The Kids Are Alright 2 (2022) - full transcript
A year ago, Ricardo and Felipe set out with the children to camp but mistakenly left them on the train. Clara no longer trusts them and decides to take the children with her friend Susana. But, they too get separated from the chil...
Come on, kids, hurry up.
Mom, I can't find my make-up kit.
- Don't worry, I already packed it.
- Did you pack my nail polish too?
I packed it too.
- And my tablet?
- Here.
And Grandpa isn't coming with us?
Grandpa? After the mess
he made last year? No.
Poor Grandpa.
Mom, you're too resentful.
- What's resentful?
- Someone who packs a grudge.
Oh, then yes, because Mom
packs everything.
Come on, let's go.
We can't miss the train. The keys.
Come on, let's go.
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT 2
YES, IT HAPPENED AGAIN
I don't know what's wrong
with Ricardo lately, he's always late.
The train leaves in 10 minutes.
Can we board?
- There they are.
- We're here!
Hi, kids.
I can't get used to this boy.
How are you, Fernandito? You didn't
bring Chusky the lizard this year?
No, I brought my brother.
Oh, lord. I'd prefer the lizard.
Me too.
Okay, kids, all aboard, let's go.
We're leaving.
Sure you don't want me
to go with you?
- You're joking, right?
- You're still bitter about what happened?
But it all worked out in the end.
And look.
You won't be able to handle them alone.
This year they brought reinforcements.
I'm not alone. I'm going with someone
much more focused than you.
- Finally, I barely made it.
- Right.
You're taking him?
But it was all his fault.
Of course I'm not taking him.
He came to see the kids off.
But he's late, as usual.
- Dad, they're already on the train.
- Then who's going with you?
Someone much more responsible
than either of you.
- Susana? Unai's mother?
- Better known as Susana the Nutcase.
Of all people, you two giving lessons.
But we're not weirdos obsessed with
pendulums or chakra or Tibetan bowls.
That was a phase, she's over it.
Sorry I'm late!
You won't believe how hard it was to find
a taxi with a palindromic license plate.
Just kidding.
It came right away but the numbers
didn't add up to 11.
So I had to wait for another.
Clara, please, tell Marcos to get off.
- I'm taking him with me.
- Come on, don't be silly.
Beat it. Goodbye.
- What's that?
- For holiness.
To invoke a safe
and prosperous journey.
Come on, invoke inside.
I can't believe Clara would rather go
with that weirdo than with us.
Why did you say it was all my fault?
The worst part was your fault.
- How so?
- Her finding out.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
After all we went through
so she'd never know.
Damn, I held out as long as I could.
But your daughter's too smart.
In the end...
she got it out of me.
We're back and no news from
the front. Mission accomplished!
That's great.
Any setbacks on the trip?
None at all.
- The truth...
- Okay, okay.
The truth is your dad got off
the train to smoke before it left
and I went to find him
and the train left without us.
But with the kids. Then your weirdo
friend arrived with her kid
and we got on another train
with him to play it off.
But they kicked us off and we faked an
accident to ride in the ambulance
to the nearest station,
but we got there too late
so we took a ride
from some hippies
who ditched us in the middle
of the countryside.
So we kidnapped a drunk to take his car,
robbed a gas station
and when the police chased us,
we kidnapped them too,
but this time we were the ones
who ditched them.
But then the gun went off
and we crashed into a tree.
So we walked to a farmer's house
and he took us
on his tractor to the station
in Asturias where,
after firing in the air
on the set of a milk commercial
and nearly killing a cow,
we arrived just in time
to meet the train with the kids,
who had skillfully survived
being harassed by a deranged train
conductor with absolutely no problem.
And that's the whole truth.
I was going to say the truth...
is that I'm pleasantly surprised.
"In the end she got it out of me,"
he says.
She didn't even get to the end
of the phrase.
And now she'd rather go
with that nutcase than with us.
Well, better with the nutcase mom
than what we did.
- Get stuck with the weirdo son.
- You're right about that.
About that... and about everything.
Listen up, kids.
Obviously this trip will not be
like the chaos last year.
Each of you has an assigned seat.
No changing.
So you each have your own and you will
not get up under any circumstances.
With the exception, of course,
of an extremely urgent situation,
or an act of God.
For example: dizziness, nausea
or a pressing need to pee,
in which case
you will raise your hand
and wait for one of the two
responsible adults...
Which means me,
to attend to your request.
Any questions?
- Yes.
- What is pressing?
Very urgent. I'll continue.
There will be no complaints,
screaming, not a single kick
against the seat in front of you.
- Anyone who breaks the rules...
- Good lord.
She might as well read you
your rights. Good luck.
Kids... Kids!
Anyone who breaks the rules
will be sanctioned
and immediately secluded
in the Quiet Car.
You're lying. You're trying to scare us.
I don't believe you bought
a ticket in the Quiet Car.
Do you want to find out,
Marisa sweetie?
The Quiet Car thing is really scary.
And it should be.
Because in The Quiet Car you can't blink
or move a single muscle of your body
and if you simply brush your ass
on the seat a huge thug will appear
and toss you off the train!
- You're lying, there's no such thing.
- There's really a Quiet Car?
I'll take my Smartick in there
and go over my math homework.
Take it easy, Nacho.
Breathe, breathe.
How many times do I have
to tell you my name is Ignacio?
Sonny boy, you are so prissy.
Excuse me, my son is not prissy.
He's responsible, unlike yours.
Oh, suddenly my son
isn't responsible?
What do you mean, suddenly?
He never has been.
You spent all of last year saying my son
was the only one responsible
for everything that happened.
Oh, right, responsible for almost
getting everyone thrown in jail.
So responsible either way, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the train
will be leaving in one minute.
Okay, then.
Hold on. Where's Pablito?
- Right there.
- Where?
Right in front of your nose, jumpy!
But he's outside!
You're right, what a clean window.
That kid is too laid back.
I said for nobody to move.
He runs away a lot.
Pablito...
Clara!
Don't get off!
Kid, stop!
You'll pull me off!
No!
No!
There's no way.
- Should we ask for help?
- Should we ask for caffeine?
I can't believe it.
- So... you think it's funny?
- Actually, yes.
What are you laughing at, chinchilla?
Just a quick call.
- Yes. Have them stop the train.
- I'm calling your dad. He's gonna flip.
My dad?
-Felipe!
- What's up?
You didn't abduct my daughter,
did you?
- Dad, how are you?
- Worried. Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything is great.
Anyway, I was just calling to say
we all managed to board the train.
It wasn't so hard in the end.
With a teacher like me...
I made it easy for you.
Okay, then. Bye!
Nacho!
Nacho, listen closely.
Tell the conductor to stop the train
immediately. Go.
Mother. First of all, don't call me Nacho,
my name is Ignacio.
Moving on, don't get upset.
We went through this last year
and there was no problem.
Let's see, the train has a layover
in Barcelona in 3 hours.
If you fly there, which takes exactly
an hour and 20 minutes,
you'll reach your destination on time.
Don't be prissy.
Pass me the conductor right now.
Clara, it's not my style,
but if you make a stink
I'll call my dad and yours
and tell them what happened.
Clara, don't worry,
we know the procedure.
Act naturally, don't cause trouble
and avoid the conductors,
especially if they're psychopathic
schizoids with phobia of children.
Mom, you look pale.
Put on some blush. Over and out.
- How could this have happened?
- Come on, laugh, it's funny.
Funny?
- We're worse than Ricardo and Felipe.
- Hey, we're not as dumb as they are.
We still have our wallets.
- So we buy a plane ticket and...
- Plane?
Impossible, I'm terrified of flying.
That's why we took the train.
I'm the worst mother in the world.
Don't punish yourself,
this is nobody's fault.
What do we do now?
Look, the train takes 7 hours
to reach Perpignan.
We rent a convertible
and take a road trip
like Thelma and Louise
with our hair in the wind.
We might even find Brad Pitt
at a gas station.
- What about the boy?
- What boy?
That boy.
We put him in a station locker
and have his mom pick him up.
Sure, and she'll find out
her other son is still on the train.
I've managed to hide last year's screw-up
all year long and now this happens.
Then we buy him some snacks,
stick him in a locker
and pick him up in 2 weeks
when the camp is over.
Is the boy there
or is he in the metaverse?
What if one calls and tells their dad?
This one, I doubt it.
He talks less than an emoji.
- Come on. Let's go rent that convertible.
- That's it, a rental.
Good morning.
- We urgently need to rent a car.
- Convertible, two seats, big trunk.
- Well, not so big.
- Convertible, two seats...
No, don't listen to her.
A normal car, 5 seats if possible.
- Normal car with 5 seats.
- But a good one.
- Good with 5 seats.
- To reach Perpignan in 7 hours.
That will be very difficult,
the fastest route takes 8 hours.
- No way.
- Yeah, look.
This is the most direct route,
and it takes 8 hours.
The only option I can think of
is a plane to Barcelona...
Not the plane again, I'm afraid of flying!
Calm down.
Take this, they're totally natural.
- I make them myself at the herb shop.
- No way.
Who knows what you put in there.
Oh, yeah? Would you rather
confess everything
and have Ricardo and your dad
pick them up?
- Spider! Double!
- No!
I win, bravo!
Gee, last year was more fun.
We could do whatever we wanted
in our own cabin.
- And because I took my dad's wallet.
- And we could buy drinks with caffeine.
And eat anything we wanted.
That's right, we have to sit here for
7 hours on the train without eating!
- I'm jumping off right now.
- Take it easy, Fernandito.
Breathe, breathe. You guy can sit here
like chumps all you want.
I'm taking my Smartick
to do some studying.
No, we have to stay together.
We can't split up.
Okay, I'll stay.
Guys, you won't believe this.
Look down the aisle.
Okay, enjoy your trip.
Kids!
I'm watching you closely.
Those damn kids are traveling alone.
Faster, he's going to catch us!
Now!
Take it easy, it's over.
- Come with us.
- What? Not me.
Them! Those kids are criminals!
Hi, kids!
Now I'm definitely jumping off.
How are you? It's me, Lucas.
You don't remember me?
- Yes.
- What a trip we had, eh?
- Taking another trip then?
- Yes.
Great, great. That's great.
I'll stop by later to say hi
to your parents.
Where are they, by the way?
In the dining car?
Yes.
I'm remembering all the silly things
I did last year
thinking you were traveling
without your parents.
I'm in therapy now,
it won't happen again.
Oh, great, because they're not here
this year.
She means this year our moms came.
Sure, great, that's normal,
they alternate each year.
Anyway, enjoy your trip.
Hey, these pills don't do anything.
- I'm totally accelerated.
- The effect takes a little while.
But don't worry, when the plane crashes
you'll be completely relaxed.
- I'm hungry.
- Good lord, this kid is like his brother.
Why don't we check him in as a pet?
We can save the ticket
and having to put up with him.
You're capable.
Excuse me, some cages
are very comfortable,
with holes to breathe and everything.
You're against anything I say
to store him.
Excuse me, I'm in urgent need
of a cage for pets like this one.
- Where did you get it?
- In the store where I bought it.
But they have them here, right?
How should I know?
Do I look like a flight attendant?
No. You look like a rude Pisces.
- I'm a Leo.
- Correct.
- A rude Leo.
- Well, I'm a Sagittarius, lady.
I knew it, a lying Sagittarius.
And rude.
Do you think the conductor
really changed and turned nice?
Or is he faking to catch us?
I hope it's true, because his partner
doesn't look as nice as last year's.
Is he still looking?
Is he gone yet?
Did you drop this, Miss?
We have to think of something.
We can't just sit here and wait
until we get caught.
You're right, we need to find a way
to get some food.
What? I can't think on
an empty stomach.
Look!
What is it now?
Turn around discreetly and look at
the nice man who spoke to us earlier.
Look at his wrist.
He has a briefcase with handcuffs!
