The Homecoming (1973) - full transcript

What have you done with the scissors?

I said, I'm looking for the scissors.
What have you done with them?

Did you hear me?
I want to cut something out of the paper.

I'm reading the paper.

Not that paper.
I haven't even read that paper.

I'm talking about last Sunday's paper.
I was just looking at it in the kitchen.

Do you hear what I'm saying?
I'm talking to you. Where's the scissors?

Why don't you shut up, you daft prat?

Don't you talk to me like that.
I'm warning you.

There's an advertisement in the paper
about flannel vests.

Cut price. Navy surplus.



I could do with a few of them.

I think I'll have a fag. Give me a fag.

I just asked you to give me a cigarette.

Look what I'm lumbered with.

I'm getting old, my word of honor.

You think I wasn't a tearaway?

I could have taken care of you twice over.
I'm still strong.

You ask your Uncle Sam what I was.

But at the same time,
I always had a kind heart.

Always.

I used to knock about
with a man called MacGregor.

I called him Mac.

You remember Mac, eh?

We were two of the worst-hated men
in the West End of London.



I tell you, I still got the scars.

We walk into a place,
the whole room would stand up.

They'd make way to let us pass.
You've never heard such silence.

Mind you, he was a big man.

He was over six-foot tall.

His family were all MacGregors.
They came all the way from Aberdeen.

But he was the only one they called Mac.

He was very fond of your mother, Mac was.

Very fond.

He always had a good word for her.

Mind you, she wasn't such a bad woman.

Even though it made me sick just to look
at her rotten, stinking face,

she wasn't such a bad bitch.

I gave her the best bleeding years
of my life, anyway.

Plug it, will you, you stupid sod?
I'm trying to read the paper.

I'll chop your spine off,
you talk to me like that. Understand?

Talking to your lousy,
filthy father like that.

You know what? You're getting demented.

What do you think of Second Wind
for the 330?

- Where?
- Sandown Park.

- Don't stand a chance.
- Sure he does.

- Not a chance.
- He's the winner.

He talks to me about horses.

I used to live on the course.
One of the loves of my life.

Epsom, I knew it like the back of my hand.

I was one of the best known faces
down at the paddock.

What a marvelous, open-air life.

He talks to me about horses.

He only reads their names in the papers.

But I've stroked their manes.
I've held them.

I've calmed them down before a big race.

I was the one they used to call for.
"Max," they'd say, "there's a horse here.

He's highly strung. You're the only man
on the course who can calm him."

It was true.

I had, uh... I had
an instinctive understanding of animals.

I should have been a trainer.

Many times I was offered the job.

A proper post by the duke of...
I forget his name.

One of the dukes.

But I had family obligations.

My family needed me at home.

The times I've watched those animals
thundering past the post.

What an experience.

Of course,
I always had the smell of a good horse.

I could smell him.

And not only the colts, but the fillies.

Because the fillies are more highly strung
than the colts.

They're more unreliable.
Did you know that?

No. What do you know? Nothing.

And he talks to me about horses.

Dad, do you mind if I change the subject?

I want to ask you something.

That dinner we had before,
what was the name of it?

What do you call it?

Why don't you buy a dog?

You're a dog cook. Honest.
You think you're cooking for dogs.

If you don't like it, get out.

I'm going out to buy myself
a proper dinner.

Get out. What are you waiting for?

What did you say?

I said, shove off out of here.
That's what I said.

You'll go before me, Dad.
If you talk to me in that tone of voice.

Well, are you, bitch?

You're not going to use your stick on me,
are you?

Don't use your stick on me, Daddy.
No, please.

It wasn't my fault.
It was one of the others.

I haven't done anything wrong. Honest.

Don't clap me with that stick, Dad.

- Hello, Uncle Sam.
- Hello.

How are you, Uncle?

Not bad. A bit tired.

Tired? I'll bet you're tired.
Where you been?

I been to London Airport.

All the way up to London Airport.
What, right up the M4?

Yes, all the way up there.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Well, I think
you're entitled to be tired, Uncle.

Well, it's the drivers.

I know. That's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the drivers.

Knocks you out.

I'm here, too, you know.

I said, I'm here too. I'm sitting here.

I know you're here.

I took a Yankee out there today,
to the airport.

Oh, a Yankee, was it?

Yes. I've been with him all day.

Picked him up at the Savoy,
at half past 12:00,

took him to the Caprice for his lunch.

After lunch, I picked him up again,

took him down to a house in Eaton Square.

He had to pay a visit to a friend there.

Then round about tea time, I took him
right the way out to the airport.

Had to catch a plane there, did he?

Yes.

- Look what he gave me, a box of cigars.
- Come here. Let's have a look at them.

- That's a fair cigar.
- Want to try one?

You know what he said to me?

He told me I was the best chauffeur
he'd ever had.

- The best one.
- From what point of view?

- Huh?
- From what point of view?

From the point of view
of his driving, Dad,

and his general sense of courtesy,
I should say.

Thought you were a good driver,
did he, Sam?

Well, he gave you a first-class cigar.

Yes, he thought I was the best
he'd ever had.

They all say that, you know.

They won't have anyone else.
They only ask for me.

They say I'm the best chauffeur
in the firm.

I'll bet the other drivers
tend to get jealous, don't they, Uncle?

They do get jealous.
They get very jealous.

Why?

I just told you.

No, I just can't get it clear, Sam.
Why do the other drivers get jealous?

Because, A, I'm the best driver,

and because, B, I don't take liberties.

I don't press myself on people, you see.

These big businessmen, men of affairs,

they don't want the driver jawing
all the time.

They like to sit in the back,
have a bit of peace and quiet.

After all,
they're sitting in a Humber Super Snipe.

They can afford to relax.

At the same time, though-
this is what really makes me special.

I do know how to pass the time of day
when required.

For instance, I told this man today

I was in the Second World War.

Not the first.
I told him I was too young for the first.

But I told him I fought in the second.

So did he, it turned out.

He was probably a colonel or something
in the American air force.

Yes.

Probably a navigator or something
like that in a flying fortress.

Now he's most likely a high executive

in a worldwide group
of aeronautical engineers.

- Yes.
- Yes.

I know the kind of man
you're talking about.

After all, I'm experienced.

I was driving a dust cart
at the age of 19.

Then I was in long-distance haulage.

I had ten years as a taxi driver,

and I've had five years
as a private chauffeur.

It's funny you never got married,
isn't it?

A man with all your gifts.

Isn't it? A man like you.

- There's still time.
- Is there?

You'd be surprised.

What have you been doing?

Banging away at your lady customers,
have you?

- Not me.
- In the back of the Snipe.

Been having a few crafty reefs
in a lay-by?

- Not me.
- On the back seat.

What about the armrest? Was it up or down?

I never done that kind of thing in my car.

- Above all that kind of thing, are you?
- Too true.

Above having a good bang on the back seat,
are you?

Yes. I leave that to others.

You leave it to others?
What others, you paralyzed prat?

I don't mess up my car,
or my boss's car...

- like other people.
- Other people? What other people?

What other people?

Other people.

When you find the right girl, Sam,
let your family know. Don't forget.

We'll give you a number one send-off,
I promise.

You can bring her to live here.
She can keep us all happy.

We'd take it in turns,
give it a walk round the park.

- I wouldn't bring her here.
- Sam, it's your decision.

You're welcome to bring your bride here,
to the place where you live.

Or on the other hand,
you can take a suite at the Dorchester.

It's entirely up to you.

I haven't got a bride.

Getting a bit peckish.

