The Day of the Locust (1975) Movie Script

It isn't as flashy

as some of the places,

but we pride ourselves

on being a little classier.

- The crack's real.

- Oh, yes.

We call this our "earthquake cottage".

Mrs. Porter had occupancy then.

During the big one in '33?

Property damage ran into the millions.

- Would you fix it if I stayed for a while?

- Oh, no. No, this is our show place.

Mrs. Porter wouldn't let us

touch that wall.

She worked that sampler herself

to cover over the hole.

Alrighty, I hope you'll be

very happy here.

Thank you.

No, you stupid bastards,

stage nine!

All right, take it away.

Easy, now. Easy!

Do you have to light up a cigarette?

- It's the first one in the morning.

- Oh, come on.

You, let's go, please. Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Who needs to get up at 6:30

in the morning like this?

I don't believe it.

Let's go!

Up, up, up. Get ready.

All right, everybody in places.

Everybody works, all the extras.

Line up in front of me over here.

Everyone over here. All the extras.

Everybody up. Everybody works.

Line up over here.

- Get back where you...

- You, keep going, on the steps.

- Move it.

- You.

Come on, come on.

You, up on the steps.

Quick. Hurry.

You, go on.

All right, you.

You. Yeah, you too.

You with the mustache, up.

On the steps and on the balcony.

You know where you were.

Keep your first position.

That's the crummiest costume

I've ever seen.

OK, hurry it up, hurry it up.

Come on.

- Take it up to number one, Thurman.

- Take it up.

All right, come on, goddamn it.

Get in the number one position.

Let's get the camera

back to the high position.

Get in position for the shot. Quick.

This will be picture.

Take your number one positions.

Check your feathers.

Everybody not working in the shot,

clear those sets now!

- Everybody up, come on.

- That's it.

- All right, take it up to number one.

- OK, hit them.

All right, come on,

get in your positions.

Goddamn it! Keep it quiet

in back of this camera.

Roll the camera!

- Ninety-three, take five.

- And action.

The Baron and Baroness

Klaus of Darmstadt.

Sir Soames and Lady Ursula Ogle.

The Countess of Huschgroo.

Their Excellencies,

Monsieur et Madame Echeverrie.

Prince Karl and Princess Helena

of Regensburg.

The Baron and Baroness

Doybans of Luxembourg.

Prince Simbrun Aruba of Zanzibar.

Lord and Lady Deleon of Kittenden.

John Jacob Lloyd,

rector of Jocksbridge.

Sir Sebastian Sinclair

and Lady Bartholomew de Lancer.

The Maharajah and Maharani...

Come, puss. Come, puss, now.

Mama don't want no peas nor rice

No coconut oil

Mama don't want no peas nor rice

No coconut oil

Mama don't want no peas nor rice

Mama don't want no coconut oil

Just a bottle of brandy

Handy all the day

Come on up and see me some time,

big boy.

Adore. Adore, where are you?

Adore!

What are you doing?

What do you think you're doing?

Look at you. You're a mess.

Give me that.

Two weeks to get an interview

and look at you, you're a mess.

- Shut off the water!

- You go around.

Why should I go around,

for chrissake? I pay rent here.

Mind your tongue.

There are Christians here.

Who am I? A nigger?

Bye, Daddy.

Carfare. Daddy, I forgot carfare.

Now, why should I lay out money

for you?

You worked two days last week.

Odlesh, you idiot. I should

make you pay for my cleaning.

I'm all soaked. I pay rent here!

You punk! You...

- Hi.

- Good morning.

- Got a car?

- No, I don't.

You should.

In this town, it's a necessity.

Yeah, I know.

- Where are you going?

- Paramount.

Damn. Can't even share a cab.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Good morning, Mr. Hackett.

Good morning.

Do it now. Do it now. Good.

And do it nicely. Front and back.

Did you do it? Go on, do it.

Well, kids, what else?

India ink. Need a lot of ink.

What are we ordering this for?

They don't even know we're here.

That's how we get away

with ordering all this crap.

- Litho crayons.

- Get me dozens of litho crayons.

- Dozens of...

Paper clips, rubber bands...

Yeah, I'm calling about the Chevrolet

convertible advertised in the paper.

Yeah, what year is it?

'31. Yeah, right.

It says for 50 bucks, right?

Good morning, kids.

- Good morning, Mr. Grote.

- I'm sorry about this,

- but we're so goddamn crowded.

- Could you sign a requisition?

You asked me to draw an idea

for that cartoon series.

Now for the good news.

I found one opening

in the drafting department.

I think... O'Neill.

- Why O'Neill?

- Would you come with me?

Can you tell us how long it...?

You said we'd all be assigned

to art directors.

If there isn't anything to do,

why do we come?

You get paid.

How many kids can say that?

Relax. It's better than relief.

Keep up the good work, boys.

On a very clear day,

ladies and gentlemen,

you'll be able to see Catalina Island

right out there in the ocean.

Catalina Island,

ladies and gentlemen.

Folks, I'd like to direct your attention

to this imposing erection,

constructed for

a real-estate promotion

that collapsed

in the Great Crash of 1929.

The same year it was built,

Camille McRae,

1929 Clam Queen of Pismo Beach

came to Hollywood in search

of beauty and romance.

- Her eyes must have turned...

- I'd adore an ice cream cone.

Chocolate with lots

of little chocolate sprinkles.

...beckoning her to stardom.

Then in the year of the

Great Depression, 1932,

Camille drove for the last time

into the Hollywood Hills,

left her Model T Ford and climbed

painfully, hand over hand,

up the ladder you can see

at the rear of the great H.

Each of the unlucky 13 letters

stand five stories tall,

a mammoth metal monument

to this mecca of broken dreams.

At the top, Camille shed everything

down to her undies

and leapt to her death.

She landed in this very cactus bed

and lived for weeks,

a human pincushion.

Naked she was born

and naked she died...

You wouldn't believe the way I am

about chocolate.

- You know what?

- What?

When I was little,

I locked myself in a bakery truck

and ate the chocolate off everything.

Isn't that hysterical?

Sometimes, no kidding,

I'd stay in my room all day,

stuff myself with chocolate

and make up stories.

I make up stories all the time.

- Do you want to hear one?

- Sure.

OK.

Hey! That's not fair.

You should warn me.

Now, hold this.

OK, there's these two

beautiful twin sisters

and they're identical,

except one is good and one is bad.

And the good one is all set to marry

this rich, handsome boy.

The bad one is jealous so she poisons

her and sends her to the hospital

so she can take the good one's place

at the wedding.

There's more, but anyway...

The good one

shows up at the church,

and she says,

"No, no, I'm the real one!"

