The Courtyard (1995) - full transcript
Architect Jonathan moves into an LA courtyard apartment complex, then one of his neighbors is murdered by mistake.. Jonathan was the intended victim.
( door opens )
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
HERE.
( woman chuckles ) ( heavy breathing )
OH!
GET OFF ME!
GET THE FUCK OFF ME!
UHH!
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?
GET OUT!
JUST GET OUT OF HERE!
DON'T EVER COME BACK.
( dogs barking ) I HATE YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
( door slams ) FUCKING BASTARD!
( bare feet pattering ) YOU SAID YOU WANT QUIET.
QUIET, NO?
QUIET AS THE GRAVE.
HMM? YES. WHY?
AND BIG, TOO.
SO BIG YOU COULD BE HAVING FIGHT WITH GIRLFRIEND,
LOCK HER IN BEDROOM, AND NEVER HEAR HER YELLING.
THAT'S HOW BIG!
( laughs ) SEE? MIRRORS.
YUP.
HANDSOME DEVIL LIKE YOU COULD SPEND ALL DAY
LOOKING IN MIRROR, IF YOU WANT.
CHECK OUT THIS!
HOLY COW.
BIG, NO?
WELL, YEAH. I'M USED TO A LARGE CLOSET, THOUGH, SO...
YOU HAVE VIEW.
OUT THERE IS THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
( gulls crying ) BIG, NO?
IVAN -- EE- VAHN.
MY NAME IS EE-VAHN.
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT?
I THINK I LEFT MY CAR HEADLIGHTS ON.
OF COURSE!
( chirps ) ( ringing )
LARRY REESE, NICKNAMED THE BEAST.
I GOTTA TALK FAST, SO SHUT UP, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, SURE! WHERE ARE YOU CALLING ME FROM, THE URINAL?
NO! A CAR PHONE IN SOME BIG, FAT BMW THE COMPANY
LENT ME.
LISTEN, I THINK I FOUND AN APARTMENT.
COOL, HOW MUCH?
A GRAND.
IT'S HUGE.
THE CLOSET IS BIGGER THAN MY APARTMENT.
I GOT A TERRACE YOU COULD BOWL ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE INTO THE BMW.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALREADY GOT A PHONE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO PAINT IT...
WILL YOU BE SERIOUS?
THE GUY'S WAITING.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT JOHN WAYNE?
SHIT.
NEW PAINT, CARPET...?
BRAND NEW.
THIS IS A BOUBULLIAN.
BOUBULLIAN?
FANTASTIC.
AND THE RENT IS...?
THOUSAND, PLUS SECURITY DEPOSIT.
RIGHT.
I GUESS THERE'S JUST ONE MORE THING.
WHAT ABOUT JOHN WAYNE?
MY CAT?
WHAT IS IT YOU DO?
I'M AN ARCHITECT.
VERY, VERY... STEADY WORK.
MY FRIEND, WE ARE FLEXIBLE.
THOUSAND FIFTY, AND IT'S YOURS.
♪♪ CALIFORNIA!
Woman: EXCUSE ME!
YOURS?
YEAH, I GUESS IT IS.
I'M KIMBERLY, BY THE WAY.
JONATHAN.
JONATHAN. ARE YOU MARRIED?
UH... ( laughs ) NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE.
IF YOU EVER GIVE YOUR WIFE A BRACELET, MAKE SURE
IT HAS HER NAME ON IT, NOT SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
( jet roaring ) ( touchdown squealing )
( chatter ) LARRY!
WHAT?
THE BEER SUCKS!
SHUT UP.
TAKE A LAST LOOK, YOU POOR SUCKER.
( chuckles ) WELL, ONE OF US HAVE
TO GO OUT THERE, AND I'M SO GLAD IT'S NOT ME.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I AM GLAD TO BE GONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CITY MEANS TO ME?
AW, COME ON, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
NO?
SIX YEARS OF MODEL BUILDING, 18-HOUR DAYS, RUNNING
AND GETTING COFFEE FOR SENIOR PARTNERS,
SHITTY WAGES...
SIX YEARS, AND MY CLOSEST RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN
WITH AN ORANGE CAT.
BUT THAT'S ALL OVER, MAN.
WE GOT THE BID!
BRENDEL LOVES US.
WE'RE THIS CLOSE TO ACTUALLY BUILDING SOMETHING!
WE STAKED OUR FUTURE ON A MINI-MALL, LARRY.
SO WHAT? IT'S NOT THE TAJ MAHAL.
COME ON, YOU BUILD A DOZEN MINI-MALLS,
AND THEN YOU BUILD THE TAJ MAHAL.
IF WE BUILD A GOOD MINI-MALL!
CAREFUL.
Woman: THAT ONE GOES OUTSIDE.
THE ELEVATOR IS AROUND TO THE RIGHT AND IT'S
THE SECOND FLOOR, APARTMENT 12.
LADIES, IF YOU COULD KEEP IT DOWN A BIT.
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY SLEEP AT 6:00 A.M.
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY SLEEP AT 6:00 A.M.
IVAN. JUST THE MAN I'M LOOKING FOR.
LISTEN, HOW DO THESE L.A. INTERCOMS WORK?
DOES IT REALLY GO TO MY PHONE?
BECAUSE IN NEW YORK -- YOU WERE HAVING FIGHT
LAST NIGHT.
ME? WITH WHO?
SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
IVAN, I'VE LIVED HERE FOR LESS THAN A DAY.
DOESN'T ANYONE ELSE QUALIFY?
YES, MANY PEOPLE.
I TRY TO BE OPEN MINDED...
BUT OTHERS ARE NOT SO NICE,
SO KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN.
LOOK, CHIEF, YOU CONCEALED LIVE PLANT MATTER
IN YOUR DRESSER.
CONCEALED IT?
IT'S A CATNIP PLANT.
HEY, RELAX. JUST LEAVE THE BOXES.
WE'LL FINISH WHEN YOU GET THESE PAPERS AUTHORIZED.
OKAY, GIRLS!
LATTE BREAK.
ALL RIGHT!
COOL.
( truck door slams ) YOU WOULDN'T BE
THE MEDFLY INSPECTOR, WOULD YOU?
L.A. OPERA, I'M AFRAID.
REALLY? SINGER?
( chuckles ) FUNDRAISER.
LISTEN, IF I BOUGHT A SEASON SUBSCRIPTION,
WOULD YOU SIGN MY FORM?
( chuckles ) I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!
I'LL BUY YOU A SUBSCRIPTION!
I'LL BET WITH ALL THE FUNDRAISING THAT YOU DO,
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN LA BOHEME.
YOU'RE RIGHT, I HATE OPERA.
( ding ) SO, IF I WERE TO BUY
A SUBSCRIPTION, WHO WOULD I...
BE BUYING IT FROM?
OH! LAUREN.
AND THE ELEVATOR'S NOT MOVING.
RIGHT! FLOORS, PLEASE.
THIRD.
ME TOO!
YEAH?
YEAH. I'M JONATHAN, BY THE WAY.
I JUST MOVED IN.
OH, I'M VISITING.
OH.
BOYFRIEND?
( laughs ) YOU GET RIGHT TO THE POINT, DON'T YOU?
NO, I'M JUST INTENSELY, UH, ATTRACTED TO OPERA.
OH! SO, WHY DON'T YOU SING SOMETHING?
WHAT?
HERE. NOW?
NOW. HERE? YEAH.
OH, I WOULD, BUT THE ACOUSTICS IN HERE
ARE JUST AWFUL.
WELL...
WELL, IT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE IT'S JUST
A REALLY BAD TIME.
REALLY? WHEN WOULD BE A GOOD TIME -- LATER TODAY?
EARLY TOMORROW?
IN MY LIFE.
AH.
THAT'S MY FLOOR.
DO I MISS NEW YORK?
YEAH, SURE, I MISS THE SUBWAYS AND THE CRIME AND THE NOISE
AND MY TINY APARTMENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW, LAR?
I'M RELAXING.
( laughs ) I GOT NINE DAYS BEFORE I GOT TO BE AT WORK,
AND I'M RELAXING.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
THAT'S GREAT, YEAH.
YOU SHOULD TAKE A PICTURE.
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO CALL ME THE MINUTE THAT THE MEETING
WITH BRENDEL IS OVER.
JON?
WE GOT A LITTLE HUMAN INTEREST HERE, LAR.
THERE'S THIS OLD LADY UP HERE.
SHE'S WATERING A DEAD TREE.
SHE'S WAVING AT US, LAR.
HI, THERE!
ISN'T THAT SWEET!
WAVE BACK, LARRY.
I'M WAVING.
CAN YOU SEE ME?
I'M WAVING.
( glass shatters ) ( man and woman argue )
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Woman: I DON'T EVER, EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN,
DO YOU HEAR ME?
Man: LISTEN TO ME!
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
Woman: YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
Man: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME A LIAR!
NO! NO!
Woman: GET OUT!
( panting ) WHERE'S IVAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
OH...
( sighs ) THANK YOU!
OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S WITH THE POWER
IN THE DUMP?
OW!
( car alarm blaring ) WHAT THE HELL?
HEY, MAN. YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH.
I STEPPED ON SOMETHING.
OH, SHIT, MY GUITAR!
I'M SORRY.
PHEW!
WELL, IT LOOKS OKAY.
GOOD. SORRY.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
YOU LOOK KIND OF SHAKY.
WHAT? OH, NO, IT'S JUST...
I JUST MOVED IN, AND MY, YOU KNOW, THE BLACKOUT,
MY AIR CONDITIONER...
OH, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, MAN.
WIRING IN THIS BUILDING BITES.
THERE YOU GO.
NO, NO, KEEP IT.
I'D FEEL BETTER IF I KNEW YOU HAD A LIGHT.
OH. THANKS, THAT'S NICE.
GOTTA BE NICE, MAN.
TOWN WITHOUT PITY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YEAH, SURE.
WELL, HEY, LISTEN, I GOTTA ZIP.
OKAY.
BUT, UH, YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING...
MR. PIZZA.
SURE, ANY KIND OF PIZZA YOU WHAT,
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IF YOU DO PIZZA.
OH, YEAH, SURE.
LOOK OUT FOR THE BOOGEYMAN!
( TV blaring ) OW!
....FOR ONLY 39.95!
THAT'S NOT ALL.
IN ADDITION...
( continues, indistinct ) HEY!
PSST!
EXCUSE ME!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
ACCESS CODE?
ELEVEN... NUMBER 11.
HICKS!
YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, HICKS.
ALL RIGHT.
POUND BUTTON.
ASTERISK.
IT BEEPS.
THREE-THREE-THREE.
( rings ) COME ON, ASSHOLE.
WHAT?
YEAH, LISTEN.
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING IN YOUR APARTMENT.
HELLO?
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M, UH...
I'M, UH...
RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
THEN YOU CAN SEE ME.
YES, I CAN SEE YOU.
( dial tone ) FUCKING LUNATIC.
( dial tone ) FUCKING LUNATIC.
( TV blaring ) ( TV stops )
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA BE TOUGH WITH THEM.
UH, JONATHAN, ABOUT THE MINI-MALL.
I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A HITCH.
A HITCH.
WHAT KIND OF HITCH?
WELL, THEY BROUGHT IN ANOTHER INVESTOR
OVER THE WEEKEND, AND, UH, TO PUT IT BLUNTLY,
HE DIDN'T THINK YOUR DESIGN WAS ORIGINAL.
MR. BRENDEL, I THOUGHT THAT WE WON,
THAT WE GOT THE BID.
AND YOU'RE STILL IN THERE, JONATHAN.
THEY JUST WANT SOMETHING ELSE.
A NEW DESIGN.
SO, I SAID TO THEM, "JONATHAN'S GONNA LOVE THIS.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THIS KID THRIVES UNDER PRESSURE.
IN FACT, HE'S AT HIS BEST WITH HIS BACK AGAINST THE WALL."
I AM RIGHT ABOUT THAT, AREN'T I, JONATHAN?
A WEEK, LARRY.
HE NEEDS IT IN A WEEK.
WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING TO GET IN A WEEK?
SOMETHING ELSE.
THAT'S ALL HE SAID -- SOMETHING ELSE.
( ding ) WHAT'S GOING ON, OFFICER?
SORRY, SIR, POLICE BUSINESS ONLY.
I LIVE HERE.
I CAN'T ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS NOW.
JUST GO HOME.
THERE'S NOTHING HERE TO SEE.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN TELL YOU, I'M SORRY.
AW, COME ON, I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THE LAST GUY SAID.
( radio chatter ) I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE
IF I WERE YOU.
MR. PIZZA.
SO, YOU KNEW THIS GUY?
NO. WELL, I MET HIM -- I-I JUST MOVED IN.
WHO ARE YOU?
STEINER, HOMICIDE.
WELCOME TO THE BUILDING MR., UH --
ANGEL!
JUST SECOND, DOT.
DON'T GO AWAY, OKAY?
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE GOT SO FAR.
TIME OF DEATH, BEFORE MIDNIGHT SATURDAY.
LOTS OF STABS, MAYBE 20, FRONT AND BACK.
DOZENS OF DEFENSIVE WOUNDS.
KID KEPT MOVING A WHILE, ROLLING OVER AND OVER.
BA-BONG, BA-BONG, BA-BONG, RIGHT ALONG THE WALL HERE.
DOT, WE GOT CIVILIANS.
OH, SORRY.
MY HUSBAND'S HOLDING DINNER FOR ME -- WE'VE GOT COMPANY.
WHOO! SOMEONE OPEN A WINDOW, WILL YA? IT'S LIKE
A BUTCHER SHOP IN HERE.
HMM. FORGET IT.
IT'S ACOUSTIC GLASS.
GUY WAS A ROCK MUSICIAN.
SEE THE PADDED WALLS?
HEH, DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB THE NEIGHBORS.
CAN YOU BEAT THAT?
I'M RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
THEN YOU CAN SEE ME?
WHICH ONE'S YOURS?
HUH?
YOU LIVE OUT IN THE COURTYARD, RIGHT?
YEAH, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
FIRST THING A GUY LOOKS FOR WHEN HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW
IS HIS OWN PLACE.
YOU'RE NUMBER... 12, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
HEY. WELL, WE'LL BE SEEING YOU SOON.
YOU'RE STANDING IN SOME BLOOD.
( wiping shoe ) GETS TO YOU, HUH?
YEAH, I KNOW, ME TOO.
AH, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE, BUT THEN,
STILL, IT JUST... ( sighs ) I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS YOU JUST
NEVER THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN IN YOUR OWN BUILDING, YOU KNOW?
YOU LIVE HERE?
YEAH, OH, YEAH. YEAH.
WELL, NO, ACTUALLY, I LIVE ON THE ROAD
BUT, I, UH, SLEEP HERE SOMETIMES.
BUT THIS THING, MAN, WHOA, I MEAN, 20 STAB WOUNDS.
SOMEBODY MUST'VE BEEN AWFULLY MAD AT THIS GUY.
THE L.A. TIMES LOVES THAT KIND OF CRAP.
MAN, WHAT A RACKET.
SOMETIMES I THINK I OUGHT TO CHUCK THE WHOLE THING
AND MOVE OUT TO THE DESERT.
THE WHAT?
THE DESERT.
WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE?
NO, I-I JUST MOVED HERE FROM NEW YORK.
MAN, I DON'T MEAN THE FAKE DESERT
OUT BY THE SPRINGS.
I MEAN THE REAL DESERT, YOU KNOW, WHERE THERE'S NOTHING
BUT YOU AND SPACE, YOU KNOW?
NO BULLSHIT.
NOT LIKE THIS CITY.
THIS CITY IS THE CAPITAL OF BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW?
OH, BY THE WAY, I'M JACK MORGAN, BULLSHIT JOURNALIST,
AND, UH, I LIKE TO TALK TO A LOT, IF YOU HAVEN'T...
JONATHAN HOFFMAN.
LISTEN, I GOTTA RUN, OKAY?
OKAY, HEY, NO PROBLEM.
