The Emperor's New Groove (2000) - full transcript

Aah!

Wee-be-be-bee.

Will you take a look at that?

Pretty pathetic, huh?

Well, you'll never
believe this,

but that llama
you're looking at

was once a human being

And not just
any human being

That guy was an emperor

A rich, powerful ball
of charisma

Oh, yeah!



This is his story

Well, actually my story

That's right--
I'm that llama

The name is Kuzco

Emperor Kuzco

I was the world's
nicest guy,

and they ruined my life
for no reason

Oh, is that hard to believe?

Look, I tell you what
You go back away--

you know, before
I was a llama,

and this will all make sense

All right, now see,
that's a little too far back

Oh, ho! Look at me!

That's me as a baby



Waah!

Ahem! All right,
let' smove ahead

Oh, yeah.

Theme song guy: There are
despots and dictators

Political manipulators

There are blue bloods
with the intellects of fleas

There are kings
and catty tyrants

Who are so lacking
in refinements

They'd be better suited
swinging from the trees

He was born and raised
to rule

No one has ever been
as cool

In a thousand years
of aristocracy

An enigma and a mystery

In Mesoamerican history

The quintessence of
perfection that is he

Ok, this is the real me

Not this

- This
- Not this.

- Winner!
- Loser.

Ok, see this palace?

Everyone in it
is at my command

Check this out

Butler.

Chef.

Theme song guy.

Oh, yeah!

He's the sovereign lord
of the nation

He's the hippest cat
in creation

He's the alpha,
the omega, A to Z

And this perfect world
will spin

Around his every
little whim

'Cause this perfect world
begins and ends with

Me.

What's his name?

Kuzco

That's his name

Kuzco

He's the king
of the world

Kuzco

Is he hip or what?

Kuzco

Yeah

Gow!

You threw off my groove!

I'm sorry,
but you've thrown off

the emperor's groove.

Sorry!

You were saying?

What's his name?
Kuzco

Kuzco

That's his name

Is he hip or what?

Don't you know he's
the king of the world?

Whoa, yeah

Oww!

Ha!

Boom, baby!

Aah! Your Highness,

it is time for you
to choose your bride.

Allrighty

Trot out
the ladies

Let's take a look-see.

Hate your hair.
Not likely.

Yikes, yikes, yikes,

and let me guess.

You have
a great personality.

Is this really
the best you could do?

Oh, yes. Oh, no.
I mean, perhaps--

What
is he babbling about?

He's like the thing
that wouldn't shut up

Anyway, still wondering about
that llama in the opening?

Well, let me show you the people
responsible for ruining my life

First, there's Pacha

Uh, excuse me.

I'm here to see
Emperor Kuzco.

You see,
I got this summons--

Inside, up the stairs,
and to the left

Just follow the signs

Oh, great.
Thanks a lot.

Uh, and don't be fooled
by the folksy peasant look

Oh!

Pardon me
That's mine

Oh, here you go.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Aah! Oh, hey.
Are you all right?

Here. Let me, uh--

Oh, you're
so very kind.

What happened?

Well, I...

I threw off
the emperor's groove.

- What?
- His groove!

The rhythm in which
he lives his life,

his pattern of behavior.

I threw it off,

and the emperor had me
thrown out the window.

Oh, really?

I'm supposed
to see him today.

Don't throw off
his groove!

Oh, ok.

Beware the groove.

Hey, are you
gonna be all right?

Groove.

Kuzco: You see
what I mean?

This guy's trouble,
but as bad as he is,

he is nothing compared
to what's coming up next

And why have you
come here today?

Well

Your Highness--
I mean, Your Grace.

Ok, gang
Check out this piece of work

This is Yzma,
the emperor's advisor--

living proof that dinosaurs
once roamed the Earth

And let's not forget
Yzma's right-hand man

Every decade or so
she gets a new one

This year's model
is called Kronk

Yeah, I got
that there, Yzma.

Unh!

Yep, that's Kronk

Now lately, Yzma's
gotten into this bad habit

of trying to run the country
behind my back,

and I?m thinkin'
that's got to stop

It is no concern
of mine

whether your family
has...

What was it again?

Um, food.

Ha! You really should
have thought of that

before you
became peasants.

We're through here.

Take him away. Next!

But l--

Oh, ok.

Ugh.

The nerve of some
of those peasants, huh?

Tell me about it.
Aah!

Hi there.

Ooh, Your Highness.

Ahem.

Oh, oh, oh,
ha ha ha. Um...

Uh, you were
doing it again.

Doing? Doing...
Doing what?

Doing my job.

I'm the emperor,

and you're the emperor's
advisor.

Remember that?

But, Your Highness,

I was only dealing with
meaningless peasant matters.

Whoa

Look at these wrinkles

What is holding
this woman together?

What the--

How long
has that been there?

Good thinkin', Yzma

What do you say,
Kuzco?

Whoa! No touchy!

No touchy.
No touch.

Excuse me,
Your Highness

The village leader
is here to see you.

Oh, great.
Send him in.

Oh, and by the way,
you're fired.

Fired?

W-W-What do you mean,
fired?

Um, how else
can I say it?

You're being let go,

your department's
being downsized,

you're part of
an outplacement,

we're going in a
different direction,

we're not picking
up your option...

Take your pick.
I got more.

But l-- You--uh--

Uhh.

But--
But, Your Highness,

I have been nothing
if not loyal to the empire

for--for--for
many, many years.

Hey, hey, everybody
hits their stride.

You just hit yours
50 years ago.

So...who's
in my chair?

Oh, oh! I know!

Yzma.

Yzma's in your
chair, right?

Very good, Kronk.

Here. Get the snack.

Got it!

Unh! Oof!.

Ok, you heard
the man.

Up, up, up.

