The Intouchables (2011) - full transcript

In Paris, the aristocratic and intellectual Philippe is a quadriplegic millionaire who is interviewing candidates for the position of his carer, with his red-haired secretary Magalie. Out of the blue, the rude African Driss cuts the line of candidates and brings a document from the Social Security and asks Phillipe to sign it to prove that he is seeking a job position so he can receive his unemployment benefit. Philippe challenges Driss, offering him a trial period of one month to gain experience helping him. Then Driss can decide whether he would like to stay with him or not. Driss accepts the challenge and moves to the mansion, changing the boring life of Phillipe and his employees.

[piano playing soft, pensive melody]

[engine revving, tires screeching]

[engine roaring]

[chuckles]

[car horns blaring]

- [in French throughout]
- Outta the way!

[horns honking, tires screeching]

[siren approaching]

Here they come.

Philippe, 100 euros
says I can lose them.

- Philippe.
- You're on.



Here we go.

- [engine roaring]
- [siren blaring]

[siren continuing]

- You're in shape. God!
- [chuckles]

- [laughs]
- [tires screeching]

Shit!

Fuck!

So you lost them?

Get out! Hands on the hood!

- Get out!
- Two hundred says I get an escort.

You'll lose again.

- Two hundred, an escort!
- You're on.

Let's see your hands!

Your goddamn hands!



Let me explain.

Shut your mouth
and put your hands on the hood!

Hold on.

- Let go!
- I said get out!

He can't get out!
He can't even open the door!

- What?
- Look at the sticker!

There's a wheelchair in the trunk!

Go and check!

Take a look.

Let go of me.

Yeah.

Well?

What is this?

You think I drive that fast
for the hell of it?

We're heading for the hospital.

He's having a fit, OK.

It's an emergency!

- He can't move! I'm his caregiver.
- [panting]

We have a problem.

Look.

[grunting]

What do we do?

[driver] Know what? Think it over.
Take your time.

Then call his kid and say
you killed her dad!

In five minutes, he'll be a goner,
dead as a dodo.

- So take your time.
- [grunting, coughing]

Go on, think it over!
While he croaks.

OK, get going.

[panting continues]

[engine starts]

[window opens]

- Where are you heading?
- The ER.

We'll escort you, it's safer.

We're escorting them. Let's go!

[panting softly]

- It's OK, they're splitting.
- [mutters]

- This is really gross, Philippe.
- [laughing]

Freaks me out.
How do you produce this stuff?

Maybe you should take
that driving test now.

Yes, but for now,
"We'll escort you, it's safer."

An escort at 200 euros.

I never wager such large sums.

- This calls for a change of mood.
- [turns on stereo]

"We'll escort you, it's safer."

Come on, I helped you out.

Philippe, the escort...
The escort, it's safer.

[Earth, Wind & Fire's
"September" playing over stereo]

We'll escort you, it's safer!

[singing along with song]

[song continuing]

- [song fades out]
- [engine revs]

- [laughing]
- Here he comes.

[panting]

They're bringing a stretcher.
You'll be OK?

- Yes, fine.
- Good luck.

Goodbye.

- [panting stops]
- [laughing]

What do we do now?

You let me handle it now.

[engine starts]

[piano playing soft, light melody]

[light melody continuing]

[music plays over dialogue]

[music fades]

Any references?

[man] Yes, I have a DAHC,

a Diploma in Advanced Home Care.

I backed it up with training
at the Bayer Institute in 2001.

[man 3] I studied social work at school,

then did a course
in social and family economics.

Actually, the thing is...

I've done more studying
than working.

What is your key motivation?

Money.

The man.

I'm totally into that.

That's nice.

Helping others, I think.

Is that OK? Did I get it right?

The neighborhood.

I like crippled people,

since I was little.

Working to make the handicapped
independent,

on a social level.

Sport too. You need to move.

To fit in with life.

These people can't do a thing.

I had
my first professional experience...

That was Mrs. Dupont-Moretti...

A very old lady...

...really very old...

...whom I cared for until the end.

There were fun times
in the geriatric unit

at Halloween and so on.

I'm also an expert
with bureaucracy.

Housing grants, for instance.

I don't know. Maybe...

...you get one?

Check, Magalie,
but somehow I doubt it.

- Yvan Laprade?
- Yes.

Enough.

- I'm Laprade.
- I'm sick of waiting.

[Magalie] Hello.

I need a signature.

Have a seat.

Any references?

- I have plenty.
- All right.

We're listening.

Kool and the Gang,
Earth, Wind & Fire.

Good references?

I don't know them. Sit down.

You know nothing about music.

I'm no ignoramus
when it comes to music

even if I don't know Cruel...

- Kool and the Gang.
- And you?

Do you know Chopin,
Schubert or Berlioz?

Do I know Berlioz?

I bet you don't!

I'm a specialist.

Uh yeah?

Who do you know there?

Which building?

What do you mean?

Before becoming a housing project,

Berlioz was a 19th century composer,
writer and critic.

Bullshit. I know who Berlioz is.
Humor's like music for you.

You suck at both.

You need a signature?

Yeah, to say
I applied for the job...

...but that despite
my obvious qualities...

Just put the usual spiel
about not being interested.

I need three refusals
to get the benefit.

I see, your benefit.

- Any other motivations?
- Yes, plenty.

One right here.
Very motivating in fact.

OK, I'm having a blast,
but what do we do?

Sign or not?

I can't sign right now.

- Why not?
- Why not?

That's a bummer.

I'm already late handing it in.

That's a bummer as you say.

- Can't Ms. Motivation sign for you?
- Magalie isn't authorized.

Too bad, she could have added
her cell number.

Pick it up tomorrow at nine.

I'd hate to deprive you
of your benefit.

I won't see you out.

No, don't get up.

I mean, stay seated.

I'll come back tomorrow.

[piano playing soft, pensive melody]

[indistinct chatter]

[lively chattering]

- Mina, is she here?
-Hmm?

No, she'll be back late.

No... Hey.

