TerrorVision (1986) - full transcript
A civilization on a distant planet has found a way to solve its garbage problem: turning it into energy and beaming it into outer space. A flaw in this system is found when the signal is accidentally picked up on Earth by the Putterman Family's home satellite dish. While this would ordinarily be just another mess, this particular transmission contains a hungry trash monster who quickly begins snacking on the Puttermans and their guests. Only young Sherman Putterman has any clue what is going on, but nobody will believe him. Is there any hope for the Earth?
[growling]
[knocks]
[groans]
[female] Stanley, Stanley,
quit screwin' around!
Stanley!
Stanley, I'm right in the middle
of my program!
For Chrissake, Stanley!
Lay off me, beautiful,
I almost got this baby wired.
Yeah... it's gonna be... dynamite.
Whoa!
Hey, my TV flipped out.
I missed the new Noodles video.
Earth Station Putterman
is at it again.
Oh, Daddy.
- ...but I think it's okay.
- I think this thing is a piece of--
- He's such a dork.
- [clunk]
He thinks he's a genius,
what can you do?
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, I'll get it.
[sighs] And one and two.
Hi, Gramps!
Hey, honeybee.
You know the one
about the U-2s?
- Uh, the band?
- No, the spy planes.
Oh, yeah, I think
I saw 'em on MTV.
MTV?
Phooey!
[water trickles]
[crackles]
[Stanley] Je-sus!
What's with this thing, Norton,
I'm gettin' electrocuted here?
I tried to warn you, Mr. P.
These do-it-yourself 100s
are kinda temperamental.
Yeah, gimme a break guy,
I need a hand here.
Sorry, Mr. Putterman, no can do.
The warranty covers repairs only.
You insisted on the 100, Mr. P.
I told you they were trouble.
Yeah? Well, when
I get through with her,
she's gonna be
the hottest dish in town.
...four, five, six, seven, eight.
one, two three...
Hi Dad, how was downtown today?
Downtown, phooey!
I'm sick a downtown.
Used to be the place to go,
talk to people,
disseminate your literature--
feel like you were doin'
some good in the world.
Now it's just bums and weirdos
and kooks coming out
of the woodwork.
Getting so decent folks
won't even stop and talk.
Oh, Daddy, don't be so paranoid.
Hey, soldier,
got that radar up yet?
It's not radar, pop.
It's a satellite dish,
you know a TV receiver.
Satellite, you say?
I wonder if it could pick up
recon satellites?
Keep track of enemy
troop movements.
It might be a handy little addition
to my home defense unit.
[ray gun sound]
Holy tomato.
Ahh! Brain shot!
Belly down, soldier, the geeks
aren't through with you yet!
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Hey, hey, hey,
would you guys grow up?
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Sherm.
I gotcha, Grampa.
Captured your radar too.
Hell of an assault, soldier!
Damn fine show of fire power.
Say, Mr. P, you mind
if I grab another Heinie?
Look, Norton, if you're gonna hang out
and guzzle my Heinies,
the least you could do
is give me a hand here.
Sorry, Mr. P., the contract
says repairs only.
[bang]
You want repairs?
- I'll show you repairs!
- Mr. Putterman.
There!
Now let's talk repairs!
[thunderclap]
Je-sus!
What the hell was that?
Man, I've never seen anything
like that before.
Stanley, what is going on?
What the heck was that noise?
Where's my workout show?
[TV sounds]
Hey-hey, Mr. Putterman,
check it out.
[Spanish broadcast]
All right, Putterman.
What a guy.
[Stanley] Get ready, you guys.
This baby is going to open
a whole new dimension
in television pleasure.
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, Stanley, I'm so excited.
[beeps]
[raucous laughter]
Check it out!
Dyno-picture.
Hey, nice one, Dad.
Oh, très impressimo.
[chuckles]
Pleasure palace, here we come.
Troop movements, leave it here.
No way!
[moaning]
Channel 69, Pop.
Stanley!
This is grungy!
Where's MTV?
MTV?
No problem.
♪ I'm a liar and I'm a cheat ♪
Leave it, leave it,
I love this song!
Echh!
He is so nasty.
Intellectual decay!
Turn it off,
it'll rot your brain cells.
It's the international
conspiracy!
Hey, hey, hey, careful,
you're gonna break it.
You're gonna break it,
careful, watch it!
What the hell?
[screaming]
Gosh, that coulda burned down
the whole house!
Stanley, you call Norton
right this second!
No, no, no, look.
It's fine,
it's workin' fine, it's cool.
[thunder]
Oh boy, Medusa.
Hello, bloodsuckers.
Ready to be turned to stone?
Will you look at those hooters?
Holy tomato!
Let's watch her tonight,
okay, Grampa?
All the way to midnight.
Hell yeah, we'll watch her.
What about brain rot, Dad?
The intellectual conspiracy?
I've said it before
and I'll say it again,
war stories and monster movies
are educational.
They're survival oriented.
They always neutralize
the enemy in the end.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it, it's OD.
O who?
OD, my new boyfriend.
Oh, Irish boy?
New boyfriend, what happened
to the Weinstein boy?
Squidsville, Mommy, gaa!
OD's the coolest boy in school,
he's a musical genius.
Okay, invite him in
and let's see what he looks like.
OD!
Da-da-da-da-da-da,
charge!
Ya gotta come in.
My parents wanna meet you.
Oh, wow, what a drag.
♪ Ta-da. ♪
Everybody, this is OD.
Hello, Mr. Putterman,
I'm glad we're finally gettin'
a chance to meet.
[mumbles]
Hello, Mrs. Putterman,
mm-mm, beautiful outfit.
Why thank you, OD.
You're sweet.
Mom, can we use
the Jacuzzi tonight?
Uh, not tonight, baby.
Your father and I
might be swinging.
Stanley, we have to meet them
at the Cha-Cha Room at eight.
Oh, I gotta hit that ol'
locker room pronto.
Nice meeting you, OD.
Don't stay out too late.
Oh, no, we won't.
Well, it was nice meeting you, sir.
Hey, no problem... dude.
Just take care of my little girl.
[laughs]
Okay.
- Yeah.
- What dress you wearin', babe?
- Oh, my new Naugahyde.
- Oww!
- Woo!
- Killer!
I'll just get my junk
and I'll be right back, okay?
- No sweat.
- [giggles]
[growling]
Hey, old dude,
whatcha eatin', man?
Lizard tail jerky.
Wanna stick?
[chuckles]
No thanks, man,
I just pigged out.
Amazing creature, the lizard.
Ya eat the tail,
it don't give a hoot.
Just grows another one.
And ya eat it too.
It's mighty darn tasty.
Hey, little dude,
you into metal?
Kiss the boot, man.
Kiss the ass, bozo.
Jesus, could you believe
that kid?
Oh, I thought he was kinda cute.
That punk stuff is just
a phase anyway.
Yeah, I know, but don't they know
how ridiculous they look?
Puny, puny earthlings,
I, Ro-Man, am your new master.
Worship my superior intelligence
or I shall wipe you
from the face of the planet.
Uh, give us a break, Ro-Man.
Lose the deep-sea helmet, guy,
and quit monkeying around.
Medusa's been getting
a lot of fan mail lately.
Hey, listen, I called
that TV guy, Norton.
He's gonna come by a little later
and check out the dish.
If it starts acting up again,
just turn it off until he gets here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on,
go on, get outta here.
[Medusa]
...words from our sponsors.
Announcing Super Television,
with a picture so lifelike, it comes
right out into your living room.
Pretty good old movie, ain't it?
No.
Let's see what's up
with the recon satellites.
[TV]...superior,
the winning television you--
Careful, Grampa!
What the Sam Hill?
Watch out, Grampa,
you're gonna break it again!
[growling]
Hey, this looks like a cool movie.
[Grampa] Hey, he's a gross
lookin' booger, ain't he?
I'd nuke that sucker!
[grunts]
[grunting]
Well, do something,
you ugly bastard!
Man, this is the dumbest movie
I ever saw.
What a bunch a crud.
All you phone freaks
out there stay tuned.
Oh, boy!
We're gonna open up the call lines
to see what you perverts are up to.
And Medusa wants
to hear wants to hear
some real...
kinky...
nightmares.
Hmm?
[screeching]
[grunting]
[static crackling]
[grunting]
[snores]
[yells]
- [screams]
- [roars]
[static crackle]
Great balls of fire!
Did you see somethin', boy?
You know what the Sam Hill it was?
It-it looked like a-- a monster.
There's no such thing
as monsters, boy!
It was a God dang burglar!
Let's move out!
It looked... weird.
Sometimes them burglars
wear Hallyween masks.
They scare the poop outta ya.
You get the jackets,
I'll break out the fire power.
Survival ranger's first priority
is defend the home unit.
- You got that, boy?
- Yes, sir!
Remember what I taught you
about the 30-round magazine, boy?
I remember, Grampa.
All right, boy, let's go!
[doorbell rings]
Come on, Mr. Putterman.
I don't have all night here.
Remember boy, best way
to stop the enemy-- brain shot!
What a tool job.
Stan, the man.
Put, the putz.
Can't even get a Heinie
for the road.
[bangs]
Did you hear that?
