The End of the Affair (1955) - full transcript

It began in London
during the war.

I had been wounded
and discharged
out of the Army.

But I stayed on in London,
for I was a writer,

and had become interested
in another group

fighting the battle
for England's survival,

the men on the home front,
the civil servants.

A week earlier
I had been introduced
to one of these, Henry Miles,

and he had asked me
to a sherry party
he and his wife were giving.

Mmm.

Thank you.
You have a charming house.

I didn't quite imagine you
in a house like this.



Well, that's my wife's doing.
She found it.

Which one is your wife?
The one in gray.

Goodbye. It was so nice...

I am so sorry.
Oh, I'm so silly.

Don't worry. It's not...
How are you, Jeffrey?

I'd like to meet her.
Oh, of course.

Haven't seen her
in such a long time.

Sarah dear, I'd like you
to meet Maurice Bendrix.

My wife.
Oh, the writer?

Ah, the graceful memory
of a civil servant's wife.

I must remember that.

Will you excuse me?
Yes.

That's right.
You're writing a book about
a civil servant, aren't you?

I'm afraid it's going to be
pretty dull. I mean,
my writing will make it so.



Of course. I mean,
I know that's what you meant.

I'd half expected
a sort of professorial type,
complete with cap and gown.

I can see Henry's
been maligning me.

He wouldn't have
meant it that way.

Could I get you a sherry?
No. No, thanks.

I've got to go on
doing this for hours.

You do it very well.

Well, I like it.

Oh, excuse me a minute,
will you?

Surely.

Excuse me. Bendrix.

You're not leaving, are you?

I'm afraid I have
some work to do, Henry.

I envy you writer fellows
the ability to put down
what you think.

Ah, but you see,
we often put down
what we don't think.

I don't believe I could do that.

Still, I suppose
if one put
one's mind to it.

Well, thanks again.
And I thought your wife
was charming.

Oh, she's a great help to me.

I'm sure she is.

As a matter of fact,
I believe she could tell you

more about my life
than I could myself.

She's much more observant
than I am,

and after all
we've been married 10 years.

Maybe I should
have a chat with her.

By all means.
Why don't you
arrange something?

I think I will. Goodbye.
Good night.

I'm glad you don't
always order sherry.
It's a dull drink.

Well, I don't really like it,
but for some people...

Especially civil servants?

Especially.

You, um... You wanted to
ask me something?

Oh, yes, yes.

You see,
no matter how inventive
a writer thinks he is,

there are always
certain things he has to know.

In my novels...
Which ones have you read?

Well, I haven't read any.

Oh.

Well, let me think.
What about domestic routine?

What time do you have
breakfast in your house?

Oh, about 8:30 as a rule,
except on Saturdays.

And does Henry
go to the ministry
by tube or taxi?

By bus.

Now, look.

When your husband
introduced us,
and you heard my name,

you said, "The writer?"

Well, I've read
some of the reviews
of your books.

And never felt like
going beyond that?

I don't really like novels,
and I have a lot of reading
to do for Henry.

Some papers and things.
Hmm.

Does he carry them
in a briefcase
with the royal arms on it?

Well, he has a briefcase,
but I think it just has
his initials on it.

You know, Henry will be
frightfully pleased
if you put him in a book.

Will you?

And will you trust him to me
without having read my books?

Trust is a variable quality.

Wipe your mouth.

The last time I saw you
was in a mirror.

Really?

You were kissing someone.

Was I?
Is that why you kissed me?

I thought it was.

Will you come this way,
please?
Oh, our table's ready.

I never knew a woman
so pleasant to be silent with.

You know,
when I invited you out
to dinner tonight,

it was with
the cold-blooded intention

of picking the brains
of a civil servant's wife.

But I begin to think
I'm in a strange country
without a map.

It's not so strange, really.

I didn't think so at first.
Maybe it's you
that makes it seem so.

I can't picture your life.

It's quite ordinary.

Of course, the war
has made a difference.

For me, too.

Yes, I meant to ask about...

Why I'm not in uniform?

No, if the limp
came from a wound.

You noticed.

Do you mind?

It's only when I'm tired
or keyed up.

I got it early in the war.

I watched you
walk down the stairs.

It shows then.

I thought, "He's leaving."

I had hoped...

What?

I felt there was
something unsaid.

Then you knew it first.

Yes.

There's a taxi.

Taxi!

I can't take you home yet.

No.

The Albion Hotel.

Good afternoon.
Oh, good afternoon, sir.

Mrs. Miles is upstairs
in the drawing room, sir.

She's expecting you.
Thank you.

Oh, I thought the time
would never pass.

You realize you were
away nearly a week?

Five days.

Oh, how I missed you.

Three years I've lived
down the street from you.

Your house was just
one of a row of houses,
a number I never even saw.

And now when you're away,
the whole street feels empty.

Don't ever leave me again.
No.

Oh, the blackout.
I almost forgot.

I didn't realize it was so late.

I really shouldn't
have come here.

Well, why not?

With that maid hanging around.

She always knocks.

And Henry, he might have
come home any minute.

We should have heard him.
There's one stair
that always creaks.

Still, we...

You haven't yet told me
where you were.

A very dull place.

Oh?
Brighton.

What were you doing there?

It would bore you to hear.

Someone you've known
a long time?
Mmm-hmm.

Longer than Henry?
Much.

Does he know where you were?

No, not exactly...

Ah, secret visits, huh?

In a way.

You know, it's funny.
I could be asking
all these same questions

in a different tone of voice,

and we'd be having
a jealous scene.

Where were you?
With whom were you?

What's his name?

"What's his name?"
I was with my mother.

You're kidding.

Why? What did you think?

I wasn't thinking.
I was just talking.

Well, Henry and she
don't quite hit it off,

and so every now and then
I go and spend some time
with her.

Look.

It's a shell I brought back
for my collection.

I think I am jealous after all.

I'm jealous of someone
who's known you so long,
so well.

Known you when you were
little and defenseless

and uncomplicated.

Henry.

Sarah.
Oh, hello, Bendrix.

Henry.

How are you, darling?

And how are you?

How's the war going
in your department?

Oh, well,
I'm in Pensions, you know,
so I keep busy.

Henry and his widows.

It used to be old ones,
and I didn't mind so much.

But now, all these young widows,

most of them
with so little
to remember.

It's very troubling.

Whiskey, gin?

I should be going.
It's my fire-watching night.

You do need a drink.
Whisky.

I hear they do a good job.

I'm getting a fine view
of London rooftops.

If I were a painter
I might put it to some use.

Oh, that reminds me.
There's something I meant
to suggest to you.

Something you might
like to use.
I?

In your book
about the civil servant.

Oh, yes.
Thank you, dear.

Well, a lot of our chaps
have hobbies.

In fact, it seems to be
rather the thing
among civil servants,

music, painting, writing.

We even have
an amateur geologist
and quite a fair poet.

And what's yours, Henry?
What do you have for a hobby?

I haven't any.

I don't seem to need one.

I should be leaving.

Thank you, Henry.
It was very kind of you
to think about my book.

Well, that sort of thing
rounds off a character,
doesn't it?

It helps. Don't bother.
I know the way out.

Oh, I'll see you down.

What is it, darling?

Didn't you mind?

Mind?

You don't even know
what I'm talking about,
do you?

Henry?
Only the moment matters
with you, Sarah.

First the moment with me,
and now the moment with him.

Oh, Maurice, please.
Not here, Sarah, not again.

