The Epic Tales of Captain Underpants (2018) - full transcript

Best friends George and Harold scheme together a number of pranks at school involving their principal, whose alter ego is a superhero they created called Captain Underpants.

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This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins.

George is the kid on the left
with the tie and the flattop.

Harold is the one on the right
with the T-shirt and the bad haircut.

Remember that, now.

This is the year our parents
finally let us go to Lake Summer Camp.

Our long, cold winter is at an end.

If they get good grades.

Because there's no such thing
as free camp.

Lake Summer Camp.
I've seen it so many times in my mind.

- I've seen it in your mind, too.
- What?



Whoa! We're skiing on a river
of nacho cheese!

Hey, kids, I'm a chip with a face!

That's right, it's not my cheese.
It's everyone's cheese!

I'm 100-percent sure
this is exactly what camp will be like.

♪ So George and Harold make comic books ♪

- ♪ We're cool! ♪
- ♪ Me, too! ♪

♪ But they had a mean old principal
Who told them what to... ♪

- ♪ Blah, blah, blah, blah ♪
- ♪ So they got a hypno-ring ♪

♪ And first, they made him dance ♪

♪ Then, accidentally, kinda on purpose
Turned him into Captain Underpants ♪

♪ Tra-la-la! ♪

♪ With a snap, he's the Captain
Not the brightest man ♪

♪ And don't forget, when he gets wet ♪

- ♪ You're back where you began ♪
- ♪ Blah, blah, blah ♪



♪ Put it all together
What could possibly go wrong? ♪

♪ Now this is the end
Of the Captain Underpants song ♪

- ♪ By George Beard and Harold Hutchins ♪
- ♪ Tra-la-la! ♪

We can get good grades.

We'll just act like Melvin,
minus the awful.

Clear the path, you dirty bathtub rings!

That's a lot of awful.

That's not gonna fit.

- Pivot!
- You have to turn it.

It's fragile, you unevolved ape.

Turn. Pivot, pivot! Pi...

Manual labor suits you,
Vice Principal Krupp.

By that, I mean you have opposable thumbs
and a beating heart.

I swear,
one day I will destroy you!

What was that?

Um, I said, "Hi there. Fun day!
Why fill me toy shoe?"

Did you just replace the words you said
that you didn't want me to hear

with random gibberish words
that rhyme with those words?

No. No. Snow. Snow!

Hey, I'm all done hanging
your big screen thingy.

Uh, what is this anyway?

My Rank Tank 2000
is a convenient visual way

to ensure everyone knows you, young me,

- are the top student in this school!
- As always.

And by teaching lessons
only you understand...

It stays that way.

- Uh, why'd you stop?
- Go mow the lawn!

- But I'm allergic to grass.
- Good!

The assignment is so basic,
even you may understand it.

All you have to do is teach an animal.

- What, like, a trick?
- Or self-defense?

Or math, or science, or literature,

or something else
nature never intended animals to know?

That's up to you.
But fail the test, fail the class.

And I crafted the perfect name for this.

"Advancimals"!

Uh, actually, that's an old cartoon.

♪ Advancimals ♪

♪ They're advanced animals ♪

♪ It's just the word "advanced"
And the word "animals" ♪

♪ They're smart animals with powers
Please buy the toys, yeah! ♪

No, I'm quite certain
"Advancimals" is a word I made up.

- ♪ Advancimals, this show really exists ♪
- Moving on!

As they are expendable,
you will all receive a rat.

Aw, let's call him Ratrick!

- So good.
- Gooch, your rat is missing.

So you'll use the school python.

Am I supposed to resist being eaten
or let it happen?

Because I'm flexible.

And Melvin's specimen
will be a chimpanzee.

Mm-hmm.

Which does not give him
a clear advantage in any way.

Bottom line,
you have a week to teach your animals.

Best animal wins, the rest fail.

I will judge
and that, too, is totally fair.

Any questions? No? Great!

This does not feel fair.

Hate to admit it,
but the Melvins' Rank Tank 2000

is a convenient visual way
to track our grades.

And to get above this red line
and go to summer camp,

we gotta teach Ratrick something.

- But how?
- I know! The Animal Chanimal!

Oh, yeah! The thoughtful,
scholarly, educational channel

all about animal science.

I'm Hunt Catchmore.
Welcome to Dehumythifiers.

