The Lovers' Guide: Igniting Desire (2011) Movie Script

Love is a drug.

A class-A drug.

MRI scans have shown

that the euphoric dopamine rush

experienced by lovers

Lights up the same areas of the brain

as cocaine and morphine.

This reaction can act

as a powerful painkiller,

and oxytocin,

known as the cuddle hormone,

can be strong enough

to blind us to a Lover's flaws.

The continued

release of the stress hormones

adrenaline and cortisol

can ensure that the newly-smitten

cannot eat, cannot sleep,

and cannot think about anything other

than the target of their affection.

Love can strike

anyone anywhere,

and often when they least expect it.

But, rather than doing

what comes naturally,

we and the way we lead our lives

in today's busy world

put barriers in the way.

Just because nature has given us

the basic tools and instincts,

it doesn't mean that

everyone is going to be great at it.

The expectation that

we should instinctively know it all

can mean that we don't educate

ourselves about sex.

This increases the tendency

to dodge big relationship issues

such as safe sex, bad sex

and lack of sex.

Like most things in life,

to do something well,

you have to learn and practise.

And sex is no exception.

Anyone who has ever experienced

the groin-swelling, nipple-hardening

intensity of sexual chemistry,

knows that when lust hits hard

it overwhelms the mind as furiously

as it overpowers the body.

So why is sex

such a powerful drive?

Anthropologists, logically enough,

put it down to the need for procreation.

Sex is essential to the survival

of the human species,

so we're made to crave it.

However,

unlike our hairier ancestors,

it's not just about breeding.

Courtesy of contraception,

we are uniquely free

to explore the excitement of sex

for its own sake.

The upsides of such

freedom are obvious.

We can get to know ourselves

by exploring different sides

of our sexuality with our partner

or indeed different partners.

We can experience

the heady highs of lust

and enjoy orgasms in myriad ways

without risking pregnancy

or even commitment.

Great sex means different things

to different people.

Libidos vary, fantasies vary

and motivations vary.

Age, upbringing, health

and personal circumstances

can all have an effect

on people's desires.

And an individual's preferences

can change from day to day, too.

On some occasions, tender kisses

and slow sensual caresses

might bring passion to the fore.

Sex can be about lust or love,

temptation or celebration,

affection or simply occupying

yourselves on a rainy Sunday.

No one motivation

will guarantee great sex,

but it's certainly worth exploring

all the options.

It's those people

who feel comfortable

enjoying, understanding

and exploring sex

that tend to have the most fun

with their clothes off.

Being honest

about your own cravings

and willing to explore

every inch of your lover's body

in a bid to learn

what really turns them on

is an essential part of great sex.

Sex, after all,

can't just be about your desires.

To be really synapse-sparking,

it has to be about tending to your own

and your partner's individual

desires, wants and needs,

and finding the glorious intersections

between those points.

Flirting is man's mating ritual.

It's the first way we indicate desire,

and a host of industries

are built up around it,

from speed-dating to more traditional

singles' nights, pubs to clubs.

A plethora of social occasions

are little more

than thinly-disguised

seduction opportunities.

Many people complain

that nightclubs become duller

once you stop being single.

Which just goes to show

how carefully they are designed

to help people find a mate.

And while you may not necessarily

get a chance for good conversation,

you certainly get a good opportunity

to scope out potential conquests.

Flirting gives a subtle

indication of interest -

suggesting you are up

for forming a deeper connection,

but without the risk that comes

with a more direct approach.

Things like direct eye contact

and an open smile

can act to indicate desire

and suggest attraction.

Although some people

are innately flirtatious,

it's also a skill that can be

Learned and developed.

Practising flirting helps

overcome lack of self-confidence

and the fear of rejection.

The main goal is to spark

the imagination of your target.

One key thing to keep in mind

when you're attempting to flirt

is your body language.

Although you don't want to completely

invade someone's personal space,

a bit of encroachment

sends the signal

that there's more than just

chatting going on here.

A welcoming smile,

a casual touch of the hand,

or simply listening

to someone attentively

will all help indicate your attraction,

though some prefer

the more overt approach.

Leaning towards someone,

which is often necessary

in a noisy environment,

is another way to show your interest.

The more confident you look,

the more attractive you'll seem.

By relaxing, enjoying yourself,

and using those signals skilfully,

you can establish whether there's

a connection with a potential mate,

and, if there is,

who knows where it could lead?

Sex is a core human need,

as natural as breathing,

sleeping and eating.

And, as with all these needs,

the hunger for sex can be

a strong motivating force.

Our bodies ignite the desire for sex,

and once the craving is there,

it's the first step towards the joys

that intimacy can bring.

