The Internship (2013) Movie Script

What the shit is this?

Why is this on

the get-psyched mix?

'Cause I got to throw you

a curveball

every now and then

or you get bored,

and then the mix doesn't have

its intended effect.

No, I want to get revved up,

and this song's not doing it.

Oh, really? I defy you to crush

this chorus and not get psyched.

Not going to happen.

What is it?

Help me out!

He was afraid.

- Bring it home.

- Oh, yeah.

Come on, papi. Yes!

We've got our jam on now.

- Jump to it.

It's been a dry June,

and I know it doesn't need

to be said out loud,

but we need this sale.

- I am so confident

that we're going

to close this thing

that I'm going to order

the Pappy Van Winkle.

I know it's pricey, but I want

to spiritually invest

in our success.

I'll tell you what, if you

didn't order the Pappy,

I'd send your raggedy ass

back out to the car

to listen to the get-psyched mix

to get your mind right.

We're selling Bob Williams.

Been married 16 years.

Wife Karen, one daughter.

You read the first page

of the scouting report.

Let me hip you to page two.

Daughter's name is Skyler,

big into gymnastics.

And to hear Bob tell it, the kid

is aces on the pommel horse.

He don't just tell it, old boy. He

likes to show it with pictures.

Everyone's searching

for something. Am I right, Bob?

Love. Success.

But what's the one thing

that no one can get more of?

Time.

Mmm. And you can't fight it.

Well, you don't have to tell me.

I mean, look at my little girl.

How old is Skyler nowadays, Bob?

Just turned nine in May.

- Nine?

Isn't that something?

- She just turned nine.

Skyler's nine?

- Mmm.

Good Lord. How old

does that make all of us?

Don't answer that question, Bob.

Let's move on.

- I was about... I was about to answer.

Pretty soon, she's going to be

borrowing Karen's makeup,

and you're going to have

two beauties on your hands.

Lock the door.

It's coming, Bob.

Double digits.

- No way. Is Skyler

still giving them hell

on that pommel horse?

You want to see that photo?

- If it's not too much trouble.

Yeah, let me show you Sky, yeah.

Let's get those eyes on Skyler.

- Look at her.

Yeah... yeah,

she's really sprouted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Skyler's

really slimming down.

And I'll tell you what.

Gorgeous.

- She's eating really healthy.

Just mostly fruits and nuts.

Her choice.

- There is no telling what this little girl

on a squirrel diet

could end up doing.

Could she win us the gold

and make us proud?

You're damn right she could.

- You're damn right.

I have a feeling

she's already made you proud.

Am I right?

- Guilty. Guilty, my friend.

Oh, guys, it... it goes so fast.

Oh, it's like a freight train

going down the track.

Clickety-clack, clickety-clack.

Now she's got a boyfriend.

- Oh.

- Guy you like, hopefully.

Clickety-clack, clickety-clack,

she's married.

Clickety-clack,

she's putting you in a home!

Oh, my God, a home.

She would do it, too.

I believe that, too.

- No, no, she would.

Only when you don't

remember who she is.

I'm kidding!

Oh, it feels good

to laugh about Alzheimer's.

You can't control time.

No.

But... you can manage it.

Mmm.

- Bob...

the Chronoshock Aught Thirteen.

Carpe diem.

These babies will fly

off your shelf.

Now, I know that you've moved up

to having six stores,

so you're probably

going to want to have

a little larger order

than you did last year.

You're kidding, right?

Your... your business

has... been folded.

I'm sorry?

- No, no, no, no, Bob,

there has been some chatter.

The last few years

have been rough.

But come on,

who hasn't felt the pinch?

Yeah.

They didn't tell you, did they?

Look...

I thought you guys

just wanted to grab dinner

for old times' sake, but, uh...

- Yeah.

Your company is closed.

I hate to be the one

telling you that.

Honestly, I know

that I can't buy the watches

because your company

doesn't exist anymore,

but I wish I could.

I mean, that's

how good you guys are.

One round of Pappy Van Winkle.

Enjoy, gentlemen.

Oh... wow.

That is expensive stuff.

You know, Bob, uh...

do you mind, uh...

just going Dutch?

- You don't have to say any more.

I got it. I'm doing this.

Let me do this.

I'm saying let's slice the pie

three ways, honestly.

If you don't mind.

- No, that-that-that's silly.

That's silly.

I'm doing really, really...

really well right now,

and you guys are not.

But, Bob, I can...

- At all.

Let me do this.

But let's just split it.

Let's go Dutch.

Okay. Okay.

- Let's be the three Dutchmen.

Okay, but this Dutchman's

going to...

going to pay when he can

in a couple weeks.

I hope you understand.

What the fuck, Sammy?

What the fuck, me?

What the fuck, you?

Who told you you could barge

into my office

without an appointment?

You closed the company?

And then you send

us out on a sale

that we really needed

and had Bob Williams

drop that bomb on us?

Bob Williams has got

a big fucking mouth.

Yeah, he does.

- Look.

You weren't going to get

the sale anyway.

Nobody wears a watch anymore.

They just check

their goddamn phones.

Disagree. Cite your sources.

- The kids, maybe,

but there's...

there's a broader market.

Lorraine, what time is it?

10:26.

One hip, pioneering secretary

does not a cultural trend make.

She's 75 years old.

Watches are obsolete,

and so are the two of you.

Hey. Obsolete?

What does that even mean?

It means everything's

computerized now.

It's cheaper

for a machine to tell

these companies what to order

than a manufacturer's rep.

They don't need us anymore.

No, people have a deep mistrust of machines.

- That's right.

Have you seen Terminator?

Yep. Mm-hmm. All of them.

- Or 2 or 3 or 4?

People want to deal with

people, not Terminators.

People hate people.

Times have changed.

That's so negative.

Luckily, I saw this coming,

cashed out my retirement,

bought a condo in Miami Beach,

new tits for the wife.

Silicone. It's legal again.

- Wow. - Saline's out?

- Yeah, me and the old lady

are going to be tucked away

real nice.

Yeah, great for you, huh?

Perfect.

So, uh, that's it, right?

But what about us, Sammy?

You two were great salesmen...

the best...

but at the end of the day,

you're grinders, foot soldiers.

We all know

you'll never be generals.

And I'm going to say

something harsh now.

Now you're going to say

something harsh?

Strap it in, boys, 'cause it

ain't pretty out there.

And you two are dinosaurs.

Face it.

Where you're going...

you've already been.

I thank you for your service.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

But I got to worry about the now.

I don't know what the hell

I'm going to say to Megan.

No. Let it play.

For the love of God, let it play.

- Come on, Megan, listen to me.

- Honey, let's talk about this.

Is this because

I'm too unselfish in bed?

Because I can change it around. I'm not

going to say it's going to be easy,

but I can do it.

Megan, listen to me.

Honey, it's always darkest

before the dawn.

No, Billy, it's not. It's actually

darkest in the middle of the night.

We have enough on the table here

without arguing about proverbs.

Look, I knew things

weren't great,

but to come home

to a foreclosure sign?

Can we hug it for a second? Can I touch it?

- No. No, please.

Okay, listen.

That could've been avoided

if the Bob Williams deal

didn't go so bad on me.

You blew the Bob Williams deal?

- Well, it's not so much

that I blew the deal

as much as the company

just decided to shut down

and take our jobs away.

What?

- Come on, listen to me, sweetheart.

I promise you,

I can pay for all of this.

It's not about the money, Billy.

This is about you, okay?

