Teddy (2020) - full transcript

The tourist season isn't underway yet...

...but Lacanau beach
is already in the news.

Local residents have spotted
and photographed...

...a blue shark near the shore.

This unusual occurrence
has not deterred swimmers though.

Andrée Declerck, Vincent Black.

Blast!

Unbelievable.

This always happens!

It trips every dam day.

There we go.



Is someone there?

Who's that over there?

Is anyone there?

Prepare to post the colors!

Post the colors!

To all those who fell for France
in World War Two...

...we are gathered here today,
Saturday, May 8...

...to pay tribute to their memory.

These mainly young men...

...died as heroes for freedom
and the honor of France.

Benjamin, please join us.

Arise, children of the Fatherland...

The day of glory has arrived!

Against us tyranny's...



Bloody banner is raised...

Do you hear, in the countryside...

The roar of those ferocious soldiers?

They're coming right into our arms...

To cut the throats
of our sons, our women!

To arms citizens...

Form your battalions...

Let's march, let's march!

Let an impure blood...

Soak our fields!

Thank you and well done, Benjamin.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...I shall now read out the names
of our fallen heroes...

...inscribed on our memorial.

- Jean René.
- Died for France.

André Puigsegur.

Died for France.

François Feret.

Hervé Dervin.

Léon Bertin.

Gilbert Pruveau.

Hey, you made a mistake!

Sorry?

Pruveau ain't right.
It's 'ost' not 'eau.'

You got it wrong!

I wouldn't know.
Does "Pruveau" end in 'ost'?

If he says so, it must do.

Of course it does.
Don't take the piss!

Just calm down.

As soon as we can,
we'll correct it if it's a mistake.

If he'd known,
Granddad wouldn't have fought!

Your celebration sucks!

Calm down, you.

Get out of here.

That's enough!

Now get lost.

Come back on Armistice Day,
when you've calmed down.

We've no time for smartasses!

Bunch of shits!

You reek of booze!

Shut it, Croquette!
Get lost!

That's it, get lost.

Rebecca isn't home.

Yes, she's here.
I saw her through her window.

- She's busy revising!
- I'm gonna help her.

I love you.

- What's on your mind?
- Nothing.

Teddy, don't lie to me!

- Tell me!
- You didn't come.

- Sure I did.
- No, you didn't.

I already told you,
I'm clitoral not vaginal.

I knew it, I knew it!

But I ain't mad at you.
I came out of respect, but whatever.

- You came out of respect?
- Sure.

- It's nice manners.
- What a good boy!

You don't have to come every time.

Not everyone does.
It just depends.

Coz, you know all about it, huh?

You sexpert!

I'm not a sexpert,
I just know lots you don't.

It's my mysterious side.

Like what?

Like I can guess...

...the size of a guy's dick...

...by looking at the space
between his eyes.

The smaller it is,
the bigger his dick.

It's true!

You learned that in high school.

I knew I should have gone!

Before you do high school,
there's middle school.

What a dumb-ass!

Hang on.

Hey, don't do that!

You know its size anyways.

- You're such a dickhead.
- Shut up and kiss me!

What the fuck?!

That's how wolves are!

They're like foxes.
They'd kill anything for a few scraps.

With the one in the woods, that's 12.

Do you think it was a stray dog?

A stray dog!
You can't be serious.

Did the wolf do that?

I said it would end in tears.

And you tell me that!

Track it down, OK?

If you don't, we will.

Hey, I'm talking to you!

What do you want now?

Get lost, Pruvost!
Nothing to see here.

Hey, I'm behind the tape!
Why else it is here?

You hassled us earlier.

Carry on like that,
and we'll haul you in, believe you me!

That's enough.

Was it the wolf or not?

Hey, fatso!

We'll arrest you for contempt of cop...

...if you don't watch out.

- I mean, jeez.
- He oughta cut it out.

Ladies and gents.

I need to take your statements.

Thank you, gents.

Was it the wolf?

You gotta tell me!

Chief!

Teddy, you're a pain in the ass!

- What'll we do with him?
- I've no idea, but...

One spoonful for Teddy...

