Teaching Mrs. Tingle (1999) - full transcript

Leigh Ann is salutatorian when she needs to be valedictorian to get her scholarship to Harvard. The only class she is worse than the leader in is history, taught by Mrs. Tingle, and the teacher hates her. When an attempt to get ahead in Mrs. Tingle's class goes awry, mayhem ensues and friendships, loyalties and trust are tested by the teacher's intricate mind-games.

God, help me this time

I'm really trying to try

I just feel like I'm waitin' for nothin'

I float on a lie

My heart's been pounding all day

Like I've been running away

I know this evening

You'll be sleeping where I want to be

Maybe I'll just run away

Susie never showed up.
I did a double.

I'm so tired.

- Ahh.
- Finished.

- You did? Oh!>
- Mm-hmm.

That's great.
Very well done.

So? You find out
about it today?

Just the rankings. Don't find out about
the scholarship till after finals.

- How about the grant?
- Declined.

Same as the loans.
Dad uses me as a deduction.

- Bastard.
- Yeah, but I still have a good shot at valedictorian.

- I mean, I could still get the scholarship.
- And you will.

I've got complete faith in you.

Well, I gotta go. if I just
get through this week, I'll be fine.

- Come here.
- I have to go.

I need a hug.
I need one. Come on.


You're going to get to college.

I mean, look at this.
This is brilliant.

My little girl the writer.

You're gonna make it.
You're gonna get out of here.

- I just know it.
- You didn't do so bad.


But you're gonna go
all the way.

So, you really think
this is an "A"?

You're the


That teacher of yours
isn't gonna know what hit her.

One thousand faces...

All look the same
They're all so boring mild and tame

Contaminate him
Knock off his glasses

Teach him to tamper
with the cloning


Pardon me, sir
Can I ask you a favor

Hey, Coach!

Wake up, will you?

That Trudie Tucker has
no business driving a Mercedes.

Listen, I need your senior prophecy for
the last issue. The deadline's tomorrow.

I don't know what to say.
I hate that senior shit.

- just think of where you'll be in 20 years.
- You're the writer, do it for me.

Okay, uh, how about, "Miss Jo Lynn
Jordan, famous film star, last seen..."

- In rehab popping Percodan, divorced from gay husband.
- Perfect.

- What does yours say?
- I haven't done mine yet.

Allow me.
Leigh Ann Watson, famous journalist

wins the Pulitzer Prize for her personal
yet searing account...

of being
a 38-year-old virgin.

- Watch it.
- Simple reminder.

Take my tongue
/t's cocked and loaded

Go, man, go!

Hiya, Trudie.
What you got there?

It's the Bastille. As in
"the storming of the Bastille,"

as in the French Revolution.

- Mmm, it's cute.
- I think we can do better than "cute."

Don't you think so, Leigh Ann?

Good job.
Very well clone.

Good morning.

The board has dubbed you
special student

Sit at home and
sweat in silence

We don't tolerate defiance here

- Oh, my God, there he is. Oh, he is such a...
- Canker.

With a wrought-iron ass!

- Dare me.
- What?

Just say it.
Dare me.

- Okay, I dare you.
- Thank you!

- Oops! Jeez.
- Whoa!

- Sorry about that.
- Hey, Jo Lynn, it's okay.

No, really, I should not be
in public with my feet. I-I'm sorry.

- Hey, Leigh Ann, how's it going?
- She's good

I'm the one who's
kind of out of it.

- Oh, yeah? What's wrong?
- I just think a little bit of pity is in order,

since I have had this stirring
and passionate secret love for you...

since actually
the third grade, and, um...

- But I feel much better now. Thanks.
- Yeah.

- I cannot believe you just did that.
- I can't either. Oh, my God!

You've gotta chill on the hair products.
The fumes are going straight up your nose.

It was this little voice inside of me
that just said, "Do it!"

That's why it's a little voice, Jo Lynn.
You're not supposed to listen to it.

No, Leigh Ann.
You've gotta listen.

I don't want you, I don't know you
And I don't want to


There she is.

Excuse me.

Get out of the way!

Hey, man.

- Uh... Good day, Coach.
- Mr. Potter?

- May I have a moment?
- Morning, Mrs. Tingle. How are you?

- Fine, thank you.
- Mrs. Tingle.

- Will you excuse us, Coach Wenchell?
- Of course.

How can I help you
this morning, Mrs. Tingle?

Summer school starts in three weeks.
Did you receive my request...

regarding those necessary
research materials?

Yes, I wanted to talk
to you about that.

It appears to be a matter of budget
I was thinking...

No, no, don't do that, Mr. Potter.
We so prefer...

that whistling wind effect
you have on us.

Now, I requested those materials
some time ago.

- We don't have the money.
- Mr. Potter,

I'm sure if you take another look
at that nasty budget...

ingenuity will abound.

So, thank you in advance.

Oh, by the way, happy birthday.

It's not my birthday, Mrs. Tingle.

No, not your natal birthday.
The A.A. one.

You've been sober...
How long is it now?

- Four years.
- There. I knew it was this week.

Me and dates. You know, that's
the curse of being a history teacher.

Well, congratulations.
That's quite an accomplishment.

Just think, not one sip of alcohol
in over four years.

That's almost...

- Are you okay, Mr. Potter?
- Yes, I'm fine. just a little tired.

Late night?

I loved President Kennedy,

but despite
my feelings for Jack,

he was, after all,
a married man,

so our affair remained secret.

But it endured.
And it wasn't just about sex.

We helped each other.

John often turned to me
for advice.

I encouraged him
to pull out of Berlin,

advised him
on the Cuban missile crisis,

and even encouraged him to sign
that silly old nuclear peace treaty.

