The Nude Bomb (1980) - full transcript

An unknown terrorist has developed a new type of bomb that will destroy clothing, but leave people unharmed. Agent Maxwell Smart (this time without 99 or Hymie) is taken out of retirement and sent back into the field to track down who this madman is and put a stop to his plans.

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ I can count on you

all right ♪

♪ If the world would end,

I'd just call you ♪

♪ And you'd fix it overnight ♪

♪ If I wanted the sun,

I bet you ♪

♪ Would deliver it to me ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ And I need you constantly ♪

♪ These are dangerous days

we're living in ♪

♪ And many times

I feel like giving in ♪

♪ But I never, never do ♪

♪ Instead I turn to you ♪

♪ You're too smart

to be true ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ Heaven must have

sent you here ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ Somehow you make

disasters disappear ♪

♪ You make every

little feeling ♪

♪ There is nothing

that you won't try ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ And I'll need you

till I die ♪

♪ Need you ♪

♪ Need you ♪

♪ You're always there ♪

♪ When I need you ♪

♪ I can count on you ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ If the world would end ♪

♪ I'd just call you ♪

♪ And you'd fix it overnight ♪

♪ If you wanted the sun ♪

♪ I bet you ♪

♪ Would deliver it to me ♪

♪ You're always there ♪

♪ When I need you ♪

♪ And I need you constantly ♪

♪ Oh, I'm gonna

need you, baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby... ♪

♪ Yes, I am ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪

♪ I'm gonna need you, baby ♪

♪ I need you, baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby,

yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Hey, your boot's ringin'.

Oh, is that my boot?

I thought it was yours.

Yes, well, I think

I'll take it outside.

Answer it here.

Uh, answer it here.

Yeah, on second thought,

I think I'll

answer it here.

Maxwell Smart,

Agent 86 here.

Max, this is The Chief.

This better be

important, Chief.

What is your situation?

Well, I'm 10,000 feet

in the air

facing a squad of killers...

who I think know who I am.

How many?

Well, counting the guy

with the gun in my face, 18.

Get rid of them and get back

here immediately.

Right, Chief.

Well, gentlemen, sorry,

but orders are orders.

Ah, ahh!

All right.

You guys stay here.

I'll go out and get him

and bring him back.

What is it now, Chief?

Max, I wanna know

what's happening.

Ahh!

I'm falling at a speed

of 120 miles an hour...

from a height of

approximately 8,000 feet.

I'm gonna open my parachute.

Should be on the ground

in two minutes.

Would you believe

two seconds?

Nations of the world...

this is KAOS...

the all-powerful organization

of evil and tyranny

speaking to you from

our secret headquarters.

We have in our power

a devastating new weapon

capable of systematically

destroying all known fabrics

which exist in the world.

It is called "The Nude Bomb."

I am prepared

to detonate this bomb

in every single nation,

eradicating each fiber,

every last swatch of cloth,

rendering the entire world

completely nude.

Every man, woman, and child

on the face of this earth

is at the mercy of KAOS

if our demands are not met.

These demands...

will be forthcoming.

That is all for now.

Have a nice day.

Uh, good work, 86.

You made it.

Hello, Chief.

Well, I see you're

using the stair ramp.

Pretty tight security,

eh? What's up?

A big one, 86. KAOS.

KAOS?

The international organization

of evil and rottenness, eh?

We're really up

against it this time, 86.

The fate of the entire world

is in your hands.

Oh, no, not again.

Well, okay, this time,

but next week

I'm on vacation, Chief.

If you get in trouble then,

it's your ass.

You know, Chief, this Nude Bomb might

solve a lot of problems.

Such as?

Well, for one thing,

flashers.

Only you would

think of that, Max.

That's why they pay me

the big bucks.

And there'd be no more trouble

with concealed weapons.

I mean, if everyone is nude, there'll be

no place to hide a gun or a knife.

Well, there is a place,

but it could be painful.

Activate the wash.

This is your team.

Now, Larabee,

you already know.

Why don't the rest of you

just introduce yourselves?

My name is Carruthers.

Just a minute.

Ladies first please.

I'm Agent 36,

and I can't tell you

how thrilled I am

to be working with the world's most

well-known secret agent,

the Maxwell Smart.

Oh, you've heard of me.

Who hasn't?

You're a legend, 86.

While I was studying

with the Spy Academy,

I reviewed every one

of your cases.

Oh. Well, wouldn't you like

to hear my side of the story?

I think you're wonderful.

Oh, you have heard

my side of the story.

I'm Dr. Jerry Krovney

and this is my sister Dr. Pam Krovney.

No kidding?

Listen, Doc,

I got a little pain

right about here.

See, I went to this

Japanese restaurant,

and I had a chili dog...

Max, Max, they're

not medical doctors.

They're doctors in the field

of technology.

They are

computer analysts.

You're kidding?

That's fantastic!

Thank you.

Okay, old-timer,

you're next.

My name is Carruthers.

I'm in charge of

special tactical weaponry

and logistical support.

I'm responsible

for your life

while you're

on this assignment.

Well, I certainly hope

you're up to it, old-timer,

because there are a lot of people

out there that would like to see me dead.

They're not all out there.

Deactivate the wash.

By the way, Chief,

what was the nation's reaction

to the KAOS broadcast?

Were they frightened?

- Angry.

- Angry?

Well, they interrupted

a soap opera.

Which one?

As The Earth Turns.

Well,

I don't blame them.

That's my favorite

soap opera.

Do you realize that

Jessica is knocked up?

You know, that's...

Max, Max, please, please!

Could we get on

with this, please?

Rendezvous point one.

The President should be calling

in a minute and 20 seconds.

He's gonna let us know

where to meet him.

Chief,

your rear view pipe.

What about it?

You got it?

Yes.

Let me have it.

What's the matter?

I think we're

being followed.

I was right.

Duck, Chief! Oh!

Max!

She's on our side!

She's one of your team.

22 has been assigned

to back you up.

Agent 86, Agent 22.

You shot at me.

I'm sorry, but you

drew your gun,

and I had

to protect myself.

Well, you

could've killed me.

Oh, no. I aimed

for your gun.

I put my bullet

in your barrel.

You put your bullet

in my barrel?

Max?

Of course. The ol'

bullet-in-the-barrel trick.

But suppose you'd

missed and hit me?

Max, I want this to be

a harmonious relationship.

