The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1943) - full transcript

For "Munchhausen" two original negatives were utilised
which differed greatly in their representation, angle of view and cutting.
The original distribution version negative is not preserved.

At the Friedrich-Wilhelm-Murnau Foundation,
color extracts were also produced from a negative
that had been shortened by a post-war distributor.
Original sound masters are also not available.

The color separations were used in
the digital restoration in 4K resolution in 2016.
The missing parts were supplemented
by an Agfacolor copy from Gosfilmofond of Russia.

Color references were from a preserved exhibition negative
and a copy from the post-war period,
both from the Bundesarchiv-Filmarchiv.

The source of the sound was from a copy at
Cinematique Suisse, also from the post-war period,
which came from the original sound master.

Munchhausen

Music
GEORG HAENTZSCHEL

Cinematography
WERNER KRIEN

Special Effects
KONSTANTIN IRMEN-TSCHET
Production Design
EMIL HASLER and OTTO G?LSTORFF

Cast

Produced by
EBERHARD SCHMIDT



Directed by
JOSEF von BAKY

IN CELEBRATION
OF UFA'S 25TH ANNIVERSARY

Delightful!

I had no idea my fianc?e
was such a wonderful dancer.

I had no idea myself.

Then there's only one explanation,
Sophie. Your dance partner.

Follow my shining example,
Herr von Hartenfeld.

You should be dancing too, Baroness.

- But you were going to tell me...
- Later.

You should dance, too, Baroness.

Birthday girls of my age
are dispensed from such gymnastics.

But it is nice that, once a year,
old ladies get to be girls again.

Birthday girls.

An enchanting man, this baron.



I thought you liked him, too.

Sophie, what is it?

I don't know, Fritz.

Don't pull such a stupid face.

As your fianc?.

Not even a fianc?
may pull such a face.

If I'm not mistaken, that was
the rehearsal for a domestic squabble.

If I'm not mistaken, that was
the rehearsal for a domestic squabble.

Unfortunately, I don't have
the slightest idea why.

You'll be sent over there...

and think in your little ivory brain,
that's your target.

Wrong, my friend.

You are merely sent on this roundabout path
so you finally hit the ball...

to which you'd already been so close
at the very beginning.

So much for the meaning of life.
And now, have a nice trip!

There is, however,
one difference.

If one fails at billiards,
one can keep trying until one succeeds.

May I?

I am the red ball.

I win!

- Meaning?
- Myself.

And you?

You stand there
like Eve with the apple.

But I'd guard myself
against biting into billiard balls.

- Come, my child.
- I'm not a child.

Young lady...

I don't want to go back
into the ballroom.

It was a game
played with three balls.

Is it my fault I first met him...

...and only now you?

To this day, I've never refused
to make girls who wanted to be happy...

...unhappy.

Do you mean, as of today,
you've lost your resolve?

You little vixen!

Yes... As of today.

Where are you going?

Away. Home.

What about Baron von Hartenfeld?

Please turn on the lights.

Certainly.

- Until we meet again.
- Absolutely!

Johann...

Have you ever seen a man
who was completely grown up?

- I can't think of one, Baron.
- Neither can I.

He would be quite boring, anyway.

- It's been an enchanting party, Baroness.
- We are so glad.

The birthdays of others
are always nice.

But the nicest for all of us is...

finally having a Munchhausen
back at Bodenwerder Castle.

It must be a nice feeling to return
to the castle of your forefathers.

A very nice feeling.

You've already seen
the gallery of miniatures?

Oh, yes! Even as a little boy,
I always admired the ladies on the wall.

I had to climb on a chair.

It must have been this chair.

The old Munchhausen
was my childhood dream.

I grew up a half hour's walk from here.

I had to bribe
the old caretaker to let me in.

As I grew, so did my passion
for Munchhausen.

For example,
I've conclusively proven...

Perusing the history of Lower Germany,
I have conclusively proven...

that this charming lady
is a French singer...

by the name of Louise La Tour.

Now all that's missing is
a thesis on poor Munchhausen.

I'm sorry to say that's impossible.
Too little is known about him.

It wouldn't be enough for a thesis.

What a pity!

Baron... Earlier, you mentioned
you had one of your ancestor's diaries.

Had one.

But I'm sure you must still
remember a thing or two.

- Most everything.
- Most?!

- I'll tell you sometime.
- Now?

- No, your fianc?e isn't...
- Of course.

- Where are you going?
- To get my fianc?e.

- Miss von Riedesel has gone home.
- At a time like this!

You should inquire at Steding if
your fianc?e's arrived home safely.

Of course, Baroness.

- And the story?
- I'll tell you another time.

- Tomorrow?
- Sometime soon.

- The day after tomorrow?
- Sometime soon...

It's been wonderful.

A Munchhausen scholar.

You should not tell him the story.

And her neither.

I will tell the story.

'The Wonderful Journeys and
Adventures of Baron Munchhausen'.

Everyone knows about him
riding the cannonball...

and the horse hanging
from the church tower...

and the steed sliced in two
at the well, and so on.

Some people even know
that this man really lived,

that he was born in this very castle,

that he was a page in Wolfenb?ttel,
and a cavalryman in Brunswick...

...and that he later was an officer
in the service of Russia.

Everybody knows about him,
but nobody really knows him.

Nobody can answer the question

"What kind of man
was Munchhausen?"

And you know?

He was a man like Copernicus.

A man like Copernicus?

We learn in school
that this lovely Earth of ours is round.

We learn it, and we know it,
but we don't feel it!

Furthermore, we learn in school...

that the Earth moves through space,
revolving and circling the sun.

We learn it, and we know it.

But do we really know it? No!

The intellect knows it.

But your hearts...
they don't know it at all.

Only he who feels it in his bones,
when he rides in the woods...

...or battles an enemy,
or embraces a woman, or...

or picks a delicate flower.

Only he who feels deep within
that everything here

is taking place on one little star
out of countless millions...

on a tiny, eternally orbiting globe...