I?m ok
I'm fine

Ah.

ok. Show him in.

Ahem.

Uh, afternoon,
Your Highness.

I'm here because
I received a summons--

Hey,
there he is!

My main village man.

Um, Pacha.

Anyway, I got
this summons--

Pacha.

That's right.

You are just the man
I wanted to see.

I am?

Word on the street is
you can fix my problem.

You can fix my problem,
can't you?

Sure.
I'll do what I can.

Good, good. That's just
what I wanted to hear.

Are you aware of
just how important

your village is
to the empire?

Well, I know
we grow the crops

that you use here
at the palace.

We also herd the llamas
that you--

My village?

Oh, yeah.

You got a pretty sweet
little setup there

on top of that hill,
don't you? Ha ha ha!

Yeah. My family has
lived on that hilltop

for the last
6 generations.

Uh-huh.

So tell me,

where do you find
you get the most sun?

Oh, I'd say

just on the other side
of those trees.

When the sun hits
that ridge just right,

these hills sing.

Well, that settles it.

Really?

Yep. Problem solved.

Thanks for coming.

That's it?

That's all
you wanted me for?

I just needed
an insider's opinion

before I ok'd this spot
for my pool.

Uh...your pool?

Boo-yah!

Welcome to
Kuzcotopia,

my ultimate
summer getaway

complete
with water slide.

What?

Isn't it great?

It's my birthday gift
to me. Ha!

I'm so happy.

Uh...uh...

um...l don't understand
how this could happen.

Well, let me
clear it up for you.

At my birthday
celebration tomorrow,

I give the word,

and your town
will be destroyed

to make way for this...

So, if I were you,

I'd pick up some
change-of-address forms

on the way home.

But, um,
where will we live?

Hmm...

Don't know,
don't care.

How's that?

Oh, but wait.
You can't--

When I give the word,

your little town thingy
will be bye-bye.

Bye-bye!

Oh, w--wait. No--

Heh heh. Boohoo.

Oh, yeah
Everything was goin' my way

Or so I thought

He can't get rid of me
that easily.

Who does that ungrateful
little worm think he is?

Does he...

A little to the left.

...have any idea of
who he's dealing with?

How could he
do this to me?

Why, I practically
raised him.

Yeah, you think he
would've turned out better.

Yeah, go figure.

Well, it's better you're
takin' out your anger

on these things instead
of the real Kuzco, huh?

That's it, Kronk!

- That's it!

I'll get rid of Kuzco.
Ha ha ha ha ha!

The real Kuzco?

Of course
the real Kuzco.

Don't you see?
It's perfect.

With him out of the way
and no heir to the throne,

I'll take over
and rule the empire.

Brilliant!

So how does that work

with you bein' fired
and all?

The only ones who know
about that are the three of us,

soon to be the two of us.

And I'm one of
those two, right?

To the secret lab!

Pull the lever, Kronk.

Wrong lever!

Huh?

Why do we even
have that lever?

Get out of my way!

Please remain seated

and keep your arms and legs
in at all times

Whee!

Faster, faster!

Yzma, put your hands
in the air!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Ah, how shall I do it?

Oh, I know.

I'll turn him
into a flea,

a harmless little flea,

and then I'll
put that flea in a box,

and then I'll put that box
inside of another box,

and then I'll
mail that box to myself,

and when it arrives,

Ah ha ha ha!

I'll smash it
with a hammer!

It's brilliant, brilliant,
brilliant, I tell you!

Genius, I say!

Or, to save on postage,

I'll just poison him
with this.

Take it, Kronk.

Oh ho ho ho.
Feel the power.

Oh...

I can feel it.

Our moment of
triumph approaches.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

It's dinner time.

So...is everything
ready for tonight?

Oh, yeah. I thought
we'd start off

with soup
and a light salad

and then see how
we feel after that.

Not the dinner...

The you know.

Oh, right.
The poison--

The poison for Kuzco,

the poison chosen
specially to kill Kuzco,

Kuzco's poison.

That poison?

Yes! That poison.

Got you covered.

Excellent.

A few drops in his drink,

then I'll propose a toast,

and he will be dead
before dessert.

Which is a real shame,

because it's gonna
be delicious.

Boom, bam, baby!

Let's
get to the grub

I am one hungry
king of the world.

So...no hard feelings
about being let go?

None whatsoever.

Kronk, get
the emperor a drink.

Drink. Right.

Your Highness.

Is something burning?

My spinach puffs!

Ahem.

So... he seems...

nice.

Heh. He is.

He's what,
in his late twenties?

Heh heh. I'm not sure.

Saved 'em!

- That's great.
- Yzma: Great!

- Good job.
- Very good job.

Watch it.
They're still hot.

Ahem.

Ahem!

Heh heh heh.

Kronk.
The emperor

needs his...
drink.

Right. Oh. Right.

Hey, Kronky,
everything ok back there?

Well, heh.

Oh, uh...

Ooh. The drinks
were a bit on the...

hmm...

oh...ugh...warm side.

Heh heh.

Hey, did you see
that sky today?

Talk about blue.

Ha ha ha.
Yes, Kronk.

Riveting.

A toast to
the emperor!

Long live Kuzco!

Don't drink the wine.

Poison.

Ah! Tasty.

Finally!
Ha ha ha!

Good work,
Kronk.

Oh, they're
so easy to make.

I'll get you
the recipe.

Now to get rid
of the body.

Ok! What were we saying?

Uh...we were
just making a toast

Yzma:
to your long and

healthy rule

Right. So what
are you gonna do?

I mean, you've been
around here a long time,

and I really mean
a long time. Um...

Ahem.

It might
be difficult

for someone of your age

adjusting to life
in the private sector.

Hey, Kronk, can you
top me off, pal?

Be a friend? Heh heh.

