Teenage Ghost Punk (2014) - full transcript

Sprits who around us dwell,

neither in heaven, nor in hell,

I beseech you, show yourself,

but let me introduce myself.

Okay, I got some
low-frequency recordings already.

Okay. Oh, it's cold down here.

It's very cold.

Sasquatch weather.

It's not sasquatch weather.

We are
ascending the stairs

of the Publooski-
Pallooski... house.



This is very haunted.

There's a lot of energy
around here.

I am the Medium
Madame Lidnar the medium!

Not some sweatsuit punk
with techie tedium!

Are your headphones too small?
Do they fit?

- Mine are... a little tight.
- Um, yeah, they're snug.

- Comfortable.
- Oh, my gosh.

Okay. Did you hear that?

That sounded like that
could be a spirit.

Is, uh, is anybody here?

I'm here!

Okay, okay, okay, okay!
There's someone here!

That was definitely a spirit!

Oh, my gosh.



This is intense stuff, Kourtney.

If you need to, you can hold me.

It's okay.

Um, I'm fine. Thanks.

I have no reservations

chanting incantations!

Like Kissinger,
I wow the nations!

Like David Bowie,
go Station to Station!

- Sounds like a sasquatch!
- It's not a sasquatch!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Okay, guy! Guys!

Ignore the hucksters,

and the girl

speak to us
from the spirit world.

There's something here.
That was definitely a spirit.

Guys, hold it together.

Okay, if you're here,

just, you know,
speak up, or something.

What are you doing?!

You could
be a little more professional.

I'm gonna go downstairs.

Don't tell the guys.

Get out of my house!

That was definitely a spirit!
Definitely a spirit!

Where's the lights?!

- Hey!
- I can't even hear my music, Mom.

Be the grown-up.

If you guys
aren't gonna talk with me,

I get to play my music.

I still don't see why
you couldn't've gotten a job

in Spring Lake.

I looked for six months.
The market...

- Take off your earphones!
- Whatever!

Did you know that Chicago was
the birthplace of the skyscraper?

I'm not gonna know anyone
at Oak Park High School.

The proper name is Oak
Park and River Forest High School.

Its graduates
include Ernest Hemingway,

and TV personality,
Thomas Lennon.

Amanda, this is an opportunity,
not a punishment.

You're really
gonna like Oak Park.

A few miles west in...
Oak Park,

Frank Lloyd Wright was inventing
the Prairie School of Architecture...

♪ Dandelions hit my toes

♪ Eyes are narrow...

It's not "goodbye."

It's "see ya later."

You have to come back
for Homecoming, Amanda.

Amanda!

Mother, Amanda is at a crucial
point of teenage vulnerability.

The handsome
quarterback boyfriend,

the endless drama among
members of the cheer squad...

This is her whole world.

Oak Park may as well
be a new planet.

Amanda's trepidation
is quite real

and probably justified.

Not sure whether to thank you
or tell you to shut up, Adam.

Your brother's just
lookin' out for you, Amanda.

And Amanda, be
mindful of Mom's predicament.

She searched for suitable work
in West Michigan,

but found no marketing positions

for divorcées who have been
out of the workforce

for 17 years,

and, because Dad absconded
with the F-150,

a year's supply of Bud Light,

and likely most of
their joint checking account,

Mother wisely did not see

Walmart greeter
as a long-term option.

So it's perfectly sensible

for her to resort
to taking a job

in her uncle Mark's
family business!

It's a serious job
in a legitimate business!

Chill, Mom, Adam's just
looking out for you.

♪

♪ Roots and rocks,
they bind me to the soil ♪

♪ Step by step,
I make my way from Chicago ♪

♪ Storm clouds and fires
drift to touch my skin ♪

♪ and all the while
my heart is tugged ♪

♪ by a piece of...

Hi, neighbors! Hi!

Hi! Hello!

I'm Steve Sampson,
and this is my husband, Stevie.

- Carol Poplawski. Nice to meet you, Steve.
- Yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry, your name again?

Stevie.

Yes, um, we live next door.

Uh, we've lived here
for about seven years.

We love the neighborhood.

And who are these
two fine young people?

This is my wonderful daughter,
Amanda,

and this is Adam.

Amanda and I keep him around
to correct our grammar

and quote obscure philosophers
while we're watching Idol.

- Oh!
- Haha!

Carol, Amanda, Adam,

uh, I have a couple things
for you.

First, what I call Steve's List.

I list
all the best local stores,

grocers, hardware...

Honey, I think they know
how to read.

Right, well...

Second...

I have a can of beans.

An organic squash.

Freshly made zucchini bread.

A nazar boncugu from Turkey.

My little Stevie
and his Evil Eye talismans...

And you get one, too, sweetie.

Teenagers can be
especially susceptible

to bad energy.

♪

So we play South Haven, Friday.

Taylor and Cody say we're
gonna beat 'em this year.

I wish I was there.

I miss Taylor.

I miss you. I miss Spring Lake.
How's cheer?

We've ben having, like,
three-hour-long practices,

but yesterday
was pretty awesome.

So, you know how Emily always

like, wants to be
lead rumble bee?

Anna and Jennifer are always like
"No, I wanna be lead rumble bee."

Well, yesterday, Amy was like,
"Who wants to be lead rumble bee?"

And they were like,
"Me! Me! Me!"

And then Coach Amy was like,
"You know what?

You should be
lead rumble bee, Carly."

I was like, "Me?"
and she's like, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "Cool."

But then Jennifer was like,

"Carly, Carly, Carly, Carly!"

Carly, something weird
is going on.

I know!
Can you believe Jennifer?!

No, I'm sorry.
Something weird here.

There's, like, a knocking noise
but I don't see anything.

It's probably
your little brother.

Or maybe...

Maybe your house is haunted!

I saw this movie once
where this family

moved into this house
and it was totally haunted,

and there were, like,
murderers and stuff,

- and it was a true story.
- Carly, I'm sorry, I gotta go.

I gotta go beat the crap
outta my little brother.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Bye.

I was in bed reading,

and I thought
I heard an eerie knocking

on the windowpane.

Did you hear anything?

Oh, right, Mr. Innocent.
What did you do?

You know, they say many
of these old Victorian homes

are haunted...

You knock on my window,
then you mess with my stuff,

then you come in here
tryin' to act all innocent...

Zeus' beard! Did you see that?!

- What?
- A strange visage in the window!

A face! I swear to you,
I'm not making this up!

I don't see a face,
you little liar.

I don't know how you did that,

but quit trying to mess with me!

Adam, why'd you
move my picture of Taylor?

Huh?

My picture of Taylor.
You turned it face-down.

I did nothing of the sort.

Perhaps it fell.

Just don't touch my stuff!

♪

♪

So, what was
the primary motivation

for the US to go to war
with Great Britain

in 1812?

It had to do with the British
support of he Native Americans.

What would Andrew Jackson
have to say?

"This is not acceptable."

Why would anyone
fight over Ohio?

Two words, "Cedar Point."

Hi.

Hi.

Here it is, B-105.

Thank you, Isabelle.

So kindly of you
to show me to my classroom.

Shall I see you at lunch, then?

I guess so.

See ya.

Don't forget
there's a quiz Tuesday,

so please continue Chapter Four!

Hey, you're that new girl
from Michigan, right?

- Yeah.
- This is Dominic.

- Hey.
- My name's Edgar, but everyone calls me Squatchie.

Wanna hang out with us
after school?

Um... sorry,
everyone calls you what?

Squatchie.

This is my third year taking
a class with Miss Mercer,

so I know all her quirks
and stuff, so

if you ever need help
solving her, I'm here for you.

So, you wanna hang out today
after school?

Um...

I-I'm sorry, I can't.

I-I mean, I can't
hang out with you.

I mean, no... God, sorry...

Uh... I just...
I don't know you.

No problem, Mandy. Another time.

Missing everything
by The Clash and The Ramones.

I can't find In the City
by The Jam, either.

What are you talking about?
I listen to music on my phone.

Who did this?!

I don't care how well you're
doing at school, young man,

no more pranks.

What the...

Did you guys do this?

I didn't do this.

All right, uh...

Back up.

Back up. Let's get out of here.

We searched the whole house.

Uh, no sign
of forced entry anywhere.,

no intruders present,

and nothing obviously missing.

Thanks, Dave.

Ma'am, again,

it looks like some teenagers
got into your house

and they had themselves
some fun.

