The Canterville Ghost (2023) Movie Script

Oh, is it bedtime already?

Well, come along Mr. Tibbs.

Don't be scared, Mr. Tibbs.

Silly old thunderstorm.

Oh!

Probably a mouse,

a large mouse.

A badger, perhaps.

Must have left

the back door open.

Oh, what?

Lord Monroe,

how about

a bedtime nursery rhyme?

This little

piggy went to market.

This little

piggy stayed at home.

This little piggy

went...

Yes, that's it.

- Squeal all the way home!

- Oh, no, no, no!

I'm coming for

you my little piggy!

Oh, my coccyx!

Come on, Monroe!

Light on your feet.

Makes like pistons.

Almost there. Mr. Tibbs.

Mr. Tibbs?

No!

Mr. Tibbs!

I'm coming old friend!

I'll not leave a bear behind!

Mr. Tibbs?

Oh, Mr. Tibbs,

what's gotten into you?

- Leave this house.

- Oh my word!

Unhand my teddy you fiend!

-You can't run from me!

-Almost there!

Oh my word!

Here I come!

This handle is defective!

Behind you!

Daddy will

protect you, Mr. Tibbs!

The window!

Remember

your years in the gymnasium!

I love you, be a good bear!

Are we there

yet?

No.

Are we there yet?

No.

When do we get to

England?

We are in England dodo.

Do they have

bathrooms in England?

Yes, boys.

- 'Cause I gotta go!

- We are here!

Yay, England!

Hello governor, tea time.

Oh Hiram, look at

these

darling gates, they're so

wonderfully gothic.

Canter-bile?

No, Kent, Canter-ville.

It is a real

humdinger,

and at a bargain price, too.

And all because

people say it's haunted.

Oo, creepy forest!

There's no need to be

scared

of this

so-called ghost, Virginia.

Fear of the unknown and

unexplained is merely ignorance.

I'm not scared.

Just think, our very

own English manor house.

I bet you could

fit 50 ghosts in there.

Boys, did you not

hear what I just said?

Not really.

We usually just listen to

mom.

I bet I see

the ghost first, Louis.

Unless your ugly face

scares him away first, Kent.

Wow, this place is old.

Super old!

Older than Dad!

Hideous!

She's got donuts on

her head.

Boys!

Mrs. Umney, I presume?

Hiram Otis, at your service.

Welcome to Canterville Chase.

This way.

Oh, my.

Where's the ghost?

- I wanna be haunted first.

- Oh!

No fair,

I wanna be haunted first.

- Have you seen the ghost?

- Are you the ghost?

Or maybe a zombie?

Do you want to eat my eyeballs?

You can eat his brains.

He doesn't use them.

What charming

children.

Let's go this way.

- Hey, look, a torch!

- Oh, Hiram!

Oh, man, this

fireplace is so big,

I can crawl inside it!

Fight me, Kent!

It's okay, I think

we own that painting now.

Is a stained glass

window more expensive

than a regular window?

Oh, Hiram, it's

just so perfect.

So grand!

- Hm, a little gloomy.

- Got you!

But I have

something that will fix that!

Electricity, Mrs. Umney.

Power of the future.

Oh, I wouldn't

know about that, Sir.

Of course you wouldn't.

You're just

a little old English lady.

Ow, hit me again, Kent!

What's French for in your face?

Yes, indeed.

This room will

make the perfect setting

for our grand banquet.

The house will be filled with

members of The Royal Society,

heads of industry,

possibly even a duke or two.

The perfect way to put

American electricals on the map.

The Royal Society?

Dukes?

Oh, Hiram.

I sent the invitations

back in Boston.

Lead on Mrs. Umney.

Hiram?

Child.

Golden child.

This way.

Virginia, keep up.

I'm coming!

And this is the library.

What a splendid

collection, huh pumpkin?

We had books back home, Pa.

I know it's hard

leaving everything behind,

but you'll make new friends.

This is going to

be a great adventure.

Come on now, no tears.

I'm not crying.

What happened to

the previous owner?

He's in the asylum

now.

Poor Lord Monroe.

All he does is scream

and scream day and night.

He goes.

You see, for the past 300 years,

each and every owner of this

house has been forced to flee,

driven mad by the ghost

of Sir Simon de Canterville.

Cards wallops

and crazy talk. Ha!

I assure you, we Otis's

are made of sterner stuff

and no ghost, real or otherwise

is ever gonna scare us.

Jehoshaphat!

Whoa!

Virginia's scared of

the ghost!

She probably peed in her

pants!

- Kent laughs]

- Ow!

- The books are haunted.

- Nice shot.

I hope that wasn't

the first edition.

Now, come on.

There's work to be done.

This is our new home!

Boys!

- It was Kent!

- It was Louis!

It was the ghost!

Well, isn't this

a darling room?

I hate it.

Oh.

Will you be

coming down to dinner?

Not hungry.

Virginia, this has to stop.

This is our home now so,

so I suggest you get used to it.

I will not get used to it.

I hate it here!

Okay, good talk.

I wish we'd never come!

All right, darling.

I love you.

Strange.

How did you get up here?

"When the barren almond bears."

Uh huh.

Hm?

Uh...

Oh!

Okay!

Not good, not good!

Ow!

That hurt.

Good.

That's why I threw it.

Trying to scare

me like that.

Stop goggling, lad.

Have ye no manners?

Who's goggling?

And who are you calling lad?

You're a maid?

But you're wearing pantaloons.

These are riding

breeches, actually.

Who ever heard

of a girl in trousers?

Tis against nature.

So you're the Canterville ghost.

Indeed.

Why?

Does it make

the blood curdle in your veins

to speak with one who has passed

beyond this veil of tears,

and returned to

walk amongst the living?

Not really.

Oh.

I don't

think you're that scary at all.