Turn the tap off
or I don't have any water!

- Turn the tap off!
- [giggling]

Get out of here!

I'm taking a shower!

- Leave me be!
- Out!

Get them out.

Go on.

Bintou, I'm serious!

Mina!

Get them out!

Get out with your big belly.

Let go!

Get out!

Out, you lot!

Get it?

- Hey, Bintou.
- Let go!

Bintou, what the hell?

Sit down, you!

[chattering]

- Where were you?
- At school.

Where are you going?

- Horse-riding.
- Wise guy.

[door opens, closes]

Here, it's for you.

Where were you?

- On vacation.
- On vacation.

People talk around here.

You think I'm a dumb bitch?

Six months without seeing you.

Not one phone call.
Nothing!

And now you turn up
with a Kinder egg?

You think your scams
will pay for the rent,

for food?

[shouting in native language]

[speaking French]
You think this is a hotel?

Look at me when I talk to you!

Idiot!

There's no talking to you!

Want to talk? OK.

I'm listening.

I'm listening.

You know, Driss,
I've done a lot of praying for you.

But, God forgive me,
I have other children.

I still have hope for them.

I don't want you coming back here.

Just pack up your bags
and get the hell out.

Is that clear?

Get out.

Get out!

[door slams shut]

[strings and piano playing
dissonant, pensive melody]

[indistinct chatter]

[pensive melody continuing]

[music playing over dialogue]

[pensive melody continuing]

[indistinct]

[laughing]

That was a good one, right?

Know what? I'm going.

- It wasn't funny?
- Forget it.

It wasn't funny?

[pensive melody continuing]

[dog barking in distance]

[brakes screeching]

[pensive melody continuing]

[pensive melody continuing]

- [woman] Yes?
- It's for my paper.

- I was expecting you.
- About...

[door beeps]

- Come in.
- ...my benefit.

[melody fades]

[woman singing aria in distance]

Tell Philippe he's here.

Right away.

Well?

No beetroot,
but the radishes are nearly ready.

Good.

Hello.

Come along.

I'm warning you, he had a bad night.

Like you apparently.

His day begins at 7:00 a.m.
with the nurse.

He needs two to three hours of care
each morning.

Many applicants throw in the towel
after a week.

We see a lot of them.

I like the decor,
the music and all the rest,

but I'm not buying
and I have stuff to do.

I was told to show you around.

Anyhow, it's nearly over.

To communicate,
you have a baby monitor.

It's like a walkie-talkie.

Under the terms of the contract,
you have your own quarters.

This is the toilet.

And you have a separate bathroom.

Oh... This way.

[aria grows louder]

[gasps softly]

He's expecting you.

Just a minute.

[woman singing "Ave Maria"]

- [turns music off]
- [Philippe] I had your paper signed.

It's on the table over there.

So you like being assisted?

What?

You don't mind
living off others' backs?

It's not a problem for you?

No. How about you?

Do you think you're capable of working?
With constraints, regular hours,

responsibilities...

A sense of humor after all.

And I'm ready to try you out
for a month.

You have a day to think it over.

I bet you won't last two weeks.

[machine beeping]

[classical music playing distantly]

What?

[woman] No bone,

no muscle should be ignored.
Move them all.

Keep the skin and joints
in good condition.

To do that,
you need to be meticulous,

and strict.
All right? Is that clear?

Wake up!

You sleep at night!

I'm not asleep.

Help me.

Let's put Philippe in his chair...

...and get him to the shower.

I know...

Try it on your own. Show me.

Don't be scared. Go on.

I'm not scared.

Happy flow?

- [exclaims]
- [grunting]

Never let him go
until he's strapped in.

Yes, I'm kinky that way.

No one told me.

I'm in training.

Do you want white gloves or what?
Scrub away!

The shampoo's weird,
it won't lather.

- How's it going?
- It won't lather.

What?

I don't believe it.

That's his foot cream.

Hold on.

Don't tell me you can't read, Driss!

Sure I can, but...

You seem pretty gifted.

Usually it's one for the whole body.

This guy has 20.

I'm not spending all day here.

This one then?

The one marked shampoo.

Will you manage?

Of course he will.

My feet are beautifully coiffed.

Go and have lunch, Marcelle.

Where's the skirt?

They're support stockings.
They help the blood to flow properly

so I don't faint.

I'm not doing that.

There's a problem here.

Seeing as how I won't be doing it,

we need to see if...
Marcelle!

Maybe Marcelle could come back
to put them on you.

She knows how to do it,
being a chick and all that...

I'm just not doing it, OK.

You're better off fainting.

I mean, sometimes...

We just refuse to put them on.
We're men.

No way, Marcelle!

You're good with stockings.

Only natural with that cute earring.

- Can we cut the joking?
- [chuckles]

You're a natural at this.

Haven't you ever considered work...

...as a beautician?

[laughs]

OK, that's done.

What are the gloves for?

Let's wait a while.
You're not quite ready for that yet.

[Marcelle] No, he's not quite ready.

What do you mean,
not ready for what?

- What is this?
- We'll explain.

We need to talk, Marcelle!
This training's not working.

Ready or not,

I'm not emptying the ass
of a guy I don't know.

Or even of a guy I do know.

I don't empty anyone's ass,
on principle.

Can I finish eating first?

No.

Let's just leave it at this.

I don't go for this sick stuff.

The stockings were bad enough.

But I met you part way.

Your turn.
Drop the ass emptying.

- I get the message.
- It's wrong.

Just drop it.

Enjoy your lunch.

[indistinct chatter]

Beautiful, huh?

I love it.

[Driss] Don't mind me.

You're not at the movies,
I'm eating here.

Hi. Where can I find a beer?

Maybe in your wig.

[laughs]

- You took both packs?
- No idea. I don't care.

- Take your mop-head for a walk.
- Let's go.

- He's the guy my dad hired.
- Oh, right.

The guy has a name.

[I Donny E. Hathaway: "The Ghetto"]

- What?
- Sorry.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

- You're sure?
- Yeah.

