The Doughgirls (1944) - full transcript

Arthur and Vivian are just married, but when the get to their honeymoon suite in Washington D.C., they find it occupied. Arthur goes to meet Slade, his new boss, and when he comes back, he finds three girls in his suite. He orders Vivian to get rid of them, but they are friends of Vivian's and as time goes by, it looks more like Grand Central Station than the quiet honeymoon suite Arthur expected. As long as there is anyone else in the suite, Arthur will not stay there and there will be no honeymoon.

Oh, Arthur, isn't this exciting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just imagine, darling,
in a few minutes

we'll be man and wife.

Yeah. I hope
I know what I'm doing.

Married amidst the birds and
the bees and the little flowers.

- You, you like little flowers?
- Mm-hmm.

What's the matter with LaGuardia?

Why didn't we get married
before we left New York?

Why Maryland?

Because it's more romantic
eloping like this.

Eloping from what?
Who's stopping us?

You're an orphan
and my family disowned me

for voting democratic.
Come on.

You don't seem very happy
about marrying me.

Oh, I am, Vivian.

Believe me, honey,
I'm, I'm very happy.

But you don't show it.

Listen, I said I was happy, didn't I?

I know when I'm happy.
I'm very happy.

See? Come on,
let's get this over with.

The bells.
Ding-dong, ding-dong.

Arthur, isn't it sweet?

I'm just about to give you
the best years of my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just, just one favor, honey.

For once, don't talk too much.

When the justice says
you take this man to be

your lawfully wedded husband,
just say I do.

Don't make a career out of it, huh?

- 'Good morning.'
- Good morning, judge.

Yattaty, yattaty, yattaty, yattaty.

Did I marry a woman
or a tobacco auctioneer.

Goodbye, folks.
Goodbye and good luck.

Thank you, judge.
We'll come again sometime.


Now did you have to tell the guy
you were an ex-chorus girl?

Does he care
if I gave up my defense plan

to take a job in Washington?

But, darling, I simply told him that

you were the new assistant
to Stanley Slade

head at the Bureau
Of Intermural Cooperation.

It's the Administrator
Of Inter-Bureau Coordination.

Oh, uh, how do you expect me
to remember all those big names?

Why didn't you join something easy

like the senate
or the Supreme Courthouse?

Vivian, you don't join the senate.

It's not like the Elks
or the Rotary Club. Come on.

Hello, Dukey.

Hello, little fellow.
Were you lonesome, hmm?

Did you miss your little mommy?

I'm so sorry.
Mommy's married now, Dukey.

Hey, what did you mean
when you told the judge

I got a Washington job
because I know President Hoover.

Well, is that anything
to be ashamed of?

No, only Hoover isn't there anymore.

They got a new boy now.

Darling, are you gonna carry me
over the threshold?

Oh, I can't, baby, I got
all these other bags.

- Come on.
- Come on, Dukey. Come on.

Arthur, I'm surprised
it's not so crowded here.

From all I've read and heard
about conditions in Washington...

That's newspaper talk, honey.

Just goes to show you
how they exaggerate.

- Yes, sir?
- I, uh, I have a reservation.

Yes, sir. Mr. Jordan?

You can tell
we're in Washington now, Arthur.

- Look at all the brass hats.
- Yeah.

Uh, brass hats?

Vivian, those are cuspidors.

Good morning.
You have a reservation, sir?

Yes, the name is Halstead.

- Arthur Halstead.
- And wife.

Of course, the honeymoon couple.

I'm sure you'll like
our bridal suite.

Wonderful view of the Potomac.

Although so few of the occupants
notice it.

11B, please.

Hello. Oh, hello, Mr. Jordan.
How are...

I what? But I can't get out.

What am I gonna tell my bride?

I explained that these arrangements

were only temporary.

I hope I'm not putting you out

but I'll, uh, have to put you out.

- Well, okay, Mr. Jordan, but...
- 'Oh, Julian.'

I wish you were up here
and, and I was down there.

Oh, Julian darling,
I didn't wanna do anything

while you were away,
but now that you're back

you can help me rearrange
all this furniture.

I'm going to take the drapes
out of our bedroom

and put them in this bedroom.

Honey, before you do that...

They'll look much better
in there and...

Oh, that awful desk
in the corner, it has to go.

And, uh, there's something else
that has to go.

- What?
- Us.


Your suite will be ready in a minute.

You see? Crowded Washington.

I told you
it was only newspaper talk.

Front boy, get up to the 11th floor.

- They're checking our of 11B.
- Checking out of 11B.


They're checking out of 11B.

- Somebody checking out?
- Yes, sir.

- Is somebody checking out?
- Yeah, somebody's checking out.

- Come, you little...
- Somebody checking out?

Yes, yes, indeed.

Somebody's checking out.

- Is somebody checking out?
- Yes. Yes.

- Somebody's checking out.
- Is somebody checking out?

- Yes.
- Oh.

Pardon me, somebody's checking out.

Somebody's checking out.
Somebody's checking out.

Somebody's checking out.

Hey, Joe, somebody's checking out.

Somebody's checking out.

Edna, those people
are on their way up.

Can't you pack a little faster?

I only have two hands, you know?

- You didn't marry an octopus.
- Hey, where are you goin'?

You're not thinking
of taking a bath now, are you?

What do you want me to do?

Use the pool at the Lincoln Memorial?

Oh, but, honey,
you've got to cooperate.

- This is a national emergency.
- So is my bath.

That's a very un-American attitude.

Oh, is that so?

Alright, so I'm a bottleneck.
Expose me.

Write a letter to Winchell.

- Oh, hello.
- I'm sorry, Mr. Cadman.

- I thought you'd be out by now.
- So did I.

But I ran in to a red-headed
bottleneck. Come on in.

Well, uh, there's,
there's no great rush.

- I can wait outside.
- Oh, not at all.

Their time is up. Sit down.

I'm sure Mrs. Cadman won't mind.

Mind? I certainly do mind.

You might at least wait
until my bed gets cold.

Make yourself right at home,
Mr. Halstead.

If there's anything you want,
just ask for it.

That's right. Just ask for it.
Then try and get it.

Uh, my wife's a little upset.
The, the heat bothers her.

Yeah, well,
it, it bothers my wife too.

- Does it?
- Yes.

As a matter of fact,
she's down the drugstore now

getting some bath salts.

- She is?
- Yes.

I, I, uh, I know she can't wait
to get in to a nice cold tub.

- She can't?
- No, Pollyanna, she can't.

- Bring your wife up.
- Sure. I'd love to have her.

She can scrub my back!

I want to apologize for my wife.

- She gets a little excited.
- Oh, I noticed that.

Sit down, sit down.

- Have a cigarette.
- Thanks, I, uh...

As a matter of fact,
I'm a little excited myself.

I just got married an hour ago.

Well, I beat you by seven days.

- Yeah? Congratulations.
- Yeah, congratulations.

We got married a week ago,
but I don't know.

There's a jinx on us or somethin'.


Well, five minutes after the ceremony

I suddenly have to hop a plane
to Chicago on business.

- Without the bride?
- Yeah.

The poor kid had to stay here alone.

Now I'm back five minutes
and they're gonna toss us out.

- On our honeymoon.
- Oh.

- Oh, oh, pardon me, pardon me.
- Oh, silly.

Must have a big deal
to take you away from this.

Oh, it meant my whole future
and the deal still isn't closed.

But do women understand those things?

Do they understand
what important business means?

All women understand is talk.
Talk, talk, talk, talk.

Yattaty, yattaty, yattaty, yattaty...

They just don't understand. Oh.

Oh, I guess you're
a little excited yourself.

- Yeah, I guess I am.
- Frankly, I think we both are.

Women make you do
the silliest things sometimes.

Yeah, they certainly do.

Well, I guess I better get
downstairs and pay my bill.

I feel like a heel getting you
to rush back like this.

Well, it's alright,
don't think anything about it.

Things like that happen these days.

Sorry about my wife
holding you up like this.

She doesn't really need a bath.
Uh, that is...

Oh, excuse me.

- Darling, this is lovely.
- Isn't it?

Here, Dukey, come on, up, up.

Come on. Up. Attaboy.

Well, baby, this is it.

- My great big hubby.
- Yeah.

You know, I, I'm sorry I yelled
at you during the ceremony.

'Cause I think you're the most
beautiful little pie face.


- You know what I wanna do?
- What?

- How about I order up a drink?
- Oh.

Well, get me one too.

Okay. Room service.

- I'll make myself comfortable.
- Mm-hmm. Wait a minute.

- Don't go in there.
- Why not?

There's a woman in there
taking a bath.

What? In my water?

She's the wife of the guy who ju...

What? Oh, it's busy, okay.

Well, isn't she supposed to be
out of there by now?

Now, now.

Well, I'll get her out of there.

Honey, the woman's
just taking a bath.

Don't put your foot in it.

Miss? Miss, I'd like to use
my bathroom if you don't mind.

- There's another one. Use that.
- Well, I wanna use this one.

When I'm good and ready
and it might take weeks.

- 'Listen, you.'
- Beat it!

Of all the rotten nerve,
taking a bath on our time.

Now, now, honey,
she'll be out in a moment.

I think I'm gonna freshen up,
change my clothes.

- What for?
- What?

Of course, you want me
to make a first good impression

on Stanley Slade.

Well, yes, but not now.

Couldn't you call him up and tell him

you're busy or somethin'?

I'm afraid the Administrator
Of Inter-Bureau Coordination

wouldn't understand.

- Oh, Arthur.
- Now, baby.

Look, honey, I'll be back
in a little while.

We'll have a wonderful dinner
up here, just the two of us.

Then I'll have him send up
a nightcap.

Arthur, you're not
gonna sleep in one those

old-fashioned things, are you?

Answer that, Vivian, will you?

Hello, Dukey. Hello?

Room service, would you
send up a bottle of scotch

and some ice water, please?

'Come in.'

Where do you want this, lady?

Oh, uh, put it in the...
No, put it in there.

That's it. Just open the door
and go right in.

This will teach her, Dukey.

Get out of here!

Excuse me.

Hey! What are you doin'
out there? Selling tickets?

You've been in there so long,
I'd forgotten all about you.

Hello? Yes, it is.

Who? Oh, put him on.

Hello, Mr. Slade.
This is Mrs. Halstead.

You are so lucky.
We just got in.

Oh, well, I'm looking forward
to meeting you too.

Mr. Halstead is dressing
at the moment.

Can I take a message?

Oh, that's alright.
Arthur tells me everything.

When we get settled here,
you must come up.

You and Mrs. Slade.

Not married?

Oh, well, that's too bad.

Oh, we'll have to do
something about that.

Alright. Goodbye now.

Well, well, well, well, well, well.

Stop gushing, Stanley. She may
not look as good as she sounds.

Who? Oh, her.

That was Mrs. Halstead.
Must be a very charming woman.

Hmm, I think I'll see her about

joining my War Wives' Relief Corps.

We need all the women
we can get, you know.

Uh, yes, we do, don't we? Ahem.

