The Chimp (1932) - full transcript
Two bumbling circus performers inadvertently help drive the circus into ruin and then end up in possession of a flea circus and an oversized chimp.
Whoa! Here she is!
The big attraction.
Ethel, the human chimpanzee.
She reads, writes,
plays the piano and milks a cow.
Ha-ha! Something for men only!
Lady Godiva and Peeping Tom.
Wait! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Whoa! Wait! Wait a minute!
Get off of my face!
That settles it! That's the last time
I'm gonna be in this end of the horse!
- I can't go in there.
- Why?
You look better in that end than I do.
Do you mean to insinuate that I look like a...
Come on, you guys.
Get busy. Make it snappy.
- Too much snoring.
- Yes, sir.
Give me a hand. Here.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The next stupendous attraction
will be the one and only Destructo,
The Cannonball King!
Hold this a minute!
You ruined my first trick.
Get the cannon ready.
Yes, sir.
Announce the cannon trick.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Great Destructo will catch a cannonball
shot from a real cannon!
And that is not all, ladies and gentlemen.
Destructo will be blindfolded.
Ohh, it's gonna... Get out of here quick!
After seven weeks of rain and no business,
we're gonna fold up. I am flat broke.
- How about our salary?
- Yeah!
You haven't given me one dime
since Houston.
I can't give you what I haven't got.
I wanna do the right thing. I've got a plan.
- I am going to split up this show evenly.
- How do you mean?
Each of you will receive some valuable part
of the show in place of your salary.
I'm gonna write each item
on a piece of paper and place them in a hat.
What each one of you draw, you get.
Oh! I'll probably draw the talking cuckoo!
Nevertheless, that's what I'm gonna do.
What you doing?
- I'm building a crate.
- What for?
Look at what I drew.
What you gonna do with it?
- I'm gonna try and sell it to the zoo.
- Oh.
What did you draw?
I got the flea circus.
- See...
- Keep that box closed!
Here.
Now keep it closed.
Haven't I got enough trouble?
Come on, Ethel.
Come on, Ethel. Come on, Ethel.
Oh. Maybe she likes you
better than she does me.
Go see what you can do with her.
What? Get some rope and we'll tie him up.
Agh! Get back in there!
Go on, get in there!
Get! Get back in! Go on, get in!
Stan! Stan! Get in there!
Ohh! Stan!
Sta-a-a-n!
Oh, Stan! Stan! Get...
What'd you get in there for?
None of your business! Get me out of here!
Get him in there!
Get him in there and nail it up!
Now nail it up!
Nail it up quick so he won't get out.
Oh! The lion! The lion! Get... Let's get out!
No!
I guess we'd better get a room.
- How? I haven't got a dime.
- That's simple.
Why, tomorrow we'll...
Tomorrow we'll sell Ethel,
then you and me'll be on Easy Street.
All right. Let's get a room with twin beds.
- Why twin beds?
- One for me.
- I can't sleep with the monkey.
- Oh, she won't mind.
You don't mind sleeping with Ollie, do you?
No, she doesn't.
Come on, Ethel.
Twin beds!
What's the matter, Joe?
That rattle-brained wife of mine.
She's at it again.
- What is she up to now?
- She went out this afternoon.
It's 11 o'clock and she's not back yet.
If I thought she was chasing around again,
well, I wouldn't be responsible
for my actions.
Forget it, Joe.
You're getting worked up over nothing.
You wait here
and I'll go and see if I can get a room.
There she is now.
- I'd like to be alone.
- I guess I'll be going.
Come in here! You...
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I thought you were my wife.
That's quite all right.
- What can I do for you?
- I'd like a room.
Certainly, sir. Here.
Just register right here. There you are.
Shut up!
Oh, no!
What in heaven's name is that?
I forgot to mention one little item.
- We'd like to keep the monkey here too.
- No monkeys in my hotel!
- Get it outta here!
- We can't leave it outside.
It might get cold and die of ammonia.
Not ammonia. He means pumonia.
I don't care if you all die of pumonia!
Get him outta here!
If we leave him outside,
can we have our room?
All right, but get the monkey outta here.
This is no zoo!
Get it out! Get it outta here!
