The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) - full transcript

[40 WATT HYPE'S
"BLUE MOON" PLAYS]

All right,
you're going to love this one.

Listen up. Here we go.

[***]

* Oh, they're moving
Father's grave *

* To build a sewer *

* They're moving him
Regardless of expense *

* They dug up his remains *

* To put in five-inch drains *

* To satisfy
Some posh bloke's residence *

* Now, what's the use
Of having religion *



* If when you're dead
Your troubles never cease? *

* When some high-society crank
Needs a pipeline to his tank *

* They won't let poor old Father
Rest in peace **

Here you go, Pluto.

Thank you.

What'd you think?

I don't know
what to think, Tony.

I mean, it's...
you've got a dress on.

No, hey, I do not
have a dress on.
This is a kilt, man.

Scottish tradition.
Very manly, a kilt.

Yeah, it's a manly dress.

That's how people know who I am.

Look, people think
of Anthony Frankowski,

they immediately think
Scottish crooning.



And there lies your problem.
What is that Scottish crooning?

Did you make that up?

Yes, I made that up. It's a
thing if I made it up.

It's horrible.

It's my hook.

You know what you need to do
if you're going to croon?

Be Italian.

You know, be Anthony Frantuchi.

You want me to change my name?

Yeah, to something that swings.

Anthony Frangichi.

That doesn't swing.

Anthony...

Francis.

Tony Francis. I'm Tony Francis.

Tony Francis.

Tony Francis.

So you're Tony Francis.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Tony Francis.

Absolutely.

I like that name.

Lose the dress, change the name.

Is your bathroom back there?

Through the doors.

Tony Francis.

Whoo...

Hey, am I supposed to piss
in the kitchen?

No. It's off to the right.

Oh...

Oh...

Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please welcome
Mr. Tony Francis?

[SCREAMS]

Oh, my God, it's Tony Francis!

Oh, my...

How's showbiz?

Disgusting.

Ow!

Ow!

Man...

Hey! Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Hey!

Take a walk, hotshot.

Pluto! Pluto, help me.

Pluto?

Pluto Nash?

Yeah.

When did you
get out of the joint?

About a week ago.

Congratulations.

Yeah. Thanks a lot.

I'm Gino.

This is my nephew, Larry.

Larry, say hello to Pluto Nash.

What's going on?

Hey, my brother
was inside with you, Angelo.

Angelo Sotobolo.

Angelo Cheesecake
is your brother?

We used to play cards
in his cell every weekend.

He would have the shit catered.

He thinks the world of you.

Oh, it's mutual.

Hey, Pluto's my best friend.

Hey, what are you guys doing
over here?

What's going on, Gino?

We're cleaning out
Anthony's digestive system.

He's a little backed up.

Hey, hey, hey.

Gino, I can't
let you do that, man.

Pluto...

your pal borrowed

two-and-a-half-million bucks
from me

four years ago

to buy this joint here.

On an easy-payment plan.

Here you go.

I think that will get it off.

Well, how much
does he owe you now?

Two and a half million.

He didn't pay anything back?

No.

Any idiot can make money here.

This guy has to do
his cockamamie act every night.

Yeah. It's like
a damn freak show.

I've seen it. I've seen it.
You see where this shit got you?

Hey, Gino, listen.

I'm not in
the smuggling business anymore.

I'm getting ready
to open my own club.

No kidding?

Yeah, it's always been
a lifelong dream of mine

to have my own club.

Lifelong...

Hey, hey, hey.

Dinner and dancing
and nice atmosphere, you know.

Good place, hot music,

and once I get the
place up and going,

I'm going to sit back,
light up a cigar,

and just enjoy the party.

I mean, what could be better?

Nothing could...
nothing could be better.

We could be partners.

You know what?

What if I pay off his debt
and take over this place,

we call it square?

Let's have a drink
and we'll talk about it.

Here out of these glasses?

What, are you crazy?

Across the street.

All right.

What are you going to do
about my friend here, Anthony?

Anthony.

My gift to you.

Gino, you're a prince.

I'm going to go
across the street

and have some beers
and work out the logistics.

You sit here in your skirt
and I'll see you in a minute.

ANNOUNCER:
The 9:18 Lunar Grand Express

is now ready
for general boarding

on platform 22.

Welcome to the Moon.

While you're here,

be sure and visit

the Lunar Grand Resort
and Casino,

only two hours away
by hover shuttle.

Remember,

Moon Beach is the only place
in the universe

where gambling is legal.

The Lunar Grand, the perfect
family vacation.

[***]

Incoming.

Thanks, Pluto.

[SCREAMING]

You guys better pace yourselves
and take it easy.

It's only 10:00.
This ain't a bachelor party.

Yeah, it is.

Tommy here is getting
divorced tomorrow.

Really?

Hey, congratulations.

I tell you what.

Drinks are on the house
for the rest of the night.

You're the best, Pluto.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me a second.

Thanks a lot, Pluto.

Hey.

He's the best. He's the best.

I'm not running a library here.
Crank it up.

All right.

Yeah, keep it like that.
Keep it pumping.

Hey, Miguel!

Hey!

Not bad for a Tuesday night.

Not bad at all.

It's like the whole city
turned out.

Yeah.

We've come a long way,
baby, long way.

Long way.

All right, partner.

Ooh, look at that ass.
I'll be right back.

Hey!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get that.

Oh...

Sorry.

It's all right.

It's okay.

Oh, hey, could you help me?

I'm looking for the owner,
Pluto Nash.

Why would you be looking
for a lowlife like that?

It's personal.

It can't be personal.
He doesn't even know you.

Yes, he does.

No, I don't.

You're him?

Yeah, last time I checked.

How can I help you?

I just came all the way up here
from Salt Lake City.

Rough town.

I'm a singer.

I got this gig and they gave me
this one-way ticket up here,

but the guys who own the club

sold it or something
and I'm dead broke.

I just need a job.

So, basically
I just want to go home,

and I was wondering
if you can help?