Your car is here,
Mrs. Cartwright.

Well, thank you.

Uh, Elizabeth Brush Cartwright.

'How large a donation
do you want, Elizabeth?'

- Uh, fifty dollars.
- 'Fifty dollars.'

Fifty dollars will keep
my nursery babies

in milk for a month.

Get awfully mildewed,
won't they? There you are.

- Thank you, Stanley.
- Hmm.

- Tra-la.
- Yeah, tra-la-la, tra-la-la.

Who was that on the phone, honey?

Mr. Slade.

Stanley Slade?
Why didn't you call me?

What, do you have to jump just
because he's your new boss?

He'll wait. Help is very hard
to get these days.

Come in.

Put it over there, waiter.

- Shall I pour, honey?
- Sure, sure. Go ahead.

Help is very hard to get these days.

Isn't it though?

- Arthur?
- Hm?

Would you tell Mr. Slade
that I'd like

to get into something
to help win the war?

That should certainly
change the betting odds.

Well, before I went
on the stage, I took

shorthand and typing
and I could brush up on it.

Forget it, honey. The
government's got enough trouble.

Well, here's to us.

Oh, Arthur, I love you.

Couldn't have happened
to a nicer fellow.

- Well, goodbye, darling.
- Bye.

Oh, dear, will you take
Duke downstairs?

Oh, fine, fine.
Come on, Duke, come on.

Go on, Duke. Attaboy.
Go along with daddy.

Go along with daddy.

Maybe I should take him
to Slade's with me?

Oh, no, don't bother.

Just give Duke to a bellboy
and tell him

to walk him over
to those Japanese cherry trees.

Come on, Duke. Come on, come on.

Bye, dear.

If you're not out of there
in two minutes

I'm gonna call the manager.

I'll be out of here in one minute

and I'm coming out swinging.

- Why, why, you...
- 'Out of my way.'

Here I come.
And now you crummy little..

- Edna!
- Darling.

- Oh, what a surprise.
- I didn't know it was you.

Darling, I haven't seen you
for months.

What'd you do to your hair?

Well, Arthur likes it
short like this.

You look wonderful.

Oh, I've put on a couple of pounds

since our hoofing days.

Well, you aren't getting any younger.

No, we aren't. Are we?

Oh, is that scotch?
Is there some soda?

Phone for some. My, my, my.
And almost full too.

Room service?
Busy? Oh, I'll hold on.

Oh, the service in this place
is terrible.

I guess they're not used
to having many people stop here.

Room service. Send some club
soda up to 11B right away.

So you reserved this suite?

Well, this is the break
of the century.

Julian and I were wondering

where we were going to stay tonight.

Say, I didn't know you were married.

Well, darling, I didn't know
you were married either.

- Happened last week.
- Correct me if I deserve it.

But didn't this Julian of yours
have a wife?

Yeah, but she divorced him
a year ago.

Oh. Well, what's he doing
in Washington?

Waiting for an okay
from the government.

He and a chemist over at the
Soviet Embassy have invented

a new process for making cheap
motor fuel out of soybeans.

- Soybeans?
- Sure.

Haven't you heard
the dirt about them?

You can make anything
out of soybeans.

Caviar, Navajo blankets,

eight-year-old scotch horse radish.

Really? Think of all the horses
they'll save.

Come in.

'And I was mocking the service.'

Sonny, you're just in time.

- Uh, who takes these?
- I'll take it.

Oh, no, Edna, let me have it.
This is my suite...

No, don't be silly, I'll take it.

- What's your husband name?
- Arthur Halstead.

- Arthur Halstead. There.
- Thank you.

Say, that, uh, husband of yours

is a good-lookin' guy.
Where'd you snag him?

We were married a couple of hours ago

in Pottsville, Maryland.
It was so romantic.

Pottsville? Sounds romantic.

And, Edna, the funniest-looking
justice you have ever seen.

He must've have been 6'4" or 5".

He looked like a prizefighter
or a wrestler or somethin'.

With a bashed and crooked nose.

What do you care
if he had a crooked nose

as long as you're an honest woman?

I'll take it.

Oh, but it might be Arthur.

Hello? Yeah.
It's Julian, I'm sorry.

He's been waiting down in the lobby.

Fine language to use
over the desk phone.

Alright, darling, alright.

But we don't have to look
for a place.

We can stay right here
in the same suite with Vi.

No. No.

What do you care Vi who?
Vi anybody.

She's my oldest and dearest friend

and she absolutely insists.

Who's insisting?

Alright, darling,
go peddle your soybeans.

Good luck. Meet us up here
at 6:00 for cocktails.

Please, Edna,
you can't ask Julian up here.

We'll take that room over there.

- But Arthur will kill me.
- No, he won't kill you.

- It's against the law.
- But...

Oh, that's right.

Shh, quiet.
This is a surprise.

'Come in.'

Hello, Dukey, Mr. Halstead
will take care of the tip, boy.

- Nan.
- Vi.

Nan darling, it's so good to see you.

Where have you been hiding?
I haven't seen you in years.

Vi, are you a ventriloquist?
I could have sworn I heard...



- I don't believe it.
- How'd you know I was here?

Well, I ran into Duke in the lobby.

He barked at me and I barked back.

First friendly face
I've seen in Washington.

Well, here we are.

- What are we waiting for?
- Let's go.

# Tada tada tada tada

# Di di di di di

# Di di di di di

# Di di di di di #

Oh, kids, we're, we're not as limber

as we were in the good old days.

What do you expect? Miracles.

Vi, what did you do to your hair?

Oh, Arthur likes it
such short like this.

- Arthur?
- Behold! The child bride.

And I am practically a bride myself.

- Only not so childish.
- How wonderful.

Oh, that reminds me.

I have to leave
a message at the desk.

Uh, hello, operator.

If anyone asks for
Mrs. Tom Dillon, I'm in 11B.

Oh, please, please,
Arthur will kill me.

You've got to clear up,
the both of you.

Wait just a minute.
What was that Mrs. Dillon crack?

I also bagged myself
one of the few available males.

He's a flying lieutenant
of Bolling Field.

Oh, and you grounded him, eh?

Come in.

Oh, I beg your pardon.
I must be in the wrong suite.

Who are you looking for?

I'm looking for Arthur Halstead.

Oh, well, this is his suite.
You've come to the right place.

- Uh, yes, I can see that.
- I'm Mrs. Halstead.

Well, well, well, well,
then it was you

I talked to over the phone.
I'm Stanley Slade.

Oh, Mr. Slade.
Come in, come in.

Girls, this is my husband's
new employer.

- Mrs. Dillon, Mrs. Cadman.
- How do you do? How do you do?

Mr. Slade has
a very important job

administering between some bureaus.

Oh, everyone knows Mr. Slade.
Please sit down.

Oh, thank you, thank you.
That's very kind of you.

- Ah, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, well.

Well, it's quite alright.
I'm glad your foot wasn't in it.

Would you care to have a drink?

Uh, well, it's a little early
for me. Yes.

You just missed my husband.
He went over to see you.

Oh, he did?
Well, that's too bad.

Uh, is the candy
for Mr. Halstead?

Eh, well, no, no.
I, uh, I took the liberty.

Uh, you were so charming
over the phone

and as I was coming this way anyhow

on, uh, government business,
I just happened to be passing

a little candy kitchen,
and Delilah's they call it.

And, uh, well, as long as I had
talked to you on the phone...

Oh, Mr. Slade,
you didn't have to do this.

Oh, yes, he did.

Uh, well, that was alright.
It was a pleasure.

- Here's your drink.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

Well, here's to something.

Ah, there's nothing like
relaxing in this bedlam.

Uh, Washington, I mean.

When I think how quiet
it used to be in Wall Street.

Why, I'd get down
to my office at 10 o'clock

and before lunch,
I'd have finished reading

"Look, Click" and
sometimes even, eh, "Pick."

Oh, I never knew what you men
did all the time in Wall Street.

I mean, these last few years.

Oh, well, that wasn't
my only activity.

No, no. Mixed up in several
things in those days.

I backed one of the exhibits
at the World's Fair.

Hm, The South Sea Beauties.

- Highly educational.
- Hm, I'll bet.

Uh, very talented girls.

You see, we had a big tank
and they'd dive into it.

And then this man, he was got up
as a giant lobster and...

Uh, pardon me.

Then this lobster fellow,
you see, he'd swim after

one of these girls and try
to get his claws around her.

And then she'd stab at him
and fight him off with a knife.

Wonderful girls.
Practically lived underwater.

Just came up for their salaries,
I suppose.

Um, um, yes, yes.

Well, this has been very pleasant.

Sort of brought me
back to Wall Street.

- Oh, must you go?
- Well, I don't like to.

But I don't want to keep
your husband waiting, you know.

- Mr. Slade.
- Yes, Mrs. Halstead.

I'd like to do something
to end this war.

- Quite an idea.
- 'I can type.'

And I can take shorthand
if it isn't too fast.

And I can file things
and generally, I can find them.

And if she can't,
you can always offer a reward.

Well, now, it seems to me
that a young lady of your, uh

talents ought to be
squeezed in somewhere.

It so happens that I could use
another secretary.

- You could?
- Uh, just part-time, you know.

This is the world record.

I mean, take dictation,
uh, speeches, you know.

Perhaps attend
some function or other.

Might use up, uh,
some of your evenings.

Eh, would you mind that, hm?

Not if it'll help win this war.



Oh, yes, yes.
Of course, come right up.

Please, please, Edna.
Nobody else.

- Arthur will kill me.
- Well, not for this, he won't.

Do you know
who's coming up to see you?

- Mr. Umbriago?
- Much more important.

Elizabeth Brush Cartwright.

Three more people?

Just one, but what a one.

She is such a blue blood

that the Red Cross
turned down her plasma.

Now important personality
Mrs. Cartwright.

A woman of great influence.
Always in the news.

Oh, yes. She had
a big spread in "Vogue."

Uh, big spread.
Yes, that's her.

Oh, if I were you ladies,
I'd hide the liquor.

Mrs. Cartwright
is a teetotaler.

Well, I don't care
as long as she doesn't get drunk

and pass out here.


Well, goodbye, ladies,
this has been most refreshing.

And shall we say
tomorrow at 1 o'clock?

That would be wonderful.

And then if you feel
like a little lunch

before you go to work,
I think we can arrange that too.

Oh, thank you.

Well, hello, Elizabeth.
I see you're right on the job.

- Yes, uh, I see you are too.
- I see...

Well, goodbye, everybody.

Bye now.

I'm Mrs. Cartwright.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Cartwright.
Come in. Do come in.

- So nice of you to call.
- Thank you.

Oh, this is Mrs. Halstead,

Mrs. Dillon
and I'm Mrs. Cadman.

- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

Mrs. Cadman. Oh, yes.

I've heard of your husband's process.

Something to do
with string beans, I believe.

- Uh, soybeans.
- Do they?

Well, these are busy days,
so I'll come right to the point.

As you doubtless know, I am commander

of the War Wives Relief Corps.

