The Old Man: The Movie (2019) - full transcript

This is a public service announcement produced
by the Milk Safety Commission.

MILK IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY

Our cautionary tale
starts in this charming village.

What a beautiful morning!
But what's happening over there?

This is the top dairy farm in the county.

Мilk! Мilk! Мilk!

Everybody is waiting for
the all-important milkman.

And here he is,
the best milker in all the land!

Hello, everybody!

The village-folk lovingly call him
Old Milker.

Old Milker, is the cow prepared for milking?



Ready for milking! Here she is.

What a majestic beast!
And what a juicy udder.

Let the morning milking begin.

Step right up, there's plenty for everyone.

What a magical sight.

But what is this?

Just a few days later Old Milker
is not there for the morning milking.

Where is Old Milker?
- Where is the milk?

Where's the cow?!

Got you! Old Milker is hiding in the bushes.

Everything is under control.

Old Milker, what have you done?

Nothing to worry about!
Let me just milk this cow real quick...

Catastrophe has
struck our motherland.



But what caused
this terrible accident?

Research has shown

a modern dairy cow must
be milked every single morning.

Failure to do so will
lead to terrible disaster.

Here's the one to blame - Old Milker himself.

What do you have to say for yourself?

It was not my fault.
The cow would not let me milk her!

Cows are dangerous.
We need to destroy all cows!

Wow, what a loser.
You are banned from milking For Life!

No! No! No! It's the cows' fault!

But...
will we ever have milk again?

Fear not, little girl.
We'll never give up drinking milk.

Yay, milk! Ha-ha-ha!
I love milk!

Under the vigilant eyes
of the next generation of milkers,

this catastrophe will
surely never happen again,

because they know:
Milk is Our Responsibility!

Milk is Our Responsibility!
Milk is good.

Мilk is our Great Responsibility!
Мilk is very good.

Мilk is our Responsibility...

I made a cow for grandpa.

This is the cow's head
and when I put it on, the cow says 'mooo'

Oh. Оh no!

Bye-bye!

Oh no no no...

Aha!

LOOKING FOR WORK

Who is that?
- Оh, kids!

Оh my!

Will you look at that!

You kids be good now...
- Listen to your grandpa and...

Don't make any trouble.
- See you in September.

Where could grandpa be?

Where-oh-where-could-grandpa-be?
Shut up, Mart.

Where could grandpa be?

God you're annoying.

Believe me, you really don't want
grandpa to come pick us up right now.

Mom said grandpa was in the barn
for so long that he went insane.

You and Priidik have not
been to the countryside, but I have.

There's all kinds of weird smells
and animals and bugs

and grandpa will make you
do terrible Barn Things. - Stop scaring... Mart!

Yay! Yay! Barn Things!

And you, Priidik. You're a big boy now.
You'll be doing the grossest chores.

You'll sweat in the barn all summer
while grandpa makes weird noises like that.

No he doesn't sound like that!

Rad! Let's check it out.

Аino. We are supposed to wait for grandpa!

Guys, wait up!

Аino!

Ouch! Okay, okay!

Hello, grandpa!

Grandpa, we're here!

Grandpa, are you doing
barn things? Grandpa!

Cock a doodle doo.

Grandpa, we're here.

We're here, grandpa.

We're here.

I can't stop the milk.
- Мilk!

I can't stop the milk.

It's squirting! Squirting!

What is this? Grandpa! Help! Grandpa!
- Priidik is flying!

Оh lord!

Dear god! Life can be so fragile.

Grandpa was just alive and beside us,
and now he's gone...

God damn it! Аinо!

You're a nerd Priidik!
- I'll kill you, Aino! Come back!

Bye-bye!

Оh no! No! No-no-no!

What's going on here?
Wow, a funeral.

Holy horse dick, someone is dead!
That is so sad.

Wait a minute, something's burning.

What are you doing? What are you doing to me?
I'm a young man. I'm young!

I'm too young.
I still have so much to give.

I don't understand.
Do we have to stay in the countryside?

Yes, Priidik, you have to stay in the countryside!
You have to stay here for the whole summer.

The adventure is just beginning, Priidik.
Yes, a great adventure!

OLD MAN CARTOON MOVIE

Priidik! We're family!
Adventure! Let the adventure begin!
OLD MAN CARTOON MOVIE

OLD MAN CARTOON MOVIE

You wanna have my funeral, huh?