If myths were humidity,
I'm like a dehumidifier, but for myths!

This week, I'm on the trail of Chupacabra!

Chupacabra?

A savage beast
about whom we know jack squat!

Except they love eating goats.

Also, only a Chupacabra
can stop another Chupacabra!

Actually, we know quite a bit!

- 'Kay, this is not helping.
- At all.

I've been tracking this female Chupacabra,
and now she's here in Piqua!

- Piqua?
- Yes, Piqua!

Look at this gas station footage!

Why is it here?
And why so many lotto scratchers?

I don't know. What I do know
is Hunt Catchmore hunts to catch more!

That's a play on my name!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep moving!

Whoa, dude's finally lost it.

Mr. Meaner,
you don't know Chupacabra's here for you.

There's lots of reasons
they've come to Piqua.

Like um... our stores.

- Trees.
- Air?

- Roads.
- And so much more.

See? Chupacabra isn't hiding somewhere
plotting your ruin.

Or is she? Answer? Yes, she is.

I gotta, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep moving!

So, yeah, if we wanna go to summer camp,

we gotta train Ratrick
to be the best Advancimal.

♪ Advancimals ♪

♪ They wear glasses
'Cause they are smart ♪

So let's hit it.

Okay, Ratrick.
First, you roll the 17-sided dice,

then use your different powers
and listen to the cavemaster scenarios

to navigate through
the Playhouse of the Noggin.

Trying to teach a rat

how to play Dolomites and Dingbats
is hard enough,

even harder
if your rat is too sad to learn.

Before he met George and Harold,
Ratrick lived in a lab with another rat.

And they were in love.

But when they were separated,

Ä°t broke Ratrick's heart and it robbed him
of his will to do anything,

including learn.

And if you accept the request
to capture a... Ratrick?

And you stir the batter quickly,
but not too quickly

or you'll get bubbles,
and you don't want those.

All he wanted, more than anything,

was for someone to know his pain.

Ratrick?

Dolomites and Dingbats,
mixing crepe batter...

nothing we've tried to teach him
is sticking.

Well, I'm sure the other kids are having
problems with their animals, too.

And they were.

"Nigel the newt..." agh!

Whoa!

Every kid except Melvin.

You're an already clever beast, Edwin.

And now I will increase
your intellect a thousandfold

with my Intellijector 2000!

Eek!

Now that I have given you
intelligent thought,

what will you do
with your superior intellect, hmm?

What will you do? What will you do?

What will you... ugh!

Okay, that's a start.

Maybe.

Now, Edwin, solve the puzzle
and this ice cream is yours to lick.

Ah-ah-ah. Not yet.

And, yes, that is a good,
undoctored likeness of me.

Meanwhile, back at school,

Mr. Krupp was struggling
with his new responsibilities.

Why is there no bag on this mower?

And with breathing.

It's like someone wanted all this grass
to spray into my face

and make me miserable!

What do you think's going through
that little rat head of his?

I don't know.

But we gotta find something he'll learn,
or we can forget about Lake Summer Camp.

No!

Okay, okay, but I need a break.
Let's just make a comic.

All right, deal. Ooh!
Hunt Catchmore gave me a great idea.

By George Beard and Harold Hutchins.

So, there was this teacher
who wanted to get invited to parties,

but he didn't 'cause he smelled like beans

'cause he always made cheesy bean dip
that smelled like beans!

He got all mad and stuff and made
a sewage sprayer to ruin the parties.

Splort!

But when he pressed the button,
all the sewage went on him.

Whoa! Wrong way! Double-splort, flort!
And it turned him into Poopacabra!

Poopacabra? Wow, this is good.

So, Poopacabra
crashed the party all stink! Ew!

But Captain Underpants was there
doing the limbo, and he goes,

"Yuck! Who invited a dumpster?"

Which offended Dexter the Dumpster,
but, okay, he's fine.

Whatever, Dexter.

Poopacabra stinked it up so bad,
Captain Underpants was like,

"Let's take it outside.
Seriously. I cannot breathe."

Wah! Yike!

Poopacabra punched Captain Underpants
through the wall.

Bash! And it was on! Like, way on!

Captain Underpants grabbed a lawn gnome
and smashed it over Poopacabra's head.