Now, about you
finding new work

Hit him on the head.

that's--that's
gonna be tough

More broccoli?

Because you're
you know

Let's face it
You're no spring chicken,

and I mean that
in the best possible way.

What? A llama?

He's supposed
to be dead!

Yeah, weird.

Let me see that vial.

This isn't poison.

This is extract
of llama. Ugh!

You know,
in my defense,

your poisons
all look alike.

You might
think about

re labeling
some of them.

Take him out of town
and finish the job now!

What about dinner?

Kronk, this is
kind of important.

How about dessert?

Well, I suppose
there's time for dessert.

And coffee?

All right.
A quick cup of coffee.

Then take him out of town
and finish the job!

Cha cha
cha cha

Guess where I am
right now

Uh-huh. In the bag

Still think I'm
not the victim here?

Watch. It gets better.

Hey! Ba-da ba-da
ba-da-da

Ugh, he's doing
his own theme music?

Ba-da
ba-da ba-da ba

Ba-da-ba

Gig, dumb,
and tone deaf

I am so glad I was
unconscious for all of this

Huhh!

Mission accomplished.

You're not
just gonna let him

die like that,
are you?

My shoulder angel.

Don't
listen to that guy

He's trying
to lead you

down the path
of righteousness.

I'm gonna lead you
down the path that rocks.

Oh, come off it.

You come off it!

- You.
- You.

- You.
- You infinity.

Uhh!

Listen up, big guy.

I got 3 good reasons why
you should just walk away.

" Number one..."

Look at that guy!

He's got that sissy
stringy music thing.

We've been
through this.

It's a harp,
and you know it.

Oh, right.
That's a harp...

and that's a dress.

Robe!

Reason number 2.

Look what
I can do.

Ha ha ha!

But... what does that
have to do with anything?

No, no.
He's got a point.

Listen, you guys.

You're sort of confusing me,
so be gone!

Uh, or, uh, you know.

However I get rid
of you guys.

That'll work.

Um, what's with
the chimp and the bug?

Can we get back tome?

Oh, boy.
Think, think, think.

What to do, what to do?

What do we do
with the body?

What am I gonna
tell the village?

Come on, Kronky.
Come on, Kronky. ok.

What do I
do? What do I do?

- Aah!

Back!
Elbow! Shoulder!

- Unh!

Oh. Hey! Hey, you!

Hey!
Excuse me. Excuse me.

Stop! Pardon me. Excuse me.
Sorry about that.

Comin' through.
Hey, you with the cart!

Uh-oh

This is not good.

Uhh. Hope that doesn't
come back to haunt me.

Mom, Mom!
I think I'm still growing!

Measure me again!

Ha!
All right, Tipo.

Stand still
and let's see.

Mom, you and I
both know

that it's
impossible for him

to have grown in
the last 5 minutes.

Mmm! Mmm!

Isn't it?

Look how much
you've grown!

What? Tipo, get
out of the way.

It's my turn again.
Measure me.

Dad's home!

Hey, ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Come here
Ha ha ha!

Dad! I ate
a bug today!

Oh! Was Mom
baking again?

Heh. Don't tell her
I said that.

I heard that.

Ok, everybody,
move aside

Lady with a baby
comin' through.

Dad, Dad, Dad!

Look at
how big I am!

We were all
measured today.

Oh.

I'm going through
a growth spurt.

I'm as big
as you were

when you were me.

Mm-hmm. Sure are.

That's not as impressive
as my loose tooth. See?

Ok, ok, you two.

Our deal was that
you could stay awake

until Daddy came home.

Now say good night.

Dad,
do we have to?

No, you two can stay up.

We're just gonna be sittin'
here tellin' each other

how much we love each other.

Right, honey?

- Ew!
- Blecch!

Good night.

So what did
the emperor want?

Ahem.

You know what?
He couldn't see me.

Couldn't see you?

- Why not?
- I don't know.

Well, that's
just rude.

Well, he is
the emperor.

I'm sure he's busy.

No, no, no, no. No.

Emperor or no emperor,
it's called common courtesy.

Honey...

If that were me,
I'd march right back there

and demand to see him,
and you know I would.

Sweetie, sweetie,
think of the baby.

Pacha, I'm fine.

This baby's not coming
for a while,

but even if it was,

I'd give that guy
a piece of my mind.

That kind of behavior
just--just--

Uhh!

I gotta go
wash something.

Pacha?

You ok?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah. I'm just
a little tired from the trip.

Um...I?m gonna go
put Misty away.

Uh, heh heh. Hi.
Excuse me.

2 seconds here.

Um, I'm the one
in the cart. Remember?

This story's about me,
not him.

ok. You got it?
All right.

We're gonna move ahead.
Sorry to slow you down.

Heh heh heh.

Huh?

Whoa.

Uhh. Oh.

Where'd you come from,
little guy?

No touchy.

Aah! Demon llama!

Demon llama? Where?

- Aah!
- Aah!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
Ooh hoo hoo!

Ow! Ow, my head.

Ok, demon llama.

Just take it easy.

I mean you no harm.

What are you
talking about--

Oh, wait. I know you.

You're that whiny
peasant.

Emperor Kuzco?

Yeah. Who do you think
you were talkin' to?

Uh...how did--

Um...

you don't...

look like
the emperor.

What do you mean I don't
look like the emperor?

Uh...oh...

do this...

What is this,
some kind of little game

you country folk like to--

Aah! It can't be! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

My face! Aah! My beautiful,
beautiful face!

Ok, ok, ok.

I'm an ugly,
stinky llama!

Wait, ok,
Your Majesty.

- Llama face!
- Shh!

What happened?

I'm tryin' to
figure that out, ok?

Ohh-ho!

I can't remember.

I can't remember
anything.