HEY, BUT YOU'RE NEW -- YOU'RE NEW HERE, RIGHT?
YEAH.
SO, YOU GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME, AND WE'LL GET
TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, UM...
( ding ) ...WHATEVER.
( phone ringing ) REESE THE BEAST.
LARRY.
JON, WHAT'D YOU DO SO FAR?
I THINK I GOT SOMEBODY KILLED.
WHAT?
LOOK, YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT EARLIER,
THE CRAZY GUY WITH THE LOUD TV?
AND I... LIED ABOUT WHERE I WAS.
WELL, YOU'RE A NEW YORKER.
OF COURSE YOU LIED.
WELL, THE GUY THAT I SAID I WAS... HE'S DEAD NOW.
YOU HEAR ME?
I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!
TELEVISION IS THE NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF DEATH IN AMERICA.
ENTIRE FAMILIES GET WIPED OUT OVER WHO'S GONNA WATCH WHAT.
WILL YOU BE SERIOUS, LARRY?
AN INNOCENT GUY IS DEAD, AND I --
( knocking ) I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
HELLO.
I'VE GOT YOUR MAIL.
THANK YOU.
NICE DOGS.
HEAR ABOUT THE MURDER?
OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE DOWN THE HALL?
I ENVY HIM.
WELCOME TO SHANGRI-LA.
( TV blaring ) DETECTIVE STEINER?
MM. HMM? MM. CAROB.
WHAT?
CAROB. I ASKED FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP,
THEY GIVE ME CAROB.
YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU? NO.
WELL, AS A NATIVE ANGELENO, LET ME TELL YOU THIS --
CAROB/CHOCOLATE CHIP CONTROVERSY IS RAGING HERE, AND YOU KNOW
WHICH SIDE I'M ON.
SO, MR. APARTMENT 12, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL...
I, UH, ONLY WANT TO HAVE TO SAY THIS ONCE.
WELL, I'LL BE SURE TO LISTEN REAL CAREFULLY, THEN.
( chuckles ) THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER AT ABOUT 11:00,
THIS REALLY WEIRD GUY WAS PLAYING HIS TELEVISION LOUD.
YEAH, WELL, WHEN YOU SAY "WEIRD," WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WEIRD, LIKE SCARY WEIRD OR FUN WEIRD, OR...?
JUST WEIRD.
ANYWAY, SO I WENT DOWN TO...
( phone ringing ) HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.
STEINER.
YEAH, SEND HER IN.
UM... JONATHAN, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR THIS STORY, I REALLY DO,
BUT CAN YOU JUST HOLD ON FOR A MINUTE, OKAY?
DETECTIVE STEINER?
UM... JONATHAN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A MOMENT?
SURE.
FIRST OF ALL, MY CONDOLENCES ABOUT YOUR BROTHER.
I'M VERY SORRY.
What have I done?
HI.
I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR BROTHER.
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
YOU CAN GIVE ME A RIDE.
SURE.
WHERE TO?
JUST DRIVE.
OKAY.
DID YOU KNOW MY BROTHER?
NO.
HE LIKED TO COME HERE.
IT'S A NICE VIEW.
( chuckles ) THE VIEW WASN'T THE POINT.
HE DID BUSINESS HERE.
IF THE COPS CAME, HE COULD THROW THE STUFF
DOWN THE HILL.
YOU KNOW WHAT MY BROTHER SOLD, DON'T YOU?
PIZZA?
( laughs ) MR. PIZZA!
ONLY ALBERT COULD'VE COME UP WITH A SCHEME LIKE THAT.
( crying ) ( sighs )
SOMETIMES I REALLY WANTED TO SLAP HIM AROUND.
NOW I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT IS MY FAULT.
I CAME HERE TO PROTECT HIM.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
( sighs ) WANT TO GO HOME?
I GAVE MY APARTMENT AWAY.
I WAS GOING TO MOVE IN WITH HIM.
HE NEEDED ME.
( sighs ) HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
JONATHAN, THIS IS NICE OF YOU, BUT --
QUIET. YOU STAY HERE UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHAT IT IS
YOU WANT TO DO, OKAY?
( phone ringing ) I'LL GO WASH MY FACE.
( answering machine beeps ) Larry: IS THE COURTYARD
KILLER THERE?
CAN I SPEAK TO -- SHUT UP! SHUT --
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
( dial tone ) HEY, JON! STEINER HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, PAL?
( answering machine beeps ) LAUREN?
( panting ) ( screaming on TV )
( startles ) LAUREN?
( doorknob rattles ) ( sighs )
HI.
HI.
TOOK YOUR KEYS.
I NEEDED SOME THINGS.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH, FINE.
( cat yowls ) I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. I'VE IMPOSED.
I SHOULD JUST GO BACK TO -- NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY.
NO, I JUST -- I...
I HAD A NIGHTMARE.
DON'T TELL ME YOURS, AND I WON'T TELL YOU MINE.
DON'T TELL ME YOURS, AND I WON'T TELL YOU MINE.
LAUREN?
OH...
NO, NO, NO.
WHAT?
YOU HAVE TO STAY AT LEAST TILL DAWN.
WELL, I THOUGHT WE COULD MOVE TO THE BED.
NO, I LIKE IT IN THE LIVING ROOM.
( chuckles ) I ALWAYS USED TO SLEEP
IN THE LIVING ROOM WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID IN THE ELEVATOR ABOUT IT
BEING A... BAD TIME?
YEAH.
IT WAS JUST ONE NIGHT.
HE WAS MARRIED AND I WAS STUPID.
HE STOLE SOMETHING FROM ME.
IT WASN'T MY HEART, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WERE THINKING.
( chuckles ) ( footsteps )
( laughs ) GOOD MORNING.
LAUREN, LISTEN...
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU HAVE TO GET TO WORK,
MR. IMPORTANT ARCHITECT.
YOU SURPRISED I KNOW?
FOUND YOUR CARD IN YOUR SHIRT POCKET.
OH.
NO, IT'S, UM...
IT'S NOT THAT.
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE.
OH, JONATHAN, RELATIONSHIP SPEECH ALREADY?
NO, NO. LISTEN.
I WANT TO HELP YOU. I WANT TO -- I WANT TO FIND THE GUY
THAT KILLED YOUR BROTHER.
NO.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
HUP.
SHIT.
OKAY.
OH, MY GOD.
SHIT.
OKAY...
HA!
( television blaring ) ( lowers volume )
THE WHOLE PLACE IS ON TIMERS, LAR.
THE GUY'S OUT OF TOWN ALL THE TIME.
HE'S A TRUCK DRIVER.
THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER, HE WAS IN SEATTLE.
THAT'S GREAT. SO -- SO, YOU DIDN'T PROVOKE
THE INFAMOUS TV KILLER.
CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK DOWN TO WORK?
SO, WHO WAS I TALKING TO THREE NIGHTS AGO, THEN?
( gasps ) JONATHAN! JONATHAN!
THE DEAD MAN'S SISTER CALLED.
SHE WANTS THE KEYS TO HIS PLACE TO PICK UP
SOME OF HIS THINGS.
SHE LEFT YOUR NUMBER.
SO, THIS IS HOW YOU RETURN A PHONE CALL, BY BREAKING
INTO MY PLACE?
I KNOCKED.
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
YOU ARE FAST WORKER, NO?
THE PIZZA BOY IS BARELY COLD, AND ALREADY BANG BANG.
HA HA!
GET OUT.
"GET OUT, IVAN?" "GET OUT, IVAN?"
DON'T YOU WANT YOUR AIR CONDITIONER FIXED?
WHAT? I'VE BEEN FRYING FOR THREE DAYS IN HERE.
THEN STOP WORRYING, MY FRIEND.
MY BROTHER BORIS COMES TOMORROW.
BORIS?
HE'S GENIUS.
HE CAN FIX ANYTHING.
ANYWAY, YOUR LITTLE GOLUBCHIK CAN USE THE PIZZA BOY'S KEYS,
BUT I AM KEEPING HIS DEPOSIT.
JONATHAN!
JONATHAN!
I'M HANGING UP NOW!
( doorbell ringing ) CAUGHT YOU.
DETECTIVE!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUN OUT ON ME THIS TIME, ARE YA?
COME IN. LISTEN, UH, ABOUT THE OTHER DAY...
WHICH IS WHY I'M HERE.
WHOA, BOXES.
YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF LEAVING US, ARE YOU?
SHOULD I?
STRAIGHT ANSWER, HUH?
I LIKE IT.
NO, FROM WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR, IT SEEMS
THE MR. PIZZA MURDERS WERE DRUG-RELATED.
SO, UH, YOU'RE SAFE.
WELL, WE THINK.
YOU THINK?
BUT WE DO LIKE TO HEAR EVERY THEORY,
WHICH BRINGS ME TO YOU.
SHOOT.
I FEEL STUPID.
( laughs ) DO YOU?
YEAH, SO DO I.
COMES WITH BEING A COP.
WELL, NO, I WAS JUST -- YOU KNOW, I WAS UPSET,
'CAUSE OF THE MURDER, AND THEN I'VE MET
ALL THESE WEIRD PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE.
FUNNY THING ABOUT WEIRD PEOPLE, THERE'S
SO MANY OF THEM, BUT SO FEW OF THEM COMMIT MURDER.
YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS THIS GUY HICKS.
YEAH, WHO WAS IN SEATTLE THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER.
I WASTED YOUR TIME.
NOT AT ALL.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WEIRD PEOPLE HERE...
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT MR. PIZZA'S SISTER, THAT'S AN ODD BIRD, HUH?
YOU'RE THE DETECTIVE.
( laughs ) I'LL BE SEEING YOU, JONATHAN.
( laughs ) I'LL BE SEEING YOU, JONATHAN.
( giggling ) ( TV playing faintly )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE WALTONS
AFTER THESE MESSAGES.
OH, MY GOD, I HOPE JOHN-BOY DIDN'T HEAR US.
HMM?
SOMEONE NEXT DOOR LIKES THE WALTONS, TOO.
I NEVER MISSED A SHOW EVERY NIGHT AT 11:00.
SEE, I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED GIRL AT HEART -- ENID, OKLAHOMA.
YOU'RE AN OKIE?
( laughs ) WHEN MY MOTHER HAD... GUESTS
IN HER BEDROOM, I WOULD GO DOWN
TO THE LIVING ROOM AND...
TURN ON THE TV AS LOUD AS I COULD.
AND WHEN THE WALTONS WERE ON, ALBERT WOULD COME DOWN
AND WE'D PUT THE BLANKETS OVER OUR HEADS,
AND THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE WORLD BUT US
AND THAT BIG, HAPPY FAMILY.
GOD, I MISS HIM.
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
HI, THIS IS SHELLEY.
I'M NOT HOME RIGHT NOW, BUT PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE --
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
Man: ¿HOLA, QUIEN...?
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
Old Man: YES, HELLO?
Woman: OH, JASON, YOU'RE EARLY.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
LET ME BUZZ YOU IN.
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
HELLO?
DON'T HANG UP.
IS THIS WHO I THINK IT IS?
ARE YOU, UM, THE SAME GUY I TALKED TO BEFORE?
HUH, LET'S SAY...
THE SAME, BUT NOT THE SAME.
A LOT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN, HASN'T IT?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?
NOT SO FAST.
LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
YOU'VE PUT ME IN A VERY...
AWKWARD POSITION, MY FRIEND.
'CAUSE YOU KILLED THE WRONG GUY?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WH-WHY'D YOU KILL HIM?
WHY WERE YOU SUCH A COWARD?
I AM NOT A COWARD.
THEN TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY YOU KILLED HIM!
SOMETHING HE HEARD?
SOMETHING HE SAW?
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
( car honks ) THE TRU-THE TRUTH.
I THINK YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK, MY FRIEND.
WHY?
I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
( dial tone ) I SPOKE TO HIM.
YOU SPOKE TO WHO?
THE MURDERER.
WHAT?
JUST LISTEN.
I JUST CALLED HIM.
HE AS GOOD AS CONFESSED TO ME.
ALL I GOTTA DO NOW IS GET SOME EVIDENCE.
NO, CALL THE COPS, JON.
I CAN'T. DON'T YOU GET IT?
IT'S ME. I'M THE ONE THAT MADE THE GODDAMN PHONE CALL.
I GOT LAUREN'S BROTHER KILLED.
I GO TO THE POLICE, SHE FINDS OUT.
SO?
SO I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU CAN'T -- YOU -- OH, MAN, WHY DOES YOUR VOICE
HAVE THAT "BECAUSE I SLEPT WITH HER" QUALITY?
IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
SHIT.
LOOK, YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME WITHIN 48, YOU CALL
THE HOLLYWOOD PRECINCT AND ASK FOR STEINER.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? JON!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? JON!
RIGHT, 21... 21.
RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
COME IN, MY FRIEND.
YOU LIKE?
NEW AIR CONDITIONER FOR EVERYBODY.
BORIS GOT A DEAL.
THAT'S GREAT.
LISTEN, IVAN.
EE-VAHN.
MY NAME IS EE-VAHN.
SORRY.
SIT DOWN.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
I AM LIKE GOD UP HERE, NO?
YES.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THERE IS PROBLEM?
YOU ARE NOT LIKING CHERNOBYL BLEND?
( laughs ) IT IS A JOKE, JOHNNY!
OH.
YOU ARE FAR TOO SERIOUS.
YOU MUST LEARN TO RELAX.
WELL, I CAN'T, IV-- EE-VAHN.
YOU SEE, I FOUND SOMETHING VERY DISTURBING IN MY APARTMENT
THIS MORNING.
NO KIDDING. RATS? ANTS?
A HAIRLINE CRACK IN MY BEDROOM FLOOR.
A HAIRLINE CRACK. SO?
SO, ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE, AND WE'RE A PILE OF STUCCO.
AND, UH, YOU ARE KNOWING THIS HOW, MR. EXPERT?
I'M AN ARCHITECT, IVAN.
I UNDERSTAND STRESS AND STRAIN.
NOW, IF YOU WOULD WANT ME TO LOOK AT THE PLACE,
JUST AS A COURTESY...
OR I GUESS YOU CAN WAIT FOR THE INSPECTOR TO COME
AND PUT YOUR NAME ON A LIST.
AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THIS FOR YOU?
SECURITY.
I SLEEP BETTER KNOWING MY HOUSE WON'T BE ROLLING
DOWN THE HILL.
OKAY. I DO IT.
SEVENTEEN, 16, 10, EVERYBODY'S COMPLAINING,
AND ALL BECAUSE OF THAT PIZZA BOY, THAT BUM.
WHY COULDN'T HE DIE IN THE STREET?
WELL, WHAT APARTMENT DO YOU WANT TO SEE FIRST?
YOU ARE THE BOSS.
OH. OKAY. UH, WELL, THE X-BEAMS RUN THROUGH
THE COURTYARD APARTMENTS, SO IF THERE ARE ANY STRESS
CRACKS WE WOULD SEE THEM IN APARTMENT, UH, 21.
WHERE WOULD THAT BE?
TWENTY-ONE?
YEAH.
COME.
( doorbell ringing ) ( big band playing faintly )
AHEM.
NOBODY HOME.
WELL...
( beeper sounding ) EXTERMINATOR. WAIT HERE.
( latch clicking ) OH! I KNOW YOU.
COME ON IN, DEAR.
WELL, YOUR AIR CONDITIONER'S CERTAINLY WORKING, HUH?
SO, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, HONEY?
ACTUALLY, I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY SPEAK WITH MR. BROWN.
OH, WELL...
I'M AFRAID THERE IS NO MR. BROWN, NOT ANYMORE.
BUT I USE MY MAIDEN NAME.
KATHLEEN FITZGERALD.
THAT MUST BE DIFFICULT, LIVING ALONE.
NO. SUITS ME.
BESIDES, IF I NEED COMPANY, I CAN ALWAYS GO RIGHT OUT
ON MY TERRANCE AND WAVE TO YOU, CAN'T I?
( chuckles ) YOU SEE MY NEW TREES?
