The Old Dark House (1963) - full transcript

(EVIL LAUGH)

MAN'S VOICE:
Yes?

Did you speak?

VOICE:
Can I help you, sir?

I beg your...

Oh, no, thanks. I'm just going
into the gambling room.

I'm afraid not, sir.

Not?

I take it you are not a member
of this establishment, sir?

Ah, no, no, I'm not,
but I have a friend who is.

They always have.



Well, he's not a friend, exactly.

I mean,
we share an apartment.

That is, he uses it in the daytime
and I use it at night.

How cosy.

Yeah, well, he asked me
to get something for him

and I've got it here.
I just want to give it to him.

If you'll leave it with me, sir,

I'll make quite sure
that he gets it.

I can't.

No. I mean, it's a car.

It's outside.

My gosh, the thing
stretches from...

Very well. What name?

Penderel. Tom.



"M, N, O, P.
P-A..."

No, no, no.
Not Penderel.

Not Penderel?

No, that's me. I mean,
my name is... I'm Penderel.

Tom Penderel.
His name is Femm. "F."

(CHUCKLING)

"D, E, F.
Fabian, Fellows..."

Hmm. There is a Mr Femm.

Yes, I know.
Caspar Femm.

He's my friend.
Well, not a friend, exactly.

You see, he put this ad in The Times.
Someone to share a flat.

I answered the ad.
It wasn't a day before...

Please. Please.
Will you go straight in?

Oh, thanks.

But no gambling.
Do you understand?

Oh, not me.
I'm American.

CROUPIER:
Banco! Banco!

- WOMAN: Yes.
- MAN #1: Come on.

(CHATTERING)

MAN #2:
Have a cocktail.

CROUPIER:
Banco. Could you cut?

It's your cut. Banco?

MAN #3:
Banco.

(CROUPIER CALLING FOR BETS)

Ah, Mr Femm. Caspar,
there you are again, just like always.

Hello, Thomas, dear boy.
Nice of you to drop in and bring me luck.

No, no, I brought you the car.

The one you bought from me.
It's a beauty, a beauty.

And it's American?

Oh, yes.
American all the way.

I've always wanted
a foreign car.

(CHUCKLING)
And this is the best.

I never represent
an inferior product.

Banco de quatre mille.

Suivi.

How much is that?

Just a few pounds.

It's four thousand,
to be exact.

Four thou...
Why, that's $12,000.

CROUPIER:
Neuf à la banco!

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

I'll pass now.
Thank you so much.

Fancy all this money for me.
Isn't it wonderful?

Er... Caspar?
I'm sorry you lost.

You did bring me luck. Bad.

- Sorry.
- That's all right.

Does it really have
300 horsepower?

More. It's outside,
it's all yours and it's ready to go.

Ready to go!
Yes, I'm almost ready.

Thomas, come with me.

I must have a private
word with you.

Thomas, you've been sharing
my flat now for a month.

Have things been satisfactory?

Well, sure, Caspar. I mean, you're always
gone at night and I sell cars all day.

- Exactly.
- Exactly?

Yes. Don't you think
it's a strange arrangement?

Strange?

Thomas, what do you do at night,
when I'm not there?

Do? Well, Caspar, I sleep.

Oh, well, sometimes
I go out with a girl.

Dining, clubs, movies.
I like movies and girls.

Your nights
sound wonderful.

Caspar,
what do you do at night?

I mean, where do you go?
What do you do?

I go back.

Back?

Back there.

Back where?

I'm already late now.

Thomas, you're my friend,
my only friend.

I need your help.

Anything I can do.

Every night, while you're...

you're living,
I go back to Femm Hall

and that's where
it's going to happen.

Caspar, what's
going to happen?

Something I'm afraid of.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall."

What?

They delivered a coffin today.

Who?

It's almost time. Thomas,
you must come down to Femm Hall.

I can explain everything there.

Femm Hall, where's that?

- Dartmoor.
- Dartmoor?

- It's my ancestral home.
- Dartmoor?

It's a lovely drive.

And you can spend
the weekend with me.

And that way,
you'll meet my cousin.

She'll like you.
You're likeable.

Am I?

And you'll drive my
new car down right away.

Oh, you will say yes,
won't you?

- Well, I...
- It's a beautiful house.

Long, rambling,
all the conveniences.

And my cousin,
she's beautiful, also.

She is, huh?

How many carburettors?

- Your cousin?
- No, my car.

Oh, two. Two.

She's just as lovely
as Femm Hall.

- Your car?
- No, my cousin.

And what she needs
is someone like you.

New blood, that sort of thing.
Especially just now.

Oh, Thomas, you must come.

I'm frightened.
I need your help.

Caspar, you're my friend.
Of course I'll come.

Thank you.

Oh, it's late. It's very late.
I must fly.

Well, if you're ready
to leave, let's go.

No, when I say fly,
I mean literally, by aeroplane.

I rent one.
It's much faster.

But, Caspar, why don't
you drive down with me?

Don't forget,
you brought me bad luck.

Huh?

See you.
Drive carefully, now.

Er...

(THUNDERCLAP)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CRASHING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(SCRAPING METAL)

(SUDDEN YELL)

Ooh!

Ow!

MAN'S VOICE:
Is someone there?

Er...

If you are there,
come out.

I'm not coming out.

I'm coming out.

Stop!

Who are you?

Caspar?
Is that you, Mr Femm?

Yes, I'm Mr Femm.

But I don't know you.
Hands up!

