The Morning After (2023) - full transcript

Hi, Benji.

Guess you're not hung-over, huh?

Who's a good boy?

You wanna go outside?

Yeah?

Come on.

Hey, you.

Do you want some coffee?

We only have instant, but...

Do you want some toast?

I found this necklace

in the hallway.

Any idea who owns it?

That's mine.

Really?

I don't remember you wearing it.

Let me.

Now, this is the mess that

actually needs to be cleaned.

When will your dads be home?

Not until Monday.

So we have the whole house

for the weekend.

If you want to hang out?

I'm gonna go find some pants.

Ew, guys. Gross.

Can you believe, I found

this in the laundry room?

And that's not the worst thing.

I found a used

condom in my bedroom.

Can't believe some

man has been spreading

his man spunk all

over my sheets.

I have to boil

them or burn them.

Can only be half as bad

as your dads' sheets.

You mean from last night?

No.

From whenever they do it.

There's two of them.

Ew, I cannot believe you just

talked about my dads having sex.

All parents are asexual.

I thought you were in favor

of diverse sexualities?

I am.

LGBTQ+ every letter in the

alphabet except P for parents.

Because no one wants to

think of that. Especially

when talking about...

Jizz?

I have to find a way

to make you stop talking.

Do you think it was

Patrick and Melanie?

I made you some in

case you got hungry.

- Why was Patrick here?

- Huh?

Patrick. Why was he here?

Well, it's kind of hard

not to invite him. We have

a lot of the same friends.

So you invited him?

Just a part of the general

invite to the usual suspects.

I didn't think he'd

actually show up.

I just thought it was going

to be the most tactful way

to handle the situation.

Did you invite Melanie too?

Oh, my God. Fucking Melanie. Who

even pronounces it like that?

No, of course not.

Here. Eat some

before it gets cold.

We should get some light in.

See how bad the damage is.

Fucking hell.

You assholes scared

the shit out of me.

Who are they?

I don't know, but

they can fuck off.

Hello.

Good morning, Jo.

Did you sleep well?

Who is this?

I am the Big Gay Bunny.

I appear to all the little

lesbian girls after they had

their first taste of

the sapphic fruit.

Fuck off.

Not your first taste, obviously.

We meant Sophie.

I want to hear what

they're saying.

Trust me, you don't.

Don't pick up.

Sophie.

Good morning, Sophie. I hope

your hangover isn't too severe.

How would you know about that?

I followed your

party on Instagram.

Who are you?

As I told Jo already,

I'm the Big Gay Bunny.

I'm here to welcome

you to Lesbian Land.

Patrick.

Friends of his?

What do you want?

We are here to fuck feminism.

Last night, one of our

brothers cried out for help.

You thought you could

just replace him.

But we're here to show you

that men can't be replaced.

Now let us in,

before I ask the Big Bad Wolf

to blow your house down.

But that's a bear mask.

Sophie call the cops.

I'll get the door.

Are you calling the police?

Where's Benji?

We're at nineteen

Willamore Drive.

There are two men in masks

outside threatening us.

No, they haven't broken in.

We've locked all the doors and

windows. They're just outside.

Send help quickly.

They're sending

a police car now.

The cops are on

their way, asshole.

How nice.

If I were you, I would hop

on back to momma's basement.

But since I do hope you

end up in jail, maybe you

should just stay right there.

Actually, I think we'll just

wait for the police out front.

Are they gone?

Look,

I know there's a lot

of assholes out there,

who hate people

that are different.

It happened to me online. But I

promise, I'll protect you, okay?

Any Internet trolls ever do

anything to you in real life?

No, but...

They've been getting

more aggressive.

Fuck, I wish I

hadn't let Benji out.

Why is the bathroom locked?

- Can it be locked

from the outside? - No.

Is someone in there?

Who's in the bathroom?

Fuck.

Who's in there?

Is that a bread knife?

What the hell are

you doing in there?

Sorry, I must've passed out.

Hope my male body

doesn't offend you dykes.

What offends us...

...is this.

Well, you two were the ones

making out in public.

It's a bit too late

to demand privacy now.

- Where did you post it? - I

don't even fucking remember

writing that shit, man.

Do you know what you've done?

We have two freaks in

masks outside right

now, threatening us.

- What? - They're the ones

who sent us this post.

- Friends of yours? - Slow down,

man. Who the fuck is outside?

Two guys in masks.

A wolf and a rabbit.

- We've called the police.

- A rabbit?

Fucking...

Fuck.

What?

My phone's gone.

And my keys.

Those are not our biggest

problems right now.

Well, it's pretty

clear, you ladies don't

need me for anything.

So I'm just going to go get

my stuff and get out of here.

You can't leave with

those guys still out there.

It's just two teenagers playing

a fucking prank. Calm down.

Jesus, this place

is a fucking mess.

Can one of you

guys call my phone?

You don't just get to walk away

from the problem you created.

I need some aspirin.

Medicine cupboard.

Top left corner.

Nice.

Where the fuck are my keys at?

Looks like I missed the

real party. This one

yours or your dads'?

Would you please take the

situation a bit more seriously?

Look, Jo.

Nobody wants out of here

faster than me, okay?

