Teresa's Tattoo (1994) - full transcript

♪

[Narrator]
In the annals
of criminal history,

much has been written
about deviant minds and genius

villains.

This movie
is not about any of them.

♪

♪ Yeah

♪ When I've been looking

♪ Looking for an answer

♪ Somebody promise me one

[Man]
What happened
at kick boxing?



She changed it.

Give me the clicker
or I will kill you.

No, your not.

♪ Wake me up
when we hit 2001 ♪

I hate sports.

Don't get me started.

♪ And I've been talking

Gloria, I got a lot of money
on this match, okay?

Why don't you, uh--

you go take a swim.

Yeah, yeah,

go stick your head
in the water, right?

You guys are a pain
in my...

Gloria, come on,
and get out of the way.



Gloria, would you get out
of the way?

[Man]
Oh, Abruzzo in there, in there with a nice left hook.

I can't believe I had to smack
that ditzy broad up.

Look at that guy,
he's a killer.

Hey you guys.

[chattering from TV]

Ha.

I blame this on you.

You know,
this is business Mooney,

and she's supposed
to be our hostage

and rule number one says
you tie up your hostage.

Yeah, but she doesn't know
she's our hostage.

I mean, that's the beauty
of it, right?

She thinks
we like her...

or something.

The point being here
is that we ain't got

to tie her up or look
after her, nothing.

All we got to do is sit back,
watching on TV, eat some cereal,

hmm, no worries, you know
what I'm saying?

Huh, no worries.

You are a fucking idiot.

♪

Jump, jump, jump,

it is gonna be

so much fun in 2001.

♪

Oh, look at his--
boom.

Look at this guy.

Was that you that told me
to bet on this guy?

Sure winning, you said.

♪

Okay.

[Announcer ] And he delivered.

Get up.

Get up!

Whoa!

Kick him, kick him
in the head.

Kick him in the face.

Punch him in the throat
you idiot.

Now get him, yeah,
come on, boom.

[screams]

That's like a-- that's how
my momma used to hit me.

Hello, goodnight.

Bam, right out
of nowhere, boom.

The end, done,
here we go.

[water bubbling]

♪

♪ Ooh

♪ There's something
I think I should tell you ♪

♪ I mean,
I was just passing by ♪

♪ I really think
you mistake me for someone ♪

♪ Who could tell you why

♪ I always walk
straight and narrow ♪

♪ I never
wanna hurt no one ♪

♪ This feels
like someone else's party ♪

♪ Momma told me not to come

♪ So if you don't mind

♪ Hey

♪ I really
must be going now ♪

♪ I really can't stay

♪ I really got
to be going now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I really
must be going now ♪

♪ I can't
hear my intuition ♪

♪ Through all
this pounding in my brain ♪

♪ I bought
and paid my tuition ♪

♪ That's supposed
to keep me sane ♪

♪ So if you don't mind

♪ Hey

♪ I really
must be going now ♪

♪ I really can't stay

♪ I really
must be going now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ I really
got to be going now.♪

♪ I must be going now

♪ I got to be going now

♪ I must be

♪

♪ Going now

♪ Yeah

You stun me.

Are you gonna work right
through the spring break,

aren't you?

I'm not celebrating
this year, no.

You know
what's your problem is?

Your problem is,
is that you're in a rot.

I'm never gonna get
my PhD at this rate.

Well, you know,
what my stock answer is,

take a sabbatical,
party till the sun comes up.

Come to the party
with me.

My friend Rick,
he's gonna be there.

Rick?

The blind date guy
who stood me up?

I don't think so.

It's my duty
as your mentor

and your housemate

to show you
a good time.

The Easter bunny says,
"Let's hippity hop

to the party."

You're not
gonna make me laugh.

I don't wanna laugh.

Yes, hippity hop.

All right.

Hippity hop, hippity hop,
hippity hop.

[Narrator]
The hostage crisis.

♪

Damn, Jesus, damn.

No, no, no,
this is sucks, right?

I mean, the first rule
is you're not supposed

to let the hostage die.

No, Mooney,
the first rule

is you're supposed
to tie him up.

The second rule is,
you don't let him die.

All right, we should
have tied her up, you happy?

Oh, yeah,
I'm delirious.

We just better figure out
what the hell we're gonna do

before Carl gets here.

I'm not scared.

Carl, nice
to see you, hey.

Carl, hey.

What you have done
is, you...

Shut up.

What's up with the dame,
what she doing?

She's sleeping.

Taking a nap,
very tired.

Dead tired.

She's taking a nap?Yeah.

With a towel
over her head?

She don't want
no sunburn.

We ran out of
the sun block, you know.

Very sensitive skin.

Yep.

She's sleeping,

sleeping like my daddy
Carl, Sr.

We buried his ass
two freaking years ago.

I said, tie her up
and he wouldn't.

She seemed
like a good swimmer

but, you know, pools
could be very dangerous.

Quiet!

I need to think
about this.

What happen
to the rules?

I begged, I told him
about the rules.This morning,
I got here...

Quiet.

Morons.

Okay, okay.

I just got to get
another one, that's all.

You two clowns better find me
a replacement.

Another trampoline?

No, another girl.Another girl.

I need another girl,
you idiot.

[Narrator]
The solution.

Hi.

Hello.
[clears throat]

Hi.

Oh, wait a minute,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

This is my buddy, Rick,
this is Teresa.

Teresa, Rick, Rick,
the guy who stood you up,

he didn't give
a chance to youOh, you're the one.

Yes, I am the one who stood
you up last weekend,

I forgot.Oh, that's
a great excuse.

I feel horrible about it--
look, I tried calling you,

I tried sending you notes.Tried to call you.

I suppose you were allergic
to the flowers I sent.You sent her flowers?

I send her
a big bouquet.He sent you flowers?

He sent me flowers.You didn't tell me
he sent you flowers.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Good luck.Thanks.

I like flowers.

Thank you for sending me
the flowers but I really think

that if you would want to make
a good first impression,

you would have
shown up.

Shown up.

For the date, yeah.

It's better
when you show up.

Uh, but it was-- it was
really nice to meet you

and, um...
I have no hard feelings

whatsoever.

Take care.

Excuse me, Carl.

We're trading her back
to her own brother.

You think he's gonna take
somebody else?

No.

We got to find the dame
that looks like this broad,

okay?See?

That's thinking.That's it.

It'll be dark.

By the time this moron
figures out that it ain't her,

we'll be long gone
with the goods.

See?

Uh, excuse me, Carl,
I was doing some thinking

and I don't-- I don't think
the feds are gonna like

this one at all.

Hey, do me a favor,
don't think, okay?

What are we, the boy frickin'
scouts, huh?

No.

What the feds don't know
won't hurt them, all right?

Not to mention,
we're doing them a favor

in the first place.That's right.

And besides,
all they really give a shit

about are the good anyway.