Keep coming!

Well, you... you're not Caspar.

No. Are you a friend of his?

Yeah. Yes, I am. He invited me
down here. Honest, he did.

You see, I share
a flat with Caspar.

Well, I mean, he lives
in the daytime and I live at night.

I see.

My name is Potiphar Femm.
I'm Caspar's uncle.

Perhaps, Mr Penderel,
you had better come with me.

I must apologise, Mr Penderel,
for your abrupt entrance.

You see, it...
it's an old house.

Old and dark.

Yes, I see... yeah.

You know,
I potter sometimes.

The trap door at the entrance
hasn't worked right for 100 years.

Used once to discourage visitors.
I fixed it, you see.

Works very well now,
doesn't it?

Oh, yes, yes, indeed, yes.

Next time, don't use
the knocker. Ring the bell.

Yes, I will.

I wonder what I'm
going to say to Caspar.

Whatever you wish,
Mr Penderel.

No, you don't understand.
You see, something terrible happened.

Yes, it was terrible.

Oh, you heard? You know?

Of course,
a frightful tragedy.

I didn't mean
for it to happen.

I don't even know how it happened.
I guess it was all that rain.

For 40 days and 40 nights,
the rain came.

Beg your pardon?

Caspar is in here.

Ah.

(THUNDERCLAP)

Yes, I understand.
A shock.

He fell just an hour ago, all the way
from the top of the landing.

He was very broken.

But... But...

Yes, I know how you
must feel. Last respects.

- (TOM STAMMERING)
- I'll leave you alone with him.

He's been expecting you.

No. No, no, no.
No, no, please.

(STAMMERING)
Mr...

(DOOR BEING LOCKED)

I'm sorry I brought
you bad luck.

It was a beautiful car.

It wasn't my fault.
Really, it wasn't.

All I did was push against the gate,
just a little bit.

Excuse me.

But it was insured.

I mean, you won't have
to worry about that.

Well, naturally,
you won't have to...

I mean...

I wish someone would
shut your eyes.

(THUNDERCLAP)

(SOBBING)

Caspar?

(THUNDERCLAP)

I thought you'd left.

No. No, I mean,
I heard you crying.

Yes.

I've been sitting over there.

It seems so long now
since we brought him here.

You're a friend of Caspar's?

Yes, I was his friend.

Well, I mean... well, I sell cars.
I mean, I sold him a car.

He advertised for a roommate
and I moved in with him.

You must be his cousin.

I'm Cecily Femm.

I'm Tom Penderel.

You're American.

Yeah, how'd you know?

Caspar said he'd met an American in London.
I guessed you must be him.

You're very brave
to come here.

I am?

He didn't fall, you know.
Somebody did this to him.

Yes, he told me
he was in danger.

Did he?
What else did he tell you?

Oh, just that
he needed my help.

He doesn't need it now.

No.

Mr Penderel, if you are who you think
you are, and who I think you are,

you mustn't stay
here another moment.

Something terrible
is happening here.

You've got to leave
before the others find out.

The others?

- What others?
- The family.

You must leave while
there's still time.

Well, what about you?

Oh, please hurry,
before he gets back.

No, not without you.

Miss Femm, Caspar wanted me to
meet you. That's why I'm here.

No, I'm afraid.

Of me?

Oh, no.

Mr Penderel, you have a car.
Get in it and drive away.

No, it's a wreck.

I pushed against the gate and
something fell on it

and the whole front
is smashed.

Well, then you must walk.
Mr Penderel, this is your last chance.

You must leave
before he gets back.

I don't understand.
I...

(THUNDERCLAP)

You're back, Uncle Roderick.

Yes, it didn't take me long.

Hey, how about that?

We make our own
electricity here.

I've been repairing
the generator.

The storm flooded it.

Who is this?

Oh, may I present my uncle,
Roderick Femm?

This is Mr Tom Penderel.
He was a friend of Caspar's.

Really? Caspar had
some very strange friends.

Were you one of them?

No, I'm not strange.
I'm American.

From America.

It couldn't be.

No. You'll be hungry.
We'll be having dinner soon.

- Well...
- Oh, well, Mr Penderel feels

he really must leave Femm Hall now.
He really must.

Oh, no, no. Good gracious, no!
I wouldn't hear of it.

Couldn't possibly let
you go now, Mr Penderel.

You know, it's not every day
that we have an American for dinner.

Such a treat for us all.

I'm sure the others
will be delighted.

The others?

The others.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

Hello.

May I introduce a friend
of Caspar's, Mr Penderel?

Oh, I'm Caspar's
mother, Mr Penderel.

Such a surprise to find he had a friend.
We're having you for dinner?

Delicious.

There isn't much time left,
Mr Penderel.

There isn't much time.

TOM:
There isn't?

Ah, a guest. Welcome.

This is Morgana.
Morgana, this is Mr Penderel.

Er... how do you do?

I'll do better,
now that you're here.

You will?

I'm sure she will.

Shall we have dinner,
Uncle Roderick?

Yes, I think we could start.

(THUNDERCLAP)

Enjoying your food,
dear visitor?

POTIPHAR:
Agatha cooked it.

It was Caspar's favourite.
He's not like the other one.

The other one only eats raw things.

Another one?

Another two,
but let's not talk about it now.

POTIPHAR:
Back to work. Back to work.

The time is almost at hand.

You'll be at the gathering,
Potiphar?

Naturally. Naturally.
Mustn't miss that.

I want to hear about you,
Mr Penderel.

