The Encore of Tony Duran (2011) - full transcript

[RATTLING]

[WHIRRING]

♪♪ ['50s POP]

♪ OH, THE SHARK, BABE

♪ HAS SUCH TEETH, DEAR

♪ AND HE SHOWS THEM

♪ PEARLY WHITE

♪ JUST A JACKKNIFE

♪ HAS OLD MACHEATH, BABE

♪ AND HE KEEPS IT-- [MAN] THAT'S ME.

♪ OUT OF SIGHT



BACK IN THE DAY.

BACK WHEN I THOUGHT
IT COULD ALL STILL HAPPEN.

I TRIED TO PUT TOGETHER
A BIOPIC ABOUT BOBBY DARIN--

ONE OF THE ALL-TIME GREATS.

STARRING, WHO ELSE? ME.

AS A PROMO, WE EVEN
GOT A MAKEUP GIRL,

AND I BELTED OUT
"MAC THE KNIFE" ON BETA SP.

♪ NEVER A TRACE OF RED

AND THIS IS WAY BACK WHEN
VIDEO WAS EXPENSIVE, YOU KNOW?

BACK IN THE EARLY '90s.

BACK BEFORE JUST ANY IDIOT
WITH A VIDEO CAMERA

COULD GO OUT
AND SHOOT A MOVIE.

♪ SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN'
AROUND THE CORNER ♪

AND THAT SONG. IT WAS
RIGHT IN MY WHEELHOUSE.



I DON'T KNOW WHY
I KEPT ON VIEWING THAT TAPE.

IT WAS LIKE I WAS
PICKING AT SCABS.

♪ WELL, CEMENT BAG
JUST DROOPIN' ON DOWN ♪

I USED TO DO IT A LOT.

♪ OH, THAT CEMENT IS JUST, IT'S
THERE FOR THE WEIGHT, DEAR ♪

FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS,
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN A THING

ABOUT MY LIFE-- WHENEVER
I'M SINKING INTO A HOLE,

IT CAUSED ME TO WALLOW
IN MY MEMORIES

OF WHAT I
"COULDA, SHOULDA" DONE.

IT WAS A CYCLICAL THING.

A VICIOUS CIRCLE.

[BUZZING]

♪ JUST LIKE A SAILOR

♪ COULD IT BE OUR BOY
DONE SOMETHING RASH ♪

♪ AH, JENNY DIVER
HO, HO ♪

♪ WELL, SHE DIS--

THIS IS ME
ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO.

JUST BEFORE ALL THIS...
CHANGE.

IF I EVER NEEDED
A DECENT NIGHT'S SLEEP,

IT WAS THEN.

BECAUSE THIS,
FROM THE GIT-GO,

WAS DESTINED TO BE
THE WORST SINGLE DAY
OF MY LIFE.

I MEAN, THIS
WAS THE END OF DAYS.

I WAS PRACTICALLY
A SHUT-IN.

I COULDN'T RISK RUNNING
INTO EDDIE, MY LANDLORD,

WHO LIVES RIGHT NEXT DOOR--

'CAUSE I HADN'T PAID
THE POOR GUY HIS RENT

IN OVER HALF A YEAR.

AHH.

[GROANS]
GET UP TODAY,
YOU IDIOT.

I HATED THE SUN.
HATED SWEATING
UNDER MY MAN-BOOBS.

I'D JUST BEEN THROUGH
AN ARBITRATION,

AND I WAS DUE A FINANCIAL
SETTLEMENT FOR SOME WORK

I'D BEEN STIFFED ON
ALMOST A YEAR BEFORE.

MY LAWYER SAID,
"THEY'LL PAY."

IT WAS TAKING
FOREVER TO COLLECT.

AND I WAS DYING SLOWLY
OF STRANGULATION.

[CHUCKLES]
85.

THAT'S NICE.

I HADN'T ACTUALLY, REALLY
SLEPT IN ABOUT SIX MONTHS.

[SIGHS]

I WOULD LATER,
WITH MY EYES CLOSED,

BUT THAT WASN'T SLEEPING--
IT WAS CHECKING
MY EYELIDS FOR CRACKS.

I WAS JUST SO TWEAKED
ABOUT MONEY.

MY DAD. GOD BLESS HIM.

HE WAS A CROONER
WITH THE BIG BANDS,
BACK IN THE '40s.

MY DAD MUST BE ROLLING OVER
IN HIS GRAVE,

KNOWING THAT NO-ONE IN
HIS FAMILY SINGS ANYMORE.

BUT HONESTLY, WHAT DO
WE HAVE TO SING ABOUT?

MIKE HADN'T
COME HOME THAT NIGHT.
[CHUCKLES]

I KEPT FORGETTING.
HE'S NOT A LITTLE KID ANYMORE.

HI.

HI.

DID YOU SLEEP?
MM-HMM.

LIKE, 10 OR 20 MINUTES.

THE REST OF THE TIME
YOU WATCHED ME SLEEP?

YES.
[LAUGHING]
CREEPY.

YOU WERE AWAKE
FOR MOST OF IT.

YEAH. I REMEMBER.

YEAH. I ALWAYS
GOTTA LIMP THROUGH
THE REST OF THE DAY.

MY DAYS.OH, YOU POOR THING!

HEY. NEXT TIME YOU WANT
TO MAKE LOVE 18 TIMES
IN A SIX-HOUR PERIOD,

I'LL REMIND YOU
OF THIS CONVERSATION.

WHAT? BUT...
I'M NOT COMPLAINING.

OH, SURE,
YOU'RE COMPLAINING.

NO, THAT'S A GOOD DAY.
IT'S A BLISSFUL FOG.

MAYBE SOME COFFEE
WILL HELP THAT.

IT'S TONY DURAN. I'M
CALLING ABOUT THE PACKAGES
I SENT YOU LAST WEEK

REGARDING A PREMIER
SALES CONFERENCE HERE
IN PALM SPRINGS.

RIGHT NOW, I'M LOOKING
OUT MY WINDOW

AT THE SNOW-CAPPED
MOUNTAINS IN PALM SPRINGS,
AND RIGHT HERE,

ON THE FLOOR, IT'S
85 DEGREES. 85 DEGREES,
MR. PEPPER. GO AHEAD.

GOOD LUCK. MM-HMM.

SO, THERE'S NO SENSE
IN SUGAR-COATING IT,

UNLESS I WAS GOING TO EAT IT-- I WASN'T CUDDLY, OR HUSKY, OR--

TAKE IT FROM TONY.
YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF.

FRIGGIN' BIG-BONED.

CHAMPIONSHIP BREAKFAST, HUH?
LET'S GO.

COME ON, HUH?
DADDY'S MAKING LIGHT.

AND I GUESS I WAS PRONE
TO SOME PRETTY BAD HABITS.

MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT. I CAN
ASK TO PUT YOUR GROUP IN
ELVIS'S HONEYMOON HIDEAWAY.

RIGHT WHERE HE AND PRISCILLA
STAYED WHEN THEY GOT MARRIED.

YEAH! OH, YEAH,
PEOPLE LOVE IT.

PEOPLE SAY, "AW, GEEZ LOUISE.
I LET MYSELF GO."

HEY, HEY. CONNOR! CONNOR.

WHAT KIND OF A STUPID
EUPHEMISM IS THAT?

"I LET MYSELF GO"?

THAT'S A PHRASE I MIGHT
USE TO DESCRIBE GIVING
MYSELF PERMISSION

TO PEE OUT IN THE YARD.

TONY DURAN,
COACHELLA RESORT CREW.

HERE WE GO.
DIALING FOR DOLLARS.

THIS WAS THE END
OF THE WORST YEAR
I EVER LIVED THROUGH.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT,
LIKE, WHEN MY WIFE LEFT

OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT--
THAT WAS EASY SHIT.

I MEAN, I WAS RELIEVED
WHEN THAT HAPPENED.

WEATHER HERE?
BETTER ALL YEAR ROUND.

THIS WAS ONE OF
THE WORST YEARS AMERICA
HAD EVER LIVED THROUGH.

A GUY LIKE ME, HANGING
ON BY FINGERNAILS,

DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE
TO TURN TO OR BELIEVE IN,

BECAUSE EVERYBODY WAS SCREWED.

YEAH. SURE,
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THINK ABOUT US
NEXT YEAR TOO,
WILL YA?

EVEN THE RICH PEOPLE I KNEW.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

NO ENGLISH? I CAN'T
SPEAK SPANISH, NO.

YEAH. OKAY. NEXT WEEK. I'LL
CALL YOU NEXT WEEK. FUCK!

IT INFURIATED ME, THAT A FEW
GREEDY, MATERIALISTIC BASTARDS

HAD RUINED OUR COUNTRY.

DON'T GET ME STARTED.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

FUCK!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]OH, JESUS.

YOU KNOW, EDDIE? YOU GOT
TO AT LEAST GIVE ME
A COUPLE OF DAYS, MAN.

- GOOD MORNING, SIR.
- HUH?

I'M SELLING CHOCOLATE BARS.

THANKS, BUT NO THANKS, KID.

FOR MY LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM.
THEY'RE TRYING TO RAISE MONEY

FOR THE TOURNAMENT.

WHAT DAY IS THIS, KID?
HOW COME YOU'RE NOT IN SCHOOL?

'CAUSE IT'S SPRING BREAK.

JEEZ.

YOU KNOW...
[SIGHS]

I CAN'T, KID. I CAN'T.

WAIT. KID,
COME HERE A SECOND.

HOW MUCH ARE
THE CHOCOLATE BARS?TWO DOLLARS.

JUST WAIT HERE A SECOND.

AH! HOLD ON, KID!

I GOT TO ACCESS THE VAULT!

CALLING MY
FINANCIAL CONSULTANTS.

HOW MUCH WE GOT THERE?

THERE'S A CANADIAN NICKEL
I CAN'T TAKE.

OKAY.

TWO... THIRTY... FIVE.

IT'S ONLY TWO DOLLARS.

- KEEP THE CHANGE, KID.
- WHAT FOR?

- YOU'RE GONNA WIN, AREN'T YOU?
- I HOPE SO.

THEN THAT'S FOR
YOUR VICTORY CELEBRATION.

THANKS, MISTER.

YEAH.

NOW GET OUTTA HERE!

DO YOU THINK
YOUR DAD'LL, LIKE,

BE MAD THAT YOU'RE SPENDING
SO MUCH TIME OVER HERE?

WHY WOULD YOU
ASK ME THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.
IT JUST SEEMS LIKE HE
REALLY DOESN'T APPROVE.

MM. IT'S TRUE.
HE DOESN'T.

IT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE A COUGAR.
[LAUGHS]

ME, I'M A CUB.
SHUT UP!

I KNOW HE THINKS THAT.

UH... HONESTLY,
I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT
HE NOTICED THAT I'M GONE.

YOU KNOW? I LOVE MY DAD,
IT'S JUST...

BEEN SCRAMBLING.

SO I GOT DRESSED
WITHOUT SHOWERING OR
CHANGING MY UNDERWEAR

FROM THE DAY BEFORE--
OR EVEN SO MUCH AS
BRUSHING MY TEETH.

EVERY DAY, I WENT TO
THE MAILBOX, HOPING
TO FIND THAT CHECK

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

BUT NOT TODAY.
DAMN!