Physical attraction

is an essential part of desire.

Sometimes, just the sight

of a muscular pair of arms

or a hint of cleavage can activate

a person's sex hormones,

which then rouse the body and mind

into action.

The trickiest thing

about fulfilling desires

can be finding the person

who really clicks with you sexually.

We're genetically

hotwired to be drawn to partners

who seem to be good

breeding stock.

Youth, health and strength

are universally appealing.

But more than that,

we're also attracted to people

whose pheromones indicate

they have a complementary

immune system to our own.

When we meet a match,

the brain releases a complex

cocktail of chemicals

that produce a rush

of excitement and wellbeing,

bonding us to a lover

and making us feel content.

The body conspires

to enhance these chemicals.

The pupils dilate, making us

Look more attractive to a partner.

Meanwhile, the blood makes

a bee-line to parts of the body

that openly indicate desire.

Resulting in external signs such

as erect nipples and a hardening penis,

which all serve to arouse a partner

if they happen to catch a glimpse,

even through our clothes.

While research has shown

that 90% of long-term couples

feel they are with the right partner,

over 50% of marriages

end in divorce.

Still, strong physical attraction

and great sex can develop

provided the couple bring enough energy

and enthusiasm to their intimate lives.

Once the feeling

of desire kicks in,

we use the same kinds of seduction

techniques found in the animal kingdom.

Grooming, preening, teasing

and sometimes territorial behaviours.

Simply placing a hand

on a lover's arm in public

can indicate to others

that they are taken,

and kissing in public is a clear indication

to others to keep their hands off.

Sadly, these feelings

don't always last.

The most powerful chemicals

of attraction

only last for around three months,

with almost all of them fading away

within 18 months.

This is why many couples may feel

the magic has faded.

They identify the feeling of love

as being the heady mix of chemicals,

which is why it's so important to develop

more than merely a sexual relationship

when you first meet a lover.

But, with continued effort,

there's no reason that

a long-term loving relationship

shouldn't result in even better sex

than the chemical-driven highs

of the early days.

It's only when we kiss

that chemistry really has

the chance to work its magic.

With the right partner, the world

shrinks down into nothing but the point

at which your lips are making

contact with your lover's.

As the kiss deepens,

the blood rushes into your lips,

indicating your desire,

increasing sensitivity

and making them firm with arousal.

That first kiss can

be thick with passion.

While it can be tempting

to dive in tongue first,

the entire experience becomes

so much more enticing

if you take a softly-softly approach.

Looking into

each other's eyes

as you breathe

each other's breath,

each waiting for the other

to make the first move,

can create one of the most intoxicating

moments of a burgeoning relationship.

Going in too hard and fast

to start with

can indicate inexperience or a lack

of concern for your partner's enjoyment.

Good things come to those who wait,

and never is this truer

than with kissing.

While wet kisses do have their place,

an overactive, probing tongue suggests

you want to rush to the finishing line

rather than enjoying the sensual

pleasures that a kiss has to offer.

Many a relationship has been

thwarted by a lack-lustre first kiss.

While technical skill has a part to play,

if there isn't that magical zing

when your lips first meet,

it can indicate there may not be

enough physical compatibility

for passion to grow.

Licking your own lips when

your mouth is mere millimetres away

from the object of your affections

delivers a sensual tease that will make

them yearn to press their lips to yours.

And taking that first kiss slowly,

Letting your lips delicately

touch your lover's

before pulling away

to extend the tease

will serve to make the stomach flip

and the heart race.

By teasing and withdrawing,

deepening the kiss then pulling away,

you help to build the passion

slowly and seductively

while still leaving your lover

in no doubt as to your desires.

That said,

as your relationship progresses,

deep, hard kissing can be

an intoxicating way to show your lover

that you still desire them

as much as you did

in the early days

of your relationship.

A passionate kiss

can be achingly intense,

fuelling the desire to let your lips

explore your partner's face,

neck, shoulders

and beyond.

It will make your skin tingle

and blood pound,

and leave your lover

filled with anticipation.

And kissing isn't just

about the lips.

Leisurely exploring your lover's neck,

earlobes and shoulders

can be achingly sensual.

Many women list their neck as one of

their most sensitive erogenous zones,

with delicate neck kissing

acting as more of a turn-on

than a more obvious approach

of caressing the breasts.

While love bites are best

avoided after adolescence,

gently nibbling and teasing suction

can send shivers of anticipation

through your lover's body.

Kissing is addictive.

It forms a strong, lasting bond

between you and your partner.

It's a well-known truth that

when relationships break down,

it's usually the kissing that stops

even before the sex.

Think of kissing as the litmus test

of how well you're getting along.