So here's the deal:

I'm gonna go find my keys,

and then tell those two kids

to fuck off, as I go to my

car and find some coffee.

Then you can stay here and put

on your dads' gimp costume,

and fantasize about

having some real balls.

Charming.

You know me.

Sweet.

Would you please

look at your phone?

Tell us where you

posted it and who responded.

- Fine.

- Thank you.

What is it?

Well, it's like this forum for

guys to complain about women.

You know, like their exes

or girls rejected them.

It's just shit talking.

You posted this on

an incel hangout?

Look, it's just a place

for shit posting. It

doesn't mean anything.

'Oh, I just doxed some girls

to some incels.

Man, how was I supposed to know

something would happen?'

Did anyone respond?

Just the usual bullshit, man.

Like, if there's a video of you

two guys doing it,

some comments about

who is hotter.

- You want to hear 'em?

- Fuck you.

Look, it's just the usual

shit, man. Doesn't mean any...

Wait, this one's a bit weird:

'Time has come for our

dicks to stand up to

the lesbian gynocracy.'

- Who wrote that?

- The Big Gay Bunny.

That's him.

Well, he is probably harmless.

Yes, and they probably

just showed up here to

be harmless in person.

Look, everybody always talks

tough on those forums. Nobody

ever does anything in real life.

You have no idea, none,

what women have to

go through every day.

Especially those of us

who are gay or trans.

Assholes like you

running around, ruining lives,

and then accuse us of

getting hysterical.

- So I'm responsible for this

shit? - Yes. Yes, you are.

- Guys?

- What?

Hear that?

Can't make out what's happening.

Are those two the guys?

Yeah, the police

are talking to them

Should we go out?

Well, I need my keys.

Fuck your keys. Let's wait.

I hope the cops arrest them.

For what? Wearing masks?

I'm gonna go get my keys now.

I think we should

leave with the police.

Wait. They have to

come check on us.

They're still talking.

- I wish one of the

cops was female. - Why?

Because I'd feel a lot better,

if one of them was a woman.

Wouldn't you?

You've got to let go of

that pretty straight white

girl privilege, you know?

Look, something's happening.

Are they getting handcuffed?

I can't make anything

out through this glass.

See, they're holding

their hands out.

No, they're shaking

hands. What the fuck?

- Are they leaving?

- The cops are. Shit.

They're just getting

in their car.

We need to go. Now.

What are you doing?

Those guys are still out there.

We need to get in

that police car.

Stop. Would you?

Oh shit. Look, it's going.

What just happened?

I don't know.

Why would they just

drive off like that?

Don't answer it.

Patrick.

- Hello?

- Patrick.

- Your brothers have

heard your cry, and have

come to help. - Hang up.

How did you get this number?

You three have got

to stop asking such

predictable questions.

This is worse than

a Tinder date.

Patrick, hang up.

Yeah, well, I don't remember

swiping right on you. So

you can just fuck off, man.

I'm curious. What hurts more?

The crick in your neck from

sleeping on the bathroom tiles,

or the ass fucking those two

dykes gave your masculinity?

Who the fuck is this guy, man?

Turn around.

Benji!

Who's a good boy? You are.

You know why you're a good boy?

Because you let this lesbian

cut your balls off.

Because you weren't

always such a good boy.

I bet you used to be

the big swinging dick of

this whole neighborhood.

Maybe you fucked one too many

bitches. Am I right, buddy?

But she couldn't stand

all that testosterone,

all that virile power.

No. She called it

toxic masculinity.

She told everyone it

was a problem. That

you needed to be fixed.

Fucking hell.

So she took your big

manly balls and went...

...snip.

Breaks my heart to see

you like this, man.

Just a little pet doggy.

Sit, boy. Roll over.

Now beg forgiveness for

your male privilege.

Leave him alone, you sick

bastard. I'm calling the cops.

Again? They're going to get

pretty annoyed with you.

You're threatening

to kill my dog.

So?

That is illegal.

So is driving a car

into a crowd of protesters.

So is marching through the night

with torches, shouting,

'Jews will not replace us.'

So is storming the Congress

to try and overturn an election.

You know what we

learn from this?

- That you're fucking nuts.

- That you're a fascist wannabe?

I'm sorry, Jo. I couldn't

hear that over the sound

of your pathetic crying.

I said, I will fucking kill you,

if you touch my dog.

No, you won't.

You liberals are full of shit.

You say, 'defund the police',

'cops are racist pigs'.

But then when you're in danger,

suddenly it's all,

'Where's the police?'

You think these honest,

hardworking men in

blue want you tweeting

videos of the excessive

violence, they have

to use to defend you?

It's their job to

defend the people.

No. it's their job

to defend order.

But that order has collapsed.

You killed it.

So go ahead and call

whoever you want. Wave your

placards, create a hashtag.

We'll see if anyone

comes to help you.

- Oh, shit.

- No.

Why would you do that?

Because it amuses me...

...to torture a dog.

You sick fuck.

I'm paraphrasing from

Reservoir Dogs, you moron.

Yeah, well I'm gonna get

medieval on your ass.

That's a different

Tarantino film, you idiot.

Jo, don't.

What do you want?

It would be irresponsible of

us to give Patrick his keys

back, if he is over the limit.

