I just walk in here
and now you're accusing her?

You want me to hit your face...


You were joking! It's a joke!

It's a joke! It's a joke! Okay!

So, how do you like your prezzies?

I'm wearing it, aren't I?

Well, should we tell them our story?
We have a really cute meet-cute.

It's, uh, you're gonna love this story.

There's one thing you need to know
about me, my family has hip issues.

And, obviously, wanted to get ahead of it.

Went to the doctor.
She said, "Have you tried yoga?"

Got a coupon.

Went to my first yoga class...

It was my class.

I was teaching the class!
I mean, what are the odds?

- Crazy!
- Right?

That's amazing.

So then I noticed that halfway
through the class, Owen's in child's pose.

Yep. Okay, so get this.

Okay, I'm in child's pose.

And while I'm in child's pose,
I pass out, but no one notices. Look.


If I was unconscious right now,
you couldn't even tell.

- Right?
- Oh, yeah.

So then everyone leaves, class is over,

and I notice that
Owen's still in child's pose.

And I think to myself,

"Oh, fuck. This guy just died.
He's dead. He's a goner."

- Mmm-mmm. But I didn't.
- Nope.

Then, when Parker unfolded me,
and I came to,

I looked up at her big, beautiful smile,
and I realized...

"This is the woman
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with."

- And you were right.
- Yes, I was.


- And then you asked her out.
- No, actually.

I went to her class for a year and a half
and she finally asked me out.

♪ Honey dew, honey dew, honey dew ♪

♪ Honey dew, honey dew, honey dew ♪

I can't find anyone
to cover my class,

so I'm just gonna have to cancel.

- Mmm-mmm.
- Make sure my parents are okay.

I'm not gonna
let you get in trouble at work.

I have 178 sick days already saved up.
I already called in.

- It's not about... No... Actually, babe...
- I got you, don't worry about it!

- Don't worry, I got it! Oh, hey!
- Aw!

- Good morning, future family.
- Hi!

- Good morning! Morning, Dad.
- Nice to see you. Good morning.

So I have to go into work today,
but Owen is taking his first day off

since he started at the bank,
he's gonna show you guys around.

- Right, babe?
- Exciting!

I don't like my tushy touched,
and she finds it hilarious.

- I do!
- It scares me... something about it.

- All right, well, I'll see you tonight.
- Okay. Bye.

- You two, behave. All right? Be nice.
- Bye, bye, darling.

- It means a lot to him. Be good.
- Love you. We'll be good.

- Bye! Love you!
- Bye!

Okay! Oh! You want some OJ?
Good. Good, good, good.

I do.

So, hope you guys are hungry,

because I've got...

baked eggs Florentine.

We have some roasted...

Got in there deep.

Okay, uh... Well, enough about breakfast.

I hope you're ready to have some fun
because I got us tickets

to a South American pottery exhibition.


Because you guys were living
with the Yanomami tribe in the Amazon...

Oh! Oh, yeah.

...who obviously are
known for their exquisite pottery.

We spent so many years with that tribe
that we're all potteried out.

All right, well, let's go
to the next step of our adventure.

The Holocaust Museum!

Honestly, I've been there, like... I would...
They've got an amazing food court!


Look, we're not into pottery
and we're not into Holocaust awareness.

Fine. What do you guys want to do?

Pull the chute!
Pull the chute!

Not until you convince me
why I should let you marry my daughter!

Oh, God!
She's my best friend, and I love her!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

- I dog sit! I tip 20%!
- Not good enough!

I'll never have sex with her again.

- Keep going!
- I'm pulling the cord!

That's my cock, you idiot!

You know, I was thinking
about choosing a Shrek character,

because it's my favorite,
but I don't know,

this moon is really speaking to me, right?

Okay. That looks pretty...

Ow! What? What...




Let's go! Oh, man.

Could you guys believe I got a tattoo?

Who even am I right now?
This is a tattoo, it's a moon.

I'm like a wolf.

Bill, why don't you get us another round?
I'm not nearly drunk enough.

That's a good idea, Lilly.

I'll come with! Let's go!

Mind the shoes, Owen.

My bad, Mister Dad.

Okay, that one was a little on you,

'cause you didn't turn around
that quickly. That's okay.

- Sit!
- Yeah.



- I'll be right back.
- Oh, no.

I'll go. You keep him company. All right?

He is just the coolest, isn't he?

It is so awesome
that you get to have sex with him.

- Really?
- And he smells so good!

It smells like...

sandalwood and...

and danger.

- It's Stetson. Cologne.
- Is that what that is?

How you doing, big fella?

Nice to see you again, Billy.
You look hella fine.

Ah, if you say so.

So tell me, what does
a bank manager do, exactly?

What does a bank manager not do?

I manage all of the employees.

And we have 12.


And I handle all the security,
the whole dang bank.

- How did you find us?
- That little cunt over there.

He called about the storage locker.

- Did he?
- New colleague?

Uh, no, he's just a family friend.

He's an idiot.
Doesn't know what's going on.

He looks like a fucking idiot.

- Yup.
- Billy!

That guy rocks!


Jesus, there you are.
Oh, you smell like my stepdad's car.

So, uh,
how did it go with your in-laws?

Was it regular bad,
or like really, really terrible?

It was incredible.

I've never met anyone
like these people before.

We went skydiving.

We got very drunk.

I did a little dancing.

I finally felt like I was
part of the cool crowd in high school,

like I'm a skateboarder,
or like I vandalize stuff or something.

I don't, but it feels like I could.

It was fun. It was almost too much fun.

Let's just pray to the banking gods
that we have a nice, chill day.

on the ground, now!

Ground! Let's go!



You, hurry up.

Get down! Get down!

Two minutes.

Look, listen, listen.
I am fully cooperating in every way.

And in that spirit, I have to let you know

that this is a state-of-the-art,
completely impenetrable security system.

And there is no way
you can pass there in under two...

That was
an extremely lucky guess.

So you know about the fingerprint bypass?