Get it outta here!
Go on!
Out! Get outta here! Out!
Why did you come running in there
with the monkey?
- I just saw MGM.
- What do you mean, MGM?
He came round the...
Come! Come!
Let's get our room.
The landlord said
we couldn't bring the monkey in.
I know, but what are we going to do?
We can't stay here all night...
I've got an idea. Get in there.
You sneak her upstairs
and throw my clothes out the window.
Suppose the landlord sees us?
- He'll think it's me.
- Oh.
Go ahead.
Let Ethel get it.
She can reach further than you.
- Ohh!
- Come in here.
Wait!
The lion's in there.
That's a good idea.
Lock her in there for the night.
Have you got a lock?
"Have you got a lock?" Oh!
Will you quit your playing?
Get out of here.
Why don't you lie still and go to sleep?
You're the most fidgety person I ever saw.
Move over. Ouch!
How many times have I told you
to trim your toenails?
Get out of there. Come on, get out of there.
Now, sleep in there.
What did you do with the flea circus?
Don't throw those things on me.
Quit shaking them up!
Come on. We'll get in the other bed.
Ethel, will you stop that and come to bed?
Ethel, will you let him alone?
- Ethel, stop it and go to bed!
- Ethel!
If that fatheaded landlord finds she's in here,
he'll throw us all out.
Open that door!
Come on and open that door!
That's him now!
Let's hide her, let's hide her.
I know she's in there!
Open that door!
Let me in or I'll break the door down!
- Bring her in here.
- Open the door!
I know she's in there!
- Lay down.
- Open that door!
Open that door! Open that door!
Let me in here, I say!
- Oh, the fleas!
- You want me to break this door down?!
Open it! Will you open it?
- Where is she?
- Where is who?
My... My Ethel.
- No...
- Aha!
What did you get...
Oh! There you are, you deceitful trifler, you!
To think that you would do this to me!
You, the bearer of my name!
The mother of my children!
You know that I've loved you,
loved you more than life itself.
Ohh! Ethel!
Get that thing outta here!
- You said you loved her...
- Get it outta here!
Get that thing outta here!
Get it outta here!
Come on, Ethel.
You... Come on, let's get out of here.
The big attraction.
Ethel, the human chimpanzee.
She reads, writes,
plays the piano and milks a cow.
Ha-ha! Something for men only!
Lady Godiva and Peeping Tom.
Wait! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Whoa! Wait! Wait a minute!
Get off of my face!
That settles it! That's the last time
I'm gonna be in this end of the horse!
- I can't go in there.
- Why?
You look better in that end than I do.
Do you mean to insinuate that I look like a...
Come on, you guys.
Get busy. Make it snappy.
- Too much snoring.
- Yes, sir.
Give me a hand. Here.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The next stupendous attraction
will be the one and only Destructo,
The Cannonball King!
Hold this a minute!
You ruined my first trick.
Get the cannon ready.
Yes, sir.
Announce the cannon trick.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The Great Destructo will catch a cannonball
shot from a real cannon!
And that is not all, ladies and gentlemen.
Destructo will be blindfolded.
Ohh, it's gonna... Get out of here quick!
After seven weeks of rain and no business,
we're gonna fold up. I am flat broke.
- How about our salary?
- Yeah!
You haven't given me one dime
since Houston.
I can't give you what I haven't got.
I wanna do the right thing. I've got a plan.
- I am going to split up this show evenly.
- How do you mean?
Each of you will receive some valuable part
of the show in place of your salary.
I'm gonna write each item
on a piece of paper and place them in a hat.
What each one of you draw, you get.
Oh! I'll probably draw the talking cuckoo!
Nevertheless, that's what I'm gonna do.
What you doing?
- I'm building a crate.
- What for?
Look at what I drew.
What you gonna do with it?
- I'm gonna try and sell it to the zoo.
- Oh.
What did you draw?
I got the flea circus.
- See...
- Keep that box closed!
Here.
Now keep it closed.
Haven't I got enough trouble?
Come on, Ethel.
Come on, Ethel. Come on, Ethel.
Oh. Maybe she likes you
better than she does me.
Go see what you can do with her.
What? Get some rope and we'll tie him up.