So first, we need him to stand

on one leg and touch his nose.

Super. Now all you have to do

is fuck Jo, and we're good.

What?

You emasculated Patrick

by fucking his girl.

The only way for him to earn

the return of his balls,

is by fucking you back.

You're sick.

No. You're the one who

is unwell, Patrick.

You've allowed your mind

to be infected with the

disease of liberalism.

It makes you want to be a

good ally to feminists and

gays and people of color.

So this lesbian, eats

your girlfriend's pussy,

while you try to rub

some life into a cold

hotdog in the bathroom.

The first step in being a

man, is admitting you're

not okay with that.

Our bodies, our choice.

What you call a choice

is an insult to nature.

Your body evolved to get

fucked by men. You're

biologically wired to love dick.

But this virus of liberal

feminism has fucked

up your programing.

Have you ever felt the

pleasure of a rock hard

penis inside of you, Jo?

Don't make me puke.

Well, here's the deal.

We will all leave peacefully,

once Patrick fucks Jo,

the way nature intended.

Why?

Because, when Jo feels

dick inside of her

for the first time,

she's going to realize

that feminism has lied to her.

And our boy, Patrick.

Well, nothing makes you more of

a man than converting a lesbian.

Any man who can do that,

has truly earned his penis.

And what did you do to earn

your miserable prick?

We don't want you to end up like

this poor little doggy, Patrick.

That's why we're here.

To save your balls.

So you're not coming out,

until you restore your manhood.

Don't let those

two dykes mock you.

Better dead than castrated.

Jesus.

Be a man.

Hey, I know.

But there will be time

for this later. Okay?

Okay?

Sorry about Benji.

Fuck you. This is your fault.

I didn't fucking

ask for this, Jo.

We don't have time for this.

Jo, call the police

again. Tell them to come

to the house this time.

Patrick, call your football

buddies. Tell them to

bring baseball bats.

I'll post across social

media. Tell everyone where

we are and what's going on.

Yes. Yes. I'm sure it's

the same fucking house.

Can you please send

a female officer?

You cannot just send the

same useless fucks as

you did the last time.

How am I supposed to stay calm

when you won't fucking help me?

Jo, stop yelling.

Sorry. Yes, I will

wait for the officers.

Just please send help quickly.

I know you're upset, but it's no

good shouting at them, okay?

It's just always the

same fucking thing.

You tell the police that

some internet trolls are

threatening to rape you,

and they just say,

'Oh, don't be so sensitive.'

But they're coming back, right?

Yes. But what if they

don't help us again?

Then we shout, 'Fire'.

That's what they teach you

in rape prevention class.

Do you want to call your dads?

What's the point?

They're on a beach in Malta.

I'd just worry them to death.

You should see Bastian when he

panics. He's such a drama queen.

I can just picture him

swinging his arms up

and down on the beach.

while Greg tries to stop

him from hyperventilating.

Are you wearing my clothes?

If I have to run for my life,

I'm not doing it in a cocktail

dress and fuck me shoes.

Did you come in

here this morning?

Just with Patrick, when he

was looking for his phone.

This is a serious violation

of the Bro Code, dude.

Dude, why don't you

just call the cops?

We did already.

Then what the fuck's

the problem, man?

Because the fucking cops came

and didn't do shit.

You really think I would

be calling you, if this

wasn't a fucking emergency?

Get Jeff and some of the

other guys, and bring some

fucking baseball bats.

- What?

- Hang up.

I don't know, man. Jeff is

really hung over. I don't even

have my baseball bat anymore,

because I loaned it to Chad, and

the fucker never gave it back.

Well, any kind of fucking

stick to hit people with,

man. It doesn't matter.

These guys have got to run the

moment you get out of the truck.

- What?

- Hang up.

Why the fuck are

we even arguing about this, man?

Round up the posse and get over

here now. I've got to go. Bye.

What? I was literally

in the middle of calling

the fucking cavalry.

I think there's another person

in the house.

What?

I think someone was watching me

in the bathroom just now.

Then I remembered, the

office door was closed when

I got up, but it was open

when you found your phone.

Must be because I

could hear it ringing.

None of us opened it.

What the fuck?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Who the fuck was that, man?

Let's make sure everything's

locked. Jo, check the

windows in your bedroom.

- Patrick, check the office.

- Yeah.

I'll check the bathroom.

All locked. We're good.

We are not fucking good.

They were inside my home.

Isn't anyone coming?

A lot of people have

seen my posts. They...

You have got to be shitting me.

Fucking asshole is

mocking us, man.

The fuck?

All right, that's it. I'm

calling fucking everyone.

Fire brigade, ambulance,

taxis, Pepe's pizza.

It's time to shout 'fire'.

Fire!

How's the hangover?

A lot better.

You wouldn't believe the

emotional support we're

getting on social media.

Worth a lot less than

the Bro Code, I imagine.

Nope.

They're both worth jack shit.

Who else can we call?

Well, Emergency Services

said they wouldn't

respond to any more prank

calls from this address.

And the neighbors

are out of town.

Yeah.

I think our low point was

when we called Pepe's and

instead of coming to the house,

the delivery boy just

gave them the pizza.

I say we'll make a run for it.