...on a carousel ride
around one of the glowing suns...

...through the beautiful seasons,
and the dreadful centuries.

Only he who senses this
at every moment...

...is truly human.

The rest are just mammals
walking around on two legs.

Cheers!

Munchhausen was such a man.

The Earth was too small for him.
How could Brunswick be big enough?

He was driven to faraway places,
as if lashed by a whip.

Again and again, he trotted the globe
with his loyal servant Kuchenreutter.

And sometimes, after exciting
adventures in strange lands...

...he came back to Bodenwerder,
this little town in Lower Saxony.

Greetings, Father.

You could have waited to return
until I was dead...

...and spared me all this agitation.
Come!

So many new faces.

- Keep your hands off the new faces!
- With pleasure!

Praise God with pipes and drums!
Back home at last!

Kuchenreutter,
how skinny you have become!

One, two, three, four...

Who is that?

Amalie Friedericke Kuchenreutter.

Amalie Friedericke?

The little souvenir of your last visit.

How time flies.

In the Palais Royal,
I broke the bank twice.

Once at Basset,
the second at Pharaoh.

You must be a rich man.

Well, there should still be 100 Louis d'or
hidden in the saddle bags.

If I haven't spent them.

I'm sure you've spent them.

Father, in Versailles,
your son was introduced to the king...

And even to Madame Pompadour.

Is that Pompadour?

No, that's a souvenir
of Fontainebleau.

A very lovely memory, even.

At least until the tears started.

What can you do when love
departs as quickly as it comes?

Nothing, my boy.
Not a thing.

There are just too many
beautiful women.

That's it!
It's their own fault.

All done, Christian.

Done?

Is my family supposed to scratch up
their hands when they stroke my cheek?

Rosenmeyer,
do you know Jean Boiteil?

The most famous hairdresser in Paris.
He invented a fine ointment.

Rub it in...

...and in the blink of an eye,
your hair grows at least two inches.

You lie just like your baron.

You won't find a sharper razor,
not even in Paris.

Ernst August!

That's all well and good...

...but it's up to you
to keep the family name alive.

Have you ever thought about that?

I have, day and night.
Especially at night, father.

You have a considerable number
of grandchildren.

It's just that none of the brats
are named Munchhausen.

What's that?

This is one of Christian's inventions.

This gun has a range
of more than 100 miles.

- And it hits the mark?
- Of course.

The other day, from Kiel, he hit a sparrow
that perched on Strasbourg cathedral.

- Incredible!
- Yes, it's incredible.

- Baron, Sir!
- What is it, Christian?

Nero is rabid.
And my jacket is in shreds.

At least it's decent of the dog
that he didn't bite you.

- Yes, I couldn't be repaired any more.
- You think not?

This tops it all!

This is one hell of a fire-stick.

I can see a rider
all the way past the river.

A courier from the Court of Brunswick.

Kuchenreutter. Tell me, why in the world
did you invent this cannon?

Simply out of laziness, wasn't it?

Laziness is the mother of all invention.

While others have to go
into the woods to hunt...

I can stay in the comfort of my home.
I stand at an open window...

...aim towards the forest...

A stag!

And your gamekeeper,
hiding behind a tree.

He's lifting his gun...

Shoot, Christian!

That quite scared him.

- Did you really hit it?
- Comfortably, Baron, and safely.

Comfortably?! It'll be a cold day in hell
before I hunt that way.

The whole wardrobe has rabies!

From Prince Anton Ulrich
for Baron Munchhausen.

My regards to the prince.
I ride in five minutes.

Sorry, father. I have to go
to Brunswick...

The prince urgently
requests my presence.

Don't delay, my boy.

You've already been home
a full three hours anyway.

Poor Christian. You surely wanted
to greet your wife properly tonight.

Yes. It'd be
the proper thing to do.

Exactly. Follow me tomorrow morning.
I'll ride alone.

Jump, Innozenz! Let loose!

Hieronymus!

Louise! What are you doing
in Brunswick of all places?

I was too successful in Brussels.
Though not in the opera.

But on the stage of life, of course.

How many duels have been fought
in your honour so far?

None yet. But if you visit me,
one is likely to happen.

Pity I have so little time.

For a duel with the sword...

...or for me?

Innozenz. Don't look!

You'll catch a cold, Louise.

Coachman, drive on.

What an ice-cold minx!

Where other women have a heart,
she has only cleavage. Right, Innozenz?

Now, off to the prince.

At last, Baron.

I couldn't have come faster, Prince.

The Czarina has offered me
the Preobashevsky Regiment.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

- So why waste time?
- I travel tomorrow.

Like to come along, Baron?
I'll get you a captain's commission.

I'd like to stay with my father
for a while.

- Of course. Pity. How is he?
- Fine, thank you.

One more thing:
I need your help.

There is a lady
whom I'd like to take to St. Petersburg.

- That wouldn't be Louise La Tour?
- Why, yes. Do you know her?

I knew her.

Prince, that is no woman for you.

I know. She is a bad person.

And I love her.

But I have to go to St. Petersburg,
and she must come with me.

- Is the Baron satisified?
- Fabulous!

Yesterday, we were not
accommodated this well.

Excuse me. More guests.

Does that creepy scoundrel
have to keep crossing our path?

Leave him be. How could the suckers
of the world get by without him?

He lends them
great imagination.

However, at exorbitant rates,
of course.

After all, he's not a nobleman.

You don't have a high opinion
of me, Baron.

No, I wasn't eavesdropping,
blockhead.

But if you ever call me
a scoundrel again...

Leave us alone.

Hurry up!

Yesterday in Mittau, I heard
that you were off to Russia.

I got in my sleigh
and chased after you.

Why go to such lengths,
Count Cagliostro?

That is a long story.

The wolves were going wild.

Snow is the best thing for frostbite.

I thought maybe some
music would calm them.

I grabbed my horn and blew.