I'll be a God danged
son of a gun!
They're stealin' the radar.
What the hey?
[cocking]
Stay right where you are!
Hey, guys?
It's me, Norton.
Remember, Norton,
the satellite guy.
What the heck
are you doin' out here?
Hey, no problem, sir.
Uh, Mr. Putterman called me
to come check out the dish.
I rang the front bell,
but nobody was home.
We thought we saw a burglar.
Did you see anyone?
No, not me, guy.
You wouldn't by any chance
have one a them
Hallyween masks
in there, would ya?
Uh, listen, old fella, I'm just here
to check out the dish.
So, if you don't mind,
I'll get back to work.
All right, boy,
let's go recon the house.
Mmm.
Damn, I hate these
do-it-yourself 100s.
I'll scout the den,
you stay put.
- Keep the front door covered.
- I'm goin' with you.
Stay put, soldier, remember
your chain of command.
Yes, sir.
Grampa?
You okay?
A- OK, little buddy.
God amighty, Mr. Putterman,
this is disgusting.
Gotta keep these
electronics clean, nut!
[growling]
[yells]
Grampa, did ya hear that?
Say what, little buddy?
A scream.
Something weird.
I'll be right there, soldier.
[grunting and growling]
[static crackling]
[growls]
[screams]
[roars]
[crunch]
Grampa!
[chomping]
Grampa!
[male]
Operator.
Hello, I need the police.
[male] Police department,
Officer Nutky speaking.
Hello, police?
Who's calling, please?
My grampa,
I mean a monster.
I mean the TV.
I mean-- Sherman Putterman.
Now, Sherman,
are you aware
that what you're doing
is a criminal offense?
Huh?
There's a law
against prank phone calls.
No, really, I swear
there's a monster on TV.
It ate Grampa
and the TV guy.
Now listen here,
Sherman Putterman,
I'd come out and arrest
your ass, but lucky for you
I've got some real police
emergencies to attend to.
No, please, wait!
[tires squeal]
Ha-ha.
Hey, let's go!
[chuckles]
- Come on babe, ha-ha.
- Come on, come on.
[giggles]
Voila.
[French accent]
Chez Putterman.
Otherwise known
as the Pleasure Zone.
[chuckles]
Wow, you really got
a sensuous-type place here.
[Greek accent]
So regal, so magnificent,
and so isolated
from the city.
That's what we love about it.
Yeah, it's kind of a nature trip.
Puts you in touch
with the, uh, real you.
The cities are so nasty these days.
Don't you think?
Absolutely--
the cesspools of civilization.
We much prefer
to live on the yacht.
Yeah.
Uh, say, babe, you know,
I think I better check on Norton.
See how he's doin'
with that satellite dish.
Excuse me.
Oh, is he gonna be joining us?
- Sherman!
- Mom.
Grampa... a monster!
For Chrissake, he's having
another one of his attacks.
Sherman, wake up Sherman,
you're dreaming.
No, really, it's in the TV!
Um, Stanley, why don't you show
Spiro and Cherry around.
I'll just be a minute.
Good idea.
Maybe we should leave.
Oh, no, no, don't you dare,
no, he just needs a pill.
[giggles] Now, go on,
go on, have fun.
Please.
[chuckles]
What are you doing out of bed,
Sherman Putterman!
The Pleasure Den.
Wow, this place is like,
really... awesome!
- Art collectors, eh?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
Listen, I know a place where
you can get all this stuff real cheap.
All right, Norton!
Hey, Norton!
Looking good, guy!
Norton?
Hey, uh, listen, I'd invite
you in for a beer or somethin',
but we got company now,
so take off, okay?
I'll check with ya later.
'Preciate it, babe.
He's a cool guy.
Service seven days a week.
Handles only the best.
But hey...
on to the Pleasure Dome.
To the Pleasure Dome.
- Mom, please listen to me!
- Sherman Putterman,
I'm gonna slap you silly!
Why do you have to pull this
when we have company?
Who left the TV on?
No, Mom, there's a monster.
Sherman, you're not gonna make me
call Dr. Silverman, are you?
Mom, look.
[gasps]
Sherman, what have you done?
That's where Grampa was.
Uchh!
What a mess!
[coughs]
It killed him and the TV guy.
Honestly, I cannot leave
you two alone an hour
without some kind of disaster!
[growls]
♪ Ta-da. ♪
The Pleasure Dome.
Wow,
now, this is what
I call romantic.
Magnificent architecture--
Greek influenced?
Roman, guy,
Roman all the way.
Hey, check it out--
[beeps]
[feedback as music starts]
I got this baby wired.
State of the art.
This satellite receiver pulls in
the weirdest stuff
from all over the world.
Hey, what is this movie?
Huh?
What is-- what is this movie?
I think I read for a part
in it one time.
Bunch a creeps!
[TV] People of Earth,
you must heed my warning.
Destroy your satellite receivers.
- Great sound, huh?
- Dismantle your communication systems.
Render your television sets
inoperable for the next
200 Earth years.
It may already be too late.
Uh, I don't know, it looks kinda like
that Japanese thing--
uh, you know, whatchamacallit--
you know, where the Martians steal
all the Earth women
and knock 'em up.
Yeah, you know,
to-- to repopulate Mars.
- Ahh!
- Hey, that sounds kinky.
Is that hard core?
Fantastic idea for a movie--
Martians diddling
the women of the universe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you got it, Spiro--
intergalactic swingers.
[growls]
Dad?
Are you decent?
Hold your God dang horses,
I'm changing in here!
See?
It was all a dream!
No, Grampa's dead!
Oh, Sherman!
Home so soon?
I'm just takin' care
of business here.
Everything okay, Dad?
Okay?
Yeah, I guess so.
Everything A-OK with you?
There's a big mess
in the den, Dad.
Do you know anything
about it?
Mess?
[chuckles]
I don't know anything
about a mess, dear.
It musta been Sherman.
I'm just takin' care of business.
Get to bed, young man!
We will talk about this
in the morning!
No, Mom, really!
Something weird's going on,
I swear!
Sherman Putterman, I am fed up!
If you're too big of a sissy
to spend the night alone,
then you'll just spend
the night with Grampa!
- No, Mom, no, Mom!
- Get in there! Get in!
Dad, is it all right if Sherman
spends the night with you?
Mom, please let me out!
Come on, Mom.
Please, I swear I'll be good, Mom.
Just let me out, please Mom.
I won't mention the monster, Mom.
Let me out, please,
I swear I'll be good!
Pleasant dreams, you two.
- [knocking] Come on, Mom, please?
- Good night.
I swear I'll be good!
Grampa?
Grampa, where are you?
Grampa, are you planning
a surprise attack?
Grampa?
I hear you, Grampa.
Come outta there.
Or I'll open up on ya.
- There.
- [Stanley] Hey, babe.
- [Spiro] Ah, Raquel.
- That didn't take long, did it?
I didn't miss anything... exciting?
Oh, Stanley was just showing us
the wonders of satellite TV.
He's a real video pilot, eh?
I just really love your house here.
It's so-- I don't know,
it's kinda-- kinda weird.
Yeah, thank you.
We did it ourselves.
Hey, babe, is everything cool
with Sherm?
He's in with Dad, doin' terrific.
You know, you really got
a cute kid there.
Have you ever thought
about putting him in the movies?
I mean, I know
a really sweet agent.
Oh, God no.
Sherman's much too neurotic
to be an actor.
Yeah, the only thing
the kid is interested in
is being a soldier.
Oh, such a manly pursuit--
raping and pillaging,
creating life
and taking it away,
like the Gods
of the ancient Greeks.
Well, hey, guy,
I mean, I'm a lover
not a fighter.
[chuckles]
Comprende?
Uh, Spiro, why don't you
come help me make the drinks?
Excellent idea.
I make a wonderful margarita.
Very unusual.
Go for it!
Raquel, do you have ouzo?
Uh, no, I don't even know
what it is.
Too bad, I make
a delicious ouzo margarita.
So, uh...
here we are.
Yeah.
Is it cool if I get in there?
Cool? Babe, it's a perfect 98.6.
It's like floatin'
in your mother's womb.
Cool? Hey, go for it.
That's what it's there for.
Okay.
Holy tomatoes.
Oh [giggles], it tickles.
- Are you coming?
- Yeah.
I just gotta change my clothes.
[chuckles]
Eh, look, whatever you do,
don't touch this.
There's something screwy
with the waterproofing
and uh, well, I wouldn't want
you to get electrocuted.
[giggles] Me neither.
Hurry back?
In a flash.
Oh, man that bikini is dynamite.
[growling]
What are you looking at,
you creep?
So, tell me, Raquel,
how long have you
and Stanley been swinging?
[chuckles]
Well, to tell you the truth,
we've only tried it
a couple a times.
It's so hard to meet nice people
through the classifieds.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
One never knows
what one is getting into.
But you and Cherry,
you're so sweet--
regular folk.
Stanley's such a fascinating fellow.
A real renaissance man.
[laughs]
Definitely.
He's got a really high IQ.
[hums]
People of Earth,
please heed my warning.
A terrible accident has occurred.
I am Pluthar,
sanitation captain
of the planet Pluton.