Well, we don't have my keys.

So we can't start the car.

Then we keep swinging,

until we hit the streets.

We flag someone down and

get the fuck out of here.

And what if no vehicle is

passing at that exact moment?

We should barricade the doors.

They can break through the

windows, whenever they want.

I'm not going out there.

Why did he leave the gimp mask?

Maybe somebody else at

the party brought it?

Someone wore this and

none of us noticed?

What does it matter?

Because what if some of these

weird things are connected?

Like, why is there a bag of coke

in the medicine cupboard?

What?

Whoa! That is not

supposed to be in there.

Maybe it belongs to your dads?

Do you know how good Greg

is at keeping secrets?

My grandparents died

thinking he and Bastian

were just golf buddies.

No way, he'd just keep coke

in a medicine cupboard.

So someone brought it to

the party and left it there,

just like they

did the gimp mask.

Wild party.

And then guys in masks

show up the next morning,

and one of them breaks in, but

only steals our car keys. Why?

Who cares? We're in this

mess because this douchebag

doxed us on an incel forum.

Just help me piece together

what happened last night.

I arrived at nine.

There were a few other people

from college, but also others

I've never seen before.

Who were they?

Friends of friends?

There were like 35, 40 people

when I got here at eleven.

How many did you recognize?

Some of the guys I

knew from football.

Like Tom and Jeff.

A few from campus.

I don't know. Maybe half.

Who were the other guys

in the group email invite?

I don't know. I wasn't on

any group email invite.

It was bcc. You couldn't

see the other names.

No, that there was

personally addressed to me.

You also texted me,

when I didn't reply.

'Patrick, hope you got

my mail. Sophie and I are

throwing a party on Friday

night at my dads' place.

Hope you and Melanie

can make it. Jo.'

I thought it might help

smooth things over. All right?

You said, I should be pissed

that he brought Melanie.

Did I?

Yeah. Before you said

we should get revenge by

making out in front of him.

I fucking see this.

There's nothing to see.

Oh, really? You whisper

poison in her ears,

while we're together.

And then set this whole

thing up, so you could just

fuck her on the rebound.

Sophie, don't listen

to this asshole.

He brought Melanie here

just to make you jealous.

I only fucking brought her here

because you invited her.

Is that why half the guys

were from my football team?

I mean, why would a woke

vegan like you even want

to hang out with frat boys?

- Because of the Bro Code,

Sophie is off fucking limits,

Jo. - The Bro Code is a lie.

Did you invite Melanie?

Sophie, please don't

start thinking like this.

Look, I know a lot of people

get scared when they realize

their true sexuality.

But I promise you,

there's nothing to be afraid of.

Please.

I need some space.

You know, for a lesbian,

you're a real fucking dick.

No. I said, I don't

want any more.

No, I wanna get off.

No, no, no.

Hey, you okay?

You've been in here for a while.

Just needed some time to think.

You know, sometimes

shit happens when you're drunk.

And you do stuff,

you're not proud of.

Like a few weeks back,

Tom and Jeff beat up this

guy outside this bar.

I mean...

I was there, and I didn't

hit him or anything, but...

I didn't do anything

to stop them either.

All I'm saying is, it

doesn't necessarily

define you as a person.

I know, it must suck to have

Jo take advantage of you,

but that doesn't mean that...

That I'm a lesbian?

That's not what I meant, Sophie.

Just, you know,

we've had plenty of sex, and

I like to think you liked it.

Otherwise, I guess you

wouldn't have had it with me.

Unless you were gay.

That would explain

why you broke up with me.

I told you.

I've been offered a job with

Deutsche Bank in New York,

and I don't want to be in a

long distance relationship.

I could look for work there.

Isn't being a couple

about making a path together?

Our careers don't have

to determine our lives.

Men only say that because

they expect a woman to

sacrifice her career.

Do you know how many women

have sidelined themselves

because they needed to organize

their lives around their

husbands, kids, sick parents,

or some other family shit?

That's not happening to me.

I'm going to be

successful in my own right

and everyone can organize

their shit around that.

I wasn't asking you to

sacrifice anything, Sophie.

I don't want to go over

this again, Patrick.

That doesn't sound

like Tom and Jeff.

The fight at the bar.

They've been hanging

out with this new guy.

He's a real shit-stirrer.

Was he at the party?

Yeah, but I've never

really spoken to him.

He just sort of blends

into the background.

If they came after you

posted the photo, then

how did Pig get in?

And why not do something

while in here?

They took my keys.

But he couldn't

have taken them this morning.

Because you were already missing

your keys when you woke up.

And Rabbit already had

them, while Pig was

still in the house.

Maybe Pig threw

them out the window?

I'll bet they also took

Jo's car keys,

to stop us

making a run for it.

How did Pig find them,

if he was also hiding from us?

But we do know there

were people at the party

searching through cupboards.

Yeah, and they could

move freely around the house.

That means they were here

before I posted the photo.

Exactly. It's a pretext.

Maybe that's why I don't

remember writing it.

Does anyone know your code?

Fuck, I was so wasted

last night, anybody could

have seen me punch it in.

Hold up.

Maybe that explains

why my phone was in here.

If someone would have

wanted to use it...

They would have

wanted some privacy.