AH.
NICE.
SO, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ME
AND MY DEAD TREE ANYMORE.
( laughs ) SORRY. THIS DOESN'T REALLY
FIT ME, DOES IT?
WOULD YOU RATHER I GO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES?
OH, WHAT -- WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE IN.
WELL, I'M COMFORTABLE IN THIS, AND AT MY AGE,
IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE, WHAT'S THE USE?
OOH. I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW YOUR NAME.
I'M JONATHAN.
JONATHAN, YOU CAN CALL ME KATHLEEN.
SO, THE MURDER MUST BE PRETTY UPSETTING,
HUH, KATHLEEN?
UPSETTING ISN'T THE WORD.
YOU KNOW, THE TERRIBLE THING IS IT COULD BE JUST ABOUT ANYBODY,
I MEAN, SOMEBODY RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BUILDING.
REALLY? WHO?
WELL, BETWEEN US, THE ONE WHO REALLY GIVES ME FITS
IS THAT MAN WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE DOGS.
I JUST HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRUEL TO ANIMALS.
CRUEL?
YOU MEAN -- ANYHOW, HOW COULD A PERSON
KNOW, WHAT WITH THAT INSANE MR. HICKS BLASTING
HIS TV ALL THE TIME?
I REMEMBER I HAD JUST GONE TO BED.
DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT ELSE WAS THERE TO HEAR?
ANYTHING. BESIDE THE TV, DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T KNOW.
THINK!
JONATHAN, I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM... I'M DOING THE EARTHQUAKE INSPECTION,
AND I SHOULD PROBABLY FINISH, ACTUALLY, SO IF YOU WOULDN'T
MIND JUST SHOWING ME THE BEDROOM...
YES, I WOULD.
IT'S OKAY. I'M AN ARCHITECT.
I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE, JONATHAN,
AND TAKE THIS WITH YOU -- WHAT?
RIGHT NOW.
YOU THINK I WROTE THIS?
LOOK, I GOT ONE OF THESE, TOO!
WELL. FIND ANYTHING?
NO. NO, NO CRACKS.
HMM.
YEAH. GOOD.
YOU MUST THINK I AM IDIOT, NO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT I MEAN IS YOU ARE BULLSHITTING ME,
MY FRIEND.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MURDERER, AREN'T YOU?
YOU THINK SOMEONE IN BUILDING MURDERED THE PIZZA BOY.
YOU'RE CRAZY, IVAN.
I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU.
LE ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY FRIEND.
YOU ARE USELESS!
FORGET IT, IVAN, IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
YOU THINK I CAN RUN A BUILDING IN THIS WAY
WITH SOME MANIAC BOTHERING MY TENANTS,
CALLING THEM ON THE PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
I PROTECT MY INTEREST, MISTER.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, IVAN.
IVAN, LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE.
COME ON, HE'S NEW IN THE BUILDING.
NOBODY GETS THE WRENCH TILL THEY'VE BEEN HERE
AT LEAST A YEAR, YOU KNOW THAT.
BUTT OUT, MY FRIEND.
WHY DON'T YOU STICK TO SCRIBBLING?
OH, WOW, JON, WHAT'D YOU DO?
YOU DIDN'T BAD-MOUTH THE WONDERFUL BORIS, DID YOU?
THAT'S ENOUGH!
HMMPH!
AND TO THINK I BOUGHT YOU ALL NEW AIR CONDITIONERS!
NEW AIR CONDITIONERS?
REALLY? WHEN DO WE GET 'EM?
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THANKS, I OWE YA.
NAH, FORGET IT.
SO, HEAR THE BUZZ?
WHAT BUZZ?
OH, MAN, THAT MR. PIZZA THING.
THE RUMOR AT THE TIMES IS THEY GOT A SUSPECT
IN CUSTODY.
YEAH, BUT IT'S JUST A RUMOR.
HEY, HOW COME YOU'RE SO INTERESTED, HUH?
I THOUGHT YOU BARELY KNEW THE GUY.
NO, NO, I DIDN'T...
YEAH, BUT IT EATS AT YOU, RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU WONDER
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN.
YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER CLOWNS
IN THIS BUILDING THINK, HUH?
THEY DON'T CARE.
THEY THOUGHT HE HAD IT COMING, YOU KNOW?
IT'S ALMOST LIKE BECAUSE HE WASN'T SOME HUGE SUCCESS,
YOU KNOW, THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
JESUS, HE'S LIKE, A HUMAN BEING, RIGHT? I MEAN, HE'S GOT
FAMILY, RIGHT, YOU KNOW?
FAMILY, YEAH.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
JON, THE THING IS, IT'S LIKE, ME AND YOU,
WE'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO GIVE A SHIT, YOU KNOW?
AND IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE ONE PERSON KILLED MR. PIZZA.
IT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE DAMN BUILDING KILLED MR. PIZZA.
JON, L.A. KILLED MR. PIZZA.
UH-HUH.
( laughs ) I KNOW, IT SUCKS.
ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA ADMIT SOMETHING, MAN.
I'M TOTALLY STUCK, AND I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP,
YOU KNOW?
HUH? YEAH.
WITH MY ARTICLE.
PLEASE, IT WOULD REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME.
OH... UH...
ARE YOU ON THE COURTYARD?
MM, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S WAY TOO NOISY.
NO, I LIVE DOWN THERE, APARTMENT SIX.
JONATHAN?
NEVER MIND. I GOTTA GO.
LAUREN, HOLD ON A SECOND.
CAN WE DO THIS LATER?
UM, NO, LATER WOULDN'T BE GOOD, 'CAUSE --
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S PERFECT.
I GOTTA GO TO THE DESERT TONIGHT.
MAYBE YOU COULD COME WITH ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S COOL. WE'LL JUST DO IT SOME OTHER TIME, ALL RIGHT?
LAUREN!
( honks ) CAREFUL.
( barking ) JONATHAN, I THINK
WE SHOULD SLOW DOWN.
SLOW DOWN.
AHEM. YOU -- YOU MEAN -- WHAT?
SOMETHING'S COME UP.
WHAT?
YOU CAN TELL ME.
IT'S OKAY.
I'M NOT A BOY SCOUT.
IS IT THAT MARRIED GUY?
ARE YOU SEEING HIM AGAIN?
NO, JONATHAN, I'M NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN.
STEINER CAME TO SEE ME TODAY.
ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?
NO, ABOUT YOU.
AND HE WAS ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND I COULDN'T ANSWER THEM,
AND I REALIZED I-- I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU.
I'M A SPY, AND MY MISSION IS TO FALL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE
WITH YOU AND MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF.
JONATHAN, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
DO YOU THINK I THINK IT'S FUNNY?
WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN MY BROTHER'S MURDER?
I AM CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
WE WAKE UP THIS MORNING, EVERYTHING IS FINE.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I JUST CAN'T TRUST ANYONE RIGHT NOW.
LAUREN...
LAUREN!
LAUREN...
JONATHAN! JONATHAN! HEY!
I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.
HEY, GUYS! HEY, GUYS!
THIS IS THE KID DOING THE NEW DESIGN.
( laughing ) ( chatter )
( laughing ) ( chatter )
( sighs ) OH...
( chirps ) ( power zapping )
OH, GREAT.
( crunch ) ( car starts )
( alarm blaring ) OKAY, SO IT'S 4:00 A.M.,
RIGHT, AND, UH, YOU'D JUST COME BACK FROM A LONG DRIVE,
BUT YOU WEREN'T DRIVING ANYWHERE.
YOU WERE JUST DRIVING, RIGHT?
YEAH.
FOR SIX HOURS.
OKAY, SO YOU GET DOWN TO THIS GARAGE,
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT,
AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE, THIS GREEN JAG COMES
AND TRIES TO RUN YOU OVER.
THAT'S IT?
IS THAT IT?
SOMEBODY TRIED TO KILL ME!
SOMEBODY DRIVES A GREEN JAG, LICENSE PLATE 2VZ9084.
WOULD IT HELP IF I TOLD YOU THAT MAYBE THAT GREEN JAG
BELONGED TO IVAN?
IT'S NOT IVAN.
AND THAT IVAN'S NOWHERE TO BE FOUND?
IT CAN'T BE IVAN. WHY NOT?
BECAUSE IT NOT IVAN'S VOI-- IVAN DRIVES A JAG?
JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN L.A., JONATHAN?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?
WELL, PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE, OKAY?
I GOT AN UNSOLVED MURDER IN THIS BUILDING,
AND MY DRUG ANGLE IS CHANGING FROM A MONA LISA
INTO A PAINT-BY-NUMBERS.
I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
YEAH, HAVE YOU?
I DON'T THINK SO AND STOP JANGLING
THOSE GODDAMN KEYS.
I DIDN'T GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST CALL IVAN'S BROTHER BORIS.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPEN -- ( laughing )
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
THERE IS NO BORIS, JONATHAN.
IVAN MADE HIM UP.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU HAVE ANGRY TENANTS, OKAY?
YOU NEED A SCAPEGOAT.
SO, WHENEVER ANYTHING GOES WRONG, IT'S BORIS'S FAULT,
BUT THERE IS NO BORIS AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.
CHIEF. WHAT?
WE GOT A MAKE ON THAT JAG.
IT'S IVAN'S, ABANDONED UP ON CAHUENGA,
LEAKING FLUIDS, MASHED FRONT END.
MUST'VE BROKEN DOWN.
DO ME A FAVOR -- FIND OUT IF ANYBODY TOOK A CAB
FROM THERE TO HERE EARLY THIS MORNING, OKAY?
YEAH, GIVE THEM ANY NAMES?
YEAH, ONE. JONATHAN HOFFMAN.
TWO "Fs," ONE "N."
( ding ) YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
JACK! HI.
JON, UM... I GOT A PROBLEM.
OH?
WITH MY WIFE.
YEAH, YEAH, I'M MARRIED.
I WAS MARRIED.
BEFORE -- BEFORE THE SEPARATION, UM, ANYWAY, SINCE THEN...
YOU KNOW, I FOOLED AROUND A LITTLE, BUT FINALLY
I MET SOMEBODY WHO, YOU KNOW, I FELT LIKE I COULD
REALLY CARE ABOUT.
UH-HUH.
JON, I WAS GONNA TAKE THIS WOMAN TO THE DESERT,
YOU KNOW, BUT THEN LAST NIGHT WE WERE IN BED, YOU KNOW,
WE WERE GONNA...
AND, UM, I LOOKED INTO HER EYES AND I, UH,
I SAW MY WIFE'S FACE ON TOP OF HERS,
AND I COULDN'T, UM...
COULDN'T...
( chuckles ) HAS IT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
NO.
THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THAT FOR?
( buzzer ringing ) GODDAMN IT!
SOMEBODY NEEDS THE ELEVATOR.
( sighs ) UM...
( paper crinkling ) IT'S MY ONLY COPY.
OH.
MY ARTICLE, REMEMBER?
BE GENTLE, PLEASE.
MRS. FITZGERALD, UP?
COME ON, GET IN.
HE'S NOT GONNA BITE YOU.
NO. GET IN!
WHEN I WAS TEACHING SCHOOL, THE BOYS WERE POLITE
AND QUIET... AND CLEAN.
( scoffs ) YEAH, BUT WHAT WAS THAT, LIKE,
A MILLION YEARS AGO?
DURING THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
( sighs ) HI.
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR YOU.
REALLY? WHY?
I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOU LAST NIGHT.
FORGET IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
FINE.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
WAIT A SECOND!
NOTHING, YOU KNOW?
JUST FORGET IT.
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
WHICH PART -- STARTING, ENDING, TWISTING THE KNIFE?
ALL OF IT!
( phone ringing ) LAUREN?
DON'T HANG UP.
OH, PLEASE.
HELLO?
WHAT WE DID MAKES ME SICK.
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
JON. JONATHAN!
SLOW DOWN, OKAY?
I WANT YOU TO HANG UP THE PHONE AND DIAL THE POLICE.
I CAN'T DO THAT, NOT YET.
I CAN'T JUST SIC THE DOGS ON HER.
I GOTTA BE SURE.
YOU HAVE TO BE SURE?
SHE WAS TALKING TO THE MURDERER ON THE PHONE!
ON THE PHONE!
YEAH, BUT MAYBE HE FORCED HER.
MAYBE HE'S BLACKMAILING HER.
I MEAN, MAYBE...
LOOK, SHE SAID IT MADE HER SICK, RIGHT? ALL RIGHT?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO, LARRY?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO'S NOT IN LOVE WITH HER,
LIKE STEINER, OKAY?
LISTEN TO ME, BUDDY.
YOU'RE NOT JUST FUCKING YOURSELF UP HERE.
I AM YOUR PARTNER.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
I'M YOUR PARTNER.
WE HAVE TO HAVE A BRILLIANT DESIGN BY MONDAY.
TODAY IS FRIDAY!!!
JON!
JON!
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU STUPID BASTARD,
YOUR WHOLE CAREER'S ON THE LINE.
( blowing air ) OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, JOHN WAYNE? FIRST THING TOMORROW
I AM CALLING STEINER AND TELLING HIM EVERYTHING.
I AM CALLING STEINER AND TELLING HIM EVERYTHING.
LAUREN, JUST CALL AND TELL ME I MADE A MISTAKE.
TELL ME THAT IT ISN'T HIS VOICE ON THE PHONE.
TELL ME THAT IT ISN'T HIS VOICE ON THE PHONE.
( phone ringing ) ( groans )
HELLO.
JONATHAN? STEINER.
GET DRESSED.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
TO MEET SOMEONE.
CAN I ASK WHO?
YEAH, LAUREN.
COME ON.
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?
NO. JOKE'S FUNNY.
THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
HEY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY?
MR. PIZZA, THE BIG-TIME DRUG DEALER.
SEEMS MR. PIZZA WASN'T EVEN BIG ENOUGH TO BE
A SMALL-TIME DRUG DEALER.
SO, MR. PIZZA LIED, OKAY.
IT HAPPENS.
YOU COME TO L.A., YOU FAIL, YOU LIE -- NO BIGGIE.
BUT IT BOTHERS ME.
IT BOTHERS ME BECAUSE I SPENT A WHOLE WEEK RUNNING
UP AND DOWN THE STRIP FOR A GUY THAT WASN'T
EVEN IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO KILL.
HEY, LAUREN, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU?
GET TO THE FUCKING POINT.
THE FUCKING POINT, OKAY.
THE FUCKING POINT -- DID YOU LIKE YOUR BROTHER?
I LOVED MY BROTHER.
YEAH, BUT HE WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS SOMETIMES, WASN'T HE?
HE USED TO GET ON YOUR NERVES, DIDN'T HE?
GIVE HER A BREAK, STEINER!
I DON'T THINK SO, JONATHAN.
SEE, LAUREN'S REALLY SMART.
SHE KNOWS, HUH?
SHE KNOWS THAT IF I SPIN MY WHEELS ON THE WRONG ANGLE
FOR ABOUT A WEEK, WELL, THEN THE MR. PIZZA CASE
GETS BACKBURNERED, HUH?
AND THE MURDERER CAN WALK.
RIGHT, LAUREN?
YEAH. SHE KNOWS ABOUT COPS.
SHE'S HAD SOME BACK LUCK, HUH?
WHICH IS WHY I BROUGHT HER DOWN HERE.
I THOUGHT SHE'D LIKE TO SEE ANOTHER BAD-LUCK GIRL, HUH?
WANNA SEE?
WHO THE HELL IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL.
DO YOU?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOW US HER FACE?
WELL, JONATHAN, I'D REALLY LOVE TO, BUT --
BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT.
OR HER HANDS, EITHER.
LAUSHMAN, STOP MISS OAKS AND DON'T LET HER LEAVE
THE BUILDING, OKAY?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
JONATHAN, I MADE A BIG MISTAKE WITH YOU,
MAN, I REALLY, REALLY DID!
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A DECENT GUY,
AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU'D COME THROUGH AND TELL US
WHAT YOU KNEW IF I JUST GAVE YOU ENOUGH TIME TO THINK.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D BE THINKING WITH YOUR DICK!
