The End of Agent W4C (1967) - full transcript

Why do I love animals so much?

Juan...

Excuse me.
The Chief is calling...

F-U-K-W-H-M calling.

O.K.! Coming...

It's always like that.

When will you get back?

Pssst.

He can't get away.
Send the obituary.

The black or the white one?
- The mournful news I said!

Look out, he's suspicious...



Look out, he's suspicious...

He's suspicious... Over...

He's suspicious - fire!

Juan!

Juan!

Wait!

He's got away again. Pack up!

Presents

Agent W4C's end
through Mr. Frusta's dog

story

Screenplay

Dramatist

Cast

Music



Vocalist

Conducted by

Editor

Sound Engineer

Production Manager

Director of Photography

Directed by

Made at Film Studio Barrandov

In an unknown foreign city

An agency working for an unnamed power

Our Agency has got hold

of fabulously valuable information:

a microfilm of a plan

for the military utilization of Venus.

We were ready to hand over
the microfilm in Prague...

in an anonymous town I mean...

to our allied White Fog Agency -

when our agent...

disappeared...

The lady working for White Fog
is still in Pr...

in the anonymous town

and the microfilm

hidden in a salt-cellar -

on the table No 7 of a night-club

has to be found and handed over...

I'll go to the anonymous town

find the salt-cellar with the microfilm
and deliver it to the White Fog agent.

Is that all?
- It's more than enough.

Not easy as all that.

Get an eyeful of the lady.

She may have pinched it herself...
What's her name?

Alice Roberts, most often.

Yes, she may have appropriated
the microfilm.

You'll worm it out of her.

She looks pretty beastly, eh?

Uncommonly pretty beastly!

How shall I contact her?
- You'll find her at the hotel bar.

You'll address her:
"""Shall we dance?"""

And she'll answer:
""As soon as I finish my brandy.""

M. Dujardin...
- Show him in!

M. Dujardin,

this is out famous W4C.

Any new device to show us?

An apparently trivial requisite.

Inexpert handling,

however results in the discharge -

of tear-gas!

All inventions have their weak points!
- I only wanted an explanation...

Pull here and you have a dagger.

The bell is an effective hand-grenade.

Sorry, I mean bomb

This here is a universal skeleton key.

Winding up will reverse
the tape recording.

This here is a universal skeleton key.

Winding up will reverse
the tape recording.

The alarm clock also contains

a microphone.
On - out.

If the hands show 12,

I repeat, 12 o'clock,

a small nuclear explosion follows
after 15 seconds.

And, what is most important:

It has a built-in Geiger counter.

That microfilm in Pr...

The anonymous town!

In ... that town ... was made ...

slightly radioactive -
and a Geiger counter

would be very useful.

Still, allow me to remark...
What if it is a trap?

Of course it is a trap!

Our W4C feels in traps at home!

We won't even change the film

in that lift girl's camera.

And, because she's working
for all big powers

and several lesser powers - that town
will be swarming with secret agents...

And such troubled waters are
W4C's favourite hunting ground.

I am sure, dear Cyril Juan,

that the precious salt-cellar
will get into the proper hands!

Keep calm...
If salt be wasted

what wouldst thou salt with?

What?
- That's the Scripture!

It's the police.

He came to ask about a candlestick -
dropped from the window.

I nearly forgot:
It also shoots!

Sorry, I'm a bit on edge today.

Good thing this is an allied power.

There...

Gentlemen...

Good luck!

What a man!

Juan...

Cyril...

This trap will Kill him!

Such a difficult case -
could only be assigned to W4C.

And we'll liquidate him at last.

Then we can sell the salt-cellar
to all the other agents.

Excellent work, Resident!

This salt-cellar is worth a billion!
- Dollars?

Idiot! Crowns!

Your task

won't be too difficult,
Idiot ... err ... Resident.

In another unnamed city

An agency working for another unnamed
power

The famous W4C coming to Prague!

Yes, he is.

What does he want here, anyhow?

He has to hand over something
to the White Fog agent.

Then why bother me with this?

Shouldn't we know what it all about?

Well, you may be right...
Any of our men available?