But would you believe, not as much
as one note came out?

Maybe the notes
got frozen in the horn.

Well, then they'll certainly
thaw out again at my hearth.

Be quiet!

Biron's son wants to marry a lady
just to hang on to the throne.

I know her.
And her lovely daughters.

You should beat him to it.

It's a worthwhile business.
In all regards.

Why don't you try to become
Duke of Courland yourself?

Impossible. Wanted posters have made
my face famous throughout Europe.

No one would dare
stamp it on coins.

Your profile would be
much more suitable.

Once we have Courland,
we'll pluck Poland.

Poniatowski, who today calls himself
Stanislaus II, is ripe for the plucking.

Then we shall be...

...king.

Hieronymus the First.

There's one point on which
you and I will never agree.

A most important point.

You want to rule and I want to live.

Adventure, war, foreign lands,
beautiful women...

I need all that.

You, on the other hand, abuse it.

Mittau.

Courland.

Poland.

St Petersburg.

Say, who's that wild man?

- That's Pugachev, Captain.
- Who?

Pugachev.

The Yaik Cossacks
staged an uprising...

...because they were ordered
to shave off their beards.

He's their leader.

They defeated our armies,
conquered Orenburg...

and now they were
headed for Moscow.

Pugachev even claimed
to be Czar Peter!

Even though Catherine had her
dear husband murdered by the Orlovs.

That's just gossip, old man.

My cousin knows a...
a locksmith, you know?

That locksmith... had to change
the locks in those castles.

Just keep a steady hand
with the young fillies.

Take me away from here, Captain?

Gladly, my pet.

But may I ask, whither?

Well, may I ask whither?

"Always, your Louise."

And you think La Tour
is coming because of you?

She doesn't know anyone else
in St. Petersburg.

She'll remedy that in a hurry.

Sometimes one must even trust
the woman one loves.

Now put on your
dress uniform, and hurry.

Why?

The Czarina asked me to invite you
to dinner at the Hermitage.

Alas, I cannot come.

Last night you had no time for me,
and tonight no time for an empress?

Not even for an empress.
Tell her I have mumps.

Are there no waiters in this hotel?

- I didn't mean to...
- What?

The waiters needn't know
you'll be dining in your bed chamber.

It's a bit late to start worrying
about my reputation now.

They don't know us yet
in St. Petersburg, Baron.

- A note. The messenger is waiting.
- Thank you.

"...I can't come
this evening after all."

"But you can come to me.
The messenger will lead you."

"Love, Cathy."

A shame about the fine dinner.

Christian, I hereby order you
to dine with the little lady.

Yes, Baron.

- Christian?
- Yes, Baron?

Don't forget...
They don't know us yet in St. Petersburg.

I know, I know. Your governments
like to gossip about my extravagance.

But this alleged extravagance
is actually thriftiness.

It all stays within my borders and
comes back to me sooner or later.

I will order our finance ministers
to come to St. Petersburg...

...to take lessons
from Your Majesty.

And what will Your Majesty do
about the Swedish affair?

I hope there will not be war.

But when it comes to blows,
it is better to give than to receive.

Imperial words, Your Majesty.

I will forward them
via London to Stockholm.

They do Your Majesty injustice
by calling you "czarina".

They should call
you "czar" instead.

Do you know where
she was last night?

The adjutant only told me she still
wasn't back at six this morning.

Catherine seems to have been out
looking for diversion, and finding it.

Gentlemen, I would not
speak so ill of the empress.

Count Lanskoi,
you may have every reason to be jealous.

But giving us a sermon on morality
because of it, is going too far.

Ah, here comes another p?t?.

Hey there!

Are you sure you haven't
brought me to the wrong house?

Those around us should be happy
so we don't have to be happy ourselves.

Hurry, gentlemen.

Or else, my Russians will eat
the entire p?t? out from under your noses.

Will you bow before me?

Lower! Down. Down!

There you go, Captain.

The Prince of Brunswick signified...

You can get up now.

I hear that you had more important things
to do than to attend upon an empress.

When I expressed that unforgivable opinion,
I had yet to meet the Empress of Russia.

You liar!

But even empresses are curious.

Am I keeping you from a
tryst with a beautiful woman?

Yes.

With the most beautiful of women.

I am inconsolable, Baron.

How can I make it up to you?

Who is that rogue?

That rogue is my friend,
Baron Munchhausen.

I, Prince Potemkin, will personally
whip him out of the castle!

- Sit down!
- Am I a child or an animal?

How different people are! Their hearts
are as dissimilar as their noses.

Ah, dessert!

I'm still missing an emerald.
It needn't be bigger than a pigeon's egg.

Now my necklace for Marie Taglioni
will be complete.

My word!

Help yourself, Prince.

A gem for every guest.
Aids the digestion.

Catherine is great in giving.
And in taking.

It's easier to kiss peasant girls,
Your Majesty.

As empress,
you don't like me as much?

I like the empress better
than her robes of office.

We can do something
about that, Captain.

Come help me.

Sit there.

Martha!

Bravo. Well done.

First appetisers,
then the main course.

Prince Orlov is said
to have put Potemkin's eye out.

I've spoiled the two too much.
Now it's gone to their heads.

I don't want to be
disturbed any more today.

Of course not, Matushka.
The first evening...

Don't be so impudent.

Besides,
it's the second evening.

But first, we shall speak rationally
with each other.

- Rationally? Do we have to?
- Yes. Listen.

If you want, I will appoint you
as my adjutant general.

You would move into
the rooms below these.

Very convenient.

An empress has less time
for her heart than other women...

But she wants
just as much happiness.

At least as much.

Will you stay?

How long, Cathy?

Until one of us wants
their freedom again.

Fine. I'll stay.

Have we been
rational long enough now?

I think it's high time
we lost our heads.

Now what's happening in Russia?

The prime minister must speak
with Your Majesty immediately.

The Swedish emissary has
presented the draft of the treaty.

Can't they come back next week?