HEY, TONY! TONY! T!

HA?

OH, HI, EDDIE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT'S THE NEWS, MAN?YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO BELIEVE IT.

UH, KINGMAN JUST CALLED!AW, TONY...

YEAH, HE SAID
IT'S ALL SETTLED,
IN MY FAVOR.

AND THEY GOT TO PAY UP
REAL QUICK, OR THEY'RE IN
TROUBLE WITH THE ARBITRATOR.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

SO YOU GOT TO THINK.
KINGMAN'S GOT NO REASON
TO BULLSHIT ME,

BECAUSE HE'S GOT A LIEN
ON THIS FOR HIS FEES TOO.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?YEAH.

YEAH.
YEAH, I MEAN, THANK GOD,
MAN, RIGHT?

RIGHT. RIGHT.
LISTEN, LISTEN.

I REALLY
APPRECIATE HOW PATIENT
YOU'VE BEEN WITH ME.

OKAY? IT'S GONNA FEEL
GREAT TO BE ALL PAID UP.

HO! TELL ME ABOUT IT!
THE FIRST THING WHEN
THAT MONEY COMES IN,

I'M GOING DOWN TO THAT
ASIAN MASSAGE PLACE
DOWN ON DATE PALM?

YOU KNOW THAT PLACE?

IT IS FANTASTIC
HOW THEY HANDLE YOU,

I MEAN, YOU CAN GET
A GUY OR GIRL, I MEAN,

YOU KNOW, I'LL GET A GUY,
BUT YOU CAN GET A GIRL,

IF YOU WANT, BUT...

WHATEVER YOUR SITUATION
IS, THEY HANDLE IT,

AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, MAN,
[STUTTERS]

I COULD REALLY USE IT!WELL, MAN, THEN I GUESS

THAT'LL BE OUR PLAN, RIGHT?

ALL I KNOW IS, AT FIRST,
IT'S JUST GONNA BE GREAT

TO PAY OFF A WHOLE BUNCH
OF BILLS, AND YOU'RE
ON TOP OF THAT LIST.

OKAY? I-I GOTTA RUN.
OKAY?

I'LL TALK TO YOU.
THANKS, EDDIE. THANKS.

TONY. TONY,
YOU LET ME KNOW.

YEAH! YEAH!
FIRST CLASS.

BAD DAY ALREADY,
BUT I'D MADE A DECISION...

THAT WOULD SEND ME
ON A SLIDE, STRAIGHT
INTO THE SHITTER.

HEY, MIKE.

YEAH, HOW YOU DOING?
WHAT'S UP?

UH, ACTUALLY, A LOT.GOOD STUFF.

YOU DIDN'T COME HOME
LAST NIGHT.

NO, I DIDN'T.
I WAS--

SPENDING THE NIGHT
AT CHERYL'S HOUSE.
OH.

THAT'S GOOD.

NAH! NO. GREAT.
DAMN IT!

I JUST GOT TO GET
MY ARMS AROUND THE FACT

THAT YOU'RE DATING
AN OLDER WOMAN.

SHE'S 23, SO SHE'S NOT--YOU'RE 19.

BUT L-- I DIDN'T
COME HERE TO FIGHT.

WELL, WHAT DID
YOU COME HERE FOR?

WHAT, I CAN'T SEE YOU?
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
HOME ALL WEEK.

YEAH. IT'S REALLY
BECAUSE I DO NOT
WANT TO BE THERE

WHEN YOUR ELECTRICITY
GETS TURNED OFF.

YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S WHY I CAME.

DAD, I PAY YOU RENT.
OKAY? I PAY YOU RENT,

AND I DON'T EVEN
SLEEP THERE ANYMORE.

I KNOW, MIKE. AND IT ALL
WENT INTO THE BLACK HOLE.

OH, JESUS CHRIST.
LOOK.

I GOTTA-- I GOTTA
SAVE THE HOUSE.

OKAY? I BEEN PAYING EDDIE
ON THIS LEASE-OPTION THING.

I GOT $40,000 OF CASH EQUITY
IN THIS HOUSE, OKAY?

I CAN'T LOSE IT. YOU KNOW,
THAT'S ALL I GOT.

IT'S YOUR INHERITANCE.

I KNOW CHERYL'S
PROBABLY A GREAT GIRL.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU LEAVE,
AND YOU NEED A PLACE TO GO?

I'VE GOT TO HAVE THE HOUSE
SO I CAN TAKE YOU IN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH. I DO.
I-I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

NOW LISTEN, MAN.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

YOU'RE WORKING. YOU ARE.
NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR A JOB?

YEAH. I AM.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T TAKE
SOME $15-AN-HOUR JOB,

OR SOME 40-HOUR-A-WEEK GIG,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I GOT TO MAKE
SOME BIG COMMISSIONS.
OH.

I NEED SIX, SEVEN GRAND
A MONTH, JUST TO PAY
SOME BILLS OFF.

YOU KNOW?

IT'S LIKE THE PERFECT
STORM, MAN, YOU KNOW?

THE DIVORCE, YOUR MOM--
THE ECONOMY--

IT JUST ALL BLEW UP
IN MY FACE.

YOU GOT ANYTHING
IN RESERVE?

I GOT--
I GOT 400 BUCKS.

DAD, TO GIVE YOU... UM,

YOU KNOW, JUST TO PAY
NEXT MONTH'S...

NO, THAT'S GREAT. AND
THEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PAY ME ON THE 1ST, OKAY?

YEAH. THAT'S OKAY.

UM...

DID YOU WANT IT NOW?
BECAUSE THERE'S
AN ATM MACHINE.

[SIGHS]
YEAH.

OKAY. UH, YEAH.

THANKS, MIKE.

[SIGHS]
I ASKED FOR THE MONEY
TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL?

BUT THAT WAS A LIE.

I HAD IT IN MIND TO BREAK
OUT OF THIS TERRIBLE PLACE
I'D GOTTEN INTO.

I HAD A WAY
TO MAKE SOME MONEY,

BUT I NEEDED ABOUT
TWO GRAND TO DO IT.

THAT'S WHAT I GOT.
FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS?

[SIGHS]
THANKS, SON.
YEAH.

DAD, UM...

[SOB]
LOVE YOU, DAD.

AHH.

SO WHY DON'T YOU BRING
CHERYL OVER TO THE HOUSE?

I WILL, IF YOU'D
TRY TO BE NICE.

I'M ALWAYS NICE, MIKE.

IN MY WAY.YEAH. SURE.

YOU PULL OUT YOUR GUITAR,
AND WE'LL DO THE OLD ACT.

YEAH. YEAH, I WILL.
I WILL.

OKAY.
UM...

I GOT A--
I GOT A POSTCARD IN
THE MAIL FROM MOM.

A LETTER FROM THE BEACH?

WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT?
SINCE WE HAVE A CONFERENCE
WITH HER--

SHE'S AT THE BEACH.
IN CANCUN.

YEAH. I'M SORRY. SHE'S
AT THE BEACH IN...

CANCUN.

[MAN]
COME ON!
UM,

I-- GO PAY THE BILL.YEAH.

OKAY.
THANKS, SON.

SURE.
IN THIS WORLD, THERE
AREN'T TOO MANY MISTAKES

WORSE THAN PUTTING
YOUR OWN KID IN THE POSITION
OF HAVING TO BE THE PARENT.

IT SUCKS PRETTY BAD.

FOR MOST OF US, THIS HAPPENS
WHEN WE'RE BLISSFULLY DEMENTED
IN OUR OLD AGE.

I'M JEALOUS
OF THOSE PEOPLE.

BUT THE DAY WAS YOUNG,
AND I STILL HAD WHOLE,
NEW HORIZONS

OF DICK-HEADEDNESS
TO EXPLORE.

TO GET THE REST
OF THE MONEY,

I SAW MY OLD FRIEND
JERRY BRAILL.

HE WAS THE ONLY GUY I KNEW
WHO WASN'T WIPED OUT.

JERRY WAS
AN OLD SCHOOL COMEDIAN,

FROM THE CATSKILLS
TO ED SULLIVAN,

TO VEGAS, TO HOLLYWOOD,

AND THEN LATER,
AN ETERNITY IN DINNER THEATER.

HE WAS LONG RETIRED,
BUT HE'D REALLY BEEN AROUND.

THE THING IS, JERRY
USED TO BE COURT JESTER

TO SOME REALLY
NOTORIOUS MOB GUYS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY
OF THEM ARE STILL AROUND

TO ANSWER A CALL.

H-HEY!
THERE HE IS.

HI, JERRY.WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN?

I WAS HALF-EXPECTING
A REPORT IN THE NEWS.

WHAT?
THE NEIGHBORS CALLED,
COMPLAINING.

THEY FIND YOU
WHILE INVESTIGATING
THE CADAVEROUS WAFT.

THEY FIND YOUR DOG
SITTING LIKE HENRY VIII,

WITH YOUR DRUMSTICK
IN HIS MOUTH.

COME ON! WELL, AT LEAST
WE KNOW THERE'S NO QUESTION
WHERE WE'D FIND YOU.

NEVER. MANHATTAN
IN THE DESERT.

STORY OF MY LIFE.
"MANHATTAN
IN THE DESERT."

OY. SO YOU DISAPPEARED?

YEAH, I KNOW.
HEY, I--

YOU GOT A MINUTE?YEAH, I'M DONE. SIT.

THANKS.
YOU MAKE QUITE
A STYLISH FIGURE HERE

THIS MORNING.

HIYA. COFFEE?

UH, YEAH, SURE.
I'LL HAVE SOME COFFEE.

YOU LIKE THAT.WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WHAT DO I MEAN?"

IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION.
YOU GOT DROOL ON YOUR CHIN.

YOU MEAN, HER?

SHE'S BEEN MY NEW YEAR'S
RESOLUTION, LIKE,
THE LAST TWO YEARS.

OKAY? AND I HAVEN'T
EVEN SAID HELLO YET.

I WANT TO KISS
EVERY LAST CENTIMETER OF--

ACTUALLY, WHEN I SAY "KISS,"
I MEAN LICK.

I'M SURE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S SINGLE.

SHE DEFINITELY IS.

I TRIED.
[LAUGHS]

YOU OLD DOG.

HOW'D SHE TURN YOU DOWN?

SHE OPINED THAT THE TIMES
HAD NOT YET GOTTEN THAT HARD.

TO WHICH I RESPONDED,
THAT I HAD.

YOU DESERVED IT.

SHE HAS A DAUGHTER,
YOU KNOW?
SO?

SO, YOU JUST DON'T
INDISCRIMINATELY

LICK ON LADIES WHO
HAVE YOUNG CHILDREN.

READY TO ORDER?UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF IT'S OKAY WITH YOU,
I MIGHT JUST-- JUST
HAVE SOME COFFEE.

COFFEE IN A COFFEE SHOP.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF.

I AM, BELIEVE ME.

SO WHAT'S UP?

THINGS HAVE GOTTEN
A LITTLE TOUGH LATELY, JERRY.

HOW MUCH?
YOU KNOW, JERRY.
IT'S JUST NOT THAT EASY, MAN.

YOU'VE BEEN MY OLDEST FRIEND
OUT HERE IN THE DESERT.