Not one of them.

What are you talking about?
We have ... err ... Balsanek, Doruzka...

They have their assignments!

Or ... this here ... Foustka?

Mr. Foustka is our bookkeeper!

Never mind.
He'll do, it's easy enough.

Out of order.
- Fetch him here!

How did you get in here?
Just when I'm doing the taxes!

What's that?

Where's your place?
Don't try to talk me over.

Where's your place?

Nothing doing,

you're a naughty doggie -
and you'll stand in the corner!

Now, stay there...

Mr. Foustka, the Chief wants you!

I can't. I'm busy!
- At once!

It's the assessment, probably.
Stay where you are, and behave!

Come in, Foustka!

Excuse me, this clock is slow.

And punctuality being the courtesy
of kings...

That can wait, that can wait

Well, Mr. Foustka, I have - we have

an assignment for you -
and it's external.

This gentleman will arrive from Paris
by air.

We call him...

W4C
- W4C

Follow him from the airport
and find out what he's doing here.

And that's all, that's all.
- All right, I only...

All this without any fuss or scandal.
Give me a call if necessary!

I only wanted...

It's nothing difficult.
Here, read up these directions...

You don't understand, I...

I give you two days and it's an order!
OK

Aren't you an employee of this Agency?
- Yes.

You are? Well then!
- It's only

that I've been feeling poorly lately
and with that stitch in my side -

I need a dietetic treatment...
Will that be a problem?

Don't worry, Foustka -
you'll be treated all right.

And if all goes well,
you'll be made ... chief accountant.

Yes...

You are now our...
- Agent No 13 B.

Well, we're spies now, Pydie.

Follow him, he says...

But how do we recognize him?

Where's your manners?!
Put your paws down!

W4C is landing in a few minutes.

Task No 1: Eliminate W4C.

Task No 2: Sell the salt-cellar
for the highest price.

All the Agencies are greatly interested.
The place will be swarming with agents

I repeat, it is worth a billion!

Where are you going to hide it?
- In a safe, of course.

Idiot!

Every burglar goes straight
for the safe.

I know from experience,

that the most conspicuous place
is least conspicuous.

Everything ready at the hotel?
- Yes.

To your stations!

Attention, attention!
The flight from Paris has just landed

The flight from Paris has just landed.

Qu'est-ce que c'est, monsieur?

Looking for a light blue car, sir?

My aunt has a light blue one.
- Your uncle is expecting you.

Have all passengers alighted yet?

Gone through the customs already.
- This one too?

Funny!

Here we are

What does this mean?!

The light blue car is being repaired.

We're getting near, get ready!

Step on it!

Get back there!

Get out and push!

Dear me...

Such a lot of glass -

that's pretty inconsiderate...

Pydie, I got no patches.

Darn it!
Get away!

It's empty!

What's up?
Where's the fire?

Come here, Pydie!

Hide here, quick!

See him?

That's him all right.
After him!

Instead of arriving by plane -
he comes up from a sewer!

Or is it a remote heating?

Who's down there?
I see you!

You won't come out?
Just you wait...

Good Lord, what a stink...

Home already, Pydie?

Good doggie...

Found out anything?
Calm down...

What's up? What's the matter with you?

All right, I'm coming!
No one's going to steal it!

Now lead on!

Not so fast - I'm no dog!

Which way?
Make up your mind!

Where shall we put it?
- Into the safe, of course!

Every fool - goes straight for the safe!

I know from experience -

the most conspicuous place
to be least conspicuous.

You got to think a bit...
Aha

Know him?

No...
He's cunningly disguised.

I'll sound him myself!

No, I won't let you in!

Don't wave your arms -
calling attention to me!

Just take a look at yourself!

Oh...
I'm from the street-cleaning department.

Hmmm...
- All right ... no street-cleaning.

I'm going to tell you -
but don't give me away.

I might get into trouble.
I am the agent No 13B.

Are you?
Hmmm...

I see...
Come on in!

Come on!

Come in, come int
- Shush, be a good boy...

Here's a brush.

Thanks

Towel and soap at the lavatory.
OK

A dog!

Is that your dog?
- Yes.