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

I'm sure there's clubs up here
that can use a good singer,

but we've got a DJ.

Take it easy.

Well, I'm sure they could,

but my Moon card expired,

and I was told

you were the one person in town

who might actually
overlook that.

Who told you something
foolish like that?

I think you know
my father, Nicholas Lake.

No, never heard of him.

Nicky Sticks?

Nicky Sticks I know.
That's your father?

Unbelievable.

That's something.

Wow.

Well, normally,
I don't call in favors,

but my dad did save your life
back in '76.

Hey, wait a second.

He didn't save my life,
I saved his life,

and I lost a fine automobile
in the process,

so unless you've got
a brand-new Plymouth out there

with my name on it,

I've got nothing to say to you,
okay? So goodnight.

Thanks, Dad.

I should have known.

I'm sorry.

Hey!

Maybe I've got something.

Really? Great.

Shall we say two shows a night,
five nights a week?

Shall we say six nights a week
waiting tables?

You can save up your tips,

make enough money
to get back home.

Deal.

Is it like this every night?

Only the slow ones,
only the slow ones.

Somebody is coming in.

Hey, sorry, fellas,
we're closed.

We're here to see Mr. Nash.

Is he expecting you?

10 million

is more than a fair offer,
Mr. Nash.

I don't know.

You see, I own
the most successful club

in Little America.

I own it outright.

I'm my own boss, okay,
and I have the hottest...

I've got the best party in town
seven nights a week.

Why would I
want to sell this place?

Oh, 10 million bucks?

Get your shit off my desk.

No, no.

Boys, please meet
my friend and bodyguard, Bruno.

Gentlemen.

Bruno, the boys.

Looks like you're about due
for a trade-in, Mr. Nash.

Hey, Bruno, what are you a '65?

Model '63, Deluxe.

'63? Talk about ancient.

Your sister didn't seem to mind.

Screw you, robot.

Hey.

He can be fixed, you can't.

Look, we don't mean
to cause any problems here.

All right, well,
he's reaching, you know?

Okay. No reaching.

Mr. Nash...

this is nonnegotiable.

Rex Crater is buying your club.

Yeah, I was wondering
when you all

was going to get to me.

$10 million.

Tell Mr. Crater thanks,

but I won't sell my club,

and I'll tell you
something else.

If I have my way,

nobody around here
will sell their place,

because we like this town
the way it is,

so if you'd be so kind, get out.

Rex Crater does not like
to be disappointed.

I'll just have to send
Mr. Crater

a case of Scotch.

Hey, hey, great
first night, Dina.

Thanks.

Hey, listen, do me a favor.

Run this up to Pluto.
I need to lock up the back.

Thank you very much.

Miguel?

This isn't some
send-up-the-new-girl

kind of a thing, right?

Because I don't, I mean...

No, no, no, relax.

He wouldn't do that.
You're safe. Go ahead.

Come on in.

Perfect timing.

Miguel asked me to bring it up.

Perfect.

Do you want me
to make it for you?

No, I mix my own martinis,
but thank you, anyway.

I've got it down
to a pretty good science.

Perfect.

I wanted to thank you again
for the job.

Don't even mention it.

Well, I'm mentioning it.

Thank you.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

You're very welcome.

Let me get this, okay?

Hello?

Hello, Nash.

Don't be calling me
this time of night.

What's wrong with you?

You know Tony Francis?

Oh yeah.

I knew him back when he was
Anthony Frankowski.

We grew up together.

Me and Anthony Frankowski,
who would later...

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

I'll tell you
a real funny story in a second.

Hello?

Just wanted to give you
one last chance

to change your mind.

Look, no now and no tomorrow.

No means no.

Leave me alone.

Now, you look...

Clown.

Who was that?

One of Rex Crater's boys
trying to buy me out.

Why is he so set
on buying your club?

Because he's gone
to the City Council

because they're
about to approve gambling here,

and if Crater gets his way,
the Moon will be a big casino.

Well, you just can't
sell your club

till I make enough money
to get back home, okay?

Okay, that's the deal, then.

I'll let him know that
next time he calls

that you've got to get
your money first.

[EXPLOSION]

You all right? You okay?

Yeah.

What happened?

I don't know.

Come on, come on.

Bruno! Bruno!

Bomb detonated.

Evacuate.

Come on!

Evacuate.

Bomb detonated.

Evacuate.

Bomb detonated.

Evacuate.

Look at this, Bruno!

Look what they did to my place!

Pluto!

Damn!

Let's get them.

No. Stay there with her.

Bruno, I think
that's one of them.

I'll intercept the call.

Nash is alive.

He took off after Jimmy,
who's headed for the Vac.

Be ready for him.

Okay, what's the Vac?

The Perfect Vacuum

at the corner of Glenn Avenue
and Fifth. Why?

Didn't you hear the phone call?

I'm sorry.

I cannot listen and hear
at the same time.

You see, I'm a '63.

Come on. Pluto's in trouble.

Come on.

Trouble?

Is that as fast as you go?

I'm a '63.

I'm at top speed.

[BELL RINGING]

Get out of the way!

Reset.

Reset.

You try to shake me down,

you blow up my club,

You blew up my wood barstools.

You know how hard it is

to get wood on the Moon?

Shit.

You want to play games?

You want to play games?

You have to shoot
around your boy.

It's easier
to shoot through him.

Shit.

It's a trap.

No kidding.

[CLICKING]

Did you ever shoot a gun before?

Time to go.

All clear, boss.

Come on.

Bruno, heel.

You're really something.

Thank you.

You walked into a trap

any idiot could see
from a mile away.

I was walking right out
until you came along.

You put your neck on the line

and I appreciate that.

But in the future,
not that there will be any,

if I need your help,
I'll ask for it.

Don't worry,
I'm getting out of here.

I saved your life twice.

Least you can do

is loan me enough money
so I can go home.

I'd give you the money,

but they'll be looking for you

at every bus station
and shuttle launch.

They don't even know
what I look like.