So, in conclusion, I ask you...

to ask not what your mistress
can do for you,

but what your mistress
can do for your country.

Thank you, Miss jordan, for that
nauseating distortion of American History.

I was merely trying
to point out...

that our political leaders' indiscretions
have had a major impact on history.

And you chose to do it without
one shred of factual evidence,

leaving your project's merit to be judged
solely on a rather tepid impersonation,

completely out of your very
limited range as an actress.

Now, take your seat.

Mr. Berry?

I, uh... I-I've been thinking about
getting into law enforcement...

after graduation, so I
thought for my project...

I'd create a medieval crossbow.

It's not loaded.
This was a very popular means...

of protection
during the early...

during the early 15th century.


By placing a bolt
in the chamber,

um, the bowing of the wood
creates a pressure,


- I...
- Don't tease us, Mr. Barry.

When you shoot, make it count.

It wasn't...
I mean, I didn't think that...

No, because that would require a
cerebrum and a few other missing parts.

What you did was bring
a weapon to school.

What you did is punishable
in a court of law.

Now, sit down
before I have you arrested.

Mr. Churner,
dare I even ask?

Plymouth Rock.

Your work, Mr. Churner, is
very reminiscent of a young man...

who sat in that same chair
some 20 years ago.

He too had the words "no future"
printed on his forehead.

Give your father my best.

Miss Watson?
Dazzle us, will you?

Well, I've created
a 17th-century journal.

One year in the life
of an accused Salem witch.

Documenting actual events,
it contains 365 entries,

all written with quill and ink, bound by
leather and twine and aged for authenticity.

It chronicles a young girl's
false imprisonment and unfair trial.

It took about six months...

October 1 No, 1692.

"Another girl was burned
at the stake today.

"I fear William Griggs
will point to me next.

"I fear my future will be
nothing more than smoldering ashes.

"if this be true,
I pray the wind...

"will carry my ashes
far from Gallows Hill...

"to a place that allows me
to sing and dance...

in the open air."

Oh, how very moving.

I tried not to get
too carried away with the prose.

It's completely factual.
She was ultimately burned at the stake.

It's documented.

Always a victim.

Aren't we, Miss Watson?

Well, there are similarities between
society today and 17th-century Salem.

I guess that would be
the irony of it all.

I'm well aware of what
irony is, Miss Watson.

You, however, should
consult your dictionary.

Of course, I wasn't
suggesting that it was...

Irony is the opposite of what is
or might be expected.

For example, if Miss Watson...

was expecting an "A"
on her history project,

she might find the actual
result to be... rather ironic.

I pray your Salem witch...

escaped such
literary infractions.

Please, sit down.

Miss Tucker?

You're number two.
By one point.

- Oh.
- Pity.

I know how much you were counting
on being valedictorian.

I'm really sorry, Leigh Ann.

- And I take it you're number one?
- Only by a smidge.

But who knows? Maybe you'll get an "A"
on that history project...

and just
turn everything around.

Congratulations, Trudie.

Do you mean that?
Thank you.

That is so sweet.

That's what's always impressed me most...
you are so sweet.

And real.

I know things haven't been easy for you,
and I love the way...

you're always able
to rise above.

- Thank you.
- I's so very evolved of you.

Sorry about that scholarship.

I hope you weren't
counting on it. Oh, well.

Have a nice day.

I heard that.
You can still get that scholarship.

- How?
- You've got one week to take her down.

You're only behind by a point.

Study hard, and you
can beat her easily.

You don't understand, Miss Gold.
History cost me big time.

Mrs. Tingle hates me

Miss Tingle's a bitch.
She hates everyone.

She even hates me.

You can do this,
I know you can.

- I believe in you.
- There's one week left, and Trudie Tucker has built this...

Leigh Ann.
Trudie Tucker...

is a palefaced Harvard trust fund twit
whose good grades...

are a result
of good ass-kissing.

She doesn't need the scholarship.
You do.

As Guidance Counselor, you've been
my pride and joy for four years.

You deserve it. You just gotta
believe in yourself, honey, that's all.

Thank you, Miss Gold.

I can't believe
I'm doing extra credit.

You need it. You have one week to bump
Bitch Trudie from the throne.

You know, I don't really
have to be a writer. I mean...

- I could do something a little more practical.
- Forget that.

You are going to be valedictorian.
You're going to get your scholarship.

You're going to go to college,
and you're going to pursue your dreams,

and I am going to see to it.

My last piece of business
before I freak to Hollywood.

- I'm gonna miss you.
- All right, come here, cheese ball,

and don't make me cry.

- You know I'm easy.
- Can we make this a three-way? What do you say?

Now, what are you two
lovely ladies doing...

on this hard, wooden floor?

Seating arrangements for graduations.
You are going to graduate, aren't you?

- Celebration's already begun.
- Get serious.

- Be cool. That's a no-no.
- You want a beer? I have more.

- What are you trying to do, get us expelled?
- I'll have one.

- Jo Lynn!
- Okay!

Now, why is it we never dated?

We did, almost, once.

We were this close to hooking up
at Mandy Kate's birthday party.

Sophomore year, when I was
still an A-cup with braces.

- It was kind of a disaster.
- That was you?

I thought that was
somebody else.

And why is it we never dated?

Could you cut the alcohol? You are so typical.
Some of us would like to graduate.

And some of us
could help you do that.

- What is this?
- Oh, just Tingle's final exam.

- Where did you get that?
- You're not the only brain around here.

We could get
in serious trouble.

I made a copy of the original.
She'll never even know.

- You sure it's authentic?
- Mm-hmm.