What you do
and what it's like.

- Like?
- Yes.

Out there.

Outside.

Well, er...

Enough of that talk, Morgana.

Sometimes you behave
as if you wanted to leave Femm Hall.

You don't want to leave,
do you?

No.

No.

No, Roderick.

Well, then...

Do you mean you like it here?
I mean, you like all this?

Well, maybe I didn't
put it the right way.

Oh, but you have, Mr Penderel.

Very frank of you.
Quite American.

Yeah.

What Uncle Roderick means
is that you're quite right.

I am?

It's not that we want to stay at
Femm Hall, Mr Penderel.

It's just that we must.

(LAUGHING)
We must.

Exactly. We have to stay.
A delicious meal, Agatha.

Perhaps I should explain,
Mr Penderel.

You might be interested in
the secrets of an old house.

You coming along, Agatha?

No, I think I'll just
go and knit somewhere.

Look around you, Mr Penderel.

This old, dark house, you know,

has stood like a fortress
through generations of Femms.

Built to withstand flood,
tempest, war and strife.

All to respect the wishes of my
great-great-grandfather, Morgan Femm.

You've heard of him before?

- The pirate.
- Morgan...

The Morgan the Pirate?

Precisely.

Here he is,
Morgan Femm, the pirate.

The founder of
our little family.

MORGANA:
Such a lovely creature.

TOM:
Yeah, lovely.

I still don't understand why
you must all live here.

Quite simple. Before they hanged him,
you see, Morgan repented.

They hanged him
just the same, naturally.

All the arrangements
had been made.

They gave him time
to make a will.

In order to prevent
any member of the family

ever again flying the pirate flag,
he had this fortress built,

right here in the
middle of the marsh,

as far away from
the sea as possible.

His descendants only inherit the fortune
as long as they reside in the house.

But living here is a problem,
Mr Penderel, a great problem.

You see, there were
provisions in the will.

Clause one, any member of
the family refusing to live here

loses all rights to the fortune.

Two, that any member of the family

who's not home by
midnight, every night,

loses all right to inheritance.

Three, that the Femm fortune, all
of it, is left to the house

and that the will can never be changed
unless the house dies.

Only then can the
fortune be divided

among the remaining survivors.

But how can a house die?
Did you ever try burning it?

I did once.
You can't burn solid rock.

So what do you use for money?
I mean, how do you live?

Once a year, we divide
the interest of the capital.

On the anniversary of
great-great-grandfather's hanging.

Perhaps you knew
about that already.

How would I know about
the will?

Anything strike you, Mr Penderel?

Same nose, same mouth,
same hairline.

Yes, I do see
the resemblance.

Of course, you're fuller in
the face than he is.

The resemblance isn't to me.
It's to you.

I don't think I told you.
Morgan had a daughter.

She ran away with another pirate
before the will was made.

An American pirate.

If she'd had children,
and she probably did have,

in which case, of course,
her heirs would stand

to inherit a substantial
portion of the fortune.

You are American,
aren't you, Mr Penderel?

Do you sail at all?

Now listen, just because you think
I look like your great-great... like him,

you surely don't
think I'm one of you?

Oh, I hope not. That would be
most unfortunate for all of us.

You say your name
is Penderel?

Her pirate's
name was Blackbeard.

Of course, that wasn't his
full name, you understand.

It could easily have been
Blackbeard Penderel.

Not very likely, but then you must admit
it's rather a coincidence,

your coming here tonight,
of all nights.

What's so special about tonight?

Tonight is the anniversary of

great-great-grandfather's hanging.

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

Couldn't put Caspar Femm
together again.

It's Caspar.

No, it couldn't be.
It must be the other.

No, it's Caspar.
A mother hen knows her chick.

CASPAR:
Four-six, the bank wins.

Gay go up and gay go down.

It is Caspar. It is.

It is?

CASPAR: Oranges and lemons,
oranges and lemons,

oranges and lemons,
oranges and lemons...

Why, it's just a tape.

A tape, Mr Penderel?

Yes, his voice on a tape machine.

Oh, how very ingenious.

It was Caspar.
I know it was.

(THUNDERCLAP)

May I have a little more wool, please,
Mr Penderel?

You're a bright young man,
very like my Caspar.

Knitting relaxes one, you know,
particularly in a time of anxiety.

Just a little more.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What are you making?

Oh, I'm not making anything.

No, I just start at the
beginning and knit to the end.

It's sure to turn into something.

Oh, yeah.

Knitting is my life, you see.
And hands should never be idle.

You do a lot of it, huh?

Last year,
I knitted about 150 miles.

You knit miles?

(LAUGHING) Of wool. Yes.
Many miles and much time.

I capture time and space
in my stitches.

You know, sometimes I wonder
what would happen if I stopped.

Happen? To you?

No, no, not to me.
To the world.

(DOOR OPENING)

Is that you, Roderick?

To all of us.

(DOOR CLOSING)

The roads are completely awash,
Mr Penderel.

Well, surely I could
walk to the village?

There are marshes between
Femm Hall and the village.

A man might wander for days
and never find his way.

You must stay the night.

Oh, but, Uncle Roderick,
if Mr Penderel wants to leave, I...

Too dangerous.

Oh, well,
if it's dangerous...

Come along. Cecily and I
will show you to your room.

Oh, er, keep knitting.

My target next year
is 200 miles.

(LAUGHING)

We call this the Peacock Room,
Mr Penderel.

Oh, it's very cheerful,
charming, er...