I can't let it in.
- It's a trained dog.

Well, as it's your...

What's your assignment here, anyway?

I can't tell you.
- Why?

Well, it's so secret -
that I don't know myself.

A darn difficult job this!

Well, thank you very much.
- Don't mention it.

Who is it?

An imbecile!

And that's him?
- Yes, disguised too.

A small smile plays on my face

hiding the sadness inside

But when the tears flow from my eyes

life feels sweet

A face of lies and deception

that only a young girl can see

One that will break the hearts

of innocents in the world at large

I used to laugh like other girls

What a handsome man!

But what a terrible mistake I made

A man enticed me to play a game

and then he broke my heart

Since that day I cry my tears

when others think to laugh

and laugh at times of sadness deep

which tums funerals into a farce

G15 calling.
The fools have let W4C slip through -

and here is now!
Don't worry, the booth is sound-proof.

The last table by the door

the comer where they sit

when they've lost their faith
in everything

It's nothing
Excuse me...

and nothing more can be done

Reserve a spot for this brunette

who's been standing here for so long

so that she can tum her back
on the world

and finally have a real good laugh

It's all right...
..he sits at the specified table.

Gin, four drops of lemon juice
and a pinch of liquorice.

Right away

You'll be pinched all right!

This table is reserved...

Some guy is blocking my sight!

Allow me.

Let me put it right.

Twelve fifty...
Good Lord...

Pydie, be quiet!

Chateaubriand - seventy two

and fifty again...

Yes?

Edward!
Is it possible?

I beg your pardon?
- You aren't Edward?

No.

Incredible! ...
What a likeness!

You resemble someone,
who is no longer with us.

All right,
but I can't leave my dog...

You really aren't Edward?

I'm not.

No, you are not.
You have more beautiful eyes.

I beg your pardon,
but the remembrance was so intense...

We must have a drink.

She must have a drink.

I shouldn't drink, really!
You aren't competing tomorrow.

May I call you Edward?
What will it be?

Lemon juice. And you?

Whisky.
- Whisky.

Right away

You are competing - in what?
- Come tomorrow morning.

Some sort of a jump?

Oh...
a high dive ...

I never tried that

I was good at the side-stroke -
when I was a boy.

Here you are
Thank you

Shall we dance?

As soon as I finish my brandy.
- This is whisky!

As soon as I finish my brandy.
- All right - but it's whisky.

Isn't madam drinking whisky?
- Whisky!

Well, shall we or shall we not?
- Of course we shall. Excuse me Edward?

Of course

It's whisky all the same!

I loathe brandy.

Fix him somebody!
He's screening my view!

I feel like in a vice!

To squeeze the salt-cellar out of you!

The one on table No 7 contained salt.
Your agent has bungled it!

Isn't it a double-cross?

You may have sold it -
to Turkey, for instance.

I never got it!
But I am suspecting someone...

What about?

I think the Residen...

"She said ""the Resident""!"

This wench knows everything!
She has to be eliminated.

What does she say now?
- I can't hear her - she keeps turning around.

She keeps turning around...

Only a fool would bug a chandelier!

Now they won't trust each other and as
soon as they start murdering one another

we'll eliminate W4C

We'll get rid of the witness,
that Alice

and we'll sell the goods -
to the highest bidder.

Do you know it is worth a billion?
Hmmm...

A billion what, Stern?

I don't care.
What do you mean?

If you think it's dollars -
you're an idiot.

A billion crowns, eh?

Hand it over, Stern!
- What?

I'm asking you nicely, hand it over

Think you'll sell it -
and leave me in the soup?

You were always slow -

in fixing the silencer!

One of my best men...

You inspire confidence.
- Think so?

Isn't it gas?

Won't you stop the tape-recorder
in your watch?

There. But the clock is still ticking

Still, time will always be our master.

They're jamming us!

Is this a novelty?

The latest novelty!
- A novelty!

A novelty!
- A novelty!

American lemonade, please?
- Why American?

We serve no other sort.
- Didn't I tell you ...

He has an alarm-clock!

Allied agencies shouldn't keep
secrets from one another!