Just massaging away.

[muttering] Fucking weird.

Have you finished playing?

You can't feel a thing?

Have you gone mad?!

He's experimenting.

- He can't feel a thing.
- You'll burn him!

["The Ghetto" continuing]

- [music stops]
- Lawyer.

Lawyer.

No. That's personal.
I'll read it later.

[Driss] The "personal" file?

OK.

Trash.

She's not bad.

How about a "hooker" file?

["The Ghetto" resumes]

Enjoy your meal.

[both] Thank you.

Do you mind?

Oh. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

Sorry. Excuse me.

[phone ringing]

Shit, I keep forgetting.

- Shit, sorry.
- Yes?

["The Ghetto" continuing]

That feels good.

[Philippe] Driss, come here, please.

- [Driss singing]
- Can you hear me?

Come here, please.

- [Philippe shouting over monitor]
- ["The Ghetto" playing loudly]

- [singing]
- [knock on door]

- [music stops]
- What?

It's nearly nine. Philippe's waiting.

[Driss] Nine already?
This bath gel takes ages to foam.

What a pigsty-

Can you make my coffee?

The baby monitor!
Always with you!

[Driss] And Nutella!

Not that jam made with weird fruit!

[Driss singing]

[Driss vocalizing off-key]

I'm not getting in this.

And I'm not loading you
into the back like a horse.

What's this?

That one's less suitable.

Meaning?

Unfortunately,
we need to be pragmatic.

Pragmatic?

[engine starts, revs loudly]

[laughing] Holy fuck.

- [revving]
- Listen to that.

- It feels so good.
- It's great.

This is good.

She's nervy.

- Let's go!
- [engine roaring]

[both laughing]

[honks horn]

The neighbor keeps parking there.

He thinks it's his space.

[door alarm beeping]

Not for much longer.

[chattering on phone]

- [Driss] How's it going?
- What?

Am I bothering you, Blondie?
Want a coffee?

- What?!
- [Driss muttering angrily]

Come on.

- Go on, read this!
- "Keep free at all times."

Louder!

- [man reading loudly]
- That's the way.

- Read it all.
- "Reserved parking."

Get that into your thick skull
and move!

Go on, Blondie, piss off!

We open Tuesday.
It'll be sold by then.

[Driss] Can we go?

You've been there an hour.
Time to switch channels.

There's a lot of serenity in it.
A certain violence too.

It's very touching.

Touching? Red splashes on white?

How much is it?

Thirty thousand euros, I think,
but I'll check.

Yeah, check.

That price seems way high to me.

You can't buy this crap!
It's not possible!

It is possible.

The guy wants 30 grand
for a nosebleed!

Tell me, Driss,
why are people interested in art?

- It's all business, I guess.
- No.

It's the trace
of our passage on this earth.

Bullshit.

For 50 euros,
I'll do you a trace of my passage.

I'll even add some blue!

Enough. Give me a chocolate.

No.

Give me a chocolate.

No handy, no candy.

It's a joke.

I'm kidding. [laughing]

- It's a joke?
- Yes.

- A joke.
- It's a good one.

A very good joke.

That's the punch line, see.

But in your case...

Come on.

- It's wicked.
- It's a good joke.

You got no hands, Philippe.

I'll tell it to Marge Simpson.

[woman] I was wrong about the price.

Ah, voilà.

It's 41,500 euros.

I'll take it.

You will?

[children shouting playfully]

Hi, Philippe.
How are you doing?

You summoned me, so here I am.

I'm listening.

What's so urgent?

I didn't summon you.

You must have some idea
why I'm here.

Who is this fellow?

Everyone's worried.

Yvonne tells me
he's reckless, violent...

He hit a neighbor?

I don't need to tell you
you have to be vigilant.

Don't let just anyone
into your home,

especially not in your state.

I'm not really sure
you know whom you're dealing with.

Carry on.

I called Sivot
at the Justice Ministry.

The boy isn't Al Capone,

but young Driss has a record.

He just did six months for robbery.

On top of the rest...

...I'm told he's useless.

Be careful.

These street guys have no pity.

[Philippe] That's it exactly.

That's what I want. No pity.

He often hands me the phone
because he forgets.

True, he isn't compassionate.

But he's strong, with arms and legs.

His brain works, he's healthy.

So, all the rest,
given my state, as you call it,

his background and so on,
I don't give a shit.

As you wish.

Will that be all?

Magalie...

- Got a minute?
- Not really.

I want to show you something.

What is it?

Chill, you can always say no.

[Magalie] One minute then.

$0?

So I have a bathtub.

That's all.

Very interesting.

- And...
- We could take a bath.

There's plenty of room.

I have bath salts and foam.

OK.

Why not?

Yeah. Why not?

Go on then, get undressed.

Look at you!
The saucy kind. I like it.

OK, I'll get undressed.

[chuckles]

What?

Where are you going?

You said yes!

Just a quick rinse!

What's with you?

I'm always tense
when the mail arrives.

As Apollinaire said:

"I despair as I yearn
for a letter from you..."

Slower, you're losing me.

I'm at "As Apollinaire said:"

"I despair as I yearn
for a letter..."

[conversation continues
over baby monitor]

You may not realize,
but this is private.

- No, I didn't realize.
- Give me that.

Only if you explain.

There's nothing to explain.

He writes letters.

Letters?

Who to?

Usually to women.

Come on, who?

One in particular. Eléonore.

Who? We've never seen her.

How come?

It's an epistolary relationship.

Meaning they write to each other.
They correspond solely by mail.

No need to spell it out.

The blue envelopes?

He's hot stuff.

He epistles.

How about you?

No lover in sight?

Albert the gardener, say?

Certainly not!

I've seen the longing looks
he gives you.

Am I wrong? Yes or no?

Stop it, it's ridiculous.

Has he slipped it to you?

- What?
- His little cucumber.

What?

- I must be dreaming.
- [high-pitched voice] Albert, Albert.

- He will soon.
- No!

He will soon.