Okay, right.

So, where we find a girl
like that, huh?

I don't know.

Perhaps you two geniuses
could come up with something

right about now.

We could put an ad
in the paper

that says skinny,
red-headed babe with tattoo

or something
needed for modeling job,

maybe?

No?

Oh, okay.

You better do something
with this guy

and do something
with this body too.

Get rid of it.

Just like before,
the same place

Okay, it's done.

No problem,
forget about it, Carl.

Taken care off.

You know something Carl,
don't worry 'cause it's done.

♪

That guy is awesome.

Get a feet, Titus.

I think he took it
pretty good.

He's very even tempered
if I say so myself.

You know, Mooney,
I told you specifically

about rule number one,
didn't I?

Rule number one,
rule number two,

when are we gonna eat?

So listen,
what are you gonna do

during your spring break,
huh?

You're gonna work
right through it again?

Deserting your family,
breaking odds.

Bruno, I told you
three times already.What?

Do you ever listen
to me?What?

I told you three times,
I am going to the beach

with Sara.Ooh, ooh,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

So how bad can this
extended family be?

[Narrator]
Hello?

Yes, I had
a sinful life

before I found
the Lord,

but I changed
my ways.

And the good Lord saw fit
to give me my husband, Frank.

Actually...

I'm an applied
mathematician.

My work involves creating
mathematical models to, uh,

hypothesize the rates
at which

re-enforced concrete
will corrode.

Oh, honey, I sure do wish
you were gonna come

to that stock
car extravaganza

with us this weekend.

[Rooster crowing]

I do Math, yeah.

Uh...

what do you do?

Cop.

You know, you should talk
to Nora, my sister.

She's the Math whiz
in the family.

Yup, numbers,
she gets them.

Of course, the only trouble
that we've had at all

is when we switched over
from the manual cash registers

to the scanners which nobody
anticipated that,

but, you know, 'cause now,
of course, there's nothing.

There's no price at all
on any of the merchandise

and sometimes the scanner
just doesn't work at all.

Oh.

Oh, here's my little
hugger bunny.

Teresa...

have you accepted
Jesus Christ

as your personal Savior?

Waylon.[children shouting]

Quit beating up--
Elvis, now, stop that.

Stop it.

I don't care
who did it first.

All right, what time is it,
what time is it?

It is time to turn
the other cheek, okay?

Hmm.

[dog barking]

Two.

[clock ticking]

Hmm.

[chuckles]

[toy car revving]

[laughs]

You drool
on your pillow.

Ew.

[toy car revving]

Brats.

♪

[indistinct chatter]

Morning, beer?

No.

Uh, wasn't her hair
blonde before?

Yes.I'll get it.

Hi.

You must be Sara.

You Jack?Um, grip.

No, Frank,
Jack's baby brother.Ah, oh.

Hi.Hi.

Hey.Ah, Sara.

Nice husband.
I'm gonna go dance
with him now.

Is this a beer?Yes, take it.

Save me, help me.

[dog barking]

Sara, I will never be able
to repay you from saving me

for the hell
of a stock car race

weekend with those.

Come on, they seem like
a lot of fun to me,

but then again,
I don't go all gooey

thinking about
long division

or whatever it is
that you do.Uh-huh.

So, what are we
gonna do now?

I do not care

as long as
it's embarrassing.Thanks,

but I already did that
last night.

What's this?At the spring break party
I went to the--

nothing, forget it,
I don't really wanna talk about
it.

That's not gonna last.

Come on, let's go find
some trouble.

Don't hit me.

[Narrator]
Trouble, Part 1.

♪ Sister

♪ Partying together

♪ Was nobody now

♪ My sister
what she's gonna do ♪

♪ I'm gonna save myself

Ah.

This is still fun
for you, huh?

Oh, come on,
this is great

and you never know
who you might meet at a bar.

I mean, I met Dan Packard
at a bar.

I was crazy about him.

Crazy is the key word.

He wrecked your car,
he impregnated your cousin.Impregnated?

That's a word.you have
to say that?

At least he didn't try
and steal your stereo,

that guy was--

Hey, hey,
do you remember her?

That is Randy's
little sister, Kay.

I heard
she was a lesbian.

She was always really nice
to me.

Uh-huh.

Kay, Kay.

Sara.

Sara Pond.

Sara, yeah.

Hi, Teresa Brigger.

Teresa, yeah.

You had that Olympic size
crush on my brother.

Oh.God, was it
that obvious?

Hmm, don't feel bad,
you weren't the only one.

So what are you two up to,
you look a little, um...

overdressed
from this dive.

We are going on vacation
and we thought

we'd start
the night out wild.

Really?

I'm headed over
to a private party.

Wanna come with?

Oh, yeah,
that would be great.

Yes, we would love to.I really dont--

[Narrator]
Trouble, part deux,

Uh, oops,
deux, sorry.

♪

[Sara]
Cool house.

A friend of yours?

Uh, business
acquaintance.

It's nice,
it's, uh, big.

Big.

[Man]
Yes, put it
right up here.

Ooh, Sable.

Darling.

Look at you.

Sable?

Hi.

Sable?

Nobody calls me
Kay anymore.

I think Sable's got a nice
sensuous sound to it,

don't you?

Fur is dead.

[Sara]
Nice floor.

[Screaming and moaning]

♪

Not many men here.

Remarkably few men.Yeah.

Lesbians.Well, this is where I know
I wasn't invited here

to work for the party.

Surely, you heard
all the rumors

down at the bar.

One of the favorite topics
of conversation I hear.

Uh, yeah.

It's not that bad.

The money's fantastic,
plus there are worse things

than being a hooker,
don't you think?

[Woman]
Oh, Sable.

Leticia.

♪

Boy, do I feel stupid.

She could have told us
before we got here.

Then we wouldn't
have come here.I would have.

You would have
come here?A gritty party
full of lesbian hookers?

How many times you get
an opportunity like this?You're actually
enjoying this.

Absolutely.I can't believe you.

You know, something
does puzzle me.

What?Is Kay a lesbian hooker

or a hooker
that's a lesbian?I don't know.

I'm just wondering.You're so weird.

Don't worry,
I'll protect you.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ You feel

♪ I feel, I feel you

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel

♪ I feel, I feel

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel, you feel

♪ I feel, I feel

♪ I feel you

♪

♪ You feel, you feel

[background chatter]

[Sarah]
This is a great party.

You got to dance.Okay, okay.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Mr.Hamilton
would like to invite you

to the library
for cocktails.

Ooh, that's very nice,
but I'm sorry,

of course we're not going,
we're staying for cocktails.

We have snacked the only man
in this place.I don't care, no.

We're going,
we're going.

Mmm, excuse me.

Um, the invitation
was only for you.

I'm sorry,
what was your name again?

Uh, my name?

Uh, my, uh, what's in the name
anyway, right?