But no one can tell,

so he has to kiss them both

to see which one kisses

the way he remembers.

You're not listening.

Yes, I am.

I was just watching their faces.

You're funny.

Hey! Do you want to see me

in a movie?

- When?

- Now.

- Where?

- Glendale.

I have to meet this friend of mine

who's in it too,

but you can come along.

I have a speaking part.

The assistant director picked me

out of all the girls.

- Yeah, who's your friend?

- I play this sexy harem girl.

He's a cowboy. Earle Shoop.

- Up, up, Ali.

- You mean "Ali, up".

Inflation.

- You too?

- Later.

It's pretty soon.

Cigarette me.

Match me.

There! There it is.

- There's more.

- Why are you so mad?

I just found out what a heel is.

- Ali Baba!

- There!

- Oh, Ali!

- Ali!

They ruined it.

Cut out the best part.

There was a part where I said,

"Allah, be merciful!"

These are scenes of grave

importance to history.

It stinks.

I want your honest opinion.

You looked great.

I did look OK, didn't I?

Didn't see your handsome profile.

Where were you?

They had me covered up

in a sheet.

I worked three days.

Why, that's me.

Listen,

you don't suppose

we could steal it, could we?

And even those who don't sympathize

cheer the invading force.

The latest fall fashions

from Miami Beach...

- Lucky girls model the latest...

- What do you think you're doing?

You're smashing my property!

Come back!

I'm gonna call the police!

Who's gonna pay for this?

This is Arnold Gold, displayed

by Madalena Serna,

the former Miss Saratoga.

- Hollywood.

- Midnight Blue, modeled by Angela...

Hey, hey, hey!

Earle's gonna take us

for hamburgers.

Shucks, Faye, you know I'm flat.

You big dope.

I'm fed up with you sponging.

- Well, I'm working a rodeo Saturday.

- It's always the same story with you.

This time you're gonna

have to walk home.

Boy, thanks for leaving the lights on.

Pop?

Daddy!

Changed my mind about that drink.

Pop's not home yet.

Just let me get some of...

...this out of the way.

I hope you like Scotch.

I prefer champagne.

- Hasn't she fixed that wall yet?

- I like it.

Grows on you.

You're funny.

Here's to it.

Got a radio?

- Can we have some music?

- Sure.

Do you need this?

Oh, God, don't remind me.

Well, if you don't like it,

I'd like it.

You're my first movie star.

Shall I sign it?

Yeah, that'd be nice, thank you.

Affectionately yours, Faye Greener.

God, who's that?

- Why?

- I hate people with thin lips.

People with thin lips are mean.

That's true.

I read that somewhere.

That's my father.

Shut my mouth.

He's really a very kind man.

You wouldn't want to draw me.

I don't have all those lines.

You have lines. Lots of lines.

Where?

The line of your cheekbone.

The line of your neck.

The line of your shoulder.

Your back.

You're all lines.

Changing lines

as the light changes.

God knows when he'll show.

When he starts boozing it up...

If you don't want to be alone,

you could stay here.

You don't think I'm just

a dumb blond?

I think I'm in love with you.

Please hold me.

Just hold me.

- Daughter!

- Pop's home.

Daughter!

I gotta go.

- Bye, everybody.

- Bye.

Say bye to your brother.

Goddamn it, look happy!

The director says, "Cry",

you cry, dummy.

You want me to teach you how to cry?

Want me to teach you how to cry?

- Shut up!

- Adore...

- Pick it up.

- No!

- Pick it up. Adore!

- No!

How dare you do this to me.

Adore, come here this minute.

Adore!

Mr. Estee!

- Mr. Estee? My name's Hackett.

- Hackett, this is hardly the moment.

Tod Hackett. From Yale? I wondered

if you looked through my portfolio.

- I'm sorry.

- You know, I'm from Yale.

- I know.

- "Boola Boola" and all that.

We'll talk in the morning.

You're anxious to get home.

- Have you looked at my work?

- I did, as a matter of fact.

Why doesn't he try his hand

at some production sketches?

What do you know about Waterloo?

Isn't he clever! Look, Mary.

I told you we'll be proud to know him.

I need one more sketch of you.

Mary, have to be someplace?

Central Casting.

- We could have dinner.

- I'm on a diet.

- Faye Greener?

- We could go dancing.

I promised her.

- You know what?

- What?

You need a shave.

- I gotta go. Shall I wait in the car?

- Yeah, just a minute, OK?

- Sure thing, freckles.

- When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Listen, the feature starts at 7:10,

we don't want to miss the cartoons.

Whoa, there, palsy-walsy.

Mama spank.

- What happened?

- Why, nothing happened.

- I like you a lot.

- I love you.

- Don't spoil it.

- I love you.

- Don't say that.

- It's true.

- Love's special.

- Yes, it is.

Don't make me hurt you.

You're very kind and clever,

but I could only let

a really rich man love me.

I could only love someone

criminally handsome.

Please try to understand.

That's how I am. I'm sorry.

- Do you mind if I...?

- They're rough.

I concentrated on faces.

You know, camp followers, peasants,

watching the battle,

waiting for blood.

Women? At Waterloo?

Is that in the script?

There were women.

I found that in research.

- There were women.

- Get a little sex in, huh?

"Boola Boola", I'll buy that.

- Found a place to live?

- San Bernardino Arms.

- Comfortable?

- Best way to describe it

- is sort of "early earthquake".

- I like that, early earthquake.

Hollywood's a disaster area.

- Got a girl?

- There's a girl at the San Berdoo.

Sounds like a cowboy song.

That's Faye. A Tin Pan Alley tune

you can't get out of your head.

I know.

Why don't you come by for dinner

this evening. Are you free?

Bring her along, if you like.

No, I'll come alone.

Thank you.

I like your work.

You're probably a little too facile

for your own good,

but that can be an advantage

out here.

Let's give it a try.

So about 7, then. Later,

we're going to a sporting house

to see some stag reels.

Should be a lot of fun.

Fine.

Aren't we fancy!

Must be going someplace

incredibly important.

Just my boss.

Friends aren't important enough

for your boss.

Oh, don't apologize. I understand.

Hollywood parties. Puke!

Bye, now.

Good night, Miss Greener.

Come along, Froufrou. Here we go.

Champagne for eight.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Oh, excuse me, please.

Froufrou, that's a good dog.

- Claude!

- Audrey, darling!

Alice, how nice to see you again.

Won't you all come in?

I was telling Mrs. Prince

at tea only yesterday

that the Estees

are my favorite couple.

For your collection, Audrey.

- A small token of our esteem.

- How charming.

- So thoughtful of you.

- What a fantastic room.

I shall call it Wally.

- What delights have you for us?

- Oh...