...one spoonful for Pépin.

I heard you caused trouble
this morning.

I didn't, they did.
They changed the memorial plaque.

What are you on about?

They wrote my great-grandpa's name
with 'eau, ' the assholes.

Are you dumb or what?
You moron...

...it's Gilbert Pruveau, it's 'eau.'

The family used to live
opposite the post office.

You're not related.
It's a variant spelling.

Salami.

Fuck, here we go again!

It isn't salami, Auntie...

...it's your puree.

I gotta go, or I'll be late.

Bye, Auntie.

Bye, Pépin.

- Finish feeding her, OK?
- Sure.

Don't worry.

Fuck it!

What the fuck?!

What the hell is that?!

Is someone there?

Hey, is that the wolf?

I'm armed, OK?

I swear I'm coming for you!

Fucker!

Fuck.

Seeing as you're here,
you can do my feet.

No, I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor,
I can't do your feet.

They aren't included
in the Koh Samui package.

You should've chosen
the Beijing package.

Well, just add the Beijing package.

No, I can't do that.

It isn't that simple, unfortunately.
You have to pre-book.

Next time maybe.
I'd have to change the CD.

It's a real hassle.

Is there a problem, Teddy?

Yeah, there is.
He wants a foot massage.

So?

It ain't included in Koh Samui.

Do as the gentleman asks, please.

The other day you said...

Do it!

What about gratitude?

And?

Gratitude.

Teddy?

Yes, Ghislaine?

Come see me, please.

Ghislaine?

I'm here.

Honestly, Ghislaine, don't bother!

I'm not into shiatsu anyways.

You're knotted up.

It's all that nasty stress.

And the problem with stress is...

...you pass it on to the client...

...and he goes home unhappy
after the appointment.

And if he isn't happy,
I'll have to shut up shop.

What's our slogan, Teddy?

"Leave all your worries with us."

You just need to apply it.

Yeah, but what you don't get is...

...massage ain't my thing, OK?

The temping agency sent me.

I applied to the fast-foot joint.

I sent my resume,
got hired then it closed.

And I ended up here.

You're quite a handful at times.

- Turn over.
- What?

Turn over.

Make it snappy.
My shift's over.

What are you doing?

I'm a handful, am I?

I pay you on time, I'm kind.

- And I take care of you.
- Stop it!

Shiatsu's good for you.
Know how much I charge?

I don't want you to touch me.

You're too tense.

- Because of you!
- Just relax.

What are you doing?

Are you crazy or what?
What you doing?

- Why refuse?
- Just stop!

Don't reject love.

Stop it!
This is fucking harassment!

Haven't you heard of #Me Too?

Fucking stop!

- What's that?
- You fucking hurt me!

You shat yourself.

I scared you.

You shat yourself.

I didn't shit myself!
You're full of crap.

And your hair's shit too.

It messed you up real bad!

Did you see what it was?

No. I told you it was dark.

I'll be gentle, OK?

- I haven't touched it yet.
- You pressed it!

- Hand me the tweezers.
- What?

- Give me the tweezers.
- What for?

To take something out.
Just relax.

You don't know what you're doing!

It's going to hurt.

Grit your teeth.

Fuck, Pépin...

I swear, Pépin,
you're all thumbs.

Go on.

- And keep still.
- I'm not moving!

- This will hurt.
- Yeah, I got that. Go on.

Son of a bitch.

Fucking queer!

Butt out.

What you doing?

What you doing?

Mom, I'll take you upstairs!

Pépin, what's you see?

Get inside!
Don't go out there.

What's up with you?

- Come on!
- What's going on?

Hey, Pépin, tell me!

Now then, Mr. Lebref
and Mr. Pruveau...

"Ost."

Right, you said...

"It growled and came towards me."

What does "it" refer to?

Dunno, I didn't see.

Look, you came in
to report an incident.

This is for your benefit.

If you don't tell me anything,
I can't help you.

Try to remember something
anything, a tiny detail.

We think it was a bogeyman.

Are you serious?

- Didier?
- Ignore him. It's his medication.

Hey, Didier!

A bogeyman!