The lips are densely

populated with nerves.

An intense session of kissing ensures

those nerves,

combined with those on the tongue

and in the mouth,

constantly send messages

to the brain.

This helps unleash numerous

sexy chemicals

that make you feel relaxed, aroused,

connected to a partner,

and ready to take things

to the next level.

People stay in love

when they feel valued,

adored and appreciated sexually.

Don't be complacent.

Keep making your partner feel sexy,

keep flirting,

and don't let the kissing stop.

You never know where it might lead.

Touch is one of our most

basic communication methods.

However, only the caress of a lover

has the ability

to set your nerves alight

and make your mind explore

the infinite possibilities

contained within than blissful moment

when skin meets skin.

Even something as simple

as your fingertips meeting your lover's

can be charged with erotic promise.

The average human has

an impressive two square metres

of skin surface area.

That makes the skin,

packed with millions of nerve endings,

your body's largest erogenous zone.

All it takes to activate it

is a touch from the right person.

Stroking each other helps you

rouse each other's desires,

getting the juices flowing,

and making you both eager for more.

Caressing your partner's body

teaches you its landscape.

It's only by exploring

that you can discover exactly

what makes your lover tick.

Although the breasts and genitals

are the obvious erogenous zones,

by allowing your hands

to roam more thoroughly,

you can discover your lover's

unique body blueprint.

For some, a finger traced

along the spine,

back of the knee

or the nape of the neck,

can produce a strong and erotic charge

as more X-rated exploration.

For others, delicate kisses

to the buttocks, inner ankle or toes

are the key to sexual bliss.

There's no right or wrong,

simply what your lover likes best.

As with most sexual contact,

caressing a lover builds

a feeling of intimacy

and releases the cuddle

hormone oxytocin.

This makes you more receptive

to touching and being touched,

sending the signal that

you can relax into your arousal.

Building these feelings with slow kisses,

tender eye gazing and teasing strokes

will only serve to heighten

the anticipation.

Mixing up the types

of caresses and areas being caressed

helps keep the skin's nerve endings

responsive.

And there's no reason

you can't touch yourself

while your lover is touching you.

Being comfortable enough to masturbate

in front of your lover

shows that you trust them

and helps them to get to know

the type of touch that

you most enjoy.

There's no reason that touch

should be limited to your hands.

The lips and teeth can deliver

exquisite sensations,

helping your lover feel worshipped

on every inch of their body.

Sensual kisses and

whispered sweet nothings

will all add to the mood and

make you both desperate for more.

Take time

when caressing a lover.

Give them the chance for their mind

to imagine what's going to come next.

Once someone's brain is stimulated,

it's almost guaranteed

that the body will follow.

Women in particular

appreciate slow foreplay.

While only 25% of women climax

from penetrative sex alone,

this figure increases to over 75%

if their partner spends

more than 20 minutes

on touching

and other forms of foreplay.

Many people fantasise

when their lover is caressing them.

This is entirely natural and healthy,

even if you are not fantasising

about your lover.

Communicating your desire

sexually with a partner,

whether verbally or through the way

you groan and move your body,

is one of the easiest ways

to get what you want in bed.

And continue to communicate

whilst you are being pleasured.

Simply moaning when your lover

caresses you in a way that you enjoy

and staying silent when they do

something that doesn't hit the spot

will help them learn

what you most enjoy.

Most people simply

want their lover to be happy,

and you will generally find if you have

the confidence to ask for what you want,

you will get what you need.

Touching yourself is

as important as touching a lover.

Until you truly know your own body,

you're unlikely to be able

to guide a partner

on how to satisfy your desires and

your own personal pleasure zones.

While some people

stigmatise masturbation,

it really is entirely normal and healthy.

Playing with your own body

helps build confidence

and teaches you about

your own sexual responses.

It's helpful to be aware

of your many erogenous zones,

not just the genitals.

Everyone is different.

There is no right or wrong way

to stimulate yourself,

so experiment with different methods.

Men have an arsenal of techniques

at their disposal.

They can use a lubed up hand

to rub and squeeze the penis and balls.

They can experiment with different grips,

using one hand or both,

or even rub their penis

against something.

Once you've explored your body alone,

show your partner what you've learnt.

Side by side, masturbation can be

one of the best ways to demonstrate

what turns you on to your partner.

When it comes

to pleasuring your man,

explore every last inch

of his penis and beyond,

stroking him from his balls

to the tip of his shaft.

Follow his hands on how best

to stimulate his penis.

If he is not fully erect,

grip the penis and gently pump it

with your hand.

You may also want to coat your palm

with lubricant

and then grasp his shaft and start

to move your hand up and down.