(CHUCKLING) Yes. I think you'll be
quite warm and comfortable here.

Yeah, cosy.

We shall expect you
at the gathering.

(WATER DRIPPING)

The gathering?

Oh, every night at midnight
we all meet in the drawing room.

It's the custom, you see, so
we're all sure everyone is in the house.

If one of us is absent,
you know the penalty.

I do?

Forfeiture, Mr Penderel.

See you later.

Oh, Mr Penderel, I do so wish
you'd left while you had the chance.

Yeah, so do I.

Well, I mean, you're in danger, too.

How sweet of you to consider me.

Oh, I couldn't do
otherwise, Miss Femm.

Cecily.

Cecily.

Tom.

(CLOCK CHIMING "ORANGES AND LEMONS")

Eleven o'clock.

"Oranges and lemons,
say the bells of St Clement's"

Well, that's
what Caspar said.

Oh, he was always making
little jokes like that.

He used to leave
notes lying around

and, well, that funny
tape recording downstairs.

Well, what does it mean?

Oranges and lemons?
Oh, it's a nursery rhyme.

We used to recite it
as children.

It's a little song children sing

to all the different bells
of the London church steeples.

We have so many clocks in this house
and they all toll the hour,

so we named them after
the different churches.

That was St Clement's.

I see.
Cecily, you're...

- (CLOCKS CHIMING)
- St Martin's.

...very...

Whitechapel.

...sweet.

Mr Penderel?

Tom...

RODERICK:
Cecily, don't tire our guest!

I must go now.

Till later.

Thank you.

(SIGHING)

(KNOCKING)

Oh, come in.

MORGANA:
You'll have to open it.

Oh.

Oh.

I've brought you some hot water.

Oh, thanks very much.

Aren't you going to wash?

Er, yeah, sure.

See, er...

Take off your shirt.

My shirt?

Well, you can't wash without
taking your shirt off, can you?

- Oh, no, no, of course not.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, that's all right,
thank you.

Now, come on, let me help.

Oh, thank you.
It's all right. I can do it.

Thank you very much.

- That's fine, thank you.
- Let's see how this works here.

Yes, that's fine,
thank you.

I'll just roll up my sleeves.

- The...
- Yes.

Yes, roll up your sleeves.

You're strong.

Well, I exercise.

I'm sure you do.

Up every morning.

I go out there and these,
I... these, in the army.

Oh, Tom.

You... well, you must
be very lonely here.

Well, I mean, er, all alone.

Oh, you have no idea.

All alone, every
night in this house.

Just a whole
family of Femms.

Well, you...

Don't you have any boyfriends?

Yes, I used to, but...

You know, they...
they were all from the village.

I always had to
be home by twelve o'clock.

Well, things were just
getting started and I had to stop.

(SNEEZING)

Excuse me.

You're damp.

Oh, yeah, the rain, you know, and...

Let me press them for you.

- My pants?
- Mmm.

Well, give them to me.

Er, yes, I...

(LAUGHING)

Tom, why did you
come to Femm Hall?

Oh. Oh, well, I...
Caspar invited me.

He wanted me to
meet his cousin.

His cousin?

Yeah, Cecily.

Caspar was my cousin,
too, you know.

- Oh, really?
- Mmm.

(DOOR SLAMMING)

Father!

TOM:
Er, how do you do?

Oh, Daddy, it's
not what you think.

He's not like the other boys.
He's not after our money.

Daddy never likes
any of my boyfriends.

He's so suspicious.

You spoil everything.
I like Tom.

Charming family.

(GROANING)

(SIGHING)

(HISSING)

Morgana! Morgana!

Mr Femm? Cecily? My tie!

(THUNDERCLAP)

Cecily?

Aunt Agatha?

Roderick!

(ECHOING)
Roderick... Roderick...

No-one.

Nothing.

(THUNDERCLAP)

Anybody!

Potiphar?

(CLATTERING)

Potiphar?

(RATTLING)

(THUNDERCLAP)

(GASPING)

You!

(STAMMERING)
But you... you... you...

You're not here.
You're... you're there.

And you're dead!

- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are!

You're upset about the car.

I'm sorry but...
Or because I brought you bad luck?

Well, I tried to get here to help you.

Honestly, I did.
But I was too late.

Look, it was a beautiful car.

I'll tell you what,
I'll fix it all up, like new.

And you can take it with you.

(BUCKET CLANKING)

I must tell you something.

Yes, yes, how they killed you.

And now they're trying
to kill me, see?

Acid? He won't stop at anything.

You... you're alive.

Please, I'm a gentleman.

- But you're dead.
- Not a bit, not a bit.

Caspar, you're dead.

Caspar's dead. I'm not.

I'm Jasper Femm.
Caspar was my twin.

Didn't they tell you
about Caspar and Jasper?

No.

Humpty and Dumpty,
Mother used to call us.

Now there's just Dumpty left.
Me.

You mean, you're next?

Yes, that's why I've been hiding.

But who killed your brother?

Uncle Roderick.

Uncle...
Uncle Roderick?

If he can kill us all off,
he'll have all the Femm money.

You see, he doesn't mind
living at Femm Hall.

He likes it here.

You think he put
that acid in my room?

Come on, Dumpty.

(LAUGHING)
Jasper.

We're going to confront your
Uncle Roderick with some strong evidence.

Come right over here.

I'll show you proof.
May I?

- See, I was...
- (THUNDERCLAP)

Oh, that's better.