You-you talk a big game, but you

never do anything about it.

It's like you say that we're

going to go to Spain,

but have I ever been to Barcelona?

- "Barthelona."

Ugh. - And not yet,

but we're going.

Vaya con dios, mi amor.

What?

- Porque esta bravo

en Barthelona y fant?stico.

No, we are not going

to "Barthelona," okay?

We have discussed going

to Barthelona,

but we are never going

to go to Barthelona.

Not with an attitude like that, we're not.

- Oh, God.

Wait, do you even hear yourself?

Yes. - I'm glad that you

got to say some of that,

because we're in a

relationship, and I'm

just glad that we're both

committed to it.

No... do you know how badly

I want to believe that, Billy?

Because I've been with you

for a long time,

and nothing ever seems

to get better.

Honey, you were...

you're such a great guy,

but you always figure out

a way to screw things up

and let people down.

And, Billy, I love you,

but I'm really tired

of being let down.

That's terrible, Nicky.

Are you okay?

I should have gone on my own

when I had the chance.

I was so stupid. I was...

Nicky, you did the right thing.

Always got a paycheck,

played it smart.

Dad would have been proud.

Well, what would he

have been proud of?

I didn't play it smart.

I played it safe.

And look where I am now.

Proud?

You're at your nephew's

Little League game.

Now, cheer up.

Okay.

- Come on.

All right, Tate!

- All right, here we go, Tate.

Put some wood on it.

He's a great kid.

I keep telling you you'd

make a terrific father.

Yep, you do keep telling me that.

Unfortunately, it would

require you having

a relationship that lasted

longer than three months.

I'm not sure it

would require that.

Let me call Kevin.

- Jeanie...

I'm sure your boyfriend's

a great guy,

but I'm not ready

to work for someone

who spent all

of last Thanksgiving

explaining the meaning

of his tattoo.

Be reasonable, Nicky.

Take the job.

What else are you going to do?

That's it. Just take

the walk, Eagle Eye.

Walk's as good as a hit.

Come on.

What is this guy saying?

Bullshit.

Nick. Nick!

A walk's not as good as a hit. It's not as good

- Nick!

As a double or a triple.

It's not as good as a dinger.

Go on, take a big cut, Tate.

Nick!

Get off the field.

- What are you doing?

You call him Eagle Eye

to get him not to swing?

Come on, he's 12 years old.

He's got the rest

of his life to take a walk.

How about you take a walk,

pal, and get off my field?

Just stop calling him

Eagle Eye, okay?

Oh, I'm going to

call him Eagle Eye.

Oh, no, you're not.

- Yes, I am.

You're Eagle Eye, you piece of...

- No, I'm not.

Huh?

Nick!

Get off me!

Go ahead, Tate. Swing!

I'm okay! I'm okay.

Play ball!

Come on, Tate! Swing big!

Read Moneyball, asshole.

Walks are as good as hits.

Just when you think your day

couldn't get any worse,

it got worse.

I feel like my day

bent me over, put a ball

in my mouth and fucked me bad.

Is it just me, or does life look

a lot like those hillbillies

from Deliverance right now?

It's got me over

by the tree there,

just told me I had

a pretty mouth.

You over, squealing like a

pig on all fours. "Whee!"

I'm looking, "Wh-Where's Burt

Reynolds with the crossbow?"

He's not coming.

We're there, it's gonna happen.

You're gonna get raped.

You know what it is?

I feel like life's inside of me,

just working,

just pushing,

just going all after it.

And then, all of a sudden,

life pulls out.

But he's gonna scurry up

the pillow.

Boom, just explodes

right in my fucking mouth.

How are you?

Hey. A cute kid.

How old is she?

She's a boy.

Okay.

Still very attractive.

You know, without pink or blue,

it's hard to tell,

but the features are great.

Maybe... maybe put him

in some modeling.

That's what they're going for...

that right-down-the-middle

thing.

It's like, how many

different ways

do we have to say, "I give up,"

say "uncle," say "mercy"

before life stops

wailing away on us?

I mean, we are getting pounded.

You know, I feel like

our whole generation are sheep

that's been sold

a bad bill of goods.

Like, we were told, you know,

go to college, get good grades.

Well, you didn't go to college.

I'm saying,

in theory, in concept,

our generation was told

that you go to college,

you get a job, you...

you get a mortgage,

and, you know,

here we did everything

the way we were supposed to,

and what do we get for it?

Where's our thanks?

Nothing.

I think I'm going to call

Kevin about that job.

Kevin?

Thanksgiving tattoo?

We're not that low, are we, Nick?

Okay.

Come on.

Show me one little

something here.

What are you going to do, Billy?

Come on, Billy.

There he is.

Nickrophiliac!

- Hey.

How you been?

Good. Just working away.

- Yeah.

Yeah. I see that.

- Yeah.

Don't slag off on the corners.

Okay.

The corners are so important.

- All right.

'Cause we got people tracking

shit in here all the time.

Okay.

And I mean, like,

literally dog shit.

Jesus.

Huh? - Wow, I should've

worn some gloves.

I said I should've worn

some gloves.

Gloves aren't gonna help you.

You don't want protector duty?

'Cause I got another

place I can put you:

Out on the curb,

twirling the big arrow.

Does that sound good?

Hot sun beating down on you?

I've lost three of those

guys to skin cancer.

We call that curb

"the widow maker."

I don't want to go out to the widow maker.

- Okay?

How do you think you'd fare out

there with that alabaster skin?

Well, I-I don't know.

- I'll tell you.

You'd be dead in a year.

It felt like you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

Jeggings.

- What?

Jeggings, 5:00.

- Where?

Right there.

I'd like to play around

in that rumpus room.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah.

Have you done the back door yet?

Do what?

- Back door.

Back-door action.

"Knock-knock." Back door.

No.

- "It's me."

No.

"With my penis."

- No.

A life changer.

It is a life changer!

You VIP your way

into that back alley,

you don't even think about

the main entrance anymore.

You know what I mean by

"the main entrance"?

We're talking dick

into the vagina.

Kevin, this is

an awkward conversation.

Why?

Because you're going out

with my sister!

Oh, yeah. Well, don't-don't

think we didn't go through

a period of adjustment.

Adjustment?

Can you gentlemen help me?

Yes, ma'am. Nick is

one of our best.

In fact, his entire family

knows their way

around a mattress.

Get it.

- What are...?

Get it done.

- My question is about

memory foam versus standard.

Specifically as it relates

to lumbar support.

What?

Lumbar support.

- I'm... Okay, I'm sorry.

Hi, great choice in mattress.

- Yeah.

Why don't you go ahead

and, uh, lie down there.

Let's try to work our way

through this conundrum,

uh, because what I think you're asking is...

- Oh, man.

Uh, Billy, I'm with a customer, thank you.

- Sure.

Pardon me, ma'am, yeah,

just maybe start off on this.

Yeah. Just lay it down.

- Yeah, come here for a second.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Listen, I got it.

I've seen the future,

and it's beautiful for us.

Okay, I don't know what you got,

but I got a job here,

and I don't want to lose it.

Now, can we talk

about this later?

No, we can't talk about it later.

The future doesn't know later.

What are you...?

All the future is, is later.

That's literally

what the future is.

It's later.

What are you talking about?

Google.

Google?

- Yeah.

The place is amazing.

They got nap pods,

they got massage rooms,

they got a volleyball court.

They got the whole nine.

It's ranked as the greatest

place to work at in America.

Yeah, I know.