Tempting, isn't it? Sort of
brings up all those moral questions.

- Slither away. Let's go.
- Don't be so hasty, Leigh Ann.

You just think about it.
I'll leave it right there.

- What are you doing? You are such a loser!
- Oh, really?

I think the race is stiff on
for that title, Miss Watson.

- We were just, um...
- Doing seating arrangements for graduation.

- Extra credit.
- Extra credit.

Has it come to that?

- Actually, we were just finishing up, right, Leigh Ann?
- Right.

Take it easy, Miss Tingle.

Well, well, well.

Final exams aren't
until next week, Miss Watson.

- Look, Mrs. Tingle, it is not what you think.
- Save it for Mr. Potter, dear.

- Mrs. Tingle-
- Just let us explain, Mrs. Tingle.

The smartest girl in school
caught cheating.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
The irony of it all.

- Shit! What's she gonna do?
- She went to go turn us in.

Excuse me, Miss Banks.

Good afternoon, Mrs. Tingle.
What can I do for you?

I'm here to see
Mr. Potter.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Mr. Potter isn't in.

Is there something I can help you with?

You can tell him his dereliction
of duty does not go unnoticed,

and it is urgent that I speak
with him first thing in the morning.

- Understand?
- Certainly, Mrs. Tingle.


- Leigh!
- Hey, what's up?

- Basically, we're screwed.
- What happened? What'd she say to Potter?

No, he's gone for the night.
She won't do it until the morning.

- Good. That gives us time.
- For what?

- Counteract. Solution mode.
- It's her word against ours. We're dead.

Wait, I know.

Luke and I will go to Tingle and just
explain that you weren't involved.

- Yeah, I'll tell the bitch the truth.
- She won't believe you.

Yes, she will. She'll have to.
We'll just give her the facts.

No. It won't work.
Look, face it.

We're going to be expelled.
No graduation, no nothing!

We'll just go to Tingle, okay?
It's worth a shot.

This is such a bad idea.

We don't exactly have a lot
of choices here, Leigh Ann, okay?

- Don't be so pessimistic.
- Look at this place. It looks haunted.

You can't go to a teacher's
house at night. It's inappropriate.

- This is never gonna work.
- Yes, it will. just follow me.

It's after dinner. She's probably just had
a feeding and feeling a little giving.

- Okay, who's gonna do the talking?
- I'll go.

No, Leigh, let me. The innocent always look
more guilty when defending themselves.

- I'll go.
- What are you gonna say?

The truth, of course.

Look, I'm gonna get you
to college.

- It's never gonna work.
- What do you suggest, we kerosene the place?

All I'm saying
is Tingle's not stupid.

Look, you wanna know why we never dated?
This, right here, shining example.



Mrs. Tingle, I...

I -I am so sorry
to bother you at home

but it is urgent
that I speak with you.

You see, there's been
a horrible misunderstanding,

and I'd just like
the chance to explain.

Um, well...

You see, Leigh Ann
wasn't cheating.

I mean, come on.
We both know she would never do that,

and I'm sure you're
probably wondering...

how the exam got in her bag,

'cause I know that's
what I'd be wondering if I were you,

and, um...
okay, uh...


It was me.

I stole the exam.

Leigh Ann wasn't involved at all.
I mean, if anything,

she was just trying to talk me
out of it, because, um...

Well, I guess things just haven't been
going too well for me lately.

My, uh... My mom has been
very, very sick.

Well, we had to take her
to the hospital...

because she got this blood clot
in her leg, and, um,

she's actually in intensive care
right now because the blood clot...

went up her leg
and into her kidneys.

The doctors say it
could be headed for her heart,


maybe even her brain.

Well, they've been
watering down her blood, but...

things just aren't
looking too good.

Sol stole the exam.

For my mom.
I guess I just thought...

that maybe if she could
live to see me graduate,

then maybe just...

just maybe she...

Mrs. Tingle, I'm...

I really am so, so sorry.

You poor dear.

I pray you're a good waitress.

- What happened?
- I cried real tears. I don't get it.

- She's not human. We know that.
- I'm sorry, Leigh Ann. I could try again.

- I'll go.
- No, I'll go

Why don't you just grab a beer?

Good evening, Mrs. Tingle.

- Is it?
- May I come in?

Go home, Leigh Ann.



Make it quick, Miss Watson.

Look, I've never cheated
on anything in my life.

I work really hard for my grades,
Mrs. Tingle, and I am not a cheater.

- You can ask anyone.
- Where are you going?

Shh. Come on!

Do you have any idea what's
going to happen to me?

Grandsboro's finest...

caught cheating.

- It'll be scandalous.
- Look, I am innocent.

Oh, how moving.

- You know I didn't do ft.
- Even the innocent...

sometimes burn at the stake.

Now, take your sniveling self
and get out of my house.

Not so fast.

Mr. Churner.
To what do we owe the pleasure?

- Go away.
- Here's the deal.

I stole the exam.
It was my doing and mine alone.

The role of savior does not
suit mediocrity, Mr. Churner.

- I suggest you run along
- Fuck you, lady.

- Luke!
- Get out of my house now. Both of you.

- He didn't mean that, Mrs. Tingle. Apologize.
- It's true. She wasn't cheating.

- This isn't happening.
- I want the three of you...

out of the house immediately
before I call your parents.

- That's not necessary. We'll just go.
- Please, Mrs. Tingle.

- Don't do this to her. She'll lose everything.
- Leave my house now,

or the first call
will be to the police.

- Put the phone down!
- Luke!


What do you think you're doing?
Put that down.

You're not calling
the shots anymore, Tingle.

- It's time for Tingle to learn a lesson.
- No! Don't be stupid.