[Philippe panting over monitor]

[clatters on floor]

[panting continuing]

[panting slows, choking]

Shit!

- [Philippe panting]
- Oh?

- Are you OK?
- [thunder rolling]

Want some music?

[panting grows louder]

[water running]

It's all right.

Calm down.

[muffled] Philippe. Philippe.

Take it easy.
Try to breathe slowly.

You're with me.

Take it easy.

- [exhales]
- Try to breathe slowly.

[sniffles, exhales]

[normal volume] It's all right.

[gasps]

[panting]

I need air!

I need air!

[grunts]

[panting, groaning]

[groaning]

Shit!

[Philippe] It's good to breathe.

What time is it?

[Driss] I don't know. Around 4:00 a.m.

[Philippe] It's ages
since I saw Paris by night.

[Driss] What happened?

[Philippe] The medication
has its limits.

Doctors call them phantom pains.

I feel like a frozen steak
tossed onto a red-hot griddle.

I feel nothing but suffer anyway.

Surely something could help.

That could.

[giggling]

We're all sick for that,
me worse than you probably.

I wanted to ask you...
With women...

How do you manage?

You adapt.

So can you do it or not?

You may not realize,

but I feel nothing
from my neck to my toes.

So you can't.

It's not that simple.

I can, but it's not my decision.

And you can find pleasure elsewhere.

Yeah?

You've no idea.

You're right. How, for example?

For example, the ears.

The ears?

The ears are a highly sensitive
erogenous zone.

You get your ears licked?

I'd never have guessed.

- [grunts]
- Philippe?

[grunts]

- Try this. It'll help.
- What is this crap?

It can't hurt you.

Drag on it.

Go on, drag on it.

[coughing]

Take it easy. Share it.

[Philippe] Again.

One more time.

That's enough for now.

Sorry, but you really get off
with your ears?

If your ears are red,
that means you're turned on?

Exactly.

Sometimes they're hard when I wake.

- Both of them?
- Yes!

I met my wife Alice
when we were students.

She was tall, very elegant,

with laughing eyes.

Is she the blond in the photos?

She's not bad.

What we had was incredible.

I hope you experience that one day.

Fuck, I loved her so much!
I loved her so much.

Then she got pregnant.

Five successive miscarriages.

Then the verdict came in.
An incurable, terminal illness.

We decided to adopt.

Waiter!

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Yes?

A tarte tatin, please.

Cooked.
The chocolate cake was raw.

It was all squashy and gooey.
Weird.

That's what molten cake is.

- So that's why.
- Yes.

I'll have a tarte tatin anyway.

I've always loved competition,

extreme sports, speed.

Going faster, higher.

A paraglider gave me that.

I was high in the sky,
looking down at things, breathing.

I was raised to think
we pissed on the world.

Some water. My mouth's dry.

The joint does that.

And what else?

Makes you hungry
and chatty.

But bad weather can be fatal
when paragliding.

And you flew anyway?

Yes, maybe to suffer like Alice.
I knew she'd never recover.

I broke the third and fourth vertebrae.
Now only fly in my mind.

When the pain eases,
I have my thoughts.

My real handicap
isn't being in a chair.

It's living without her.

What do the doctors say?

With the advances in medicine,
they'll keep me going to 70

with massages and pick-me-ups.

It's expensive,
but I'm a rich invalid.

[laughs]

I'd have shot myself.

That's not easy in my condition.

True.

That sucks. [laughs]

What's the date today?

The eighth or the ninth.

It's official then.

What is?

You've won your bet.

Your trial period's over.

I'm hired then?

Yes, you're hired.

Can I count on you now?

- Yes.
- Good.

Start by giving my Fabergé egg back.

Alice gave me one each year.

I have 25, one for each year
we were together.

I cherish it.

I don't know why you...
Wasn't me.

What did you lose again?

[children chattering]

[Driss] Mina!

Mina!

- What's up?
- Get in.

Buckle up.

How's it going?

How's school?

Why don't you text me back?

I was busy.

Let's hear it.
Who called?

A cop, to talk to Mom.
I put on a deep voice

and said we'd go.

Found my 999?

Have you found it?

Screw your stone egg.
I haven't found it.

What did you say?

What could I say?

I only had 30 grams on me.

For that you get a spell in custody,
then it's bye-bye.

Let's get a kebab.

I'm not getting in that!

Let go of me.

Where are you going?

Who's driving you?

Get lost!

It's not your business.

Piss off!

- [car door shuts, drives off]
- Fuck!

"Her shining eyes
are made of charming minerals

and in this strange,
symbolic world..."

"And in this strange...

...symbolic...

...world..."

Fucking boring!

"...where the inviolate angel
and ancient sphinx..."

Is that with an or a "y"?

This is killing my mind.

"Sphinx" is with an "I."

Why bother with this crap?

Sphinxes, daisies, angels...

You'd go for this stuff?

True, one could be more direct.

"And ancient sphinx..." Go on.

What's she look like?

I don't know.
That's not what matters.

It's intellectual and emotional,
not physical.

I want a mind-to-mind relationship.

If she's a troll,
it'll be mind-to-troll!

Very subtle. Really.

What can I say?

Bravo.

How long's it been going on?

[sighs]

[Philippe] Please.

Six months.

Six months?

And you've never seen her?

Maybe she's fat and ugly.
Or handicapped.

At the end of the poem
put "How's your weight?"

Thank you very much
for your sound advice, Driss.

Let's carry on. Where was I?

A sphinx was eating daisies
with an angel,

then running and doing stuff.

Let me see...
"In this strange, symbolic world..."

"In this strange,
symbolic world..."

Call her!

"...where the inviolate angel
and ancient sphinx..."

Call her, OK!

I can get more across
with the written word, OK?

He's incredible.

I'm going to find her number.
This is stressing me out.

[Philippe] on!

Dunkirk. That's bad.

Put that down.

No beauty queens there.
Only trolls.

Put that down right now.

Her number's here.
That means she wants you to call!

Put it down, please!

She wrote her number here.

