The Great Smokey Roadblock (1977) - full transcript

This movie is about an aging trucker named Elegant John Howard. Howard decides he and his truck Elenor has one more good run in them, and with the help of a hitchhiker and a few others he will make it happen.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(fence rattling)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(John panting)

- Eleanor!


(dramatic orchestral music)

I'm coming baby.

Don't you worry, I'm back, darlin'.

I'm comin' back, darlin',
I'll get you outta there.

All right.
(dramatic orchestral music)

We'll make it, baby. (panting)

Where are you, darlin'?

I'm here, Eleanor!

I'm here,


Why'd you leave me, baby?

Don't you



(solemn piano music)

(somber horn music)

(horn blaring)

(engine roaring)
(upbeat orchestral music)

(gates crashing)

- [Speaker] Calling Dr. Rune, please.

- [John] My friend, I'm
telling you it won't work.

- [Speaker] Dr. Crichton,
Dr. Devons Crichton

to Anesthesia, please.

- [Nurse] Your sleeping pills, gentlemen.

- Okay, Ms. Woods.

- Goodnight, boys.
- 'Night.

- You can't do it that way.

First, you'd wreck your truck.

- Yeah, I guess your right.

- And if you destroy a fence,
that's malicious destruction

of a chain-linked fence.

And that'll bring down the
wrath of the state police on you

and you'll never get out of
the city limits of Los Angeles.

Go to my house, in the garage
you got the wire clippers.

This has got to be in the
middle of the night on Friday,

that way you'll have the whole weekend

before they find the truck is gone.

Snip off the padlock.

Swing open the gate.

Drive the truck out of the repo lot.

Close the gate behind
you, lock it up again

with the lock you have
already purchased at Sears.

I'd say you'd have a four days head start,

maybe five if you're lucky.

Ah, hell, they may not
even notice a thing.

Those cards are a bunch of winos anyway.

- [John] Thank ya, Sammy, you're right.

- [Sammy] Of course I'm right.

(police siren blaring)

(somber orchestral music)

- It's all right, Eleanor,
I'll get ya cleaned up.

We're goin' home.

(engine revving)
(dramatic orchestral music)

(chain rattling)

(horn blaring)

(horn blaring)

(uplifting orchestral music)

(engine roaring)

(lively Country radio music)
(waitress muttering)

(plates clanking)
(waitress sighing)

- You missed a spot
right there, Annabelle.

(table rattling)

(waitress exclaiming)

- Goddamn, Elegant John!
- Hello, Annie!

- Well, you don't look so sick to me?

- I'm not sick!

- Five eggs scrambled, six pieces of toast

with raspberry jelly, two cups of coffee

and eight ounces of orange
juice and you ain't in no hurry.

- Got a good memory, Annie!

- (laughs) Oh, I'm not that old, John,

who could forget that order, anyway?

Two minutes!

- Well, what's the matter, Elegant John,

do I look like I see the ghost?

I heard you's dead.

- People exaggerate, Charlie!

- (laughing) That's true!

That's true.

Elegant John Howard!

Elegant John

'cause he never did

no wrong.

- Still drivin' that old Mack, Charlie?

- Yeah, she might be old, but she's mine.

You ever pay off that Kenworth?

- I still owe 'em a
dollar and some change.

- Well now, that's not
what I heard, no sir.

I heard you owe the bank $15 grand.

You know that's a dirty
shame, a rig like that?

You get it paid off, practically,

get a little sick and Mr. Money he comes

(snaps) and just takes it right away.

- You should write a column, Cowboy!

- Well, everybody heard it, not just me!

You lookin' for a load, are ya, John?

- [Annie] Let him eat!

- You know, you better not
pick anything up in California.

I mean, you can't haul nothin'
in a confiscated truck.

- I confiscated it back.
- Oh, and no more license.

(laughs) You know, they
really screwed you, John.

- Dear Abby, why don't you shut up?

- You know, I hate to admit it, (laughs)

but you must be some kind of fool!

- You always hate to
admit somebody or other's

some kind of fool.
(Annie laughing)

- Look, ain't you got some kind

of ptomaine boilin'
back there or somethin'?

- Don't be rude, Charlie.

- I got a proposal for you, John.

Now you listen here.

Now you get out on over to Arizona,

and I got a guy over there, repaint her,

give her new plates and
sell her like brand new.

Hmm, that'll give you $20
grand in less than a year.

- What a pig!

- What the hell, she's
no good to you anymore?

You're gonna be dead or in
jail in less than a week!

Nobody gonna give you a
load, your number is up

so why don't ya just move over
and don't waste a good rig!

- What are you babblin'?

Elegant John Howard is the
best driver in the States

and you never saw $20 grand
in one place in your life!

- What the hell are you now, huh?

You're 60,


I mean, you ain't gonna get
any high miles on her anyway.

You probably can't stay awake
to pull a long haul anymore.

- Well, John, sit and talk,

this asshole's leaving in a minute.

- He ain't no way back, Annie.

- Well, there ain't gonna
be no way back, John!

Look, they're gonna be
gunnin' for ya this time!

No ya can't run!

(silly upbeat music)

(engine roaring)

(horn blaring)

(horn blaring)

(silly upbeat music)

(hopeful orchestral music)

- You okay?
- Yes, sir.

I'm obliged to ya, I'm goin' to Florida.

- What'd you say?

- Goin' to Gainesville, Florida.

- No, as far as I know for sure,

I'm goin' to Las Vegas or thereabouts.

- I'm obliged to ya, I
can't pay ya nothin'.

I've only got $63 to my name.

- That's $58 more than me.

(silly upbeat music)

(engine revving)

There's a truck stop when we
get off the old Las Vegas road.

It's out of the way and cheap.

(hopeful orchestral music)

(engine humming)

Want a coke or somethin'?
- No, sir.

- Fill 'er up.
- Sure.

(bell pinging)

- Hey,


Hey, wait a minute, you stop those pumps!

(door slamming)

I ain't paying for this fuel!

And he ain't got but five dollars!

- He says he ain't gonna pay for it?

- That was a low dodge you done.

- Hey!

Hey, where the hell you goin'?

- Florida!
- What, you gonna walk?

- I ain't payin' for no fuel!

- [John] You're 200 miles
from the nearest town!

- [Beebo] And you tried to cheat me!

- Look, you can't walk to Florida!

Come on back!

Come on, boy!

- Do not have contempt
for the man for no reason

when he has done you no harm!

Proverbs 3:30.

The way of the wicked
is like deep darkness,

they do not know over what they stumble.

You hear that, you thief!

You don't know what you're stumblin' over!

(engine revving)

Why don't you just ask for
it instead of robbin' me?

- I told ya, I'll pay you back!

- When?
- As soon as we find a load.

- Them is practice to deceive
is the bread of idleness

and calamity falls upon
them without warnin'.

- I wish you'd stop talkin' like that,

you give me the creeps!

- A liar shrinks before
the light of truth.

- Goddamn it, I told ya I'd pay ya back!

- How come you ain't got no money?

How come you gotta steal from me?

- Christ!

- Well, I forgive you.

- What?
- I said I forgive you.