Never get a bride like you had, anyway.

Nothing like your bride
going about these days,

like Jessie.

After all, I escorted her once or twice,
didn't I?

Drove her round once or twice in my cab.

She was a charming woman.

All the same, she was your wife.

But still, they were some of the most
delightful evenings I've ever had.

Used to just drive her about.

- It was my pleasure.
- Christ.

Used to pull up at a store
and buy her a cup of coffee.

She was a very nice companion to be with.

- Feel a bit hungry.
- Me too.

Who do you think I am, your mother, eh?

They walk in here every time
of the day and night like animals.

- Go and find yourself a mother.
- I've been training down at gym.

Yes, the boy's been working all day
and training all night.

What do you want, you bitch?

You spent the day sitting on your ass
at the airport. Buy yourself a jam roll.

You expect me to rush into the kitchen
when you step in the door?

You've been living 63 years.
Why didn't you learn to cook?

- I can cook.
- Well, go and cook.

What the boys want, Dad, is your own
special brand of cooking, Dad.

That's what the boys look forward to.

The special understanding of food,
you know, that you've got.

Stop calling me "Dad."

Stop all that calling me "Dad,"
do you understand?

But I'm your son.

You used to tuck me up in bed every night.

He tucked you up, too, didn't he, Joey?

He used to like tucking up his sons.

Lenny.

What?

I'll give you a proper tuck up
one of these nights.

You mark my word.

I've been training with Bobby Dodd.

I had a good guy to bag as well.

Wasn't in bad trim.

Boxing's a gentleman's game.

I tell you what you've got to do.

What you've got to do is you've got
to learn how to defend yourself.

And you've got to learn how to attack.

That's your only trouble as a boxer.

You don't know how to defend yourself,
and you don't know how to attack.

Once you've mastered those arts,
you can go straight to the top.

I got a pretty good idea

of how to do that.

Sam, why don't you go, too, eh?

Why don't you just go upstairs?
Leave me quiet. Leave me alone.

I want to make something clear
about Jessie, Max.

I want to, I do.

When I took her out in the cab
round the town,

I was taking care of her for you.

I was looking after her for you
when you were busy, wasn't I?

I was showing her the West End.

You wouldn't have trusted
any of your other brothers.

You wouldn't have trusted Mac, would you?

But you trusted me, I want to remind you.

Old Mac died a few years ago, didn't he?

Isn't he dead?

He was a lousy, stinking,
rotten loudmouth.

A bastard, uncouth, sodding wench.

Mind you, he was a good friend of yours.

- Eh, Sam?
- What?

Why do I keep you here?
You're just an old grub.

- Am I?
- You're a maggot.

Oh, yes?

As soon as you stop paying your way here,
when you're too old to pay,

know what I'll do? Give you the boot.

- You are, eh?
- Sure.

Bring in the money, I'll put up with you.

When the firm gets rid of you,
you can flake off.

This is my house as well.
This was our mother's house.

One lot after the other.
One mess after the other.

- Our father's house.
- Look what I'm lumbered with.

One cast-iron bunch of crap after another.

One flow of stinking pus after another.

Our father.

I remember him, don't worry.
You kid yourself.

He used to come over to me
and look down at me.

He'd bend over me, then he'd pick me up.
I was only that big.

Then he'd dangle me.

Give me the bottle, wipe me clean,
give me a smile,

pat me on the bum, pass me round,
pass me from hand to hand,

toss me up in the air,
catch me coming down.

I remember my father.

Well, the key worked.
They haven't changed the lock.

- Can I sit down?
- Of course.

I'm tired.

Then sit down.

That's my father's chair.

- That one?
- Yes, that's it.

Shall I go up
and see if my room's still there?

Can't have moved.

No. I mean if my bed's still there.

Someone might be in it.

No, they've got their own beds.

Shouldn't you wake someone up,
tell them you're here?

Not at this time of night. It's too late.

Shall I go up?

Why don't you sit down?

I'll just go up, have a look.

It's still there, my room.

Empty, but the bed's there.

What are you doing?

Blankets, no sheets.
I'll find some sheets.

I could hear snores, really.
They're all still here, I think.

They're all snoring up there.

- Are you cold?
- No.

I'll make something to drink
if you'd like something hot.

No, I don't want anything.

What do you think of the room?

Big, isn't it?

It's a big house.

I mean, it's a fine room, don't you think?

Actually, there was a wall across there
with a door.

We knocked it down years ago

to make an open living area.

The structure wasn't affected, you see.
My mother was dead.

- Tired?
- Just a little.

We can go to bed if you like.
No point in waking anyone up now.

Just go to bed,
see them all in the morning.

See my father in the morning.

Do you want to stay?

Stay? We've come to stay.

We're bound to stay for a few days.

I think the children might be missing us.

- Don't be silly.
- They might.

Look, we'll be back in a few days,
won't we?

Nothing has changed. Still the same.

Still, he'll get a surprise
in the morning, won't he?

The old man.

I think you'll like him very much,
honestly.

He's, uh...

Well, he's old, of course. Getting on.

I was born here. Do you realize that?

I know.

Why don't you go to bed?
I'll find some sheets.

I feel wide awake. Isn't it odd?

I think I'll stay up for a bit.

- Are you tired?
- No.

- Go to bed. I'll show you the room.
- No, I don't want to.

You'll be perfectly all right up there
without me.

Really, you will.

I mean, I won't be long.

Look, it's just up there.
It's the first door on the landing.

The bathroom's right next door.

You... need some rest, you know.

I just want to walk about
for a few minutes.

- Do you mind?
- Of course I don't.

Well, shall I show you the room?

No, I'm happy at the moment.

You don't have to go to bed.

You can stay up with me. Perhaps I'll make
a cup of tea or something.

The only thing is,
we don't want to make too much noise.

- We don't want to wake anyone up.
- I'm not making any noise.

I know you're not.

Look, it's all right. Really.

I'm here. I mean I'm with you.

- There's no need to be nervous. Are you?
- No.

There's no need to be.

They're very warm people. Really.
Very warm.

They're my family. They're not ogres.

Well, perhaps we should go to bed.

After all, have to be up early, see Dad.

Wouldn't be quite right if he found us
in bed, I think.

Have to be up before 6:00.
Come down, say hello.

- I think I'll have a breath of air.
- Air?

- What do you mean?
- Just a stroll.

At this time of night?
But we've only just got here.

We've got to go to bed.

- I just feel like some air.
- But I'm going to bed.

- That's all right.
- But what am I going to do?

The last thing I want is a breath of air.
Why do you want a breath of air?

- I just do.
- But it's late.

I won't go far. I'll come back.

I'll wait up for you.

- Why?
- I'm not going to bed without you.

Can I have the key?

Why don't you go to bed?

I won't be long.

Hello, Lenny.

Hello, Teddy.

I didn't hear you come down the stairs.

I didn't.

I sleep down here now, next door.

I've got a kind of study,
workroom-cum-bedroom next door now.

Mmm.

Did I wake you up?

No. I just had an early night tonight.
You know how it is.

Can't sleep, keep waking up.

How are you?

Well, just sleeping a bit restlessly,
that's all.

- Tonight, anyway.
- Bad dreams?

No, I wouldn't say I was dreaming.

It's just that something
keeps waking me up.

- Some kind of tick.
- A tick?

- Yes.
- Well, what is it?

I don't know.

- Have you got a clock in your room?
- Yes.

Maybe it's the clock.

Yes. Could be, I suppose.

If it's the clock,
I'd better do something about it.

Stifle it in some way or something.