I was just going
to wash my hands

and when I leaned over
to get the soap,

my tie fell in the water,
just like that.

And when I pulled it out,

the tie was gone.
It had been eaten away.

It's all wet.

Wet?

Well, look at this one.

TOM:
No, no, no!

Water. Wet.
It's just water.

Water?

Water.

But there was acid.
Somebody...

If you don't mind my
asking you, who are you?

I'm Tom Penderel from America
and I hate the sea.

Well, that's all right, then.
What's the time?

- I can't be late.
- Late?

Plenty of time.

Be careful, my friend.

(WORDLESS SINGING)

JASPER:
Mother?

Yes, Caspar dear.

I'm not Caspar.
I'm Jasper.

Oh, you are so alike,
or you were.

Mother, we were twins.

Of course. I remember.

Mother, I'm so terribly afraid.

Is that why you keep hiding?

Now, you must have
regular meals.

You've got to keep
up your strength.

I can't eat.
I'm too frightened.

Well, that's all the more reason,

because it's not good
to be frightened on an empty tummy.

No, Mother.

Now promise me you'll come in and
have your meals regularly.

That's a good boy.

And then you can run away and,
you know, hide as much as you like.

What are you frightened of?

Uncle Roderick.
He's going to kill me.

Oh, nonsense, dear.
You're talking nonsense.

He's much too nice,
and he's very fond of you, I know.

He's going to kill us all.

Jasper, you're not being very kind.

You, as well.

Oh, your uncle would
never think of doing a thing like that.

Hello, Roderick. We were
just talking about you.

Oh, hello, Uncle,
there you are.

See you at the gathering.

Agatha, have you seen the acid
I use to clean my gun?

No, dear. Should I?
Where did you leave it?

In the kitchen.

Agatha, you haven't...
No, you couldn't have.

Have you?

I know what you're thinking
and the answer's no.

Oh.

At least, I think it is.

- You feel all right, don't you?
- Perfectly.

Well, then...

Is this for me?

No, it's not for anyone.

Just my way of
expressing myself.

You see, these were good
days, these were bad days.

This was a particularly
beastly day.

Agatha, I believe you'll go on
knitting right to the grave.

There are happier
ways of expressing

that kind of thing,
under the circumstances,

but, of course,
you are quite right.

It's been a great solace
to me, through everything.

The day I lost my earrings,
the day we lost Mother,

the war, the house,
the drains, my poor Humpty.

And this rain, it goes on
as if it never wanted to stop.

So, I just keep on knitting.

And you have your guns,
don't you?

True.

But you haven't been using them lately,
have you? Is something wrong?

No.

Perhaps there just isn't anything
very nice to shoot at.

I have a feeling there's
going to be, quite soon.

Oh, good.

Well, nearly time.
You coming along?

No, dear, I'll just get
to the end of the row.

You won't be late, will you?

Of course not, silly.

(HUMMING)

So good of you to be present
after your harrowing experience.

Thanks for the tie.

It was Caspar's.

Oh.

There was acid, Mr Femm.

For you, Mr Penderel,
or for one of us?

Well, the basin was switched.

You might have switched it,
Uncle Roderick.

Nonsense!

I hope you don't leave us, Tom.
I do like you.

And I hope Mr Penderel
will remember

that it was you, Morgana,
who brought him his basin.

It was already filled and waiting
when I picked it up.

I'm glad I didn't ask for a bath.

POTIPHAR:
Not late.

Not late, not a bit.
How are you, Mr Penderel?

It's almost time.

Time? Not yet, Roderick.
But soon, very soon.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(SHOE SQUEAKING)

(EXCLAIMING)

This is my brother,
Morgan Femm.

Yeah, I've already
had the pleasure.

He hasn't spoken to any of us for 15 years.
He eats alone in his room.

He doesn't shave very well.

I don't think he likes us.

Well, everyone's here
but Aunt Agatha.

Agatha is never late.

No-one is ever late.

Mother knows what
being late would mean.

Mother, hurry up!
It's almost time!

Agatha has exactly
seven seconds.

Agatha! No time to play games!
Agatha!

- (CHIMING)
- Time!

No, no, that clock's
always fast.

(CLOCKS CHIMING)

That's fast, too.

St Giles.

(CLOCKS CHIMING)

Time! Agatha isn't present!

Therefore, under the rules of the will,
she forfeits her share.

You hear that, Morgana?
You hear that, Cecily?

She forfeits!
She forfeits!

Mother never spent her money
on anything but wool.

She hoarded every penny.

And now it'll come to us.

RODERICK:
Agatha forfeits! Agatha forfeits!

How can you be so mercenary?

Are you going to
turn down your share?

No.

She can't have gone far.

We should really try to find her.

Look!

Agatha's.

Must have been murder.
She always knitted so carefully.

(THUNDERCLAP)

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Two sticks and an apple,

say the bells of Whitechapel.

There's nothing else on it.

Did you play
the whole thing?

It was you!
You killed her!

You've always wanted
more than your share

to feed that nasty vice of yours,
your gun collection.

Gun collecting, a nasty vice?

You and your beastly potted palms!

Your insipid, ridiculous orchids!

Oh, please, stop it!

Tom, please, would you help us?

What should we do?

One of us is a murderer.
What can we do?

Call the police.

All the lines are down.

I'll be very glad to go.

None of us can leave now.
Even you might be guilty.

Me?

Why not you?

Yes, why not you? How do we know
you really were invited here?

Why, Caspar asked me.