Every club in this city
has a biometric camera system.

They took hundreds
of pictures of you.

They know just
what you look like.

Only way you're going home
is in a box.

That's just great. Now what?

After you.

Hey, Roy.

Pluto. What are you doing here?

My place is getting redecorated

and I need a place overnight.

Sure. 3-D. The code is 4-5-7.

Thanks, Roy.

So, this is
the Garden of Paradise.

My, my.

If this is too glitzy for you,

tomorrow, we can get
a room at the Garden of Eden.

They got a bathroom
on every floor.

I hate the Moon.

Know why Mooners
can't stand Earthlings?

You think everything
back Earth is better.

I went back Earth once,
and the air smelled funny.

Sneezing all the time,
rained every day,

bugs and shit everywhere.

You know the only thing
I liked about it?

You could see the Moon at night?

Bingo.

Something wrong
with your toaster?

He's all right. Just recharging.

Can he hear us?

Not while he's charging.

Shouldn't your bodyguard
keep up with you

on the way to a gunfight?

You might want to think about
trading him in.

I can't trade in Bruno.

We got a history together.

I got 20 years
of rill-hopping experience

wired into him.

Rill-hopping?

That's...

smuggling.

That's what I went to jail for.

Not the fastest thing
in the world,

but he got me out
of lots of tight squeezes.

Smokier that usual.

He's a fire hazard.

Where are you going?

I got to go talk
to an old friend,

see what I can find.

What am I supposed to do?

Make sure
Bruno don't burn the place down.

You're leaving me
alone with him?

I left.

Great.

You're getting
kind of old, Rowland.

You should be so lucky.

Every lowlife in town
is looking to whack you.

I'm a popular guy.
What can I say?

Want to lose some money?

You'll lose money.

We'll play eight ball,
regular stakes.

I will kindly
empty your wallet for you.

How is your mother?

Still breaking hearts.

[DING] Pizza time.

She should have married me.

You should have went to the gym.

I'd have lost the weight
if she married me.

Otherwise, what's the point?

I really need your help.

I got to get to Rex Crater.

Forget it. Nobody gets to him.

Who the hell is this guy?

A myth, an enigma.

He lives in a penthouse
above the Lunar Grand Hotel.

Never comes out.

You was a cop for 20 years.

You got to have
some kind of idea who he is.

Some people think he's a clone.

There was a clone doctor
named Runa Pedanken.

Made a big name for herself

creating a basketball team
from one old guy.

The Air Jordans.

Right after cloning
was outlawed back Earth,

Pedanken came up here.

She was the best in her field

until she got herself murdered.

That was about eight years ago.

I'll need
to hack into police files.

You mean, you need me
to hack into police files.

I thought you'd never ask.

Pedanken, Runa.

Initiate global search.

File deleted.

Sorry, that's all there is.

She wasn't doing this
by herself.

Who worked with her?

She had an assistant.

We questioned her for days
about the murder.

Got nothing.

Because you have no finesse.

Who is she
and where do I find her?

Mona Zimmer.

Runs a body alteration shop

on Microsoft and Sixth.

That's what I love about you.

I ask you a simple question
and, four hours later,

I get a simple answer.

Boss?

Where did the boss go?

I don't know. Out.

He said to wait for him here.

Out?

He never goes
anywhere without me.

And I heard that toaster crack.

[DOOR OPENING]

Bruno, give me
that old badge you got.

Who are we going to arrest?

I need your help.

Sure.

Where are we going?

It's just got to be
the two of us.

You go next time. Promise.

That's gratitude for you.

We were hoping that
for our anniversary

we could get a brand-new us.

How romantic.

You're in luck.

I just happen to have
a cancellation.

Fantastic.

Are you all original

or have you been
previously improved?

All original.

Really?

From top to bottom.

Okay, then.

Well, what exactly
did you have in mind?

We were thinking,

we could start

with some ass-resculpting
for her

to get a little more bubblage...

I happen to have a great ass.

I'm not saying your ass
isn't great.

We'd like something...

Could you do something
about his big mouth?

Do you have any catalogs?

Maybe we could get some ideas.

Come this way.
I'll show you what you want.

Thank you.

Come on, honey.

Look at the asses on the wall.

Don't push it.

Let's start
with the basic body types.

Here's one I think you'll like.

The Amazon.

I don't like that.

That makes me look like
a big dufus, doesn't it?

Where would we buy clothes?

I don't want to be
the big dufus.

Good point. Let me try again.

This one
I'm particularly proud of.

The Venice Beach.

Wait a minute.

I think you done
found something there.

Yeah, look at that.

Look at me.

This is me?

It could be.

Honey, I'm looking,

and I'm thinking

that you need to rethink
the ass enhancement.

It will work, it will help out.

What you want is to have a...

She also needs
a little more of this up top.

Can you fix this?

If you could spruce these up
a little.

Just a little sprucier.

I know that she has ample now,

but I'm talking titties galore.

Let's have the titties
really flowing.

Yeah, like that.

Look at that.

Why don't we discuss the terms?

Yes, let's go in and sign up.

Look at that.

Before we get started,

there's a few things

I'd like to talk over with you.

First of all,
will you be paying in cash,

or would you like
to take advantage

of our flexible financing plan?

All in cash, all at once.

Excellent.

Medical records?

Right here.

And police permit?

Our police permits?

I think you'll find
that our police permits are...

in order.

Police permits.

Sorry, no can do.

Not without a police permit.

It's Body Alteration 101.

You could be fugitives,
killers...

No, we're just a couple

trying to put the spark
back in our relationship.

The idea of revealing

such personal details
to the police.

Please, Dr. Zimmer?

All right.

Come back tonight, 8:00 sharp.

But it's another 10,000
upon completion.

You are busted.

Give me a break.

What are you,
the Health Department?

You wish we were.

You got one chance.

Answer some questions for me.
And I want the truth.

What do you want to know?

When you worked
for Runa Pedanken...

I never heard of her.