YOU GOT ME MY FIRST JOB.
I DON'T WANT TO
STEP ALL OVER THAT.

IT'S JUST--

I-I CAN'T GET ANYTHING
FROM BACK HOME
RIGHT NOW, MAN.

AND UH...
I'M FLYING WITHOUT A NET.

I KNOW. THESE
ARE TOUGH DAYS.

YEAH, BUT YOU KNOW,
I ALWAYS MANAGED TO BE
ABLE TO PAY YOU BACK BEFORE.

AND I MEAN, I KNOW SOMETIMES
IT'S TAKEN A WHILE, BUT...

BUT I ALWAYS GOT YOU
YOUR MONEY BACK, A-AND
YOU MADE SOME, TOO. YOU KNOW?

DO I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT IT IS?
NO.

HOW MUCH?
UH...

WELL, I GOT PART OF IT,
SEE, BUT--

BUT BASICALLY IT'S A--
I CAN TURN TWO GRAND
INTO SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS

AND HAVE ENOUGH
TO PAY YOU SOME VIG,

AND PAY OFF A BIG PILE OF
MY BILLS. NOT ALL OF THEM.

BUT I COULD AT LEAST KEEP
MY EYEBALLS ABOVE THE FLOOD
FOR A WHILE.

AND THIS IS SOMETHING
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO
MONTH TO MONTH.

WHAT KIND OF VIG?

FIVE HUNDRED. FLAT.

HOW LONG?
TWO, THREE DAYS.

TWO DAYS, TO TURN
TWO GRAND INTO SIX?

I REALLY DON'T WANT
TO KNOW WHAT IT IS,
DO I?

NO.

IS THERE ANY CHANCE
THAT IF I GET DOWN
ON MY KNEES

AND BEGGED YOU,
THAT I COULD GET YOU
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND,

AND ABANDON WHAT COULD ONLY
BE A STUPID FUCKING IDEA?NO.

AND ONE THAT'S DEFINITELY
GOING TO BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE?

I NEED TO DO THIS, JERRY.

HOW MUCH MONEY
DO YOU ALREADY HAVE?

400 DOLLARS.

SO YOU NEED 16?SIXTEEN HUNDRED.

AND I GET FIVE?
YEAH.

[SIGHS]

JESUS, JERRY. WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' WITH ALL THAT MONEY?

YOU JUST ASKED FOR IT.

I DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D HAVE IT ON YOU.

I GOT A COUPLE OF GRAND
WALKING AROUND MONEY.

COUPLE OF GRAND
WALKING-AROUND MONEY?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU
WALK AROUND WITH?

LIKE TWELVE.

TWELVE?

IF YOU GOT TWELVE,
WHY DO YOU NEED SIXTEEN?

I THOUGHT YOU HAD FOUR.

NOT TWELVE HUNDRED.
TWELVE DOLLARS.

LIKE I MIGHT NEED
A DIET COKE, OR A TWINKIE.

MAYBE A COUPLE
GALLONS OF GAS?

OH. THAT'S NOT GOOD.

NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD, JERRY.

THE TWINKIE, I ENJOY.
BUT NO, IT'S NOT GOOD.

THANKS, JERRY.
I'LL BE IN TOUCH.

YEAH, UM...
HEY, I'LL SEE YOU.

BYE, TONY.

MY BRILLIANT IDEA
WAS SIMPLE:

I KNEW WHERE TO SCORE
A COUPLE OF OUNCES OF COCAINE.

AT LEAST, I THOUGHT
IT WAS COKE.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SPEED.

BUT HOW SHOULD I KNOW
ONE WHITE POWDER FROM ANOTHER?

I TASTED IT AT A PARTY
A FEW MONTHS EARLIER,

AND IT FELT LIKE COKE
ON MY GUMS.

ANYWAY, WHATEVER IT WAS,

I ALSO KNEW A WHOLE POPULATION
OF RICH GUYS

IN THOSE RESORT COMMUNITIES
THAT WERE HAPPY

TO SHOVE ANYTHING
UP THEIR NOSES FOR GIGGLES.

I WAS ABLE
TO JUSTIFY THIS PLAN
IN MY BATTERED MORALITY,

BY FIGURING THAT
MOST OF THE PEOPLE
I'D BE SELLING IT TO

WERE GUYS IN THEIR 60s.

IT WAS SOMEHOW, TO ME,
OKAY TO DEAL COKE

IF I COULD BE
REASONABLY SURE

THAT IT WOULDN'T FALL
INTO THE HANDS OF KIDS.

THESE FOLKS WERE GOING
TO FIND THEIR KICKS
FROM SOMEONE ELSE ANYWAY.

IT MIGHT AS WELL BE ME
SELLING IT TO THEM.

IN OTHER WORDS, I WAS
A COMPLETE PIECE OF SHIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL
I PARKED SO FAR AWAY
FROM THE HOUSE.

I GUESS I FIGURED
IF THE PLACE WAS BUSTED
WHILE I WAS THERE,

I DIDN'T WANT MY CAR
TO GET IMPOUNDED.

WHAT KIND OF DOUCHEBAG
LOGIC IS THAT?

[BARKING]

I WAS SWEATING MY ASS OFF
BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE DOOR.

HEY. UH, DOES
ART LIVE HERE?

- CAN I HELP YOU?
- YEAH. IS ART HERE?

ART?

- ART!
- WHAT?

DO YOU REMEMBER ME?

NO.

YEAH, WE MET AT
MY FRIEND DON'S HOUSE?

AT A PARTY?
WE TALKED.

- [GLASS BREAKING]
- [MOANING INSIDE HOUSE]

- SHUT THE FUCK UP!
- [MAN] I'M SORRY, MAN!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

NOT YOU. AND?

YOU HAD SOME STUFF?

DID I?

REGULAR SNOW STORM.

[MOTORCYCLE ROARING]

CRYSTAL METH.

THAT'S
DEXTROMETHAMPHETAMINE.

WAS IT?

SEE, I THOUGHT
IT WAS COKE.

AND ACTUALLY, I WAS
HOPING IT WAS COKE.

UH, WHY IS THAT?

YOU KNOW, I JUST THINK
IT'S A LITTLE MORE UPSCALE.

THAN METH. YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?

IN BOTH MARKETING
AND PERCEPTION.

I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

SEE, COKE IS A SEROTONIN-
DOPAMINE REUPTAKE INHIBITOR.

IT'S AN ANESTHETIC
AND AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT.

IT'S TOTALLY ADDICTIVE,
WITHOUT ANY UPSIDE.

IT JUST DEADENS
AND LEAVES YOU PARANOID.

COKE IS FOR ASSHOLES.

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'RE SOME KIND OF
A JUNGLE DUDE,

YOU'RE LIVING IN
PERU OR COLUMBIA.

EATING THE LEAF
LIKE NATURE INTENDED,

TO TAKE THE STING OUT OF
A LIFE AS A PRIMITIVE MAN,

LIVING UNDER THE THUMB
OF AN OPPRESSIVE REGIME,

WHEN ALL THE REST OF THE WORLD
IS WATCHING TELEVISION.

WE HAVE TELEVISION, DON'T WE?YEAH. SURE DO.

I WAS PROBABLY JUST AN ASSHOLE
IN THE '90S, HUH?

HEY, ART.

HEY, YOU GOT A MINUTE?
WE COULD TALK FOR A SECOND?

[SNIFFS]
SMELL THAT. SMELLS
GOOD, DOESN'T IT?

YEAH.

YOU GO WATCH SOME CARTOONS.
I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

WHAT'S UP, BIG GUY?

Y'KNOW, I UH.

I'M THINKING MAYBE I COULD
MOVE SOME OF YOUR PRODUCT.

ALL RIGHT? YOU KNOW,
SOME OF THE METH?

I MEAN, MAYBE, YOU KNOW,

NOT A LOT, BUT LIKE
AN OUNCE OR TWO A MONTH?

SEE, I RUN ALL THE MEDIA
AND MARKETING FOR ALL
THE BIG RESORTS.

SO I GOT A CLIENTELE
THAT CAN AFFORD
A COUPLE BAD HABITS.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SAYING?

WELL,

METH IS A VERY DEMOCRATIC
STIMULANT, YOU KNOW?

AND ANY MOTHER'S SON
CAN AFFORD IT.

YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO TELL ME
YOU DON'T WANT TO INCREASE
YOUR CLIENT BASE, ARE YOU?

LOOK, YOU CAN USE ALL
THOSE FAGGOTY MARKETING
WORDS YOU WANT,

BUT YOU'RE STILL ASKING
TO BE A DEALER HERE.

YOU UP FOR THAT, BIG GUY?

IT'S NOT EXACTLY
MY FIRST CAREER CHOICE,

BUT I GOTTA
DO SOMETHING NOW.

WELL SEE, THAT'S A PROBLEM.

BECAUSE IT IS MY CAREER
AND I'M VERY GOOD AT IT.

I MIX UP A MIGHTY TASTY TEA
FROM PHARMACEUTICAL GRADE
PSEUDOEPHEDRINE,

AND I SELL IT FOR A PROFIT.

I PROVIDE THE TWEAKERS OF THIS
WORLD WITH A VALUABLE SERVICE.

NOW, THREE THINGS:
A GOOD DRUG DEALER
DOESN'T GET CAUGHT.

HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS TWEAKERS
DROPPIN' DEAD ON HIM.

AND HE NEVER, EVER, EVER,
EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER...

GETS PUT IN A POSITION
TO HAVE SOMEBODY KILLED.

AND I HATE IT WHEN SOME
STUPID FUCKIN' MOTHERFUCKER

COMES ALONG TO SPOIL IT
FOR ME-- YOU GOT IT?

YEAH. YEAH, I GET IT.
BUT I THINK WE'RE
ON THE SAME PAGE.

SEE, I WANT TO KEEP
THIS AWAY FROM THE KIDS.

MY CLIENTELE?
THEY'RE MORE MATURE.

OH, WELL.

OH GOD, I FEEL BETTER.
THANK YOU!

ALL RIGHT, COOL, MAN.
ALL RIGHT, THEN
WE CAN DO BUSINESS, HUH?

[LAUGHS]
JESUS--

ARE YOU OUT OF
YOUR FUCKING MIND?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, MAN?

HEY, LET ME JUST TELL YOU
SOMETHING, IN CASE YOU'RE
WORRIED.

I'M NOT A COP.
[LAUGHS HARDER]

HEY! HEY, I GOT TWO THOUSAND
DOLLARS, RIGHT HERE.

GIMME THAT.

SIXTEEN HUNDRED
IN HUNDREDS,
400 IN TWENTIES.

COUNT IT, MAN!
COUNT IT!

WHAT?
THE MONEY.

WHAT MONEY?THE MONEY I JUST HANDED YOU!

INSIDE OVER HERE,

I GOT A YOUNG TWEAKER
WHO'S ALREADY GIVEN ME ALL
HIS WORLDLY POSSESSIONS,

AND HE CAN'T AFFORD
ANY MORE CRYSTAL.

NOW, IN A MINUTE, I'M
GOING TO WALK IN THERE,

AND I'M GONNA TELL HIM
THAT IF HE WANTS A SNOOTFUL,

HE'LL COME OUT HERE
WITH A BOX CUTTER

AND HE'LL CARVE YOUR
FUCKING FACE UP INTO A DOILY.