Oh, but I am!

I am enormously scary.

And I shall drive

you and your cursed family away

just like all

the others.

Oh, really?

I bet you can't scare

my family out of here in,

shall we say two weeks?

A mere fortnite?

Ha!

Don't bother unpacking.

You'll be gibbering down

the driveway within the week.

And what a shame that would be.

How charming to

meet you, Your Grace.

Would you care for

a cucumber sandwich?

Mm, very good dear.

Hiram, would

you close the curtains?

It's chilly in here.

Yes, dear.

Ben Franklin would've loved

to fly his kite in this storm.

Oh!

Hiram, I said

close the curtains.

Hm.

These old houses.

Inferior fittings.

Yeah, unruly drafts.

Character and history, Hiram.

Hm, shoddy English

workmanship more like.

What's that, Hiram?

I love you, dear!

Oh!

My breeches.

Oh, even the fire is defective.

Yeah.

Hm?

Hm.

Shall I tell

you a bedtime story?

Hm?

Well, I'll be.

It appears the rumors

of the ghost are true.

Oh!

A goblin!

Do you mind, Sir?

This is our bedroom.

Hiram, I'm in my undergarments.

She has a point, Sir.

This is most inappropriate.

I must ask you to leave.

Must?

No, this is my house.

I'm asking you to leave.

One moment, Sir.

May I recommend

Dr. Dobell's Tincture Remedy

- for Hoarse Throat.

- No, you may not.

And while you're at it,

you may want to go to

work on those noisy chains

with

Tammany's Rising Sun Lubricator.

Otherwise,

nobody's gonna sleep a wink.

What?

There shall be no lubricating.

Oh.

Now, if you wouldn't mind?

Wouldn't mind what?

Well, let me

just say very strongly

that this is my house and I-

Goodnight to you, Sir.

Oh!

Finally, a real ghost!

Well, hello, child.

England's so boring.

Will you play with us?

Why, of course.

But let's not get ahead of our-

-Heads up, Louis!

-Wait!

What are you doing?

For the touchdown!

Oh no, my head is

spinning!

Just wait!

It's gone!

And the crowd goes wild!

Who are these people?

The rudeness!

I will drive them out.

Imitate the action of the tiger,

stiffen the sinews,

summon up the blood.

I will scare them so hard,

they will never return to

England's glorious shores again.

You talk a good fight,

but what if

you're losing your touch?

What?

How dare you.

What do you know, anyway?

You don't even have a brain.

Neither do you.

Right!

It's the bucket for you, Sir!

Oh, very immature.

Put the bucket over the skull.

Hilarious.

Never gets old.

All I'm saying is

you've been haunting

this house for 300 years.

Mayhap your steel

has lost its edge?

300 years?

Has it really been so long?

Hyah!

Oh!

I hate this place.

Hyah!

Oh, goodness gracious!

What a lovely horsey.

Oh, horsey.

That's got it.

No, it hasn't.

Ah!

Are you all right?

Never better, thank you.

Lovely day for a ride.

Yeah, I suggest

you stop before you get hurt.

Oh, dear.

Excelsior, you idiot, please.

Whoa!

Ah!

Oh, what are you doing?

I think you could

do with some help here.

What's happening now?

Whoa boy!

Oh, boy!

Yes, oh boy indeed.

Thank you.

Gosh, that is high.

I must say, that was brilliant.

My name's Henry.

Good for you.

Maybe you should

try walking next time.

You are a woeful horseman.

Whoopsie daisy!

Oh!

She can be

a little temperamental,

but she's

a lovely old thing, really?

Aren't you, Excelsior?

Excelsior?

So, you're a duke?

Does that mean I have

to call you your Highness?

Because I'm not about to.

It's Your Grace, actually.

Although I prefer Henry.

So, how are you finding England?

I hate it.

Ah, right.

What, all of it?

Everything I've seen so far.

Yes, well, I suppose

it can be a bit stuffy.

Here we are.

Home sweet home.

Canterville?

Canterville Chase?

Are you okay?

Oh, no.

Yes.

Yes, of course.

It's just that I've never

actually been to Canterville.

My mother would

definitely not approve.

Do you always do

what your mother says?

Heavens no!

I always think it vital

to do the exact opposite

of what one's

mother wants, don't you?

Oh, absolutely.

-Vital.

-There, you see?

Something we have

in common.

This is going awfully

well.

What's she got

against Canterville anyway?

Well, we, the Cheshires

and the Cantervilles

have never really got on.

We used to own

the place, you see,

centuries ago until

the ghost drove us out.

Really?

Yes, and

we grand English families,

we do like to bear a grudge.

Silly, really.

Oh!

What a horrid crow.

- I've seen Mr. Crow before.

- Good for you.

I've seen these

gates before, too.

Oh, gosh, you're strong.

Wow, it's some kind of garden.

Let's go in.

It seems rather nasty in there.

Perhaps you ought

to fire your gardener.

There's someone in there.

Come on. Oh!

Hold your hands out like this.

Why?

Ow, ow!

What are you doing?

I see, I'm a sort of

ladder.

Hello?

Hey.

Hello, there!

You're quite

a reckless sort, aren't you?

I'm gonna climb

down the other side.

Yes, of course you are.

Miss Otis, hello.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You can put me down now.

Yes, sorry.

You look awful.

I mean, a bit pale.

Tea, hot sugary tea.

Tea always works.

I'll get you some

tea from the house.

I'm American.

I don't drink tea!

I'm fine.

Tea always helps.

I'll be right back just as soon

as I find the tea and

the kitchen and some stuff.

Oh, you again?

What do you want?

What is it?

And I'm talking to a bird

now, which is perfectly normal.

Oh, great.

Bye then!

What is that?

Virginia?

Virginia!

Are you ready for that tea now?