- Put it down!
- Not until she agrees to a few things.

And what might those
few things be, Mr. Churner?

You can't keep treating people
the way you do.



You lose, Mr. Churner.

Now, get out of my house,
all of you.


- Luke, no!
- Aah!

Leave him alone!


- Holy shit.
- Oh, my God.

- Did I do that?
- Yeah, Jo, you did that.

- All right, let's get out of here.
- No, we can't just leave.

Yes, we can. We can just go.
They're not gonna know we...

No, we can't!

- Is she dead?
- I don't know. She's not moving.

No, no, you're wrong.
She's breathing. She has to be.

Make her breathe.

It grazed her. There's some blood,
but she should be fine.

- She doesn't look fine.
- Oh, my God.

- What do we do?
- Wait, let me think for a second.

- How are we gonna explain this?
- Damn it!

She'll press charges!
Maybe we should just finish her.

No, we can't "finish" her!
We have to think this through!

Oh, God.

Should we just leave her there?

That's it.

- You guys all right?
- Yeah.

- I'm dizzy.
- Watch her head!

Shit. Sorry.

- Come on, let's just get her up there.
- Come on, let's go.

- How's her head?
- It's minimal. She'll be all right.

Here, take this.

- I found these.
- What are you doing?

Tying her up.

- No, you're not!
- Did you see the way she lunged at me? Come on.

Come on!

- What's the plan?
- Well, when she wakes up, we'll reason with her.

- Oh, yeah. We know how that works.
- Do you have a better idea?

- Yeah. Torch the place. Call it a day...
- That had better have been...

an attempt at humor,
because that is not an option.

- This is way out of control.
- So what, we just hang out here all night?

No, I mean... She's out. She probably
won't wake up until the morning.

I gotta go home and check on my mom.
She likes to leave cigarettes burning.

You know, she looks
kinda like that movie, you know,

where the demon chick
upchucks all over everybody.

- The Exorcist.
- Yeah.

- Don't screw this up.
- Hey, I'll stay with Luke.

I'll, um, tell my parents
I'm at your place.

Okay. I 'll be back as soon as I can
and we'll try to think of something.

I'm not a sweet thing, Pa.

I blamed it all on Mary
and it wasn't even her fault.

I meant to be
hurtful, but it didn't stop my hurting

Oh, honey.

The TV... In the living room.
You don't mind, do you?

- No.
- Oh, what happened?

Did Mrs. Tingle
like your project?

She really liked it.

Are you
at the top of your class?


- Go back to sleep.
- Oh, sweetie.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.

All your dreams
are gonna come true.

Both our dreams.

I love you.

Now, if you're gonna grow up to be as
pretty as your ma, I think we oughta get...

Untie me.

Oh, please.
I need a doctor.

I am in pain.

I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean for this to happen.
- I know.

It's all right.
Just untie me, please.

It hurts.

Untie me.

- I'm not supposed to do that.
- Oh, help me.


I know it was an accident.

I hit my head hard.

My... My vision is blurry.

Call an ambulance. Hurry.

- Okay.
- No!

Jo Lynn, please untie me.



Mrs. Tingle, I am so sorry about
all of this. It's just been...

Stop right there, Mrs. Tingle.

So much for talking this out.

Nice performance, Mrs. Tingle.
Very subtle work.

The blurry vision detail.

- Nice.
- Come here.

Why don't you go home
and get some rest?

- I'd rather stay with you.
- I got it covered.

- This was my fault to begin with. Let me handle it.
- I want to be here.

Whoa, hey.

You know, this is kinda
the wrong time for this.

- Okay.
- Come on, I'll walk you down.

How far would I go

if I had to forget all I know

How long would I ride

if I got tired of hiding

How I feel

That's enough peanut butter.
My fingers are raw.

What do you want next, huh?

Some... pickles? What do you
want next? Huh? Sour cream?

Show time!

Are you ready?

Don't do it, be it.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

Ahh. Leaf in the wind.

Yeah. Ready.

- Grandsboro High School.
- Eve Tingle here.

Yes, Mrs. Tingle.
What can I do for you?

I won't be coming in today. I have a
touch of the flu and I've taken to bed.

What is it?

Well, I hope you're
feeling better real soon.

It might be a few days.

I 'll keep you posted

Well, you take as much time as you need.
The important thing is your health.

And don't hesitate to call us
if you need anything.

- Bye now.
- Good-bye.

- Done.
- That woman hasn't been sick in over...

- Actually, I don't think she's ever been sick.
- Do you think it's serious?

Oh, I hope so.

Good morning,
Mrs. Tingle.

I hear you had quite an evening.
Let me get this off.

So, how are you
this morning, Mrs. Tingle?

We need to talk.
We need to discuss what happened...

so we can get
our stories straight.

Now, we've taken care
of everything.

You're out sick today
due to a touch of the flu,

and I think you should take
this time to rest up,

let your head heal
and think about what you've done.

Luke, Jo Lynn and I
are fully aware...

that our behavior was out of line,
but we're truly sorry,

and we have learned
from our mistake.

So, that should be enough for you.
You've done your job.

And we would greatly
appreciate it if we could...

just put this incident
behind us and get on with our lives.

So, do we have
an understanding?

Oh, Leigh Ann.

You present yourself with
such self-assured tenacity,

but your fear is showing
around the edges.

You can do better.

Mrs. Tingle, we're trying.
Work with us.

Okay, time
for plan "B."

- And what would that be?
- What's the matter, Mrs. Tingle?

- Are you getting a little scared yourself?
- Scared?

Oh, no, dear.

Things are just starting
to get fun.

- So, what's plan "B"?
- Jo, you watch Tingle.