You want to play games?
Put the cuffs on her.

Cuff her.

Hold on.

Hold the cuffs.

Tell me everything you know

and don't play games with me,
Mona.

Talk to me. What do you know?

All right.

Towards the end,

Runa was dealing with
some pretty heavy characters,

but she didn't tell me who.

And she didn't keep any records.

But one day,
I walked into her office

as she was showing
one of the guys out,

and he left
his briefcase behind.

The initials WZW
were embossed on it

in gold.

And it was made
out of genuine alligator skin.

Are you with me?

Earth goods.

That's all I know.

I swear it.

Just for the record,

I have never had
one complaint about my ass.

I was just playing.

I said that for the lady.

It was part of the scam.

Ma, what are you doing here?

Seeing that you're all right.

Ma, this is Dina.
Dina, my mother.

You're his mother?

You got a problem with that?

You could easily pass
for his sister.

Thank you.

Why are you gallivanting around?
You'll wind up dead.

I got to take care of those guys
that blew up my club.

You got to get your ass
off the Moon.

I don't think so.

You think you're some hot-shit,

ex-rill-hopping,
burned-down-club-owning guy,

but once in a while,
listen to your mother.

All right,
I'll get off the Moon.

But can I get something
to eat first?

God.

Bruno, get some beer
and sandwiches.

And you ought to be
a little nicer to your robot.

Be nicer to my robot?

You been in here
bitching to my moms?

Gentlemen.

Suite with a hot tub?

Which room is Nash in?

Lie to me
and I will blow your head off.

3-D.

Take the stairs.

You two, take the elevator.

Let the robots take the stairs.

Stay here.

Pluto, this is Roy.

You got company.

We got to move out of here.

Come on, this way.

Bruno, check and see
if we can get out the window.

Model DRL-84.

Very nice.

Bruno!

Excuse me.

Too high to jump.

See what you can do
with these bolts.

Ready?

Set...

Go!

Freeze.

Raise your hands.

Excuse me.
Can I get through here?

Go back to your room, lady.

Nice shooting.

Thanks.

I'll call you back.

Stay here.

Bruno, enough.

Rowland, it's Pluto.

I got to get to the Far Side.

I need you
to get me a space suit.

Make that two space suits.

One for a female, about 5'7".

I'll tell you when I get there.

...has been canceled.

Dome repair is underway.

Service will be restored
in approximately three hours.

This is Dina.

Nice to meet you.

Hi. Thanks.

I'm getting ready to leave town.

How will you get
to the Far Side?

I got that covered.

I'm arranging
for some transportation.

That's it.

Code Generator serial number?

8-7-4-3-5-0-8.

Check.

Why don't we rent a car
instead of stealing one?

Because you can't rent these.

What's so special about it?

It's a Chrysler DeSoto S-5000.

It cruises
on a 14-inch cushion of air,

hikes up to 64 inches
in rough terrain.

It's heat and meteor resistant,

with a torque compressor
power thrust...

And a kick-ass sound system.

Bruno, I need an ignition chip.

This might do the trick.

It will work perfectly.

Got to love a place

where your bodyguard and car
have interchangeable parts.

Smart-ass.

After you.

Good evening, Mr. Vandervoort.
James here.

Aren't you early, sir?

[ENGLISH ACCENT]
We're surprising

Mrs. Vandervoort
with some jam and scones,

and picking her up at a spa
on the Far Side.

You're not Mr. Vandervoort.

You're some hooligan
trying to steal his motorcar.

I won't have it.

Shut up and drive.
Head for the Far Side.

I'll give you till three
before I alert the authorities.

One.

Sorry, James. You're too late.

I have disconnected
your alarm relay.

So get moving, Jimmy boy,

or you'll have
a speech impediment.

Good God, I'm being stolen.

Take over for a while.

I will not
be an accomplice in this.

You're not an accomplice,
you're a hostage.

I won't be intimidated.

Do it.

All right.

Thank you.

Nice work, James.

Yeah, James.

You little asshole.

I heard that.

How are you holding up?

Fine.

I won't let
anything happen to you.

I promise.

Hmm?

All right.

How long does the night
last up here?

Two weeks.

That's so depressing.

No, it's not.

It's nice. Look at it.

When I was a little boy,

I used to come out here
with Rowland.

We'd count the stars

and dream
about what was out there.

I never heard such drivel
in my life.

What kind of refreshments
you got?

Dreadfully sorry, sir.
We weren't expecting anyone.

I know you got something.

You going to make me house it?

Champagne and caviar.

Don't touch those.
They're for guests.

We are guests.

He'll get her drunk
and have his way with her.

You know something?

Bad luck, old boy.

We were ambushed...

Ambushed?

Yes, sir.

Really? Well, they're
just not playing fair.

Any other excuses?

Problems at home,
cold coming on,

work too stressful?

Nothing.

Good. Because the next time
I talk to Rex Crater,

I need to say Nash is dead.

That's all he wants to hear.

It's as good as done.

Or else you are.

Get out of here.

We'll get right on it.

Where are we?

Safe.
It's an old prospecting dome.

We found it years back.

Nobody knows about it
but me and Bruno.

What's the temperature out here?

It's about 200 below.

Balmy.

Play's over. Get down here.

Okay.

That was fun.

Memories.

Had a lot of memories
in here, Bruno.

Look at all this junk.

What do you mean, junk?

This is called inventory.

Show a little respect.

This is what's left
of my life's work.

Bonjour.

Vous allez bien?

Oops.

[CASES CRASHING]

[IN FRENCH]
Bonjour. Vous allez bien?

Oops.

Very interesting help you have.

That's an old program
I forgot to delete.

Left it on "Oops."

I forgot that was in there.

Babette?

Deux cafes, s'il vous plaît.

Oui. Deux cafes.

Yes. Oui. Deux cafes,
s'il vous plaît.

Miss me? Guess not.

She's an excellent piece

of multi-functional software.

Initiate search.

Convicted organized crime,
Earthlings, initials WZW.