Anyplace but here.

In the months we spent together,

there was hardly
a part of London
that we didn't explore.

I knew now that whether
for joy or misery,

I was committed
to this one woman

for as long
as she would have me.

And I marveled that a love
I had entered into so lightly

could grow into a deep
and abiding passion,

one which dominated
my whole life.

For, as other men have done,
I convinced myself
that Sarah was a woman

made for peace and permanence
and for lasting love.

If only it were with me.

Isn't life absurd?

To think one could buy
a whole day's happiness

with three gallons of petrol.

Your friend has good taste.
Do you come down here often?

When I can.

She's very accommodating.
Besides, she's away a lot.

Aren't you glad I made you
put your work aside?

Mmm-hmm.

Maurice, do you remember when...

I like it when you
start a sentence with,
"Do you remember."

Why?

Well, it gives continuity
to our lives together.

It means we have a past
as well as a present.

We lack only a future.

We're not the only ones
living from day to day.

What were you saying before?

Oh, I don't know.
Something foolish.

I like the foolish things.

In the beginning,
it's all so serious and tense.

Then the fun creeps in,
the foolishness. Tell me.

But I've...
Go on, tell me.

Well, I was thinking about
that wintry day

when we walked across the fields

and everything was all icy.

Even the bristles on your chin
were covered with ice.

And there was
a little hollow
under a tree

and you made a pile of leaves
for me to lie on.

And you held me and warmed me.

And when we started
on our way again,
we saw footprints,

and we knew that someone
had walked by quite closely.

We never even noticed.

You're making it up.

Could be true.
Anything about us
could be true.

What made you think
of the footprints?

I had to think of something.

Couldn't have been imagination.

Oh, Maurice,
everybody imagines things,
not only writers.

Oh, it is nice being here,
and I do love you.

You say that
as if you were saying,
"It's a nice day."

Well, why not?

It's a simple fact,
like saying the world
is round,

or that the grass is green,
or the rain is wet.

Is there no special way?

Well, now, let me see.

It isn't because
you're handsome,
which you're not.

It isn't because
you're clever,
which you are.

Not why, how.

Like salt in my food.

When I'm not with you
everything seems flat
and tasteless.

Well, Miss Palmer,
I've kept my word.

Though I did have to
hide behind a hedge
when I saw the vicar passing.

But I promised you
the first one I had to spare.

And it's a beauty,
if I do say it.

Why, it's Mrs. Miles!

Yes, and it's so nice
to see you again,
Mrs. Tomkins.

Well, I'm sure
I can say the same.

And you've brought Mr. Miles
with you this time.
That is nice.

I expect you're
finding a breath
of country air refreshing

after all the bombs.

Well, he's been
needing a holiday.
Oh, I am glad I saved this.

I can't imagine anyone
I'd enjoy having a treat more

than one of the men
who is winning this war
for us.

But mind you, we shall win.

Darling, I think you should
take a bow for that.

You're much too kind.
I'll just put this
in the meat safe for you.

Shall I, Mrs. Miles?
If you will,
and thank you, Mrs. Tomkins.

It's a pleasure.
And it's a pleasure
meeting you, Mr. Miles.

Darling, do you think you can
trust me to roast a chicken
for you properly?

I see your kettle's
just on the boil,

so I'll stop and make your tea.

Thank you.
Oh, she is a nice woman.

But I do think
you might have been
a little more pleasant to her.

What did you want me to do?

Ask her to have tea
with the Miles'?

Why are you angry?
What have I done?

That you can even ask is...
Letting that woman...

But it was she
who made the mistake,
darling. I'm sorry.

But if I'd explained,
it would only have
embarrassed her,

besides it wouldn't
have been kind.

You're always kind,
aren't you, Sarah?
Oh, Maurice, please.

You must bear with me, Sarah.

This is the first time
I've ever seen you lie.
That is, to know it.

Never to you, Maurice.
Only the truth, always.

Even as you say that,
your face is full of truth.

Just as it was
when you lied
to that woman.

There. You can sit down
and be cozy.

I always say to my husband
when we have our tea together
by the fire,

"It's the best part of the day."

Thank you, Mrs. Tomkins.
You've been very,
very thoughtful.

I'll be off then.
Goodbye, Mrs. Miles.
Bye.

Goodbye, Mr. Miles.
Goodbye.

May I compliment you
on your performance?

Maurice dear,
you're making a great deal
over nothing.

The woman made
a silly mistake,
and I didn't correct her.

What's the harm?

Only the ease
with which you did it.

How you could stand there
and look at me
like I was Henry.

All the love
washed out of your face.

I could feel myself turning
into your dull husband,
and you my...

Maurice.

And that story
about the day
in the woods.

I don't believe you made it up.

You haven't that kind
of an imagination.

Something that happened
to you, and with whom?

Or don't you even remember?
You have no right...

I have no rights
where you're concerned, Sarah.

I'm just a passenger
in your life,

someone you picked up
on the way,

someone you'll drop off
when it suits you.

Oh, my poor Maurice,
how you torment yourself.

It's the uncertainty
of being apart and Henry.

Do you love me?

Yes.

Why do you stay with him?

I want time.

Time? Time for what?

Time for trust.

You have no real trust in me.

It's because
we're not together
all the time.

It's because I'm not
the man for this
hole-in-the-corner love.

Oh, Sarah,

if only we were married,
we could be happy for always.

Can't we be happy
just a day at a time?

Come in.

Sarah.
Oh, I'm too early after all.

No, no.
I lost track of the time.
I'll put my work away.

You're lovely.

Oh, I couldn't resist these.
Aren't flowers sensible?

The whole world in chaos,
and they just keep
right on blooming.

It gives me a kind of faith.

In what?
Oh, I don't know.

That lilacs bloom every year,
and apples keep growing
on apple trees.

I can't imagine
how anybody could be angry
on a day like this.

I'm not.

Oh, I didn't mean you.

All those soapbox orators
in the park.

I walked by that way
and they were all furious
about something.

Capitalism, military service,
foreign aid.

There was even one man
who was angry about God.

Oh?

Yes.

Actually, it scared me
a little, hearing him.

It seemed so, well,
risky at a time like this,
being rude to God.

I suppose you could
picture him getting ready
to hurl a thunderbolt.

You don't really believe
all that stuff,
do you, Sarah?

It's like not walking
under ladders.

No, but then,
I don't walk under ladders,
either.

Come on.
Come out of your corner.

You've been playing games
long enough.

It's that we've
looked forward so long
to these few days together.

I've been at this window
a dozen times since noon.

Oh, I mustn't.
Mustn't what?

Muss up your hair.
You've just had it done.

I didn't go.
Oh, then I can muss it up.

What happened
that you didn't have it done?

I got the days mixed up.

You did the same thing
with the dentist last week.

Yes, I know.

I'm afraid you're hopeless.
Quite.

If you found you were free,
you could have come out here.

You said you were
gonna work all day.

So I did.

Shall we go to Ruhl's
for dinner?
Mmm-hmm.

Why don't you book a table
while I go in and brush up?

All right.

Those don't sound
like ordinary bombs.
There's something different.

Please don't go
near the window, Maurice.
It's dangerous.

I'll be careful.
Please.

They look like planes on fire,
only, they're not.

I can't think of a...

I think you better
get out of here, Sarah,
while it's quiet.

I don't like the look
of those things.
No, I'd rather stay here.

If anything should happen
and you were here.

I'll see you across the square.

Let me stay here with you.