I'm gonna go to school, take care of a few
things, and I'll be back with plan "B."

Now, make sure she eats something
and immediately gag her.

- You got it?
- And don't let her mess with your head.

- Don't worry. The sow is mine.
- I'll be back after school.

So, um, Luke, you wanna
hang with me today?

I should probably hit school, right, Leigh Ann?
We don't want to look obvious.

- Come on, I'll give you a ride. Come on.
- Okay.


is what I feel
when you're not around

[ Bell Rings 1

Okay, class, I'm gonna be
filling in for a couple of days...

while Mrs. Tingle
is out sick.

- Yes, Trudie?
- Will Mrs. Tingle be okay?

Oh, yeah, it's just a bug
that's going around.

Deadly bug, I hope.

Oh, God I'm bored

Bored, bored, bored.

I can't believe
you don't have a TV.

I mean, it's like
not having toilet paper.

I could be at home,
watching "Sally Jesse"...

or "Oprah" or "Jerry."

Where else are you gonna see...

" Man Has Sex Change
To Become Lesbian"?

You think about that

Oh, forget it.

Hey, you!

Oh, where'd you come from?

Hey! Hi!

Oh, you're such
a good little boy.

What's your name? What's your...


All right.
Oh, God, I'm bored.

What a lovely day for an exorcism!

The sow is mine! Screw you!

Why you do this to me? Nimi.


Take me! Take me!
Take me!

Repeat it! Take me!
Take me! Repeat it!

Nimi. Why? Why?
Take me!

You really should get a TV.

Did you come down to get me

And take me away
Study hard, Leigh Ann

So many things to tell you

Now I don't know what to say
Plan "B"?

Basically, unless we're able to convince a
court of law that we were the victims here

we're looking at criminal assault
and conspiracy to cover up a crime.

We were victims. That woman
drove us to drastic measures.

Luke, we shot her with an arrow,
we tied her to her bed,

and we have held her captive
for the last 18 hours.

I think we've bypassed
drastic measures.

I'm sorry, Leigh Ann.

Look, it's not your fault.

I mean, it is, but
that's irrelevant now.

What if I had a way
to convince her?

Okay, let's see.

Let's get this thing off of you
Ah, there we go.

Now, no biting.

Swim, swim, swallow.

- Thank you.
- You know, you could have avoided this whole headache.

We both know Leigh Ann's
not a cheater.

Such a loyal friend.

Tell me, don't you ever tire...

of playing second banana
to Little Miss Perfection?

Hey, I'm nobody's banana.

I have star quality.

Then how come Leigh Ann
snagged the leading man?

- What, you mean Luke?
- Mm-hmm.

Look, Leigh Ann
can't stand Luke.

- She thinks he's a loser.
- Oh.

Oh, Miss Jordan.
As an actress, you really must learn...

to read between the lines.

No, no, no.
She would never play me.

I'm her best friend
and she knows I'm into him.

Betrayal hurts, Miss Jordan.

I'd prepare that little
heart of yours if I were you.

Leigh Ann!
Mr. Churner.

- What's her gag doing off?
- How was school?

You're on the wrong side
of glib, Mrs. Tingle.

Should I be afraid, Leigh Ann?

Quivering in fear?
Tell me the appropriate reaction.

I'll work on it.

- Any thoughts on plan " B"?
- Downstairs.

- What do you think?
- Blackmail?

Dirty pictures. I'll get into bed with
Tingle, and we'll use them to threaten her.

Oh, how scandalous. I love it.
Do you think it'll work?

- Yes.
- No.

- Oh, it is wicked.
- And wrong and immoral, and we...

- So is she.
- Leigh Ann,

you have always done
the right thing,

and the best thing it's
gotten you is number two.

It is time for you to listen to that
little voice inside of your head

Listen to it this time,
for all of our sakes.

We're not gonna hurt her. We're just
gonna present her with options.

This can't be the only way
to get into college.

Okay, this is what you have to do.

You just need to think of this as if
you're an actress playing a role.

If you commit to the part and you
believe that it'll work, it'll work.

Just this once, Leigh.

For your future All of ours.

I don't even have a future,
but I know I don't want to go to jail.

Think about your mother.
I mean, this would kill her.

Well, if we're gonna go clown,
we might as well make it count, right?

Operation Scandal underway.

Now, we need, uh, a plan.
We need supplies.

We need one naked
high school student.

Sorry, Lukey, but...
camera doesn't lie.

A bottle of wine
and I'll be fine.

All right.
I'll go back and get a camera.

Luke, you're in charge
of feeding the devil.

And Leigh...

senior prophecy...
everything is gonna work out okay.

I promise.

I 'll be back in a couple of hours
with the camera.

All right.
I'll go grab some burgers.

Hey, Alice, are you

Completely satisfied,

With Wonderland
and all its wonder

'Cause if you're not
you know I've

Heard that they're handing out

A money-back guarantee
at the door

Going blind

To the pain,

Going deaf

To the sight

Going down

To cry

Of the innocent life

I didn't know if you liked
mayo or mustard, so I got it plain.

But I have these packets, so...
You want ketchup on your fries?


You're very good at this.

I suspect you've had practice.


Tell me, do you clean up
after your drunken father.

When he passes out each night?

You go straight
for the jugular every time, don't you?

May I have some wine?


Rich and full-bodied.

Rather bold selection, Luke.

That's the first time you've ever
called me by my first name.

- What happened to "Mr. Churner"?
- You should keep in mind, Luke,

that when this becomes a police report,
you have the least to lose.

Don't worry about me.
I don't care what happens.

Oh. Of course.

Your concern begins
and ends with Leigh Ann.