WZW. WZW?

None. Thank you.

Thanks for nothing.
Worthless computer.

How is it going?

It's not going at all.

Babette made lunch.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Can I help?

Computer's got no information
on our Mystery Man.

I'm starting to think
that that Zimmer conned us.

Here's your problem.

Zimmer said WZW, not MZM.

You're just looking
at it upside...

Wait a minute.

Hey.

Hey, hey. You did it.
Look at you.

You're a genius.

Look what you did.

You saw it upside-down.

Watch this.

Initiate search.

Convicted organized crime,
Earthlings, initials MZM.

You see? Now we have something.

Open file 10-17 double-M.

How do you feel about
your acquittal, Mr. Marucci?

Makes me proud
to live in this great country

where justice is still served.

With gambling
to be outlawed on Earth,

will the Giovanetto syndicate
engender a consortium

to perpetuate a new gambling
coalition on the Moon?

Will the what do what?
Speak English, sweetheart.

Will you and the other

major organized
crime figures on Earth...

Organized crime?

I don't know nobody
in organized crime.

Darling,
you want to ask me a question,

why don't you and me
sit down somewhere?

We'll open a bottle of wine,
get to know each other better.

Get a new dress,
a nice pair of shoes.

Be at my hotel around 7:00.

What are you waiting for,
a dance?

I forgot the stairs was there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back it up.

Let me take it in
a little closer.

And closer still.

What do you see?

So Mike Marucci is Rex Crater?

One way to find out.

That's pretty far-fetched,
Pluto.

But I buy it.

Marucci had the bucks,
he had the balls,

the background
to build Moon Beach.

Not to mention, he wouldn't mind
whacking anybody in his way.

So I noticed.

Pluto, when you make an enemy,
you don't mess around.

You know me.

I know someone at the FBI,

I'll get back to you.

Right.

[RADIO SIGNAL]

Listen to that.
That's Connecticut.

Listen how clear.

What's this?

No, don't do that. Stop.

That's a cryogenic Chihuahua.

It's a real dog?

Yeah, it's very delicate.

It's illegal to bring
pets up here.

But I got a friend
back in Juarez

who knows how to
freeze-dry these things.

It's a girl.

Pop that little bitch

in the particle wave
for two minutes on defrost,

she'll be running
around the room.

I used to get five grand
a pop for these things.

Where did you sing back Earth?

Weddings, bar mitzvahs,
reincarnation rituals,

the usual gigs.

I hit a rut...

I sent my tape to a club
I heard about up here.

Figured, what the hell?

They sent me a one-way ticket.

But when I got here,
the place had been sold.

Ahem.

We have enough water
to stay here for months.

What about food?

Plenty.

Let's have a dinner party.

Let's change the mood
in this place.

All right.

He seems a little...

Does he get angry?

He has a happiness chip
I had installed.

That's why he's always...

Does he mind
when you make fun of him?

No, the happiness chip.

I wish I could have
a happiness chip put in my ass.

ANNOUNCER: Has one-sixth gravity

been giving you
chronic back pain?

We at the Lunar Lumbar Clinic

specialize in replacing
all of the lumbar vertebrae

with our patented
epoxy spinal substitute.

Once Dr. Pedanken was murdered,

there's no link to prove
a Marucci clone ever existed.

Please, after we eat, okay?

Now I got to buy you dinner too?

I'll tell you, Jack,

Detective work was a lot easier

before they invented cloning.

At least you knew
who your friends were.

[GUNSHOT]

[SCREAMING]

[RING]

Who is that?
Nobody even has this number.

Ma.

Pluto.

What if somebody
is tracing this call?

Pluto, Rowland is dead.

They found him murdered.

How could they do this?

I can't believe this.

Pluto, please, get off the Moon.

They'll kill you too.

Did you hear me?

I got some unfinished business
to take care off.

Pluto.

Bruno.

Come on.

Yes, boss.

They killed Rowland.

Why? Because we came too close
to the truth.

It's time to confront Marucci.

Better wear protection.

You'll be safe here.

You're leaving me behind?

[BEEPING]

What is that?

Recreational vehicle
approaching.

Let's get it right this time.

[BANGING]

Registered to Lunar Grand Hotel.

What the hell is that?

I'd put on my space suit
if I were you.

I count five of them.

Four with 43-K Magnums

and one
Scorpion rocket launcher.

Initiate countermeasures.

There are no countermeasures.

Break out all
the assault weapons.

We sold them, remember?

Where is that
big-ass street sweeper

with the supercharger?

It's at your mom's.

Great. What are we going to do?

Bathroom.

Bathroom?

Yeah, come on.

Babette, secure yourself.

[WEAPON FIRING]

Bruno, hold us down.

Johnson, stay with me.

You three, go in
and make sure we got him.

Where are you going?

Shh.

Get back.

Come here.

What are you doing?

Saving your ass.

Shit.

Johnson, behind you.

Goddamn it.

Stay with me.

James, open up.

Bruno!

Bruno.

Let's go.

How did they find us?

Obviously,
you did something stupid.

That's good.

Hold it.

Engage power thrust.

Why don't you
just give yourself up?

Engage the power thrust
right now.

Power thrust engaged.

We lost them. We're good to go.

Who will pay for the damage
to the vehicle

and the caviar and champagne?

I'll send you a check.

Shit.

Ram them.

What?

Ram them!

Okay, okay, okay.

Go, go, go.

Die, die, Pluto Nash.

Yes!

I'm hit.

Quiet.

Bruno, you see that rill?

No rills.

It's a clear approach
and a perfect lip.

What's a rill?

That's a rill.

Pluto...

Are you crazy?

Hold on.

Say when, Bruno.

Three, two, one...

Go!

Stop, stop.

Whoa. Whoa.

That's why they call us
rill hoppers.

I think I'm going to be sick.

[BEEPING]

Evacuate. Evacuate.

Put your helmet on.

Hurry, put it on.

Where are you going?

Overboard, brother.