However, this is where
our journey ends, because there's...

Shut up! Read.

How did you...


"She left me roses by the stairs."

Don't fuck with me.

Do not fuck with me!

♪ She left me roses by the stairs ♪

"Surprises let me
know she cares."

Thirty seconds.

- Thanks for letting me out.
- You're welcome.

In there.

- Okay! Okay!
- Fill that up.

Did you want any small bills
in case you have to tip or anything?

Shut the fuck up!

Sandalwood? And danger.

Faster, move!

Stop smiling at me.



Hey. Hey, look, you know,
it's not too late to do the right thing.


I'm sorry.

Thank you
for your cooperation, everyone.

Especially you, Owen.


They had on top-notch body armor,
they had on face mask.

Stuff I've never seen before,
and I know about a lot of good stuff.

The type of training I did...
I know when I see bad guys walking in.

So I tried to stop 'em myself, but, um...
I slipped.

Could we not write that down?

I ain't see shit,
I don't know shit, I don't talk to cops.

...a million times,
I can't find the latch.

You deal with the security?

I'm the boss!

It's the best job in the world.

You're adorable.

The first part is a numerical code
and it's my childhood phone number.

- Good one. Of course.
- It's 402-896-6860. It's easy.

♪ By the stairs ♪

You gotta get a little nasally,
act like you're British, but you're not.

They're from San Diego.

Owen? Oh, my God! But...

Are you okay?

We came as soon as we heard.


I'm Special Agent
Roger Oldham, FBI.

So what can you tell me
about the folks that robbed your bank?

Can you describe them
for me physically? Anything?

No, no, can't.
They were wearing masks.

Does the name "The Ghost Bandits"
mean anything to you?

Yeah, I'm a bank manager.

They're the most notorious bank robbers
in American history.

They robbed over a hundred banks.

They move from state to state,

sometimes they disappear
for years at a time.

Do you think...

Do you think it was...
the Ghost Bandits that robbed this bank?

Everything in my gut tells me it's them.

Except one thing has been bugging me.

How they gained access to your vault.

It's all right, Owen. It's okay.

Breathe, breathe.

- There you go, in through your nose.
- Blow it out.

- Give it a big blow. Good boy.
- Blow, blow, blow.



Okay, you know what?
We're done here, all right? That's enough.

- You've probably had enough.
- Very emotional.

Well done, Owen.


In case anything jogs your memory...

the top number, 24/7.

The bottom number...

don't call that one.

Do we think we might
be a little more comfortable

if someone was in the front seat?


- Mmm.
- We're here for you.


Come on.


Whose car is this?

It's yours, Owen. It's all yours.

Isn't that nice? My parents got us a car
without asking us first.

It's just a little wedding present.

We thought you deserved something better
than that, uh, wussy wagon of yours.

So this is what you were doing all day?
You were buying a hot rod?

There's something about it
that just screams Owen T. Browning.

- Don't you agree?
- Yeah! It's got your name all over it!

I love it! Oh, yeah!

I love it, thank you.
Um, I can't wait to drive it.

- Want to take it for a spin now?
- No.

I'm like 85% certain it's them.
I have to tell Parker.

If you falsely accuse
your fiancée's parents of robbing a bank,

that is relationship suicide!

So what am I supposed to do, hmm?
Pretend like it didn't happen?

Hell, yes!

Let me tell you something, I spent 80%
of my life acting like shit didn't happen.

Three weeks ago,
I spilled some Lucky Charms in my bed,

I still ain't said shit about it.

And, besides, didn't you tell me
you gave them the code to the vault?

Well, yeah, but I was wasted
and I was trying to impress them.

Yeah, that means if they robbed the bank,

you did too.

No, I didn't.

- You gave them the fuckin' code!
- Are you saying I'm an accessory?

No, you ain't no accessory,
you are the fucking mastermind!

This is gangster!
Okay, look, can I be honest with you?

I steal, too, from the bank. That's right.

I haven't bought toilet paper
in seven years.

- That was you?
- Mmm-hmm!

From the men's and the ladies' bathroom.
Come on, that's execution.

I don't care about the toilet paper.
I don't care about the toilet paper.

- Hey! Okay, goodbye, thank you.
- Hey! Who was that?

The baker. They just called.

They said there was a big commotion
over there and they can't make the cake.

Wait, what? You're serious?

- I know!
- What happened?

- The baker died.
- Oh, my God!

- How?
- Kicked in the chest by a horse.

- Jesus!
- Yeah.

Heart exploded on impact.

- Oh, my God.
- I know.

Hey, don't be sad! Hey, don't be sad!

It's okay, 'cause the...
the baker was racist.

- Yeah, like, a bad racist.
- Are there good racists?

Well, my grandmother, so...
Anyway, what's up?

Uh, my parents made samosas,
so I was just coming to tell you.

How light and fun! Samosas! I love that.

- Okay, I'll see you down there.
- Just take your time.

- All right?
- It'll be okay.

- It's all right, we'll get a new cake.
- All right. Yeah.

Definitely not a racist this time.
All right, love you.


I'm going to need to cancel a cake order.

Yeah, my fiancée was kicked
in the head by a horse.


Why are you so nervous, Owen?

So, I know this might sound crazy,

but I think Parker's parents

might be criminals.

- Yeah!
- Well, of course they're criminals.

Why do you think
they're skipping their daughter's wedding?

They're coming
to the fucking wedding! Okay?

They're literally coming!


I think that they are the people
that robbed my bank.

- No! How do you know?
- I don't.

But I'm not gonna turn Parker's life
upside down unless I do know for a fact,

so I need your help, okay?

Okay, okay, here they come.
Do that thing you guys do.

What thing?

That thing where you ask highly-invasive,
inappropriate personal questions.

Hmm? Okay, come on!

Hi, guys! Hey!

Honey. You sure you're up for this?

- Yeah, you?
- Oh, yeah. I took a weed gummy.

Smart! Billy and Lilly McDermott,
meet my parents Neil and Margie Browning.