It's a technology company...

a field we know jack squat about.

Look-it, Google needs us.

And Google wants us.

They do?

You sweet son of a bitch.

You got us a job at Google?

Well, it's not actually a job.

What do you mean,

not an actual job?

Well, it's an interview

for an internship that has

a better-than-not chance

of materializing into a job.

Billy, now you're

making me very angry.

You want me to leave my job

to go for an interview,

not for a job

but for an internship

that may or may not

lead to a job?

Nick, aren't you tired of asking

for just enough to get by?

Yes.

I want to do something

that matters.

I want to have a life that I'm

excited about and that's great.

Nick, I want us

to go to California.

And I want us to get

these jobs at Google.

I'm going to speak to a manager.

Terrific. I think he's right

over there in the corner.

Let's roll it on over

onto the stomach.

He'll be very helpful.

- Okay, what we're gonna do here

is get a little support

for the hips.

So here comes... Imagine a

pillow, right like there, okay?

Oh. Uh-huh.

And what we're gonna do

is separate the feet,

create a little heat dispersion.

Excuse me!

- Now, so we have...

Is there something

I can help you with, ma'am?!

What?!

I'm trying to buy a mattress.

Unbelievable!

Listen, our interview

is in one hour.

Now, Nick, this might be

the last chance that we got.

How's it going, Gossip Girls?

CW just called; You're canceled.

Excuse me?

Look, I know you're peddling him

a bunch of crap,

just like the crap merchandise

you two used to shill.

So, listen up, Marfan Syndrome.

Excuse me?

- Marfansism.

Big man's disease.

The Giant Killer.

You. - Me and you are

the same height.

We're not the same height.

I'm handsome tall.

You're the type of tall where

you walk through the airport,

people stop what they're eating

and look at you.

You're like a freak.

Now, Nick,

you have a customer waiting.

Nick... we have

our future waiting.

Nick, you know what that says?

No, I don't read Sanskrit.

"Make reasonable choices."

That's an odd thing

to get tattooed on your neck.

Just get back to work!

God! I'm sorry

you had to see that, ma'am.

Now, let's get back to you

and talk pelvic ventilation.

Kevin!

What?

You know, you've been saying

some insulting things

to me all day.

What are you doing?

I'm taking the shirt off.

Because I don't know

what happens to a dream deferred.

Does it dry up like

a raisin in the sun?

Or does it explode?

I don't want to find out.

You just made the worst mistake

of your life, my friend.

Hey, hey-hey-hey-hey,

yeah, hey!

You take the shirt off,

it doesn't go back on, okay?

There's not a second chance!

See you in hell!

So we're meeting our

interviewer in here?

No, not in here.

We're meeting him in here.

It's a Hangout.

This is how people

do it now, Nicky...

they have their interviews on the Internet.

- Oh.

I like it.

Now, it says here

that the internship

is only for college

students, so...

Guess who's way ahead of you.

That's why I enrolled us

at the University of Phoenix.

That proud online institution.

Go, Fighting Phoenixes.

Nice.

Wait, you put my major

down as physics?

Why-why would you put

my major down as...

I don't know shit about physics.

Look...

- Physics scares me.

These guys paint the corner

of the plate with their pitches.

They're not gonna come

straight down the middle

and ask you about physics;

It's too obvious.

I took it off the table.

Good. Hide in plain sight.

Yes.

But you put you down for

sales? As your major?

Well, 'cause I'm a talker.

I figure I should

probably dazzle.

I want you to... you know,

I've thought about this.

I just figure, like, hide

your vacancy and let me dazzle.

- Okay, dazzle.

- Are you done yet?

There's a 15-minute limit.

I'm sorry, you know what?

The big boys are gonna need

the computer a little longer,

but maybe we can make this

a win-win for you.

Get yourself a soda pop.

Give her some money, yeah.

Here you go.

Yeah, just go put

some sugar in your body.

Enjoy it.

- What a cute kid.

I'm no child, but, Billy...

- Okay, here they are.

Now, when I hit this, they'll be

able to see us, so come on in,

get in there close so we

can be seen on the Webcam.

See how small the Webcam is?

- They can see us...

No, get cheek to cheek.

Nick, come here, cheek to cheek.

Okay, but don't crowd me.

You're crowding me right now.

Nick, get cheek to cheek.

Will you get your cheek...

Buddy, they can't see us.

- I understand that. Here we go.

Go cheek to cheek. Just go like I tell you.

- Okay. Don't yell in my...

Put your fucking cheek next to mine.

- Yes, yes, I get it.

We can see you guys.

Okay, great!

- Good! You got us?

Hi! My name is Billy!

Uh, we can hear you fine as well.

Oh, great. Um...

- Good.

Billy McMahon.

Nick Campbell.

I'm Benjamin.

- Allison.

We're thirsty, too.

Okay, slow it down there, camper.

I'm not an ATM.

I got a job interview here.

Thank you.

- We'll be back.

Okay, easy.

- Are you in a library?

You know, we're in a program here called...

- We are.

There's some beautiful

little kids here.

Yeah, kids.

Helping kids program...

one of the things we're

involved in... where we take

suburban kids and we teach them

what it's like to be homeless.

Oh, what's it called?

- Oh, it's-it's called, uh...

Attitude Adjustment.

- Attitude Adjustment.

And that's where we are today.

We're helping the kids.

And-and to be honest with you,

we did the interview here

because we wanted to help out,

and also we don't have Webcams

for our computer.

If you don't have

a Webcam on your computer,

what type of computer do you

use for your coding ability?

Coding ability?

- Uh, yeah.

Uh, under computer skills,

you put "C-plus-plus."

That's actually a C-plus.

What's that?

- Well, the second plus is

to reflect my attitude

of how I felt about the C-plus.

But it's a C-plus.

It was a typing class.

You know, same principle,

just not the engine

inside the baby there.

But it was more like

"quick brown fox."

You know, put your hands

in the basin,

and crushing it like that.

But that h-helped me out

a lot when I,

as I started my journey

into computers

because I already knew

where to put my hands, clearly.

Okay, if we could focus on

this now... you are currently

enrolled at the University

of Phoenix online?

Indeed, yes, we are.

- Damn right we are.

Damn right we are.

- It's, uh, the oldest

institution of its

kind, and as such,

many people refer to it as the

Harvard of Internet colleges.

Oh! I hadn't

heard that actually.

I... No.

That-that has not

made it out here,

that reputation.

- Well, we're Phoenix proud.

We're Phoenix proud.

Well, that's fine.

Um, we're gonna ask you

a few questions

that some of our candidates

find a little bit odd.

Let's get weird!

No judgment. Shoot.

You're shrunken down

to the size of nickels

and dropped to the

bottom of a blender.

What do you do?

I-Is there anything

else in the blender?

Uh, I don't know.

Well, that's gonna

make a difference.

Are there ice cubes to climb on?

Are we working with

a daiquiri here?

Are we throwing a little rum in?

Are we making a smoothie?

- It's been a long week.

Maybe we want to let these

little guys live a little.

Okay, for the sake of the

argument, let's say it's empty.

Sure.

- Well, in that case, it's easy, then.

Why?

- I'm sorry?

If we're shrunk down to the size

of a nickel and there's

no liquid in the blender,

we go ahead

and put it on our backs.

So you take her flat

on your back like this.

Right, right, right. You just

lay back, enjoy that breeze.

Lay stiff as a board, light as a feather.

- Pretend it's a fan.

Okay, once is...