You must join us, Mrs. Halstead.

Well, really,
Mrs. Cartwright, I...

And your two friends too.
This is my Lucky day.

Three perfect recruits.

Now if you ladies will just sign
where the X is.

Oh, you'll love the work.

It's babies.
Day nurseries for war workers.

Every baby we take care of
releases a woman for war work

and every woman releases a man.

My, it's a vicious circle, isn't it?

How true. How true.
Well, thank you, ladies.

It's been a pleasure to have met you.

And now I must run along.
Oh, yes.

Naturally, you ladies
will have to go through a few

trifling formalities such as
investigation by the FBI.

And, of course,
you'll be fingerprinted.

Fingerprinted to diaper babies?

Only routine. Don't worry.
It's nothing.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

And now you see, girls,
we are in society.

Do I have to diaper the babies?

Well, you might as well
get some practice.

- I don't know.
- Don't know what?

Babies on a honeymoon.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Oh, Nano girl, what the matter?

Don't tell me you're worried
about diapers too.

No, the FBI.

- They might find out.
- Find out what?

- That I'm not married.
- Not married?

But you just told us
you were. What's the big idea?

How about the flying lieutenant?

Didn't you just tell the operator

you were Mrs. Tom Dillon?

Now wait a minute, it's a sad story

and I'll tell it in my own words.

Very well, but don't forget
your under oath. Proceed.

Well, it's like this, Your Honor.

- And leave my honor out of it.
- Okay, okay.

I was born and brung up
in Brooklyn, USA.

'I met this here aviator, Tom Dillon'

at Mitchel Field, Long Island.

He asked me to marry him

as soon as he got
his advance trainin'.

When Arthur married me,
he didn't have

any advance training.

Order in the court, please.

- And then what happened?
- Somethin' awful.

All of a sudden, he gets
switched here to Bolling Field.

So he tells me to hurry to Washington

to marry him this mornin'.

I hardly had time
to pack me suitcase.

Uh-huh. Left you holding
the bag, eh?

There wasn't no marriage.

He got sent to the hospital
last night.

Oh, Nan. Is it serious?

Yeah, he's quarantined
with the measles.

But the law specifies
that it's no crime

to scratch a marriage
because of measles.

Why do you fear the FBI?

Well, this year Tom Dillon
signed some army papers

and put down his name as his wife

figurin' we'd be married
before the papers got through.

Well, I ain't his wife and I can't be

till he gets through measlin'.

Aha! The corpus delicti.

Who's dead?

I'm afraid I am.

Seriously, kids,
what's going to happen

if the FBI finds out about all this?

Tom might get court-martialed.

Oh, here I am as good as married...

- Nothing's as good as married.
- Listen, squirt.

Just because you were hooked up
by an ex-prizefighter...

He was not an ex-prizefighter.

Just because I said
that justice was 6'5"

and had a crooked nose doesn't mean...

That must be Arthur.

Coming, darling.
Just a minute.

Come in, sweetheart. Oh.

Can I get my truck now?

Well, yes, porter.
Do you know where it is?

Know where it is?
He knows where everything is.

Say, I wonder if they have
a spare room at the White House.

I'm stuck for a place to stay.

Oh, we can put you up here

if you don't mind sleeping on a cot.

- No, she can't.
- Porter, we need a cot.

Would you bring one up, please?

- Yes, ma'am.
- But you can't do that.

Edna, you have to go
and, Nan, you have to go too.

Arthur is paying for this suite

and he's entitled to some privacy.

It's things like these
that bring on inflation.

Okay, Vi, we'll find something.

Don't be ridiculous.
We'll stay right here.

Oh, no, I can't, Edna.
Her Arthur will kill her.

Oh, no, he won't
because I will kill her first.

Well, whose honeymoon
is this, anyway?

I mean, anyway.

Listen, baby, we've helped you
out of some jams.

Remember that stage manager
in Boston?

Well, he told me he was single.

And if you wanna dig up
the past, I can find

a few skeletons
I met in your closets too.

And to think we hoofed
together in three shows.

I've never known anyone so selfish.

Come in.

Oh. I hope I'm not intruding.

Not at all.
Can I do something for you?

I'm looking
for Mr. Julian Cadman.

Well, he's out at the moment,
but I'm Mrs. Cadman.

Oh. Well, well.

- So you're the new Mrs. Cadman.
- Mm-hmm.

I didn't know his divorce
had been made final.

- Oh, didn't you?
- No, I didn't.

- Are you a friend of Julian's?
- A very old friend.

Mind if I sit down, Mrs. Cadman?

Oh, not at all, not at all.

Thank you.


Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

May I present
Mrs. Thomas Dillon?

- How do you do, Mrs. Dillon?
- How do you do?

Uh, excuse me,
I didn't catch your name.

I'm Mrs. Julian Cadman.

Oh, the ex-wife.

No. Just the wife.

You will note
this interlocutory decree

was granted August 28 last year.

Takes a year for a divorce
to become final.

Therefore, Julian is not
free to remarry

until August 28 this year.

And today is only the 12th.

But we got married last week.

How could he make
a mistake like that?

Julian was always inclined
to be a bit premature.

So you see, you're not
Mrs. Cadman at all.

Then what am I?

I wouldn't venture to say, Miss...

Oh, excuse me,
I didn't catch your name.

Just what the devil
are your plans, Mrs. Cadman?

None of your stinking
business, Mrs. Dillon.

I love your hat.

Just a little millionaire back home.

Why did you come here,
Mrs. Cadman?

I came here to tell Julian

that I'm going to call off
the whole divorce

and return to his side
as a devoted wife should.

- Devoted wife, eh?
- Yes.

You were anxious enough
to get rid of him.

That, my dear, was when
he was a drug clerk.

Whipping up pimento sandwiches
in Madison, Wisconsin.

But, uh, now that he's in Washington

hobnobbing with the big shots,
do you blame me?

Cute, kid.

Julian's pimento sandwiches
didn't agree with you

but now that he might
become a big cheese.

Crude, but correct.

I'll come back later
when Julian's here.

So charming to have met you
two young ladies. Goodbye.

And, thanks, for keeping him
amused, Mrs. Cadman.

Shall we dance?

How do you like that?

I feel like a cheap novel
in a circulating library.

Can she do that?
Just call off the divorce?

Anytime before the decree is final.

Edna, I'm awfully sorry for you.

Really I am. I was listening.

Yeah, we just discovered

Julian had a spare he didn't declare.

What I always say is people
should be more careful

about their dates and things.

But don't you worry, kids,
I'll stick by you

even if you are illegitimate.

After all as a married woman,
I can chaperone you.

But you both gotta find
someplace else to stay.

Are the hotels like this
in Moscow, Natalia?

Same thing, only different.

In Moscow, everybody talks Russian.

Honest, girls, if Arthur finds
you here on our wedding night...

He'll kill you, so what?
Do you want to live forever?

Hello. I brought you a visitor
from the Soviet Embassy.

Oh, Julian, you remember Nan.
And this is Vi.

- Hello, girls.
- Hello.

Who's your friend?

I am Sgt. Natalia Moskoroff.

- The great guerilla fighter.
- That's me.

I've read about you
in the newspapers.

- Oh.
- Oh, this is my wife.

Your wife? Oh.

Your wife,
you are so happy to meet me.

- This is Mrs. Thomas Dillon.
- Mrs. Dillon.

Oh, beautiful girl.

Big, strong.
Good for drive tractor, huh?

Uh, this is Mrs. Halstead.

Mrs. Halstead.

Tiny one.

Little hands.
No good for nothing.

Wouldn't you like to take
your gun off and sit down?

No, thank you.
I keep her with me.

Take a look at that gun, girls.
It's terrific.

Get a load of that telescopic sight.

You know, Natalia has shot 396 Nazis.

Nah. 397.

- How wonderful, sergeant.
- You think so?

My mother has shoot
more as 425 Nazis.

My mother is best sniper in Russia.

Four hundred twenty five.
That's marvelous.

Oh, she could do better as that.

But any day now,
she's going for to have baby.

- How can she sandwich that in?
- It's no trouble.

In small village I am coming from

we have it there lovely custom.

When women is gone for to have baby

she tells her husband.

How quaint.

He's running quick to window with gun

for to fire salute three times.

One for mother,
one for baby and for Joe.

- Joe?
- Joe Stalin.

None for the father.

Joe is the father of the country.

What for this decoration?


- I sniped one man.
- You kill him?

- Oh, boy, do I kill him?
- That's good.

I have a little message
for you, dear.

Is anybody sleeping on this tonight?

Well, I don't know who you are

but you must have the wrong room.

No, no.
I can't get a room anywhere.

I won't be any trouble.
I get up early...

I'm sorry,
but all this space is taken.

Could I lie down on it
for just five minutes?

No, no, you'll have to leave.

Hotel Carlton, Hotel Mayflower

Smithsonian Institute.

You know, I'm getting hungry.

I like to eat a fish.

- A live one?
- Dead.

- Cooked?
- It's no difference.

- Oh, Julian.
- Hmm.

This is what I want to tell you.

Before you got here...

Where do you want this, lady?

I don't want it at all. Porter,
you can just take it back.

Put it right over there.

But, Edna, you can't do that.

You bring another cot.
I sleep here too.

- What did you say?
- Dah.

Soviet Embassy where I live
is too much people.

- It's not so many people here.
- Oh, yes, there are.

I like better here.
I sleep here.

But you can't stay here.

It's free country, no?
I stay here.

- But Arthur will kill me.
- She'll kill Arthur.

- It'll be a round robin.
- But wait.

Oh, please, pardon the intrusion.

Just dropped by to tell you
that I phoned the FBI

and asked them to expedite matters.

Everything will be taken care
of before the week's out.

Lucky girls.

Aha! Gets now more
like Soviet Embassy.

Gets now more like Union Depot.

Hey, if you don't mind, I'd like
to listen to the war news.

I've got some war news for you too.


'Thus the Russian
that dance on the right flank'

'imperils the elbow of the river'

'which is in reality the left flank'

'of the enemy's opposite flank.'

That's Breckenridge Drake.

Dear, dear Brecky
is such a great analyst.

Doesn't know his right flank
from his left elbow.

'...position makes almost
certain the capture'

of the great marshalling yard
at Pschmitwitz.

No, no, he's wrong
pronouncing this word.

Spells that, P-S-C-H-M-I-T-W-I-T-Z.

- How do you pronounce?
- Pschmitwitz.

Hello, partners.

Arthur! Hello, Arthur dear.

This is my husband.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- How do you do?
- Arthur, I...

Vivian, could I, uh, speak
to for a moment, please?

Uh, what are all these people
doing here?

Well, they dropped in one after
another. I couldn't help myself.

That's alright, baby.
Just get rid of them fast.

Call me as soon
as the coast is clear.

Uh, excuse me, everybody,
important papers.

Government business.

'This is Breckenridge Drake
saying au revoir...'

Arthur's been working so hard.

Would you all mind leaving now, hmm?