NOW YOU BETTER FUCKIN'
GET OUTTA HERE!

ALAN! BRIAN!

I WAS BEGINNING TO SUSPECT
THAT SOMETHING HAD GONE
TERRIBLY WRONG.

BUT I JUST STOOD THERE.
I DIDN'T KNOW
IF HE WAS KIDDING,

AND HE'D BRING ME OUT MY GRAMS, OR WAS IT LIKE A TEST OF
SOME KIND, LIKE, HE LIKE--

THIS GUY WOULDN'T DO
BUSINESS WITH SOMEBODY
UNLESS HE HAD THE GUTS FOR IT?

OR, IF HE JUST
STOLE MY MONEY.

I MEAN, DID HE THINK
I'D STAND FOR THAT?

AND THEN IT HIT ME,
MORON THAT I AM,

THAT I COULDN'T VERY WELL
GO TO THE COPS AND COMPLAIN

THAT THE BIG BAD METH
MANUFACTURER HAD STOLEN
THE MONEY I'D BORROWED

AT LOAN SHARK RATES
TO SCORE WHITE POWDER
FOR DISTRIBUTION!

SOMEHOW, I DIDN'T THINK
THAT STORY WOULD GENERATE
MUCH SYMPATHY

FROM LAW ENFORCEMENT. [ART]
BRIAN!

GET A SHOVEL
AND DIG A HOLE!

WE'RE ROASTIN'
A FUCKING PIG.

BRIAN! GODDAMN IT,
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

[NATIVE AMERICAN CHANTING]

[VOMITING]

ICE CREAM AND
PEANUT BUTTER. AND VODKA.

[CRYING]

YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!
WHAT THE FUCK?

FUCK! YOU LOSER!

LOSER!

WHAT'D I DO?
WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

HUH? WHY?

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST STRANGE.

AFTER A WHILE, YOU KINDA
WANT TO HIT BOTTOM.

YOU JUST-- YOU JUST WANT
TO GET IT OVER WITH.

YOU GET, I DON'T KNOW,
KIND OF BORED.

OF, UH, PLUMMETING.

PLUMMETING CAN BE
A DRAG AFTER A WHILE.

FUCK.

WHAT THE HELL
HAPPENED TO YOU?

AND YOU TOLD ME
YOU WERE GOING
TO PAY THE ELECTRICITY.

NO. AW, SHIT! THAT LADY
ON THE LINE TOLD ME

I HAD THREE DAYS TO PAY
THE BILL, I THINK, YESTERDAY.

MAYBE MONDAY. AW...

WHY DIDN'T YOU PAY IT?I CAN'T SAY.

EXCEPT I GAVE YOU
ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY IT.

YEAH. I LOST IT, MIKE.

YOU WHAT?

I LOST IT ALL.WAIT, WAIT A SECOND. WAIT.

HOW? HOW DID
YOU LOSE THE MONEY?

I CAN'T SAY.ARE YOU KIDDING ME?.

DAD, THAT'S SO FUCKING
MESSED UP. OKAY? YOU NEED--

YOU NEED TO GET SOME HELP!I KNOW.

NO, YOU NEED TO GET HELP!I KNOW, MIKE.

I ASKED THE ONLY
TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD
WHO WOULD HELP ME

TO HELP ME TODAY,
AND THEY DID!

AND YOU KNOW,
I STILL SCREWED IT UP.

JESUS CHRIST, MAN!
OKAY, YOU NEED
TO STOP DRINKING.

THAT'S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.
YOU NEED TO GO BACK TO AA.

I'M NOT GOING BACK TO AA!

I GOT ENOUGH TWO WEEK
AND FOUR WEEK CHIPS

TO START A POKER GAME,
FOR CHRISSAKES!

I GOT TO DO THIS MYSELF.

USUALLY I CAN. WHEN
THINGS ARE NOT SO FROZEN.

BUT RIGHT NOW?
NOTHING'S WORKING, MAN.

YOU KNOW? AND THOSE GUYS
AT AA? COME ON.

THEY HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK
IN 20 YEARS AND THEY'RE STILL
BLAMING THEIR SHIT ON ALCOHOL.

THEY GO TO THOSE MEETINGS
JUST TO-- JUST TO--

THEY GO TO THE MEETINGS
TO STOP FUCKING DRINKING!

THAT'S WHY THEY GO,
NOT TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

AND I DON'T FUCKING
KNOW ANYMORE!

AND YOU'RE TOO MUCH
OF A FUCKING COWARD

TO ADMIT THAT
YOU HAVE AN ISSUE.

BUT GUESS WHAT, MAN,
I'M NOT FUCKING DEALING
WITH IT ANYMORE.

THAT'S ALL. I'M
FUCKING OUTTA HERE, OKAY?

NO. NO, MIKE--I'M FUCKING OUTTA HERE!

DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ME!

MIKE! MIKE!

I WAS TIRED. I MEAN,
RUNNING AWAY FROM THE RANCH

WAS MORE EXERCISE
THAN I HAD IN TEN YEARS.

I HONESTLY HAD A HARD TIME
LIFTING MY FEET TO TAKE
A SINGLE STEP.

AND I COULDN'T IMAGINE FEELING
ANY WORSE IN MY CONSCIENCE.

BUT AGAIN, AIMING AT
GETTING IT ALL OVER WITH,
I WENT TO FINISH IT.

I FELT COMPELLED TO FACE IT,
EVEN THOUGH MY WHOLE LIFE
HAD TRAINED ME TO RUN AWAY.

SO?

SO, IT WAS
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

I LOST IT ALL.

I GOT ROBBED.

YEAH. HOW IT HAPPENED
DOESN'T MATTER.

MARIA?
SI?

WHISKEY, POR FAVOR. SI,JERRY.

JERRY--
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

CHRIST'S SAKE, THIS IS
WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU--

I WENT OUT TO THIS PLACE,
AND THESE GUYS ALMOST--

NO, TONY, NOT TODAY,
NOT IN THE LAST 6 HOURS,
YOU FUCKIN' IDIOT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
IN YOUR LIFE!

WHAT THE FUCK
HAPPENED TO YOU?

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THE MONEY--

THOUGH DON'T KID YOURSELF,
YOU OWE ME 2100,

AND YOU'RE GOING
TO PAY EVERY CENT,

OR YOU'LL WORK IT OFF
FOR ME, AS I DECIDE--
WITHOUT FAIL.

JUST UNDERSTAND THAT MUCH.

BECAUSE I CAN'T CALL
A COUPLE OF GUYS
WITH BENT NOSES

TO COME AND COLLECT
FROM A-- I WON'T SAY
LIKE A SON,

MORE LIKE AN IDIOT NEPHEW!

YOU'LL PAY IT OFF
BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT
I TELL YOU TO DO.

I WILL. I WILL.

SOLAMENTE UNO TAZO, QUERIDA.
THIS IDIOT ISN'T DRINKING.

JERRY, I'M SORRY.YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, IT--

IT JUST CREPT UP ON ME
OVER THE LAST SIX MONTHS,

AND THEN ALL OF SUDDEN
I WAS JUST SO BROKE--

NO, MAN, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING,
AND YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
RECENTLY, OR EVEN A FEW
YEARS AGO WHEN STACY LEFT.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
WHEN YOU HAD A SHOT.

BECAUSE I REMEMBER
YOU HAD A SHOT. YEAH!

BACK IN HOLLYWOOD.
YOU HAD A LITTLE HEAT.

YOU COULDA GONE UP,
BUT INSTEAD YOU WENT DOWN,

AND YOU'VE BEEN BUMPING
ALONG THE BOTTOM EVER SINCE.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I'LL TAKE 200 DOLLARS
OFF YOUR TAB IF
YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH. YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

THE TRUTH DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
MANUFACTURED. IT JUST IS.

YOU KNOW, WE CAN'T ALL
HAVE STORIED CAREERS, JERRY.

[CHUCKLES, SNORTS]

I DON'T SEE YOU OUT THERE
SETTING THE WORLD ON FIRE.

DON'T DEFLECT, PISHER.
I HAD MY DAY.

I'M 72 YEARS OLD, AND I MADE
MINE BY WORKING MY ASS OFF.

I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING--FOR OVER HALF CENTURY,

EVERYWHERE I WENT,
IT WAS A YUKFEST!

I MADE PRESIDENTS
PISH IN THEIR PANTS,

AND WORKED IN THE WORST
BARROOM DIVES IMAGINABLE,

SWEATING LIKE A DITCH DIGGER
TO MAKE A COUPLE OF
AFTERNOON ALKIES CHUCKLE.

SO DON'T TURN THIS AROUND
ON MY SUCCESS.

I KNOW WHO I AM, AND WHO I WAS.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

I DIDN'T MEAN--I WANT THE TRUTH!

THE TRUTH?YEAH. REMEMBER WHAT THAT IS?

YOU MEAN LIKE, DO I KNOW
WHAT IT IS LIKE A CONCEPT,

OR DO I ACTUALLY KNOW
THE TRUTH IN THIS CASE?

BOTH, TONY.

BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS
A LITTLE TOO PLIABLE WITH YOU.

YOU'RE TOO WILLING TO BELIEVE
THAT A LINE OF BULLSHIT'S THE
TRUTH,

LIKE THAT STUPID FUCKING THING
YOU DID TODAY WITH MY MONEY.

YOU BELIEVED THAT YOU COULD
DO THINGS A CERTAIN WAY,
AND YOU COULDN'T.

YOU ACTUALLY CAN
BULLSHIT YOURSELF,

AND THAT'S THE MOST DANGEROUS
KIND OF LIAR THERE IS.

'CAUSE IF YOU BELIEVE
YOUR CRAP, IT COMES OFF
REASONABLE

TO AN OTHERWISE
SKEPTICAL AUDIENCE.

YOU NEED TO SAY THE TRUTH.

I KNOW HOW
TO TELL THE TRUTH.

BUT WHAT'S THAT WORTH TO ME?
200 BUCKS, HUH?

200 BUCKS
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH?
ISN'T THAT KINDA CHEAP?

NOT TO ME. I THINK
THE TRUTH SHOULD BE FREE.

OH, SHIT.
TAKE YOUR TIME.

SHIT.

SHIT.
[CHUCKLE, SNORT]

WOW.

WELL--

IT'S BEEN LIKE, A LONG TIME.

IT'S LIKE 18--

NO. MIKE'S 19.
SO 20 YEARS AGO.

WHAT WAS?

REMEMBER THAT-- THAT UH,
VIDEO PROMO SHOOT I DID
FOR BOBBY DARIN?

FOR THE FILM PROJECT?

I SAW THE TAPE.

YEAH, WELL, THAT WAS
LIKE, RIGHT BEFORE STACY
AND I CAME OUT HERE.

RIGHT BEFORE MIKE WAS BORN.

RIGHT.

WELL, I PUT THAT PROJECT
TOGETHER WITH SOME CASH
FROM A FEW DIFFERENT PLACES.

YOU KNOW, MY DAD
GAVE ME SOME MONEY.

AND UH, THIS GUY
I WAS WORKING FOR AT
THE TIME, HE INVESTED TOO.

YOU REMEMBER JOE ROSS?
NO.