That means:
"Call me, I'll lick your ear."

What's he doing?
Don't call her.

Enough poetry after six months.

He's totally crazy!
I won't speak to her.

I bet she has an accent.
They talk weird up there.

Hang HP!

"I want my Philippe."
She's gonna get him.

[woman] Hello.

The voice sounds OK.

- Hello?
- No.

- No.
- Hello?

[whispers] Improvise,
talk about the daisies...

Eléonore? It's Philippe.

I'm calling because I really wanted
to hear the sound of your voice

and with that first "hello,"
I'm fulfilled.

- I'll put her on.
- [phone beeps]

[whispers] Too wordy.
Try simpler sentences.

- Hello?
- Eléonore, it's Philippe.

Philippe?

I was writing you a letter and...

...it just hit me,
"Why don't I call her?"

Ask her weight!

- I'm sorry?
- No, nothing.

"I'm in mourning,

I weep, I'm afraid.

Lord, fresh air..."

Yes, "The Foolish Virgin."
You're unbeatable.

I love Rimbaud too.

Sorry, I was here first.

Eléonore, I'm so happy.

What a chatterbox!

- There's no stopping you now.
- Take care.

Let's all take care,
let's all lick our ears.

Excellent.

Well?

Good news and not so good news.

The good news?

Fifty-three kilos.

Fifty-three kilos, that's good.

Unless she's one meter tall.

[laughs]

The bad news is, she wants a photo.

- So?
- Very funny.

Your tickets, please.

Good evening.

Right here.

- OK.
- Have a good evening.

If you want us,
we won't move from there.

Especially him.

What do you think women want?

I don't know.

- Beauty, charm, elegance...
- [orchestra tuning instruments]

Bullshit!
They want dough and security.

Just ask him.

And you have what it takes.

I'm naive. I hope to charm with more
than just my bank account.

After six months reading
your lame poems, she's hot for you.

She's an original all right.
The chair won't bother her.

That's true.

Up north,
guys drink and beat women.

- She'll be safe with you.
- Bastard.

Pragmatic, right?

I don't know.

If she sends her photo,
it means she wants to go further.

Send a photo of you
without the chair really showing.

It doesn't have to be
a telethon one

with you drooling

- and looking like shit.
- [audience applauding]

- OK, I get the message.
- [laughing]

[classical music playing]

[singing in German]

[sputters, laughs]

This guy's not well.
He's not at all well.

- [man] Shh.
- What?

[laughing]

He's a tree?

A singing tree.

Shh!

- [laughing hysterically]
- Shh!

That's German! [laughing]

- Shh!
- What?

It's in German.

In German.

You're a nutcase.

What a drag.

- How long does it last?
- Four hours.

Fuck!

Good-looking back then.

Which one?

This one.

Or maybe this one.

Sure, there's a problem,
but you look good.

Wanna try it?

I don't know.

- Wasn't it a blast talking to her?
- Yes, it was.

That's all?

- A fucking blast.
- So?

Put the damn photo in an envelope!

There.
The very words I wanted to hear.

Gimme a cig.

- Don't you ever knock?
- You're painting?

- Get out.
- Seriously? You're painting?

Learned to read too?

What do you want?
Get lost!

Going to hit a woman?

You do that in your country?

You're whacked! Get out.

- Get out now!
- I'll go when I want.

Get the hell out!

- I've decided to go now.
- Get out!

Shit.

Replace that photo with the other.

Make sure to post it yourself.
And be discreet.

As you wish.

Put the other photo in the trash.

[Driss] I'm blowing a fuse!

HOOKERS

- What's wrong?
- Your daughter!

I was painting.

You were painting?

I'm telling you, set her straight
or I'll demolish her!

- Calm down.
- No, I won't calm down!

I'm your arms and legs here?

- That's right.
- I want to be your hands

to give her a slap
'cause all you can do is run her down!

Aren't you overdoing it?
Yvonne?

Yvonne?

She could do
with being set straight a bit.

[Driss] A bit?

At 16, she dresses like a tramp!

She keeps making out
with mop-head.

But that's not my problem.

What bothers me
are her high and mighty airs,

the way she talks to you and me.

No respect.
She treats us like dogs.

Say the word and I'll set her straight.

I get the message.
Let me talk to her.

So talk to her, and fast.

Do something.
Set her straight.

- [door slams]
- He paints? What does he paint?

No idea.

[acoustic guitar playing
mid-tempo rhythm and blues melody]

Wake up.

Rise and shine.

[♪ Terrence Callier:
"You're Goin' Miss Your Candyman"]

- Here we go. Power-hose time.
- [laughing]

[music plays over dialogue]

[rhythm and blues continuing]

[indistinct dialogue]

[laughing]

[rhythm and blues continuing]

[shouting]

[laughter]

Respect the people
I need around me.

It's intolerable.

Is that clear?

Be tougher on her!

I don't want that mop-head around.

- Give me a break.
- [Philippe] I'm not through!

I have to run you down
to get you to obey?

There, he's done it!

[rhythm and blues continuing]

- [Magalie] You painted this?
- [Driss] Yeah.

I love it.

I'm not saying
I'd necessarily hang it

in my place, but...

What can we get for it?

We'll see.

See more or see less?

It's...

Are you nuts?

C'mon! No tongues, OK.

You're sick in the head!

I don't believe this.

Speed it up a bit.

- I'm flat-out.
- You're way too slow!

Twelve kilometers an hour is cool?

That's cool.

Twelve kilometers an hour is cool,
right?

No faster?

- [Driss] That's the top speed.
- OK.

[rhythm and blues continuing]

[laughing]

[rhythm and blues continuing]

Oh yes.

No, no, no, no.
Stick to the ears.

Voila.

[rhythm and blues continuing]

- [rhythm and blues fades]
- Yes, Yvonne.

No, he can't hear.
He's nowhere near me.

He can't hear me, Yvonne.

OK.

We'll be there at 8:30 sharp.

We'll push it back.
Goodbye, Yvonne.

She's stressed out?