All right, ma'am, did you go
to Oak Park High School?

No, I'm not from here. Why?

Is this your old yearbook?

- No.
- Hmm.

No prints on it.

None.

I can't find prints
on any of this mess.

So, what does that mean?

Teenage vandals wore gloves
so as not to leave prints

an my beer bottles
and old records?

That seems far-fetched.

I agree with you, ma'am.

Here's something else
that's a bit off.

I found this pipe
with all the cigarette butts.

- Marijuana pipe?
- No, Sir.

The residue is tobacco,
not marijuana,

and I don't know
any teenage pothead

who smokes from
a 1914 Romanic Model 11.

Ma'am, is this
a family heirloom?

No, I-I've never seen a...

Adam, have you ever seen
a pipe like this before?

No.

Well, unless it's
a very clever fake,

this was made
by the Romanic Pipe Company

in Johnstown, Pennsylvania,

between 1898 and 1919.

If I had to bet

it's a 1914.

So, what are you sayin'?

It was someone
from the Antiques Roadshow

broke in and drank
Mrs. Pallooski's liquor?

Poplawski.

Sorry, Poplawski.

But I'm thinkin'
of going back to Jensen.

I don't know.

No fingerprints on anything,

a vintage pipe
no one's seen before...

So, again, ma'am,
we'll check back with you.

Okay?

In the mean time,
here's my card.

Let us know if anything happens,

or if you wanna talk about
the community, or whatever,

give me a call.

Thank you.

Come on.

Take care, little pal.

♪

Hey, you live over on
Kettlestring Street, right, Amanda?

Uh, how did you know that?

I got people over there.

Do you wanna walk
home from school together?

Uh, thanks, but no thanks.
Not today.

All right.

Ooh, the dreaded paper jam.

Oh...

You'll find the Rico in South 2B

is friendlier about paper jams.

This baby's temperamental.

She likes me, though.
I'll take care of this for ya.

Oh, thanks.

No problemo.

Hey...

You're Carol Jensen!

Uh, Carol Poplawski. Uh...

Used to be Carol Jensen
before I got married.

And you are?

Carol! It's me, Barry,

your second cousin,
twice removed.

With you in sales, we can
rekindle the good old times!

Hey, cousy-girl?

Uh, marketing.
Actually, I'm in marketing.

Right, marketing, sales,
whatev-skis!

You generate some buckage,

and my crew in AR will
collect it and count it, baby

with style.

Pow!

I got this, Carolicious!

Squatchie?

For real?

His real name's like Egbert,
or something,

but he was like, "Yeah,
everyone calls me Squatchie."

And he's really hairy.

- Weird.
- So where's Taylor and Cody?

I thought we were all gonna
hang out together on Skype.

Um... I dunno.

Cody's, like, pissed at me,
or something, so...

Anyway, I told him,
"Don't bother."

Then Taylor, um...

Taylor, yeah.

I saw him at school,

and he was like, "Yeah,
I have football real late."

Or something.

Is someone there with you?

What? No.

Okay, uh... Tell me about cheer.

Emma's totally
drama queen of the week.

So we were in gym, right,
and Mr. Majors' just like,

"Okay, badminton."
and then he pairs us all off.

Well, so we're all like,
"Whatever."

But then, Emma's just like...

Amanda?

Adam?

Adam, stop bangin' around!

I'm right here, Mother.

How did you...

Were you in the basement
just now?

No, I came
from the second floor.

Is dinner ready?

Where's your sister?

Second floor,
if I'm not mistaken.

What's for dinner?

It's chicken and...

What did you guys do?

I didn't do anything.

♪

Lies? What was that
supposed to mean?

I did not
rearrange the flatware,

nor move Mother's albums.

Nor move my picture of Taylor,
or knock upon my window.

I can only conjecture
that you did all these things.

For what purpose,
I cannot fathom.

I'm too busy missing Taylor

and fending off
frizzy-haired freaks

to waste time
spelling with spoons.

Perhaps it was a spirit
of the netherworld

with an affection
for old records

and a disdain for common
tableware arrangements.

Out.

Send my fond regards to Taylor.

Out!

♪

- We're the Super Paranormal...
- Investigation Team!

SPIT!

♪

Hello, I'm Billy... Of SPIT,

the Super Paranormal
Investigation Team.

Our sophisticated
ghost detection technology

will find any spirit or ghost
that is lurking inside...

Your house, in your house...

Or your home.

And don't believe anything

that you've read about
on technology!

You see, it's perfectly safe

for you and your loved-one.

Boom.

That's right,

because we use all of
our plasma guns first

on me!

And there have been
little to no side effects.

At SPIT...

We spit

- on your evil spirit!
- Sasquatch!

Unless you don't want us to.

♪

The SPIT team is not liable
for any unscrupulous charges

that may occur
during your investigation.

You remind me of a pepperoni
and onion pizza

'cause I wanna pick you up
and take you out.

You wanna go to the Dave
Matthews concert with me?

It'll be a magical evening.

Pow.

A magic night.

Carol Poplawski, marketing.

Hello, Mrs. Poopalowski!

Pete McGarry from the OPPD.

Oak Park Police Department.

Hey, listen, we ran the few
prints that we found over there

and, uh, they all match
your two kids.

None from anybody else.

So, therefore...

Well, listen, Mrs. Poopalowski.

I don't wanna
get anybody in trouble,

but are you sure
it wasn't your kids

havin' some friends over?

Ghosts.

You know, your daughter
might be tryin'

to make friends
and meet people, you know?

Look, my kids were both with me
the whole day,

and they're not the type.

Well, I've
been doin' this a few years,

and this, to me,

looks like the work
of teenagers.

- Or maybe...
- Or maybe it was ghosts.

Or maybe it was ghosts!

That's what
my idiot partner says.

I don't trust those cops.

You should keep your Evil Eye
in the right place

within the house environment

to-to keep the cops in line.

I suspect

you have raccoons in the attic.

Maybe we should call...
my feng shui consultant.

Listen, I knew this guy
in Milwaukee

who had raccoons in the attic.

They would break
into his kitchen at night

and steal the fruit
right off the counter.

Did they smoke and drink
and play cards?

I think this has
more to do with spirits

than woodland creatures.

Innocent raccoons
will breach any opening

and then act like
they own the place.

The lady who last lived here,

she used to hear strange noises.

Steve would check for raccoons,
squirrels, bats...

I figured she had bats

in her belfry,
if you know what I mean.

- Well, then she started saying that the house was haunted.
- Haunted?

That lady's seat was not in the
locked and upright position.

- Well, I think that maybe...
- Her yogurt was beyond the expiration date.

So were there murders
in this house?

Was it built
on an Indian burial ground?

Native American, Mom.
Oh, my God.

You know I-I suspect
that there is

an otherworldly presence
in this household.

I know someone
who could help you find out

who... or what

is haunting you guys.

Oh, it's a work call.
I gotta take it.

Hello? Carol Poplawski.

Adam!

I'm going to introduce you
to my friend,

the medium,
Madame Lidnar the Medium!

She's a medium!

It's a P...
It's a P person!

Did someone with a P name
die in this house?!

Is there something about

rage...

- This is weird.
- Wait!

Someone else is here.

A hairy duck,

or a duck... a duck

duck... goose!

And now

they're gone.

Now, if I could please have,

uh, cash or a check
for tonight's services?

So, you actually think
that we have ghosts?

A ragey one, and,

and a dead goose? A goose ghost?

Oh, I didn't say "goose ghost"

but I was getting "Goose."
You know?

Actually, no, I have no clue
what you're talking about.

I'm kind of new
to this whole ghost thing.

Well, they left before we could
really have a conversation,

so I don't really know
who they are.

Hello! Anyone wanna have
a chatty-chat

with Medium Madame Lidnar?

Apparently not.

Anywho, I will find out
who these spirits are.

Maybe on my next visit.

On your next visit?

What should we do
if more weirdness occurs?

Just try talking to them,

and wear your Evil Eye talisman,

and try not to accidentally
release any dark energy.

The last thing
you need right now is demons.

Toodle-loo!

The SPIT team is not liable
for any unscrupulous charges

that may occur
during your investigation.

These gentlemen seem like
they're real professionals.

I suggest we give them a try.

So you guys are legit
paranormal investigators?

Super paranormal investigators.

A key distinction.

No normal paranormal
investigators for us.

Wanna see our GED?

Ghostly Energy Detector.