- Kerfrink!
- Poopacabra grabbed a pink flamingo

- and swung it.
- Flamingo!

And they whacked each other
with all the lawn ornaments around.

- Zergank! Perklunk!
- Horse jockey!

But, I mean, was anybody really gonna miss
those lawn ornaments?

Maybe.

But right when he was about to chuck
a plastic snowman,

Captain Underpants saw a single tear
in Poopacabra's eye.

And he knew Poopacabra
was just a good guy

who caught a bad and very smelly break.

Oh! Darn! Fate!

So Captain Underpants said,
"Everybody invite Poopacabra to parties!"

And everyone did because... they did.

And everyone loved Poopacabra's cheesy
bean dip because beans, cheese, and stuff.

What's not to like? Phew! Okay. The end.

So good. Right?

- George?
- Shh!

He's drawing.

He's drawing a comic book.

Buddy, we taught him
how to draw a comic book!

Ratrick made a comic.
It told the story of his broken heart.

George and Harold were amazed.

He did it!
Ratrick learned to make a comic!

We're going to Lake Summer Camp!

While the boys appreciated
Ratrick's craft,

they totally missed the point.

This is amazing!
Look how he drew this broken heart!

But all Ratrick wanted
was a little sympathy.

Look at the sad face.
Hilarious, Ratrick.

- Wait, where's he going?
- Ratrick?

Uh-oh, I think you boys
have taken it too far.

Come back!

- Why are we chasing Ratrick here?
- It's the only set available today!

- Ratrick, what's wrong?
- Please!

Just talk to us
even though you can't talk!

He's headed for the sewer!

No!

Do you think we did something
to upset Ratrick?

Yes, you did.

Mmm, nah, that doesn't sound like us.

Now let's just find him before toxic
sewage mutates him into a monster,

- 'cause that could happen.
- It most certainly could.

- Hmm?
- Ratrick!

- Nah. It's just an old trophy.
- Finally!

An audience for our all-alligator
Shakespearean acting company!

The house is open.

Two households, both alike in dignity,

in fair Verona, where we lay our scene.

Oh! We're never gonna find Ratrick.

What would the Advancimals do?

Advancimals!

You defeated my ha-ha-henchmen,
but you won't guess my evil plan!

Ah, yes, I'm the bad guy!

You're creating a dis-ss-straction
with this-ss volcano

as-ss your Giggle Gang-ss-sters
rob every bank in New Generic...

ss-ss...

City!

Oh, yeah. You did guess it.

♪ Advancimals
The show was doomed right from the start ♪

We'll figure something out.

Congratulations, Edwin.

You've created your first batch
of unpredictable green toxic sludge

that glows inexplicably.

A milestone for any great mind.

Ah-ah, with wisdom comes patience,
my simian friend.

Now we get rid of this before something
inexplicably unpredictable happens.

Unfortunately,

this inexplicably unpredictable thing
did happen.

Thanks to toxic sludge,
he wasn't Ratrick anymore.

He was Poopacabra.

Now, instead of love,
he wanted revenge.

Good job, Edwin. You're a natural driver.

Keep this up and you'll earn
this ice cream someday.

No, no!

Edwin, control yourself!

I can't believe we lost Ratrick.

I keep thinking we missed something.

Because you did.

"If you are not Melvin,
you will never succeed."

"Fart on Melvin to succeed."

- Hmm.
- Nope, still sad.

Hmm?

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Oh! Agh!

Oof!

Okay, that helped a little.

What is that?

Mr. Meaner, are you okay?

- How did you, yeah, yeah, yeah, get in?
- Through the other door.

What? Two doors? Since when?

- Since they built the school.
- Doesn't matter!

Look at yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this!

I've tracked the Chupacabra
to this poorly-maintained,

depressing elementary school.

- She's here!
- Yikes!

Guess we were wrong.
Looks like you're a goner.

What'd you do to make it
hate you so much anyway?

Everybody makes mistakes
in yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Mazatlán.

Years ago, I was on vacation

pumping iron on
the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, beach...

when I saw
monsters in the brush.

Caught the male.

But the female got away.

And that one has been after me ever since

for yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
ratting her out to the Man.

But she'll never find me
because I yeah, yeah, yeah blend in.

- We can still see you.
- Attention, students.

Time has run out.
Bring your Advancimals to be judged!

It's gonna be a long summer
without summer camp.