No. You stay seated.

- Bring the gentlemen in.
- Am I to help you govern as well?

No. That, I can handle alone.

- Then why am I here?
- You'll see.

Cathy, I think I'm going downhill!

We'll speak each other later.
Irrationally!

Don't govern too long!

- Do you still love me, you rascal?
- Still? After such a long time?

Don't be so cheeky, Hieronymus.

How long have you been
in my service, Baron?

163 days, Your Majesty.

So long?

And 163 nights, Cathy.

That few?

I might have some time tonight.

I might, too.

Behave, or I'll send you
to the Shlisselburg!

The Prince of Brunswick
looks ill, Baron.

He's not ill, Your Majesty.
It is much worse.

He is offended.

- Who dared to offend one of my guests?
- The Empress of Russia.

I, Baron?

If the Prince had suspected...

...that the Czarina would allow Prince
Potemkin to bring his mistress to court...

...he certainly would not have come.

That woman here?

Ever since the prince lost an eye,
he thinks I don't see well.

If I win any more ducats from you,
I'll need a second coach to get home.

I bet my coach...
and the five horses...

...and the coachman,
and the two outriders, and...

Your lady wishes to return to St.
Petersburg at once.

What? I do not wish that!

By order of the empress,
Your Highness.

Get lost! Take my coach.

And I'll kill this German Baron.

Since I urgently need my coach,
we'll have to break up this game.

I'll need you as well,
Count Lanskoi.

Since yesterday, he's been at the Hotel
de l'Europe. Any orders, Your Majesty?

This Count Cagliostro better not stir up
as much unrest in my empire...

...as he did in Courland.

Excuse me, Baron.

Do you know what a cuckoo duel is?

Don't ask such terribly stupid questions,
Your Highness.

Baron Munchhausen.
You have the choice of sides.

Prince Potemkin has the first shot.

Stay outside, Count. Don't let anyone in
until it's... become quiet.

Of course, Your Highness.

Out, and keep your mouth shut.

Gentlemen. We're ready.

Ready?

One moment, Highness...

there is a fly on your nose.

Go, you fool!

Ready!

Cuckoo!

Cuckoo.

Genuine Meissen porcelain,
Your Highness.

Shut your trap!

- Pardon.
- Can't you see, Your Highness?

Cuckoo.

- How time flies!
- Cuckoo!

Stop! Stop this at once!

Open the door, Count Lanskoi!

I'll only open the door
once there are no more shots.

Hieronymus!

It can't be!

Pity, I had to keep shooting
with my left hand.

I'll take you to Dr Limonier.

Thank you, Cathy.
Just get my wagon hitched.

I know a better doctor.

I thank you.

Any village barber
could have taken this bullet out...

And you knew it, Baron.

You only came to warn me.

You wanted to warn me
even though you despise me.

That is more than an act of friendship.

You spoke frankly with
me back in Courland.

I felt it was my turn now.

- Do you like her?
- Very nice.

My warmest thanks.

- But I like her better from the back.
- My feelings exactly.

My compliments, Cagliostro.

- Are you fond of music?
- I especially like the violin.

A little trick.

Baron Munchhausen.

We must part soon.

The prime minister himself is making
great efforts because of me.

Take good care of this ring.

When you put it on,
you'll be invisible for one hour.

Choose that hour well.

Afterwards,
it will have lost its power.

And will only have use as
a gift to quiet a crying child.

Fantastic.

If you could wish for one thing
beyond your wildest dreams...

What would you wish for?

Power and money
do not tempt you, I know.

So what would you wish?

Quickly!

I would wish to remain
as youthful as I am today...

...until I expressly ask to grow old.

Your wish shall be fulfilled.

They're here.

Count Cagliostro, you are under arrest!

Give my regards to
Catherine the Great.

What's the meaning of this?

A marvellous century.

Johann, what's wrong with you?

Several things speak against
the probability of this story.

He thinks me a liar!

But Johann...

For goodness sake...

Did America only exist
once it was discovered?

Was the man a liar who said
a thousand years ago that man could fly?

A man of great imagination
forces the world...

...to become a richer place.

That's no lie and no magic.

And what happened then?

Did Munchhausen
really remain as young as he was?

And did he really live longer...

...than other people?

There are times when one
only rarely looks in the mirror.

But I do believe other people grew old.
Only Munchhausen did not.

- And Catherine?
- The Czarina?

Of course, she looked
in the mirror even during wartime.

And when the 20-year-old Mamanov
became her adjutant general...

...she appointed Munchhausen
as commander of the Trolsk regiment...

...and sent him to the encampment
at the Ochakov Fortress.

Where is your Baron?

On reconnaissance, Your Highness.

You let him ride alone?

On the contrary...
He left me sitting here alone.

Whoa!
What's wrong, Innozenz?

I can see why that
would make you nervous.

Hard to believe.

Hey there!

Where are you coming from?

Camp Bender. A message for
Prince Potemkin, from Marshall Sumarov.

How long has it taken you?
Surely 2 days at least.

I'm the fastest runner there is, Colonel.

A day and a half, then?

No, twenty minutes.

- With or without breakfast break?
- With.

You eat even quicker than you run.

You're telling this
to Baron Munchhausen, of all people.

I've always wanted
to meet the baron.

No time for that, my boy.

Now step on it and hurry
to Prince Potemkin.

I'm supposed to stay here at Ochakov.
Does the baron have no use for me?

All right then, fine by me.
Here, take some pocket money.

Thank you!

Speed isn't a magic trick after all.

The Kapudan Pasha has left Bender with
50,000 Crimean Tartars and Seljuks...

...and is marching toward Ochakov.

If Kapudan Pasha risks
a forced march...

...his army will be at
our throat in three days.

Ochakov must fall
before he arrives.

Or else it will never fall.

Sumarov is at Bender
and doesn't attack.

Romanov lays siege to Chotin
but he too doesn't attack.

And we're at Ochakov
and especially don't attack.