Just a moment, please.

'And now local news.'

'Justice of the Peace,
Frank Ellis of Pottsville'

'was found tied and gagged'

'in a closet of his home
this morning.'


'The house had been robbed by a man'

'who was described to the police
as being about 6'4"'

'with a large, crooked nose.'


'According to reports'

'the couple interrupted the thief'

'and in order to avoid discovery'

'he went through the motions
of marrying them.'

'Well, that couple
are not married.'

'And they'd better hunt up another'

'Justice of the Peace quick.'

Oh! Oh!

' music is transcribed.'

- There goes our chaperone.
- Oh!

A wedding present from
the management, Mrs. Halstead.

A wedding cake. Oh, Arthur!

- Arthur!
- Yes, dear.

Now, Miss Brown.

The OEW telephoned the DMA
that they can't act

on that WMP matter until
they get an okay from AIBC.

And why didn't they get an okay?

Because you canceled it,
Mr. Slade.

I thought so. Always
some boneheaded, dim-witted...

What? It's a lie!

This is the most efficient
office in Washington.

Tell that to the OEW.

I've had enough of this nonsense.

'This is a place of business,
you understand.'

And I'll get some action around
here and know the reason...

Why, Vivian.
Come in, come in, come in.

Well, where have you
been all morning?

- I finished that letter.
- Good girl.

Now, Vivian, I don't like secretaries

who compose for their bosses.

Did you type it
just as I dictated it, verbatim?

- Oh, no, it's word for word.
- It's... Oh.

Well, come over here and sit down

and make yourself
comfortable and, uh, uh

read it back to me, will you?

General, so and so and so and so.

Something, something, regiment.

Camp, so and so, Virginia.

That's the address, hmm.

Dear, general.

In reply to yours
of the second instant

I refer you to my friend
Leo P. Smith.

Good, good.

Further than that, general

I can only say, my, my!

What a beautiful shade
of brown your eyes are.

You know, my dear, if you were single

and I were ten years younger...

Uh, uh, stop.

Vivian, would I say that
to a general?

Well, it did sound kind of funny.

Well, naturally.
I was saying that to you.

Stanley, you were?

- Oh, pardon me.
- Uh, come in, Halstead.

- Come in. Come in, come in.
- It's only my secretary.

I mean, it's only your wife.
I mean, uh, come in.

- Hello, Arthur.
- Hello.

Very clever girl, Vivian.

Been here only five days

and already, I'm beginning
to lean on her.

Uh-hmm. So I noticed.

Mr. Slade, your lawyer is here.

Oh, well, I'll see him in there.

Would you excuse me?
I'm changing my will.

I've found a new way
to beat the inheritance tax.

I'm leaving everything
to the government.


Aren't you ever gonna speak to me?

I have nothing to say.

Oh, Arthur,
we're supposed to be married.

What would people think if they
knew you weren't speaking to me?

They'd probably think
we were married.

Well, the only reason I took this job

was because I thought
it would be good for you.

But if you don't marry me

it's going to be very bad for you.

Very bad for you. What, what,
come. What, what, what...

Well, an FBI man came up
to the hotel this morning

and I'm afraid he's gonna
look at my fingerprints

and find out we're not married.

By your fingerprints?

Oh, Arthur, you've got to marry me.

I can't cope with the FBI.
They're much too smart for me.

You're just being modest.

Let's jump in a taxi
and go back to Pottsville.

The real Justice of the Peace

must be out of the closet by now.


There'll be no wedding bells
until you get those

three squatters to evacuate my suite.

My suite, you understand.

Arthur, is that why you're angry?

But, darling, the girls
all left this morning.

That doesn't make any difference.

I still insist...


Well, baby, why didn't you tell me?

Uh, oh, uh, Vivian, I...

Uh, when you're finished

I'd like to have you
do something for me.

Nan, Edna.
Where are you?

'We're out here
enjoyin' a sunstroke.'

Oh, there you are.

Hello, Vi.

Hello. Girls, Arthur's coming

and you'll have to leave
right this minute.

We'd look cute walking on
Pennsylvania Avenue, like this.

I bet we could sell a lot of bonds.

But honest, I told him
you'd left this morning.

Do you want Arthur
to think I'm a dope?

- He's got a mind of his own.
- Well, that is unfair, Nan.

You know, I've hardly
even seen Arthur.

You're beefing?
I've so little of my husband

they're starting to call me Eleanor.

Well, Eleanor. I mean, Edna.
You've got to go.

Not a chance, pet.
Julian's bringing Warren Buckley

up for cocktails.
I can't go now.

Neither can I. Tom phoned
they're lifting the quarantine

and he's bringing a judge
to marry us at 5:00.

And if you think I'm walking
out on that, you're daft.

But Arthur will be here
in 20 minutes.

- Hello, pie face.
- Arthur darling.

Hello, baby. Alone at last.

Look what I brought
to celebrate. Pink champagne.

- My favorite color.
- Yeah.

- What's that?
- That?

Oh, that's Natalia's mother.

Looks more like her father.

How'd she end up leaving
these things here?

Well, she didn't Arthur, you see.

She hasn't quite left yet.

Oh, Vi darling, I want to...
Hello, Arthur.

Oh, Vi, I'm borrowing this
to wear this evening.

It'll look much better on me
than it does on you.

No, I haven't even worn
that one myself yet.

If you must borrow something,
take the black lace.

That thing? Oh, I wouldn't wear

that potato sack at Tojo's funeral.

But I bought that dress
to wear to the peace conference.

- The peace conference?
- Vivian.

I'd like to have a little
conference with you.

Oh, hello, Arthur.

Uh, Vi, dear, I forgot to tell you

the manager brought this
while you were out.

I'm sure Arthur would want to see it.

Four hundred and sixty three
dollars and forty seven cents!

Uh, you'll stay
for my wedding, won't you?

Girls, you mind
if I speak to Vivian alone?

Oh, not at all. We can hear
everything from in here.

- What's wrong, Arthur?
- What's wrong?

You told me when I got back,
you'd have this joint empty.

And what do I find?
First them.

Then that. Now these bills.

Vi, I'm through unless you get
those dames out of here.

It's like a trailer camp.

Well, don't lose your temper, Arthur.

Four hundred and sixty three dollars

and I haven't even slept
in the place.

Valet service,
cleaning and pressing, $46.

What do you dames do
to get your clothes so dirty?

What are you? Commandos?

- But, Arthur...
- Beauty parlor. $102.

- Well, it can't be that much.
- There it is written in blood.

Shampoos, manicures with wax

rinses, facials,
mud packs, pedicures.

Four permanent waves!

I'm supporting four women
and I'm still a bachelor!

Arthur, darling...

Compared to me,
Bluebeard was a piker.

Sturgeon flown from Barney Smiths

in New York. $76.

- Who has to have sturgeon?
- Natalia. She likes fish.

What's the matter with sardines?

Add tip, add tip, add tip

add... I'm not gonna pay it.

But things are so terribly
expensive, darling.

- There's a war on, you know.
- You don't say so?

What do you think I'm doing in
Washington at a dollar a year?

Lobbying for the girdle industry?

Well, if you can't see it,
I can't explain.

- Well, I can't see it.
- Then I can't explain it.

Well, I can.
I'm not gonna pay this bill

until this recreation center's

I don't want it overrun
with a bunch of hysterical hags.

And get Whistler's grandmother
out of here

before I lose my appetite.

But, Arthur,
I tried to get the girls to go.

What can I do?

You got 'em in, you get 'em out!

But, Arthur, aren't you
gonna kiss me goodbye?

Aren't I your cute,
little pie face anymore?

Listen, do me a favor, will you?

Save that goo
for when we're alone if ever.

I'm gonna be back here
in a half hour.

A half hour, mind you

in which time
I expect you to have this

this hen roost emptied
of everything but you.

Arthur, aren't you gonna marry me?

Right now, I just as soon marry him!

- What happened?
- Yeah.

It sounded like the last
two minutes of "Gang Busters."

Well, he gave me an awful talking to.

Oh, that's the best thing men do.

- Talk.
- Talk, talk, talk.

Yattaty, yattaty, yattaty, yattaty.

Look, you've got to go,
the both of you.

If you don't, we'll be thrown out

because Arthur won't pay the bill.

What? He's got to pay it.

He can't move us around
like a floating crap game.

Hello, you three drupes.

What about Natalia?
He can't throw her out.

She's a guest of the government.

I would like a fish.

Well, you don't get a fish

'cause Arthur won't stand for it.

Arthur, Arthur.
How you pamper that man?

How much is that bill, anyway?

It's $463, that's what it is.

It's very easy raise money.
Lease lend.

No, we can't do that
in America, Natalia.

No? Funny country.

Hello. Sergeant who?

Oh, there's no sergeant here.

I am sergeant.
This for me?

Well, all the sergeants
I know are men.


Yes, Sergeant Moskoroff speaking.

Who is it that speaking on other end?

Soviet Embassy.
Is Soviet Embassy.

Yes..., dear, read it to me.

They got their cable from Russia.

Never did I was so happy.

I got it baby sister.

You are wonderful.

Baby weighted 9 pounds, 6 chermoulas.

- Six chermoulas?
- How many red stamps is that?

Ay! I must salute mamushka.

What are you gonna do?
You can't shoot pigeons now.

Shh, quiet.
Remember our policy.

Well, there goes the ballgame.

- Who fired those shots?
- Me.

One for mother, one for baby
and one for Franklin D.

One of the oldest rules of this hotel

is that people
who have not paid their bills

must not fire guns out the window.

- Am I unreasonable?
- Mm, no. That seems fair.

I believe it comes
to some 460 odd dollars.

Shall we say, uh, one hour?

One hour.

Your mother has a baby in Russia

and we get thrown out
of a hotel in Washington.

The shot's heard round the world.

Tonight in my village,
we'll be dancing in the streets.

Tonight in her village,
we'll be dancing in the streets.

Tonight in our village, we'll be
sleeping in the streets.

Now don't change the subject.

What are we gonna do about the bill?

Hello, girls.

I brought Mr. Buckley up
for a little drink.

- Oh, hello, Mr. Buckley.
- Mrs. Cadman.

Mrs. Halstead and Mrs. Dillon.

This is Warren Buckley

Coordinator of Essential Commodities.

- How do you do, Mr. Buckley?
- How do you do?

I work for the government too.

- Do you know Stanley Slade?
- Slade?

Oh, yes. Uh, he administrates
what I coordinate.

- Can I coordinate you a drink?
- Huh?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Make yourself at home,
Mr. Buckley.

Thank you.

Would you like soda or plain water?

- Both please.
- Both.

I, uh, I thought we could
talk up little better here

than at the office, Mr. Buckley,
in more quiet, you know?

Yes, yes, very attractive,
ahem, uh, room.

Here you are, Mr. Buckley.
This is very flattering.

You're about a businessman
in Washington, I guess.

Ah, yes. I'm doing
the work of ten men.

Who are they?

That isn't exactly
what Mr. Buckley meant, Vivian.