It's okay to be impressed,
Miss, uh...

Pallooski?

Poplawski,

but my mom's considering
going back to Jensen.

Well, it doesn't matter
what your mommy's considering,

because this
is the Ecto-bagger X.

What is the X for?

Well, you see, you put an X

on anything
you want to sound cooler.

Think of it this way.

Would you rather get your
molars rayed or X-rayed?

Do you wanna post embarrassing
videos of your boyfriend

or your ex-boyfriend?

Do you wanna be a convict
or an ex-convict?

Okay, so the X
is to enhance the name,

but what, precisely,
is an Ecto-bagger?

How perceptive, little man.

These are phony punks

with useless gizmos
and goofy gadgets.

How much of your money
have they taken?

Maybe closing your eyes

and whispering random gibberish
to yourself

works for you, Madame Lidnar,

but we'll take
our state-of-the-art

paranormal detection technology
any day of the week.

We are ectoplasmic...

Scientists.

Okay...

Yeah, we're not stuck
in the'70s.

Where did you come from?

A Stevie Nicks
look-alike contest?

So you guys know each other.

Oh, we go way back.

I still haven't recovered
from the Lincoln Park séance

where these idiots
unleashed a poltergeist

that scared that woman's
Aunt Mildred to the Other Side.

Your ouija board
broke my camcorder.

Yeah, and your sweaty
crystal ball

- gave Z-Dog a concussion!
- Ow!

And it wasn't enough
that they had to interfere

with my life's work

and steal my customers,

but they stole the best
intern I ever had.

Madame Lidnar?

You've taught me so much,

but it's time for me
to take on new challenges.

Plus, I'm trying to save money
for grad school,

and you don't pay me.

My dear sweet Kourtney

you're such a bright talent!

With a few more years
of apprenticeship

you could become my equal!

Medium Madame Kourtney
the Medium.

Well, I'm resigning

and joining the Super
Paranormal Investigation Team.

They already gave me
this warm-up jacket.

Seriously, sorry you guys
don't get along,

but is anyone going to deal
with our ghost problems?

We're already on it.

Madame Lidnar, since you are
already on the first floor,

you can stay here and do

whatever it is that you do.

That leaves us the other two.

We get the top floor
and the basement,

where our clients
already reported activity.

Zak, Zeke, Z-Dog,

you guys get the basement.

Kourtney and I
will take the top floor.

- Okay.
- Great.

- Yeah. Great.
- All right.

Headsets on.

Headsets on.

ACRX on.

Audio Recorder X on.

CCRX on.

Camcorder X on.

And the EBX is still on as it
has been on this entire time,

because I don't know
how to turn it off.

SPIT Team, are you ready?

I suspect these fellows
are frauds.

I must keep an eye on them.

Now, we wanna
make the environment more welcoming

so the spirits will feel
comfortable chatting with us.

Let's light some candles
and put on some soothing music.

I am receiving strong vibrations

of a spirit presence.

I'm getting...

There's someone here.

Get out of my house!

You could be
a little more professional.

- I'm gonna go downstairs.
- Okay... um...

Don't tell the guys.

Okay, well let's go then.
Let's just go!

So, Carolicious,

it's been delightful

learning all about Spring Lake
and your kids,

and your mean old ex-husband...

But I gotta say the whole thing
about you carrying a torch

all these years for a kid
you new in summer camp...

That kinda creeps me out.

Last thing I need

is another psycho chick
sayin' some other dude's name.

You know?

No offense, but

there'll be no tour
of Crib à la Barry

esta noche.

What?

There was no way I was goin'
to your apartment tonight.

Right.

Whatev-skis.

This ten spot oughtta cover me.

See ya at work. Pow.

I felt strong spirit vibrations,

but I wasn't actually able
to have a chat.

It was like the spirit
said to me,

"Medium Madame Lidnar,

I would like nothing more
than to have a nice chatty-chat,

but we can't because there are
too many people buzzing about!

Was the spirit actually
saying this to you?

Well, we wed never able
to actually have the chat,

you know, because there was
all this activity going on.

My basement crew picked up
some actual readings

with our GED and the ACRX.

Z-Dog, roll the tape.

Is anybody there?

Kaboom.

I'm here!

- - Ghost! Ghost! Ghost!
- Definitely a spirit!

That's our ghost!
That's a ghost!

That's a real live
dead sassa-frassa ghost!

We got a ghost!

- - Ghost! Ghost! Ghost!
- Definitely a spirit!

"Diss Cossack spunk rules"?

"This Cossack's bunk rules."

Uh, your ghost is a Cossack?

Or a sasquatch.
Seriously, you guys.

I-I think the ghost said...

"Disco sucks... punk rules."

- Now that's just ridiculous.
- I don't think so.

You know what, people?
I've got this.

I've got this.

Give us a sign!

Wait! Wait!
There's a sign on your back.

Will you please turn that down?

We're trying to figure out
this sign thing.

I did not touch the stereo!

I-I was across the room!

- Where's the remote?
- I dunno where the remote is!

Get out of my house!

Okay, not all of you.

Those of you who live here
can stay.

What about me?

Can I stay?

And my crew?

Get out of my house!

What does it want from us?
Should we leave?

I feel like he wants us to stay.

Ghost guy? Who are you?

Do you want us to stay here?

I think we should leave.

Let's go to Steve
and Stevie's house next door!

It's Monday, they'll be
at haiku and limerick night.

Then-then-then we should
just wait on the front porch

until Mom gets home.

I like when you're scared.
You're less condescending.

Pretty cool
Halloween decoration, 'ey?

Anything go on around here?

So then they all
just go, like, running out of there,

and two minutes later,
my mom comes home

carrying some
Halloween decorations,

completely oblivious, as usual.

So, I'm serious.
I think we have an actual ghost.

- Weird.
- Are you even listening?

Did you hear what I just said?

Yeah, no, totally, um...

You have, like, a weird ghost

and then there are people
that just left.

Yeah.

Is someone there with you?

Um... we gotta talk.

Who's we?

You get over here.

Hey, Taylor sailor!

Hey, Amandy candy!

Um...

O-okay, so, we...

Carly was talkin' to me about
we needed to tell you this,

and, well, we...
Carly and I waned to...

Taylor and I are a thing now.

I was gonna tell you earlier,
but...

I dunno, um...

Yeah, sorry.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?!

God!
You guys are both so stupid!

I know you
had to work late last night,

but things were so weird.

Aw, I've been there, sweetie.

Hurts like hell, doesn't it?

I can't believe
that Taylor and Carly are...

God!

When I was a teenager,
there was this boy.

We had so much fun together.

He was like my soulmate.
You know?

And then he...

Well...

Then he just...

Mom... this is not about you.

I have to go to school.

So, it's late at night,

and Hamlet's compatriots
are outside the castle,

looking for an apparition.

A ghost.

Marcellus wants Horatio to see
the ghost for himself,

but Horatio is skeptical.

"Tush, tush," he says.
"'Twill-'twill not appear!"

But the ghost does appear,

and Horatio goes from skeptical

to scared.

And he asks the ghost
if he is the deceased king.

The ghost says nothing

he just stalks off.

So now...

Horatio shouts at the ghost,
saying, "Stay!

Speak! Speak, I charge thee!
Speak!"

Ghost?

Are you there, ghost?

If you're there

speak, I charge thee!

I guess there isn't
a ghost here.

♪ I haunt
your house, I haunt your mind ♪

♪ and despite all the clues
I leave for you to find ♪

♪ you don't know me,
but I know you ♪

♪ Who am I?
You don't have a clue ♪

Who are you?
Just reveal yourself!

I kind of liked your song,

even though it was
seriously insulting.

Maybe we could be friends.

You could use one. Couldn't you?

Holy crap! Whoa re you?

Brian Flynn!

You're the kid
from the old year book!

Where did you come from?

- From here.
- From where?

Here. This is my house.

You're the one that chased all
those weirdos out last night.

And you moved my mom's
old crate of records?

- They're good!
- And you play guitar when it rains.

Do you like it?

It sounds like
my mom's crappy music,

but it's creepy!

But... did you knock
on my window?

Actually, your little brother
knocked on your window,

and then I knocked on it.
But that was to scare him.

He's pretty funny,
but he's kinda mean to you.

What about the mess
in the living room?

My friends and I
like to play cards.

We were gonna clean it up
but then you guys came home

so my friends all split.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

Wait!

Brian, I still
have questions for you!