But there's a difference, my friend.

One hundred wagon loads of rock would be
enough to make the entire marsh passable.

Of course, my Prince!

We've laid siege to this
fort for ten months now.

In the last war,
it took M?nnich only three days.

Potemkin doesn't attack because
he's the commander-in-chief.

And the other two don't attack because
they're not the commanders-in-chief.

We could be in Ochakov by tomorrow.

With your talents,
Munchhausen...

...I dare say you could
even be there today.

That's incredible!

A thousand pardons
for my rude intrusion.

It was supposed to be
a little reconnaissance ride...

But my gunner, the rogue,
out of love for the fatherland...

...aimed right at your precious fort.
So here I am.

Salam Aleikum.

Capture him!

No need to put yourselves out over me.

Just a moment, my lad,
and I'll come down.

Seize him!

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Baron von Munchhausen.

Capture him!

Where is your hospitality?

A decent breakfast and a nice
Turkish mocha would be far preferable.

- You are my prisoner!
- What powers of observation!

I will give him
to the sultan as a gift.

A slave who is in the
habit of riding cannonballs...

...is surely missing
from his collection.

The mutton is burned.

The cook gets twenty strokes
to the soles of his feet.

Go ahead and laugh.

I'll never get it right.

I've been here over two
months, Selim...

...but what I miss most
is a real chair.

- Surely, other things make up for it.
- Like what?

You mean polygamy?

Tell me, how many wives
does the sultan have in his harem?

- Twelve wives and 307 concubines.
- Not bad.

Would you like to have that many?

One after the other, with the greatest
pleasure. But not all at once!

Today, the sultan plans to visit
the princess for the first time.

She's weeping more
than ever before.

Why do you always tell me
about this Italian woman?

Her hair shines like ebony.

Her eyes are as blue
as the Sea of Marmaris...

her lips are like flower buds.

Her hands and feet are of ivory...

And her behind is made
of marzipan, right?

Selim, my boy. For a eunuch,
you seem to be quite in love.

It wasn't my heart they clipped.

- I didn't mean to upset you.
- I know.

I didn't just tell
you about her.

But also her about you.

You know the ways of the world,
and even of people.

Perhaps... you can help her.

The fifth window from the left?

Will you help the poor girl?

I have to help her,
for my own sake.

If I can't come up with anything better,
I'll kill the sultan.

Who's screaming so incessantly?

It must be your personal chef.

But why is the man
howling like that?

Because he's getting twenty strokes.

Why is he getting twen...
Oh, right.

Please proceed.

The princess's yacht was boarded
by an Ottoman ship near Corfu.

The illustrious d'Este family,
through the mediation of my signorina...

...offers a ransom of 1,000 ducats.

My second task concerns
Baron Munchhausen...

...whom you hold here as a slave.

The Empress of Russia offers 1,000
pieces of gold for his release as well.

A beautiful girl
and a most entertaining man...

...are not easily replaced with gold.

- Baron!
- Christian!

Good old Christian.
How good to see you here.

- But this can't be!
- What?

I thought you had died long ago.

How can you think so poorly of me?
I'll live for as long as I please.

- Our baron has become a Turk.
- Of course.

And you, runner, what's happened to you?
Have they been force-feeding you?

Isn't it terrible?

The horribly slow marching
didn't agree with me at all.

Everyone else got thinner,
but I got fatter and fatter.

At least you're with me again.

- Report to the sultan!
- The sultan?

I'll see what I can do
for both of you.

What a man, my baron.

Leave us!

Get up!

Sit down!

Turkey is wonderful, Your Highness.

Apart from the way you sit.

You cower on chairs
like stiff puppets.

We sit closer to the earth.

So, have you thought up
something entertaining for today?

Otherwise...

- Please...
- Thank you.

Imperial Highness...

In Pera, you have a lovely
park filled with sycamores.

You should build a glass house
there, for your harem.

Glass walls, glass floors...

Tables, bathtubs, beds...
everything made of glass.

The only thing in that house
you couldn't see through...

...would be the great sultan...
and his wives, of course.

They are not made of glass either,
thank heavens!

Because from what I've heard
in the seraglio...

...the objects of your affection
cannot afford to be too fragile.

I would be able to see them
all the way from the canopy road.

When I step into the house,
I'd see them in every room, all at once.

I see them walking,
sitting, lying...

Mustafa,
behead the master builder.

Your idea is good.
The glass house will be built.

But why behead the master builder?

Because he didn't come up
with the glass house himself.

I want you to be my counsellor.

I will make you a military leader...

then a pasha...

Perhaps even a grand vizier.

For that, however,
you'd have to convert to my faith.

- I can't do that.
- My religion is better!

Who can decide what's better,
when hardly anyone knows what is good?

A man from Bodenwerder
cannot become a Turk.

Everyone has one homeland...

just as they have only one mother.

Besides, dying of thirst is supposed to be
a particularly exhausting way to die.

Who demands that you die of thirst?
Muhammad, your prophet.

He forbids the drinking of wine.

Water is a very tasty beverage.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't know.

Then what do you think
water is for?

Why, for washing,
Imperial Highness.

Starting today, no more wine for you!
Only water.

Your Imperial Majesty,
then I'd rather die of thirst.

Even though
the Prophet is always right...

I do wrong from time to time.

But only
when no one is looking.

Pasha Rustan sent me
this Tokay from Hungary.

It's the best Tokay
I've ever had.

Yes, that's a very fine Tokay.
But I've had better.

Better?

Pardon the interruption,
my lord...

...but Pasha Yussuf is here.

Only this morning, he sent spoils
and prisoners. What does he want?

In the night after he
had sent the caravan...

...the Russians filled the
Ochakov Marsh with rocks...

...and the next morning,
they took the fort.

Not a bad idea, right?

Have Pasha Yussuf come in.

- Whose fault is it?
- Mine, my lord, and mine alone.

Report to the chief executioner.

He is to impale your head on a pole
so it can be seen from far away.