You're awfully brave.

You haven't cried once.

Perhaps you're in shock.

Crying doesn't solve anything.

You shouldn't go

swimming in the lake.

Terrible things have

happened in that lake.

It was the gardener.

He just showed

up out of nowhere.

Gardener?

There's been no gardener

here these 30 years, hence.

Ever since

Mr. Meriweather was found

in the vegetable patch,

frozen with fear still

clutching his Brassicas.

It's Sir Simon.

But who is she?

The Lady Eleanor.

Well, well, well.

What is it, Mrs. Umney?

I must not say.

Very well.

On your own head, be it.

They say Sir Simon drowned

his beloved wife in the lake.

That is why he is

cursed to haunt this place.

He drowned her?

But they look so happy.

People say

his spirit can never rest

until the prophecy is fulfilled.

Prophecy?

It's said to be written

somewhere in the grounds.

My family have

served here generations,

and though many

have sought the prophecy,

none have found it.

Your tea, Miss.

I told you, I told you!

There he is.

Virginia has a boyfriend.

Virginia, what's this I hear?

Swimming in the lake?

With a boy!

Wait till Dad hears.

I wasn't swimming, Mother.

I- Allow me to explain.

Henry Fritz Humphrey,

Duke of Cheshire.

- He rescued her, Ma'am.

- Ugh.

He looks like a mannequin

at a department store.

Virginia, what were you think...

Did you say duke?

Um, yes.

Punish her, Mother.

Ow, Mother!

How delightful

to meet you, Henry.

Or do I call you Sir?

Or Your Dukeness?

Or, oh, or...

Mrs. Umney,

we must have tea and cake.

- I want cake!

- No, Mother, we mustn't.

Henry was just leaving.

You rescued her?

How romantic.

Like Sir Lancelot

and Guinevere.

Well, I'm not

sure that's actually...

I should probably toddle off.

But pleasure to meet you all.

Oh, you're leaving so soon.

Well, at least let

me show you out.

Goodbye, Miss Otis.

- Bye.

- Goodbye.

I can walk from here.

It's only 14 miles.

Lost my edge indeed!

Everyone's a critic.

This time I'll give

them a performance,

they won't forget.

Good for you, that's the spirit.

Wait, what are you doing?

Oh, bravo!

Yes, yes.

The eyes have it.

Something wicked

this way comes.

You shall be food for the worms!

Oh! Ha ha, that's very good.

One for

the "Boston Scientific Journal."

Don't move a muscle.

Do you even have muscles?

Say cheese?

Cheese?

Ow!

I do beg your pardon.

-I didn't mean to scare you.

-What?

You scare me?

I am Sir Simon de Cant...

Oh, nevermind.

You ruined it now.

I wouldn't

touch that if I were you.

Huh?

I shall touch whatever I please.

Oh!

And let that be a listen to you.

I'm going for a lie down now,

in an, angry way.

A murderer?

That can't be true.

Ordering me

about in my own house.

Outrageous!

You are absolutely

the worst ghost in the world.

"Oh, I'm Sir Simon

de Canterville!

I'll scare you out

of here in a week."

Except you can't, can you?

That sounds nothing like me.

God, you're pathetic!

Come back here.

I'm talking to you.

You really are

the most insufferable little...

Where did you get that?

The lake.

Give that to me.

Why should I?

That locket belonged to my wife.

What do you care?

You drowned her.

I...

What do you know of anything?

Eleanor.

Are you crying?

No, of course I'm

not.

It sounds like it to me.

So what if I am?

Do you never weep?

No, never.

But then

I didn't murder my wife.

I did not murder her!

I know that is what everyone

believes, but it is not true.

I was an actor

back then of some repute.

My beloved Eleanor

would always rehearse

with me in the grounds.

She was my muse.

She never felt

safe on that bridge.

But selfishly,

I convinced her to stay.

Her beauty would

inspire my performance.

My vanity,

my foolishness took her from me.

I got snagged on a rose bush.

I pulled myself free

and dived into save her,

but could not find

her in the dark water.

And the guilt has lived

with me some 300 years.

I loved my Eleanor,

so please don't judge me.

I have judged myself enough.

You know what?

I think we could both

do with some cheering up.

See? This is fun.

Slow down!

Slow down, you'll kill us!

You're a ghost!

You're already dead.

Oh!

Yes, yes,

I suppose I am.

Well go faster, go faster!

What powers this contraption,

- Yeah!

- invisible horses?

Oh! Hey,

why don't you take the wheel?

Take it? Where?

Oh, huh?

Ah!

- Put your arm out!

- Trees, trees!

Ya-hoo!

Yes, indeed!

- Ya-hoo!

- Woo!

Okay, then

come on.

Let's go tear up the

village.

- The village?

- Yeah.

You can petrify

some of the locals.

It'll be good

practice for scaring my family.

Sir Simon?

Whoa!

What's the matter?

Alas, Virginia, I cannot

pass beyond these gates.

I wish I could be free,

but I am cursed to haunt

this place and haunt it, I must.

Tomorrow and

tomorrow and tomorrow.

Maybe I could help.

Mrs. Umney said

something about a prophecy.

Oh! No!

You get away from her.

Leave her be!

Sir Simon, that crow.

What's in the walled garden?

Nothing, nothing at all.

Oh, really?

There's nothing

in there I tell you.

And this prophecy,

who is the golden child?

What happens when

the barren almond bears?

Such matters should

not be of concern to you.

What aren't you telling me?

Why won't you let me help you?

I can't.

I mustn't, please.

Virginia, ask me

anything, but not that.

Some ghost he is.

He said he would have

us out of here in two weeks.

Hm.

What's this?

Turn hell hound.

Get for a ducket.

Ah, there you are.

Oh.

Weren't you even

a little bit scared?

Oh no.

