The Counterfeiters of Paris (1961) - full transcript
"Le Dabe" retired many years ago and now he lives in the Tropics where he owns stables and horses. He is a very rich man. He was the king of all money counterfeiters. He is contacted from Paris to organize a new job. He says no. But when he finds out the the currency that should be counterfeited is the Dutch florin, he accepts immediately. He retired after having counterfeited 100 florin notes just before the Queen Wilhelmina retired them from circulation. He flies to Paris. But the gang is not to be trusted, at least not all of them.
THE COUNTERFEITERS
OF PARIS
Second-Hand Paradise
Sell - Buy - Exchange
Drive away your American car
with only 1000 new francs upfront
Hey, old boy.
I have to show someone the car.
I'll be busy until 3 pm.
If you go near the bank,
don't forget about the staff.
I haven't seen a penny in 3 weeks.
Ah, Eric.
I say! This one's rather swanky.
Is it a straight-six?
Yes, with a few extras.
How marvellous.
Everything's automatic.
If it's hot,
press this button to open the window.
If it's cold,
flip that switch to "Warm".
If it's neither hot, nor cold,
press "Medium".
What if I want a kiss?
All you do is ask.
Leave that for later.
We need to talk first.
First, about lunch.
- We aren't going yet, are we?
- We're not going at all.
If we don't eat
before going to Montfort...
- We're not going there either.
- Oh, no.
I was just as keen as you,
but I have a business lunch.
Business is important too.
Don't get mad. You're so irritable.
I'm not irritable.
I'm telling you about my problems.
- How's the morale?
- I'm fine as long as I'm with you.
Not you,
that fool you call your husband.
Things aren't going too well.
He never was a big talker,
but these days,
he only opens his mouth to eat.
My life isn't all joy.
That's why I'm offering you new one.
But I need to be stable first.
I'd like to be stable too.
Sometimes I wonder
if it isn't all just a dream.
If I say something will happen,
it will.
Impossible
isn't part of my vocabulary.
What a charmer.
That Eric with his tartan suits
made in Roubaix,
his imitation cuff links
and his Italian shoes made in France,
he's nothing but a crook.
And that's just his appearance.
As to his personality,
he's the king of fools.
And kings are usually on time.
I've known my share of royalty,
and not just any,
the Hanovers, the Hohenzollerneses,
families dating back to the crusades.
I haven't always run a brothel.
You never saw my place
on Rue Du Chalabais, 60 rooms.
And to think it was donated
to a congregation.
Your friend Eric can shove
his grand airs up his ass.
Why do you say Eric is my friend?
I lend him money, your money,
at a rate of 20%.
He's just a client.
Well, you could choose them better.
I know people say
one should only lend to the rich,
but that's not at 20%.
If only I could pass your money
through the Rothschilds.
There's a big difference between
Baron Edouard and that bum Eric.
Incidentally, it's twisted that you
lend at 20% what I lend you at 8%.
The other 12%
represents my guarantee.
You're sure
you'll see your money again with me.
Honesty has its price.
But...
That's probably your money right now.
It's Eric.
Hello, gentlemen.
Talk of the devil.
We were getting worried.
There was no need.
I said I'd be here.
Here I am.
What's important, Eric,
is not necessarily that you're here,
but rather that the money is here.
- Ah. That's another matter.
- What do you mean?
Charles, keep calm.
Why should I?
He's playing the fool.
I can just as well slap him
without getting angry.
It's nice to receive
such a warm welcome.
This is business, not a playgroup.
I'd rather we talked like adults.
Last year, you said
you were opening a GM branch.
I lent you 500,000 francs.
I'd want it back, that's all.
Have you got it?
What if I had a much better deal?
You're talking about a few notes.
What if I could offer you a fortune,
the deal of a lifetime?
"Financial Investigators thwarted
a gang's plot to counterfeit money.
"The gang's boss,
Miguel Mandarès, has been arrested.
"After investigation,
"the police can confirm
the gang was planning to counterfeit"
"a European currency with
a face value of several million."
- How does my cash come into this?
- I don't follow either.
Let me explain.
Mandarès was about to produce
500 million pounds sterling.
Sterling?
That's a good stable currency.
That's right.
But a first-class job
needs first-class workers.
Mandarès was in it with
the best engraver around, an ace.
I don't care about that.
What matters is that he's in jail.
Mandarès is, yes,
but not the engraver.
And I have the engraver
right where I need him.
Is this little chat
mature enough now?
Where did you meet this artist?
To tell the truth,
I haven't met him yet.
I should have guessed.
But I've got his girl in the bag.
I've been working on this
for 6 months.
When a woman's had some of this,
she never forgets.
Yes, sure.
You don't believe me.
She's there, in the lounge.
Don't mess it up, be tactful.
I didn't pick her up off the street.
Don't you go to Balajo?
Yes, I do. So what?
It's not the Wagram.
Young lady, I'm embarrassed.
Eric just told me you're here.
I hope you weren't bored?
My name's Charles Lepicard.
Solange Mideau.
I wasn't bored. I love art.
I was admiring the artwork.
It's a little masterpiece.
It may be slightly...
...naughty. I apologise.
It's often the case with artists.
Only the talent matters.
- Will you join us for lunch?
- I don't want to intrude.
Any friend of Eric's
is a friend of ours.
If you'd like to come through.
I have some orders to give.
Georgette?
Lucas Malvoisin, Solange Mideau.
Set the table for one more guest.
We're ready.
- Get a move on!
- Right away, sir.
There's one extra guest.
A woman?
Yes, she came with Eric.
His wife maybe.
Yes, sure.
As soon as the lamb's in the oven,
all the pests turn up.
Madam, Eric told us briefly
about a deal
which your husband
may be able to help us with,
and which we may be able to finance.
It's fine, they're in the loop.
I think...
It's better he did the deal with us
than not do it at all.
I agree, but it's him
who needs convincing, not me.
Eric said he's an expert,
beyond compare.
Yes, the best,
especially with colour.
He was supposed to be promoted
several times.
We were destined for a great life.
But he always got fired,
due to his authoritarian attitude.
If you want my opinion, madam,
when the man of the house
no longer brings back enough bacon,
authority becomes tyranny.
And the authoritarian becomes
a pain in the ass.
The exact words I was looking for.
So I'm not the only one to think it.
Lunch is ready.
You bet.
- Coffee here or in the lounge?
- In the lounge.
But watch over Georgette.
I don't want her usual black water.
We don't want to end on a low note.
Lea, your lamb may be famous
in Paris, but this is your best yet.
It's easy with good produce.
Yes, that's what counts.
What about that Champagne?
Camille sent it from Epernay.
- Which Camille?
- There aren't many.
Mrs Raymond's husband,
from the Panier Fleuri.
What a pretty name.
That's another place
that's gone downhill.
Like so many others.
What to expect with this government?
Don't start with that.
You'll get indigestion.
You're right.
What a sap!
What's Eric's thinking?
Not what you think.
After you, young lady.
Cigar?
- American or English cigarette?
- Oriental.
Don't start being a nuisance.
An English one then.
Really! Now, he talks to me
like my husband.
Don't pay any attention.
Manners aren't something you learn.
- Do you like it?
- Yes.
Would you like
a tour of the property?
Of course.
A lot of work went into
the guest rooms. They're all unique.
- Are there several?
- Seventeen.
So, what do you think?
It seems like a good deal.
But is it profitable?
That's the real question.
- Psyche.
- Go on in.
This is so chic.
Isn't it just?
We call it Little Versailles.
It's funny.
It's as if there's a group of us.
That's the whole point.
Come through here, my dear.
A fireplace.
And this is for those
who like the outdoors.
It's amazing.
I feel like I'm in Switzerland.
We visited the lakes 2 years ago.
Until this Mandarès business,
we were meant to coach around Italy.
If all goes well,
you'll do it in a Cadillac.
- A Cadillac?
- Yes.
If you like mystery, exoticism,
and man-made paradises...
This really is something.
Will you manage to convince him?
- Who?
- Your monster of a husband.
Yes, if I make his life a misery.
Men really must have
a hard time with you.
The coffee is ready.
You'd better come down
if you want it hot.
Unless madam brings it up for you.
This way is quicker.
Are you here, my queen?
- Leave me alone.
- What's wrong, my queen?
I smell of grease,
because I'm unfortunate
and have to wash up.
You should do it
at the appropriate time.
That's rich, you criticising me.
I'm not criticising. I'm just saying
there's a time for everything.
- If you weren't out all day...
- You always are.
Not for the same reasons.
I won't find work
if I don't go looking.
That's for sure.
And how did it go this time?
Nothing.
Hartman has a full workforce,
Belloc's laying people off.
I shouldn't have asked.
We've been waiting 6 years for
a boss who appreciates your talents.
With your character and demands,
you've no chance.
You had once chance,
and that was with Mandarès.
It fell through.
Good.
I don't regret a thing.
Mandarès is locked up.
I've no job and no money,
but at least I sleep in my own bed.
Go to your bed then if you like it,
but without me.
Stop!
Stop, I say.
While you were talking figures,
I thought it through.
It's impossible.
Here we go.
- It won't work.
- May I ask why?
Because none of us know a thing
about what we want to do.
- Have you ever made pounds?
- No, but Solange's husband...
Have you ever seen his work?
- No.
- No, well then.
Believe me,
it's best we forget about it.
It was nice to dream about it.
Of course.
Of course.
No, that would be
too good to be true.
Have you thought of something?
Someone.
I can leave if you want.
For it to work, we'd need an expert
to check the money.
- Do you know one?
- The best.
He's an old hand.
30 years of counterfeiting,
but he's no fanatic.
He's a legend.
They call him Boss and doff
their hats on hearing his name.
He's a knight.
If this Boss is such a hot shot,
he must have a big appetite.
- How much is he going to want?
- His services would be priceless.
With him, it'll be like working
with the Bank of England.
Even the finance minister
won't see they're fakes.
My dear friend, we'd better get in
touch with this Boss without delay.
I agree.
But he doesn't live next door.
He's retired to the Tropics.
It'll cost a fortune
just to get there.
But if he's in, it's well worth it.
Get him to do two fast laps.
If he isn't ready...
- We won't get him to run on Sunday.
- Exactly.
I've never heard of a 50-year-old
taking up counterfeiting.
It isn't something you improvise.
It's a trade.
I'd advise you
to keep your hands clean.
You have to do two laps
as fast as you can.
What in the world has given you
this idea?
You wouldn't believe
what's happening in France.
I keep myself informed.
I know about Algeria and the prisons.
I didn't know it had affected you.
The last I heard,
you had a good underground business
and had opened a cathouse.
How long ago was that?
About 7 years ago.
That soon changed. I was snitched on.
And no chance of re-opening.
I have to shoulder a house
with 17 rooms.
It isn't cheap,
especially with all their taxes.
You'll have to try
to open up shop again.
I thought about it,
but I've lost all will.
If you need some cash,
I still have a little stash.
I'm not here to mooch yet.
Although the dough is running low.
If things don't change soon,
I'll be broke.
If that's not yet the case,
listen up.
Your misfortune is nothing
compared to what may happen.
When it comes to fake cash,
you'll know what pain is.
You'll be risking your life.
You'll meet a few creeps.
Not those you're used to.
I mean the real deal.
The ones with the big sharp teeth.
They'll eat you alive.
Anyway, you'll be banged up
before you see any bills.
Ream?
For sure, your odds are at 100/1.
Try a fritter. You'll like them.
You don't get fish
like this in France.
What a fine waitress.
If you want,
I can reserve her for a siesta.
It's strange,
I've lost all motivation.
Don't get yourself down.
You'll find a way to make some money.
I'm doing you a favour, believe me.
As you don't believe me,
do you know
how many jobs I did in 30 years?
- I don't know, a dozen?
- No, sir, five.
Four worked,
and then there was the fifth.
- It didn't go to plan?