Can't wait to torch grandpa?

Can't a man die in peace in his own barn?
Damn it who messed with my bucket?

How ‘bout I come to your barn
and mess with your buckets?

Damn lunatics!

Grandpa, I feel like
you're not very happy to see us.

Oh I'm happy!
But you interrupted my milking.

Is he going to spray us again?
- I don't know.

No need to be scared.
Step right up, boys and girls.

You too, fish-face.

Let me introduce you to:
tail, horn, nose, foot, eye

back, stomach, udder.

Mm, milk

Cow!

Cool.

What!? Stupid city brats with your smart toys.

No respect for real milking equipment.
Give me that!

Well-well. Show me your hands.

Huh? Ok?

Huh, these are little city-baby hands.
They won't last a day in the barn.

Here, this is a real man's hand!

All you know is your dumb gadgets.
But this cow... this cow is Real!

Real smell of dirty hooves in the morning.

Real silky-smooth teats
in my coarse hands. It's... it's…

What?

Мilk.

I'm milking.

Tasty milk.

Milking-time.

Well-well!
Can't keep your hands off another man's teats?

I milk too.
- I am the one who milks in this barn.

But I want to milk some more.

Here's the deal:
In the countryside you do as I say!

Whatever. Give us our phones back!
We want to play our games!

Oh you wanna play games?
Maybe Piggy wants to play games.

Here!

Grandpa, what have you done?
Are you nuts?

What are we going to do here
all summer without our phones--

Leave your games at the barn door -
This is the beginning of your real life:

The Milk Life!

Get ready for a real show.

Оh no!

Мilk! Мilk! Мilk!

Мilk! Мilk!

Give me!

Мilk! Мilk! I want some too!

Hmm... too much poop.

I'd like some milk please. Thank you!

This goes here.

Done!

I made a Priidik.

Milk, milk! No!

Оh no! Mart, what did you do?

Мilk! Мilk!

It broke.

Мilk!

It's my milk!

Amateur!

And these fools are praising him.
That's not how you milk a cow!

Not how... you milk--

No! I hate milk!

I know how dangerous you are.

Yes, the villagers have forgotten.

They no longer remember
how dangerous milking can be.

But I'm keeping my eye on you.

Just set a hoof out of that barn
and you'll find me there waiting for you.

I won't let it happen again.

I will save you all
from the Lactocalypse!

Looks like she's all tapped out.
Only fumes left.

I didn't get any milk.

There-there, don't cry.

Tomorrow's a new day, with new milk.
Damn milk addicts.

Time to crack open a cold one.
Come to papa.

Super!

Priidik, you've got shit on your face.

I hate country life!

Priidik, my hands hurt!
All this work burns my palms.

It's like they're on fire.

Splashy-splashy

Oh yeah! Good idea, Mart!

Finally you're useful.

Heck yeah!
- The cold water feels so nice!

Grandpa really treats his cow like shit.

Nice cow, don't be afraid.

Here!

Easy, easy now.

Isn't that better?

Let's go, Mart.
Quit dragging your feet.

Good night, cow!
See you tomorrow!

Cock a doodle doo.

Perfect!

Help, grandpa! Ouch! Help!

Louvre has nothing on this land.
This view is priceless.

New day, new milk.

Come on, kids. Enough fooling around.
Plenty of time for that in the evening.

Grandpa, there
is nothing left to do.

We cleaned it all yesterday!

What a shitter!
- No way, we just cleaned this place!

The floor is covered in poop. Disgusting!

Nasty, it's still warm.
- How did it get on the ceiling?

Want to hear some more?

Okay then.

There's a few more in there!

Hi-hi-hi and ha-ha-ha.

Looks like you're having a good time.

Is this how a real milkman behaves?

Old Milker!
What are you doing in my barn?

You call this a barn? What kind of a barn
can't even hold a cow?

Your cow is on the run.
Your cow has not been milked.

Oh, oh no? Cow is not here? A-a-anyway,

if she's gone, she'll soon be back!
On her own! Back here... I think.

So you think she'll come back?

Have you told these city brats
what happens to cows who are not milked?

Let me refresh your memory.

It was a different time.
We did not have your modern gadgets.

Ha! Buckets?
We milked straight into our hands!

There was no showing off,
like you have nowadays.