Wait a minute.

I remember you.

I remember
telling you

that I was
building my pool

where
your house was,

and then you
got mad at me.

Ohh!

And you turned me
into a llama!

What? No, I did not.

Yes, and then
you kidnapped me.

Why would I
kidnap a llama?

I have no idea.

You're the criminal
mastermind, not me.

What?

Hmm. You're right.

That's giving you
way too much credit.

ok. I have to get back
to the palace.

Yzma's got
that "secret lab."

I'll just
snap my fingers

and order her
to change me back.

Hey, you.
No time to waste.

Let's go.

Hey, tiny, I want
to get out of this body.

Wouldn't you?
Now let's go.

Build your summerhouse
somewhere else.

You want to run that
by me again?

I can't let you go back

unless you change
your mind

and build your summer
home somewhere else.

Hmm. I got
a little secret for you.

Come here.
No, closer.

I don't make deals
with peasants!

Then I guess I can't
take you back.

Fine.
I don't need you.

I can find
my own way back.

I wouldn't recommend it.

It's a little dangerous
if you don't know the way.

Nice try, pal.

No, really.
I'm telling you,

There are
jaguars and snakes

and quicksand

I'm not listening.

I'm not kidding.

Listen, you cannot
go in there.

La la la la

Oh. Heh heh.
Still not listening.

Aw, you...

Fine. Fine.

Go ahead!

If there's no Kuzco,

there's no Kuzcotopia.

Takes care
of my problem.

Hmm.

Scary jungle.
Right.

Ooh, a leaf.
Ooh, it might attack me.

Oh, it's a scary tree.

I'm afraid. Ha ha.

Please. Never find my way?
I'm the emperor,

and as such,

I'm born with an innate
sense of direction.

Ok, where am I?

Wha--

Help me!
Help me!

Help me!

Uhh.

Too late.

Ok, that was the freakiest
thing I've ever seen.

Aah!

Hmm.
What do you want?

Oh, for me?

Why, I don't know
what to say.

Ow!

Hit the road, bucky.

Aah! Ow!

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Uh-oh.

No, no.
No, no, no, no.

No, no.
No, don't.

Ha!

Aah!

No!

Aah!

Aah!

You killer jaguars...

Whoa!

Aah-eee!

Aah!

Aah!

Yee-aah!

Aah!

Don't worry,
Your Highness. I gotcha.

You're safe now.

Maybe I'm just new to
this whole rescuing thing,

but this, to me,

might be considered
kind of a step backwards,

wouldn't you say?

No, no, no.
It's--It's ok.

This--This is
all right.

We can figure this out.

I hate you.

- No!
- Yaah!

Aah! Ow!

Whoo hoo hoo!

Aah!

Ow!

Ow!

Uhh!

I don't know about you,

but I'm getting
all funned out.

Uh-oh.

Don't tell me.

We're about to go over
a huge waterfall.

- Yep.
- Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Most likely.

Bring it on.

Boo-yah!

Whoo!

Your Highness.

Your Highness,
can you hear me?

Oh, boy.
Come on, breathe.

Breathe!

Ohh. Why me?

Ooh!

All right.

- Ohh!
- Aah!

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

For the last time,

it was not a kiss.

Well, whatever
you call it...

it was disgusting.

And if
you would've done

what I ordered you to do
in the first place,

we all could've
been spared

your little
kiss of life.

Aw!

But now that
you're here,

you will take me
back to the palace.

I'll have Yzma
change me back,

and then I'll start
construction

on Kuzcotopia.

Oh, yeah.

Ok, now, look,

I think we got off
on the wrong foot here.

Mm-hmm.

I just think if you really
thought about it,

you'd decide
to build your home

on a different hilltop.

And why would I
do that?

Because...

deep down,
I think you'll realize

that you're forcing
an entire village

out of their homes
just for you.

And that's...

bad?

Well, yeah.

Nobody's
that heartless.

Mmm.

Now take me back.

What?
Wait, wait.

How can you
be this way?

All you care about
is building your summer home

and filling it
with stuff for you.

Uh, yeah. Doh.
Me.

Everyone else
in the kingdom gets it.

You're the only one
that doesn't seem to be

with the program,

eh, Pacha?

You know what?

Someday, you're going
to wind up all alone,

and you'll have no one
to blame but yourself.

Thanks for that.
I'll log that away.

Now, for the final time,

I order you to take me
back to the palace.

Looks to me like
you're stuck out here,

because unless
you change your mind,

I'm not taking you back.

Because unless
you change your mind,

I'm not
taking you back.

Me, me, me.
Moo, moo, moo.

Huh? What?

I didn't do anything.
I didn't--

Somebody's
throwing stuff.

You going to build a fire
or what? What's going on?

He's never going
to change his mind.

Ohh. How am I ever going
to get out of here?

And so,

it is
with great sadness

that we mourn
the sudden departure

of our beloved prince...

taken from us
so tragically

on the very eve
of his 18th birthday.

Poor little guy.

His legacy will live on
in our hearts...

He never had
a chance.

for all eternity.

Well, he ain't gettin'
any deader.

Back to work.

Kronk, darlin',

I must admit
you had me worried

when you mixed up
those poisons,

but now that
Kuzco is dead,

all is forgiven.

Ah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
He's...

Heh. He's dead,
all right. Heh heh.

I mean, you can't get
much deader than he--

than he is right now.

Unless, of course,
we killed him again.

I suppose.

Hey, look,
the royal dresser's here.

Kronk...

I should tell you right now
I'm kind of hard to fit.

Kronk...

I wear a 66 long
and a 31 waist.

Kuzco is dead, right?

Tell me Kuzco's dead.

I need to hear
these words.

Do you need to hear
all those words exactly?

He's still alive?

Well, he's not as dead
as we would've hoped.