HOLD ON A MINUTE, HUH?
YOU SCHMUCK! YOU MADE ME WAIT FOR A WEEK!
WHICH IS HOW LONG THIS WOMAN'S BEEN LYING IN GRIFFITH PARK
STABBED WITH THE SAME KNIFE THAT STABBED MR. PIZZA,
AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME, AND NOW IVAN'S COME UP
MISSING, HUH?
IT DOESN'T BODE WELL, DOES IT?
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOUR ASS YOU'RE PROTECTING OR HERS,
BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE.
ED. ED.
TAKE MISS OAKS DOWN TO HOLLYWOOD AND BOOK HER, PLEASE.
FOR WHAT?
OH, COME ON, JONATHAN!
I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, HUH?
SHE GIVE YOU SOME COCK-AND-BULL HARD LUCK STORY, HUH?
DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT HER YOUTHFUL CRIME SPREE?
OH, I DON'T THINK SO, HUH?
YEAH, BACK IN OKLAHOMA, HER AND HER BROTHER,
THEY WALK INTO SOME 7-ELEVEN, THEY WAVE A KNIFE
IN THE COUNTERMAN'S FACE.
HE HAS A STROKE. DEAD?
NAH, RETIRED ON DISABILITY.
BUT THE BROTHER GETS REFORM SCHOOL, AND SHE GETS
A THREE-COUNT REPORT, A LOT OF PROBATION.
YOU KNOW THE WEIRD THING?
A CASE OF ROLLING ROCK AND A PAIR OF PANTYHOSE,
THAT'S ALL THEY TOOK.
PANTYHOSE?
YEAH. DID YOU THINK THE L.A. OPERA CARES
IF SHE WAS POOR?
I MEAN, IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD -- THEIR CHIEF FUNDRAISER
IS A CONVICTED THIEF.
THEY DON'T KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE THEY WERE ABOUT TO, HUH?
I MEAN, ALBERT KNEW THAT HIS SISTER WAS GOOD
FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS IF HE COMES UP
WITH THE RIGHT SOB STORY, RIGHT?
BUT SHE'S TIRED OF HIS BULLSHIT, AND HE'S GETTING DESPERATE.
DID YOU KNOW HE HAD XEROXES OF HER RAP SHEET
IN HIS GUITAR CASE?
EH? MOTIVE OR NOT, HUH? YEAH.
I THOUGHT SO, TOO.
THANKS, JONATHAN.
WAIT.
DON'T BULLSHIT ME, MAN.
NOT THIS TIME.
ED?
YES?
ED, HOLD MISS OAKS AND COME UP HERE WITH A PAD.
WE GOT A BIG STATEMENT TO TAKE FROM MR. JONATHAN HOFFMAN,
TWO "Fs," ONE "N."
YOU OKAY?
LAUREN, LISTEN.
WHY WERE YOU DOWN THERE SO LONG, ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW?
NO, I KEPT YOU OUT OF IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
DO YOU KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO LIVES IN THE BUILDING?
I DON'T KNOW, A FEW PEOPLE.
YOU REMEMBER THE DAY THAT WE MET?
OF COURSE I DO.
THAT NIGHT MY BROTHER WAS KILLED.
THAT NIGHT I MADE A PHONE CALL.
BUT -- THIS GUY, HE HAD HIS TV TOO LOUD, SO...
I WENT DOWN TO THE INTERCOM, BUT I DIALED THE WRONG NUMBER.
SO? I'VE DONE THAT.
WELL, THE GUY THAT I GOT AHOLD OF, HE WAS...
WELL, HE MADE ME FEEL -- HE WAS STRANGE.
SO, WHEN HE ASKED ME WHERE I WAS...
I LIED TO HIM.
JONATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT HE THOUGHT THAT I SAW SOMETHING
THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE, SO WHEN HE LOOKED
ACROSS THE COURTYARD, HE SAW YOUR BROTHER
TALKING ON THE PHONE, AND HE THOUGHT THAT I WAS...
ARE YOU SAYING YOU GOT MY BROTHER KILLED?
NO! I DON'T -- MAYBE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ABOUT THE PHONE CALL THAT YOU GOT?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
JONATHAN, YOU'RE THE LIAR.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
JESUS.
( car chirps ) HOO! I'M SICK.
TAKE ME HOME.
DID YOU HEAR ME? DRIVE!
DRIVE!
SO... WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT L.A. GENERAL?
I WAS, UM...
SEEING A SICK FRIEND.
YOU'RE LYING.
YOU WERE WITH THAT COP, STEINER.
I SAW YOU.
OKAY, DON'T TELL ME.
( laughs ) THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.
HEY, HEY!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T GO ON THE FREEWAY!
TURN LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!
JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
I'M A CHAIN SMOKER.
CAN YOU RELATE TO THAT?
YEAH, SURE.
( laughs ) HEY, WHAT ARE YOU SWEATING
SO MUCH?
I'M NOT.
MM... YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO GET ME
OUT OF HERE.
OH, TURN -- TURN RIGHT. NOW!!!
NOW! NOW!
Driver: YOU ASSHOLE!
YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE ABOUT THIS CITY?
NO, WHAT?
THE SUN.
IT'S SO FUCKING BRIGHT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS ON DISPLAY.
( Jonathan coughing ) CAN YOU RELATE TO THAT?
SURE. SURE.
I BET YOU KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE ALREADY, DON'T YOU?
UH...
SOON EVERYBODY'S GONNA KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE -- SHUT UP!
HAPPENED A WEEK AGO.
SHE'S GONE NOW.
OH, I WAS READY.
I WAS READY. I WAS -- I WAS REALLY GONNA DO IT!
DO IT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DO IT?
I WAS GOING TO LEAVE MY JOB AT THE CLINIC,
GO UP TO BEVERLY HILLS -- MONEY, PRESTIGE, I MEAN,
THE WHOLE ENCHILADA FOR HER.
YOU'RE A DOCTOR?
A PSYCHIATRIST, DUH!
( laughs ) BUT I COULDN'T DO IT.
HALFWAY TO MY OFFICE, I FOUND A BAR...
AND I GOT STINKING DRUNK.
I GOT HOME NEXT MORNING...
MY WIFE'S GONE.
SIRENS, LIGHTS.
I THOUGHT I WAS IN HELL!
IT WAS MR. PIZZA MAN.
DEAD.
I WISHED IT WERE ME.
I SAID TO MYSELF, "I WISH IT WERE ME."
BUT WHO'D TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS?
MY LIFE SUCKS!
( brakes squeal ) ( car honking )
YOUR LIFE? YOUR LIFE?
MY LIFE HAS BEEN A FUCKING HELL SINCE I GOT HERE!
NOW, GIVE ME A GODDAMN CIGARETTE.
MATCH?
( honking continues ) ( driver yelling )
YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
SHUT UP.
SORRY.
( ding ) ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
NO, I MUST'VE PASSED OUT IN THE BACKSEAT.
( knocking ) ( knocking )
JESUS, WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIX THE FRICKIN' INTERCOM?
I KNOW.
HEY, HOFFMAN, RIGHT?
YEAH, THAT FOR ME?
HELL, NO.
THIS IS FOR KIMBERLY BROWN.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DELIVER IT ALL WEEK.
BROWN?
YEAH, KIMBERLY, THE CALIFORNIA BLONDE.
SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER PACKAGE IF SHE DOESN'T GET HOME SOON.
MAYBE SHE GOT TIRED OF HER USELESS HUSBAND GARY.
GARY?
I SHOULD TALK.
LISTEN, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
NO, NO, NO, HOLD ON -- LOOK, PLEASE,
I'M BEGGING YOU.
JUST SIGN FOR THIS, AND I'LL GET YOU A COUPON
FOR A FREE HERBAL WRAP.
THANKS, MAN.
SURE.
( doorbell rings ) ( rings )
( keys jangling ) ( items shifting )
HI. I'M BACK.
HEY.
ARE YOU EVEN HERE?
Kathleen: I AM NOW.
( door closes ) OH...
( both moaning ) YOU ALL SET?
OH, CHRIST, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN DONE IT YET.
WELL, COME ON.
I WANT TO GET TO THIS DESERT OF YOURS.
WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN THERE DAYS AGO.
OH, WHAT, SO IT'S, LIKE, MY FAULT?
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IVAN WAS GONNA COME BACK?
I JUST WANT OUT OF HERE ALREADY! IT'S MAKING ME NERVOUS.
OKAY, FINE, RELAX!
RELAX, OKAY? EH...
HEY.
LOOK WHAT I GOT.
THAT'S FOR YOU.
THAT'S NICE.
YES, IT IS.
THAT'S FOR YOU FOR BEING PATIENT.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE IT.
OH. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE -- WHERE'D I GET IT?
I-I BOUGHT IT.
I FINALLY SOLD THE STORY -- OH, DON'T BULLSHIT
WITH ME, GARY.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 20 YEARS.
JACK. IT'S JACK, OKAY?!
OKAY. OKAY.
OKAY, IT'S GONNA BE JACK.
IT'S JUST THEN WHEN I CALL YOU GARY, I REMEMBER YOU SO YOUNG,
BACK THERE IN MY CLASS IN WEST COVINA.
WHOA, WHOA, WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
THAT I'M OLD NOW?
I'M TOO OLD FOR YOU?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
I'M SAYING I WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NOW, MOVE IT!
( foot scrapes ) ( air conditioner
grate shifting ) ( screwdriver clacking )
JACK, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T BRING ANY MORE OF KIMBERLY'S STUFF
IN HERE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
OH, COME ON.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OH, DON'T LIE TO ME.
I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
I NEVER SAW THAT.
YOU ARE A LIAR!
I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
( arguing ) I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!
YOU ARE LYING, GARY!
I -- SOMEONE'S BEEN IN HERE.
OH, MY GOD! THE TREE!
WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!
PUT IT OUT!
( gasping ) DO SOMETHING!
AH! AH!
AAH! GET BACK!
( screaming ) ( cries and coughs continue )
( screaming ) ( cries and coughs continue )
( meow ) ( gasps )
COME ON, STEINER, CALL BACK.
( pounding on door ) JONATHAN, IT'S LAUREN!
( pounding ) OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD, IT WAS UP THERE.
I SAW IT -- I KNOW.
IT'S JACK!
GOD, IT'S JACK!
A-AND HE SAW MY BRACELET.
I WENT UP THERE TO FIND IT.
IT'S BECAUSE OF ME.
KIMBERLY MUST'VE FOUND OUT AND HE WENT CRAZY
AND HE KILLED -- AND WHEN THEY THOUGHT
YOUR BROTHER SAW, THEY KILLED HIM, TOO.
( phone ringing ) STEINER?
I'M RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
LAUREN, RUN!
( grunting ) ( fire alarm blaring )
JOHN WAYNE?
( meow ) COME ON.
( electricity zapping ) ( bell continues )
( door slams ) ( light switch flicking )
SO, HERE WE ARE AGAIN, JON.
JUST A COUPLE OF VOICES ALONE IN THE DARK.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME, JON?
I CAN SYMPATHIZE...
BECAUSE I -- I USED TO HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE
GETTING STARTED...
WRITING.
BUT THIS...
THIS IS PURE INSPIRATION.
( coughing ) WHO'S THERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, CHILD?
THE WHOLE THIRD FLOOR IS ON FIRE.
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT AND CALL THE POLICE.
THERE'S A MURDERER IN THE BUILDING.
WHO IS IT? JACK MORGAN.
AND SOME WOMAN. HE'S CRAZY!
YOU COME WITH ME, CHILD.
( both grunting ) ( meow )
( firefighters shouting ) ( Lauren coughing )
HELLO?
OVER HERE, CHILD.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT AND CALL THE POLICE!
MY BRACELET.
AAH!
PLEASE! AAH-AAH-AAH!
JACK!
( sirens blaring ) ( grunting )
HOLD ON THERE, YOUNG STALLION!
GET OFF OF ME!
GET OFF OF ME!
UHH!
WHAT ARE YOU --?
THAT GUY IS THE MURDERER!
GET OFF OF ME.
WHAT?
THE MURDERER, YOU IDIOT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
HE'S CRAZY!
WHAT?
I'M INNOCENT!
JONATHAN! HEY!
ENOUGH ALREADY.
YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
I FUCKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M KIND OF HARD OF HEARING.
WHO ARE YOU?
MY NAME IS HICKS.
I LIVE IN NUMBER 11.
YOU'RE HICKS?
YOU MUST MOVE IN?
LET'S MOVE IT!
THE FIRE'S SPREADING.
GONE A WEEK, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS.
MRS. FITZGERALD DIED IN THE E.R., BUT IN GREAT
POLICE TRADITION, WITH HER LAST DYING BREATH
WE GOT A STATEMENT.
BOY, SHE AND JACK, WHAT A TEAM, HMM?
WHENEVER HIS LIFE TURNED SOUR, HE'D GIVE HER A CALL,
AND SHE CAME RUNNING.
WELL, LAST WEEK HE CALLED HER WITH A DOOZY.
SEEMS THAT HE MURDERED HIS WIFE, AND MR. PIZZA
HAD SEEN HIM DO IT, OR SO HE THOUGHT.
THE REST YOU KNOW.
IVAN GOT KILLED BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GIVE THEM
A NEW AIR CONDITIONER.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THEY LIKED THE MODEL THAT THEY HAD.
Jonathan: AND JACK'S STORY?
AH, THE USUAL.
HUSBAND MESSES AROUND, THE WIFE FINDS OUT ABOUT IT,
SHE GOES NUTS, AND THEN SETTLES DOWN.
AND THEN IT STARTS UP AGAIN.
AND THEN ONE NIGHT, IT'S TOO HOT AND THE TV
DOWNSTAIRS IS TOO LOUD...
IT'S ALWAYS THE LITTLE SHIT THAT GETS YOU KILLED.
( phone ringing ) DETECTIVE STEINER,
THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU IN BOOKING.
( beep ) YEAH, OKAY,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
UH, OH.
I BELIEVE THIS BELONGS TO YOU.
IT'S THE ONLY THING MY BROTHER GAVE ME.
WELL, YOU TWO CAN STAY HERE AS LONG AS YOU WANT.
I, UH, SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
I, UH, SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
( meow ) IT'S A DESIGN THAT REPRESENTS
THE ABSOLUTELY CUTTING EDGE OF MINI-MALL CONSTRUCTION.
YOU HAVE SEEN THE BUDGET.
NOW HERE'S YOUR MINI-MALL.
IT'S MY FAULT, ISN'T IT?
HUH?
'CAUSE I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR TEN DAYS IN CALIFORNIA,
AND YOU GO CRAZY AND YOU DO THIS, HMM?
I THINK IT'S THE MOST ORIGINAL THING I'VE EVER DONE.
ORIGINAL? IT'S TOO ORIGINAL!
WHAT -- LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GOLD BRACELET!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
LONG STORY. YEAH.
FELLAS? HAVE IT BRONZED.
THEY LOVE IT!
HA HA!
YEAH, GO OUT AND CELEBRATE, HUH?
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND, UH, LARRY.
REPORT TO PERSONNEL.
YOU'RE MOVING TO THE WEST COAST OFFICE.
( laughs ) WELCOME TO SHANGRI-LA.
( techno playing )
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
HERE.
( woman chuckles ) ( heavy breathing )
OH!
GET OFF ME!
GET THE FUCK OFF ME!
UHH!
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?
GET OUT!
JUST GET OUT OF HERE!
DON'T EVER COME BACK.
( dogs barking ) I HATE YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
( door slams ) FUCKING BASTARD!
( bare feet pattering ) YOU SAID YOU WANT QUIET.
QUIET, NO?
QUIET AS THE GRAVE.
HMM? YES. WHY?
AND BIG, TOO.
SO BIG YOU COULD BE HAVING FIGHT WITH GIRLFRIEND,
LOCK HER IN BEDROOM, AND NEVER HEAR HER YELLING.
THAT'S HOW BIG!
( laughs ) SEE? MIRRORS.