Farewell, my lord.

Allah is great.

Get out!

- Where were we?
- The meaning of life.

So... A Tokay that's better than mine.
But where does one get it?

From Maria Teresa, in Vienna.

It seems like only yesterday
that the empress said to me...

"My dear Munchhausen..."
That's what she always called me.

"This Tokay, in a sense, is historic."

"In the year 1683, it liberated the Viennese
from the Turks."

"If our commander, that reckless fool,
hadn't drunk a bit too much of it..."

"...he'd have never dared launch
the winning counter-attack."

"But as it was,
he saw his 5,000 men double..."

...and with this army,
which he had that Tokay to thank for...

"...he saved our golden city of Vienna."

And that's why my forefathers
lost the Battle of Kahlenberg.

Is it really better?

It is better.
Shall we make a wager?

Very well. But how?

Very simple. My runner and valet
have just arrived as prisoners.

I'll send my runner to Vienna to ask
the empress for a bottle of her Tokay.

- How soon can he return from Vienna?
- I can't promise too much.

He's a little overweight.
We have to factor in the head wind, too...

Let's say... one hour.

- Don't make a fool of me!
- Want to bet?

If he returns in an hour...

...I'll grant you and your
two servants your freedom.

Agreed. And if the Viennese Tokay
is better than yours?

Then you get an additional wish.

Send for the clock.

Whom or what do you wish for?

Princess Isabella d'Este
from your harem.

So be it.

But if you lose the bet...

We have a bet!

41, 42, 43, 44, 45...

...57, 58, 59...
12 o'clock, 11 minutes.

Make your arrangements.

As soon as you leave this room
our bet begins.

When my clock
has counted down 60 minutes...

- ...then either I've lost the bet.
- Or I've lost my... head.

Exalted Sultan... 22...
I have a little fever...

...and therefore, I am... 23...
a little fast today.

Even better. Inform me when
around 50 minutes have passed.

I'll be in the harem.

- Here's the letter.
- I hope she'll receive me.

Of course.

Watch out, Baron. Next time you see me,
I'll be thin as a stick.

Stop chattering and hurry. Or else, in 60
minutes, I'll have no more need for a hat.

We've barely said hello,
and the excitement begins.

You should have found
yourself a different lord.

One who collects snuffboxes...
And not adventures, like Munchhausen.

Now come. Come.

- 71.
- Good teeth.

Five foot seven.

Bad teeth!

Good teeth!

Good teeth!

Good teeth!

- Open your mouth.
- I wouldn't dream of it.

The new ones
always cause problems.

I have to check your teeth.
Open your mouth.

The sultan is coming.

I won't put up with this treatment.

Ten strokes on the backside
for this old bag.

Get her dressed.

Then we'll see how
we can get rid of her.

How much time has passed?

30 minutes, 8 seconds...

9...

How about we just sneak off?

One should never lose one's head
before it's been chopped off.

It is a woman's enviable
privilege to be loved...

While ours is... to love.

Ten more minutes?
Shouldn't that be twenty, my boy?

I don't understand
where our runner could be.

There's Skopje...

There's Belgrade.

- There lies the scoundrel!
- What? He's lying?

Near Belgrade, by the road,
under a fig tree, asleep.

Does he have the Tokay?

- Then shoot, Christian!
- I'm so jumpy, I might miss him.

You aren't supposed to hit.
Just shoot to wake him up.

Don't talk so much.
Drop a fig into his maw!

Almighty God...
I hope I won't be late.

- Do you see him yet, Christian?
- Not yet, Baron.

Three minutes.
Pity about such a clever head...

It's trembling already.

But my knees are not,
Imperial Majesty.

59 minutes...

1, 2, 3...

It's about time, runner!

Greetings from Empress Maria Theresia
to Baron von Munchhausen.

Thank you.
How fortunate that you've made it.

Go!

You and your servants are free.

Now we'll see about the rest.

Get my things, go to the harbour
and hire a fast ship. I'll follow.

This Tokay really is better.

Mustafa!

I get the wine
and you get the princess.

I never thought we'd meet again
so soon.

Neither did I.

Louise...

Not every man of honour keeps his word
the way you do, Imperial Highness.

Keep your princess!

It's only a pity...

...the wine steward in Vienna
didn't make a similar mistake...

Then you could be, with all due respect,
sucking on vinegar!

What's wrong with him?

He's only known me for twenty years.

How time flies.

I am free.
Do you want to come along?

For me, freedom would not be a gift.

- When are you leaving?
- At once, my good Selim.

Farewell then,
my contented, curious friend.

Tell your sultan to...

No, better not tell him anything.

Have no fear, Princess.
It's me.

Come quickly.

Baron, just where are you?

Patience, runner.
Don't always be in such a hurry.

You can reappear now, Baron.
This isn't funny any more.

But Christian...
First, I have to change my clothes.

Here. He must be here.

No need to look away, Princess.

There.

I just need my dagger...

...and my hat.

Princess!

Whither do you command
us, Princess?

To the end of the world or...

To Venice.

We should stop in at Madame Carriera's.
Your portrait still isn't finished.

Is that solely my fault?

No. It's also the day's fault,
for having only 24 hours.

Rosalba, who is this person?
I have the feeling I know him.

Can't you sit still
for a moment, Casanova?

How foolish of the High Council
to let you return to Venice.

But I'll tell you this:
you won't get me into a casino again.

Because you have too much luck.

You are the Munchhausen...

...whom I know from Lyons,
Paris, Livorno and Madrid?

The Munchhausen whom the Duchess of
Choiseul inadvertently hid in a closet...

...that was already occupied by me?

Of course.

Are you in league
with the devil, Baron?

I've grown twenty years older...

...yet you...

Staying young is an art.

Then I'm a mere amateur.
I've grown tired.

I no longer enjoy
roving all over the world.

It satiates the eyes, but...

...the heart remains empty.

Life is short...