Son of a bitch.

You were attacked
by a bogeyman, huh?

It wasn't a bogeyman.

Mr. Lebref, a bogeyman?

Maybe it was just the wolf.

Definitely not.

Wolves don't attack people.

This is a dog's tooth, Mr. Lebref.

Not a bogeyman's tooth.

Or a wolf's tooth either.

Don't go spreading rumors.

It'll get everyone in a tizzy.

Understood?

We were in there ages.
They're clueless. I'm pissed off!

And afraid it'll happen again.

Cut it out, Pépin.

- Teddy, listen to me!
- No! Just come on.

We're already the village idiots.
With your bogeyman crap...

...they'll burn us at the stake!

For fuck's sake!

It was a dog, all right?

And I'm not dead.
Just forget it, OK?

- What are you up to?
- I'm just going to my room.

I meant with the rifle.

It's my dad's rifle.
I'm going to try to fix it up.

You can't even fire it.

Are you OK?
You look peaky.

I stayed up till midnight
at the salon.

That isn't what I meant.

Salami.

It's healing.

Something stinks.

I can't smell a thing.

- What you doing?
- It's you.

Bullshit!

You can't just sniff people!

It's your nose that stinks, bro!

What are you eating?

Headcheese.

You usually have cereal.

Give me a break!

What you doing?
You'll kill someone with that.

Get lost!

Pépin's really lost it, huh?

"Great God!
This abominable complaint...

"...of which he fancied himself cured,
had returned!

"He could not deny it.

"He had taken the scissors
to plant them in her flesh...

"...as soon as he had seen it.

"The warm,
white flesh of her breast..."

Focus!

I'm totally focused.
I'm counting the tiles in your pool.

Prepare for take-off!

- Watch out!
- Stop that right now.

"At certain hours, he felt...

"...this hereditary flaw.

"He began to think
he was paying for the others...

"...the fathers...

"...the grandfathers who had drunk...

"...the generations of drunks,
whose blood he'd inherited."

Rebe, come see.

Rebecca is wanted
by the station chief!

What's up?

Do you know if your dad
is leaving soon?

Yeah, I think so.

Will you lick me?

Sure!

Teddy, you're tickling me.

Sorry.

Teddy, that hurts! Stop it!

Teddy, you're hurting me!

Fuck it!

What's wrong?

It must be the mushrooms.
I feel weird.

- I'm gonna go, OK?
- What's wrong, Teddy?

Nothing.

- Where are you going?
- My belly hurts.

Stick out your tongue.

There's nothing there now.

It was all hairy yesterday.

I almost fainted,
it was that gross.

Hairy?

It's a bit red.
I don't know what you did.

- Did you shave your tongue?
- Yeah coz...

Well, no wonder it's red.

Did you put foam on too?

Doing things like that is pretty...

Take a deep breath.

It was hairy, I swear.

In all my years in this job.
I've never seen a hairy tongue.

What about my hands?

What's wrong with them?

They're all hairy.

That's normal.
It's a sign of puberty.

- You're growing up.
- Puberty?

Soon you'll have hair
on your shoulders, your back...

...your belly button,
and in your nose, too.

There wasn't any before.
I'm not dumb.

Well, it grows.

Especially when there's a full moon.

I'll check your blood pressure.

- You smoked something, huh?
- No.

- Are you sure?
- Yes.

Me and my girl took 'shrooms.
But it can't be that.

Mushrooms, eh?

Yeah.

No wonder you saw hairs
on your tongue and shaved it.

You're crazy to take mushrooms.

What's that?

Nothing.

A dog bit me in the woods
the other day.

We'll disinfect it.

- I'll check your pressure first.
- Is that the cause?

- Not at all.
- Of the symptoms?

Not at all.

Are you sure?

I'm the doctor here.

If you howl at the moon
or turn into a werewolf...

...come back and see me.

- Very funny.
- I'm just kidding.

We doctors have
a sense of humor too.

120 over 80.

It's excellent.

You're in great shape.

This is how wide the front will be.

90 sq m of living space.

A 25 sq m lounge,
an 11 sq m bedroom...