WELL, I WASN'T
GETTING CAST MUCH ANYMORE,
SO I HAD TO TAKE A JOB

AT A PRODUCTION COMPANY
IN CULVER CITY.

YOU REMEMBER THAT?
MM-HMMM.

WELL, JOE ROSS
OWNED THAT STUDIO.

WE SHOT THE VIDEO AT
THE STUDIO, AND JOE HAD
GIVEN ME SOME CASH AS WELL.

BUT THEN, AFTER THE SHOOT,
THERE WAS A PARTY AT THIS
GUY'S ARTIST'S LOFT DOWNTOWN,

WHERE YOU KNOW, CREW MEMBERS,

MONEY GUYS AND WANNABEES.

I GUESS I WAS ONE OF THEM.

WE WERE TRYING TO SCHMOOZE
THE INVESTORS TO LAUNCH
THE MOVIE PRODUCTION.

YOU WERE REALLY GREAT.
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER HERE.

NOW, JOE ROSS
WAS A STRANGE GUY.

HE ALWAYS DID BUSINESS
WITH HIS MOTHER, AND
SHE WAS HIS RIGHT HAND.

SHE HANDLED HIM, AND I MEAN,
THIS WAS A TOUGH LADY.

AND HIS SON WAS
ALWAYS THERE, TOO,

BUT I NEVER KNEW WHAT
HE DID IN TERMS OF
RUNNING THE STUDIO.

NO, SORRY, GUY.
WHAT?

AND THEY WOULD
ALL OF THEM REFER TO
THE FATHER OF THE FAMILY.

I NEVER MET THE GUY,
BUT HE WORKED IN PART
OF THE FAMILY BUSINESS.

HE WORKED OUT OF SANTA FE.

YOU WANT TO GET
A PIECE OF ME?
COME ON OVER HERE!

I'M GONNA RIP
YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD OFF!

JOE, HE WAS INTENSE.
HE COULD BE TEMPERAMENTAL.

HE NEVER YELLED AT ME--
I MEAN, HE DID,
BUT NEVER THAT BAD.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

BUT I'D HEARD HIM SCREAMING
INTO THE PHONE BEFORE.

AND I KNEW HE OWNED A GUN.

BUT HE'D BEEN GOOD TO ME,
SO I DIDN'T QUESTION
HIS MOTIVES TOO MUCH.

SO THE NIGHT OF THE SHOOT,
I GOT TO THE PARTY,

AND EVERYBODY MADE A TOAST
"TO BOBBY DARIN!"

AND WE ALL CLINKED GLASSES.

SO IT WAS JUST LIKE TWO WEEKS
AFTER WE SHOT THAT PROMO...

JOE ROSS GOT KILLED.
IN SOME AMBUSH WITH GUNFIRE
ON HIS WAY TO LUNCH.

WAIT A MINUTE.
I REMEMBER THAT.

IN THE SAME HOUR, HIS
FATHER WAS ASSASSINATED TOO,
IN SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO.

YEAH! PEOPLE WERE
TALKING ABOUT THAT IN TOWN.

YEAH. THEY OBVIOUSLY
PISSED OFF THE WRONG
FUCKING PEOPLE.

JESUS. SIMULTANEOUS,
IN TWO CITIES?

YEAH.

THE GUY HAD TAKEN SOME
INVESTMENT MONEY FOR A MOVIE
THAT NEVER GOT MADE, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, I NEVER KNEW
WHAT HIS BUSINESS WAS.

I MEAN, ALL I KNOW IS,
HE HAD CASH.

AND YOU GOT SPOOKED, PULLED
UP YOUR ROOTS IN L.A.,

AND CAME OUT TO PALM SPRINGS?

YEAH. THAT'S IT.

HMM. HMM!

I DON'T BUY IT.

[STAMMERING]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAN?

THAT'S THE TRUTH. THAT'S
SOME PRETTY CRAZY SHIT!

I KNOW IT IS.
BUT THERE'S MORE.

SOME DISHONEST PEOPLE
GOT MURDERED.

YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH THEIR DISHONESTY, RIGHT?

NO, NOTHING.

YEAH. WELL, I COULD SEE
HOW YOU'D FREAK OUT, AND--

BUT RUN AWAY FROM
YOUR LIFE, FOREVER, AMEN?

I DON'T THINK SO.

TRUTH.

I WAS GONNA BE IN THE CAR
WITH THE ROSSES THAT DAY.

I WENT TO LUNCH
WITH THEM EVERY DAY.

BUT WE WERE GOING OVER
ACCOUNTS. UH, I DIDN'T GO.

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

TELL ME.

AT THE PARTY, I WAS INTRODUCED
TO A GUY NAMED SAL.

SALVATORE SOMETHING-OR-OTHER.
HE WAS ONE OF THE MONEY GUYS,

OR A BUSINESS ASSOCIATE
OF SOME KIND,

BUT I NEVER SPOKE
TO HIM PERSONALLY.

I MEAN, I NEVER
GOT TO KNOW THE GUY.

SO I WAS WORKING
THAT MORNING,

AND ON MY WAY BACK
TO THE OFFICE FROM
ONE OF SOUNDSTAGES...

THAT I NOTICED A COUPLE OF
GUYS TALKING DOWN AN ALLEY
BY THE DUMPSTER.

AND THEY WERE IN
A PRETTY HEATED DISCUSSION.

AND THEN I SAW THAT
ONE OF THEM WAS THIS GUY SAL.

SO I STARTED TOWARD THEM,
FIGURING I MIGHT BE ABLE TO
PLUG THE DARIN PROJECT AGAIN.

AND BEFORE THEY KNEW I WAS THERE, I HEARD THE ONE GUY SAY,

"NO, IT'S GOTTA BE DONE TODAY."
AND THEN SAL SAYS,

"I DON'T MIND WHACKING
THE MOTHERFUCKER, BUT I WANNA
GET SOME OF THE MONEY BACK."

AND THE OTHER GUY SAYS,
"NO, THE BOSS SAYS NOW.
HE'S TIRED OF WAITING."

I JUST BACKED AWAY
AND WENT INSIDE.

SO I WENT UPSTAIRS
TO THE OFFICE,

AND I INTENDED
TO SAY SOMETHING
TO JOE, TO WARN HIM.

AND HE TURNS TO ME, AND
HE INVITES ME OUT TO LUNCH
AGAIN WITH HIM AND THE FAMILY.

AND WE JUST LOOKED
AT EACH OTHER FOR A MOMENT

UNTIL I SAID, "NO THANKS,
I GOT A CLIENT COMING
IN FOR A TOUR." I CHOKED.

I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
I WAS AFRAID THOSE GUYS
MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME.

THEN THEY'D BLAME ME
IF THEY MISSED THEIR CHANCE,

OR LIKE I WAS TRYING
TO PROTECT JOE, AND THAT
WOULD MAKE ME A PROBLEM.

STACY HAD JUST GOTTEN PREGNANT
AT THE TIME, AND I WAS
JUST FROZEN BY FEAR.

AND, JOE,
HE JUST SMILED AT ME,

AND THE WHOLE FAMILY
FILED OUT FOR LUNCH.

IT'S ABOUT TWO MINUTES
LATER, AND WE'RE SITTING
IN THE OFFICE, TALKING.

I ACTUALLY HEARD THE GUNFIRE. [GUNSHOTS ECHOING]

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

I RAN DOWN,
AND THERE THEY WERE!

AND YEAH, I WAS SCARED.
I WAS SCARED THAT SOMEONE--

THE COPS, THE MOB GUYS, SOMEBODY CLOSE TO JOE'S FAMILY.

SOMEBODY WAS GOING
TO CALL ME INTO QUESTION,

AND I JUST COULDN'T RISK THAT.

AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.

RIGHT.
AND YOU NEVER WENT BACK?

I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
I MEAN, LIKE A MILLION TIMES,

BUT THEN WE CAME OUT HERE.
WE HAD MIKE.

AND THEN I GOT ALL THAT
WORK, THANKS TO YOU,

PRODUCING ALL THOSE
LOCAL COMMERCIALS.

AND THEN WE GOT
THE HOUSE...

AND WHEN EVERYTHING
STARTED TO SLOW DOWN,

BELIEVE ME, I THOUGHT
ABOUT GOING BACK,

BUT IT WAS ALREADY
TOO LATE, MAN.

WHO'S GONNA REMEMBER ME?
AND LOOK AT ALL
THE WEIGHT I PUT ON.

WHAT WAS I GONNA DO?
I COULDN'T HIT THE AUDITION
TRAIL LOOKING LIKE THIS.

CHASING ALL THE OLD JOHN CANDY
AND CHRIS FARLEY ROLES?

OH, COME ON. YOU'RE
NOT NEARLY AS FUNNY

AS JOHN CANDY
AND CHRIS FARLEY.

WELL, I'M NOT AS FAT EITHER.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

WHAT?

I THINK THAT
THAT'S A LOAD OF SHIT!

IT'S THE TRUTH.

I KNOW IT IS!
BUT IT'S STILL A LOAD OF SHIT.

KID, YOU CAN'T LIVE
ALL YOUR LIFE A LOSER

JUST BECAUSE OF TEN MINUTES
OF DIRTY ACTION BACK IN THE 90s!

THAT SHIT IS HISTORY NOW.
FORGET IT.

AND DO WHAT YOU WANT
WITH YOUR LIFE.

YOU GOT NO EXCUSES ANYMORE.

NO EXCUSES, JERRY?
I'M FINISHED.

THERE'S NO PLACE LOWER
THAN WHERE I AM NOW.

SO WHAT DO YOU GOT
TO LOSE? LISTEN, PUTZ.

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT
ABOUT ACT ONE.

PEOPLE WALK OUT
REMEMBERING THE END.

THEY REMEMBER THE ENCORE.
IF YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO BE ASKED FOR AN ENCORE.

THAT'S YOUR CHANCE:

TO SEND THEM OUT
COMPLETELY ELATED.

SO HERE IT IS.

I'M TELLING YOU,

THERE'S NOT A REAL PERFORMER
ON THE PLANET

THAT CAN IGNORE THIS CALL.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

WHERE?

COME ON!
COME ON, LET'S GO.

JERRY, I CAN'T. I WAS
COMPLETELY FUCKED TODAY.

I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
DID I JUST HAVE A STROKE?

DID I BLOW OUT
MY SHORT-TERM MEMORY?

I THOUGHT I WAS TALKING
TO TONY DURAN, WHO OWES ME
A COUPLE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

WAIT A SEC--
I GOT 200 OFF
FOR TELLING THE TRUTH!

OKAY, 19 HUNDRED. OKAY?

I'LL CREDIT YOU ANOTHER HUNDRED
IF YOU DO THIS. COME ON.

[CHATTERING]

♪♪ ["PRETTY BABY",
DIXIELAND STYLE]

[WHISPERING]
THAT'S TEDDY JEFFERSON.

HE PLAYED THE HORN WITH
ELLINGTON AND SINATRA.

AND STILL DID
FILM SCORES UNTIL HE HAD
A STROKE THREE YEARS AGO.

AND THERE'S
DOLLY HINES.

IN HER DAY,
SHE WAS A TRIPLE THREAT,

ACTRESS/SINGER/DANCER.