Fuck me.

But what's up

with the gimp mask?

Guys, what's happening?

What's happening, is

that not only do you

owe Sophie an apology.

You also owe me one.

They were here.

At the party.

But that's crazy.

Who would do that?

Why?

Do you have any enemies?

Aside from us, obviously.

Any online harassment?

Yes, but so does every

other woman who's

vocal about gay rights.

Check the comments.

'Dyke, bitch, whore,

feminazi, blah, blah blah.'

'Dick pic, rape, rape rape.'

'Kneel before the

towering majestic phallus.'

Who sent that one?

The Big Gay Bunny.

Two weeks ago.

They aren't here,

because of something I posted.

They're here because of you.

Fuck this shit.

We're going.

What do you mean,

you're going?

We wasted way too much time

staying here and listening

to all your bullshit, Jo.

There's no fucking

point in waiting for

someone to come help us,

when no one is fucking coming.

Let's go.

I can't see what's happening.

It may be a trap.

If the engine's still

on, then the keys must

still be in the car.

Yeah.

What?

They'll be watching the door.

Yeah.

Looks clear.

That's Melanie's car.

Where is she?

What the fuck is she doing here?

Run.

Stop, stop.

Oh, shit.

Go! Get in the car.

Go.

I can't see the other one?

Fuck, get back inside.

Get back inside. Go, go!

Fuck!

Come on.

Jo, get in.

- Come on, Jo.

- Come on, get in.

All right. Let's go.

Come on, man.

Hands off!

Jesus, fuck.

Jesus Q, motherfuck.

What is wrong with you?

You should be out of here

now, driving to the police.

I'm not leaving

you here with these freaks.

What good are you, if you're

trapped in here with me?

Hey, stop.

Why the fuck was

Melanie's car out there?

Fuck.

I have to admit,

I was getting kind of bored.

Mel!

Take another step and she

dies like a lesbian's dog.

I'm calling the cops.

Again?

I've seen smarter lab mice.

Let her go.

Melanie here would like to know

where her necklace is,

and where you were last night.

Yet another woman

making demands of our Patrick.

How do you know her name?

Driver's license.

Mel, I'm coming to get

you, okay? Don't let

that fuck scare you.

You hear that, Melanie?

They're making a

hashtag for you.

Bring back our girl.

I bet all the Libs

will retweet it.

I'll have no choice

but to let you go,

once Oprah's book club

endorses hashtag BBOG.

How about a live video

instead of a hashtag?

Oh, Sophie, how can someone

so smart still not get it?

Anything you say will be

used as evidence against

you in a court of law.

That's not the threat

you think it is.

Because you think the justice

system has collapsed?

No.

Because I'm also

live streaming this.

Bullshit.

Search for the Big Gay

Bunny on Instagram.

Where are you

streaming this, Sophie?

Some of my viewers want to

open it in another window.

What the fuck is this?

That's what everyone

wants to know:

Am I a psycho threatening

this poor young girl's life?

Or am I an actor with some blunt

scissors, threatening a girl,

who hopes she gets a speaking

line in this gonzo movie?

Easy question.

You're a fucking psycho.

Oh, but you would say that.

You're inside the movie.

I'm more interested in

what our viewers think.

How many people

are watching?

Thousands.

Everyone wants to know:

How's it going to end?

With you in fucking prison.

Sadly, that Truman Show

reference went right

over her dyke haircut.

But you can't expect much from

the intersectionally inferior.

Now for a montage of

audience reaction shots.

Guys, you've got

to do your part.

He's making it so

no one knows this is real.

There's no such

thing as reality.

There is only the matrix.

And you are Neo.

And now you are going

to talk about redpilling

and how you spent your teenage

years beating off at the

idea of being Keanu Reeves.

Correction. I spent them

beating off to Keanu Reeves.

I was very confused about

my sexuality, which is why

I'm so mean to gay people.

Is it?

Oh, for fuck's sake, Jo.

Try to understand.

There is no gay,

straight, black, white,

because there's no one left

to tell us what reality is.

No Walter Cronkite to say,

'this is today's news.'

What arrogance.

But where's Walter, man?

Just another guy in a striped

shirt, lost in the crowd.

We all live in our own

personal discourse now.

Maybe you're looking at me

through the window.

Or with me and

Melanie in close up.

But there's no God-like Walter

Cronkite seat on the action.

So you can scream

whatever you want.

People are going to hear

whatever they choose to hear.

Let's see what the cops think.

Bunch of kids playing a prank.

The whole Internet?

Some unemployed actors who

failed the audition with the

Royal Shakespeare Company.

Is this a scissors,

I see before me?

I have thee not.

And yet I see thee still.

Don't!

Please let me go.

Oh, she does get

a line after all.

No! God.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

Fuck.

Fuck's sake.

- Jesus.

- No.

Fuck's sake.

No, he's got a gun.

It's too dangerous.

But are you sure

the gun is real?

Fuck this guy.

No, fuck Jo.

That was the deal.

Now, my viewers

are getting bored,

and I need to get home,

so I can put my kids to bed.

Your what?

It's important to read to your

kids every night before sleep.

I don't want them to be

the kind of morons, who

watch shit like this.

No offense, guys.