Milking was an honor!
A sacred responsibility.

And I was in the middle of it all.
The best milkman in the village.

And my cow was special.
A real beauty.

Milk flowed from her teats,
soft as silk.

No!

As I woke up that morning,
I felt something was wrong.

I ran to the barn for the morning milking.
The cow was gone.

I had never missed a milking in my life.
I quickly started to look for the cow.

Next morning when I finally
found her, it was already too late.

I tried to milk her,
but the cow... betrayed me

She wouldn't give me her milk.

I tried every trick in the book.

The udder kept getting bigger and bigger,
it grew and stretched, until...

It was all white.
So white.

The lesson was painful, but obvious.
An udder not milked for 24 hours will explode.

It was your fault.
-You're guilty.

I hate you, Old Milker.

The villagers turned their backs on me.

But I will not turn my back on the Village!

I'm not dead yet.

I'm keeping an eye on these cows.
Only I understand the cow-danger!

You see, that udder... changed me.

My veins flow white with buttermilk.
I sweat sour cream and cry tears of vanilla ice cream.

Take it easy!
Unlike you I'm a professional.

Fear not, I'll go milk that cow and...

No more milking!

I will behead that cow.
Dead cows don't explode.

Мilk! Got milk?

Wait a minute...
No cow, no milk. No business!

The cow is warming up.
I'll be right with you.

I'll fill your bottles right up...
Ladies first choice. - What about me?

Goddamn cow! Just you wait!
I'll milk you dry!

Kids, you de-poop the barn!
Grandpa has to settle some scores with the cow.

Аino, we untied the cow!
- That was your idea.

If anything happens to that cow,
it will be our fault.

Аino, that cow is our responsibility now.
Let's go, Aino!

All right, cow.
Let's see how far you get

when you are being chased by...
- Grandpa!

Didn't you hear me?
Stay in the barn and clean after Piggy!

Grandpa, please let us come with you.

We really want to learn
how to properly milk a cow.

Well, I usually work alone,

but it looks like you have the udder-fever,
so I will make an exception.

All right, kids.
Let's go get that traitor.

Milk, milk, milk, milk!

What about me?

Milk, milk, milk, milk!

Slow down, Old Milker.
You might kill someone.

Where do you think you're going?

Oh us? Where are we going?

Oh we are just going to check on the cow.
Maybe have a couple of milks.

No! Wait! Don't you understand?!
The cow needs to die!

I will… take care of it.

LOOKING FOR WORK

I'm telling you guys, we really need a miracle.

The sawmill is out of business.

What are we going to do now?
Become a babysitter or something?

Well… work is work… a man's got to work.

Gentlemen. I have a job for you.

Right on, no problem, will do.

What's the gig?
We can cut pine

and spruce, and fir trees, and bushes.

We could even cut your grass.
Or give you a haircut.

What do you need to cut down?

Can it cut... a cow?

Well - yes… yes it can

That cow's gonna get it!
Am I right, guys?

She won't get away from us!

Sure.

Just between us guys, you know, if it was up to me,

I'd line all the cows up against a wall and...

Cut their heads off with a chainsaw!
- Oh really?

Yes-yes. Guys, here we can
speak freely amongst ourselves.

We are all on the same page here.
We are doing important work here guys!

Yes-yes.

Of course work is important…

Let's finish this gig together!

And thanks again for the opportunity.

It's been so hard to
find steady work recently.

When things are tough at work,
it gets tough at home. Right, guys?

I recently had a kid.
It's number eight.

So I started doing
double shifts at the sawmill.

It's hard to concentrate
when you're tired, and so...

Snap, no more fingers. Damn.

After that I could no longer
work as much as I used to.

I guess the wife got tired
of being poor, so… she left.

She left and took the kids with her.

Not gonna lie -
after that I really started hitting the bottle.

Life is hard.
So god damn hard.

All right… but getting back on topic...

Where are you hiding, little cow?

What are you cooking up?

Oh, you went into the shade.

There you are.

The time has arrived for the Milkening.

I can't take it anymore.
I feel like I'm gonna die.

I can't breathe.
- Stay calm, Hubert.

It's just the fresh air.
The forest is trying to heal you.

I'm obviously allergic to something.
- Don't scratch.

It's the poisons leaving your body.

I can't breathe.
- Stop resisting, Hubert.

Let nature come inside you.