Well, if you won't go home,
Sarah, we'd better go
to the basement. It's safer.

Your landlady may be there.
I can't face her.

I'll go down and see.
Maurice, don't go.
Don't leave me.

I'll be right back.

I must go, Sarah,
while there's time.
I'll be right back.

Sarah?

Sarah?

You.

Oh, God, Maurice, you're alive!

It's really you.
You're not dead.

Oh, but you're hurt.
Come in here
and let me bathe your face.

What were you doing
on your knees?

I don't know.
I was praying, I think.

You should have come downstairs.

I did, but I couldn't see you.

Only your arm stretched out
from under the door.

I thought you were dead.
I couldn't lift the door.

I was certain you were dead.

The door wasn't holding me.

At least it didn't seem to be
when I crawled out.

How long was I down there?

I don't know.
Five, 10 minutes.

I had such an odd sensation
when I came to.

A terrific sense of space
and distance,

like I'd been on a long journey.

Oh, I wish I could remember.

What?

I don't know exactly.
Like a dream.

All of this looks
a little unreal, even you.

I must go.

I don't like you to leave
with these things
still hitting.

Still, I don't think
you should be here, either.

I'll see you across the square.

No, Maurice. Please don't.

It's nearly daylight.

Besides, you've had a bad shock.

I begin to feel I have.
Shall I see you tomorrow?

I don't know.

So this is the end
of the three days
we'd hoped for together.

Yes, the end.

I'll see you tomorrow.

It may not be safe.

I survived this.

Yes, you did.

But when shall I see you?

Don't look so frightened.

Love doesn't end just because
we don't see each other.

Sarah! Sarah!

She had disappeared.

It was almost as though
this were all happening
in some bad dream.

But then as the effects
of the bomb
began to assert themselves,

I found I couldn't think
about Sarah clearly.

For the next several days,
I had what the doctors called
"delayed shock."

I was bruised
from the shoulders
to the knees,

and they couldn't understand
why every bone in my body
wasn't broken.

But worse than all this
was not being able
to reach Sarah.

As soon as I could,
I tried to get to her.

But it was always the same.

Mrs. Miles
is not at home.

Mrs. Miles left no message.

Mrs. Miles is out of town.

And then the memory came,

the memory of that look
on Sarah's face when she said,

"Maurice, you're not dead."

And suddenly I knew.

I knew that she'd been lying
in that expert way of hers

when she said she loved me.

"Maurice, you're not dead,"
she said.

And all the time, at heart,
she'd been hoping
for my death,

so that she could leave me
with an easy conscience.

And with that thought,
my jealousy turned to hate.

And my hatred turned inward,
and I even thought
of killing myself.

But the moment passed,
and I decided to go away,

to forget Sarah
and that I once loved her.

A year had passed.

The war was over,
and the lights were beginning
to come on again.

I came back to my rooms
on the square

since I was convinced
that I had pushed Sarah
out of my life.

For I thought of her
only rarely now,
and always with hate.

I had worked all day
at my new book,

but it had gone badly.

The words were heavy,

and I pushed them along
until I was bone-tired.

I needed to stretch my legs
and escape
from my own company.

Halfway across the square,
I saw Henry Miles
walking ahead of me.

My first instinct
was to avoid him,

for I told myself
that I hated Henry, too,

as much as I hated his wife,
Sarah.

And then it was as if a hand
plucked at my elbow,

almost as if a voice whispered,

"Speak to him.
Catch up with him.
Speak to him."

Henry!

Bendrix.

Well, you're almost a stranger.

What are you doing
out in the rain?

Oh, just wanted a spot of air.

And Sarah's out
for the evening somewhere.

The cinema?
Oh, no, no.
She hardly ever goes.

She used to.

Well, it's been a long time
since we've seen you, Bendrix.

A long time.
Well, well.

They sound happy, don't they?

When you're miserable,
you envy
other people's happiness.

Are you miserable?

I'm worried.
I'm worried about Sarah.

Is she ill?

No.

I don't think so, not ill.

I can't talk here, Bendrix.

Come back to the house with me.

Will Sarah be back?

I don't expect so.

Come in, Bendrix.

Sarah. Sarah.

She's still out.
Take your coat off, Bendrix.

We'll go in here.

I don't think
I've seen this room before.
It's my study.

You spend much time in it?

Yes, quite a good deal.

Whenever Sarah's out.

Bendrix, I'm afraid.

What are you afraid of?

Well, I've always thought
that the worst thing
that any man could do,

the very worst...

You know,
you can trust me, Henry.

Read this, Bendrix.

"In reply to your inquiry,

"I would suggest that you
employ the services
of a fellow called Savage,

"159 Vigo Street.

"From all reports,
he has the reputation of being
both able and discreet."

Well, I haven't done anything
about it, but that letter
has sat on my desk

reminding me.

It seems so silly, doesn't it,

that I can trust Sarah
absolutely not to read it.

She comes in here
a dozen times a day,
and yet I can't trust her.

Well, she's out
for a walk now, Bendrix.

A walk.

You mean you want
a private detective
to follow Sarah?

Yes.

They always say, don't they,
that the husband
is the last person to know.

Really, Henry, you amaze me.

One of His Majesty's
most respected civil servants.

I imagined that your mind
was as neatly creased
as your trousers.

Well, I thought tonight
when I saw you in the square
that if I told you

and you laughed at me,
I might be able
to burn the letter.

You do think
that I'm a fool, don't you?

No, I don't think
you're a fool, Henry.

After all, Sarah's human.

Do you mean
you think it's possible?
Well, I...

And I always thought
you were a special friend
of hers, Bendrix.

Well, I only said
it was possible, Henry.

I know. I'm sorry.

But you can't think
what it's been like
all these months.

I never know where she is
or what she's doing.

And she's away at all hours,
Bendrix, with no explanation.

Why not go and see
this Mr. Savage yourself?

Then you'd know.

Oh, but just think.
Sitting there in front
of a desk,

in a chair all the other
jealous husbands have sat in?
No, I couldn't.

Why not let me go, Henry?

You?

I could pretend
to be a jealous lover.

They're less ridiculous
than jealous husbands.

Would you really do that
for me, Bendrix?

Of course I would.

I don't know
what I'm thinking about.

One can't spy on one's wife
through a friend,

and that friend
pretend to be her lover.

Well, it's not done, Henry,
but the not-done things
are done every day.

I've done
most of them myself.
Oh, no. No.

You're a good chap, Bendrix,
but it's unthinkable.

It's quite unthinkable.

All I needed was a good chat
just to clear my head.

Put it down to nerves,
I haven't been sleeping
very well, you know.

But I'll be better now.

There.
Now let me pour you a drink.

The name was Savage,
159 Vigo Street.

There's Sarah.

No, it's the maid.
She's been out this evening.

That's Sarah's step.

You.

It's nice to see you.

Sarah, darling.
Bendrix and I
met in the square.

And I just brought him in
for a drink and a chat.

How did you ever get so wet?

You know, one of these days
you'll catch your death
of cold.

I went out for a walk.

Just the night for a walk.

Good night.

I assume we are
discussing Mrs. Bendrix.

No, no, she's the wife
of a friend of mine.

Her husband thinks
she's deceiving him.

You said the husband sent you?

No.

Then you and the lady are...
No.

I've only seen her once
in more than a year.

I don't quite understand.
This is a watching case,
you said.

Well,
can't suspicion or curiosity
last as long as that?