Don't worry, Luke.
She's attracted to you. I can tell.

No, Leigh Ann's
pretty repulsed by me.

Oh, come on, Luke.

You've gotten one or two cheerleaders
drunk in your time.

You know a thing or two
about women.

Cleopatra rebuked Anthony...

simply because she desired him.

Nah, it's different.

Leigh Ann and I
had our moment, and it passed.

Tell me about it.

Back in the tenth grade,
there was this... party...

where Leigh Ann and I
kind of hooked up once.

The keyword
being "once."

I blew it.

She was uncomfortable at the party.
Little social dysfunction...

as a result of studying
way too much.

She was hiding out
in the bathroom.

I kept her company and we kind of...
had our own little party, you know?

Sounds incredibly Zhivago.

Yeah, but...

the next day, she acted
like I was diseased.

I guess the guilt set in.
I never had another chance.

It was over before it began.

Guess I wasn't part
of her master plan.

She's been kinda
wild on me ever since.

She done yet?
Jo Lynn's back.

Enter Ophelia.

Um, yeah, pretty much.

Places, everyone.
The plot is about to thicken.

I, uh, opted
for the disposable.

Now, I thought I'd keep this blocking
fairly simple. Mrs. Tingle,

thought I'd keep you right
where you are, straps and all.

Going for a whole
bondage theme.

And, um, Luke,
my man... drop 'em.

- Look. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
- Yeah.

What was that?


- Who is it?
- Coach Wenchell.
- What's he doing here?

- Quick, gag her.
- Give it up, Leigh Ann. It's over.

- Mrs. Tingle, shut up.
- The coach is gonna come...

- Are the doors locked?
- Yeah.

What do we do now?

Nothing. He's going away.

Well, that was close.







Oh. my God!


Stop! Don't come any closer.

Uh, you don't sound too good.
How you doin'?

- What is she doing?
- I don't know.

- I'm not well.
- But it's me... Spanky.

What are you doing here... Spanky?

I miss my chili mama.

Shh! Shh!
Aaagh! Ohh!

Hey, what's going on?

Please, Spanky, you have to go.

I need my rest.


Please, you're
upsetting the dog.

I want my pom-poms.

Okay, just...
go downstairs, Spanky.

I'll be right down.


I made it through the wilderness

Somehow I made it

Didn't know how lost I was

Till I found... you

No. No. Whew!
Pretty okay.

Okay. Whew.


This is fabulous.


Perfume. Uh!

Wine. Okay.

I been sad and blue

But you made me... feel

- What the...
- Shh!

Yeah, you made me feel


- Close your eyes.
- Okay.


Oh, okay.

Remember last time?

That, uh... that thing you did
with the thing?


Oh, yeah.

Okay. Oh.

- Here.
- Relax.

- Okay.
- Sit down, Spanky.

All right.

Oh, this is gonna be good.

Ah! I love your smell


- Now drink up, Spanky.
- Okay.

You're gonna need it.

Are you trying to get me drunk?
Because, I gotta tell ya,

I have a very high tolerance
for alcohol.

I'm in the mood

For love

Simply because

You're near me,
I like it when you touch me

And I like it when you kiss me.

- But when you're near me,
- And when you...

blow in my ear.

And, of course,

when you spank me.



Most of all,

I love it when you
touch me just like that.

Have another drink.

So, Evie, when are we
gonna kick off?

Spanky, one more drink.

Just, just a few
more sips, Spanky.

5panky, >

- Let... Let go.
- Ow. Ow.

- Ow. Ow.
- Let go. Let go.

Just a few more minutes
and I'll... Spanky!


We put our hearts


Man, that was weird.

This has gotten
completely out of hand.

I kept asking myself, "What was
Mrs. Tingle doing in the gym anyway?"

- How scandalous.
- Yeah. This is a small town.

Infidelity's a big deal. These pictures
are gonna be a big hit at the parish,

where I think Coach Wenchell's
wife sings in the choir.

The coach and I will deny it.
No one's gonna believe you.

- But we'll have pictures.
- Fraudulent pictures.

It doesn't matter, Mrs. Tingle. The great thing
about a scandal is it doesn't rely upon facts.

And just look at the current climate
Facts are no longer relevant.

So you can scream the truth all you want,
Mrs. Tingle, but the damage will be done.


I love it.

Mrs. Tingle, you are
just full of surprises.

If you weren't such a bitch,
I'd really like you.

You're all gonna burn for this.
I'll see to it.

Oh, threats, Mrs. Tingle,
are a sign of weakness.

- Shh! Get back there. Wait. Come here.
- Shut him up, Jo.

Come on.

Like a virgin

Hey. Mmm.

- Okay, he's coming to. Hurry.
Where's the camera?
- Over here.

Okay, just sit. There you go.
Okay. Sit. Sit.

Don't do this, Leigh Ann.
You're gonna ruin this man's life.

Oh, the way you planned to ruin mine?

Stop it. Stop.

Quick, let's get this over with.

Let me see more of the coach's
face. Yeah, right there. Perfect.

Okay. Hold on.

Jo, you stay here with Tingle.

Why do I always have to stay with Tingle?
You stay with Tingle. I'll go with Luke.

Would you cooperate, please?

Come on. - Is there something
going on here I don't know about?

What are you talking about?

We've got to go.

We'll be back
as soon as we can.

Easy. All right. We'll get him
to the truck, then I'll grab his bike.

Okay. That's it.

- Hurry up.
- Wait. Hold on.

- All right. Grab his legs. No, I'll get his legs.
- You get his legs.

I got his arm.


I'm gonna go get his bike.

Come on.
Let's get outta here.