- Pleasure to me you, Neil.
- It's my pleasure.

- You're very attractive.
- Oh, thank you.

That's not a compliment.
For me, it's too much.

Well, hi, there.

- Hi, hello.
- Hi.

Mmm! Oh, wow!

Speaking of attractive,
you have absolutely flawless skin.

What do you use?


- Perhaps we should have some cocktails?
- Yeah, cocktails.

The sun is still out.

Okay, we got a table.
Let's sit down.

It's gonna be fun!

And then I said,

"We don't need a gondolier!"

Lilly, she pushes
the wee fella off the boat,

and we start paddling up the Grand Canal.

So, Billy, Lilly,
let me ask you something.

Yeah, shoot.

- Have you ever committed a felony?
- Mmm-mmm.

No, no, no!

Now, if we're gonna be family,
we need to know if they're criminals, so...

- Stop. Don't.
- Give me that. Are you criminals?

My parents aren't criminals.

No, that's okay, baby.

I'm sure our lifestyle seems a little,
um, unconventional to the Brownings.

Well, yeah, I mean they live
in the jungle with the edamame people.

No, that's a bean.

- What's the name?
- Yanomami.

What'd I say?

You said edamame,
like at a Japanese restaurant.

They are the people
of waitheri, totihi, peheti.

What is that now?

It's a common Yanomami phrase.
I'm sure you've heard it.

- Honey, what are you doing?
- Nothing! Just striking up a convo.

Owen, if I didn't know any better,
I'd think you were quizzing us.

No! It's just... You lived
with the Yanomamis for two years.

I'm sure you know what the phrase
"waitheri, totihi, peheti" means.

It means courage...

beauty, and truth.

And if we seem a little confused,
it's because your accent is so atrocious,

it's an affront
to the Yanomami people and their god!

Owen, what the hell is wrong with you?

The Amazon is a wondrous place.

You two would love it.

Well, we don't travel.
Um, Neil has traveler's diarrhea.

- It's not just when I travel.
- Yeah.

Oh, Margie,
I bet under that cautious exterior,

there's a bubbling free spirit
waiting to get out.

Oh, no doubt this one
was really wild back in the day.

Uh, well, once,
before I was pregnant with Owen, I, um...

Well, I participated in an orgy.

- What?
- Yeah!

- Mom, an orgy?
- Yeah!

An orgy?

- Yes!
- Yep.

I'm probably saying it wrong,

but it's that thing where you go
and you just fuck everybody.

- Oh, yeah, that's an orgy, all right.
- I had a lot of orgies.

That's where she met Dan Marino!

- The football player?
- Yeah!

Well, it was either there or JCPenney.

Dan Marino doesn't shop at JCPenney.
He's a Hall of Famer.

You met Dan Marino at the orgy.

- Oh, Jesus Christ! So is Dad my dad?
- Of course I'm your dad!

Don't be ridiculous! Why do you think
you have the Browning lower back hair?

I've seen you play sports,
I know sure as shit it wasn't Dan Marino!

- Wait, what?
- Dan Marino!

- Here's to Danny boy.
- Danny!

To Danny boy!

Whoo! Touchdown!

Hey. Okay, look.
So here's me, here's my dad.

The nose, the same beady,
little dead eyes.

It's the same, right?

- And the lower back hair.
- Sweetie, I've seen your back hair.

Okay, of course,
but you haven't seen my dad's.

- Should we FaceTime him?
- No. Can we just talk for a sec?


Everything okay?

What was that at dinner?

Oh, I don't know, just the fact
that Dan Marino fucked my mom.

Yeah, I... I know.
I know, and your bank got robbed.

And he's a big man.

He is. That's true. Um...

Look, I know you've been through a lot,
and that's extremely traumatic,

both things,

but is there something else going on?

Whatever it is, you can tell me.

I won't get mad.


Okay, all right.

All right.

So the reason I've been acting weird...

I think your parents robbed my bank.


- You're being serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious!

- One of the robbers knew my name.
- It's on the bank website.

But when I stepped on his heel,
he turned back,

and he looked at me just like your dad.

You said they had masks on.

Yes, they were wearing masks,
but it was the same

very specific disdain of me.

It's a vibe thing, you know? And...

And they knew that
"She left me roses by the stairs"

was the voice activation code
to get in the vault,

which I'm pretty sure
I told your mom about when I was wasted.

Right, okay.
Well, does anyone else know the code?

Just a couple... Just... Yeah.

Tyree, Gary, Marisol.

I think I told my therapist once,
but I don't think she listens to me.

- Wow!
- Okay.

You were the one
who said that they're a lot.

I meant that they have big personalities,
not that they rob banks.

I'm not saying
that they are bank robbers!

I'm saying that there's a possibility
that they're bank robbers.

I'm just floating the idea out there.

Well, now, I'm just floating the idea
that you've lost your fucking mind.

I can't believe
we have to take this shit box.

Bank robbing son of a bitch!

Oh, Jesus Christ, this thing moves.

Sor... Sorry!


Okay, yep! Sorry!

...the fuck up!


Okay. Oh, that was scary.

- Thank you, OnStar.
- Happy to help.

The prodigal son has returned,
and bearing gifts.

My God. You look like a snack.

I could eat your dick
like corn on the cob.

Is this Scarface's house? God dang.


Ow! Come on!


Now I know why rich people have these.

Can we get on with this?

See, I just don't see
any reason why we can't be civil.

Besides, if anyone
has a right to be angry, it's me.

I was the one who was betrayed, right?

Oh! Oh, I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry, little buddy.

No, no, no, no, no!

There's just under a million in there.

Bravo. Now you just owe me five more.

Oh, God!

Mini ones? What, are they cheaper?

We took one million, not six.

And have you forgotten how this works?

While you were running, so was the vig.

I'm sorry I kicked your friend!

Oh, look at you little guys.
You guys are adorable from up here.

If only you were a wee bit taller.

Ow! Why?