Where did you go?

Where did he go?

Poker game. See ya later.

Well, we
were discussing Hamlet.

Now, Horatio does not
believe in ghosts,

but then he and Bernardo
encounter an apparition

that looks like the dead king.

So...
Bernardo calls out Horatio.

"How now, Horatio!

You tremble and look pale.

Is not this something more
than fantasy?

What think you on't?"

So.

What think you on it, class?

Is this ghost real?

I think the ghost
is only real in that...

Bernardo and Horatio
think that they can see it.

The audience doesn't need
to care if it's real or not.

I think it's real.

Horatio's a skeptic,
and yet he still sees it.

Right, but

the ghost is only meant to be
a story advancing device.

I don't think Shakespeare
actually believed in ghosts

or expect his audience
to believe in ghosts.

Then why does he put ghosts
in, like, four different plays?

Maybe Shakespeare
thought ghosts were real.

Amanda?

I think that
Shakespeare actually

transcends time and culture,

and the reason why he works
so well in the 21st century

is because his characters
are so real.

- Okay?
- And...

I think that ghosts are real.

I-I know they are.

Right! Me too.

Ooh! I see dead people.

Well, some people do.

Yes, Tuesday's perfect.

You know, I think you're
really going to like

what Peterson and Cousins can
do for Schwinky Industries.

Okay. You, too.

Yeah. Talk to you soon.

Hey, Nancy, you remind me
of an overdue library book.

'Cause you got "fine"
written all over you.

Barry, go away.

Hey, Liz.

I just got us a meeting
with Schwinky Industries.

Woohoo! High five!

And so the bear says, "What?
I'm not even a farmer."

Check mate, my friend.
Check mate.

No way.

Check mate. Apologies, old
chap, but check-flippin'-mate!

Adam, can you guys be quiet?

I have, like,
hella homework here.

I'm sure it's
hard to concentrate

when my new chum, Alex, and I
are waging epic chess.

Perhaps you need to take
your hella homework

to more quieter surroundings,

such as your own
private bedchamber.

Adam, man, you talk so cool.

Bedchamber...

Rematch?

I like to just
hang out up here and

what the 3Ds go by.

- 3Ds?
- Yeah, you know.

Three-dimensional, living,
breathing human beings,

like you, or your mom,
or your brother.

People... with jobs, cars

credit cards...

So, you can see the 3Ds,
but can they see you?

I think maybe sometimes.

Pretty sure your brother saw me
through the window

the first night
you guys were here.

But usually when people see me
they get really scared,

and he just seemed semi-freaked.

Semi-freaked?

That usually only happens
with little kids.

They see you and they don't know
they're not supposed to see you,

so they just talk to you
like you're a normal 3D,

but usually,
anybody over nine, ten,

can't see you at all.

So, do they just
look right through you?

Sometimes they even walk
right through you.

No way. Does it hurt?

No, it doesn't hurt exactly,
but...

Well

if you're just standing there trying
to communicate with somebody

and they kinda just

walk right through you,
it can be

emotionally scarring.

Well, okay, so,
the first night we moved in...

Yeah, I wanted you and your
brother to see me through the window,

so you guys would get scared,
and, well,

go back
to wherever you came from.

Why? That's so mean?

Yeah, well,
how would you feel if

three strangers just showed
up at your house

and took up residence?

Okay, so if you wanted
to scare us back to Michigan,

why are we hangin' out now?

I don't know.

I figure we could be friends.

Okay.

I mean, I guess
you don't really have any.

Yeah, I do.
There's Earl right there.

I don't see him.

Yeah, right there. See?

He's always
pushin' that tire around.

I do see him.

Hey, Earl, how's it goin'?

Oh, hey, Bryan. Swell, swell.

Can the girl see us?

Hi, Earl!

Oh, I guess she can. Uh...

Hey, Amanda.

Brian's told us all about you.

Really? What'd he say?

Um...

Uh, so long.

So, Earl's a ghost.

A haunter, yeah.

He grew up on this block
in the '50s.

Got hit by a car in 1957.

Sometimes he still kinda thinks
its 1957,

and stuff freaks him out
a little bit.

Nice kid, though.
Pretty decent poker player.

Wow!

So you hang out with other
ghosts from the neighborhood?

Yep, our normal poker game
is me, Earl,

Hal, Zebulon, Goose Hair
and Suzy Q.

Zebulon's a farm boy.

When he was growin' up
around here in the 1860s,

this was all forests
and prairies,

and farmlands.

Hal lived on this block
when it was still pretty new.

I think he went to high school
at OPRF with Ernest Hemingway.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

So these guys just walk around

thinking it's the '50s
or the 1800s?

Well, some days
they're pretty lucid,

but a lot of the times they think
too hard about time movin' along,

and it kinda freaks 'em out.

Any girls?

My friends used to hang out
with this one haunter

called Dance Hall Mary,

but they haven't seen her
in years.

Other than that, just Suzy Q.

Suzy Q's always
strummin' her guitar,

and talkin' about peace
and the ecology.

So, there was another one
with a weird name.

- Goose hair.
- Goose hair?

Yep. He's the lovechild
of a French fur trapper

and a Chippewa Indian.

Well, Native America.

Okay.

Anyway, he's been walkin'
around this area

since the 1700s.
Seen quite a bit of changes.

Doesn't really accept it all.

Quiet as a breeze.

So, can all the ghosts
see each other?

As far as I can tell, yeah.

Most of us can talk
to each other too, though

you wouldn't really want to talk

to most of the ghosts
in this neighborhood.

How come?

Well, a lot of them
are older guys

that have kind of
a lot of anger.

You know?

Uh, there's this one guy,
Vladimir.

We call him Vlad the Bad.

Everybody stays away from him.

Some people say he's not even
like a regular haunter.

Really?

There's also a lot of women
kinda float in' around,

wearin' tattered dresses.

They're really strange
and really creepy,

so I avoid them
as much as I can.

Yeah, now that you can see
me and Earl,

you might start seein' a lot of
other ghosts around here, too.

- Really?
- I mean, I don't know.

I don't know
why you can see me now,

or see Earl
when you couldn't before,

and apparently
some people still can't.

I want to meet your friends.

Amanda!

Amanda!

It's fine.
She probably can't see me.

I'll bet you money
she can't hear me either.

Hey!

Amanda's ma!

I'm a dead ghostly punk

and I'm getting to second base
with your daughter!

You rat.

Amanda!

Amanda, did you hear me?

Were you on your phone?

Oh, uh, trying to sort things
out back in Spring Lake, huh?

Okay, well you be careful
out here.

That was pretty good.

Hey.

I like what you said in English
the other day.

Oh, thanks. You, too.

Thanks for backing me up.

- I'm Jasmine.
- Oh, yeah, I know.

Er, I know your name from class.

Is it true your cheer squad was
state runner-up in Michigan last year?

- Yeah.
- And is it true you were the captain?

Well, I was elected
to be captain this year,

but we moved here instead.

How do you know all this?

I'm gonna talk to Coach.

I'm gonna see if we can
find a spot for you.

Hey, Jasmine!
Give me an O, baby!

O, Squatchie!

Thanks for the O.
Hey man, how's it goin'?

Hi.

You know him?

Yeah, everybody knows Squatchie.

His hair has its own website.

So, do you get it?

I just downloaded that song

onto my phone
and onto my laptop.

You listen to music
on your phone?

Yeah, everyone does.

And more importantly,

if you're just grabbing,
like, one song here and there,

does that mean you never really
listen to a whole album?

Exactly. You don't have to.

You don't have to have
all these CDs

lying around like my mom
used to do, or, like,

records, or whatever.

Plus, you don't have to listen
to the crappy songs

they put in between
the good songs on CDs.

So, like, every song I
downloaded onto my phone

is a good song.

So it's like a giant mix tape.

- Yeah, I guess.
- Okay.

See, there's, like,
a time and a place

for a mix tape,

but you're missing out
on albums.

That means you're missing out
on some great music.

Like, what would
London Calling be

if you didn't listen
to the whole album?

Just "Train in Vain"?

The Clash made London Calling

as a whole two-record,
four-sided album of meaning,

and its got all these
different topics and styles,

and together it's incredible!

Like, "Spanish Bombs"
and "Death or Glory"

changed everything for me,

but I probably wouldn't've
even heard those songs

if I could've just put
"Train in Vain" on my phone.