Amazing. He must be a spy!
What? He's probably a professor.
- Or a scientist!
- I thought the same thing.
He's probably carrying the formula
for some awesome discovery!
- Or something to feed the Third World.
- And transform air into protein.
- Or to cure diseases.
- Or glow-in-the dark make-up!
Okay, here we are.
Not dead yet, are you?
Right, taking off is the problem.
Welcome to Airlanz Air flight
to Barcelona
Everybody's so relaxed!
The duration of the flight will be
one hour and 20 minutes...
I can't bear it for that long.
Don't worry, that's if we arrive.
If we crash it will be shorter.
Here comes the flight attendant.
Everybody pay attention.
Following international
civil aviation regulations,
we'll be doing a demonstration...
Stop that! Listen while
the flight attendant is talking!
...oxygen masks and emergency exits.
It's very important for you
to pay attention.
Your seatbelt must remain fastened
any time the seatbelt light is on.
This airplane has 8 emergency exits.
Two in the front,
four over the wings
and two in
the back of the plane.
Pay attention!
The aisle will light up...
She's talking about the emergency
exits and you're missing it.
Remember that the closest
might be behind you.
The life vests are located
underneath each of your seats.
- What is wrong with people!
- What is it?
Listen to the flight attendant!
When we're about to die,
don't ask me.
Are you nuts?
Me, nuts? Okay, smart ass.
Where are the life vests?
Okay, smart ass.
Where is your brain?
Oh, I missed that...
Excuse me, can you repeat...
where we blow?
Oh, right.
Pay attention!
Everybody listen, what's the problem?
- Well, I never...
- I will if I choose.
Look at her!
This chick has gone crazy.
Thank you for listening
and enjoy your flight.
Okay. Here we go.
Hello, again.
Going to the dining car?
Yes.
Look, I'll go with you
and say hi to your mothers.
They had to go to the bathroom.
- Both at the same time?
- Um... yeah.
Well, that's normal.
The food in the dining car...
Would you like something?
Yes, a hot dog, please.
Here.
Thank you.
- My parents are back there.
- Oh, okay.
Yes, I boarded the train
and I have him located.
He's seated alone, with the briefcase.
I'm watching him, he won't get away.
Finally!
This won't be enough.
Easy, it's for everyone.
What's wrong?
Did you see a ghost?
You're even paler than my mom.
You won't believe it.
Look discreetly behind me.
There's a man talking on the phone.
He's definitely a spy.
He's watching the professor.
What professor?
There's a professor on the train?
Of course, the wise guy
with the briefcase.
Which is he, a wise guy
or a professor?
- Because he can't be both.
- We have to tell the conductor.
The briefcase with the formula
is in danger.
But wait a second. We don't know
if he's changed and we can trust him.
We have to risk it,
humanity is in danger.
It's a matter of survival.
Fernandito!
What? Mine was a matter
of survival too.
Susana, these pills you gave me
are shit.
Oh, sure, now it's my fault for making
bad pills, not yours for being a Libra.
What?
We see the speck in other eyes
but not the beam in our own.
What has me being a Libra
got to do with it?
Because Mercury has gone retrograde
and that upsets all the air signs.
Come to think of it, why is an air sign
so afraid of flying?
- I need to pee.
- Again?
I didn't go before.
Then do it here, you don't want
to tip the plane.
- I need to pee.
- Okay, I'll take him.
- Let us through, this guy is asleep.
- No.
- I'm not taking off my seatbelt.
- Climb over.
Should have loaned me the cage.
Why are you taking so long?
Come out already!
What are you doing, you brute?
- No...
- Come on!
- I want to stay.
- You'll land in Zaragoza!
My God, the boy tried to escape
through the toilet.
- We need a cage right away!
- Come on, Pablito.
Quickly, take your seat.
Pablito, sit down.
What are you doing, you dummy?
You'll crash the plane!
Stop!
Stay tight.
Pablito, buckle up.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're
passing through some turbulence...
8I warned you!
What will you do now? You don't know
where anything is or what to do.
Please return to your seats
and fasten your seatbelts.
Don't tell them anything!
Let everyone get killed!
You should have listened!
Oh, my God, you were right.
We're all going to die except you.
What are you doing?
My vest...
What for?
You don't know how to inflate it.
Ladies, please, calm down.
Please stop and...
I can't breathe...
Oh, my God!
The cabin has depressurized!
I can't breathe...
Lower the oxygen masks!
- What's happening?
- We're all going to die!
- Can you speak one at a time, please?
- Yes, of course.
- What are you doing?
- Turn over all personal belongings.
That's when you go to jail.
I'm only taking a statement about
what happened on the plane.
So I don't have to hand in my jewelry?
No. You can keep your "jewelry."
Sorry, I lack experience.
Never been arrested before.
I only know what I've seen in movies,
it's all so exciting.
Moving on.
This lady fought with half the plane.
She even tried to murder
a flight attendant.
So when she attacked me,
I defended myself and we scuffled.
But I didn't do anything, I'm a victim.
Besides, I have to be in Barcelona.
It's urgent, I have a wedding.
Oh, my God, how serious!
I'm the bride!
Look, I have the dress right here.
My friends thought
it would be hilarious
to take me to Madrid for my
bachelorette party, get me drunk
and ditch me with my wedding
dress and return ticket.
What a laugh!
So I'm getting married in a few hours
in Barcelona and have to get back.
Well, we have to get there too,
because...
Because...
Because it's very important.
Good lord, what a touching story.
Okay, don't worry.
We'll take you as soon as possible.
Really?
You'll take us to Barcelona?
No, ma'am, we're taking you
to the police station
so the federal police
will take over.
What? We can't...
- Please...
- No...
- I have to be in Barcelona...
- I have a mother-in-law...
Look, one second, be quiet.
You can't do this to us.
It's a matter of life and death
that we get out of here.
Take pity on this poor boy
who hasn't eaten for hours.
Don't worry about the boy,
the minor will be returned to his parents.
No, not that!
I mean, there's no need.
The police won't release you
until the judge on duty sets bail.
And I'm afraid that won't be
until tomorrow morning.
- No!
- We're going to sleep in jail!
- The good side...
- This is my good side.
- What?
- For the mug shot.
Or do you like this one better?
Thank you! This is the most exciting thing
that has ever happened to me.
Can we post
the photo on Instagram later?
No.
Going to jail and not being able
to tell anyone is not cool.
No offense, it's cool, but less cool.
It's like being with Brad Pitt
and you can't tell anyone.
You're not in jail.
Then I can tell people,
like the Brad Pitt thing.
I've never been with him,
but I tell people I have.
You mentioned a good side...
Yes, the good side is that
by tomorrow morning
whatever your friend took
will have worn off.
And what about me?
I have to be at my wedding.
You'll avoid a probable divorce within the
first year as happens in 70% of cases,
which will spare you 12 months
of slowly falling off a cliff
asking yourself every morning
what you were thinking getting married.
And believe me, you'll ask,
because if you really think your marriage
has any chance of succeeding,
you're even nuttier than your friend.
Come on, kids, don't be so Hollywood.
Just because someone looks like a bad
guy doesn't mean he's a dangerous spy.
And the scientist's briefcase?
What scientist? Come on...
We learned in therapy that paranoia
is the enemy of reason.
Maybe he's a jeweler
and keeps his jewelry there,
keeping his samples in sight.
He doesn't look like a jeweler,
he looks like a scientist.
What rascals.
Now you know what someone does
by their face. Then what do I look like?
Like you've never used facial cream.
Boring?
Okay, then.
Go back to your mothers,
they must be worried.
Why doesn't he believe us?
It's too late, the therapy cured him
too much.
Unbelievable, last year
he was all over us saying
we were alone on the train,
and this year he doesn't believe it.
We were alone on the train.
Yeah, but he didn't have any proof.
Exactly, that's what we need:
proof.
Three women and a minor on flight
4815162342 on Airlanz Air at 11:50,
altercation with a crew member
resulting in a forced landing.
Okay, we're going to the downtown
Zaragoza police station.
- And we can't speed up the judge?
- I'm afraid not.
How much do you think
bail will be?
With the mess you caused,
including a forced landing,
penalizing all the other passengers, it
could be anywhere around 30,000 euros.
What? I don't have that money.
Look, if you add what you'll save
in divorce proceedings,
marriage therapy to try to avoid it
and what you'll spend
trying to get over it, believe me,
the 30,000 euros you're paying
to the government
is less
than what you're avoiding.
You're arrest is like a rebate,
trust me.
Listen, couldn't we settle this somehow?
Let's say, adding 500 euros
to make it happen today?
What you're adding
is an attempted bribery charge.
You're not very helpful.
What sign are you?
Sick and tired of the ascendant
up to my ears.
Good, she's mad.
She'll put me in the hole!
Girls, you need to enjoy the experience.
The best part is yet to come: the shower.
They put you against the wall
and spray you with a pressure hose.
It's the best.
You haven't seen it?
It's great for cellulite.
Okay, you got lucky.
They need to take other prisoners
and the judge will see you today.
- Sign here.
- But we get a shower, right?
Yes, ma'am, after your massage
and aroma therapy.
She's not very on the ball.
We got the intern.
Good lord, I don't have that money.
The judge won't let me go.
Don't worry, I have a plan.
Hey, she's out cold.
It's the sleeping pills I gave her.
The effect takes longer on a Libra.
Libras are librarians on steroids!
Yeah, okay, don't worry.
I have the perfect plan.
But I need backup
at the station in Barcelona.
We won't let that briefcase get away.
We were right,
they're after the scientist.
He said it all on the phone.
- We have to tell Lucas.
- He didn't even listen to us.
But he will now.
He will now? Why?
Because you say so?
No, because of this.
I recorded his whole conversation
with my cell phone.
Come on.
Let's go and tell Lucas.
Okay, we're leaving.
You're taking us like this?
No handcuffs? This is a joke.
Yes, in handcuffs. It's protocol.
Just as well.
We're lucky I said something...
Who would have thought
you were the sane one?
- Nothing, no sign of Lucas anywhere.
- Nothing, he's not back there.
- We could tell another conductor.
- No, I'm scared.
There's Lucas!
Lucas!
Lucas, Lucas, Lucas!
Lucas, we need you!
If the judge sees us today
you'll charge us less, right?
- What?
- For early payment.
When you pay the fine
right away you pay half.
If the judge sees us sooner,
we pay sooner.
If we pay sooner, you reduce the price,
that's how it works. I know my rights.
Yeah? Well, you have the right
to remain silent
and you haven't used it for one second.
I also have the right to a phone call.
Call anyone you want,
you have a cell phone, you wacko.
Oh, that's right!
- Are you calling a lawyer?
- A lawyer, what for?
I'm calling the tourism office
in Zaragoza.
Since they're letting us go sooner,
we can see El Pilar.
Guys, we have to find the other
conductor and tell him everything.
As soon as the thief leaves,
we'll find him.
He can't see us.
Is he rolling his mustache?
Good. He'll see the impostor
and catch him.
Let's go!
They're working together!
Here they come!
They're ready.
They'll get on in Barcelona.
Good. I'll wait at the door
and let them in.
Perfect. Wait in the next car.
I'll cover the dining car.
Okay. Tour reserved.
Yes. Three adults and a little boy.
Do you two want in?
A tour?
I thought you were in a hurry.
No big deal. Hurrying is for Pisces
and Geminis.
- Is that the cathedral?
- Yes.
Open the door right now
or I'll stab the kid!
- Should I open it?
- Of course not!
Open the door, I'm totally nuts!
She is nuts.
Open it!
What are you doing?
Move!
Keep circulating!
I can't open the door!
Did you miss the Tour or what?
Move!
Out of the way!
Move!
- Don't tell a soul about this.
- I know.
She's going to freak out
when she wakes up.
I don't see why. She's scared of airplanes
and this isn't an airplane.