- No, it didn't.
And I was holding all the trumps.
Léon, from Saint-Etienne,
a real fine artist.
He engraved a 100 gilder
better than the real one.
I got the paper from Italy
and the ink from Switzerland.
The press cost 7 million old francs.
I had it delivered
from Kotenburg to Leipzig.
For safety,
I transited it in spare parts,
half via Italy, half via Portugal.
- You couldn't imagine.
- Well I never!
That's not all.
In 8 hours,
we made 2 million Dutch guilders,
dismantled the press,
destroyed the plates
and burnt all the scrap.
What went wrong?
Guess.
Were you snitched on?
No.
- Problems with the cops?
- No.
I don't know then.
17th June 1945.
Does 17th June 1945
mean anything to you?
On 17th June 1945,
the Dutch Bank announced
the demonetisation
of the 100 guider note
and it was taken out of circulation.
Well done, Queen Wilhelmina!
I'll remember her.
Because of her,
my fireplace was worth millions.
Did they have the right?
The right? You silly ass.
When it comes to money,
states have every right, and us none.
Between us, Boss,
and I'm only speculating,
if I had an engraver, the paper
and a billion old francs.
Remember, I'm only speculating.
If five of us were in on it.
How much would we each get?
20 years in the lockup.
Profits are divided,
and years of imprisonment add up.
What's with the long face, Charles?
Use your head.
Get on your plane
and forget about it.
At least your crazy plan enabled us
to have a drink.
It may be the last chance we get.
We aren't getting any younger.
I suppose I can tell you now.
I wasn't only here for your advice.
I was looking for a partner.
What a nerve.
You're pretty sure of yourself.
Firstly, I always work alone.
You should know that.
Secondly, I've enough money
to live until I'm 100.
With my simple lifestyle,
I hardly spend anything.
I have no vices.
- What about your horses?
- They earn me money.
I wouldn't even accept a job
with Chase Bank.
Whether it was Swiss francs, sterling
or dollars, I'd still decline.
- Even the sterling?
- Yes, sir.
Between us, this silly scheme
of yours. What currency was it?
You don't want to say?
It bothers me to say, for your sake.
It was the guilder.
CARACAS...
FRAUD PREVENTION OFFICE...
TO THE PREFECTURE OF POLICE PARIS
FINANCE DEPARTMENT
FERDINAND MARECHAL... ALIAS THE BOSS
FLIGHT 615 TO ORLY
HAVE FUN
Air France flight 110,
from Montevideo,
Caracas and Pointe-à-Pitre,
will be arriving at gate D4.
Did you hear, commissioner?
We're up.
- Don't get too excited.
- He doesn't know we're here.
- Surprise is on our side.
- You can count on that.
Due to him,
I wasn't promoted 15 years ago.
I've caught a few big fish
in my time.
Mandarès for example,
a few weeks ago.
But Boss, he's special.
What a talker! It's unbelievable.
Some lose it when they see us,
but him, cops give him inspiration.
Last time I met him in Le Havre.
He was arriving on the Queen Mary.
He said he was here to buy
a painting by Cezanne.
You should've heard him
talk about "The Bathers".
I tailed him for 3 days,
going from gallery to gallery.
Two months later,
in every bank of Europe,
fake 20 dollar notes were turning up.
Nothing to do with "The Bathers".
That sure didn't get me far.
Things may be different this time.
Here he comes.
What's up Remy, are you ignoring me?
Hey, it's you.
You haven't changed much, darling.
You neither. Thanks for coming.
Are you waiting for anyone else?
- No.
- There's no need to take two cars.
You can drop me off.
Whereabouts?
The usual, Hotel Napoleon.
What about your bags?
I'm here for 2 days. This is enough.
- Are these 8 cases yours?
- Yes, sir.
- Is there anything to declare?
- I doubt it.
Nice motorway.
At least some taxes go to good use.
Of course, you've never seen it.
How long has it been?
Let me think.
About 15 years.
Why are you here this time?
Paintings again?
Well, if I come across a Van Gogh
at a good price...
But that's not the reason
for my visit.
What is the reason?
To buy a filly.
Didn't you know?
I breed French Trotters.
Ream?
Anglo-Arabs don't do well
where I live.
They suffer from Pernicious anaemia.
It's due to the climate
or the pasture.
I'm going to try an Anglo-Norman,
with a bit of Tarbais
for the front legs.
What do you think?
We'll be outdoors.
It'll be a change from galleries.
I didn't say anything,
but you have some cheek.
Your Cézanne nearly got me
into deep trouble.
It was a fake.
I wonder what you get up to
at the station.
What?
Fakes aren't your business, are they?
Taxi!
Thank you, sir.
Vincennes racecourse.
Go.
She's not to blame,
but she's a bit nervous.
Her mother was the same
if I remember well?
Nice animal, isn't she?
He knows how to do everything.
You're beginning to understand.
Is it me or did we miss him?
You'll never see him again either.
Let's go.
I'll call the trainer
about his horse.
You'll send him a cheque
for 150,000 francs.
150,000 francs?
Yes, I've a reputation to maintain.
Also send a cheque to the hotel.
- Do you have cash on you?
- Yes, why?
Stop by a florist's.
You shouldn't have, Boss.
You've spoilt me. They're beautiful.
- Do you like them?
- Of course.
I wouldn't expect him
to do such a thing.
I hope you're staying a while?
Not normally,
but you never know with business.
A few weeks can turn into 20 years.
He's still the same joker.
I was just wondering.
You know you're at home here.
How kind of you.
Are you admiring my faun?
It's no masterpiece,
but it's a start.
It's a promising start.
But if I were really at home,
I'd put it somewhere else.
I said it would be better
by the window.
Where do you think?
In the basement.
To each his own taste.
Your tropical tastes are one thing,
but French style is another.
I think you need
to get reacclimatised.
Maybe.
I'll show you to your quarters.
- Are you coming, ma?
- Yes.
I'll water the roses
and I'll be right there.
Georgette?
Georgette?
We call this one the Sun King room.
It's the best of all.
The bed alone
cost me an arm and a leg.
You'd only find one alike
at the Castle of Fontainebleau.
Breath-taking, isn't it?
You can say.
You can't imagine
how popular this room was.
Isn't that right, ma?
During the automobile trade fare,
it was booked 3 days in advance.
Now you see what a shame it is
to see all these empty rooms.
Don't worry.
I told him it will reopen,
but he won't believe me.
He's right. You're a pro,
but not in this business.
It'll be too late.
People aren't competent anymore.
It's a whole different school.
You'll find a standard bordello,
but not the same manners.
It'll be tomorrow's world,
the Kolkhoz in Bloom.
While waiting for the future,
ask your skivvy to run me a bath.
She hasn't unpacked your suits
like I asked her.
- Georgette!
- I'm coming.
I'll give her a hiding one day.
How do you do it with your natives?
They au pair to learn French.
- Someone called?
- Come here, dear. Run me a bath.
There are some bath salts in there.
First, I want you to fetch me
some papers.
- Which ones?
- Sporting Life?
Very funny.
Business Life, The industrialist,
The French Hunter,
and the New York Herald Tribune.
- The what?
- The New York Herald Tribune.
Right away.
I brought you 10 lbs of coffee.
It's from my own crop.
You're spoiling us.
After the flowers,
the coffee was unnecessary.
On the contrary, it's to set
your husband's head straight.
Mathias?
- Mathias?
- What now?
I think they're at it again.
Come and see this one.
They're even doing it in the street
now. It's worse than before.
- Hello, Eric.
- Hello, Georgette.
I'll tell them you're here.
There you are, Eric.
You bet. Is he here?
Of course. If I'm here, so is he.
We can't see him for 2 days.
Why? What's he doing?
- He's working.
- Where?
Great.
Classified ads department, please.
Hello, madam. I'd like to place an ad
in the exchange column.
That's right.
Here's the text.
"Following a long absence
from Europe,
"looking to exchange Dutch tulips,
"large flower variety,
"for beautiful, modern engraving."
"Reply in this newspaper."
That's right.
Could you read it back, please?
Thank you, madam.
The ad is to be published
for one week starting today.
Send your invoice
to Mr Charles Lepicart,
14 Rue Verdoux.
That's right. Thank you, madam.
Charles! Lea!
What is it?
What's this poison
your skivvy made me?
Is she trying to kill me?
I bring the best coffee,
and she makes me piss.
No need to grumble,
I'll make you another.
If it's the machine, replace it.
If it's the staff, fire her.
No Borgias at the office.
I say!
Your friend does seem graceful.
Charles, did you tell your friends
about my conditions?
Eric Masson.
- I'm very delighted.
- So am I. Everyone's delighted.
Well?
Yes, I have. But...
My friends find the bill
rather steep.
What?
Don't you think your 50%
is a little bit high?
Gentlemen, let me make this clear.
I don't usually work with charities.
I have my expectations.
You're free to refuse.
But if you accept,
get it into your head
that my share is at no point
to be questioned.
It's a question of principle.
A nice plane is leaving at noon,
and I can pack in 10 minutes.
That isn't what Mr Lucas
was implying.
Neither this, nor that.
I hate useless people.
Well, do we have an agreement?
Good.
I knew that between gentlemen,
we wouldn't quarrel over money.
There we go gentlemen.
Everything is ticket y-boo.
Listen up.
I accept my duty
to successfully carry out
the production and disposal
of a certain amount of Dutch guilders
with a face value
of one billion old francs,
as you have new francs now.
Excuse me,
but why content ourselves
to only one billion?
He's right. While we're at in.
Because I have
one unique buyer for the lot.
I don't do door-to-door.
I'm not a street peddler.
Now for the technical side.
Do you have a place
to do the printing?
I think here would be best.
I thought we could make room
in the basement.
Why not in the street?
Have you ever heard a printing press?
- No.
- Well, it isn't discreet.
We'll have the pigs on our case
in no time.
Fake cash is something which is done
on the quiet.
Wherever we do it,
it'll still make a racket.
Agreed.
But there's a place where
it will go unnoticed, a printers.
Of course.
That's why
we're going to buy ourselves one.
Shit! That'll cost a fortune.
It doesn't matter.
We'll sell it for a loss afterwards.
It'll go into our expenses.
Well, in that case,
who do you think would be
most likely to buy one?
Young, dynamic, full of spirit.
You're someone who'd invest
in a business of the future.
I've spotted several
which would be suitable.
Here.
Go visit them.
But I want a full inventory
of the machinery.
Make, type, the date it was put
in service, everything.
Yes.
I made it myself.
I hope you like it this time.
- One sugar or two?
- Just one.
I see.
Tell me, Boss.
How high are we willing to go?
Whatever they ask for minus 10%.
We have to be credible.
What about the dupe?
There's a dupe?
My engraver.
What good is an engraver
without a printer's?
What do you think of that one?
I'd rather not say to not upset you.
R. HUBY PRINTERS
This is a 13x18, and this is
an 18x24, with Japanese lenses,
the most popular.
But I need a 50x60 with a PC lens.
Very well, sir.
Here's the inventory.
Thank you. Pardon me.
- The machinery.
- Yes.
FLOWERS AND FEATHERS
- Hello, sir.
- Miss.
Madam, we have a customer.
I'm coming.
I see you like our spring collection?
We have some wonderful pieces,
ostrich feathers amongst others.
We're low on stock
due to all the weddings recently.
I still have some items
of rare quality I can show you.
Our nasturtium and violet bouquets
are popular.
We're the last one to sell them
with silk muslin.
- Goodbye, Lucienne.
- Goodbye.
Ah, Boss!
I wasn't expecting you.
My dear Pauline, we always return.
It's strange seeing you
after all these years.
You're as handsome as ever.
I bet you're still a heartbreaker.
You sure troubled the women
back in the day.
Those days are long gone.
Come through,
it will be cosier in there.
So, you're still a florist?
It's a disaster.
We still do good business,
and we always will.