Wait, is "Train in Vain"
the one that's like,

"You don't stand by me..."

No, okay, but, like,

except for that, I don't know
what you're talking about.

That's exactly
what I'm talking about.

You listen to music
on your phone

when you have some great albums
right downstairs.

You mean my mom's crate
of old records?

You got, like, The Ramones,

The Sex Pistols, The Jam.

You gotta let me teach you
about good music.

I'd rather have you teach me
about other stuff.

Other stuff?

Yeah, like, you said all your
friends are from around here

but they're from
different time periods.

So teach me about what Oak Park
was like in the 1970s,

in the 1870s and the 1770s.

Crap, I think I hear
my brother coming.

Mother wants to know whether
you need a ride to school tomorrow...

Are you...

Were you talking to someone?

No.

No, you're declining
the ride to school,

or no, you weren't talking
with anyone?

Ah, parlor tricks
calculated to frighten me!

Well done,
lovely sleight of hand!

Or, are you in cahoots
with our spirit?

Entertaining a specter
in your bedroom?

Ah!

That was great.

Happy to help.

Come on, let's go show
each other around Oak Park.

Nobody'll be able to see me
but you.

Awesome!

♪

♪

♪

♪

Girls, Amanda Poplawski
just moved here from Michigan.

Her cheer team was number two
in the state.

Coach invited her to join us,

so let's give her
a OPRF welcoming!

Five, six, seven, eight!

Hey kids, check us out!
The mighty Huskies

going to rock da,
rock da, rock da house!

♪

So, did you have any
girlfriends in high school?

Well, I mean, no cheerleaders
or honor students, but

well, I was a dark, cynical
outsider with a guitar,

so yeah, yeah,
I had girlfriends.

Tell me about your girlfriends.

No, no, I don't wanna do that.

Come on! You know everything
about my idiot ex-boyfriend!

Fine.

Well, there's only one that was
really worth talking about.

This girl I knew one summer.

I taught her to play guitar,

she taught me about reggae.

What about punk?

Well, I started out playing, like,
Genesis and Pink Floyd covers,

and then she came to me
and she's like,

"Teach me to play
"No Woman No Cry."

So then I started listening
to Bob Marley reggae

so I could teach her,
you know, and then,

and then she came to me one day,

with this-this song,
and she's like,

"I really dig this track.
I really wanna learn this."

So I listened to it,

and it was "I'm So Bored
with the USA" by The Clash.

And that was it!

I was a punk!

So Hemingway was an innovator.

Basically a punk rocker.

Amanda...

You have something to share?

Well...

Hemingway was

to 1920s literature

what The Clash
and The Ramones were

to 1970s rock and roll.

I mean, Hemingway's stripped-
down writing style was

almost a reaction to
the overwrought writing style

of the Victorian age.

Okay.

So, the punkers rejected this

overwrought guitar solo
and synthesizer

mainstream rock of the 1970s.

They stripped rock and roll
down to its essence.

Hemingway said more with less.

So did The Clash.

My friend Hal actually
knew Ernest Hemingway

from the neighborhood.

He was, like,
totally obsessed with death.

In all his stories, the
protagonist always has to,

like, confront death. You know?

And for Hemingway,
once you're dead, that's it,

I mean, you're done,
it's lights out, so,

so you have to face it,

but you also have to accept it,

and the only way to do that
is kinda like

to live life
without fear of dying.

With gusto, you know.

Brian, how did you die?

Well, what do you mean?
I mean, I'm not...

I mean, I'm talking to you.

But, like, you're not a 3D,
you're a haunter.

Lemme put it like this.

How did you get to be
the way that you are now?

Like, no one can

hear you or see you,

except for other ghosts and me.

♪

I'm sorry.

No.

No, I understand the question...

I mean, it's-
it's a legitimate question.

I was playing my guitar
on the roof.

I used to love
playing my guitar on the roof.

I would just go up there.
It was, uh...

It was like my place. You know?

Like I could just get away
from all the attacks and stuff,

and just play my guitar.

Did you fall off?

No, I was jamming
and it started to rain,

and, I dunno, I didn't wanna
go back in, so I kept playing.

And then it started
raining harder,

and then there was thunder
and lightning, and I dunno,

everything was just
so beautiful and wet,

and I just felt so alive.

Like I could just play any lick,

or write any song,
or do anything.

I wasn't scared of falling,
I wasn't scared of dying,

I wasn't scared of anything,
and then bam!

Lightning strike.

Wow.

And that was that.

So why do you always still
play guitar in the rain?

Because I can.

I love playing my guitar
in the rain and, well

can't kill me now, can it?

Okay, so you don't really
need a date for Homecoming.

I mean, a lot of people go
with groups of friends.

I'm goin' with Dominic

and it'll be real fun
if you went with Squatchie.

I think I have someone else
in mind.

Not Squatchie?

I mean, 'cause I could
totally make that happen.

No, no, you don't know him.

I don't even know if he can go.

Okay, I know
you're not thinkin' about

asking your old cheatin'
boyfriend from back in Michigan.

You know, Evelyn, you remind me
of a wide receiver,

'cause every time I see you,
I wanna make a pass at you.

Excuse me.

Barry, I think I hear
your mother calling you.

Go ahead, Liz. You were saying?

Nancy,

you remind me
of a jigsaw puzzle,

'cause I just wanna
put you in my bedroom closet

and save you for a rainy day.

Perfect, okay.
See you at lunch.

And on that rainy day,
I'd take you out of the closet,

spread you all over the floor,
and, like...

Barry, you gotta stop.

Nobody wants to hear your crap.

Pow.

Come on,
go to Homecoming with me.

You wanna take a dead guy
to Homecoming?

That is twisted.

You don't act like you're dead.

Yeah, but...

You said I was,
and you're right.

I'm dead. I'm a haunter.

Yeah, but you're
funny, and sweet, and...

I need you to be my...

Ugh...

Ugh?!

Look, I haunt this house, and
anyway, I always hated school dances,

except for the time
that we played one.

That was hilarious.

But apart from that, no.

I'm not goin' to a school dance

with Little Miss
Popular Cheerleader.

Fine! I'm the closest thing
you've had to a girlfriend in

forever, and you won't go
to a school dance with me.

That's fine.

Just go and disappear
back into the wall,

or wherever you go
when you disappear.

- Amanda!
- No!

I have calculus to do, and
cheesy boy bands to listen to.

Fade out, dude.
Go haunt someone else.

So, Schwinky Industries
was ready to order 5,000 units?

Yeah, until Barry
told Kathy Schwinky

that she reminded him
of a fire at a tire factory.

She was really smokin'.

So Barry killed the whole
Schwinky Industries deal?

Yep.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Hey, kids! Check us out!

The mighty Huskies

going to rock da,
rock da, rock da house!

New girl, if you're gonna
be on our squad,

you gotta bring it.

O-A-K P-A-R-K!

Go Oak Park!

O-A-K P-A-R-K!

All right. See ya later.

All right, bye.

- Hey.
- Hey.

So...

What'd Amanda say
about Homecoming?

Um, not much.

She said she had someone
in mind, but...

I don't know who it is.

Aw, man.

How can that be?
You know everyone!

I'm gonna ask her anyway.

We're gonna have
such a good time.

Hey, Amanda!

Oh, hey, Squatchie.

Hey, um...

I've been meaning
to ask you something,

and I didn't quite know
how to do it.

So, I made you this sign,

and, um, this shirt.

With?

Oh, Squatchie, is that for me?

I'm sorry... we never really...

I kind of have, um...

There's this guy

that I'm kinda of planning on
going to Homecoming with.

But I shaved my Squatchie fur...

I know, and it's really

sweet...

Look, the "me" still works
on your torso and,

and the shirt works, too.

All you have to do is
change the name on the sign.

We woulda had so much fun.

I know. I'm sorry.
There's just another guy.

Look, I'm not taking her
to Homecoming.

I already told her that.

I don't get it.
She's a swell dame.

I'll take her to the dance,
ya knucklehead.

I'll do-si-do and allemande
riot with Miss Amanda.

She is as pretty as a daffodil.

Can she waltz?

I'd show her
an enchanting evening.

Well, that's really kind
of you guys,

but she didn't ask any of you.

So what, Ace?
Maybe I'll ask her!

Fantastic meal, Mother!

The expatriates of Thailand
certainly know their curry!

Well, thank you guys
for celebrating with me.

I really feel like I'm starting
to do okay at work.