What's with all the pounding today?

By chipping away at the clay,
your sculpture begins to take form.

You wanna try?

Wait a sec.

Rat sculptures?
We're back in the camp game, baby!

You have taught your rat nothing
but a lack of good taste. Next!

- And you... are a meal.
- I'm fine.

It's actually kinda nice in here.
Humid like a tropical island...

And what is the nature of your failure?

We taught Ratrick how to make comic books!

Ratrick just made this comic
all by himself.

It's incredible!

Er, oh, no! Ratrick, your arm!

No, he's fine! Yah!

Oh, no!

Ratrick! There's, um, two of you

and you're, uh, both made of clay
for some reason!

Wait! I see what's going on.

It's the old "replace one real rat
with two clay rats" hustle!

And... Wait.
What is that awful smell?

Saved by the smell.

Ratrick, you're okay!

Except you're a monster
that smells like a toilet full of cabbage!

The sewer turned him into Poopacabra!

I knew it! Toxic sludge turns everything
into monsters!

Yes, it does.

Whew. Agh!

Great, now I need a new phone!

Poopacabra,
we're sorry for getting you mutated.

He's not in a forgiving place yet.
Time to get Captain Underpants!

Nothing but green
as far as the eye can see!

I can't breathe!

Breathe through your mouth, man!

Oh! So that's what mouths are for.

His hay fever plugged his nose up.

This smells like trouble!
Or I think it does.

I'm mad congested, yo!

♪ Tra-la-la! ♪

Because, as everyone knows, video games
don't need violence to be entertaining.

Captain Underpants
versus Poopacabra. Clash!

Rodent Ram!

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-
tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!

The Rat-attack! Ooh!

Obliter-rat takedown!

Whoa!

Those sprinklers
are gonna turn Cap back into Mr. Krupp.

Captain Underpants,
avoid those sprinklers.

Got it!

Nice job, Cap!

You actually did what we asked you to do.

Had to happen at some point!
The sheer odds were...

No!

Uh, hey! Why am I outside? Agh!

Where are my clothes?

Oh, no.

Sure, why not?

Oh-hh!

Run!

Ugh!

Why's he so mad?
We taught him to make comics!

- He should thank us!
- Wait! His comic!

Look, George, we totally missed the point!

- His heart's broken!
- So, what now?

- Any ideas, Mr. Meaner?
- What? How can you see me?

You're literally impossible to miss.

Shh! The Chupacabra's hot on my trail!

Hunt Catchmore said so!

Wait, something Hunt Catchmore said.

Only a Chupacabra can stop
another Chupacabra!

Echo, echo, echo... "Bra, bra, bra."

Chupacabra can stop Poopacabra! With love!

That's a stretch, but it's all we've got!

So, how do we get Chupacabra
to come to us?

Bait. Mr. Meaner can lure Chupacabra in
to meet Poopacabra

before we're soup-acabra!

- Nice.
- Mr. Meaner,

- you've gotta stand up to Chupacabra.
- But...

No buts! If you don't, you're gonna live
in fear for the rest of your life.

Hmm. You're right.
I'm tired of running from her.

And not just because
I'm yeah, yeah, yeah, out of shape.

Oh, no, Poopacabra!
That's only half the 'acabras we need!

This wasn't our best plan.

Eh...?

That doesn't look like love.

Why'd we listen to Hunt Catchmore?

Yeah, I guess the thing that binds
all living creatures...

is love.

Which is exactly
what Mr. Meaner took away

from Chupacabra
all those years ago in Mazatlán.

- Do you know what this means?
- They'll live happily ever after?

No. I'm finally free!

Whoo!

So, George and Harold
got one more chance

to present their Advancimal.

And so, we found true love for Ratrick.

Well, now that that's done, it's obvious
that Melvin's Advancimal is the winner.

Behold, fools!

Look upon my ribbon and despair!
Oh, what...?

I cannot accept this award
in good conscience.

Melvin gave me the gift
of human intellect,

but George and Harold
have given their Advancimal

a far greater gift... love!

As victor, I cede my triumph
to its rightful recipient.

I'll just leave this here.

That means we passed, right?

- I guess.
- What?

Yes! We're one step closer!

Still in the game!

Huh? What?

I thought I could get used to this,
but I've changed my mind

and I want to get out.