Finding a good manufacturer is
the hardest part.
- Do you remember my angels?
- How could I forget?
One could live off next to nothing.
A cone of chips for lunch, a piece
of cheese for supper, poverty...
Now women want it all,
a nice car, a refrigerator...
That's why my violets
are so expensive.
We just have to get used to.
You still drink the cognac and syrup?
Of course, it's a classic.
- Cheers to us, Ferdinand.
- Cheers.
How are you?
At my age, one doesn't need much.
I heard you were living
in the Americas.
Maybe Fredo the lawyer told me.
Yes, the warm
is good for my arthritis.
What's Fredo the lawyer up to?
They found him dead
with three bullets in the gut.
Have you seen Gold y recently?
- Which Gold y?
- Francis, from Rue Godot.
Oh, he's six feet under.
He was shot in town, by a sailor.
They said it was
a settling of scores.
Do you want to see my archives,
my Who's Who?
I keep everything.
All those who came over for a drink,
just like we are now.
Do you recognise him?
It's the old Slippy.
I bet he's 100 now.
I've had no news for a while.
No wonder.
He was fished out from Suresnes dam.
His head was full of lead.
Another settling of scores.
I bet his wife didn't get over it.
Has she joined a convent?
She mourned for 3 months
before marrying a stockbroker.
He used to be a client of hers.
Everyone has to sign out one day.
Hey, isn't that Woodleg's son?
Yes, it is.
He's 6 feet under too.
He died last year.
Settling of scores?
Cirrhosis.
Shit.
It just goes to show
how fragile we are.
You know, Pauline,
I'm not here to talk about the dead.
Why are you here by the way?
I'm looking for paper.
Paper, nowadays...
You're telling me.
Nobody writes these days,
everyone uses the phone.
I'd need a few reams
of Japanese simili.
90 g, demy or royal format,
if you know what I mean.
I'm no longer in the loop,
but I'll ask around.
Well, at your age,
there's no need to trouble yourself.
I want Mandarès's paper.
You don't want to keep it around
for too long.
If the Marne river overflows
your paper will be ruined.
My lockup has a door.
- It's solid steel.
- A door is easily opened.
And then, there are the crooks.
I guess you're taking over
from Mandarès.
I've got 5 reams of demy.
2 million old francs, cash.
At that price,
you can keep it for chip cones.
Calm down. We're talking.
Well, give it a rest and listen.
There's nobody left
to take your paper.
I'll give you a million,
only because it's you.
You're just as ruthless as ever,
if not worse.
As you agree, where do I collect?
Same place in Joinville?
I'll send a guy over this week.
How will I recognise him?
A brunet with a moustache.
He looks a prat.
I see prats every day.
This one's special.
If stupidity could be sold,
he'd make a fortune.
Don't trouble yourself,
I know the way. Goodbye.
OFFICE
He doesn't know what he wants.
I'm the 11th he's turned down.
They're all crazy.
Well, we'll soon see.
- Goodbye, lads.
- Bye.
Did you read the ad
or are you here on the off chance?
I read the ad.
You're Robert Mideau?
Yes, sir.
Yvon...
Wormser.
Have you got ants in your pants?
Why change jobs so often?
Listen, I'm here
because my wife forced me to come.
If I need to prove I'm not a convict
or contagious, you can forget it.
Come on.
It was just a figure of speech.
Your diplomas look fine.
Let me to explain.
I'm starting this business
from nothing.
It's not really a labourer
that I'm looking for,
but rather a partner.
A manager is what I need.
Do you think you're up to it?
Yes, I think so.
Yes, well.
Well, if you're sure of yourself.
- Let's start with a 3-month trial.
- No problem.
- I'll show you around.
- OK.
Go ahead, I'll be right there.
The time to get rid
of your colleague.
Right, sorry fella.
I've found someone.
Goodbye.
The Aurelia 46, that's a nice one.
There aren't 15 of these in France.
That one has had it.
And you can throw out
that guillotine.
- Really?
- Yes.
But that one's perfect.
It all depends on
the work you need doing.
I want to focus on colour
for an important client.
No? There's no better man
for the job.
Without boasting, I'm the best
when it comes to colour.
Well I say! What luck I have.
Me too. As they say,
"Lucky at cards, unlucky in love".
Yes, maybe.
I have to go to Place Péreire.
Can I drop you off anywhere?
- Do you know where I live?
- No.
Right nearby, in Levallois!
It must be your lucky day.
I'll be right there.
I have to make a call.
Yes?
I'll put him on.
It's for you. It's Eric.
Yes?
Yes.
Well done.
Good job.
Goodbye.
Don't count your chickens yet,
but according to Eric,
it seems it's in the bag
for the dupe.
Now, we just have to wait and see.
So?
How is it coming on?
Your client has given us
some hard work.
It's coming along nicely.
What is it exactly?
Bearer bond of 100 francs
I don't know, a bond I think.
- What's so funny?
- Take no notice.
If you reduce the size,
add the portrait of a famous person,
and also add some figures,
you have yourself a banknote.
- Well isn't that funny?
- Yes, it is.
Close the blinds.
Well, gents,
his hand is worth a fortune.
He's a Raphael, a genius.
This is very promising for our deal.
We just have to convince the kid now.
I like this kid so much
that I'll pull the wool over his eyes
in no time.
- My shirt's missing a button.
- Wear another one.
None are ironed.
What the hell?
My shirts are never ready.
Calm down, I'll sew one on.
We'll be late now.
For once I'm appreciated,
we're going to appear rude.
- What if Eric turns up now?
- So what?
With you dressed like that?
Very good!
I wonder what he'd think of me.
- What are you looking for?
- My blue case.
- What?
- My blue case!
- Are you deaf?
- We'll never be on time.
- Pétrossian's bringing caviar.
- Tell Georgette to make toast.
Do you know why
you never get your paper on time?
- No.
- Because Georgette reads it first.
I caught her last night.
And that sausage was reading
"Crime Does Not Pay".
- No?
- Yes, she was.
- Where are you going?
- To correct her.
Wait a second.
You'd better tell her instead.
- Tell her what?
- About the current situation.
Eric has never met Solange
and Solange never came here.
No slip-ups.
I don't want to lose my Raphael
because of a menial's blunder.
A what?
Because of your skivvy's stupidity.
I forgot to say.
You should see his motor.
It's very fancy.
- Really?
- Yes.
He's here. I knew it. My trousers.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Come here, my dear.
Let me have a look at you.
Oh, yes, oh yes.
The jaw of Jacques Callot,
the brow of Dürer.
Some signs never lie.
- What's your name, son?
- Robert Mideau, sir.
Allow me to call you Robert.
I insist.
Like one would say
Raphael or Leonard.
My dear genius, my blessed child.
Isn't he going overboard?
He's only just getting started.
Madame Mideau I presume.
The master's lucky wife.
Allow me.
Your dress is a masterpiece.
You may call me Solange.
And what spirit, charming.
We only find such elegance in Paris.
Talking of elegance,
you're not so bad yourself.
It's just a flat my friends
look after while I'm travelling.
Charles, my friend,
our princess is dying of thirst.
This wench is going to ruin my plan,
neutralise her.
Whiskey, Champagne, port.
- Whiskey soda.
- Some nibbles?
- No.
- It'll help the drink go down.
- What about you, Robert?
- You choose.
I hardly drink.
A thimble of port. It's stimulating.
You're right to not drink.
I knew a great lithographer
who lost his hand due to drinking.
In your case, it'd be awful.
- You over-estimate me.
- Not at all.
Remember,
not recognising one's talent
makes it easier
for the mediocre to succeed.
- To men of art.
- To your good health, sir.
Try this strong homemade Picon.
Georgette, get me a port.
I see you're getting acquainted.
- My dear, could you do me a favour?
- Whatever you want.
Mr Lucas, my banker,
he hates being alone.
Please keep him company.
A banker?
I thought he was a businessman.
Do you not consider banking
to be business? How charming.
- Do you like it?
- It's hard not to.
- Are they by Binet?
- Yes.
I worked on these illustrations
for Restif De La Bretonne.
- I recognised his style.
- If you like those...
- This is by Moreau Le Jeune.
- I prefer Binet.
I like how he insists on the burin.
You know your stuff.
I did 4 years of engraving
at the Estienne school.
Nothing beats classical training!
- Charles?
- What?
- Did you hear him before?
- No.
- He said it's his house.
- Give it a rest.
Next we'll be the porters,
then tramps.
What next? But you don't care.
You just let it go.
As for you,
someone's stealing your girl.
Don't make me laugh.
You're a banker? How interesting.
- Champagne?
- No, scotch for me.
- With soda.
- Of course.
If you like Piranesi,
you absolutely must go to Florence
to see the collection at the Uffizi.
I've always wanted to.
But you know how life is.
It doesn't always go as planned.
My dear Robert,
listen to the advice of a father.
One has to build one's life
in order to avoid obstacles.
Champagne?
I thought I told you to
use flute glasses.
I don't have any thin flutes.
Music.
- What about that one?
- Let me think.
When you've finished,
fetch the Champagne.
What the hell?
- Music.
- What music?
Your friend wants music.
Is it a Larmessin by Boucher?
Exactly.
- Isn't it beautiful?
- Isn't it.
- What a din!
- Don't you like music?
Yes, but not this racket.
Let me show you something.
I'm sure you'll love it.
You'll see. It's without pretension,
but it's amusing.
- Do you dance?
- I'm afraid not.
- May I?
- I'd love to.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you want to dance, Lea?
This is my own personal workshop.
I'm only an amateur.
I may be informed, but even still.
If I had hands like yours,
I'd go far.
Maybe, but wait and see.
- Do you recognise your work?
- Yes, of course.
I'd like to ask something.
I've a slight problem.
Next to the text,
just here, I'd like to add a motif,
in black or bistre.
It isn't impossible.
I also thought of embellishing
the right side with a nice portrait,
that of Erasmus for example.
You know the Erasmus by Holbein?
- Could you do that?
- Again, it's possible.
Providing I have a good model.
What about this one?
Thanks for the lift.
We could have taken a taxi.
A taxi?
At this time of night?
See you tomorrow.
- His motor's as old as the hills.
- You're completely drunk.
You wouldn't understand.
Will this door open?
Well I never!
Do you mind? Ladies first.
Just so you know,
I met a real man this evening.
Eric's nice, isn't he?
I don't mean that fool.
I'm referring to Mr Ferdinand.
He really is somebody.
- Last week, you only swore by Eric.
- Really?
- Eric now is it?
- Mr Masson then, if you prefer.
What I prefer is the other one.
If you want my advice,
the other one,
he wouldn't even employ
Mr Masson to polish his shoes.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Be quiet.
What, Robert?
- You'll wake everyone.
- I don't give a shit.
I won't have to see their faces
much longer.
- I'll soon be leaving them behind.
- The concierge!
That's what I say to the concierge.
Come on.
I'm going to fetch the papers.
Will you manage?
Do I ever not manage?
No, no, no.
To avoid being swindled,
we should print twice as much
without Boss knowing.
- The idea came to me last night.
- It seems a good idea, but...
That isn't very honest towards Boss?
Honest?
Is him taking 50%
and treating us like dirt honest?
You're right.
We'd be right
in not being upfront with him.
But printing twice as much implies
two things.
First, finding the extra paper.
And second,
getting the dupe to agree.
I have the dupe in the bag,
once and for all.
For the paper,
I'm picking it up in an hour.
Instead of 5 reams, I'll get 10.
It's that simple.
If you pay two million
instead of one.
So? Is your bank closed?
Easy for you to say.
It's a lot of money.
Mind you, so is a billion.
I'll try and get Charles
to participate.
He'll be screwed.
Boss will be buggered I tell you.
A brunet with a moustache.
He looks a prat.
I see prats every day.
This one's special.
If stupidity could be sold,
he'd make a fortune.
How funny
that you recognised me right away.