I don't want nature inside me.
- Don't say that.

Repeat after me:
"Nature is our friend".

Nature is our friend.
- Nature is our friend.

Is that our friend too?

No, Hubert, I don't know that thing!

Hubert, don't make eye contact,
then it won't follow you.

I made eye contact.

No, Hubert! Look away.

It's looking at me!
It's looking at me!

I don't give a shit if you have to
pull that pesto out of your ass!

There can be no more fuck-ups
at this festival, you hear me?

What?

Why do we have a cow
on the festival grounds?

I'm just a volunteer.
I don't want to be responsible.

Rauno should be back soon,
he is the one in charge.

Get off my stage.
Turn that shit down!

Hey, everybody!

We have a surprise visitor.

Let's all stay really chill,
let's be super cool.

No need to panic.
No need to run around...

See, what did I just tell you.
Guys, it's just a cow.

She's like super-safe.

Has the next set started yet?
What's safe?

All right… you're no longer safe.

Мilk! Мilk! Мilk! Мilk!

There's no cow!
No milk!

I am Old Man's favorite

So if anyone finds milk,
I need to get my share first.

What-what?
Everyone in the village needs milk.

By the rule of barn, everyone is equal.

But I'm, like, a woman.
- But I'm thirsty!

Okay, get in line then!
- The line starts behind me!

Sour milk!

What are you hiding?
- Nothing.

It's milk!

Give it to me! The milk is mine.

We need milk.

Now where were we?

Lesson 52:
keep the cow in constant fear.

It's crucial. Fear-milk
is the best kind of milk.

The tastiest stuff.
People go crazy for it.

Grandpa, when we find the cow
and take her home,

Do you promise you'll
Start doing things differently

True, I should improve my ways.

Yes! Right?
- I should be more brutal!

If the cow starts to feel at ease,
I will whip her with a cane!

No questions asked.
- No, not the cane.

Right! Silly me.
Bear traps... - Bear traps?

Bear traps around the barn.
You're a strategist, Priidik.

That's not what I meant.
- So you're thinking land mines?

We need a mine field around the barn.
- No we don't!

Priidik, you're a crazy guy.
Always with the land mines.

I never said land mines.
You are a true mine-bomber, Priidik!

I get your vision, Priidik.

We'll turn that barn into a prison.
The Cow of Monte Cristo.

Wait. Stop!

Shut up and listen.

Step right up!
- There!

She just wants to smell you.
Smell her too!

Hippies!

Yes, the festival continues!

This cow is our… surprise performer.

Everybody, come closer!
Let us get to know this fierce being.

I'll just charge my crystals
on this cow real quick. So powerful!

This party is even better
than last year's. Radical!

Guys, I licked it.
It's a cow! It's a cow!

Oh, take it easy guys.
There's plenty of cow for everyone.

Romet, don't fall asleep.
Enjoy the cow!

Why do you have to be
such a party pooper?

What?!

This is my cow.

This is some kind of misunderstanding.
Relax, guys. The party goes on!

This cow is an integral
part of our festival.

Yeah right. Priidik,
let's do as we planned.

Yeah, Priidik, go with grandpa.
Be real brutal with the cow.

No, I don't want to be brutal.
- You are a true milkman, Priidik.

Grandpa, maybe we should come back later?
- Don't sweat it, Priidik.

They are just hippies.
They are all about peace and partying.

Oh and the women are nice.

Stop flirting!
Priidik, let's milk our cow.

Leave our festival grounds immediately!

You're like totally ruining our
special bond between man and cow.

Because of you my whole village is thirsty.
Enough chit-chat!

Give me your teats, cow.
Time for some milking.

Don't panic, folks, no need to worry.
It's just a misunderstanding.

These hillbillies were just leaving.

What's happening?
- I don't like these vibes.

Maybe we should go?

Wait, why are you leaving?
The festival is not over.

Everyone gather in front of the stage.

Yoga starts in 30 minutes.
Don't miss it!

Come on now people,
let's show each other some love.

I said love! Love, god damnit!

No, don't go.

Damn country hobo.
You're not going to fuck up my festival.

STOP!

The cow's place is at our festival
not in the countryside.

People, let's take action!
Form a protective circle around the cow.

Hear that, Hubert?
We need to go help that cow.

Come on! Let's go!

Are you sure
that's a good idea?