It takes a big man to forgive.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Listen, you self-righteous little loony,

I don't have any money 'cause
they took my truck away!

- Who?
- My loan company!

I worked all my life!

I've driven all across the country!

Canada, too.

Go to the hospital for a checkup,

missed a couple of payments,
come and steal my truck.

- So you stole it back.

- All I want to do is make one last run,

one last perfect run carryin' a load

all the way across the country.

It's all I ask.

That too much?

You get to be 60, they pack ya up,

tell ya you're sick and old.

Got lie around some goddamned hospital

the rest of your life!

That fair?

Look at me.

How old do you think I am?

- 60.

(Sammy humming)

- Mr. Samuels, good morning.

- Good morning.

- I don't suppose you would know

where Mr. Howard has gone this morning?

(Sammy laughing)

(Sammy humming)

I don't know where you
fellas get your ideas?

Dr. Highholt, Nurse Woods.

Mr. Howard ran away.

(Sammy singing)

♪ Give me a home ♪
- What?

♪ Where the buffalo roam ♪

- [Nurse] Yes, sir.

♪ Where the deer and the antelope play ♪

- No one saw him.

He went to the window.
♪ Where seldom is hear ♪

♪ A discouragin' word ♪

- I know it's the fourth floor.

♪ And the skies are cloudy all day. ♪

♪ Home, home on ♪

- No, sir, I don't know
how a terminal can jump

out of a fourth floor window, either?

♪ Where seldom is heard ♪

♪ A discouragin' word ♪
- Right, sir!

- Bye, bye!

- What'd he call ya back there?

The gas station attendant.

Ornamental John or somethin'?

- Elegant John.

- Why Elegant John?
- It's a nickname.

Used to drive for a bunch
of companies all over.

From New Jersey, Indiana,
Oregon, Texas, California,

always long haulers, 18-wheelers.

- Why Elegant John?

- You drive a couple of million miles,

never get a ticket or a blowout,

never lose a day in the
shops, you're always on time,

then that's elegant.

- Is that there your wife?

- Where'd you go to school?

That's Eleanor Roosevelt.

Wife of Franklin Delano Roosevelt,

the President of the United States!

- Sure is a homely woman.

- [John] She might have been homely,

but she was the greatest First
Lady the government ever had.

I once shook her hand.
- Really?

- In 1939,

in August.

Was pullin' some pipe up
to Poughkeepsie, New York

through the Pleasant Valley

and I passed a sign said Hyde Park.

I thought, I'm gonna go and meet

the President and his family.

So I turned around, I found the house,

couldn't get the rig that little road

so I walked the last three miles.

And I knocked on the
door and I stood there

and who should answer.
- Eleanor Roosevelt?

- Eleanor Roosevelt.

I said, "My name is John Howard.

"I'm only a truck
driver, but I admire you.

"I admire you more than any woman

"in the history of the United States."

I'll never forget what she said to me.

- What?

- "Thank you."

(energetic steel guitar music)

(lively '70s music)

(fist knocking)

- There's someone at the door!
- Well, answer it, Lulu!

- I can't, I'm busy.

- Penelope, Ginny stole my lipstick again!

- Oh, my God!
- Where is Ginny anyway?

- She's on a house call!
- Another one?

- Who's there?

- It's me!
- Who's me?

- It's a,

it's Shelia.
- Who is Shelia?

- Oh, you know, it's that weirdo
guy that like to dress up,

you know the one from
the Bar Nothing Ranch?

- [Alice] The one that makes
Liberace look straight.

- Oh, who let him in here?

Go away, we are not open yet!

(fist rapping)

- Let me in, please!

Please let me in, please?

(fist rapping)

Let me in, please?

(fist rapping)

- And how come Ginny
gets all the house calls?

And what are you lookin' at?

- Your ears are filthy!
- What?

- Come on, ladies, let's get dressed!

- Oh, is it that time of the month again?

- I am dressed and my
ears ain't dirty, Lulu!

- Maybe it's my glasses?

(fist rapping)

- For Christ's sake, let's get ready,

we have customers coming, you know?

- You mean the usual assortment

of crazed ranch hands and truck drivers?

- Un uh, we got some specials tonight.

King of Romania and Ivan the Terrible.

- I had him last night.
- Good for you.

- (fist rapping) Oh, please let me in!

- You really gonna wear that thing?

- I don't know, but I'm sure gonna scare

the hell outta some john!

(laughing) Oh, variety
is the spice of life!

- Says who?
- Says me.

You know, Alice, maybe if
you try something different

once in a while, you wouldn't
be so bored with yourself.

- Don't you ever get tired
of floppin' on your back?

Don't you wish you could just sit down

and have a nice, intelligent
conversation with a man?

- God, men don't have
intelligent conversations.

- Well, I wish some of them would.

- Oh, you know, I had
this john once, though,

a scientist, just your type, too.

He was an expert on the pyramids.

He build this model of the
pyramid of Gaza, you know?

- Giza.

- Giza.

He says if we sleep under
it, I won't get pregnant.

- You fell for that?

- Well, I never got pregnant?

- You're amazing.

- Only thing is, one day, his
old lady comes in the house,

burns down the pyramid and
tries to set me on fire.

(laughs) God.

- All that science gone to waste.

(women laughing)

- I guess so.

- Speaking of intelligent conversation.

Good evening, gentlemen!

- Hi, how are ya?
- Hi!

- Oh!

- [Glinda] Whoa, tickle your fancy?

Where you guys from?

Oh, uh.

- Oh, locals.

- Change?

- According to this, we made
$47,639, plus some dots?

- Oh, Lulu,


- I think that's an awful lot?

- Honey, you see this right here?

- Yeah.

- That's money, okay?

Cover it up, honey, okay?

- I just want it to be accurate.

- I know.

Count it, baby.

- Maybe I need new batteries?

- You know, that never
occurred to me, Lulu.

Good evening, gentlemen,
welcome to my house.

How is everybody tonight?

- Fine, fine.
- Just fine.

- Well, we are just here to please you.

(men laughing)

- Hi.

- Hello, hello, anybody there?

You see anything that pleases you?

- Yeah.

- Well?

- I got Lulu!

- I want you, sweetheart.

- Well, that's real sweet of you, honey,

but I just run this
joint, I don't work here.

- [Carl] I want that one, the blond.

- Oh, right, the ice breaker
award for the evening

goes to this stiff.

- Uh, the stiff's name's Carl.
- The stiff's name is Carl.

- Hi, I'm Leland from Cheyenne.

- China?
- No, Cheyenne.

- (laughs) Oh, I didn't
think you looked Chinese.

- I think that makes you a couple.

- I guess so.
- I guess so, too.

- Another vacant lot.

(lively radio music)

- 'Frisco, Detroit, L.A., I've
worked all the big cities.

You know, but they're gettin' so polluted,

I just finally said to myself,

"Glinda, if you're gonna
be cooped up all night

"you might as well get some
fresh air in the daytime."

So, Wyoming, here I came!

- Yeah, well, it's not
very entertaining out here.

Don't you miss the big cities? (grunts)

- Sorry.