Friendship has its limits.

Love alone is boundless.

Pssst!

The salt-cellar's been found!
- Where?

Is this you agent?

Would Her Majesty's agent behave
as he does?

But you know him?

You think this salt-cellar?

This is Edward.

Foustka ... Joseph!

Cyril Juan Borquette didn't believe me
that you're not Edward either

And he used to know him well.

They got the salt-cellar!
- Salt-cellar!

He's swiped the salt-cellar!
- He's swiped the salt-cellar!

Au revoir!

Two whiskies.
Two ... yes, sir.

Poison?
- How old-fashioned!

A quarter for the telephone, please.

You're welcome

What brand is this?
- Black and White.

I don't take Black and White -
with plague-bacilli.

Quick, girls...

A small smile plays on my face

It's starting

hiding the sadness inside

But when the tears flow from my eyes

life feels sweet

A face of lies and deception

Stop playing! Start shooting!
What?

That only a young girl can see

Roman one!
Hmmm...

Roman one!

Thirteen what?
Oh...13B...

That you, Foustka?

Well, what is it?

You wanted any fuss or scandal -

to be avoided.
Everything's all right.

That's why you had to wake me?

A young lady has mistaken me -
for a man called Edward...

A former schoolmate of hers.

Did you ascertain -
what the fellow is doing here?

Dancing, you say?
Foustka, I'll strangle you!

Did you search his room?

He's got a room here?
Hello ...

I wanted to add ...

A small smile plays on my face

hiding the sadness inside

But when the tears flow from my eyes

life feels sweet

A face of lies and deception

that only a young girl can see

What are you doing here?

I am the Agent No 13.

One that will break the hearts
of innocents in the world at large

Have a black coffee and go to bed!

And be careful next time!
Understand?

I say ...
I really am a spy...

I used to laugh like other girls

but what a terrible mistake I made

A man enticed me to play a game

and then he broke my heart

Since that day I cry my tears

when others think to laugh

and laugh at times of sadness deep

which tums funerals into a farce

The last table by the door

the comer where they sit

when they've lost their faith
in everything

and nothing more can be done

Reserve a spot for this brunette

who's been standing here for so long

so that she can tum her back
on the world

and finally have a real good laugh

G sharp!

Target straight ahead

Stop this row at once!
You don't know who I am!

Such a fine place and you ...

Look at him!

Proceed, gentlemen.

Can't all this be settled
in an amicable way?

That's what I think too!

Condemned by love to hope and dream

For which philanthropic agency
are you working, Edward?

For town-cleaning.

Pydie, leave him alone!

Let's bygones be bygones...

worn out by desire,
where will I find peace.

We shouldn't have taken this job.

Two whiskies.

Give me shadows, give me a drink

take the shackles from my arms

Number twenty three.
Thank you. What's this, aha...

build a house above the swamp

Excuse me, but just in case you
pocketed - something by mistake ...

when mine went up in flames

Worn out by desire I still dream

Isn't he looking for a salt-cellar too?
Let's go!

You were marvelous!
Just as I expected.

Burnt by love,
I draw your shadow to me...

Footsteps in W4C's room.

Search the room!

I don't know for what!
He said search it, that's all.

Look at all these wires!

We must be near a laundry...

Footsteps in room 23.

Somebody walking there.
Switch on!

Bugged by everyone except Greenland.

Pssst!

What about the mikes?

A jamming station!

Dam it!

Some defect!

More advanced technology
will win every time.

Only human beings are irreplaceable!

The salt-cellar is practically mine now.
- Certainly.

And the price?

It is worth a billion, but we'll leave
all this to the agencies.

It had to be handed over -
and we made

a quick job of it!

Such a lot of money!
And I left it on the table.

I'd better take it to a safe place.

You can take it away now!

We have to get that salt-cellar!

Come on!
Wait! Wait, I say!

Cyril, did you lock the door?
- Nobody would dare to come in!

Ouch!
- Sorry.

We got the wrong one!
- You are just the right sort, anyhow!

It was exchanged for another
salt-cellar, That's terrible!

No, it's wonderful!

Was it Edward?

The dog.