Are you saying
you don't have a name?

No, I have a name,
it's, uh--Her name is Ermine.

It's Ermine.I'm Fox.

Fox.We're inseparable.

Okay,
well, whatever.

Right this way, please
follow me.

Yes.Who is this person?

Yes.We don't know
this person.

[Narrator]
Trouble, part three:

The Final Chapter.

[door opens]

[Mooney]
Here we are.

Oh, ladies, welcome.

I'm Carl.Welcome to the house.

I'll get the drinks.

This is Ermine and Fox,
they're inseparable.

Freelancers.

Loyalty.

I admire that.

It's hard to buy
these days.

Would you two care
to join us for champagne?

No.Why not?

Champagne?

Titus, how about
another glass for Ermine.

I'm Fox.

Whatever.

Please, drink up.

Please.

You have
a beautiful house.

Thank you.

My daddy Carl, Sr.
started this collection

and left it all
for me.

Oh, good.

So, that would make you
Carl Jr.?

Excuse me,
champagne, Ermine?

Fox.

Whatever.

Ah, a Remington,
huh?

Uh, no, actually,
that's not a Remington.

Actually, that's not
a Remington.

This happens to be
a very favorite of mine.

This is a, uh--

this is actually
a mystery,

this piece.

It's an unsigned work.

Hmm.

[Carl]
To the mystery.

What's the matter,
you don't like champagne?

It's a little bitter.

Mooney.Hmm?

The Don, next.

Don Luis?

I promise you,

the next glass
will be better.

Please.

So, you're friends
with Sable's?

Oh, yeah,
uh, well, yeah.

You work with her?

She's just had
a little too much.

Way too much.

I understand.

That's what parties
are for.

My brain is going numb.

My hands are going numb.

I think
I'm gonna pass out.

Did you put something
in our drinks?

♪

Sweet dreams,
baby doll.

Goodbye.

[Mooney]
Titus, oh,
I don't feel so well.

Did you put something
in our drink?

[laughing]

♪

[groans]

[birds chirping]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Aw.

Oh, my God!

Ah!Ah!

You were supposed
to sleep longer.

I demand--

I demand clothes!

All right, calm down.

I got some new ones
for you.

You can wear them
for your lunch date.

Yeah, would you
please stop? I'm so scared.

You're such a baby
about that tattoo.

I was awake?

Well, uh-hmm.

Oh.

Right this way,
grasshopper.

Try not to kick nobody.

Sir, uh...

I had, uh, a nice time
at the party.

Um...
but the makeover

is really amazing
and, uh--

and it was wonderful
of you to fix

all these lovely food

but, um, uh, my family
is expecting me and--

You do what I tell you to do,
that's what you do.

You too.

You'll get home
soon enough.

Uh, okay.

But, you see, we need
to be out of here

right away,
we really cannot stay.

Oh, you got to go home?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know.

Uh, I'll get a taxi
for you.

Maybe Mooney will fly
in the helicopter

or something.

Oh, whatever is easy--Yeah, yeah, yeah,
like I care.

How about that?The both of you,
you're staying for lunch

and you will enjoy
yourselves.

Carl Jr. will be here
in a minute.

Keep your mouth shut
and I don't know,

have some food.

He likes it
when people eat.

You, don't be such a pig.

Partake.

Come on, eat,
be a good girl.

These are fantastic.

God, can you believe
I flirted with these guys?

Do you think they want us
to do something illegal?

They've drugged
and kidnapped us.

I think it's safe to say
it's probably illegal.

Oh.

It's a cool dress
though.

Sara...
I'm gonna be sick.

Do you feel like
you might spew?

You know, gag,
hurl, throw up,

talk to Ralph on the big
white telephone?

What's the matter with you,
I'm asking you a question.

You got gas,
You need something?

I'll get you something
for that.

Don't go nowhere.

I'll get you
some for that.

Ah...

my guests.

Ladies, it's a pleasure
to see both of you again.

Please, please,
please eat.

You're my guests

and you shall enjoy
yourselves.

I just love festifications,
don't you?

I mean, the music,
the candlelight, the dancing.

I bet you're hell
at polka.

Oh, a wild Philly,
my favorite.

How do you like
the dress?

Um, it's very, uh...

it's very,
uh, leather-ish.

What?

It's not good enough?

You're not eating
your food, either.

Uh, I'm just not
very hungry right now.

Don't you realize
this is the future?

Taters?No!

Not Taters.

Mystical spud puppies
and pizza pillows.

Do you think it's easy
trying to be legit?

Huh, what's the matter?

Aren't my pizza pillows
good enough for you?

Someone's gonna
feel better,

yummy for your tummy

Drink up, cupcake.

Hmm!

Good.

Hmm!

Good.

Better than homemade.

[Carl]
Oh, my God.

What took you so long?Sorry.

It's time for you to go
to the factory.

Take the Philly
and I'll meet you there.

Which Philly?

Got it.

All right, Ermine,
let's go.

Fox.

Ermine, Fox, who gives
a frog's fat ass.

Quite the last supper,
ain't it?

Oh.

♪

[sighs]

[humming]

Well, I gave you
very specific instructions.

Now, how in the world
did you ever get a job

anywhere near
the space program?

'Cause you sure as hell
ain't no damn rocket scientist.

[humming]

Well, well, you see, my mother
knew this guy, right?

who knew this other guy
who figured that

I was the guy that like
to be the security guy

and I figure I had
a knack for it, so I--

Oh, would you
just shut up?

You were supposed to find
the holographs.Yeah.

Steal the holographs.

Bring the holographs
back to me

and we were gonna sell them back
for a whole truck load of money.

Now, how hard is that,
numb nuts?

Oh, no, no, you had
to give them to your sister,

your stupid sister.

You know how terrifying
that is?

The thought that there's more
of you out there,

more of your species.

Hey, wait a minute,

that's my sister
you're talking about.

I mean, she doesn't know
what those earrings are.

Well-- oh, boy.

I tell you,
if my mother finds out, she's
gonna kill me.

Yeah, well, let me
tell you something,

if your sister don't have
those earrings,

I'm gonna kill you
and your mother.

Hey, hey,
that's my mother

you're talking about.

Would you just go?

Okay, okay.

Go, go, we'll get
the earrings.

We'll get the earrings.

♪

Got her,got her?

Yeah, I got her.

You give me a hand, huh?Come on, right this way,
cupcake.

Oh.

Not too cooperative is she
for a little minx.

Sit down over here.

Right here, cupcake.

Don't make a sound,
all right?

Wear this.

I'm gonna be watching
you at all time.

You shut up.Dork.

All right, you don't hear
so well, shut up.

But--Shut up!

Mooney, shut up.

Help.

X equals negative b or c,

plus or minus
the square root of--

he loves me,
he loves me not.

He love me,
he can do without me.