A stray energy beam
containing garbage
from my substation
may be headed
for your solar system
and could possibly result
in the total annihilation
of your species.
I'm so terribly sorry
for the inconvenience.
I went to my hair dresser today
to have my hair ratted.
You like?
Oh, it's really something to see.
We use live rats, you know.
Snakes just eat 'em up.
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
[thunder]
Whatta you know?
It's time for all you phone freaks
out there to give us a call.
Share your darkest hearts.
Meanwhile, back to Attack...
of the something or other.
[rings]
Me, here, who's there?
Is-- is this Medusa?
[sighs] Well, who's it sound like, kid,
Count Dracula?
What's your name, I said.
Well, this is Sherman.
And I have this problem
and nobody believes me.
Oh, well,
maybe I won't believe you either.
Let's hear it.
Grampa and me,
we were sleeping.
And then we woke up,
and there was this monster.
And Grampa thought
it was a burglar.
And then we saw the TV guy.
And then Grampa disappeared
and the monster went inside the TV.
Then Mom came home
and locked me in the bomb shelter.
So, tell me, Sherman,
currently under psychiatric care?
No, really!
Sorry, Sherman, time's up.
[sighs]
Sherman?
Come here, Sherman.
Come real close
to Medusa.
All set, Sherman?
This one's for you, babe.
[roars]
[yells]
Pleasant dreams, kiddies.
So, tell me, Raquel,
is Stanley a manly man?
Oh, God, yes.
A real stallion.
No, what I mean is,
does Stanley take it
like a man?
Oh, yeah.
I guess so.
I thought so.
And what about you, Spiro?
Are you a real manly man?
Oh, yes, indeed.
Spiro Xeros is the manliest of men.
Spiro... do you think that maybe
I could have a little sneak preview?
Mmm?
Hey, Raquel, has there been
some misunderstanding?
Whatta ya mean?
Well, I'm Greek, you know?
Oh, of course, you're Greek.
It said so in the classifieds.
Oh, don't worry,
we're not prejudice.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
I am into Greek.
Greek culture.
I like boys.
Stanley is such a manly man.
Oh, my God, Stanley's never
gonna believe this.
Spiro,
how's my main man?
Ahh, Stanley,
how marvelous you look.
- An old family recipe.
- Oh.
Whoa, whatta ya got
in here, Spiro?
Rocket fuel?
Gettin' ready to, uh, blast off?
Stanley, uh--
Spiro, why don't you
take Cherry her drink?
We'll join you in a few seconds.
Excellent idea.
See you soon, eh, tiger?
You bet, guy.
Yassoo!
[chuckles]
- Down the hatch.
- Yeah, mud in your eye.
So, uh, whatta ya think?
You like 'em?
Uh, well, now, look,
they're very nice.
- But--
- Yeah, yeah, lookin' good too, huh?
Are we gonna swing or what?
Ahh,
you look so serene,
my darling.
Like Cleopatra on the Nile.
That Stanley-- hot stuff, huh?
Oh.
A little warm, don't you think?
Ahh!
Yechh, what is this,
algae?
Ahh,
maybe it's a sex lubricant, huh?
You are so beautiful.
How 'bout a quickie, huh?
A little aperitif, eh?
Just a quick little suck,
eh?
[crunch]
[groans]
Well,
just gonna have
to straighten out old Spiro
about the facts a life.
Now, Stanley, don't get belligerent.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
Stanley.
Listen, Spiro, we gotta
work something out, pal.
Where are they?
Spiro?
Cherry?
What the hell did that homo
do to the Jacooz?
Maybe Spiro's cocktail
made someone sicky-poo.
- Stanley?
- Yeah!
Stanley, it looks
like something's in there.
[bubbling]
[Stanley] No, I hope they didn't
electrocute themselv--
- [growling]
- Wait a minute.
[growling]
What is that?
No, no, no.
[barking]
[yells]
Mom! Dad!
Mom! Dad!
Police department,
Officer Nutky speaking.
Hello, this is Sherman again.
There's really a monster,
it's eating Mom and Dad.
Please, help me!
I warned you about this, son.
You are in a helluva
heap a trouble.
Screw you!
[Grampa's voice] Remember what
I told you about explosives, boy--
blow your dang balls off!
[honking]
[tires screech]
[yelling and squealing]
[backfiring]
Where's the party?
[giggles]
Oh!
[giggles]
[creaks]
[whispers]
Did you feel something?
Yeah, like 3.5 on the Richter scale.
[sighs]
Army dude, what are
you doin' up this late?
Sherman, are Mom
and Dad home yet?
Sis, stay here.
Somethin' weird's goin' on.
Sherman?
What are you doing?
There's a monster loose.
It ate Grampa.
I think it just ate Mom and Dad.
Honestly, Sherman,
sometimes you are such a nerd!
Sis, don't go in there.
Sherman, stop it!
Yeah, buzz off, dude,
I wanna party.
Are Mom and Dad home yet?
They were here,
some other people too.
The monster got 'em.
Sherman, will you shut up
about the monster?
I'm gonna make you
take your pills.
Pills, what color?
Follow me.
All right, dude, pill freak.
Don't worry, he'll be asleep
in five minutes.
He has these attacks sometimes.
It's like sleepwalking
or something.
So, what's the deal, Sherm?
Where's the big monster?
Shh-hh.
Where's Mom and Dad?
Where's Gramps?
[fart sound]
[grunting]
Whoa, man, puke city!
P- U!
Sherman, did you do this?
Careful, you geek,
that thing's loaded!
Sherman,
gimme that, butt-hole!
No, there's more
in the bomb shelter!
Follow me.
Come on!
Be right back, okay, baby?
No sweat.
Hey, what's on el tubo?
[no sound]
Mom?
Dad?
Are you there?
[grunting and growling]
Hi, kids.
Cherry, Spiro,
these are the kids.
- Hi.
- Yassoo.
Remember, kids, you do
your thing, we do ours.
Mother, that is so disgusting!
Night-night, now, kids.
Try and keep it down, will ya?
Thanks.
[whispers]
Barf me out!
Have any of you seen Gramps?
Right here, honeybee.
Just takin' care a business.
Oh, Gramps,
that is totally sicko!
[sighs]
I thought it was a monster.
That's okay, Sherman.
Some day you'll understand.
Earthlings, please,
you must heed my warning.
Its appetite is insatiable.
Its curiosity is boundless.
Its strength knows no limits.
It will continue
to absorb all life forms.
Sherman,
will you please buzz now?
Go to bed or something,
we wanna hang out.
Hey, dig this stupid movie.
It's just this one dude talking.
Earthlings, please,
you must heed my warning.
That guy, he's talking
about the monster!
Would you shut up
about the monster!
Go to bed!
There are no such
things as monsters!
... mutating endlessly
until your planet
is a barren wasteland--
Whoa, psychedelic!
There it is, the monster!
[growls]
Whoa.
Whoa!
Run dude!
[screams]
Don't shoot me, dude!
[screams]
[growls]
No, no!
No!
Get away!
No!
[whimpers]
OD, get away.
Yeah.
Stay, dude.
Stay.
[whispers]
Whoa.
[monster whimpers]
Wow, a real, live monster.
I told you.
[OD]
Did you see that?
He looked right at my studs
and cooled out.
This dude's into metal!
[sighs]
He's so barfy.
He is not.
He's cool.
Oh, this is too rude!
Hey, you guys,
remember that movie?
You know, the one
about the little space guy.
Made you cry like a butt-hole?
E.T., stupid.
Yeah.
Okay, stand back, guys.
Careful, baby.
[OD]
Okay.
Easy, dude.
Okay, dude.
Easy, now, big monster dude.
[giggles]
Come on now.
[growls]
Whoa!
Easy, dude.
All right!
- Rad!
- Totally awesome!
[monster grunts]
Food, this is called food.
It's good for you,
yum, yum.
Check it out, dude.
Mm-mm, good.
[squeals]
Food, mm-mm, see?
It's good for you.
Like vegetables.
Mother says,
"Eat your vegetables."
Food, food.
Food.
- Food, food, food.
- Food.
Come on, dude, spit it out.
Food, say it.
Food.
Yeah, that's it, right!
- Why, it can talk!
- All right, nice one, dude!
Oh, yeah, here, here, try some!
Go ahead, dude, pig out.
[squeals]
This is music.
Mu-sic.
It's almost as important as food.
[pop instrumental plays]
Ooh, bad tune, dude.
Don't ever listen
to that kinda music.
Rots your brain.
Now, this is my band.
I wrote this song.
[blares heavy metal]
Bitchin', huh?
Ha-ha!
All right, dude, metal!
[growling]
Okay, I'm OD.
O- D.
D- O.
O- D.
OD, man.
All right, man,
this is incredible.
Lemme try.
Hi, monster.
I'm Suzy.
Su-zy.
Suzy.
[squeals]
Wow, he's cute.
I don't believe this.
Move over, it's my turn.
Okay, monster-- Sherman.
I'm Sherman.
Sherman.
Say it.
Sherman.
- Sher, Sher, Sher, Sher--
- Yeah, Sherman.
Sherman!
This is TV.
T- V.
Next to food and music,
this is mankind's greatest invention.
Watch.
I had a date the other night.