You said you were
Caspar's friend.

He never said anything about you.

Well, we were living
in the same flat.

I mean, he had it in the daytime
and I had it at night.

That sounds most peculiar.

Yeah, I guess it does.

You can't expect us to believe that.

Caspar never made friends easily.

Besides, there's that uncanny resemblance
between you and our great-great-great...

Now, wait a minute! You're trying
to shift the blame, Mr Femm.

I wasn't even in the
house when Caspar fell.

What's more, you're the one who
stands to gain by killing off your family.

Well, I'm going to do
something about it.

I'm going for the police.

MORGANA: Oh, Tom, don't!
Oh, don't be silly!

Tom, please,
don't be hasty.

Don't go!

Mr Penderel, the nearest house is
five miles away. You'll never make it!

Somebody's got to do something
and I'm going to do it.

- I wouldn't!
- Wait!

- Don't!
- You can't stop me!

I'm going to
get the police!

(EXCLAIMING)

(RUMBLING)

RODERICK:
We nearly lost you, Mr Penderel.

That would have
been most unfortunate.

I'm going for the police
and nobody's going to stop...

(GROANING)

Oh, my poor Tom.

My fault, Mr Penderel,
entirely my fault.

I'm completely responsible.

I should have worked out
a way to close the trap door

once someone got it open.

I'm sorry I had to be so
abrupt with you just now,

but we can't
be too careful.

First thing in the morning,
we'll send for the police.

First thing in the morning?

Promise. And now you ought
to get a good night's rest.

If you need anything,
we'll be downstairs.

Come along, everybody.

Morgana.

Oh, Tom, you've no idea
what living here is like.

All I can remember
since I was a child is

being locked in at night,
never able to leave.

It's like living in a tomb.

Does the money mean
that much to you?

Not any more.

You've seen what
it's done to the others.

I've watched normal people slowly change,
twisted by this house.

You talk of this house
as if it were a person.

It is.

Oh, you don't believe that, Cecily.

Houses aren't alive.

Not only alive, but evil.

Still, there's no need to worry.
My family's here.

That's reassuring.

(SHOE SQUEAKING)

That's Uncle Morgan.
Tom, he's furious you're here.

He thinks you're going to
take away Morgana.

He... he might
become dangerous.

Again.

What do you mean, again?

The last young man that came here
tried to take Morgana away.

Yeah? What happened?
No, no, don't tell me.

We heard screams
in the night and then...

He never was found.

You'd better get some rest.

Do you think
you'll be able to sleep?

Yeah, I'll count corpses.

(RAIN POURING)

(CHIMING)

(ANIMAL YELPING)

(HYENA GROWLING)

Morgana...

(GROWLING)

You don't have
to kiss my hand.

(CHUCKLING)

Stop, that tickles!

(GIGGLING)

(GROWLING)

Oh, Morgana,
you have such beautiful hair.

Why do you wear it in a crew cut?

Hmm?

I've been meaning to ask you...

(GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Help! Help! Help!

POTIPHAR:
Penelope!

Penelope, there you are.
I've been searching all over for you.

I'm sorry, Mr Penderel.
Penelope got loose.

She's perfectly harmless.

Naughty girl, bothering Mr Penderel.

Which one of the family is she?

She isn't related.

Oh, I see what you
mean, Mr Penderel.

Very amusing.

What's a hyena doing in this house?

Penelope is one of a pair,
Mr Penderel.

One of many.

You mean, there are more?

Many more.

You collect hyenas?

That's silly, Mr Penderel.

I have hyenas because the world
is coming to an end.

Oh, well, that explains it then.

You're just as batty
as the rest of them.

Nonsense.
I've calculated it to the instant.

(THUNDERCLAP)

You hear that?
It's just the beginning.

The beginning of what?

Pick up that book, Mr Penderel.

- You mean this one?
- Yes.

- Why, it's a...
- Of course.

Turn to Genesis
7:17 and 7:18.

- Genesis...
- Seven.

Now read it to me.

"And the flood was
40 days upon the Earth

"and the waters increased
and bare up the ark

"and it was lift
up above the Earth.

"And the waters prevailed

"and were increased
greatly upon the Earth

- "and the ark went upon the face of the waters."
- "Upon the face of the waters."

You see?
Just like it was before.

"And the ark went..."

You mean, you've made...

Where is it?

Look, there.

(THUNDERCLAP)

(BIRDS CROWING)

(DOGS BARKING)

(COWS MOOING)

(GROWLING)

I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.

40 days and 40 nights,
the rains came.

It's started again now.

How do you know it'll float?

We Femms are shipbuilders.

When the end comes,
the ark will be ready.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

There, there, Benjamin,
no noise, now.

We'll soon be away.
Excuse me, Willie.

Come, I've something
else to show you.

Something else?
I can hardly wait.

(BELLOWING)

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

This is yours.

Something for the man
who has everything, eh?

Mine?

Mr Penderel, you see, there's
just one animal missing.

Me?

A pair of people,
to re-populate the Earth.

People? But Cecily and I,
we're not even engaged.

Cecily?
Who said Cecily?

No, I mean Morgana.
A woman, warm, vibrant.

Er, me and Morgana...

- Absolutely.
- No, no...

Absolutely.
A perfect mate for you.

A mother for
a new race of Femms.

Yes, yes.
That's just what the world needs.

(BOAT CREAKING)

There, you see?
It's beginning to rise.

Looks like it's sinking.

I must go topside.
My charts, my sextant.