Yes, your birthday surprise
will be half an hour later.

She gets into a terrible state
every year.

She invites my whole family.
It all goes like clockwork.

They come to see
if I'm still alive.

The annual check-up.

I pretend to be surprised.

We all make an effort,

but, to be honest,
we all get bored shitless.

[strings playing classical music]

Excuse me...

Excuse me...

Do you mind moving along?

Yes, I do mind.

All right.

Thank you. Move along.

Move just one seat along.

Very kind.

A suit changes a man.

You look good.

You look like Obama.

Yeah?

She's hot for me, I can tell.

Barack Obama.

- Classy.
- Shh.

That's like comparing you...

...to George Bush...

...or Nixon.

- [music continues in background]
- [Elisa coughing, crying]

What's up? You'll miss the concert.

Leave me alone!

- Got your period?
- Piss off!

What's wrong?
Elisa...

Elisa.

- Leave me be!
- What did you take?

Eh? What did you do?

- Where's this from?
- Yvonne's purse.

Imodium?
What was this for?

To kill yourself?
You won't shit for months now!

- Leave me alone.
- Hold on...

You took Tylenol too?
You're dying.

This is bad!
[laughing]

Shall I call an ambulance?

- Why did you do it?
- Because of Bastien.

What about him?

He dumped me,
he doesn't give a shit.

He even called me a slut.

That's bad.

It'd suit everyone if I died.

Stop talking crap. Come downstairs.

Go to see him for me.
Talk to him.

Who?

Bastien. I'll pay you.

Pay me? Are you out of your mind?

Spare me this childish shit.

Please!

I talk to Bastien
and you pay me.

Who do you think I am?

Driss, please!

How much?

Jerk.

It has style.
There's a certain touch.

But 11,000 for an unknown artist...

But if I say no
and the value triples, I'll regret it

and you'll say, "I told you so."

He has a show in London?

And Berlin soon.

Berlin too.

[exclaims]

I don't know.

Eleven thousand euros
is quite a sum.

[Driss] Come on, fill me in here.

Is she with someone?

- All right. Yes. Fred.
- Fred?

They've been together two years...

...but with ups and downs.

Things are often tense.

They're pretty rocky now.

- Maybe because of me?
- Mm-hmm.

- Has she mentioned me?
- No.

Of course. A little.

Fuck! She's hot for me.

[chuckles]

You're bullshitting me?

- No.
- Bullshit away!

I'll bed Magalie one day.

Hope keeps us going.

Easy on those
if you have stomach trouble.

I'm no doctor,
but Imodium means there's a problem.

Excuse me.
Can I ask a favor of you?

One more piece just for me?

No, we were cool.

Uh... Vivaldi's Four Seasons:
"L'Estate."

- You'll like this.
- Shit.

[I Antonio Vivaldi: "L'Estate"]

Come on,
don't tell me you feel nothing.

Not a thing.
It doesn't do a thing for me.

Music's something you dance to.

Let's try something else.

[playing classical music]

[humming melody]

I know that one.

That's an ad.

For coffee.

[playing classical music]

[Driss] Oyez, by mandate,

I'm expected at the chateau...

...to bring the minstrels there.

I'm a good knight.

[classical music playing]

That one's fishy.
I see people without clothes.

They're running.
I see them running naked.

And giggling. [giggles]

- All right.
- Bach was hot.

Women went for him.
The Barry White of his day.

- [classical music playing]
- I know this one!

I know it. Everyone knows it.

Sure!

- "This is the Paris Benefit Office.
- [Philippe laughs]

All our lines are currently busy.
Waiting time: two years."

[classical music playing]

"Tom and Jerry," right?

[laughs]

"Tom and Jerry."
What a jerk.

Someone help me.
A masterpiece.

OK, after your classics,
let's listen to mine.

Earth, Wind & Fire.
It's a killer.

[I Earth, Wind & Fire:
"Boogie Wonderland"]

Something else, huh?

Definitely something else.
[chuckles]

- Call my name, I won't answer.
- [Philippe] Driss.

- Driss!
- I'm not answering.

Here we go.

It's a birthday party!

Let's dance!
Come on, move!

It's his birthday!

Yeah, Yvonne.

Ace, Albert.

Spin! Spin!

[laughing]

[murmurs]

[sighs]

All right.

Time for my little gift.

I didn't want to spoil things

if she turned out to be ugly.
You never know.

She answered anyhow.

- Good night.
- [laughs]

I'll open it. You'll take ages.

Well?

- She's not a troll.
- Really?

- Shit.
- [laughing]

The only one in Dunkirk
with all her teeth!

There's a note too.

"I'll be in Paris next week.

I'll be expecting your call."
And three dots!

Meaning what?

- Any idea?
- It's a good sign?

- You bet. She wants nooky.
- [laughing]

Three dots. One, two and three dots.

"She wants nooky."

I'm getting nooky.

It's looking good.

How can I sleep now?

You'll manage.

I'll put her here.

She'll watch you sleep.

Good night, Philippe.

Sweet dreams.

[door shuts]

Try the cap again.

Not bad.

No way!
He looks like a farmer.

- Go for traditional.
- That's what I said.

- How's this?
- No good. Too traditional.

Forget the caps and hats,
find something.

Traditional or trendy?

That's it.

This works.

The angler look?

We're off to Dunkirk.

I'll go with Yvonne. We'll be fine.

You sure?

Yes, I'll manage.

Fine.

I'm a bit stressed out.

It doesn't show. You look great.

4ac minus b².

- Minus b²?
- Yeah.

I got 20 instead.

Come here, you.

Take a hike, Justin Bieber.

Recognize me, Bastien?

Yeah. What's up?

You said a bad thing to Elisa.

- I said nothing.
- Shut up!

Act like a man and apologize.

OK, I'm sorry.

Hands off.

- Not to me, to her.
- Right.

Bring her croissants each day.

- Plain or chocolate?
- What?

Plain or chocolate?

Whatever.

Just do it right.

You're nice to her.

Now piss off.

Go on, get lost.