Well, I'm sorry if

I was out of line, 22.

I'm sure you're

a very good marksperson,

but we all make mistakes.

And if there's one thing I've learned

in many, many years of experience,

is that you cannot be

too careful with your gun.

Excuse me.

Ahem.

Are you all right?

Missed it by that much.

Excuse me.

PITS.

Yes, Mr. President.

Bye, Mr. President.

22, take cover.

Right, Chief.

See you later, 86.

Right, 22.

22?

Where the hell

did she go?

You know she graduated

at the top of her class?

Majored in vanishing.

But she's always there

when you need her.

Maxwell Smart,

Agent 86 here.

This is

the President speaking.

Oh, how do you do,

Mr. President?

Mr. Smart, because of

the highly sensitive nature

of this Nude Bomb threat,

I've arranged for us to rendezvous

in this unorthodox manner

than risk any form

of security leak.

Any form of what, sir?

Security leak.

I'm sorry, sir,

but I can't hear you

because of

the traffic noise.

Security leak!

Oh, that.

Yes, sir, thank you.

Mr. Smart, I've just received

the KAOS demands.

We're in severe trouble.

They're insisting the United Nations

pool its resources

and pay KAOS a monthly rent

of $10 billion.

Well, that's

blackmail, sir.

I know, but

my information is...

the United Nations

is ready to capitulate.

Ah, blow it out your ass!

Blow it out my what?

Oh, no, not you, 86.

Now, listen.

They've called

an emergency session

at the Security Council.

They meet at noon.

Mr. Smart, I want

you to be there.

Right, sir.

Now, you realize,

Mr. Smart,

that once KAOS

learns of your mission,

they'll stop at nothing.

You'll be in

imminent danger...

constant jeopardy,

facing death at every turn.

And... loving it.

I don't think Carruthers

expects us this early.

I hope he moved your things

over from your old apartment.

22, we'll be out

in about five minutes.

Okay. Chief,

you may have been followed.

A black truck

just turned the corner.

Well, check it out.

Will do.

And, uh, stay

out of sight.

Right.

Watch your step, 86.

Now, remember, Max, when you use

this entrance... Gotcha, Chief.

You knock the bell

and ring the knocker, right?

Right.

As I was explaining, Max,

the door is the wall

and the wall is the door.

Unless you make the mistake

of ringing the bell

and knocking on the door.

Then the wall

will electrocute you.

You're early.

I'm not ready.

Max just came to pick up

a few things, Carruthers.

We'll be out of your way

in a minute.

All right. In that case,

I have in this box a...

Now, just a minute,

Carruthers.

Let me see if I get

this straight.

What you're trying to tell me

is that that telephone

activates that wall?

Actually, it's not

a telephone, 86.

It's a master

control panel.

There's another one

over there.

Now, I have in this box...

Wait a minute.

What do I use

for a telephone?

That stapler.

Now, I have in this...

A stapler telephone?

That's fantastic,

Carruthers.

Can it also be used

as a stapler?

No.

Oh, well, you better

work on that.

What's in the box,

Carruthers?

We don't have all day,

you know.

We made you

a new shoe phone, 86.

Ah! Touch-tone dialing.

Very good.

And in the event

you're indisposed...

my latest innovation.

Oh. Shoe answer phone.

Very practical,

Carruthers.

Now, when you

wanna go to bed,

you press that

top button there

and it activates

the bedroom wall.

And now I've got to activate

your filing cabinet.

Well, Carruthers has really done

an exceptional job

this time, hasn't he?

You know, you ought

to thank him, Max.

You thank him, Chief.

The only thing that's

on my mind right now

is why is there a KAOS agent

in my bedroom?

What the hell

are you talking about?

Shh. Listen.

Now, let's

not be hasty, Max.

This could be one

of Carruthers' Men.

No chance.

He would've mentioned it.

Look, just let me

handle it, Chief.

And above all,

try not to panic.

Drop that gun

and put up your hands.

Not you, Max.

Come over here.

Who are you and what are you

doing here?

I'm Harrington.

I'm on Carruthers' special staff.

I came in here to make a last-minute

check for hidden microphones.

A likely story.

Don't trust him, Chief.

Why not?

Eh, why not?

Why not?

Yes, why not? Well, for one thing,

he has a foreign accent.

A foreign accent?

I don't hear

any foreign accent.

What kind of an accent?

Eh, what kind

of an accent?

Eh, Chinese.

Chinese?!

Eh, would you

believe Japanese?

Max, not another word.

Italian?

You...

Let's see

your identification.

All right, Harrington,

you can go.

Thank you.

Good-bye.

Hey, Chief. Have

you ever seen this?

This is a picture

of Agent 13 and me.

That's Agent 13

in the trash can.

Agent 13 would be terrific

on this case.

No. You're already

dangerously overstaffed, Max.

But Chief, Agent 13

is one of the best

undercover men

in the business.

Why, he could be

in a room with you

and you wouldn't

even know it!

I wish you would

reconsider, Chief.

I'm telling you that Agent 13 is

one of the best.

He's top drawer.

Uh, bottom drawer, Max.

13, what are you

doing here?

We always work together,

don't we, Max?

Not on this job.

Ma...

Let's go.

Ahem.

Chief, Chief!

Believe me.

You cannot get anybody better than

Agent 13 for this job.

22, can I see you

a minute?

Sure, Chief.

Oh.

All right, all right.

You can have Agent 13.

Thank you, Chief.

What's up?

Well, Max has to go

to the United Nations

and you're going

to back him up.

Of course.

Good.

That girl worries me

a lot, Chief.

What ever happened to our regulations

regarding female agents?

They're supposed to be

unmarried, without dependents,

and willing

to fool around a lot.

Here comes

that black truck.

Of course, the ol'

big-black-truck trick.

Down!

Max, take cover!

Max!

Watch out!

Well, Max, KAOS knows

you're on the job.

I've never seen

that maneuver before.

Falling over backwards

and coming up shooting...

When did you

first think of that?

The second my foot

hit this banana peel.

PITS has picked Maxwell Smart

to work against us.

But it's

to our advantage.

Stop mumbling through that

ridiculous affectation.

This affectation,

my dear Nino,

is more than a disguise.

It's my latest innovation.

Besides being

perfectly coordinated

stylistically

with this ensemble,

this fabric filters

every last particle,

each microorganism

of a polluted world.