Someone broke in again!
Let's call the police.

Perhaps it was
our resident spirit.

Come on, Brian. Really?

What did you say?

Nothing.

It was probably one of
those pranks that Adam pulls

to scare you and me, or

it might've been
the cheer squad.

I'll call Jasmine.

Well, I'd feel a lot safer

if we had the police
search the place.

Make sure there's
no creepsters in here.

Look at that crap.

Who breaks in and plays cards?

Hey, did you and the cheer squad

break in
and trash our front room?

I knew it was you guys.

You guys are so bad.

Yeah, now I have to
clean it all up.

Okay. Okay, thanks, Jasmine.

Bye.

Yeah, Jasmine
and the cheer squad did it.

I'm sorry. They...

I told them we were going out
to dinner, and

they know where I hide
the spare key.

Weird girls.

Whatever happened to just
toilet papering trees?

Anyway, you're cleaning up
this mess.

Already on it, Mom.

Come on, Adam,

let's go find something trashy
to watch on TV.

That shouldn't be difficult.

Brian?

Brian!

- Brian!
- We were gonna clean it up.

You guys came home
earlier than we expected.

So you can party in my house,

but you can't take me
to Homecoming.

It's my house, too,

and we were gonna clean it up.

Well, you better still
clean it up.

Are your messy friends
still here?

Yeah.

Lovely to see you, Amanda.

Terribly sorry about this mess.

It's fine, Hal. Hey, Earl.

Hey, Amanda.
Sorry about the mess,

but we had a really far-out
happening in your groovy pad.

Brian talked about you
the whole time we played cards,

and he ain't wrong.

You are as pretty as a daisy.

Well, thank you, Zebulon.

Hey, Goose Hair.

Thank you, everyone,

but I'm still mad at you,

and I don't wanna see you.

Amanda, who're you talking to?

No one! I'm on the phone!

Well, since Brian won't take
you to the dance, I'd like to...

Pay him no heed. Why...
Earl here is a grease monkey,

but I'm a classroom scholar
and gridiron stalwart!

I intend to play halfback
at Dartmouth!

Allow me to escort you
to the dance.

I'll escort you to the dance,
Miss Amanda.

You're as pretty as a bouquet
of blue bonnets.

Well, thank you guys.

You definitely know how to
make a girl feel special.

That's three gentlemen who'd
love to take me to Homecoming.

Four.

Plus Goose Hair, equals four.

Look, you overeager
pack of weasels.

None of us can take Amanda
to Homecoming.

They won't even be able to
see us over at the high school.

We're haunters, remember?

We haunt this block.

I have a song.

♪ 364 nights of the year

♪ 3Ds can't see haunters

♪ All these things
you cannot hear ♪

♪ But Halloween Night
is different ♪

♪ It's the one night
of the year ♪

♪ All things converge,
and if we get the urge ♪

♪ we can talk and you can hear ♪

♪ I've haunted this house
for countless years ♪

♪ Mostly I've been unnoticed

♪ When they se me
they run in fear ♪

♪ but, Amanda,
you are different ♪

♪ and when you talk

♪ I'll be here ♪

♪

Okay, I get it.

I forgive you,
you seer ghostly punk.

But, you guys, I did ask Brian
to Homecoming,

but I'd love to dance
with every one of you.

You heard him.

We're not going to the dance.

We're haunters.

We'll be invisible.

Your song gave me an idea.

You will meet my friends
and they will all meet you

and we will all dance.

Jasmine? Hey.

Hear that, fellas?

We're gonna do-so-do with
Miss Amanda and her friends!

Don't hold your breath, Zeb,
if you have any.

Brian's right.

We ain't goin' to no dance.

We're doomed
to haunt this block.

We're trapped here.

Trapped.

That explains so much.

Fellas, we ain't trapped.

We just don't wanna move along.

Mom...

I have a confession to make.

That mess wasn't
a cheerleading prank, was it?

No.

Look, I know
you miss Spring Lake

and all your friends there,

and I know you want desperately
to fit in here.

When I was your age,
I was no perfect angel.

But you cannot be hosting
wild parties in this house.

What? I didn't.

The first time it happened,
it hardly occurred to me

that you'd host a party.

I mean, you didn't even
know anyone here.

But I misjudged.

You know, maybe you're having
a harder time adjusting

than I thought.

But now I'm here to be
the good mom I need to be.

Mom, that's great,
but I didn't have a party.

And even though
I'm a sympathetic mom,

you are grounded.

You're grounded for a week.

And if we need to get you
some alcohol education...

I don't drink!
I didn't have a party!

- Then who did?
- Some guys I know!

- Dead guys.
- I knew it.

Mom, we do
have a ghost in this house,

and he's really cute, and

even though he won't
go to Homecoming with me,

he's really sweet.

Is this one of
those internet scams?

Those idiots back in Spring Lake

make up some fake
online boyfriend for you?

- I swear, I...
- Fake online boyfriend?

He's real!
He and his friends cleaned up the mess.

Go in there and look!
It's spotless!

You know
I'm a crappy cleaner-upper.

Honey, this is worse
than I thought.

You must miss your
Spring Lake friends so much

that you're makin' up
imaginary ones.

And you miss Taylor,

so you've conjured up
an imaginary boyfriend!

Listen, I can get you
into counseling.

I should've known
you wouldn't understand.

Mom, I am making
real friends here,

and I like a real guy,

and it's more than a crush.

I actually know him, and

we have these super long
interesting conversations, and

he's like my soulmate,

but it's complicated.

I get it.

It's natural to fantasize about
a boy who doesn't really exist.

Who you can't really have.

That's not what this is!

Ever since your dad and I
started to unravel,

I keep going back to when I was
even younger than you.

I keep thinking about this boy
I met at summer camp.

He was a counselor
on the boy's side,

and I was on the girl's side.

Maybe you need the counseling.

He was kind of a bad boy,

but one of those bad boys who's
actually smart and sensitive.

You know?

I never saw him again
after I was 15.

I thought about him
all through college,

in high school, and even...

Mom, you don't get it!

I'm talking about a guy

who I actually see every day,
and

you're pining for some

guy from when you were 15.

You're middle aged!

I mean, I'm sad Dad left, too.

You're the one with
the imaginary boyfriend.

He's not imaginary!

Then when can I meet him?

You can't!

I mean, you can't even see him.
Most people can't.

I'm callin' in the morning
to get you into counseling.

So, I need you to reveal
yourself to my mom.

I thought you were
gonna tell her about me.

She thinks I made you up.

So?

So, she's so intense, and...
I dunno...

She's selfish and insensitive.

Can't you see that?

I guess I don't really pay
that much attention to her.

Why not?

I dunno.
I mean, she's a grown-up.

I like hanging out with you.
We're the same age.

Are we?

Yeah, I'm 17 and you're 16.

Yeah, but if you hadn't...

If the whole thunder storm,

rain, guitar incident
hadn't happened,

then you'd be, like, what?

My mom's age?

Oh, my God, I never
thought about that before.

I guess I do like her albums
more than the crap you listen to.

I downloaded London Calling.

- The song?
- The whole album.

I have secretly been digging

some of that
Taylor Swift crap, so...

Guess we are the same age.

♪

God, what am I doing?

I'm such a.

I, um

convinced myself this move
would be good for them,

but really it was just for me.

I dunno, it doesn't really seem
like you had much of a choice.

For what?

A job where I'm in
way over my head?

I'm totally stressed.
I'm ignoring my kids.

I'm so selfish.

Took Amanda away from her home,

her friends, her boyfriend...

Everything was going right
for her.

I think Carly was gonna try to
steal that bonehead quarterback

whether you guys moved or not.

Now Amanda's so depressed,

she's makin' up
imaginary boyfriends.

Well, I don't know
if I'm her boyfriend,

but she definitely didn't
make me up.

♪

Drinking alone in a kitchen
and I'm talkin' to myself.

You turned down Squatchie

because you were hoping to go
to Homecoming with a dead guy?

Well, he's a ghost. Yeah.

Girl, that's a new one.

And his friends
are all dead, too?

Well, they're ghosts,
but they're really nice,

and interesting, and funny,
and they all wanna dance.

You guys are gonna
really like 'em.

How are we gonna like them
if we can't even see them?

Or talk with them, or hear them.

Well, apparently,
on Halloween Night,

even people that can't normally
see ghosts can see them,

especially if they're on
their own haunting turf, so

all we have to do is have a
Halloween party at my house.