...and a 20 sq m master bedroom
plus bathroom with a walk-in shower.

And in the backyard,
a pool and pergola.

What do you think?

What's a pergola?

I don't actually know...

...but I always hear people say...

"It's a fine evening.
We'll dine under the pergola."

And I think,
"Fuck, I need one of them!"

Come see.
It isn't impossible.

All that was my work.

With a 30-year mortgage,
this will be ours.

This here is the perimeter.
And in here, we'll be at home.

But, basically...

...we'll definitely manage...

...with my job and yours,
once you have one.

We'll make it work.

I mean...

I know it isn't very big...

...and it's kind of remote, but...

Come on!

Come see!

And it'll be our home.

How about it?

Know what I think?

I dunno.

My friends and I are having a party
before our exams.

Would you like to come?

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Cool!

Happy birthday to you!

Oh fuck.

Hey, Pink Panther!

Got an appointment?

Yep.

Go on, Teddy!

One for the road!

Here goes, buddy!

Happy birthday!

Hang on, hang on!

Gratitude.

Respect and gratitude.

Stop!

- That hurt?
- That's enough.

- Had enough?
- For sure.

Stop there.

What about the climax?

Butt crack, butt crack!

No way.

- No butt cracks.
- Why not?

It isn't included.

- He says it isn't included.
- Shut up, you!

I'm done.
Off you go.

Butt crack, butt crack.

There we go, butt crack!

You moron!

- This ain't the union office, pal.
- Sorry I scared you.

Could you stick this in the window?

NO TO THE WOLF!

What are you planning?

A protest on Saturday
outside the town hall...

...I'll leave you these.
Could you hand them out?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- Goodnight to you.
- Goodnight.

The little fishies swim, swim, swim...

Swim as well as the big fishies...

Ooh, it tickles!

89...

GHISLAINE'S NIMBLE FINGERS

What's he doing there?

Is he having a stroke or what?

For fuck's sake, Pépin,
are you totally dumb?

Why are you in the dark?

Are you fucking nuts?
You almost killed me, you jerk!

You're the jerk!
You woke me up.

Ghislaine made me stay
and do stocktaking.

You did it naked, did you?

What's it to you, you big queer?

You're a big jerk!

I was attacked,
if you must know, OK?

They pinched your clothes?

Yeah, that's right.
Some guys in the parking lot.

Then rolled you in the dirt?

Yeah, they said...

"Now you're butt naked,
we're gonna roll in the dirt!"

And they did.
They rolled me like a pancake.

Then they walked off.

Are you taking me for an idiot?

By any chance?

I don't like this, Teddy.

- Something isn't right.
- Pain in the ass!

You're telling me stories.

And you're pissing me off.

Stop breaking my balls!

I knew it, it's evil.

Evil!

You wanna know the truth?

I woke up like this,
and I don't know what happened.

I don't remember.
I woke up butt naked.

I wasn't attacked.

But I feel good, Pépin,
I feel awesome.

Is that so?

I feel awesome, Pépin.

- With your cuts...
- It's an awesome feeling.

I feel great!

Good evening, excuse me!
Everyone gather round.

I know your time's precious.

You're dancing,
drinking and having fun.

I'd just like your attention
for five minutes.

Gather round.
Yes, you too.

Thanks, cool.
I won't keep you long.

I'm Teddy Pruvost.

I've been dating Rebbeca
for eight months.

And it's going great, thanks.

I'm super happy
to meet you all at last.

I know this is the start
of a long, long friendship.

So I'm thrilled
and delighted to meet you.

Delighted and thrilled...

"Delighted and thrilled."
Yeah, that's it.

Good luck in your exams, guys.

You're all gonna pass.
No one will fail.

Or the drinks are on you!

But tonight the drinks are on me.

Why? I'm the new guy.

So I'm treating you tonight.

Have a blast, guys,
and catch you later for a chat.

In the meantime,
take care and see you soon.

"Thrilled and delighted."

Right!

Friends...

"It is time, at long last.
To forget memories past...

"Our happy-go-lucky ways...

"Our carefree childhood days.