I mean, yes.

You cut quite the fearsome

figure with that blade.

Really?

Do you think so?

Oh, yes.

My knees are

completely knocking.

Excellent.

Rest assured, Virginia,

your family may

be tough nuts to crack,

but crack them, I shall.

-Ha!

-Mm hm.

You're gonna

drive them out with that?

I was quite the swordsman

in my day, you know?

Oh, really?

Why don't you show me?

On guard.

But...

But you're a girl.

A girl who's

about to kick your butt.

Very well, if

trousers, why not swords?

I promise to be gentle.

-Oh, I think I'll keep up.

-Indeed.

That all you got?

Bravo.

I made Pa give me lessons.

Oh, very sensible.

You really are the most

remarkable young woman.

Your Henry is a lucky chap.

Oh, don't you start.

He's not my Henry.

Oh?

You love him not?

Ha!

I hardly know him.

And anyway, I wanna see

the world, have adventures,

not just be somebody's wife.

Why does everything

have to be about love?

But my dear, love is

the greatest adventure of all.

Love can make

you thrill with excitement

or tremble with fear.

Make you a beggar

or a fool, a poet or a king.

Love is all you need.

- Yo-hoo!

- You sound like my mother.

Virginia!

Now you really

sound like my mother.

Virginia?

Oh, there you are.

What are you doing?

I was just-

Virginia, come inside.

We have guests, guests.

Oh, great, how

exciting.

Guests, eh?

Then let the revels commence.

Thank you, Mrs.

Umney.

Ah, the tea and

cucumber sandwiches,

which is apparently a thing.

I'm not sure why.

Anyway, Reverend Chasuble,

this is my daughter, Virginia.

Pleasure, my dear.

Allow me to introduce my wife.

Hello, there.

It is more incredible

than I could have hoped.

There are unmistakable signs

of spiritual

activity everywhere.

See what I found on the floor?

-Oh!

-Ectoplasm.

-Um-

-No, that's jam.

Hm.

It is jam, strawberry jam.

A classic symptom

of spectral manifestation.

Have you seen

it then?

Seen what?

The bonnie ghost?

Has it manifested to you?

I could help

you with it, you know?

My card.

"Phantasmagorical Investigator."

Ghost hunter, dear!

Right. So delightful of you

to call on us, Reverend.

I was beginning to

fear no one would visit.

In truth, it was my

wife who insisted we come.

I'll say!

Oh, for the chance

to test my medal

against the famed

Canterville ghost.

I could hunt the phantasm

down for you and chop it.

Algernean, do have

some tea, won't you?

Oh! Ah!

All this silly talk of ghosts.

-It's nonsense.

-Nonsense?

Tell that to

the people he sent raving

to the mad

house or his poor wife.

He murdered her, you know?

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

Ghosts are benighted

creatures of pure evil.

He is not evil.

What do

you know about it anyway?

Virginia!

Oh, you must excuse my daughter.

She has a new gentleman admirer.

Mom!

Cake?

Mrs. Umney!

Right away, Ma'am.

Your vicarship?

Oh!

Forgive me

father, for I have sinned.

And I'm trying to

watch my waistline.

Boo!

Scotch finger anyone?

Oh, no you don't!

A manifestation!

A genuine mani-

Don't you know it's ruled

to talk with your mouthful?

-Oh, I'm so sorry.

-And now for you young lady!

-How am I doing?

-Really good.

Go!

No, no!

Get away from me

you horrible mistake of a man!

Just off to

the little vicar's room.

Leaving so soon?

Impressive.

Drat! Missed!

Sir Simon, stop this at once.

Magnificent!

Now don't move.

I want to study

you from top to bottom.

- Off she goes.

- Oh no, no, no, no!

Telekinesis, how thrilling!

And where

she stops, nobody knows.

Oh, little bilious now.

Oh, hello again.

Incoming, Cedric.

I'm approaching from the rear.

Oh, Algernean, oh.

Fret not my love.

I have him

exactly where I want him.

Very good, dear.

-More tea, vicar?

-Oh, oh!

Too hot?

Let me blow on it.

Oh!

Your days are

numbered phantom!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you very much indeed.

Oh, for me?

So kind.

Hiram!

Yes, dear?

That ghost is a menace.

I've never been so embarrassed.

How can we possibly

host a grand banquet

with all of his shenanigans?

This is not funny, Virginia.

Sorry, Mother.

You're right.

This ghost is dreadful.

Perhaps we should just go home.

This is our home, pumpkin.

No, it's not.

By Joseph, it is young lady.

We are not leaving,

ghost or no ghost.

Hiram G. Otis and

his family are here to stay.

And we are having our banquet.

Well, I'm not coming.

You will do as you are told.

But my darling, your young

Henry will be there.

He is not my young Henry.

He's just a...

You two are

giving me a headache!

-Oh, may I suggest, Doctor-

-No, you may not.

What on earth is

the matter with pumpkin?

Oh, Hiram.

She's not

your little pumpkin anymore.

She's growing up.

Hm.

Too fast.

Hm, where does the time go?

Yes, you've still got it,

Canterville, you old dog.

Hm, what's that, Ciro?

Wanna make something of it?

So the wind

reaped the whirlwind.

It is I,

Lord Pumpkin of the Underworld!

No!

You are guilty of

being a phantom failure!

-Have mery!

-And for that you must pay!

Got ya!

Pay!

- $20.

- No.

Best prank ever!

What kind of

ghost is scared of ghosts?

Oh!

I really hate those boys.

Oh, there you are.

Okay, I've been thinking,

and there must be some other way

we can scare my

parents out of here.

Maybe what we do is...

Oh!

What's the point?

What's the matter with you?

The world has changed.

There was a time when

I made people's blood run cold,

but no longer it seems.

What are you talking about?

You scared the vicar.