I was given a good description.
I couldn't be mistaken.
He could have got someone
to give me a hand.
This isn't Self ridges you know.
- There's too much.
- Maybe not.
While I'm here,
I thought I could get twice as much.
So I won't have to come back.
I don't deal with handlers.
Here, kid. For your cigarettes.
As in the past, professor TAUCHMANN
will be giving SAILING classes
Every Saturday at 10 am
What size are your tulips?
- Large flowers.
- I like the sound of it.
What rate?
20% of the catalogue price.
Too low.
Let's say 30 then.
I'd prefer 40.
In that case,
I'll take no more than 1000 units.
That suits me perfectly.
This way, please.
Are you fond of any specific series?
I'll let you know tomorrow.
Is that OK?
Very well. And the delivery?
At home, as usual.
Dough for dough.
Are French francs OK?
In notes of 10,000?
I'd prefer a more serious currency.
Dollars, notes of 100.
- Robert, open up.
- What do you want?
Is he kidding? It's my house.
- We want to see how it's going.
- There's nothing to see.
What the hell?
Did you tell him about the other lot?
I offered him 10%,
he insisted on 15%.
He's going to try to blackmail us.
I don't like people giving me orders.
I'll give him what for.
Well, wait until
we've finished with him.
- What now?
- It's me.
What the hell?
Gentlemen,
that'll take away our remorse,
if ever we have any.
By the way, what about the paper?
What a hag!
I had to put her in her place.
I have another lead. A gypsy.
Wait. His brother-in-law knows
an Armenian who works in a printer's.
As what, a cleaner?
My typons are dry.
Well done, kid. That's BSA standard.
I'm ready to roll.
Unfortunately, for once I'm not.
I won't have the serial numbers
until tomorrow.
We could do it tomorrow,
but it's Sunday.
A printer's running on a Sunday
will arouse suspicion.
We don't want these works of art
to become prison vouchers.
- Any takers?
- No.
Good. Today's Saturday.
We have to keep our typons
for 2 days,
not only away from prying eyes
but also from greedy hands.
I have a safe at the bank.
And burglars?
You obviously never read the papers.
- Why not here?
- No.
Thanks for the trust.
I know you're honest,
but I also know my classics.
From Adam's rib
to Napoleon waiting for Grouchy,
every big job that failed
was based on trust.
- Do you have an envelope?
- Yes, why?
Give it to me.
We're going to entrust our treasure
to those who never lose anything,
to the civil service
which the whole world envies,
the post office.
Good idea.
Well, there you go.
By posting this before 4 pm,
it'll be safe until Monday,
when the kid receives it
with the first post.
What a great idea.
- Are you sure there's no risk?
- Not at all.
Unless there's a surprise strike.
Trusting honest people is the only
risk in an adventurous career.
That's it this time.
They don't even respect
the Lord's Day.
I'm calling the police.
I don't believe it.
He insisted on coming here.
He wasn't at the car dealers.
I needn't have sent my man
to the match.
- Maybe he had work to do.
- As if he'd work on a Sunday.
Eric is a hard worker.
He's a self-made man.
You can wait for him here
and have lunch with us.
My wife will lay the table for three,
won't you, ma?
I'll have to cook then.
Because Georgette doesn't work
on Sundays either.
- There you are.
- Hello, Mr Ferdinand.
- I was afraid you'd miss the boat.
- There's no risk of that.
The last time I took one of these
was when I was 12.
It was my First Communion.
I'd often come here
when I was a kid too.
Then bigger boats got me further.
I stayed loyal though.
It's a nice way of seeing Paris.
Any trouble coming alone?
Luckily, my wife's going
to her mother's.
You don't seem too keen on her.
Shall we go get some grub?
You don't want to answer?
You'd lose your appetite.
Come on.
Let's go over the timeframe.
The letter's arriving at 8 am.
For the engraving, you need...
Two hours?
Let's say two and a half.
OK.
Mounting to the press and settings...
An hour?
It may be tight.
Ream?
What about the printing?
I planned for 3 hours.
As long as there are no hitches.
We'd better give ourselves
an extra 30 minutes. You never know.
And the cutting, 2 hours should do.
Nothing can go wrong.
I'll try, but I'm not promising.
To destroy the engraving,
clean the press and burn the scrap,
how long do you think you need?
At least an hour and a half.
I thought we'd be done by 5 pm.
But if you need all that time,
maybe you have your reasons.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
Listen to me, Robert.
The Lord has given you
magnificent hands.
He could have made you honest,
but He spared you that.
Don't you think you should
leave something for the deprived,
for the dupe's,
for those who really need it?
Need what?
Overtime.
Thank you very much, sir.
- I bet you're glad you stayed.
- I sure am.
- Go see who it is.
- Maybe it's Eric.
If it isn't him, we can maybe
go out after the coffee.
- Canoeing in Bois De Boulogne?
- I prefer the cinema.
So does my wife,
but she hates canoeing.
- Charles?
- What? You startled me.
- It's Larpin and Maffeux.
- What?
It's Larpin and Maffeux.
Hello. What brings you here?
Spring, mating season.
Did you open on the sly?
- You promised us.
- You really are incurable.
I don't understand.
Explain yourselves.
We're here because
there have been complaints.
I've been told cars keep turning up.
Day and night.
Even on Sundays.
You're mistaken.
Someone's got it in for me.
Nobody's here.
It's just my wife and I, as a family.
Who's that then,
your eldest daughter?
She's a friend of mine.
Is having a friend for lunch a crime?
Of course not.
Take care of her.
If she has no ID, we'll arrest her.
You and I will go upstairs.
- You're a rude man.
- So, where's your ID?
I swear.
You're making a mistake, inspector.
As we said, we've had complaints.
Here's my ID.
Don't you have another one
which we issued?
Can't you read?
Prefecture of Police, Paris.
Maybe you were right,
but what an idiot.
- What?
- You can go.
I'll write to your superiors
telling them how rude you are.
Don't leave. You haven't had dessert.
I have my pride.
You were right, we were wrong.
It isn't a brothel,
it's an art studio.
- What are you looking for?
- So, you're a photographer?
What kind?
Rustic romance, of Father Whipper?
What?
Greek shepherds or Spanish monks?
Do you suppose I'd do such things?
A man of my class?
Who do you think I am?
I take photos. So what?
You closed me down.
I'm on a forced holiday,
so I take photos. It's a distraction.
Do you have many distractions
besides her downstairs?
Taxi!
- 550, do you have any change?
- Keep the change.
You're just in time. What news!
Is your townhouse also a brothel?
What did you say?
They'd have been polite
had you been there.
- Who?
- They're all over the place.
- Oh my!
- Let's go.
- Where?
Sacré-Cœur.
Just out of curiosity,
considering we've lost
another million,
10,000 better francs as you say,
how is your paper? Is it any good?
It's not as good as the other one.
It's a little more beige.
There are a few specks,
but they're hardly visible.
Don't you realise this is a crisis?
Why are you talking about paper?
Without Boss, it's worthless.
I can't believe
he'd just leave like that.
The day before making a billion.
Maybe he had to go somewhere
but couldn't tell Solange.
You'll see, he'll return.
Boss won't return
to where the pigs have been.
We can do without him
for the printing.
It's the subsequent negotiation
which poses a problem.
- We may find a buyer.
- Why not sell it on the market!
In my opinion,
I'm glad all this mess ends here.
What mess?
Your deal with Boss,
the laboratory, the printer's.
Do you think I didn't know?
If you haven't learnt your lesson,
don't count on me visiting you.
Especially that there will be
three of you,
without counting Boss
who has no family here.
The packages, the lawyers
and all that will be my problem.
That's why it's a good thing.
Yes.
It's him.
There was no need to run off.
It was the vice squad,
nothing to worry about.
Let me explain.
There's nothing to explain.
And I don't want to know.
And it's none of your business
where I am. Listen.
We're still on for tomorrow.
The staff will do a 10-hour shift.
Pass me the gigolo.
He wants to speak to you.
Hello, Boss.
Listen, you.
At midday,
take your lady out of town.
Distract her until 5 pm.
I don't want anyone in the way.
Charles will tell you
the time and place. Put him on.
He wants you again.
Yes, Boss.
We meet tomorrow,
5:50 pm, Place Du Trocadéro,
at the statue of Marshal Foch.
I'll be on time, and I won't wait.
If all goes well, you'll be sleeping
on a nice mattress tomorrow.
Sweet dreams.
Wait a second.
What if there's a problem?
We don't know where you are.
I do, and that's one person too many.
- Mr Robert Mideau?
- Yes, that's me.
Could you sign please?
Here.
There.
Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
Closed for stocktaking
Countess Frapinère came last night.
Check-up and sleep.
Good.
- And here?
- He came last night too.
Mr Marshal, industrialist.
Nervous depression.
Very well.
Overworking doesn't mean
I've lost my appetite.
Grated carrots and fruit compote
won't make me better.
We know what you should
or shouldn't eat.
At 30,000 a day,
it's money you shouldn't eat.
- Yes, of course.
- Well, really!
May I order some caviar?
It's a day of celebration,
order whatever you want.
Caviar, lobster
and we'll order the rest later.
- Champagne on its own.
- Very well, sir.
To think that I was angry with
you yesterday. Isn't love strange!
Yes, indeed.
I dreamt we were rich last night.
We went to live on an island.
- Really?
- Yes.
Aren't dreams strange!
So, where is
this overworked industrialist?
There's nobody here, doctor.
He's taken his things.
It's time, sir.
He said ten to. He's late.
Here he is.
Stupid rendezvous!
I couldn't find a taxi.
The kid will sit between you two.
We'll put the case up front.
You'll leave me at
Austerlitz station. I'll get a taxi.
And then...
The time to meet my buyer...
I'll meet you at yours for the cash.
Do you still regret your trip?
Come.
Robert?
Hey, kid?
I don't like this. What's he up to?
And the case? Where's the case?
It isn't possible.
He wouldn't do this to us.
Do what?
What's going on here?
Are you trying to swindle me?
- Are you mad?
- No, not at all.
If you think you can swindle me,
you can think again.
What's this shoddy paper?
It isn't in the inventory,
where's it from?
Listen, Boss,
I think we should come clean.
We wanted to surprise you.
Is that a surprise?
A surprise?
You wanted to swindle me.
And with shoddy paper.
That's why you got the kid in on it.
But the genius has done a runner.
So nobody's jealous,
we've all been fiddled.
For once Holland hasn't ruined it,
this time it's a little shit.
At my age!
And I can't even go to the cops.
You can take us to his house.
He can't be too far ahead of us.
I'm coming!
What's going on?
What are you looking for?
- A thief.
- Your husband ran off with our cash.
Was today...?
It was, madam.
I was with Eric all day.
He's left me, his queen.
It's the only thing
we can't reproach him with.
When I think of my reputation.
You bring me 4000 miles
to be swindled by a dupe.
- Well done!
- What can we do?
Maybe you can sell that paper
you bought at 10,000 per ream.
Or use it for what I think.
You'll soon get rid of it.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Anywhere, as long as
I never see your faces again.
But...
He's taken my car.
Your car, your girl, your ploys.
- That's for you!
- Gentlemen, calm down.
Eric, what's this about your paper
at 10,000 per ream?
You got me to pay a million.
Do what you want with your clients,
I'm changing bankers.
No!
How many francs
and foreign currency do you have?
25,000 old francs and 200 dollars.
Air France flight 109,
immediate boarding, gate 34.
How many francs
and foreign currency do you have?
This aircraft is a Boeing 707
intercontinental four engine jet.
Our next stop is Lisbon,
where we'll be arriving in 2 hours.
We'll be flying at an altitude
of 39,000 feet, at 560 mph.
Please fasten your seatbelts and
refrain from smoking during take-off.
I had to go to the professor's
so I didn't get time to change.
It won't be cold.
You won't need a coat.
And my tailor
will give you a good deal.