Five million's gonna
take us some time, Rehan.

Do I look like an unreasonable woman?

No. You have till end of week.

I'm sorry. Does that interfere
with your daughter's wedding?

Oh, shit!

Are you surprised that I am aware
that you have a daughter?

And she...

Let's hypothetically call her,
I don't know, Parker? getting married on Saturday.

If you don't get me

my five million dollars
before the wedding, then Parker...

is marrying the Grim Reaper.

- Meaning she'll be killed.
- Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it.

I know you got it, darling.

Did I mention I have a new shark tank?

Maybe your daughter
could test it out for me.

Those fuckers are hungry.


Pick up, Parker!

- Parker, pick up!
- Thank you for...

Son of a...

Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, God!


Hey, officer, how can I help you?

License and masturbation, please.

- Okay, good morning.
- You look like shit.

And that's coming from a guy

who uses his sock
as a filter for his coffee.

No, I'm doing great.

- Thanks for asking.
- Mmm.

There appears to be
a dog gnawing on your leg.

Yeah, that's just my little buddy.
My little bud.

We just took a walk in the woods.

You know, it's funny,

the Ghost Bandits knew precisely

how to circumvent
the security system in your bank.

And when I called SunRidge
to find out who designed the system,

you know what they said?

Are you insinuating
that I had something to do with it?

Do you mind popping the trunk?

- Pop the trunk.
- Okay, this is insane.

I'll say that. I mean, this is ridiculous.

I haven't committed a crime
in my entire life.


First time for everything!

Let's see.

We got a couple burner phones,

two boxes of nine mil, and...

...voice modulator.

Someone put this stuff in my trunk.

Who, Owen?
Who are you working with?

- Who, Owen?
- I...

I don't... I don't know.

Okay, look, I get it.
I forget things too sometimes.

So how about a nice, long weekend
in a jail cell to help jog your memory?

I'm supposed to get married this weekend.

You know, I was married once,
to a beautiful woman named Sheryl.

- You know where she is now?
- Is she dead?

I wish.

No, she lives in Key West
with her new husband.

Former Navy SEAL.

Rock-hard abs,
and a cock you can land a 747 on.

That's a big plane.

It's a wide plane.

Anyway, I became so obsessed
with catching the Ghost Bandits

that it cost me my marriage.


My house.

Maybe even my sanity.

I mean, after a while,
I started wondering if the Ghost Bandits...

you know, were real ghosts.

Hey! Let's funnel this energy
into getting Sheryl back!

Right? I can make a photo montage.

Don't let this guy
with this giant cock win over you!

- Lock him up.
- Wait, no! My wedding!

Oh, you're gonna have a wedding,

and quite the bachelor party
in D block this weekend.

It wasn't me.

It was my in-laws.

They robbed my bank,
and I did not help them.

They used me.

Damn, boy, you flip quick.

Prove it.
Put on a wire and get 'em to confess.

- You want me to be a rat?
- I want you to do the right thing, Owen.

Clear your name,
and help me catch the Ghost Bandits.

And also, yes, be a little bit of a rat.


Parker! Hey, Parker!

- There you are! Where you been?
- We have to talk.

- Why are you pinching your chest?
- Because I'm wearing a...

Whoa, gosh!
A... soft shirt! Whoa!

Feels like my fingers are at a finger spa.

- Really? Looks pretty starchy...
- Don't touch me!

I'm sorry. It's just...

the in-laws aren't supposed
to touch the groom before the wedding.

- That's horseshit.
- Are you high right now, Owen?

I don't do illegal things,
unlike other people.

Other people do... illegal things,
and I'm cool with that too.

And if we want to talk about that
and just sort of get things off our chest...

Okay, uh, we gotta go,
'cause we gotta be at the bakery.

The bakery! Yep!

Okay, I think me and you
should just go to the bakery,

just because our baker died,
we gotta get a new cake.

Perhaps we should all just go together.
One big happy family.

You guys don't wanna run errands.

I do.

Of course we do.
Who doesn't like desserts?

Well, they're vegan desserts,
and we all know that they taste like shit.

I'm sorry, Parker,
but I'm being honest with you.

They taste like shit, okay?

So you guys should stay,
we should go eat the shit. Come on.

As long as we leave now.

Oh, we're all going. Cool, good.
All right! Okay!

Okay! Oh, we're tasting cakes
at 1308 Grant Avenue!

You know, when I go on a trip,
I usually take two bags.

I have a carry-on, then I check one too.

- I check one, two.
- Schmuck.

You're driving!
Billy McDermott is driving! Cool.

Hey, do you want to play
Never Have I Ever?

Never have I ever worn
a scary mask when it wasn't Halloween.

Now your turn.

We have arrived.
I am one click south of the door.

You guys sure you don't wanna wait
in the car? No? Okay.

We are zero clicks from the door.

I am opening the door.

- Right this way, come on in.
- Go ahead. Smells good.

Nice. Yep, that's cake.

Welcome to Vegan Divas.
Where you can get your cake...

And eat it too! I'm Kay.

And this is my sister Ida.

She's the vegan and I'm the diva.

Thank you so much
for fitting us in last minute.

- Yep.
- Don't even worry about it.

I totally get last minute.
I'm never on time for anything.

Are you sure about this?

Our wedding
is at a very specific time.

No, it's okay. The reviews were great.

This is just their shtick.


Why do I keep doing that?

Hey, I think you might be bleeding.

- Ida!
- Okay, I'm sorry.

- Cake! Hurry!
- Okay.

So this is our Better-Than-Sex
red velvet cake

that Ida makes from scratch.

And that name is no lie.

I've compared them both.

Mmm! And this is vegan?

Oh, yeah.


Parker, can I speak with you
in private real quick?

What's wrong?

- I like to concur...
- What? Sure.

...about, you know, important life decisions
before we make them.

- You know? Mmm-hmm.
- Really?

- You have a little something here.
- What's that, sweetheart?

What the fuck?

I'm sorry!
I didn't know you guys were together!