Vicars!

Everything scares

vicars, but your family!

Are all Americans like this?

Wait, we can't just give up.

I'm afraid

I failed you, Virginia.

I'm a ghost

who cannot haunt people.

I may as well be

a dog that cannot bark.

When the barren

almond bears.

Pungent.

Sorry, I still

don't quite understand.

Why are we shoveling

manure onto a dead tree?

I'm trying to help Sir Simon.

He seemed so sad.

Oh.

And this manure

will make him happy?

Look, I keep hearing this voice.

You're hearing voices.

Yeah, right.

"When the barren almond bears."

Well, this is an almond tree.

It's barren.

Nothing's growing on it,

so maybe we have to

make something grow on it.

An almond,

presumably.

Yes.

And then what will happen?

I don't know!

Maybe it's something

to do with this prophecy.

What prophecy?

It's all in here.

There's a picture of

the walled garden in this book,

only it keeps changing.

First it was just

the locked gates.

Then this girl

appeared and now look!

The gates are opened.

See?

Hm, it looks a bit like you.

Oh, Hiram!

Look at the two love birds.

-Hm.

-Oh, "Hm," nothing.

Who would've believed it?

It's like a fairytale.

Our Virginia and

the Duke of Cheshire.

Duke of Cheshire?

I think the book

wants me to go in there.

It has to be

connected with the prophecy.

Yes, perhaps.

You don't believe me.

It's just ghosts and

prophecies, it does seem a bit-

Crazy.

You think I'm crazy?

Crazy?

No, not at all.

I just think

you're a bit different.

Oh, different?

No, what I meant

to say was, Virginia,

I think you are absolutely-

-Cheshire!

-Oh, Sir Simon?

Be gone vile blaggard!

Sir Simon, no!

Be gone, I say!

Sir Simon, stop it!

Darken this

hallowed place no more!

What are you doing?

Quiet Virginia, this is

between me and him.

What's got into you?

Henry, just go.

No, I'm not leaving

you alone with whatever he is.

Now, now, you see here,

I'm quite scared

and I don't have a sword,

-but nevertheless-

-It's all right, Henry.

-Go!

-Yes!

You'd better go.

Run!

Are you sure?

Yes, I can handle this.

A curse on all Cheshires.

You don't even know him.

I know his blood.

They are all the same.

What has got into you?

I will not suffer

a Cheshire to walk on my land.

He was lucky to

escape with his life.

His life?

If you dare set foot

here again, you will pay!

A lucky escape, my dear.

Those Cheshires.

I thought we were friends.

We are friends.

No, no.

You leave me alone.

Virginia?

Don't talk to me.

Pumpkin?

Huh?

Hm.

Sir Simon, we need to talk.

Tonight is our grand banquet.

There will be

people, laughter, merriment,

and you will not disturb it.

There will be no

haunting, no moaning,

no clanking of chains.

Is that understood?

I shall do as I please.

You shall do as you are told.

This is my house.

No, Sir.

This is my house.

How dare you!

You jumped up little Colonial!

Your tom foolery

will not work on me, Sir.

I am a modern man.

This is a modern world.

World of science,

powers you cannot

even begin to comprehend.

Woo!

World gears and

levers, electricity and pistons.

There is no place for you

-in this world, Sir.

-What's that?

You are obsolete.

A relic, a dinosaur.

If you were any

kind of decent fellow,

you would leave this place.

But I can't.

The Reverend

Chasuble and his wife.

Who is called

Algernean.

Who is called

Algernean.

Professor Victor Bosocoff,

and his wife, Mrs. Bosocoff.

My, my, my.

And I told him,

"No, you need to

reverse the polarity."

I don't understand.

It's his accent.

Darling?

If you gentlemen will excuse me.

It's going wonderfully, Hiram.

We'll be the talk of society,

and no sign of the ghost yet.

I do hope he won't spoil it.

I don't think we'll

be seeing him again.

It's all taken care of.

Apparently he has

an enormous inheritance,

and his acreage

is a wonder to behold.

Oh!

Don't know why

I have to wear this darn thing.

Well, I think you look lovely.

Henry, you're here.

I mean, I didn't

think you'd come after-

Wouldn't have

missed it for the world.

No ghost could keep me away.

He's not here, is he?

No.

What are

you doing hiding away in here?

I can't go out there.

Pa says I have to, but

ugh, all those lords and ladies.

What do I say to them?

What do I do?

Can't we just stay here?

Now, now, best foot forward.

Take my arm.

You saved me

from that mad ghost,

now I'll save you from

something even scarier,

English high society.

Miss Virginia Otis,

and His Grace,

Henry, the Duke of Cheshire.

What?

How dare he show

his weasley face here again!

Keep up, Marjorie.

This is a big gig for us.

You've nothing to

fear from these people.

They're mostly harmless.

Lady Grey lost all

her teeth in a riding accident.

Mm.

Colonel Merriman,

completely mad.

He once challenged

a pig to a dual,

said it looked at him funny.

The pig won.

Sir.

This one thinks he's a mermaid.

She lost her leg in a card game,

and he invented a tiny

gun for shooting wasps.

Oh!

Excuse me?

Half past seven, I think.

Oh, look, brandy.

Ah.

Come with us, my dear.

You must tell us

all about yourself.

You look sturdy.

Good hips.

I'm sorry?

Maybe later.

Ladies.

That was code for we want you to

marry our brother, Dorian.

Oh, thank you.

Nice save.

No problem. Oh, um.

Work from the outside in.

Soup, fish, meat.

Or just use your fingers.

It's your house after all.

See?

Nothing to worry about.

Thanks for your help.

Anytime.

Anytime at all.

You see, Virginia,

I think you truly are-

Oh, what?

Excuse me folks,

welcome to Canterville.