It goes without saying,
the characters of this ugly tale
were arrested a week later
and were sentenced according to
Article 139 of the French penal code.
The authors, Michel Audiard,
Albert Simonin and Gilles Grangier
ILL-GOTTEN GOODS
NEVER PROSPER
OF PARIS
Second-Hand Paradise
Sell - Buy - Exchange
Drive away your American car
with only 1000 new francs upfront
Hey, old boy.
I have to show someone the car.
I'll be busy until 3 pm.
If you go near the bank,
don't forget about the staff.
I haven't seen a penny in 3 weeks.
Ah, Eric.
I say! This one's rather swanky.
Is it a straight-six?
Yes, with a few extras.
How marvellous.
Everything's automatic.
If it's hot,
press this button to open the window.
If it's cold,
flip that switch to "Warm".
If it's neither hot, nor cold,
press "Medium".
What if I want a kiss?
All you do is ask.
Leave that for later.
We need to talk first.
First, about lunch.
- We aren't going yet, are we?
- We're not going at all.
If we don't eat
before going to Montfort...
- We're not going there either.
- Oh, no.
I was just as keen as you,
but I have a business lunch.
Business is important too.
Don't get mad. You're so irritable.
I'm not irritable.
I'm telling you about my problems.
- How's the morale?
- I'm fine as long as I'm with you.
Not you,
that fool you call your husband.
Things aren't going too well.
He never was a big talker,
but these days,
he only opens his mouth to eat.
My life isn't all joy.
That's why I'm offering you new one.
But I need to be stable first.
I'd like to be stable too.
Sometimes I wonder
if it isn't all just a dream.
If I say something will happen,
it will.
Impossible
isn't part of my vocabulary.
What a charmer.
That Eric with his tartan suits
made in Roubaix,
his imitation cuff links
and his Italian shoes made in France,
he's nothing but a crook.
And that's just his appearance.
As to his personality,
he's the king of fools.
And kings are usually on time.
I've known my share of royalty,
and not just any,
the Hanovers, the Hohenzollerneses,
families dating back to the crusades.
I haven't always run a brothel.
You never saw my place
on Rue Du Chalabais, 60 rooms.
And to think it was donated
to a congregation.
Your friend Eric can shove
his grand airs up his ass.
Why do you say Eric is my friend?
I lend him money, your money,
at a rate of 20%.
He's just a client.
Well, you could choose them better.
I know people say
one should only lend to the rich,
but that's not at 20%.
If only I could pass your money
through the Rothschilds.
There's a big difference between
Baron Edouard and that bum Eric.
Incidentally, it's twisted that you
lend at 20% what I lend you at 8%.
The other 12%
represents my guarantee.
You're sure
you'll see your money again with me.
Honesty has its price.
But...
That's probably your money right now.
It's Eric.
Hello, gentlemen.
Talk of the devil.
We were getting worried.
There was no need.
I said I'd be here.
Here I am.
What's important, Eric,
is not necessarily that you're here,
but rather that the money is here.
- Ah. That's another matter.
- What do you mean?
Charles, keep calm.
Why should I?
He's playing the fool.
I can just as well slap him
without getting angry.
It's nice to receive
such a warm welcome.
This is business, not a playgroup.
I'd rather we talked like adults.
Last year, you said
you were opening a GM branch.
I lent you 500,000 francs.
I'd want it back, that's all.
Have you got it?
What if I had a much better deal?
You're talking about a few notes.
What if I could offer you a fortune,
the deal of a lifetime?
"Financial Investigators thwarted
a gang's plot to counterfeit money.
"The gang's boss,
Miguel Mandarès, has been arrested.
"After investigation,
"the police can confirm
the gang was planning to counterfeit"
"a European currency with
a face value of several million."
- How does my cash come into this?
- I don't follow either.
Let me explain.
Mandarès was about to produce
500 million pounds sterling.
Sterling?
That's a good stable currency.
That's right.
But a first-class job
needs first-class workers.
Mandarès was in it with
the best engraver around, an ace.
I don't care about that.
What matters is that he's in jail.
Mandarès is, yes,
but not the engraver.
And I have the engraver
right where I need him.
Is this little chat
mature enough now?
Where did you meet this artist?
To tell the truth,
I haven't met him yet.
I should have guessed.
But I've got his girl in the bag.
I've been working on this
for 6 months.
When a woman's had some of this,
she never forgets.
Yes, sure.
You don't believe me.
She's there, in the lounge.
Don't mess it up, be tactful.
I didn't pick her up off the street.
Don't you go to Balajo?
Yes, I do. So what?
It's not the Wagram.
Young lady, I'm embarrassed.
Eric just told me you're here.
I hope you weren't bored?
My name's Charles Lepicard.
Solange Mideau.
I wasn't bored. I love art.
I was admiring the artwork.
It's a little masterpiece.
It may be slightly...
...naughty. I apologise.
It's often the case with artists.
Only the talent matters.
- Will you join us for lunch?
- I don't want to intrude.
Any friend of Eric's
is a friend of ours.
If you'd like to come through.
I have some orders to give.
Georgette?
Lucas Malvoisin, Solange Mideau.
Set the table for one more guest.
We're ready.
- Get a move on!
- Right away, sir.
There's one extra guest.
A woman?
Yes, she came with Eric.
His wife maybe.
Yes, sure.
As soon as the lamb's in the oven,
all the pests turn up.
Madam, Eric told us briefly
about a deal
which your husband
may be able to help us with,
and which we may be able to finance.
It's fine, they're in the loop.
I think...
It's better he did the deal with us
than not do it at all.
I agree, but it's him
who needs convincing, not me.
Eric said he's an expert,
beyond compare.
Yes, the best,
especially with colour.
He was supposed to be promoted
several times.
We were destined for a great life.
But he always got fired,
due to his authoritarian attitude.
If you want my opinion, madam,
when the man of the house
no longer brings back enough bacon,
authority becomes tyranny.
And the authoritarian becomes
a pain in the ass.
The exact words I was looking for.
So I'm not the only one to think it.
Lunch is ready.
You bet.
- Coffee here or in the lounge?
- In the lounge.
But watch over Georgette.
I don't want her usual black water.
We don't want to end on a low note.
Lea, your lamb may be famous
in Paris, but this is your best yet.
It's easy with good produce.
Yes, that's what counts.
What about that Champagne?
Camille sent it from Epernay.
- Which Camille?
- There aren't many.
Mrs Raymond's husband,
from the Panier Fleuri.
What a pretty name.
That's another place
that's gone downhill.
Like so many others.
What to expect with this government?
Don't start with that.
You'll get indigestion.
You're right.
What a sap!
What's Eric's thinking?
Not what you think.
After you, young lady.
Cigar?
- American or English cigarette?
- Oriental.
Don't start being a nuisance.
An English one then.
Really! Now, he talks to me
like my husband.
Don't pay any attention.
Manners aren't something you learn.
- Do you like it?
- Yes.
Would you like
a tour of the property?
Of course.
A lot of work went into
the guest rooms. They're all unique.
- Are there several?
- Seventeen.
So, what do you think?
It seems like a good deal.
But is it profitable?
That's the real question.
- Psyche.
- Go on in.
This is so chic.
Isn't it just?
We call it Little Versailles.
It's funny.
It's as if there's a group of us.
That's the whole point.
Come through here, my dear.
A fireplace.
And this is for those
who like the outdoors.
It's amazing.
I feel like I'm in Switzerland.
We visited the lakes 2 years ago.
Until this Mandarès business,
we were meant to coach around Italy.
If all goes well,
you'll do it in a Cadillac.
- A Cadillac?
- Yes.
If you like mystery, exoticism,
and man-made paradises...
This really is something.
Will you manage to convince him?
- Who?
- Your monster of a husband.
Yes, if I make his life a misery.
Men really must have
a hard time with you.
The coffee is ready.
You'd better come down
if you want it hot.
Unless madam brings it up for you.
This way is quicker.
Are you here, my queen?
- Leave me alone.
- What's wrong, my queen?
I smell of grease,
because I'm unfortunate
and have to wash up.
You should do it
at the appropriate time.
That's rich, you criticising me.
I'm not criticising. I'm just saying
there's a time for everything.
- If you weren't out all day...
- You always are.
Not for the same reasons.
I won't find work
if I don't go looking.
That's for sure.
And how did it go this time?
Nothing.
Hartman has a full workforce,
Belloc's laying people off.
I shouldn't have asked.
We've been waiting 6 years for
a boss who appreciates your talents.
With your character and demands,
you've no chance.
You had once chance,
and that was with Mandarès.
It fell through.
Good.
I don't regret a thing.
Mandarès is locked up.
I've no job and no money,
but at least I sleep in my own bed.
Go to your bed then if you like it,
but without me.
Stop!
Stop, I say.
While you were talking figures,
I thought it through.
It's impossible.
Here we go.
- It won't work.
- May I ask why?
Because none of us know a thing
about what we want to do.
- Have you ever made pounds?
- No, but Solange's husband...
Have you ever seen his work?
- No.
- No, well then.
Believe me,
it's best we forget about it.
It was nice to dream about it.
Of course.
Of course.
No, that would be
too good to be true.
Have you thought of something?
Someone.
I can leave if you want.
For it to work, we'd need an expert
to check the money.
- Do you know one?
- The best.
He's an old hand.
30 years of counterfeiting,
but he's no fanatic.
He's a legend.
They call him Boss and doff
their hats on hearing his name.
He's a knight.
If this Boss is such a hot shot,
he must have a big appetite.
- How much is he going to want?
- His services would be priceless.
With him, it'll be like working
with the Bank of England.
Even the finance minister
won't see they're fakes.
My dear friend, we'd better get in
touch with this Boss without delay.
I agree.
But he doesn't live next door.
He's retired to the Tropics.
It'll cost a fortune
just to get there.
But if he's in, it's well worth it.
Get him to do two fast laps.
If he isn't ready...
- We won't get him to run on Sunday.
- Exactly.
I've never heard of a 50-year-old
taking up counterfeiting.
It isn't something you improvise.
It's a trade.
I'd advise you
to keep your hands clean.
You have to do two laps
as fast as you can.
What in the world has given you
this idea?
You wouldn't believe
what's happening in France.
I keep myself informed.
I know about Algeria and the prisons.
I didn't know it had affected you.
The last I heard,
you had a good underground business
and had opened a cathouse.
How long ago was that?
About 7 years ago.
That soon changed. I was snitched on.
And no chance of re-opening.
I have to shoulder a house
with 17 rooms.
It isn't cheap,
especially with all their taxes.
You'll have to try
to open up shop again.
I thought about it,
but I've lost all will.
If you need some cash,
I still have a little stash.
I'm not here to mooch yet.
Although the dough is running low.
If things don't change soon,
I'll be broke.
If that's not yet the case,
listen up.
Your misfortune is nothing
compared to what may happen.
When it comes to fake cash,
you'll know what pain is.
You'll be risking your life.
You'll meet a few creeps.
Not those you're used to.
I mean the real deal.
The ones with the big sharp teeth.
They'll eat you alive.
Anyway, you'll be banged up
before you see any bills.
Ream?
For sure, your odds are at 100/1.
Try a fritter. You'll like them.
You don't get fish
like this in France.
What a fine waitress.
If you want,
I can reserve her for a siesta.
It's strange,
I've lost all motivation.
Don't get yourself down.
You'll find a way to make some money.
I'm doing you a favour, believe me.
As you don't believe me,
do you know
how many jobs I did in 30 years?
- I don't know, a dozen?
- No, sir, five.
Four worked,
and then there was the fifth.
- It didn't go to plan?
- No, it didn't.
And I was holding all the trumps.
Léon, from Saint-Etienne,
a real fine artist.
He engraved a 100 gilder
better than the real one.
I got the paper from Italy
and the ink from Switzerland.
The press cost 7 million old francs.
I had it delivered
from Kotenburg to Leipzig.