Experiment with

different techniques.

Try holding his shaft

right underneath the head

between thumb and finger

and rubbing it.

Or grasping the shaft firmly

in a lubricated hand,

with your thumb on his fraenulum

and slide your hand up and down.

Or use one hand to stroke his shaft

with smooth, even strokes

while the other one moves around

the head in a circular motion.

Watch your lover's

body language as you play,

and check whether he likes what

you're doing as you go along.

And don't ignore his balls.

Feel free to squeeze and tickle them,

but always be gentle,

because a bruised testicle

is a sure-fire way

to get a man immediately

out of the mood.

As a man nears orgasm,

his balls will tighten and you'll feel

his penis start to pulse.

It'll also probably feel harder.

Maintain what you're doing

unless you want to extend the tease,

in which case change the technique.

There's a lot to be learned

from watching your partner.

Women generally tend

to prefer softer, slower

and more manual stimulation

than men.

Watch how she softly rubs

the shaft of the clitoris.

Going straight for the clitoral tip can

be uncomfortable for many women.

Look at how she swells with arousal

and keeps the pressure light.

Women tend to prefer

the gentler approach to men,

so notice how her fingers circle

around her clitoris or tease her labia,

rather than pressing hard

or rubbing fast.

When masturbating

in front of a partner,

be honest about what you really do

when you're alone.

Although it can be tempting

to put on a graphic display,

particularly if you watch

a lot of adult films together,

there is no point going

for lots of penetration

and spreading of your labia

or finger licking,

if what you really enjoy is

a light circling of your clitoris.

Your partner can only learn

from what you are doing,

if you show what you genuinely enjoy.

It'll be even more of a turn-on if he can

see you getting wetter as you play.

It generally takes a woman

Longer to climax than a man.

So, if you're going for a mutual

masturbation session,

"ladies first".

That way, you'll both be satisfied

and interested in what each other

is doing throughout.

Watching your lover masturbate

and then joining in

as she gets closer to orgasm,

using all the new tricks

you have learned from observing,

can be one of the sexiest show-and-tell

sessions you will ever experience.

It helps if you let your lover

show you by guiding your hand

how best she likes to be stimulated.

Feel around her G-spot,

a few inches inside on the upper wall.

You'll know when you've found it

when you find an area that swells

when you stroke it

with a come-hither motion.

G-spot stimulation can be

the pathway to female ejaculation.

Don't be afraid

to show your lover

how much you enjoy watching

her masturbate by touching yourself.

And many women find

watching their partner masturbate

to be a turn-on too, so you may

spur her nearer to her orgasm.

Conversely,

most men are aroused

by watching a woman lose herself

in sensual pleasure.

So don't be afraid to let

your growing excitement show.

It's more than likely to make your lover

desperately want to join in.

The man should add

more fingers

as he feels his lover

getting more aroused,

and use his other hand to caress

her clitoris, neck or nipples

or to stroke himself.

Frottage, or rubbing your genitals

against your partners,

can be a wonderfully stimulating twist

on more traditional methods

of masturbation.

Just remember that you still

need to use a condom

unless you know you're safe

from STI's and pregnancy.

When orgasm hits,

don't be afraid to Let it show.

Not only does it let your partner know

they should stop what they are doing,

to avoid touching

over-sensitised areas,

it can also act as an incredible

turn-on for them,

spurring them towards their own climax.

Masturbating a partner

isn't just great foreplay,

it can make a refreshing change from,

or a wonderfully sensual alternative to,

full-on sexual intercourse.

Just about every animal on the

planet uses licking to convey affection.

But humans have taken it

to a whole new level.

There are numerous ways in which

people use their tongue on a lover.

Delicate licking, sensual lapping,

and tracing outlines on a lover's skin,

all have their place.

And licking isn't just reserved

for the most obvious body parts.

Exploring your lover's

entire body with your tongue

can make them tingle all over.

Going from a standing start

straight to oral can be very sexy.

But if you make a lover crave your

tongue on their most intimate parts,

they're more likely to be aroused and

eager when you finally get down there.

The longer you extend the tease,

the more powerful a lover's

eventual orgasm is likely to be.

Whether that happens with your mouth

or fingers or full-blown sex.

Many women find oral sex

the easiest way to climax.

As the clitoris is much richer

in nerves than the penis,

start gently rather than sucking too hard.

You should be

sensitive enough to feel

whether she wants your licks

stronger or faster.

even simply breathing on the clitoris

can be incredibly arousing,

building her desire and making her ache

to feel your mouth around her.

Try using the flat side of your tongue

rather than the tip

as some women prefer

a big ice-cream lick

to pressure of the point

of the tongue on the clitoris.