I've just come back for a few days.

Oh, yes, have you?

How's the old man?

He's in the pink.

I've been keeping well.

Have you?

- Staying the night then, are you?
- Yes.

- Well, you can sleep in your old room.
- Yes. I've been up.

Yes. You can sleep there.

Ah, well.

- I'm going to bed.
- Are you?

- Yes, I'll get some sleep.
- Yes, I'm going to bed too.

- Here, I'll give you a hand.
- No, they're not heavy.

- Nothing you want?
- Mmm?

Nothing you might want for the night?

Glass of water, anything like that?

- Any sheets anywhere?
- In the sideboard in your room.

Oh, good.
Well, I'll see you at breakfast then.

Yes, that's it.

Ta-ra.

Good evening.

Morning, I think.

You're right, there.

My name's Lenny. What's yours?

Ruth.

- Cold?
- No.

It's been a wonderful summer, hasn't it?
Remarkable.

Would you like something? A refreshment?

- An aperitif? Anything like that?
- No, thanks.

Glad you said that.
We haven't got a drink in the house.

I'd soon get something if we had a party.

Something like that.
Some kind of celebration, you know.

You must be connected with my brother
in some way,

the one that's been abroad.

I'm his wife.

Hey, listen.
I wonder if you can advise me.

I've been having a bit of a rough time
with this clock.

The tick's been keeping me up.

The trouble is, I'm not all that convinced
it was the clock.

Lots of things tick in the night.
Don't you find that?

All sorts of objects which, in the day,

you wouldn't call anything else
but commonplace.

They give you no trouble.

But in the night,

any given one of a number of them
is liable to start letting out a tick.

You look at these objects in the day,
and they're commonplace.

They're as quiet as mice
during the daytime.

So, all things being equal,

this question of me
saying it was the clock that woke me up,

well, that could very easily prove
something of a false hypothesis.

Here you are. Bet you could do with this.

- What is it?
- Water.

Isn't it funny? I've got my pajamas on,
and you're fully dressed.

Mind if I have one?

Yes, it's fun to see my old brother again
after all these years.

It's just the sort of tonic my dad needs,
you know?

He'll be chuffed to his bollocks
in the morning

when he sees his eldest son.

I was surprised myself when I saw Ted,
you know.

Old Ted. I thought he was in America.

We're on a visit to Europe.

- What, both of you?
- Yes.

You sort of live with him over there,
do you?

- We're married.
- On a visit to Europe, eh?

See much of it?

We've just come from Italy.

You went to Italy first, did you?

Then he brought you over here
to meet the family, did he?

The old man will be pleased to see you,
I can tell you.

Good.

What'd you say?

Good.

Where'd you go to in Italy?

Venice.

Not dear old Venice, eh?

That's funny.

You know, I've always had the feeling
if I'd been a soldier in the last war,

say, in the Italian campaign,
I'd have probably found myself in Venice.

I've always had that feeling.

The trouble was, I was too young to serve.
I was only a child. I was too small.

Otherwise, I've got a pretty shrewd idea
I'd have probably gone through Venice.

Yes, I'd almost certainly have gone
through it with my battalion.

Do you mind if I hold your hand?

Why?

Just a touch.

Just a tickle.

Why?

I'll tell you why.

One night, not too long ago...

One night, down by the docks,

I was standing alone under an arch,

watching all the men jibbing the boom
out in the harbor,

playing about with a yardarm,

when a certain lady came up to me
and made me a certain proposal.

This lady had been searching for me
for days.

She'd lost track of my whereabouts.

However, she eventually caught up with me,

and when she caught up with me,
she made me this certain proposal.

This proposal wasn't entirely
out of order,

and normally,
I would have subscribed to it.

I mean I would have subscribed to it
in the normal course of events.

The trouble was, she was falling apart
with the pox, so I turned it down.

Well, this lady was very insistent

and started taking liberties with me
down under this arch.

Liberties which, by any criteria,
I couldn't be expected to tolerate,

the facts being what they were.

So I clumped her one.

It was on my mind at the time
to do away with her.

You know, to kill her.

The fact is, that as killings go,
it would have been a simple matter.

Nothing to it.

Her chauffeur, who had located me for her,

he popped round the corner
to have a drink,

which just left this lady and myself,
alone, standing underneath this arch,

watching all the steamers steaming up,

no one about,
all quiet on the western front.

And there she was, up against this wall.

Well, sliding down the wall,
following the blow I'd given her.

To sum up,
everything was in my favor for a killing.

Don't worry about the chauffeur.
The chauffeur would never have spoken.

He was an old friend of the family.

But in the end, I thought,

"Nah. Why go to all the bother?"

You know,
getting rid of the corpse and all that,

getting yourself into a state of tension.

I gave her another belt in the nose
and a couple of turns of the boot,

and sort of left it at that.

How did you know she was diseased?

How did I know?

I decided she was.

You and my brother are newlyweds,
aren't you?

We've been married nine years.

He's always been
my favorite brother, old Teddy.

Do you know that?

And my goodness, we are proud of him here,
I can tell you.

Doctor of philosophy and all that.

Leaves quite an impression.

Of course, he's a very sensitive man,
isn't he, Ted? Very.

I've often wished I was as sensitive
as he is.

- Have you?
- Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, very much so.

I mean, I'm not saying I'm not sensitive.
I am.

I would be a bit more so, that's all.

- Could you?
- Yes, just a bit more so, that's all.

I mean, I'm very sensitive to atmosphere,

but I tend to get desensitized,
if you know what I mean,

when people make unreasonable demands
on me.

For instance, last Christmas

I decided to do a bit of snow clearing
for the borough council,

because we had a heavy snow over here
that year in Europe.

I didn't have to do the snow clearing.

I wasn't financially embarrassed
in any way.

It just appealed to me.

It appealed to something inside me.

What I anticipated
with a good deal of pleasure

was the brisk, cold bite to the air
in the early morning.

And I was right.

I had to get my snow boots on
and out to stand on a corner

at 5:30 in the morning
to wait for the lorry to pick me up

to take me to the allotted area.

Bloody freezing.

Well, the lorry came,
I jumped on the tailboard,

headlights on, dipped, and off we went.

Got there, shovels up, fags on,
and off we went,

deep into the December snow,

hours before a cock crow.

Well, that morning,

while I was having my midmorning
cup of tea in a neighboring café,

with the shovel standing by my chair,

an old lady approached me

and asked me if I'd give her a hand
with her iron mangle.

Her brother-in-law, she said,
had left it for her,

but he'd left it in the wrong room,
the front room.

Naturally, she wanted it in the back room.

It was a present he'd given her,
a mangle to iron out the washing.

But he'd left it in the wrong room,
the front room.

That was a silly place to leave it.

So I took time off to give her a hand.
She only lived up the road.

The only trouble was that
when I got up there,

I couldn't move this mangle.

It must have weighed about half a ton.

How this brother-in-law got it up there,
I can't even begin to envisage.

There I was, doing a bit of shoulders-on
with a mangle, risking a rupture,

and this old lady just standing there,
waving me on,

not even lifting a little finger
to give me a helping hand.

After a few minutes, I said to her,
"Now, look here.

Why don't you stuff this iron mangle
up your ass?

Anyway," I said, "they're out-of-date.
You want to get a spin dryer."

I had a good mind to give her a work over
there and then.

But as I was feeling jubilant
with the snow clearing,

I gave her a short-arm jab to the belly
and jumped on a bus outside.

Excuse me, shall I take this ashtray
out of your way?

It's not in my way.