I'm telling you Maxwell Smart

has been put on the case!

Maxwell Smart is

a fool and a bumbler.

So, how do you explain

how this bumbler

has been able to thwart

KAOS constantly in the past?

He's a lucky bumbler.

I also know an attempt

was made on his life.

Did you order that?

Yes!

He's dangerous.

On the contrary,

my dear Nino.

He's invaluable.

I planted a double agent

in PITS...

Hence, we have on

Maxwell Smart's team

a constant continuity

of information

who will apprise us

of every move he makes.

Uh-huh. You're really

taking over, aren't you?

I rather look

upon my contribution

as an enormous help

to both of us.

It's no help to have

Smart go to the U.N.

He could convince them

we don't mean business.

An antidote to that

is to drop the bombs.

Drop the bombs!

That's all you think!

Drop the bombs!

We'll drop the bombs

when I say, "Drop the bombs."

Calm down, dear Nino.

I don't understand

these outbursts.

You've become

highly irrational

since that explosion

in your laboratory...

when you lost your eye,

your arm, your leg,

your larynx...

What's wrong with you?

You're a fool!

If we kill the goose,

where is the golden egg?

If we destroy the world,

who'll pay us the money?

However, your plan

does have some merit.

We'll drop

just a few bombs.

Limited warfare. Ha!

Very civilized.

Present arms!

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

Please, please.

Let us not panic.

It is perfectly obvious

to me what has happened here.

KAOS has merely

tried to confuse us

by using the ol'

fake-naked trick.

Of course!

The old-a fake-a

naked trick!

Uh, what's the old-a

fake-a naked trick?

They have

employed and hired

hundreds of people

to appear naked

in different countries

throughout the entire world.

It's an old trick,

but they have not fooled me.

In a top secret discussion

of such a sensitive nature,

we cannot risk being bugged.

I suggest that we activate

the Cones of Silence.

For security reasons,

we shall activate

the Cones of Silence.

There are

advantages to nudity.

It might eliminate war.

Without uniforms, no one

will know who the enemy is.

We will know.

We can have uniforms

made out of metal.

Aluminum is good!

It's light.

You can march in it.

You can paint

your medals on it.

A-uniforms! A-uniforms!

And stop already

with-a your uniforms

get us in the last war!

I would advise you not to talk

to me like that.

You have relatives

in Germany?

I can talk

any way I like.

I got relatives

in Chicago.

Gentlemen, trust me.

I know what I'm talking about.

There is no such thing

as a Nude Bomb.

There never

has been a Nude Bomb,

and there never

will be a Nude Bomb.

How was

the U.N., Max?

Very cooperative,

Larabee.

It's a fine organization.

Max, I've been

thinking about it,

and if they decide

to drop the Nude Bomb,

I know the answer.

Well?

Well, what?

Don't you wanna know the answer?

No.

Food.

Food?

Sure. The whole world

will start wearing food.

Larabee, that is

the stupidest thing

I have ever heard

in my entire life.

The whole world

will start wearing food?

I have heard you say

some dumb things, Larabee,

but that's gotta be

the dumbest thing

I have ever heard

come out of your mouth.

People wearing food!

Forget it, Larabee.

Just forget it.

Food. Jesus!

What kind of food?

Fruits,

vegetables, fish...

but not too much

red meat.

You wear red meat

a couple of times a week,

that's plenty.

But this is crazy!

Why? We're just going

back to the Bible.

Now, what did

Adam and Eve wear

to cover up

the good parts?

Fig leaves.

Now, that's food.

Now, you take a head

of Romaine lettuce.

That will clothe

a family of six.

You buy a flank steak,

you throw it

over your shoulders,

and you got a stole.

Cantaloupe.

You cut it in half,

scoop out the inside,

and you got a bra.

What holds the bra up?

Linguini.

Linguini?

Larabee, that's insane.

Do you realize

that the whole world

is facing a food shortage

as it is?

Max, this will work.

People for the first time

will know where

their next meal's

coming from.

They'll be wearing it.

They'll wear it

two or three times,

then you'd eat it.

Won't it spoil?

Not if you're neat.

What has neatness

got to do with it?

Well, you can't

take your clothes off

and throw 'em

over a chair anymore.

You got to learn

to fold them neatly

and put them

in the refrigerator.

Larabee, you can

just drop me off in front.

Why are we

going in this way?

Wait till you see

Carruthers' invention, Max.

See you later, Max.

Got our first break, Smart.

Man named Seigle

responded

to the distribution

of the photographs.

Said he'd call you back.

Don't tie up that

stapler, Carruthers.

Seigle may call back

any minute.

Carruthers here.

I'm leaving

the stapler location.

I'll be at my piano number

in half an hour.

If you need me earlier,

call me on my jock strap.

But please just ring once.

All right! Smart, I'll

explain this desk to you

and then get the hell

out of here.

That won't be necessary,

Carruthers.

I've seen desks before.

Not like this one.

This is the latest in

counter-attack furniture.

The D-1 Turbocharger

Desk Mobile.

This desk can go from

0 to 60 in five seconds

and can cruise

at 80 miles an hour.

It was built for

the cost of $12 million.

Get on.

See that key

in the drawer?

Turn it.

Of course!

The ol'

dashboard-in-the-drawer trick!

To activate the armament,

you press the knob marked

"air conditioning."

How do you turn on

the air conditioning?

There is no

air conditioning.

There is no

air conditioning?

Are you kidding?

$12 million

for this thing,

and no

air conditioning?

You better work on that,

Carruthers.

How much mileage do you get

on this thing?

35 on the highway,

12 in the living room.

Well, that's not bad

for an American make.

That's because it

doesn't run on gasoline.

It runs on ink.

This thing runs on ink?

That's fantastic,

Carruthers!

Why, do you realize that could be

the answer to the fuel shortage?

I'm afraid not.

Special kind of ink.

Comes from Saudi Arabia.

Well, Smart, that's it.

Make sure to change drawers

every 6,000 miles.

Mine or the desk's?

That depends on

who's chasing you.

I'm sure

I'll see you later.

It's been

that kind of day.

Ahh!

22, don't do that to me!

How did you get in here?

Through the wall.

Through the wall?

Well, what do you want?

Well, I've been doing

a lot of thinking since we met,

and I feel we got off

on the wrong foot.

You know, things would run

a lot smoother

if we became friends.