The golden rule is not to see it

as a race to get her to a finishing line,

but to delight in losing yourself

in a joyous activity.

Some women can feel self-conscious

about receiving oral sex,

but if you show that

you're not only willing

but actively want to take your time,

it will reassure her that

she smells and tastes great,

and can relax into enjoying herself too.

And with her relaxation

can come great orgasms.

As a woman nears orgasm,

her labia and clitoris will swell

and the wetness will increase.

At this point, you can add

a finger or two.

Or try more intense contact

using the tip of your tongue.

But again, build up slowly,

as otherwise she may

Lose the moment entirely.

Vary how you begin oral sex.

Putting your tongue on the shaft

of a hardening penis

or engorged clitoris through underwear

can be wildly erotic.

Try lapping at the pubic mound,

the inner thighs, the balls,

and occasionally let your tongue

snake inside the underwear.

While there are numerous

fellatio techniques,

they fall into two basic approaches.

For a slow and gentle tease,

or as a wonderful warm-up,

Lick the length of the penis

from balls to shaft

before gently flicking your tongue

over the generally more sensitive head.

To extend the anticipation,

move back from his glands

to the base of his penis

and work your way up.

Or from side to side,

or to his inner thighs,

before moving back up.

Try playing your hair

over his shaft

as you delicately lick the tip,

softly sucking the skin between his balls

into your mouth.

Or even sucking his balls entirely

into your mouth.

Do take it carefully though,

as the balls can be incredibly sensitive

and not all men like them

being played with.

Alternatively,

or as things heat up,

go for more intense sucking,

moving your head up and down,

so that he can watch his penis

vanishing into your mouth.

Many men find it extra hot

to make eye contact at this point,

so he can see how much

you love what you're doing.

Make sure you keep

your teeth guarded behind your lips,

and don't be afraid to set the pace.

If he thrusts too hard

or at the wrong moment,

it can set off the gag reflex.

Keeping one hand on the penis

as you perform oral sex

will also help you stay in control.

What you are aiming for is creating

a warm, wet, tight combination

that emulates the feeling of him

sliding in and out of your vagina.

Masturbating the shaft or

softly tugging or cupping the balls,

or using your fingers to put

some pressure on his perineum,

that area between his balls and anus,

can send him over the edge.

You may want to get an all-clear from

him

before you go sticking your finger

in his anus, however.

Some men love it, but others will

not take such an intrusion kindly.

If it's the taste of semen

that you really don't like,

take the penis at the back of your throat

to bypass the majority

of your taste buds,

and if you're squeamish

about swallowing,

withdraw your mouth altogether,

and masturbate him to orgasm.

Different people prefer

different techniques,

so read your lover's body language.

Don't be shy about asking questions,

even when you're in the middle

of pleasuring your partner.

And, above all, focus on enjoying

the sensual pleasure

of having your lover's most

intimate parts in your mouth.

Some people get just as aroused

by giving oral sex as receiving it,

and you may become one of them

if you get your mind into the right state.

It really can be every bit as good

to give as to receive.

Whilst straight-forward sex

is perfectly wonderful in itself,

many people also enjoy

some form of kink or fetish.

For some, it may simply be

the exhibitionist thrill

of watching a lover

strip or masturbate.

Being able to observe a partner

in such an intimate way

and know that they're indulging

for your gratification

can deliver an intense sexual charge.

Others find that sexy lingerie

adds an extra frisson to sex

that nothing else can match.

Dressing up and undressing

for seduction

can add a sense of naughtiness

and occasion,

particularly if a lover is

appreciative of the effort

and lavishes you with compliments.

Stockings and suspenders are popular,

and giving a discreet flash

of stocking top

when you're getting out of a car

on the way to dinner

can make a man's mind

wander all night.

Even simply seeing a pair of stockings

being slowly unfurled up a leg

can be enough to create

a spark of desire.

And of course,

getting kinky isn't simply

about the way you dress or undress.

Spanking is one of the most

common fetishes,

often forming part of sex in which

one partner takes a dominant role,

and the other a submissive one.

With this scenario, even something as

innocuous as tickling can be a turn-on.

While most people seek out

the pleasure of touch,

the sensation of pain which also

releases a flood of feel-good endorphins

can be just as energising.

This is exacerbated

if the spanking starts slowly

and gradually becomes more intense.

If a long, hardish

spanking is administered,

it is essential to comfort

your lover afterwards,

otherwise they may suffer a come-down

from their body's own natural high.

And teaming pleasure with pain

can really increase the sensations.

Even if a kink

doesn't do it for you,

by indulging your lover,

you may well find yourself

bringing a previously unknown

spark into your relationship.