Poor fella.
I turned all the lights off
and I whispered to him,
"Whatever you do, honey,
don't look at me.
One glance and you're
hard as a rock."
Needless to say,
the poor guy peeked.
Now you see why I have
this thing for phone freaks.
Hey, guys, come here a minute.
Be right back, okay monster?
[monster coos]
What are we going
to do with him?
We're gonna make
a million bucks.
- Huh?
- Huh?
Don'tcha see,
this is like, amazing.
I mean, a monster
from outer space,
like-- it's like we own him!
Oh, yeah, rude!
I mean, that guy probably
doesn't even know what money is.
Hey, wait a minute, bozo.
Who said anything
about you?
I'm the one who saw him first.
Grampa and me discovered him.
He came through our TV.
He's our property.
Hey, spud, I'm the one
who communicated with him first.
He takes orders from me,
so, watch it, dude.
Come on you guys.
Don't be so selfish.
Why can't he belong to all of us?
Yeah, come on, dude.
This is like... a miracle
or something.
There'll be plenty
of dough for all of us.
What about Mom and Dad?
Shouldn't we tell them?
Forget Mom and Dad,
we don't have to share
anything with them!
They wouldn't believe us anyway.
So, like, partners, okay?
Partners-- okay, Sherm?
I guess so.
Oh, cool, cool,
you guys are really cool, man.
So... first thing... I think...
we have to get him on TV.
Well,
it's time for Medusa's
beauty sleep now, kiddies.
So, 'til next week,
Medusa hopes
you have some real...
wet...
nightmares.
[laughs wickedly]
[Sherman]
I know.
Medusa, maybe she'll help us.
Yeah, dude,
she understands monsters.
Let's call her.
But no more partners, okay?
Here, let me do the talking.
No, I've already
called her once tonight.
She knows me.
You told her
about the monster?
Yeah, but she didn't
believe me either.
- [monster] TV.
- Whoa!
Whatsa matter, dude?
TV.
[farts]
Whoa, I hope
this guy's house trained.
[phone ringing]
Uh, for Chrissake, will somebody
get me outta this thing?
Oh, Medusa,
you were wonderful tonight.
You were absolutely brilliant.
Come on, come on, come on!
Hey, Al, uh, give me brew
and, uh, give me a smoke.
Okay, I'll be right back.
All right, thanks, pal.
[phone rings]
Show's over, sucker.
Hello, Medusa, this is Sherman again,
remember me?
Sherman?
The schizo.
Well, you know that monster
I told you about?
He's really here.
We're teaching him to talk,
me and my sister.
And me, man, OD Riley!
Well, listen, Sherman,
I've had a long night.
So, uh, call me next week, huh,
we'll chat it up.
- But wait!
- [whispers] Let me!
Medusa?
Oh, who's this,
your split personality?
This is Suzy Putterman,
Sherman's sister.
Business manager
for the monster from outer space.
So, tell me, Suzy,
is your whole family
a little cuckoo?
Please, Medusa,
this is serious!
He's a real live monster!
We wanna know
how to get him on TV.
Listen, kid, you want a guest spot,
talk to the Letterman people.
Medusa's strictly solo.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta hit some parties.
Please, Medusa!
I'm sure if you saw him,
you'd be interested.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, and we're having sort
of a... party for him here,
right now.
A real fun party.
Party, huh?
You could just come
and take a look.
No obligation.
He's gonna be
a big sensation.
He talks and everything.
If you don't help us,
someone will.
Oh, yeah?
We're on Putterman Lane
off Lonesome Canyon,
at the end of the road.
Well, like I said, kid,
I got some other parties to hit.
So, uh, don't count
on me anytime soon.
Uh, bye, now.
[dial tone]
[slams phone]
- She coming?
- Who knows?
- She had a crummy attitude.
- Hmm.
[growling]
TV, TV.
That's okay, guy,
there's always somethin' else on.
That's what's
so cool about TV.
[beep]
TV!
[growls insistently]
Hey, hold your horses, turkey.
What are you doing?
Hey, man, nothing.
This guy just doesn't
dig commercials.
Be careful, you guys.
He wants music.
Shh, come on now,
be quiet, okay?
Yeah, dude, don't be
so impatient, butt-hole.
What's your name?
What planet are you from?
[growls]
He doesn't know
what you're talking about.
He's just a monster.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
It's her already?
No way!
Hey, hey don't
let any strangers in.
I have a warrant here for the arrest
of Sherman Putterman.
Huh?
Hi, guy.
Hi, monster.
Hi, monster.
[beep]
Hey, it's that same dude again.
...too late.
It's appetite is uncontrollable.
The slightest excitement can trigger
a monstrous eating binge.
I bet you anything he's talking
about the monster.
[growls excitedly]
I am your friend, Pluthar.
[incessant growling]
Hey, hey, cool it!
We're, uh, having
a little, uh, party.
Hey, hey!
Hey, I said shut up, butt-hole!
- Oh, my God!
- All right, get back, lady!
- Oh!
- Sis, sis!
- Oh!
- Sis, run quick!
- Freeze, son, you're under arrest.
- [Suzy screams]
Hey, hey!
Hey, you kids,
come back here!
You come outta there
or I'm gonna come in after you.
Damn you, kids, you--
[growling]
[groans]
[roars]
[yells]
What happened?
Saw that space guy on TV.
Went crazy!
Where's OD?
It ate him.
Oh, my God!
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna blow his butt
to kingdom come.
Huh?
First, secure the perimeter.
Sherman?
I'm calling the cops.
Second, break out the fire power.
Doo-doo, they cut off our phone!
Sherman, have you been making
prank calls again?
Here, best chance to stop him
is a brain shot.
What are you talking about?
We don't even know
where his brain is!
This is so stupid, Sherman.
This is like, totally disgusting!
Let's split,
we can use that cop's radio.
No, gotta evacuate
Mom and Dad first.
Wow, these grenades
are pretty neat.
Maybe I killed it already.
Didn't sound too dead
when it ate that cop.
Yeah, well,
maybe I wounded it.
OD!
Oh!
Gross!
Sis, get back!
Oh!
[Suzy]
Mom?
Dad?
You guys in here?
Mommy?
Are you okay?
[screams]
It ate them!
[monster singing]
[grunts in awe]
[whispering]
Sherman, let's get out of here!
[Sherman] Perfect setup
for a surprise attack.
Attack?
I'm so sure!
The hand grenade
didn't even phase him!
[whispering]
I've got an idea.
Huh?
Cover me.
Be careful!
[grunts in surprise]
Hi, monster.
It's me,
Sherman.
Boy--
[yells]
Attack! Attack!
Sis, the remote on the wall--
throw it in the water!
Now, throw it!
Throw it!
[monster groans]
[squeals]
Let's get outta here, Sherman!
[screams]
Sis, stop!
Earth children, please,
I mean you no harm.
I am Pluthar,
here to save you.
Hey, it's the space guy from TV.
Whatta you want from us?
Please, Earthling,
there is little time.
I've come to exterminate
the hungry beast.
Like, what is going on
around here?
What is the hungry beast?
On my planet, the hungry beast
is a house pet,
similar to your earthly
dogs and cats.
But they are highly unstable,
prone to mutate wildly
and eat everything in sight.
When mutation occurs,
they must be exterminated at once.
You mean, like...
he was somebody's pet?
Oh, yes.
They're very lovable
before they mutate.
Okay, but like,
how did it get here?
In our house?
In the extermination process,
they are converted to pure energy,
beamed to the farthest reaches
of the universe.
It's really a very safe form
of waste disposal.
Yeah, but like, what did it do
with Mommy and Daddy?
- And OD and Gramps?
- And the TV guy?
The beast has ingested Earthlings?
Oh, dear, heavens,
I'll lose my position for this.
Who cares about your stupid
position, what about them?
Well... we do have a process.
If I can take the beast back alive,
which isn't likely,
the victim's genes could be extracted
from the hungry beast's tissue
and grown in special
serum cultures.
You mean, like, clones?
Clones of Mommy and Daddy?
No, no, they'd be
the real Mommy and Daddy.
Of course, they'd have to live
in special aquariums.
[police radio chatter]
Come on, come on,
come on, chee!
Right, neighbors already
callin' the cops.
Oh, now this looks like
a happening party.
Yeah.
[owl hoots]
Messy crowd.
What?
Please, children, lay down your weapons
and take me to the beast.
Very well, let's go.
Son of a bitch!
Medusa!
Not so fast, asshole!
Yah!
Ugly bastard!
Uh.
I'm...
losing...
pressure!
Ooh!
Oh, my God!
Right in the nick of time, huh?
You killed him!
Spaceman, spaceman,
please don't die!
Hey, what's with you guys?
I just saved your ass!
How 'bout a little gratitude?
You killed him!
You killed him,
you stupid bitch!
It was our only hope!
Huh?
Hey, what are you guys, nuts?
Hey, I'm history, man,
I'm outta here.
[growling]
[screams]
Shoot him, Sherman,
shoot him!
[click]
Shoot him, Sherman,
shoot him!
[click]
Come on, kid, blast him!
[click]
- I can't, it won't work!
- [screams]
Shoot that gun!
That's it, I'm outta here!