We are thrilled to have

you at our grand banquet.

Now, I know Canterville Chase

has had a somewhat blood

curdling

reputation down the years,

but that is all in the past.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you would please

extinguish your candles.

Now, allow me to introduce

the new wonder

of the modern world.

Oh, it's like magic.

It's science, Cedric.

Mr. Otis is a man

after my own heart.

-Oh.

-Well done, dear.

You did it.

No, we did it.

It's

beautiful, isn't it?

Indeed.

To progress!

To progress.

Don't worry everyone,

I'm sure it's just a fuse.

A fuse?

Is that a bomb?

Hiram, what's that noise?

What the?

Behold!

I am the ghost of Canterville!

And this dinner is doomed!

Doomed!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please remain calm.

Rest assured,

this is an unfortunate

yet harmless prank

from my incorrigible boys.

Again, Kent, again.

Again!

Oh, oh!

Huh?

Nice touch.

It wasn't me.

Then who was it?

Ow!

Mayday, mayday.

The pumpkin's gone rogue!

Hiram! Boys!

Stop this immediately.

It's not us!

Guess who's coming to dinner?

Sir Simon!

Cry havoc and let

slip the dogs of war!

Oh.

Keep up, Marjorie!

Do you do requests?

Play on, I say.

Play on.

Quick, quick,

come along, come along.

Unhand me, Cecil.

The beast is mine.

Algernean!

We meet again, old adversary,

but this time it's

I who shall--

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Do speak up.

Right this way!

Nevermind,

let's get out of here.

You Americans enter my house

with your modern ways and dare

to tell me what

I may or may not do?

Now you see here, Sir-

Dinosaur am I?

Obsolete?

If it's electricity you want,

how about this?

Hiram!

And as for you Cheshire!

Sir Simon, stop it!

Is it me, or is

it getting hot in here?

Mrs. Umney, do something.

Yes, Ma'am.

A toast to

progress, to Canterville.

A modern, happy home.

Ha!

Don't mind if I do.

Not for me.

I want to watch it all burn.

Out of my way, boys.

Boys, over here!

Jump!

I'm scared, Louis.

Me too, Kent.

Come on boys, you can do it.

Oh, Geronimo!

Come on, everybody, this way.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Go.

I will be right behind you.

We'd better not

get blamed for this one.

It's not our fault.

Now that's what I call

a haunting.

Bring the horses around quickly!

Hey, Ma.

Oh, Hiram.

Thank

goodness you're all safe.

Are you okay?

Where's Henry?

Henry?

That- Was-

Incredible!

When's dessert?

Oh my goodness, boys.

Henry!

Henry, are you okay?

Virginia, you came

back.

I think I've put my back out.

Come on, Henry!

You can do this, come on!

Quickly!

Virginia!

What are you doing?

Oh, my.

Come on, Henry, on your feet.

Thank you, Virginia.

I'm so sorry.

Forgive me, Virginia.

I have of late,

but wherefore I know not,

lost all my mirth.

Pumpkin, I was

looking for you everywhere.

Are you okay?

It's all my fault.

Virginia, I shouldn't have come.

My presence here clearly

drove the ghost into a rage.

It's not your fault.

I couldn't bear

the thought of any harm

coming to you or your family.

I think it best

that I don't come again.

What?

Thank you, Mr. Otis.

Very impressive lights.

Goodbye, Virginia.

Don't worry, pumpkin.

I am gonna put

an end to this once and for all.

There's no need to cry.

I'm not crying!

A full blown category five

psychoplasmical manifestation!

Last night you were

lucky to escape with your lives.

I dread to think

what might've happened

if I hadn't been there.

If that ghost

wants a donnybrook,

Hiram Otis is gonna give

him one right on his snoot.

Yeah, Pa, you tell him.

Oh yeah, bust that ghost.

Bust him.

I like the sound of that.

Bust ghosters! Mm,

nevermind.

The readings are very strong.

The spirit compass,

my own invention,

is saying there is

definitely a ghost in the house.

This is an impressive

array of equipment, Ma'am.

You see, Lucretia, science.

Science will cook

this old buzzard's goose.

Hey, look what I found.

-Put that back at once.

-I wanna shoot it.

-What's it shoot?

-Slowly.

Ghost bullets? Carefully.

It's a ray gun, genius.

Outstanding!

It was him.

What are you gonna do with that?

I am going to give

Johnny ghost both barrels

and capture

it like a rat in a trap.

How exactly?

Simple.

Once activated,

this device will function

as a psychic magnet pinning

and absorbing the spirit

and trapping it in one of these.

And then what?

Why, then I study it of course.

Oh, I have many,

many experiments planned.

Just think, a real

live specimen to work on.

Wonderful!

What?

We can't do this to Sir Simon.

Yeah, he's our ghost.

We're the ones who should

be experimenting on him.

I'm a reasonable man, but

he tried to blow up our family.

And I don't take

too kindly to that.

Right then, pop this on.

Plug that in.

Snappety, snap.

Eyes of a hunter.

That is one strange

lady.

I kinda like it.

-Me too.

-Hiram!

Sorry, dear.

Tallyho!

So, how many ghosts

have you actually caught?

Technically, this will

be my first, but fear not.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

This way!

The game's afoot.

The spirit compass never lies.

On we go!

That's a cupboard.

This way.

No, no.

This way.

Does she know what she's doing?

Kent, Louis,

much as it pains me to

say this, I need your help.

Just give me a moment.

Um, which way?

Which way?

This way.

I can smell it.

I say, come back with that.

Hey, weird lady,

the readings are

very strong down here.

Really?

Wait for me.

Phantom ahoy!

Sir Simon?

Where could he be?

In here, everyone.

He's in the kitchen.

Ah ha!

Oh!

That's our housekeeper.

Well, she shouldn't

sneak up on me like that.