It seems to be in the way of your glass.

The glass was about to fall.

Or the ashtray.

I'm rather worried about the carpet.

It's not me, it's my father.

He's obsessed with order and clarity.
He doesn't like mess.

I don't believe you're smoking
at the moment.

I'm sure you won't object
if I move the ashtray.

And now perhaps I'll relieve you
of your glass.

I haven't quite finished.

You've consumed...
quite sufficient, in my own opinion.

Not in mine, Leonard.

Don't call me that, please.

- Why not?
- That's the name my mother gave me.

Just give me the glass.

No.

I'll take it then.

If you take the glass, I'll take you.

How about me taking the glass
without you taking me?

Why don't I just take you?

You're joking.

You're in love, anyway, with another man.

You've had a secret liaison
with another man.

His family didn't even know.

Then you come here without a word
of warning and start to make trouble.

Have a sip. Go on.

Have a sip from my glass.

Sit on my lap. Take a long, cool sip.

- Put your head back and open your mouth.
- Take that glass away from me.

Lie on the floor. Go on.

I'll pour it down your throat.

What are you doing?
Making me some kind of proposal?

Oh, I was thirsty.

What was that supposed to be,
some kind of proposal?

What's going on here? Are you drunk?

What are you shouting about? You gone mad?

Prancing about in the night,
shouting your head off.

- What are you, a raving lunatic?
- I was thinking aloud.

Is Joey down here?
You been shouting at Joey?

Didn't you hear what I said, Dad?
I said, I was thinking aloud.

You're thinking so loud,
you got me out of bed.

Look, why don't you just pop off?

Pop off?

He wakes me up, I think we've got burglars
and he's got a knife stuck in him.

I come down here,
and he tells me to pop off.

What are you doing? Hiding someone here?

I was sleepwalking.
Get out of here. Leave me alone.

I want an explanation, do you understand?
I asked you who you got hiding here.

I'll tell you what, Dad.

Since you're in the mood
for a bit of a chat,

I'll ask you a question.

It's a question I've been meaning
to ask you for some time.

That night...

you know...

the night you got me...

that night with Mum...

what was it like?

Eh?

When I was just a glint in your eye.

What was it like?

What was the background to it?

I mean, I want to know the real facts
about my background.

I mean, for instance, is it a fact
that you had me in mind all the time?

Or is it a fact that I was the last thing
you had in mind?

I'm only asking this
in the spirit of inquiry.

You understand that, don't you?
I'm curious.

It's lots of people of my age
share that curiosity.

Did you know that, Dad?

They often ruminate,

sometimes singly, sometimes in groups,

about the true facts
of that particular night.

The night they were made in the image
of those two people...

at it.

It's a question long overdue
from my point of view,

but as we happen to be passing
the time of day here tonight,

I thought I'd pop it to you.

You will drown in your own blood.

If you prefer to answer the question
in writing, I've got no objection.

I should have asked my dear mother.

Why didn't I ask my dear mother?

Now it's too late.

She's passed over to the other side.

Now look what you've done.
I'll have to Hoover that in the morning.

I hate this room.

It's the kitchen I like.
It's nice down there. It's cozy.

But I can't stay down there. Know why?

'Cause he's always washing up down there,
scraping the plates,

driving me out of the kitchen, that's why.

- Why don't you bring your tea up here?
- I don't want to. I hate it here.

I want to drink my tea down there.

What's the time?

- Half past 6:00.
- Half past 6:00.

I'm going to see a game of football
this afternoon. Do you want to come?

I'm talking to you!

I'm training this afternoon.
I'm doing six rounds with Blackie.

That's not till 5:00. You got time to see
a game of football before 5:00.

- It's the first game of the season.
- No, I'm not going.

Why not?

What's he doing down there?

- What are you doing in here?
- Washing up.

What else?

- Getting rid of your leavings.
- Putting them in the bin, eh?

Right in.

You resent making my breakfast.
That's what it is.

That's why you bang round the kitchen,

scraping the frying pan,
scraping all the leavings into the bin,

scraping the plates,
scraping the tea out of the teapot.

That's why you do that
every single stinking morning.

Listen, I want to say something to you
from my heart.

I want you to get rid of these feelings
of resentment you've got towards me.

Honestly, have I ever given you cause?

When Dad died, he said to me,
"Max, look after your brothers."

That's exactly what he said to me.

- How could he say that when he was dead?
- What?

How could he speak if he was dead?

Before he died, Sam.

Just before.

They were his last words.
His last sacred words, Sammy.

Think I'm joking? You think when
my father spoke on his deathbed,

I wouldn't obey his words
to the last letter? Hear that, Joey?

He'll stop at nothing. He's even prepared
to spit on the memory of our dad.

What kind of a son were you, you wet wit?

You spent half your time
doing crossword puzzles.

We took you into the butcher's shop,
you couldn't sweep the dust off the floor.

We took MacGregor into the shop, he could
run the place by the end of the week.

I'll tell you one thing.

I respected my father, not only as a man,
but as a number one butcher.

To prove it, I followed him into the shop.

I learned to carve a carcass at his knee.

I commemorated his name in blood.

I gave birth to three grown men,
all on my own bat.

What have you done?

What have you done, you tit?

You want to finish the washing up?

Look, here's the cloth.

So try to get rid of these feelings
of resentment, Sam.

After all, we are brothers.

Do you want the cloth? Here, take it.

Hello,

Dad.

We overslept.

What's for breakfast?

We overslept.

- Did you know he was here?
- No.

Did you know he was here?

- I asked you if you knew he was here.
- No.

Then who knew? Who knew? I didn't know.

I was going to come down, Dad.

I was going to be here when you came down.

How are you?

- Dad, look, I'd like you to meet-
- How long you been in this house?

- All night.
- All night!

I'm a laughingstock. How'd he get in?

I had my key.

- Who's this?
- I was just going to introduce you.

- Who asked you to bring tarts in here?
- Tarts?

Who asked you to bring dirty tarts
into this house?

Don't be silly.

- You been here all night?
- Yes. We arrived from Venice.

We've had a smelly scrubber in my house.

We've had a stinking, pox-ridden slut
in my house all night.

Stop it. What are you talking about?

I haven't seen the bitch for nine years.

He comes home without a word,
brings a filthy scrubber,

and shacks up in my house.

She's my wife. We're married.

I've never had a whore
under this roof before

ever since your mother died,
my word of honor.

Have you ever had a whore here?
Has Lenny ever had a whore here?

They come back from America
with the slut bucket,

and they bring the bed pan with them.

Take that disease away.
Get her away from me.

- She's my wife.
- Chuck them out.

A doctor of philosophy.

Sam, you want to meet a doctor
of philosophy?

I said chuck them out.

What's the matter? Are you deaf?

You're an old man. He's an old man.

You all right?

Miss.

Yes?

Are you a mother?

Yes.

How many you got?

Three.

All yours, Ted?

Teddy.

Why don't we have a nice cuddle and kiss?
Like the old days.

What about a nice cuddle and kiss, eh?

- Come on then.
- You want to kiss your old father?

Want a cuddle with your old father?

Come on then.

- Come on.
- You still love your old dad, eh?

Come on, Dad.

I'm ready for the cuddle.

He still loves his father.

That was a very good lunch.

I'm glad you liked it.

Did you hear that?

Well, I put my heart and soul into it,
I can tell you.

This is a lovely cup of coffee.

I'm glad.

I got the feeling
you're a first-rate cook.

I'm not bad.

No, I got the feeling
you're a number one cook.

Am I right, Teddy?