Oh, I remember you now,
Mr. Buckley.

You're the wet wash king.

That's right, Mrs. Halstead.

Wet wash will win the war.

And soybeans.

- What's this?
- Room service.

Did anyone here call room service?

I didn't.

We didn't ask for room service.

11B, four dinners.

Last night!
We wanted you last night!

You never showed up.

The, uh, the waiter seemed
a little confused, Mr. Buckley.

'No coordination, Cadman.'

'That's the trouble.
No, coordination.'

'Uh, would you care
for some more ice?'


- What do you want?
- I just wanted to lie down.

I haven't slept in two weeks.

Well, you can't sleep here,
junior. We told you that.

I walked all last night
through Barney Brook's Park.

There was a committee meeting
on every bench.

- Won't you please get out?
- Alright.

I'll go back to the men's lounge
and get my shoes shined again.

Well, the reason I thought we
could talk things over better...

Hello, girls, forgive me
for bursting in like this.

But our nursery
is terribly overcrowded.

And I was wondering
if I could leave a few

of the babies here for a day or two?


Uh, Warren Buckley.

- Just the man I wanted to see.
- Hello, Elizabeth.

Warren, my babies are very short
of teething rings.

They've been cutting their teeth
on cigarette holders

but they are not as good.
Could you...

I'll see what I can do
about it, Elizabeth.

Mrs. Cartwright,
would you explain

to the babies we're busy right now?

Oh, I'll just vanish
right into thin air.

Now, Warren, don't forget
my teething rings.

I take it you girls haven't
heard from the FBI yet?

- No.
- Well, you will.

They're very conscientious.

Look, Cadman, don't you
think some other time?

No, no, Mr. Buckley.
We can go out in the terrace.

But I'm planning
to get married out there.

- You can use this room, Julian.
- Oh, thanks, Edna.

Oh, Natalia.

Now we can really talk things over.

It's gonna be nice and quiet
in here, Mr. Buckley.

Buckley, you are
the big coordinator, no?


Keep the boats going to Russia.

Uh, come right in here,
Mr. Buckley.

It's friend of my wife.

She's a Russian.
You know you can't...

Natalia, we're very fond of you

but you've got to go
back to the embassy.

Leave my friends
when you are in trouble.

- No, that's very un-Russian.
- Un-Russian.

Well, you got us in the trouble
with your pistol.

Shall we say, uh, 30 minutes?

Listen, girls,
we've got to do something

about paying this bill.

Say, I've got an idea.

What about those diamonds
and ruby clips Arthur gave you?

- You mean pawn 'em.
- All this nay been in before.

Well, I know, but Arthur just
took 'em out for our wedding.

So what? He can take 'em out
again when you get married.

Well, I don't know.

You swear you'll never tell Arthur?


I always wear them pinned inside
because the insurance company

promised me a cheaper rate
if I kept them in a safe place.

Now does anybody know where
there's a reliable pawn shop?

- I don't.
- Neither do I.

1650, J Street.

All the way from Russia.

Oh, Natalia, you have to go

because I have to wait here
in case Arthur calls.


- See?
- Oh, more decorations.

How much you like to got?

Last time I got $500,
but I had to cry a little.

I get you $600, he cries a little.

If he don't... Ho-ho!

But you can't do that, Natalia.

You just can't go around
shooting people.

Terrific idea. If you owe
anybody money, just shoot.

Yes, could you arrange to shoot
Saks Fifth Avenue for me?

Saks Fifth Avenue?

- What did he did?
- He keeps sending me bills.

- Point me him out.
- Never mind, Natalia.

Now get going
and bring home the bacon.

No bacon.
Is meatless Tuesday.

Do you think she'll come back
with that money?

Either the money
or a dead pawn broker.

Arthur will kill me.

That must be Tom.

- Oh, it's you,
- Uh, uh, fine, thank you.

And you.

Yeah. Well, well, well,
good afternoon, ladies.

- Hello, Vivian.
- Hello.

How do you do, Mrs. Cadman?

Uh, Vivian, I dropped in
to pick up that speech.

- Speech?
- Hmm.

Oh, I typed that out and left

that with your secretary.

My secretary? But I told you...

May I use your phone, please?

Hello. Vivian, I'm...

Uh, give me Main 6034, please.

That had nothing to do
with my governmental duties.

It's a speech I'm going to make
at a stag dinner.

Hello, Administration
of Inter-Bureau Coordination?

I'd like to speak
to Stanley Slade ple...

Um, give me
Mr. Slade's office, please.

Stanley Slade.


Just red tape, you know,
they know very well who...

Uh? Oh, yes,
there is a Stanley Slade.


What? Look under livestock?

Oh, never mind.

- Arthur!
- Oh.

Well, well, well. Halstead,
I'm glad you dropped in.

I'd like you to run over
to my office and pick up

a speech
Vivian left there by mistake.

You can deliver it
to the Bachelor's Club.

- Me, sir?
- Uh, yes, sir. You, sir.

Well, sir, suppose I'd phone

or have a messenger boy do it, huh?

No, you'd better do it, Halstead.

It's an important speech.

But, Mr. Slade, I wanted
to speak to Vivian.

- Eh?
- Uh, sir.

Uh, don't worry about her,
you leave Vivian to me.

But, sir, I...

Yes, sir.

Oh, dear.

Now, Vivian, can you
give me a little time?

Take some vacation perhaps, hmm?

- Yes, Stanley.
- Hmm.

If that's for me,
there is no Stanley Slade.

Hello. Yes.

Will I? You wait and see.

In two minutes,
well, hurry up, darling.

That's Tom. He's coming over
with Judge Franklin.

- Yeah, am I in the way?
- Oh, no, Stanley.

- Oh.
- Uh, Mr. Slade.

Will you and Vi work out
on the terrace?

- Nobody will disturb you there.
- What about my ceremony?

It'll be just as binding
in here, dear.

Well, that's fine. Fine.
Come, Vivian.

Is there very much to do, Stanley?

You know with our taking off a stitch

we get a bigger crowd
than Gypsy Rose Lee.

I think I'll get married here.

There's something homey
about a fireplace.

You better got those shotguns
out of the way first.

They give the wrong impression.

I'll take it.

Oh, if that's the groom

he must have called from downstairs.

May I see Julian, please?

Julian? Why, whatever
made you think he is here?

Tsk, tsk, suspicious mind.

- Haven't seen Julian for days.
- Well, then may I...

Darling, will you make another
drink for Mr. Buckley? He's...


- Hello, Sylvia.
- Hello, Julian.

Well, what do you know?

Where are you living, Julian?
Because I'm moving in.

At the Potomac Bears,
rooms for men only.

You wanna move in there?

Well, my place will be
rather cramped for both of us.

I'm living in a hole on the wall.

Oh, and how are the other termites?

Pardon me.
Look, Sylvia.

There's one thing
we've gotta get settled.

The two of us aren't
going to live anywhere.

Oh, no?

I wonder if the government
would do business

with a man accused of bigamy.

Well, umm, don't even talk like that.

You know a scandal
at this time would ruin me.

Can't you be reasonable?

Alright. I'll make you
a sporting proposition.

Either I go back with you
or you come back with me.

- Oh, now, look, Sylvia...
- You got lost, Cadman?

Oh, excuse me.

Uh, be right with you,
Mr. Buckley. Just one minute.

- Is that Warren Buckley?
- Yes, it is.

Look, Sylvia, we can talk

the whole thing over later
in the lobby.

You don't wanna crab my deal
with him, do you?

Of course not.

What's good for you is good for me.

And if you know what's good for you

you won't keep me
waiting in that lobby.

You'll remind my husband,
won't you, dear?

Edna, I'm afraid
this is where you get off.

That dame has a priority.

Well, I've gotta get back to Buckley.

We'll figure out some way
to get rid of Sylvia.

I know!

Oh, no, you can't get that stuff
without a prescription.

Well, your married life
was exciting, but very brief.

Yeah. Could pass me
like a P-38. Zut!

- Here I am, baby. Fill these.
- Tom!


- You must be Edna.
- Hi, Tom.

Uh, may I present Judge Franklin

my best man Lt. Kerry?

This is Mrs. Cadman
and this is...

Well, I want you to call her name.

May I offer my congratulations?

Thank you, judge.

Oh, Tom, is this the bridal bouquet?

Yeah, I hope it fits.

Judge, could we get
started right away?

Uh, alright, my boy.
Uh, may I see the license?

The license? Oh, yes,
I put it right over here.

I wanted to make sure
not to lose it, that's why...

Say, this isn't bad.
Quite a place you've got here.

Edna, what did you do
with the license?

What did I do?
I haven't touched it.

Well, you saw me put it right here.

It couldn't walk away, I...

She's always hiding things.

- I'll ask her.
- Oh, someday, I'm gonna...

Look, dear, I don't like
to keep the judge waiting.

Pardon me, Mr. Slade.

Vi, where did you put
Nan's marriage license?

- I didn't put it anyplace.
- Are you sure?

- She left it in the desk.
- Well, it must be there.

I'll be right back, Stanley.
Think up some good sentences.

Alright, Vivian. Yeah.

Take it easy, Tom.
They'll find it.

The most important piece
of paper you've ever owned!

Nan, I'm surprised,
leaving your license

in such a public place.

Well, paper is usually
kept in the icebox?

Why, I can't imagine
what could've happened.

Ah, you know I showed
it to you last week.

Sure, remember, a sheet of paper

about so big
with printing on one side.

- Words on it?
- I don't know.

- 'What's the matter?'
- That piece of paper!

Well, what about it?

Well, the boy came
for the laundry this morning

and I had to make out
a laundry list on something

and we were all out
of stationery, so...

Oh, no!

You made out a laundry list

on the back of my marriage license?

But if you don't make out a list

you know how the laundry
loses things.

Oh, Vi!

Well, it's your own fault
for leaving it around like that.

How can I marry you
without a license?

I don't know, judge!

Hello? Hello, valet service,

Darling, I certainly
never expected to...

Uh, hello. This is 11B.

Could you return
our laundry right away?

Yes, the dirty laundry!

We're alright. Judge,
they'll send it up in a jiffy.

- Oh, thank heavens for that.
- Well, that's better.

Now, lieutenant,
if you're in a hurry...

Julian! Oh, Julian!

- Julian!
- Yes, what is it?

Come on out.
Nan's gonna get married.

Well, well, from measles
to matrimony, eh, lieutenant?

Yes, but this time,
he'll be quarantined for life.

Judge, you better cut your
ceremony down to a telegram.

Lieutenant, if you and the bride
will take your places.

Over by the fireplace, please.

Oh, Nan, don't forget this.

Thank you, darling.

# Bum bum bum bum
bum be da rum ##

That's enough of that.

- Ah! The license!
- I'll get it!

You phoned for your laundry, ma'am?

Oh, yes. Bring it right in.

It was sent out at noon, ma'am

but you'll have it back

without fail in five days.

- We hope.
- 'Five days?'

I'll be somewhere in the Pacific
day after tomorrow.