Owen, what's going on?

Okay, I know this is gonna sound crazy,
but the FBI thinks

- I had something to do with the robbery.
- What?

They made me wear...

Oh! What a lovely little bakery.

- You must be Parker!
- Hi.

- Ah! Nobody make a scene!
- You're the one with the gun, Rehan.

Yes, you are the one with the gun
holding hostages right now...

- ...inside of the bakery.
- Oh, hostages!

- What the hell is going on?
- Listen, Rehan.

- We told you we'd get you the money.
- Oh, yes. No, you did.

But then I remembered you are liars.

Just in case you were planning
on slithering away into the shadows again,

I thought I'd come here for a little...


- Come along, Parker.
- Hey, hey, hey! Just take me instead.

Take me!

You little Build-A-Bear?
You think you're hostage material?

No one here gives two shits
whether you live or die!

Look at them and check in with them.

Oh! Zero shits given.

I don't understand. Was Owen right?

Just do what she says.

Stay calm, baby. Just stay calm.

So emo! Getting choked up.

- Dad? Dad?
- I like getting choked, though.

You can eat my cake anytime!

Please, God, save my fiancée who is
exiting the back of the bakery right now.

FBI! Freeze!

God'll save you, Parker!

God, please! Please! Please, God!

Ahh! Oh! Oh, shit!

Come on, Roger! You got this, Roger!
Be a man, you dickhead!

Ahh! Ahh!

God, man!

- Fuck you!
- Go on, take her!

Get the fuck in! Get in the car!

I'm going after her.

What the fuck? Oh, son of a bitch.

Everything's fucking cake in here!

I'm going after her!

No! You're gonna get yourself killed!
Get down! Get down!

You're really fuckin' getting on my tits!

Shut up!

Lilly! Lilly, the front!

Let's go.

Go for the tires.

Get me my fucking money!

Ah, shit.

I fucking love this job!




Put your guns down.

Put 'em down now.

- They got our daughter.
- Don't move!


You! You were supposed to protect her!

This is why people
don't trust the federal government.

This is on you! Hey! Hey!

Let me in! Hey, let me in!

No, no, no, no, no!

Let me in! Let me in!

Okay, I committed.

What happened?


- Oh, Jesus.
- Ow!

Come on, get your ass out here.
There you go.

Ahh! Why are we stopped?
We gotta go after her!

- I know where that woman lives!
- Rehan has houses everywhere.

We have no idea where she took Parker.

Even if you did,
what were you gonna do?

Sneak into the bushes

and get chased up a tree
by a pack of tiny dogs?

Parker is in the wind.

- I'm sorry.
- Well, what are we gonna do now?

The first thing we're gonna do is
you're gonna take that fucking wire off.

You little shit bag.

I knew you were a coward
but I didn't take you to be a rat.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm not
gonna take the fall for you guys!

We never asked you to.

No! You just framed me!

You put bank-robbing evidence
in the trunk of my car!

He wouldn't have
been convicted of anything!

It was just enough to tie him up

and save Parker from making
the biggest mistake of her life.

She just got kidnapped
because of you!

Before you came back in her life,
the worst thing that happened to Parker?

She burned the roof of her mouth
on a home-made flatbread.

I would've blown on it, but I couldn't.
I had a cold.

How could you guys
possibly know what she wants?

Or needs? You weren't there!

Because we were trying
to fucking protect her, that's why!

Rehan used to be our partner.

She would choose the bank
and clean the money.

And then she started to fuckin' lose it!

We were afraid
she would find out about Parker.

So on the last job,
we just took the money and ran.

I don't give a shit.
I don't care what happened, okay?

- I just care about getting Parker back.
- Oh, yeah, you and me both.

You need five million in two days.
So you're gonna rob another bank, right?

Wouldn't hurt to have
a bank manager on the team.

Someone who knows the bank's weaknesses,
which ones have excess cash holdings,

when and where they move that cash.

He gets nervous cracking an egg.
You think he can rob a bank?

If it's to save Parker?
Fuck yeah, I'll rob a bank!

We always knew they were criminals.

They drink during the day.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, and the daughter...
is a yoga instructor.

I'm not saying anything,
but, you know, connect the dots.


Do you have any idea
where they might've gone?


Does Owen have any access
to a family cabin or anything like that?

A, um, a vacation home...

Vacation home? What, are you kidding me?

Who do we look like, The Jeffersons?

Here's a list of all the banks
within a 100-mile radius,

arranged by on-site cash holdings,
from ValueBank all the way up to...

Atlas Reserve, 20 million dollars.

- One-stop shopping.
- Hmm! Easy.

Yeah, I wish!

- No?
- No.

We can't rob Atlas Reserve.

Phoebe King has that place on lock.

Who's Phoebe King?

I thought you guys were the Ghost Bandits.
You don't know who Phoebe King is?

She pioneered bandit barriers.

Every inch of her bank
is triple secured.

I'd fuck me.

And her vault?

I'm talking biometrics,
weight sensitivity,

not to mention randomized time locks!


When did you make this?

When I walked to the vending machine,
got a Diet Squirt.

Weirdly, I had a lot of it in my pockets.

So, let me get this straight.

You made a model
of a bank we're not gonna rob?

Oh, wow. There's another one.
He made two.

I made 12. Only two are presentable.

See, we don't want a Phoebe King.

What we need is Victory Union,
a bank whose manager is lazy.

A total turd.

What we need is a Vince Millen.

Vince lost his right testicle because,
one time,

he sat on his nuts too hard.

The reason he got hired
is 'cause his dad owns the bank.


The most important thing
about Vince is that he cuts corners.

Federal regulations limit

how much cash a branch can hold
for security and insurance purposes.

When you go over the limit,

a manager has to arrange
for a cash pick-up from the vault.

Yo, lock up for me.
I got paintball.

Now, the armored truck is supposed to
take the cash directly to the repository,

but Vince hates paperwork.

So he has the same armored truck

collect cash
from all three branches he manages

before going to the repository.