And try using a barrette!

What time is it?

It's 4:45.

Let's take the cap off.

Good idea.

[sighs]

Now what time is it?

Forty-six or 47.
Time doesn't move very fast.

I'd like a whisky. Yes.

Waiter...

[strings and piano playing
pensive melody]

- Another.
- Is that a good idea?

A double!

Waiter, a double whisky, please.

[indistinct chatter]

[pensive melody continuing]

[phone ringing]

- Hello.
- Driss? Am I disturbing you?

I'm at the gym. Well?

Do you feel like getting away?

No questions asked?

No questions, no.

- You want to split?
- Exactly.

And go where?

To breathe a little.

Breathe a little?

I'll shower and be right there.

We're leaving. The cap...

- It's only just six...
- We're leaving!

[engine starts]

[pensive melody continuing]

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

[melody fades]

Give him some champagne
to help him relax.

I'm not tense.

- You're not?
- No.

It's just us?

No other people on board?

Just us?

[chuckling]

I don't like this.

Why not?

I don't know.

Because you seem kind of jinxed.

The accident, the wheelchair,

your wife...

Sounds like the Kennedys.

- Miss?
- Yes.

Could we have the package please?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Why?

What the hell?

Your value on the art market.
I managed to get 11,000 euros.

Keep at it. You have talent.

That's a great deal.
I sensed something.

It all came about instinctively.

With the music playing,
it made for a really good blend.

It was a sort of revelation,
like I saw the light.

Don't get carried away.

Eleven thousand
for my first painting! Hey!

What was that?

Just a hole in the fuselage.

We won't make it.

Tell me what's up!

- Glad to have known you.
- Not funny.

I know you're used to tragedy,
but I'm not.

[piano playing ethereal melody]

[ethereal melody continuing]

You gotta be nuts to do that.

A little.

[melody fades]

I have to say something.

You're a total headcase.

Really?

Now get Driss ready.

- [man] Yes.
- [chuckles]

Sure. No way I'm doing that.

I'll be over there taking photos.

"Get Driss ready!"

- [laughing]
- How will you take photos?

Laugh. I'm not doing it.

[Nina Simone singing "Feeling Good"]

[whispers] Holy shit.

I'm not going.

- Hold on.
- How do I get this off?

I don't have to do it.

Woo-hoot!

I'm not doing this!
I lost my fucking shoe!

My shoe's down there.

Motherfucker!
We're heading up!

["Feeling Good" continuing]

What the fuck!

- What's going on?
- Hey, Driss.

Relax, pal.

I'm relaxed,
but I want to be down there.

[screaming]

Fucking hell!

[screaming]

I'm having a blast!

["Feeling Good" continuing]

- [shouts, laughs]
- [laughing]

[music plays over dialogue]

[indistinct chatter]

["Feeling Good" continuing]

Where do you find an invalid?

- I don't know.
- Where you leave him.

[both laughing]

[Philippe] That's a good one.

Bastard.

Someone for you, Driss.

["Feeling Good" stops abruptly]

[Driss] What are you doing here?

I should ask you that.
You kept this quiet.

How did you know?

Benefit sent this, with the address.

What's that?

Forget it.

- What happened?
- I fell off a scooter.

You fell off a scooter?

Get up.

You fell... Come here.

[whistles]

Shit!

You sleep here?

- So what happened?
- Nothing.

Come on, tell me.

Not your problem.

You're here, it's my problem!

We got screwed.
The shit's gonna hit the fan.

No fucking way!
Does the old lady know?

No, I'm handling it.

You're handling fuck all!
Quit busting my balls!

Don't touch anything. Wait here!

- Can I lie down?
- Don't touch a thing!

OK, I get it!

Watch it, OK!

[Driss] No, he's with me.
Quit crying, Mina.

It's just a scratch.

No, he's fine.

Calm down, no one's killing no one.

That's all just empty threats.

I can't take care of him.
I gotta work.

No, you don't tell her about it.

Stay in your room
if you want to cry.

Time for bed?

I'll stay up a while longer.

- Sit down.
- [sighs]

Sit down here.

What do you think of her?

- She looks hot.
- OK. And what else?

Let's go up.
I need to do something.

I imagine her standing up,

turning around
and I discover her face at last.

The boy looks like you.
Adama, is that right?

That's right.

I spotted him earlier.

If I passed him on the street,

I'd know he was your brother.

That's funny.

[Philippe] Why?

He's not my brother.

He isn't?

It's complicated.

Is he your brother or not?

OK, I get the message.

Come on, let's go.

My parents...

...aren't my parents.

They're my uncle and aunt.

They fetched me from Senegal
when I was eight.

They couldn't have kids
but a brother had loads.

They picked the oldest.

Me.

My name's Bakary.

That's my real name.

But other kids had that name
so they called me Idriss

and that became Driss.

And afterwards?

Out of the blue,
my mother... my aunt

got pregnant once
and then twice.

Then my uncle died.

Other men, other kids.

Like I said, complicated.

Young Adama...
doesn't he need setting straight?

He came to get you, right?

Driss...

I think we'll call it quits.

You can't be pushing an invalid
for the rest of your life.

After all your hard work,
you've earned your benefit.

Come on, let's go.

Right.

Bassari Bakary,

Bakary Bassari.

It's beautiful.
It sounds like poetry.

Almost like alliteration.
You know what alliteration is?

[Driss] No.

- Hello.
- Hello, Bastien.

See you tomorrow.
We'll need a few more for brunch.

OK. Goodbye, Yvonne.

- You got my sugar puffs?
- Yes.

Thank you.

- Say hi to Elisa.
- See you tomorrow.

[Driss] Hey, Bastien, pal, what's up?

Come here!

[knocking on door]

You're leaving then?

It's OK, I have your number.
We'll stay in touch.

It won't be easy, but be strong.

Too bad, I'm getting your room.
Water damage in mine.

Maybe I'll stay then.
We'll have to squeeze up.

It'll be a bit cramped.
I don't live alone.

Here.