Great, so I'll just sit here
and blow up, shall I?

[EXPLOSION]

Can we go home now?

No.

Get us to the other side.

All right.

If they bailed out
before the explosion,

they still couldn't
survive out here.

Let's go.

Excuse me,
could you give me a lift?

I have some information

about the people
that you're looking for.

Come back here.

I can help you find them,
you bastards.

What do we do now?

We start walking.

We don't have any food or water.

We'll run out of air

long before
we need food and water.

I can't breathe.

Come on, Dina, hang on there.

Hang in there.

Dina.

Dina.

Boss...

Boss...

battery... low.

[POP MUSIC BLARING
VEHICLE APPROACHING]

[SINGS IN SPANISH]

Shit.

Stay down
or you'll pass out again.

You on a nature walk?

No, the thrusters
on my vehicle blew out.

What's going on?

Where are we?

I just rescued you.

My name is Felix Laranga.

Felix, I'm Pluto
and that's Dina.

Pluto?

Pluto Nash?

The Pluto Nash?

Yeah.

Get out of here.
I'm your number one fan.

You're the reason I got into
the smuggling business.

Honey, let me
tell you something.

This man is
the Tito Puente of rill hopping.

Right here,

this is the guy.

Could you do me a favor

and bring my robot inside?

He needs to be recharged.

Look, I had a really bad
robot experience once.

I had this fine robot mamita.

I rented her out...

took her back to my place,
we started getting busy.

All of a sudden,
there's a malfunction, and bam.

She does a Terminator on me.

Busted a couple of my ribs,
dislocated my shoulder.

I'm lucky I'm still alive.

Don't worry,
Bruno won't hurt you.

As long as you don't try
to get busy with him.

Ordinarily, I'd say no.

But for Pluto Nash,
I'll do anything.

I appreciate it.

Could you give us
a ride to Moon Beach?

I'll take you to Miami Beach
if that's where you got to go.

I'll be right back.

Check it out.

Lunar Grand Casino dice,

loaded and 100% undetectable.

You want a set,
as a personal gift from me?

Thanks,
but I'm not a big gambler.

With those dice,
you ain't gambling.

We're not going to gamble.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Then why are you
going to Moon Beach?

To see an old friend of mine.

Rex Crater.

Rex Crater is a friend of yours?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Can you comp me
a suite with a sunken bathtub

and a waterbed
with a mirror on the ceiling?

Yeah. Probably.

Damn.

Pluto Nash is down
with Rex Crater.

You know what, Felix?

Take these Hillarys.

We appreciate
your helping us out.

You my man. You don't
got to do that.

Take this. You helped us.

I appreciate it.

Would you sign my helmet?

Get out of here.

Come on, give me an autograph.

Are you serious?

It's not every day

I get to hang out
with Pluto Nash.

Please.

Okay, I'll sign it.

This is my first autograph.

What do you want me to sign?

"To Felix...

"my buddy who stuck with me
through thick and thin,

who I'll never forget."

Bro, I just saved your life.

"My buddy who's stuck with me
through thick and thin

"and saved my ass.

Peace and love, Pluto Nash."

What's all that stuff
you got on the rack?

That's a new shipment of stuff
I smuggled in from Puerto Rico.

Is that right?

Top of the line,
designer labels.

Why, you need something?

Yeah. We could use some clothes.

ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to Moon Beach
and the Lunar Grand Hotel,

where luck
is always on your side.

Welcome to Moon Beach
and the Lunar Grand Hotel,

where luck
is always on your side.

Bruno, lay low for a minute.

Go get a magazine or something.

Meet us over by the elevators.

Come on.

Hey, good-looking,

how about slipping up
to your room

and playing with me for a while?

Wait.

Don't you want to
do something exciting?

No.

No?

Afraid you might get lucky?

Hello.

Good evening. Checking in?

Actually, we're here
to see Tony Francis.

The early show or the late show?

We're old friends.

We've come to see him in person.

Where's his dressing room?

I can't tell you that.

Oh, really?

I'll tell you what,
just give us a room

and two tickets
to the early show.

All set.

Just give me a thumb print
for the charges.

I'll just pay in cash.

Cash is always easier.

Mr. Francis' show is black tie.

We have rentals available
from the concierge.

All prettied up for Tony?

Absolutely. Yeah.

Peekaboo, I found you.

Come on, big boy,
right here in the lobby.

Oh, baby.

You sick bastard.

Security.

Security.

Security.

All set.

Enjoy your stay.

Oh, crazy-ass Tony.

All right, so far, so good.

You'll have to come with us.

What's the problem?

Is he with you?

Yeah, my old friend, Earl,
from West Virginia.

What's going on?

Nice try.

After you've paid for the
damages to this slot machine,

we'll give Earl back.

Just wait a second.

Here's your claim check.

Pick your robot up
when you leave.

Let's go.

Sorry, boss.

You're not a robot,
you're an animal.

Line it up.

[WHISTLES]

Yo, baby, you love me?

'Cause I love me, too.

Come here, baby.

I want a bottle of champagne
for those people there,

those people over there...

way over there...

You ready, you ready?

Blow.

Yo, Pluto!

My man, Pluto Nash.

Pluto Nash, my man.

Come here, Pluto.
I'll show you how to win big.

Pluto, where are you going?

Come on.

They give you $1,000 chips.

Come on, Pluto.

Mr. Belcher,
Nash just walked in the lobby.

Nash is alive.

You idiots!

All day, all day,
all day, all day.

Watch this, honey. Watch this.

What? What?

You want a sip of champagne?

[BEEPS]

Let's go.

No. Give me those back.

Get your hands off me

or I'll have you fired
in a New York minute.

You know who I am?

Felix Laranga.

Who?

You never heard of me
because you're stupid.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

the undisputed master
of the universe,

Mr. Tony Francis.

* Fly me to the moon *

* Let me play among the stars *

* Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars *

* In other words, hold my hand *

* In other words Baby, kiss me *

* Why don't you
Fill my heart... *

What an amazing act.