So if we hit that truck
after the pickup from the third branch...

It's like robbing three banks in one.

- We just need disguises.
- Yep.

And I need a gun.

- What? Oh, my gosh.
- Mmm-hmm.


- It's way lighter than I thought it'd be.
- It's a water gun.

- Is it?
- Mmm-hmm.

Do I still look cool?

Yeah, you look like James Bond.

Which one?

- Five.
- Oh, that was a good one.

Everybody on the ground, now!

Don't be a hero!

Hey, Donkey!

Oh, God! That was really violent!

How'd you like my accent?
Did it sound Irish or Scottish?

It was supposed to sound Scottish
but I think it came out Irish.

Don't tell Billy.

Focus! We're robbing a bank here.

And remember, you're in charge.

That's right! I'm in charge, okay?

So no one try to be a hero.

I will cap a motherfucker!

I will cap your ass!

Everybody, stay down, all right?

You guys like Shrek?
Who's your favorite character?

Mine's Shrek.

What are you doing? Don't get up.
Do not get up!

Okay, and you did.
But stay right there, all right?

Do not come towards me.
Do not come tow... Don't rush towards me!

Easy breezy.


What the fuck?


Nice and easy, boy-o. I gotcha.

Put the gun down. Put it down.

That's very good.

Lilly! I got this, get the money!


Come on, kid,
where the fuck are you?

About time, Shrek.

Sorry, a big guy that looked like
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's character

from Moana had a heart attack,
so I had to give him CPR.

How's your part going?

- Three against two. Drop 'em.
- What do we do?

- I don't know.
- You drop 'em.

- Can we hurry up?
- Can we hurry this up?

Okay, all right, just put 'em down.

Easy down now.

What the fuck?

- Oh, shit.
- Son of a bitch!

Oh! Oh, God!

That boy's a real dumbass.

- Fuck, there goes our getaway.
- Okay.

Get in!

Go! Go, go, go!

All right, yeah! We're doing this.

Shut up and drive!

Okay, yeah, let's go.

You know, I always wanted
to be a school bus driver.

The money!

The money, the money!

Oh, no, no, no. That's not good.

I'm gonna
kick your green ass, Shrek!

I thought we defunded the police.

Pull over now!

I'm sorry!

Yep, now they're angry.

Oh, God!

He'll be fine, it's fine.

Where the fuck is he going?

Oh, my God!

Lord forgive us, Mary and Joseph! light, as our hearts
mourn during this time...


Have you no dignity?


Pretty sure my great-grandma
was buried in here.

Shut the fuck up!


Oh, shit.


Oh, shit!

- God.
- What the fuck is that?

My Go-Gurts! Snack time.
Gotta keep the blood sugar up.

- Give me that.
- You want to pick a flavor?

- Fucking Go-Gurts!
- Snack time!


Oh, shit.

How much did we clear?

Sixty bucks.

Sixty bucks.

Okay, that's a building block.

I'm sorry. What the fuck is this?

You don't know him? This is Babayan.

He's like the Kanye
of the former Soviet Bloc.

Is the Kanye here?

Shut the fuck up and dance!

Do my parents rob banks?

Do I have a magical pussy?

The answer is yes.

Your parents,
they are magnificent bank robbers.

I mean, when they disappeared, I felt...


You try to run?


Stupid bitch.

Now, pay attention.

Babayan is about to do his grand finale.

Hoorah, Babayan!

Hoorah, Babayan!

I think I left my phone in there.

Okay, guess Uber's out of the question.


You stopped to give someone CPR?

- My training kicked in.
- You foolish gobshite!

Okay, stop it! We have less
than 24 hours to get that money.

Oh, forget about the money.

We need to rescue Parker first,
then leave the country.

We are not running this time.

Parker made a real life for herself here.

- It's what's best for her.
- No, that's what's best for us.

I... I have an idea.

We could rob Atlas Reserve.

What happened to,
"One does not rob Phoebe King?"

One doesn't, but maybe three does?

I don't know. I just... I know a way in.

I just don't know we could get out
once the police show up.

Well, maybe we can
get a little help there.

Ghost Bandits on three.


Okay, that was gonna be a cool moment.
Hey, guys, wait up!

Earlier today, a man dressed
as the popular animated character Shrek

attempted to rob Victory Union Bank,
but he soon discovered that it's not so...

That's 100% Owen in a Shrek costume.
I could recognize his giant ass anywhere.

- No, it's not.
- It's not.

Damn, he's going nuts.

Why is he on TV?

I'm gonna call him again.

- Hello?
- It's Billy.

Oh, it's Billy.

- Okay...
- You listen to me.

You touch one single hair
on my son's back, and I swear to God...

Shut up and listen,
I'm not gonna touch your son's back hair.

But I am gonna use him to rob a bank.

If you don't want to see him go to prison,
we're gonna need getaway drivers.

Wait, hold on!
You want us to be getaway drivers?

So be at Owen's bank tomorrow, 10:00 a.m.

- And keep the engine running!
- Let me talk! Let me talk!

Mom? Dad?
I'm so scared! I'm so scared! Please...

Please, if you love me at all,

don't tell Agent Oldham
at the FBI anything.

Honey, I swear.

We will tell no one!

No one!

- What time did they say?
- 10:00 a.m.

Why does your clock say 8:00?

Oh, I took a business trip
to Phoenix once, I never changed it back.

Something's not right here.

Good. Coast is clear.

Told you they wouldn't
be an accessory to a crime.

Owen, you better take this.

Whoa, heft.

That's not tap water. It's lead.

Do not under any circumstances...

Oh, Jesus.

Do not pull the trigger.

All right. Game time.

Await my signal.

Just think of how many
terrible decisions we had to make

to get to this moment in time,

with everything riding
on this pasty little goober.

We're so fucked.

Yeah, well, this pasty little goober

is about to rob his second bank
for our daughter.

I like him.

I'm sorry,
but I don't know what I'm doing.