- And let those blades

just whip all around

you like this.

It's like getting an MRI.

Dazzle, dazzle.

Once this blender's on,

it's on forever.

It's on. Forever.

Respectfully, I got to disagree.

We sold blenders, and even

the best model in the world

is only gonna run nonstop

for, what, Billy?

Even the Germans,

the Germans could never...

Yeah. Even the

German model.

Even one of those Braun ones,

they're only gonna run nonstop

maybe ten or 11 hours.

So we're getting out,

and when we do,

we're better off for it,

because whatever doesn't

kill you makes you stronger.

But let's just go ahead

and big-picture this

for a second, if I can.

Just like the founders of Google.

Big-picture Googling.

It's not so much

getting out of the blender;

It's what happens next.

That's the question.

You've got two nickel-sized

men free in the world.

Think of the possibilities.

- I mean, I-I...

off the top of my head,

and I'm just spitballing here.

My head's swimming.

- Sunglass repair?

Yeah, yeah...

- We'd be hell on those little screws.

Or maybe you stick us in

those submarines that they put

in people's bodies

to fight diseases.

That's cutting-edge

right there.

Okay, you... That's-that's

not a real thing,

the submarines.

- No.

Wait a minute.

I thought we were

stuck in a blender.

Now we're saving lives?

What?!

Uh, what?

- What?

- What?!

- What?

Let me just recap this

for you real quick.

We started off in a blend...

- Yeah.

Now we're saving lives!

- What?!

- What? What? - What?

- Wait a minute!

We were stuck in a blender...

- What a journey!

And now we saving lives?!

What?!

- You guys led us to this.

Thank you.

I think we've gotten

a little far afield.

Just a little off topic.

Ally, I'll get inside you

and I'll fight for you.

Uh, thank you.

I-I appreciate that, but...

Which one of you...

which one of you is physics?

Mr. Campbell?

You could maybe expound

on this from a physics aspect.

Physics.

Here, here...

Listen, the...

I-I could bend your ear

about physics and various

physical phenomenon,

but the truth is,

we were in a blender.

We lost our jobs, we'd given up.

So I think we already

answered the question

when we took this interview.

We got ourselves out,

and here we are.

If you guys really want to know

what happens when you take

two guys out of a blender...

I'm sorry, Allison, is it?

Yes.

Then give us a shot.

And I think you'd be

happy that you did.

So, who is our next applicant?

Ah, our two daiquiri men.

So, what are we

thinking... Dana?

You're kidding, right?

No.

Eleanor?

Mmm, they seem like

really nice guys,

but I-I don't think so.

- Okay. Moving on.

Oh, can I say something?

You can. You will.

We will resent you

for wasting our time,

but please don't let that

stop you.

It's just, diversity is

in our DNA, right?

I thought the goal here

was to find people with a

different way of thinking.

There's plenty of people with

a different way of thinking.

It doesn't mean

that we have to hire them.

Very good point, Dana.

Moving on.

I'm sorry, but you read

their r?sum?s, right?

They have more years

of sales and life experience

than the age

of most of our interns.

Not to mention,

our final judgment

is always based on

the Layover Test, right?

Who would you rather

be stuck next to

at an airport bar

for a six-hour delay?

The ten millionth kid

who knows that if you shrink,

your strength-to-weight ratio

allows you to jump

way higher? Duh.

Or the out-of-the-box thinkers

who turned being

stuck in a blender

into an advantage?

So it begins.

Here we go.

Place is incredible.

Where do we check in?

Let's ask somebody here.

Oh, excuse me!

I'm sorry, excuse me, do you...

Billy?

It's scary because it's new.

Let's go check in.

Head towards those

big, big letters there.

What's up, family?

Picture the greatest

amusement park

you've ever been to as a kid.

Now imagine a place

nothing like it

and a million times better.

That's where we are.

I'm gonna grab us a coffee.

You check us in.

Yeah.

Morning.

Hi.

- What's the damage here?

Nothing.

For the... for these?

Free.

- These are complimentary?

Complimentary. Free.

Whatever you want.

What you're just saying

is if I...

whatever I walk away with here...

It's free.

Doesn't... yeah.

You can have bananas.

I probably should, only because

it's a great way to st...

This is the most important

meal of the day.

Take two. They're free.

No, I know, but for my day, I need it.

- Yeah.

What about these...

the bagels and all that?

Yeah, it's free.

Anything you want.

If you're insisting,

twist my arm.

I'll have a couple of them.

- Sure.

Like four-four of them.

- Four?

Well, just whatever it is.

- Yeah.

What about five of them?

- Free, too.

Well, why don't you go ahead

and make it seven, then?

If you want to whip up

some of the other drinks.

Do you have a to-go cup, like, a Guzzler?

- Sure.

Do you have, like,

a Rednek Guzzler with a straw?

Excuse me. Pardon me.

- Yes?

Do you know what, uh,

launch this was from?

Sorry. Uh, I have a meeting.

Oh, no, no,

I don't want to hold you.

I was just...

I-I was just curious.

Was this thing actually in space?

If only there were

some Web page you could go to.

Right?

Where you could just

type things in

and search for answers.

Ah. Yes, that

would be nice.

Nick Campbell.

Uh, oops. Intern.

Dana Simms. Late.

Yep, and I'm late, too.

I got to rush off.

And it's SpaceShipOne.

First private manned spaceflight.

Winner of the X Prize.

Oh, my God, are those your dads?

Seriously, same-sex partners

make excellent parents.

I so wish my parents were gay.

When did 20 start

to look like 12?

Oh, man.

Yes, of course

I'll work my hardest.

Mom, how can I work

harder than my hardest?

That's physically impossible...

Okay, okay, I-I will.

Yes, I love you... Mom.

Billy McMahon, Billy McMahon.

- Nice to meet you.

How are you?

Oh, I'm gonna grab

some food over here.

You okay?

- Get something. I'm good.

You all right if I leave you?

- Yeah.

This stuff looks good, huh?

Little pick-me-up.

- Excuse me. Sir.

Graham Hawtrey.

- Oh.

Billy McMahon.

- I'm so thrilled to be here.

Oh, me, too.

Feels kind of like the first day

of spring training

for Little League here.

I got to tell you, I feel like

I got a few more clicks

on the old odometer

than most of you kids here.

Well, honestly,

that's why I came over here.

I said to myself,

"Graham, there's a man

"with some life experience.

Probably teach you

a thing or two."

Oh, you got to meet

my friend, Nicky.

You'll love him. Nicky!

Nickelodeon!

Come over here!

Come over.

Come meet this guy, Graham.

He's in the internship

program with me and you.

Hey. How you doing?

- Good.

You're interns?

- Yes.

Shut up!

- Deal with it.

Shut the fuck up.

- Deal with it.

But you're so old, though.

Whoa. Excuse me?

Oh, my God, I feel terrible!

I feel so stupid.

No, don't be. We're excited.

- No, it's fine.

- No, I feel terrible. I feel terrible.

- No. For what?

I just, you know, um...

I thought you were important.

Oh, shit.

I've got to find some people

who actually matter,

but good luck!

Wh-Why did you bring me over

to introduce me to this guy?

It's like he was

your best friend.

You introduced me to Hitler.

Well, he seemed like

he was sweet at first.

My name is Roger Chetty.

And I am head

of the Google Intern Program.

Welcome to Google.

This will not be

your average internship.

Oh, no.

You will do what we do.

And we will watch

how well you do it.

Now, you represent

the finest schools.