Welcome to Zaragoza from the sky.
You can see the El Pilar monument
on your left.
It dates from 1681.
A barroque monument...
What if I take off her glasses?
She'll see less when she wakes up.
Not bad, you might be useful.
Go ahead.
- The Muslim kings lived there...
- Yes, yes! Very interesting!
Look, the Ebro is beautiful today.
Hey, do you think you gave her too much
of those pills and she died?
I wish. Because when she wakes up
she's going to kill me.
Libras totally love revenge.
There's no "libra-tion"
from a Libra.
Actually I'm the one
who's going to kill you.
You have me sightseeing
in a helicopter in Zaragoza
and my wedding is in an hour and a half
in Barcelona!
Relax, we're on part two of the plan.
You'll see.
Give me that.
Go away. Go sit in my seat.
Yes, very interesting.
But I'd also like to see
what people don't normally see.
The monuments outside town.
- Outside Zaragoza?
- Yeah, like the Sagrada Familia.
But that's in Barcelona.
What is Barcelona
if not outside Zaragoza?
Come on, can't we just pop over
since we're nearby?
I don't have permission
to fly to Barcelona.
Please, it's a matter of life or death.
- No, I'm sorry, but...
- Your life or death!
Take us to Barcelona or I'll do it!
I'm totally nuts!
I'm a dangerous criminal.
What are these? Handcuffs
or a racehorse? I'm nuts!
- Okay, okay. I'll fly you there. Really.
- Okay, then. Do your thing.
- We can't let them rob the professor.
- Yeah.
- Then what do we do?
- Okay.
I'm going to say something
I never thought I would say.
I'm going to call my mother.
How strange. She's not answering.
What could she be doing?
Watch out!
Yay, we're here! Look at the beach.
See how easy that was?
- Where do you want me to land?
- Get near the water.
We'll jump in, like on Survivors.
Jump in the water?
We're handcuffed!
You are such a pain.
Pisces, by any chance?
No. I'm Houdini, give me a break.
Susana, the boy is looking at me.
Susana.
Behave yourself, you little demon.
What is that?
He stole the keys
from the police officer.
Well done, Pablito!
Less escapism, more kleptomania!
Go on!
Let's go, jump!
Don't push me, thanks!
Hey!
You're leaving the boy!
No, thanks! You keep him,
for your trouble!
The klepto!
Call her again, see if she picks up.
Nothing, no answer.
Then send an audio.
Mom, listen closely. A crime
is about to be committed on the train.
We'll be arriving in Barcelona
in a little while.
That's where the criminals will board
to commit the robbery.
We have to stop it.
Mom, very important.
Bring me the pink nail polish.
Over and out.
Yes! We're on the beach
in Barcelona!
El Castillet, the pan tumaca...
Sun, come and see me,
come and see me.
Sun, come and see me,
I'm so cold...
Taxi.
Mine!
Taxi!
Sure, why would he stop?
I look like the phantom hitchhiker.
- Taxi!
- Taxi!
- Taxi! Taxi!
- What are you doing?
- Taxi!
- Taxi!
Get away!
Hello. To the train station,
please. Quickly.
- No, get out, this is our taxi.
- No!
- Santa Ana Church, please.
- No, the train station.
To the train station.
- No, Santa Ana Church.
- It's four against one. The station.
Please, ladies. The church is on the
way to the station. I can take you all.
- Why didn't you say so? Let's go.
- Men are so slow sometimes.
- You said it.
- Drive.
Train heading for Perpignan...
I don't see anyone.
Not your mom or her friend.
Let's get off the train
and tell the police.
What if they got on
and we didn't see them?
We leave them alone on the train?
It's no big deal.
They did that to us, right?
- Like your dad last year, of course.
- That was your grandpa's fault.
Stop your nonsense and look.
They have no suitcases.
They must be the bad guy's backup.
They have a gun.
They're going after the professor.
Please, zip me up.
Are you sure the church
is on the way to the station?
I'm sure.
Do you want to keep the kid
as the ring-bearer?
Yeah.
My cell phone!
It must be my boyfriend!
No, don't answer it!
The police can locate us!
What are you saying?
I want to talk to my kids too,
but I can't because we're too close
to get caught now.
My love!
Esther, where are you?
We're all waiting.
You're coming, aren't you?
Of course I am, my love,
I'm around the corner.
I got caught in traffic.
Okay, the priest says he can't wait
anymore, he has another wedding after.
- What? Pass me the priest.
- What?
Pass me the priest!
Child, it's normal to have doubts.
We talked about this in the
marriage course. You mustn't fear.
But you also mustn't keep
the priest waiting for an hour.
Sorry, Father. I'm around the corner.
No doubts here.
Why don't you put your cell phone
on hands free and you can start?
How can I begin the ceremony
under those conditions?
Sure, I hear you perfectly.
I'll be there for the "I do."
I can't believe this crap!
We are gathered here...
Hurry up, please, faster!
I'm speaking slowly
to give you time to get here.
No, I was talking to the taxi driver.
Drive!
Here I go.
We are gathered here...
Stop!
I know what I have to say,
I don't need notes!
...to join in holy matrimony...
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
Look, that's enough.
Shit.
There's no way,
they're not answering.
The layover was 15 minutes
and it's been 10.
They may have got on another car.
We have to check the whole train.
We'll split up.
We'll take from the dining car to the back
and you take the other side.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Who is this?
- The groom.
- Not mine.
He's from the next wedding.
I told you I had another.
- And no bride?
- No.
Then give me this one!
We've checked the whole train.
They have to be outside.
There they are!
- Mom!
- Clara!
- Mom!
- Clara!
Mom!
Mom!
- We screwed up.
- No.
Now that we're here, let's find the others
and stop the robbery, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I can't, I can't. I can't.
Now what?
Now we can rent a car
to drive to Perpignan.
It will take the same as the train.
We don't have enough cash
to rent a car.
And we can't use the credit cards
because the police will locate us.
We're fugitives from justice,
get that into your head.
Oh, yeah, I still can't believe it.
Hey, come to think of it,
I paid for the helicopter with the card.
What?
Then that's it.
We've been located. I give up.
I need to pee.
Again? We haven't given you
any water since the last time you went.
That's true.
- I'm thirsty.
- Shut up, chinchilla.
Should have drank at the beach,
you had the whole sea to yourself.
I swallowed half of it.
Oh, my God.
What if the boy gets sick?
Come on, let's find a bathroom
and dry off.
We'll call the authorities
to meet the kids at the station.
That's it, it's over. We're definitely
worse than my dad and Ricardo.
No, wait, please. We can't give up now
after coming this far.
If all is lost, let me use
one last resort.
I never thought I'd say this...
- What do you want?
- Hi, sweetie!
So nice to hear your voice.
Can you send me money with bizum?
Wait, hold on. You want me
to send you money?
What have you been smoking?
But make the transfer to the other
account. I can't use the card.
I'm in big trouble!
Let's hear it, because you say that
about everything.
I'm a fugitive, I'm wanted by the police
for causing a forced landing,
threatening to kill a police officer
and hijacking a helicopter.
You see? Big trouble, she says.
Here I am getting my ass kicked
playing Call of Duty.
Your problems are more GTA,
so quit popping off.
Okay.
Let's go to the bathroom.
I'm ready to blow a gasket.
No way, this is the girl's bathroom!
Yeah, sure, so you can
run away again. Get in there!
Dry him off, I need to pee right now.
This is stronger than the toilet
in the plane!
Hello.
I saw a new widower
who isn't bad at all.
No, that one's mine.
I've had him scoped out
since the last trip.
- His wife was about to croak.
- You didn't say a word.
Well, if you want me to tell you
I already saw.
That's why I signed up
for the Perpignan trip.
We'd better hurry up.
If the bus leaves without us,
we're both out of luck.
Okay, hold on.
I have to pee.
Ma'am, could you please watch
our suitcase for a second?
- Yes, of course.
- Thank you.
- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
Give me your belt.
What?
I can't believe what we did.
One more crime won't make us
not criminals anymore.
- Hurry up, we'll miss the bus!
- Hurry up?
We have a 90-pound boy
in the suitcase.
There it is, Perpignan.
Wait! Wait!
Help me!
Somebody locked us in here!
Help!
Open up, open up!
- Sorry, we were in the bathroom.
- Come on, always the same.
Damn. What's in here?
It weighs like 90 pounds.
- What was that?
- Ow, my hip.
Son, it's getting worse every day.
Please, help me get on the bus.
Come on.
I'm better now.
- Take a number before you sit.
- What?
For the bathroom. So people don't
stand in line while the bus is moving.
I'll call you when it's free.
Okay.
Let's sit apart so nobody connects us.
Hey!
You're leaving us!
What's this?
COME TO THE CORRIDOR
IMPORTANT
So what's so important
that you needed to tell me?
We don't want to scare you,
but there are people on the train
with a clear objective.
To steal your briefcase.
- I'm glad you didn't want to scare me.
- You need to hide right away.
We still haven't thought about where.
It's not easy, this is a train.
You're right, it's not easy.
YOUR TURN
A37
Oh, God, that line thing is for real.
I should have gone at the station.
Don't worry.
I have the next number.
My prostate is in great shape.
Thank you.
Hey, you snuck on.
You're not even 50. Why are you here?
To steal our men?
No, no, I had a face lift.
Sorry, you can't use the bathroom.
- What?
- I'm afraid I clogged it.
You have to stop!
The bathroom is clogged!
I stop for nothing and no one.
You have to stop!
We have to go to the bathroom!
Stop, stop, stop!
No, no, no. Don't stop!
I have compresses for urine.
Who wants one?
- Stop, stop, stop!
- Okay, I'll stop. But only for 5 minutes.
Okay, get off.
You're not getting off?
No, I already did my thing.
What is wrong with these people?
We've been here for ages!
- That's why I didn't want to stop.
- Come on, man! I went in a flash.
Nothing is coming out.
- Good lord, we can't stop again.
- "We can't stop again."
- I'm going to unclog the bathroom.
- We're not going to make it...
That's it.
Where are you going?
- Again?
- Do you want to get there or not?
We're going to leave
all these old people here?
Not all of them. We're taking this one.
She was right, we steal men.
Hey, what are you doing?
Get me out of here!
Sorry, we're in a big hurry!
- Don't lock me in here with this, please!
- I'm really sorry.
- What's going on?
- Do you know how to drive this?
Yeah, no worries.
Hey!
The bus is leaving!
Shit, it stalled.
- Try to start it, for God's sake!
- I can't!
It stopped, let's go!
Hey! Wait for me!
Here they come!
My God, it looks like the Walking Dead.
Let's go!
Pablito. Pablito!
Pablito.
Pablito, come here.
Pablito, come.
There are zombies coming after us!
Let's go!
Run!
I'm very grateful for your help.
I have an idea.
I hope it works.
Go inside.
- Wow.
- Hey, what are you doing?
You can't come in here.
The children were excited to see
how a train works.
Yeah, but you can't come in here.
Excuse me, sir.
But it's an emergency.
You need to stop the train.
What are you saying?
That's impossible. Get out!
I hope you won't oblige me
to employ violence.
Stop the train right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I switched control to Central.
Nothing can be done here now.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
A car! Stop!
Okay, I'm going to look for coverage.
- Didn't you say we can't call?
- Who cares at this point.
I need to talk to Nacho.
Here comes another car!
Stop, stop!
People don't help each other!
Nobody's stopping.
What if I show a little leg?
You want them to stop
or drive faster?
I can't believe people.
We have a boy.
Great idea. Boy, come.
Stand here and don't move
no matter what happens.
I'll give you a cool gift, okay?
Two bars.
Just as well.
Nacho, pick up.
- Pick up. Nacho!
- Mom? Mom?
From now on, only I speak!
Understood?
Nacho?
Nacho?
Shitty coverage.
Pablito, get out of there.