- What?
- Well, I just got my orders.

Honey, I was gonna tell you later.

- Oh, Tom!
- No license?

Well, I'm afraid
that changes things a bit.

But you know we have a license.

At this point, I don't
quite know what I know.

Please, judge, I'll go
to the laundry personally.

I'll have that license
back tomorrow morning.

But the lieutenant won't be
here tomorrow morning.

Well, couldn't you date it
ahead a couple of days?

Young lady, this is
a wedding ceremony, not a check!

Uh, uh, Vivian. Uh, you're
keeping your government waiting.

Who's that?

If there's anything I can do

to coordinate matters...

Who in blazes are you?

That's Warren Buckley and I'll

thank you not to speak
to him like that!

What's he doing at my wedding?

It isn't a wedding yet!

You're a fine one to talk!

You stay out of this.

- Arthur!
- Now what's goin' on?

You're just in time, darling.
Nan and Tom are getting married.

- Oh, well, congratulations.
- Thanks.

This is my husband, Judge Franklin.

How do you do?
Now what about the laundry?

You see what a mess you've
made up? Are you satisfied?

Well, how was I to know that
Vi would lose the license?

- Am I psychic?
- You don't have to be psychic.

Look at her, she's the type
that loses things.

Just a minute! I'll do
the insulting around here.

Thank you, darling,
and anyway, I didn't

hurt your old license. I only
wrote on the back of it.

'I begged you
to let me keep that license'

but, no, you had to have it,
you were gonna sleep with it

under your pillow and think of me!

Now don't start that again.

It's fine for you,
hop off to the Pacific

or Corsica or someplace

with bands playing and flags waving!

All the excitement and glamour!
But what about me?

I have to sit home on my ottoman

listening to Lum and Abner
and Phil Spitalny!

How do you like that, judge?

Children, children, this must not be.

If I can only be sure you
actually obtained this license.

Of course, they did,
I can vouch for that.

And so can my husband.
Can't you, Julian?

- Hmm? Oh, yes, yes!
- So can my husband and I.

We can vouch too.

Well, in that case,
I'm going to relax a rule.

Will you take your places again?

- Oh, thank you, judge.
- Thank you, judge.

You don't know what this means to me.

We can't have a wedding
without a little music!

# Vum vi da lo

# Vum vi da lo vum va da di #

Vivian, I got it!

Six hundred fifty dollars
and here is pawning ticket.

- Natalia!
- For the love of Pete!

Pawn ticket? What pawn ticket?

- Uh, can't we go ahead, judge?
- Yes, please.

Natalia, Nan's getting married.

Dah, get married?
In Russia, we have it custom.


- May I go ahead now?
- Just a second.

This may be a funny time
to bring this up

but what did you pawn?

Arthur, there's a wedding going on.

What did you pawn?

And answer carefully,
because if you tell me

you put those clips in again,
I'll never marry you.

- What?
- Now be patient, judge.

- Arthur.
- Well, here we go.

I beg your pardon.

Uh, you and your husband
are not married?

No, and we're not going to be!

I'm takin' those clips out
for the last time!

And that goes for you too!


Six hundred fifty bucks

and he is yelling louder
than the pawn breaker!

- I don't got it.
- Can't we continue, judge?

Well, some of these people
who have vouched

for you hardly seem to be...

Am I intruding?

You certainly are! Who are you?

Me? I'm Mrs. Julian Cadman

and I've come to call for my husband.

Your husband?

And as the sun slowly sets
over the horizon

we wave farewell
to beautiful Bermuda.

Now, Sylvia, this is uncalled for.

Judge, couldn't we just go out
in the hall and get married?

But I thought that this lady, uh...

You mean to tell me that
you two aren't married either?

So sorry.

- Did I speak out of turn?
- Where's my hat?

Oh, judge,
you're not walking out on us.

We've got to get married!

You've got to get married?

Everybody in this room
has got to get married!

So you're supposed to be
in love with me.

A fine bunch of sponsors
you picked out!

Well, if you're so bright, why
don't you do something about it?

I am, I'm going to the Pacific

where I can have
a little peace and quiet!

Come on, Harry!

- Tom!
- I'm sorry, ma'am.


- What will I do?
- Can I help it?

I seem to be causing
no end of trouble.

Don't you take all the credit.

However, I'll get right out.

If I'm not mistaken, you're,
uh, Mr. Buckley, aren't you?

Well, I, uh, I think I am,
but right now, I, uh...

- Julian.
- Oh, uh...

- Mr. Buckley, this is my wife.
- Your wife?

- But I thought...
- No.

This is my wife from now on.

Oh. Oh, yes,
I think I, uh...

How do you do, Mrs. Cadman?

So I've finally met
the famous Warren Buckley.

Shall we have tea down in the lounge?

- Just the three of us?
- Gladly.

- Julian?
- Gladly.

I patronize your branch
at home, Mr. Buckley.

What a clever idea,
having people call

for their own laundry.

- How did you ever think of it?
- Oh, I don't know.

How did Edison think of electricity?

You're wonderful.

I'll call you later, honey.

Natalia, I think I got
a little job for you.

Well, that's that.

Would you jolly spinsters
care to split

a bottle of arsenic with me?

- I can use it.
- So can I.

I try a little of this too.

I'm sorry, ladies,
but your hour is up.

Oh, no, it isn't
because we've got the money.

Here. Now, whee,
took a powder.

Uh, thank you,
but I've already rented

the suite
to Mr. Breckenridge Drake

the great radio news analyst.

'Don't drop that typewriter,
for heaven's sake.'

'Don't bump that tiger's head.'

'I shot it myself,
the poor thing.'

Ah, it's wonderful to be home again.

Well, the place hasn't
changed a bit, Jordan.

That's what you think.

The ladies will be out of your way

in a few minutes, Mr. Drake.

A few minutes?

But you can't throw us out like this.

We haven't even packed!

I gave you due notice.

But that isn't fair, Mr. Jordan.

We won't have any place to sleep.

- Sorry, ladies, but I dist...
- Now hold on, Jordan.

Let's analyze this thing.

I see no reason
why these young ladies

should be compelled to retreat.

Locating quarters in this area
is a major problem.

But the ladies have overstayed
their time, Mr. Drake.

Suppose you just withdraw, Jordan.

- You irk me.
- He what?


Oh. Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.

Now, ladies, I shall require
one of these bedrooms

and you may share the other.

And I shall also do
my broadcasting in this room.

Uh, boys, will you please put
Mr. Drake's things in there?

Oh, Mr. Drake, you're a duck.

That reminds me.
I would like a fish.

I'll only be here a very short while

then it's off to the wars again.

Duty calls me.

There are many great battles
to be won

and I want to get back
in action again.

Oh, did you just come back
from the front, Mr. Drake?

Yes, I've just made a tour
of the Kaiser Shipyards.

There's nothing more important
in the home front, you know.

Now if you'll excuse me, ladies,
I'm going to think.

What's this?

All the clothes just came back

ladies, the laundry
couldn't take 'em.

Is all that ours?
Ye Gods! We're dirty.

The stuff from the whole hotel
got mixed up in the truck.

You'll just have to pick yours out.

Well, have at it, girls.
Start pickin'.

Be careful, my marriage license
is in here someplace.

What color is it?

I hope they didn't lose
my last pair of nylons.

'This waste of time.'

In Moscow, whosoever laundry
you get it, you wear it!

I'll bet he's a romantic kid.

Hello, girls. Surprise!

I brought you
some of my little darlings.

Come in, girls!
Careful now, don't crowd.

Just spread 'em over there
on the davenport.

Careful. Don't jostle
the little dears.

Oh, aren't they adorable
and so good-natured?

And now you could have
your first lesson

in child care while we're at it.

Well, well, well.
What have we here?

A madhouse!

Brecky, what a charming coincidence.

Uh, don't think me rude,
but what are you doing here?

We're sanitary engineers, lady.

But we don't need a plumber.

Leave us be the judge of that, doll.

Come on, bright eyes.

Uh, pardon me, um,
are you Breckenridge Drake?

Yes, I am, but I'm very busy.

Gee, I've been listening
to you on the air

for many months, Mr. Drake.

Oh, thank you very much.

And I came all the way to Washington

just to do one thing.

- Yes, what is that?
- This.

Can't we have a little
action around here?

# Rock-a-bye baby!

Uh-oh, here comes Mr. Jordan.

The all-American pest.

- Uh, good morning, Mr. Jordan.
- Good morning.

I wonder if I might speak
to you ladies quite frankly.

Of course, Mr. Jordan,
we were just saying

how sweet you've been.

The word is patient.

When you took over the
bridal suite, it was to be

occupied by your husband
and yourself.

In some mysterious way however,
Mr. Halstead has disappeared

and has been replaced by you ladies.

To say nothing of your houseguest

the Russian Sergeant York

but, uh, who is going
to pay the bill?

But we've already given you an
awful lot of money, Mr. Jordan.

That was more than a month ago and...

Oh, what about Mr. Drake?

Mr. Breckenridge Drake
is sharing the suite

and naturally paying
his part of the cost.

Well, you'll be paid,
Mr. Jordan.

Here is your bill.
It must be taken care of today.

And don't try to remove your luggage.

Do they do that in a first-class
hotel, keep your luggage?

You've got me, I've never been

thrown out of a first-class hotel.

Testing, A-B-C, testing, A-B-C...

As I have predicted
exclusively time and again

the Allied Armed Force which
appears weak is actually...

We'll have to close that window
once we're go on the air...

which, although they appear
strong are actually weak...

They are in full fight,
which after all is the same

as being trapped
except that they are going

in a different direction!

Okay, Mr. Drake, we're going out
for a cup of coffee.

We'll be back in time
for the broadcast.

Oh, hello, girls, I was
just rehearsing my broadcast.

Brecky, you were wonderful.

So clear that even
poor little me knows

just what the situation
is in the Pacific.

Uh, thank you, but I was
discussing operations

in the European theater.

You were?
Well, that's just splendid.

What I always say is, there's
been too much talk about the war

and not enough about the theater.

Well, ladies, I'm leaving you today

immediately after my broadcast.

I must away to the wars.

To the Kaiser Shipyards again?

No. Far more hazardous
this time.

I'm off... to Lockheed.

You've been a darling, Brecky,
and we'll never forget you.

To make sure that you don't

I have a little souvenir
for each one of you.

- Brecky!
- One moment.

I hope he gives us
something we can pawn.

No, it will probably be
an autographed picture

of himself autographing pictures.

Well, well, little man.

- What now?
- Is that for us?

With the compliments
of Mr. Jordan.

- Jordan did you say?
- Yes, ma'am.

He hopes you ladies are enjoying
your stay here in Washington.

- Oh.
- Now you see.

Mr. Jordan is sorry.

Well, here you are, you lucky girls!

A few of my most precious trinkets.

This is an epaulet from
a Japanese officer's uniform.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Drake.

And for you, a piece of wood

from the stern
of the first Liberty ship.

- And you're giving it to me?
- I want you to have it.