Yes! The festival continues!
Oh god, how moving.

Hold hands!
Let's drive that hobo out of our festival!

What hobo?! You thieves!
This is my cow!

Stay away!
Move closer, people!

Closer! Only we know
what's good for the cow!

We will not let anyone
touch this cow.

I will touch the cow!

Take your piece of shit tractor
back to the dump you came from.

No one will separate
us from our dear cow.

No one will tear apart our festival!

How's the milking going?

Let me through!
Cow!

I was right!
The udder is about to blow.

Now you're mine.

Get me down from here!
What are you waiting for, baldy?

Oh, sure, right away.

Let's go, boys.
A man's got to work.

A man's got to work. - A man's got to work.
- And be careful, boys!

Ha, no biggie.

You remind me of my own cow.

You're just as beautiful.
Just as dangerous.

This cow has to die!

Stop right there!
This cow belongs to me!

This cow belongs in the graveyard!

Priidik, get the cow!
Hurry, hurry.

You fools! What are you waiting for?
Cut her down.

Sure, a man's got to work.

Yeah, a man's got to work.

Cow, we need to go!

Step aside, kid.

What was it that you said, Priidik?

Let's make sure nothing happens to our dear cow?
Right, Priidik?

Yes, yes.

Get out of the way!
- Stop the tractor!

Stop! Stop it!

I'm trying, but I can't find the brakes!

I don't know how to stop it.

This cow needs to die.
It's the only solution.

You'll never have my cow!

I will cut that cow's head off!

No! I will put that cow in chains.

Go!

Go!

Only way you are getting that cow
is over my dead body!

That can be arranged.

Horsecocks! My bucket!

Suck on this!

What? Take that!

I found the brake now.

Help!

Ah, a hairy hippy! Gimme that!

My beard!

Hairbomb!

The hair is in my mouth.

Red suits you, Old Milker.

Оh, excuse me.

Oh, pardon, didn't see you there.

This is what I call a group hug!

How did you like the party, Aino?

Next year you'll get to drink vodka as well.

I can't breathe,
the hair is sticking to my body milk.

Somebody help me.

Sorry.
- No, no, no!

Help, I'm choking.

Well, where's the cow?

I let her go.

Grandpa, you don't really care about the cow, do you?
You're just like Old Milker.

How would you like to be
locked up in a barn all day?

Or be chased by some kind of
weird man made out of milk?

In reality we all
want the same things.

I bet the cow also wants to sleep in some mornings
and have a nice rest. Especially in the summer.

And the cow doesn't want to be bullied so much
here in the countryside.

In that sense,
we are all like the cow.

Yes, I. I am cow.
Aino, you are also cow.

And you, grandpa. You are also cow.
We are all cow.

I mean, like...
- Come here!

Use! Your! Head!

Are! You! Dumb!
The! Youth! Is! Spoiled!

This cow is too small.

Look, Priidik. The udder is leaking.

This is what happens when
you don't listen to grandpa.

An unmilked udder expands.
It gets bigger and bigger.

Soon it will explode.
You happy now? Fucking hell.

Grandpa, guess who am I?

D-don't hurt the cow.
I am also a little cow.

I also leak a little in my pants at night.

You're the one with a leaky udder.

Nice one, Aino.
Couldn't even tell which one of you was speaking.

The trail stops here.
- How are we now supposed to find the cow?

Let's ask the Tree God.
- What Tree God?

This Tree God.
- Hello.

Kids, the Tree God is the oldest
and wisest god in all the woods.

He always has good advice to give.

Оh, great Tree God!
My cow ran away.

Maybe you could tell me
where to find her?

I can sense your cow's energy.

In order to determine her location,

you must first perform
the ancient ritual of Tree Dancing.

Sure.
- In order to do that,

you first need to
drive your tractor inside me.

Just drive it inside, right?

Now you need to
back it out the same way.

Ok, back out again.

Now enter me again

and once again pull out.

Keep going back and forth

until you feel
ancient powers stirring

and the spell starts working.

Back and forth, right -
until the spell starts working.

Mmmmm, yes.

Is it working yet?

Are the powers stirring yet?
- Don't talk right now.

Drive a little faster.

Drive faster, please.

That's it! That's the ticket!

Should I drive some more?

No, that is enough.

So... where's the cow?

What cow?

My cow that went missing.

I don't know.