[screams]
[yelling]
[screams]
[yells]
[birds chirping]
[crows caw]
The studio, Al,
and make it snappy!
Come on, come on,
come on!
[knocks]
[groans]
[female] Stanley, Stanley,
quit screwin' around!
Stanley!
Stanley, I'm right in the middle
of my program!
For Chrissake, Stanley!
Lay off me, beautiful,
I almost got this baby wired.
Yeah... it's gonna be... dynamite.
Whoa!
Hey, my TV flipped out.
I missed the new Noodles video.
Earth Station Putterman
is at it again.
Oh, Daddy.
- ...but I think it's okay.
- I think this thing is a piece of--
- He's such a dork.
- [clunk]
He thinks he's a genius,
what can you do?
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh, I'll get it.
[sighs] And one and two.
Hi, Gramps!
Hey, honeybee.
You know the one
about the U-2s?
- Uh, the band?
- No, the spy planes.
Oh, yeah, I think
I saw 'em on MTV.
MTV?
Phooey!
[water trickles]
[crackles]
[Stanley] Je-sus!
What's with this thing, Norton,
I'm gettin' electrocuted here?
I tried to warn you, Mr. P.
These do-it-yourself 100s
are kinda temperamental.
Yeah, gimme a break guy,
I need a hand here.
Sorry, Mr. Putterman, no can do.
The warranty covers repairs only.
You insisted on the 100, Mr. P.
I told you they were trouble.
Yeah? Well, when
I get through with her,
she's gonna be
the hottest dish in town.
...four, five, six, seven, eight.
one, two three...
Hi Dad, how was downtown today?
Downtown, phooey!
I'm sick a downtown.
Used to be the place to go,
talk to people,
disseminate your literature--
feel like you were doin'
some good in the world.
Now it's just bums and weirdos
and kooks coming out
of the woodwork.
Getting so decent folks
won't even stop and talk.
Oh, Daddy, don't be so paranoid.
Hey, soldier,
got that radar up yet?
It's not radar, pop.
It's a satellite dish,
you know a TV receiver.
Satellite, you say?
I wonder if it could pick up
recon satellites?
Keep track of enemy
troop movements.
It might be a handy little addition
to my home defense unit.
[ray gun sound]
Holy tomato.
Ahh! Brain shot!
Belly down, soldier, the geeks
aren't through with you yet!
Bam! Bam! Bam!
Hey, hey, hey,
would you guys grow up?
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Sherm.
I gotcha, Grampa.
Captured your radar too.
Hell of an assault, soldier!
Damn fine show of fire power.
Say, Mr. P, you mind
if I grab another Heinie?
Look, Norton, if you're gonna hang out
and guzzle my Heinies,
the least you could do
is give me a hand here.
Sorry, Mr. P., the contract
says repairs only.
[bang]
You want repairs?
- I'll show you repairs!
- Mr. Putterman.
There!
Now let's talk repairs!
[thunderclap]
Je-sus!
What the hell was that?
Man, I've never seen anything
like that before.
Stanley, what is going on?
What the heck was that noise?
Where's my workout show?
[TV sounds]
Hey-hey, Mr. Putterman,
check it out.
[Spanish broadcast]
All right, Putterman.
What a guy.
[Stanley] Get ready, you guys.
This baby is going to open
a whole new dimension
in television pleasure.
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, Stanley, I'm so excited.
[beeps]
[raucous laughter]
Check it out!
Dyno-picture.
Hey, nice one, Dad.
Oh, très impressimo.
[chuckles]
Pleasure palace, here we come.
Troop movements, leave it here.
No way!
[moaning]
Channel 69, Pop.
Stanley!
This is grungy!
Where's MTV?
MTV?
No problem.
♪ I'm a liar and I'm a cheat ♪
Leave it, leave it,
I love this song!
Echh!
He is so nasty.
Intellectual decay!
Turn it off,
it'll rot your brain cells.
It's the international
conspiracy!
Hey, hey, hey, careful,
you're gonna break it.
You're gonna break it,
careful, watch it!
What the hell?
[screaming]
Gosh, that coulda burned down
the whole house!
Stanley, you call Norton
right this second!
No, no, no, look.
It's fine,
it's workin' fine, it's cool.
[thunder]
Oh boy, Medusa.
Hello, bloodsuckers.
Ready to be turned to stone?
Will you look at those hooters?
Holy tomato!
Let's watch her tonight,
okay, Grampa?
All the way to midnight.
Hell yeah, we'll watch her.
What about brain rot, Dad?
The intellectual conspiracy?
I've said it before
and I'll say it again,
war stories and monster movies
are educational.
They're survival oriented.
They always neutralize
the enemy in the end.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it, it's OD.
O who?
OD, my new boyfriend.
Oh, Irish boy?
New boyfriend, what happened
to the Weinstein boy?
Squidsville, Mommy, gaa!
OD's the coolest boy in school,
he's a musical genius.
Okay, invite him in
and let's see what he looks like.
OD!
Da-da-da-da-da-da,
charge!
Ya gotta come in.
My parents wanna meet you.
Oh, wow, what a drag.
♪ Ta-da. ♪
Everybody, this is OD.
Hello, Mr. Putterman,
I'm glad we're finally gettin'
a chance to meet.
[mumbles]
Hello, Mrs. Putterman,
mm-mm, beautiful outfit.
Why thank you, OD.
You're sweet.
Mom, can we use
the Jacuzzi tonight?
Uh, not tonight, baby.
Your father and I
might be swinging.
Stanley, we have to meet them
at the Cha-Cha Room at eight.
Oh, I gotta hit that ol'
locker room pronto.
Nice meeting you, OD.
Don't stay out too late.
Oh, no, we won't.
Well, it was nice meeting you, sir.
Hey, no problem... dude.
Just take care of my little girl.
[laughs]
Okay.
- Yeah.
- What dress you wearin', babe?
- Oh, my new Naugahyde.
- Oww!
- Woo!
- Killer!
I'll just get my junk
and I'll be right back, okay?
- No sweat.
- [giggles]
[growling]
Hey, old dude,
whatcha eatin', man?
Lizard tail jerky.
Wanna stick?
[chuckles]
No thanks, man,
I just pigged out.
Amazing creature, the lizard.
Ya eat the tail,
it don't give a hoot.
Just grows another one.
And ya eat it too.
It's mighty darn tasty.
Hey, little dude,
you into metal?
Kiss the boot, man.
Kiss the ass, bozo.
Jesus, could you believe
that kid?
Oh, I thought he was kinda cute.
That punk stuff is just
a phase anyway.
Yeah, I know, but don't they know
how ridiculous they look?
Puny, puny earthlings,
I, Ro-Man, am your new master.
Worship my superior intelligence
or I shall wipe you
from the face of the planet.
Uh, give us a break, Ro-Man.
Lose the deep-sea helmet, guy,
and quit monkeying around.
Medusa's been getting
a lot of fan mail lately.
Hey, listen, I called
that TV guy, Norton.
He's gonna come by a little later
and check out the dish.
If it starts acting up again,
just turn it off until he gets here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go on,
go on, get outta here.
[Medusa]
...words from our sponsors.
Announcing Super Television,
with a picture so lifelike, it comes
right out into your living room.
Pretty good old movie, ain't it?
No.
Let's see what's up
with the recon satellites.
[TV]...superior,
the winning television you--
Careful, Grampa!
What the Sam Hill?
Watch out, Grampa,
you're gonna break it again!
[growling]
Hey, this looks like a cool movie.
[Grampa] Hey, he's a gross
lookin' booger, ain't he?
I'd nuke that sucker!
[grunts]
[grunting]
Well, do something,
you ugly bastard!
Man, this is the dumbest movie
I ever saw.
What a bunch a crud.
All you phone freaks
out there stay tuned.
Oh, boy!
We're gonna open up the call lines
to see what you perverts are up to.
And Medusa wants
to hear wants to hear
some real...
kinky...
nightmares.
Hmm?
[screeching]
[grunting]
[static crackling]
[grunting]
[snores]
[yells]
- [screams]
- [roars]
[static crackle]
Great balls of fire!
Did you see somethin', boy?
You know what the Sam Hill it was?
It-it looked like a-- a monster.
There's no such thing
as monsters, boy!
It was a God dang burglar!
Let's move out!
It looked... weird.
Sometimes them burglars
wear Hallyween masks.
They scare the poop outta ya.
You get the jackets,
I'll break out the fire power.
Survival ranger's first priority
is defend the home unit.
- You got that, boy?
- Yes, sir!
Remember what I taught you
about the 30-round magazine, boy?
I remember, Grampa.
All right, boy, let's go!
[doorbell rings]
Come on, Mr. Putterman.
I don't have all night here.
Remember boy, best way
to stop the enemy-- brain shot!
What a tool job.
Stan, the man.
Put, the putz.
Can't even get a Heinie
for the road.
[bangs]
Did you hear that?
I'll be a God danged
son of a gun!
They're stealin' the radar.
What the hey?
[cocking]
Stay right where you are!
Hey, guys?
It's me, Norton.
Remember, Norton,
the satellite guy.
What the heck
are you doin' out here?
Hey, no problem, sir.
Uh, Mr. Putterman called me
to come check out the dish.