Let's stop beating

around the bush, 22.

What's you're after is my body!

86!

Well, just put it

out of your mind

because it won't work.

I don't know what you may have

heard about me,

but I am not easy.

Look, I think you've

got this all wrong.

I'll be... I know. I know.

You'll be gentle.

I've heard

that one before.

Sure, and as

soon as I relax,

you'll be all over me.

And then when

the case is over,

I'll never hear

from you again.

Max!

Ah, so now it's "Max."

See! That's what

I was afraid of.

Look, 22.

When I'm on a case,

I don't fool around.

I mean,

before a case, maybe.

After a case,

definitely.

During a case,

never.

Never?

Never.

Hmm?

After.

Definitely.

Freeze!

36...

What are you doing

in my bed?

Well, Carruthers

called about Seigle.

I rushed right over

and you weren't here,

and I hadn't slept

in 48 hours,

so I thought I'd take a shower

to wake myself up.

But it didn't work.

I'm sorry, Max.

I guess I fell

asleep on the job.

I suppose nothing like that's

ever happened to you.

I'm going to change

into my clothes.

Oh, Max!

Would you hand me the bra

and panties on the chair?

Uh, Max?

Huh?!

22!

Excuse me.

I just got instructions

from Carruthers

to activate the voice-print

monitoring system

for the Seigle call...

on all the extensions.

What was that?

Uh, what was what?

Didn't the toilet

just flush?

Uh, the toilet, yes.

Uh, well, that's another one

of Carruthers' inventions.

It's, uh,

an automatic flusher.

You see, it, uh, it flushes

every hour on the hour,

whether you

want it to or not.

It's also a clock.

Uh, two flushes.

That's two a flush.

Uh, 2:00.

3:00.

Well,

time certainly flies

when you're having fun,

doesn't it?

Well, you should be

running along, 22.

It's getting

kind of late.

What is that

in your hand?

Uh, that!

That's my bra.

Your bra?

Uh, would you believe

my training bra?

Mm-mm.

22, I can explain

this bra in five seconds.

Uh, these panties are gonna take

a little longer.

It isn't necessary.

Ah, but it is

necessary, 22.

You see! They're a disguise

from a former mission.

Max, where

are my bra and...

panties?

Uh...

36, you know 22.

22, 36.

Mm-hmm.

Now, wait a minute, 22!

I can explain anything!

I mean, I can

explain everything.

I did not know that 36

was in my bedroom.

When I came into my bedroom,

there was 36 lying on my bed

in my bathrobe.

Uh, so, uh,

then when I came in,

she was embarrassed,

you see,

so she went

into the bathroom

and she asked me

to bring in her clo...

her... her clothes.

So, that's when I went to get

her clothes...

her panties

and her bra.

See, and I went

to bring them in.

That's when you came in,

she came out,

and that's the whole story

in a nutshell.

Well, what

do you think?

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

This is the last time

I ever tell the truth

to a woman.

Look, the next time

you come over here,

don't wear

my bra and panties.

Uh, your bra and panties.

That's an order.

That could be Seigle.

Hello?

My name is

Jonathon Levinson Seigle.

I own Jonathon of Paris

here in New York.

I have information

which could determine

the fate of the entire world

and civilization

as it is known today.

You got a minute?

Of course.

I received a photograph

of that fellow that broadcasts

for KAOS on television,

and suddenly

I remembered...

Yes?

I had a model

who worked for me,

came in late one day

vearinga dress with

the exact same pattern...

a plum paisley.

Now, listen.

This is very important, Mr. Seigle.

Can you put me in touch

with this model?

Uh, look, Mr. Smart,

this is not a good time.

I've been vaiting

for a buyer,

and she's finally here.

Uh, why don't you

come by my place...

1711 7th Avenue...

tonight, exactly 5:00.

Could be 5:15.

Mr. Seigle?

He's been shot, 22.

See what you

can do for him.

I'm gonna

check out the back.

Relax, relax.

Calm down, ladies.

You have nothing

to fear from me.

I'm a government agent.

I advise you to keep

this door shut and locked.

Whoever it was got away.

Is this Seigle? Yes.

How is he?

I think he's dying.

I'll call an ambulance.

Mr. Seigle,

did you see who did it?

It was a man.

It was a man who...

Too late.

Better call the morgue.

Just a second.

Ambulance.

It was a big man,

a tall man.

I'd say, uh, 42 long.

Did you notice

anything else about him?

He had a patch

over one eye.

Morgue.

What's your hurry?

Ambulance.

He also had one leg

and one arm.

One leg and one arm?

Why didn't you

tell me that before?

You didn't ask me

if he was hard to fit.

Morgue.

Just a few minutes.

Ambulance.

When you called me,

you told me you

had information

about the Nude Bomber.

I think...

Who should I call?

Morgue?

Ambulance.

Get me a fair deal, Andy,

with Ernest Ainsley.

Oh, Mr. Seigle, you've got to

try to remember!

Now, you said there was this model

that worked for you

that wore a dress with

the same paisley pattern

as the man

in the photograph.

Ah, something

was happening.

Uh, what is this?

The fuckin'

Indianapolis 500?

Ugh.

- Hey.

- Mr. Seigle!

Mr. Seigle, say something!

Vhiplash! Oy!

Watch where

you're goin', fella.

Oh, Doctor.

How is he?

Will he be all right?

I think so. His vital signs

are encouraging,

but he's very weak.

We have to ask him

some questions.

He can't talk.

Can he type?

I'm sorry.

You can't go in there.

Doctor, it is absolutely

vital that we speak to him.

This is an

international emergency.

That man in there

has information

that could determine the fate

of the entire world.

Well...

22, do you mind?

Let me handle this.

I've dealt

with doctors before.

Now, look, Doctor,

we want in.

Please?

Okay.

See?

Mr. Seigle...

Huh?

We desperately need to know

the name of the model

who wore the dress.

Can you help us,

Mr. Seigle?

What did he say?

He asked me to take my hand

out of his groin.

What did he say?

He wants you to put your hand

in his groin.

Mr. Seigle, please,

can you help us?

I...

He's too weak to talk.

He's humming

the information to us.

That's Hello, Dolly.

The model's name

must be Dolly.

Mr. Seigle,

Dolly, Dolly.

This Dolly...

Where can we find this Dolly?

Darn, I know

that tune.

I know it.

I know that tune.