Gloria,
give me the earrings.

What'd you do
with the earrings?

I told you not to take
them off.

She took them off.She's not wearing it.

It's gone.Well, suck me purple.
Here she and she's--

Okay, here's your sister.

Now, give me the holographs.

Who are you all fronting for,
the feds?

I don't think that's any
of your business,

Mr. Asshole.

Thank you.

Boys, you'd rather
sandpaper a lion's butt

than to tangle with me.

Just give me the holographs

and we can all go home.

Well, the thing
is, is, uh,

we don't got them.

He says that
he ain't got them.

Nah, shut up.

Shut up.

Slap leather.

[gunshot]

Ah!

Get in the car

Gloria, you listen
to your brother now.

Don't listen to them.This is not happening.

Get in the car.
What are you doing?

You leave her alone,
now you hear?

Get in the car.

Please, get in the car?
I'm gonna be nicer.

Come on, you get
in the car right now.

He's your whole damn
family, this one thing.

Skedaddle.

[yelling]

Oh, boy.

How did I do?

What do you think?

Shit, shit, shit,
those federal shit.

God.

Well, so much for brotherly
love, eh, Ermine?

Uh, you're like they were
shitting out, darling.

That's right, that's right.

We should cut off a couple
of her fingers,

send them off national
post, how about that?

Yeah!

Oh, God!
Get off me.

[siren blares]

Oh good.

Police, hey, over here.

Help Police.

Oh, no.

Thanks.

Excuse me sir,

I've been here a long time.

Haven't we all?

Um, I'm sorry.

There's no need to be rude.

You got a video camera
on you?

No.

Then I'll do what I want.

Charming.

Uh, is Detective Higgins
around?

Who?

Detective Higgins,

I gave him a statement
earlier in the day.

Higgins, Higgins, Higgins,

Higgins, Hig, Haggins,

Higgins.

Higgins, Higgins, Hig,

Higgins, H.

Ms. Baker,

you had a shock.

Perhaps,

you're a little confused.

We couldn't verify
the information

that you gave us.

I told you,

my family is at the stock
car races this weekend.

Your family is at the races?

Yes.

And the Math Department
at the university

is closed for a spring break.

And your statement
which we all liked,

you voluntarily went to
a party of lesbian prostitutes

where three men
drugged you.

You woke up
with a new hairdo

and a tattoo.

We're fed greasy freezer

treats and drugged again.

After which you were driven
to a dark scary place

where additional
bad men chased you,

threaten to cut off
your fingers

before wrecking
their own car.

Yes. That's what--
exactly what happened.

I was-- I was drugged,

I was kidnapped,

and I was tattooed,
three things,

all three, drugged,
kidnapped, tattooed.

Okay.

But,

you must have some
idea why you were,

um, drugged, kidnapped,
tattooed.

I don't know, really.

I think I'm supposed
to look like somebody.

I think-- I think for now

you should call someone to come

and take you home and rest.

What about my friend?

My friend is still a hostage.

What are you gonna do about
that?

Hostage?

Seems like a strong word,
doesn't it?

All right. Uh,
what was her name again?

Her name is Sara.

Her name is Sara Pond,

P-O-N-D, Pond

like a small lake.

I've got it.

You can file
a missing persons report

after 24 hours.

Thank you.

Pond.

Goodbye.

Uh, payphone, please.

Ugh, shoo.

[narrator]
Teresa phones home

I'm, uh, a theoretical
mathematician

and, uh, my work
involves creating various

mathematical models
with which, uh-- forget it.

Uh, just fuck it.

Uh, thank you.

It's not my usual brand.

Excuse me,

I'm looking
for a Teresa Brigger. She's--

Hit it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's okay.

It's just this, um,
file pack thing.

Rick?
What are you doing here?

I, um--

Here.Teresa?

Yes.What happened to you?

Never mind this.
Where is Bruno?

Well, I thought I'd come,
you know, make up

for our blind date
thing that I missed.

Oh, my God.But I don't think
you need me.

I think you need
like a new stylist.

Maybe some clothes.

Right, great.

Do you have the spud
puppies?

Yes, spud puppies.Pizza pillows

Pizza pillows.Wonderful, okay.

I don't wanna be rude.
I don't wanna pry or anything

but what the hell
happened to you?

I was attacked by a roving van
of drunken cosmetologist,

can't you tell?Uh-huh, yeah.

Did you get their
certification numbers?

Because you might be entitled
to a refund or something.

This, I don't need.You look beautiful.

Thanks.

where are we going?

Going to, um,

Mr. Carl's Frozen
Food Factory.

Mr. Carl's, right.

Okay then.

Bingo, B-I-N-G-O.

Rise and shine,
sleeping beauty,

you're sister
has been sprung.

I don't see those damn
earrings though.

And who the heck
is that guy?

Hey!

Gloria?No, no, no, no, no.

The guy in the bike,
right over there.

That was some lowlife scumbag
she picked up in jail.

I don't know I can't make
him. I mean,

I can't see him.

Would you look at them
before they get out of sight?

I don't think I've ever
seen him before.

Useless, useless,
freaking useless,

you and your freaking
sister.

Hey,
what's it about my sister?

Look, I can't just let
you waltz right in there.

I'm just gonna go
and see if Sara's in there.

No, they already know
what you like.

Yes.I'll go.

Do words PhD candidate
mean anything to you?

PhD? How about a dead
PhD candidate?

It doesn't mean you
have any horse sense.

Oh.Hey.

Like, now.Who the fuck are you?

Hey, oh, let me chase you.

Why don't you tell
me something

because this has
run in the family,

is this some sort
of genetic defect?

Dumb--dumb sister gets
herself re-kidnapped.

Once wasn't good enough.

I wonder what she did
with those earrings.

You know,
I wonder who that guy is.

I wonder, I wonder,
I wonder who wrote

the book
of freaking love!

Ermine, don't do this.

Not since the Bay of Pigs

has there been such a case
of gross incompetence.

I don't understand
why this agency insists

on farming out such
a delicate task

to bozos like you.

I prefer the term
businessman to bozo.

Of course you would.

Thankfully she was too
doped up to figure out

what was going on.
I think I convinced her

she was having some sort
of nervous breakdown.

Of course, your story
is so crazy,

I don't think
anybody will believe it!

All right Ermine, let's go.

Move.

Ooh, ow, ow.

Ow.

[Wheeler]
Here, hold it.

Dropped my head knuckle.

Now, where is this Sara?

Uh, Sara,

Sara--

[Gloria]
You, what are you--

Damn.Hey, Carl.

No problem.

No worries.
I'll take care of it.

What's she doing here?

Why are you asking me, sir?

I thought you
took care of it?

Carl until we can
retrieve the holographs,

we need to keep the girl,

um, monitored?

Oh, she will be
monitored, sir.

All of your other duties
are hereby terminated.