AND THE MOST INCREDIBLE
CONTORTIONIST
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

THERE'S SALLY ROSE!

OH MAN, CAN SHE PLAY,

AND ARRANGE, AND WRITE--
THE WHOLE PACKAGE.

THIS ROOM REEKS
OF AUTHENTIC TALENT.

IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?

HEY, YOU'RE IN NO
POSITION TO BE FLIPPANT.
SHOW SOME RESPECT.

OKAY, SORRY.

HEY, EVERYBODY, HI!

[ALL TOGETHER]
HELLO, JERRY!

LISTEN, SORRY FOR
THE INTRUSION, BUT I HAVE
SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU.

SOMETHING WE WANT
TO SHARE WITH YOU. SALLY?

COME HERE. TONY,
GET OVER HERE.

WILL YOU PLAY FOR US?
PLEASE. OH, COME ON, SALLY.

YEAH, SHE WILL!KATIE, BRING
YOUR GRANDMA UP HERE.

SALLY, YOU'RE GOING
TO PLAY FOR US.

YEAH! WHOO!

OKAY!

OKAY. OKAY, COME ON.

NO, JERRY, I'M JUST--NO, NO. JUST SIT OVER THERE.

COME ON, JERRY--

[SALLY]
WHAT'S THE NUMBER?

"THE CURTAIN FALLS."

HE HAD TO PICK THAT SONG.

JUST LET ME, LIKE, TAKE
A LOOK AT IT FOR A MINUTE,
PLEASE? NOT THAT EASY.

DARIN USED TO SING IT
AS HIS EVENING'S FAREWELL,

USUALLY HIS SECOND ENCORE,
AND IT WAS A KILLER.

DARIN COULD COUNT ON BEING
CALLED FOR TWO ENCORES.

NO, JERRY, THAT'S LIKE--IT'S A GREAT ONE!

[WHISPERING]
SING THE SONG, PISHER,
AND THE CRESCENDO.

AND YOU BETTER NOT SUCK,

OR I'M NOT CREDITING YOU
THE HUNDRED!

HE'D SAVE THIS SONG, KNOWING
HE'D ALREADY KILLED 'EM,

AND THAT CHANT WOULD COME
AGAIN: "ENCORE, ENCORE."

AFTER ALL THE SHIT
I'D BEEN THROUGH THAT DAY,

AND HAVING JUST
PUKED MY GUTS OUT,

I JUST COULDN'T GET PROOF
THAT MY VOICE WAS SHOT TOO--

GO AHEAD, SAL.

AND THAT EVEN MY
UNREALIZABLE DREAMS
WERE JUST A LOAD OF CRAP!

I JUST COULDN'T.

♪ OFF COMES THE MAKE-UP

♪ OFF COMES
THE CLOWN'S DISGUISE ♪

♪ THE CURTAIN'S FALLIN'

♪ THE MUSIC SOFTLY DIES

♪ BUT I HOPE
YOU'RE SMILIN' ♪

♪ AS YOU'RE FILIN'
OUT THE DOOR ♪

♪ AS THEY SAY
IN THIS BIZ ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL THERE IS

♪ THERE ISN'T ANY MORE

♪ WE'VE SHARED A MOMENT

♪ AND AS THE MOMENT ENDS

♪ I GOT A FUNNY FEELIN'

♪ WE'RE PARTING NOW
AS FRIENDS ♪

♪ YOUR TEARS
AND LAUGHTER ♪

♪ WILL LINGER UNTIL

♪ THEY'VE TORN DOWN

♪ THESE DUSTY WALLS

♪ IF I HAD THIS
TO DO AGAIN ♪

♪ AND THE EVENING
WAS NEW AGAIN ♪

♪ I WOULD SPEND IT
WITH YOU AGAIN ♪

♪ BUT NOW
THE CURTAIN FALLS ♪

♪ YOUR TEARS AND LAUGHTER

♪ WILL LINGER AFTER

♪ THEY'VE

♪ TORN DOWN THESE

♪ DUSTY WALLS

♪ IF I HAD THIS
TO DO AGAIN ♪

♪ AND THE EVENING
WAS NEW AGAIN-- ♪

[LADIES]
AWW...
[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.

SO THAT'S HOW
THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
BECAME THE BEST.

IN THE SECONDS BEFORE
I OPENED MY MOUTH TO SING,

I WAS AS RUINED
AS A MAN COULD BE.

BUT AS I STARTED SINGING, THERE WAS THIS DARK REALIZATION

OF THE PAIN THAT
I'D BEEN CARRYING AROUND,

BURIED IN MY LAYERS OF FAT.

THAT SONG SAVED ME,
BUT THAT WAS ONLY
THE FIRST STEP.

I HAD SUNK SO LOW,
I WAS STILL IN
SUCH DEEP SHIT,

THAT I KNEW IT WOULD BE
A LONG ROAD BACK

TO WHERE I WAS WORTHY
OF BEING IN THE COMPANY
OF GOOD PEOPLE.

LEAH! LEAH! WAIT!

HEY. TONY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY. YOU GOT A MINUTE?

SURE. IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO! SOMETHING'S RIGHT!

IT'S GETTING LATE, AND
IT'S BEEN A REALLY LONG DAY...

I'VE BEEN A GHOST.

I'VE BEEN A GHOST
SINCE YOU'VE KNOWN ME.

YOU REALLY
DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL.

AND I'VE WANTED TO SAY
HELLO TO YOU FOR A LONG TIME,

BUT SEE I--

THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN VERY GOOD,
AND I JUST HAVEN'T FELT

FINANCIALLY QUALIFIED
TO ASK YOU OUT.

I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A LIST OF QUALIFICATIONS.

YEAH, BUT YOU SHOULD.
YOU'RE A GOOD GIRL, Y'KNOW,
AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST.

SEE, LIKE RIGHT NOW, SAY
YOU AND I WERE GONNA GO OUT
AND HAVE A LATTE?

YOU'D HAVE TO BUY
BOTH LATTES.

HUH?

'CAUSE I'M COMPLETELY BUSTED.

SOMETHING HAPPENED?

YEAH. I'M
COMPLETELY RUINED.

I MEAN, I'VE
NEVER BEEN LOWER.

BUT JERRY. JERRY
SHOWED ME A WAY OUT.

SOMETHING ABOUT THE ENCORE.
THEY NEVER FORGET THE ENCORE.

SEE, I OWE HIM SOME MONEY, SO
HE'S GONNA LET ME WORK IT OFF.

I GET 400 OFF
IF I LOSE 40 POUNDS.

AND ANOTHER 300 OFF IF I STOP
DRINKING FOR 3 MONTHS.

[STUTTERING]
A-AND THAT ALSO INVOLVES

BEING HONEST FOR 3 MONTHS,
WHICH ISN'T GONNA BE EASY,

'CAUSE THERE'S
ALCOHOL INVOLVED.

AND THEN I GET ANOTHER
200 DOLLARS OFF IF
I STOP COLORING MY HAIR.

AND THEN I GET FORGIVEN
THE WHOLE LOAN,

IF I PLAY THE DESERT
ASSISTED-LIVING CHARITY EVENT

HE DOES EVERY YEAR
AT THE RIVIERA.

AND THE ONLY REASON ABOUT
THE COLORING MY HAIR IS

'CAUSE WE DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT COLOR IT IS.

I'VE BEEN DOING IT
FOR LIKE TEN YEARS.

SO WHETHER IT'S GONNA
BE BROWN, OR WHITE, OR--

THE ONLY THING IS,
I DIDN'T WANT IT

TO COME IN THAT BATTLESHIP
GRAY THAT SOME OLD DUDES GET.

I JUST DON'T LIKE THAT.OKAY, SO. YOUR HAIR IS WHITE,

YOU'RE FAT, YOU'RE IN DEBT
TO JERRY, YOU'RE BROKE,

AND UNTIL RECENTLY,

YOU'VE HAD A SERIOUS
PROBLEM OF DRINKING
AND LYING ABOUT IT.

ALL IN THE INTEREST
OF FULL DISCLOSURE.

- IS THAT EVERYTHING?
- [LAUGHS] ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

YES. SO WHAT'RE
YOU TRYING TO SAY?

WELL, I'M JUST WONDERING.

DO YOU THINK I COULD...
YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

MAYBE USE YOU AS
MY MOTIVATION TO GET
THROUGH ALL THIS?

BECAUSE I KNOW THE NEXT FEW
MONTHS ARE GONNA BE BRUTAL.

I'M GOING TO BE YOUR MOTIVATION
TO LOSE 40 POUNDS?

AW, AND TO SING. AND
TO CLEAN UP MY ACT AND
TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER.

SO I'D BE KINDA LIKE...
YOUR MUSE?

YEAH.

OKAY. KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

THAT'S GOOD, THANKS.

GOOD NIGHT, TONY.

GOOD NIGHT, LEAH.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]

AW, DAMN IT.

[TONY FEELING
HIS WAY]

[THINKING]
"TONY! TONY! T!
WHAT'S THE NEWS, MAN?"

"I PAY YOU RENT, AND I DON'T
EVEN SLEEP THERE ANYMORE."

"TWO DAYS, TO TURN
TWO GRAND INTO SIX?"

"HE'LL COME OUT HERE
WITH A BOX CUTTER

AND CARVE YOUR FUCKING
FACE UP INTO A DOILY."

"I'M TALKING ABOUT
IN YOUR LIFE-- WHAT
THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?"

"I'M FUCKIN' OUTTA HERE,
OKAY, I'M FUCKIN' OUTTA HERE.
DO NOT FUCKIN' TOUCH ME!"

IT WAS THE DAWN OF
A NEW DAY FOR TONY DURAN.

DOESN'T THE PREACHER
SAY, "REJECT SATAN
AND ALL HIS WORKS"?

FIFTY YEARS AGO,
A PRIEST BACK HOME
IN PITTSBURGH SAID THAT

WITH HIS HANDS ON ME,

BUT HE MUST'VE BEEN MUMBLING,
OR TALKING IN LATIN,

BECAUSE UP TILL THAT
MOMENT, I NEVER REALLY
HEARD THE MESSAGE.

AHHHHH!
[LAUGHS]

[SIGHING]

IT WAS TIME TO SHAKE OFF
THE DUST OF THE PAST.

I HAD TO STAKE
EVERYTHING I WAS--

EVERYTHING THAT
I WOULD EVER BE--

ON A NEW FUTURE, A LIFE
IN WHICH I'D NEVER AGAIN

LIVE LIKE THAT DAY BEFORE.
NEVER AGAIN.

A FEW DAYS LATER, I FINALLY
GOT THE SETTLEMENT MONEY

I'D BEEN WAITING
FOR ALL YEAR.

WITH THE PRINCIPAL
AND THE INTEREST AND
PENALTIES FOR BAD FAITH

THAT THE ARBITRATOR
HAD AWARDED ME.

THE THING IS, I REALIZE
I WAS A BULLSHITTER,

BUT MY BULLSHIT
WAS ALWAYS FRAMED WITHIN
THE CONTEXT OF TRUTH.

A TRUTH THAT WOULD BE TRUE
IF EVERYTHING WORKED OUT...

EXACTLY AS I HAD
ORIGINALLY PLANNED.

HEY, EDDIE. WHICH IT NEVER DID BEFORE.