I rang the front bell,
but nobody was home.
We thought we saw a burglar.
Did you see anyone?
No, not me, guy.
You wouldn't by any chance
have one a them
Hallyween masks
in there, would ya?
Uh, listen, old fella, I'm just here
to check out the dish.
So, if you don't mind,
I'll get back to work.
All right, boy,
let's go recon the house.
Mmm.
Damn, I hate these
do-it-yourself 100s.
I'll scout the den,
you stay put.
- Keep the front door covered.
- I'm goin' with you.
Stay put, soldier, remember
your chain of command.
Yes, sir.
Grampa?
You okay?
A- OK, little buddy.
God amighty, Mr. Putterman,
this is disgusting.
Gotta keep these
electronics clean, nut!
[growling]
[yells]
Grampa, did ya hear that?
Say what, little buddy?
A scream.
Something weird.
I'll be right there, soldier.
[grunting and growling]
[static crackling]
[growls]
[screams]
[roars]
[crunch]
Grampa!
[chomping]
Grampa!
[male]
Operator.
Hello, I need the police.
[male] Police department,
Officer Nutky speaking.
Hello, police?
Who's calling, please?
My grampa,
I mean a monster.
I mean the TV.
I mean-- Sherman Putterman.
Now, Sherman,
are you aware
that what you're doing
is a criminal offense?
Huh?
There's a law
against prank phone calls.
No, really, I swear
there's a monster on TV.
It ate Grampa
and the TV guy.
Now listen here,
Sherman Putterman,
I'd come out and arrest
your ass, but lucky for you
I've got some real police
emergencies to attend to.
No, please, wait!
[tires squeal]
Ha-ha.
Hey, let's go!
[chuckles]
- Come on babe, ha-ha.
- Come on, come on.
[giggles]
Voila.
[French accent]
Chez Putterman.
Otherwise known
as the Pleasure Zone.
[chuckles]
Wow, you really got
a sensuous-type place here.
[Greek accent]
So regal, so magnificent,
and so isolated
from the city.
That's what we love about it.
Yeah, it's kind of a nature trip.
Puts you in touch
with the, uh, real you.
The cities are so nasty these days.
Don't you think?
Absolutely--
the cesspools of civilization.
We much prefer
to live on the yacht.
Yeah.
Uh, say, babe, you know,
I think I better check on Norton.
See how he's doin'
with that satellite dish.
Excuse me.
Oh, is he gonna be joining us?
- Sherman!
- Mom.
Grampa... a monster!
For Chrissake, he's having
another one of his attacks.
Sherman, wake up Sherman,
you're dreaming.
No, really, it's in the TV!
Um, Stanley, why don't you show
Spiro and Cherry around.
I'll just be a minute.
Good idea.
Maybe we should leave.
Oh, no, no, don't you dare,
no, he just needs a pill.
[giggles] Now, go on,
go on, have fun.
Please.
[chuckles]
What are you doing out of bed,
Sherman Putterman!
The Pleasure Den.
Wow, this place is like,
really... awesome!
- Art collectors, eh?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
Listen, I know a place where
you can get all this stuff real cheap.
All right, Norton!
Hey, Norton!
Looking good, guy!
Norton?
Hey, uh, listen, I'd invite
you in for a beer or somethin',
but we got company now,
so take off, okay?
I'll check with ya later.
'Preciate it, babe.
He's a cool guy.
Service seven days a week.
Handles only the best.
But hey...
on to the Pleasure Dome.
To the Pleasure Dome.
- Mom, please listen to me!
- Sherman Putterman,
I'm gonna slap you silly!
Why do you have to pull this
when we have company?
Who left the TV on?
No, Mom, there's a monster.
Sherman, you're not gonna make me
call Dr. Silverman, are you?
Mom, look.
[gasps]
Sherman, what have you done?
That's where Grampa was.
Uchh!
What a mess!
[coughs]
It killed him and the TV guy.
Honestly, I cannot leave
you two alone an hour
without some kind of disaster!
[growls]
♪ Ta-da. ♪
The Pleasure Dome.
Wow,
now, this is what
I call romantic.
Magnificent architecture--
Greek influenced?
Roman, guy,
Roman all the way.
Hey, check it out--
[beeps]
[feedback as music starts]
I got this baby wired.
State of the art.
This satellite receiver pulls in
the weirdest stuff
from all over the world.
Hey, what is this movie?
Huh?
What is-- what is this movie?
I think I read for a part
in it one time.
Bunch a creeps!
[TV] People of Earth,
you must heed my warning.
Destroy your satellite receivers.
- Great sound, huh?
- Dismantle your communication systems.
Render your television sets
inoperable for the next
200 Earth years.
It may already be too late.
Uh, I don't know, it looks kinda like
that Japanese thing--
uh, you know, whatchamacallit--
you know, where the Martians steal
all the Earth women
and knock 'em up.
Yeah, you know,
to-- to repopulate Mars.
- Ahh!
- Hey, that sounds kinky.
Is that hard core?
Fantastic idea for a movie--
Martians diddling
the women of the universe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you got it, Spiro--
intergalactic swingers.
[growls]
Dad?
Are you decent?
Hold your God dang horses,
I'm changing in here!
See?
It was all a dream!
No, Grampa's dead!
Oh, Sherman!
Home so soon?
I'm just takin' care
of business here.
Everything okay, Dad?
Okay?
Yeah, I guess so.
Everything A-OK with you?
There's a big mess
in the den, Dad.
Do you know anything
about it?
Mess?
[chuckles]
I don't know anything
about a mess, dear.
It musta been Sherman.
I'm just takin' care of business.
Get to bed, young man!
We will talk about this
in the morning!
No, Mom, really!
Something weird's going on,
I swear!
Sherman Putterman, I am fed up!
If you're too big of a sissy
to spend the night alone,
then you'll just spend
the night with Grampa!
- No, Mom, no, Mom!
- Get in there! Get in!
Dad, is it all right if Sherman
spends the night with you?
Mom, please let me out!
Come on, Mom.
Please, I swear I'll be good, Mom.
Just let me out, please Mom.
I won't mention the monster, Mom.
Let me out, please,
I swear I'll be good!
Pleasant dreams, you two.
- [knocking] Come on, Mom, please?
- Good night.
I swear I'll be good!
Grampa?
Grampa, where are you?
Grampa, are you planning
a surprise attack?
Grampa?
I hear you, Grampa.
Come outta there.
Or I'll open up on ya.
- There.
- [Stanley] Hey, babe.
- [Spiro] Ah, Raquel.
- That didn't take long, did it?
I didn't miss anything... exciting?
Oh, Stanley was just showing us
the wonders of satellite TV.
He's a real video pilot, eh?
I just really love your house here.
It's so-- I don't know,
it's kinda-- kinda weird.
Yeah, thank you.
We did it ourselves.
Hey, babe, is everything cool
with Sherm?
He's in with Dad, doin' terrific.
You know, you really got
a cute kid there.
Have you ever thought
about putting him in the movies?
I mean, I know
a really sweet agent.
Oh, God no.
Sherman's much too neurotic
to be an actor.
Yeah, the only thing
the kid is interested in
is being a soldier.
Oh, such a manly pursuit--
raping and pillaging,
creating life
and taking it away,
like the Gods
of the ancient Greeks.
Well, hey, guy,
I mean, I'm a lover
not a fighter.
[chuckles]
Comprende?
Uh, Spiro, why don't you
come help me make the drinks?
Excellent idea.
I make a wonderful margarita.
Very unusual.
Go for it!
Raquel, do you have ouzo?
Uh, no, I don't even know
what it is.
Too bad, I make
a delicious ouzo margarita.
So, uh...
here we are.
Yeah.
Is it cool if I get in there?
Cool? Babe, it's a perfect 98.6.
It's like floatin'
in your mother's womb.
Cool? Hey, go for it.
That's what it's there for.
Okay.
Holy tomatoes.
Oh [giggles], it tickles.
- Are you coming?
- Yeah.
I just gotta change my clothes.
[chuckles]
Eh, look, whatever you do,
don't touch this.
There's something screwy
with the waterproofing
and uh, well, I wouldn't want
you to get electrocuted.
[giggles] Me neither.
Hurry back?
In a flash.
Oh, man that bikini is dynamite.
[growling]
What are you looking at,
you creep?
So, tell me, Raquel,
how long have you
and Stanley been swinging?
[chuckles]
Well, to tell you the truth,
we've only tried it
a couple a times.
It's so hard to meet nice people
through the classifieds.
Oh, I know exactly what you mean.
One never knows
what one is getting into.
But you and Cherry,
you're so sweet--
regular folk.
Stanley's such a fascinating fellow.
A real renaissance man.
[laughs]
Definitely.
He's got a really high IQ.
[hums]
People of Earth,
please heed my warning.
A terrible accident has occurred.
I am Pluthar,
sanitation captain
of the planet Pluton.
A stray energy beam
containing garbage
from my substation
may be headed
for your solar system
and could possibly result
in the total annihilation
of your species.
I'm so terribly sorry
for the inconvenience.
I went to my hair dresser today
to have my hair ratted.
You like?
Oh, it's really something to see.
We use live rats, you know.