YUP.
HANDSOME DEVIL LIKE YOU COULD SPEND ALL DAY
LOOKING IN MIRROR, IF YOU WANT.
CHECK OUT THIS!
HOLY COW.
BIG, NO?
WELL, YEAH. I'M USED TO A LARGE CLOSET, THOUGH, SO...
YOU HAVE VIEW.
OUT THERE IS THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
( gulls crying ) BIG, NO?
IVAN -- EE- VAHN.
MY NAME IS EE-VAHN.
OH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S OKAY.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT?
I THINK I LEFT MY CAR HEADLIGHTS ON.
OF COURSE!
( chirps ) ( ringing )
LARRY REESE, NICKNAMED THE BEAST.
I GOTTA TALK FAST, SO SHUT UP, ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, SURE! WHERE ARE YOU CALLING ME FROM, THE URINAL?
NO! A CAR PHONE IN SOME BIG, FAT BMW THE COMPANY
LENT ME.
LISTEN, I THINK I FOUND AN APARTMENT.
COOL, HOW MUCH?
A GRAND.
IT'S HUGE.
THE CLOSET IS BIGGER THAN MY APARTMENT.
I GOT A TERRACE YOU COULD BOWL ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK YOU SHOULD MOVE INTO THE BMW.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALREADY GOT A PHONE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO PAINT IT...
WILL YOU BE SERIOUS?
THE GUY'S WAITING.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT JOHN WAYNE?
SHIT.
NEW PAINT, CARPET...?
BRAND NEW.
THIS IS A BOUBULLIAN.
BOUBULLIAN?
FANTASTIC.
AND THE RENT IS...?
THOUSAND, PLUS SECURITY DEPOSIT.
RIGHT.
I GUESS THERE'S JUST ONE MORE THING.
WHAT ABOUT JOHN WAYNE?
MY CAT?
WHAT IS IT YOU DO?
I'M AN ARCHITECT.
VERY, VERY... STEADY WORK.
MY FRIEND, WE ARE FLEXIBLE.
THOUSAND FIFTY, AND IT'S YOURS.
♪♪ CALIFORNIA!
Woman: EXCUSE ME!
YOURS?
YEAH, I GUESS IT IS.
I'M KIMBERLY, BY THE WAY.
JONATHAN.
JONATHAN. ARE YOU MARRIED?
UH... ( laughs ) NO.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE BIT OF ADVICE.
IF YOU EVER GIVE YOUR WIFE A BRACELET, MAKE SURE
IT HAS HER NAME ON IT, NOT SOMEBODY ELSE'S.
( jet roaring ) ( touchdown squealing )
( chatter ) LARRY!
WHAT?
THE BEER SUCKS!
SHUT UP.
TAKE A LAST LOOK, YOU POOR SUCKER.
( chuckles ) WELL, ONE OF US HAVE
TO GO OUT THERE, AND I'M SO GLAD IT'S NOT ME.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I AM GLAD TO BE GONE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CITY MEANS TO ME?
AW, COME ON, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
NO?
SIX YEARS OF MODEL BUILDING, 18-HOUR DAYS, RUNNING
AND GETTING COFFEE FOR SENIOR PARTNERS,
SHITTY WAGES...
SIX YEARS, AND MY CLOSEST RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN
WITH AN ORANGE CAT.
BUT THAT'S ALL OVER, MAN.
WE GOT THE BID!
BRENDEL LOVES US.
WE'RE THIS CLOSE TO ACTUALLY BUILDING SOMETHING!
WE STAKED OUR FUTURE ON A MINI-MALL, LARRY.
SO WHAT? IT'S NOT THE TAJ MAHAL.
COME ON, YOU BUILD A DOZEN MINI-MALLS,
AND THEN YOU BUILD THE TAJ MAHAL.
IF WE BUILD A GOOD MINI-MALL!
CAREFUL.
Woman: THAT ONE GOES OUTSIDE.
THE ELEVATOR IS AROUND TO THE RIGHT AND IT'S
THE SECOND FLOOR, APARTMENT 12.
LADIES, IF YOU COULD KEEP IT DOWN A BIT.
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY SLEEP AT 6:00 A.M.
SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY SLEEP AT 6:00 A.M.
IVAN. JUST THE MAN I'M LOOKING FOR.
LISTEN, HOW DO THESE L.A. INTERCOMS WORK?
DOES IT REALLY GO TO MY PHONE?
BECAUSE IN NEW YORK -- YOU WERE HAVING FIGHT
LAST NIGHT.
ME? WITH WHO?
SOMEONE THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
IVAN, I'VE LIVED HERE FOR LESS THAN A DAY.
DOESN'T ANYONE ELSE QUALIFY?
YES, MANY PEOPLE.
I TRY TO BE OPEN MINDED...
BUT OTHERS ARE NOT SO NICE,
SO KEEP YOUR NOSE CLEAN.
LOOK, CHIEF, YOU CONCEALED LIVE PLANT MATTER
IN YOUR DRESSER.
CONCEALED IT?
IT'S A CATNIP PLANT.
HEY, RELAX. JUST LEAVE THE BOXES.
WE'LL FINISH WHEN YOU GET THESE PAPERS AUTHORIZED.
OKAY, GIRLS!
LATTE BREAK.
ALL RIGHT!
COOL.
( truck door slams ) YOU WOULDN'T BE
THE MEDFLY INSPECTOR, WOULD YOU?
L.A. OPERA, I'M AFRAID.
REALLY? SINGER?
( chuckles ) FUNDRAISER.
LISTEN, IF I BOUGHT A SEASON SUBSCRIPTION,
WOULD YOU SIGN MY FORM?
( chuckles ) I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!
I'LL BUY YOU A SUBSCRIPTION!
I'LL BET WITH ALL THE FUNDRAISING THAT YOU DO,
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN LA BOHEME.
YOU'RE RIGHT, I HATE OPERA.
( ding ) SO, IF I WERE TO BUY
A SUBSCRIPTION, WHO WOULD I...
BE BUYING IT FROM?
OH! LAUREN.
AND THE ELEVATOR'S NOT MOVING.
RIGHT! FLOORS, PLEASE.
THIRD.
ME TOO!
YEAH?
YEAH. I'M JONATHAN, BY THE WAY.
I JUST MOVED IN.
OH, I'M VISITING.
OH.
BOYFRIEND?
( laughs ) YOU GET RIGHT TO THE POINT, DON'T YOU?
NO, I'M JUST INTENSELY, UH, ATTRACTED TO OPERA.
OH! SO, WHY DON'T YOU SING SOMETHING?
WHAT?
HERE. NOW?
NOW. HERE? YEAH.
OH, I WOULD, BUT THE ACOUSTICS IN HERE
ARE JUST AWFUL.
WELL...
WELL, IT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE IT'S JUST
A REALLY BAD TIME.
REALLY? WHEN WOULD BE A GOOD TIME -- LATER TODAY?
EARLY TOMORROW?
IN MY LIFE.
AH.
THAT'S MY FLOOR.
DO I MISS NEW YORK?
YEAH, SURE, I MISS THE SUBWAYS AND THE CRIME AND THE NOISE
AND MY TINY APARTMENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW, LAR?
I'M RELAXING.
( laughs ) I GOT NINE DAYS BEFORE I GOT TO BE AT WORK,
AND I'M RELAXING.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
THAT'S GREAT, YEAH.
YOU SHOULD TAKE A PICTURE.
LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO CALL ME THE MINUTE THAT THE MEETING
WITH BRENDEL IS OVER.
JON?
WE GOT A LITTLE HUMAN INTEREST HERE, LAR.
THERE'S THIS OLD LADY UP HERE.
SHE'S WATERING A DEAD TREE.
SHE'S WAVING AT US, LAR.
HI, THERE!
ISN'T THAT SWEET!
WAVE BACK, LARRY.
I'M WAVING.
CAN YOU SEE ME?
I'M WAVING.
( glass shatters ) ( man and woman argue )
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Woman: I DON'T EVER, EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN,
DO YOU HEAR ME?
Man: LISTEN TO ME!
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
Woman: YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!
Man: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME A LIAR!
NO! NO!
Woman: GET OUT!
( panting ) WHERE'S IVAN WHEN YOU NEED HIM?
OH...
( sighs ) THANK YOU!
OH, MY GOD. WHAT'S WITH THE POWER
IN THE DUMP?
OW!
( car alarm blaring ) WHAT THE HELL?
HEY, MAN. YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH.
I STEPPED ON SOMETHING.
OH, SHIT, MY GUITAR!
I'M SORRY.
PHEW!
WELL, IT LOOKS OKAY.
GOOD. SORRY.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
YOU LOOK KIND OF SHAKY.
WHAT? OH, NO, IT'S JUST...
I JUST MOVED IN, AND MY, YOU KNOW, THE BLACKOUT,
MY AIR CONDITIONER...
OH, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME, MAN.
WIRING IN THIS BUILDING BITES.
THERE YOU GO.
NO, NO, KEEP IT.
I'D FEEL BETTER IF I KNEW YOU HAD A LIGHT.
OH. THANKS, THAT'S NICE.
GOTTA BE NICE, MAN.
TOWN WITHOUT PITY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YEAH, SURE.
WELL, HEY, LISTEN, I GOTTA ZIP.
OKAY.
BUT, UH, YOU EVER NEED ANYTHING...
MR. PIZZA.
SURE, ANY KIND OF PIZZA YOU WHAT,
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IF YOU DO PIZZA.
OH, YEAH, SURE.
LOOK OUT FOR THE BOOGEYMAN!
( TV blaring ) OW!
....FOR ONLY 39.95!
THAT'S NOT ALL.
IN ADDITION...
( continues, indistinct ) HEY!
PSST!
EXCUSE ME!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
ACCESS CODE?
ELEVEN... NUMBER 11.
HICKS!
YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, HICKS.
ALL RIGHT.
POUND BUTTON.
ASTERISK.
IT BEEPS.
THREE-THREE-THREE.
( rings ) COME ON, ASSHOLE.
WHAT?
YEAH, LISTEN.
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING IN YOUR APARTMENT.
HELLO?
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M, UH...
I'M, UH...
RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
THEN YOU CAN SEE ME.
YES, I CAN SEE YOU.
( dial tone ) FUCKING LUNATIC.
( dial tone ) FUCKING LUNATIC.
( TV blaring ) ( TV stops )
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA BE TOUGH WITH THEM.
UH, JONATHAN, ABOUT THE MINI-MALL.
I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A HITCH.
A HITCH.
WHAT KIND OF HITCH?
WELL, THEY BROUGHT IN ANOTHER INVESTOR
OVER THE WEEKEND, AND, UH, TO PUT IT BLUNTLY,
HE DIDN'T THINK YOUR DESIGN WAS ORIGINAL.
MR. BRENDEL, I THOUGHT THAT WE WON,
THAT WE GOT THE BID.
AND YOU'RE STILL IN THERE, JONATHAN.
THEY JUST WANT SOMETHING ELSE.
A NEW DESIGN.
SO, I SAID TO THEM, "JONATHAN'S GONNA LOVE THIS.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THIS KID THRIVES UNDER PRESSURE.
IN FACT, HE'S AT HIS BEST WITH HIS BACK AGAINST THE WALL."
I AM RIGHT ABOUT THAT, AREN'T I, JONATHAN?
A WEEK, LARRY.
HE NEEDS IT IN A WEEK.
WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING TO GET IN A WEEK?
SOMETHING ELSE.
THAT'S ALL HE SAID -- SOMETHING ELSE.
( ding ) WHAT'S GOING ON, OFFICER?
SORRY, SIR, POLICE BUSINESS ONLY.
I LIVE HERE.
I CAN'T ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS NOW.
JUST GO HOME.
THERE'S NOTHING HERE TO SEE.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN TELL YOU, I'M SORRY.
AW, COME ON, I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT THE LAST GUY SAID.
( radio chatter ) I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE
IF I WERE YOU.
MR. PIZZA.
SO, YOU KNEW THIS GUY?
NO. WELL, I MET HIM -- I-I JUST MOVED IN.
WHO ARE YOU?
STEINER, HOMICIDE.
WELCOME TO THE BUILDING MR., UH --
ANGEL!
JUST SECOND, DOT.
DON'T GO AWAY, OKAY?
OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE GOT SO FAR.
TIME OF DEATH, BEFORE MIDNIGHT SATURDAY.
LOTS OF STABS, MAYBE 20, FRONT AND BACK.
DOZENS OF DEFENSIVE WOUNDS.
KID KEPT MOVING A WHILE, ROLLING OVER AND OVER.
BA-BONG, BA-BONG, BA-BONG, RIGHT ALONG THE WALL HERE.
DOT, WE GOT CIVILIANS.
OH, SORRY.
MY HUSBAND'S HOLDING DINNER FOR ME -- WE'VE GOT COMPANY.
WHOO! SOMEONE OPEN A WINDOW, WILL YA? IT'S LIKE
A BUTCHER SHOP IN HERE.
HMM. FORGET IT.
IT'S ACOUSTIC GLASS.
GUY WAS A ROCK MUSICIAN.
SEE THE PADDED WALLS?
HEH, DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB THE NEIGHBORS.
CAN YOU BEAT THAT?
I'M RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
THEN YOU CAN SEE ME?
WHICH ONE'S YOURS?
HUH?
YOU LIVE OUT IN THE COURTYARD, RIGHT?
YEAH, HOW DO YOU KNOW?
FIRST THING A GUY LOOKS FOR WHEN HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW
IS HIS OWN PLACE.
YOU'RE NUMBER... 12, RIGHT?
RIGHT.
HEY. WELL, WE'LL BE SEEING YOU SOON.
YOU'RE STANDING IN SOME BLOOD.
( wiping shoe ) GETS TO YOU, HUH?
YEAH, I KNOW, ME TOO.
AH, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE, BUT THEN,
STILL, IT JUST... ( sighs ) I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS YOU JUST
NEVER THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN IN YOUR OWN BUILDING, YOU KNOW?
YOU LIVE HERE?
YEAH, OH, YEAH. YEAH.
WELL, NO, ACTUALLY, I LIVE ON THE ROAD
BUT, I, UH, SLEEP HERE SOMETIMES.
BUT THIS THING, MAN, WHOA, I MEAN, 20 STAB WOUNDS.
SOMEBODY MUST'VE BEEN AWFULLY MAD AT THIS GUY.
THE L.A. TIMES LOVES THAT KIND OF CRAP.
MAN, WHAT A RACKET.
SOMETIMES I THINK I OUGHT TO CHUCK THE WHOLE THING
AND MOVE OUT TO THE DESERT.
THE WHAT?
THE DESERT.
WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE?
NO, I-I JUST MOVED HERE FROM NEW YORK.
MAN, I DON'T MEAN THE FAKE DESERT
OUT BY THE SPRINGS.
I MEAN THE REAL DESERT, YOU KNOW, WHERE THERE'S NOTHING
BUT YOU AND SPACE, YOU KNOW?
NO BULLSHIT.
NOT LIKE THIS CITY.
THIS CITY IS THE CAPITAL OF BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW?
OH, BY THE WAY, I'M JACK MORGAN, BULLSHIT JOURNALIST,
AND, UH, I LIKE TO TALK TO A LOT, IF YOU HAVEN'T...
JONATHAN HOFFMAN.
LISTEN, I GOTTA RUN, OKAY?
OKAY, HEY, NO PROBLEM.
HEY, BUT YOU'RE NEW -- YOU'RE NEW HERE, RIGHT?
YEAH.
SO, YOU GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME, AND WE'LL GET
TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, UM...
( ding ) ...WHATEVER.
( phone ringing ) REESE THE BEAST.
LARRY.
JON, WHAT'D YOU DO SO FAR?
I THINK I GOT SOMEBODY KILLED.
WHAT?
LOOK, YOU REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT EARLIER,
THE CRAZY GUY WITH THE LOUD TV?
AND I... LIED ABOUT WHERE I WAS.
WELL, YOU'RE A NEW YORKER.