He's on the move.

Come on!

This way!

Mrs. Umney, are you all right?

Perfectly fine,

thank you, Ma'am.

Sir Simon, where are you?

-Over here.

-Oh.

-You just missed him.

-Oh!

-No, no, he's over here.

-Oh.

The blighter's slippery like

a greased pig on market day.

Sir Simon, are you in there?

Open up.

You're in danger.

The wind and the

rain,

a foolish thing was but a toy.

Sir Simon?

For the rain,

- it rains everyday.

- Sir Simon!

Ghosts in there!

Ah ha!

Stand aside, please.

Boys, stay here.

-Okay, Pa.

-No problem!

Uh, boys?

Hi, Pa.

Please hand me that chair.

It was him!

A great while

ago the world begun.

With hey, ho, hey,

ho,

- the wind blew

the rain.

What?

- But that's all

one, our play is done.

Sir Simon!

As we strive to

please you everyday.

Virginia?

That awful woman's here again.

She wants to trap

you, do experiments.

-You have to run.

-Run?

Where?

I'm so very tired, Virginia.

I haven't slept in 300 years.

I miss sleep.

Right, onwards!

I have a sulfuric

odor in my nostrils.

Uh, that was me.

I miss my Eleanor.

She was

a Cheshire too, you know?

Like your young man.

Why do you hate them so much?

It was my wife's uncle,

the old Duke of Cheshire

who accused me of her murder.

He wanted me outta

the way so he could lay claim

to Canterville Chase

for himself.

It was Cheshire who laid

the trap intended for me.

He accused me, imprisoned me.

This cell became my tomb.

Eventually I succumbed to death.

But the fates, it seemed

had other plans for my soul.

So, is that...

It is, alas.

That's horrible.

That's the house

of Cheshire for you.

But that was 300 years ago.

Henry isn't like his ancestors.

People change.

Not me.

Cursed to remain in

this house for all eternity.

Maybe I deserve it.

If I'd been less

vain, less foolish.

If I'd reached Eleanor quicker.

It wasn't your fault.

We're getting

close!

The needle's

almost off the dial.

It's unprecedented.

Mr. Otis, crank

me up to full power.

With pleasure, Ma'am.

Oo, that's it!

That's it! Keep going!

Oo!

Where is Virginia?

I don't know.

Behind this wall!

It has to come down.

Yeah, that's

what I'm talkin' about.

Stand aside.

They're coming!

Let them come.

No, we have to do something.

What's this?

"When the baron almond bears."

Is that the prophecy?

Don't.

It was on

the walled garden all along?

It's no concern of yours.

Why didn't you say anything?

-Virginia!

-But what does it mean?

-Stop.

-What does it do?

Tell me!

It sets me free!

Then we have to go.

Ah ha!

I have you now.

Right in the Hamptons.

Hiram!

But there's no one here.

Sometimes

ghosts are invisible, Mom.

Come on.

Over here, Ma.

Where did they go?

Slipped the net again.

Look, Hiram!

It's taken Virginia.

Oh!

That darn ghost has

gone too far this time.

Virginia, no!

It asks too heavy a price.

We have to try.

"When a little girl

can ask for freedom

from the angel's grasp."

Please don't.

"When the barren almond bears

and a golden child

gives away her tears,

then will all the house be still

and peace come to Canterville."

But what does it mean?

It means

that I can only be set free

if an innocent

such as yourself travels

with me and begs for

my forgiveness

from the Grand

Old Man.

The Grand Old Man?

The Master of all

our Final Ceremonies.

Only He can grant my release.

Then let's go.

No, Virginia,

it is too perilous.

I cannot ask this of you.

You are not asking, Sir.

I am offering to help a friend.

Virginia!

Quick!

It's just like

your locket in here.

It's beautiful.

Virginia, please

excuse the lateness of the hour,

but I simply could not wait.

The fact is, I love you,

and I refuse to let the ghost

and this ancient

curse come between us.

Oh yes, well, it's easy saying

it in front of you, Excelsior.

Now I have to say it to her.

Giddy up!

Virginia!

Oh, where is she?

It's a classic ghost gambit.

Old as the hills.

Oh, just you wait

until I get you in my sights

you phantasmic blaggard!

-Dad, come quick!

-Huh?

My love.

Ah,

finally got here, have you?

I was wondering

when you'd show up.

You've led me

a merry dance, Sir Simon.

You two know each other?

Oh, yes.

Who are you?

Me?

Why, I'm the gardener, ain't I?

Someone's

gotta keep things tidy.

Otherwise, where would we be?

Oh, lovely.

Only blooms for a day.

Shame.

Sir, I wonder if

you could help us.

We've come here to find someone.

Have you now?

Who's that then, my love?

The Master of Ceremonies.

Hm?

Death.

Do you know where he might be?

Do I know?

Well, Death's

everywhere, isn't he?

Hm?

No.

Pleasure to meet

you, Miss Virginia.

I see you've

been reading my book.

Your book?

Want to know how it ends?

What's wrong with her Dad?

I can't feel a pulse.

Virginia!

Pumpkin?

Stop!

Ah!

Oh! Ow!

What's happened?

Her spirit has

been taken by the ghost.

Wait, wait.

This device captives spirits

and what have you, correct?

Could we not use it to draw

her spirit back in her body?

Mr. Otis, to tell you the truth,

I only received it this morning.

I haven't quite

got the hang of it yet.

This is my daughter!

Right, well,

we could give it a whirl.

Her spirit must be somewhere!

Virginia?

Sir, I humbly

request that you see fit

to release Sir Simon's soul

so that he may be

rejoined with his wife,

and that this curse be lifted.

Please, I beg of you.

Certainly.

Why not?

Consider it done.

What?

Is there anything else, my dear?

No.

Thank you.