Yes. She's a very good cook.

Well, it's a long time
since the whole family was together, eh?

If only your mother was alive.

Eh, what do you say, Sam?

What would Jessie say if she alive,
sitting here with her three sons?

Three fine grown-up lads.

And a lovely daughter-in-law.

The only shame is her grandchildren
aren't here.

She'd have pitied them
and cooed over them, wouldn't she, Sam?

She'd have fussed over them
and played with them,

told them stories, tickled them.

I tell you, she'd have been hysterical.

Mind you, she taught those boys
everything they know.

She taught them
all the morality they know.

And she had a heart to go with it.

What a heart. Eh, Sam?

What's the use of beating round the bush?

That woman was the backbone
to this family.

I mean, I was busy working 24 hours
a day in the shop.

I was going all over the country
to find meat.

I was making my way in the world.

But I left a woman at home
with a will of iron,

a heart of gold, and a mind.

Right, Sam?

What a mind.

Mind you, I was a generous man to her.
I never left her short of a few bob.

I remember one year,

I entered into negotiation
with a top-class group of butchers

with continental connections.

I was going into association with them.

I remember the night I came home.
I kept quiet.

First of all, I gave Lenny a bath,

then Teddy a bath, then Joey a bath.

What fun we used to have in the bath,
eh, boys?

Then I came downstairs, and I made Jessie
put her feet up on a pouf.

What happened to that pouf?
I haven't seen it for years.

She put her feet up on the pouf,
and I said,

"Jessie, I think our ship is gonna come
home. I'll treat you to a couple of items.

I'm going to buy you a dress
in pale corded blue silk,

heavily encrusted in pearls.

And for casual wear, a pair of pantaloons
in lilac flowered taffeta."

Then I gave her a drop of cherry brandy.

I remember the boys came down
in their pajamas,

all their hair shining, their faces pink.

It was before they started shaving.

And they knelt down at our feet,
Jessie's and mine.

I tell you, it was like Christmas.

What happened to the group of butchers?

The group?

They turned out to be a bunch of criminals
like everyone else.

This is a lousy cigar.

- What time you going to work?
- Soon.

- Got a job on this afternoon, have you?
- Yes, I know.

You'll be late. You'll lose your job.
What are you trying to do, humiliate me?

Don't worry about me.

It makes the bile come up in my mouth.
The bile. You understand?

I worked as a butcher all my life,
using the chopper and the slab.

Know what I mean?
The chopper and the slab.

To keep my family in luxury. Two families.

My mother was bedridden,
my brothers were all invalids.

I had to earn the money
for the leading psychiatrist.

I had to read books,
I had to study the disease

so that I could cope with an emergency
at every stage.

Cripple family, three bastard sons,
a slut bitch of a wife.

Don't talk to me
about the pain of childbirth.

I suffered the pain.
I still got the pangs.

When I give a little cough,
my back collapses.

I got a lazy, idle bugger of a brother
won't even get to work on time.

The best chauffeur in the world.

All his life, he's sat in the front seat
giving lovely hand signals.

You call that work?

This man doesn't know his gearbox
from his ass.

You go and ask my customers.
I'm the only one they ever ask for.

What do the other drivers do,
sleep all day?

I can only drive one car.
They can't all have me at the same time.

Anyone could have you at the same time.

You'd bend over for half a dollar
on Blackfriars Bridge.

- Me?
- For two bob and a toffee apple.

He's insulting me.

He's insulting his brother.

I'm driving a man to Hampton Court
at 4:45.

You want to know who could drive?

MacGregor. MacGregor was a driver.

Don't you believe it.

He didn't even fight in the war.
This man didn't fight in the bloody war.

- I did.
- Who did you kill?

Well, how you been keeping, son?

I've been keeping very well, Dad.

- It's nice to have you with us, son.
- It's nice to be back, Dad.

You should have told me you were married,
Teddy.

I'd have sent you a present.

Where was the wedding, in America?

No, here, the day before we left.

Did you have a big function?

No, there was no one there.

You're mad.

I'd have given you a white wedding.

We'd have had the cream
of the cream there.

I'd have been only too glad
to bear the expense, my word of honor.

You were busy at the time.
I didn't want to bother you.

But you're my own flesh and blood.
You're my firstborn.

I'd have dropped everything.

Sam would have driven you
to the reception,

Lenny would have been your best man,

and then we'd have all seen you off
on the boat.

I mean, you don't think I disapprove
of marriage, do you? Don't be daft.

I've been begging my two youngsters
for years

to find a nice, feminine girl
with proper credentials.

It makes life worth living.

Anyway, what's the difference? You did it.

You made a wonderful choice.

You've got a wonderful family.

A marvelous career.

So why don't we let bygones be bygones?

You know what I'm saying?

I want you both to know
that you have my blessing.

- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

How many other houses in the district

have got a doctor of philosophy
sitting down drinking a cup of coffee?

I'm sure Teddy's very happy

to know that you're pleased with me.

I think he wondered
whether you would be pleased with me.

But you're a charming woman.

- I was.
- What?

- What's she saying?
- I was different when I met Teddy first.

- No, you weren't. You were the same.
- I wasn't.

Who cares? Listen, live in the present.

What are you worrying about?

Don't forget the Earth's about
five thousand million years old at least.

Who can afford to live in the past?

She's a great help to me over there.

She's a wonderful wife and mother.

She's a very popular woman.
She's got lots of friends.

It's a great life at the university.

You know, it's a very good life.

We've got a lovely house.

We've got all...
We've got everything we want.

It's a very stimulating environment.

My department is highly successful.

We've got three boys, you know.

All boys! Isn't that funny, eh?

You got three, I got three.

You got three nephews, Joey.

Joey.

You're an uncle.
You could teach them how to box.

I'm a boxer...

in the evenings after work.

I'm in demolition in the daytime.

Are you?

Yeah. I hope to be full-time...

when I get more bouts.

He speaks so easily to his sister-in-law,
do you notice?

That's because she's an intelligent
and sympathetic woman.

Eh, tell me, do you think the children
are missing their mother?

Of course they are. They love her.

We'll be seeing them soon.

Your cigar's gone out.

Oh, yes.

- Want a light?
- No. No.

So has yours.

Oh, yes.

You haven't told us much
about your doctorship of philosophy.

- What do you teach?
- Philosophy.

I want to ask you something.

Do you detect
a certain logical incoherence

in the central affirmations
of Christian theism?

That question doesn't fall
within my province.

Well, look at it this way.

You don't mind my asking you questions?

- If they're within my province.
- Look at it this way.

How can the unknown merit reverence?

In other words, how can you revere
that of which you're ignorant?

At the same time,
it would be ridiculous to propose

that what we know merits reverence.

What we know merits any one
of a number of things,

but it stands to reason reverence
isn't one of them.

In other words,
apart from the known and the unknown...

what else is there?

- I'm afraid I'm the wrong person to ask.
- But you're a philosopher.

Come on. Be frank.

What do you make of all this business
of being and not being?

What do you make of it?

Well, for instance, take a table.

- Philosophically speaking, what is it?
- A table.

Ah, you mean it's nothing else
but a table.

Well, some people would envy
your certainty, wouldn't they, Joey?

For instance,
I've got a couple of friends of mine.

We often sit round the Ritz bar
having a few liqueurs.

They're always saying things like that.
Things like, "Take a table. Take it."

"All right," I say, "take it.
Take the table."

But once you've taken it,
what are you going to do with it?

Once you've got hold of it,
where are you going to take it?

You'll probably sell it.