Fetishes can be based

deep in the subconscious,

and connect you

to your lover's sexual psyche

in a way that non-kinky sex doesn't.

And you never know,

just because a particular kink or quirk

has never appealed to you,

it doesn't mean you won't enjoy it

if you actually try it.

You can take things

to another level

by bringing kinky role-play

into the occasion.

Many role-play scenarios

involve a power play:

doctors and nurses,

escorts and clients,

seducers and virgins.

And you don't necessarily have

to dress up or use specialist props.

Simply using your imagination

can be all that's required

to transport you to a castle dungeon

or an Arabian harem.

Bondage, domination,

submission and masochism,

collectively known as BDSM,

allow exploration of power roles

within relationships.

Some people get a thrill

out of relinquishing

or seizing control

in the bedroom,

particularly if this runs contrary

to their position in everyday life.

Household props can easily

be adapted to kinky purposes.

Stockings or silk scarves

can become bondage ropes.

By trying both dominant

and submissive roles with a lover,

you may tap into previously

unacknowledged desires.

However, before engaging

in any fantasy or role-play,

make sure boundaries

are clearly defined.

What may seem entertaining in fantasy

can be too extreme in reality,

and levels that you think

you'd never step beyond

may become surpassable

when you're in the heat of the moment.

Before you start playing,

it's essential to set a safe word

which means stop

and that your partner promises

faithfully to adhere to.

Many people enjoy using the words

'no' or 'stop' as part of the role-play,

so choose a word such as 'red'

which you are less likely to use

during the sex-play.

Some couples draw

inspiration for their fantasy play

from X-rated material:

reading erotic stories,

looking at sexy magazines

and watching adult videos.

Most men have looked at some form

of pornography in their lives,

although figures for women

are on the increase too.

Producing home porn,

whether in the form of pictures

or videos of oneselves,

has seen a massive boost

in the digital age.

While you should never take photos or

videos of anyone without their consent,

role-playing photographer and model

can be a hot fantasy.

And you can always delete any images

you take afterwards.

You may find it safest to ensure

that neither of you is identifiable

in any home porn you make,

should anyone find the footage.

Unless you're happy

to be exhibitionists,

keep your faces out of shot,

and also ensure you hide

any unique piercings or tattoos

to keep your identity

properly protected.

That goes doubly so if you intend

to post your footage online,

on the user-generated adult websites

that are now in abundance.

Sometimes

a perfectly passable sex life

just needs a little tweak to move it

into the mind-blowing category.

In the end, good old

romance can often be best

for maintaining the spice

in a relationship.

Affection and appreciation are often

the choicest aphrodisiacs in life.

Sex toys have been around

for thousands of years.

Early dildos, known as olisbos,

were sold in Greece around 5,000BC.

Around the same time,

Ben Wa balls,

still used as vaginal toning devices

and stimulators to this day,

were created in southeast Asia.

Olive oil was mentioned

as a sexual lubricant

in texts dating back to 350BC.

Although it shouldn't actually

be used as a lubricant

as it can cause condoms to break.

And cock rings, once made

from the dried eyelids of goats,

were used back in 1200AD.

By 1600, these evolved

into carved ivory rings,

some with studs used to stimulate

the clitoris during intercourse.

Vibrators were invented

in Victorian times

to provide orgasms as a medical cure

for hysteria or womb disease

in female patients.

The machines were administered

by doctors

who previously had developed

tired wrists

from having to cure

this hysteria manually.

Nowadays sex toys

are no longer taboo.

At a sex emporium, you can pick up

clitoral stimulators, dildos and vibrators

of every shape and size.

The choice in men's toys has also grown

significantly over the last decade,

most notably with the arrival

of a masturbator

looking like an ordinary torch.

Around half of all women

in the West

have a sex toy of some kind,

and almost 80% of them

use them within relationships.

You can use them to stimulate nipples,

a clitoris, vagina or anus,

or indeed the penis, balls or prostate.

So don't see toys as something

purely to use on a woman.

Even toys such as the Rabbit,

designed with women in mind,

can be used on the man.

Try teaming it with oral

or manual stimulation.

If it doesn't float his boat,

you can simply put the toy aside.

If it works for him, you can both

enjoy more explosive climaxes.

Women, though, often

need more stimulation than men

to attain orgasm,

and what man is capable of 6,000 revs

per minute and at the touch of a button?

Many women who do use sex toys

on a regular basis

experience more frequent orgasms,

have increased sexual confidence

and report greater satisfaction

with their partners.

This means that rather than being

a threat to your relationship,

vibrators and other sex toys

can be positively beneficial.