OF COURSE YOU LIED.
WELL, THE GUY THAT I SAID I WAS... HE'S DEAD NOW.
YOU HEAR ME?
I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!
TELEVISION IS THE NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF DEATH IN AMERICA.
ENTIRE FAMILIES GET WIPED OUT OVER WHO'S GONNA WATCH WHAT.
WILL YOU BE SERIOUS, LARRY?
AN INNOCENT GUY IS DEAD, AND I --
( knocking ) I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
HELLO.
I'VE GOT YOUR MAIL.
THANK YOU.
NICE DOGS.
HEAR ABOUT THE MURDER?
OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE DOWN THE HALL?
I ENVY HIM.
WELCOME TO SHANGRI-LA.
( TV blaring ) DETECTIVE STEINER?
MM. HMM? MM. CAROB.
WHAT?
CAROB. I ASKED FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP,
THEY GIVE ME CAROB.
YOU'RE NOT FROM AROUND HERE, ARE YOU? NO.
WELL, AS A NATIVE ANGELENO, LET ME TELL YOU THIS --
CAROB/CHOCOLATE CHIP CONTROVERSY IS RAGING HERE, AND YOU KNOW
WHICH SIDE I'M ON.
SO, MR. APARTMENT 12, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
WELL...
I, UH, ONLY WANT TO HAVE TO SAY THIS ONCE.
WELL, I'LL BE SURE TO LISTEN REAL CAREFULLY, THEN.
( chuckles ) THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER AT ABOUT 11:00,
THIS REALLY WEIRD GUY WAS PLAYING HIS TELEVISION LOUD.
YEAH, WELL, WHEN YOU SAY "WEIRD," WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WEIRD, LIKE SCARY WEIRD OR FUN WEIRD, OR...?
JUST WEIRD.
ANYWAY, SO I WENT DOWN TO...
( phone ringing ) HOLD ON JUST A SECOND.
STEINER.
YEAH, SEND HER IN.
UM... JONATHAN, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR THIS STORY, I REALLY DO,
BUT CAN YOU JUST HOLD ON FOR A MINUTE, OKAY?
DETECTIVE STEINER?
UM... JONATHAN, CAN YOU GIVE ME A MOMENT?
SURE.
FIRST OF ALL, MY CONDOLENCES ABOUT YOUR BROTHER.
I'M VERY SORRY.
What have I done?
HI.
I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR BROTHER.
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
YOU CAN GIVE ME A RIDE.
SURE.
WHERE TO?
JUST DRIVE.
OKAY.
DID YOU KNOW MY BROTHER?
NO.
HE LIKED TO COME HERE.
IT'S A NICE VIEW.
( chuckles ) THE VIEW WASN'T THE POINT.
HE DID BUSINESS HERE.
IF THE COPS CAME, HE COULD THROW THE STUFF
DOWN THE HILL.
YOU KNOW WHAT MY BROTHER SOLD, DON'T YOU?
PIZZA?
( laughs ) MR. PIZZA!
ONLY ALBERT COULD'VE COME UP WITH A SCHEME LIKE THAT.
( crying ) ( sighs )
SOMETIMES I REALLY WANTED TO SLAP HIM AROUND.
NOW I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT IS MY FAULT.
I CAME HERE TO PROTECT HIM.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
( sighs ) WANT TO GO HOME?
I GAVE MY APARTMENT AWAY.
I WAS GOING TO MOVE IN WITH HIM.
HE NEEDED ME.
( sighs ) HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
JONATHAN, THIS IS NICE OF YOU, BUT --
QUIET. YOU STAY HERE UNTIL YOU DECIDE WHAT IT IS
YOU WANT TO DO, OKAY?
( phone ringing ) I'LL GO WASH MY FACE.
( answering machine beeps ) Larry: IS THE COURTYARD
KILLER THERE?
CAN I SPEAK TO -- SHUT UP! SHUT --
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
( dial tone ) HEY, JON! STEINER HERE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, PAL?
( answering machine beeps ) LAUREN?
( panting ) ( screaming on TV )
( startles ) LAUREN?
( doorknob rattles ) ( sighs )
HI.
HI.
TOOK YOUR KEYS.
I NEEDED SOME THINGS.
YOU OKAY?
YEAH, YEAH, FINE.
( cat yowls ) I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. I'VE IMPOSED.
I SHOULD JUST GO BACK TO -- NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY.
NO, I JUST -- I...
I HAD A NIGHTMARE.
DON'T TELL ME YOURS, AND I WON'T TELL YOU MINE.
DON'T TELL ME YOURS, AND I WON'T TELL YOU MINE.
LAUREN?
OH...
NO, NO, NO.
WHAT?
YOU HAVE TO STAY AT LEAST TILL DAWN.
WELL, I THOUGHT WE COULD MOVE TO THE BED.
NO, I LIKE IT IN THE LIVING ROOM.
( chuckles ) I ALWAYS USED TO SLEEP
IN THE LIVING ROOM WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID IN THE ELEVATOR ABOUT IT
BEING A... BAD TIME?
YEAH.
IT WAS JUST ONE NIGHT.
HE WAS MARRIED AND I WAS STUPID.
HE STOLE SOMETHING FROM ME.
IT WASN'T MY HEART, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WERE THINKING.
( chuckles ) ( footsteps )
( laughs ) GOOD MORNING.
LAUREN, LISTEN...
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, YOU HAVE TO GET TO WORK,
MR. IMPORTANT ARCHITECT.
YOU SURPRISED I KNOW?
FOUND YOUR CARD IN YOUR SHIRT POCKET.
OH.
NO, IT'S, UM...
IT'S NOT THAT.
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE.
OH, JONATHAN, RELATIONSHIP SPEECH ALREADY?
NO, NO. LISTEN.
I WANT TO HELP YOU. I WANT TO -- I WANT TO FIND THE GUY
THAT KILLED YOUR BROTHER.
NO.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.
HUP.
SHIT.
OKAY.
OH, MY GOD.
SHIT.
OKAY...
HA!
( television blaring ) ( lowers volume )
THE WHOLE PLACE IS ON TIMERS, LAR.
THE GUY'S OUT OF TOWN ALL THE TIME.
HE'S A TRUCK DRIVER.
THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER, HE WAS IN SEATTLE.
THAT'S GREAT. SO -- SO, YOU DIDN'T PROVOKE
THE INFAMOUS TV KILLER.
CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK DOWN TO WORK?
SO, WHO WAS I TALKING TO THREE NIGHTS AGO, THEN?
( gasps ) JONATHAN! JONATHAN!
THE DEAD MAN'S SISTER CALLED.
SHE WANTS THE KEYS TO HIS PLACE TO PICK UP
SOME OF HIS THINGS.
SHE LEFT YOUR NUMBER.
SO, THIS IS HOW YOU RETURN A PHONE CALL, BY BREAKING
INTO MY PLACE?
I KNOCKED.
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
YOU ARE FAST WORKER, NO?
THE PIZZA BOY IS BARELY COLD, AND ALREADY BANG BANG.
HA HA!
GET OUT.
"GET OUT, IVAN?" "GET OUT, IVAN?"
DON'T YOU WANT YOUR AIR CONDITIONER FIXED?
WHAT? I'VE BEEN FRYING FOR THREE DAYS IN HERE.
THEN STOP WORRYING, MY FRIEND.
MY BROTHER BORIS COMES TOMORROW.
BORIS?
HE'S GENIUS.
HE CAN FIX ANYTHING.
ANYWAY, YOUR LITTLE GOLUBCHIK CAN USE THE PIZZA BOY'S KEYS,
BUT I AM KEEPING HIS DEPOSIT.
JONATHAN!
JONATHAN!
I'M HANGING UP NOW!
( doorbell ringing ) CAUGHT YOU.
DETECTIVE!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUN OUT ON ME THIS TIME, ARE YA?
COME IN. LISTEN, UH, ABOUT THE OTHER DAY...
WHICH IS WHY I'M HERE.
WHOA, BOXES.
YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF LEAVING US, ARE YOU?
SHOULD I?
STRAIGHT ANSWER, HUH?
I LIKE IT.
NO, FROM WHAT WE KNOW SO FAR, IT SEEMS
THE MR. PIZZA MURDERS WERE DRUG-RELATED.
SO, UH, YOU'RE SAFE.
WELL, WE THINK.
YOU THINK?
BUT WE DO LIKE TO HEAR EVERY THEORY,
WHICH BRINGS ME TO YOU.
SHOOT.
I FEEL STUPID.
( laughs ) DO YOU?
YEAH, SO DO I.
COMES WITH BEING A COP.
WELL, NO, I WAS JUST -- YOU KNOW, I WAS UPSET,
'CAUSE OF THE MURDER, AND THEN I'VE MET
ALL THESE WEIRD PEOPLE THAT LIVE HERE.
FUNNY THING ABOUT WEIRD PEOPLE, THERE'S
SO MANY OF THEM, BUT SO FEW OF THEM COMMIT MURDER.
YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT IT WAS THIS GUY HICKS.
YEAH, WHO WAS IN SEATTLE THE NIGHT OF THE MURDER.
I WASTED YOUR TIME.
NOT AT ALL.
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF WEIRD PEOPLE HERE...
YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT MR. PIZZA'S SISTER, THAT'S AN ODD BIRD, HUH?
YOU'RE THE DETECTIVE.
( laughs ) I'LL BE SEEING YOU, JONATHAN.
( laughs ) I'LL BE SEEING YOU, JONATHAN.
( giggling ) ( TV playing faintly )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE WALTONS
AFTER THESE MESSAGES.
OH, MY GOD, I HOPE JOHN-BOY DIDN'T HEAR US.
HMM?
SOMEONE NEXT DOOR LIKES THE WALTONS, TOO.
I NEVER MISSED A SHOW EVERY NIGHT AT 11:00.
SEE, I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED GIRL AT HEART -- ENID, OKLAHOMA.
YOU'RE AN OKIE?
( laughs ) WHEN MY MOTHER HAD... GUESTS
IN HER BEDROOM, I WOULD GO DOWN
TO THE LIVING ROOM AND...
TURN ON THE TV AS LOUD AS I COULD.
AND WHEN THE WALTONS WERE ON, ALBERT WOULD COME DOWN
AND WE'D PUT THE BLANKETS OVER OUR HEADS,
AND THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE WORLD BUT US
AND THAT BIG, HAPPY FAMILY.
GOD, I MISS HIM.
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
HI, THIS IS SHELLEY.
I'M NOT HOME RIGHT NOW, BUT PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE --
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
Man: ¿HOLA, QUIEN...?
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
Old Man: YES, HELLO?
Woman: OH, JASON, YOU'RE EARLY.
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
LET ME BUZZ YOU IN.
YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY.
HELLO?
DON'T HANG UP.
IS THIS WHO I THINK IT IS?
ARE YOU, UM, THE SAME GUY I TALKED TO BEFORE?
HUH, LET'S SAY...
THE SAME, BUT NOT THE SAME.
A LOT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN, HASN'T IT?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?
NOT SO FAST.
LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
YOU'VE PUT ME IN A VERY...
AWKWARD POSITION, MY FRIEND.
'CAUSE YOU KILLED THE WRONG GUY?
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WH-WHY'D YOU KILL HIM?
WHY WERE YOU SUCH A COWARD?
I AM NOT A COWARD.
THEN TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY YOU KILLED HIM!
SOMETHING HE HEARD?
SOMETHING HE SAW?
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
( car honks ) THE TRU-THE TRUTH.
I THINK YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK, MY FRIEND.
WHY?
I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
( dial tone ) I SPOKE TO HIM.
YOU SPOKE TO WHO?
THE MURDERER.
WHAT?
JUST LISTEN.
I JUST CALLED HIM.
HE AS GOOD AS CONFESSED TO ME.
ALL I GOTTA DO NOW IS GET SOME EVIDENCE.
NO, CALL THE COPS, JON.
I CAN'T. DON'T YOU GET IT?
IT'S ME. I'M THE ONE THAT MADE THE GODDAMN PHONE CALL.
I GOT LAUREN'S BROTHER KILLED.
I GO TO THE POLICE, SHE FINDS OUT.
SO?
SO I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU CAN'T -- YOU -- OH, MAN, WHY DOES YOUR VOICE
HAVE THAT "BECAUSE I SLEPT WITH HER" QUALITY?
IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
SHIT.
LOOK, YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME WITHIN 48, YOU CALL
THE HOLLYWOOD PRECINCT AND ASK FOR STEINER.
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? JON!
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? JON!
RIGHT, 21... 21.
RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
COME IN, MY FRIEND.
YOU LIKE?
NEW AIR CONDITIONER FOR EVERYBODY.
BORIS GOT A DEAL.
THAT'S GREAT.
LISTEN, IVAN.
EE-VAHN.
MY NAME IS EE-VAHN.
SORRY.
SIT DOWN.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
I AM LIKE GOD UP HERE, NO?
YES.
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
THERE IS PROBLEM?
YOU ARE NOT LIKING CHERNOBYL BLEND?
( laughs ) IT IS A JOKE, JOHNNY!
OH.
YOU ARE FAR TOO SERIOUS.
YOU MUST LEARN TO RELAX.
WELL, I CAN'T, IV-- EE-VAHN.
YOU SEE, I FOUND SOMETHING VERY DISTURBING IN MY APARTMENT
THIS MORNING.
NO KIDDING. RATS? ANTS?
A HAIRLINE CRACK IN MY BEDROOM FLOOR.
A HAIRLINE CRACK. SO?
SO, ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE, AND WE'RE A PILE OF STUCCO.
AND, UH, YOU ARE KNOWING THIS HOW, MR. EXPERT?
I'M AN ARCHITECT, IVAN.
I UNDERSTAND STRESS AND STRAIN.
NOW, IF YOU WOULD WANT ME TO LOOK AT THE PLACE,
JUST AS A COURTESY...
OR I GUESS YOU CAN WAIT FOR THE INSPECTOR TO COME
AND PUT YOUR NAME ON A LIST.
AND WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THIS FOR YOU?
SECURITY.
I SLEEP BETTER KNOWING MY HOUSE WON'T BE ROLLING
DOWN THE HILL.
OKAY. I DO IT.
SEVENTEEN, 16, 10, EVERYBODY'S COMPLAINING,
AND ALL BECAUSE OF THAT PIZZA BOY, THAT BUM.
WHY COULDN'T HE DIE IN THE STREET?
WELL, WHAT APARTMENT DO YOU WANT TO SEE FIRST?
YOU ARE THE BOSS.
OH. OKAY. UH, WELL, THE X-BEAMS RUN THROUGH
THE COURTYARD APARTMENTS, SO IF THERE ARE ANY STRESS
CRACKS WE WOULD SEE THEM IN APARTMENT, UH, 21.
WHERE WOULD THAT BE?
TWENTY-ONE?
YEAH.
COME.
( doorbell ringing ) ( big band playing faintly )
AHEM.
NOBODY HOME.
WELL...
( beeper sounding ) EXTERMINATOR. WAIT HERE.
( latch clicking ) OH! I KNOW YOU.
COME ON IN, DEAR.
WELL, YOUR AIR CONDITIONER'S CERTAINLY WORKING, HUH?
SO, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, HONEY?
ACTUALLY, I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY SPEAK WITH MR. BROWN.
OH, WELL...
I'M AFRAID THERE IS NO MR. BROWN, NOT ANYMORE.
BUT I USE MY MAIDEN NAME.
KATHLEEN FITZGERALD.
THAT MUST BE DIFFICULT, LIVING ALONE.
NO. SUITS ME.
BESIDES, IF I NEED COMPANY, I CAN ALWAYS GO RIGHT OUT
ON MY TERRANCE AND WAVE TO YOU, CAN'T I?
( chuckles ) YOU SEE MY NEW TREES?
AH.
NICE.
SO, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ME
AND MY DEAD TREE ANYMORE.
( laughs ) SORRY. THIS DOESN'T REALLY
FIT ME, DOES IT?
WOULD YOU RATHER I GO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES?