Of course, if you prefer
to think of me as one
of your jealous clients...

Now, please,
there is nothing wrong
with jealousy.

I always salute it
as the mark of true love.

As a matter of fact,
my dear sir,
it completes the circle.

You see,

one cannot be jealous
without being in love.

To be in love is to desire,

and to desire
is to want to possess.

And to want to possess
is to want to protect.

And to want to protect
is to be suspicious of others.

And to be suspicious of others
is to be jealous.

You see,
it all ties back to love,

man's noblest frailty.

Besides,
without this noble emotion,

we would be
out of business in a week.

I'm afraid I don't know
your charges.

Three guineas a day
and the expenses,

which, of course,
must be approved,
the odd coffee, you know.

Hello. Is Mrs. Miles in?

What time do you expect her?

Around 2:30.

I'll call back around then
if I can. Thank you.

Sarah.

This is a surprise,
our meeting twice
in so short a time.

Yes, we don't meet often.

I've been away.

You're looking well.
Thanks. So are you.

I couldn't, really.
I've got this dreadful cold.

It's the weather you keep.

Homeward bound?
Yes.

Are you on a new book?

Yes.

Did you ever finish
that other one?

The civil servant thing,
the one I hated?

No.

I was afraid you might have.

A book takes a year to write.
It's too hard work
for revenge.

If you knew how little
you had to revenge.

I'm joking.

We had a good time together.

Now, you see,
we can meet like old friends.

After all, we're adults.
We knew it had to
end sometime.

What happened to us, Sarah?
Why haven't I seen you
all this time?

What did I do?

Nothing, nothing.
You did nothing.

I was to blame all the way.
I...

Sorry.
You ought to
take care of that.

I'll be all right.

Bye, Maurice.

Come in.

A Mr. Parkis to see you.

I'm Mr. Savage's man, sir.

Oh, yes. Well, come in.
I'll just finish shaving.

Have a cigarette.
There are some there
on the table.

Oh, no, sir, not on duty.

Except, of course,
for purposes of concealment.

You're not on duty now.

In a manner, sir,
while I make my report.

You've something to report?

Well, uh, it's not quite
a blank sheet, sir.

Well, sit down.
You make me uncomfortable.

Shall I start now, sir?

Yes. Go right ahead.
I'm just finishing.

I had ascertained,
by means which
I shall go into later,

that the party in question

was lunching at a restaurant
known as The Bagatelle,

and I thought it highly likely

that she was lunching with
the other party in question.

So me and my boy...
"Boy"?

Oh, yes. I let him help me
on school holidays.

Sir, I'm training him
in the business.

How old is he?
He's gone 12.

A youngster can be
very useful, you know.

It sure costs nothing
except an odd comic
now and again.

Besides, no one notices him.
Boys are born lingerers.

Seems odd work for a boy.

Well, sir,
he doesn't understand the real
significance, you know.

I mean, if it came
to breaking into a bedroom,

of course,
I'd leave him behind.
His mother's dead.

Well, now, to get back
to the work at hand.

I kept a sharp lookout
and I hadn't long to wait

before the party
in question came out.

But she was alone, sir.
Oh?

Of course, it's quite
customary, you know,

for people
in their situation to separate
inside the restaurant.

To paraphrase an old adage,
if I may, sir,

"Practice makes caution."

What then?

Her next move
was to hail a taxi.

And, of course,
I stood by, all ears,
ready to catch the address.

Yes?
But she changed her mind

and turned away,
walking briskly.

Me and my boy following
at a discreet distance.

You know,
I was really disappointed
when I saw her take a bus.

I nearly abandoned
the search then.

I mean, not much use
in following a lady home,
if you know what I mean.

But acting purely on impulse,
so to speak,

me and my boy hopped on.

But when she got off,
she walked a few paces,

where a gentleman was waiting,
obviously by appointment,

although, of course,
he pretended
it was a surprise meeting.

That's quite a usual trick,
you know.

The parties greeted each other
in an offhand, nonchalant way.

Pitiful performance, I thought.

Then after a moment,
they moved on.

Me and my boy following
while they walked...

Toward her house.

Well, you're very sharp, sir.

You know, I, uh...
I was under the impression

that they were laboring
under great emotion.

Both?
Oh, yes, sir.

Then the gentleman made,
what seemed to me to be,
a desperate plea.

So that's how it looked.

At this point,
my boy ran ahead,
bouncing his ball.

And you know, sir,

he said the lady looked
ready to weep her eyes out.

Is that all?
Oh, just one thing more, sir.

After this incident,

I thought the gentleman
was going to kiss
the party in question.

But the moment passed,
and they separated,

going in opposite directions.

The gentleman barged into me,
actually knocking my hat off.

You know,
it occurred to me, sir,

that they might be
separating for good.

A very happy ending
to this investigation,
if I may say so.

Possibly.

But you're wrong
about the separating.

The party in question and I
separated some months ago.

Oh, really, sir?
Well, that's very...

Oh, gorblimey.

It was you, sir.

Oh, this is dreadful.
Not at all.

If you look at it
from the outside,
it's really rather funny.

Yeah.
But I'm on the inside, sir.
I mean, it's my boy.

He started
with great ideas about me.

You know, the kind of
reading they do, sir.

Nick Carter and the like.

Why should he have to know
about this?

Well, you've got to
play it straight
with a child, sir.

Besides,
he's bound to ask questions.

Oh, couldn't you tell him
that I've been able
to identify the man,

just that,
and that I wasn't interested?

Well, I'm sorry, sir,
taking up your time
with my problems.

I've enjoyed it, Mr. Parkis.
Now, try not to worry.

I can see that your boy
takes after you.

Well, he's got
his mother's brain, sir.

Well, good night, sir.
Good night.

I watched him from my window.

His thin raincoat turned up
against the weather.

And I thought
with something like pity
of this floater.

And yet the little man had
an odd kind of perception,

thinking we had wanted
to kiss, for instance.

When it was my hope
and my desire that he sensed,

and the memory of all Sarah
had once meant to me.

And with the speed
of unwelcome thoughts,

my mind went back
to the real beginning,

and I wished
as I had so many times,
that I'd never met her.

That I had never gone
to Henry's house
in the first place.

Then Sarah would be only a name.

Hello?
This is Parkis speaking, sir.

I'm in a phone booth
opposite number 12 Cedar Road.

May I suggest you join me
here at once, sir?

Because in a few moments,
the party in question

will press a bell at number 12.

I'll have a cab waiting, sir.

We can remain inside
for purposes of concealment.

You see, sir,
the house is divided
into four flats.

But so far, we've not
been able to ascertain
which bell-push she uses.

But today we shall find out.

I've, uh... I've put
a bit of flour
on each push button, sir.

When the party in question
goes inside,

we shall see
which bell-push
has been used.

We shall then know
the party of the other part.

In short, the man.
Brilliant.

Thank you, sir.
But, uh, there's something
even better, sir.

Better?
Yes, sir.

Me and my boy have been able
to make friendly contact
with the domestic.

With the what?

The maid, sir.
Oh.

A very important person
in cases like these.

And she's been able to tell us
a great deal about the habits
of the party in question.

It's not always easy,
you know, sir.

Some domestics
are very standoffish,

but, uh, well, I seem
to have a way with them.

I'm sure you have.
Thank you, sir.

Well, as a result
of this friendly contact,

I've been able to inspect
the contents of the party's
wastepaper basket.

And I've pieced together
what I think is
a very interesting exhibit.