Mrs. Tingle, you have been
holding out on us.

You have got some nice stuff.

I mean, some good shit.

Come on.
It wasn't that bad.

Just a couple of pictures.

Nobody ever has to see 'em.

Oh, Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

Yes. Hey, Mrs. Tingle,
what's your dog's name?

Hmm? Hmm?
What's your name?

It's not Romeo, is it? Oh, come here.

You could never play Juliet.

You haven't
the commitment, the soul.

Well, there's the Tingle
we all know and love, hmm?

You've never had a broken heart.

Yeah, well, at least
I have a heart.

So tell me, Mrs. Tingle,

what's the deal with you
and Coach Wenchell anyway?

I mean, is it just a physical thing
or... do you love him?

Coach Wenchell and I...

have an understanding.

Oh. How romantic.

But, tell me, do you love him, or...

are you just spank buddies?

I'm fond of Coach Wenchell.

Have you ever loved anyone,
Mrs. Tingle?

I mean, you are a missus.

So whatever happened to mister?

You scorin' alimony or what?

He left.


What happened?
You have to tell me. Scoop, please.

I, too, planned
on leaving Grandsboro.

Like you and your friends,

I thirsted for more than
this town could offer.

Then I met Richard.

Absolutely strapping man.

Blue eyes, wide shoulders.

He was dangerous,

reckless, everything
I thought I always wanted.

After a brief romance,
we married.

- He was my world
- Mm.

Such a brilliant
and desirable man.

But eventually his nature
caught up with him,

and his eyes began to wander,
towards a friend of mine.

- Oh, no.
- A girl much prettier and more delicate than I.

Someone who I never dreamed
would be a threat to me.

She was my best friend.

That's why I was so devastated
to discover that...

she was sleeping
with Richard...

right under my nose.

My best friend...

who I trusted
with all my heart,

lying to me, betraying me,
stealing the only man I've ever loved...

while I played the poor,
pitiful, little sidekick.

You're lying

Am I?

There's nothing going on between those
two. Luke's not even into Leigh Ann.

Luke's a man, Jo Lynn.

He'll always pursue that which
is unobtainable. It's in his nature.

No. They've been seeing each
other secretly since tenth grade.

Even I know the story.

- It all started at some birthday party where Leigh Ann hid...
- In the bathroom all night.

Ah! You were there.

Leigh Ann is my friend.

Under this roof, Jo Lynn,

I'd say I'm the closest thing
you have to a friend.

It's not true.

You're not too quick, Jo Lynn.

You might just make it
as an actress after all.

I'm down

And I'm free

I'm starin' at myself

And I know

I've thrown it all away

We can pick'em up
tomorrow after 3:00.

Hey, it's almost over. We're this close to
getting an "A" for the rest of our lives.

'Cause I know

Say it all again

It's all gonna be okay.

If I seem too weak

If I seem to fall apart too soon

If it's only real

Oh, if we believe

Oh, I 'll figure it out



Where is she?
I think she's upstairs.
I'm gonna go check on her.

All right.



Where's Jo Lynn?

She went home.


Something about being sick and tired
of being your little lap clog.

What did you say to her?



- Tell me...
- Hello?

Hi, Mrs. Jordan.
May I speak to Jo Lynn, please?

Hi, Leigh Ann. She told me
to tell you she wasn't home.

So whatever you two fought about,
I hope you can work it out tomorrow.

I'm sure we will.
Thank you, Mrs. Jordan.

- Good night.
- Bye, dear.

Your move.

Why are you like this?

Why are you so bitter
and angry?

Why do you want to destroy me?

I don't want to destroy you.
I want to teach you.

Oh, that is bullshit.

You know, you hide behind your degree,
but the reality is...

is that you're jealous
of every student you teach.

You never got out
of this town, did you?

You went to high school here. Now you
teach here, and you're going to die here.

And you resent anyone
who has a future,

anyone who's gonna get out
and have a life.

No, I resent what you're going
to do with that life.

Selfish, mindless pursuits
of your generation...

will only bring us closer
to destruction, and I despise it.

That is not good enough,
Mrs. Tingle.

If you're disillusioned with the youth of
today, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Always the Salem witch...

completely innocent,
wrongly accused.

Ironic, isn't it?

You still don't know
what that word means.

Metaphoric, yes.

Symbolic, maybe.

But there's no irony involved.

Would you please
look that word up?

Oh, I am on to you,
Mrs. Tingle. You're over.

You're trying to take as many people with
you as you can, but I am not scared of you.

Who do you think
you're fooling?

You're so scared,
I can smell it.

Your fear is the most predictable
thing about you.

You've lived
your whole life in fear...

terrified of making a mistake;

Scared to death
you won't get that

that scholarship,
that ticket out;

Afraid you'll never escape
your mother and her name tag,

or your father
who won't return your calls.

That's why you've shunned Luke...

and every other boy who's ever
tried to lay his hands on you.

You're afraid of getting that bad seed

afraid of giving birth
to a child you never wanted

a child you could only blame for
your own wretched existence...

stuck in a small town
with a small life,

destined to become that very thing
you despise the most.

I know all about it, Leigh Ann.

I wrote the book.

I know you.

Hey. I found
Tingle's grade book.

What's wrong with you?

Solitary girl

I have been

Living in a cell

Made of skin

Sealed inside myself

Nothing gets out or gets in

Oh, God. I've wanted this.
I've dreamt about this, exactly this.

Don't ruin it.

Show me the way

To my heart

Show me

The way

Show me

The way to my heart, baby

Show me, show me

Show me the way to my heart

Show me the way

Show me the way

To my heart, baby

Show me, show me



Mrs. Tingle's grade book.