You have until nine.

Then I want to see Jo's titties

jiggling in the window,

while Patrick takes

her virginity.

Wow. Lot of love for

Jo's jiggling titties.

Thanks everyone.

Keep your suggestions coming.

Kiss me.

We need to stick together.

Come on.

What is the point?

I'm not dying in here.

You okay?

They're the ones who did this.

Not you.

Melanie would still be alive,

if she never met me.

- Help me unmask them.

- What's the point?

Once we know who they are, we

can work out how to stop them.

And if that don't work?

Then we have to go with Plan B.

Let's start with what we know.

They've been stalking Jo online

for at least a couple of weeks.

Wolf and Pig never speak,

which suggests we would

recognize their voices.

So I think they

were at the party.

What about the blond guy?

He arrived alone.

He didn't strike me

as the incel type.

What about the guy in the suit?

He was pretty charming.

I remember that.

If he's guilty of anything,

it's most likely the used

condom Jo found in her bedroom.

Gross.

Yeah, that was probably

him and the redheaded girl.

What about Tom and

Jeff's new friend?

That sadistic asshole?

Yeah, maybe.

But what's the connection

with the gimp mask? Or the

coke in the medicine cupboard?

Or the cheese grater?

Oh my fucking God, guys.

Melanie just died.

She was just killed

in front of us.

Who gives a fucking fuck

about a fucking cheese grater?

Do you have anything

positive to contribute?

Anything other than

this shit is fine by me.

Okay. Then I guess

we're discussing plan B.

What's plan B?

We'll see what happens,

if we give them what they want.

Excuse me?

Rabbit keeps saying, if

we give them what they

want, they'll leave.

Have you forgotten what

it is, that they want?

No.

Oh my God.

You didn't have any problem

getting me drunk last night,

setting up the whole

thing with Patrick and

Melanie and my necklace.

But it's okay for you to go

all Brock Turner, because

you don't have a penis?

I'm not doing it.

And I'm not dying in here.

So if you have to do a

perfectly natural act

to get us out of this...

Then we need to

start considering it.

Guys, stop. It's not going

to fucking happen, okay?

What does Melanie's necklace

have to do with any of this?

My necklace.

That was my grandmother's.

I forgot it at your place

after we broke up.

Is that why you were so upset?

You had no right to just pass it

on to your new girlfriend.

That's what you said to me.

Right before we started kissing.

Wait, did you make out with

Jo, because you were pissed

off about the necklace?

I know, you think, you

were awakening my dormant

lesbian sexuality.

But you're not the first

woman I've been with.

She's not?

So you're bi?

No.

Look. Sexuality is

a big thing for you.

For me, it's just

another bodily function.

When I'm hungry, I eat.

When I'm tired, I sleep.

When I'm horny, I fuck.

Male, female, not

that big an issue.

Why didn't I know about this

when we were together?

You had a whole

monogamy obsession.

But...

You've been trying to get in

my pants since the day we met.

Congratulations. You were

nearby when I needed someone.

That's not helpful, Jo.

Jesus Christ, Sophie.

Leave her alone.

I'm sorry, but we have

to stop giving a shit

about who fucked who

and start thinking of

ways to get out of here.

Speaking as someone who's

bi, to use your terminology,

taking a dick inside

you isn't a big deal.

We can see what happens,

if we call their bluff.

Nice job, Sophie.

I know you were with other

people when we were together.

But what bothered me

the most was how easy

you would lie about it.

Then why didn't you

break up with me?

Because I loved you.

You cold-hearted bitch.

You were right.

We should have

made a run for it.

I'm sorry, Jo.

I can't stay here any longer.

When Sophie and I were

dating, there were times,

I thought she was autistic.

I mean...

She's a good person

and all, but...

She just has this coldness

sometimes, you know.

She's just so fucking pretty.

Sometimes it's hard to see

anything else, but that

beautiful face of hers.

Do you know how

Sophie and I first met?

I was the only person

at the art house cinema,

for a screening

of Jeanne Dielman.

It's this Belgian feminist

classic from the 1970s.

And it is so

notoriously dreary, that

I couldn't even convince other

feminists to watch it with me.

Fucking hell.

And then the doors opened.

And there's this beautiful girl

standing in the light.

I spent half the film

just watching her.

Every time she fixed her hair

or crossed her legs.

Just the two of us

in that big room.

And I had to go talk to her

afterwards, I mean...

She was the smartest

person I've ever met.

Mind like a scalpel.

Just my luck, she's straight.

And, you know, I kind of

reconciled myself with that.

But then last night...

She just seemed

less controlled than usual.

There was something wild in her.

So for a couple of hours,

I thought: 'This is it.

It's really happening.'

And I knew I was going to pay

for being that happy.

I just...

I just didn't know it was going

to be this bad, you know?

Yeah, she has that

effect on people.

Yeah.

What they did...

It's not your fault.

Yeah.

And maybe this whole thing

ain't your fault either.

Okay, first things first.

You've got to apologize to Jo.

We don't have time for this.

Yes, we do.

I'm sorry.

All right? Good.

Now I just need you to check

your recent social media posts.

Why?

Because I'd like to know if a

certain Big Gay Bunny Man has

been following you as well.