He's so different, so original.

* You are all I long for
All I worship and adore *

What makes you so sure
he'll help us out?

Oh, he'll help us.

He couldn't sing a note
if it weren't for me.

You taught Tony Francis
how to sing?

No, I convinced a bookie

not to pour some acid
down his throat.

* Oh, in other words *

* I love you **

Pack your bags.
I'm taking you home with me.

Thank you.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

Please welcome
the master of musical disaster,

Ted Jefferies
and the Ted Jefferies Orchestra.

Hit it, maestro.

[***]

* My kind of town *

* Moon Beach
Is my kind of town *

There's a guy over there
checking faces.

* My kind of moonful tune *

Turn towards me.

* Moonful goo *

* Smile at you *

* Each time I roam
Moon Beach is... *

Okay. I think that worked.

It worked for me.

* It's my kind of town **

You were so wonderful, Tony.

What a great show.

It was a magnificent evening,
wasn't it?

Is this the refund window?

Hello!

Pluto Nash.

My goodness,
it's marvelous to see you.

How've you been?

I'll tell you about it.

This is Dina.

I loved your show.

Tony loves you
for loving his show.

Meet my wives,
Gina and Filomena.

A pleasure to meet you,
Pluto and Dina.

Wow.

My man, Anthony Frankowski.

It's Francis, not Frankowski.

Your wives don't think
you're Polish?

Nobody knows.
You'll blow my cover.

I'll be back
singing bar mitzvahs.

It's our little secret.

You want to stay for dinner?

We made osso buco
and pork and gnocchi,

all Tony's mother's recipes.

Oh, no, thanks. We ate already.

You're a freak.

You have no idea.

Hey, Tony, listen.

Can I talk to you in private?

Absolutely.

Would you excuse us
for just a minute?

Sure.

You married twins?

No, they're not twins.

I met the perfect woman
and I had her cloned.

Which one's which?

Who cares?

Hey, Tony,
me and your boss, Rex Crater,

we had
a little misunderstanding.

What kind of misunderstanding?

He tried to have me killed
and he blew up my club.

How do you know it was Crater?

I know it was him.

I wouldn't sell my club,
so they blew it up.

Shit.

You've got to help me.

Babe, I'm fond of breathing,
you dig?

Just tell me how to get to him.

I've never even met the guy.

He watches my show
from up in his penthouse.

He sends down messages...
"Your jokes suck."

"Sing 'Feelings' for me."

You wouldn't even be singing
if it wasn't for me.

Come on, man.

I might know a way for you
to get up into his penthouse,

then you're on your own, Pluto.

Thanks.

Dina, pick up Bruno

and pay the damages
on that slot machine,

then rent us a car
and wait outside the hotel.

I might have to make
a fast getaway.

But what if you don't get away?

I always get away.

Come on.

We'll go this way.

Rex Crater's private penthouse
elevator is right next to mine.

There's a way for you to get
from my elevator into his.

Yeah?

How you doing?

Trust me, you'll love this.

All right, here we go.

I'll stop this
so nobody bothers us, huh?

Ooh, I've got to get that later.

Shit.

That's Rex's elevator
down there, see?

It only stops
at the sub-basement

and his penthouse.

My elevator only goes
as low as this floor.

So how do I get
from one elevator

to the other one?

That's what Tony's here
to help you with.

I'll tell you the whole thing.

Back up as far as you can go,

you get a good running start,

you jump out across.

Jump across to what?

The ledge.

See that ledge down there?

Grab onto these wires

and swing down onto the ledge.

You want me to grab hot wires?

How do you know they're hot?

The shit is hot.

Grab the ones that aren't hot.

You swing down,
get down to the ledge,

then you wait
an hour and a half.

That's when they bring
Rex's late supper up.

When the elevator passes you,

you jump on top.

Use this casino chip

to unscrew the trap door
on top of the elevator,

you jump down inside,

and take out the two robot
guards, pop, pop,

boom, you're alone
in the elevator,

you've got a meeting
with Rex Crater.

What's Plan B, Tony?

This is Plan B.

Hey, no, there's
a misunderstanding.

I'm here to accept
Mr. Crater's offer.

Is that right?

Yeah, it's all settled.
$10 million.

We'll have to get back to you
on that.

Look, I've got to get ready
for my next show.

Get them out of here.

Sorry, lady.

Your robot remains property
of this casino

until the damages
to our slot machines

are taken care of.

I'm here to pay you.

Repairs hasn't
sent down a bill yet.

Well, you would be a real peach
if you could get me that bill.

Harry, I've got
a Bruno '63 Deluxe,

wrecked a slot machine.

Owner wants to pick him up.

How much do they owe?

[ HARRY'S VOICE ]:
I haven't even looked at it yet.

Have them check with us
tomorrow morning.

What are they saying?

You'll be spending the night.

It's been fun.

Excuse me.

I've got to take a leak.

Robots don't take leaks.

Oh.

You're absolutely right.

Come on.

We need to get a car.

What are you
in such a hurry for?

You wanted to talk
to Mr. Crater...

well, here you are.

So I finally get to meet
the great Rex Crater.

Mm-hmm.

Or is it Mike Marucci?

Yeah, Mike Marucci.

Thought you were so damn smart.

I figured you out.

I should come over there

and put my foot
in your fat grease-ball ass.

So you've got it
all figured out, huh?

It is a pleasure to meet me.

Oh, I'm pretty feisty, huh?

What's this, a rented tuxedo?

You're old enough
to own your own tuxedo.

Sit down.

You know, you should be honored.

The only person besides yourself
to ever come up here

is my dear friend, Mr. Belcher.

Hey, man, what's going on here?

Remember
when they cut your appendix out

eight years ago in prison?

Yeah.

Gambling had been outlawed
on Earth,

so my old boss, Mike Marucci,

commissioned Dr. Runa Pedanken

to create a clone of someone

who knew their way
around the Moon.

For what?