My bank got robbed
and I didn't do anything to stop it.

I suck! I suck so bad!

First off, stop crying.

Whenever I hear babies cry, I lactate.

Can't ruin another suit.

Look, I need your help.

Can you show me your vault so I can see
what a real security system looks like?

- So you want to see inside my vault?
- Yeah.

Remember when I told you a Butterball
turkey could break into your vault?

- Yeah, I remember.
- Make that sound.

If I do, would you let me into the vault?

Do it!
Come on!

With your throat.


There you go.

Let's go.


- Pretty heavy duty.
- Yeah, you like that, huh?

It's a decoy!

I'm not gonna have a safe this pathetic.
What am I, you?

"I'll just put one big circle
on the front and that's what locks it."


- Don't look.
- Okay.

The last numbers are irrelevant.
That's how I masturbate.

That feels good.

Phoebe King.

You know it, bitch.

Is that...

Triple-enforced titanium with digital,
manual, and combination locks?


Don't tell me
when I can take a fuckin' break.

I take a break
when I fuckin' feel like it.

Shit! You know what I mean?
I don't care if it ain't...

That Owen's parents?
The fuck are they doing at the job?

Mr. and Mrs. Browning!
What's going on with y'all?

How y'all doing?

Why y'all look like that?
Y'all look real stiff and kinda paranoid.

Real statuesque, like you...
you in a wax museum or something.

- Hey, is that a cop in your backseat?
- I'm not a cop.

I'm an agent.
And could you please keep your voice down?

First of all,
what's the fuckin' difference, okay?

You don't run nothing here!
This ain't your jurisdiction!

- Tyree! Tyree! Shh!
- What?

Don't tell anybody,
but your bank's about to be robbed.

What do you mean, don't tell nobody?
They about to rob the bank again?

- Shh!
- What the fuck, man?

Damn it! Man, I haven't even...
I left some shit in the microwave!

- Shh!
- Fuck! I haven't even taken my lunch yet!

No, you don't shush me!

- Fuck this! I'm out.
- Ugh!

- Fuck! The fuck...
- Why did you say that?

- I told you not to say anything.
- This job fucking sucks!

Just like Owen
told you not to say anything.

It's a setup! It's a setup!
They're going after a different bank!

- Get out, I'm taking the car.
- Not a chance.

It's taken me years
to get this seat exactly the way I like.

Oh, God!

God damn it!

- Where to?
- Atlas Reserve! They're desperate.

Come on! Come on!

Little faster, please?

And now for the money shot.

Synchronized manual locks.

Ah! Ah! Tss! Oh!


It's not the most discreet signal.

Jesus, Owen, we got it.

Shut the fuck up! If this kid
makes it out alive, I'm gonna kill him.

Fuckin' hell!

Three, two, one, and release.


This is a robbery!

Everyone on the ground now!

What the fuck is that? Oop!

I'm sorry! I'm a coward!

I suck at bank managing!
I can't believe I pulled it off.

Owen, you fucking coward!

Great, now I'm lactating.

Yes! Yes!

I'm coming for you, Parker.

Nope! That didn't go as planned.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

- No! No!
- Come on, sunshine, out you get.

All units, we received
an alarm from Atlas Reserve Bank.

- Robbery in progress.
- I knew it. Let's go, Neil, faster.

- I drive smart, I don't drive fast.
- At least do the speed limit!

Your son's life depends on it!

- Faster!
- All right! All right, here goes!

With your permission?

You're kind of reminding me
of Dan Marino right now.

Dan Marino?

I met him at an orgy once.

Ha! You think his arm was big? Whoa!

I wouldn't know. I was in the car.

All right, emergency escape latch.
Every vault has one.

How can Gary never find this?

Hey, cuz, did somebody
order a bank robbery getaway driver?

Yo! Hey, what up?

- How'd the robbery go?
- Shut up!

Yo, man, I got morphine in the back
if you want to do a little drip...

- Let's go, come on!
- Yeah, let's go!

- Drive!
- Yeah, of course.

- Was that them?
- Get out! Get in the back, I'm driving!

You know what? I get sick in the back.

would you mind gettin' in the back?

No! I don't want to get in the back.
It smells like eggs.

Come on, let's go!

- All right!
- Okay, I'm going.

- Fine. All right.
- Here we go. Okay.

You know what? If you just get out
and walk around, it's faster!

No, no, no! It's easier this way.

- No!
- I'm moving. I'm in too deep.

I made the commitment.

Just... Okay, all units,
suspects fleeing northbound on Elm.

All right, come on, go, go, go!

Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!

This is the first time
I've seen you look attractive.

This is the dress that I was going to wear
when your father finally came around.

It's sexy. It's tasteful.

I look like a meth-head lottery winner

marrying Machine Gun Kelly
at a cruise boat casino.

I love Machine Gun Kelly.

He has that skinny dick energy.

Hey, we got that cash delivery!


Finally. Interesting choice of vehicle.

Don't forget to give me five stars.


It's okay.

It's all right there. Five million.

Where are Billy and Lilly?

They're off distracting the police.

Aw, shit. It's not the volume. Sorry.

Sorry! Just... Sorry, my bad.

Parker! What's up? It's RJ.
Remember Roy's Teppanyaki?


Owen... you did it!

Bravo! Very well done!

Well, look.

My debt is paid, you're free to go.

I think we should just
split this money 50/50,

as a wedding present.

I'm joking! I'm going to
kill the shit out of both of you.

Nope! Freeze, all right?
Stay right where you are!

I got you now!

Let her go.

Oh, Owen, you're so sweet!
Put that gun down, you man-child.

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Did they give me
a fuckin' water gun again?


- Oh, my God!
- Holy fucking shit!

My cuz is a straight-up murderer!

Oh! Oh, God! Parker.

- Owen, are you okay?
- Parker, Parker, Parker! Oh, my God.

Parker! Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Are you okay? Oh, my God.

Oh, you...

- My God, what happened?
- I don't know.