That won't work,
it's like you don't know him.
Stay there! Reverse psychology.
Pablito, come here!
Pablito, move! Pablito!
You see? I'll go talk to him.
What happened?
- Did you explain our problem?
- Of course.
And he kindly offered us a ride.
- Well, then?
- He's a Pisces.
- What?
- Yeah, girl.
Who cares if he's a Pisces?
You let him leave because of that?
I don't trust a Pisces.
For God's sake, Susana,
we're desperate!
I know and I tried to fix it.
That's why I asked the ascendant,
but it's Leo.
- And I'm not going there, no way.
- I can't believe it.
Me neither. The only car that stops
is a Pisces Leo ascendant.
Wrong, it's all wrong!
You even stop a guy
who knows his ascendant.
No, I deduced it from the arch
of his eyebrow.
Look, you know what?
No more of this nonsense.
My God,
the guy from the soap opera.
- The Turk, the Turk!
- Who?
How are you, Turk?
Do you come here often?
Sorry, we need help.
Let's talk for a second, this is our
Thelma and Louise moment.
She's Thelma, me, Louise.
You, Brad Pitt.
- Which one hooked up with Brad Pitt?
- Shut up.
- Can you take us to France?
- Sure, I can take you no problem.
- Oh, he speaks Spanish.
- Yes, I'm moving to Spain.
Great move, kid. Spain beautiful!
Spanish omelets, being tan, the ham...
I kiss you like no one else, that's why
you'll always stay by my side.
Just one moment.
I'll move the boxes in back.
That's okay, can we just go?
We're in a big hurry.
- Sure.
- I'll ride in front.
She'll ride in back with the boy,
because he's her son.
- Excuse me?
- Please, he's hot and I'm lonely.
I'm lonely too.
Yeah, but you've got more time left
being hot than me.
Come on.
People always tell me I could be
a soap opera star.
What do you think?
Yes.
I knew it.
What sign are you?
But...
- Come on, get out.
- What happened?
- Don't tell me he's a Pisces too.
- Get out of the truck.
What? Why?
Because she fondled me.
Come on, get out.
I'm so sorry, I was only trying
to calculate your ascendant.
Forgive me, forgive me.
Look, Mr. Hunk, your keys!
Unbelievable, really...
I'm going to Portugal.
Okay, Romario.
Have we not noticed I'm not the one
wearing this suit?
Lucas, take it easy.
Let Navales go.
Don't do anything you might regret,
there's an explanation.
I don't want an explanation.
Actually, I do. Why wouldn't I?
Listening is a good thing.
That's how you find things out in life.
Go ahead with the explanation.
I tried to explain before,
but you didn't believe me.
That's why I had to immobilize you.
Oh, then it's true that...
Yes, I'm with the secret police.
Sure, and I'm the county sheriff.
Give me a break.
I'm not giving you my uniform.
And I'm also going to report
all of this...
I'm sorry, but I can't let you
endanger the operation.
Well, how about that.
Romario is collaborating with us.
So you're secret police.
You kept it so quiet.
Me? I didn't...
I mean, he asked for my help
because he didn't have a ticket,
to let him on the train,
and, well, I'm here pitching in
my grain of salt.
Call me Watson, call me Robin,
call me Mortadelo.
And what about these thugs?
I couldn't arrest them without backup,
so we planned to do it
during the layover in Barcelona.
Good lord.
A year of therapy and they're
still going to drive me crazy.
So what did the man do then?
He's carrying the original manuscript
of "The Ingenious Gentleman
Don Quixote of La Mancha."
- By Cervantes?
- No, by Pérez Reverte, genius.
He's trying to leave the country with it.
But I'm going to stop him.
I know.
Great, there's coverage!
A voice message from Nacho?
Let's see...
Mom, listen closely. A crime is about
to be committed on the train.
We'll be arriving in Barcelona
in a little while.
8 That's where the criminals will board
to commit the robbery.
We have to stop it.
Mom, very important.
Bring me the pink nail polish.
Over and out.
Let's see, what's this?
The number you're calling is turned off
or out of range at this time.
- What if they're really in danger?
- In danger? You just talked to him.
They make up this stuff
to make fun of you.
They did it to Ricardo last year too.
You don't remember?
The photo with ketchup as fake blood?
Oh, that's right, yeah.
Get out of here.
In danger, she says.
- Open the door right now, Morris!
- Right now!
You can't open the door like before?
Fine, you can't.
- It's over! We've got you!
- We've got you!
What you have is a serious problem.
I'm not alone.
I'm with some little friends.
- Don't worry, kids, I'm here!
- Lucas, help us!
Let the kids go!
First of all, stop banging on the door!
It's very unpleasant.
You need to stop the train.
And I need a car for my escape.
With enough room for me
and my little friends.
Don't be ridiculous. We'll catch you
before you reach the border.
- There's no way you can escape.
- No way!
From this moment on, every 10 minutes
that go by without obeying my order,
one of these kids, kaput.
Kaput doesn't mean...
Awesome. We're going to make it.
We're almost in France.
I already feel the glamour.
Look, I can barely vocalize.
Oui, oui. C'est moi.
Carolina Herrera.
- You see?
- Yeah.
No! It can't be.
The Turk must have called them.
What a jerk. You can never trust a man.
And I should have learned
from the dating apps.
What do we do now?
What do we do? For example,
in a guy's profile
they should show ratings from other
users so you know what to expect.
What are you saying?
Just be quiet.
I didn't come this far
to get caught now.
Amazing, baby. You're finally cool.
- They're still following us.
- Yeah.
Shit! A cliff!
You're going to let that scare you?
After all we've been through...
Come on, hit the gas!
That's it.
This is as far as we go.
- Come on, let's drive off the cliff!
- What are you talking about?
Yeah, like Thelma and Louise.
Oh, you are so boring.
Don't you want to jump too?
Isn't it fun?
You see? The boy wants to jump too.
You're the only boring one here.
It's two against one.
Come on, do it!
You never play along.
There they are.
Let's go, you're coming with me.
FRANCE 7 KM
Ma'am, please, turn around. We need
to pick up the kids and we're so close!
I didn't hear anything after "ma'am."
What's your problem? You're my age.
If you wanted revenge,
why didn't you call your cronies
and have the local cops arrest us?
First of all, officers of the law do not
have cronies. You're the cronies.
And we obviously weren't going to tell
anyone what an absurd mess we made.
Yeah, last year was bad enough.
- We were a laughing stock.
- Oh, yeah?
We even had to move from Asturias
to Zaragoza to avoid the shame.
And what happened?
A gang of wackos,
led by a crazy teenager
who kidnapped us and ditched us.
That's enough chit-chat.
This is your chance to win points.
There are very dangerous thieves
on the train.
If you arrest them,
you get all the glory.
Please, let's get the kids.
We'll make sure they're okay,
put them on the camp bus
and then you can arrest us
or whatever you like.
Please, be cool. Do you know
how hard it is for a single mother
to juggle taking care of her kids
and being a criminal?
Please.
Please, listen to me.
Look, I know what we did was awful,
but we're not criminals. We're mothers.
My kids are on a train to Perpignan.
I only need to get there,
greet them and put them on a bus.
And I'll be a bit less of a bad mother.
It's not easy to raise two kids alone,
you know.
I'm doing the best I can.
But if they get to the station
and there's nobody there,
it will be the worst thing
I've ever done to them.
- Thank you! Thank you!
- Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
- Can you turn on the siren?
- Yeah, we're kind of in a hurry.
This is all pretty cool, huh?
Oh, thank you! Thank you.
I see you're not taking me seriously.
I'm going to keep my promise.
Who wants to go first?
It's over, Morris.
You're making things too hard.
Don't you see I'm the one
calling the shots here?
If you don't do what I say
say goodbye to all these disgusting kids!
Did he call us disgusting?
There are six of us and only one of him.
What?
He's an adult and he has a gun!
Don't you dare touch those kids!
- Open the door!
- Open the door!
Damn, you deserve a lot of credit
for finding us.
We've been running wild
all over the place.
Well, between the credit cards,
cell phone calls...
And the trail of old people
you left behind on the road...
- It was like following bread crumbs.
- We left behind a hunk, too.
The Turk. He was hot.
- Did you see him?
- Yeah, very nice.
Look, there's the border!
- I don't think we're going to make it.
- We will. We'll manage.
Oh, my God. I think all the anxiety
is making me dizzy.
You're feeling laid back
because we're in France.
Everyone is laid back in France.
Haven't you seen
the perfume commercials?
Carolina Herrera.
Oh, Paris. Jean Paul Gaultier.
Oui, oui, c'est moi.
Möet & Chandon.
- Open the door!
- No!
I'm going to count to ten
and if you don't obey me,
there will be consequences!
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Okay.
I'll start with the little ones!
The little ones? Take the older ones,
they've lived more.
Now!
- You're in trouble now!
- Take that!
Step back!
- Lucas!
- Kids!
- It's okay, we're police officers.
- You're late, I got whacked.
- You're under arrest, Morris.
- Under arrest.
Now you see what your friend
the scientist was up to.
Like in therapy, they always said:
"Appearances can be deceiving."
Like last year when I thought
you were traveling alone.
- We were traveling alone.
- And this year too.
Go back to your mothers,
they must be worried.
And hey:
Not a word about this to anyone.
But...
what about the formula?
- It's a book?
- It's a book!
It's an original manuscript.
By Pérez Reverte.
Luckily it's intact.
This is human heritage.
The original Quixote.
Here, let me uncuff you.
- You're letting us go?
- Yes, go and get your kids.
I also know what it's like
to struggle with kids
because your cheeky ex
hooked up with a 25-year-old
and not even he knows how he got laid
looking like a weirdo beer-belly slob.
We're very interested
in your story, but...
Go, go.
Thank you.
She's not 25, she's 26.
Everybody's gone.
Couldn't they wait one minute?
What are you doing here?
You have to get off.
My kids were riding alone in these seats.
Did you see them?
Yes, they were picked up.
Picked up? By who?
- I don't know, a couple of gentlemen.
- What?
A couple of gentlemen?
No.
- Pablito!
- Mom!
Fernandito!
- Oh, my children.
- Mom!
Are you okay?
Okay, what were you saying
in your message about a crime?
Nothing, Mom, we were just bored
on the train.
Okay, we'll talk about it.
And you two?
What are you doing here?
We came to the rescue.
It was real quick.
We even had time to buy them
something at McDonald's.
You should have seen them.
They hadn't eaten.
You don't know everything
we went through!
- Tell me about it.
- We were about to die!
We were taken hostage!
Same as me.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.
Have fun!
- Goodbye, Grandpa.
- Marcos, that was bad.
Telling your dad and Felipe.
We agreed on the train you'd keep quiet.
It wasn't me.
- Well, then?
- How did you find out?
We have our contacts.
You see? Big trouble, she says.
Here I am getting my ass kicked
playing Call of Duty.
Your problems are more GTA,
so quit popping off.
Who wants you to send money
with bizum? You're broke.
My mom, she's a fugitive
from justice
and says she's wanted
for causing a forced landing,
threatening a police officer
and hijacking a helicopter.
So I don't think she's on that train.
This is going to be fun.
I can't believe it. This is what I get
for giving birth to a Pisces.
And I gave birth to a criminal.
What nerve.
You haven't given birth to anyone.
If you'd told us, we could have
given you some advice.
Dummies.
Sure, your dad and I are experts
at fleeing justice.
Unbelievable. Men will even explain
to you how to screw up
because they screwed up
better than you did.
- That's right.
- Lady, how are you involved in this?
I'm not. I'm taking the train.
I'm from Cuenca.
Oh, right.
- Goodbye!
- Okay, mission accomplished.
The kids packed
and on their way to camp.
We rented a car,
so we'll give you a ride.
- Okay.
- No.
- You and I are renting a convertible.
- Really?