Your intelligence,

your achievement is well noted,

but to excel at this internship,

you're going to need

far more than brainpower.

What you're going to need

is Googliness.

Nothing funny.

Googliness.

The intangible stuff

that made a search engine

into an engine for change.

Now, you will be

divided into teams,

and by the end of the summer,

only one team will be guaranteed

a full-time position.

The other 95% of you will not.

Now, you've been split up

into several seminars

to acquaint you

with our campus and culture.

Seminar descriptions have been

e-mailed to each of you.

I would wish you luck,

but it's not luck that you need.

Get to work!

Well, this ain't gonna be about

getting coffee

and running errands for people.

No, no.

We're looking at some sort

of mental Hunger Games

against a bunch of genius kids

for just a handful of jobs.

That's why we got

to nail this thing.

This is our opening statement.

If it please the court.

Oh, it pleases

the court, counselor.

Okay, Workplace Seminar.

Still a few seats left.

First impression time, baby.

Bingo!

Okay, we can do good in this.

We have to do...

- Shazam!

So close yet so far, boys.

Whoa! Graham, Graham,

we were here first.

You know what?

You're right.

You guys could use the advantage.

Go ahead.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that in a world

of excellence,

old and unexceptional

qualifies as diversity.

So you know what?

Go ahead.

What's that saying?

"Age before beauty"?

Thank you.

You're welcome, William.

You know, there's always

some joker

who likes to play fuck-around.

I guess that's

gonna be you, Graham.

All right, at least we know.

Game on.

Good luck, boys.

Now, I recognize that Google

is not a conventional workplace.

Having said that, we have rules.

I'm going to ask you

a series of questions.

You are going to raise

the green paddle

to indicate "yes"

and the red paddle

to indicate "no."

So, let's begin.

"Having a beer

with your boss."

Some of you are under 21.

Some of us aren't under 21, so...

if you want to grab

a cold one with me,

I'm happy to do that with you.

I will not be grabbing

a cold one with you.

You get high?

I don't get high.

- Okay.

I'm not judging;

I'm just saying,

people do it.

That being said, if you want

something cold to drink,

we'll hook you up.

I'm okay.

Thank you; Just

stop talking to me.

I'm your Bill Holden

in Stalag 17.

I don't even... I really

don't get that reference.

Google it.

- Got it.

"Dating a fellow intern."

Chetty, excuse me.

What about a full-time employee?

Say, management level,

but not a direct supervisor.

Great eyes,

and a severity to her look

that is surprisingly sexy.

What's the policy on that?

No? That's frowned upon also?

So we'll say no to love?

We'll say no to love, yes.

That's gonna be a no.

- Now,

"taking food home

from the office."

Boom.

Yes.

Are you having

difficulty with this,

Mr. McMahon?

- I'm sorry.

Just to drill down on this,

what if it's,

like, a perishable?

Like, say there was

a pudding or something

that was left out.

You'd like to take home

a pudding, would you?

I wouldn't mind taking home

a pudding; I don't...

I don't know who wouldn't.

- Oh, yeah.

But that being said,

I'm just saying if it's gonna

go bad, is that okay to take-take it home?

- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Anything else

you'd like to take home?

Only if there was, let's say,

salsa or chips.

You know,

something that's not wrapped.

Salsa, chips and pudding.

Or sushi.

Salsa, chips, pudding and sushi.

Anything else?

- Ice cream.

Salsa, chips, pudding,

sushi and ice cream.

Pizza.

- Salsa, chips, pudding,

sushi, ice cream and pizza.

I wouldn't take home

a frozen pizza,

but if there was a nice pie

that was out...

- Oh, boy.

I am truly impressed,

Mr. McMahon.

Thank you.

- At the both of you.

At how quickly you have

confirmed my doubts about you.

Now, let's try this

one more time.

"Taking food home

from the office."

Very good.

Ladies and gentlemen,

that is all.

Well, I'm not gonna dress it up.

Today didn't go well.

Yeah.

It certainly wasn't

the first impression

we were looking for.

But here's the deal.

Tomorrow is

the pick teams day, right?

Which makes it

all the more important

for us to fall in

with a strong team.

If we can surround ourselves

with the right group

of these little geniuses,

we still got a shot here.

Nicky,

we can coattail this bitch.

You're right, and by the way,

there's no shame in that.

No.

- There's no shame

in being the 12th man

at the end of the bench

who's never getting in the game,

but he's got a lot of enthusiasm.

Right.

- He's waving the towel,

he's doling out high fives

during time-outs.

Exactly.

Because I'll tell you

about that guy.

When the team wins

the championship,

he still gets a ring.

Damn right he does.

So we got to be

that awkward seven-footer

from Lithuania.

I love your spirit.

Look, I love you like a brother,

but I can't have those cold clams

brushing up against me

in the bed here at night.

Keep me up all night.

- Okay, suit yourself.

I'm gonna give you the bed;

I'll take her tomorrow.

Can you hit that light,

Pocahontas?

Tomorrow's a new day.

Welcome to day two. I am Sid,

eighth-year Googler.

You guys are new Googlers;

Thus you're... Nooglers.

- Okay.

Now, this place is all about

community and collaboration.

So you'll be working in teams

from here on out. All right.

You have five minutes.

Pick your teams.

You, on me.

Oh, now, be picky, okay?

Play hard to get.

Don't be desperate;

Just be cool, okay?

This is everything.

Are you still looking

for someone?

I could be your teammate.

- College, major, S.A.T. score?

Um, Harvard,

computer science, 2390.

Fine. On me, Fatface.

Uh, my name's Zach, not...

You?

- University of...

No.

My name's not Fat...

Hello, Stanford.

You're coming with me.

The University of Phoenix online.

Sort of considered

the Harvard of the West.

Why don't we all be a team?

Can I just get...

Oh, please don't touch me.

Please,

you-you're touching me.

Blondie, you're coming with me

on account

of your physical appearance.

Does anyone want to...

want to be on a team with me?

Super fun.

Really smart, but also very fun.

I was voted "most likely to

succeed" in my chess club.

Um, Mr. Chetty?

I don't have a group.

You'll mentor the leftovers.

Which, it would seem,

would include

your two charity cases.

Nice.

- Off you go.

Go.

Yo, Billy and Nick?

- Hey. - Hi.

- Nice, there they are.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Lyle,

one of the team

managers. Pound me.

Oh, normally,

just putting the-the fist out

without the words

is all that's necessary.

Come on, bro, fist me;

Get up in there.

Yeah,

that's definitely not right.

I-I'm sorry,

you said you were a-a manager?

How old are you?

I'm 23, but no worries, fellas.

I'm an old soul.

- Yeah, that's great.

Um, yeah, well,

the thing about it is, pal,

is that, um, we don't have a...

well, we have two... me and...

me and Nick... but we don't have

the rest of our team.

We didn't...

- But we figured...

you didn't have a team,

but you got one now, son.

'Cause I got a few outliers.

Buh-bam, ker-plash, zshaw!

And we about to get it all good

up in this hood, right?

Outliers?

Outliers, 'cause I just dropped

a little G-well on you.

'Cause Malcolm's my dog,

Malcolm's my dog.

What you say...

Malcolm's my dog.

Outliers, you know,

from 10,000 hours?

Look, let's get

a team meeting going, everybody!

Come on, team meet time.

Nick?

- Wonder Twin powers activate!

- What other options do we have?

- Let's go, everybody!

Come on, you're with me!

You're with me.

Uh...

- My team, corner pocket.