- I want Scotch.

- We'll stay with the wine.

It's utterly, utterly charming.

Audrey bores me.

I want to go to the Clover Club.

I have an early call.

OK, get ready, here it comes.

In any other town, Audrey

would probably be running

a successful lending library.

- Focus.

- Focus it.

Le Prédicament de Chérie.

It's the one with the French maid,

I've seen this one.

- She's flat-chested.

- You should talk.

- Knock, knock.

- It looks like fun.

It's Papa, is who it is.

- She's gotta hide. I've seen it.

- You've seen it six times too. Yes.

- Do you think...?

- He's not really hitting her.

Well, I saw a stretch mark.

She'll end up with Papa.

Oh, why do they always

have their socks on?

Looks like Tod, yeah.

I'm serious, like Tod.

There's no real sensuality.

- It's all so slap-bang.

- So to speak.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I must pee.

Do you gamble? I want you

to take me to the Clover Club.

Joan's coming. Aren't you, dear?

I'd better help her.

She has varicose veins.

I wonder where they found her.

- She's having fun anyway.

- Oh, look.

- They're all...

- It's the whole...

Oh, the film broke!

- Come on!

- We want our money back.

Just when things

were getting interesting.

Just give me another glass

of champagne and I'll sit here.

- I tell you...

- That's all you ever do.

- I'm tired of hearing...

- You see this Hedy Lamarr movie?

- Oh, yes. I saw that one twice.

- Yes, of course. Of course.

Oh, yes, yes, she's Hargot.

Yes, Harold's friend.

Eleven o'clock will be fine.

What hotel are you staying?

I'm sorry.

I ought to remember that, yes.

Yes, well, what room?

405.

Of course, the arrangements

are always the same.

Tod!

Claude, film's starting!

Claude,

you remember the girl I was

telling you about, at the San Berdoo?

Well, her best friend, Mary Dove,

works here.

And I was wondering

if you could ask Audrey

if Faye Greener works here too.

Audrey doesn't know the name,

but she'll ask Mary when she's free,

and if your friend's available,

you'll hear from her.

What's your phone number?

Don't worry.

What's your number?

Hollywood 9-7-4-2.

Hey, what the...?

Abe. You can't sleep here.

- Oh, the hell you say.

- You'll catch cold!

Hey, hey, Birdie, you bitch!

Open this door

before I freeze my balls off!

Shut up.

You're gonna wake everybody up.

You dirty... Open this up!

- Hey!

- Ma'am, will you please let...

- You white trash, you!

- Caterpillar pecker!

Let's go to your place, Hackett.

I need a drink.

That's what I get for fooling

with four-bit broads.

All slut and a yard wide.

Well I'll tell you, no quiff

gives Abe Kusich the fingeroo.

Not when I can get her leg broke

for 20 bucks, and I got 20.

If you hadn't have come along,

Hackett, she would have got it.

- Forget it.

- Forget it? Forget, nothing!

I remember those who do me dirt

and those that do me favors.

- You play the ponies?

- Sometimes.

Remember, Tragopan in the fifth

at Tanforan.

Answer the phone, you bitch!

Tragopan!

Stop, Birdie! Thief!

That's my radio! You...

- You disgust me!

- That's my radio!

Come back here, you pig!

You dirty dog!

Shut up out there,

you goddamn dwarf!

You pygmy, shut up! Or I'll come out

and beat you down with a mousetrap.

What the hell is it? I can't sleep.

Who called, Faye?

Faye?

Faye? Who was that?

Daughter?

- Sweetheart!

- Yes!

I shall be working the east side

of Pinyon Canyon this morning,

in case my agent

finds it imperative to call me.

Hi! Have a good time last night?

- Hollywood parties.

- My friend Mary Dove phoned me.

I'm late.

- Good morning, Harry.

- How are you?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

You dropped a nickel.

Damn pigeons.

- Want me to drop you someplace?

- That'd be very neighborly.

- I really tied one on, I guess.

- I guess so.

I guess I really tied one on.

Oh, this is swell.

I'm on.

Hello, suckers! Here I come!

So long, Harry.

Don't let them get you down!

Hello, little lady, how do you do? I'd like

to entertain you for a moment or two.

I'll sing and I'll dance

and I'll take a chance

to sell a little bottle of magic to you.

Oh, Jesus.

- Miracle Solvent.

- No, thanks.

Are you interested in magic, sir?

Of course you are.

Watch this, sir. Watch this.

That's magic.

That is magic, sir.

That's magic, sir.

Magic is what I'm selling.

I'm selling Miracle magic.

Mirac...

Sir...

Hello, little lady,

how do you do?

Let me tell you about the famous

Miracle Solvent.

The name, sir, Harry Greener.

I'm gonna give you, absolutely free,

a genuine bottle of Miracle Solvent.

- Thank you.

- Just give me 25 cents to cover cost.

- Two bits, a quarter.

- They only cost half that in the store.

What, that?

Take it, take it for nothing.

- Maybe there's a better polish.

- No, I don't...

Keep your money, I won't take it!

You can't...

Please stop.

Stop!

Stop, please.

I'm late.

Olive oil!

On time?

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Do you have any spirits

in the house?

Is my father in there?

Faye.

Faye?

- Now what in hell's the matter?

- He's had a fit.

I've been badly taken, honey.

This gentleman

let me stay here a minute.

Simpson.

Homer Simpson.

Faye Greener.

How do you do?

Charmed.

Speak to me, Daddy. Don't give me

that phony Camille bit! On your feet!

I can't, honey.

- Please let him rest there.

- Yes, of course.

He has a vile heart, poor dear.

I've begged him to see a specialist

but you men are all alike.

He ought to go to a doctor.

When he didn't come home for lunch,

I began to worry.

I was making salmon salad for lunch.

Salmon salad? With lots

of mayonnaise, huh? I adore it.

Let me help.

Oh, just move in?

- Can I use your phone?

- Yes.

Makes me hungry just to look.

- Central Casting.

- Faye Greener.

Nothing for you today.

Thank you.

My father really isn't a peddler,

you know.

He's an actor.

And my mother was an actress,

dancer, before she ran away.

- The theater is in our blood.

- I never saw very many shows.

I'm going to be a big star someday.

It's my whole life.

It's...

...very daring, I know, but it's

the only thing in the world I want.

It's good to know what you want.

If I'm not...

I bet I know what you'd like.

I bet you'd like some ice cream.

I could phone the drugstore,

and they could send some right over.

- Oh, please don't.

- It's no trouble.

I'll get fat.

I can get very fat.

Do you think fat women are going

to be popular next year? I don't.

I think it's just publicity for Mae West.

- Laughter and merriment?

- You OK now, Pop?