That's right, Thelma.
I love you.
Let's go.
- Thelma is the pretty one, right?
- Of course.
Mom, I can't find my make-up kit.
- Don't worry, I already packed it.
- Did you pack my nail polish too?
I packed it too.
- And my tablet?
- Here.
And Grandpa isn't coming with us?
Grandpa? After the mess
he made last year? No.
Poor Grandpa.
Mom, you're too resentful.
- What's resentful?
- Someone who packs a grudge.
Oh, then yes, because Mom
packs everything.
Come on, let's go.
We can't miss the train. The keys.
Come on, let's go.
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT 2
YES, IT HAPPENED AGAIN
I don't know what's wrong
with Ricardo lately, he's always late.
The train leaves in 10 minutes.
Can we board?
- There they are.
- We're here!
Hi, kids.
I can't get used to this boy.
How are you, Fernandito? You didn't
bring Chusky the lizard this year?
No, I brought my brother.
Oh, lord. I'd prefer the lizard.
Me too.
Okay, kids, all aboard, let's go.
We're leaving.
Sure you don't want me
to go with you?
- You're joking, right?
- You're still bitter about what happened?
But it all worked out in the end.
And look.
You won't be able to handle them alone.
This year they brought reinforcements.
I'm not alone. I'm going with someone
much more focused than you.
- Finally, I barely made it.
- Right.
You're taking him?
But it was all his fault.
Of course I'm not taking him.
He came to see the kids off.
But he's late, as usual.
- Dad, they're already on the train.
- Then who's going with you?
Someone much more responsible
than either of you.
- Susana? Unai's mother?
- Better known as Susana the Nutcase.
Of all people, you two giving lessons.
But we're not weirdos obsessed with
pendulums or chakra or Tibetan bowls.
That was a phase, she's over it.
Sorry I'm late!
You won't believe how hard it was to find
a taxi with a palindromic license plate.
Just kidding.
It came right away but the numbers
didn't add up to 11.
So I had to wait for another.
Clara, please, tell Marcos to get off.
- I'm taking him with me.
- Come on, don't be silly.
Beat it. Goodbye.
- What's that?
- For holiness.
To invoke a safe
and prosperous journey.
Come on, invoke inside.
I can't believe Clara would rather go
with that weirdo than with us.
Why did you say it was all my fault?
The worst part was your fault.
- How so?
- Her finding out.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
After all we went through
so she'd never know.
Damn, I held out as long as I could.
But your daughter's too smart.
In the end...
she got it out of me.
We're back and no news from
the front. Mission accomplished!
That's great.
Any setbacks on the trip?
None at all.
- The truth...
- Okay, okay.
The truth is your dad got off
the train to smoke before it left
and I went to find him
and the train left without us.
But with the kids. Then your weirdo
friend arrived with her kid
and we got on another train
with him to play it off.
But they kicked us off and we faked an
accident to ride in the ambulance
to the nearest station,
but we got there too late
so we took a ride
from some hippies
who ditched us in the middle
of the countryside.
So we kidnapped a drunk to take his car,
robbed a gas station
and when the police chased us,
we kidnapped them too,
but this time we were the ones
who ditched them.
But then the gun went off
and we crashed into a tree.
So we walked to a farmer's house
and he took us
on his tractor to the station
in Asturias where,
after firing in the air
on the set of a milk commercial
and nearly killing a cow,
we arrived just in time
to meet the train with the kids,
who had skillfully survived
being harassed by a deranged train
conductor with absolutely no problem.
And that's the whole truth.
I was going to say the truth...
is that I'm pleasantly surprised.
"In the end she got it out of me,"
he says.
She didn't even get to the end
of the phrase.
And now she'd rather go
with that nutcase than with us.
Well, better with the nutcase mom
than what we did.
- Get stuck with the weirdo son.
- You're right about that.
About that... and about everything.
Listen up, kids.
Obviously this trip will not be
like the chaos last year.
Each of you has an assigned seat.
No changing.
So you each have your own and you will
not get up under any circumstances.
With the exception, of course,
of an extremely urgent situation,
or an act of God.
For example: dizziness, nausea
or a pressing need to pee,
in which case
you will raise your hand
and wait for one of the two
responsible adults...
Which means me,
to attend to your request.
Any questions?
- Yes.
- What is pressing?
Very urgent. I'll continue.
There will be no complaints,
screaming, not a single kick
against the seat in front of you.
- Anyone who breaks the rules...
- Good lord.
She might as well read you
your rights. Good luck.
Kids... Kids!
Anyone who breaks the rules
will be sanctioned
and immediately secluded
in the Quiet Car.
You're lying. You're trying to scare us.
I don't believe you bought
a ticket in the Quiet Car.
Do you want to find out,
Marisa sweetie?
The Quiet Car thing is really scary.
And it should be.
Because in The Quiet Car you can't blink
or move a single muscle of your body
and if you simply brush your ass
on the seat a huge thug will appear
and toss you off the train!
- You're lying, there's no such thing.
- There's really a Quiet Car?
I'll take my Smartick in there
and go over my math homework.
Take it easy, Nacho.
Breathe, breathe.
How many times do I have
to tell you my name is Ignacio?
Sonny boy, you are so prissy.
Excuse me, my son is not prissy.
He's responsible, unlike yours.
Oh, suddenly my son
isn't responsible?
What do you mean, suddenly?
He never has been.
You spent all of last year saying my son
was the only one responsible
for everything that happened.
Oh, right, responsible for almost
getting everyone thrown in jail.
So responsible either way, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the train
will be leaving in one minute.
Okay, then.
Hold on. Where's Pablito?
- Right there.
- Where?
Right in front of your nose, jumpy!
But he's outside!
You're right, what a clean window.
That kid is too laid back.
I said for nobody to move.
He runs away a lot.
Pablito...
Clara!
Don't get off!
Kid, stop!
You'll pull me off!
No!
No!
There's no way.
- Should we ask for help?
- Should we ask for caffeine?
I can't believe it.
- So... you think it's funny?
- Actually, yes.
What are you laughing at, chinchilla?
Just a quick call.
- Yes. Have them stop the train.
- I'm calling your dad. He's gonna flip.
My dad?
-Felipe!
- What's up?
You didn't abduct my daughter,
did you?
- Dad, how are you?
- Worried. Is everything okay?
Yeah, everything is great.
Anyway, I was just calling to say
we all managed to board the train.
It wasn't so hard in the end.
With a teacher like me...
I made it easy for you.
Okay, then. Bye!
Nacho!
Nacho, listen closely.
Tell the conductor to stop the train
immediately. Go.
Mother. First of all, don't call me Nacho,
my name is Ignacio.
Moving on, don't get upset.
We went through this last year
and there was no problem.
Let's see, the train has a layover
in Barcelona in 3 hours.
If you fly there, which takes exactly
an hour and 20 minutes,
you'll reach your destination on time.
Don't be prissy.
Pass me the conductor right now.
Clara, it's not my style,
but if you make a stink
I'll call my dad and yours
and tell them what happened.
Clara, don't worry,
we know the procedure.
Act naturally, don't cause trouble
and avoid the conductors,
especially if they're psychopathic
schizoids with phobia of children.
Mom, you look pale.
Put on some blush. Over and out.
- How could this have happened?
- Come on, laugh, it's funny.
Funny?
- We're worse than Ricardo and Felipe.
- Hey, we're not as dumb as they are.
We still have our wallets.
- So we buy a plane ticket and...
- Plane?
Impossible, I'm terrified of flying.
That's why we took the train.
I'm the worst mother in the world.
Don't punish yourself,
this is nobody's fault.
What do we do now?
Look, the train takes 7 hours
to reach Perpignan.
We rent a convertible
and take a road trip
like Thelma and Louise
with our hair in the wind.
We might even find Brad Pitt
at a gas station.
- What about the boy?
- What boy?
That boy.
We put him in a station locker
and have his mom pick him up.
Sure, and she'll find out
her other son is still on the train.
I've managed to hide last year's screw-up
all year long and now this happens.
Then we buy him some snacks,
stick him in a locker
and pick him up in 2 weeks
when the camp is over.
Is the boy there
or is he in the metaverse?
What if one calls and tells their dad?
This one, I doubt it.
He talks less than an emoji.
- Come on. Let's go rent that convertible.
- That's it, a rental.
Good morning.
- We urgently need to rent a car.
- Convertible, two seats, big trunk.
- Well, not so big.
- Convertible, two seats...
No, don't listen to her.
A normal car, 5 seats if possible.
- Normal car with 5 seats.
- But a good one.
- Good with 5 seats.
- To reach Perpignan in 7 hours.
That will be very difficult,
the fastest route takes 8 hours.
- No way.
- Yeah, look.
This is the most direct route,
and it takes 8 hours.
The only option I can think of
is a plane to Barcelona...
Not the plane again, I'm afraid of flying!
Calm down.
Take this, they're totally natural.
- I make them myself at the herb shop.
- No way.
Who knows what you put in there.
Oh, yeah? Would you rather
confess everything
and have Ricardo and your dad
pick them up?
- Spider! Double!
- No!
I win, bravo!
Gee, last year was more fun.
We could do whatever we wanted
in our own cabin.
- And because I took my dad's wallet.
- And we could buy drinks with caffeine.
And eat anything we wanted.
That's right, we have to sit here for
7 hours on the train without eating!
- I'm jumping off right now.
- Take it easy, Fernandito.
Breathe, breathe. You guy can sit here
like chumps all you want.
I'm taking my Smartick
to do some studying.
No, we have to stay together.
We can't split up.
Okay, I'll stay.
Guys, you won't believe this.
Look down the aisle.
Okay, enjoy your trip.
Kids!
I'm watching you closely.
Those damn kids are traveling alone.
Faster, he's going to catch us!
Now!
Take it easy, it's over.
- Come with us.
- What? Not me.
Them! Those kids are criminals!
Hi, kids!
Now I'm definitely jumping off.
How are you? It's me, Lucas.
You don't remember me?
- Yes.
- What a trip we had, eh?
- Taking another trip then?
- Yes.
Great, great. That's great.
I'll stop by later to say hi
to your parents.
Where are they, by the way?
In the dining car?
Yes.
I'm remembering all the silly things
I did last year
thinking you were traveling
without your parents.
I'm in therapy now,
it won't happen again.
Oh, great, because they're not here
this year.
She means this year our moms came.
Sure, great, that's normal,
they alternate each year.
Anyway, enjoy your trip.
Hey, these pills don't do anything.
- I'm totally accelerated.
- The effect takes a little while.
But don't worry, when the plane crashes
you'll be completely relaxed.
- I'm hungry.
- Good lord, this kid is like his brother.
Why don't we check him in as a pet?
We can save the ticket
and having to put up with him.
You're capable.
Excuse me, some cages
are very comfortable,
with holes to breathe and everything.
You're against anything I say
to store him.
Excuse me, I'm in urgent need
of a cage for pets like this one.
- Where did you get it?
- In the store where I bought it.
But they have them here, right?
How should I know?
Do I look like a flight attendant?
No. You look like a rude Pisces.
- I'm a Leo.
- Correct.
- A rude Leo.
- Well, I'm a Sagittarius, lady.
I knew it, a lying Sagittarius.
And rude.
Do you think the conductor
really changed and turned nice?
Or is he faking to catch us?
I hope it's true, because his partner
doesn't look as nice as last year's.
Is he still looking?
Is he gone yet?
Did you drop this, Miss?
We have to think of something.
We can't just sit here and wait
until we get caught.
You're right, we need to find a way
to get some food.
What? I can't think on
an empty stomach.
Look!
What is it now?
Turn around discreetly and look at
the nice man who spoke to us earlier.
Look at his wrist.
He has a briefcase with handcuffs!
Amazing. He must be a spy!
What? He's probably a professor.
- Or a scientist!
- I thought the same thing.