Sir Simon?

I'm free?

I'm free!

At last I can be

with my Eleanor.

Thank you, dear Virginia.

Farewell.

Go, back to your family.

Ah, now,

afraid I can't allow that.

There's no going back from here.

This is the Garden of Death.

See?

It's very much a one way trip.

But I can't stay.

I'm not dead!

I'm alive.

Oh, no.

You were dead the moment

you walked through those gates,

weren't she Sir Simon?

Now, here we are.

This is you.

But I have plenty of time left!

Not anymore.

No!

Virginia!

Henry?

Henry!

Virginia?

Henry?

He can't see me.

Your body cannot

pass through the gates.

Only your spirit.

I'm really dead?

Look at it.

Life trickles by

so quickly, don't it?

People don't

make the most of it.

Shame.

Henry!

Oh dear, look at that.

Hm.

That's a fast grower, that is.

No!

You shall not claim her.

Do you challenge me, Sir?

I do, Sir.

To a duel.

I see.

And if I win, we both go free.

Ah ha.

But if I win, she dies,

and you shall

remain in this garden forever.

A permanent addition,

neither dead nor in heaven

with your wife.

I accept your terms.

Sir Simon, no!

Excellent.

Let's be having you then.

No time like the present.

Whoops.

Hang on a mo.

Ha, that's better!

You didn't think I was gonna

fight you like that, did you?

I'd be out of puff in seconds.

Shall we?

Then lay on and damned be him

who first cries hold enough.

Yes!

Ready, I think.

I suppose I should aim up.

Come on,

pumpkin, wherever you are.

Turn it on!

Anything?

Again!

Do it again!

What's this?

"When a little girl

can ask for freedom

from the angel's grasp."

Are you insane?

I am Death!

You cannot beat me!

You realize how

many people I have killed?

Everyone!

Well, I, Sir, have

played the greatest swordsman

of the stage.

And what's more,

I've had 300 years to practice.

I like a spirited opponent,

but don't let

it go to your head.

Ha ha!

A hit, a palpable hit!

Sir Simon, look out!

Another hit.

What say you, Sir?

What?

Whoa!

Oh!

Uh oh.

Still nothing!

Hiram, stop this!

No!

Science will save her.

It has to.

Again!

More power!

Yeah, more power! No!

Enough!

This stops now.

Oh.

I say, I thought this

was to be a fair fight.

If there's one

thing I can't abide,

it's someone who refuses to die.

That would be me, Sir.

Look at you, Sir Simon.

What are you?

An aberration, a ghost.

It will not do.

Here the books must be balanced,

and I will balance them.

You leave him alone!

You dare challenge me?

What the heck?

I'm dead anyway.

Virginia!

Oh, boy!

Henry!

You really do get yourself

into some scrapes, don't you?

You can fence?

Of course I can fence.

I went to Heaton!

You shouldn't have come.

Being here in this

place, it means you're dead.

What?

I'm sorry!

Oh, please, spare me.

Henry!

You leave him alone.

Well, if I am dead,

there's no one I'd

rather spend eternity with.

You see, Virginia,

I'm afraid I love you.

What?

Oh, what a lovely couple.

United forever.

Cooey, up here.

Hey, Sir Simon, catch!

Virginia.

I'm all right.

Huh?

And you, young man, thank you.

Happy to help.

Perhaps not all

Cheshire's are the same.

Oh, I think not.

The old Duke of Cheshire!

Hello, again.

Now I get to kill

you all over again.

Oh, dear!

My love, it's me.

Eleanor?

Yes, my love.

You are not my Eleanor.

Oh!

No!

Very impressive.

It seems we have a draw.

What?

Virginia is free to

go, as are you young man.

But as you did

not beat me, Sir Simon,

you must remain here forever.

No! You can't!

Please.

Do not be sad, Virginia.

These last few weeks

have been the happiest

I've had for 300 years.

I'm sorry, Eleanor.

What?

Well, that's that.

Goodbye, Virginia.

Henry.

Please, no!

Until we meet again.

Come on, Virginia!

Wake up, Sis!

Please, wake up!

I'll never play another prank!

Pumpkin!

Oh!

Virginia!

Oh, oh my darling!

Oh!

You're back!

She's back!

Impossible!

Pumpkin, my

pumpkin, you're back!

I knew she'd be fine.

Yeah, me too.

Wait, Sir Simon!

Oh!

It's all over now, pumpkin.

You're safe.

All he wanted

was to be with his wife.

"When a little

girl can ask

for freedom

from the angel's grasp.

When the barren almond bears,

and a golden child

gives away her tears,

then shall all

the house be still

and peace come to Canterville."

Hm?

Virginia!

Sir Simon!

I hope you're looking forward

to an eternity in

a glass jar, you fiend!

Oh, yeah.

Huh?

It was us.

Oh!

-Simon?

-Huh?

Eleanor!

Thank you, my dear Virginia.

What took you so long?

There are more

things in heaven and earth

than I dreamt of

in my philosophy.

Hamlet, ish.

Very good, Mr. Otis.

There's hope for you yet!

That's better.

Everything's in

its proper place.

If there's one thing

I can't abide, it's a loose end.

Now you remember, young

miss, time trickles by so fast.

You be sure to

make the most of it.

Oh.

I now pronounce

you husband and wife.

Oh.

Oh, I want it!

I've got it!

Oh, yay! That was a good catch,

my dear!

Let's go have an adventure.

Righto.

Oh, yay!

Bye, Virginia!

Oh, are you crying, dear?

- Oh, wow!

- No.

I mean, yes, I am.

Yay!

Love you, pumpkin!

And now the house

is calm and still,

for peace has

come to Canterville.

It was the ghost!

We don't have

a ghost anymore, Kent!

It was Louis!

The Canterville Ghost (2023) - full transcript