I'm fine and dandy, baby. I'm just

lively as a flea, as the fella said.

It's a nice place you got here, mister.

You married?

Daddy.

I'd be scared and lonely living

in a big place like this alone.

- Ever think of taking in boarders?

- That's enough, Daddy.

Thank you.

You did a Christian deed,

and God will reward you, son.

Please look us up.

We're just down at the San Berdoo.

The San Bernardino Arms

bungalow court.

Don't forget your bottle

of Miracle Solvent.

- I nearly did forget. Thank you.

- Oh, thank you.

You OK now, Daddy?

Tod!

Tod! Tod!

Tod, come to the door!

Come to the door!

Come on!

I'm glad you're home.

I'm scared. I think he's dying!

Did you ever hear anybody dying?

What's a death rattle sound like?

You ever heard one?

- Yeah.

- Oh, God, the way he's breathing!

It woke me up!

- Who'd you hear?

- My mother.

Daddy...

...are you OK? Speak to me.

- Is that Faye? Who's here?

- Yeah.

- Is it Tod?

- Yeah, yeah.

Everybody. Who the hell

is minding the delicatessen?

You ain't rid of me yet.

Stop that.

Don't laugh, Daddy.

Stop it!

Shut up!

Shut up or I'll sing!

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those peepers?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those eyes?

Shut up!

All right. All right.

Come on.

God, what a phony!

Everything about him's a fake!

I had to hit him.

I had to.

God, I look awful.

He laughs that way

just to drive me wild.

I have to stop him. He's crazy!

- He's sick.

- No, he's crazy.

We Greeners are all crazy.

Oh, God, let me out of here!

I can't stand all the wheezing

and whining,

eyes following me,

- blaming me.

- Why don't you move out?

What can I do?

He can't get along without me.

You having trouble, son?

Take it out and put it in her hand.

This is Hermano,

he's a five-time winner.

And Pepe, still a stag,

but I'll fight him next week in Pedro.

And this is Jujutla, my champ.

A murderer, this guy.

Speedy, and how.

- Hey, muchacho!

- Hey!

Haul your ass over here.

Food's done.

And bring a bottle.

- She's the hen.

- For them all?

She don't complain.

Look out!

You leave her alone!

- Tod!

- You want it? Come here!

- Get away, get away!

- Come here, you bitch!

No!

Come here!

- No! Get away, you bastard!

- Lay down!

You bastard! Get off me!

- Help!

- Come here!

- Come here, you bitch!

- Stop it!

Shut up!

No! Tod!

- Bitch!

- No, please!

He was very funny,

but he used to drink a lot.

- Never hurt his act, but one night I...

- I brought a lamp for Harry.

- I thought I'd be nice and surprise...

- Hello! Welcome to the fiesta.

I thought I'd brighten

your place up a bit.

- You're a prince. Meet the Lee sisters.

- Hello.

- How do you do?

- The Gingos. They're Eskimos.

Rub your nose with my pal here,

Tod Hackett.

- Nice to meet you.

- How about some Eskimo herring?

Imported straight

from Greenblatt's Delicatessen.

- No, thank you.

- That's right.

The studio brought them here

for retakes of Nanook of the North,

they've been here ever since,

isn't that right?

My spotlight.

- Yes, go on.

- I'm all alone there, suddenly...

Calling Central Casting?

Silly, I'm calling Audrey Jennings.

- Faye, I'm sorry.

- How many days?

It was dumb. I was drunk.

- When's my makeup call?

- I feel like hell about the whole thing.

Could you answer the door?

Thanks. Bye!

How he'd have rubbed these bones

if he was only here.

I'm...

...Homer Simpson.

Thank you.

All the Minsky boys, you know,

all the slaves around there...

- What's a Homer Simpson?

- Oh, a grateful customer.

That Miracle Solvent really

fetches them, doesn't it?

I caught you, spy!

Nazi spy!

Are you there?

Brothers and sisters

of the silent congregation,

out there by your radios,

let us hear from you.

Dial for Jesus.

Let those phones

start ringing right now.

Praise God. Hallelujah!

Let those joyous bells ring out

like the harps of heaven.

Glory!

Hallelujah!

I do not want to hear the tinkle

of silver.

The rustle of paper

is music to the Lord.

It takes cash to fill the bread wagon

of the Lord.

It takes money to send missionaries

to save souls for Jesus.

Glory! Glory be!

Oh, master, I adore you with all

my heart and with all my soul.

Take me.

Make me thy bond slave.

Do what thou wilt with this frail flesh.

Glory! Hallelujah!

Dear Lord, I am just a poor woman,

but I am yours.

I give myself to thee.

Possess me.

Come to me.

Bring all our afflicted children to me.

Would you be free

From your burden of sin?

There is power In the blood

I can walk.

This is just in case you have

an accident, that's all.

We'll be praying for you, Mr. Greener.

We'll be praying for you.

There is wonderful power

In the blood

There is power,

Power, power, power

Wonder-working power

Bless you right now.

In thy blessed name,

heal the world, heavenly Father.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus.

In the precious blood

Of the lamb

This dear sister was given up for dead

by three practicing physicians,

but I am going to tell Brother Bob

to take away this wheelchair

because, Sister Phyllis is,

praise Jesus,

going to walk today without help.

The joy of the Lord is our strength!

You run to Brother Bob,

then turn and run back to me.

Go. Go. Go!

Come on. Come to me.

Praise Jesus.

I thrill when I see an empty wheelchair.

But I just run the gas station.

Jesus owns the oil wells,

and the gasoline is prayer.

Stand up Stand up for Jesus

Ye soldiers of the cross

Lift high his royal banner

It must not suffer loss

From victory unto...

Jesus, this is Brother Harry Greener.

I want everyone here

and everyone out there

by your radios

to praise Jesus with me.

- Glory! Hallelujah!

- Hallelujah!

I say unto you, praise God,

reach down your powerful hand

and touch this afflicted brother

and make him whole.

Christ Jesus is in you, brother.

Do not reject him.

Open your heart,

and he will make you refreshed

and forever whole.

The audience exploded.

I stole the show.

Yeah, stole the show.

Oh, I tell you

what I want you to do.

I want you to read the review.

Will you read that out loud?

Review on that act. Right there, see?

- "A Natural Clown".

"A natural clown is a rare find,

and Harry is a natural.

"I laughed till I cried.

"My first thought was Ziegfeld

should star Harry Greener."

That's a terrific review, Harry.

I took a full-page ad in Variety.

Nothing come of it.

A waste of money.

She drives me crazy sometimes, Faye.

Yeah, she's a...

She's a CT, ain't she?

If you don't mind me saying so.

She guards it like it was

the crown jewels.