No, I don't really miss 'em except,

well, once in a while, I kinda
miss bein' in the movies.

- You were really in the movies?

- Yeah, no kidding!

I was a star!

- No kidding, you know,
I go to the movies a lot,

maybe, maybe I seen ya?

- Oh, well you might've.

- Yeah, name one of them.

- Well, my favorite one, ooh! (laughs)

- Excuse me.
- You're kinda slippery!

My favorite one was Heavy Breathing.

- Heavy Breathing, no,
I don't know that one?

- You didn't see that one?

Oh, I know one that you might have seen.

This was a big one, it was played

in all the cities and everything.

It was a karate film. (laughs)
- Karate?

- You really got a lot a--
- Legs. (laughs)

- Legs, right. (laughing)

Anyway, this was a karate movie called,

Below the Black Belt.

- (laughing) No, no,
I don't know that one.

- You didn't see that one?

- Below the Black Belt, huh?
- That's too bad.

That was a good one!

- Go ahead and pull on my boot, too.

- Oh, no, you don't need to take 'em off,

it won't take that long.

Well, what do you want, just regular?

- Sure, regular's fine.

- (laughs) Okay.

- Unless I gotta choice?

- Well, there's Super and Ethel.

'Course I could give ya No-Lead. (laughs)

- Yeah, that's for those
newer models, isn't it?

- Yeah, and it's $10 a gallon extra.

- Well, we better get started.

(classical orchestral music)

- Tired of all this garbage!

Same old crap all over and over again!

"Hello, handsome," wham,
bam, thank you, ma'am!


I'm crazy with it!

Look at you, huddling in your underwear!

What have you got to say for yourself?

Can you carry on an
intelligent conversation?


Have you ever read anything
besides Marvel comics?


Well, I'm not hopping
into the sack with you

until you say something smart!

Do you hear me?

- Have you ever read any Rod McKuen?

- Hey, Lulu, I want a nice one this time.

I don't want any brown or
yellow, it clashes with my eyes.

- Okay, sure.

- And something else.
- What?

- Call me Dolores.

- Okay,


Now, now, Shelia, look, look
what I have for you here.

Little panties, aren't they beautiful!

And a cute little bra, look!

- [Carl] How much is this gonna cost me?

- Let's not talk now,
handsome, you just relax.

What's your name?

- Carl.
- Carl, what a strong name.

- My name's Celeste.

You know, name's tell a lot about people.

You just get right up here for me.

- How is it gonna cost me?

- Oh, just a little of your time.

Now let's get undressed.

- You have really nice hair.

(upbeat radio music)

- You're beautiful, Shelia!
- Dolores!

Tonight, my name is


- Gorgeous, Dolores.

- No, no, no, don't you
touch me, you prude!

I'm too exquisite!

I'm Dolores, virgin
queen of the cattlemen!

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Oh!


- How much is this gonna cost me?

- [Celeste] Easy, honey, easy.

That's it.
- Gimme a price!

Oh, God, please tell me
how much it's gonna cost!

- For Christ sakes, all right, $50.

(couple groaning)

(couple panting)

- You're under arrest.

- Penelope Pearson.

- Name?

- Puddin' and tame, ask me
again, I'll tell ya the same.

- What is your name?
- Glinda Dennys.

Like the restaurant.

- Name?
- Lulu Weintraub.

W-E-I-N-T-R-A-U-B, Weintraub.

- Name?
- You forget?

Celeste Lay, with an e.

- Name?

- Alice C. Smith.

- Name?
- Dolores Del Rio.

- Dolores?

- Well, actually that's my stage name.

See, my real name is Sheila.
- Shelia? (laughs)

- You calling me a liar?

(people yelling)

- [Leland] Let's move it, come on,

tell it to the man downtown.

- Move it, you sure moved it pretty good!

- [Leland] Thank you, darlin',

tell that to my friend, the judge.

- Okay.

- Well, Penelope, this is
the third strike for you.

Looks like you're gonna
have to leave town.

- How long we got?

- Oh, 48 hours.

Out, out, out.

(lightning crashing)

(somber orchestral music)

(rain drizzling )

- (grimacing) Oh, shit!

(solemn guitar music)

(water splashing)

- Stop it.

Stop now!


(fist rapping)

Mornin', Beebo!

We're gonna stop up the road a ways,

see if we can't find a load.

I'm feelin' lucky!

- I'm starvin'.

We only got enough money
left for two breakfasts.

- How many do we need?

(engine roaring)

- We're goin' in the wrong direction.

I said we are headed the wrong way!

Florida is exactly the opposite way

from where we're goin'!

- We're lookin' for a load, boy!

- But it ain't no good
if it's goin' to Canada,

it's got to go in the
same direction we are.

- Well, we're not gonna to Canada.

We don't want to take the Southern route

and drive through Arizona, New Mexico

and Texas in the middle of summer!

- I cannot conjure how you're
gonna get us to Florida

if you do not go south?

- You don't want to drive
through the heat and sweat!

Drive the back roads of the desert!

I know every cop on the road,
they'd bust us wide open

'fore we got to Fort Worth!

- What'd you do, anyway?
- What'd you mean?

- What'd you do, really?

Did you kill somebody?

- [John] Heard of a load up north.

- [Beebo] What kind of a load?

- [John] Refrigerators, goin' to Atlanta.

- You Howard?

One week you got, Howard, can you do it?

- Easy!

- Here's the pusher.

Give me your RTC number
and all that crap later,

I'll call it in.

Why don't you guys go and
get loaded up or somethin'?

- Okay, let's get the door closed.

Give me the tire Billy, Beebo.

Up in the cab, big long
stick-like, under the shotgun seat.

- I serve no man.

I said, I serve no man!

- Just get the goddamn
tire billy, will ya?

I need to check the tire pressure!

- I coulda taken the bus!

(door slamming)

I ain't in trainin' to be no truck driver.

- [John] Sheesh!

- Goin' to hotel management
school in Florida

and I serve no man!

- You could do worse than bein' a trucker!

- No, I couldn't.

- Hey!

Hey, you lyin' son-of-a-bitch!

All right, open that up, you bastard!

Bring back my refrigerators.

You thievin' son-of-a-bitch!

This is a stolen goddamned truck!

(somber orchestral music)

Now unload it!

- Okay.

- Now!
- Relax!

- You think I got nothin'
better to do, ya bastard?

- That's all of it, Mr. Engle.
- Goddamned right.

- Been drivin' 40 years, Mr. Engle.

Never missed a load or was late, not once.

- If I stole trucks for a
livin' I'd be careful, too.

Oughta call the stupid cops on ya.

Ol' thief!

- How long were you married?
- 14 years.

- Any children?

- A daughter, she's in Fresno
now, married a bookkeeper.

Never see her.

- How come you left your wife?

If you loved her as much as you say?

- I didn't exactly leave her.

I'd been on a long haul
from somewhere to somewhere,

then I road six weeks.

Didn't have a chance to come home.

And, this is, oh,

20 years ago,



And as I was travelin', I
had the strangest feelin'.

- What?

- I knew I was headed south

but I couldn't remember why, exactly?