For safety,
I transited it in spare parts,
half via Italy, half via Portugal.
- You couldn't imagine.
- Well I never!
That's not all.
In 8 hours,
we made 2 million Dutch guilders,
dismantled the press,
destroyed the plates
and burnt all the scrap.
What went wrong?
Guess.
Were you snitched on?
No.
- Problems with the cops?
- No.
I don't know then.
17th June 1945.
Does 17th June 1945
mean anything to you?
On 17th June 1945,
the Dutch Bank announced
the demonetisation
of the 100 guider note
and it was taken out of circulation.
Well done, Queen Wilhelmina!
I'll remember her.
Because of her,
my fireplace was worth millions.
Did they have the right?
The right? You silly ass.
When it comes to money,
states have every right, and us none.
Between us, Boss,
and I'm only speculating,
if I had an engraver, the paper
and a billion old francs.
Remember, I'm only speculating.
If five of us were in on it.
How much would we each get?
20 years in the lockup.
Profits are divided,
and years of imprisonment add up.
What's with the long face, Charles?
Use your head.
Get on your plane
and forget about it.
At least your crazy plan enabled us
to have a drink.
It may be the last chance we get.
We aren't getting any younger.
I suppose I can tell you now.
I wasn't only here for your advice.
I was looking for a partner.
What a nerve.
You're pretty sure of yourself.
Firstly, I always work alone.
You should know that.
Secondly, I've enough money
to live until I'm 100.
With my simple lifestyle,
I hardly spend anything.
I have no vices.
- What about your horses?
- They earn me money.
I wouldn't even accept a job
with Chase Bank.
Whether it was Swiss francs, sterling
or dollars, I'd still decline.
- Even the sterling?
- Yes, sir.
Between us, this silly scheme
of yours. What currency was it?
You don't want to say?
It bothers me to say, for your sake.
It was the guilder.
CARACAS...
FRAUD PREVENTION OFFICE...
TO THE PREFECTURE OF POLICE PARIS
FINANCE DEPARTMENT
FERDINAND MARECHAL... ALIAS THE BOSS
FLIGHT 615 TO ORLY
HAVE FUN
Air France flight 110,
from Montevideo,
Caracas and Pointe-à-Pitre,
will be arriving at gate D4.
Did you hear, commissioner?
We're up.
- Don't get too excited.
- He doesn't know we're here.
- Surprise is on our side.
- You can count on that.
Due to him,
I wasn't promoted 15 years ago.
I've caught a few big fish
in my time.
Mandarès for example,
a few weeks ago.
But Boss, he's special.
What a talker! It's unbelievable.
Some lose it when they see us,
but him, cops give him inspiration.
Last time I met him in Le Havre.
He was arriving on the Queen Mary.
He said he was here to buy
a painting by Cezanne.
You should've heard him
talk about "The Bathers".
I tailed him for 3 days,
going from gallery to gallery.
Two months later,
in every bank of Europe,
fake 20 dollar notes were turning up.
Nothing to do with "The Bathers".
That sure didn't get me far.
Things may be different this time.
Here he comes.
What's up Remy, are you ignoring me?
Hey, it's you.
You haven't changed much, darling.
You neither. Thanks for coming.
Are you waiting for anyone else?
- No.
- There's no need to take two cars.
You can drop me off.
Whereabouts?
The usual, Hotel Napoleon.
What about your bags?
I'm here for 2 days. This is enough.
- Are these 8 cases yours?
- Yes, sir.
- Is there anything to declare?
- I doubt it.
Nice motorway.
At least some taxes go to good use.
Of course, you've never seen it.
How long has it been?
Let me think.
About 15 years.
Why are you here this time?
Paintings again?
Well, if I come across a Van Gogh
at a good price...
But that's not the reason
for my visit.
What is the reason?
To buy a filly.
Didn't you know?
I breed French Trotters.
Ream?
Anglo-Arabs don't do well
where I live.
They suffer from Pernicious anaemia.
It's due to the climate
or the pasture.
I'm going to try an Anglo-Norman,
with a bit of Tarbais
for the front legs.
What do you think?
We'll be outdoors.
It'll be a change from galleries.
I didn't say anything,
but you have some cheek.
Your Cézanne nearly got me
into deep trouble.
It was a fake.
I wonder what you get up to
at the station.
What?
Fakes aren't your business, are they?
Taxi!
Thank you, sir.
Vincennes racecourse.
Go.
She's not to blame,
but she's a bit nervous.
Her mother was the same
if I remember well?
Nice animal, isn't she?
He knows how to do everything.
You're beginning to understand.
Is it me or did we miss him?
You'll never see him again either.
Let's go.
I'll call the trainer
about his horse.
You'll send him a cheque
for 150,000 francs.
150,000 francs?
Yes, I've a reputation to maintain.
Also send a cheque to the hotel.
- Do you have cash on you?
- Yes, why?
Stop by a florist's.
You shouldn't have, Boss.
You've spoilt me. They're beautiful.
- Do you like them?
- Of course.
I wouldn't expect him
to do such a thing.
I hope you're staying a while?
Not normally,
but you never know with business.
A few weeks can turn into 20 years.
He's still the same joker.
I was just wondering.
You know you're at home here.
How kind of you.
Are you admiring my faun?
It's no masterpiece,
but it's a start.
It's a promising start.
But if I were really at home,
I'd put it somewhere else.
I said it would be better
by the window.
Where do you think?
In the basement.
To each his own taste.
Your tropical tastes are one thing,
but French style is another.
I think you need
to get reacclimatised.
Maybe.
I'll show you to your quarters.
- Are you coming, ma?
- Yes.
I'll water the roses
and I'll be right there.
Georgette?
Georgette?
We call this one the Sun King room.
It's the best of all.
The bed alone
cost me an arm and a leg.
You'd only find one alike
at the Castle of Fontainebleau.
Breath-taking, isn't it?
You can say.
You can't imagine
how popular this room was.
Isn't that right, ma?
During the automobile trade fare,
it was booked 3 days in advance.
Now you see what a shame it is
to see all these empty rooms.
Don't worry.
I told him it will reopen,
but he won't believe me.
He's right. You're a pro,
but not in this business.
It'll be too late.
People aren't competent anymore.
It's a whole different school.
You'll find a standard bordello,
but not the same manners.
It'll be tomorrow's world,
the Kolkhoz in Bloom.
While waiting for the future,
ask your skivvy to run me a bath.
She hasn't unpacked your suits
like I asked her.
- Georgette!
- I'm coming.
I'll give her a hiding one day.
How do you do it with your natives?
They au pair to learn French.
- Someone called?
- Come here, dear. Run me a bath.
There are some bath salts in there.
First, I want you to fetch me
some papers.
- Which ones?
- Sporting Life?
Very funny.
Business Life, The industrialist,
The French Hunter,
and the New York Herald Tribune.
- The what?
- The New York Herald Tribune.
Right away.
I brought you 10 lbs of coffee.
It's from my own crop.
You're spoiling us.
After the flowers,
the coffee was unnecessary.
On the contrary, it's to set
your husband's head straight.
Mathias?
- Mathias?
- What now?
I think they're at it again.
Come and see this one.
They're even doing it in the street
now. It's worse than before.
- Hello, Eric.
- Hello, Georgette.
I'll tell them you're here.
There you are, Eric.
You bet. Is he here?
Of course. If I'm here, so is he.
We can't see him for 2 days.
Why? What's he doing?
- He's working.
- Where?
Great.
Classified ads department, please.
Hello, madam. I'd like to place an ad
in the exchange column.
That's right.
Here's the text.
"Following a long absence
from Europe,
"looking to exchange Dutch tulips,
"large flower variety,
"for beautiful, modern engraving."
"Reply in this newspaper."
That's right.
Could you read it back, please?
Thank you, madam.
The ad is to be published
for one week starting today.
Send your invoice
to Mr Charles Lepicart,
14 Rue Verdoux.
That's right. Thank you, madam.
Charles! Lea!
What is it?
What's this poison
your skivvy made me?
Is she trying to kill me?
I bring the best coffee,
and she makes me piss.
No need to grumble,
I'll make you another.
If it's the machine, replace it.
If it's the staff, fire her.
No Borgias at the office.
I say!
Your friend does seem graceful.
Charles, did you tell your friends
about my conditions?
Eric Masson.
- I'm very delighted.
- So am I. Everyone's delighted.
Well?
Yes, I have. But...
My friends find the bill
rather steep.
What?
Don't you think your 50%
is a little bit high?
Gentlemen, let me make this clear.
I don't usually work with charities.
I have my expectations.
You're free to refuse.
But if you accept,
get it into your head
that my share is at no point
to be questioned.
It's a question of principle.
A nice plane is leaving at noon,
and I can pack in 10 minutes.
That isn't what Mr Lucas
was implying.
Neither this, nor that.
I hate useless people.
Well, do we have an agreement?
Good.
I knew that between gentlemen,
we wouldn't quarrel over money.
There we go gentlemen.
Everything is ticket y-boo.
Listen up.
I accept my duty
to successfully carry out
the production and disposal
of a certain amount of Dutch guilders
with a face value
of one billion old francs,
as you have new francs now.
Excuse me,
but why content ourselves
to only one billion?
He's right. While we're at in.
Because I have
one unique buyer for the lot.
I don't do door-to-door.
I'm not a street peddler.
Now for the technical side.
Do you have a place
to do the printing?
I think here would be best.
I thought we could make room
in the basement.
Why not in the street?
Have you ever heard a printing press?
- No.
- Well, it isn't discreet.
We'll have the pigs on our case
in no time.
Fake cash is something which is done
on the quiet.
Wherever we do it,
it'll still make a racket.
Agreed.
But there's a place where
it will go unnoticed, a printers.
Of course.
That's why
we're going to buy ourselves one.
Shit! That'll cost a fortune.
It doesn't matter.
We'll sell it for a loss afterwards.
It'll go into our expenses.
Well, in that case,
who do you think would be
most likely to buy one?
Young, dynamic, full of spirit.
You're someone who'd invest
in a business of the future.
I've spotted several
which would be suitable.
Here.
Go visit them.
But I want a full inventory
of the machinery.
Make, type, the date it was put
in service, everything.
Yes.
I made it myself.
I hope you like it this time.
- One sugar or two?
- Just one.
I see.
Tell me, Boss.
How high are we willing to go?
Whatever they ask for minus 10%.
We have to be credible.
What about the dupe?
There's a dupe?
My engraver.
What good is an engraver
without a printer's?
What do you think of that one?
I'd rather not say to not upset you.
R. HUBY PRINTERS
This is a 13x18, and this is
an 18x24, with Japanese lenses,
the most popular.
But I need a 50x60 with a PC lens.
Very well, sir.
Here's the inventory.
Thank you. Pardon me.
- The machinery.
- Yes.
FLOWERS AND FEATHERS
- Hello, sir.
- Miss.
Madam, we have a customer.
I'm coming.
I see you like our spring collection?
We have some wonderful pieces,
ostrich feathers amongst others.
We're low on stock
due to all the weddings recently.
I still have some items
of rare quality I can show you.
Our nasturtium and violet bouquets
are popular.
We're the last one to sell them
with silk muslin.
- Goodbye, Lucienne.
- Goodbye.
Ah, Boss!
I wasn't expecting you.
My dear Pauline, we always return.
It's strange seeing you
after all these years.
You're as handsome as ever.
I bet you're still a heartbreaker.
You sure troubled the women
back in the day.
Those days are long gone.
Come through,
it will be cosier in there.
So, you're still a florist?
It's a disaster.
We still do good business,
and we always will.
Finding a good manufacturer is
the hardest part.
- Do you remember my angels?
- How could I forget?
One could live off next to nothing.
A cone of chips for lunch, a piece
of cheese for supper, poverty...
Now women want it all,
a nice car, a refrigerator...
That's why my violets
are so expensive.