You and your men
will have no further

involvement in the case.

Hey, look what I found.

Yeah.

Everybody is together again.

I'm gonna be right outside
this door, all right?

Please, no more bullshit.

Are you okay?Oh, my bank shuts
for shit but you--

come on, what happened?
Are you all right?

It's a long story.

We have got
to get out of here.

When attempting
the very dangerous

but rewarding bold face lie,

it is crucial
to look directly

into the eyes of your victim

and stress the action verb.

"No. You don't look fat."

"No. You don't look fat, honey."

Hey, idiot.
How are the dames?

Oh, great.

Little peaches, no problem.

Good.

Cookie?

Go get me some real food,
would you?

Pizza pillows
in cud pieces, huh?

You want sauce
or the tar or--

I'll bring them both.

I'd love to get
you some food.

I would love
to get you some food.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy, big trouble.

[Gloria]
We're really gonna
get it now. Oh, no.

Hello? Hello?

What's going on here, huh?

A regular party, I see.

Ooh.

I love this table.

Aw.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I give up.

Oh, you cheap, lousy whore.

I hate it when someone
calls you cheap,

don't you?

Somebody's coming.

This way.

Oh,

Okay, just be calm.

Stay calm.

It's just a dead body.

A dead, frozen body.

It's my head.

It's my head.

You think they murdered her?
What do you--

what do you think?
What do you think they did?

I just-- I wouldn't think about
it, just don't, just--

I mean this,
think of it as a--

just a giant fish stick.

Sara!Sorry.

It's cool earrings though.
I like them.

Come on, let's get
out of here.

These are holographs.

What?Holographs.

No.That's why they want them.

Oh, don't touch, gross.

Bruno could probably
decode these.

Oh, come on,
let's get out of here.

We can't just
leave her here.

You want to end up
like her?

You know, there are people
trying to kills us.

But--What are talking about?
We're gonna come up--

[Carl]
Could you give me
a break with the moaning, huh?

I don't feel so good.

Who gets the phone?

I get the phone.

Oh.

[telephone ringing]

Oh, God. Do I got to do
everything, huh?

Aw, aw.

Is someone hitting me
in the balls with a soup spoon

because I'm dying over here.

What?

[Titus]
Carl, it's me,
Titus. How you feeling?

What do you think?

Hey, don't answer that, huh?

Just tell me you found
the dames.

I am dangerously
close Carl, dangerous.

I just need a couple
of more days.

But I am on them
like some skin disease

on a poodle's ass.

[Carl]
What,
a few more days?

You think I got
a few more days?

I got the feds
on me like a skin disease

on whatever you just said.

All right Carl, I read you.

I got you like,
Ethel Merman on a bull horn,

loud and clear.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking maybe something
like an exfoliating scrub,

you know, from my back,

'cause I'll get a bunion
back there like regular.

Something I got
to burn off with a match.

That ain't pretty.

See, that little winter
will get you, did you?

Yeah. Hey, can I get
some, uh, real ice?

Hey, can we get some ice
over here for this handsome.

Broad does knocked him out.

You don't have to announce
it to everybody.

You know, it's a lucky
thing you ran in to us.

Are you sure it was a woman?

I mean,
little red-headed dang?

Here.Thanks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
whatever.

Am I supposed to chew it?

Oh, yes, a woman.

Matter of fact, she look
like real biker's slut.

Hey, that's my sis--

Cockroach.

So, um,

you know this chick,
the one who hit you?

Well, all I know
about her is, uh,

her name is supposedly
Teresa

and she's a grad student

and she's roommates
with my buddy Bruno.

Hey, wait a minute,
she, uh-- right.

So, do you know her or not?

No. No.

I don't know her at all.

That's it.

That's all I know.
Um, I got to take a piss.

Oh, gonna go drain
your lizard, huh?

Hey, why don't you order
me a cheeseburger?

Hey, shake it more
than three times,

you're playing with it.

It's something's
fishy here.

And, you know, I could
use a cheeseburger myself,

you know,
maybe a Caesar salad.

Fishy, fishy, fishy.

You think they
make egg creams here?

There's rock in my shoe.Look, it's Rick.

Who's Rick?You hit me.

I hit you?You hit me.

You left me there.
I get kidnapped again.

You hit on the head senseless,
left me on the ground to rot.

I did not hit you
in the head.

You hit him on the head?

What are you crazy
or something?

Oh, I'm crazy.
I'm the crazy.

Now, you feel my head.I don't wanna feel
your head.

Go ahead,
go ahead, you feel it.

Who are you?
Who is he?

Yeah, and I don't
want no anchovies

on a Caesar salad and,
uh, do my cheeseburger-- uh,

well done like shoe leather,
right?

You want some rings,
onion rings?

No onion rings.
That's it, thanks.

Who did I rescue
from the police station?

Who did I drive to
a frozen food factory?

Listen to me, I did not hit
you on the head.

Wait a minute.

What, did he do, fall in?

Who?

Would you go check on him?

Who?The college boy.

Oh, oh, yeah,
yeah, okay.

They got an institution
for guys like that.

Who are you?
How did you know her?

I don't know.

We hooked up the other night
at the spring break party.

Spring break party.

Oh, you're the guy
she wants to

Yeah, I'm the guy
she wants to

I'm the guy
that you wanna--

I'm Sarah Pond,
very nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm Rick.

Sara!

[Michael]
Hey, was that my cheeseburger?

Whoa, get down, down.

Gloria?

Gloria, you're okay.

I was-- I was worried about you.

You got the earrings on, great.

Great, great, um, okay.

Don't go anywhere,
I'll be right back, okay?

Great, okay.

[Rick]
Um, I guess
that means he saw you.

That's the guy
who said you hit me.

[Gloria]
And you believed him?

Yeah.He was lying.

the holographs to Bruno?

Holographs?
Hell, I can't wait

to hear this one.
Just go hide.

Meet me back in two hours.
I'll get my bike.

Hey, there are three of us.

Hey Wheeler,
Gloria is outside.

She's waiting for us.

She got the earrings
on and everything.

Outside?

Outside?

Grab her.
would you just grab her?

Go, go, go.

I'll spend the rest
of my vacation a fugitive.

[Wheeler]
Oh, you stupid idiot.

Michael, come here you
damn freeholies for brains.

[narrator]
A twist of faith.

Excuse me,
who are you trying to kid?

God, I'm trying to kid God.

Just leave me alone.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Now we're both idiots.
Get up here.

Shh.

Nun.Oh, Jesus.

Oh, sorry.

She scared me.Shh, don't say Jesus,
we're in a church.

Shh.Don't say Jesus.

Why are we laughing?

Because we're so damn tired,
that's why.

I know,
but we shouldn't--

I'm just gonna rest
my eyes little bit.

You wake me up
if I fall asleep.

Okay, okay.

But really, I mean,
we just shouldn't--

Take a nap?No.