Snakes just eat 'em up.
Mm-mm, mm-mm.
[thunder]
Whatta you know?
It's time for all you phone freaks
out there to give us a call.
Share your darkest hearts.
Meanwhile, back to Attack...
of the something or other.
[rings]
Me, here, who's there?
Is-- is this Medusa?
[sighs] Well, who's it sound like, kid,
Count Dracula?
What's your name, I said.
Well, this is Sherman.
And I have this problem
and nobody believes me.
Oh, well,
maybe I won't believe you either.
Let's hear it.
Grampa and me,
we were sleeping.
And then we woke up,
and there was this monster.
And Grampa thought
it was a burglar.
And then we saw the TV guy.
And then Grampa disappeared
and the monster went inside the TV.
Then Mom came home
and locked me in the bomb shelter.
So, tell me, Sherman,
currently under psychiatric care?
No, really!
Sorry, Sherman, time's up.
[sighs]
Sherman?
Come here, Sherman.
Come real close
to Medusa.
All set, Sherman?
This one's for you, babe.
[roars]
[yells]
Pleasant dreams, kiddies.
So, tell me, Raquel,
is Stanley a manly man?
Oh, God, yes.
A real stallion.
No, what I mean is,
does Stanley take it
like a man?
Oh, yeah.
I guess so.
I thought so.
And what about you, Spiro?
Are you a real manly man?
Oh, yes, indeed.
Spiro Xeros is the manliest of men.
Spiro... do you think that maybe
I could have a little sneak preview?
Mmm?
Hey, Raquel, has there been
some misunderstanding?
Whatta ya mean?
Well, I'm Greek, you know?
Oh, of course, you're Greek.
It said so in the classifieds.
Oh, don't worry,
we're not prejudice.
No, no, no, you don't understand.
I am into Greek.
Greek culture.
I like boys.
Stanley is such a manly man.
Oh, my God, Stanley's never
gonna believe this.
Spiro,
how's my main man?
Ahh, Stanley,
how marvelous you look.
- An old family recipe.
- Oh.
Whoa, whatta ya got
in here, Spiro?
Rocket fuel?
Gettin' ready to, uh, blast off?
Stanley, uh--
Spiro, why don't you
take Cherry her drink?
We'll join you in a few seconds.
Excellent idea.
See you soon, eh, tiger?
You bet, guy.
Yassoo!
[chuckles]
- Down the hatch.
- Yeah, mud in your eye.
So, uh, whatta ya think?
You like 'em?
Uh, well, now, look,
they're very nice.
- But--
- Yeah, yeah, lookin' good too, huh?
Are we gonna swing or what?
Ahh,
you look so serene,
my darling.
Like Cleopatra on the Nile.
That Stanley-- hot stuff, huh?
Oh.
A little warm, don't you think?
Ahh!
Yechh, what is this,
algae?
Ahh,
maybe it's a sex lubricant, huh?
You are so beautiful.
How 'bout a quickie, huh?
A little aperitif, eh?
Just a quick little suck,
eh?
[crunch]
[groans]
Well,
just gonna have
to straighten out old Spiro
about the facts a life.
Now, Stanley, don't get belligerent.
Yeah, yeah, yes.
Stanley.
Listen, Spiro, we gotta
work something out, pal.
Where are they?
Spiro?
Cherry?
What the hell did that homo
do to the Jacooz?
Maybe Spiro's cocktail
made someone sicky-poo.
- Stanley?
- Yeah!
Stanley, it looks
like something's in there.
[bubbling]
[Stanley] No, I hope they didn't
electrocute themselv--
- [growling]
- Wait a minute.
[growling]
What is that?
No, no, no.
[barking]
[yells]
Mom! Dad!
Mom! Dad!
Police department,
Officer Nutky speaking.
Hello, this is Sherman again.
There's really a monster,
it's eating Mom and Dad.
Please, help me!
I warned you about this, son.
You are in a helluva
heap a trouble.
Screw you!
[Grampa's voice] Remember what
I told you about explosives, boy--
blow your dang balls off!
[honking]
[tires screech]
[yelling and squealing]
[backfiring]
Where's the party?
[giggles]
Oh!
[giggles]
[creaks]
[whispers]
Did you feel something?
Yeah, like 3.5 on the Richter scale.
[sighs]
Army dude, what are
you doin' up this late?
Sherman, are Mom
and Dad home yet?
Sis, stay here.
Somethin' weird's goin' on.
Sherman?
What are you doing?
There's a monster loose.
It ate Grampa.
I think it just ate Mom and Dad.
Honestly, Sherman,
sometimes you are such a nerd!
Sis, don't go in there.
Sherman, stop it!
Yeah, buzz off, dude,
I wanna party.
Are Mom and Dad home yet?
They were here,
some other people too.
The monster got 'em.
Sherman, will you shut up
about the monster?
I'm gonna make you
take your pills.
Pills, what color?
Follow me.
All right, dude, pill freak.
Don't worry, he'll be asleep
in five minutes.
He has these attacks sometimes.
It's like sleepwalking
or something.
So, what's the deal, Sherm?
Where's the big monster?
Shh-hh.
Where's Mom and Dad?
Where's Gramps?
[fart sound]
[grunting]
Whoa, man, puke city!
P- U!
Sherman, did you do this?
Careful, you geek,
that thing's loaded!
Sherman,
gimme that, butt-hole!
No, there's more
in the bomb shelter!
Follow me.
Come on!
Be right back, okay, baby?
No sweat.
Hey, what's on el tubo?
[no sound]
Mom?
Dad?
Are you there?
[grunting and growling]
Hi, kids.
Cherry, Spiro,
these are the kids.
- Hi.
- Yassoo.
Remember, kids, you do
your thing, we do ours.
Mother, that is so disgusting!
Night-night, now, kids.
Try and keep it down, will ya?
Thanks.
[whispers]
Barf me out!
Have any of you seen Gramps?
Right here, honeybee.
Just takin' care a business.
Oh, Gramps,
that is totally sicko!
[sighs]
I thought it was a monster.
That's okay, Sherman.
Some day you'll understand.
Earthlings, please,
you must heed my warning.
Its appetite is insatiable.
Its curiosity is boundless.
Its strength knows no limits.
It will continue
to absorb all life forms.
Sherman,
will you please buzz now?
Go to bed or something,
we wanna hang out.
Hey, dig this stupid movie.
It's just this one dude talking.
Earthlings, please,
you must heed my warning.
That guy, he's talking
about the monster!
Would you shut up
about the monster!
Go to bed!
There are no such
things as monsters!
... mutating endlessly
until your planet
is a barren wasteland--
Whoa, psychedelic!
There it is, the monster!
[growls]
Whoa.
Whoa!
Run dude!
[screams]
Don't shoot me, dude!
[screams]
[growls]
No, no!
No!
Get away!
No!
[whimpers]
OD, get away.
Yeah.
Stay, dude.
Stay.
[whispers]
Whoa.
[monster whimpers]
Wow, a real, live monster.
I told you.
[OD]
Did you see that?
He looked right at my studs
and cooled out.
This dude's into metal!
[sighs]
He's so barfy.
He is not.
He's cool.
Oh, this is too rude!
Hey, you guys,
remember that movie?
You know, the one
about the little space guy.
Made you cry like a butt-hole?
E.T., stupid.
Yeah.
Okay, stand back, guys.
Careful, baby.
[OD]
Okay.
Easy, dude.
Okay, dude.
Easy, now, big monster dude.
[giggles]
Come on now.
[growls]
Whoa!
Easy, dude.
All right!
- Rad!
- Totally awesome!
[monster grunts]
Food, this is called food.
It's good for you,
yum, yum.
Check it out, dude.
Mm-mm, good.
[squeals]
Food, mm-mm, see?
It's good for you.
Like vegetables.
Mother says,
"Eat your vegetables."
Food, food.
Food.
- Food, food, food.
- Food.
Come on, dude, spit it out.
Food, say it.
Food.
Yeah, that's it, right!
- Why, it can talk!
- All right, nice one, dude!
Oh, yeah, here, here, try some!
Go ahead, dude, pig out.
[squeals]
This is music.
Mu-sic.
It's almost as important as food.
[pop instrumental plays]
Ooh, bad tune, dude.
Don't ever listen
to that kinda music.
Rots your brain.
Now, this is my band.
I wrote this song.
[blares heavy metal]
Bitchin', huh?
Ha-ha!
All right, dude, metal!
[growling]
Okay, I'm OD.
O- D.
D- O.
O- D.
OD, man.
All right, man,
this is incredible.
Lemme try.
Hi, monster.
I'm Suzy.
Su-zy.
Suzy.
[squeals]
Wow, he's cute.
I don't believe this.
Move over, it's my turn.
Okay, monster-- Sherman.
I'm Sherman.
Sherman.
Say it.
Sherman.
- Sher, Sher, Sher, Sher--
- Yeah, Sherman.
Sherman!
This is TV.
T- V.
Next to food and music,
this is mankind's greatest invention.
Watch.
I had a date the other night.
Poor fella.
I turned all the lights off
and I whispered to him,
"Whatever you do, honey,
don't look at me.
One glance and you're
hard as a rock."