We just have to get used to.
You still drink the cognac and syrup?
Of course, it's a classic.
- Cheers to us, Ferdinand.
- Cheers.
How are you?
At my age, one doesn't need much.
I heard you were living
in the Americas.
Maybe Fredo the lawyer told me.
Yes, the warm
is good for my arthritis.
What's Fredo the lawyer up to?
They found him dead
with three bullets in the gut.
Have you seen Gold y recently?
- Which Gold y?
- Francis, from Rue Godot.
Oh, he's six feet under.
He was shot in town, by a sailor.
They said it was
a settling of scores.
Do you want to see my archives,
my Who's Who?
I keep everything.
All those who came over for a drink,
just like we are now.
Do you recognise him?
It's the old Slippy.
I bet he's 100 now.
I've had no news for a while.
No wonder.
He was fished out from Suresnes dam.
His head was full of lead.
Another settling of scores.
I bet his wife didn't get over it.
Has she joined a convent?
She mourned for 3 months
before marrying a stockbroker.
He used to be a client of hers.
Everyone has to sign out one day.
Hey, isn't that Woodleg's son?
Yes, it is.
He's 6 feet under too.
He died last year.
Settling of scores?
Cirrhosis.
Shit.
It just goes to show
how fragile we are.
You know, Pauline,
I'm not here to talk about the dead.
Why are you here by the way?
I'm looking for paper.
Paper, nowadays...
You're telling me.
Nobody writes these days,
everyone uses the phone.
I'd need a few reams
of Japanese simili.
90 g, demy or royal format,
if you know what I mean.
I'm no longer in the loop,
but I'll ask around.
Well, at your age,
there's no need to trouble yourself.
I want Mandarès's paper.
You don't want to keep it around
for too long.
If the Marne river overflows
your paper will be ruined.
My lockup has a door.
- It's solid steel.
- A door is easily opened.
And then, there are the crooks.
I guess you're taking over
from Mandarès.
I've got 5 reams of demy.
2 million old francs, cash.
At that price,
you can keep it for chip cones.
Calm down. We're talking.
Well, give it a rest and listen.
There's nobody left
to take your paper.
I'll give you a million,
only because it's you.
You're just as ruthless as ever,
if not worse.
As you agree, where do I collect?
Same place in Joinville?
I'll send a guy over this week.
How will I recognise him?
A brunet with a moustache.
He looks a prat.
I see prats every day.
This one's special.
If stupidity could be sold,
he'd make a fortune.
Don't trouble yourself,
I know the way. Goodbye.
OFFICE
He doesn't know what he wants.
I'm the 11th he's turned down.
They're all crazy.
Well, we'll soon see.
- Goodbye, lads.
- Bye.
Did you read the ad
or are you here on the off chance?
I read the ad.
You're Robert Mideau?
Yes, sir.
Yvon...
Wormser.
Have you got ants in your pants?
Why change jobs so often?
Listen, I'm here
because my wife forced me to come.
If I need to prove I'm not a convict
or contagious, you can forget it.
Come on.
It was just a figure of speech.
Your diplomas look fine.
Let me to explain.
I'm starting this business
from nothing.
It's not really a labourer
that I'm looking for,
but rather a partner.
A manager is what I need.
Do you think you're up to it?
Yes, I think so.
Yes, well.
Well, if you're sure of yourself.
- Let's start with a 3-month trial.
- No problem.
- I'll show you around.
- OK.
Go ahead, I'll be right there.
The time to get rid
of your colleague.
Right, sorry fella.
I've found someone.
Goodbye.
The Aurelia 46, that's a nice one.
There aren't 15 of these in France.
That one has had it.
And you can throw out
that guillotine.
- Really?
- Yes.
But that one's perfect.
It all depends on
the work you need doing.
I want to focus on colour
for an important client.
No? There's no better man
for the job.
Without boasting, I'm the best
when it comes to colour.
Well I say! What luck I have.
Me too. As they say,
"Lucky at cards, unlucky in love".
Yes, maybe.
I have to go to Place Péreire.
Can I drop you off anywhere?
- Do you know where I live?
- No.
Right nearby, in Levallois!
It must be your lucky day.
I'll be right there.
I have to make a call.
Yes?
I'll put him on.
It's for you. It's Eric.
Yes?
Yes.
Well done.
Good job.
Goodbye.
Don't count your chickens yet,
but according to Eric,
it seems it's in the bag
for the dupe.
Now, we just have to wait and see.
So?
How is it coming on?
Your client has given us
some hard work.
It's coming along nicely.
What is it exactly?
Bearer bond of 100 francs
I don't know, a bond I think.
- What's so funny?
- Take no notice.
If you reduce the size,
add the portrait of a famous person,
and also add some figures,
you have yourself a banknote.
- Well isn't that funny?
- Yes, it is.
Close the blinds.
Well, gents,
his hand is worth a fortune.
He's a Raphael, a genius.
This is very promising for our deal.
We just have to convince the kid now.
I like this kid so much
that I'll pull the wool over his eyes
in no time.
- My shirt's missing a button.
- Wear another one.
None are ironed.
What the hell?
My shirts are never ready.
Calm down, I'll sew one on.
We'll be late now.
For once I'm appreciated,
we're going to appear rude.
- What if Eric turns up now?
- So what?
With you dressed like that?
Very good!
I wonder what he'd think of me.
- What are you looking for?
- My blue case.
- What?
- My blue case!
- Are you deaf?
- We'll never be on time.
- Pétrossian's bringing caviar.
- Tell Georgette to make toast.
Do you know why
you never get your paper on time?
- No.
- Because Georgette reads it first.
I caught her last night.
And that sausage was reading
"Crime Does Not Pay".
- No?
- Yes, she was.
- Where are you going?
- To correct her.
Wait a second.
You'd better tell her instead.
- Tell her what?
- About the current situation.
Eric has never met Solange
and Solange never came here.
No slip-ups.
I don't want to lose my Raphael
because of a menial's blunder.
A what?
Because of your skivvy's stupidity.
I forgot to say.
You should see his motor.
It's very fancy.
- Really?
- Yes.
He's here. I knew it. My trousers.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Come here, my dear.
Let me have a look at you.
Oh, yes, oh yes.
The jaw of Jacques Callot,
the brow of Dürer.
Some signs never lie.
- What's your name, son?
- Robert Mideau, sir.
Allow me to call you Robert.
I insist.
Like one would say
Raphael or Leonard.
My dear genius, my blessed child.
Isn't he going overboard?
He's only just getting started.
Madame Mideau I presume.
The master's lucky wife.
Allow me.
Your dress is a masterpiece.
You may call me Solange.
And what spirit, charming.
We only find such elegance in Paris.
Talking of elegance,
you're not so bad yourself.
It's just a flat my friends
look after while I'm travelling.
Charles, my friend,
our princess is dying of thirst.
This wench is going to ruin my plan,
neutralise her.
Whiskey, Champagne, port.
- Whiskey soda.
- Some nibbles?
- No.
- It'll help the drink go down.
- What about you, Robert?
- You choose.
I hardly drink.
A thimble of port. It's stimulating.
You're right to not drink.
I knew a great lithographer
who lost his hand due to drinking.
In your case, it'd be awful.
- You over-estimate me.
- Not at all.
Remember,
not recognising one's talent
makes it easier
for the mediocre to succeed.
- To men of art.
- To your good health, sir.
Try this strong homemade Picon.
Georgette, get me a port.
I see you're getting acquainted.
- My dear, could you do me a favour?
- Whatever you want.
Mr Lucas, my banker,
he hates being alone.
Please keep him company.
A banker?
I thought he was a businessman.
Do you not consider banking
to be business? How charming.
- Do you like it?
- It's hard not to.
- Are they by Binet?
- Yes.
I worked on these illustrations
for Restif De La Bretonne.
- I recognised his style.
- If you like those...
- This is by Moreau Le Jeune.
- I prefer Binet.
I like how he insists on the burin.
You know your stuff.
I did 4 years of engraving
at the Estienne school.
Nothing beats classical training!
- Charles?
- What?
- Did you hear him before?
- No.
- He said it's his house.
- Give it a rest.
Next we'll be the porters,
then tramps.
What next? But you don't care.
You just let it go.
As for you,
someone's stealing your girl.
Don't make me laugh.
You're a banker? How interesting.
- Champagne?
- No, scotch for me.
- With soda.
- Of course.
If you like Piranesi,
you absolutely must go to Florence
to see the collection at the Uffizi.
I've always wanted to.
But you know how life is.
It doesn't always go as planned.
My dear Robert,
listen to the advice of a father.
One has to build one's life
in order to avoid obstacles.
Champagne?
I thought I told you to
use flute glasses.
I don't have any thin flutes.
Music.
- What about that one?
- Let me think.
When you've finished,
fetch the Champagne.
What the hell?
- Music.
- What music?
Your friend wants music.
Is it a Larmessin by Boucher?
Exactly.
- Isn't it beautiful?
- Isn't it.
- What a din!
- Don't you like music?
Yes, but not this racket.
Let me show you something.
I'm sure you'll love it.
You'll see. It's without pretension,
but it's amusing.
- Do you dance?
- I'm afraid not.
- May I?
- I'd love to.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you want to dance, Lea?
This is my own personal workshop.
I'm only an amateur.
I may be informed, but even still.
If I had hands like yours,
I'd go far.
Maybe, but wait and see.
- Do you recognise your work?
- Yes, of course.
I'd like to ask something.
I've a slight problem.
Next to the text,
just here, I'd like to add a motif,
in black or bistre.
It isn't impossible.
I also thought of embellishing
the right side with a nice portrait,
that of Erasmus for example.
You know the Erasmus by Holbein?
- Could you do that?
- Again, it's possible.
Providing I have a good model.
What about this one?
Thanks for the lift.
We could have taken a taxi.
A taxi?
At this time of night?
See you tomorrow.
- His motor's as old as the hills.
- You're completely drunk.
You wouldn't understand.
Will this door open?
Well I never!
Do you mind? Ladies first.
Just so you know,
I met a real man this evening.
Eric's nice, isn't he?
I don't mean that fool.
I'm referring to Mr Ferdinand.
He really is somebody.
- Last week, you only swore by Eric.
- Really?
- Eric now is it?
- Mr Masson then, if you prefer.
What I prefer is the other one.
If you want my advice,
the other one,
he wouldn't even employ
Mr Masson to polish his shoes.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Be quiet.
What, Robert?
- You'll wake everyone.
- I don't give a shit.
I won't have to see their faces
much longer.
- I'll soon be leaving them behind.
- The concierge!
That's what I say to the concierge.
Come on.
I'm going to fetch the papers.
Will you manage?
Do I ever not manage?
No, no, no.
To avoid being swindled,
we should print twice as much
without Boss knowing.
- The idea came to me last night.
- It seems a good idea, but...
That isn't very honest towards Boss?
Honest?
Is him taking 50%
and treating us like dirt honest?
You're right.
We'd be right
in not being upfront with him.
But printing twice as much implies
two things.
First, finding the extra paper.
And second,
getting the dupe to agree.
I have the dupe in the bag,
once and for all.
For the paper,
I'm picking it up in an hour.
Instead of 5 reams, I'll get 10.
It's that simple.
If you pay two million
instead of one.
So? Is your bank closed?
Easy for you to say.
It's a lot of money.
Mind you, so is a billion.
I'll try and get Charles
to participate.
He'll be screwed.
Boss will be buggered I tell you.
A brunet with a moustache.
He looks a prat.
I see prats every day.
This one's special.
If stupidity could be sold,
he'd make a fortune.
How funny
that you recognised me right away.
I was given a good description.
I couldn't be mistaken.
He could have got someone
to give me a hand.
This isn't Self ridges you know.
- There's too much.
- Maybe not.
While I'm here,
I thought I could get twice as much.
So I won't have to come back.
I don't deal with handlers.
Here, kid. For your cigarettes.