Kronk...

I just thought
I'd give you the heads-up

in case Kuzco
ever came back.

He can't come back!

Yeah. That would be
kind of awkward--

especially after
that lovely eulogy.

You think?

You and I are going out
to find him.

If he talks,
we are through!

Now let's move!

Dad, look out!

Tipo, what is it?

I had a dream that
Dad was tied to a log

and was careening
out of control

down a raging river
of death!

All right, all right,
it's ok.

- It was awful!
- Shh!

It's ok, it's ok.
Tipo, calm down.

It was just a dream.

Your dad's fine.

He just went back
to see the emperor.

Oh. Like you
told him to,

'cause you're
always right.

That's right.

Well, in my dream,
Dad had to kiss a llama.

Yeah, like that
would ever happen.

- It could.
- Nuh-uh.

- Yeah-huh.
- Nuh-uh.

Yeah-huh.

Good night, you two.

- Night, Mom!
- Night, Mom!

- Yeah-huh. Yeah-huh.
- Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.

Ooh!

B-B-Brr!

Uh, hey

Thanks.

Oh.

No problem.

Feels like wool.

Yeah.

Alpaca?

Oh, yeah, it is.

Oh, yeah,
I thought so.

It's nice.

My wife made it.

Oh, she knits?

Crochets.

Crochets?
Nice.

Thanks.

So...

So, I was thinking that
when I got back to the city,

we'd, uh...

I mean, there's
lots of hilltops,

and maybe I might,
you know...

I--I might...

Are you saying...

you've changed
your mind?

Oh, well, l--I...

Because you know
that means

you're doing something
nice for someone else.

No, I know that.
I know.

And you're all right
with that?

Yes.

What?

Don't shake
unless you mean it.

All right.

Let's get you
back to the palace.

Oh, by the way,
thanks.

No...

thank you

ok.
Once we cross this bridge,

it's only an hour
to the palace.

Good, because
believe it or not,

I think I need a bath.

I believe it.

- What was that?
- Nothing.

Ohh!

Whoa!

Kuzco!

Kuzco!

- Yeah?
- Quick, help me up!

No. I don't think
I will.

You're going
to leave me here?

Well, I was going to have
you imprisoned for life,

but I kind of
like this better.

I thought you were
a changed man.

Oh, come on.
I had to say something

to get you to take me
back to the city.

So all of it
was a lie?

Well, yeah.
No, wait.

Uh, yeah, yeah.
It all was a lie.

Toodles.

We shook hands on it!

You know, the funny thing
about shaking hands is...

you need hands.

Ha! ok.

Buh-bye.

Aah!

Are you ok?
Are you all right?

Yeah.

Yeah. I think
I'm all right.

Good!

That's for going back
on your promise!

Yii!

Yeah. That's for
kidnapping me

and taking me
to your village...

which I'm still gonna
destroy, by the way.

Ah ha ha ha!
No touchy.

Ooh!

Why did I risk my life

for a selfish brat
like you?

I was always taught that there
was some good in everyone,

but, ooh,
you proved me wrong.

Oh, boohoo.
Now I feel really bad.

Bad llama.

I could've let you die
out there in that jungle,

and then all my problems
would be over.

Well, that makes you
ugly and stupid.

Let's end this.

Ladies first.

- Aah! - Yaah!

Ohh!

- Aah!
- Aah!

- Ow! Ow!
- Ow! Ow!

- Whoa!
- Ohh!

What are we
gonna do?

Aah!

What are we gonna do?
We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!
That's it for me!

No, we're not

Calm down.

I have an idea.
Give me your arm.

Ok, now
the other one.

When I say go,
push against my back,

and we'll walk
up the hill.

Ready?

Go.

Ow!

You did that
on purpose.

- Aah!
- No, I didn't!

Now, we're gonna have
to work together

to get out of this,
so follow my lead.

Ready?

- Right foot.
- Whose right?

Your right
or mine?

I don't care.
Mine.

Well, why yours?

Ok, your right!
Ready?

Ok, got it.

Ok, right.

Left. Right.

Ha ha!
Look, we're moving!

Aah!

Don't look down!
Now, stay with me.

Stay with me.

Right. Left.

Right. Left.

Right. Left.

Right!

Now what, genius?

Working on it.

Ok, here's the deal.

Stretch out your neck,

and I'll grab the rope.

How do I know
you won't let me fall

after you grab
the rope?

You're just gonna
have to trust me!

You know,
it's a good thing

you're not
a big, fat guy,

or this would be
really difficult.

Aah! Aah!

Almost.

Got it!

It's stuck.

Take your time.
No hurry here.

Scorpions!
Aah ha ha!

Kuzco!

Aah!

Oh, no!

Uhh!

Aah!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Huh?

Aah!

Aah!

Whoa!

- Huh?

Look out!

Ohh!

Pacha: Ohh

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Ooh, look at me
and my bad self.

I snatched you
right out of the air.

"Ooh, I'm
a crumbly canyon wall,

and I'm taking you
with me."

Well, not today, pal.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Uh-huh

You just saved my life.

Huh?

So?

- I knew it.
- Knew what?

That there is some good
in you after all.

Oh, no
- Admit it.

- Wrong.
- Yes, there is.

- Nuh-uh.
- I think there is.

- Hey, you could've let me fall.
- Nuh-uh!

Come on,
what's the big deal?

Nobody's that heartless.

Don't read
too much into it.

It was a one-time thing.

Right. Sure.

Well, we better get going.

With that bridge out,

it's a 4-daywalk
to the palace.

What?

You mean you're still
taking me back?

I shook on it,
didn't I?

Well, yeah,
but I hope you realize

that doesn't
change a thing.

I'm still building
Kuzcotopia

when I get back.

Well, 4 days
is a long time.