Maybe it's in a bear's ass.

If you ever find yourself in a bear's ass,

song will set you free.

Yes, but...

Fuck off.

Grandpa, I wonder what the Tree God
meant by "singing in a bear's ass"?

Priidik, what are you, dumb?
Don't listen to that senile Tree God.

From now on we are only relying on
good old grandpa's advice.

Hello!? Hello!?

Is the cow back yet?

Can I finally have some milk?

I made a cow.

Come see.

Come, come.

All right, I'm coming.

I'll take a look.

Оh hello, cow!

No, no.

Yes, yes, milk, milk.

Let me tell you something.

Animals have no feelings.

And you know nothing
about barn culture.

Priidik, you're very stupid,
but you're my kid.

And we take care of our own.

Don't worry, Priidik.

I'm telling you, there's
nothing to be afraid of in these woods.

No way that cow explodes.

No way.

Let's find the cow. Hop-hop-hop-hop

She will come to us from behind these trees.

Then we can go home.
We can have a feast.

We'll make birthday salad.

Whatisthat?

Look, kids.
It's Winnie the Pooh.

Winnie!

Holy shit, that was close.

Like, I was scared shitless.
Look at my hands, Priidik.

Crazy!
- Yes, it is a real miracle

That we are still alive and well, and…
Together.

That was totally like our
little forest adventure or something.

Oh, Winnie is coming.

High five!

Аino, what do we do?

Аino? Аino, where are you?

I'm hiding, you idiot.

Okay, I am coming too.

Enough!

Boys, let's get
an early Christmas Tree.

What's going on?

Work is work,
a man's got to work.

Lift me up here.

Now tape me down.

Are you into bondage?
- Fatty, go get me a chainsaw!

Everyone get in the van! Now drive!

Drive! Step on it!
- Wait a minute.

No. No! Nooo!

No, no, no!

Who is that? Stay away!

Nice creatures.
Good doggy.

Good doggy.

Down, Cerberus.

Welcome to the Bear.

Hello. W-who are you?

“Maybe I'm a dreamer
Lost in a forest of dreams?”

Jacob. Jacob Cream.
From The Terminators, you know. The band.

"Soldier Man".
"Charleen". Nothing?

Maybe you've seen us on TV?
We were real big in the 90s.

"Angel's Touch"? Doesn't ring a bell?

"Carmen". It went like…

You're hopeless.

You look like you
don't listen to the radio,

but you must have heard "Animal Farm"
or "13 Steps of Doom"?

Cow!

Here you are!

At least things
can't get any worse ...

What do you have there?

Оkay.

Grandpa, please don't!

It was open all along!

Grandpa?

Grandpa?
Are you all right?

Аino! Grandpa!

Can you hear me?

Grandpa! Grandpa!
The Terminator is here!

He's going to get us out.

Kid, once you are inside the Bear,
there is no getting out

And it's better that way.
- Why better?

It happened about a month ago.

Another show. Another full house.

Jacob Cream! Jacob Cream!
Fans screaming my name.

Then it dawned on me.
I'm not some dumb wind-up songbird.

Damn it!

Оkay. There's got
to be a door here.

I was so tired of it all.

The storm inside me had died down.

There was nothing
left to sing about.

Sing! What did that
pervy tree talk about?

The way out a bear's ass...

My mouth was singing,
but the voice was no longer my own.

It was all wrong.
It was no longer real music.

Yes, music! Mister Terminator Sir,
please sing a song for us!

No, I will only sing
when there's something to sing about.

But mister Terminator,
I don't know how to sing.

Only you can help us.
Please, sing something.

I'll never sing another song.
- B-but, Terminator!

I said NO!

But…

All right. I'm sorry.

Why doesn't anyone ever
listen to what I want.

I didn't want to come to the countryside.
I didn't want to stay with grandpa.

And I didn't want to come to this bear's ass.

It's all grandpa's fault.

Thanks to grandpa my life is gone to shit.
Literally.

I try to talk to him,
but his got milk for brains.

Who even drinks milk?

Until yesterday I had no idea that
milk comes from inside a cow.

I thought it came from
almonds or something.

From a cow!
Drink water for fucks sake!

And what are you looking at?

Think I'm scared of you?
Have you seen my sister?

And worst of all, grandpa
doesn't know he's doing anything wrong.

He thinks it's all right
because it's always been this way.