I got sweat on my gun
so I thought it was a squirt gun.

- It wasn't. It was a bullet gun.
- What?

What the fuck? You guys are bank robbers?
You've been lying to me my entire life?

We're trying to protect you, baby.
That's why we don't see you.

- We're trying to keep you safe.
- And what about Owen, huh?

You dragged him into it.
What if he'd gotten killed?

You... You couldn't
have held him back if you tried.


You're the most important person
in the world to me, so...

He's a top man, he... he did really well.


I've grown fond of you.

You did good.

Here you go.

Nah, put that hand away.

- We're family.
- What?

- Hey!
- Oh!

- I didn't use tongue.
- I did.

Uh-oh. Here we go, showtime.

We dragged every cop in the city here.
Go on, skedaddle.

You don't want to be in jail
on your wedding day.

- Move it.
- Love you.

- Ow!
- Let's go! Come on.

Billy and Lilly McDermott,
I finally caught you!

Is the danger over?

God, you suck.

♪ If you wanna run away with me ♪

♪ I know a galaxy
And I could take you for a ride... ♪

- Hurry, Ida!
- I'm trying.

- Hurry up!
- I'm trying.

Look, let me tell you somethin',
I've been doing bank security for years.

What people don't realize,
it's all about prevention.

You gotta keep your head on a swivel.

That's what I do,
I see everything in that bank.

If somebody gonna rob it,
that's on me, baby.

But also I gotta get a new job,
'cause I quit.

♪ The Milky Way, we're renegading... ♪

You got him!

- Oh, she's having an allergic reaction!
- Is there nickel in this spoon?

- Oh, dear, I guess one slipped through.
- Oh, she'll be all right.

Don't worry, everybody chill! I got this!

Yeah! I'm not a hero. I'm just an EMT.

Oh, shit. This won't help.

But you're vaccinated!

- I'll be right back.
- Aunt Linda...


Yes, my wife?

Thank you.

For everything.
This has been... one hell of a week.

Of course.

- I love you.
- I love you.

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

for the first time as a married couple,

- Owen and Parker Browning!
- Whoo!

Aw, you look so good.

What are you doing here?

You can't let a simple little thing
like going to prison

get in the way of your daughter's wedding,
now can you?

Did you guys break out?

They get one dance and one slice of cake.

We made a deal.

We pled guilty, and then we tracked down
an old friend of his.

- Wait, is that Sheryl?
- Oh, yeah.


- May I?
- Of course.

Come on, sugar. Come to Mama.
Let's show 'em how to do it.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm happy for him.

Me too.

- I mean, prison?
- Well...

Okay, but it's nice they could show up.

♪ But you said try just once more
I chose you for the one ♪

♪ And I'm having so much fun
You treated me so kind ♪

♪ I'm about to lose my mind ♪

♪ You made me so very happy... ♪

Hold up.

Oh, yeah!
Everyone's getting pregnant tonight!

♪ Blow the dice for me ♪

♪ Put your pretty-ass lips together
Blow it real nice for me ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm trying to hit a lick ♪

♪ And slide to the dealership
In the morning... ♪

They robbed our bank the other day.

Held me at gunpoint.
This shit is really fucked up.

♪ Let's go! ♪

♪ They can't deal with me
I swear to God... ♪

I got this piece especially for you.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Owen.
Thank you.

Don't chip a tooth.

Good lad.

'Cause there's something inside of it.

- Yeah, we did get it. We're fine.
- Okay.

- It's a paperclip.
- Okay.

- I left the key in the Hellcat.
- Shut up.

- I got it. I got it.
- Okay. All right, enjoy.

Have a bite.

Game on.

♪ Surprises let me know she cares ♪

♪ Say it ain't so, I will not go ♪

♪ Turn the lights off, carry me home ♪

♪ Say it ain't so, I will not go ♪

♪ Turn the lights off, carry me home ♪

♪ Keep your head still
I'll be your thrill ♪

♪ The night will go on
My little windmill ♪

♪ Say it ain't so, I will not go ♪

♪ Turn the lights off, carry me home ♪

♪ Keep your head still
I'll be your thrill ♪

♪ The night will go on ♪

♪ The night will go on
My little windmill ♪

♪ Castle on a steep hill ♪

♪ Tacoma queen from 17 ♪

♪ And she's still
Wrestling her good will ♪

♪ Bet on a dream of Siamese cathedrals ♪

♪ Mountains of oxytocin ♪

♪ From that cool kids playground ♪

♪ Fountains to dip her toes in ♪

♪ Congratulations on your good life ♪

♪ Are you elated?
Are you swimming on thin ice? ♪

♪ Did validation have a high price? ♪

♪ You're telling everyone
"The weather feels so nice" ♪

♪ Hey, sun down ♪

♪ Don't come up soon ♪

♪ Hey, sun down ♪

♪ We all love you ♪

♪ The capital of envies ♪

♪ The color green, calamity impending ♪

♪ Habitual pretending ♪

♪ Are you serene?
Is coming clean still pending? ♪

♪ Mountains of oxytocin ♪

♪ From that cool kids playground ♪

♪ Fountains to dip her toes in ♪

♪ Congratulations on your good life ♪

♪ Are you elated?
Are you swimming on thin ice? ♪

♪ Did validation have a high price? ♪

♪ You're telling everyone
"The weather feels so nice" ♪

♪ Hey, sun down ♪

♪ Don't come up soon ♪

♪ Hey, sun down ♪

♪ We all love you ♪

♪ So it's you against the clock now ♪

♪ Are you happy at the top now?
Hey, sun down ♪

♪ Don't come up soon ♪

♪ Are you happy at the top now?
Hey, sun down ♪

♪ We all love you ♪

♪ Congratulations on your good life
Hey, sun down ♪

♪ Are you elated?
Are you swimming on thin ice? ♪

♪ Did validation have a high price? ♪

♪ You're telling everyone
"The weather feels so nice" ♪

♪ Hey, sun down ♪

♪ Don't come up soon ♪