But her mother, that's another story.

Her mother...

Her mother would open up

if you blew at her.

That's right. The head usher,

the booking agent,

the Flying Cantini Brothers.

You name it.

But, you know,

if she walked in here this minute,

I'd forgive her.

I'd even forgive her that magician

bastard she run off with.

Damn foreigner.

I disremember his name.

You know that I used to blame her

for not making it into the big time,

but I tell you,

you ain't got a chance in hell

if you ain't one of them.

You know what I mean?

And they got it all locked up.

To hell with them.

Open the door!

Pop!

Are you OK?

Come on!

Christ!

Good evening.

Dreary.

"Dreary, stale," something,

something else. Damn.

Have fun? Old Homer

must be a barrel of laughs.

Oh, that dope.

He's strictly home-cooking.

I wondered what the point was

of Homer Simpson.

- He's not Rockefeller.

- I'm tired.

Gable he's not. He's not even Earle.

I'm in no mood for a jealousy tantrum,

Mr. Hackett.

It's awfully hard to look down your

nose when you got a pimple on it.

Good night. Good night, Harry.

What's been going on around here?

Oh, by the way, Pop, I ran into

your old friend Ben Bernstein.

You've been into my makeup again.

You son of a bitch!

I told you to let

my possessions alone.

He said he might be able to use you

in a "Bowery" sequence,

- if you could get off your behind.

- The hell with that mockey bastard.

I knew him when he was...

...polishing spittoons...

...in a nigger bar room.

I'd have to be a dress extra

to support you.

You can't even buy me

an evening gown.

If you can't buy me an evening gown,

I'll find somebody who can.

Did you hear that?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those peepers?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those eyes?

Gosh all, git up

How'd you get so lit up

Gosh all, git up

How'd they get that size?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those weepers?

Jeepers creepers

How they hypnotize

She's inside with the remains,

if you'd care to go and see her.

Maybe I won't bother her.

Oh, excuse... Oh, Mr. Kusich.

- Kusich.

- You know what's happened?

- He gave his whole life for me.

- Cut it out.

We can't leave the remains

where they are, can we?

He was lying there dying

and all I cared about was a pimple.

Faye, child, you know my sole concern

in this matter

is to help and take some

of the burden off your shoulders.

There are a few things

I'll have to know if I'm to help.

Did your father have a burial plan?

Did he leave any insurance?

Well, child, funerals cost money.

Unless you want to let the city

bury him.

- How much?

- Oh, I'd say 200 would cover it.

I'm sure terms can be arranged.

I'll lend it to you.

I'll get the money, Mrs. Odlesh.

Alrighty, then I'll go right ahead

and take care of everything.

Mr. Holsepp will bury Harry.

He does it right.

Can you get me into Audrey's?

Sure.

I've been telling you.

I was saving it.

For what?

Are they ugly?

Close your eyes.

God, I'm so hungry.

She waited till the old guy was dead.

I'll give her that much.

Remember that nag Tragopan

I gave you to bet on?

You know what it paid?

33.40, 22.10 and 18.50.

"Tragopan" is Greek for pheasant.

Wise guy. You ain't Greek.

I speak Greek.

I am a college graduate

with honors and prizes

and two degrees to my name,

and she gave me the old fingeroo.

Herbie, fill it again, please.

- Hey...

- Oh, shut up and pour.

Now, listen,

I know a cathouse down on Western.

How's about it?

I gotta go someplace.

Well, screw you. I'm gonna get laid.

For Harry!

Your estimate said bronze.

Those aren't bronze, and you know it.

- Miss Greener OK'd them. Ask her.

- It's the principle of the thing.

I'm surprised at you, trying

to save a few dollars

by fobbing off a pair of cheap

metal handles on that child.

They're not cheap, madam.

Nothing here is cheap.

I am not contradicting you, madam.

Please, try to understand...

Services are beginning.

This way for the Greener funeral.

Greener funeral,

last aisle on the right.

Robin funeral, this way please.

Faye.

Faye, I'm sorry about Harry.

- I know you are.

- I'd like to talk to you for a minute.

Alone?

You look terrible.

What is it?

Jesus, Faye!

- You're drunk!

- What are you?

Let go, you bastard!

You know what syphilis does?

- It's pretty ugly what happens.

- Are you finished?

Services are beginning.

For the Greener funeral?

This way, please.

The services are beginning.

I know...

For those of you who have not viewed

the deceased,

please step forward.

The reading of the Holy Scriptures

is from the Old Testament,

the 23rd Psalm.

The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down

in green pastures.

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul.

He leadeth me in the path

of righteousness for his name's sake.

Though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for thou art with me...

Gable's arrived, and they both came.

Come on. They're in the second car.

Thy rod and thy staff,

they comfort me.

Hey, where are they? Which one?

- Wait for me, wait for me!

- Over here! Look!

Gable!

Where do you want this thing?

- Tod?

- Hey, come over here.

Tod! Hackett!

I really must meet

the young lady one day.

Now, what inspired ideas,

what ideas, if any,

do you have about

this bloody battle?

Come in.

Good morning.

Thanks.

- Corn flakes?

- They were in the magazine,

- with fresh strawberries.

- I'll eat the strawberries.

Come here, you big dope.

"Faye Greener,

receipts and disbursements."

You have beautiful handwriting.

They used to prize handwriting

in accountancy.

Not so much anymore now.

Six...

I'm sick of this.

Sick of it!

Faye.

When I was a little boy,

I had rheumatic fever.

This is a true story.

And the doctors said that I had

to eat liver to regain my health.

I couldn't bear the taste of it.

But I had to swallow it,

and one day I discovered

that if I put the piece

of liver in my mouth,

and took bread

and put a lot of butter on it,

and then put it in my mouth,

I could swallow the liver

and only taste the bread and butter.

Sometimes you just have

to take your liver.

And if you help yourself,

then God'll help you

find your bread and butter.

Can I open a charge account

at Robinson's?

There!

Mama said you might want these.

Hello, little lady

How do you do? I'd like to

Entertain you for a moment or two

We sing or dance or take a chance

To sell a little magic bottle to you

- Can I?

- What?

Open an account at Robinson's?

- Faye?

- Your husband's a drunken gambler.

- And you know it very well.

- He's tried.

Faye!

Hey!

- Where have you been?

- You agreed, we shouldn't.

- That was one of our rules.

- I've been alone for hours.

- I stopped, and about our rooms...

- Where's Waynesville?

- Near Des Moines. And possessions...

- And who is Romola Martin?

Come on. Who is she, Homer?

Romola Martin.

She lived in the hotel where I worked.

She was a dancer.

Those were things she left

when she moved out.

Did you ever dance with her?