BUT HERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME-- WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. HUH?

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MAN.

I OWN PROPERTIES
ALL OVER THIS VALLEY.

AND THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE
THERE, THEY PAY ME RENT,

THEY PAY ME MY MONEY,

AND THAT'S WHERE I'LL GO
FIX A SQUEAKY FRIGGIN' DOOR

OR A LEAKY FRIGGIN' FAUCET--
BUT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
A PEEP OUT OF YOU.

HEY, EDDIE. EDDIE!
THIS IS FOR YOU.

WHAT IS THIS? IS THIS
A CHECK? IS THAT WHAT
THAT IS? OH YEAH?

BING! BING! BING!
IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?

BOUNCE UP, POKE ME
IN THE EYE? HUH?--

PEOPLE RUN SCREAMING
DOWN THE STREET,

"GET THE KIDS INSIDE,
TONY'S CHECK IS BOUNCING!"

HEY, EDDIE, WHY DON'T YOU CHECK
IT OUT. IT'S A CASHIER'S CHECK.

YOU MEAN,
THIS IS GOOD?

YEAH, IT'S GOOD, MAN.

YOU ALREADY PUT IN
FOR NEXT MONTH.

[SOBBING]
OH MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!
TONY, I'M SO SORRY!

I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THAT GUY,
WHO BOOTS A FAMILY INTO
THE STREET OVER FRIGGIN' MONEY!

BUT YOU DIDN'T!

AW. TONY, THANKS, BUDDY!YOU GOT IT, MAN!

OH, OOOOOOH.

HEY! EDDIE!HEY, LOOK AT YOU,

YOU GOT BUNS OF STEEL.
YOU'RE PUDGY BUT YOU'RE HOT.

OH, OH MAN!

YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.
YES.

YOU KNOW WHERE I'M GOING.I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.

I'M NOT EVEN GONNA DRIVE.
I'M GONNA SKIP THERE!

I'M GONNA SKIP DOWN
THE FUCKIN' STREET

TO THAT MASSAGE
PARLOR RIGHT NOW.

I'M-- YOU WANNA COME WITH?

I CAN'T, EDDIE.
NO, COME ON!

I GOTTA GO
TAKE CARE OF STUFF.I'M GOIN' RIGHT NOW!

SKIP ALONG!

I HAVEN'T SKIPPED
SINCE I'M SIX YEARS OLD,
I'M SKIPPING!

HERE I GO!

EDDIE GOT PAID THE BACK RENT.
TOOK HIMSELF FOR A THAI
MASSAGE WITH HAPPY END.

THANKS, EDDIE!OH, BABY!

AND I COULD AFFORD
TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH
THE BIG TRANSFORMATION.

I WENT THROUGH
THE WHOLE EMOTIONAL
RENAISSANCE DEAL,

BUT I STILL DIDN'T HAVE
THE COURAGE TO TALK TO MY SON.

[MAN]
HEY, MICHAEL LEAVE US?

YO! JUST TAKING A LUNCH!

MIKE HAD HEARD IT ALL BEFORE.
HE WATCHED ME QUIT SMOKING AND
DRINKING ABOUT 50 TIMES EACH.

SO MY TURNING OVER
A NEW LEAF, TO HIM, WAS
MORE LIKE RAKING THE YARD.

MM, THERE HE IS, FIVE
POUNDS LIGHTER ALREADY.

HI, JERRY.

WHAT'S THAT?THAT IS YOUR MONEY.

WITH THE VIG.

LOOK AT THAT!
YEAH.

IS IT OKAY WITH YOU?ARE YOU KIDDING?

NOW, ALL I NEED'S
A CIGARETTE AND A DROP CLOTH.

YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER
THAT I COULD DO THAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD
IT MAKES ME FEEL,

AFTER ALL YOU'VE DONE WITH ME,
THAT I COULD PAY YOU BACK.

DON'T BE STUPID.

I CAN STILL COUNT ON YOU FOR
THE BENEFIT, THOUGH, RIGHT?

YEAH, OF COURSE YOU CAN.
LOOK--

I DECIDED I WOULD GO THROUGH
WITH THE PERFORMANCE ANYWAY.

I HAD TO. JERRY WORKED
THE EVENT EVERY YEAR.

AND IT WAS LIKE THE ONLY WORK
HE EVEN DID ANYMORE.

HE TOOK THE SHOW TO HEART.

ALL RIGHT? AND WE WILL.
WE'LL BLOW THE DOORS
OFF THAT PLACE.

YOU BETTER. 'CAUSE
IT'S 500 DOLLARS A COUPLE,
MINIMUM DONATION.

FOR A GLASS OF
CHAMPAGNE, SOME CHICKEN
AND A ONE-HOUR SET.

I'LL DO SOME STANDUP, AND
ESTEBAN'S COMING TO PLAY.

THE GUY THAT
SELLS GUITARS ON TV?

HE'S JUST ONE OF
THE GREATEST GUITARISTS
IN THE WORLD.

HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.ALL RIGHT. COOL.

YOU'RE GONNA CLOSE.
IT'LL BE A GREAT SHOW.
WE'RE GONNA KILL!

FOR ME, IT WAS A BIG ROOM,
NOT THE BIG ROOM
AT A VEGAS CASINO,

BUT THEY FIGURED THERE'D
BE ALMOST 500 PEOPLE
IN THE HOUSE.

NOBODY HAD PUT THAT MUCH
FAITH IN ME IN 20 YEARS.

YOU FEELING OKAY, KID?YEAH.

[DEEP, NERVOUS BREATH]

I'M A LITTLE SHAKY, YOU KNOW,
IT'S SIX DAYS WITH NO BOOZE.

I NEVER KNEW WHAT WAS IN IT
FOR JERRY. HE HELPED ME
JUST BECAUSE WE WERE FRIENDS.

GOOD MORNING. I WOULDN'T LET HIM DOWN.

GOOD MORNING.MENU?

YEAH, THANKS.

I SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE
ASKED LEAH OUT RIGHT AWAY.

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING REALLY
HOT ABOUT TAKING OUR TIME.

I GUESS I SHOULD EAT LIGHT.

DID YOU SEE, WE HAVE A LO-CAL
LIST? LOW CARBS. LOW FAT.

YEAH. I NOTICED.

VEGGIE EGG WHITE OMELET?
HMM? OKAY.

SHE WAS A REALLY GOOD MUSE.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,
I WAS MOTIVATED.

SHE MOTIVATED
THE HELL OUT OF ME!

♪♪ [RANCHERO SONG
ON RADIO]

UH, SORRY SIR,
I SAW THE LIGHT.

CAN I BE OF ANY HELP?

NO. THANKS. I'M JUST
CHECKING OUT YOUR SPACE.

I'M SCHEDULED TO PERFORM HERE
IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

HEY, GOOD FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW, IN MY DAY,

EVERYONE WHO WAS ANYONE

PLAYED THE RIVIERA
PALM SPRINGS:

SINATRA, SONNY & CHER,
ELVIS. EVERYONE.

THAT STAGE IS LEGENDARY.

YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT I'M NOT ANYBODY.

COME ON.
EVERYBODY'S SOMEBODY.

WOULD YOU TURN OUT THE LIGHT
WHEN YOU LEAVE, PLEASE?

THANK YOU, SIR.

IT'S A NICE NOTE.
IT'S KIND OF SAD.

UM, YEAH.

♪♪ [HUMMING]

WOW.

HE'S TRYING.

UMM-HMM. YEAH.
YEAH, HE'S REALLY GOOD
AT SAYING SORRY AFTERWARDS.

[SIGHS]
MAN, I'M SORRY.

WILL YOU SEE HIM?

I-- NO.

DINNER IN 15, OKAY?

OKAY.
OKAY.

I FELT LIKE 10 MILES
OF DIRT ROAD.

THIS WAS GOING TO BE
A LOT OF WORK.

AFTER A COUPLE
OF WEEKS, I'D CAUGHT UP
ON ALL MY ACCOUNTS,

AND PEOPLE WERE
BACK TO TREATING ME
LIKE A REGULAR GUY.

BUT IT KINDA DEPRESSED ME--

EVERYBODY HAD TREATED
ME LIKE A PARIAH,

JUST BECAUSE I WENT
THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH.

I PAID MY DEBTS AND I DROPPED
OUT OF SIGHT.

I DIDN'T EVEN GO SEE LEAH
AFTER THE FIRST MONTH.

I KNOW THAT WAS BAD,
BECAUSE WE WERE FLIRTING
PRETTY HEAVILY,

AND I'M SURE
I HURT HER FEELINGS.

I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE
TO SEE ME ON MY WAY
TO 40 POUNDS OFF.

I WANTED TO REAPPEAR
WHEN IT WAS ALL DONE,

AND LET PEOPLE DEAL
WITH THEIR DISBELIEF.

I WAS TIRED OF HIDING
FROM EVERYTHING.

I WAS BROKE, BUT SO WHAT?
DID THAT MAKE ME A BAD PERSON?

I HAD TOO MUCH SHAME
WRAPPED UP IN MY SITUATION.

I SPENT ALL MY TIME
JUDGING MYSELF,

AND COMPARING MY LIFE
TO OTHER PEOPLE'S.

LIFE ISN'T A CONTEST.

IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO DIES
WITH THE MOST MONEY.

IT'S ABOUT LEARNING
TO SING AGAIN,

AND GETTING A GIRL
TO FALL FOR YOU.

AND IF LIFE IS NOT A CONTEST,
THEN NONE OF US ARE LOSERS!

HI, JERRY.
HI, SUGAR.

I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

YEAH? WHAT'S THIS?YOUR TICKET TO THE SHOW.

I'M NOT GOING.WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

PLEASE DON'T GO THERE.

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT TO THINK
THAT HE WAS ANY DIFFERENT.

WAIT. WAIT A SECOND.
WAIT, PLEASE.

COME HERE, SIT DOWN.

COME ON, JUST SIT DOWN.
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

I'M EITHER THE WORLD'S
WORST JUDGE OF CHARACTER,

OR I'M JUST NEVER GOING
TO BE... SPECIAL ENOUGH?

I THOUGHT HE WAS SERIOUS.

HE IS SERIOUS!
NO.

IT'S BECAUSE
HE'S SO SERIOUS ABOUT YOU
THAT HE DROPPED OUT.

LOOK.

WHAT IS IT?WELL, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL,
SLINKY COCKTAIL DRESS.

YOU'LL LOOK FANTASTIC.

HE GOT THIS?

WE WENT SHOPPING TOGETHER.
I PICKED IT OUT--

HE-HE NEEDED SOMEONE
TO HELP HIM WHO HAD

A MODICUM OF CULTURE
AND REFINEMENT,

WHICH FOR ME OF COURSE
IS A GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT,

BUT TH-THE GARMENT
HE WAS GONNA BUY YOU

WOULD HAVE MADE YOU LOOK
LIKE A FERAL CAT'S HAIRBALL.

HONESTLY, IT LOOKED
LIKE THE UPHOLSTERY
OF A FORGOTTEN COUCH

IN THE BASEMENT
OF A SLEAZY HOTEL.

THERE YOU GO. C'MON.
COME TO THE SHOW.

HE'S FOR REAL.
AND IF HE'S NOT, I AM!