OH, WHAT -- WHATEVER YOU'RE COMFORTABLE IN.
WELL, I'M COMFORTABLE IN THIS, AND AT MY AGE,
IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE, WHAT'S THE USE?
OOH. I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW YOUR NAME.
I'M JONATHAN.
JONATHAN, YOU CAN CALL ME KATHLEEN.
SO, THE MURDER MUST BE PRETTY UPSETTING,
HUH, KATHLEEN?
UPSETTING ISN'T THE WORD.
YOU KNOW, THE TERRIBLE THING IS IT COULD BE JUST ABOUT ANYBODY,
I MEAN, SOMEBODY RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BUILDING.
REALLY? WHO?
WELL, BETWEEN US, THE ONE WHO REALLY GIVES ME FITS
IS THAT MAN WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE DOGS.
I JUST HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRUEL TO ANIMALS.
CRUEL?
YOU MEAN -- ANYHOW, HOW COULD A PERSON
KNOW, WHAT WITH THAT INSANE MR. HICKS BLASTING
HIS TV ALL THE TIME?
I REMEMBER I HAD JUST GONE TO BED.
DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT ELSE WAS THERE TO HEAR?
ANYTHING. BESIDE THE TV, DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ELSE?
I DON'T KNOW.
THINK!
JONATHAN, I'M SORRY, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM... I'M DOING THE EARTHQUAKE INSPECTION,
AND I SHOULD PROBABLY FINISH, ACTUALLY, SO IF YOU WOULDN'T
MIND JUST SHOWING ME THE BEDROOM...
YES, I WOULD.
IT'S OKAY. I'M AN ARCHITECT.
I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE, JONATHAN,
AND TAKE THIS WITH YOU -- WHAT?
RIGHT NOW.
YOU THINK I WROTE THIS?
LOOK, I GOT ONE OF THESE, TOO!
WELL. FIND ANYTHING?
NO. NO, NO CRACKS.
HMM.
YEAH. GOOD.
YOU MUST THINK I AM IDIOT, NO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT I MEAN IS YOU ARE BULLSHITTING ME,
MY FRIEND.
YOU ARE LOOKING FOR MURDERER, AREN'T YOU?
YOU THINK SOMEONE IN BUILDING MURDERED THE PIZZA BOY.
YOU'RE CRAZY, IVAN.
I WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU.
LE ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MY FRIEND.
YOU ARE USELESS!
FORGET IT, IVAN, IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
YOU THINK I CAN RUN A BUILDING IN THIS WAY
WITH SOME MANIAC BOTHERING MY TENANTS,
CALLING THEM ON THE PHONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
I PROTECT MY INTEREST, MISTER.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, IVAN.
IVAN, LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE.
COME ON, HE'S NEW IN THE BUILDING.
NOBODY GETS THE WRENCH TILL THEY'VE BEEN HERE
AT LEAST A YEAR, YOU KNOW THAT.
BUTT OUT, MY FRIEND.
WHY DON'T YOU STICK TO SCRIBBLING?
OH, WOW, JON, WHAT'D YOU DO?
YOU DIDN'T BAD-MOUTH THE WONDERFUL BORIS, DID YOU?
THAT'S ENOUGH!
HMMPH!
AND TO THINK I BOUGHT YOU ALL NEW AIR CONDITIONERS!
NEW AIR CONDITIONERS?
REALLY? WHEN DO WE GET 'EM?
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.
THANKS, I OWE YA.
NAH, FORGET IT.
SO, HEAR THE BUZZ?
WHAT BUZZ?
OH, MAN, THAT MR. PIZZA THING.
THE RUMOR AT THE TIMES IS THEY GOT A SUSPECT
IN CUSTODY.
YEAH, BUT IT'S JUST A RUMOR.
HEY, HOW COME YOU'RE SO INTERESTED, HUH?
I THOUGHT YOU BARELY KNEW THE GUY.
NO, NO, I DIDN'T...
YEAH, BUT IT EATS AT YOU, RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU WONDER
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN.
YEAH, I GUESS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE OTHER CLOWNS
IN THIS BUILDING THINK, HUH?
THEY DON'T CARE.
THEY THOUGHT HE HAD IT COMING, YOU KNOW?
IT'S ALMOST LIKE BECAUSE HE WASN'T SOME HUGE SUCCESS,
YOU KNOW, THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
JESUS, HE'S LIKE, A HUMAN BEING, RIGHT? I MEAN, HE'S GOT
FAMILY, RIGHT, YOU KNOW?
FAMILY, YEAH.
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
JON, THE THING IS, IT'S LIKE, ME AND YOU,
WE'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO GIVE A SHIT, YOU KNOW?
AND IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE ONE PERSON KILLED MR. PIZZA.
IT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE DAMN BUILDING KILLED MR. PIZZA.
JON, L.A. KILLED MR. PIZZA.
UH-HUH.
( laughs ) I KNOW, IT SUCKS.
ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA ADMIT SOMETHING, MAN.
I'M TOTALLY STUCK, AND I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP,
YOU KNOW?
HUH? YEAH.
WITH MY ARTICLE.
PLEASE, IT WOULD REALLY MEAN A LOT TO ME.
OH... UH...
ARE YOU ON THE COURTYARD?
MM, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S WAY TOO NOISY.
NO, I LIVE DOWN THERE, APARTMENT SIX.
JONATHAN?
NEVER MIND. I GOTTA GO.
LAUREN, HOLD ON A SECOND.
CAN WE DO THIS LATER?
UM, NO, LATER WOULDN'T BE GOOD, 'CAUSE --
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S PERFECT.
I GOTTA GO TO THE DESERT TONIGHT.
MAYBE YOU COULD COME WITH ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S COOL. WE'LL JUST DO IT SOME OTHER TIME, ALL RIGHT?
LAUREN!
( honks ) CAREFUL.
( barking ) JONATHAN, I THINK
WE SHOULD SLOW DOWN.
SLOW DOWN.
AHEM. YOU -- YOU MEAN -- WHAT?
SOMETHING'S COME UP.
WHAT?
YOU CAN TELL ME.
IT'S OKAY.
I'M NOT A BOY SCOUT.
IS IT THAT MARRIED GUY?
ARE YOU SEEING HIM AGAIN?
NO, JONATHAN, I'M NEVER SEEING HIM AGAIN.
STEINER CAME TO SEE ME TODAY.
ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?
NO, ABOUT YOU.
AND HE WAS ASKING ME QUESTIONS AND I COULDN'T ANSWER THEM,
AND I REALIZED I-- I DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU.
I'M A SPY, AND MY MISSION IS TO FALL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE
WITH YOU AND MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF.
JONATHAN, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
DO YOU THINK I THINK IT'S FUNNY?
WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN MY BROTHER'S MURDER?
I AM CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
WE WAKE UP THIS MORNING, EVERYTHING IS FINE.
WHAT IS GOING ON?
I JUST CAN'T TRUST ANYONE RIGHT NOW.
LAUREN...
LAUREN!
LAUREN...
JONATHAN! JONATHAN! HEY!
I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.
HEY, GUYS! HEY, GUYS!
THIS IS THE KID DOING THE NEW DESIGN.
( laughing ) ( chatter )
( laughing ) ( chatter )
( sighs ) OH...
( chirps ) ( power zapping )
OH, GREAT.
( crunch ) ( car starts )
( alarm blaring ) OKAY, SO IT'S 4:00 A.M.,
RIGHT, AND, UH, YOU'D JUST COME BACK FROM A LONG DRIVE,
BUT YOU WEREN'T DRIVING ANYWHERE.
YOU WERE JUST DRIVING, RIGHT?
YEAH.
FOR SIX HOURS.
OKAY, SO YOU GET DOWN TO THIS GARAGE,
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT,
AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE, THIS GREEN JAG COMES
AND TRIES TO RUN YOU OVER.
THAT'S IT?
IS THAT IT?
SOMEBODY TRIED TO KILL ME!
SOMEBODY DRIVES A GREEN JAG, LICENSE PLATE 2VZ9084.
WOULD IT HELP IF I TOLD YOU THAT MAYBE THAT GREEN JAG
BELONGED TO IVAN?
IT'S NOT IVAN.
AND THAT IVAN'S NOWHERE TO BE FOUND?
IT CAN'T BE IVAN. WHY NOT?
BECAUSE IT NOT IVAN'S VOI-- IVAN DRIVES A JAG?
JUST WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN L.A., JONATHAN?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?
WELL, PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE, OKAY?
I GOT AN UNSOLVED MURDER IN THIS BUILDING,
AND MY DRUG ANGLE IS CHANGING FROM A MONA LISA
INTO A PAINT-BY-NUMBERS.
I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
YEAH, HAVE YOU?
I DON'T THINK SO AND STOP JANGLING
THOSE GODDAMN KEYS.
I DIDN'T GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST CALL IVAN'S BROTHER BORIS.
IF ANYBODY KNOWS WHAT HAPPEN -- ( laughing )
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
THERE IS NO BORIS, JONATHAN.
IVAN MADE HIM UP.
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU HAVE ANGRY TENANTS, OKAY?
YOU NEED A SCAPEGOAT.
SO, WHENEVER ANYTHING GOES WRONG, IT'S BORIS'S FAULT,
BUT THERE IS NO BORIS AND EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.
CHIEF. WHAT?
WE GOT A MAKE ON THAT JAG.
IT'S IVAN'S, ABANDONED UP ON CAHUENGA,
LEAKING FLUIDS, MASHED FRONT END.
MUST'VE BROKEN DOWN.
DO ME A FAVOR -- FIND OUT IF ANYBODY TOOK A CAB
FROM THERE TO HERE EARLY THIS MORNING, OKAY?
YEAH, GIVE THEM ANY NAMES?
YEAH, ONE. JONATHAN HOFFMAN.
TWO "Fs," ONE "N."
( ding ) YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
JACK! HI.
JON, UM... I GOT A PROBLEM.
OH?
WITH MY WIFE.
YEAH, YEAH, I'M MARRIED.
I WAS MARRIED.
BEFORE -- BEFORE THE SEPARATION, UM, ANYWAY, SINCE THEN...
YOU KNOW, I FOOLED AROUND A LITTLE, BUT FINALLY
I MET SOMEBODY WHO, YOU KNOW, I FELT LIKE I COULD
REALLY CARE ABOUT.
UH-HUH.
JON, I WAS GONNA TAKE THIS WOMAN TO THE DESERT,
YOU KNOW, BUT THEN LAST NIGHT WE WERE IN BED, YOU KNOW,
WE WERE GONNA...
AND, UM, I LOOKED INTO HER EYES AND I, UH,
I SAW MY WIFE'S FACE ON TOP OF HERS,
AND I COULDN'T, UM...
COULDN'T...
( chuckles ) HAS IT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
NO.
THAT'S GREAT.
WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THAT FOR?
( buzzer ringing ) GODDAMN IT!
SOMEBODY NEEDS THE ELEVATOR.
( sighs ) UM...
( paper crinkling ) IT'S MY ONLY COPY.
OH.
MY ARTICLE, REMEMBER?
BE GENTLE, PLEASE.
MRS. FITZGERALD, UP?
COME ON, GET IN.
HE'S NOT GONNA BITE YOU.
NO. GET IN!
WHEN I WAS TEACHING SCHOOL, THE BOYS WERE POLITE
AND QUIET... AND CLEAN.
( scoffs ) YEAH, BUT WHAT WAS THAT, LIKE,
A MILLION YEARS AGO?
DURING THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION.
( sighs ) HI.
I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR YOU.
REALLY? WHY?
I WAS A LITTLE HARD ON YOU LAST NIGHT.
FORGET IT. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
FINE.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
WAIT A SECOND!
NOTHING, YOU KNOW?
JUST FORGET IT.
IT WAS A MISTAKE.
WHICH PART -- STARTING, ENDING, TWISTING THE KNIFE?
ALL OF IT!
( phone ringing ) LAUREN?
DON'T HANG UP.
OH, PLEASE.
HELLO?
WHAT WE DID MAKES ME SICK.
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
JON. JONATHAN!
SLOW DOWN, OKAY?
I WANT YOU TO HANG UP THE PHONE AND DIAL THE POLICE.
I CAN'T DO THAT, NOT YET.
I CAN'T JUST SIC THE DOGS ON HER.
I GOTTA BE SURE.
YOU HAVE TO BE SURE?
SHE WAS TALKING TO THE MURDERER ON THE PHONE!
ON THE PHONE!
YEAH, BUT MAYBE HE FORCED HER.
MAYBE HE'S BLACKMAILING HER.
I MEAN, MAYBE...
LOOK, SHE SAID IT MADE HER SICK, RIGHT? ALL RIGHT?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO, LARRY?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO'S NOT IN LOVE WITH HER,
LIKE STEINER, OKAY?
LISTEN TO ME, BUDDY.
YOU'RE NOT JUST FUCKING YOURSELF UP HERE.
I AM YOUR PARTNER.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
I'M YOUR PARTNER.
WE HAVE TO HAVE A BRILLIANT DESIGN BY MONDAY.
TODAY IS FRIDAY!!!
JON!
JON!
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU STUPID BASTARD,
YOUR WHOLE CAREER'S ON THE LINE.
( blowing air ) OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, JOHN WAYNE? FIRST THING TOMORROW
I AM CALLING STEINER AND TELLING HIM EVERYTHING.
I AM CALLING STEINER AND TELLING HIM EVERYTHING.
LAUREN, JUST CALL AND TELL ME I MADE A MISTAKE.
TELL ME THAT IT ISN'T HIS VOICE ON THE PHONE.
TELL ME THAT IT ISN'T HIS VOICE ON THE PHONE.
( phone ringing ) ( groans )
HELLO.
JONATHAN? STEINER.
GET DRESSED.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
TO MEET SOMEONE.
CAN I ASK WHO?
YEAH, LAUREN.
COME ON.
IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE?
NO. JOKE'S FUNNY.
THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
HEY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS FUNNY?
MR. PIZZA, THE BIG-TIME DRUG DEALER.
SEEMS MR. PIZZA WASN'T EVEN BIG ENOUGH TO BE
A SMALL-TIME DRUG DEALER.
SO, MR. PIZZA LIED, OKAY.
IT HAPPENS.
YOU COME TO L.A., YOU FAIL, YOU LIE -- NO BIGGIE.
BUT IT BOTHERS ME.
IT BOTHERS ME BECAUSE I SPENT A WHOLE WEEK RUNNING
UP AND DOWN THE STRIP FOR A GUY THAT WASN'T
EVEN IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO KILL.
HEY, LAUREN, DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU?
GET TO THE FUCKING POINT.
THE FUCKING POINT, OKAY.
THE FUCKING POINT -- DID YOU LIKE YOUR BROTHER?
I LOVED MY BROTHER.
YEAH, BUT HE WAS A PAIN IN THE ASS SOMETIMES, WASN'T HE?
HE USED TO GET ON YOUR NERVES, DIDN'T HE?
GIVE HER A BREAK, STEINER!
I DON'T THINK SO, JONATHAN.
SEE, LAUREN'S REALLY SMART.
SHE KNOWS, HUH?
SHE KNOWS THAT IF I SPIN MY WHEELS ON THE WRONG ANGLE
FOR ABOUT A WEEK, WELL, THEN THE MR. PIZZA CASE
GETS BACKBURNERED, HUH?
AND THE MURDERER CAN WALK.
RIGHT, LAUREN?
YEAH. SHE KNOWS ABOUT COPS.
SHE'S HAD SOME BACK LUCK, HUH?
WHICH IS WHY I BROUGHT HER DOWN HERE.
I THOUGHT SHE'D LIKE TO SEE ANOTHER BAD-LUCK GIRL, HUH?
WANNA SEE?
WHO THE HELL IS IT?
I DON'T KNOW WHO THE HELL.
DO YOU?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOW US HER FACE?
WELL, JONATHAN, I'D REALLY LOVE TO, BUT --
BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT.
OR HER HANDS, EITHER.
LAUSHMAN, STOP MISS OAKS AND DON'T LET HER LEAVE
THE BUILDING, OKAY?