- You wouldn't get much for it.
- Chop it up for firewood.

Don't be too sure though.
You've forgotten something.

Look at me.

I... move my leg.

That's all it is.

But I wear... underwear...

which moves with me.

It... captures your attention.

Perhaps you misinterpret.

The action is simple.

It's a leg... moving.

My lips move.

Why don't you restrict your observations
to that?

Perhaps the fact that they move
is more significant...

than the words which come through them.

You must bear that...

possibility in mind.

I was born quite near here.

Then nine years ago, I went to America.

It's all rock

and sand.

It stretches...

so far...

everywhere you look.

And there's lots of insects there.

And there's lots of insects there.

Well...

time to go to the gym.

Time for your workout, Joey.

I'll come with you.

Joe.

I think we'll go back, hmm?

- Shall we go home?
- Why?

We were only here for a few days,
weren't we?

We might as well cut it short, I think.

Why? Don't you like it here?

Of course I do, but I'd like to go back
and see the boys now.

- Don't you like your family?
- Which family?

Your family here.

Of course I like them.
What are you talking about?

You don't like them as much
as you thought you did.

Of course I do. Of course I like them.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Listen, you know what time of the day
it is there now, do you?

- What?
- It's morning.

It's about 11:00.

- Is it?
- Yes. They're about six hours behind us.

I mean, behind the time here.

The boys will be at the pool now,

swimming.

Think of it, morning over there, sun.

We'll go anyway, hmm? It's so clean there.

- Clean?
- Yes.

- Is it dirty here?
- Of course not, but it's cleaner there.

Look, I just brought you back
to meet the family, didn't I?

You've met them, we can go.
The fall semester will be starting soon.

- You find it dirty here.
- I didn't say I found it dirty here.

I didn't say that.

Look, I'll go and pack.

You rest for a while, will you?

They won't be back for at least an hour.

You can sleep. Rest. Please?

You can help me with my lectures
when we get back.

I'd love that.

I'd be so grateful for it, really.

We can bathe till October. You know that.

Here, there's nowhere to bathe
except the swimming bath down the road.

You know what it's like?

It's like a urinal. A filthy urinal.

You liked Venice, didn't you?

It was lovely, wasn't it?

You had a good week.

I mean, I took you there.

I can speak Italian.

If I had been a nurse
in the Italian campaign,

I would have been there before.

You just rest.

I'll go and pack.

Well, the evenings are drawing in.

Yes, it's getting dark.

Winter'll soon be upon us.

Time to renew one's wardrobe.

That's a good thing to do.

- What?
- I always...

- Do you like clothes?
- Oh, yes, very fond of clothes.

I'm fond...

- What do you think of my shoes?
- They're very nice.

No, I can't get the ones I want
over there.

Can't get them over there, eh?

No, you don't get them there.

I was a model before I went away.

That's...

I bought a girl a hat once.

We saw it in a glass case in a shop.
I'll tell you what it had.

It had a bunch of daffodils on it,
tied with a black satin bow,

and then it was covered with a cloche,
a black veiling.

A cloche.
I'm telling you, she was made for it.

No, I was a model for the body.

Photographic model for the body.

Indoor work?

It was before I had all my children.

No, not always indoors.

Once or twice, we went to a place
in the country by train.

Oh, six or seven times.

We used to pass...

a large, white water tower.

This place, this house...

was very big.

The trees...

There was a lake, you see.

We used to change
and walk down towards the lake.

We went down a path on stones.

They were...

on this path.

We just...

Yes, when we changed in the house,

we had a drink. There was a cold buffet.

Sometimes we stayed in the house...

but most often...

we went down to the lake
and did our modeling there.

Just before we went to America,
I went down there.

I walked from the station to the gate...

then I walked up the drive.

There were lights on.

I stood in the drive...

The house was very light.

What have you been saying to her?

Here's your coat.

Ruth?

Come on. Put it on.

Ruth?

- What about one dance before you go?
- We're going.

- Just one.
- No, we're going.

Just one dance with her brother-in-law
before she goes.

Madam?

She's wide open.

She's a tart.

Old lady's got a tart in here.

Just up my street.

Better than a rubdown, this.

You going, Teddy?

Already?

Well, when are you coming over again, eh?

Next time you come over,

don't forget to let us know beforehand
whether you're married or not.

I'll always be glad to meet the wife,
honest, I'm telling you.

Mind you, she's a lovely girl.

A beautiful woman.

And a mother too, a mother of three.

You've made a happy woman out of her.
It's something to be proud of.

I mean,
we're talking about a woman of quality.

We're talking about a woman of feelings.

I'd like something to eat.

I'd like a drink.

- Did you get any drink?
- We've got drink.

- I'd like one, please.
- What drink?

- Whiskey.
- I've got it.

Well, get it.

Put the record up.

I want something to eat.

I can't cook. He's the cook.

Soda on the side?

What's this glass?

I can't drink out of this.
Haven't you got a tumbler?

- Yes.
- Well, put it in a tumbler.

On the rocks, or as it comes?

Rocks? What do you know about rocks?

We've got rocks,
but they're frozen stiff in the fridge.

- Drinks all around?
- What food do you want?

Has your family read your critical works?

That's one thing I've never done.

I never read one of his critical works.

- You wouldn't understand them.
- What sort of food you want?

I'm not the cook anyway.

So, is it Ted or...

You wouldn't understand my works.

You wouldn't have the faintest idea
of what they were about.

You wouldn't appreciate
the points of reference.

You're way behind, all of you.

There's no point
in my sending you my works.

You'd be lost.

It's nothing to do
with the question of intelligence.

It's a way of being able
to look at the world.

It's a question of how far
you can operate on things,

and not in things.

I mean, it's a question of your capacity
to ally the two,

to relate the two, to balance the two,

to see, to be able to see.

I'm the one who can see.

That's why I can write my critical works.

Might do you good,

have a look at them,

see how certain people can view things...

how certain people can maintain
intellectual equilibrium.

Intellectual equilibrium.

You're just objects.

You just move about.

I can observe it. I can see what you do.

It's the same as I do,
but you're lost in it.

You won't get me being...

I won't be lost in it.

Do you remember MacGregor, Teddy?

Mac?

Of course I do.

What did you think of him?
Did you take to him?

Yes, I liked him. Why?

Teddy... shall I tell you something?

You were always your mother's favorite.

She told me. It's true.

You were always the...

You were always the main object
of her love.

Why don't you stay
for a couple more weeks, eh?

We could have a few laughs.

Still here, Ted?
You'll be late for your first seminar.

Where's my cheese roll?

Someone's taken my cheese roll.
I left it there.

- You been thieving?
- I took your cheese roll, Lenny.

- You took my cheese roll?
- Yes.

I made that roll myself.

I cut it, put the butter on...

sliced a piece of cheese, put it
in between, and put it in the sideboard.

I did all that before I went out.
Now I come back, and you've eaten it.

- What are you going to do about it?
- I'm waiting for you to apologize.

But I took it deliberately, Lenny.

You mean you didn't stumble on it
by mistake.

No, I saw you put it there.
And I was hungry, so I ate it.

Bare-faced audacity.

What led you to be so...
vindictive against your own brother?

I'm bowled over.

Well, Ted?

I would say this is something approaching
the naked truth.

It's a real cards-on-the-table stunt.

I mean,
we're in the land of no holds barred now.

Well, how else can you interpret it?

To pinch your younger brother's
specially made cheese roll

when he's out doing a spot of work.

That's not equivocal. It's unequivocal.

Mind you, I will say...

you do seem to have grown a bit sulky
during the last nine years.