Seemed I'd been movin' for so long,

goin' so far, when I did get to our place,

I had a note from her sayin'
she'd moved on to California.

Didn't try to catch up with her,

just turned around and

drove and drove.

I just never knew how to get home.

- [Ginny] Is that a truck?

- [Glinda] Oh, I wonder who it could be?

- [Ginny] Oh, I want to get my camera!

- Oh, Ginny!
- Wait a minute!

- [Prostitute] Look,
who's here, who's here?

- [Prostitute] I don't
know, I've never seen him?

Oh, cute!
(women giggling)

- Where are we?

- Anybody home?
(women exclaiming)

Penelope here?

- What is this place?

- You'll a little early, John.

- I thought the fun never
stops at Penelope's?

- Oh, well, the fun stopped,
you see we got busted.

Who's mindin' the stew?

Move it, and turn off that
radio while you're at it!

(women giggling)

Lord, they weren't
messin' around this time.

State smokeys, rifles and cameras.

They got on everything from soliciting

to bein' an attractive nuisance.

- Well, if we didn't have bad luck,

we wouldn't have no luck at all.

- Why don't y'all come in,
we're cookin' the last supper.

- What are y'all gonna do?

- I gotta move on, I guess?

- [Beebo] Where are we?

- Watch it!

- We gotta different grade of customer.

- Why, Vanity Gilcutt, you do go on!

- [John] South Carolina, I
hadn't been through there.

- [Celeste] Saw that damn movie,

cried all the way through it.

Here's the shit.
- Celeste!

- [Alice] Oh, look what you made me do!

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

- Ladies, ladies,


- We was talkin' about Gone with the Wind,

it's this old movie.
- I know.

- Oh, it's a terrific movie.

The other best thing she says is,

"As God is my witness, I'll
never go hungry again!"

- If God was your witness,
you'd never go anywhere again.

I'm not responsible for this.

- I think it gets better at the bottom.

- Looks all right to me.

What kind of stew is it?
- It's perfectly good.

- Here, Beebo.

Hey, what kind of a name is Beebo anyway?

- It's a family, my
mother's name is Beebo.

Enid Beebo.
- That's weird.

The stew, not your mother's name.

(women giggling)

- What's your name?

- Ginny.
- Lulu.

- Listen, I heard about your troubles.

- Only the dead got no trouble.

Goin' to South Carolina?

- South Carolina, the garden
spot of the New South.

- It's not so bad, South
Carolina is very historical.

Well, did you know that the
founder of the Girl Scouts,

she was born right in Savannah.

- [Alice] Too bad Savannah's in Georgia,

not South Carolina, lunch bag.

- Listen, Alice, don't call her lunch bag.

- Shut up!
(Beebo gasping)

(Alice cackling)

(Lulu whistling)

- [Penelope] Well, listen,
where ya headed this time, John?

- We won't know where we're
goin' 'til we get a load.

- What's that?
- Nietzsche.

(soft romantic music)

You know, we had this
professor down here one time

from the college and he told
me that this Nietzsche believed

that you shouldn't make love

because all your fluids would be absorbed

up into your spinal column.

And then they would make
their way to your brain

and then you'd get smarter.

- So what happened to him?

- He went crazy and died.
(John laughing)

(crickets chirping)

- I keep improvin' at this.

(women giggling)

- God, she is really a pro.

- No, she's in love.
- Oh, man, no she's not.

- [Alice] Yes, she is, you can't do that.

(fist rapping)

- Hi.

- Hello, Virginia.

- You comfortable?
- Yes, thank you.

- You're so big, I mean, you
got enough room in there?

- Oh, yes, there's plenty of room in here.

- Really?
- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

- I was--

- Don't, don't worry,
there's plenty of room.

- I wasn't worrying.

- Goodnight.

- (sighing) How long has it
been since you had a woman?

- Oh,

'bout two hours.

- Come on, I mean before?
- Not that long.

- And, you were in the hospital
five-and-a-half months.

- They got nurses.

- Come on, how long, really?

- What difference does it make?

Why do you wanna know?

- I don't know?

- About a year.

- Really?

- Last time was when I was up here.

- With me?

All right.

Decency is not dead.

I found my man.

(somber orchestral music)

Aw, shit.

We're in this joint anyway, John.

- Which?

- The show,

who's runnin' the show?

- I don't know, I swear I don't.

- (sighing) What about your health?

- It's fine.

- Come on, be straight with me now.

- I'm healthy.

- You were in the hospital for so long.

Geez, John, I was worried.

- Doctors, you know, they
gotta check every molecule.

Were you worried about me?

- Nobody knew what happened?

I mean, one minute you're
here and then you disappear

and then I hear that you're sick--

- It's nothin' serious.

- (sighing) Okay.


(laughs) Well, where are we now?

- I'm drivin' a stolen vehicle

with an unfortunate for a partner.

- Yeah.

- Got fuel for about 50 miles.

Coffee's 15 cents and I gotta dime.

- I got five girls and a
mess of useless furniture

and a court order tellin'
me to cease and desist.

And I'm about as broke as
you can get outta jail.

So, you tell me?

You tell me, how am I gonna get my girls

and my house all the way
to South Carolina, hmm?

I turn one measly little trick,
it's jail city for 30 days.

I mean, look at us, two
top-flight professionals,

two seasoned veterans
and we can't even figure

a way out of this.

This is pathetic!

You know, let's be creative,

there must be somethin' we can drum up?

Couple of deep cookies
like Penelope Pearson

and Elegant John, I mean,
what would Nietzsche've done?

Yeah, forget that part.

He wouldn't even whack
off to save his own life.

(couple laughing)

We should all just

pile in to Eleanor!

For example, I mean, for
instance, just for instance.

Then we might have a means
of supporting ourselves

and buying fuel.

And a means of transportation
and eluding the constable.

Look, I'm not sayin' this is a great idea,

but it's better than readin' in bed.

In addition to which, the
educational value is not

to be scoffed at, no, sir.

And, in conclusion, I
don't see that we have

a hell of a lot of choice. (laughs)

(lively orchestral music)

- Let's get a move on!
- I'm coming!

- Oh, that's great!
- Oh, come on!

- Goddammit, Ginny, help!
- Give it to me.

- Well, I am, you know, I'm the historian

and this is a very important job.

- Okay, come on, there's
more stuff up in the--

- Oh, but the--
- Give it to me!

- [Alice] Oh, give me that!

You guys, it's gettin'
awfully crowded in here!

- Come on, we'd better hurry!

- Oh, uh, Beebo, are those the
only clothes that you have?

- What's wrong with them?

- Nothing, it's just that
they look so uncomfortable.

- What are these?

- Lost and found.

- Oh, look, it's perfect!

Even matches your eyes.


(upbeat organ music)

- We gotta hurry, the
cops'll be here before long!

- Here you go, Mrs. Tomlin,

if this doesn't wake ol' Harry
up, nothin' will! (laughs)

- Look at this, you're gonna look great!

- Oh, that's your favorite one!

(women giggling)

- Where'd you get that shirt?

- I don't ask you where
you get your clothes.

You just drive.

- Okay, good bye.
(women exclaiming)

(lively music)
(engine revving)

(women exclaiming)

(uplifting piano music)

- [Alice] I hate this dark!