Well, if you aren't
completely BSing us

this'll be awesome.

All right. You know we'll help.

Hey, Liz, wanna join us
for lunch?

We're gonna celebrate

'cause in spite
of Barry's idiotic antics,

I just found out
we landed Schwinky Industries.

Nancy, you remind me
of a prescription refill,

'cause you are ready for pickup.

Evelyn, you remind me of
one of those magic 8-balls,

'cause all I wanna do
is hold you in my hands

and shake you gently,
then turn you upside down

and see if you say,
"yes definitely."

Hey, Barry, you remind me
of a clock on an airplane,

'cause your time is up.

Barry, I figured
I might find you here.

Patricialicious!
My favorite human resource!

Barry, come with me.

Well, I like the sound of that,
Patricialicious.

You know, you remind me
of steak sauce,

'cause you are A1
and 57 kinds of spicy.

Meet me in Conference Room B.

Clearly you've forgotten
the anti-harassment training.

Hey, party at Amanda's,
Halloween night!

- Party at Amanda's.
- Party at Amanda's! Gotta be there!

- Come on. Party at Amanda's.
- Party at Amanda's.

Party at Amanda's.

Party at Amanda's
this Halloween!

Gotta be there!
Hey, party at Amanda's.

Halloween Night. Be there.

- Party at Amanda's.
- Party at Amanda's this Halloween!

Gonna be a crazy Halloween
party at Amanda's house!

Don't miss it.

♪

♪

I gave her
a ride home last night,

and she left this scarf
in my car.

At the sight of the scarf,
the old woman fainted,

and an old man came, and said,

"Where did you get that scarf?!"

That scarf belonged
to me daughter, Vicky...

She died ten years ago

on Halloween Night.

- Oh, my God!
- Tell us another one, Adam!

Keepin' an eye out for bad guys
dressed as 12-year-old kids,

dressed as monsters, Detective?

Mrs. Papalooski!

Poplawski!

Or Jensen...

Better yet, just Carol.

Carol it is, then.

Pete.

Z-Dog, what kind of readings
are you getting on the PEX?

Big readings, Billy.
Big readings.

Either we've just found
a big convergence of ghosts,

or we finally found
the one they call...

Vladimir.

Oh, dude!

That costume's outrageous, man!

You look like an actual
dead evil badass, dude!

It is not a costume.

Oh, I respect that, man.

That's cool.
Stayin' in character.

I like it! I'm Squatchie!

I am Vladimir.

These PEX readings
are off the charts.

Madame Lidnar always
talked about this.

We may be stumbling onto an HCH.

An HCH?

A Halloween Convergence
of Haunters.

If only Zak were here
to see this.

You guys!

Maybe this is the year
that we encounter.

Chicagoland's most legendary
evil ghost,

Vlad the Bad.

- Let's go around back.
- Okay.

So, a lot of these parents,

they like it when their kids
are watched by a cop, right?

So, they go downtown
to their trendy restaurants,

and stuff,

and I take the kids

to the soccer game

to the batting cages

to the Halloween party.

Well, you know, this
Halloween party isn't all kids.

It's not exactly crawlin'
with single women

in sexy witch costumes, either.

Are you prowlin'
this Halloween party for dates?

I mean,
I thought you were married.

Uh, no, ma'am. No, ma'am.

Not married.

Used to be.

That worked out about as well
as my last diet.

It was great for a week.

You have any trouble with
juvenile delinquents lately?

Or ghosts?

Funny, uh, no, actually.

My daughter's havin' a little
trouble adjusting here, but...

I can tell you there's no
ghosts or partying teenagers

in my house.

Oh, sprits,
on this hallowed night,

let me hear and see you, too.

Give me access, take no flight!

Let me sit and chat with you!

♪

I am sensing
many strong spirit presences.

Have either of you noticed
any ghosts here tonight?

There's ghosts everywhere!

And monsters, and witches,

and scary clowns. It's awesome!

Hey, great weird
old lady costume!

Real lifelike.

I am merely a neighbor

chaperoning this gathering
of souls.

I'm looking to connect
with some spirits,

and I sense
there are spirits about.

Have you seen
anything unusual tonight?

Ladies and gentlemen!

Please be quiet.

Dude, we
were listenin' to that song!

Chill out, sasquatch!

Squatch? I knew it!

We are the men and hot woman
of SPIT,

the Super Paranormal
Investigation Team.

Chicagoland's paramount
paranormal investigators!

Ugh. Not again.

We're here because
we have reason to believe

that this party is a Halloween
Convergence of Haunters.

Right on!
It's a Halloween party, dude!

And we were having a good time

until you fools came in here
and turned off the music!

Uh, don't you have to go hang
out with some other old people?

We already threw you
out of here once,

and nobody invited you
to this party.

Don't worry.

We won't charge you a dime
for our work.

We're just here to capture
all of your haunters

on the house.

I told you guys before,

get out of here!

That voice!

That's the same haunter
that kicked us out last time!

Should I nail him, Billy?!

Bag this paranormal punk.

You'll bag nothing.

We're the Super Paranormal
Investigation Team...

Who are you,
lame Halloween costume guy?

I am Vladimir Cadeaux,

founder and protector
of the Halloween Convergence,

and you buffoons will leave now,

or feel the wrath
of the haunters.

I knew it.

These dudes are awesome!

This is the coolest
Halloween party ever!

Mr. Vladimir... Hi!

We-we're actually here
to see you,

uh, and observe
your convergence.

And, uh... Bag him, Zeke!

Whoa! Whoa!

No need to bag any ghosts, man!

These haunters mean you no harm.

I have had enough of your crap,

you teenage ghost punk!

I'm gonna bag me a sasquatch!

Ah! Oh! Whoa! Whoa!

- You're mine, you squatch!
- What are you doing?!

You idiots!

You don't go around
attacking people

just because they're different!

These haunters
only wanna coexist!

Tonight, these haunter hunters

are going to have to coexist
in captivity.

Rope them, haunters!

Oh!
That's what he meant by rope!

That's what he meant by rope!
That's what he meant by rope!

All right, let's get the party
back on!

You are brave and wise
multi-dimensional woman.

And you are one sexy,
handsome haunter.

♪

I am Goose Hair.
What is your name?

Kourtney.

Hi.

Hey, look.

She's a little tied up at the
moment right now, buddy, okay?

So, why don't you just...
You know?

Out! Everyone out now!

Who's that lady?

Who said "lady"?

Who said that?!

I live here! This is my house!

And I say everyone out now!

And I say it, too.

And I'm the police.

I know you. I know your parents.

I know you.
Who the hell was that?

I know you.

Who's that? I know your parents.

Carol, you want alex and me
to stay

and help clean up this mess?

Wow, full service police backup.

The OPPD will not only break up

your wild, illegal
teenage party,

they'll clean it up, too.

I'm just tryin' to help, Carol.

Very sweet, Pete, but I think
you better go.

Can't have
the Chief of Detectives

be a witness
when I strangle my daughter.

Well, maybe anyway,
this explains the

beer bottles,
and the cigarettes, and the...

Anyway.

Uh, you still have my card
if I can be helpful.

Yeah, the one with your home
number scribbled on the back.

All right, all right.

Hap-happy Halloween.

Good luck.

Take care.

Amanda Louise Poplawski,
you are in so much trouble!

Okay, I can explain.
You know the guy that I said...

I don't wanna hear it!

I can't even stand
to hear you talk right now!

Everything was finally
starting to go okay,

and then you pull this,
and you lie to me,

and you embarrass me

in front of the guy I li...
The cops!

This was the only opportunity
I had

for my haunter friends
to meet my 3D friends.

I knew it!
She was cavorting with ghosts!

Amanda, get upstairs!

Go to your room now!

I don't even want you
in the same room with me!

Don't you want me
to help clean up?

Oh, you'll clean it up tomorrow
all day.

You're gonna be grounded
for life!

But Mother,
she was cavorting with ghosts!

You get upstairs, too!

Oh, I've got a ghost boyfriend.

I can't go to the Halloween
party with you and Adam.

I'm gonna go
to the cheerleading party

at Jasmine's house. Ugh.

Well, she wasn't lying
about the ghost boyfriend.

Who are...

Kid, I-I-I don't know
who you are, but...

I just threw everybody out,
and...

Detective McGarry's my friend.

Yeah, but I live here.

I don't care where you live!

I'm callin' the cops!