Now, don't tell me.

I know it.

California, Here I Come.

I told you I knew it.

She's somewhere

in California.

Where in California,

Mr. Seigle?

In Hollywood.

Los Angeles.

Los Angeles.

Mr. Seigle, you said you

knew the name of the man

who designed

the paisley dress...

"I wanna be...

"in that number,

when the saints

go marchin' in.

DOCTOR, SMART, AGENT 22:

"Oh, when the saints

go marchin' in...

Oh, when the saints go

marchin' in...

"Go marchin' in..."

Well, I want to be..."

Mr. Seigle?

Mr. Seigle!

I'm sorry, but you're going

to have to leave.

Doctor, you've got to give us

a little more time.

I must ask him

one more question.

We've got to find out

what he meant by

When the Saints

Go Marching In.

It's too late.

He's asleep.

Well, at least we have

some information

to feed

into the computer.

We know about Dolly

and we know

about California.

Yes. And we also

know that somehow

KAOS has advanced information

on every action we take.

Well, no matter

how clever they may be,

no one, not even KAOS,

can anticipate my every move.

Nothing on When The Saints

Go Marching In,

but as for Dolly...

Do you have

a make on her?

Subject's full name

is Dolly Francine Winston.

Address... 2211 Beach Avenue

Santa Monica, CA 90402

That's fantastic!

What does she do?

Interesting background.

She traveled with Isaac Stern

as his accompanist

on 20 concerts

worldwide.

Prior to that,

she was a curator

specializing

in Pre-Columbian restoration

at the Pyramids

of Teotihuacan.

And she voyaged with

the Cousteau expedition

as a consultant on

bathyspheric pressure studies.

Hmm. What

is she doing now?

She's a tour guide

at Universal Studios.

Well, she certainly

has the background for it.

Well, thank you very much.

You've been very helpful.

Oh, just one more

question, Doctor.

Yes?

Are you sure this is the right

Dolly Winston?

Positive.

Why do you ask?

Well, I once knew

a Dolly Winston,

traveled with

the Benny Goodman band.

She was a singer?

No.

She just traveled

with the band.

What happened here?

Ask the landlady.

We're government agents.

What happened?

I didn't see that.

That doesn't look

anything like you.

It's my thumb print.

Okay.

Was that Dolly?

That was Dolly.

Dolly Winston?

Mm-hmm.

What happened?

A man... a man

with a patch over his eye.

And one arm?

And a limp.

Of course! They knew

we were coming again, but how?

He ripped the room apart.

He destroyed everything.

May we see the room?

It's $300 a month.

Of course, you realize

it's a mess right now,

but once we get it

cleaned up,

I may have to charge

my cleaning fee

a little higher

than usual.

But as a rule,

we're very clean,

and the apartment is

such a mess, we...

And the bathroom

is just down the hall.

You are so lucky.

The plum paisley dress

isn't here.

The plum paisley.

That was her favorite.

But she never

kept it here.

She kept it in her locker

at the studio

for when she went out

on dates right from work.

We got here as soon

as we could, 13.

Who're you working with?

Agent 22 is my backup

right over here.

Hi, 13.

Oh, hi, 22.

Where's the locker room?

Oh, it's over there.

Women only.

I better go get the dress.

I didn't know 22

was your backup.

She's really something,

isn't she?

Yes, she's very nice.

I knew her when

she was married to Agent 78.

22 was married to

the late, great 78?!

Wasn't he

a little old for her?

Well, let's see, 22 was 21

when she married 78 in 72.

78 was 46. That means

78 was 22, 32, 42...

25 years older than 22.

22 joined PITS

when 78 died in 75.

Tell me, 13,

how was 78 killed?

Investigating

the Numbers racket.

Max, help!

22, are you all right?

He clubbed me.

A man... he grabbed the dress

and... and went out the door.

That way, 22!

Now, there are

rules to movie fighting!

The villain always

gets in the first punch.

I counter with a left,

I get him in the stomach,

toss him in the window...

That's why movie fights

look realer.

Now we have

a little gun play.

After a fist fight, there has

to be a movie shootout.

They're using

real bullets!

You have blundered into

a Cylon Battle Zone.

You are now

our prisoners.

Do not attempt to escape.

Move forward immediately

or we will blast you.

All stations stand by...

Power beams on.

Stand by.

Activate primary thrusters.

Activate...

Ignition sequence.

All systems ready...

stand by...

Ladies and gentlemen,

we're about to see a close-up

of one of the most famous

structures in

motion picture history...

a house used in the Alfred Hitchcock

thriller Psycho.

You remember the thriller...

Stay all together

and do not stray off...

We've gotta

take this tram.

There are

people on it.

Tell 'em it's

part of the tour.

They could get killed.

So, what?

We're not

charging 'em for it.

This tram

is overloaded.

Tell 'em they

can walk on water.

It's part of the tour.

All right, now,

you're all Israelites.

You're going to go

into the water

and experience

what Moses did.

Everybody up!

One, two, three!

Max, duck!

Ugh!

Your damn vanity could have

led Smart right to us.

Fairly empty accusation

considering

it was you, my dear Nino,

who gave the whole damn dress

to your lady friend.

Smart has seen me.

He should be eliminated.

Yes, I'm afraid

we'll have to kill him...

if he gets too close.

We're getting close, 86.

Name.

Nino Salvatori Sebastiani.

Subject was victim

of violent laboratory explosion

which occurred the afternoon

of November 24th.

Wasn't that on

Thanksgiving Day?

That's not important,

Larabee.

Subject sustained

the loss of one arm,

one leg, one eye,

and one turkey.

Told you.

I think what Larabee

is really trying to say

is that the explosion

in the laboratory

took place while Nino was

working on the Nude Bomb.

And Nino Salvatori Sebastiani

could be

the Nude Bomber himself.

Question is, where do we find

Nino Salvatori Sebastiani

within the next... 36 hours?

Uh, this may help.

He was recently divorced

from Edith Von Secondberg.

She's a reputable

fashion designer

currently vacationing

in Innsbruck, Austria.

Well, that's

good enough for me.

Okay, I'm off!

Agent 34?

86, welcome to Innsbruck.

Uh, thank you.

Shall we go?

Fill me in on

Edith Von Secondberg.

She's a famous

fashion designer.

Cherishes her seclusion.

However, she does

like her men.

A bit of charm and you may get

what you want.