When it comes

to introducing your partner

to the concept of using

sex toys together,

judge it carefully.

Some couples may be open enough

to say, "Fancy giving this a go?"

when others could be intimidated.

Not so long ago, the idea

of a woman using a strap-on dildo

to penetrate her male partner

would have been shocking.

But now you can buy backdoor toys,

G-spot and prostate massagers

to help couples reach the parts

that never see the light of day.

Some toys nowadays

are designed for double penetration.

With enough foreplay

and plenty of lube,

it's amazing the pleasures that

such double stimulation can bring.

Then there's the extra dimension

of adding to sexual fantasy.

You can imagine group sex

without exposing yourself to

the emotional risks of actually trying it.

Remember, though,

the key word is 'play'.

So, whatever toys you choose

to incorporate into your sex life,

be sure that the end result is fun.

Though many couples stick

to two or three favourite positions

throughout their lives,

there are actually hundreds of positions

that people can use

to have sexual intercourse.

On the internet, you can find

step-by-step guides

to doing everything from

the 'Pile-driver' to the 'Pinwheel'.

But there are reallyjust

five main approaches to consider

when deciding which way to do it.

Man on top.

Woman on top.

From behind.

Sitting.

And standing.

Then there's always

anal sex to consider as well,

but we'll get to that later.

Man on top, also known

as the 'missionary position',

is often considered

old-fashioned or dull.

But it actually offers a woman

a greater chance of orgasm

because it allows for great

clitoral stimulation,

particularly if you don't rush it.

This position is also conducive

to passionate eye contact

breast fondling and,

if the woman bends her knees

or wraps her legs around her partner,

deeper penetration

and G-spot stimulation.

The woman has easy access

to caress the man's chest and nipples,

should they be an erogenous zone

for him.

She can also easily grip his shoulders

and rake her nails down his back,

and of course there's lots of scope

for both of you to kiss.

Missionary position

is a great starting-off point,

that lends itself to both

sensual and animalistic sex.

And there's nothing to stop you moving

from slow and teasing missionary

to hard and fast rutting in one session.

Rotating the hips

in a figure of eight motion,

moving your bodies

closer together or further away,

or adding your own unique twist

to missionary sex,

such as this reverse doggie,

can all increase sensitivity

and allow deeper penetration.

There's a reason it's one

of the most popular sexual positions

with men and women alike.

The next option to consider

is woman on top.

This position allows the woman

to be more in control

of the pace and power of thrusting

and the depth of penetration.

She can also be more in charge

of tending to the clitoris,

either by actively grinding it

against her partner's pubic bone,

or by playing with it herself.

The man has easy access

to the woman's breasts,

and again,

it's easy to kiss.

As with missionary,

there are myriad variations

of woman-on-top sex.

It can be a seductive dance

with a woman grinding her hips

against her partner,

Looking into his eyes

as the pair rock to mutual bliss.

Or it can be a passionate and dominant

exchange

in which the woman hungrily

takes what she wants

from a willingly supportive man.

For an intriguing twist

on woman on top,

there is always the seated position

with the man sitting on a chair

or on the edge of a bed,

with his partner straddling him.

This is a great option

if you prefer your woman-on-top

approach to be more mutual,

as it's easier for the man to simply

drop the woman onto her back,

should he decide he wants to take

a more dominant role in the proceedings.

Woman-on-top sex

can be slow and tender

or hard and fast,

and this is the ideal position

if a man is well-endowed,

as it allows the woman to decide exactly

how much she is going to take

and how hard she is going to take it.

It allows the man to enjoy sex

a more relaxed way,

all that thrusting can be hell

on the thigh muscles,

though it still allows him

enough freedom to thrust upwards

should he crave deeper penetration.

As with

the missionary position,

woman-on-top gives

plenty of clitoral stimulation,

making it a great position

for mutual orgasm.

Sex from behind,

or doggie style,

allows for the deepest penetration

and G-spot stimulation.

The man has easy access to kiss

and nibble the neck and shoulders,

caress the back

or stroke the clitoris during sex.

He can cup the woman's breasts,

kiss her body,

and generally lavish almost

every inch of her with affection.

Many woman

enjoy doggie style

because it makes even

the smallest man feel larger,

and the woman can deepen

penetration even further

by pressing backwards

onto the man's penis.

Although it gets low scores

for intimacy and clitoral contact,

doggie style sex usually

receives high marks from guys

because it allows for aggressive

thrusting

and it has a kind of raw

animalistic feel to it.

But there's no reason

that sex from behind

always has to have

the man in control.

Reverse cowgirl

Lets the woman set the pace,

whilst allowing her easy access

to caress her own clitoris,

and gives the man a graphic view

that may well speed his climax.