But I don't want to live like that.

I don't want to end up
blowing up in a bear's ass.

Terminator

You don't want to
blow up in a bear's ass either, do you?

I need to get out of here.
Let me out, god damn it.

I want to go home.
I want to go back to the city.

You remind me of myself
when I was younger.

You have that blind fury,
that rage, that inner storm.

All you need to do now is sing.

Enough, kid. Now it's my turn.

One, two...

The guitar needs some tuning.

Stomach acid, you know.
And no tuner.

Need to do it by ear.

Damn it, the acoustics here are shit.

All right, let's go.
Rock n' Roll!

Wow!

The music is working, Jacob! Sing!

Sing, Jacob, you can do it!

♪When it feels like the world is coming to an end

♪When life is shit and all you want to do is cry

♪When it seems like you can't take it anymore

♪Can't take another step on this road

Teddybear!

♪Remember - you're just getting started

It's working!
It's working, Terminator!

♪There's always a light at the end of the tunnel

The bear is opening!

Bunny.

Of course.
We need to jump.

That's how we'll get out.
Everybody here!

Enough whining! Get to the hole!

Heard that, grandpa?
Do something!

I'm starting the tractor.

I'll make a hole in the bear.

Quickly! Everybody here!

Let's gather around the hole.

Looks like everyone is here.

Terminator, time to kick ass!

Ha, I was holding back.

Get ready to jump.
At my command.

Not yet. Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Now!

Grandpa, did you see the poop-bunny?

Grandpa!

God almighty!

Get down here!

Kid, the music is losing its effect.
The bear is closing.

Come quickly, Terminator!

The show must go on.
Go, Kid. I'll keep the Bear open.

What? Come with me. Let's go together.

Go! And your grandpa-

Remember:
even an old dog can learn new tricks.

♪Remember, you're just getting started

I'll never forget you, Terminator!

♪There's always a light at the end of the tunnel

♪There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Nicely done, Priidik.

That song was nice, too.
- Right?

Sounded a bit corny though.
- No it wasn't corny!

Yes it was corny!

Stop fighting.
Instead have some… Milk!

What?
No milk?

No point trying, grandpa!

Don't you get it - this old-fashioned
milking doesn't work anymore!

Just watch and learn, boy.

On the contrary, we need to
go back to our milking roots!

Let's assume the position.
And start milking.

Shit, it burns!
Like touching a hot stove, heh.

Blisters on blisters,
I'll have blisters on my hands.

But I have hands of steel.

Nice and easy, yeah.

Relax, just milk it.

Grandpa, the milk is not coming, is it?

It's coming.

Look, an ant crawled on the udder
and caught on fire. Amazing.

A bit scary too.

Grandpa, the udder
is about to explode, isn't it?

I don't know if
it will explode or not,

but it does seem
to be clogged up or something.

The milk has clotted.
The milk has clotted all the way.

It's coming! Yes! Yes! Yes!

No, nothing is coming at all.
- We're so fucked.

It's just not coming. Damn!
Dry as a desert.

What is that?

Can't get the milk flowing.
I can't believe milking isn't working.

Milking isn't working.

What were you expecting?

Why do you think
the cow ran away from you?

Don't you get it - she'd rather blow up
than get milked by you.

But… cow!

Grandpa, I learned something in that
bear's ass - even an old man

can do things differently.
If he wants to.

Cowy, what do you think?

Want to try doing it…
differently from now on?

Forget that, Old Milker is coming!

I can see them, boys.

Let's chop that cow's head off.

Yes!

Hey, a man's got to work.
- Yes, a man's got to work. Yes.

Nice. That worked out nicely.

Grandpa, what do we do now?
- What's supposed to happen now?

Let's get home.
Start doing things differently.

Yes, grandpa, let's go.

Behold! The last bottle.

Engage vodkadrive.

Vodkadrive?
What's next...

They're getting away!

Step on it! Faster!
Pedal to the metal!

Оkay. Can you drive a little faster?
- Оh, all right!

-Faster, faster!

Help, Old Milker is coming!

Yes, yes, faster!

Grandpa, go faster!

Off with that cow's head!

Faster, grandpa!

The cow must die!

God, give us milk!
How I would like some milk!

What has happened?
Where has the milk gone?

Мilk!

Мilk!

What's happening?

Now you will see a real show.