Yeah, but I live here
in this house.

Right.

I'm callin' 'em right now.

Look, Mrs. Poplawski,

I'm Amanda's boyfriend,

and I'm a ghost.

Brian Flynn.

But I'm not gonna hurt you.

You're Brian Flynn.

Did Amanda tell you my name?

You don't remember me?

Well...

I've seen you around the house
since you guys moved in, but...

You're Amanda's mom.

Do I look that different?

Or is it just that

I wasn't as big a deal to you
as you were to me?

Dude, I'm Carol Jensen!

You taught me to play guitar!

You taught me
about music and life!

Because of you,
I was the only ninth grader

in Spring Lake, Michigan,
who walked around to parties

carrying London Calling
and Rocket to Russia!

You're reggae Carol?

You look so diff...

Are you kidding?

You're making out
with my boyfriend?!

Amanda, it's not like that!

Why were you making out
with my mother, you liar?!

All that about music,
and-and how I'm special,

and how Taylor
shouldn't have hurt me!

I have no idea
what you're talking about!

You don't know
what you're talking about!

I'm trying to tell you...

Wait, where's Brian?

- Brian?
- Brian!

- Brian?
- Brian!

Brian?

Hey.

I get why you're mad.

- Mom.
- I totally get how you feel about Brian.

For so many years,
I've hated myself

for all the things I didn't do.

You raised Adam and me.

I mean, I know
we're not perfect, but

if it hadn't been for you

we wouldn't even be pretty good.

Oh, you and Adam are the best.

I love you both so much.

But it's easier
to be jealous of your kids,

or-or resent your husband,

than it is to admit
that there's stuff

that you could've
done differently, and,

and it's nobody's fault
but your own.

My own.

So you kinda compared Dad
to Brian?

Yeah.

How unfair is that?

I was married to a real person,

and all I could do was compare
him to a sweet bad boy

I knew for two months
when I was 15.

Doesn't justify what Dad did.

No, but in the beginning,
he tried to be a good husband.

Oh, you did what any girl
in love would do.

I'm surprised you didn't hit me.

Want me to hit you now?

A hug, instead.

You think we'll ever
see him again?

I don't know.

Uh, he usually appears
when I call for him, which...

I did like a hundred times
last night.

No response.

- Nope.
- Hi.

Have you been
standing there long?

No, I just got here.
I was over at Hal's.

We weren't sure
you were coming back.

Yeah, neither was I,

but I had to see
that you guys were both okay.

Well, you can just
hang out with me.

We're the same age.

Yeah, but... Amanda

to do that, I have to stay here

and keep haunting this house,

and playing cards with
my haunter friends, but...

You have to grow up,

and move on,
and go to college, and

have an actual life.

You're a really cool girl,
Amanda,

and you're gonna be a really
cool grown-up 3D woman.

It's... probably my friends.

Hello!

Amanda, Mrs. Pallapalooski...

We want to extend our thanks
for last night's soirée.

I know we can all agree
that last night's party

was the greatest party
we've ever attended.

Who's at the door?

Why, what have we here?

Teen ruffians
still clad in costume.

Too late!

My delinquent sister
already cleaned up the mess

you hooligans made.

Hello, Adam.

Do I know you?

I don't recall meeting,

but your face seems familiar.

Adam, this is Brian.

He's the ghost
that haunts our house.

The nocturnal guitarist!
I knew it!

And these are my friends,

Hal, Suzy Q, Goose Hair,
Earl, Zebulon.

They're not wearing costumes,
either.

Neptune's trident!

I was suspecting that you
were cavorting with, uh

a netherworld punk, but we're
overrun with specters!

Brian, we talked.

We're all gonna do it.

You guys are the best.

- Let's hop it works.
- What? Do what?

We're gonna try to leave.

Leave where?

Hal and Zebulon and Goose Hair
used to know a haunter,

back around 1930.

She left.

She used to hang an old
dance hall that's long gone.

Her name was Mary,

and she was as pretty
as a petunia.

She was
always tryin' to leave.

She didn't wanna be a haunter.

She'd always stand out
on Oak Park Avenue,

and bum rides off of 3Ds
that could see her.

But she'd always
end up back at the dance hall.

Then, one year,
there was a party

at the dance hall
for Halloween, and

everyone could see her.

Mary must've danced with
a dozen fellows that night.

And the next day,
on All Saint's Day

all the 3Ds could still see her.

Just like you can see us now.

Apparently one of the guys
came back to the dance hall

and took Mary out for a date.

After lunch, old Mary
and this 3D fellow

went to a field behind
the big new movie house,

and there...

Vladimir was lurking about.

And I said, "Jeepers!

Don't go near Vlad the Bad!"

And then, she looks at Vlad,

and then she said
she's moving on,

and said goodbye.

Then, she disappeared.

We never seen

old Dance Hall Mary ever again.

Well, where did she go?

The next place, kid.

Wherever people go when they
finally leave this place.

A bit later, a post card was
sent to our house, addressed to...

Zebulon and me.

What did it say?

"Dear Hal and Zebulon...

It's heavenly here.

See you around.

Love, Mary."

So...

We're all gonna try to do
what Dance Hall Mary did.

What?
You're just gonna disappear?

But, y...
I mean, you and I are in...

You like it here.
You get to play your guitar in the rain.

Amanda, I was wrong.

I don't stay here and play
my guitar in the rain

because I love it.

I do it because
I'm reenacting that night,

because I wish I didn't do that.

I wish it didn't happen like that.
I wish...

Maybe I just wish
it was still 1986,

and I was 17, and I was
just riding my skateboard

and playing guitar, but...

But it's not. It's not 1986.

It's not gonna be today,

and it's not
gonna be 1986 tomorrow,

and it's never gonna be 1986
ever again, and...

And, I don't know, um...

I'm really sorry

but,

but it's time.

How do you guys know
this is gonna work?

- We don't, but...
- But we all agree.

We gotta try.

We found out let night
that Vlad the Bad is

good.

He's the portal keeper.

He guards a special spot
that helps haunters move on.

If you do disappear,
you don't know where you'll go.

I mean, that's crazy.

Uh, no offense, Amanda,
but you know what's crazy?

Rolling a tire
up and down the block all day.

Day after day...
year after year.

You know what's crazy?

Being in love.

♪

♪ Outside's gettin' so cold

♪ Winter stop the roads

♪ Walks the paths
around the trees ♪

♪ Spreads light's fingers
over rotten leaves ♪

♪ But I remember
not so long ago ♪

♪ I walked home alone

♪ I saw the first trees
turn to red ♪

♪ So there are no surprises... ♪

Goodbye.

I love you all.

♪ Roll me down with the river ♪

♪ Deliver me, set me free ♪

♪ Cut the sky up like a pie ♪

♪ Cut the sky,
I'll pull it down ♪

♪ Cut it up so it's mine... ♪

To the finest neighbors,

to guys could ever have!

Aw, cheers!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

To best friends!

Amanda, I'm so glad
you moved out here.

I am too.

Aw, how sweet, Jasmine.

- Aw.
- That's good.

Um, while we're at it,

the coolest girlfriend
a guy could ever have.

I'm very proud
you finished your novel.

Aw!

To chess! To amphibians!

To a rousing oratory!

To Dickensian merriment,

and to Christmas toasts!

Adam, you don't get the floor
all night!

Come on, toastmaster.
Pick one and go with it.

To Oak Park,

and all of its denizens,

past, present, and future.

Hear, hear!

Well done, well done.

Well done. Nice.

Amanda, did you wanna
make a toast?

I do, but I'm waiting
for you-know-who.

Honey, that could be
a very long wait.

- Are you sure he's coming?
- I know he will.

Are you certain
he'll show up tonight?

I'm sure he will.

It's pretty snowy out the, kid.

A little snow
isn't gonna stop him.

Well, you can't be disappointed
if he doesn't make it tonight.

Okay

There he is.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Squatchie!
- Hi!

Hey!

Squatchie, I'm
so glad you made it!

- How's college?
- It's amazing.

It's so nice to see you all.
How's it goin'?

It's snowy as heck.

Yeah.

So, what's in the box?
Did you bring us something?

Oh, I actually found this
on the porch.

I just figured I should
bring it in.

Should we open it?

I believe we must!

A guitar.

- How 'bout that?
- A card? You got that?

Take it out.

Nice-lookin' guitar.

All right?

What does it say?

Atta boy, Brian!

♪