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
JONATHAN, I MADE A BIG MISTAKE WITH YOU,
MAN, I REALLY, REALLY DID!
YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A DECENT GUY,
AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU'D COME THROUGH AND TELL US
WHAT YOU KNEW IF I JUST GAVE YOU ENOUGH TIME TO THINK.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D BE THINKING WITH YOUR DICK!
HOLD ON A MINUTE, HUH?
YOU SCHMUCK! YOU MADE ME WAIT FOR A WEEK!
WHICH IS HOW LONG THIS WOMAN'S BEEN LYING IN GRIFFITH PARK
STABBED WITH THE SAME KNIFE THAT STABBED MR. PIZZA,
AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME, AND NOW IVAN'S COME UP
MISSING, HUH?
IT DOESN'T BODE WELL, DOES IT?
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOUR ASS YOU'RE PROTECTING OR HERS,
BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE.
ED. ED.
TAKE MISS OAKS DOWN TO HOLLYWOOD AND BOOK HER, PLEASE.
FOR WHAT?
OH, COME ON, JONATHAN!
I MEAN, WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT HER PAST, HUH?
SHE GIVE YOU SOME COCK-AND-BULL HARD LUCK STORY, HUH?
DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT HER YOUTHFUL CRIME SPREE?
OH, I DON'T THINK SO, HUH?
YEAH, BACK IN OKLAHOMA, HER AND HER BROTHER,
THEY WALK INTO SOME 7-ELEVEN, THEY WAVE A KNIFE
IN THE COUNTERMAN'S FACE.
HE HAS A STROKE. DEAD?
NAH, RETIRED ON DISABILITY.
BUT THE BROTHER GETS REFORM SCHOOL, AND SHE GETS
A THREE-COUNT REPORT, A LOT OF PROBATION.
YOU KNOW THE WEIRD THING?
A CASE OF ROLLING ROCK AND A PAIR OF PANTYHOSE,
THAT'S ALL THEY TOOK.
PANTYHOSE?
YEAH. DID YOU THINK THE L.A. OPERA CARES
IF SHE WAS POOR?
I MEAN, IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD -- THEIR CHIEF FUNDRAISER
IS A CONVICTED THIEF.
THEY DON'T KNOW.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE THEY WERE ABOUT TO, HUH?
I MEAN, ALBERT KNEW THAT HIS SISTER WAS GOOD
FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS IF HE COMES UP
WITH THE RIGHT SOB STORY, RIGHT?
BUT SHE'S TIRED OF HIS BULLSHIT, AND HE'S GETTING DESPERATE.
DID YOU KNOW HE HAD XEROXES OF HER RAP SHEET
IN HIS GUITAR CASE?
EH? MOTIVE OR NOT, HUH? YEAH.
I THOUGHT SO, TOO.
THANKS, JONATHAN.
WAIT.
DON'T BULLSHIT ME, MAN.
NOT THIS TIME.
ED?
YES?
ED, HOLD MISS OAKS AND COME UP HERE WITH A PAD.
WE GOT A BIG STATEMENT TO TAKE FROM MR. JONATHAN HOFFMAN,
TWO "Fs," ONE "N."
YOU OKAY?
LAUREN, LISTEN.
WHY WERE YOU DOWN THERE SO LONG, ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW?
NO, I KEPT YOU OUT OF IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
DO YOU KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO LIVES IN THE BUILDING?
I DON'T KNOW, A FEW PEOPLE.
YOU REMEMBER THE DAY THAT WE MET?
OF COURSE I DO.
THAT NIGHT MY BROTHER WAS KILLED.
THAT NIGHT I MADE A PHONE CALL.
BUT -- THIS GUY, HE HAD HIS TV TOO LOUD, SO...
I WENT DOWN TO THE INTERCOM, BUT I DIALED THE WRONG NUMBER.
SO? I'VE DONE THAT.
WELL, THE GUY THAT I GOT AHOLD OF, HE WAS...
WELL, HE MADE ME FEEL -- HE WAS STRANGE.
SO, WHEN HE ASKED ME WHERE I WAS...
I LIED TO HIM.
JONATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING THAT HE THOUGHT THAT I SAW SOMETHING
THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE, SO WHEN HE LOOKED
ACROSS THE COURTYARD, HE SAW YOUR BROTHER
TALKING ON THE PHONE, AND HE THOUGHT THAT I WAS...
ARE YOU SAYING YOU GOT MY BROTHER KILLED?
NO! I DON'T -- MAYBE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ABOUT THE PHONE CALL THAT YOU GOT?
WHAT ABOUT ME?
JONATHAN, YOU'RE THE LIAR.
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
JESUS.
( car chirps ) HOO! I'M SICK.
TAKE ME HOME.
DID YOU HEAR ME? DRIVE!
DRIVE!
SO... WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT L.A. GENERAL?
I WAS, UM...
SEEING A SICK FRIEND.
YOU'RE LYING.
YOU WERE WITH THAT COP, STEINER.
I SAW YOU.
OKAY, DON'T TELL ME.
( laughs ) THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.
HEY, HEY!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T GO ON THE FREEWAY!
TURN LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!
JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
I'M A CHAIN SMOKER.
CAN YOU RELATE TO THAT?
YEAH, SURE.
( laughs ) HEY, WHAT ARE YOU SWEATING
SO MUCH?
I'M NOT.
MM... YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO GET ME
OUT OF HERE.
OH, TURN -- TURN RIGHT. NOW!!!
NOW! NOW!
Driver: YOU ASSHOLE!
YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE ABOUT THIS CITY?
NO, WHAT?
THE SUN.
IT'S SO FUCKING BRIGHT.
YOU'RE ALWAYS ON DISPLAY.
( Jonathan coughing ) CAN YOU RELATE TO THAT?
SURE. SURE.
I BET YOU KNOW ABOUT MY WIFE ALREADY, DON'T YOU?
UH...
SOON EVERYBODY'S GONNA KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE -- SHUT UP!
HAPPENED A WEEK AGO.
SHE'S GONE NOW.
OH, I WAS READY.
I WAS READY. I WAS -- I WAS REALLY GONNA DO IT!
DO IT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DO IT?
I WAS GOING TO LEAVE MY JOB AT THE CLINIC,
GO UP TO BEVERLY HILLS -- MONEY, PRESTIGE, I MEAN,
THE WHOLE ENCHILADA FOR HER.
YOU'RE A DOCTOR?
A PSYCHIATRIST, DUH!
( laughs ) BUT I COULDN'T DO IT.
HALFWAY TO MY OFFICE, I FOUND A BAR...
AND I GOT STINKING DRUNK.
I GOT HOME NEXT MORNING...
MY WIFE'S GONE.
SIRENS, LIGHTS.
I THOUGHT I WAS IN HELL!
IT WAS MR. PIZZA MAN.
DEAD.
I WISHED IT WERE ME.
I SAID TO MYSELF, "I WISH IT WERE ME."
BUT WHO'D TAKE CARE OF THE DOGS?
MY LIFE SUCKS!
( brakes squeal ) ( car honking )
YOUR LIFE? YOUR LIFE?
MY LIFE HAS BEEN A FUCKING HELL SINCE I GOT HERE!
NOW, GIVE ME A GODDAMN CIGARETTE.
MATCH?
( honking continues ) ( driver yelling )
YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
SHUT UP.
SORRY.
( ding ) ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
NO, I MUST'VE PASSED OUT IN THE BACKSEAT.
( knocking ) ( knocking )
JESUS, WHEN ARE THEY GONNA FIX THE FRICKIN' INTERCOM?
I KNOW.
HEY, HOFFMAN, RIGHT?
YEAH, THAT FOR ME?
HELL, NO.
THIS IS FOR KIMBERLY BROWN.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DELIVER IT ALL WEEK.
BROWN?
YEAH, KIMBERLY, THE CALIFORNIA BLONDE.
SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER PACKAGE IF SHE DOESN'T GET HOME SOON.
MAYBE SHE GOT TIRED OF HER USELESS HUSBAND GARY.
GARY?
I SHOULD TALK.
LISTEN, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
NO, NO, NO, HOLD ON -- LOOK, PLEASE,
I'M BEGGING YOU.
JUST SIGN FOR THIS, AND I'LL GET YOU A COUPON
FOR A FREE HERBAL WRAP.
THANKS, MAN.
SURE.
( doorbell rings ) ( rings )
( keys jangling ) ( items shifting )
HI. I'M BACK.
HEY.
ARE YOU EVEN HERE?
Kathleen: I AM NOW.
( door closes ) OH...
( both moaning ) YOU ALL SET?
OH, CHRIST, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN DONE IT YET.
WELL, COME ON.
I WANT TO GET TO THIS DESERT OF YOURS.
WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN THERE DAYS AGO.
OH, WHAT, SO IT'S, LIKE, MY FAULT?
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT IVAN WAS GONNA COME BACK?
I JUST WANT OUT OF HERE ALREADY! IT'S MAKING ME NERVOUS.
OKAY, FINE, RELAX!
RELAX, OKAY? EH...
HEY.
LOOK WHAT I GOT.
THAT'S FOR YOU.
THAT'S NICE.
YES, IT IS.
THAT'S FOR YOU FOR BEING PATIENT.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW I APPRECIATE IT.
OH. WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE -- WHERE'D I GET IT?
I-I BOUGHT IT.
I FINALLY SOLD THE STORY -- OH, DON'T BULLSHIT
WITH ME, GARY.
I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 20 YEARS.
JACK. IT'S JACK, OKAY?!
OKAY. OKAY.
OKAY, IT'S GONNA BE JACK.
IT'S JUST THEN WHEN I CALL YOU GARY, I REMEMBER YOU SO YOUNG,
BACK THERE IN MY CLASS IN WEST COVINA.
WHOA, WHOA, WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING,
THAT I'M OLD NOW?
I'M TOO OLD FOR YOU?
IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
I'M SAYING I WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
NOW, MOVE IT!
( foot scrapes ) ( air conditioner
grate shifting ) ( screwdriver clacking )
JACK, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T BRING ANY MORE OF KIMBERLY'S STUFF
IN HERE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.
OH, COME ON.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OH, DON'T LIE TO ME.
I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
I NEVER SAW THAT.
YOU ARE A LIAR!
I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
( arguing ) I'M NOT LYING TO YOU.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE!
YOU ARE LYING, GARY!
I -- SOMEONE'S BEEN IN HERE.
OH, MY GOD! THE TREE!
WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!
PUT IT OUT!
( gasping ) DO SOMETHING!
AH! AH!
AAH! GET BACK!
( screaming ) ( cries and coughs continue )
( screaming ) ( cries and coughs continue )
( meow ) ( gasps )
COME ON, STEINER, CALL BACK.
( pounding on door ) JONATHAN, IT'S LAUREN!
( pounding ) OH, MY GOD.
OH, GOD, IT WAS UP THERE.
I SAW IT -- I KNOW.
IT'S JACK!
GOD, IT'S JACK!
A-AND HE SAW MY BRACELET.
I WENT UP THERE TO FIND IT.
IT'S BECAUSE OF ME.
KIMBERLY MUST'VE FOUND OUT AND HE WENT CRAZY
AND HE KILLED -- AND WHEN THEY THOUGHT
YOUR BROTHER SAW, THEY KILLED HIM, TOO.
( phone ringing ) STEINER?
I'M RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU.
LAUREN, RUN!
( grunting ) ( fire alarm blaring )
JOHN WAYNE?
( meow ) COME ON.
( electricity zapping ) ( bell continues )
( door slams ) ( light switch flicking )
SO, HERE WE ARE AGAIN, JON.
JUST A COUPLE OF VOICES ALONE IN THE DARK.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO ME, JON?
I CAN SYMPATHIZE...
BECAUSE I -- I USED TO HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE
GETTING STARTED...
WRITING.
BUT THIS...
THIS IS PURE INSPIRATION.
( coughing ) WHO'S THERE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, CHILD?
THE WHOLE THIRD FLOOR IS ON FIRE.
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT AND CALL THE POLICE.
THERE'S A MURDERER IN THE BUILDING.
WHO IS IT? JACK MORGAN.
AND SOME WOMAN. HE'S CRAZY!
YOU COME WITH ME, CHILD.
( both grunting ) ( meow )
( firefighters shouting ) ( Lauren coughing )
HELLO?
OVER HERE, CHILD.
WE HAVE TO GET OUT AND CALL THE POLICE!
MY BRACELET.
AAH!
PLEASE! AAH-AAH-AAH!
JACK!
( sirens blaring ) ( grunting )
HOLD ON THERE, YOUNG STALLION!
GET OFF OF ME!
GET OFF OF ME!
UHH!
WHAT ARE YOU --?
THAT GUY IS THE MURDERER!
GET OFF OF ME.
WHAT?
THE MURDERER, YOU IDIOT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
HE'S CRAZY!
WHAT?
I'M INNOCENT!
JONATHAN! HEY!
ENOUGH ALREADY.
YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
I FUCKED YOUR GIRLFRIEND!
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M KIND OF HARD OF HEARING.
WHO ARE YOU?
MY NAME IS HICKS.
I LIVE IN NUMBER 11.
YOU'RE HICKS?
YOU MUST MOVE IN?
LET'S MOVE IT!
THE FIRE'S SPREADING.
GONE A WEEK, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS.
MRS. FITZGERALD DIED IN THE E.R., BUT IN GREAT
POLICE TRADITION, WITH HER LAST DYING BREATH
WE GOT A STATEMENT.
BOY, SHE AND JACK, WHAT A TEAM, HMM?
WHENEVER HIS LIFE TURNED SOUR, HE'D GIVE HER A CALL,
AND SHE CAME RUNNING.
WELL, LAST WEEK HE CALLED HER WITH A DOOZY.
SEEMS THAT HE MURDERED HIS WIFE, AND MR. PIZZA
HAD SEEN HIM DO IT, OR SO HE THOUGHT.
THE REST YOU KNOW.
IVAN GOT KILLED BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GIVE THEM
A NEW AIR CONDITIONER.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, THEY LIKED THE MODEL THAT THEY HAD.
Jonathan: AND JACK'S STORY?
AH, THE USUAL.
HUSBAND MESSES AROUND, THE WIFE FINDS OUT ABOUT IT,
SHE GOES NUTS, AND THEN SETTLES DOWN.
AND THEN IT STARTS UP AGAIN.
AND THEN ONE NIGHT, IT'S TOO HOT AND THE TV
DOWNSTAIRS IS TOO LOUD...
IT'S ALWAYS THE LITTLE SHIT THAT GETS YOU KILLED.
( phone ringing ) DETECTIVE STEINER,
THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU IN BOOKING.
( beep ) YEAH, OKAY,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
UH, OH.
I BELIEVE THIS BELONGS TO YOU.
IT'S THE ONLY THING MY BROTHER GAVE ME.
WELL, YOU TWO CAN STAY HERE AS LONG AS YOU WANT.
I, UH, SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
I, UH, SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
( meow ) IT'S A DESIGN THAT REPRESENTS
THE ABSOLUTELY CUTTING EDGE OF MINI-MALL CONSTRUCTION.
YOU HAVE SEEN THE BUDGET.
NOW HERE'S YOUR MINI-MALL.
IT'S MY FAULT, ISN'T IT?
HUH?
'CAUSE I LEFT YOU ALONE FOR TEN DAYS IN CALIFORNIA,
AND YOU GO CRAZY AND YOU DO THIS, HMM?
I THINK IT'S THE MOST ORIGINAL THING I'VE EVER DONE.
ORIGINAL? IT'S TOO ORIGINAL!
WHAT -- LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GOLD BRACELET!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
LONG STORY. YEAH.
FELLAS? HAVE IT BRONZED.
THEY LOVE IT!
HA HA!
YEAH, GO OUT AND CELEBRATE, HUH?
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND, UH, LARRY.
REPORT TO PERSONNEL.
YOU'RE MOVING TO THE WEST COAST OFFICE.
( laughs ) WELCOME TO SHANGRI-LA.
( techno playing )