Ice cream is melting.

Tune in next week

at the same time.

Miller's Malt Extract brings you another

episode in the life of Harmony House.

Now, for your early

evening listening pleasure,

we take you to the Champagne Room

and the sparkling melodies

of Ronnie Gear and his orchestra.

Why don't you ever dance with me?

Homer?

Don't you think I'd be

as good as Romola?

If we have ice cream we might

as well have chocolate syrup.

- You said not to buy any.

- If there isn't syrup

then I don't want any ice cream!

And don't think I'm gonna sit around

and watch you eat it if I can't!

I get too fat.

Don't you think I'm fat?

- No.

- You should call if you're late.

I'm sorry.

Faye!

God, some day you're gonna

shrink up and float down the drain.

Well, sing or something

so I know you're in there.

Oh, say can you see

By the dawn's early light

What so proudly we hailed...

- Put these in back.

- OK.

Put Hermano on the center.

- Hey, you got a wash pan?

- Sure.

They seem like nice fellows.

Anybody can be down on their luck.

But as soon as they get back up on

their feet, they'll find their own place?

I thought... We said you wouldn't

do any extra work.

- That you were just gonna act.

- Gotta keep in contact, dopey.

Come on.

You're not doing it right! Do it again.

Keep them rolling, keep them rolling!

No, you're not doing it right!

Again!

No! Again! All right, cut. Cut!

- All right. Clear it.

- Set up over here.

- Back to position.

- Close shots.

- One more shot, over there.

- Back off, please.

- Everybody get lost.

- Blue players, get off the set. Get lost.

- Come on, everybody.

- Fellas,

the British are supposed

to charge the French.

You're doing it slowly.

I want fast, precision.

Hand-to-hand combat.

Now, let's try it once again.

When I say "action", I want the British

to advance on the French.

All right, Frenchmen!

Line up in a ready position.

Come on, down there. Let's try

it again. When I say, "Go", go!

Charlie! Stop that goddamn

construction!

- Quiet. Quiet! Quiet!

- All right. Let's go.

- Get ready.

- Roll them!

One-seventeen, take one.

All right. Action!

- Get that first rifle.

- What about the first rifle...

Press forward! Charge!

- Come on. Get with it.

- Second line, move in.

Second line, charge!

- What the hell you doing?

- Come on! Let's see some fighting!

Move your asses!

Go to first line.

Second line's all over.

Get them out of there!

Come on, you guys. Follow me.

Get out of there. Clear the camera.

Follow me up here!

Let's go, let's go!

- Hold it! Hold it, hold it!

- Get out. Come on, now.

- Follow me!

- Keep off here!

Up here, fellas. Come on!

Come on, you guys, up here!

Out of it! Out of it! Follow me!

Jesus...

Goddamn! Oh, my God!

All stand back.

Oh, my God.

Get out!

Oh, God!

Clear! The rest might come down.

Hey, let's get some help!

I've got you. I've got you.

Hold on...

Hey! Hey! Get us a ladder

up here!

- Help! Come on!

- Hurry up!

- Hey! Get us a ladder, boys!

- This thing's gonna fall over!

Get us a ladder!

Oh, Jesus, my shoulder!

Over here! Help!

Faye! Faye!

Faye Greener?

Faye Greener!

- I think we ought to sue for all we can.

- Don't let those quacks touch you.

- A broken leg is worth $500 easy.

- But no studio infirmary for me.

- I don't blame you.

- Just don't sign a release.

Out of the way!

- What happened?

- An accident on 15.

On 15?

Anybody get hurt?

Come on!

Hey, get out of the way! Get out

of the way. Get out of the way!

Faye. Faye! Faye!

Faye.

Tod!

- I thought I saw you underneath.

- Me too.

- You OK?

- Look at my hand.

I had visions of you mangled,

and just when I found you again.

How's Homer?

Oh, I have so much to tell you about,

about Homer and...

- And Mary Dove. How's Mary Dove?

- About that too.

You know, you brought me

to my senses.

And my new clothes.

- There's just so much to talk about.

- Mr. Helverston's in the barbershop.

- Claude Estee's on his way.

- Christ, I gotta go.

- Why don't you come to dinner?

- When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Homer's a swell cook.

He won't let me touch housework.

My hands have to be beautiful.

Look, I even stopped biting my nails.

Damn.

My hands are still trembling.

Well.

Oh, listen, that reminds me.

I lost my purse, my money, everything.

Can I borrow a couple bucks?

Here.

Take her to Stage 12, please.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Nobody's dead, thank God.

Yeah.

I say it's the classic mistake

Napoleon made

when he charged Mont-Saint-Jean

without knowing it was a trap.

I think a joke is bad taste

at a time like this.

I'll get back to you. The assistant

director is on the critical list.

- Damn shame.

- Sweet guy.

Sweet.

- Insurance company's notified?

- Oh, yeah.

- We're covered.

- Oh, yes.

- You know, routine investigation.

- Routine investigation.

Why wasn't the hill finished?

Well, we weren't scheduled

to shoot till Friday.

- Right.

- Oh, definitely. Definitely on Friday.

- Warning signs were posted?

- I'm sure.

Well, sir, I'm not quite

so sure about that.

Warning signs weren't...

I'm sure. Warnings were posted.

Poor Murphy must've overlooked them.

- Absolutely.

- Unfortunately,

Murphy is on the critical list.

Well, to err is human.

Oh, Hackett, let me buy you

a haircut.

- Take care of Mr. Hackett, Jack.

- Mr. Hackett.

...after all efforts, that every

Britisher would stand behind him.

But here's a dispatch that just

came in from Godesberg, Germany,

which strikes a more optimistic note.

Here's what it says:

"German official says that when the

British Prime Minister Chamberlain

"goes before the House of Commons

and makes his speech,

"the letters which he and Adolf Hitler

exchanged, Chamberlain will..."

Homer. Long time, no see.

Come in. How's Faye?

She's in the car. She sent me in to ask

if you'd come to dinner with us tonight.

I wish you'd come. It would make it

kind of like a celebration.

Sure. Why not?

Come in. Sit down.

Want a drink?

- So when are you getting married?

- Faye and me?

- She told me you're a swell cook.

- I enjoy cooking.

We seem to be going out

to restaurants more recently.

Faye and I have

a business arrangement.

Did you ever happen to hear

Of voodoo?

Voodoo

Hear it and you won't give a darn

What you do

You do

Tom-toms put me under a sort of

Hoodoo

- Hoodoo

- And the whole night long

I don't know the right from wrong

Hot voodoo Black as mud

Hot voodoo in my blood

That African temple

Has made me a slave

Hot voodoo dance of sin

The hot voodoo worse than gin

I'd follow a caveman

Right into his cave

Hello!