- Isn't there a way we can get

some light in here or anything?

- John and Beebo said there was a sunroof.

- Oh, wow.

- Trucks don't have sunroofs.
- Yes, some of them do.

Come on, Ginny, you're
closest, give that lever a pull

and see what happens.

- [Ginny] Oh, yeah?

(women exclaiming)

- Yeah!
- Oh, wow!

(women exclaiming)

- I thought we'd take
the high road to Denver

and then make a run for it across Kansas.

You'll be safe 'til then.

- Kansas City, here we come!

(Country western music)

- [Dispatcher] Be on the alert

for a white Kenworth 18-wheeler.

The driver of the vehicle, John Howard,

wanted for grand theft.

Other occupants, six
Wyoming prostitutes wanted

on charges of interstate
flight to avoid prosecution.

(crickets chirping)

- Come on, you guys, let's
call it a night, huh?

- Yeah, we're all of us
gonna need some rest.

- Night, night.
- Okay.

- Goodnight.
- Sleep well.

- Sweet dreams.
- Night.

- God, it's so quiet here.

- I keep hearing things, though.

- Hearing voices again, Alice?

- How did I get myself into this?

We coulda just taken the bus!

- Oh, come on, where's
your sense of adventure?

- My sense of adventure's goin'
to a nice hotel in New York,

shackin' up with some rich old geezer,

not gettin' outta bed for a week.

- You know, you are so full of it!

You have absolutely no sense of gratitude.

I mean, I look at it this way,

if it wasn't for Penelope, I
wouldn't be where I am today.

(crickets chirping)

(somber orchestral music)

(John gasping)

(John crying)

(water splashing)

(John groaning)

(John crying and groaning)

(John sobbing)

- [Dispatcher] John Howard, also known

as Elegant John Howard, is six
feet, two inches, 175 pounds.

(engine roaring)

- They're gettin' closer,
that one just missed us.

- For Christ sakes, Ginny,
put the goddamn map down

and help us!
- Okay, Alice, all right!

I'm just tryin' to figure
out where we're going!

- I don't need a road map
to know where you're going!



Hey, you guys, wait a minute!

Did it ever occur to any of you lunch bags

that we're about to get
our asses busted so bad

we'll never sit again!

- Will you stop runnin'
your mouth and get packed?

- This mother is wanted,
Glinda, he stole this truck!

- Hey!

It ain't stolen.

It belongs to him.

- Right, tell that to the cops!

- Look, Alice, we knew all this before,

why are you bringin' it up now?

- We were in Wyoming before.

This is Missouri, we're
not in any trouble here!

We're cool except that we're hitched up

to this ol' barge that's wanted

by every cop in the United States.

Look, think about it, what's gonna happen

when they catch him, which
they will sooner or later?

They'll throw us all in jail!

- Why, we didn't steal anything?

- You ever hear of accessories?

And it ain't like we
got the greatest records

in the West, either.

They'll throw away the goddamned key!

- You shut up, Alice, just shut up!

Now we're here and we're gonna make it,

so just stop all this talk!

- Well, what about the cops, Penelope?

What'll happen if we do get caught?

- You'll go to jail.

- We're not gonna get caught,
so just finish packin' up!

- [Ginny] Okay, let's go.

- Listen, Penelope--
- No, you listen, Nutsy!

Now what are we gonna do, hitchhike?

Now, we're in this now, so
let's just keep movin', huh?

Every minute we waste bullshitting is

just another mile lost!

Come on!

- [Dispatcher] The following
is an all points bulletin

for central Missouri.

A white, 1976 Kenworth tractor trailer

with California plates
was last observed heading

southwest on Highway 60.

Vehicle is driven by two male
Caucasians, wanted on a 918.

Vehicle also contains six
Wyoming prostitutes wanted

for pandering and interstate flight.

Approach with caution.

(birds chirping)

- (cackling) The Lord
loves a cheerful giver.

(cackling) It hurts me so.

Payday! (cackling)

- This is about as far off
the beaten path as we can get

and still get to where we're goin'.

(engine roaring)

- Come to daddy, little chickens.

Daddy Fox is waitin'.

- Oh, boy!
(brakes squealing)

- Come on, Jimmy! (cackling)

We got the jackpot, come on.

We gonna hit.

Open up, Elegant John!

You're desperate flight
from justice is over with.

- What seems to be the problem, Officer?

- I suggest that this little
friend of yours get down

here with my deputy here and
get in that patrol wagon.

Come on down here!

- [Deputy] Hurry it up, move it out!

- [John] I do somethin' wrong?

- [Deputy] You heard
him, get over there now!

- Why you ran the only
red light in 34 miles!

And seein' how it's my red light

and seein' how you're wanted
all over the United States,

I'm gonna get in this truck with you, here

and I'm gonna ride shotgun all
the way to Nelson City Jail.

You're under arrest, Elegant John.

Now stay on it, old friend.

Me and you, and your floozies got

an appointment with destiny, move out!

(engine gunning)

(siren blaring)

(women muttering)

- [Penelope] Where's John?

- [Prostitute] I don't hear 'em?

- [Harley] All right, get up
there, Elegant John, get up.


Come on, get outta there, come on, girls!

Snap it up!

I ain't got all day
waitin' on ya, come on!

- I'm comin', I'm comin', my beauty.

- Got business to care to.

Damn little smart aleck white trash!

Move it out!

Come on, move it out!

Move it out!

- Six, six of 'em, Uncle Harley!

- I can count, Jimmy, just
put the men in the men cell

and the women in the women cell!

Move it up in there!

- Uncle Harley, look at this one!

- Get off my case, you geek!

- Come on, get up!

White trash, scaly-wag lookin' thing!

Come on, get in there!

I ain't got all day,
come on, get on in here!

Come on in here!

Scaly-wag lookin' things.

Sure am glad my wife
ain't here to see this!

Get on in there!
(lock rattling)

- What are you gonna do with us?

- We're gonna take y'all
down to Springfield tomorrow.

- [John] What's in Springfield?

- They have more police down there.

plus, a newspaper in
which we're gonna appear

in a properly-displayed photograph.

- You mean, you arrested us just

to get your picture in the paper?

- Is that such a small thing?

When was the last time
you got your picture

in the paper, sister?

Hah, I thought so!

I've heard of a temple on wheels.

I've seen a swimmin' pool in
the back of the end of a truck.

I seen trucks with jock
straps made of red silk,

but I ain't never seen a mobile cathouse!

(sullen guitar music)

- Thieves.


Truck stops.

- What?

- I don't

believe this.

- You can think of it as
a learning experience.

- [Women] Shut up!

(fly buzzing)

- Hey, Jim?


You mind scrapin' off them there dishes

while I go check with the prisoners?

- How come you never did
dishes, Uncle Harley?

- I'm the king, the king
don't gotta do no dishes.

Sheep dip!

(silly upbeat music)


He's that!

How bare they go!

My God!
(women exclaiming)

- I'm really hot!

I am

really hot!

(women exclaiming)

- Should I check the thermostat?

- [Women] Yes, Sheriff.