"Autumn draws near,
Life's journey starts here...

"The fruit-laden tree bends,
And so school ends.

"Where the city lights glow,
We shall meet in a while...

"On the same boat we go,
to our land of exile.

"Nathan...

"...you'll be a lawyer.

"Thibault,
you'll have a daughter.

"Matthieu, you'll wear suits.

"Lucas, you'll solve disputes.

"Rebecca...

"...you'll be a minister...

"...maybe even president...

"...and you'll never be sinister...

"...your heart is so ardent."

I've no idea where I'll be.

Not to sorry.

"Wherever I roam,
dear brothers of mine...

"My heart shall remember thine."

Come on, group hug!

Kisses all round.

Give us a kiss.

That's it.

Let's take a photo.

Yeah, a photo!

Where's Teddy?
Teddy, can you take a photo?

Smile, everyone.

It's Thibault's round, guys!

Why are you here, asshole?

It's my place.
It says so on the mailbox.

Can't you read?

Rebecca invited me.

You know Rebecca?

Of course I know Rebecca.
She's my girlfriend.

Are you dating him?

Yeah, he's my guy.

Have you introduced yourselves?
Teddy, Benja. Benja, Teddy.

I thought it was a different Teddy.

You know this jerk?

Sure I do,
ever since third grade.

We've always been together.

Except in fifth grade.
We were separated for talking.

If you hadn't dropped out at six,
you'd know!

This isn't your place...

it's your dad's.
He emptied the town's coffers.

You don't even have a dad.

And that weirdo you live with
doesn't empty coffers...

...he empties bottles.

Alcoholic.

He's gonna thrash him!

Teddy Trailer Trash!

Post a story!

Baccalaureate exams begin tomorrow
for most high school students.

Record numbers of...

What are you doing, Teddy?

Swedish package.

Forgotten anything?

Apricot kernel oil.
Friction, gliding, percussion, kneading...

Lands of Scandinavia CD,
tracks 4, 6 and 7.

- And?
- And that's all.

And tender loving care.

Need some more TLC,
Mrs. Casenave?

No, I'm good.

See?
You're always on my ass!

Bad hair day, huh?

- I'll finish this.
- Go on, Miss Universe 1982.

Mind if take over, Mrs. Casenave?

No, not at all.

The toilet is blocked.

Unblocking it will calm you down.

You ballbreaker.

- Excuse me?
- Ballbreaker!

There we go.

- Call for another appointment.
- Will do.

Goodbye, Mrs. Casenave.

Goodbye!

Teddy?

I'd like a Saigon.

Gosh, Teddy!

That hurts...

Fuck, fuck.

Fuck, no!

HOW TO CURE WEREWOLF

THESE STRANGE...

"During the lunar cycle...

"...and when night falls...

"...the cursed one's body changes...

"...and the urge to hunt...

"...overcomes him.

"At each full moon
the beast is gripped by a...

"...paro... paroxysm..."

What's that mean?

"The cursed one
turns into a werewolf."

"Symptoms:

"Heightened aggressiveness...

"...ravenous appetite...

- "...various types of allergy.
- Including to silver -...

"...as well as a degeneration...

"...of body hair."

I got to the salon at 6:00 p.m.

There were no clients,
so I did the cleaning till 11:00 p.m...

...then left.

What's that on your arm?

I scratched myself.
It happens all the time.

How is she?

She's at hospital in a coma.

A deliveryman called
around 10:00 a.m yesterday.

He found her in a bloody heap.

Just in time too, apparently.

She could have died.

Part of her tongue was ripped out!

Only you two were there...

...so it's got us wondering.

I'm not drawing conclusions...

...but some folks would say
you're suspicious.

Chief, there's been another ewe attack.

- Where?
- The Col du Pertus.

It killed the entire flock.

I'm coming.

Do you want sushi or pizza for lunch?

We'll see about that later.

It isn't me asking, it's Thierry.

All right.

Right.

If your memory comes back,
get in touch.

You've got my number.

Rebe!

What's that?

It's for our school bingo night.

It's nice. Lovely colors.

Everyone will be there.
I wasn't gonna do it on fly.