You and Morgana will be
very comfortable there when we sail.

Well, I...
Listen, hey, Potiphar...

(BARKING)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(BARKING)

I'm getting
just as batty as the rest of 'em.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(EXCLAIMING)

I'm not mating with
Morgana. Honest, I'm not!

That was just one of
Uncle Potiphar's jokes.

Really, Morgaaaaargh!

Ah, she doesn't even like me.
Honest, she doesn't.

I'm not her type.

She likes strong,
silent men with beards.

I shave. Look!

(LOCKS DOOR)

Potiphar!

Potiphar!

(HEAVY RAIN)

Potiphar!

Excuse me.

Potiphar!

Potiphar!

Potiphar!

Where are you?

Potiphar!

Must be back at the house.

Where is the house?

What? Oh! Oh, no!
Oh, no! No!

Help! Help! Help!

Oh, whoever you are,
thank you.

Thank you...
Hey, wait a minute.

Wait, you're making a mistake.
You've got it all wrong.

You're supposed
to pull, not push!

(SCREAMING)

(GUN FIRING)

(GRUNTING)

I told you it was dangerous
to leave Femm Hall.

Well, now you can
finish me off.

Go ahead. Shoot.

Shoot me!
It's better than going this way.

I can't stand here all night.

Get hold of the gun
and I'll pull you out.

Pull?
You'll pull, not push?

Promise?

You were shooting at me!

I wasn't shooting at you.
I was shooting at Morgan.

He was right behind
you all the time.

I wanted to warn you,
Morgan can be dangerous.

The last fellow Morgana fancied
disappeared right there.

But I can rely on you not to
do anything silly, eh?

Get back to Femm Hall!
Quick march!

Sorry, it's a bit too large,
but grandfather was a big man.

(SNEEZING)

Excuse me. Listen, Potiphar,
where did you disappear to?

Disappear?
I did no such thing.

I came back here
for my charts.

(SNEEZING)

Really,
you mustn't catch cold.

- Excuse me.
- I'll mull you a wine.

Just the thing.

All my animals must
have perfect health.

Feeling better?

Oh, yes.

Look, Roderick, just because
you pulled me out of that mud

doesn't mean I've
crossed you off the list.

You could still be the one
who's doing all this.

Of course I could.
So could you.

That's why I'm keeping this.
And I mean to use it.

I'm going to guard the door.

I want to be quite sure
that no-one enters.

Or leaves.

Say, listen, Roderick,
where are the others?

Cecily is in the kitchen
preparing a snack.

You mean, after all
this, she's hungry?

No, I am.

Morgana's in her room
drying your clothes.

Jasper's in the study.
You can stay with him.

Here we are, Mr Penderel.

Oh, thank you.

- Is that an American custom?
- Hmm?

Does it make the
wine taste better?

Yes! I'll make
one for myself.

Keep an eye on this
young man, Roderick.

I have great
plans for him.

In the study. March.

All right, all right.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

(SNEEZING)

Excuse me.

Say, it's really amazing how much
you look like your twin, Caspar, Jasper.

I'm sorry you left us.
I liked you.

Well, I like you both.

You know, Jasper, there's
something I want to ask you.

I'm glad we're alone.

Who do you think is really
doing all this, huh?

You don't want to talk.
Well, I don't blame you.

It is your own family.
I think it's Roderick.

Oh, it's getting cold in here.

It really is chilly.

Have you seen the
fire tongs, Jasper?

CASPAR'S VOICE: Pokers and tongs,
say the bells of St John's.

What did you say, Jasper?

What did you say?

Jasper!

Well, it was chilly and, er,
I went to get the fire tongs.

And... and, er,
I didn't see them here.

And there they were
around Jasper's neck.

And they still are.

You were the only
one who was with him.

CECILY:
Tom, tell him the truth.

But he was dead the
whole time I was in the room.

That's right. I felt him.
Quite cold.

There, you see, Uncle Roderick?
Tom didn't do it.

Until we know which
of us is the murderer,

we will all
go to our rooms,

lock ourselves in
and bolt the door.

Roderick, what good is
that going to do?

It'll keep us alive,
Mr Penderel.

- TOM: But you...
- Do as you're told!

- Shall we go?
- Yes, Roderick.

March!

Where are you going?

Upstairs, to lock ourselves in.

Oh, good!

Halt!
Now you'll all go to your rooms.

Potiphar, Cecily,
Morgana.

Uncle Roderick, don't you think Tom
would be safer in my room?

RODERICK:
No!

Night, Tom.

No! In here, where I
can keep an eye on you.

Oh. Just a clock.
Good night.

(DOOR CLOSING)

RODERICK: What do you think
of my little collection, Mr Penderel?

Nothing like being safe.

Gun collecting is
my hobby, you know.

When one doesn't go out much,
one needs diversion.

All we Femms have our
hobbies. Caspar gambled.

(GUNSHOT)

Jasper had his orchids.

Agatha, her knitting.

Potiphar has been building
his ark for 20 years.

Have you got a hobby,
Mr Penderel?

Yes, as a matter
of fact, I have.

My... no, sir,
I don't have a hobby, no.

Pity. Well, all we
can do now is to wait.

Wait for the murderer
to show himself.

(CLICKING)

Only four bullets.

Now you tell me.

Guns are my world,
you know, my real world.

This one was used to assassinate
the Archduke of Hungary.

This one belonged to
Harkness the Bluebeard.

He killed four of his wives with it.

This cannon is credited
with the sinking of the US Victorine.