He's probably carrying the formula
for some awesome discovery!
- Or something to feed the Third World.
- And transform air into protein.
- Or to cure diseases.
- Or glow-in-the dark make-up!
Okay, here we are.
Not dead yet, are you?
Right, taking off is the problem.
Welcome to Airlanz Air flight
to Barcelona
Everybody's so relaxed!
The duration of the flight will be
one hour and 20 minutes...
I can't bear it for that long.
Don't worry, that's if we arrive.
If we crash it will be shorter.
Here comes the flight attendant.
Everybody pay attention.
Following international
civil aviation regulations,
we'll be doing a demonstration...
Stop that! Listen while
the flight attendant is talking!
...oxygen masks and emergency exits.
It's very important for you
to pay attention.
Your seatbelt must remain fastened
any time the seatbelt light is on.
This airplane has 8 emergency exits.
Two in the front,
four over the wings
and two in
the back of the plane.
Pay attention!
The aisle will light up...
She's talking about the emergency
exits and you're missing it.
Remember that the closest
might be behind you.
The life vests are located
underneath each of your seats.
- What is wrong with people!
- What is it?
Listen to the flight attendant!
When we're about to die,
don't ask me.
Are you nuts?
Me, nuts? Okay, smart ass.
Where are the life vests?
Okay, smart ass.
Where is your brain?
Oh, I missed that...
Excuse me, can you repeat...
where we blow?
Oh, right.
Pay attention!
Everybody listen, what's the problem?
- Well, I never...
- I will if I choose.
Look at her!
This chick has gone crazy.
Thank you for listening
and enjoy your flight.
Okay. Here we go.
Hello, again.
Going to the dining car?
Yes.
Look, I'll go with you
and say hi to your mothers.
They had to go to the bathroom.
- Both at the same time?
- Um... yeah.
Well, that's normal.
The food in the dining car...
Would you like something?
Yes, a hot dog, please.
Here.
Thank you.
- My parents are back there.
- Oh, okay.
Yes, I boarded the train
and I have him located.
He's seated alone, with the briefcase.
I'm watching him, he won't get away.
Finally!
This won't be enough.
Easy, it's for everyone.
What's wrong?
Did you see a ghost?
You're even paler than my mom.
You won't believe it.
Look discreetly behind me.
There's a man talking on the phone.
He's definitely a spy.
He's watching the professor.
What professor?
There's a professor on the train?
Of course, the wise guy
with the briefcase.
Which is he, a wise guy
or a professor?
- Because he can't be both.
- We have to tell the conductor.
The briefcase with the formula
is in danger.
But wait a second. We don't know
if he's changed and we can trust him.
We have to risk it,
humanity is in danger.
It's a matter of survival.
Fernandito!
What? Mine was a matter
of survival too.
Susana, these pills you gave me
are shit.
Oh, sure, now it's my fault for making
bad pills, not yours for being a Libra.
What?
We see the speck in other eyes
but not the beam in our own.
What has me being a Libra
got to do with it?
Because Mercury has gone retrograde
and that upsets all the air signs.
Come to think of it, why is an air sign
so afraid of flying?
- I need to pee.
- Again?
I didn't go before.
Then do it here, you don't want
to tip the plane.
- I need to pee.
- Okay, I'll take him.
- Let us through, this guy is asleep.
- No.
- I'm not taking off my seatbelt.
- Climb over.
Should have loaned me the cage.
Why are you taking so long?
Come out already!
What are you doing, you brute?
- No...
- Come on!
- I want to stay.
- You'll land in Zaragoza!
My God, the boy tried to escape
through the toilet.
- We need a cage right away!
- Come on, Pablito.
Quickly, take your seat.
Pablito, sit down.
What are you doing, you dummy?
You'll crash the plane!
Stop!
Stay tight.
Pablito, buckle up.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're
passing through some turbulence...
8I warned you!
What will you do now? You don't know
where anything is or what to do.
Please return to your seats
and fasten your seatbelts.
Don't tell them anything!
Let everyone get killed!
You should have listened!
Oh, my God, you were right.
We're all going to die except you.
What are you doing?
My vest...
What for?
You don't know how to inflate it.
Ladies, please, calm down.
Please stop and...
I can't breathe...
Oh, my God!
The cabin has depressurized!
I can't breathe...
Lower the oxygen masks!
- What's happening?
- We're all going to die!
- Can you speak one at a time, please?
- Yes, of course.
- What are you doing?
- Turn over all personal belongings.
That's when you go to jail.
I'm only taking a statement about
what happened on the plane.
So I don't have to hand in my jewelry?
No. You can keep your "jewelry."
Sorry, I lack experience.
Never been arrested before.
I only know what I've seen in movies,
it's all so exciting.
Moving on.
This lady fought with half the plane.
She even tried to murder
a flight attendant.
So when she attacked me,
I defended myself and we scuffled.
But I didn't do anything, I'm a victim.
Besides, I have to be in Barcelona.
It's urgent, I have a wedding.
Oh, my God, how serious!
I'm the bride!
Look, I have the dress right here.
My friends thought
it would be hilarious
to take me to Madrid for my
bachelorette party, get me drunk
and ditch me with my wedding
dress and return ticket.
What a laugh!
So I'm getting married in a few hours
in Barcelona and have to get back.
Well, we have to get there too,
because...
Because...
Because it's very important.
Good lord, what a touching story.
Okay, don't worry.
We'll take you as soon as possible.
Really?
You'll take us to Barcelona?
No, ma'am, we're taking you
to the police station
so the federal police
will take over.
What? We can't...
- Please...
- No...
- I have to be in Barcelona...
- I have a mother-in-law...
Look, one second, be quiet.
You can't do this to us.
It's a matter of life and death
that we get out of here.
Take pity on this poor boy
who hasn't eaten for hours.
Don't worry about the boy,
the minor will be returned to his parents.
No, not that!
I mean, there's no need.
The police won't release you
until the judge on duty sets bail.
And I'm afraid that won't be
until tomorrow morning.
- No!
- We're going to sleep in jail!
- The good side...
- This is my good side.
- What?
- For the mug shot.
Or do you like this one better?
Thank you! This is the most exciting thing
that has ever happened to me.
Can we post
the photo on Instagram later?
No.
Going to jail and not being able
to tell anyone is not cool.
No offense, it's cool, but less cool.
It's like being with Brad Pitt
and you can't tell anyone.
You're not in jail.
Then I can tell people,
like the Brad Pitt thing.
I've never been with him,
but I tell people I have.
You mentioned a good side...
Yes, the good side is that
by tomorrow morning
whatever your friend took
will have worn off.
And what about me?
I have to be at my wedding.
You'll avoid a probable divorce within the
first year as happens in 70% of cases,
which will spare you 12 months
of slowly falling off a cliff
asking yourself every morning
what you were thinking getting married.
And believe me, you'll ask,
because if you really think your marriage
has any chance of succeeding,
you're even nuttier than your friend.
Come on, kids, don't be so Hollywood.
Just because someone looks like a bad
guy doesn't mean he's a dangerous spy.
And the scientist's briefcase?
What scientist? Come on...
We learned in therapy that paranoia
is the enemy of reason.
Maybe he's a jeweler
and keeps his jewelry there,
keeping his samples in sight.
He doesn't look like a jeweler,
he looks like a scientist.
What rascals.
Now you know what someone does
by their face. Then what do I look like?
Like you've never used facial cream.
Boring?
Okay, then.
Go back to your mothers,
they must be worried.
Why doesn't he believe us?
It's too late, the therapy cured him
too much.
Unbelievable, last year
he was all over us saying
we were alone on the train,
and this year he doesn't believe it.
We were alone on the train.
Yeah, but he didn't have any proof.
Exactly, that's what we need:
proof.
Three women and a minor on flight
4815162342 on Airlanz Air at 11:50,
altercation with a crew member
resulting in a forced landing.
Okay, we're going to the downtown
Zaragoza police station.
- And we can't speed up the judge?
- I'm afraid not.
How much do you think
bail will be?
With the mess you caused,
including a forced landing,
penalizing all the other passengers, it
could be anywhere around 30,000 euros.
What? I don't have that money.
Look, if you add what you'll save
in divorce proceedings,
marriage therapy to try to avoid it
and what you'll spend
trying to get over it, believe me,
the 30,000 euros you're paying
to the government
is less
than what you're avoiding.
You're arrest is like a rebate,
trust me.
Listen, couldn't we settle this somehow?
Let's say, adding 500 euros
to make it happen today?
What you're adding
is an attempted bribery charge.
You're not very helpful.
What sign are you?
Sick and tired of the ascendant
up to my ears.
Good, she's mad.
She'll put me in the hole!
Girls, you need to enjoy the experience.
The best part is yet to come: the shower.
They put you against the wall
and spray you with a pressure hose.
It's the best.
You haven't seen it?
It's great for cellulite.
Okay, you got lucky.
They need to take other prisoners
and the judge will see you today.
- Sign here.
- But we get a shower, right?
Yes, ma'am, after your massage
and aroma therapy.
She's not very on the ball.
We got the intern.
Good lord, I don't have that money.
The judge won't let me go.
Don't worry, I have a plan.
Hey, she's out cold.
It's the sleeping pills I gave her.
The effect takes longer on a Libra.
Libras are librarians on steroids!
Yeah, okay, don't worry.
I have the perfect plan.
But I need backup
at the station in Barcelona.
We won't let that briefcase get away.
We were right,
they're after the scientist.
He said it all on the phone.
- We have to tell Lucas.
- He didn't even listen to us.
But he will now.
He will now? Why?
Because you say so?
No, because of this.
I recorded his whole conversation
with my cell phone.
Come on.
Let's go and tell Lucas.
Okay, we're leaving.
You're taking us like this?
No handcuffs? This is a joke.
Yes, in handcuffs. It's protocol.
Just as well.
We're lucky I said something...
Who would have thought
you were the sane one?
- Nothing, no sign of Lucas anywhere.
- Nothing, he's not back there.
- We could tell another conductor.
- No, I'm scared.
There's Lucas!
Lucas!
Lucas, Lucas, Lucas!
Lucas, we need you!
If the judge sees us today
you'll charge us less, right?
- What?
- For early payment.
When you pay the fine
right away you pay half.
If the judge sees us sooner,
we pay sooner.
If we pay sooner, you reduce the price,
that's how it works. I know my rights.
Yeah? Well, you have the right
to remain silent
and you haven't used it for one second.
I also have the right to a phone call.
Call anyone you want,
you have a cell phone, you wacko.
Oh, that's right!
- Are you calling a lawyer?
- A lawyer, what for?
I'm calling the tourism office
in Zaragoza.
Since they're letting us go sooner,
we can see El Pilar.
Guys, we have to find the other
conductor and tell him everything.
As soon as the thief leaves,
we'll find him.
He can't see us.
Is he rolling his mustache?
Good. He'll see the impostor
and catch him.
Let's go!
They're working together!
Here they come!
They're ready.
They'll get on in Barcelona.
Good. I'll wait at the door
and let them in.
Perfect. Wait in the next car.
I'll cover the dining car.
Okay. Tour reserved.
Yes. Three adults and a little boy.
Do you two want in?
A tour?
I thought you were in a hurry.
No big deal. Hurrying is for Pisces
and Geminis.
- Is that the cathedral?
- Yes.
Open the door right now
or I'll stab the kid!
- Should I open it?
- Of course not!
Open the door, I'm totally nuts!
She is nuts.
Open it!
What are you doing?
Move!
Keep circulating!
I can't open the door!
Did you miss the Tour or what?
Move!
Out of the way!
Move!
- Don't tell a soul about this.
- I know.
She's going to freak out
when she wakes up.
I don't see why. She's scared of airplanes
and this isn't an airplane.
Welcome to Zaragoza from the sky.
You can see the El Pilar monument
on your left.
It dates from 1681.
A barroque monument...