- And for you, Vivian.
- Yes, Brecky?

My stamp collection,
the work of over 20 years.

I didn't know you save stamps.

I'd have given you some.
I've been throwing them away.

Well, ladies, I think
it's safe to predict

that I shall see you again
before I go

but now I must go to my room
for 40 winks.

I always sleep a half an hour
before my broadcasts.

I would get part of the stern.

Now who do I know with one shoulder?

Say, these stamps
aren't worth anything.

They've all been canceled.

I wanna call Arthur.

I thought Slade sent him out of town.

- He's due back today.
- Haven't you any pride?

- I don't care, I love him.
- Now wait a minute, Vi.

Let's decide what you're gonna
say before you call him.

Yes, because if you're going
to make the first move

you'd better say the right
thing or you're through.

Oh. I wanna talk
to Arthur Halstead

at the Central YMCA.

Will you call me?

I know what I'm gonna say.
I'm gonna be very sweet.

I'm gonna say, Hello, Arthur
dear. Why haven't you called me?

And if he says he's been busy,
then I'll say.

Well, nobody's too busy to call
and see how a person feels.

Then he should say I'm sorry.

But if he doesn't say
I'm sorry, then I'll say.

Well, a person could rot in
this hotel for all you care.

And then if he doesn't
say anything, I'll say.

Well, maybe you don't care
how I feel, maybe

there's somebody else about
whom you care how she feels.

And then if he doesn't say
anything, I'll say hmph!

It didn't take you long to find
somebody else. Who is she?

Then if he still doesn't
say anything, I'll say.

Well, I'll find out who she is.
You've got somebody!

Then I know what he's gonna say,
he's gonna say I'm jealous

and if he does,
I'll tell him a thing or two.

I'll say I might've known
when you wouldn't take

my clips out again
that you had somebody else.

Well, you can just stick to her!

Hello, Arthur,
you can go straight out

and jump in the lake,
I never wanna see you again

as long as I live!

- How do you like that?
- Well, what did he say?

He said hello.

You were perfectly right.

Darned if I'd let any man say
hello to me over the telephone.

'Well, hello!'

- I want a fish.
- What happened to you?

Where were you all last night?

- I take walk.
- A walk? Where?

Some city, is on the Baltic.

- On the Baltic?
- Da.

Baltimore, I walked
to Baltimore and back.

- What's the matter with Duke?
- Oh, he couldn't took it.

I got to rest his feet
in double feature.

- You went to a movie?
- Two movies.

Was "Watch On the Rhine"
and "Destination Tokyo."

Kills there plenty Nazis.

Oh, apples.

You mean to tell me
you walked all night?

Is not so much.

One vacation, I walk from Minsk

to Omsk to Pinsk, then back to Minsk.

Hello? Arthur!

- It's on again.
- I didn't mean a word of it.

Sometimes I just don't know
what I'm saying. Honest.

She's telling him.

Yes, Arthur, I'm alone. Why?

She's alone!

Shh! You are? Now?

Oh, yes, Arthur, I'll be right here.

Yes, Arthur. Yes, Arthur.

'Yes, Arthur. Alright, Arthur.'

Anyone we know?

Now who can that be
with Arthur coming?

No watermelons.

- Well, good morning, Vivian.
- Hello, Stanley.

- I wasn't expecting you.
- Uh, thank you.

Um, good morning, good morning.

Well, and how are you this morning?

I am exhausting.
I think I lay down.

Hmm, uh, uh, Vivian, uh...
Would you hold that for me?

Thank you. Vivian, could I speak
to you alone for a few moments?

Well, I haven't much time.
I'm expect...

- But this is rather important.
- Oh.

Wrong room.

Vivian, the FBI cannot find any trace

of your marriage to Arthur Halstead.

- They can't?
- No.

And furthermore,
both Mrs. Dillon and Mrs. Cadman

have registered for government work

and the FBI is slightly
upset about them too.

That's what the FBI
get for being so nosy.

Um, uh, yes.

Now, Vivian, I, I don't like
the idea of the FBI

coming around, asking me
questions about you.

I don't like it all.

Besides, they might
find out about me.

Might find out what about you?

I have a floating kidney.

- You have?
- Yes, I have.

I got it in '29 when
Columbia gas went down to 7.

Seven? Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Of course, as an administrator,
I won't

have to use it
for anything, but still...

Nobody will ever know, Stanley.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

But the point is, what am I going

to tell the FBI about you?

But, Stanley, you believe

Arthur and I are married, don't you?

No, Vivian, I don't and I never have.

- You don't?
- No.

Then what kind of a woman
do you think I am?

You're an adorable woman.
You're a beautiful woman.

I love you, Vivian.

I love you
and I want to marry you myself.

But, Stanley, you can't
talk to me like this.

And you mustn't stay here.
Arthur's due back in a minute.

Oh, forget Arthur.
You know very well I love you.

I, look, I've been running
around for days with this.

Uh, uh, oh, here it is.

I was afraid to give this to you

but now I'm no longer afraid.

- Oh, Stanley.
- There you are.


Oh, I can't.

I absolutely can't, I...

Oh, Stanley, it's a dream.

- Y-you like it?
- Like it? I...

This is the most heartbreaking
thing I've ever had to do.

Yeah, now w-wait, wait, wait,
you mustn't take it off.

- No, I wished it on.
- You did?

Yes, and if you take it off

it will bring us both very bad luck.

- It will?
- Mm.

Oh, that's terrible
because I've still got

two years to go on a mirror I broke.

Oh, let me share those
two bad years with you

and all the years to come.

Oh, Stanley, I...

Hello, Arthur dear.

From the very moment, Vivian,
I saw you, I...

Well, well, well, Halstead,
I see you're back.

Yeah, would you mind taking
your knife out of it?

- Uh, uh, yes, y-yes...
- Thank you.

Now, see here, Halstead,
I have every reason to believe

that you and Vivian are not married.

- You have, sir?
- Yes, I have, sir.

It's those snoopy FBI people.

If you're really married,
I owe you an apology.

- You're forgiven.
- Vivian, please.

And if you're not married,
and I'm pretty sure you're not

I have just given Vivian a ring.

- Oh, you have, sir?
- Yes, I have, sir.

Did you accept the ring from him?

Well, I wanted to give it back
to him, but he wished it on.

Ha! Wished it on.

Where do you get off
giving Vivian a ring?

But, Arthur, it's only 3 carats.

- Uh, 4 carats.
- I don't care what it is.

First, you send me away
on a phony trip and...

Ah, get out of here
before I throw you out.

But don't, Arthur,
he's got a floating kidney.

And you took a ring from a guy
with a floating kidney?

Please leave my kidneys alone!

Both of you.
I'm leaving now, Halstead.

But you haven't heard the last
of this and I'm not kidney...

I mean, kidding.
Good day.

Now you take that ring off.

Arthur, I'm only wearing it
around the house.

Are you gonna take it off?

But I wanna show it to Edna and Nan.

- They never get anything.
- Oh!

I should have known
you didn't give a hoot

about me when you pawned those clips.

But if you gave a hoot about me,
you'd take them out again.

All the way over here, I knew
this wasn't gonna work.

Arthur Halstead, do you mean to
tell me just because I'm wearing

this little teensy ring
for a few minutes...


Well, I was gonna take it off,
but now I won't.

After all, a person has some pride.

That's the one thing we agree about.


I can always tell when Arthur leaves.

He's such a gentle soul.
What happened this time?

Arthur is just impossible.
He's so touchy.

All on account
of a teensy little ring.

- What teensy little ring?
- Stanley gave it to me.

- Let's see it.
- Oh.

- And he objected to that?
- Arthur's over-critical.

He said I didn't love him anymore.

I wouldn't have put
the clips in again.

But I do love him and I'll prove it.

I'll get the clips out.
I don't know how, but I...

Oh, I know. I'll get them out
by putting the ring in.

The outstanding intellect
of our time.

- Natalia.
- Oh.

Come here, Natalia,
I wanna talk to you.

I have sleep like dead horse
all through 26 battles

but here with you three dames,
it's murder.

Natalia, I've got a job for you.

- Saks Fifth Avenue?
- No, the pawn shop.

Now here's what I want you to do.

Put the ring in, take the clips out.

Put the ring in, take the clips out.

- I don't got it.
- Listen.

# Put the ring in
take the clips out #


# Put the ring in
take the clips out #

# Yes...

# Put the ring in
take the clips out #

# Yes...

# Put the ring in
take the clips out #

# Ra ra ra ra
# Ra ra ra ra

# Put the ring in
# Put the ring in

# Take the clips out
# Take the clips out

# Ra ra ra ra
# Ra ra ra ra

# Put the ring in
# Put the ring in

# Take the clips out
# Take the clips out

# Put the ring in
# Put the ring in

# Take the clips out
# Take the clips out

# Ra ra ra ra
# Ra ra ra ra

# Put the ring in
# Put the ring in

# Take the clips out
# Take the clips out

# Put the ring in
take the clips out #

# Put the ring in
take the clips out #

# Put the ring in
take the clips out ##


- Hello, Mr. Buckley.
- Hello.

Have you seen Mr. Cadman's son?

Yes, sir.
He's in the steam room.

Thank you.

That's you, Cadman?

- Yes, who's that? Mr. Buckley?
- Yes, Cadman.

They said I'd find you here.

I, uh...

I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.

Not my soybean process?

No, your process is okay.

My bad news is of a deeper nature.

Brace yourself, old man.
Keep cool.

I, uh...

I'm cool.
What is it, Mr. Buckley?

Cadman, I'm in love
with your ex-wife, Sylvia.

She has promised
to become Mrs. Warren Buckley.

Oh, but you, b-b-but...

Did you say my ex-wife?

I persuaded her to let
your divorce become final

three weeks ago.

We wanted to tell you
ever since, but...

Well, I lacked the courage
until just now.

I knew what a blow it would be.

Oh. Oh!


There, there, old man.

Don't take it so hard.
It's just one of those things.

'Mr. Buckley, you don't know
what a thing it is.'

You don't know what this means to me.

Let me have the privilege
of shaking your hand.

Hmm. Huh? Oh, I'm goin'.

Alright, I'm goin'. Yes.

- What did Buckley just say?
- Shh!

I could hear if you'd only
stop talking a minute.


The pen, the pen, where's the pen?

Did you have to knock us down?

Don't sit there and argue.
Where's the pen?

- It's over there!
- Julian's gonna marry Buckley.

I mean, Buckley's gonna marry Sylvia

because the beans are in her bag.

I mean, Buckley's full of beans!

What are you raving about?

Sylvia's got Buckley,
Buckley's stuckley

aren't we lucky?

Edna's so excited,
she doesn't even make sensely.

Here you are, Mr. Buckley.

Ah, young lady. Thank you.

The pen, as the French would
say, cherchez le plume.

Dear ladies, do you know why
I'm taking Julian's process?

Because I pride myself

that I have always known
how to judge men.

- Oh. Excuse me.
- 'Oh, hello, Stanley.'