...and death chases us off,
before the intriguing game is over.

Why allow yourself
to be chased off, Casanova?

I'll only go when it amuses me.

Venice during Carnival is
a good hiding place, Princess.

But be careful all the same.

The State Inquisition has
ten thousand eyes and hands...

...and the power to mete
out justice and injustice...

...however it likes.

Hopefully, the doge has more
important things on his mind...

...than two lovers.

The wind is still unfavourable,
Your Excellency.

When it shifts, I'll be ready.

My assistants are keeping
a constant fire under the balloon.

I'm very glad that Venice is your
departure point, Monsieur Blanchard.

We serve science and
amuse the people.

It is the art of the statesman
to do one thing and achieve two goals.

I serve only science.

Don't allow that superstition to be taken
from you. It's a useful device in our game.

They stay at the Palazzo Vendramin.

The Republic is prepared to provide
your family with satisfaction...

...for the fact that a foreign adventurer
is keeping your sister hidden in our city.

But it is Carnival...

...and we do not want
any bloody scenes.

Does our Inquisition
have any suggestions?

Absolutely, Excellency.

We could go to the St. Samuel Opera.
Or to a masquerade ball.

And later, a little gambling
at the Ridotto.

You bring me luck.

And if we stayed home instead?

You bring me luck anywhere, Isabella.

Luck!

As a child, I believed in luck,
as children believe in fairy tales.

When I had grown up,
I was engaged to an old man.

But he was a Visconti,
and that meant a lot to my parents.

And then I was even
carried off to Istanbul.

Where had my childhood gone,
with all its tales of luck?

That's when you saw me,
and your window was barred.

When all seemed lost,
it was all won instead.

Never forget, my love...

...that fate does not grant luck forever.

It merely lends it.

And the interest rate is high.

Sometimes it costs your life.

- What is it?
- Kuchenreutter...

He was attacked in the alley
by the side entrance.

That he's back from Germany so soon...

We've lured him out!
Now's the time!

Isabella!

My own brother.

It's pointless.

No, Baron. Our runner is dead.

He was a decent man, Christian.

I couldn't wish
for a finer end for myself...

But I'm in no hurry.

In life as in death.

He was always in a hurry.

How is my father?

He's no spring chicken any more.

He gave me a letter,
some Brunswick sausages...

...and a cask of malt.

Isabella.

Isabella!

What can we do, Baron?

Nothing...
Nothing at all.

Are you available for Mr Casanova?

Yes.

All of Venice is talking of the misfortune
that befell you last night.

- Sit down, my friend.
- The poor princess.

They stabbed my
runner to death...

And I fear the worst
for Isabella as well.

But no! She is alive!

Alive? Where?

The abbess of the Justinian cloister,
an old friend of mine...

...an old friend of mine,
sent me a secret message.

They brought the princess
to the abbey last night.

Thank you.

You won't be able to achieve much.

But they should at least allow you
to speak to your unfortunate lady.

Isabella...

Fate does not grant
luck for good.

It merely lends it...

Interest is sometimes very high.

Don't cry, Isabella.

I will free you,
just as I did before.

You won't succeed this time.

Let us bid farewell.

I will be less unhappy
knowing you're far from here.

Because you're still in danger.

I shall always love you.

Forget me.

Farewell.

Take off your mask.

I want to know what a wretch looks like
who would bury his sister alive.

Do you want to trade blows with me?

If possible before I give in
to the urge to tear your head off.

Any gondolier will bring you
to the little island in the lagoon...

..where people tend to
converse with sword in hand.

- You, wait here.
- No.

Only if you pay
for the return trip in advance.

You might die in the duel.

Thank you.
Now you may die in peace.

There's a good-natured fellow.

I'm sorry, Baron, but this island
looks like a damned mousetrap.

See to it that no one
cuts off our retreat.

Weapons, gentlemen.

Thank you.

You will permit me
to keep my coat on?

No point taking it off,
for such a short time.

Ready?

Go!

How do you like my answer?

Ready?
Go!

I came here to fight a duel,
not to give you fencing lessons.

Why not strap the blade
to his little hand?

You must go three rounds.
The arrest warrant won't be here sooner.

I could kill you, of course,
but I'll do something else...

I'll make you look ridiculous
for the rest of your life.

Now. That should do it.

I left you your trousers
merely for decency's sake.

- I must shoot myself.
- First, he must meet his maker.

Quickly, to the boats!

Faster, gondolier!
There's a sack of gold in it for you.

Faster!

Faster!

Christian!

How many ropes
are anchoring Blanchard's balloon?

- Four thick ropes.
- Shoot through two of them.

They're shooting at us!

Faster! They're alongside the balloon.

Scram or I'll shoot my initials
into your backside as a souvenir.

Christian, get in!

- I've always wanted to fly, Baron.
- Hold on to me for a moment, Christian!

On purpose!
They're cutting the last lines!

Goodbye, Venice.

The sky will do our work for us.

Now, do what you must.

Tremendous, this flying business!

Are we still heading
towards the moon?

Hopefully, we'll land on the side
that we never get to see from Earth.

It's always bothered me
that the moon never shows us his rear.

Well, he knows
how to behave himself.

Unbelievable, Christian!
Isn't this fantastic?

That trees on the moon carry bass fiddles
and trumpets doesn't surprise me much.

But cherry trees just like at home...
that's really something!

- Baron...
- What?

Think there's anything
like people here?

Surely, Christian. Who else would eat
the cherries when they're ripe? Come.

That's true, that's true.

- Baron. Strange...
- What is it?

Before we landed,
day was just breaking.

And now, the sun's shining
like it's already noon.

Your hands have become
quite shaky recently.

That's due to
this comfortable life we lead.

What's really going on
with you, Christian?

Since you lathered me...

...you have grown at least
two dozen new grey hairs.

Christian?

It must be the change in atmosphere...
in space.

Do you have sleeping sickness?

Christian!

Christian, aren't you hungry? Here...