What if I take off her glasses?
She'll see less when she wakes up.
Not bad, you might be useful.
Go ahead.
- The Muslim kings lived there...
- Yes, yes! Very interesting!
Look, the Ebro is beautiful today.
Hey, do you think you gave her too much
of those pills and she died?
I wish. Because when she wakes up
she's going to kill me.
Libras totally love revenge.
There's no "libra-tion"
from a Libra.
Actually I'm the one
who's going to kill you.
You have me sightseeing
in a helicopter in Zaragoza
and my wedding is in an hour and a half
in Barcelona!
Relax, we're on part two of the plan.
You'll see.
Give me that.
Go away. Go sit in my seat.
Yes, very interesting.
But I'd also like to see
what people don't normally see.
The monuments outside town.
- Outside Zaragoza?
- Yeah, like the Sagrada Familia.
But that's in Barcelona.
What is Barcelona
if not outside Zaragoza?
Come on, can't we just pop over
since we're nearby?
I don't have permission
to fly to Barcelona.
Please, it's a matter of life or death.
- No, I'm sorry, but...
- Your life or death!
Take us to Barcelona or I'll do it!
I'm totally nuts!
I'm a dangerous criminal.
What are these? Handcuffs
or a racehorse? I'm nuts!
- Okay, okay. I'll fly you there. Really.
- Okay, then. Do your thing.
- We can't let them rob the professor.
- Yeah.
- Then what do we do?
- Okay.
I'm going to say something
I never thought I would say.
I'm going to call my mother.
How strange. She's not answering.
What could she be doing?
Watch out!
Yay, we're here! Look at the beach.
See how easy that was?
- Where do you want me to land?
- Get near the water.
We'll jump in, like on Survivors.
Jump in the water?
We're handcuffed!
You are such a pain.
Pisces, by any chance?
No. I'm Houdini, give me a break.
Susana, the boy is looking at me.
Susana.
Behave yourself, you little demon.
What is that?
He stole the keys
from the police officer.
Well done, Pablito!
Less escapism, more kleptomania!
Go on!
Let's go, jump!
Don't push me, thanks!
Hey!
You're leaving the boy!
No, thanks! You keep him,
for your trouble!
The klepto!
Call her again, see if she picks up.
Nothing, no answer.
Then send an audio.
Mom, listen closely. A crime
is about to be committed on the train.
We'll be arriving in Barcelona
in a little while.
That's where the criminals will board
to commit the robbery.
We have to stop it.
Mom, very important.
Bring me the pink nail polish.
Over and out.
Yes! We're on the beach
in Barcelona!
El Castillet, the pan tumaca...
Sun, come and see me,
come and see me.
Sun, come and see me,
I'm so cold...
Taxi.
Mine!
Taxi!
Sure, why would he stop?
I look like the phantom hitchhiker.
- Taxi!
- Taxi!
- Taxi! Taxi!
- What are you doing?
- Taxi!
- Taxi!
Get away!
Hello. To the train station,
please. Quickly.
- No, get out, this is our taxi.
- No!
- Santa Ana Church, please.
- No, the train station.
To the train station.
- No, Santa Ana Church.
- It's four against one. The station.
Please, ladies. The church is on the
way to the station. I can take you all.
- Why didn't you say so? Let's go.
- Men are so slow sometimes.
- You said it.
- Drive.
Train heading for Perpignan...
I don't see anyone.
Not your mom or her friend.
Let's get off the train
and tell the police.
What if they got on
and we didn't see them?
We leave them alone on the train?
It's no big deal.
They did that to us, right?
- Like your dad last year, of course.
- That was your grandpa's fault.
Stop your nonsense and look.
They have no suitcases.
They must be the bad guy's backup.
They have a gun.
They're going after the professor.
Please, zip me up.
Are you sure the church
is on the way to the station?
I'm sure.
Do you want to keep the kid
as the ring-bearer?
Yeah.
My cell phone!
It must be my boyfriend!
No, don't answer it!
The police can locate us!
What are you saying?
I want to talk to my kids too,
but I can't because we're too close
to get caught now.
My love!
Esther, where are you?
We're all waiting.
You're coming, aren't you?
Of course I am, my love,
I'm around the corner.
I got caught in traffic.
Okay, the priest says he can't wait
anymore, he has another wedding after.
- What? Pass me the priest.
- What?
Pass me the priest!
Child, it's normal to have doubts.
We talked about this in the
marriage course. You mustn't fear.
But you also mustn't keep
the priest waiting for an hour.
Sorry, Father. I'm around the corner.
No doubts here.
Why don't you put your cell phone
on hands free and you can start?
How can I begin the ceremony
under those conditions?
Sure, I hear you perfectly.
I'll be there for the "I do."
I can't believe this crap!
We are gathered here...
Hurry up, please, faster!
I'm speaking slowly
to give you time to get here.
No, I was talking to the taxi driver.
Drive!
Here I go.
We are gathered here...
Stop!
I know what I have to say,
I don't need notes!
...to join in holy matrimony...
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
Look, that's enough.
Shit.
There's no way,
they're not answering.
The layover was 15 minutes
and it's been 10.
They may have got on another car.
We have to check the whole train.
We'll split up.
We'll take from the dining car to the back
and you take the other side.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Who is this?
- The groom.
- Not mine.
He's from the next wedding.
I told you I had another.
- And no bride?
- No.
Then give me this one!
We've checked the whole train.
They have to be outside.
There they are!
- Mom!
- Clara!
- Mom!
- Clara!
Mom!
Mom!
- We screwed up.
- No.
Now that we're here, let's find the others
and stop the robbery, okay?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I can't, I can't. I can't.
Now what?
Now we can rent a car
to drive to Perpignan.
It will take the same as the train.
We don't have enough cash
to rent a car.
And we can't use the credit cards
because the police will locate us.
We're fugitives from justice,
get that into your head.
Oh, yeah, I still can't believe it.
Hey, come to think of it,
I paid for the helicopter with the card.
What?
Then that's it.
We've been located. I give up.
I need to pee.
Again? We haven't given you
any water since the last time you went.
That's true.
- I'm thirsty.
- Shut up, chinchilla.
Should have drank at the beach,
you had the whole sea to yourself.
I swallowed half of it.
Oh, my God.
What if the boy gets sick?
Come on, let's find a bathroom
and dry off.
We'll call the authorities
to meet the kids at the station.
That's it, it's over. We're definitely
worse than my dad and Ricardo.
No, wait, please. We can't give up now
after coming this far.
If all is lost, let me use
one last resort.
I never thought I'd say this...
- What do you want?
- Hi, sweetie!
So nice to hear your voice.
Can you send me money with bizum?
Wait, hold on. You want me
to send you money?
What have you been smoking?
But make the transfer to the other
account. I can't use the card.
I'm in big trouble!
Let's hear it, because you say that
about everything.
I'm a fugitive, I'm wanted by the police
for causing a forced landing,
threatening to kill a police officer
and hijacking a helicopter.
You see? Big trouble, she says.
Here I am getting my ass kicked
playing Call of Duty.
Your problems are more GTA,
so quit popping off.
Okay.
Let's go to the bathroom.
I'm ready to blow a gasket.
No way, this is the girl's bathroom!
Yeah, sure, so you can
run away again. Get in there!
Dry him off, I need to pee right now.
This is stronger than the toilet
in the plane!
Hello.
I saw a new widower
who isn't bad at all.
No, that one's mine.
I've had him scoped out
since the last trip.
- His wife was about to croak.
- You didn't say a word.
Well, if you want me to tell you
I already saw.
That's why I signed up
for the Perpignan trip.
We'd better hurry up.
If the bus leaves without us,
we're both out of luck.
Okay, hold on.
I have to pee.
Ma'am, could you please watch
our suitcase for a second?
- Yes, of course.
- Thank you.
- Did you hear that?
- Hear what?
Give me your belt.
What?
I can't believe what we did.
One more crime won't make us
not criminals anymore.
- Hurry up, we'll miss the bus!
- Hurry up?
We have a 90-pound boy
in the suitcase.
There it is, Perpignan.
Wait! Wait!
Help me!
Somebody locked us in here!
Help!
Open up, open up!
- Sorry, we were in the bathroom.
- Come on, always the same.
Damn. What's in here?
It weighs like 90 pounds.
- What was that?
- Ow, my hip.
Son, it's getting worse every day.
Please, help me get on the bus.
Come on.
I'm better now.
- Take a number before you sit.
- What?
For the bathroom. So people don't
stand in line while the bus is moving.
I'll call you when it's free.
Okay.
Let's sit apart so nobody connects us.
Hey!
You're leaving us!
What's this?
COME TO THE CORRIDOR
IMPORTANT
So what's so important
that you needed to tell me?
We don't want to scare you,
but there are people on the train
with a clear objective.
To steal your briefcase.
- I'm glad you didn't want to scare me.
- You need to hide right away.
We still haven't thought about where.
It's not easy, this is a train.
You're right, it's not easy.
YOUR TURN
A37
Oh, God, that line thing is for real.
I should have gone at the station.
Don't worry.
I have the next number.
My prostate is in great shape.
Thank you.
Hey, you snuck on.
You're not even 50. Why are you here?
To steal our men?
No, no, I had a face lift.
Sorry, you can't use the bathroom.
- What?
- I'm afraid I clogged it.
You have to stop!
The bathroom is clogged!
I stop for nothing and no one.
You have to stop!
We have to go to the bathroom!
Stop, stop, stop!
No, no, no. Don't stop!
I have compresses for urine.
Who wants one?
- Stop, stop, stop!
- Okay, I'll stop. But only for 5 minutes.
Okay, get off.
You're not getting off?
No, I already did my thing.
What is wrong with these people?
We've been here for ages!
- That's why I didn't want to stop.
- Come on, man! I went in a flash.
Nothing is coming out.
- Good lord, we can't stop again.
- "We can't stop again."
- I'm going to unclog the bathroom.
- We're not going to make it...
That's it.
Where are you going?
- Again?
- Do you want to get there or not?
We're going to leave
all these old people here?
Not all of them. We're taking this one.
She was right, we steal men.
Hey, what are you doing?
Get me out of here!
Sorry, we're in a big hurry!
- Don't lock me in here with this, please!
- I'm really sorry.
- What's going on?
- Do you know how to drive this?
Yeah, no worries.
Hey!
The bus is leaving!
Shit, it stalled.
- Try to start it, for God's sake!
- I can't!
It stopped, let's go!
Hey! Wait for me!
Here they come!
My God, it looks like the Walking Dead.
Let's go!
Pablito. Pablito!
Pablito.
Pablito, come here.
Pablito, come.
There are zombies coming after us!
Let's go!
Run!
I'm very grateful for your help.
I have an idea.
I hope it works.
Go inside.
- Wow.
- Hey, what are you doing?
You can't come in here.
The children were excited to see
how a train works.
Yeah, but you can't come in here.
Excuse me, sir.
But it's an emergency.
You need to stop the train.
What are you saying?
That's impossible. Get out!
I hope you won't oblige me
to employ violence.
Stop the train right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I switched control to Central.
Nothing can be done here now.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
A car! Stop!
Okay, I'm going to look for coverage.
- Didn't you say we can't call?
- Who cares at this point.
I need to talk to Nacho.
Here comes another car!
Stop, stop!
People don't help each other!
Nobody's stopping.
What if I show a little leg?
You want them to stop
or drive faster?
I can't believe people.
We have a boy.
Great idea. Boy, come.
Stand here and don't move
no matter what happens.
I'll give you a cool gift, okay?
Two bars.
Just as well.
Nacho, pick up.
- Pick up. Nacho!
- Mom? Mom?
From now on, only I speak!
Understood?
Nacho?
Nacho?
Shitty coverage.
Pablito, get out of there.
That won't work,
it's like you don't know him.
Stay there! Reverse psychology.
Pablito, come here!