Yes, that dog Edward!

No. This dog.
Doesn't it carry a bomb?

A biological weapon, don't you think?

A beautiful weapon don't you think?
Cyril, what do you think?

I can't help loving animals.
- A woman can be an animal too.

This isn't the luggage check!

Come here, Pydie...

We shouldn't have taken this job!

What time is it?

Don't ... you might cause

a minor nuclear explosion!

Pssst!

Oh, please don't!
The mikes didn't work and I ...

so they just sent me to...
no, no please don't...

I have a wife and children!

Your fault!

Love is always at variance with duty.

Good evening.
Good...

Fie, Pydie!
What have you got here?

Aren't you nosy!
Which of them is it?

I can't tell ...

Your bill.

I only had some lemonade.
"And what does "'dog"" mean?"

Lemonade, whisky and
the cloakroom ticket - for the dog.

Ninety two twenty.
Hmmm, well...

Thank you, come again.

You can keep the change!

Will you open the door, please?

There's the back door!

Oh, I see... Come on!

Let's leave it till tomorrow.
Go to sleep! - And you?

I'll look round for a bit.

What about the salt-cellar?
- You'll get it at 11 a.m.

Why at eleven?

I am leaving at twelve -
I'm having lunch in Casablanca.

Has anything happened here?
- Nothing, I'm sorry to say!

What now?
Let's try it over there...

Dammit...
Not cleared up yet!

Come here! Come!

I feel a draught -
it has to end here somewhere

...because you lost the salt-cellar
and W4C is still alive!

If you don't make it right
till twelve,

you'll have to swallow the red ball!

Listen well!

Firstly: W4C!

Secondly: Before

Alice Roberts dives,

the swimming pool has to be charged
with 200.000 Volts.

200.000 Volts.

The body will be removed
by a device made ready beforehand.

That girl know too much!

The cabin will be your command post.

Now - don't forget!
- No, no!

You understood perfectly?
- Yes.

Yes or no?
- I said I understood.

I can only hear a whistling sound.
It must be you mikes! ... Hear me?

Just a moment!

They were functioning all right...

I can hear you now!

Don't forget:
Firstly and secondly!

Out!
Hmmm...

What sort of a trap is this?

We've been here before...

Wait...

And we didn't notice this here!
Now, run!

What's so precious about it? Don't sniff
like that, there's a billion in that!

Where is it though?!
We'll have to ask.

Up Pydie, up!

Hallo, Chief, will you please -
give me some information about salt?

Foustka, the agent, speaking.

What's all that nonsense?

I told you I was a dietarian.

I'm not allowed to use salt.

That's why salt is double Dutch
to me.

Dutch?
I have a dictionary...

That fellow W4C told the young lady -
it was worth a billion.

Which young lady?

The one they want to kill
in the swimming pool tomorrow.

You gave me her photo...

You must prevent it!

We can't have ladies killed
in our swimming-pools!

Think of our tourism!

I hold you responsible for the pool!

Got your regulation bathing-drawers?
So what?!

I say, Chief ...
Hallo ...

We shouldn't have taken the job, eh?

Swimmers, get ready!

When are you head-diving?
- After the intermission. Why?

I want to see it!
- And the salt-cellar?

At eleven, as I told you!

Your ticket!

Haven't got one.
They're sold out.

Then stay out!

Pydie, try and make some confusion -

so I can sneak in!

Got it working?
- Yes. 200.000 Volt.

You sure nobody's in the pool yet?

Well, you see

To your stations!

Everything O.K. sir, as expected -

the stadium is full of people -
the trouble is,

I can't get in.

There were no tickets to be got...

You bungler, you could have bought
tickets

in advance!
- Kindly remember, Chief ...

Look up the directions -
given in your booklet!

I did - paragraph 15 - how to work
one's way into the Headquarters.

Not a word about swimming-baths!

Get in through the conduit,

or disguised as the Mayor!
Use your head, Foustka!

Use your head ...
Says he ...

Disguised as the Mayor...
I'd rather crawl in through the pipes!

Monsieur... well, you're finally here
let's go inside...sofort...

Your ticket!
- Your ticket!