(women exclaiming)

- Whoopsy daisy! (cackling)

(silly orchestral music)

- What's goin' on in there?

(women laughing)

- It's the old romance.


Where's that thermostat?
- Uncle Harley?

- I wanna get my hand on the thermostat.

Where is it?

Where is that thermostat?

(women laughing)

- Uncle Harley?

You stop now!

Leave me alone, now, you leave me alone.

I'm married.

- Ain't nobody that married. (laughing)

- Virginia, Virginia's in there.

- Shut up!

- Well, what are they gonna do?

They're fornicate my girl.

Ginny, Ginny, don't do it!

Ginny, I've gotta stay in jail!

- Shush, we may get outta here.

- [Ginny] These are the best pictures

I ever took in my life!

- Ginny!
(women giggling)

- Do we have to leave 'em like that?

- What are we gonna do, let
'em call the National Guard?

We better hurry!

- Gee, I was beginning
to like the old guy.

- Grab your boot!
- Hurry up!

(women laughing)

- [Alice] Wham, bam,
thank you, sir! (laughing)

- Well, goodbye Harley, goodbye, Jimmy,

it was very nice meeting you.

- Let me outta here, please?
(engine revving)

- You know, it ain't like me

and you are strangers, sweetie pie.

- Oh, I've gotta run, but I
really appreciate you posing.

Um, how do you spell your last name?

- D-A-V-I-D-S-O-N.

Harley Davidson, just like the motorcycle.

What are you gonna do with
all them there picture?

- Oh, I'm writing a book.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Thanks very much.

- Uncle Harley, I'm doomed, I am doomed!

- If that's the worst
thing ever happened to you

in your life, I'm gonna follow
you to the ends of the world.

Because you gonna have
a remarkable passage.

(lively steel guitar music)

(women giggling)
(engine revving)

(horn blaring)

- [Ginny] Bye, Sheriff!

(lively steel guitar music)

- What in the hell are we
doin' anyway, this is nuts!

- Hey!

Where are we now?

- Um, we just went through
Humansville, Missouri

and we're headed

- Humansville?

- You oughta drop Beebo off
there to take some lessons.

- Come on, I think Beebo's kinda cute.

- Right, you're the one who
had the pet iguana, too.

- You're so superficial,

all you ever look at is just the surface!

- I can't even look at his surface.

- I can't find Route 13?

- We're on it, Beebo!

(paper crinkling)

What'd you do in the Army, anyway?

- I was a motorman.

I worked on cars, trucks and such.

- What, you didn't know
what a tire billy was?

- I washed them, that's all I ever did

and all I ever wanted
to know about vehicles.

21 months of soap and water.

(engine roaring)

- Choke and puke,
Nighthawk, choke and puke.

- Kelly, you want some more?
- Yeah, about a half-a-cup.

- Well, knock me down.
- Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

- Damn, that's Elegant John himself!

Elegant John Howard!

Boy, they told me you was dead!

You don't look so dead to me!

- Rumors, how ya doin', Nighthawk?

- Fine, fine, fine as a frog's hair!

Hey, what can I get for y'all?

- [Penelope] Anything, we're starving!

- Pardon me, ladies.


- Mind your own business, Charlie.

- Oh, you eatin' for
two, are you, Penelope?

- All right, when do we eat?
- I'm hungry!

- I'm starvin'.
- I want pork chops.

- [Charlie] Penelope done
brought the whole zoo!

(laugh) Goddamn, what are
y'all doin' in Missouri, huh?

I mean this is the lame leadin' the hog.

What is this, Elegant John,
the Kentucky Derby? (smirks)

- We're goin' to South Carolina,

to live with these
ladies in their new home.

- No kiddin'?

Well, now, hello you sweet thing!

I guess you know who I am, don't ya?

- (laughs) How could I ever forget?

You're the guy that's got a thing

that looks like a pecker
only a lot smaller.

- Charlie, we've been
on the road a long time,

now why don't ya just
leave us in peace, huh?

- So you finally found a load after all,

did you, Elegant John?

Damn, how'd you register?

Chocolate covered cherries?

- What do ya want, Charlie?

- I made you an offer.
- And I said, "No thanks!"

- Look, John, you don't
seem to understand.

Ain't you been listenin' to your radio?

Ain't you been listenin'
to people talkin'?

I mean, all I hear is,
"Watch out for Elegant John,"

they're gonna bust your eggs, man.

I don't hear nothin' else!

Ain't that the straight
of it now, Kelly, right?

You won't make it through
Missouri, let alone Carolina.

- You know, in the book
of assholes, Charlie,

they're gonna give you a whole chapter.

- (smirks) Why don't ya
just give it up, John?

It don't make no sense?

You too old to handle all that candy.

You're just too old!

- I said no, once.

- (gasping) All right.

- Now get off my back, cowboy!

You get in my way again, I'll kill ya!

Ya hear me?
(Charlie gasping)

(chair crashing)

(Charlie gasping)

- You're gonna need a lot
of luck, old man. (gasping)

(door slamming)

(women muttering)

- Ride 'em, cowboy.

- I remember when cowboy
wasn't a bad thing

to say about somebody.

- That's right, John, in the old days

they would call all y'all
cowboys, and it was a nice thing.

But now, it's like everything else.

Nothin' means the way it should.

- Eat, John.

(engine humming)

- Am I the only one who's scared?

- No.
- No.

- What can they give ya
for doin' what we did?

- What would you like?

Prostitution, grand theft auto,
assault on a police officer?

- Assault?

Will you get off it?

- What are they gonna say,

that they balled six female prisoners

just for somethin' to do?

- All right, look, Alice is right.

We get caught, we're in trouble.

But look, we're already in Missouri,

I mean, two more states
and we're home free!

- We're in the most
visible thing on the road,

there's no way we can make it!

We're just like a huge moving target!

- Okay, okay, but there's one more thing

that you've forgotten about.

When we needed him, he was
there and now he needs us!

(dramatic orchestral music)

(engine humming)

(brakes hissing)

(women muttering)

- A 60-year old trucker named John Howard,

also known as Elegant John,

especially because he'd
never received a ticket

in 40 years of trucking, was
a patient at this cancer ward.

During the time he was in the hospital,

he was unable to drive
his truck and earn money.

He fell behind in his payments

and eventually his truck, called Eleanor--

- Hey!

Listen to this!


- [Reporter] When Elegant
John broke out of the hospital

and stole his truck from
the repossession lot

and took off across the country.

- [Mary Agnes] I'm not having a good time.

- By the time he'd reached Cheyenne,

he'd acquired a sidekick.
(man laughing)

Elegant John and his friend picked up

a group of six prostitute
at an establishment

that apparently specialized in providing

its services to truck drivers.

The ladies have recently
come under a court order

to vacate their property.
- Hey!

- [Reporter] So Elegant John
and six lady-friends took off

across the country.
- That's us, look!

- [Reporter] The girls set up house

in the back of Eleanor, his truck.

- That's, that's!

- Well, yesterday, they were stopped

for running a speed trap outside
of Nelson City, Missouri.

- That's great, look at you!