A bit sulky.

A bit inner, a bit less forthcoming.

It's funny because I'd have thought
in the United States of America,

I mean, with the sun and all that,

the open spaces on the old campus,

in your position, lecturing,

the center of all the intellectual life
out there on the old campus,

all the social whirl,

all the stimulation of it all,

your kids and all that to have fun with
down by the pool,

the Greyhound buses and all that,

tons of iced water,

all the comfort of those Bermuda shorts
and all that on the old campus,

no time of the day you can't get
a cup of coffee or a Dutch gin,

I'd have thought you'd have grown
more forthcoming, not less.

Because I want you to know
that you set a standard for us, Teddy.

Your family looks up to you, boy.

And do you know what it does?

It does its best
to follow the example you set

because you're a great source
of pride to us.

That's why we were so glad
to see you come back,

to welcome you back to your birthplace,
that's why.

Now, listen, Ted,

there's no question we live a less
rich life here than you do over there.

We live a closer life.

We're busy, of course.

Joey's busy with his boxing,
I'm busy with my occupation,

Dad still plays a good game of poker,

and he does the cooking as well,
well up to his old standard,

and Uncle Sam's the best chauffeur
in the firm.

But we do, nevertheless,
make up a unit, Teddy,

and you're an integral part of it.

When we all sit round the backyard
having a quiet gander at the night sky...

there's always an empty chair
standing in the circle,

which is, in fact, yours.

And so when you at length return to us,
we do expect a bit of grace,

a bit of je ne sais quoi,
a bit of generosity of mind,

a bit of liberality of spirit
to reassure us.

We do expect that.

But do we get it?

Have we got it?

Is that what you've given us?

Yes.

- How'd you get off?
- Not bad.

What do you mean?

- What do you mean?
- Not bad.

- Well, I want to know what you mean.
- What's it got to do with you?

Joey, you tell your brother everything.

I didn't get all the way.

You didn't get all the way?

You didn't get all the way?
But you've had her up there for two hours.

Well?

You didn't get all the way,
and you've had her up there for two hours.

- What about it?
- What are you telling me?

What do you mean?

Are you telling me she's a tease?

She's a tease.

What do you think of that, Ted?
Your wife turns out to be a tease.

He's had her up there for two hours,
and he didn't go the whole hog.

- I didn't say she was a tease.
- You're joking. Sounds like a tease to me.

Don't it to you, Ted?

Perhaps he hasn't got the right touch.

Joey, not the right touch?

Don't be ridiculous. He's had more dolly
than you've had cream cakes.

He's irresistible.
He's one of the few and far between.

Tell him about the last bird you had,
Joey.

- What bird?
- The last bird when we stopped the car.

Oh, that. Yeah.

Well, we were in Lenny's car
one night last week.

- The Alfa.
- And bowling down the road.

- Up near the Scrubs.
- Yeah, up over by the Scrubs.

We were doing a survey
of North Paddington.

- And it was pretty late, wasn't it?
- Yes, it was late. Well?

And then we, uh...

well, by the curb, we saw this parked car
with a couple of girls in it.

And their escorts.

Yeah, there were two geezers in it.
Anyway...

we got out,

and we told the two escorts to go away,
which they did,

and we got the girls out of the car.

- We didn't take them over to Scrubs.
- Oh, no. Not over to Scrubs.

The police would have noticed us there.

- We took them over a bum site.
- Rubble. In the rubble.

Yeah, plenty of rubble.

Well, you know, then we had them.

You've missed out the best bit.

- He's missed out the best bit.
- What bit?

This bird says to him,

"I don't mind," she says,
"but I've got to have some protection.

I've got to have
some contraceptive protection."

"I haven't got any contraceptive
protection," Joey says to her.

"In that case, I won't do it," she says.

"Yes, you will," says Joey, "Never mind
about a contraceptive protection."

Even my bird laughed when she heard that.
Yes, even she gave out a bit of a laugh.

So you can't say old Joey isn't a bit
of a knocker when he gets going.

And here he is,
upstairs with your wife for two hours,

and he hasn't even been the whole hog.

Your wife sounds like a bit
of a tease to me.

What do you make of it, Joey?
You satisfied?

Don't tell me you're satisfied
without going the whole hog.

I've been the whole hog plenty of times.

Sometimes you can be happy
and not go the whole hog.

Now and again,
you can be happy without going any hog.

Where's the whore? Still in bed?

She'll make us all animals.

- The girl is a tease.
- What?

- She sat Joey on a string.
- What do you mean?

He had her up there for two hours,
and he didn't go the whole hog.

My Joey?

She did that to my boy?

To my youngest son. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

- How you feeling, son? Are you all right?
- Sure, I'm all right.

- Does she do that to you too?
- No.

- He gets the gravy.
- You think so?

No, he don't!

He's her lawful husband.
She's his lawful wife.

No, he don't! He don't get no gravy.

I'm telling you, I'll kill the next man
who says he gets the gravy.

What are you getting so excited about?

He's frustrated. See what happens?

- Always.
- Joey.

No one's saying you're wrong.
In fact, everyone's saying you're right.

You know something?

Perhaps it's not a bad idea
to have a woman in the house.

Perhaps it's a good thing. Who knows?
Maybe we should keep her.

Maybe we'll ask her if she wants to stay.

I'm afraid not, Dad.

She's not well.
And we've got to get home to the children.

Not well?

I told you, I'm used to looking after
people who are not well.

Don't worry about that.
Perhaps we'll keep her here.

- Don't be silly.
- What's silly?

You're talking rubbish.
She's got three children.

She can have more here, if she's so keen.

- She doesn't want any more.
- What do you know about what she wants?

The best thing for her is to come home
with me, Dad, really.

We're married, you know.

We'd have to pay her, of course.
You realize that.

We can't leave her walking about
without any pocket money.

- She'll have to have a little allowance.
- Of course we'll pay her.

She's got to have some money
in her pocket.

You can't expect a woman to walk about

without a few bob to spend
on a pair of stockings.

Where's the money going to come from?

How much is she worth?
Are we talking about three figures?

I asked you where the money's
going to come from.

It'll be an extra mouth to feed.
It'll be an extra body to clothe.

- I'll buy her clothes.
- What with?

I'll put in a certain amount
out of my wages.

That's it, we'll pass the hat round.
We'll make a donation.

We're all grown-up people,
we've got a sense of responsibility,

we'll all put a little in the hat.
It's democratic.

It'll come to a few quid, Dad.

She's not a woman that likes
walking around in second-hand goods.

She's up to the latest fashion.

You wouldn't want her
walking about in clothes

which don't show her off at her best,
would you?

Do you mind if I make a little comment?

It's not meant to be critical,

but I think you're concentrating too much
on the economic considerations.

There are other considerations.
There are the human considerations.

Understand what I mean?

There are the human considerations.
Don't forget them.

- I won't.
- Well, don't.

She's not someone off the street.
She's my daughter-in-law.

- That's right.
- Joey will donate, Sam will donate,

I'll put in a few bob from my pension,
Lenny'll cough up.

We're laughing.

What about you, Ted?
How much will you put in the kitty?

I'm not putting anything in the kitty.

What? You won't even help
to support your own wife.

Lousy stink pig. Your mother would drop
dead if she heard you take that attitude.

- Eh, Dad, I've got a better idea.
- What?

There's no need for us
to go to all this expense.

I know these women. Once they get started,
they ruin your budget.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't I take her up with me
to Greek Street?

You mean put her on the game.

We'll put her on the game.