No use talking! Your ticket!
- Got no ticket? Stay outside!

...the 100 metre breast stroke final

for this year's championship.

The lanes were drawn as follows

Starting block No 1-
Ron Wyler of New Zealand,

Block No 2 -
Juan Alvarez, Ecuador...

Isn't that your Edward?

And he said he was a poor swimmer!

In Ecuador children start swimming
at the age of three.

97,2% using the breast stroke
and the back stroke, the rest.

You know everything, Juan!

About antique culture, for instance.

But I'm taking an interest in it.
Excuse me.

Pydie!
Bite ... bite ... bite!

Bite it through and then sick him!

Come in.

To your blocks!

...this inconspicuous
Ecuadorian's stroke seems rather slow,

but you ought to see his legs
under the surface...

The greatest surprise of this contest
was the victory

of the Ecuadorian - Juan Alvarez,
whose style ...

Dear listeners, I can only say,

it was a really wonderful show.

We hope to get the champion
to the microphone ..

The diving competition will begin

with a double back-summersault
executed by Miss Alice Roberts...

Will you, please -
at this happy occasion - say a few words

to out listeners?
We must prevent murder!

Bravo! Bravo! Dear listeners,
this admirable Ecuadorian athlete -

the winner of the 100m race, in his
finest sporting hour, not only

speaks good Czech, but he's
also made an appeal for World Peace!

Hold this for me!
- Right...Ladies and...

You won't!

What's bitten you, Edward?

Come down! You mustn't dive!
The pool is charged with high voltage!

Take it easy, gentlemen!
Let me prove it! Look!

The salt-cellar!

The salt-cellar!

At eleven sharp!

What's that?...

Jesus Christ...

Dammit!

A different sound.

It's wet.

Step on it!

We must get him!

We can't allow that sort of thing here!
You are disqualified!

Why? Good mooing...

Come here, Pydie!

We shouldn't have taken this job!

This is yours. Wait a minute!

Faster! And to the left!

Take off your shoes!

They are indestructible.

I sometimes think,
I haven't chosen a nice profession.

Oh, really?

Bon voyage, my boy...

Darling...

We gotta overtake him!

Three...Two...One...Go!

Eight minutes left for us.

Too short a time for lovers!

He's got away again!

You can choose!

Marie Novakova, Hongkong,

Marie Novakova, Hongkong,
Marie Novakova, Hongkong...

Your passports, please!

The alarm clock! Fetch it!

Good doggie ...

Hold this!

Interesting.
And old timepiece - keeping bad time...

Hello, Edward,
- Keeping bad time...

The alarm-clock, I mean.
- I know, Edward.

No manners!
- Thank you.

A window-seat on the right, please!

Not above the wing!

Juan!

Eat it!

A pool full of corpses!

W4C blown to kingdom come!

Foustka,

you've disrupted
the whole European spy-network

You've destroyed the reason

for our existence!

That's as may be -
but the young lady was saved.

And you bring me this stuff!

It's said to be worth a milliard!

A billion?
- What am I to do with it?

It's beyond my planned revenue.

Which one is it? ... This one?
- I'll soon know.

Edward, the salt-cellars!

Edu...

I'll return the brief-case, Edward.

There .. the milliard is gone.

Couldn't you offer resistance?

This gimmick is out of order again!

Why didn't your bitch
jump at her and worry her?

He was meant to jump on her and tear her
to pieces! - He couldn't.

What do you mean he couldn't?
- Holding the salt-cellar in his mouth.

Which salt-cellar?
- The right one.

Pydie, let him have it!

Foustka! ...

Let me hug you!

Now it's functioning!

Mr. Foustka, why did that woman
call you Edward?

She was mistaking me
for a schoolmate of hers.

And ... do you ...
know her intimately?

Well...

Mr. Foustka,

this is most valuable indeed!

It really is a plan
for the military utilizations of Venus.

You'll be promoted from Agent 13B

to ... Agent 13A!

Pydie, here boy

We shouldn't have taken this job.

Why, Mr. Foustka?

He said I'd be appointed
Chief accountant - didn't he?

And now an agent again, right?

The End