Recognize someone?

Yeah, your friends Tom

and Jeff really like my selfies.

They've given me

almost as many likes as Jo.

- Check the red dress photo.

- Why?

Because it was

particularly slutty.

This is pointless.

There's no reason...

What?

'If you'll fuck anything,

then why not also those

who least deserve it.'

'The BGB.'

Let me see.

That was over a month ago.

What the fuck is going on?

I don't know, but...

I think Sophie's right.

They were at the party.

But why the cheese grater?

Someone was using it

in the laundry room.

To grate rat poison

tablets into powder.

They were going

to poison someone.

We're the ones, they've

been stalking online.

Then something happened.

Jo and I started making out.

So we were too busy to drink.

Did Pig sleep in here? How would

that be part of their plan?

You're overthinking this.

I mean, what is the simplest

explanation for someone crashing

on the floor after a party?

You're shitfaced.

Who were the most

shitfaced guys at the party?

Aside from me?

Easy. Tom and Jeff.

More so Jeff.

He was off the rails.

Wait, hold up.

You two guys are not actually

suggesting that Jeff is the

Little Horny Pig, right?

Let's game this out.

You're Jeff.

Somehow you end up

in an incel group.

- Wait, Sophie. That's insane.

- No, I want to hear this.

Whatever the plan was,

it didn't pan out.

You get utterly shitfaced

and pass out in the office.

Then you wake up

and have to sneak out.

You sneak past us while we're

distracted by Wolf and Rabbit.

But then you realize

you've left a bag of coke

in the medicine cupboard.

So you hide in here

and wait for a chance to get it.

And then I come into Jo's room

for a change of clothes.

And go into the bathroom.

And because I'm a big perv,

I come to watch.

Wolf and Rabbit were trying

to peek in the window when I

first pulled the curtain back.

Because they were

looking for Pig.

So they distracted us,

so that he could sneak past.

Which is why Pig didn't attack.

He didn't break in.

He was trying to break out.

Then why the gimp mask,

and why leave it?

Because if you're Tom

and Jeff, you wouldn't

follow instructions.

That's why Wolf is

wearing a bear mask.

And Jeff bought this one

instead of a pig mask.

He would have just

thought it was funny.

But how did the necklace

end up in the hallway?

That was me.

What?

I asked Melanie to wear it,

to piss you off.

But when I saw how upset

you were, I took it back.

That's why she left.

Then I...

left it on the table for you and

went to the bathroom

to throw up.

Thanks for getting

my necklace back.

I'm sorry, I kept it

after we broke up.

If Pig is Jeff,

then Wolf has got to be Tom.

That is why they never speak.

But those guys are harmless.

They would never kill someone

or even someone's dog.

I mean...

Tom loves dogs. It's just...

It doesn't add up.

But neither of them were there.

It was Rabbit both times.

So if they are Tom and Jeff...

Then they don't know.

Because it's a fucking prank.

They're just frat boys

having a laugh.

Except for Rabbit.

But if they're that dumb,

we can't just send them the

video of Rabbit killing Melanie.

He'll talk them out

of believing in it.

So what do we do?

Gentlemen of culture,

thank you for joining us.

We're about to find out if our

brother Patrick will proclaim

the mastery of the

penis over our would-be

lesbian overlords...

Or if he's just another

pussy-whipped pseudo male.

There's like no fucking

way, they're gonna do it.

I would piss myself

if they did though.

Wolf, Pig, not while streaming.

The time is 9 p.m.

We're going to have to send

them another reminder.

Dude, I already told you.

I'm out of here at 10.

I can't believe they're staying

in there for this long,

but I've got training at six.

Yeah, and he's my ride, so...

What?

Oh, my God. Hey.

Oh, my God.

Hey, look.

No fucking way.

This is crazy, man.

I didn't believe

they were gonna do it.

Pig, please get closer

and verify that she

is being penetrated.

Wolf, please stop Sophie

making a run out the front door.

But I don't want

to miss the show.

Just fucking do it.

- Hello, Tom.

- Shit.

There's something

you need to see.

Titties jiggling

enough for you, Jeff?

Fuck you, Jeff. We know it's

you under the mask, asshole.

That was amazing.

Oh my God.

That was so good.

I cannot believe that happened.

Oh, my God.

You're an idiot.

That was crazy.

Oh, my God.

That was so.

I cannot believe that happened.

Oh man, you idiot.

Do you know what just

fucking happened there?

No, that was crazy.

Best thing I've ever, like...

That was so good, man.

You idiot. That was...

- Oh, my God.

- Jeff?

Tom. That was so...

That was so crazy,

though. Did you just?

Did you just?

- Jeff, there's something

you need to see. -

That was so crazy.

Jeff!

Please, let me go.

Fuck.

Fucking hell.

But it was just a...

I think this shit

got out of hand, man.

I mean, did Melanie really

just take the bus home?

That's what you think happened?

It was just a...

It was just a prank.

Once we guessed these

two were Tom and Jeff, we

knew it was all just you.

So now it's five

against one, asshole.

Let's grab this fuck.

Those two were the kind of guys,

that make me understand

what feminists have against men.

Go, go.

The police can't ignore this.

Probably not.