A letter, sir,
written by the party
in question herself.

I don't think
you quite understand, sir.

A letter,
especially of this character,

is something one doesn't
often come across, you know.

I regard it
as a very choice find.

Don't burn it, sir!
In view of
possible proceedings,

all documentary evidence
should be preserved
and observations noted.

Oh. Oh, sorry, sir.

I know that I must face up
to all my old loyalties,

all my old fears and promises,
and see them
in their true perspective.

For I realize
that nothing matters,

except that we
should be together,

now and forever.

Here she is, sir,
right on the dot.

I should, uh...
I should give it
a few moments, sir.

Now should be all right.
I'll go.

But, sir...
You wait here.

Which one, sir?
Smythe.

I plumped for Thompson.

Will you, uh... Will you
be bursting in, sir?
No.

Oh. You'd rather I burst?

No.

Is Mr. Miles there, please?

Hello, Henry? Bendrix.

Could you arrange to see me
this afternoon?

I think you'll find it
very important.

We could meet at my club.
Good. 5:00, then. Goodbye.

Hello, Bendrix.
Henry, how are you?

I ordered you a sherry.
Sit down.

How nice of you. Thank you.

How's Sarah?
Oh, she's pretty well.

And you, Henry?
Are you still worried?
Worried?

You were worried.
You told me so.

Was I?

Did you ever consult
that detective?

I hoped
you'd forgotten about that.

I wasn't well.
Frightfully overworked
at the time.

Cheerio.

It's rather good sherry.

You remember
I offered to see him for you?

We were both a bit overwrought.

I've never been in this club
of yours before, Bendrix.

I went to see him
a few days later.

Bendrix, you had
absolutely no right.

But you had confided in me,
Henry.

And you were quite right
in your suspicions.

This is unspeakable, Bendrix.

Slandering a man's wife
to his face.
I know, I know, it isn't done.

One doesn't talk about
one's wife.

But you did.
You talked to me.

I think you ought to read
this report.

If it isn't true, you should
let Sarah clear herself,

if she can.

You owe her that,
if you believe in her.

The facts are still there,
Henry.

I don't believe they are facts.

Not for one moment.
And now if you'll excuse me.

Just a minute, Henry.

This is Sarah's writing?

"For the first time in my life,

"I am not unsure
or afraid of the future.

"I realize that nothing matters,

"except that we
should be together,

"now and forever."

Now,
will you please let me pass?

I really brought it off
this time, sir.

It was a bit risky,

but I thought
with so many people
coming and going,

I could always say
I was looking
for the bathroom.

I had to do it hastily,
you know, sir,

for if the party in question
had seen this in my hand,

the game would have been up
good and proper.

I don't understand.
Through the maid, sir,

I ascertained
that Mr. and Mrs. Miles

was giving a cocktail party
this afternoon.

And, sir, I crashed it.

Now, see here, my boy,
if you're going to fidget,

you can go
straight down the street
and wait for me there.

But, Dad, I...
Mind what I say.

We'll have an ice cream
on the way home, eh?

I'm sorry I had to speak
a bit sharply to him, sir.

But I do like to have him
out of the way

when I'm disclosing
a piece de resistance.

And if this isn't one,
then my name's
not Albert Parkis.

What have you got there?

You just wait and see, sir.

Of course,
it would expedite matters
if you had a knife.

Oh, yes.

If I may say so, sir,
it's moments like these,

when a man feels his work
is really worthwhile.

Thank you, sir.

What's this?
Household accounts?
Better than that, sir.

Far better.
The party in question
keeps a journal.

You mean a diary?
In a way, sir.

And it goes back quite a time.

Have you read this?
Oh, no, sir.

It's not my business
to pry into people's
private affairs.

But I've ascertained
its nature,
and from one entry alone,

I should say she wasn't exactly

what one might call
the, uh, cautious type.

Well, I'm glad to have this,
of course. Very glad.

Well, thank you, sir.

It wasn't too difficult,
you know, sir.

There was, uh...
There was quite a crush.

And Mrs. Miles thought I was
one of Mr. Miles' friends
from the ministry,

and Mr. Miles thought
I was one of her friends.

I uh... I related one or two
humorous anecdotes

I reserve
for social occasions
of this sort.

As a matter of fact,
although I say it myself,
I think I contributed

in no small way
to what turned out to be

a highly successful party.

But...
But what?

Well, I don't know
whether this is relevant,
sir, but...

Well, I didn't like the look
of the party in question.

I didn't like it at all.

What do you mean?

A very nasty cough she had, sir.

And her face, well,
it was all peaked and drawn.

I didn't think
she ought to have been
out of bed, sir.

I see. Well, you know,
I think we can
close our account now.

Do I pay you or Mr. Savage?

Oh, Mr. Savage, sir.

But if you've been satisfied,

I wonder whether
you'd be good enough
to write the office.

It does help,
you know, sir.
I'll write.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, and, uh, thank you, sir,
for being so kind to Lance.

Lance?
The boy, sir.

After Sir Lancelot
of King Arthur's court.

That's an odd person
to name the boy after.

Well, he found
the Holy Grail, sir.

That was Galahad.

Lancelot fell in love
with another man's wife.

I hadn't heard.

Well, you've done very well.
I'll write a fine report.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Well, goodbye, sir.
Goodbye.

Even as I write this page,
it is already tomorrow.

And I am afraid of reaching
the end of yesterday.

As long as I go on writing,
it is today,
and we are still together.

I woke this morning
with such a sense of happiness

that it spread like sunlight
over all the hours of the day.

I wasn't even impatient
to get to Maurice,
for we were, at last,

going to have
an undisturbed time together.

As I did the flowers,

I chatted on to Maurice
just as if we had
nothing better to do.

I didn't even kiss him
when I arrived,

for I knew
just by his lighted cigarette
on the windowsill

that he had been
watching for me and was
only pretending to be busy.

Dear Maurice.

I love him
in such a special way when
he thinks he's being clever.

When the sirens began,
we paid no attention to them.

They didn't matter.

We were used to the bombs,
and we weren't afraid
of dying that way.

But then the raid
went on and on,

and we knew
it wasn't an ordinary one.

Maurice begged me to go home,
but I wouldn't.

So then he said he'd go down
to the basement

to see if anyone was there.

He was afraid about me,
and I was afraid about him.

I knew something
was going to happen.

Oh, God, don't let him be dead.

Never to be happy again,
not with anyone.

Someone else could have
loved him and made him
happier than I did.

All I ever brought him
was misery and suspicion.

Give him that chance.

I love him, I'll do anything,

only just let him be alive.

I'll never quarrel
with him again
or make him unhappy.

I'll be sweet and kind and good.

I will be good.

I'll live as you would
want me to live.

I'll give Maurice up forever,
only just let him be alive!

Just let him be alive!

Sarah.

Sarah.

I imagined it all.
It was sheer hysteria.

That and fear.

He wasn't dead.
He couldn't have been.

It was all stupid and childish,

and tomorrow
it will seem absurd.

I'll tell him
about my promise,
and he'll laugh at me,

and then I can laugh at myself
and forget the whole thing.

I'll go into his arms
and pick up where we left off

and everything
will be the same again.

Oh, God. He's trying
to remember something,

and I know what it is.

He's trying to remember
what it was like to be dead.

Oh, my darling,

I wish you were
safely back dead again,
under that door.

Now the agony
of being without you starts.

It's hardly decent for a man
to rush into God's presence

without even a prayer
to announce his coming.