Jesus Christ, my Dear Lord.

I know I'm in a Catholic church

but the Baptist
church was locked.

Hey, come over here.

I'm telling you it's her.

No way. I mean,
her hair is different.

Duh.

It's a wig.

Mom just got one just like it.

Brats.

Elvis!

Whoa.

It's an unbelievable.

Boys, Waylon, Elvis.

You're lucky to even be alive.

Jesus Christ, Nora.

Can you just get us
out of here

and back to Los Angeles?

No, no, no. Now, there's
a way to do this right

and I'm gonna call
my friend at the FBI

and he'll come down here
and get you out of here

and we'll get
to bottom of this.

Now, are you sure that the
police are involved in this?

Yes, absolutely.

That makes you sick,
don't it?

Just sick.It's a stain.

It's a stain on all
of us men in uniform.

It's a stain.

Where's my mother?

She and Jack slipped
off again.

You know,
how newly weds are.

Hmm, You know, just in case.

Here, take this, Mace.
It don't hurt to be prepared.

Yes, protection.

You think we'll
actually need this?

Sugar, the way the two
of you are dressed,

I am stunned you
haven't needed it already.

It wouldn't hurt to change
their whole appearance.

Ah hey, will you
watch that thing?

Hey, you know what,
I don't know why Gloria

keeps running away from me.

Maybe she hates your guts.
Imagine that.

Well, at least she
had those earrings on.

At least she had
those earrings on.

Why didn't you grab
her right then

and there instead
toddling back to me,

giving her a chance
to get away?

Well, I told I don't know
why she keeps running away.

Well, the way I see it,
there's three

possible explanations.

One

your sister's working
for the federalist,

the Federal Bureau
of Incompetence.

Gloria-- no way.

B, you're double-crossing me.

Wheeler, whoa, hold on,

I ain't smart enough
to double-cross you.

Right.

Which leaves us with three.

No, C.C,

she ain't your sister.

Oh, of course
she's my sister.

Oh, really?

Get a good look
at her, did you?

Or why is she keep saying
she is a grad student

named Teresa
or something rather?

I don't know, I mean,
she is acting a little weird.

I mean-- but if
that's not Gloria,

then where is Gloria?

Well, I don't care where
in the world she is,

but I do care
about those earrings

and we're gonna find
whoever is wearing them

so you circle the square
one more time.

God, huh?

Circle the square.

Oh.Triangle head.

Your plan is not working.

Where is Gloria?

Oh, my God, I need
a hummus plate or something,

a little tastiest delight, huh?

Curry goat falafel.

A falafel, you ain't
kidding, Carl.

I never felt this awful.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

That harebrain on the phone.

Hello pea brain?

Yeah.

You got to help me out,
the food is killing me.

How about some Indian, huh?

Carl, I don't understand.

How am I supposed to get
Indian takeout food

and chase the dames?

Okay.

Uh, you know, tastiest
delight with a hummus plate,

you got it, done.

Momma?Hmm?

This guy is working
me like a dog.

Aw.Look at me, I look
terrible, don't I?

No.Look at your grandson.

You look good.

He looks better
than you though.

Oh, go away.

You're in prison.

Oh, well, it's home.

Look at these flowers
I got for you, huh?

Uh-hmm.But they don't fit
through the bar,

so I got to take them away.

Well, I knew I could--

Take a good last look.

You won't get to see flowers
like this for another 20 years.

[door slams]

I'm not really sure
we're going to blend.

What are you kidding me?

These are great.

Well, they're very, uh,
very colorful.

Well, I never in my life dress
not to attract attention.

The finishing touch.

Ah!No man looks twice
at a pregnant woman

except to get out of her way.

Nora, I really think
we underestimated you.

Really?

Oh, sometimes people
can surprise you.

Cool.

Look, Frank called
the FBI, right?

He didn't call the police.

Right, right.

Well that guy was in the factory
talking to Mr. Carl.

They seemed pretty familiar.

Wait, what are you saying?

That the bad guys and the FBI
are in this together?

Yes.

Ooh, you better get
your butts in gear.

All right, I'll stall them
as long as I can

but if I were you, I'd
head straight out of town.

You know, up where they put
out one of those APAs here.

Ma'am.

It's Frank.

Hurry up Sara, come on.

Sara, hurry up.

You know, ladies.

Uh-hmm.

Got to be all pretty.

Hey.Hmm?

What about those two?

No, that's a mother.

Give me those.

It's not a mother
yet, you idiot.

Jackpot.

Not so pregnant, kind of like
not so smart, huh?

What, what?

What?

Unfortunately, even the best
laid plans go awry

when they're not handled
by a professional.

I'm sorry, sir, they were
up there when I left.

Of course they were.

And I'm assuming that we're
gonna have the cooperation

with your entire family
from now on

and that they'll be
on call unreservedly.

That is if you care
about those girls.

Yes, sir, I do.

Now, sir this isn't gonna--

you're not gonna count this
against me are you?

No, of course not,
now, not me Frank, but

everything goes into the report.

Off the car, Frank.

Yes, sir.

Hey Carl,
how are you feeling, better?

Oh, yeah, I got the dames,
I can smell them from here.

Yeah, Carl, listen, you know,
this, uh, this break neck phase

though, you know,
burning the candle

of both ends
and such, little expensive.

I think you might
send me out a few more candles?

No, no, I mean cash.

No, ouch.

Hello, hello, nurse.

Nurse, please, may I have
some very hot tea

for my very
sore throat.Yeah, right.

Please, with some lemon.

And honey, without honey,
it goes right through him.

Oh, God, who-- where is the--
who's the plants from, huh?

It's from Titus.

Oh, God.This is nice, huh?

It says, "Hope the food's good.

Glad you didn't die."

Hmm, that's nice.

That's nice.

♪

[narrator]
The Escape.

[narrator]
The Roadblock.

Doesn't even matter.

Nope, can you believe it?

No, come on.

It's dead.

[car horn honking]

Any ideas?

Well, we got to keep moving
so let's go hitch a ride.

Okay, here we go.

[woman]
Hey, come on.

Okay, um, act like
you're going into labor.

What?

They wouldn't turn away a lady
who is having contractions.

Ooh, my, oh, labor.

Oh, look it.

What in the ham sandwich
is going on here?

Ham sandwich, I could
use one of them.

Would you-- get on them,
get on-- get on them.

[tires screeching]

Oh, what are you doing?

Can you see the-- did you
check your blind spot?

And you--Son of a--

I didn't see him on front of me.

I love-- I'm so-- I love
this car, I'm really sorry,

I really wanna--

hey, it's--Hola, senor
Friend Rick.

Um, it was so kind
of you to stop.

It's her first baby and
she's really scared and--

Cut the crap, we know
you're not pregnant.

Yes, I am, I am too pregnant.