All hands lost.

And this is my
pièce de résistance.

This gun was used
by Napoleon himself to kill...

(GUN FIRING)

(GASPING)

(GASPING)

Roderick!

(MULTIPLE THUNDERCLAPS)

Why, it was murder.

Morgan!

I told you I'm not going
to marry Morgana!

Can't you get that
through your thick head?

All right, stand back.

Stand back!

Oh, no!

(TOM EXCLAIMING)

Help! Help!

(EXCLAIMING)

(GRUNTS)

- (LOUD CLANGING)
- Sorry, Daddy.

Tom, Tom.

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Bullseyes and targets,

say the bells of St Margaret's.

Where's Cecily?

I don't know, Tom.

Cecily!

Cecily! Cecily!

Every time someone's been
murdered, this thing plays.

But it must be a new recording.

I pulled out the first one
after Caspar was killed.

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Bullseyes and targets,

say the bells of St Margaret's.

Unless...

Unless Caspar is still alive.

(CLICKING)

Say it.

Say it?

The rhyme.

"Bullseyes and targets,
say the bells of St Margaret's"

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Bullseyes and targets,

say the bells of St Margaret's.

Wait a minute.

CASPAR'S VOICE:
Bullseyes and targets,

say the bells of St Margaret's.

WOMAN'S VOICE:
Bullseyes and targets,

say the bells of St Margaret's.

TOM: It was recorded at normal
speed and played back slow.

Yes, Tom, it's my voice!

No, there's nothing you can do.

Now, would you like to
hear the end of the rhyme?

The final part?

"When will you pay me?
say the bells of Old Bailey,

"When I grow rich
say the bells of Shoreditch,

"Pray, when will that be?
say the bells of Stepney,

"Soon now, I know,
says the great bell of Bow."

No, Tom, no.

"Here comes a candle
to light you to bed.

"And here comes a chopper
to chop off your head."

No, Cecily, don't!

I'm going to kill Morgana,
just as I killed the others.

Just as I'm going
to kill this house.

In five minutes,

this house, and everyone in it,
will be dead.

Come with me, Tom.

We'll be rich.

You're mad.

Then stay!

(THUNDERCLAP)

I can't open this.
I can't...

There must be another key.
Where is it?

Potiphar.
He's got all the keys to the house.

Potiphar.
I'll find him and get that...

Aha!

In five minutes, this house,
and everyone in it, will be dead.

What did she mean?

Tom, just get me out of here.

Four minutes left.

She's going to destroy
the house, but how?

How?

There's a pattern for murder.

The rhymes, the bells, the clocks,
that tape recorder.

Those clocks.

Dynamite.

Morgana, how many clocks
are there in the house?

Clocks?
How can you talk about clocks?

How many, Morgana?

Oh, lots.
Tom, get me out of here.

No, not "lots", the number.

Number?
Tom, what are you talking about?

We've got four minutes,
Morgana. How many clocks?

Six or seven.

Well, six or seven?

Seven, but please don't shout.

All right, all right.
Which one strikes first?

- What?
- Which one?

The study. Tom!

You stay right where you are.
Don't you move.

Sorry, Jasper.

Two.

- Which next?
- MORGANA: The dining room.

Dining room.

Sorry, Aunt Agatha.

(BOTTLE CRASHING)

Roderick's room, Tom.
Hurry! Hurry!

- Which next?
- MORGANA: Yours.

Why, that's me!

Where next?

Morgana, where next?

There are still two clocks missing.
Where are they?

I can't remember.

What?

There's still one clock missing.

And there isn't time.

Get out of here.
Save yourself.

One clock. One clock.

Potiphar! Potiphar!

Goodbye. Bye, darling.

Potiphar!

Potiphar!

Potiphar!
Where's your clock?

- It's not time.
- That's what you think.

You're right.
We set sail now.

Wait! What are you
doing with my clock?

Wait, I need it!

(TICKING)

(EXPLOSION)

It's come! The end!
The end of the world!

We sail now.

Bon voyage.

(BIRDSONG)

Morning, Tom.

Why, good morning.
It's stopped raining.

Nice outside.

Be nice if you'd come
over here and let me out.

Yeah, well, er... no key.

Oh. Terrible! Terrible!

It wasn't the end of
the world, after all.

A slight miscalculation,
that's all.

You wait and see.
The end is coming yet.

Tom, come over here.

Well, er, listen, Morgana,
the thing is, when I, er...

(EXCLAIMING)

Yes, dear.

Let me in!
Let me in!

Hit me, Thomas.
Go ahead, hit me!

- I deserve it.
- What?

Daddy, you're speaking!

At last, I've found
someone worth speaking to.

Go on, hit me.

Okay.

- No. No, no, I couldn't.
- Ooh.

Then take Morgana.
She's all yours, son.

Well, that's wonderful, Tom.
We could be married.

Together? You and me?

And him?

Daddy, get me out of here.

I'm afraid that won't be possible, sir.
You see, the key is...

Excuse me.

Well, I don't see how you...

There.

We could live together
in this house,

just the two of us,
forever and ever.

This house, forever, with your father
and Uncle Potiphar?

Yes.

Well, you see, there's
this little girl in Texas.

(GASPING)
Oh, no.

Well, we're not
actually engaged.

But Mother was kind of hoping that...

Just the two of us, Tom,
alone in this house.

Every night, Tom, darling.
Every night, every night.

Not on your life.
I'm leaving.

(SCREAMING)

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