Agh! Get back in there!
Go on, get in there!
Get! Get back in! Go on, get in!
Stan! Stan! Get in there!
Ohh! Stan!
Sta-a-a-n!
Oh, Stan! Stan! Get...
What'd you get in there for?
None of your business! Get me out of here!
Get him in there!
Get him in there and nail it up!
Now nail it up!
Nail it up quick so he won't get out.
Oh! The lion! The lion! Get... Let's get out!
No!
I guess we'd better get a room.
- How? I haven't got a dime.
- That's simple.
Why, tomorrow we'll...
Tomorrow we'll sell Ethel,
then you and me'll be on Easy Street.
All right. Let's get a room with twin beds.
- Why twin beds?
- One for me.
- I can't sleep with the monkey.
- Oh, she won't mind.
You don't mind sleeping with Ollie, do you?
No, she doesn't.
Come on, Ethel.
Twin beds!
What's the matter, Joe?
That rattle-brained wife of mine.
She's at it again.
- What is she up to now?
- She went out this afternoon.
It's 11 o'clock and she's not back yet.
If I thought she was chasing around again,
well, I wouldn't be responsible
for my actions.
Forget it, Joe.
You're getting worked up over nothing.
You wait here
and I'll go and see if I can get a room.
There she is now.
- I'd like to be alone.
- I guess I'll be going.
Come in here! You...
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I thought you were my wife.
That's quite all right.
- What can I do for you?
- I'd like a room.
Certainly, sir. Here.
Just register right here. There you are.
Shut up!
Oh, no!
What in heaven's name is that?
I forgot to mention one little item.
- We'd like to keep the monkey here too.
- No monkeys in my hotel!
- Get it outta here!
- We can't leave it outside.
It might get cold and die of ammonia.
Not ammonia. He means pumonia.
I don't care if you all die of pumonia!
Get him outta here!
If we leave him outside,
can we have our room?
All right, but get the monkey outta here.
This is no zoo!
Get it out! Get it outta here!
Get it outta here!
Go on!
Out! Get outta here! Out!
Why did you come running in there
with the monkey?
- I just saw MGM.
- What do you mean, MGM?
He came round the...
Come! Come!
Let's get our room.
The landlord said
we couldn't bring the monkey in.
I know, but what are we going to do?
We can't stay here all night...
I've got an idea. Get in there.
You sneak her upstairs
and throw my clothes out the window.
Suppose the landlord sees us?
- He'll think it's me.
- Oh.
Go ahead.
Let Ethel get it.
She can reach further than you.
- Ohh!
- Come in here.
Wait!
The lion's in there.
That's a good idea.
Lock her in there for the night.
Have you got a lock?
"Have you got a lock?" Oh!
Will you quit your playing?
Get out of here.
Why don't you lie still and go to sleep?
You're the most fidgety person I ever saw.
Move over. Ouch!
How many times have I told you
to trim your toenails?
Get out of there. Come on, get out of there.
Now, sleep in there.
What did you do with the flea circus?
Don't throw those things on me.
Quit shaking them up!
Come on. We'll get in the other bed.
Ethel, will you stop that and come to bed?
Ethel, will you let him alone?
- Ethel, stop it and go to bed!
- Ethel!
If that fatheaded landlord finds she's in here,
he'll throw us all out.
Open that door!
Come on and open that door!
That's him now!
Let's hide her, let's hide her.
I know she's in there!
Open that door!
Let me in or I'll break the door down!
- Bring her in here.
- Open the door!
I know she's in there!
- Lay down.
- Open that door!
Open that door! Open that door!
Let me in here, I say!
- Oh, the fleas!
- You want me to break this door down?!
Open it! Will you open it?
- Where is she?
- Where is who?
My... My Ethel.
- No...
- Aha!
What did you get...
Oh! There you are, you deceitful trifler, you!
To think that you would do this to me!
You, the bearer of my name!
The mother of my children!
You know that I've loved you,
loved you more than life itself.
Ohh! Ethel!
Get that thing outta here!
- You said you loved her...
- Get it outta here!
Get that thing outta here!
Get it outta here!
Come on, Ethel.
You... Come on, let's get out of here.