And if the girl said
she's pregnant,

she obviously has
a good reason to lie.

Yeah, I can tell you right now
she is not going into labor.

Her pillow hasn't dropped yet.

♪

[metal clatters]

And there she goes, Gloria,
your girlfriend.

Who's Gloria?

[car engine revving]

♪

[narrator]
The Cameo.

Good evening, ma'am,
we're just running

a standard sobriety check
if you just take a second.

You ladies had anything
to drink tonight?

Hmm.

How about you ma'am,
did you have

anything to drink at
the stock car races today?

[burps]

Oh, the baby is coming,
oh, the baby is coming.

Ooh, wow.

[exhales fast]

Thank God, is that
woman in labor?

Is she in labor?

What do you think
that is, a pillow?

No, ma'am.

Is there anything we could do?

Would you like us to radio ahead
to the hospital for you?

Oh, no, that wouldn't
be necessary.

No, she's just as-- just
another baby, that's all.

It happens every day.

Now we're gonna be just fine.

Thank you, thank you very much.

[engine starts]

♪

[indistinct radio dispatch]

Hey, tequila?

Uh, okay.

Uh, just where are you
two trying to get to?

[both]
Home.

Don't get me anymore
of that phony-baloney.

Where's my sister?

I don't know
who is your sister.

Gloria, G-L-O-R-A.

I told you, I don't
know any Gloria.

But that red-head,
that's my sister.

No, no, the red-head
is not Gloria.

The red-head is Teresa.

It's Teresa, T-E--

She just looks like
Gloria, okay?

Now, listen, we want those
earrings she's wearing

and now you're gonna
tell us where she is.

I'd love to-- I don't--
how would I know this?

Well, alright then, where's
this Bruno character?

Now, what does Bruno
have to do with any--

Where does Bruno live?I don't know.

Ah.

The hell is that?

Is that your moron meter
going off again?

I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know.

Well, now.

How much is set you back,
college boy?

This, uh, wouldn't happen
to be for address, would it?

Have a nice evening, ma'am.

Stop the car, please
turn the engine off.

Top of the evening
to you, officer.

What am I doing, speeding?

No, sir, this is just
a routine sobriety check.

You mind telling me where you've
been and where you're going?

Home, just going home and, uh,

my grandmother, she lives
up here, you know,

she don't feel too
good so, I-- you know,

I'm bringing chicken soup
and wiping her nose.

Sir, can I see
your driver's license

and registration, please?

Yup, uh, well, no

and I'll explain why because--

I had car troubles of my own
and I decided to borrow

my sister's car and she--
to get back home.

So, your sister's gone to visit
your grandmother also then?

Huh?

Your sister's gone to visit
your grandmother also?

That's right,
both of us.

Could you tell me how your
sister plans on getting home

if you're driving her car?

[car honking]

Well, there's some sort of
emergency, I don't know, uh--

Could you please step
out of the car?

[keys rattling]

It would be my pleasure.

♪

[groans]
Oh, what's, uh--

What is this?

Hello.

I guess your grandmother's got a
drinking and a gun problem too.

Gun?

What gun?

♪ Save from all of this

♪ Betrayed a man
with a single kiss ♪

♪ It's human nature's fault

♪ Never ending
battle of the darkness ♪

Bye.

Wish I had my keys so we
didn't have to wake him up.

Is that why we're here
to wake him up?

Oh, yeah, right.

[computer beeping]

Cool.

Oh, wow, come on now, this is
all perfectly clear to me.

Let me try another sector.

That might help.

[computer beeping]

And you, Teresa Brigger
got this off a dead body?

Dead and frozen.

♪

[tires screeching]

Um, uh, that's the place,
2008, I'm telling you.

That's the right
street, I think.

[Wheeler]
Yeah, right,
you couldn't find

your butt with
both hands and a compass.

What street was that?

Hey!Oh, okay, all right.

You don't have to go open
the guy's ears off.

I'll snatch you bald-headed.

I say we have the plans
for the space program

for the next century.

[whistles]

Bruno, how long
would it take you

to copy everything
onto floppy disk?

We modem it straight
to the university.

All right.

Yeah, okay, you do that,

and I'm gonna start
on phase two.

So, why don't you just
toddle off inside

and bring those earrings
back from your sister?

What, me?

No, Rufus the wonder dog,
yes, you.

Mom, listen to me,
this is very important.

I want you to promise me,
promise me that you won't tell

anyone where I am

especially not anyone
with the government.

Promise me.

Um, well, of course,
honey, bye-bye, darling.

Okay, bye.

Well, I just invited the feds.

Take this and you use it
if you have to.

What, do you want me
to shoot my own sister?

Let me tell you something,

you come back without
those earrings,

I'm gonna shoot you,
your sister,

and your whole damn family.

Now, skedaddle.Roger Dodger.

Roger Dodger?

Move or I'll turn you from
a rooster to a hen right now.

Oh, aw, uh, aw!

[groans]

Well now, just who
the hell do you think

you're dealing
with, college boy?

Done, you're a goddess,
now what?

Shower.

No thanks.

When this happens,
I am going to be clean.

Where you at?

I'm in
the bushes, out back.

Would you stop
sneaking around the bushes

like some pretty bird.

Get in the goddamn house!

Okay, okay,
I'm going, I'm going.

[thud]

Oh, Mikey.

Okay, I'm gonna go in.

♪

You mind?

No, I usually work.

[groans]

I'm in.

Okay, I'm crossing the floor.

I'm in the kitchen.

[buzzing]

You, you, you, you.

What, what, what's going on?

Shoo, good, just coffee.

Hey--

Freeze, don't move, don't move.

Don't move, stay there.

Mikey.

Stop!

Michael.

Everything's okay,
it's okay, yeah.

I got the pregnant
one here, only, uh,

she's not pregnant anymore.

I mean, she was never
pregnant to start with.

What am I supposed to do?

Ask her where Gloria is.

You, where's Gloria?

I've-- I don't know.

Um, who-- who's Gloria?

She doesn't know who Gloria is.

Oh, well, maybe we ought
to just pack up and go home.

She's lying, you idiot!

You're lying, you idiot!

What do I do now?

Tie her up, tape her mouth,
and then go find the other one.

Oh, God, oh, God, tape, tape.

You got any tape?

♪ [indistinct] road

♪ As I walked down

♪ In the streets of Laredo

♪ As I walked down
in Laredo one day ♪

♪ Pushed her in

Tape, okay, that's good.

You are kidding with
this, aren't you?

No, this is serious business.

Is that okay,
it's not too tight?

Uh-uh.Okay, okay, just
two more times.

I'm really sorry about this.

You know, if you were
really pregnant,

I wouldn't be
doing this, you know.

It's not too tight,
is it, no?

Okay, okay.

♪ I spied a cowpuncher,
all wrapped in white linen ♪

♪ Wrapped in white
linen as cold as the day ♪

Freeze, you asshole!