How do you do? How do you do?
How do you do, ladies?

Uh, how do you do, Mr. Buckley?
Uh, I won't be a minute,

I, uh, left something up here
with my secretary.

Uh, Vivian, I've been doing
some very serious thinking.

If you'll return that
little, uh, circular thing

I gave you, I'll be right on my way.

Oh, must you have it today?

Uh, yes. I'd like
to have it at once.

Well, that's gonna be
kind of hard to do.

May I ask why?

I, um, I sent it out to be cleaned.

Oh, well, then... Cleaned?

Yes, it had a big, black spot on it.

Uh, uh, Vivian, are we talking
about the same thing?

- I mean those, uh, carats.
- Yes, those 3.

Uh, 4, um...

Could we talk this over
in another room?

Uh, well, yes, of course, Stanley.

Uh, thank you.
Will you excuse me?

It's, uh, official business.

Uh, thank you.

Now if you'll ask my judgment of him

I'd say there is a solid citizen.

A man who gets what he goes after.

Contract's okay, Julian?

I'm on the last page,
Mr. Buckley.

Hello, Nan, is, uh, Vivian here?

Oh, hello, Arthur.

Oh, why, Arthur, come in!

Uh, Arthur, you remember Julian
and Mr. Buckley, don't you?

- Oh, yes, hello!
- Hello, hi.

Uh, where's Vivian, in her room?

Um, yes, she is,
but she's, uh, sort of busy now.

She's, uh, uh, taking a bath.

Vivian, you're all washed up.

'And remember, if I don't
get my carats back'

you'll be a mighty sorry little lady.

Oh! Hello there, Halstead, I...



I seem to have come
at a rather bad time.

Yeah, one time's as good as another.

You know that Slade disappointed me?

First time I've ever
been wrong about a man.

A fellow in his position
should be calm, unruffled

no matter what happens.

- Yes.
- How you coming there?

I just signed my life away,
Mr. Buckley.

Then here goes.
Let's make history.

Come in.

I have a message for you,
Mr. Buckley.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Yes, sir.

Is my department organized
or isn't it?

They're gonna locate me at any hour

no matter where I am.

- Well, I'll be...
- Anything wrong, Warren?

Those miserable
two-faced double-crossers.

I knew they were out to get me.

- Get you?
- I'm fired.

I'm not the coordinator anymore.

Now wait a minute. Does that
mean our whole deal is off?

What do you think, you big lug?

- Was that Arthur?
- No, it wasn't Arthur.

I'll go and see what I can do.
Maybe there's been a mistake.

What happened?

Buckley blew his job

and that leaves Julian
out in the cold.

Well, it's nice and warm
out on the terrace.

Come in.

Good morning.

You can't sit down,
you can't take a nap on the sofa

we don't know you and we don't
want any more trouble

so please get out.

- Vivian Marsden.
- What?

- 'Uh, Nan Curtiss.'
- Yes.

Edna Stokes.

My name is Walsh,
Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Thank goodness,
I thought it was the FBI.

It is, dope.

Now I won't take up much
of your time, ladies, I uh...

- 'Mr. Walsh?'
- Yes.

Didn't I meet you at the party
just last week?

- No.
- I didn't?

No, and you're not going to meet me

at a party next week either.


You three are a little rich
for our blood.

We've had about eight operatives
checking on you girls.

Two of them have been listed
as parachute jumpers

and another one is having
a nervous breakdown.

So we figured that to free
the department for other work

if you girls would sort of
start packing.


Now there's a lovely train

leaves here at 1 o'clock

and I have priorities
on three parlor chairs.

Compliments of the
United States government.

Just what are we charged with?

Oh, now let's not go into that.

That's what got us crazy.

We've successfully rounded up spies

saboteurs, blackmailers
and kidnappers.

But the case
of the three groomless brides

has us slightly bewildered.

Uh, 1'o clock
and if there are any questions

I'll be waiting in the corridor.

Well, I can think of one question.

- What do we do next?
- That's easy. We pack.

You know, girls, I've been thinking

there must be some easier way
to get married.



Uh-oh, here comes Buffalo Billsky.

Look your eyes on those.

The ring, the clips and $6 left over.

Thanks, Natalia.

He's great pawn breaker

but terrible pinochle player.

I treat to the dinners, huh.

No dinners, toots.
We're being thrown out.

Of the hotel?

First the hotel, then Washington.

Nan, will you unbutton me, please?

Pardon me, is there anyone else here?

Yes, what can I do for you?

Oh, I, I must apologize
for coming in this way, I...

Oh, just a moment.

Hey, hey, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Yeah, wake up, wake up, hm-mmm.

Hey, hey, hey, wake up.

Yeah, alright, mm-mmm, sure.

Wake up. Will you, please, wake
up? Come on wake up, please.

Yeah, yeah, get out.
A-alright, I... Alright. Oh, yes.

Look, what is this?
It's been over a month.

Haven't you finished
your business in Washington yet?

Yes, I finished two weeks ago.

Then why don't you go back home?

I can't get a train out.

- Excuse me, mister, uh...
- Uh, Forbes.

- Forbes.
- Forbes.

Why, of course, you're Howard Forbes.

Aren't you the president's secretary?

- That's right.
- Well, I am delighted.

My name's Cadman, Julian Cadman.

Oh, yes, the soybean man.

- The president's secretary?
- Yes.

Uh, this is my, uh...
Miss Stokes.

Well, Mr. Forbes, were you,
uh, looking for me?

Why, no, I'm looking
for Mrs. Thomas Dillon.

For, Mrs...
Huh? Oh, oh, Nan.

Nan, come on out here.
This is Mrs. Dillon.

This is Mr. Forbes,
the president's secretary.

Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Dillon?

I've come to extend
an invitation for luncheon.

You are to be the guest
of the president

and Mrs. Roosevelt
at the White house.

Hmm. Oh, oh, thank you very much

but I couldn't possibly
have luncheon with...

President Roosevelt?

Are you sure you have
the right Mrs. Dillon?

Oh, quite sure,
your husband, Lieutenant Dillon

is with the president now.


In America?

He arrived this morning.

No, no.

You'll learn all the details
at luncheon

and you'll also have
the pleasure of pinning

a decoration on him.


We'll send an escort for both of you.

- One o'clock.
- An escort for both of us?

Oh, yes, Lieutenant Dillon
said he'd rush over here

as soon as he was excused.

- Goodbye.
- Oh!

I'll see you to the elevator,
Mr. Forbes.

Tell me, how is the president
these days? Busy?

What's the matter with her?

Who was that man that just came in?

Nan's having lunch at the White House

with the president.

I suppose so.
You better finish your packing.

No, honest, Vi. Tom's back.

- He is?
- Hey, what do you think?

I got an appointment
with Forbes tomorrow.

Somebody much bigger than Buckley

is interested in my process.

- Oh, Julian.
- I've got to get married.

I'm not gonna be introduced
to the president

as Mrs. Thomas Dillon
until I am Mrs. Thomas Dillon.

You're right. Julian, you got
to dig up a minister somewhere.

But it's quarter to 1:00 now.
12 minutes to 1:00.

How am I gonna find
a minister so fast?

What about a Notary Republic?
There's one in the lobby.

A friend you're needing,
the friend in deeding.

- I get you minister.
- In 12 minutes?

In more lesser time, it's done.

I better try too.
Just to make sure.

Nan, if you can get
Mr. Roosevelt aside

will you tell him
I'm one of his biggest fans?

Yes, I will, Vivian.

He was great
in "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

- Nan baby.
- Tom darling.

Come on, let's give them a break.

That's more than anybody
ever did for Arthur and me.

Tom, you look wonderful.

- Darling, your hand?
- Oh, that, I...

I sprained that
shaking hands with generals.

Mm-hmm, and, uh,
how did you become a big hero?

Oh, you don't wanna hear
about that now.

Oh, yes, I do. Please, Tom.

- Tell me all about it.
- Well, it was like this.

The day after Harry and I
got to the island...

- Harry?
- Mmm.

You remember Lieutenant Kerry

my best man the day
we didn't get married?

Well, we were out on patrol
and all of a sudden

we're tailed by 47 Zeros.

Forty seven?

Why, I counted two of them myself.

Well, of course,
we were badly outnumbered

so we decided to set our plane
down on a Jap-infested jungle.

It was a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly, I lost Harry.

Then I lost my nerve.

I could hear the enemy all around me.

I got so panicky I started to yell.

Harry, Harry Kerry.

- Harry Kerry...
- And?

Two hundred Japs
jumped off the cliff.

Oh, no!

Look, time's up. Aren't you two
bored with each other yet?

May I be the second
to congratulate you?

Thank you very much.

As one war worker to another

I think you should be kissed.

Mrs. Thomas Dillon.

Oh, Tom, you shouldn't have.

I didn't do it.

Mr. and Mrs. Franklin
Delano Roosevelt.

Mr. and Mrs.
Franklin Delano Ro...

May I see that, please?

Just sort of forget
that I came in here.

This is the screwiest case
I ever saw.


Meet Father Nicolai.

I happen to remember
every Saturday noontime

he's coming downstairs to get shave.

He never gets it.

- Can he marry us?
- Why not?

Well, here you all are
waiting to hear my broadcast.

- How very nice of you all.
- Oh, we forgot about him.

Well, you can still get married
out on the terrace.

Hey, kids, look what I found
in the lobby.

- Arthur, Arthur darling.
- Hmph.

Don't be angry. I promise I'll
never see Stanley Slade again.

Neither will I.
He just fired me.

And believe me, Vivian, if...

The clips?

- No more pawn brokers?
- Never again.

From now on, I'll go to the bank.

They got lots of money.

You pie face.

If that's the way you feel, why
not make it a triple wedding?

- Oh, what are we waiting for?
- Yeah, let's do it, shall we?

We're on the air
in about 80 seconds...

Alright, alright, thank you.

Quiet, boys, take down the trophies.

We gotta get this over with.

Father Nicolai says
to stand around him.

Make a group.

- That's group.
- Uh, honey, uh...

And the brides, all on the left.

"In conclusion, friends,
thus we find that today

three great new battles
have begun."

Goodbye now.
This is Breckenridge Drake

covering the battle branch
from Washington, D.C.

This is station WIL...

# La la la la la... #

Well, well, well, girls,
it's nice to have known you.

I'm off to the wars again.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, Drakey.

- Uh, Lieutenant Dillon.
- 'Yes.'

- Your escort reporting.
- Thanks, lieutenant.

- You're ready, Nan?
- Oh, wait, my bag.

- See you later, kids.
- Goodbye.

Come on, kids, why don't
you ride over with us?

- Shall we?
- Why not? It will be fun.

- Why not? It'll be fun.
- See you later, Julian.

Lunch with the president,
this America.

You know, I like it here.

- So long, Viv.
- Oh, Edna.

Edna, what about your luggage?

What'll I do?

Do nothing till you hear from me.

- My great big hubby.
- This is it, baby.

I can really carry you
across that threshold now.

# Da di da da da dat #

Alone at last.