To paraphrase Stalin, '3 million

deaths would be a statistic,

but three is unfortunately

just murder.'

Then shouldn't you be running?

Like a rabbit?

Who do you think I am?

Were you at the party?

Picture any scene

from last night.

See that nondescript white

guy in the background?

You could have said

hi at any time.

Maybe then I might

have let you live.

Who are you?

I'm the nice guy that all

the girls swipe left on.

I'm the better candidate

who didn't get the promotion,

because we need to support

women and minorities.

I'm the straight, white,

middle class male,

that your culture says

needs to be punished

for the crime of being himself.

So you're the real victim here?

You're not a fucking hero.

And that leaves only

one role. I've read your

critical race theorists,

your queer post-colonials,

your anti-phallogocentric

feminists.

They are all about exposing

guys like me as monsters.

You want to know

the weird thing?

I used to be a

genuinely nice guy.

I recycled.

I volunteered for worthy causes.

I even had a poster

of Barack Obama.

But if this culture needs me

to be a monster...

Then a monster is what

it's going to get.

You don't have to do this.

I'm as mad as hell, and I'm

not going to take it anymore.

You are crazy.

I'm quoting Peter

Finch in Network, Jo.

It's a classic. Try to keep up.

At least our viewers

got that reference.

Wait, you're still

streaming this shit?

Of course. I'm getting like

PewDiePie level numbers.

Right now, chat is

all about how you guys

will keep me talking

until the cops arrive.

So what's the plan?

Sophie finally going

to get her tits out?

Guys, it's the Internet.

If people get bored for

10 seconds, they're gone.

And I haven't killed someone

in, like, 3 minutes.

So, I promise not to kill you

before the police arrive, if...

Drum roll...

Jo sucks Patrick's cock

until they get here.

Fuck you.

Let me put that another way:

Would you rather die,

than suck a man's penis?

No.

I don't see why you're against

it. You've got the good bit.

No to all your bullshit.

You're going to

be a hero now, Patrick?

No.

I'm kind of a shitty

person to be honest.

But I don't have to

stand by anymore while

you degrade others.

I'm not going to

participate in this shit.

I can still tell you to shut the

fuck up, and I'm going to stand

between you and them, so I can

tell you where to shove it.

Wow, Patrick.

I guess this is the

part of the movie where

I congratulate you on

finally learning what it

means to be a real man...

and let you all go.

If this movie were

Phone Booth...

Which it's not.

Because this isn't

the kind of movie...

Fuck you.

This isn't the kind

of movie in which woke

liberal values triumph.

You act like this is

all part of your script,

but that's bullshit.

This was never your plan.

You fucked up last night.

What was the rat poison for?

This house was full of

female rodents who think

they're too good for men.

Jo, who doesn't need them

for sex, you, who don't

need them for your career,

and Melanie, who turned

down the chance to get spit

roasted by Tom and Jeff.

And if there is one thing we

learn from watching porn,

it's that women love

two dicks at once.

But then Jo and I

started making out.

No, we were fine with that.

But then Melanie stormed off,

and we couldn't

pin the whole thing on Patrick,

because the dumbass

passed out in the toilet.

But this is even better.

A die hard feminazi lesbian

dying in the kitchen,

the way a woman should.

Where were your beliefs

in gender fluidity when

Patrick needed them, Jo?

I thought everything

was a social construct,

but ask you to suck your

friend's cock for a couple

of minutes to save his life

and suddenly it's all

'Oh no, it would be a

betrayal of my identity.'

How could you know?

You're not a woman.

Thank God.

That's a quote from

a movie, you moron.

Okay, I'll bite.

What movie?

And here I thought,

you knew all the movies.

Jeanne Dielman.

Never heard of it.

It's a feminist classic.

Then I'm glad I haven't seen it.

Too bad. If you had,

you'd understand what

you've overlooked.

Too bad for you, that I have

thousands of pop culture

nerds following live.

Nerd marines, ten hut.

Why is this bitch

talking about Jeanne Dielman?

And you wonder why

you're still a virgin?

The audience is going

to love this theory.

Because you're a coward

who wilts like a flaccid cock,

the moment anyone

can see his face.

You?

But you're not

some twisted loser.

Even now, with all

your intelligence,

you comfort yourself

with the belief that people

like me are anomalies,

deviants, marginal cases.

But do you hear that, Sophie?

That is the silence of no one

coming to your rescue.

We're your manifesto.

I didn't come here to punish you

for something you are or did.

I came here to

demonstrate a truth,

your kind refuses to accept:

The liberal order is over.

What do you mean, none

of you shitheads has

seen Jeanne Dielman?

It's called collective

intelligence, not

collective ignorance.

Patrick?

Come on, Patrick. No.

Patrick.

Jo? Jo?

I'm calling an ambulance.

You're gonna be okay.

It's okay, Jo. It's okay.

Jo. Jo, they're coming.

You're gonna be okay.

I promise.

I said, I'd protect you.

It's gonna be okay.

Okay. It's gonna be okay.

Jo, you're gonna be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

Jo? Jo?

Jo? Jo? Jo?

Jo?

Don't leave me.

They're not coming

for you, you moron.

Open up.

Ma'am, we need you

to open this door now.

Break it down.