That beat gives me

A wicked sensation

My conscience wants to take

A vacation

- Got voodoo head to toes

- He's such a yek.

- Oh, no one ordered coffee.

- I did, Faye.

- Why? For me?

- No, no. For me.

Well, take it back. We're celebrating.

Let's drink a toast.

- I can't.

- To Tod.

I can't. It makes me sick.

- Faye knows.

- One little sip.

- Makes me yak...

- Come on, sport.

- Faye, people are watching.

- Mama spank.

He doesn't want to drink.

Don't make him.

I don't like people who don't drink.

It isn't sociable.

- People who don't drink feel superior.

- I don't feel superior, Faye.

I'm drunk and you're sober, and

you feel superior. You know you do.

Thattaboy!

Well done, sloppy-boppy.

I wanna be I wanna be

I wanna be Bad

Hot voodoo!

OK, come on. Let's dance.

Let's dance.

That guy's superiority

is driving me nuts.

- He loves you.

- Yeah, he's such a boob.

Why did you move in

in the first place?

Well, I'm not sleeping with him

if that's what's eating you.

So, what's the point?

- Come home with me.

- No.

- You can tell him something.

- No.

Sneak out.

- I can't, honey.

- Why?

I don't love you that way, sweetheart.

You know how I am. Please.

I want you for a friend, Tod.

I need you as a friend.

Pretend you still work for Audrey.

But that...

They were total strangers.

You don't understand anything,

do you?

Wanna move in with me?

You don't know anything

about me at all. Do you?

You wanna get married?

If you don't know why I moved

in with Homer, well...

He's a decent man.

And I was lonely.

And he respects me.

And he doesn't want anything.

Garçon.

What are you gonna do

with a slob like that?

Alice.

Alice?

The meeting went off pretty well,

don't you think?

The insurance company

seemed satisfied.

So, what do you know about Catherine

the Great? That seems to be looming.

Mrs. Estee decided the pool needed

a dead horse in it, so we got one.

I think I fell in love with the house.

And Alice came with it.

Oh, Arthur. Did Mrs. Estee say

where she was going?

Out, sir. Very late.

- No messages?

- No, sir.

- Two Scotches.

- Yes, sir. Right away.

Sometimes I wonder

what we're doing here.

Grown men making mud pies

to sell to the great unwashed.

Claude, let me ask you something.

If it had been serious,

if someone had been killed,

would it have made any difference?

- No one was.

- If someone had been, though,

would it have made any difference?

No.

The warning signs weren't posted.

You know that, don't you?

Would it have made any difference?

We should go.

You're sure it's all right

to bring me along?

- She'll be thrilled.

- Shall I bring champagne?

She'd adore it.

Hiya, hotchie.

Claude Estee, Faye Greener.

Oh, Mr. Estee!

Oh, I wish I'd known.

- I hope we're not...

- I'm practically nude.

For you, Miss Greener.

- Faye, Mr. Estee.

- Claude, Faye, please.

Stick around, Claude.

I gotta dress.

- Claude?

- Yeah.

Fight's off.

- Well, what's wrong?

- Abe.

Stinkolas from Diego never showed.

I was gonna make book too.

- Anybody else have fighters?

- No one around here.

Shall we vamoose?

That's a good champagne.

Put it on ice.

This is my champ, Juju.

I gave $50 and a shotgun for him.

Now, you've got five of them.

You sell me one, and I'll fight him...

Pit him. Pit him.

I'll pit him against your Juju.

Butcherboy Red?

OK. Hermano, 15 bucks.

I'll give you two-to-one.

What do you call that? A goose?

I wouldn't bait hook with it.

It's a frame-up. Let me handle it.

I handled my first bird when I was 10.

I fought chickens all over

the Southwest and Mexico.

Have we got a chance?

Well, his comb ain't bright enough

for fighting condition, but he's strong.

I told you we've been cold-decked.

His beak is cracked.

That's no crack.

It's just a mark.

Hey, good heart. Good heart.

Hey, we fight, but no bets. No bet.

- All right, get ready. Get ready?

- OK. Yeah.

- OK, OK.

- Ready? Pit them.

Let's go, baby.

I think we got her here.

Hey, come on now!

Hey, I told you we had

a donkey here. Hey...

- Now, pit them.

- OK, baby. Wait a minute. Wait.

- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

- Pit them.

Cut the wing! The weak one!

Stick him, stick him, stick him!

Come on.

Hey. Get him, get him. Come on, now.

Fight, fight, fight!

- Everything look all right?

- You look ridiculous.

God! Only a nigger could wear

an outfit like that.

- Pit them.

- Come on, gain some strength!

- Come on!

- Sí, sí, no! Come on, baby, no!

Come on, baby!

On top! On top!

Stick, stick, stick!

- Handle them!

- Oh, God! Handle them!

Handle them!

- Here, sweetie.

- Get ready!

Wait a minute!

Come here, baby.

- OK.

- Yeah, OK, OK.

- Pit them.

Pit them! Go!

Go, honey! Go, honey!

On top! On top!

Come on!

- All right, handle them!

- Get him out of here!

Get that stinking cannibal off him!

You like my champion, eh, shorty?

I'm flying high

Like a star in the sky

And I flutter around

Really, Claude, I mean,

as an art director, what do you think?

- Isn't it a little gaudy?

- No. It's very becoming.

I drank bootleg better than this.

My dear, what's happened

to Mr. Estee's champagne?

I'm interested in your opinion, Claude,

because I'm in pictures.

Only extra work now, but, well,

I haven't had a real chance yet.

You know, acting's in my blood.

We Greeners were all theater people

from way back.

I'm working on my wardrobe

a lot lately. I don't believe in luck.

Luck's just hard work, they say,

and I'm willing to work hard as anyone.

Who wants to dance with me?

Give me that.

- Toddie?

- Don't call me Toddie.

- Sorry.

- Don't keep saying you're sorry.

- Will you quit that? Jesus Christ!

- Sorry.

I try so hard, but nothing I do

seems to make her happy.

- We don't have any fun anymore.

- Stop whining, Homer.

You think you're the only guy that's

been cold-decked by a dumb blond?

Shit, what's so special about you?

You're awfully young.

Don't patronize me.

You're a snob!

You're a Bible-thumping,

superior goddamn snob.

- Don't be mad, Toddie.

- I'm not mad at you, Homie.

Come on.

Drink up, sloppy-boppy!

You got what you wanted.

What do you want?

She's a whore, Homer.

She's your business arrangement.

Look in the mirror! Face your face,

you stupid son of a bitch!

Oh, boy!

What a quiff, what a quiff!

Hey, move over, lard-ass,

I wanna dance!