Marucci was starting
a gambling operation up here

and needed someone
to front for him,

someone intelligent
that he could control,

a puppet.

Being a puppet didn't jive
with my career plan,

so I decided to send
Mr. Marucci and Dr. Pedanken

into orbit,

then, for sentimental reasons
or maybe because I'm a nice guy,

I let you live...

until you got in my way.

Now, let's face it.

Why should I keep you around?

I've got your good looks.

I've got your charm
and your wit.

I've even got your memories.

You've got my memories?

Oh yeah, I've got your memories.

You never wondered

how my people knew to look
in that old hideout of yours,

or the Paradise Motel,
which, by the way,

is a disgusting establishment?

I'm surprised
you didn't break out in a rash.

Next time, I'll remember
to find better accommodations.

Mr. Mogan and Mr. Kelpin
have arrived, sir.

By all means, send them in.

Mr. Mogan and Mr. Kelpin.

I've been waiting
for those two gentlemen.

Boss?

Quiet.

Hey, everybody.

Nash?

What's Nash doing here?

No, no, I'm Rex Crater.

No, you're Pluto Nash.

Oh, no, I beg to differ.

I'm Rex Crater.

This is Pluto Nash.

Huh?

Oh, my God.

Yeah, isn't it something?

But enough about him.

Mr. Mogan, I want to
personally thank you

for the outstanding job
that you've done.

It's outstanding.

Thank you, sir.

It was a pleasure and an honor.

You see, sir,

when you have the experience

me and my men have,
it's quite easy.

Oh, shit.

Incompetent jackasses.

Get them out of here.

Now, I'd let you hang around
to entertain me,

but I think we might have
a conflict of interest,

but there's something
I want you to see

before I say bye-bye to you.

Look at that.

You had an excellent piece
of real estate,

but you never took advantage
of its potential.

This...

This is wrong.

That should say "Rex's,"
because this is Rex's,

Little America's
most exclusive new casino.

So tell me, what do you think?

Look,

Little America
is not a gambling town

and Pluto's ain't a casino.

I think you should take
all this stupid casino shit out.

If you get your dumb-ass name
off the front,

maybe you'll be in business
for more than a week.

Hey!

Oh, I'm sorry.
That's not wood, is it?

Yes, it is wood
and it's hand-carved.

I'm sorry.

Pick that shit up.

Shit...

[GUNSHOT]

Hold it right there, robot.

Which one's Pluto?

Which one's Rex?

Belcher.

Shoot him, Belcher.
Shoot him, Belcher.

Damn it!

What're you waiting for?
Shoot him.

What are you aiming at me for?

It's me, he's Nash. Shoot him.

He's not me, I'm me.

He's him. Shoot him.

Boss, which one's you?

Pluto?

He's the one
in the rented tuxedo.

Rex.

Boss?

It's him.

This piece of shit
belongs to him.

[GUNSHOT]

All right? Now shoot him.

No. Shoot!

What's the matter with you?

It was hairy for a minute.

Hairy for you?

Now get the hell out of here.

Get out!

Hairy, my ass.

Hey, you sing, don't you?

You're a singer, right?

I've got a job for you.

Just kill me and get it over.

No, you're going to work,
but you ain't singing.

I'm talking six nights a week
waiting tables,

and if you're lucky
and save your tips,

maybe you can get back
to Salt Lake City.

Pluto.

Hey.

I didn't scare you, did I?
You all right?

You okay?

Boss!

Hey.

I was hoping it was you.

Never leave home
without an undershirt, right?

Isn't that what you always say?

That's right.

That's rule number one.

I agree.

Craps, you lose.

ANNOUNCER: For the grand
reopening of Club Pluto,

please welcome Miss Dina Lake.

* All right
Everything is all right *

* We be getting pumped up
Be getting pumped up *

* We put out that fire now
Tip your glasses higher now *

* Everything is all right *

* They're singing all right *

* Seems like tonight... *

Pluto!

Hey.

Pluto, baby.

Fantastic club.

Great joint, baby.

Thanks a lot.

Let me say
that the Mrs. Francises

are looking lovely tonight.

Thank you, Pluto.

Have a good time.

All right, baby.

Did I tell you how I got Pluto
started in the business?

Tell us, Tony.

What about a ham sandwich
without the cheese?

How much would that be?

Free.

Felix Laranga's money
is no good here.

You knock yourself out.
Whatever you want.

Thanks, Pluto.

Pluto Nash, I love that man.

Honey, I tell you what,

eight steaks,
a crate of lobsters,

shrimp cocktail, onion rings,
fries, a doggy bag to go.

* We're singing all right *

* The future's
Looking brighter now *

* And I can feel my feet *

* Lifting off the ground *

* Whenever you're around *

* Between time and space... *

So how's it going
with you and Babette?

Me and Babette?

I don't think
that it's going to happen.

I found out that I'm 110 volts
and she's a 220.

Well, go to the hardware store
and get an adapter.

Nah.

That just ruins it for me.

I guess it wasn't
meant to be, huh?

Hey, Bruno, you see my new
bodyguard running around here?

New bodyguard?

Yeah, I bought a '78,
fully loaded, out the door.

Shall I begin
disassembling myself?

If you do that,

how will you manage my club
in 500 pieces?

Manage?

But no robot's
ever been in management.

You want the job or don't you?

Oh, boss. Oh, thank you, boss.

You're the best boss
on the whole Moon.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Oh, man, okay, all right.

You almost broke my ribs.

Okay, well, pull up a chair.

Let's sit back and celebrate
and enjoy the party.

Oh, sorry, boss, no can do.

We've got a pile of bills,
the payroll's tomorrow,

we need a new doorman,
and we're low on shrimp.

I'm swamped.

* Everything is all right
They're singing all right *

* All right
Everything is all right *

* We be getting pumped up *

* Be getting pumped up
We put out that fire now *

* Tip your glasses higher now
Everything is all right *

* They're singing all right *

* All right
Everything is all right **

[IMx'S "AIN'T NO NEED" PLAYS]