Bit of charm, eh?

Well, I've used that weapon

many times before.

If that's what it takes

to get the information,

I may let her

have her way.

And if necessary...

I'll go the limit.

Uh-oh!

Just our luck!

We gotta run into

a poisonous Achtung.

That means "attention."

Uh, there has been

an avalanche.

Well, what do we do now?

Oh, don't worry.

I'll get us out

in a second.

Meanwhile, why don't you

slip in your ski boots?

Carruthers has adapted them

with your usual equipment.

Now, the road is blocked.

We have to do the rest

of the way on skis.

You know how to ski,

don't you?

I'm gonna try and forget

you said that.

Slip into

those bindings.

If you don't lock them

in place correctly,

they can be very difficult

to get off.

Almost impossible.

They freeze shut.

All set?

I'll be

right behind you.

You're the boss, 86.

What took ya so long?

Oh, boy,

you are fast.

I couldn't even

see you pass me.

Okay, 34, you better

get out of sight.

Let me help you

with your skis.

If it'll make you

feel better.

The bindings are stuck.

They're frozen.

Got a cigarette lighter?

34... listen.

Someone's

coming to the door.

Get out of sight.

Good luck, 86.

Shh. You mustn't knock.

No noise whatsoever...

or that will come down.

Won't you come in?

We can talk inside.

Wouldn't you prefer

to leave your skis... outside?

In this neighborhood?

Are you kidding?

You're quite witty.

And charming.

Who are you?

My name is Maxwell Smart.

I'm an insurance salesman

from Mutual of Austria...

and I have come here

to sell you

avalanche insurance.

Really?

I'm most interested.

Well, I'm preparing

some hot buttered rum.

Would you like

to join me?

Uh, no, thank you.

If you're chilled,

Mr. Smart,

why don't you

stand by the fire?

Oh. Thank you.

There's something I think

you should know, Maxwell.

And what is that?

Your skis are on fire.

Well, in that case,

why don't I

just take 'em off

and, uh, uh...

Let's see.

I'll just...

just put them there

until I'm ready to leave.

You are amusing.

I've tried for years

to get avalanche insurance.

There is no such thing.

What is it

you really want?

That's very perceptive

of you, my dear...

The truth

of the matter is

that I'm not really

an insurance man.

I'm a secret agent,

and I am here on a very

important mission, Edith.

May I call you Edith?

I'd like that...

particularly

since that's my name.

You'll find I answer

a lot faster to it

than I would if

you called me Marian.

I'm going to level

with you, Marian.

May I call you Marian?

Edith.

I'm looking

for your husband.

Do you know where

I can find him?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him

in years.

Were you married to him

when he had his accident?

We were married but...

Well, we weren't

living together.

Things weren't

working out.

Nino became almost

schizoid at times.

Schizoid?

Yes.

Half scientist,

half fashion designer.

He developed

an insatiable desire

to know everything

about my work in design.

And then came Norman.

Norman?

Tsk. Oh!

I took an out-of-work scientist

and made him a partner.

And what did it get me?

Permathin and Norman.

Who's Permathin?

It's a fabric.

Is that like

a plum paisley?

It could be produced

as plum paisley.

It could be plaid.

It could be plain.

In other words,

it could be anything

that starts

with a "P," right?

Right. If you invested in it,

it could make you poor.

It was prohibitive

to produce.

And who is Norman?

Norman Saint Sauvage.

And I never did meet him.

Norman, uh...

How do you spell

that last name?

S-A-I-N-T.

That's Saint.

It's pronounced "San."

Of course!

Well, that's what Seigle

was trying to tell us

when he hummed When The Sans

Come Marching In.

Norman Saint Sauvage.

Open up, 86!

It's KAOS!

Shh.

The avalanche.

Where are they?

They're on a snowmobile.

There's two of them.

KAOS knows every

move I'm making.

There must be

a double agent on our team.

We've gotta

get out of here.

Is there a backdoor?

Through the kitchen.

All right,

you two stay here,

and I'll take care

of them outside.

All right. Nobody move.

All right,

gentlemen, that's it.

This ridiculous

little game is over with.

I advise you

to drop your guns

and put up your hands.

Why?

Because at this

very minute, my friend,

this chalet is being

completely surrounded

by 500 Alpine

crack troops.

I find that

hard to believe.

Would you believe

150 Tyrolean ski troopers?

No, we wouldn't.

How about two

Saint Bernards in heat?

Ugh!

Ugh!

Whoa!

Ugh!

Ugh! Ah! Ugh!

Ugh.

Ugh!

You all right?

Uh-huh.

Ugh!

This is Maxwell Smart.

I'm sorry I can't speak

to you at the moment,

but if at the sound

of the beep

you'll leave

your name, number,

and the approximate

time you called,

I shall return your call

as soon as possible.

I can't believe this.

What is it?

Something's goofy.

This morning we ran

a profile on Saint Sauvage

and found nothing.

And now, suddenly,

we've got something.

I find that

very difficult to believe.

Yesterday, nothing

on Saint Sauvage.

Today, the computer

has the whole story.

There's something very strange

going on around here.

What happened, Doc?

Somebody screwed around

with the computer.

Or there's been

an unprecedented malfunction

which led to an egregious

miscalculation of...

Forget it.

I'll check out

the circuitry.

Norman Saint Sauvage.

Boulder, Colorado.

Age 43. Height 6'2".

Profession...

fashion coordinator.

That certainly ties in

with the design

and textile business.

Sauvage lived in New York

in 1975 and '76.

Didn't

Edith Von Secondberg

say that that's where Sebastiani

and Sauvage met?

Yes.

Looks like

Sauvage is our man.

I don't think

we have any options, 86.

We'll have to fly

to Boulder.

86, don't you think

it's advisable

to take

the whole PITS team?

If it turns out that Sauvage

is the Nude Bomber,

you're gonna need

their expertise and skills.

Good idea, Chief.

Hi, Max.

Did you give it

the once over?

Twice. Somebody

had good reason

for getting you

on this plane.

Left you a little

going-away present.

A going-away bomb.

It's set for 5,000 feet,

and bon voyage.

Well, that clinches it.

Whoever doesn't show up

for this flight

is the double agent.

Well, who do you

think that is?

Girls don't

understand baseball.

I'll tell you

at checkpoint seven.

Okay.

Well, who

do you suspect?