We can pray now.

Not much more we can do
for those in there.

From sudden death,
oh, Lord, deliver us.

You wish to speak to me?

I'm not a Catholic.

Lost someone in the bombing?

Yes.

I have lost someone.

Given him up.

That's what we must
all do sometime,

give up those we love.

But I needn't have.

You see,
I followed him downstairs
after the bomb hit.

I'm very sorry.

But he wasn't killed.

I mean, I thought he was.

I found him under a door,

a heavy door.

Only his arm showed.

His dead arm.

I touched his hand.

I could have sworn
it was a dead hand.

When two people
have loved each other,
wouldn't I have recognized?

He was your husband?

We'd planned
for the very first time

to spend
these few days together.

Only, we never had them.

Just a few hours.

But I was more certain
than I ever had been before,

that we could have made
a lasting happiness together.

You see,
I've made him very unhappy.

That's why I promised
what I did.

It was... Of course,
it was all hysteria.

People always are hysterical
at times like this,
aren't they?

What did you promise?

Well,

I know that it
sounds absurd now, but...

I thought I'd prayed him alive.

That is absurd, isn't it?

No.

But people don't come alive.

When they're dead,
they're dead as mutton.

At any rate, I...

I prayed.

I made that stupid promise,
and then he...

He walked into the room.

So it was all a mistake.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be
wasting your time like this.

You must have been up
half the night.

You look very tired.

I know when I'm wasting my time.

You haven't told me yet
what it was you promised,

or to whom?

I promised that if

God gave him back his life,

I mean, let him not be dead,

I wouldn't be with him again.

I suppose that doesn't sound
like much of a sacrifice
to you,

but to make a sort of
reckless promise like that

and to a God I made
out of my own fear...

I don't see
that you have any problem.

If you made a vow
to someone
you don't believe in,

why keep it?

Are you telling me to break it?

God gave us our free will

to use for him or against him.

God, always God.
Can you priests
say nothing else?

There is nothing else.

If there is a God,

then he put the thought
of that prayer in my mind

and I hate him for it.

Of course,
I took the first train back.

Well, the reports
down in the country

were pretty surprising,
you know.

No, mine wasn't hit,
I'm thankful to say.

Oh, yes,
quite a bit of damage nearby.

The house of a friend of mine,
as a matter of fact.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, yes, we'll have to make
some sort of announcement.

Well, people know already
they're not the usual thing
by the way they're hit.

Yes, indeed.

Well, I shall be going back
as soon as I see my wife.

I will. Thank you. Goodbye.

Sarah darling!

Sarah, you've been out.

I've been walking around
for hours.

Darling, you know
that's not safe.

I had to see what happened.

Did you go by Bendrix' house?

I looked in,
but they'd carted him
off to hospital.

Hospital?
There's no injuries.

Delayed shock, they called it.

I say, Sarah darling.
You look pretty done
in yourself.

Are you quite sure
you're all right?

Your tea, sir.
Bring another cup, please.

Yes, sir.

I came up to town
as soon as I heard about it.

Fortunately, it all happened
near daylight,
so you were at home.

I tried to telephone,
but I couldn't get through.

There were so many
priority calls.

Here you are, dear.
You drink that.

What's the matter
with your hands?

They're all scratched
and grubby.

I... I tried to help someone.

There's not much
one can do, I'm afraid.

Your cup, sir.
Thank you.

It's the suddenness
of these things.

"From sudden death,
oh, Lord, deliver us."

Yes, we all pray for that.

Do you pray, Henry?

One is taught to.

But do you now?

In church, whenever I go.

You don't believe
it's all superstition?

The church and prayers,
and promises to God,

and the whole business?

Really, Sarah.

What do you believe in, Henry?

All these years
I've been married to you,
I've never really known.

I've never even asked.

Do you believe that
there's a Hell and a Heaven?

And an immortal soul
and a God who rewards
and punishes

and answers prayers?

Well, it's not exactly
the sort of thing to go into
over a cup of tea.

Well, why not?

If there is a God,
he made us as we are,

eating and drinking
and sleeping.

Not just sitting
in a church on Sunday.

What is your religion, Henry?
What do you believe in?

It's all quite simple, really.
One just does one's best.

Sarah, what is it?

Sarah, darling,
this business has all been
too much for you.

I'm taking you back
to the country with me.
It's no good saying no,

because I've made up my mind.
Now, let's see.

Yes. If you pack quickly,
we can catch the next train.

I'll be away
at a lot of meetings,
but it's a quiet area.

And you can rest.

I tell you,
it's all a delusion, a trick!

Do you think a merciful
or an all-powerful God

would permit these mass murders?

These mutilations?

If man was made in God's image,

was it in order
that he might be
blown to bits?

People are longing
for a message of hope.

Can't you see
what hope there'd be
if everyone in the world knew

there was nothing else
but what we have here?

No future rewards,
compensations, punishments.

Then we'd begin
to make this world
a real heaven!

So you've heard
me speaking in the park?
Yes.

I have to put things
very simply there,

sting people
into thinking for themselves.

You've started thinking
for yourself?

I suppose so.

You say you don't belong
to any church?

No.

You have no
fixed religious belief?

No.

Well, then I don't see
why you regard

a promise
such as yours as binding.

Well, it was more
than just a promise.

It was a kind of prayer.

And it was answered?
Yes.

By whom?

God, I suppose.

You mean, above all
the bombing and the cries
of men in battle,

some supreme being
heard your little cry of help?

You make it sound very foolish.

A being who said,

"Oh, dear. She's asked
for it so prettily,

"I suppose I must take time off

"to arrange whatever it is
she wants."

My dear Mrs. Miles,
you don't actually
believe that, do you?

I don't want to believe it.
That's why I'm here.

From what you tell me,
you've been through
a disturbing experience.

And it's natural
you should be confused.

Particularly
since you imagined
you had an answer to prayer.

It's like a child
who's scared of the dark,

calls out, "Mother."

And when she brings
the light into the room,

the child thinks
she's all-powerful.

But are we to be children
all our lives?

Sometimes one wants to be.

But go on. Convince me.

I'm the most willing convert
you ever had.

And then it was over,
the war had ended.

And Henry and I
went down to St. James' Park

and watched them
celebrate V.E. Day.

The crowd was rather quiet
at the palace.

Nobody shouted too much
or sang too much
or got too drunk.

They were just happy
because this was peace

and there were no more raids.

People stood with their arms
about each other
or holding hands,

not worrying whether
they'd be seen or not.

And then the royal family
came out on the balcony.

They weren't leaders
like Hitler, Stalin,
Churchill, or Roosevelt.

They were just a family
who hadn't done any harm
to anybody.

And there was a big,
affectionate murmur
from the crowd

as if they were saying,

"We did it. We pulled through.
We stuck together."

And suddenly,
I wanted Maurice beside me.

I wanted to be
one of the family, too.

It was very moving, wasn't it?

Well, we can all
sleep at night now.

Can we?

Sarah dear,
something rather pleasant
has happened to me.

I was going to
tell you about it,
but with all this going on

it seemed rather unimportant.

Well, don't you
want to know what it is?

Oh, yes, of course.
I'm sorry, Henry.

I've just been told
they're recommending me
for an O.B.E.

How nice.
It's only the first step,
you know.

In a year or two,
it'll be a C.B.E,
and if all goes well,

when I retire,
they'll probably make me
a K.B.E.

It all sounds very important,
but awfully confusing.