As in the past, professor TAUCHMANN
will be giving SAILING classes
Every Saturday at 10 am
What size are your tulips?
- Large flowers.
- I like the sound of it.
What rate?
20% of the catalogue price.
Too low.
Let's say 30 then.
I'd prefer 40.
In that case,
I'll take no more than 1000 units.
That suits me perfectly.
This way, please.
Are you fond of any specific series?
I'll let you know tomorrow.
Is that OK?
Very well. And the delivery?
At home, as usual.
Dough for dough.
Are French francs OK?
In notes of 10,000?
I'd prefer a more serious currency.
Dollars, notes of 100.
- Robert, open up.
- What do you want?
Is he kidding? It's my house.
- We want to see how it's going.
- There's nothing to see.
What the hell?
Did you tell him about the other lot?
I offered him 10%,
he insisted on 15%.
He's going to try to blackmail us.
I don't like people giving me orders.
I'll give him what for.
Well, wait until
we've finished with him.
- What now?
- It's me.
What the hell?
Gentlemen,
that'll take away our remorse,
if ever we have any.
By the way, what about the paper?
What a hag!
I had to put her in her place.
I have another lead. A gypsy.
Wait. His brother-in-law knows
an Armenian who works in a printer's.
As what, a cleaner?
My typons are dry.
Well done, kid. That's BSA standard.
I'm ready to roll.
Unfortunately, for once I'm not.
I won't have the serial numbers
until tomorrow.
We could do it tomorrow,
but it's Sunday.
A printer's running on a Sunday
will arouse suspicion.
We don't want these works of art
to become prison vouchers.
- Any takers?
- No.
Good. Today's Saturday.
We have to keep our typons
for 2 days,
not only away from prying eyes
but also from greedy hands.
I have a safe at the bank.
And burglars?
You obviously never read the papers.
- Why not here?
- No.
Thanks for the trust.
I know you're honest,
but I also know my classics.
From Adam's rib
to Napoleon waiting for Grouchy,
every big job that failed
was based on trust.
- Do you have an envelope?
- Yes, why?
Give it to me.
We're going to entrust our treasure
to those who never lose anything,
to the civil service
which the whole world envies,
the post office.
Good idea.
Well, there you go.
By posting this before 4 pm,
it'll be safe until Monday,
when the kid receives it
with the first post.
What a great idea.
- Are you sure there's no risk?
- Not at all.
Unless there's a surprise strike.
Trusting honest people is the only
risk in an adventurous career.
That's it this time.
They don't even respect
the Lord's Day.
I'm calling the police.
I don't believe it.
He insisted on coming here.
He wasn't at the car dealers.
I needn't have sent my man
to the match.
- Maybe he had work to do.
- As if he'd work on a Sunday.
Eric is a hard worker.
He's a self-made man.
You can wait for him here
and have lunch with us.
My wife will lay the table for three,
won't you, ma?
I'll have to cook then.
Because Georgette doesn't work
on Sundays either.
- There you are.
- Hello, Mr Ferdinand.
- I was afraid you'd miss the boat.
- There's no risk of that.
The last time I took one of these
was when I was 12.
It was my First Communion.
I'd often come here
when I was a kid too.
Then bigger boats got me further.
I stayed loyal though.
It's a nice way of seeing Paris.
Any trouble coming alone?
Luckily, my wife's going
to her mother's.
You don't seem too keen on her.
Shall we go get some grub?
You don't want to answer?
You'd lose your appetite.
Come on.
Let's go over the timeframe.
The letter's arriving at 8 am.
For the engraving, you need...
Two hours?
Let's say two and a half.
OK.
Mounting to the press and settings...
An hour?
It may be tight.
Ream?
What about the printing?
I planned for 3 hours.
As long as there are no hitches.
We'd better give ourselves
an extra 30 minutes. You never know.
And the cutting, 2 hours should do.
Nothing can go wrong.
I'll try, but I'm not promising.
To destroy the engraving,
clean the press and burn the scrap,
how long do you think you need?
At least an hour and a half.
I thought we'd be done by 5 pm.
But if you need all that time,
maybe you have your reasons.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir.
Listen to me, Robert.
The Lord has given you
magnificent hands.
He could have made you honest,
but He spared you that.
Don't you think you should
leave something for the deprived,
for the dupe's,
for those who really need it?
Need what?
Overtime.
Thank you very much, sir.
- I bet you're glad you stayed.
- I sure am.
- Go see who it is.
- Maybe it's Eric.
If it isn't him, we can maybe
go out after the coffee.
- Canoeing in Bois De Boulogne?
- I prefer the cinema.
So does my wife,
but she hates canoeing.
- Charles?
- What? You startled me.
- It's Larpin and Maffeux.
- What?
It's Larpin and Maffeux.
Hello. What brings you here?
Spring, mating season.
Did you open on the sly?
- You promised us.
- You really are incurable.
I don't understand.
Explain yourselves.
We're here because
there have been complaints.
I've been told cars keep turning up.
Day and night.
Even on Sundays.
You're mistaken.
Someone's got it in for me.
Nobody's here.
It's just my wife and I, as a family.
Who's that then,
your eldest daughter?
She's a friend of mine.
Is having a friend for lunch a crime?
Of course not.
Take care of her.
If she has no ID, we'll arrest her.
You and I will go upstairs.
- You're a rude man.
- So, where's your ID?
I swear.
You're making a mistake, inspector.
As we said, we've had complaints.
Here's my ID.
Don't you have another one
which we issued?
Can't you read?
Prefecture of Police, Paris.
Maybe you were right,
but what an idiot.
- What?
- You can go.
I'll write to your superiors
telling them how rude you are.
Don't leave. You haven't had dessert.
I have my pride.
You were right, we were wrong.
It isn't a brothel,
it's an art studio.
- What are you looking for?
- So, you're a photographer?
What kind?
Rustic romance, of Father Whipper?
What?
Greek shepherds or Spanish monks?
Do you suppose I'd do such things?
A man of my class?
Who do you think I am?
I take photos. So what?
You closed me down.
I'm on a forced holiday,
so I take photos. It's a distraction.
Do you have many distractions
besides her downstairs?
Taxi!
- 550, do you have any change?
- Keep the change.
You're just in time. What news!
Is your townhouse also a brothel?
What did you say?
They'd have been polite
had you been there.
- Who?
- They're all over the place.
- Oh my!
- Let's go.
- Where?
Sacré-Cœur.
Just out of curiosity,
considering we've lost
another million,
10,000 better francs as you say,
how is your paper? Is it any good?
It's not as good as the other one.
It's a little more beige.
There are a few specks,
but they're hardly visible.
Don't you realise this is a crisis?
Why are you talking about paper?
Without Boss, it's worthless.
I can't believe
he'd just leave like that.
The day before making a billion.
Maybe he had to go somewhere
but couldn't tell Solange.
You'll see, he'll return.
Boss won't return
to where the pigs have been.
We can do without him
for the printing.
It's the subsequent negotiation
which poses a problem.
- We may find a buyer.
- Why not sell it on the market!
In my opinion,
I'm glad all this mess ends here.
What mess?
Your deal with Boss,
the laboratory, the printer's.
Do you think I didn't know?
If you haven't learnt your lesson,
don't count on me visiting you.
Especially that there will be
three of you,
without counting Boss
who has no family here.
The packages, the lawyers
and all that will be my problem.
That's why it's a good thing.
Yes.
It's him.
There was no need to run off.
It was the vice squad,
nothing to worry about.
Let me explain.
There's nothing to explain.
And I don't want to know.
And it's none of your business
where I am. Listen.
We're still on for tomorrow.
The staff will do a 10-hour shift.
Pass me the gigolo.
He wants to speak to you.
Hello, Boss.
Listen, you.
At midday,
take your lady out of town.
Distract her until 5 pm.
I don't want anyone in the way.
Charles will tell you
the time and place. Put him on.
He wants you again.
Yes, Boss.
We meet tomorrow,
5:50 pm, Place Du Trocadéro,
at the statue of Marshal Foch.
I'll be on time, and I won't wait.
If all goes well, you'll be sleeping
on a nice mattress tomorrow.
Sweet dreams.
Wait a second.
What if there's a problem?
We don't know where you are.
I do, and that's one person too many.
- Mr Robert Mideau?
- Yes, that's me.
Could you sign please?
Here.
There.
Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
Closed for stocktaking
Countess Frapinère came last night.
Check-up and sleep.
Good.
- And here?
- He came last night too.
Mr Marshal, industrialist.
Nervous depression.
Very well.
Overworking doesn't mean
I've lost my appetite.
Grated carrots and fruit compote
won't make me better.
We know what you should
or shouldn't eat.
At 30,000 a day,
it's money you shouldn't eat.
- Yes, of course.
- Well, really!
May I order some caviar?
It's a day of celebration,
order whatever you want.
Caviar, lobster
and we'll order the rest later.
- Champagne on its own.
- Very well, sir.
To think that I was angry with
you yesterday. Isn't love strange!
Yes, indeed.
I dreamt we were rich last night.
We went to live on an island.
- Really?
- Yes.
Aren't dreams strange!
So, where is
this overworked industrialist?
There's nobody here, doctor.
He's taken his things.
It's time, sir.
He said ten to. He's late.
Here he is.
Stupid rendezvous!
I couldn't find a taxi.
The kid will sit between you two.
We'll put the case up front.
You'll leave me at
Austerlitz station. I'll get a taxi.
And then...
The time to meet my buyer...
I'll meet you at yours for the cash.
Do you still regret your trip?
Come.
Robert?
Hey, kid?
I don't like this. What's he up to?
And the case? Where's the case?
It isn't possible.
He wouldn't do this to us.
Do what?
What's going on here?
Are you trying to swindle me?
- Are you mad?
- No, not at all.
If you think you can swindle me,
you can think again.
What's this shoddy paper?
It isn't in the inventory,
where's it from?
Listen, Boss,
I think we should come clean.
We wanted to surprise you.
Is that a surprise?
A surprise?
You wanted to swindle me.
And with shoddy paper.
That's why you got the kid in on it.
But the genius has done a runner.
So nobody's jealous,
we've all been fiddled.
For once Holland hasn't ruined it,
this time it's a little shit.
At my age!
And I can't even go to the cops.
You can take us to his house.
He can't be too far ahead of us.
I'm coming!
What's going on?
What are you looking for?
- A thief.
- Your husband ran off with our cash.
Was today...?
It was, madam.
I was with Eric all day.
He's left me, his queen.
It's the only thing
we can't reproach him with.
When I think of my reputation.
You bring me 4000 miles
to be swindled by a dupe.
- Well done!
- What can we do?
Maybe you can sell that paper
you bought at 10,000 per ream.
Or use it for what I think.
You'll soon get rid of it.
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Anywhere, as long as
I never see your faces again.
But...
He's taken my car.
Your car, your girl, your ploys.
- That's for you!
- Gentlemen, calm down.
Eric, what's this about your paper
at 10,000 per ream?
You got me to pay a million.
Do what you want with your clients,
I'm changing bankers.
No!
How many francs
and foreign currency do you have?
25,000 old francs and 200 dollars.
Air France flight 109,
immediate boarding, gate 34.
How many francs
and foreign currency do you have?
This aircraft is a Boeing 707
intercontinental four engine jet.
Our next stop is Lisbon,
where we'll be arriving in 2 hours.
We'll be flying at an altitude
of 39,000 feet, at 560 mph.
Please fasten your seatbelts and
refrain from smoking during take-off.
I had to go to the professor's
so I didn't get time to change.
It won't be cold.
You won't need a coat.
And my tailor
will give you a good deal.
It goes without saying,
the characters of this ugly tale
were arrested a week later
and were sentenced according to
Article 139 of the French penal code.
The authors, Michel Audiard,
Albert Simonin and Gilles Grangier
ILL-GOTTEN GOODS
NEVER PROSPER