At quite a wild end

of the scale can be standing sex,

which can have a desperate

"must-have-you-now" urgency to it.

This makes it a great option

for quickies.

Whether it's from behind

or facing each other,

standing-up sex can offer a needy,

urgent compulsion to the act.

There are few sexier ways

to start an evening than with a quickie

once you're all dressed up

and ready for a night on the town

when you really should be

on your way.

And then there's anal sex.

Anal sex has gone from being a taboo

act that men begged their partners to try,

to becoming increasingly popular.

Of course, good anal sex,

meaning anal sex that

is pleasurable and painless,

is not something

that happens overnight.

It can take weeks or even months

for a partner to open up and relax.

Regardless of position,

ultimate sex is all about finding out

what works for both of you.

Don't be afraid to experiment,

and accept that making mistakes

and even laughing at various fauxpas

are all part of the process.

Half the fun of learning about sex

together is the practice.

Sexual exploration

can be very exciting,

even without topping things off

with an orgasm.

But most people consider having

the big 'O' as a solid finale to sex.

Of course,

making that happen for both partners

can be more difficult than it sounds.

Women who require more foreplay

and greater stimulation during sex

generally have more trouble

reaching climax,

particularly via intercourse.

An erection is

psycho-physiological magic

and can't always be relied on

to spring up on demand.

This is when the woman

should not blame him or herself,

but take charge.

Kissing, caressing and talking sexily

can all help him firm things up.

Or you can use your mouth

more directly to spur things on.

And, rather than panicking,

the man should think sexy thoughts,

perhaps using the fantasies that

he revels in when he is alone.

And he should remember there are

multiple ways to satisfy his lover

even if his penis won't play.

Accept this as a part

of normal lovemaking,

and an opportunity

for more oral pleasuring.

Stroking the perineum

or stimulating the prostate gland

if he's into that, can also bring things

back on track in record time.

If it's a condom related issue,

then masturbating while wearing one

will help him get used to the sensation.

Not having safe sex, though,

should not be an option,

especially early in a relationship.

Yet, however much effort

it takes to get there,

the result should be

wonderfully worth it.

Female arousal is linked less

to direct sensory output from the genitals

and more to relaxation

and lack of anxiety.

Scans show that female orgasm

produces activity

across all brain regions

that handle emotion.

Letting go of fear and anxiety

greatly increases the chance

of reaching orgasm.

Females need to take charge

of their own pleasure.

Don't be dependent

on how good a lover he is,

it's not his responsibility

to give you an orgasm -

you have to reach one for yourself.

But a man can help enormously

by giving a woman time.

Engage in at least 20 minutes

of foreplay.

As the American sex researcher,

Alfred Kinsey, showed,

over 90% of women will reach

their orgasm after this amount of time.

Link that with going

for your orgasm first,

get him to help you reach one

with his hands, tongue or a vibrator.

The "lady-comes-first" rule

takes the pressure off both of you.

The two Fs

for a more guaranteed orgasm are:

Friction and Fantasy.

You have a magic button

that he doesn't have.

The majority of women,

when they masturbate,

take between three and six minutes

to climax,

but it can take over 20 minutes with

their partner in penetrative intercourse,

if it happens at all.

The second F is fantasise

while you're having sex.

Let your imagination go wild.

The joy of fantasy is that

there are no rules or regulations.

Bring in some of the thoughts you have

while you masturbate,

Let yourself visualise intensely.

Your brain is the most powerful

sex organ,

use it to help you reach your climax.

During orgasm,

the skin becomes more sensitive,

the body requires more oxygen

which speeds breathing,

blood pressure rises,

creating a pink flush in the cheeks,

and the genitals pulse

as the muscles contract.

The genital region harbours

a multitude of different nerves.

The penis has a total of 6,000,

but the clitoris has 8,000 nerves.

The orgasmic sensation varies

depending on the area touched.

Some say a man's orgasm

differs from a woman's

or that a vaginal orgasm

differs from a clitoral one

because different sets

of nerves are involved.

The nerve that gives the orgasmic

feeling sends messages to the brain,

bypassing the spinal column

which is what allows some paraplegic

people to still feel sexual sensation.

A collection of neurons

called the nucleus accumbens,

or colloquially

"the brain's pleasure centre",

becomes highly active

as a woman's orgasm approaches.

The part of the brain

responsible for reward and empathy

goes into high-alert mode,

as does the one producing

the hormone oxytocin,

the bonding chemical.

And so orgasm happens,

and it seems to last significantly longer

in women than in men.

When it comes to climaxing,

every couple is different.

The Lovers' Guide: Igniting Desire (2011) - full transcript

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