Who knows? Maybe
you'll change your mind.

Uh-huh.

4 days.

What are the chances
of you carrying me?

Not good.

No, no, no!

We've searched
every village

surrounding the palace

and still
no sign of Kuzco.

Where is he?

Kronk!

Kronk here.

I'm getting tired.
Pull over.

Sure thing.
Kronk out.

Ooh! Aah!

Aah! Ohh!

Perfect.

These are my best shoes.

I hate this jungle.

Oh, look.

A golden-throated
small-winged warbler.

Just one more
for exotic bird bingo.

Aah!

I am loving this.

Get away from me!

Uhh

Yeah.
Tell me about it.

No, no,
it's not you.

She's not the easiest
person to get close to.

There's a wall there.
Trust me.

Are you talking
to that squirrel?

I was a junior chipmunk.

I had to be versed in
all the woodland creatures.

Please continue.

Aah!

Why me?

Why me?

Hey, it doesn't always
have to be about you.

This poor little guy
has had it rough.

Seems a talking llama

Kronk: gave him a hard
time the other day

Oh, a talking llama?

Ha ha ha ha!
Do tell.

Heh heh heh heh!

Uh, he doesn't really
want to talk to you.

Well, then
you ask him.

I hate being
in the middle.

Squeaky, uh...

squeak, squeaker,
squeakin'.

Aah!

Jaguars? No kidding?
Brutal.

Uh, could you give us
a little room here?

Uh, sorry.

Uh-uh.

A little bit more,
please.

How is this?

- Yeah, that's good.

Now ask him which way
the talking llama went!

Uh, squeakity-squeak,
squeakin'.

Low blood sugar, huh?

Yeah.
It's a curse. Ha.

Well, as soon as we get
something to eat,

you're walking
the rest of the way.

Welcome to Mudka's Meat Hut,

home of the mug...

...of meat.
What'll it be?

Ahem. We'll have
2 specials.

Is that all right,
dear?

Oh, whatever you say, pumpkin.
You know what I like.

Hee hee hee. We're
on our honeymoon.

Bless you for
coming out in public.

So that's 2 specials.

And an onion log.
To split.

Ordering!
I need 2 heartburns

and a deep-fried doorstop
on table 1 2!

Ok, so I'll admit
this was a good idea.

When will you learn that
all my ideas are good ones?

That's funny,

because I thought you going
into the jungle by yourself,

being chased by jaguars,

lying to me to take you
back to the palace

were all really bad ideas.

Anything sounds bad when
you say it with that attitude.

Hot and crispy pill bug
for the happy couple.

Mazeltov

Oh, boy.

Ooh. Ugh. Bluh.

Urp!

Oh, here
Let me get that for you

Bleaggh! Uck!

Where are you going?

I'm just going to slip
into the kitchen

and have a word
with the chef.

You're gonna get us
thrown out.

Please.
With this disguise,

I'm invisible.

Heh heh!

We've been walking
around in circles

for who knows how long.

That is the last time

we take directions
from a squirrel.

I should have done away
with Kuzco myself

when I had the chance.

Oh, you really gotta stop
beating yourself up about that.

Uh-oh I'll get you
another one there, Yzma

You using
that fork there, pal?

Hey, don't I know you?

I don't think so.

Wrestled you
in high school?

Don't remember that.

Metal shop? I got it!

Miss Narca's interpretive
dance--2 semesters.

I was usually in the back
because of my weak ankles.

Come on, pal.
You gotta help me out here.

I don't think
we've ever met,

but I gotta go.

Don't worry.
I'll think of it.

Look, all I know is
the food looked iffy.

I'm not the only one
that thinks that, I'm sure.

Psst! Hey!

So I'm just
checking to make sure

you're going to take
the main course up a notch.

Is there anything
on this menu

that is not
swimming in gravy?

Hang on.
I'll go ask the chef.

It's a simple
question.

Is there or is there
not anything edible...

- on this menu?
- Gah!

Hey, I didn't ask him
about dessert yet!

Hey, pal, what's your policy
on making special orders?

All right, buster,
that's it!

You want a special order,
then you make it!

I quit!

Yeah, but l--

I try and I try,
but there's no respect

for anyone with vision.
That's it!

There's just nothing
I can do about it!

Please don't go.

3 pork combos,
extra bacon on the side,

2 chili cheese
samplers,

a basket of
liver and onion rings,

a catch of the day,

and a steak cut
in the shape of a trout.

You got all that, honey?

3 oinkers wearing pants,
plate of hot air,

basket of
grandma's breakfast,

and change the bull
to a gill, got it.

What's going on?

No time to explain.
We gotta get out of here.

What is he
doing in there?

Unh! Come on!

In a minute.
I'm still hungry.

No, Kuzco!

Ok, I'll make it simple
for you.

I'll have a spinach omelet
with wheat toast.

- You got it?
- Can do.

What's taking so long?

Pickup!

Kronk!
What are you doing?

Kinda busy here.

Why am I
not surprised?

Your order's up!

Ohh!

Oh, well,
while you're at it,

make me the special.
And hold the gravy!

Check. Pickup!

You know what?
On second thought,

make my omelet
a meat pie.

Meat pie Check

Kronk!

Can I order the potatoes
as a side dish?

I'll have to charge you
full price.

Ooh!

Hey, how about a side
of potatoes, my buddy?

You got it. Want cheese
on those potatoes?

Thank you, Kronk.
Cheddar will be fine.

Cheddar spuds
coming up.

Spuds yes,
cheese no.

Hold the cheese.

No, I want
the cheese

Cheese me
no like.

- Cheese out.
- Cheese in!

Come on,
make up your mind!

Ok, ok,
on second thought...

Make
my potatoes a salad.

Excuse me. You see
that woman over there?