Needless to say,
the poor guy peeked.
Now you see why I have
this thing for phone freaks.
Hey, guys, come here a minute.
Be right back, okay monster?
[monster coos]
What are we going
to do with him?
We're gonna make
a million bucks.
- Huh?
- Huh?
Don'tcha see,
this is like, amazing.
I mean, a monster
from outer space,
like-- it's like we own him!
Oh, yeah, rude!
I mean, that guy probably
doesn't even know what money is.
Hey, wait a minute, bozo.
Who said anything
about you?
I'm the one who saw him first.
Grampa and me discovered him.
He came through our TV.
He's our property.
Hey, spud, I'm the one
who communicated with him first.
He takes orders from me,
so, watch it, dude.
Come on you guys.
Don't be so selfish.
Why can't he belong to all of us?
Yeah, come on, dude.
This is like... a miracle
or something.
There'll be plenty
of dough for all of us.
What about Mom and Dad?
Shouldn't we tell them?
Forget Mom and Dad,
we don't have to share
anything with them!
They wouldn't believe us anyway.
So, like, partners, okay?
Partners-- okay, Sherm?
I guess so.
Oh, cool, cool,
you guys are really cool, man.
So... first thing... I think...
we have to get him on TV.
Well,
it's time for Medusa's
beauty sleep now, kiddies.
So, 'til next week,
Medusa hopes
you have some real...
wet...
nightmares.
[laughs wickedly]
[Sherman]
I know.
Medusa, maybe she'll help us.
Yeah, dude,
she understands monsters.
Let's call her.
But no more partners, okay?
Here, let me do the talking.
No, I've already
called her once tonight.
She knows me.
You told her
about the monster?
Yeah, but she didn't
believe me either.
- [monster] TV.
- Whoa!
Whatsa matter, dude?
TV.
[farts]
Whoa, I hope
this guy's house trained.
[phone ringing]
Uh, for Chrissake, will somebody
get me outta this thing?
Oh, Medusa,
you were wonderful tonight.
You were absolutely brilliant.
Come on, come on, come on!
Hey, Al, uh, give me brew
and, uh, give me a smoke.
Okay, I'll be right back.
All right, thanks, pal.
[phone rings]
Show's over, sucker.
Hello, Medusa, this is Sherman again,
remember me?
Sherman?
The schizo.
Well, you know that monster
I told you about?
He's really here.
We're teaching him to talk,
me and my sister.
And me, man, OD Riley!
Well, listen, Sherman,
I've had a long night.
So, uh, call me next week, huh,
we'll chat it up.
- But wait!
- [whispers] Let me!
Medusa?
Oh, who's this,
your split personality?
This is Suzy Putterman,
Sherman's sister.
Business manager
for the monster from outer space.
So, tell me, Suzy,
is your whole family
a little cuckoo?
Please, Medusa,
this is serious!
He's a real live monster!
We wanna know
how to get him on TV.
Listen, kid, you want a guest spot,
talk to the Letterman people.
Medusa's strictly solo.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta hit some parties.
Please, Medusa!
I'm sure if you saw him,
you'd be interested.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, and we're having sort
of a... party for him here,
right now.
A real fun party.
Party, huh?
You could just come
and take a look.
No obligation.
He's gonna be
a big sensation.
He talks and everything.
If you don't help us,
someone will.
Oh, yeah?
We're on Putterman Lane
off Lonesome Canyon,
at the end of the road.
Well, like I said, kid,
I got some other parties to hit.
So, uh, don't count
on me anytime soon.
Uh, bye, now.
[dial tone]
[slams phone]
- She coming?
- Who knows?
- She had a crummy attitude.
- Hmm.
[growling]
TV, TV.
That's okay, guy,
there's always somethin' else on.
That's what's
so cool about TV.
[beep]
TV!
[growls insistently]
Hey, hold your horses, turkey.
What are you doing?
Hey, man, nothing.
This guy just doesn't
dig commercials.
Be careful, you guys.
He wants music.
Shh, come on now,
be quiet, okay?
Yeah, dude, don't be
so impatient, butt-hole.
What's your name?
What planet are you from?
[growls]
He doesn't know
what you're talking about.
He's just a monster.
[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.
It's her already?
No way!
Hey, hey don't
let any strangers in.
I have a warrant here for the arrest
of Sherman Putterman.
Huh?
Hi, guy.
Hi, monster.
Hi, monster.
[beep]
Hey, it's that same dude again.
...too late.
It's appetite is uncontrollable.
The slightest excitement can trigger
a monstrous eating binge.
I bet you anything he's talking
about the monster.
[growls excitedly]
I am your friend, Pluthar.
[incessant growling]
Hey, hey, cool it!
We're, uh, having
a little, uh, party.
Hey, hey!
Hey, I said shut up, butt-hole!
- Oh, my God!
- All right, get back, lady!
- Oh!
- Sis, sis!
- Oh!
- Sis, run quick!
- Freeze, son, you're under arrest.
- [Suzy screams]
Hey, hey!
Hey, you kids,
come back here!
You come outta there
or I'm gonna come in after you.
Damn you, kids, you--
[growling]
[groans]
[roars]
[yells]
What happened?
Saw that space guy on TV.
Went crazy!
Where's OD?
It ate him.
Oh, my God!
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna blow his butt
to kingdom come.
Huh?
First, secure the perimeter.
Sherman?
I'm calling the cops.
Second, break out the fire power.
Doo-doo, they cut off our phone!
Sherman, have you been making
prank calls again?
Here, best chance to stop him
is a brain shot.
What are you talking about?
We don't even know
where his brain is!
This is so stupid, Sherman.
This is like, totally disgusting!
Let's split,
we can use that cop's radio.
No, gotta evacuate
Mom and Dad first.
Wow, these grenades
are pretty neat.
Maybe I killed it already.
Didn't sound too dead
when it ate that cop.
Yeah, well,
maybe I wounded it.
OD!
Oh!
Gross!
Sis, get back!
Oh!
[Suzy]
Mom?
Dad?
You guys in here?
Mommy?
Are you okay?
[screams]
It ate them!
[monster singing]
[grunts in awe]
[whispering]
Sherman, let's get out of here!
[Sherman] Perfect setup
for a surprise attack.
Attack?
I'm so sure!
The hand grenade
didn't even phase him!
[whispering]
I've got an idea.
Huh?
Cover me.
Be careful!
[grunts in surprise]
Hi, monster.
It's me,
Sherman.
Boy--
[yells]
Attack! Attack!
Sis, the remote on the wall--
throw it in the water!
Now, throw it!
Throw it!
[monster groans]
[squeals]
Let's get outta here, Sherman!
[screams]
Sis, stop!
Earth children, please,
I mean you no harm.
I am Pluthar,
here to save you.
Hey, it's the space guy from TV.
Whatta you want from us?
Please, Earthling,
there is little time.
I've come to exterminate
the hungry beast.
Like, what is going on
around here?
What is the hungry beast?
On my planet, the hungry beast
is a house pet,
similar to your earthly
dogs and cats.
But they are highly unstable,
prone to mutate wildly
and eat everything in sight.
When mutation occurs,
they must be exterminated at once.
You mean, like...
he was somebody's pet?
Oh, yes.
They're very lovable
before they mutate.
Okay, but like,
how did it get here?
In our house?
In the extermination process,
they are converted to pure energy,
beamed to the farthest reaches
of the universe.
It's really a very safe form
of waste disposal.
Yeah, but like, what did it do
with Mommy and Daddy?
- And OD and Gramps?
- And the TV guy?
The beast has ingested Earthlings?
Oh, dear, heavens,
I'll lose my position for this.
Who cares about your stupid
position, what about them?
Well... we do have a process.
If I can take the beast back alive,
which isn't likely,
the victim's genes could be extracted
from the hungry beast's tissue
and grown in special
serum cultures.
You mean, like, clones?
Clones of Mommy and Daddy?
No, no, they'd be
the real Mommy and Daddy.
Of course, they'd have to live
in special aquariums.
[police radio chatter]
Come on, come on,
come on, chee!
Right, neighbors already
callin' the cops.
Oh, now this looks like
a happening party.
Yeah.
[owl hoots]
Messy crowd.
What?
Please, children, lay down your weapons
and take me to the beast.
Very well, let's go.
Son of a bitch!
Medusa!
Not so fast, asshole!
Yah!
Ugly bastard!
Uh.
I'm...
losing...
pressure!
Ooh!
Oh, my God!
Right in the nick of time, huh?
You killed him!
Spaceman, spaceman,
please don't die!
Hey, what's with you guys?
I just saved your ass!
How 'bout a little gratitude?
You killed him!
You killed him,
you stupid bitch!
It was our only hope!
Huh?
Hey, what are you guys, nuts?
Hey, I'm history, man,
I'm outta here.
[growling]
[screams]
Shoot him, Sherman,
shoot him!
[click]
Shoot him, Sherman,
shoot him!
[click]
Come on, kid, blast him!
[click]
- I can't, it won't work!
- [screams]
Shoot that gun!
That's it, I'm outta here!
[screams]
[yelling]
[screams]
[yells]
[birds chirping]
[crows caw]
The studio, Al,
and make it snappy!
Come on, come on,
come on!