- Meet Frédérique.
- Hello.

Hey.

All right.

What?

I get it.

So that's it. You're...

Yes.

I won't kiss you goodbye then.

I'm not against a threesome.

I'm up for it.
Not now, since I have to go.

But I can come back tonight.

I have to go now.

I'm kidding.

[both laugh]

BYE, guys.

[Magalie] Mr. Michel Sabourdi.

Keep it on, channel two.

You're not angry about Magalie?

No, you had me fooled.

I couldn't figure out
why she kept resisting.

[chuckles]

A goodbye kiss?

All right.

Yvonne.

[both laughing]

Always bullshitting me.

See you.

[Yvonne] Just a second.

We won't be needing this.

OK, bye.

[piano playing pensive melody]

Get your foot off there.
Come on.

Which bank?

Could you move your car, please?
You're not allowed to park here.

There's a sign.

I'll move it.

I'll call you back.

[engine starts]

Stop busting his balls.
We're not driving.

Matter of principle.

Wait over there for me.

[Adama] What's going on?

I'm coming.

[pensive melody continuing]

[train whistle blows]

[pensive melody continuing]

[pensive melody continuing]

[melody fades]

I can cancel my date if you want.

No, certainly not. Why?

Go out and have fun.

- OK, Yvonne. I'm ready.
- Yes, just a second.

It's all ready.
You just have to serve it.

If there's a problem, call me.

You'll call me?

If you agree,
I'll serve you your dinner.

Take the coat off.
It's like being in a madhouse.

All right.

Got a cigarette?

No, I don't smoke.

Well, I used to.

I gave up a short while ago
and, to be honest,

it would be bad for you,

even if you don't practice a sport,
for your lungs, your breathing...

...and so on.

You're not eating?

[dramatic classical music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[classical music continuing]

[music playing over dialogue]

[classical music continuing]

[knocking on door]

[exclaims]

Watch what you're doing!

- I'm so sorry.
- What is it?

You wanted a cranial massage.
Here's Mr. Jacquet.

Hello, sir.

Get out.
Leave me alone.

- Get out!
- [Mr. Jacquet] Is it me?

Not at all.

He got up in a bad mood.
Well, got up...

"He got up..."
What a prick. Asshole.

- [classical music continuing]
- [woman] Driss Bassari.

- Yes?
- Your turn.

[music ends]

You got your license a month ago?

I'd driven before.

Mostly on private roads, tracks,

estates, parking lots.
I'm a good driver.

I read your application.

You used one word
to describe yourself: pragmatic.

Yes.

That's important.

There's another idea here
that you forgot to mention.

Really?

Maybe you should consider
reading our slogan.

- That's an alexandrine.
- I'm sorry?

May-be you should

con-si-der read-ing our slo-gan.
Twelve feet.

- It wasn't deliberate.
- "In time and on time."

And you have Dali's melting clocks
for the artistic side.

Maybe, yes.

Do you like art?

Yes.

- I like Michelangelo.
- Not bad.

But I prefer the other Turtles.

[both laughing]

[Philippe panting on monitor]

Yes!

I'm coming!

Just a second!

- [panting continues]
- Are you OK?

Get the hell out.

Some water? A compress?

Get out.

' [mutters]
' [Philippe] Get out!

[panting]

Thanks, Bruno.

Have a good weekend.

See you on Monday.

- What's wrong?
- He's in a bad way.

- Where is he?
- Just now, he was in the garden.

Hey, what's up, bro?

What's with the beard?

[laughs]

Serpico? Jean Jaurés?

A metro station anyhow.

Victor Hugo?

You've let yourself go.

Good thing I'm back.

I'll be right in.

[piano playing soft, pensive melody]

[pensive melody continuing]

What do we do now?

You let me handle it now.

[engine starts]

[piano playing ascending melody]

[ascending melody continuing]

[piano playing soft, pensive melody]

Not bad, huh?

[pensive melody continuing]

[dissonant music plays]

[music fades]

A quick cut would settle it.

You're in great shape. I love it.

[chuckles]
OK, you can open your eyes now.

- That's hideous.
- [laughing]

It's hideous!

- Horrible.
- It suits you.

No.

Look! Sleeveless leather vest,

spiked bracelet,
Village People style cap.

Got it! Freddie Mercury!

You look just like him!

That's wicked.
You look like an orthodox priest.

Or a Cossack!

Come on!

He's crazy.

What are you doing?

I expect the worst.

No, this one's good. Look.

My grandfather.

Really?

[high-pitched voice]
Philippe, this mustache of yours,

it really turns me on.

I'll shave it all off.

- Thank you.
- All right.

No, that's not funny.

No, no, no. No.

Nein!

That's what you mean.

No, I don't agree.

Philippe, very angry.

- I'm just your plaything now.
- [laughing]

You'll end up in the loony bin.

Don't you feel like starting a war?

I think it's time
to shave all this off now.

- You're having fun?
- [laughing]

You bet. How about Nazi invalids?

It must have been weird
saluting like this.

[screeches, laughs]

You've had your fun now.
Get rid of it.

[yelling in German]

[laughing]

[soft jazz music plays]

- Hello, sir.
- A booking in the name of Bassari.

Table number eight.

Follow me, please.

This way.

[Driss] Thank you.

I'm not staying for lunch, Philippe.

- Why not?
- But you won't be alone.

Actually, you have a date.

A date?

What's going on?

Don't panic. It'll be fine.
Only this time, you can't split.

By the

...it took me a while,
but I found it.

Give her a kiss for me.

[Philippe] Driss!

Driss!

[mutters] What's this all about?

[breathes nervously]

[piano playing soft, pensive melody]

Hello, Philippe.

[piano playing soulful melody]

[sighs]

[Eléonore laughing]

[soulful melody continuing]

Philippe Pozzo Di Borgo
now lives in Morocco.

He has remarried
and has two young daughters.

Abdel Sellou has his own firm.
He is married, with three children.

Philippe and Abdel are still very close.

[piano playing soulful melody]

[music ends]