All right, let's get some

meet and greet going

up in this heezy.

I'm Lyle,

and it's pretty much WYSIWYG...

"what you see is what you get."

I've been here at the Goog

for four years,

working on seven projies

en este momento.

Wow, seven projects?

Hey, they ask, and I do's it.

What can I say,

I'm a people pleaser,

especially the ladies.

My Mercedes.

So it's all good

in Lyle's hood, you heard?

Uh, yeah, is Lyle always

gonna be referring to himself

in the third person?

'Cause if he is, I might want

to punch Lyle in the face.

Okay, tough but fair.

Good note.

Lyle's still a little nervous.

Shh...

Uh, first-time manager;

Lyle's a first-time...

I'm gonna stop doing that.

I'm gonna cut it out.

Keep it to first

and second person.

Who's next?

My name is Yo-Yo Santos.

Yo-Yo, how about a high five?

Whoa.

- Whoa.

Yo-Yo, easy, buddy.

I come in peace.

Geez, Yo-Yo,

did you get

beat up a lot in school?

I was homeschooled by my mom.

Did you get beat up

a lot in homeschool?

Discipline is a very

important part of growth.

But my mother was actually

a very nurturing person.

For example, she

provided me selflessly

with the milk of her bosom

until I was seven years old.

So it's like, uh,

you're tying your shoe,

you're climbing trees,

you're blowing up fireworks,

and then you're right on Mom.

You got mouth on Mom.

Breast-feeding leads

to a higher IQ.

Okay. Actually, the science

isn't quite definitive on that.

I was bottle-fed.

It never slowed me down.

Vitamins are vitamins,

whether they come

from a teat or a baba.

Wrong.

Sorry, what was that?

Wrong.

The teat or baba thing,

it's wrong.

I just Googled it,

so you're wrong.

Oh, yeah, I'm Stuart.

Well, it's a pleasure

to meet you, Stu.

You know, you can't trust

everything you read on the...

The Journal of the American

Medical Association?

Sounds pretty trustworthy.

It says that breast milk

has more nutrients

and that those nutrients

are more easily

digested and absorbed.

Your confusion

is understandable, though.

You were bottle-fed.

He's right. That's right.

Whoa, guys,

where's all this hostility

coming from?

Where do you think

it's coming from, you big tree?

Two fifths of our team are

made up of two old guys

who don't know shit.

Wow.

Okay, guys, I, for one,

am very happy to have

two strapping, mature

gentlemen on the team.

Thank you.

Oh, uh,

I'm Neha Patel, and oh, my God,

you guys would make

the best Luke and Han.

Excuse me?

Oh, Star Wars cosplay.

Cosplay?

- Costume play.

You know, where people dress up

as their favorite anime

or movie character?

I'd be slave girl Leia.

Yeah, metal bikini top,

metal G-string panty,

high-heel leather boots.

Of course,

I'm chained at the neck.

Not too constricted,

but just enough

to make things interesting.

The neck constriction's

interesting?

Yeah, a few of us

get together and...

whatever happens, happens.

Oh, uh,

but work-wise, yeah, um,

your skills

aren't really relevant here

or really in this millennium,

so stay out of our way.

We're gonna do this shit

on our own.

Well, I'm loving this friction.

You know why? Because that's

how you get a fire started.

I'm Nick;

This is my pal, Billy,

and despite what you may think,

uh, we're here

like the rest of you,

just running down a dream.

All right.

Team Lyle!

No, okay, we'll workshop that.

It's in beta.

Okeydoke.

Our Translate lecture

is in 15 minutes.

Translate is about giving

everyone access

to every word ever written,

no matter what language

it was written in,

because when the entire

world can see, read

and find the rest of

the world's cool stuff,

- good things start happening.

- Lyle,

you laying-in-the-weeds

son of a bitch.

You're hot for teacher, my man.

I took her dance class here once,

but she doesn't even know

I exist.

What are you talking about?

"Doesn't know you exist"?

Come on, you're communicating

with her right here.

What's this thing?

Oh, no, this is just

the company intranet.

It's got info

on every Google employee

like birthdays, trivia,

meeting calendars, everything.

Really?

Hmm.

Oh, hey, fancy seeing you here.

Is it?

Or maybe you calendar-stalked me

and you knew exactly

where I was gonna be right now.

Now, am I detecting

a bit of an accent?

You are.

Uh-huh,

I have a very good ear.

English, right? 'Ello, guvna.

Oliver Twist,

"more bread, please, sir."

Australian, actually.

Really?

Similar flags, though.

Hey, Dana.

- Kiwi.

Lord of the Rings country.

Okay, the stain

on this one's better,

but the white one may be a goner.

Okay, thanks.

I eat very fast.

Bangers and mash.

That's also British.

Vegemite sandwich, then,

which I'm sure you

gobble down very quickly

so you can get back to the grind.

I mean, it is impressive

staying at work till midnight

every day...

also on the calendar.

Look, Nick,

I'm sure you're very popular

with the 19-year-olds

at the University of Phoenix,

with your Southern drawl,

and the blond hair,

and this whole thing

you got going on,

but I got to tell you,

this is just never gonna happen.

"This"? What?

I mean, it's...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

This is me reaching out

as an intern.

They've encouraged us

to approach experienced Googlers

and just pick their brains.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Of course.

You thought I was just...

"Oh, who's this wanker

just steaming in?"

You just want to learn.

You want to learn.

Well, look, Sid here,

he's incredible.

He's about to give a talk

on HTML5.

Okay.

- Nick is desperate to learn.

He'd love to come along.

Yeah.

- Let's make it happen.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, well...

- Come on down, brother.

Sometimes we go

all day, all night.

Well, I can't start any sooner

than right now.

Let's do it.

Cool, let's rock.

- Come on, everybody; Here we go.

Now, wait, where are you going?

Oh, I have a meeting.

But you know that.

Cheerio.

Let's go.

Come on, don't be shy.

You have a crush on her,

my friend.

Good morning, interns.

Today marks the first

of several challenges

through which your team

will show their merits.

While internally dogfooding

a new product,

a number of Googlers reported

a bug that disabled their audio.

All two million lines

of that code

are in the source files.

Find the bug.

Okay, we should check

the user reports.

Scan the logs for any red flags.

See what exceptions were thrown.

I always start

by drawing up strategies

to sift through the code.

Code, right? Code, right? Codes.

- Right?

Uh...

- So at the end of the day, we're looking

to kind of break the

password here, right?

Maybe the answer's

in the question.

Maybe it's something with bug.

- Eureka.

Bug like fly.

The Fly.

Is Chetty a cinephile?

Goldblum.

- Goldblum!

Boggles my mind

that no one has a notebook out.

You guys are focused

on writing this gibberish.

Maybe that's helpful,

maybe it's not,

but I guarantee you

what we're saying is helpful.

Guys, we're looking for a bug, not a password.

They're different things.

Keep going

with that human connection.

Oh, geez, you know what?

- You had it.

We'll go on fly,

'cause that's where we're at,

and we're flying it; We're right there.

- Fly, fly.

I know we're buzzing around it.

- I like that.

Zzz, Y-L-F.

And it's a word scramble,

and it's life.

For some reason, I can't

get "fly" out of my mind,

and now I'm going Lopez,

Jennifer Lopez.

Is it a fly girl?

- "Superfly."

Pop fly? Uh, excavation.

Earthquakes, California.

- That's it! Write that down!

Where? Where?

- Do it, do it, write it down, type it in.