♪ So

♪ So bang the drum slowly

♪ Fight for me

♪ Bang the drum slowly

I hate that song!

I'm really sorry about all this

but, you know, I really
appreciate you didn't tie this

so tight but, you know,
I really got to--

Shh.Find out where Gloria is

because she's my sister
and I love her and I know--

Can you believe this?

I had this in my pocket
the whole time.

Oh.

You know, I got to Mace
you right now.

No, we can't do that.Why not?

Because it's like the Geneva
Convention thing or something.

If you have a prisoner
and he's totally subdued,

which you are totally subdued,
even if you deserve it,

which you do, we're not
supposed to harm you.

[muffled scream]

Ah, aw, great,
this is just great!

Oh, my God. Rick.

Thank you.

Does it still hurt?

Yeah.

I, uh, I really am sorry.

I'll make it up to you.

When this is all over, uh, I'll
buy you coffee or something--

A beer at my favorite pool hall.

A coffee at my
favorite bookstore.

But we take my bike.

Where is your bike?

I don't know.

But at this point
I don't really care.

Hey, guys, Bruno
is done if you care.

We were-- I--

Uh-hmm, it's okay,
seen it before.

I'm feeling better,
thank you.

Good.This much--

[exhales]

SWAT team is here.

Oh.Oh, good, hey, guys.

SWAT-- okay, good,

so, we'll go
and greet them, okay.

We were just--

[indistinct radio]

[helicopter noise]

You.

Take the earrings,

The other one.

Aw, that hurt.

Teresa Anne Brigger,
2008 Glenway Avenue,

you jeopardized a highly
sensitive government operation.

And as such, you may be
subjected to arrest

and prosti-- prosecution.

We may be willing to waive
these charges if given

your complete cooperation.

My cooperation?

Nothing ever happened.

What part of it never happened?

Was it the part where
the government's plans

for the space station?

Put your hands up.Or stolen by
two petty thieves?

I'll meet you
halfway.Maybe it was the part

where you hired gangsters
to get them back?

Oh, I know, it was the part
where the innocent woman

was found murdered in
a deep freezer in Bakersfield.

Murdered seems a strong word.

It was an accidental thing.

The Bureau never murdered
anyone officially.

You're the Bureau.

I paid taxes so that you can
kidnap me and terrorize me?

[laughs] I don't know
what you're talking about.

You know, the government
often provides grants

for extremely gifted
students like yourself.

I may be able to speed
an application through.

And bribe me.

Teresa, Teresa, don't be hasty.

A vacation would be good.

Jamaica is a nice place.

As an agent of the Bureau,
I hereby arrest you.

[laughs]

I think you should reconsider.

The Bureau never reconsiders.

[laughs]

Well, maybe you should.

See, 'cause Bruno and I, we send
all of the holograph data

straight to university's
mainframe computer.

Bruno, do you wanna come here
and explain this?

Yeah, I just, um-- excuse me.

Uh, yes, see, what we've done
is we've, um, implanted

a time and voice-activated
trigger device which goes

into the hard drive, which goes
into the main system, which--

It's a time bomb, and it sends
all of the information

to all of the newspapers
and wire services--

You're up.Newscast--

That's right.Everyone can
read about it

and know about it.

Unless, of course,
Teresa decided to, uh,

deactivate the decide
with her own personal

and secret voice
code then--With my voice.

Then, uh--Then, it will be fine.

So, what are you saying?

[both]
You're screwed.

♪

Would you do me a favor?

Would you, uh, turn your head?

I think that your left side
is a lot more--

No, you think?Photogenic, it is.

Yeah.

You'll be hearing from us.

Good.

[indistinct chatter]

Out of sight.

Hey there, sir,
good to see you again.

Look, uh, I felt real sorry
about what I did before.

That's what do is I went ahead
and filled out a report

and, uh, had turned it
in the Bureau

so, uh, saved you the leg work.

Is there anything else
I can do to help you out?

Looks like you got it
all under control here.

No, I think you've done
just about enough, thank you.

Oh, it's my pleasure, sir.

Anything I can do
to be of assistance.

On second thought, could you put
your head in front of the tire?

Sir?

The front one?

[narrator]
The-- uh, where's the card?

Nurse, put me through.

And my family.

I'm Titus.

Please, answer,
please, Carl, answer.

Hey, Carl, hey, listen,
uh, [clears throat]

No, I do not have the dames

but I'm right on
their tails, Carl.

I'm right behind them.

Carl, listen, read my lips,
we got trouble.

We got big, big trouble, Carl.

I'm making friends, Carl.

Look, you got to call
the guy at the highway patrol

or something, hello?

[yawning]

Carl?

Hey, Carl.

Carl, you're not gonna
believe it.

Something creepy is going on.

This bed's got a mind
of its own.

I ain't even clicking
on nothing.

This is fantastic.

I got to get one of these.

Carl, I've been thinking,
you know,

if Titus ain't gonna do
what we say then

to hell with it, you know,
'cause you remember my cousin,

Joey, works down at
Helen Handelman's moo goo gai

pan restaurant specialty shop?

He's a doorman saturday--
you remember, Carl?

He's the one
who fixed your tire.

[snoring]

Anyway, you know, I'm thinking,
you know, he's saying

that he wants to hang around
and maybe he can learn

some knowledge from Moscow.

[snoring]

You know, see-- you know,
just hang around

and see what makes us tick,
see what makes us us.

That's what I'm saying,
that's all.

[snoring]

Carl?

This thing is fantastic.

I hopefully getting
creamed corn tonight.

♪

♪ Hey

♪ Crawl out of that box now

♪ Come on, don't stop

♪ Climb a little higher

♪ Till you hear the limb pop

♪ Grab onto that knife
with the palm of your hand ♪

♪ And when you hear
the brakes squeal ♪

♪ Don't jerk, just stand

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your head

♪ Do it for the rush, baby

♪ Do it for the rush, now

♪ Hey, come on,
come on, rush, baby ♪

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Stand in the
rain 'cause lightning ♪

♪ Always strikes twice

♪ Walk in the dark
and lay your skin on the ice ♪

♪ Do what they do

♪ Not what they say

♪ Cover your tracks
while you're running away ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Now, don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your head

♪ And do it
for the rush, baby ♪

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Hey, come on,
come on, rush, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, do it
for the rush now ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ Don't be a hero

♪ Don't do it to be tough

♪ Throw back your hand

♪ And do it for the rush

♪ Do it for the rush now

♪ Come on, rush, baby

♪ Come on, rush now

♪ Yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ Rush, baby, rush, baby

♪ Yeah

♪ Come on, rush, baby

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Oh, come on,
come on, come on ♪

♪ And do it for the rush now

♪ Now come on,
do it for the rush, baby ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ Baby, yeah

♪ Yeah