What the hell are you laughing about,

you fugitive from Western Costume?

For 2 cents

I'd knock you out of them prop boots.

Goddamn!

You stinkola.

Come on, kid, let's get out of here.

Jawohl, brave leader.

Can always count on you

in a crisis, Estee.

Jesus Christ!

You filthy spy!

You dirty peeping Tom!

Hackett!

- Hackett, you coming with me?

- Come on, anybody coming?

Let's get out of here!

Let's go to a cathouse.

Hackett!

- Homer?

- Who is it?

Homie, it's me, Toddie.

Go away, please.

Claude?

Estee?

What's going on?

Faye was sick

and I was taking her some aspirins.

You son of a bitch!

Supposed to be my friend!

- Get!

- Don't! Hey!

I'll kill you!

Get out of here!

Get out!

Come here!

It wasn't true,

what people thought about her.

In the morning,

curled up like a little girl.

Sometimes at night,

when she'd say

she wasn't angry at me,

and kiss me good night,

and it'd mean such happiness.

She liked fun.

Like sunshine in my life.

People need love.

People don't understand that.

You shouldn't have said those things

to me. You hurt me,

but I wasn't angry because

I understood how mean she could be.

I knew it was hard for her

and sometimes she needed more

than an old man like me.

But I wasn't angry,

because she made me happy,

and I never thought

what it would be like

when she went away.

- I'll find her.

- No.

No.

Only if she wanted to come back.

I only wanted her to be happy.

When she smiled...

...I felt good.

It wasn't true, what people thought.

She liked fun!

Like sunshine in my life.

I understood when her father died.

Children need love.

People don't understand.

Oh, Lord,

forgive me for harboring

such unworthy thoughts,

but sometimes I wish

I could tear it all down!

Oh, Jesus.

Come home.

Please come home.

Come home.

Come home...

Ladies and gentlemen

in radioland,

we're speaking to you

from Grauman's Chinese Theatre

here in Hollywood, California,

where thousands upon thousands

of people have gathered

to pay their respects

to the great Cecil B. De Mille

and the world premiere

of The Buccaneer,

starring Fredric March,

Anthony Quinn,

Douglass Dumbrille, Walter

Brennan, Beulah Bondi, you name it,

we've got them

in this great picture here tonight.

One of Paramount's fine studio

executives, Mr. Ben Shapiro.

He's just a baby. Move it, please.

Thank you very much.

- The greatest picture I ever saw!

- Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen, the first

of our stars is arriving in a limousine.

Yes, it is. Ladies and gentlemen,

Merle Oberon!

Miss Oberon!

- Hey, let's move it up there!

- All right!

Extra! Paper, sir?

Homer! Homer!

Homer, get in the car

and I'll drive you.

- Thief!

- Shit!

Homer, just stay right here

and I'll be right back. Stay right here.

...close by have already arrived.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ginger Rogers!

Ginger, sign my book!

It's Ginger Rogers

and Tyrone Power!

Ginger, I know that all these people

here, your fans in radio,

- want to hear from you...

- Hey!

- Isn't this the most exciting premiere?

- Hey, get out of here!

- Get this guy out of here, will you?

- I just love CB!

You ladies listening in

will have to go to your theater

and see the newsreels of this big

event to know what I mean!

Another car is driving up,

ladies and gentlemen!

Here they are, the lovers

of the silver screen,

Jeanette MacDonald

and Nelson Eddy!

Nelson, I see you've traded in

your Northwest Mountie outfit

for a tuxedo.

You look absolutely magnificent.

Thank you, thank you for coming.

It's tonight...

The Hollywood Chamber of

Commerce provided me with pages

of facts and figures about tonight...

- Hey!

- Come on, buddy, watch your step!

Stop pushing! Get back!

Get back!

Get out of the way!

For God's sake, get out of the way!

Dick Powell and Miriam Hopkins.

Thank you for taking the time

to stop by. Dick Powell.

Dick, we just want

to talk to you a moment.

Your new picture

is Naughty But Nice?

- Right.

- Lovely Ann Sheridan.

We're looking forward to seeing you

in that. Good luck and enjoy inside.

Bye-bye, then.

Nazi spy!

Ladies and gentlemen, I want

to give you background on...

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those peepers?

Jeepers creepers

Where'd you get those eyes?

Gosh all, git up

How'd you get so lit up?

Gosh all, git up

How'd they get that size?

Arriving, ladies and gentlemen,

the very beautiful Miss Glenda Farrell!

The new young star of The Buccaneer,

you'll thrill when you see him!

Anthony Quinn!

Oh, what in big demand he is,

and what a great motion-picture star...

We can't get him to our microphone,

but the studio's press relations boys

have got them

so they can take pictures,

and the press can get all they want.

I'm sorry we can't get them

to our radio microphone.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the lovely Beulah Bondi and...

Murderer!

Kill him! Kill him!

- What did he do?

- Some pervert killed a kid.

- Beat him!

- He's a killer!

Kill him!

...jamming and crowding in here

so they can get a good look...

And now, we are waiting for...

Yes, it is,

the star of The Buccaneer,

Mr. Fredric March!

Please sign my book!

The weatherman has played

a great role here tonight.

The sky is absolutely crystal clear

and it's a balmy night.

Something's going on

across the street!

I can't see, the klieg lights are in my

eyes, but these enthusiastic crowds

tonight are something else.

I don't know what it is, it looks...

That's a first for Hollywood,

where a star is being carried by fans

all over the intersection here.

Thousands of people are gathering.

It's one of the great things

that happen in Hollywood,

- overzealous autograph hounds...

- Homer!

I'm trying to find out

if someone here knows exactly

what's going on out there.

- Homer!

- I hope my producer can find out.

Maybe he can get back to me.

Put him down! Homer!

Homer!

Homer! Put him down!

In all my years of broadcasting,

I have never seen

crowd reaction like this!

They're going absolutely frenzied

here at this premiere tonight!

The police are in the middle

of the street

but everything is under control!

I tell you, if you were here,

you wouldn't even believe

what your eyes can see!

This crowd is just 10,000 enthusiastic,

happy, wonderful people...

Don't let go, please!

Please don't!

- Please, don't!

- The police got it under control

but no matter what you hear...

They're loving every living minute

that they're screaming here!

If you don't believe me, listen!

You hear that?

If you don't believe me,

go to your favorite theater

next week...

Tod!

Stay away from the kid!

Stay away!

Tod! Please!

Oh, baby!

Help me. Get me out of this!

Get me out!

Oh, God! Thank God!

Get him out of here!

- Stop them!

- Close the window!

Faye...

Please. Please.

Keep them out!

The Day of the Locust (1975) - full transcript