That's a stroke of genius.
That's a marvelous idea.

She can earn the money herself,
on her back.

- Yes.
- Wonderful.

It'll have to be short hours. We don't
want her out of the house all night.

- I can limit the hours.
- How many?

- Four hours a night.
- Is that enough?

She'd bring in a good sum
for four hours a night.

Well, you should know.

It's true, the last thing we want to do
is wear the girl out.

She'll have her obligations
this end as well.

- Where will you put her in Greek Street?
- It doesn't have to be in Greek Street.

I've got a number of flats in that area.

You have? What about me?
Why don't you give me one?

You're sexless.

Eh, wait a minute, what's all this?

I know what Lenny's saying.
Lenny's saying she can pay her own way.

What do you think, Teddy?

That'll solve all our problems.

Hey, wait a minute.
I don't want to share her.

What do you say?

I don't want to share her
with a lot of yobs.

Yobs? You arrogant little git.

What arrogance.

- Will you be supplying me with yobs?
- I've got a very distinguished clientele.

More distinguished than you'll ever be.

You can count yourself lucky
we're including you in.

I didn't think
I was gonna have to share her.

You are going to have to share her.

Otherwise, she goes straight back
to America, you understand?

But there's something worrying me.

Perhaps she's not so up to the mark, eh?

You're the best judge.
Think she'll be up to the mark?

I mean, what about all this teasing?

Is she going to make a habit of it?
That'll get us nowhere.

It was just love play...

I suppose.

That's all I suppose it was.

Love play? Two bleeding hours.
That's a bloody long time for love play.

I don't think we've got anything
to worry about on that score.

- How do you know?
- I'm giving you a professional opinion.

Hey, listen, Teddy,
you could help us, actually.

If I was to send you some cards
over to America,

very nice ones with a name on
and a telephone number, very discreet,

well, you could distribute them
to various parties

who might be making a trip over here.

- You'd get a percentage out of it.
- You needn't tell them she's your wife.

No, we could call her something else.
Dolores or something.

Or Spanish Jackie.

No, you've got to be reserved
about it, Dad.

We could call her something nice,
like Cynthia or Jillian.

Jillian.

No, what I mean, Teddy,

you must know lots of professors,
heads of departments.

Men like that. They pop over here
for a week at the Savoy,

they need somewhere to go
to have a nice, quiet poke.

You'd be in a position
to give them inside information.

Sure, you can give them proper data.

I'll bet before two months,
we'd have a waiting list.

You could be our representative
in the States.

Of course.
We're talking in international terms.

By the time we're finished,
Pan American will give us a discount.

She'd get old.

Very quickly.

Nah, not in this day and age
with the health service.

Doubt she'd get old.
She'd have the time of her life.

Ruth... the family have invited you
to stay for a little while longer

as a kind of guest.

If you like the idea, I don't mind.

We can manage very easily at home

until you come back.

How very nice of them.

It's an offer from our heart.

- That's very sweet of you.
- It would be our pleasure.

I think I'd be too much trouble.

Trouble? What are you talking about?
What trouble?

Listen, I'll tell you something.

Since poor Jessie died...

Eh, Sam?

...we haven't had a woman in the house.

Not one inside this house.
And I'll tell you why.

Because their mother's image was so dear,

any other woman would have tarnished it.

But you, Ruth,

you're not only lovely and beautiful,
but you're kin.

You're kith. You belong here.

I'm very touched.

Of course you're touched. I'm touched.

But, Ruth, I should tell you...

that you'll have to pull your weight
a little if you stay, financially.

My father isn't very well-off.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, you just have to bring in a little,
that's all.

A few pennies. Nothing much.

It's just we're waiting for Joey
to hit the top as a boxer.

When Joey hits the top, well...

Or you can come home with me.

We'd get you a flat.

- A flat?
- Yes.

- Where?
- In town.

But you'd live here with us.

Of course you would. This would be
your home, in the bosom of the family.

You'd just pop out to the flat
for a couple of hours a night.

Just a couple of hours. That's all.

Make enough money to keep you going here.

How many rooms would this flat have?

Not many.

I would want at least three rooms
and a bathroom.

Who would need three rooms and a bathroom?

- She'd need a bathroom.
- But not three rooms.

I would, really.

- Two would do.
- No. Two wouldn't be enough.

I'd want a dressing room, a restroom,
and a bedroom.

All right, we'll get you a flat
with three rooms and a bathroom.

With what kind of conveniences?

- All conveniences.
- A personal maid?

Of course.

We'd finance you to begin with,
and then, once you were established,

you could pay us back in installments.

- No, I wouldn't agree to that.
- Why not?

You would have to regard your original
outlay simply as a capital investment.

I see. All right.

You'd supply my wardrobe, of course.

We'd supply everything.
Everything you need.

I'd need an awful lot,
otherwise I wouldn't be content.

You'd have everything.

I would want to draw up an inventory
of everything I would need,

which would require your signatures
in the presence of witnesses.

Naturally.

All aspects of the agreement
and conditions of employment

would have to be clarified
to our mutual satisfaction

before we finalize the contract.

Of course.

- It might prove a workable arrangement.
- I think so.

And you have the whole
of your daytime free, of course.

You could do a bit of cooking here
if you wanted to.

- Make the beds.
- Scrub the place.

And keep everyone company.

MacGregor had Jessie in the back of my cab
as I drove him along.

- What's he done? Dropped dead?
- Yes.

A corpse? A corpse on my floor?

Get him out of here.
Clear him out of here.

He's not dead.

He probably was dead for about 30 seconds.

- He's not even dead.
- Yes, there's still some breath there.

- You know what that man had?
- Has.

Has. A diseased imagination.

Yes. It sounds a very attractive idea.

You want to shake on it now
or leave it till later?

We'll leave it till later.

I was going to ask him
to drive me to London Airport.

Well, I'll leave your case, Ruth.
I'll go up the road to the Underground.

If you go the other way,
first left, first right, you remember?

You might find a cab passing there.

Yes, I might do that.

Or take the Tube to Piccadilly Circus.
Won't take you ten minutes.

Pick up a cab from there
out to the airport.

- Yes, I'll probably do that.
- Mind you, they'll charge you double fare.

They'll charge you for the return trip.
It's over the six-mile limit.

Yes.

Well, bye-bye, Dad. Look after yourself.

Thanks, son.

Listen, I want to tell you something.

It's been wonderful to see you.

It's been wonderful to see you.

Your boys know about me, eh?

Would they like to see a photo,
do you think, of their grandfather?

- I know they would.
- I've got one on me. I've got one here.

Yes, look at this.

Here you are. Would they like that one?

They'll be thrilled.

Goodbye, Lenny.

Ta-ra, Ted. Good to see you.
Have a good trip.

Bye-bye, Joey.

Ta-ra.

Eddie.

Don't become a stranger.

I'm too old, I suppose.

She thinks I'm an old man.

I'm not such an old man.

You think I'm too old for you?

Listen, you think you're just going
to get that big slag all the time?

You think you're just going to have him?

You're going to just have him
all the time?

You're going to have to work.

You'll have to take him on,
do you understand?

Does she realize that?

Lenny, do you think
she understands what...

what...

what we're getting at,
what we got in mind?

Do you think she's got it clear?

I don't think she's got it clear.

You understand what I mean?

I got a funny feeling
she'll do the dirty on us. Want to bet?

She's use us. She'll make use of us.

I can tell you. I can smell it.
You want to bet?

She won't...

be adaptable.

I'm not an old man.

Do you hear me?

Kiss me.