Yes, yes, yes...

The Milk Life!

You must die!

Tastes a bit weird...
but oh well.

Look!

Get out of my way!

What are you staring at!
Out of the way!

Be reasonable, Old Man! Do you really want
the whole village to blow up?

Let's just…
chop that cow's head off.

You can't have this cow!

Stay away,
you sick sack of milk!

Keep dreaming, Old Milker.
Do what you want - you will never get the cow!

That's right!
- Yes!

Even if you cut the kids in half - you still wouldn't get the cow!
- What?

As you wish.
Let's go, boys!

A man's got to work.
- A man's got to work.

I'll take the fat one.
- I'll take the cow.

Ok, I guess I'll take the kids then.

No, no!

Oh... Cowy!

What are you looking at?
Did something happen?

Yes, yes, yes!

All right, let's see
what's so important.

You're not getting away
from me that easily!

You're not getting away!

Dunno… no point in overworking, right?

There's more to life than work.

A man's got to rest.

There's no escape for you!

What? A convertible barn.

Very modern.
In our times...

What's this supposed to be?

This village ain't what it used to be...

What's the meaning of this?
No, I will not be milked!

I'm not a cow.

Stop milking me!

The cows are to blame.

This cow is to blame!

The cow must die!

I made a cow.

That's right, we forgot Mart!

Mart wasn't even with us.

You mean Mart wasn't here?
- No.

Mart came out of that bear.
- No, grandpa, that was me.

That's Mart.
- Yes, that is Mart but this is Priidik.

We left Priidik behind.
Oh god, we left Priidik behind!

No, we left Mart behind.

You. Are. Mart.

I am Priidik.
- I. Am. Priidik.

Grandpa, repeat after me – Priidik!
- Priiidik.

Grandpa!
- Grannpa.

Аino! - Ayoo.

And that's Mart.

And that's Old Milker.

Hello.

How about a little milking?

Grandpa! Grandpa, try something different,
like we talked about!

Look, the udder is about to explode.
Do something, grandpa!

No, I don't want to die.
I don't want to die.

Yay, death!

Do something, grandpa!
Do something different, grandpa!

Death!

Death! Death!

Hello!

Priidik, you were right.

From now on we'll do everything Differently!

Yay, differently!

This is too different, grandpa.
This is too different!

This is just wrong.

Grandpa, please!
Pull your head out of the cow.

Priidik, don't be afraid of new things!

We have become a
symbiosis of man and cow.

This is perfect harmoooony.

No, that's not what I wanted.
I did not want that!

No need to fear the
milk-bomb now, Priidik.

This udder is now
under our complete control.

Priidik, look at these thick hips.

Stop doing that, grandpa. It's gross.
- Let's dance, Priidik.

Oh these hips don't lie.
These hips don't lie.

Grandpa, cow's don't dance.
- On a pasture these hips don't lie.

That's just depressing.
- These hips don't lie.

No, enough!

With friends these hips don't lie.
On the road these hips don't lie.

Don't encourage him, Маrt.
We don't want to dance right now.

Enough of this obscenity!

I will flush you out of this village!

No you won't.

This is the Lactocalypse!

Milk of Death!

I don't want!
Milk of Friendship!

No. No. No!

Маrt? - It's me. - Аino?
- Of course it's me, you dillhole!

Look, guys, everything is white.
Everywhere you look there's...

Мilk! So much milk!

Where did it come from?
Milk, milk, milk.

I wonder if grandpa
is buried under all this milk?

There's so much of it. That's enough milk
to last until next summer.

Hmm … there's too much milk.

No, Mart, this is just
the right amount of milk.

No need to invent anything.
Really, everything's great!

Please, Mart, please don't invent anything else.

Finally.
This is the true Milk Life. Мilk!

Who knew country life
would be so exciting.

No one at school
is going to believe our summer.

Yeah, city kids don't know anything
about country life.

They have no idea
what goes on around here.

Adventures, robots, explosions!

Heck, Аino.
I guess I was wrong.

I actually do like country life.

I like country life, too!

Yeah, I like country life, too.

Yes.

Kids, thank god you're here!

Here's what happened -
Piggy and I did some shots in the bushes and...

The udder reacted to the vodka!

Only one thing left to do.

Kids, you'll have to milk your grandpa.

- No! Your udder is exploding!

Yes. I also like... Country Life!