THAT'S ALL
UNCLE JERRY GETS?

IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN
FIX THE AZTEC BEAST,
'CAUSE I'M NOT TOUCH--

MIKE! MIKE!

HEY! HEY.

HOW ARE YOU DOIN',
MR. BRAILL?

LISTEN, PISHER. YOU'RE 19.
YOU'RE A MAN NOW.
CALL ME JERRY!

OKAY.

SO. YOU KNOW WHAT
YOUR FATHER HAS BEEN DOING?

YEAH. I DO KNOW
ABOUT IT.

WELL, I WANT TO SAY THIS
IN A WAY THAT YOU KNOW
IT'S NOT BULLSHIT.

HE'S WORKING VERY HARD.
I CAN ATTEST TO THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I-IT REALLY
DOESN'T MATTER

THAT HE'S WORKING HARD,
BECAUSE HE ALWAYS WORKS HARD.

YOU KNOW? AND IT'S--
AND IT'S GOOD.
IT'S REALLY GOOD

FOR A LITTLE BIT,
BUT THEN HE GOES BACK

AND HE DOES THE SAME SHIT
OVER AGAIN.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA
BE SURPRISED.

I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK
IT'S POSSIBLE, YOU KNOW?.

I MEAN, I'VE SEEN HIM
DO JUST-- A BUNCH OF CRAZY,
DESPERATE, INSANE SHIT.

HONESTLY, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA BE SURPRISED,

IF FOR NOTHING ELSE THAN
THAT YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO RECOGNIZE HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

AM I TALKING
A FOREIGN LANGUAGE?

I'M TELLING YOU,
YOU WON'T KNOW THIS MAN.

HE'S SO COMPLETELY CHANGED THAT
HE'S NOT LIKE THE MAN HE WAS

THE LAST TIME YOU SAW HIM.

AND THAT'S ALL TO HIS CREDIT,
FOR HOWEVER LONG IT LASTS.

HERE'S A COUPLE
OF SEATS FOR THE SHOW.
IT'S TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOUR DAD ASKED ME
SPECIFICALLY TO TELL YOU
TO BRING YOUR GIRL.

HE "ASKED SPECIFICALLY"?
YEAH!

HE SENT ME TWO TICKETS
IN THE MAIL LAST WEEK.

HE HAS NO IDEA THAT YOU'RE
TALKING TO ME, DOES HE?

NO.
JESUS CHRIST!

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE JUST AS BAD
AS HE IS, JERRY!

WHAT IS WITH YOU
OLD GUYS AND LYING?

I-IT'S LYING? WHAT?
TO GET YOU TO SEE
YOUR FATHER ON THE STAGE?

THAT'S JUST A WHITE LIE.

I DUNNO.
MAYBE IT IS.

A-A-AND LYING TO OURSELVES

IS JUST SOMETHING OLDER
GUYS DO TO SURVIVE.

IT'S A REFLEX FROM
DEALING WITH WOMEN AND
OTHER SUNDRY PROBLEMS.

LIVING A DELUSION, SON, IS
SOMETHING THAT SOMETIMES--
IT'S ALL WE HAVE.

BUT YOUR DAD'S TRYING
TO DO SOMETHING BETTER,
SOMETHING AUTHENTIC.

COME TO THE SHOW.

ANYWAY, YOU GOT
THE TICKETS, AND--

NOW, WAIT A SECOND;
YOU ALREADY HAVE TWO TICKETS.

I'M TAKING THESE BACK.
THESE ARE EXPENSIVE.

YEAH, WELL. THANKS
FOR COMING, JERRY.
APPRECIATE IT.

WELL, I'M WANNA SEE YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT.

OKAY, I'LL SEE
WHAT I CAN DO.

THANKS.

♪♪ [GUITAR INSTRUMENTAL]

OKAY, SO IT'S--
IT'S, LIKE, NOT ENOUGH
THAT I'M SITTING HERE?

ACTUALLY, NO.
GET OVER YOURSELF.

"GET OVER MYSELF"?
IT'S REALLY CORNY.

IT'S NOT CORNY!
GET BACK THERE.

WE DIDN'T EVEN
BRING HIM FLOWERS.

YEAH. FLOWERS.

YEAH. YEAH, FLOWERS.
IT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO!

MM-HMM.

OKAY. SO, I'M SENSING
THAT I'M NOT GONNA--

I'M NOT GONNA
TO WIN THIS ONE HERE?
NO.

FINE. I'LL GO BACK! OKAY?

WHOA, HEY HEY HEY--
CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, YEAH, UH--
HELLO?

I'M LOOKING
FOR SOMEONE HERE.

WHO'RE YOU LOOKING FOR?

FOR... TONY DURAN?

I CAN'T LET ANYBODY
BACK HERE, KID. I'M SORRY.

OH! OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S REALLY--

IT'S REALLY
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.
I'M HIS SON, SO--

WHOA, WHOA. HEY!
TONY'S YOUR DAD?

YEAH.
I KNOW WHERE HE IS.
COME ON! FOLLOW ME, MAN.

YOU?
COME ON! HURRY UP!
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME!

NICE TO MEET YOU.YEAH! YOU TOO.

HAVE FUN.
YEAH!

[MUTTERS]

COME ON IN.

JESUS, DAD.

YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.

WHAT? SURPRISED?

I'M-- I'M REAL HAPPY.

I'M REALLY SORRY, DAD.
HEY.

NO, I AM, I AM.

DON'T GET ME ALL MISTY, HUH?

I GOT A SHOW TO DO.

OKAY, WELL, I'LL SEE YOU--
I'LL SEE YOU OUT THERE.

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

- BYE.
- HANG ONTO YOUR HAT!

[JERRY] ESTEBAN! ESTEBAN,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

AND YOU KNOW
THE APPLAUSE TONIGHT?
THAT'S YOUR APPLAUSE.

WE'RE HERE
TO HONOR YOU TONIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.
TONIGHT, WE HAVE RAISED

OVER A QUARTER
OF A MILLION DOLLARS...

[APPLAUSE]TO HELP THE PEOPLE
WHO HELP ALL OF US--

HOW GREAT IS THAT?

BECAUSE SOONER OR LATER,
IF WE LIVE LONG ENOUGH,

WE'RE ALL GONNA
NEED THESE SERVICES,

FOR OURSELVES, AND
FOR OUR LOVED ONES.

THESE PEOPLE PROVIDE
COMPASSION AND CARE

FOR OUR ELDERLY
FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I'M JUST THRILLED
TO BE ABLE TO HELP OUT.

OH, I TELL YOU, IT'S
A BEAUTIFUL THING TO BE HERE
TONIGHT FOR ALL OF YOU.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.
YOU MAKE TONIGHT
VERY SPECIAL.

INDEED, INDEED YOU DO.

SEYMOUR! SEYMOUR, WAKE UP!
SEYMOUR...

SEYMOUR, I'M ON STAGE.
I'M WORKING HERE!

IT'S MY FRIEND SEYMOUR.

THIS GUY IS THE ULTIMATE
PARTY ANIMAL ON THE PLANET.

SEYMOUR, I HATE TO GET YOU UP,
BUT, SPEAKING OF "UP," SEYMOUR,

DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF
THOSE TRAPEZOIDAL BLUE PILLS?

THEY'RE NOT MINTS, YOU KNOW.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
LAST NIGHT THE SENIOR CENTER

WAS ROBBED OF ITS ENTIRE
SUPPLY OF THOSE PILLS.

WELL, WHAT IN
THE WORLD HAPPENED?

THEY'RE LOOKING FOR
TWO HARDENED CRIMINALS.

[BIG LAUGH]

THANK YOU, ESTEBAN.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU EVERYBODY.
AND ROCK ON! ROCK ON!

ESTEBAN!

[JERRY]
HIT IT, TED.

♪♪ [BOUNCY]

TEDDY HERMAN AND
HIS FABULOUS ORCHESTRA!

YOU FEEL THAT?

SO WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADO,

HERE'S A GUY THAT I AM
PROUD TO CALL MY FRIEND.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE WELCOME:

MISTER TONY DURAN!

GO GET 'EM, BABY.

THANKS, JERRY.

THIS IS A SONG
I SANG A LONG TIME AGO.

AND I WASN'T REALLY SURE
I'D EVER SING IT AGAIN.

SO LET THIS BE
A LESSON TO YOU:

EVEN A HAS-BEEN,

WHO NEVER REALLY WAS,

CAN COME BACK.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN
A LONG TIME, BUT...

I THINK IT'S STARTING
TO COME BACK TO ME.

♪ OH, THE SHARK, BABE

♪ HAS SUCH TEETH, DEAR

♪ AND HE SHOWS THEM
PEARLY-WHITE ♪

♪ JUST A JACKKNIFE
HAS OLD MACHEATH, BABE ♪

♪ AND HE KEEPS IT
AH... OUT OF SIGHT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW WHEN
THAT SHARK BITES ♪

♪ WITH HIS TEETH, DEAR

♪ SCARLET BILLOWS
START TO SPREAD ♪

♪ FANCY GLOVES, THOUGH,
WEARS OLD MACHEATH, BABE ♪

♪ SO THERE'S NEVER,
NEVER A TRACE OF RED ♪

♪ NOW ON A SIDEWALK,
OOH, SUNNY MORNING, UH-HUH ♪

♪ LIES A BODY
JUST OOZIN' LIFE ♪

♪ EEK, AND SOMEONE'S
SNEAKIN' 'ROUND THE CORNER ♪

♪ COULD THAT SOMEONE
BE MACK THE KNIFE? ♪

♪ THERE'S A TUGBOAT
HA, HA-HA ♪

♪ DOWN BY THE RIVER
DON'TCHA KNOW ♪

♪ WHERE A CEMENT BAG'S
JUST A-DROOPIN' ON DOWN ♪

♪ OH, THAT CEMENT IS JUST

♪ IT'S THERE FOR
THE WEIGHT, DEAR ♪

♪ FIVE'LL GET YA TEN
OLD MACKY'S BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ NOW D'JA HEAR
'BOUT LOUIE MILLER? ♪

♪ HE DISAPPEARED, BABE

♪ AFTER DRAWIN' OUT
ALL HIS HARD-EARNED CASH ♪

♪ AND NOW MACHEATH SPENDS

♪ JUST LIKE A SAILOR

♪ COULD IT BE OUR BOY'S
DONE SOMETHING RASH? ♪

♪ NOW, JENNY DIVER
YEAH, SUKEY TAWDRY ♪

♪ MISS LOTTE LENYA

♪ AND OLD LUCY BROWN

♪ OH, THE LINE FORMS

♪ ON THE RIGHT, BABE

♪ NOW THAT MACKY'S

♪ BACK IN TOWN--

♪ I SAID, JENNY DIVER

♪ OLD SUKEY TAWDRY

♪ LOOK OUT FOR
MISS LOTTE LENYA ♪

♪ AND OLD LUCY BROWN

♪ YEAH, THE LINE FORMS

♪ ON THE RIGHT, BABE

♪ NOW THAT MACKY...

♪ BACK IN TOWN

♪ LOOK OUT,
OLD MACKY IS BACK! YEAH! ♪

[RIOTOUS APPLAUSE]

♪♪ ["I DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT"]