No problem, hon.
We do that all the time.

Waiters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Happy, happy birthday

From all of us to you

We wish
it was our birthday

So we could party, too

Happy, happy birthday

May all your dreams
come true

Ha ha ha!
It's your birthday?

What are you doing?

Look, there's 2 people
in there looking for you.

What?

A big guy
and a skinny old woman.

Wait. Was this woman
scary beyond all reason?

Oh, yeah.

That's Yzma and Kronk!
I'm saved!

Trust me, they're
not here to save you.

They'll take me back
to the palace.

Thanks for your help.
You've been great.

I can take it from here.

You don't understand.
They're trying to kill you.

Kill me? Their whole world
revolves around me.

No. I can't let you!

What? Wha--

Oh, I get it!

What?

You don't want to take me
back to the palace.

You want to keep me
stranded out here forever.

No!

This has all been an act,
and I almost fell for it.

Will you just
listen to me--

No, no,
you listen to me.

All you care about
is your stupid hilltop!

What?

You don't care about me.
Now, just get out of here.

- Go!
- But--

Go on! Get outta here!

Fine! Hmph!

Oh, this entire mess
is all your fault.

What'd I do?

If you hadn't mixed up
those poisons,

Kuzco would be dead now!

There'll be
no more diversions

until we track that
llama down and kill him!

Said I was sorry.
Can't just let it go.

Not even
on your birthday.

Kuzco must be eliminated

The empire will finally be
rid of that useless slug

You got a point

Nobody really seems to care
that he's gone, do they?

Pacha!

Pacha?

So this is where you came in

See, just like I said,
I'm the victim here

I didn't do anything,
and they ruined my life

and took everything I had

Hey, give it a rest
up there, will you?

What? I?m just telling
them what happened

Who you kidding, pal?

They saw the whole thing,
they know what happened.

Well, yeah, but

Just leave me alone.

The peasant at the diner!

He didn't pay his check.

He's the peasant
who I saw leaving the city

who disappeared
into the crowd

with Kuzco
on the back of his cart.

He must have taken him
back to his village,

so if we find the village,
we find him,

and if we find him,
we find Kuzco.

Oh, yeah,
it's all comin' together.

Yzma!

What?!

Aah!

This had
better be good!

Yeech.

So, there we were
standing on the cliff,

and the ground
started to rumble

And just as
it started to go,

he grabbed me
before I fell

Do you believe that?

You know, call me crazy

for following this guy
all the way out here,

but as much
as he tries to deny it,

I know
there's some good in him

Besides, I couldn't just
leave him out here all alone.

He's a lousy llama.

I mean,
a really lousy llama.

Hey, listen, Pacha,

you know, what I said to you
back at the diner,

that--that--
I--I didn't really...

So...you tired of
being a llama?

Ye-ee-ee-es!

Ok, we're just gonna
stop at the house

and get some supplies.

- Then we'll be on our way, right?
- Right.

Hey there, Pacha.
You just missed your relatives.

My relatives?

We just sent them
up to your house.

What did
they look like?

See, there was
this big guy

and this older woman
who was...

How would
you describe her?

Scary beyond all reason.

Yeah, that's it.

So, remind me again how
you're related to Pacha?

Why, I'm his
third cousin's brother's

wife's step-niece's
great-aunt. Heh heh.

Twice removed.

Uh-huh.

Isn't that right, Kronk?

99 monkeys
jumpin' on the bed

One fell off
and bumped his head

You know, I am so sorry that
you had to come all this way,

but as I said to you before,

you may recall,
Pacha is not here.

I'll be sure and tell him
you came by.

Oh, would you, please?
That would be just great.

Oops. Silly me.

No, no. Allow me.

She's hiding something.

When I give the word,
we search the house.

Ok, but I still have
94 monkeys to go.

Grr!

So, while we're
waiting for Paca--

Pacha.

Oh, yes.

Perhaps we can have a tour
of your lovely home.

You know, why don't
you just come back

when Pacha gets home?

I'm sure he'd love
to show you the...

Excuse me, won't you?

I think I left
something in the oven.

This is my variation
of double-dutch.

On the signal,
we switch places.

Kronk, it's time!

ok!

Ohh!

So, we have to get
back to the palace,

find the lab,
and change him back.

Hi there!

Aah!

- That was him.
- Whoops.

You know what?

I don't believe you're
really my great-aunt.

You're more like
my great-great-great...

Go. I'll stall them
long enough

for you two to get
a head start.

Thanks, honey.

You have a lovely wife.

They're both very pretty.

Great-great-
great...

Grr! All right!

Are you through?

...great-great-aunt.

So, where were we?

Listen, sister, we're
not leaving until--

I show you the house.
Of course.

Was it a good idea to leave
your family with those two?

Oh, don't worry.
They can handle themselves.

What do you mean,
the door is stuck?

Try jiggling the handle.

There is no handle
in here.

There's not?
Are you sure?

All right, I've had
enough of this.

Tell us where
the talking llama is

and we'll burn your house
to the ground.

Uh,
don't you mean "or"?

Tell us where
the talking llama is

or we'll burn your house
to the ground.

Well, which is it?

That seems like
a pretty crucial conjunction.

That's it!
Kronk, break the door down!

Break it down?
Are you kidding me?

This is hand-carved
mahogany.

I don't care, you fool.
Get out of my way.

I'll break it down myself.

A-one

Ok, kids,
you know what to do.

Right, Mom!

3!

Aah!

Ok, children,
on your mark,

get set, go!

Ow! Ow! Stop it,
you little brats! Huh?

Ow!

Oh, there they go, Kronk!
They're getting away!

Ha ha ha! Well,
I had a great time.

Let's not wait until
the next family reunion

to get together.

Kronk!

I, uh, I gotta run.