Agent 36.

How do you figure?

It's really quite simple, 13.

She knew about Seigle,

she knew about Dolly Winston,

and she knew about

the Von Secondberg trip.

I'm sorry to say this,

but Agent 36

is the double agent.

Hi. I came early

to set up my equipment.

On the other hand,

it could be the Krovneys.

Those two innocent teenagers

are vicious KAOS killers.

Hello, 36.

Pam, do you have the file diskette

load F-C-R-T-F?

It could be Carruthers.

86, it's Carruthers.

Are you gonna be

in there long?

I'll be right out,

Carruthers.

How about Larabee?

He knew every move

you were about to make, too.

Max, come on out.

Give Carruthers a break.

It's an emergency.

Well, 13...

that takes care

of about everybody on board.

With one exception.

Yes.

Agent 22.

I can't believe it.

I don't wanna believe it.

There's nothing else

I can do.

She's the only

one left, 13.

I like her.

Well, 13...

there's no room for sentimentality

in this business.

Oh, I'm sorry

about that, 13.

Oh, that's all right.

22 is not on board.

Well, I'll tell you why

she's not on board.

It's something I've suspected

for a long time.

What's the

factual data, 86?

22 is...

Sorry I'm late!

always sorry she's late.

Boy, am I glad

to see you, twenty...

Oh, there you are.

I'm glad to see you, 22.

Let's take off, Max.

No, Larabee.

This flight is canceled.

Coming!

Hello?

Hello, Max.

Oh, it's you, 22.

Good. Anything yet?

Well, we're

working on it.

Well, did you seal the airports

and the Amtrak?

We worked around that, too.

Good.

Well, any news yet?

No.

I'm waiting word

from the President.

Okay.

Well, you can

call me here, 22.

From here on in, I'll be working out

of the apartment.

Gotcha.

Not for long, Max.

I underestimated you, Max.

When did you first

get suspicious?

It really wasn't that

difficult to figure out.

You knew about Seigle,

you knew about Dolly,

and you knew about

the Von Secondberg trip.

But the real clincher

was when you sent me to fly

the unfriendly skies

of KAOS.

It's been nice

working with you, 86.

Where would you like it?

Uh, how about Cincinnati?

Very funny.

Good-bye, Max!

Watch out, Larabee,

it's not the Chief!

May I see your

license please?

Now, look, Officer...

Is this your desk?

Uh, yes, it is my desk.

60 miles an hour

is pretty fast for a desk, isn't it?

It is?

Yup. Uh, look, Officer,

I'm a government agent.

I'm after a defector.

Hey, Mac! Where

did you get your license?

Yeah, you!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Don't

let go please!

I won't if you tell me

where I can find

Sebastiani

and Saint Sauvage.

I don't know!

And I don't know

how much longer

I can hold onto you.

Oh, uh,

the Pocono Mountains!

Mount Thimble!

But don't tell 'em

I told you.

They'll destroy me.

Don't worry.

I won't tell them.

Can I have

your word on that?

You've got my word.

Ahh!

Sorry about that, Chief.

The President has requested

more time from the U.N.

They are going

to give it to him.

And that's

dangerous for us.

Smart knows too much.

Why all this

stupid waiting?

Let's drop the bombs!

That suits your purpose,

but not mine!

Get it out of your head

once and for all.

We are not turning the world nude

so you can dress them

in your Norman

Saint Sauvage look.

I'm in this for money,

not applause!

You're jealous of me.

Jealous?

Of you?

And you're beginning

to exhaust my patience.

I am beginning to exhaust

your patience?

Who do you think

you are?!

If it weren't for me,

you wouldn't be sitting

behind that desk.

You wouldn't exist!

Oh, but I do exist.

And as for you,

that's no longer true.

Ahh!

How long will it take you

to have the bombs

prepared for launching?

All the bombs, sir?

Yes, all the bombs.

Countdown for total launch

is 2 hours.

Good.

Start your countdown

procedures immediately.

We've landed

totally undetected

thanks to my genius

in creating

the noiseless Shushcopter.

Look, there it is!

That's the second

biggest zipper I ever saw!

It's unzipping!

Don't look, 22!

Why?

No telling what's liable

to come out of that thing.

It's a magenta alert.

We launch the bombs

in 15 minutes.

15 minutes?!

Carruthers, radio our position

to PITS Central.

Tell them to send in

the Task Force

and to have them get here

faster than possible.

All right, 22.

We've got to

invade that zipper

before the mountain's fly

closes.

Come on.

All right, all right.

No need for any rough stuff.

It's The Chief.

How can that be?

When the pulled him

from the manure truck,

he had two broken legs.

He's in a

Washington hospital

under heavy guard.

22, there's

something very strange

going on around here.

Which way

shall we go?

I don't know, but we can't afford

to get lost.

This place

is full of labyrinths,

and they all

look exactly alike.

You're right.

Of course I'm right.

Why, I once knew an agent

who went into the Pentagon Building

in Washington

and was lost

for three days.

Three days?!

I can't believe anybody

could get that confused.

Well, let me see.

I went in on a Tuesday

and I came out on a Fri...

Max, I don't

understand it.

If the Chief

is working with Sauvage,

then why is he a prisoner?

I don't know, 22.

The whole thing

is crazy,

but there must be

some explanation.

Indeed there is!

Please come in.

Well, thank you

very much,

but we were

just leaving.

We'll take those guns.

You wanna stay

for a little while?

I don't care.

It's up to you.

Please come in, Mr. Smart.

Make yourself comfortable.

We're in trouble.

What'll we do?

Stall.

Sit down please.

Thank you.

Well, this is certainly

a very pleasant

and unexpected

surprise.

I'm sure there

is a good reason

why you have invaded

my mountain.

Okay. Let's hear it.

You're indeed

an incredible man.

Here you are

completely in my power

and yet you manage to keep

your sense of humor.

All right, Sauvage.

Let's cut out

all the small talk.

I'm here

to make you a deal.

Give up this mad scheme,

turn over

the Nude Bombs to me,

disband KAOS,

make a public apology,

and I will see to it

personally

that you are

executed immediately

to avoid a long stay

in a dirty, filthy jail cell.

Well, that's my deal.

What do you say?

Well, what's your answer?

I'm waiting.

You won't have to

wait too long, Mr. Smart.

In five minutes,

I will release the Nude Bomb

and rid the earth of all

its unsightly, gauche fabric.