Couldn't they stick
to the same initial?
Really, Sarah.

Wouldn't you
like to be called Lady Miles?

That's all I want it for.

Whatever little
I may have accomplished,

I couldn't have done
any of it alone, you know.

You're far too modest, Henry.

You might have done
much better without me.

I feel as if I were
without you now, Sarah.

What do you mean?

You're out so much.
You keep such odd hours.

Always taking long walks.

One goes through
restless phases.

Oh, no, I'm afraid
it's more than that.

You're not overdrawn
at the bank
or anything like that?

Oh, no, no, no.
I spend practically nothing.

Is your mother leaving us?
Oh, no, no, no, dear.
Of course not.

Sarah dear,
if I can be of any help.
Yes. Yes, thank you, Henry.

So you've come back.

You remember.

Naturally.

Well, if you're going to
ask me if I kept my promise,

the answer is yes.

Only, there's no virtue in it.

I'd do much better
to turn back
and be a cheerful sinner

than go on in this dreary way.

Now that I'm
what they call good,
I'm no good to anyone.

You've had a great experience,
you know,

and you're trying to reject it.

You can't.

In that one moment
of acknowledgement of God,

you took the first step
of a long journey.

You can turn back,

but nothing
will ever change the fact
that you once took that step.

You may find it further
and more painful to go back
than to go on.

Oh, no.
The time ahead is endless.

Prayer could help
to make it shorter.

I prayed once too often.

When we seek God, it means
we've already found him.

But I don't want him.
And what does he want
with me?

What can I offer him
except a shabby second best?

I'm afraid he's used to that.

How sad for him.

As I was leaving,
I couldn't think why
I had lighted the candle.

Bravado, I suppose.

But I should have known better.

Whenever I have
a good impulse,
I get punished.

I prayed once and promised once,

and see what happened to me.

And then...

Well, what's the harm
in a six-penny candle?

There was even
a rather nice thought to it.

A tiny flame reaching upward
in the darkness.

"Sarah, Sarah, burning bright
In the forests of the night."

Then I began to wonder
if what the priest had said
had any truth in it.

Perhaps I should take a step.

Perhaps I should
give God a chance.

After all,
if there were nothing in it,
what harm would it do?

And if there were
something in it...

For the first time in months,
I felt a little tremble
of happiness.

I was almost afraid
to put it into words
for fear it would vanish.

As I turned in at the house,
I remember saying,

"It's only a tiny flicker,
no more than a candle flame,

"but it has light
and it has warmth.

"If I can only keep it burning
just for a little while."

All those months
of loss and longing,

and all I could say was,
"You."

Good night.

It took everything
I had to make my legs
carry me up those stairs,

away from him.

It isn't fair! It isn't fair!

Don't you want my belief?

Maurice, darling.

Just to feel my hand
form these words
brings you close to me again.

And even though I find it hard
to forget the look of misery
on your face

when we met in the square,
I know that you still love me.

For you wanted so to hurt me.

And now, my darling,

for the first time in my life,

I am not unsure
or afraid of the future.

I know that I must face up
to all my old loyalties,

all my old fears and promises,
and see them
in their true perspective.

For I realize
that nothing matters

except that we
should be together,

now and forever.

You were right.

We can find peace
and permanence
and lasting love.

Maurice dear,

this is the first love letter
I ever wrote in my life,

and I find it difficult.

Too difficult. I couldn't
put such things on paper.

I wanted to say it all,
to speak the words to him,

to see the desolation
leave his face.

I've been waiting
for you all week.
Yes, I know.

I've been very busy
making plans.

What is it, Sarah?
What's happened to you?

I've come to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

You look very happy about it.

Yes. Yes, I am, suddenly.

Quite happy. You see,
I'm going back to Maurice.

So I did convince you after all?

You helped.

Helped you to find your way
out of that swamp of fear
and superstition?

No, Richard.

You helped me to find God.

You taught me to believe in him.

I taught you?

By your hate.

Richard,
you can't hate something
that isn't there.

No, don't be angry with me.

I tried. I sat here
and listened.

I know the whole argument,
and I don't believe
a word of it.

So the bag of tricks
wins in the end.

But you made a vow,
and now you're deliberately
planning to break it.

Well, that's what
you've been persuading me
to do, isn't it?

That's why
I've been coming here.
Yes, yes.

But to break it
on rational grounds.

That's believing in God
and then defying him.

That frightens you, doesn't it?

But it doesn't frighten me.

It all seems very simple.

If I can love God
after all he's made me suffer,

why shouldn't he love me, too,

even if I do
disappoint him a little?

It's easy for you to accept
the idea of God.

You have no complaint.

But why should I love a God
who let me be born with this?

Oh, my dear Richard,

your belief is far deeper
than mine.

I can't bear your pity.

Goodbye, Richard.

Sarah?

Sarah?

Where are you, Sarah? Sarah?

Sarah?
What is it, Henry?

Oh. You're here.

Yes, I'm here.

You're home early.

Yes. I had a drink
with Bendrix at his club.

And when we'd finished,
it wasn't worthwhile
going back to the office.

My head aches so badly.

It's because you're not
wearing your glasses.

I broke them.

I love you, Sarah.
Do you know that?

Yes.

I know I'm dull for you.
My friends are dull.

We no longer, you know,
do anything together.

Well, it has to stop
sometime in any marriage.

We're good friends.
Oh, no.

No, I can never think of you
as a friend.

You can do without a friend,
and I can't do without you.

Henry, what is it?
It's nothing.

Did Maurice say something
to upset you?

Of course not. How could he?

It's just that
I can't do without you.

Because you see, Sarah,
it's too late to begin again.

And I don't want anyone else.

I don't even mind
not having a family,
not having a child,

because I know you can't.

Who told you?
It doesn't matter.

My mother?
It doesn't matter.

And you knew, you always knew?

It made no difference.
I had you.

Dear Sarah, I haven't been
much of a husband,

but stick it out
a few more years.

I will try.

I won't leave you, Henry.

I promise.

Another promise to keep.

And once again,
the door has closed
against Maurice.

Only, I can't put the blame
on God this time.

I closed the door myself.

I cannot write in this book
any longer.

It has become
only a record of pain.

I want to be with Maurice,
as I used to be
in the old days.

I want to be
eating sandwiches with him.

I want to be drinking
with him in a bar.

I'm tired and I don't want
any more pain.

I want Maurice.
I want ordinary human love.

Good evening.
This is Mrs. Miles speaking.

I know.
I know your voice, Sarah.

You!

What, no. Please, no.
I can't see you. I'm in bed.

I'm speaking from there now.
I mean, I'm ill.

Well, no, it's nothing.
It's just a very bad cold.

Listen, Maurice,
please don't come here.
I can't see you.

Well, I won't be here.
I'll get up.

I'll tell the maid
not to let anyone in.

Please, Maurice, I'm asking you.

I haven't asked
anything of you
for a very long time.

Maurice dear,
please promise you won't.

I swear I'll get up.
I'll get dressed.

I'll leave the house,
if you don't promise.

Taxi!

Sarah.

Oh, Maurice.

You've driven me
out of my house,
out of my bed.

At least leave me in peace here.

Peace is for the old
and defeated.

And for me, if I can hold to it.

But it's not life, Sarah.
There's peace
and forgetfulness in a grave.

Yes, yes.
But not yet. Not for us.

This is where we begin again.
All the misery
is behind us now.

It was my fault, Sarah.
I didn't trust you.