Ok, why does she even
have that lever?

Please remain seated

and keep your arms and legs
in at all times

Aah!

Huh?

What does it look like?

I don't know.
Just keep looking.

Over here!

It has to be one of these.
Lions, tigers, bears...

Oh, my

Looking for this?

No! It can't be!

How did you get
back here before us?

Uh...how did we, Kronk?

Well, you got me.

By all accounts,
it doesn't make sense.

Oh, well,
back to business.

Ok, I admit it.

Maybe I wasn't as nice
as I should have been,

but, Yzma, do you
really want to kill me?

Just think of it
as you're being let go,

that your life's going
in a different direction,

that your body's part of
a permanent outplacement.

Hey, that's kind of like
what he said to you

when you got fired.

I know. It's called
a cruel irony--

like my dependence
on you.

I can't believe
this is happening!

Then I bet you weren't
expecting this

- No!
- Aah!

Aha!

Oh, ok.

Ha ha!
Finish them off.

Hey, you're
not backing down now,

are you, big guy?

Uh, where's the other guy?

Yo!

Sorry I'm late.
So, what'd I miss?

Well, Yzma just
tossed me this knife

and asked me to,
you know, take them out.

Then this guy popped up
and we waited for you,

and quite honestly--

Kronk! Why did I think
you could do this?

This one simple thing.

It's like I'm talking
to a monkey.

Whoa now.

A really, really big
stupid monkey named Kronk!

Ouch.

And do you want
to know something else?

I've never liked
your spinach puffs.

Never!

That's it.
She's going down.

Now, now,
remember, guys.

From above, the wicked shall
receive their just reward.

That'll work.

Strange.
That usually works.

And so does this!

Ah. Should have
seen that coming.

Whoa!

Aah!

Give me that vial!

Oof!.

Ah! Ha ha!

Aah!

Oops. Clumsy me.

Which one? Which one?

Better hurry
I'm expecting company

Kill them!
They murdered the emperor!

No, wait! I'm the emperor!
It's me--Kuzco!

They're not
listening to me!

Just take 'em all!

- Yaah!
- Yaah!

Get them!

Hey, I've been
turned into a cow.

Can I go home?

You're excused.
Anyone else?

All: No, we're good.

Get them!

We've gotta change you back.
Try this one.

Uh, Pacha?
A little help!

Come on!
Come on!

Aah!

Oh, please be
something with wings.

Yeah! We're flyin'!

Uh-oh!

We're not getting anywhere
with you picking the vials.

I'm picking the next one!

Fine by me!

Give me that one!

Don't you say a word.

- Aah!
- Aah!

Quick!
Drain the canals!

Pacha: Open up!

Yay! I'm a llama again!

Wait...

- Aah!
- Aah!

There they go!
After them!

Come on, men!
Nobody lives forever! Charge!

Aah!

Grr!

Aah!

Ok, only 2 left. It's
gotta be one of these.

No!

Ha ha ha ha!
Ah ha ha ha ha!

Meow.

I'll take that.

This is the one. This'll
change you back to a human.

Ow! Hey, get her off!.

Whoa!

Get her off me!

Aah! Ow!

Drink the potion!

Ok, ok! Aah!

Where did it go?
Where is it?

Looking for this?

Is that my voice?

Is that my voice?

Oh, well.

No! Don't drop it!

I'm not going
to drop it, you fool!

I'm going to drink it!

And once I turn back
into my beautiful self,

I'm going to kill you!

Ha ha ha!

Aah!

Aah! Uh-oh.

Yzma: Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Uhh! Whoa!

Uhh! Oh-oh-oh!

Kuzco!

Be right there!
Give me a minute!

Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!

Kuzco! Whoa!

Kuzco!

Aah!

Oh.

The vial!

Aah!

For the last time,

we did not order
a giant trampoline.

You know, pal, you
could have told me that

before I set it up.

Aah!

Aah! Uhh--

Huh? Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hoo hoo hee hee
ha ha ha--

The vial!

You thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?

Ah ha ha ha ha!

I win.

Whoa.

Got it!

What are the odds of that
trapdoor leading me out here?

Yeah!

Uhh.

Here, uh, let me
get this for you.

Well, see ya
on the other side.

Old man: Oh, now,
you--you

you stop being
so hard on yourself.

All is forgiven.

You're sure?

Oh, it's not the first time
I was tossed out a window,

and it won't be the last.

What can I say?
I'm a rebel.

Whoa-ho-ho, tiger.

Oh! Hey, I got to
use that arm later.

Ok, buddy, take care.

Ha ha.
Ah, he's a sweet guy.

So, you lied to me

I did?

Yeah. You said
when the sun

hits this ridge
just right,

these hills sing.

Well, pal, I was dragged
all over those hills,

and I did not hear
any singing.

So

I'll be building
my summer home

on a more magical hill.
Thank you.

Hmm. Couldn't pull the wool
over your eyes, huh?

No, no, I'm sharp,
I'm on it.

Looks like you
and your family

are stuck on that tuneless
hill top forever, pal.

You know, I'm pretty sure
I heard some singing

on the hill next to us.

In case you're interested.

Ha! Boom, baby!

Ha! Boom, baby!

You'd be the coolest dude

In the nation

Or the hippest cat
in creation

But if you ain't got friends,
then nothing's worth the fuss

A perfect world
will come to be

When everybody here
can see

That a perfect world
begins and ends

A perfect world
begins and ends

A perfect world
begins and ends with us

" My acorn
is missing."

Squeak squeakin'
squeak squeakity.

" Did you eat
the acorn?"

Squeaker squeak
squeak squeakin'?

"You owe me
a new acorn."

Squeak squeak squeak
squeak squeaker--

Squeakin'.

I'm so proud of you guys.

Edited by: Mr Najsman