It has all the history grades.

- What you get?
- I already know. I got a "C".

- We can fix that.
- No, I can't do that.

You have your history teacher
tied to a bed. Yes, you can.

But it won't fix anything. Trudie Tucker
got an "A". She'll still be valedictorian.

Then we'll change
her grade too.

No, I-it's not right.

What's right anymore?

- I'm gonna burn in hell for this.
- It'll be a party.

It seemed so far to go

it took so long to get here

So what do you think
happened to Jo Lynn?

I'll find out.

I'll be back right after school,
and I'll pick up the pictures.

Yeah. Okay.

Listen. About last night...

Hey, I know.
It was just a one-time, animal thing...

brought about by an intensely
masochistic situation.

- There I was stronger than ever,
- And it was a lot of fun.

Oh, and here I am blaming the hurt

Yeah. Yeah, it was.


And if I fall

I 'll find a way
back to my hands

I am the only one
who can help me

Find my feet


Now, Josephine was just
a little slut bag whore...

who was leaving her panties
all over town.

- And Napoleon was a short, little asshole...
- Jo.

Who was killing people 'cause
they were taller than he was...

- while Josephine was home
gang-banging the townies.
- Brian.

And Napoleon had no idea. I mean, the
poor guy was just completely clueless.

He was of conquering countries just as fast as
he could 'cause he wanted to get back to her...

because he truly loved
the hussy.

Yeah. Okay, that's all
the review for today.

Now, Mrs. Tingle gave me her grade book,
so I have all your project grades.

I am going to post them
on the back.

- Jo.
- Hey, Miss Banks?

- Yes, Roger?
- Jo.

- Jo, wait up.
- Oh, yeah.

- I got a "C". Yeah.
- A what?

A "B"?

- Miss Banks!
- Yes, Trudie.

There must be some mistake.
I got a "B".

Well, no. I got it
right out of the grade book.

Does this look like
a "B" to you?

Well, I... I...

- "Well, I" what? Huh?
- I... I... don't know!

I have never gotten a "B" in my life.
I am an "A" student.

- I'm the best student in this school.
- Okay, Trudie, just calm down.

This isn't a "B."
This is an "A+." It's an "A+"!

- Okay, Trudie, just stop that now!
- A "B"?

I don't think so.

Just move!

Leigh Ann.
There you are.

- Yes, Miss Banks?
- I've been looking all over the place for you.

- Why?
- Well, it's about your history grade.

- Apparently Mrs. Tingle's grade book was stolen.
- What?

It turned up in Miss Gold's office. Some of the
grades were altered; yours was one of them.

- That's impossible.
- No. I just spoke to Mrs. Tingle.

- What? You just talked to Mrs. Tingle?
- Yeah.

Leigh Ann!


Jo, look. We need to talk. Did you call
over here and pretend to be Tingle?

- Did you?
- Did I what?

Did you speak to Miss Banks
about the grade book?

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- I don't know what Tingle told...

Look me in the eye and tell me that you
didn't sleep with Luke.

Where did you hear that?
Did Tingle say something?

Wrong answer, Leigh Ann.

Yes... I did sleep
with him.

Jo, I...
I'm so sorry.

I didn't...

I didn't think that...
I knew, but...

I just listened to that little voice
like you said.

You pretend to be so innocent, but in
reality you'll do anything to win.

You're worse than Tingle.
You're a Tingle in sheep's clothing.

Look, Jo. Listen. I think
Tingle's free, and I need your help.

Why don't you take your passive-aggressive
shit and go manipulate Luke's ass.

I'm tired.




Mrs. Tingle?

Shit. Luke.

Luke. Luke.

Mr. Potter, please.
Yes, it's about the grade book.

Good afternoon, Miss Watson.

Mrs. Tingle.
How long have you been on the loose?

Oh, catch up, Leigh Ann.
We're way past that.

Then why haven't you called
the police?

I just called Mr. Potter.
He's on his way.

I caught one of my best students
cheating, and she and her lover...

stormed my house in anger
and tried to attack me.

No, I won't go along with that.

I think you will.

You won't kill me.

Oh, no.

What I have planned for you
is a fate worse than death.

You'll wear
that name tag so well.

That's all you care about,
isn't it?

You just want to see me fail.

It's your destiny.

Haven't you learned by now
that history always repeats itself?

No. I won't go along with that.
I won't do it.

Yes, you will.

I'll be Tingle's alibi.

I'll tell how you orchestrated
the whole thing. I've got the pictures.

The blackmail table turns.

I'm not going down with you, Leigh Ann.
You can ruin your life,

but you are not
gonna ruin mine.

I thought you were my friend.

Your move.

Don't tell me I can't act.

- You won't shoot me.
- No?




- Leigh! Leigh!
- Luke!

Leave her alone!

- Okay, Miss Watson.
- Leave her alone!

Is she dead?


Oh, my God.


You killed her, Mrs. Tingle.

I didn't mean to.


- Oh, good Lord. What happened?
- Holy shit.

Tell him what happened.
Tell him you shot her.

Yes, I-I shot her. I didn't mean to.
I thought it was you.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I just... wanted you... to learn.


You wanted me to fail.


Yes, I wanted you to fail.

Now she's dead,
and I've killed her.

A "B"?

- Oh, Jesus.
- I don't think so.

Well, not exactly.

You knew?


Well, I'm calling the police.

Mrs. Tingle,

I have wanted to say this
to you for 20 years: You're fired.

Now, that's ironic.

Well done, Miss Watson.

And now it is with great pleasure
that I introduce...

this year's recipient
of the Board of Excellence scholarship...

Miss Leigh Ann Watson.

When you're high

I'm down on you