Ripe cherries?

Have I slept a full three months?

No, two hours at the most.
Look...

Either your watch is broken,
Baron, or...

Or time itself...

Time is broken.

When we landed, it was morning,
and the cherry trees were in bloom.

By noon, the blossoms had faded.

Now it's vespers,
and the cherries are ripe.

Were ripe.

Night is falling.

You could even say
autumn is falling.

We're lucky the balloonist
thought of everything.

I'd never have dared to chop up
one of those wailing bass fiddles.

Make yourself comfortable.

Damn it! Now it's too warm.

This moon is a most
exhausting star.

I've been thinking
about this whole affair, Baron.

A year for us on Earth
is a day here.

No, the other way around.
A day for us is a year here.

- Right?
- Correct.

On the moon, a day and a year
have the same length.

So, in one year on the moon,
one grows 365 years old.

A year older every day.

We'll fly back to Earth today.

But Baron...

I never get a chance
to settle down a bit.

You always want to move on.

No arguments.
We take off at noon.

This star is not a lucky star.

May I ask from which star
the gentlemen hail?

- From Earth.
- Welcome!

I'll be at your service in a moment.

Will you entertain the gentlemen
in the meantime?

Of course.

Awfully gladly.

The few Earthlings who have been here
before have always been amazed...

...at how we separate our heads
from our bodies.

It seems to be easier
than I thought, dear lady.

It's so practical.

While my head chats with you...

...my hands are doing the housework.

Magnificent!
Our women would like that trick.

Also, you will understand
why we moon couples...

...don't like to be separated
from each other completely.

Life is just too short.

May I be so bold as to ask
how old you are, dear lady?

Take a guess.

Look me in the eye.

Well, for that,
you'll have to turn me a little.

- May I?
- Please.

In your case, it's very difficult,
madam.

My girlfriends say I'm 27 days.
But you know how women are.

But I'm only twenty-three days
and three hours.

What? You're 23 days old?
That's unbelievable.

I had you pegged for 17 days
and barely an hour!

Pity I don't have
my body with me.

A true pity.

- It makes me look even younger.
- Really?

Isn't it dangerous to leave such a pretty
body at home all alone, beautiful lady?

We locked her up.

Very sensible.

This way, she won't be able to do
anything stupid, despite being headless.

How long am I
to wait for my birth?

Quiet. Three more hours.
You're not ripe yet.

Even a stranger, visiting the moon,
lives no longer than we do.

And when he's dead and
lying on the ground...

...he dissolves into smoke, just like us,
and disappears into space.

This law of yours
does not affect me...

but...

Isn't there anything else
to eat here besides cherries?

Just vitamins.

Do you at least
know what a pig is?

There are no pigs here.

God help us...
No beer, no beasts.

Removable heads.
Childbirth is taken care of by fruit trees.

No, no, no.
When I tell my Rieke about this...

- Excuse me, please.
- Of course.

Don't be angry, Baron,
if I'm causing you difficulties.

Don't talk such rubbish.

Now I am dying...

...just as I was starting
to feel at home.

The old Earthling is dying.

Yes. Carry me away.

This will be the first journey
I take without you, Baron.

I'll miss you terribly.

I mean...
I'd much rather stay with you.

Tell Rieke and the children
not to be too angry...

...that I was so seldom at home.

They surely
won't be angry with you.

You can count on that.

What would I have done
without you?

I need at least one friend.

My dear Baron...

May I...

May I call you by your first name,
just once?

Hieronymus...

...old boy!

Imagine the two of us as angels!

Follow me soon...

but...

...take your time.

I leave you my musket.

Man is but a wisp of smoke
that rises and is wafted away.

To Munchhausen, this manner of dying
seemed more poetic and meaningful...

..than the earthly way of withering
and decomposing to dust.

Life, of course,
was only worth living on Earth.

So he came back here...

...to new adventures...

...to new anguish...

and to new fortune.

It's getting cold, Hieronymus....

Let's go inside.

Munchhausen returned to Paris
just in time...

...to find them chopping off heads
in the name of virtue and reason.

1789. The French Revolution.

Correct.

And he saw Paris again...

...when he rode with Marshall Blucher
and Prince Schwarzenberg into the Tuileries.

1814. But Baron,
you must be mistaken.

Munchhausen died in 1797.

The encyclopedia is mistaken,
Herr von Hartenfeld.

Others aged.
He remained the way he was.

Others died.
He lived on.

He hadn't wanted to age,
because he loved excitement.

And now he couldn't find peace,
because he didn't age.

Always, there would come days
where people became afraid of him.

He'd barely make a foreign land
his home before he had to move on.

Because happiness,
trust, and love...

...are only bestowed by mortals
upon other mortals.

In 1848 he fought with Radetzky
in Lombardy.

He was there in Mexico, when Emperor
Maximilian went before the firing-squad.

1867?

So if he didn't die,
he's still alive today.

That's right, my friend.

In 1900, he married a beautiful girl.

She's sitting over there.

And if he didn't die,
he's still alive today.

- Take me home, Fritz.
- One moment, darling.

I'd like to ask the baron if...

Please. Home. Right away!

- Please excuse our brusque departure.
- Of course. Don't let us keep you.

Thank you for your kind indulgence.
It was a most unique experience.

- Goodbye.
- Farewell.

Why did you frighten the girl?

You shouldn't have told
the whole truth.

Go away from here.

Start a new life.

Don't think of me.
It would only grieve me.

I won't be lonely
when you're gone.

No...

I no longer want
that time forgets me.

The same time
that remembers your every day...

...and counts up the years on your face,
like a little bookkeeper.

I no longer want to be young
when you are old.

I don't wish to go on living...

...when you die.

Because I love you.

Of my own free will, I return
this great gift into the hands of fate.

Eternal youth makes one half a god,
but also only half a man.

I demand the whole of it!

I also want the rest...

THE END

English subtitles adjusted by:
Officina Verborum : Moerges : FatPlank