I didn't know
enough about you.
But I'm secure now.

And so are you, Sarah.
So are you.

No, I'm afraid.

You needn't be, not any longer.

Listen to me, Sarah,
very carefully.

You cannot move about
with a cold like this.

I want you to go home
and take care of yourself
for a few days.

I'll find a place
somewhere in the country

where you can be quiet and rest.

I shan't come near you
until everything is straight
with Henry.

I don't mind waiting.

I can wait for years,
now that I know
the end of the story.

No, Maurice. It's too late.

Because he won't let you?

You're afraid of him?

It isn't faith you've found,
but fear.

Oh, Maurice, please let me be.

For him to destroy?
You called me a jealous lover.

But I never demanded of you
what he demands.

You complained that my love
was too possessive,

but it's a shadow
compared to his.

I only wanted your love.
He wants your life!

Have mercy on me!
Has he shown you mercy?

Yet you cling to him.
I won't listen.

Because you're afraid
of the truth.
Oh, Maurice, please.

Please don't drive me
away from here.

Why not?
This place isn't a refuge,
it's a prison.

Oh, Sarah. There's a life
for us together. A good life.

Don't let him cheat you of it.

What has he ever given you
but suffering, loneliness,
and despair?

I created it all.

I made my own loneliness
and my despair.

I didn't seek God.
I invented a God

to suit my own purposes.

Oh, no, Maurice, don't tempt me.

I fought belief
longer than I fought love,

and I haven't any fight left.

I love you, Sarah.
No one has ever loved you
as much before.

We're going to be happy.

Henry won't mind,
except in his pride.

Pride soon heals.

He'll find himself
a new habit
to take your place.

We're going away, Sarah.
No one can stop it now.

You love me.
We'll be together
for a lifetime.

No one can stop us.

You ought to go home now,
Sarah. It's cold.

I don't mind the cold.

And it's dark.

I can believe anything
in the dark.

Just believe in us.

That's what I meant.

You shouldn't have run away
from me like that.

It wasn't you
I was running from.

Please, Maurice, leave me now.

You ought to be in bed, Sarah.

I shall be soon.

I just want you
to leave me here.

Promise you won't stay long.
Yes, I promise.

Are you telling me the truth?

You're not planning
to run away
from me again?

Maurice, dear Maurice,
I haven't got the strength.

I'll plan everything.

You have nothing
to think about
but getting well.

God bless.

God bless.

Oh, I had forgotten
how sunny this terrace is.

And quite sheltered
from the wind.
Sarah always enjoyed it.

It seems odd
to think of Sarah being ill.

Not ill, really.
More a matter of
nervous strain, I think.

That's why I thought of you,
Miss Palmer.
She needs looking after.

Sarah always needed that.

Well,
such an unsettled childhood.

You knew her then?

I knew her father.
Her real father.

She's very like him,
loyal, and affectionate,
and gay,

but always needing someone.

He died when she was two.

What time are you
bringing her down tomorrow?

When I wrote,
I suggested the noon train.

Then I can get back
to town the same day.

Sarah should
get well here quickly.

You know how to make
a place really homelike.

That's a gift
old maids seem to have.
That along with another.

What's that?
Being nosy.

Wait here.
There'll be some
luggage coming out.

Would you tell Mrs. Miles
I'm here, please?

Mr. Miles will see you, sir.

He's upstairs
in the drawing room.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, come in.
I'm Sarah's mother,
Mrs. Bertram.

My name's Bendrix.

Oh, yes.

Will you have a glass of port?

No, thanks.

I don't often get up here,

but Sarah was ill,
and Henry sent for me.

Henry sent for you?
Is it serious?

Very severe cold.

She's been in and out
of bed with it for weeks.

It's a bad winter for colds.

Oh, here's the doctor.

Morning, Mrs. Bertram.
How's our patient today?

The nurse said she'd had
a much better night.

Good. That means
she's responding
to the penicillin.

But I can't help wishing
that I'd been
called in sooner.

Oh, Sarah doesn't think
much of doctors.

No. Most healthy people don't.

She was always healthy.
Nothing but measles
and chicken pox.

And even those,
nothing to speak of.

That's what
will pull her through now.
Is Mr. Miles upstairs?

Oh, yes. He won't leave her.

He's a great worrier, you know.

I must say
he was very annoyed when
she got up from her sick bed

with a raging fever
and went out into the rain.

Frightful night it was, too.

That's when he called in
Dr. Collingwood.

The doctor
doesn't seem to be worrying.

No, and he's a specialist,
too. Henry had the best.

I must say,
he's given Sarah everything.

I console myself with that.

When things go wrong, I say,
"Well, at least Sarah's
had everything."

All but one thing, that is.

Worried about it, in a way.
It's nagged me.

What has?

I never told another soul.

I think I'm a bit tight.

Do you think I'm a bit tight,
Mr. Bendrix?

No, no, of course not.

You see, I was a Catholic once,

but my husband wasn't,
and he wouldn't let me be.

And he kept on seeing
his first wife all the time,

and I got so cross.

I said to Sarah,
she was only two,

"This will be a secret
between you and me."

But it was a good revenge,
though, wasn't it?

Revenge against whom?

My husband, of course.

We were in France,
and I didn't know
all the right words,

but the priest did it
there and then,
we took the bus back to lunch.

Did what?

Baptized her.

Of course, she didn't know
what it was all about,

but I knew.

I always had a wish
that it might take...

Like a vaccination.
Yes.

I thought it would keep her
from making my mistakes.

All those husbands, you know,

and not a good one in the lot.

You can't mark
a two-year-old child for life
with a splash of water

and a mumbled prayer.

Besides, it doesn't seem
to have taken
very well with you.

Oh, I've had a lot of
temptation in my life.

Besides, I didn't
believe much, you see.

But I expect it'll come
all right in the end.

Do you think
I should have told Henry?

A little late
in the day, isn't it?
Yes, you're right.

I see that now.
Unless she gets very sick.

I have a great favor to ask you.

Yes, Mrs. Bertram?

I came up from Brighton today
in such a hurry

I forgot to change the money
into my other bag.

Oh, anything I can do.

If you could lend me £2?

Surely.

It's suddenly
very quiet up there.

You were so sure.

I've never seen anything
like this before.

Her life just seemed to run out.

Just before the end,
she started calling,
"Father, Father."

It couldn't have been
her own, could it?

She never knew him.

Sarah, I'm afraid.

Dearest Maurice, I'm writing
instead of telephoning.

I can't telephone
and hear your voice go strange

when I say I'm not going
to go away with you.

Because I'm not.

I love you,
and I can't see you again.

I don't know how
I'm going to live
in this pain and longing,

and I'm praying to God
all the time
that he won't be hard.

And I've learned
that you must pray
the way you make love,

with everything you have.

Maurice, my dearest,
I believe there is a God.

I believe
the whole bag of tricks.

There's nothing I don't believe.

I've fallen into belief
the way I fell in love.

I've never loved before
as I love you.

And I've never believed
in anything before
as I believe now.

Maurice dear, don't be angry.

You were on his side
all the time
without knowing it.

You hated in me
the things he hates.

You worked for our separation
with your anger and jealousy

and your love.

So you see,
you're a part of it all,
Maurice,

just as you're a part of me,
and we both are a part of God.

Goodbye, my dearest,
dearest love.

Have it your way, Sarah.

I believe that you live,
and that he exists.

But I'm tired.

Just give me a little time,
Sarah.

Give me a little time.