What am I doing?

- Would you please stop?

No, we're working.

- No, we're working.

Yeah, and that's a Sharpie,

by the way, genius.

That's my fault.

Go ahead and wash that.

Look, guys, I'm sorry,

but you're not helping.

You're just saying

a lot of words really fast

that mean nothing.

To find the bug, we need

to scan the user logs

and review the code until we

find the programmer's mistake.

It's the only way.

Except what if it's not

the only way?

Go. - Okay, you said that

someone programmed it.

That means some person

in this building wrote that code.

- A human being.

Let's just give him a name

and call him Tony.

Tony.

- Let's say Tony likes kayaking.

Kayak.

- All of a sudden, me and Nick become friends

with Tony; We're throwing

a few beers back.

We're doing a little kayaking

with my main man, Tony.

Tony's bombed on the open water.

Next thing you know,

we start gabbing

about audio bugs.

Yeah, I actually think

it's a great idea.

Good, great!

- Finally!

Dark and stormy, feeling us.

Yeah, no,

feeling you big-time, buddy.

Terrific.

- You know what, in fact, why don't the two

of you guys right now

go and find the programmer.

Great. Great idea.

Yo-Yo, who's our man?

His name is Charles Xavier.

Charles Xavier.

- Perfect. Nick, write this down.

Steel trap.

- Uh, he's a professor.

At Stanford.

Yeah, just a few

minutes away, really.

Guys...

- And he's in a wheelchair.

Got it, Stanford, wheelchair.

What else?

- Uh, oh, he's bald.

Might be with his best friend

who wears a metal helmet.

Wears a fitted suit.

- He looks like a geneticist.

More, more, more, more.

Go on, hit us, hit us.

Has a British accent.

- British? With my ear, we're done.

Okay, keep searching;

Think fly, think bug.

I promise you, somehow,

this intersects with Goldblum.

- Billy!

Let's get a move on.

- Goldblum, of course.

All right, back to work, guys.

Hey, Professor, what up!

Professor Charles Xavier?

Very funny.

British.

Listen, Professor Xavier,

sorry to bother you. If we could

just talk to you for...

Gentlemen,

I don't have time for his.

Okay, Professor Xavier,

we know that it's you,

and listen,

we really need your help.

All right, you-you found me out.

I am Charles Xavier,

and that's Cyclops,

and Rogue.

We're all here.

Now, come closer.

I want to share some

of my telekinetic wisdom

with you.

Well, I want you to share

with me,

'cause I want to know

about these bugs.

Assholes!

Oh, you maniacal monster!

Professor Xavier is a total dick!

Yo to the yo.

Where are we at on ensuring

it wasn't a networking issue?

Confirmed there

was no packet lost.

Almost done checking

on whether the encryption

had the wrong certificate.

I'm sorry, "almost"?

Uh, you're either done

or you're not.

You can't be almost pregnant.

Yeah, hey, she would know, guys.

You know what, why don't you

Google "asshole," asshole?

She's right.

It's not good enough.

Get it together, Yo-Yo.

What the fuck was that?

I was punishing myself

for my inferior performance.

Well, that's good.

That's great.

We got crazy over here

and crazy horny over here.

- Oh, let me guess.

Big dick 'cause... little dick?

- Did your mind

just immediately go

to a penis joke?

Is that, like, all you...

- Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Was that not witty enough

for you?

Because I'm too busy working.

No, yeah, that's fine.

I just want you

to acknowledge the fact that

I'm winning the quip-off.

That's what you're worried

about right now?

Yes, that's really

what I'm worried about.

So you're more concerned

with snarky banter

than actually winning?

- Yeah.

The deadline's at

the end of the week, so...

Hey, hey.

You guys find Professor Xavier?

Yeah, we found him.

Yeah, thanks so much for that.

That's, uh...

really great team spirit.

Mind sliding over here?

I'm sorry.

It really doesn't look like

there's enough room for you.

Have a great lunch.

Yeah, enjoy it.

Okay, let's see here.

Let's see.

See anything?

- Oh, there's an opening.

- Is that taken? Okay.

- It's taken.

Let's go over here.

Hi, Headphones.

You mind if we sit here?

I think we can take that

as a "yes."

- All right.

We're gonna have to

at this point.

How you doing, bud?

He doesn't even know we exist.

He's like some kind

of a superhero on this computer.

Look at him;

He's just crushing his thing

and kicking ass.

Do you remember what it felt like

to be that good at something?

Look at this!

William.

Nicholas.

Person I don't know.

Figured I'd find you

at the cool kids' table.

It's like a confederacy

of outcasts out here.

Heard you had a day trip to, uh,

Palo Alto?

Home of Silicon Valley and

also the X-Men, apparently.

Where are you going

with this, Graham?

Oh, I just wanted

to let you guys know,

we won the bug challenge.

What are you gonna do

about it, boys?

I wouldn't worry if I was you

about what we're gonna do

or what we're not gonna do;

We're gonna be just fine.

You're gonna be fine?

All right.

Keep telling yourself that.

See you all-stars

at the intramural fields

for the next challenge I'll win.

Sports. Something

we know about, baby.

Something we know

a lot about, baby.

Come on, now.

- Look at me.

For real.

All right, teams,

welcome to the Quidditch pitch.

Let's have a good,

clean match, Nooglers.

Fatty, don't touch the ball.

Okay, rules. The Beaters toss

the Bludgers at the Chasers

before they can get the Quaffle

through the three rings.

No blagging, no blatching,

no bumphing, no haversacking.

I don't want to see

any Quaffle-pocking.

No Imperius curses,

no Confundus charms.

In the unlikely event

of a Dementor attack,

use a Patronus charm.

I recommend the stag,

but that's a personal decision.

Lyle, Lyle, Lyle,

these beautiful idiots

have no idea

what you're talking about.

Use your Muggle words.

Come on.

Come on, Lyle,

you're making me feel

like I'm back in

math class, okay?

You got a couple savants here

with eye-hand coordination.

Just say "game on"

and let us play.

Fair enough; Version 2.0.

Peg them with the kick balls

before they throw the volleyball

through the hoop.

Brooms in, people.

Hufflepuff on three.

One, two, three...

Hufflepuff!

Yeah, son!

Yeah, let's get it.

All right, game time.

Let's get Huff-tarded in here.

No mercy! No mercy!

Tips down!

Blue team, ready?

Ready!

Red team, ready?

Bangarang!

Brooms up!

Ball!

All right, slam it!

Nice.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Ten points blue.

Billy, Billy, talk to me!

What do I do?

- What are we doing?

How do I do it?

- It's chaos!

Come on, you got it.

Billy, I'm lost.

Just hit them, hit them!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

what's happening?

Lyle!

What the hell was that?

Why don't you try looking up

and giving a shit, man?

- Come on!

I can't take this! What am I

supposed... Come get me.

Who do I hit?

No, no!

- Come get hit.

Who wants to fight?

I want somebody to hit!

Get the broom

between the legs, folks.

My bad. Let's go, let's go.

Lesson learned, lesson learned,

lesson learned.

What the fuck does this have

to do with computers?

I'm winning.

- Stop.

Don't move, fatty.

Blue, ten points.

Ball!

Thank you.

What?! What?!

Time-out.

Time!

Bring it in, guys.

Come on, let's huddle up.

Good work, everybody.

Everybody except for you, Zach.

It's over.

- Yeah, our team's a joke.

Well, I ain't laughing.

What about you, Billy?

Hell, no.