Yeah, 'course.

Did your exams go well then?

Very well, thanks.

You removed your braces.

Yeah.

At last.

It suits you.
Your teeth are straight.

They're aligned.

That's the whole point.

Sorry about the other night.

You think that's the problem?

Hang on, Rebe,
you can't believe them.

Everyone says it's you.

So you believe them?

I dunno.
You've got to admit it's weird.

It was just you two.
You remember nothing.

It's true, I don't remember a thing.

Come on, Teddy,
what do you take me for?

Quit taking mushrooms.

Know what I was thinking?

After the summer,
maybe me and you could...

...think about...

...the future more seriously.

You know...

I'm gonna have
a fucking great job.

For sure. I'll be boss.

I'll have a ton of money.

And you, in the meantime...

...you can go to college.

I'll build our house
and a study specially for you...

...were it says, in capitals:
"Rebecca's space. Do not enter."

And since between us...

...it'll be awesome maybe...

...we could have a kid, like.

Or two even.

Why mess about?
Let's have two kids.

It's be so cool.

I'll teach them to ride a bike,
play soccer, and get them candy.

And you, well...

...you'll read them stories,
so they don't grow up dumb.

How about it?

What?

I won't be coming back, Teddy.

I have at least ten years
of studying ahead of me.

I'll probably stay in Perpignan...

...or maybe even move to Toulouse.

There's no point clinging on.

It was great while it lasted.

I'll find work,
I'll do what it takes.

I swear there won't be any trouble.

It isn't only that.

Never ever.

It's just that...

I don't love you
as much as you love me...

...you know.

Honey, what's gotten into you?

I don't love you anymore.

That's all.

It was cool at first, you know.

I was just a kid back then.

I've changed though.

But you haven't.

It's like you're kinda stuck.

That music of yours...

...has turned you into a Satanist.

You've taken your posters down.

Yeah.

I listen to rap now.

Rap?

I'm going to see PNL in July.

They're seriously lit.

Could you leave now?

Teddy, get off.

- Rebe, please!
- You're hurting me.

- Get off.
- No!

Just get off!

What's going on?

- He won't let go me.
- Teddy, let go.

Teddy, don't be ridiculous.

Stop it!
What are you doing?

- You're hurting her.
- Teddy, stop!

Just let go of her.

NO TO THE WOLF!

Kill, kill!

Keep still.

"Rebecca...

"I want you to know...

"...you have given me...

"...my best memories.

"I acted like a stupid jerk.

"But I can be someone good too.

"Because I still love you...

"...and I always will...

"...until my dying day."

Time to get dressed, huh?

Not necessarily.

Are you two ready?
You're going to be late.

- Coming, sir.
- I'll wait in the car.

Teddy!

Got it!

TO THE FUTURE

Please give them
a big round of applause.

And now...

...no more fooling around.

Time to put your eyes down!

I hereby declare...

...the second half
of the school's super bingo night...

...officially open!

Number 8, garden gate!

21.

Key of the door.

Five and zero...

50.

If you get a full house tonight,
you'll win a vacuum cleaner...

...a vacuum cleaner
donated by Catalanya Store.

22, two little ducks.

I'll spin it again.

Four and one...

...41.

Bingo!

We've got a winner!

Someone will come
and check your card.

TO THE FUTURE

The door, the door!

Come on, come on!

I don't have a signal.

Fuck!

Fucking hell!

Is it working?

I can't hear you.
Can you hear me? Hello?

Can you hear me?

Rebecca?

Can you hear me? Hello?

- What's going on?
- I'm hiding.

- Where is he?
- I don't know.

I'm with Benja.

I can't hear you.

Hello? Can you hear me?

Benjamin?

Benjamin!

Stop!

Sit down.

Teddy!

Come down.
We know you're there.

Come down, let's talk.

Chief!

He won't come down.
We have to go get him.

- Look, guys...
- Leave it to us. You'll mess up.

I need backup.

Please.

Let us through!

Raymonde, where is he?

Let us past!

Mr. Lebref?

Let's us through.

Move aside, please!

Let us past!

It's all over.