And then I, being

the only source of clothing,

become master of

a shivering, groveling,

naked mass of humanity,

thereby gaining

absolute control

of every living man, woman,

and child on this earth.

Well, that's a very

pretty speech, Sauvage,

but it has one

great flaw in it!

What's that?

Uh, what's that?

Yes, well,

I'm not quite sure,

but if you would run through it

one more time,

I think I could spot it.

You're a strange man,

Mr. Smart.

I'm strange?!

Listen, fella.

Anyone that runs around

with pantyhose over their head

and tries to make

the whole world nude,

that's strange.

Let's face it, Sauvage.

You're not playing

with a full deck.

Your bogus

ingenuousness

is straining

my equanimity.

Could you put that

another way?

You're pissing me off.

Yes. Well, there's no need

to get hostile about it, Norman.

Uh, may I call you Norman?

No, you may not.

No, I may not.

Eh, Norm?

Mm-mm.

Normy?

Uh, yes, well,

perhaps you're right.

Familiarity

does breed contempt.

Well, Mr. Saint Sauvage, sir,

let's look at

a couple of facts.

Let's.

Supposing you do

get four billion

shivering, groveling,

bare-assed subjects...

a fashion plate like yourself

would wanna design

clothes for them

so that it would reflect

your own good taste.

Let's face it, my friend.

Good help, nowadays,

is hard to find.

I've taken that

into consideration.

Madame Rose?

There is my answer...

Madame Rose.

The world's

greatest seamstress.

She's going to make clothes

for four billion people?

Boy, is she in

for a lot of overtime.

Madame Rose, pass through

the Clonatorium.

Instant cloning?

Yes. When I need them,

there will be a room

full of Roses.

That's fantastic.

One goes in,

two comes out.

I gotta get

one of those machines.

I wonder what

they go for...

Declone yourself.

Thank you, Madame Rose.

Now it's time

for you to witness

history in the making.

I'm going to set off

the Nude Bomb

and introduce to the world

Norman Saint Sauvage.

There is no

Norman Saint Sauvage.

What?

This isn't

Norman Saint Savage.

This is

Nino Salvatori Sebastiani.

Release him. Stand back.

You're very clever,

Mr. Smart.

And you are

very careless.

You yourself

gave me the answer.

Your vanity led you to demonstrate

the cloning machine.

And then it came to me

in a flash.

The Chief

was captured, cloned,

and returned to PITS

as a double KAOS agent.

After that,

it was fairly simple.

If Nino could clone

The Chief,

then he could clone himself.

And that's exactly

what he did.

And after cloning himself

and creating you,

Mr. Norman Saint Sauvage,

that's when the explosion

in the laboratory took place,

leaving the

original Sebastiani

with a squint,

a gimp, and a limp.

Well,

Mr. Norman Saint Sauvage,

I wouldn't be too smug,

because to use the terms

of your own trade,

"you're nothing

but a knock-off."

A cheap copy.

Where is the

original Sebastiani?

Dead.

You killed him!

I merely discarded

an imperfect mold

and preserved

the product...

its first and finest

masterpiece.

Well, Mr. Smart,

evidently,

I underestimated you.

You're not a complete fool

after all.

Almost. Very close.

But not complete.

Unfortunately,

your luck has run out.

It's a pity that one

so young and pretty

must die.

Well, thank you, Sauvage,

but I'm not afraid to die.

Max, I think he means me.

Oh.

The girl has a choice.

She may die with you

or stay with me

and join KAOS.

Well, what

do you think, 22?

Max, there can

only be one answer

to a question like that.

There can

only be one answer

to a question

like that, Sauvage.

What is that answer, 22?

Max, I'm staying with you.

That's the answer

to a question like that.

Too bad.

If you'll excuse me

for one minute,

I'm now going

to fire my missiles.

Initiate all

prelaunch programs.

Prepare phase one.

All crew ready areas.

Let's hustle it up, ma'am.

Code blue. Code blue.

Activates...

Prepare for launch!

Go through your

underground checklists.

You stay here.

They're on their way,

Mr. Smart.

In four minutes,

these missiles will

reach their destination

and strike the world nude.

Now, Mr. Smart,

I have one last

delightful launch to perform.

Yours.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ah!

Sorry about that...

Normy.

Max!

22, are you all right?

My legs are numb.

Well, don't worry, 22.

I'll have you out

of here in no time.

Put your arms

around my neck.

Atta girl.

Jesus.

Oh...

Oh!

What are you doing, Max?

The Fireman's Carry.

Oh.

22, where are you?

I'm over here.

Oh.

Max, I'm starting to get

some feeling down there!

We've got no time

for that, 22.

No. I mean my legs!

If I let you up,

will you walk?

If you let me up,

I will dance.

Chief! Are you

all right, Chief?

I'm fine.

What about you two?

We're okay.

How did you get loose?

Well, my guards

deserted the mountain.

Where's Sauvage?

He got hung up.

Max, this mountain

is gonna blow up any second!

Let's go!

Mission's over, Max.

Listen, there may be some fallout

from that Nude Bomb.

We better get out of here.

Don't be ridiculous,

Chief.

There is no fallout

from a Nude Bomb.

Fallout from a Nude...

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ I can count on you

all right ♪

♪ If the world would end,

I'd just call you ♪

♪ And you'd fix it

overnight ♪

♪ If I wanted the sun,

I bet you ♪

♪ Would deliver it to me ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ And I need you constantly ♪

♪ These are dangerous days

we're living in ♪

♪ And many times

I feel like giving in ♪

♪ But I never, never do ♪

♪ Instead, I turn to you ♪

♪ You're too smart

to be true ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ Heaven must have

sent you here ♪

♪ It's a miracle ♪

♪ Somehow you make

disasters disappear ♪

♪ You make every

little feeling ♪

♪ There is nothing

that you won't try ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ And I'll need you

till I die ♪

♪ Oh, I'm gonna

need you, baby ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ I can count on you

all right ♪

♪ If the world would end,

I'd just call you ♪

♪ And you'd fix it overnight ♪

♪ If you wanted the sun,

I bet you ♪

♪ Would deliver it to me ♪

♪ You're always there

when I need you ♪

♪ And I need you constantly ♪

♪ Don't you know

I need you, baby ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ I'm gonna need you, baby ♪

♪ Gonna need you, baby ♪