Pablito, move! Pablito!
You see? I'll go talk to him.
What happened?
- Did you explain our problem?
- Of course.
And he kindly offered us a ride.
- Well, then?
- He's a Pisces.
- What?
- Yeah, girl.
Who cares if he's a Pisces?
You let him leave because of that?
I don't trust a Pisces.
For God's sake, Susana,
we're desperate!
I know and I tried to fix it.
That's why I asked the ascendant,
but it's Leo.
- And I'm not going there, no way.
- I can't believe it.
Me neither. The only car that stops
is a Pisces Leo ascendant.
Wrong, it's all wrong!
You even stop a guy
who knows his ascendant.
No, I deduced it from the arch
of his eyebrow.
Look, you know what?
No more of this nonsense.
My God,
the guy from the soap opera.
- The Turk, the Turk!
- Who?
How are you, Turk?
Do you come here often?
Sorry, we need help.
Let's talk for a second, this is our
Thelma and Louise moment.
She's Thelma, me, Louise.
You, Brad Pitt.
- Which one hooked up with Brad Pitt?
- Shut up.
- Can you take us to France?
- Sure, I can take you no problem.
- Oh, he speaks Spanish.
- Yes, I'm moving to Spain.
Great move, kid. Spain beautiful!
Spanish omelets, being tan, the ham...
I kiss you like no one else, that's why
you'll always stay by my side.
Just one moment.
I'll move the boxes in back.
That's okay, can we just go?
We're in a big hurry.
- Sure.
- I'll ride in front.
She'll ride in back with the boy,
because he's her son.
- Excuse me?
- Please, he's hot and I'm lonely.
I'm lonely too.
Yeah, but you've got more time left
being hot than me.
Come on.
People always tell me I could be
a soap opera star.
What do you think?
Yes.
I knew it.
What sign are you?
But...
- Come on, get out.
- What happened?
- Don't tell me he's a Pisces too.
- Get out of the truck.
What? Why?
Because she fondled me.
Come on, get out.
I'm so sorry, I was only trying
to calculate your ascendant.
Forgive me, forgive me.
Look, Mr. Hunk, your keys!
Unbelievable, really...
I'm going to Portugal.
Okay, Romario.
Have we not noticed I'm not the one
wearing this suit?
Lucas, take it easy.
Let Navales go.
Don't do anything you might regret,
there's an explanation.
I don't want an explanation.
Actually, I do. Why wouldn't I?
Listening is a good thing.
That's how you find things out in life.
Go ahead with the explanation.
I tried to explain before,
but you didn't believe me.
That's why I had to immobilize you.
Oh, then it's true that...
Yes, I'm with the secret police.
Sure, and I'm the county sheriff.
Give me a break.
I'm not giving you my uniform.
And I'm also going to report
all of this...
I'm sorry, but I can't let you
endanger the operation.
Well, how about that.
Romario is collaborating with us.
So you're secret police.
You kept it so quiet.
Me? I didn't...
I mean, he asked for my help
because he didn't have a ticket,
to let him on the train,
and, well, I'm here pitching in
my grain of salt.
Call me Watson, call me Robin,
call me Mortadelo.
And what about these thugs?
I couldn't arrest them without backup,
so we planned to do it
during the layover in Barcelona.
Good lord.
A year of therapy and they're
still going to drive me crazy.
So what did the man do then?
He's carrying the original manuscript
of "The Ingenious Gentleman
Don Quixote of La Mancha."
- By Cervantes?
- No, by Pérez Reverte, genius.
He's trying to leave the country with it.
But I'm going to stop him.
I know.
Great, there's coverage!
A voice message from Nacho?
Let's see...
Mom, listen closely. A crime is about
to be committed on the train.
We'll be arriving in Barcelona
in a little while.
8 That's where the criminals will board
to commit the robbery.
We have to stop it.
Mom, very important.
Bring me the pink nail polish.
Over and out.
Let's see, what's this?
The number you're calling is turned off
or out of range at this time.
- What if they're really in danger?
- In danger? You just talked to him.
They make up this stuff
to make fun of you.
They did it to Ricardo last year too.
You don't remember?
The photo with ketchup as fake blood?
Oh, that's right, yeah.
Get out of here.
In danger, she says.
- Open the door right now, Morris!
- Right now!
You can't open the door like before?
Fine, you can't.
- It's over! We've got you!
- We've got you!
What you have is a serious problem.
I'm not alone.
I'm with some little friends.
- Don't worry, kids, I'm here!
- Lucas, help us!
Let the kids go!
First of all, stop banging on the door!
It's very unpleasant.
You need to stop the train.
And I need a car for my escape.
With enough room for me
and my little friends.
Don't be ridiculous. We'll catch you
before you reach the border.
- There's no way you can escape.
- No way!
From this moment on, every 10 minutes
that go by without obeying my order,
one of these kids, kaput.
Kaput doesn't mean...
Awesome. We're going to make it.
We're almost in France.
I already feel the glamour.
Look, I can barely vocalize.
Oui, oui. C'est moi.
Carolina Herrera.
- You see?
- Yeah.
No! It can't be.
The Turk must have called them.
What a jerk. You can never trust a man.
And I should have learned
from the dating apps.
What do we do now?
What do we do? For example,
in a guy's profile
they should show ratings from other
users so you know what to expect.
What are you saying?
Just be quiet.
I didn't come this far
to get caught now.
Amazing, baby. You're finally cool.
- They're still following us.
- Yeah.
Shit! A cliff!
You're going to let that scare you?
After all we've been through...
Come on, hit the gas!
That's it.
This is as far as we go.
- Come on, let's drive off the cliff!
- What are you talking about?
Yeah, like Thelma and Louise.
Oh, you are so boring.
Don't you want to jump too?
Isn't it fun?
You see? The boy wants to jump too.
You're the only boring one here.
It's two against one.
Come on, do it!
You never play along.
There they are.
Let's go, you're coming with me.
FRANCE 7 KM
Ma'am, please, turn around. We need
to pick up the kids and we're so close!
I didn't hear anything after "ma'am."
What's your problem? You're my age.
If you wanted revenge,
why didn't you call your cronies
and have the local cops arrest us?
First of all, officers of the law do not
have cronies. You're the cronies.
And we obviously weren't going to tell
anyone what an absurd mess we made.
Yeah, last year was bad enough.
- We were a laughing stock.
- Oh, yeah?
We even had to move from Asturias
to Zaragoza to avoid the shame.
And what happened?
A gang of wackos,
led by a crazy teenager
who kidnapped us and ditched us.
That's enough chit-chat.
This is your chance to win points.
There are very dangerous thieves
on the train.
If you arrest them,
you get all the glory.
Please, let's get the kids.
We'll make sure they're okay,
put them on the camp bus
and then you can arrest us
or whatever you like.
Please, be cool. Do you know
how hard it is for a single mother
to juggle taking care of her kids
and being a criminal?
Please.
Please, listen to me.
Look, I know what we did was awful,
but we're not criminals. We're mothers.
My kids are on a train to Perpignan.
I only need to get there,
greet them and put them on a bus.
And I'll be a bit less of a bad mother.
It's not easy to raise two kids alone,
you know.
I'm doing the best I can.
But if they get to the station
and there's nobody there,
it will be the worst thing
I've ever done to them.
- Thank you! Thank you!
- Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Thank you!
- Can you turn on the siren?
- Yeah, we're kind of in a hurry.
This is all pretty cool, huh?
Oh, thank you! Thank you.
I see you're not taking me seriously.
I'm going to keep my promise.
Who wants to go first?
It's over, Morris.
You're making things too hard.
Don't you see I'm the one
calling the shots here?
If you don't do what I say
say goodbye to all these disgusting kids!
Did he call us disgusting?
There are six of us and only one of him.
What?
He's an adult and he has a gun!
Don't you dare touch those kids!
- Open the door!
- Open the door!
Damn, you deserve a lot of credit
for finding us.
We've been running wild
all over the place.
Well, between the credit cards,
cell phone calls...
And the trail of old people
you left behind on the road...
- It was like following bread crumbs.
- We left behind a hunk, too.
The Turk. He was hot.
- Did you see him?
- Yeah, very nice.
Look, there's the border!
- I don't think we're going to make it.
- We will. We'll manage.
Oh, my God. I think all the anxiety
is making me dizzy.
You're feeling laid back
because we're in France.
Everyone is laid back in France.
Haven't you seen
the perfume commercials?
Carolina Herrera.
Oh, Paris. Jean Paul Gaultier.
Oui, oui, c'est moi.
Möet & Chandon.
- Open the door!
- No!
I'm going to count to ten
and if you don't obey me,
there will be consequences!
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Okay.
I'll start with the little ones!
The little ones? Take the older ones,
they've lived more.
Now!
- You're in trouble now!
- Take that!
Step back!
- Lucas!
- Kids!
- It's okay, we're police officers.
- You're late, I got whacked.
- You're under arrest, Morris.
- Under arrest.
Now you see what your friend
the scientist was up to.
Like in therapy, they always said:
"Appearances can be deceiving."
Like last year when I thought
you were traveling alone.
- We were traveling alone.
- And this year too.
Go back to your mothers,
they must be worried.
And hey:
Not a word about this to anyone.
But...
what about the formula?
- It's a book?
- It's a book!
It's an original manuscript.
By Pérez Reverte.
Luckily it's intact.
This is human heritage.
The original Quixote.
Here, let me uncuff you.
- You're letting us go?
- Yes, go and get your kids.
I also know what it's like
to struggle with kids
because your cheeky ex
hooked up with a 25-year-old
and not even he knows how he got laid
looking like a weirdo beer-belly slob.
We're very interested
in your story, but...
Go, go.
Thank you.
She's not 25, she's 26.
Everybody's gone.
Couldn't they wait one minute?
What are you doing here?
You have to get off.
My kids were riding alone in these seats.
Did you see them?
Yes, they were picked up.
Picked up? By who?
- I don't know, a couple of gentlemen.
- What?
A couple of gentlemen?
No.
- Pablito!
- Mom!
Fernandito!
- Oh, my children.
- Mom!
Are you okay?
Okay, what were you saying
in your message about a crime?
Nothing, Mom, we were just bored
on the train.
Okay, we'll talk about it.
And you two?
What are you doing here?
We came to the rescue.
It was real quick.
We even had time to buy them
something at McDonald's.
You should have seen them.
They hadn't eaten.
You don't know everything
we went through!
- Tell me about it.
- We were about to die!
We were taken hostage!
Same as me.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.
Have fun!
- Goodbye, Grandpa.
- Marcos, that was bad.
Telling your dad and Felipe.
We agreed on the train you'd keep quiet.
It wasn't me.
- Well, then?
- How did you find out?
We have our contacts.
You see? Big trouble, she says.
Here I am getting my ass kicked
playing Call of Duty.
Your problems are more GTA,
so quit popping off.
Who wants you to send money
with bizum? You're broke.
My mom, she's a fugitive
from justice
and says she's wanted
for causing a forced landing,
threatening a police officer
and hijacking a helicopter.
So I don't think she's on that train.
This is going to be fun.
I can't believe it. This is what I get
for giving birth to a Pisces.
And I gave birth to a criminal.
What nerve.
You haven't given birth to anyone.
If you'd told us, we could have
given you some advice.
Dummies.
Sure, your dad and I are experts
at fleeing justice.
Unbelievable. Men will even explain
to you how to screw up
because they screwed up
better than you did.
- That's right.
- Lady, how are you involved in this?
I'm not. I'm taking the train.
I'm from Cuenca.
Oh, right.
- Goodbye!
- Okay, mission accomplished.
The kids packed
and on their way to camp.
We rented a car,
so we'll give you a ride.
- Okay.
- No.
- You and I are renting a convertible.
- Really?
That's right, Thelma.
I love you.
Let's go.
- Thelma is the pretty one, right?
- Of course.