Listen, we need to

get our minds right

and start believing.

This reminds me of a little girl

who had to get her head right

and start believing,

a little girl from a steel town

who had the dream to dance.

No one believed

in that little welder girl,

but thank God she believed

in herself.

Are you talking about Flashdance?

The movie from the '80s?

Yeah, you're damn right I am.

That's exactly what

I'm talking about.

Got it.

- The deck was stacked

against Alex, and you know

how she overcame those odds?

By believing in

herself and trying.

She literally had

to become a maniac.

Have any of you ever

been called a maniac?

Maybe because you were

a little bit different?

My mom calls me a maniac

every night when I tell her

I love her.

Of course she does, Yo-Yo.

You are a little bit,

in a good way.

Well, guess what.

That old Bill Gates,

they called him a maniac, too.

- No question.

Yeah, I don't think anyone

ever called him a maniac.

I just called him a maniac.

- Okay, damn it, guys.

You guys are getting off the point here.

- You're right.

She had to strip down to nothing.

She had to sit in that chair

and arch her back,

and she pulled

a chain to nowhere,

and doused herself with water.

Yeah, where did that

water come from?

Who knows?

- It came from her belief

that it was there.

She believed so hard she

found herself with an audition

in front of those stuffed shirts

at the dance school,

and she spun...

oh, and she spun and she spun

and she spun and she spun

and she spun herself into

that dance school.

And she spun herself

into our hearts.

Now,

in the second half

of whatever the hell

you guys call this game,

can't we all be

that little welder girl

who wants to be something more?

Now, look, I know you

guys aren't excited

that we're on your team,

but we're here.

Guys, we're in

this thing together.

So I'm asking you,

believe in yourselves,

believe in each other.

Let's put on our leg warmers,

and let's dance our asses off.

Come here, you little

lovable maniacs. Get in here.

All right, now, I got an idea

that I think would make

- Bear Bryant smile.

- No idea

who that is, but we're listening.

Let's go!

Stuart!

Neha!

Lyle, hit me!

Got it, got it, got it, got it!

Yeah!

Baby!

Blind her! I'm going in!

Yeah!

- Yes!

Yo-Yo!

- Yeah!

- Eat it, Malfoy! Suck it!

See ya!

Coming at you, Nick!

Yeah!

Who's on Blondie?

All right, let's go, boys.

Okay.

Pick and roll.

Stockton to Malone!

She shoots, she scores, baby!

Baby, what's up?!

- Yeah!

Tie game!

Where were you? Huh?

I had to use the

restroom. I'm sorry.

It's the Golden Snitch!

Who the fuck is this now?

Zach, get over here.

All right, Fatface, I think

it's time to fake an injury.

I don't know how

to fake an injury.

Man down.

Get the tennis ball and we win!

Run, you big tree!

- Aah!

- Go!

Come on, ref,

you gonna call that?!

Yeah! Yeah!

You can't be serious.

That bitch just snaked me.

That's got to be illegal.

Sorry, if I didn't see it,

I can't call it.

You okay there, Golden Boy?

Yeah, the Snitch is fine.

G.D. it!

Don't start that, Yo-Yo.

You did your best

out there today.

That's the first time

we all came together as a team.

Goddamn it, Billy's right.

Let's keep it rolling.

Just keep it rolling.

Come on, let's get a frosty.

Nick?

- Yeah?

Would I be wrong

to call you my brother?

Of course not.

I'd do anything

for my little show pony.

Look at me. Anything.

I'm gonna need you

to ice my balls for me.

Brother!

Oh, boy.

Time to shut the engines down

for a little bit and...

take a load off, Nicky.

Oh, boy. What would I do

without these babies?

- This is a "shh" zone.

Hi. Hey.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

By the way, thank you

for sending me to that seminar.

It was actually

pretty interesting.

Really?

Absolutely.

What have you been up to?

I'm gonna go.

No, no, no, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait.

You were here first;

I'll leave.

Sorry.

Uh, one thing before I go;

Quick question.

If I was to invite someone out

to a really nice dinner

around here, where would I go?

Um...

I wouldn't know, actually.

I spend most of my time

on campus.

What?! That's criminal!

Has it occurred to you that

I work hard for a reason?

Hmm? This may

sound silly

to you, but I actually

believe that what we do here

helps make people's lives

a little bit better.

No, no, no. I-I'm not

saying that sounds silly.

I think it's

admirable. I agree.

I'm just saying that sometimes

with all the work,

that you can...

forget about the person

that matters the most.

Is this a nap pod or a convo pod?

Oh, that's right...

it's a nap pod.

Shh!

- Yikes.

I know

where you're going with this.

Where?

- You think I'm some

30-year-old exec who's devoted

her entire life to her career.

Right? And one day

I'm gonna wake up wanting more.

Stop me if I'm off base here.

No?

- Well, no...

What else does your

intuition tell you?

That, um, I can't go

on Facebook anymore

because it's nothing but

happy couples gloating

about their perfect little

babies in those tiny socks

that look like goddamn sneakers?

Oh, yeah, yeah,

the little Chuck Taylors.

Only I'm ten years

too late, right?

Because while I've been working

so hard, I missed out

on all the bad dates

and the assholes,

and now I'm running out of time.

No one told me

it was a game of musical chairs.

And by the time I figured it out,

you know, you can forget it,

it's too late.

Yeah.

Anyway...

anyway... is that kind of

what you were gonna say to me?

Well, no, I was gonna suggest

that you work harder,

that you roll up your sleeves,

that you buckle down

and you get to work.

You can't change the world

when you're laying in a nap pod.

No, but honestly,

if any of what

you were just saying

applies even slightly

to yourself, you might want

to think about doing

something about it.

And that's not me

preaching at you;

That's coming from someone who,

when they wake up, the first

thing on their calendar

is regret.

Now, that's not a good feeling.

Anyway, I should go.

Thank you!

But before I go...

- Ah, geez!

Just bear with me.

I want to throw down

a challenge for you

to go out to dinner

before I leave town.

I'll let you know if a window opens up.

- Great.

And if it does,

don't minimize it.

Don't click that little red "X"

in the corner.

See? I'm getting it.

I get it.

Okay.

Shh. Go back to sleep.

Hey, Chetty.

Pretty good effort on the, uh,

Quidditch field yesterday,

huh?

It was a game throwing balls,

and you lost.

Yeah, but we really rallied

the second half, I think.

Uh, kind of a spiritual

victory for us.

Well, perhaps you'll land

a spiritual job.

You know, Mr. McMahon,

the admissions committee

was split on you;

You made it by one vote.

That deciding member

thought you showed promise.

It's clear now

that... he was wrong.

Sometimes the long shots

pay off the biggest.

Enjoy your pudding.

I will.

Oh, and, Chetty?

Not for nothing,

can't get me not to like you.

All right, guys,

let's take this new team spirit,

and let's apply it to this next

app challenge. We got this.

Yo, it'd help

if we had an idea for an app.

You bet your sweet ass

it would, Stewie. No.

Never Stewie.

- Okay, you don't like "Stewie."

Perimeter breach

acknowledged, Stuart.

It'll feel good when

this one warms up to me.

You know it's gonna

happen, right?

I'll break you down like

a two-by-four, bronco.

Watch me do it.

Okay, come on, guys,

let's brainstorm this puppy.

We're gonna put

the coffee in the pot,

and we're gonna let it

percolate. Let's go!

I think it'll be

helpful to explore

what apps have been

The Internship (2013) - full transcript