- [Reporter] Sheriff Harley Davidson,

who UBC informed reporters

that he was named after
the famous motorcycle,

apprehended this group of desperadoes--

- [Glinda] Look, there's me, look!

- And placed them in the Nelson City Jail.

Two men and six Wyoming prostitutes.

- What'd you mean by that?

Ginny, you take great pictures!

- [Reporter] Elegant John
and his band escaped.

How might you ask?

According to Sheriff Harley Davidson,

they were armed and vicious.

- I've never seen anything
like this. (laughs)

- I wonder if my mother's watching?

- From an anonymous source,

the Sheriff and his deputy
seemed to have been enticed

into some kind of a jailhouse orgy.

In which they lost their
clothes, their keys

and their credibility.

Elegant John and the ladies ran off.

And where is this merry band tonight?

Somewhere out in the
great American open road,

trying to make one last perfect run.

We wish you luck Elegant John and ladies.

And here's to making it safe and on time.

This Sander Van Okren, Washington,
good night for UBC News.

(crowd cheering)

- [Prostitute] "Good night, ladies!"

- Don't lick that duck, you
don't know where it's been!

- I know where it's been!

- I don't care where it's been.

- He doesn't care where it's been.

- [Dispatcher] A stolen
Kenworth tractor trailer has

just been reported in this area.

California warrants have
been issued for the driver,

John Howard, approximately
60-years of age.

Also, he is reportedly
traveling with six prostitutes

that are wanted for interstate
flight from Wyoming.

- So, like this great blue light appeared

in the sky, you know, man?

And like, it came down,
like 14 feet in front of us!

- 14?
- 13 feet, maybe 13.

And I brought the bus
screeching to a stop, you know?

And I looked over at my sister and I said,

"Can you dig it, Mary Agnes, that is like

"an extraterrestrial being!

"And we cannot know beyond
all reasonable doubt

"that they are, like, extremely friendly!"

The point is, that all of a sudden,

everything in the whole bus

suddenly stopped, ceased, um, desisted.

We couldn't get the radio on.

The stereo wouldn't work.

And the car would not go, man!

- What happened then?

- What happened then?

You wanna know what happened then?

I passed out!

- I didn't see any of this.

- Well, (laughs) of course
you saw nothing, man!

I mean, do you expect
these people to relate

to your time-space, man?

Of course you saw nothing, man!

You have eyes and yet
you see nothin', man!

I mean, it's not like something
you see everyday, right?

(laughs) You know what I'm saying?

- Oh, sure!

- I mean, it's like the superheroes, man!

The whole mythological continuum.

Like a journey through time
and all you people are swept up

in uh, in uh, in this enormous, uh,


You know what I'm saying'?

- It means we're in trouble.
- Absolutely.

And there's no way out of it, either.

You know, we're gonna
have to fight them off

with our force, man.

An impenetrable love shield surrounding us

and boring through the night, man!

Maybe we can even be invisible?

- Yeah, what about it, John?

You think we can keep dodgin' the cops?

- For a while, we'll see.

- Can you dig it, man?
- Oh, yeah.

- I mean, it's like, it's like, uh, um,

a space warp. (laughs)

I am the boy who can enjoy invisibility!

- I would like to apologize
for my brother's behavior.

My family sent me down here to get him.

He was in jail, he was arrested.

- For what?

What was he arrested for?

- He touches ducks.

- Ducks?
- Ducks.

- [Ginny] Real ducks?


- Hey, hey, hey, guys and
gals, you're on the air.

This is Bobby Apples speakin',
what's your name, darlin'?

- Ginny.

- Bobby Apples, WQRM-AM,
Columbus, Georgia!

- You a fan, you a Georgia boy?

- New Jersey, man, but I got a
set that can pick up Jupiter!

I know every D.J. from Tierra del Fuego

to the Arctic Circle, man!

- I used to be D.J. at the FCC Academy.

- I remember it well, man, he
was like the most vulgar cat

in the history of radio!

- Buddy, I would like to leave soon,

I don't want to spend the
night in a truck stop.

- Why don't you go back to Jupiter, man?

Go back to Mercury or somewhere?

I mean, like, if I was a town man,

you would be the main drag!

These people are my friends!

Can't you feel anything?

- Wait 'til I tell Daddy!

- Man, she's very sick.

- Hey, I don't want to be an imposition,

but you look like a pretty together group

of guys and gals and,
uh, if you don't mind,

the copper-flue business
hasn't been as great

as it used to be and I
haven't eaten in 48 hours.

- What's mine is yours, man!
- Thank ya, brother.

- Oh, listen, man, listen, my
whole body is at your service.

I mean, I am totally trustworthy
and completely fearless!

And I'm ready to die for you! (laughs)

- Some kind of criminal organization?

- Uh, we're just tryin'
to get to South Carolina.

That's all.

- Well, if I were you I'd
get goin' pretty quick,

that TV show ain't gonna help you any.

- [Penelope] Why?

- Well, you've been gettin'
some very bad press, man.

Could you use some publicity?

Totally on speck, I'll do it for nothin'.

I'd sell people than copper-flues anyway.

I'm fantastic.

- We're gonna be takin'
some pretty strange routes.

- What, are we gonna wait here all night?

When do we get started?

- There is no way that we
can stay here tonight, man.

It's too dangerous.

- Then we should get goin',
what are they doin' in there?

- Oh, you gotta learn to be
a warrior, man. (giggling)

I mean, like, patience is a virtue.

(upbeat rock music)

I'll bet you don't know
where this stuff is from?

- Oaxaca.

- No, no, further, further away than that.

Guess again.
- San Piedro, I don't know?

- No, San Piedro, oh, no, no.

- You do realize what is happening to you?

- Yeah, I do, I am smoking
grass from Jupiter,

which is more than could
be said for you. (laughs)

- Jupiter?

Damn, they roll a good joint in Jupiter.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ We're still havin' fun
and you're still the one ♪

- Would you please get
this stinking cigarette

out of here, please?

- Hey, hey, why don't you go
back to, um, Pluto? (laughs)

You, you, you, geek! (laughs)

Get off my case!

- What, she on uppers?

- I don't know?

(upbeat Honkey-tonk music)

- Did ya ever play one of these? (laughs)

- I guess, right? (laughs)

- I feel like a bug in slow motion.

(upbeat Honkey-tonk music)

Yeah, it seems to me you
found some proof-positive

that there's life on other planets.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, man.

And, uh,

it's much, it's much
more pleasant there, too.

Than here.

(upbeat Honkey-tonk music)

Can, man,

can you


The malevolent energy beams
emanating from that police car?

- Yeah, yeah, yip, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

(upbeat Honkey-tonk music)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, guys and gals, goin'
out to you cats and kittens

across the country,
it's your favorite dude

whether you like it or not.

Here it is, guys and gals, comin' at you

for the 50th time today.

You think you're sick of it?

Well, I'm sick of it, too,
but if jingle and the jangles,

janglin' around for about
two-and-a-half minutes

while I go take a pee.

Jing, jang, jangle-jangle,
that's why I play

this long one about now,
gives me time to take a walk

down the hallway, down the hallway.

(Buddy laughing)

Take a little respite, little respite.

Does that to the old bladder.

- I hear music. (laughing)

(upbeat Honkey-tonk music)

- [Alice] Okay, my little sister needs

some new ballet shoes.

Okay, how 'bout a tip?

Thanks a lot.

- How much, honey?
- $25, $25.

- $20, $25.

- [Alice] How 'bout that, my
mom needs a new vacuum cleaner.

- $25?

The price has gone up again.

- [Alice] Stamps only on Sunday.


- [Lulu] Hurry up!

- Oh, thanks a lot, thanks a lot.

Okay, all right, let's go,
let's go, it's gettin' cold!

(engine humming)

- [Dispatcher] To all units
in the southern quadrant,

be on the lookout for a white,

1976 Kenworth tractor-trailer
rig, license number 22--

- That's the same one we heard earlier.

- They're gonna catch us.

- Why do you say that,
we've made it this far!

- I'm gonna take a chance, Penelope.

- [Penelope] What?

- There's this new Route
9, south of Atlanta,

and it crosses the Apalachee.

They'll probably have all the
other small roads blocked.

If we get through there,
it's clear sailin'

to the Carolina Coast.

I just wanna make one last run

and make it right.

Just one more time.

I don't care what happens after.

- Just get me there in one piece

and we'll grow old together, John.

- Now why do you think he'll take Route 9?

- You see, I have been
followin' him at some distance

and I have reason to believe

that not only prostitution and auto theft,

but that drugs are involved. (laughs)

- And that does make your conscience

a little clearer, doesn't it?

- You got it.

- Attention, Patrol Units,
sector 18, respond Route 9,

10-8-51, stolen tractor-trailer rig,

1976 Kenworth.
(sirens blaring)

License number 22112X,


Following wanted suspects,
Elegant John Howard,

Beebo Crozier.

Wanted charges grand theft,
be advised, request blockage.

Repeat, request blockage sector 18

at the mouth of Apalachee Bridge.

Advise Bay Station,
additional cover needed.

- Hey, hey, gather 'round guys and gals

while we tell ya the story of Elegant John

and his six mystery beauties!

Make that seven!

- Hey, we can broadcast, man,

like, we can get assistance, man!

You don't have to worry
about anything, man,

we'll have every motor vehicle

in central Georgia helping
us run this blockade!

- Nah, somebody might get hurt.

- Somebody's always
getting hurt, man! (laughs)

It's like the way of the world!

- Nah.

I guess I'll just turn myself in,

maybe they'll let the girls go?

- They're not gonna let us go!

We gotta go straight ahead!

Come on, John.

You said one, last perfect run.

- [Bobby] What will he say, guys and gals?

- All right!
(crowd cheering)

- Remember, you heard it first
on the Bobby Apples Show!

All right!

All right!

(women cheering)

- Beebo, Ginny!
- What's goin' on?

- [Glinda] We're gonna run the blockade!

(women cheering)
(uplifting orchestral music)

- [Alice] Let's go!

- [Ginny] Let me get a picture of you!

(engine revving)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(engines revving)

- Stand on it!

(engines revving)

(lively orchestral music)

- [Dispatcher] Suspect's
vehicle contains six, white,

female adult escapees from Wyoming.

Charges of prostitution
and failure to appear

on 16 counts of attractive nuisance

and unpaid garbage collection fees.

Suspects should be considered
extremely dangerous,

use caution when approached.

Direction of travel is eastbound
Route 9, Apalachee Bridge.

- This is going out to all
you truckers in radio land.

You've heard the saga of Elegant John

and his sweet mystery six,
and seen it advertised on TV.

Well, let me tell you somethin', brothers,

now's the time for all of you

to come to the aid of your hero.

Are you tired of everyone
tellin' you what to do?

Are you fed up to here
with the idiotic way

things are run in this country?

Can you remember a time when
people would help one another?

Do you recall a time you weren't

as cynical as you are today?

Well, people have very
little to believe in today.

You can't believe in your congressman,

he's sold himself to a corporation,

he's too busy screwin'
his secretary to help you!

(engine revving)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(upbeat Country Western music)

You can't count on your government

when they steal from your pockets

and build bombs they say
they're never gonna use,

and which lies to you with
every breath it takes!

You can't even trust the cop on the beat,

'cause he doesn't know whose side he's on!

You can trust your radio
because they go and run off

a good man like Bobby Apples
for tellin' it like it is!

Truckers and anyone else who
will listen, we need your help!

The destiny of a free
people hangs in the balance!

Standing at the crossroads
of Apalachee Bridge

on Route 9 are the forces of oppression,

the armies of darkness!

These are the people who gave us

the 55 mile-an-hour speed limit

and the Howard Johnson's
Radar-Range hotdog!

These are the people
who said there was light

at the end of the tunnel, when they,

they were the tunnel themselves!

(Buddy laughing)

- [Cop] What in the hell
is he talkin' about?

- These are the people that said

that smokin' marijuana would
make you crazy! (cackling)

These are the people who hate rock-n-roll!

These are the people who
are siphoning your brains

for the little robots and rob your soul!

Defend the eagle, California!

- Breaker, breaker!

- It's really gettin' outta hand.

- Elegant John, do you read me, over?

Elegant John, we don't want to hurt ya,

do you read me, over?

If you don't peacefully stop at the foot

of Apalachee Bridge, we're
gonna be forced to open fire,

do you read me, over?
(Charlie laughing)

- How far are we?

- A mile.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(triumphant orchestral music)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

- [Cop] If you don't stop peacefully,

we're gonna be forced to open
fire, do you read me, over?

Do ya, John, do ya read me?

- What should I tell him?

(suspenseful orchestral music)

You will never take us alive, over!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Join with us!

Power to the people!

Give me liberty or give me death!

(dramatic orchestral music)

(engines revving)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(horn blaring)

(women cheering)

- Here they come!
(horn blaring)

- They ain't gonna stop!
(dramatic orchestral music)

(horn blaring)

(water splashing)

(metal crunching)

(water splashing)

(horn blaring)

(women cheering)

- [Charlie] I can't swim, I can't swim!

I can't swim!

(Penelope laughing)

- We made it, we made it!

Goddamn it, we made it!

We made it, we made it, we made it!

We made it, we made it, we made it!

We made it!

We made it!

Yeah, we made it!

Say a few words!

- We made it!

- That's it, we made it! (laughing)

(uplifting orchestral music)

(soft Country Western music)

- Hey, man, I gotta congratulate you, man!

That was like a very,
very noble thing to do!

But now that the hard part is over,

I gotta get back to New Jersey
so, like, vaya con dios.

- Thank you.

- Ditto from me, gotta find a new gig

now that the excitement's
over, you know what I mean?

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye, thank ya, dear.

Well, the worst part's over.

- I know.

We made it.

How you feel?

- Feel like I've come home.

(crowd muttering)

(solemn orchestral music)

(somber music)

- Beebo, Beebo, how come we stopped?


- Come on, now, move it!

- Drive!
(door slamming)

- 20 miles, John, hey,
that's all we got left.

We're gonna make it!

I can pull her in, Eleanor trusts me now.

(soft guitar music)