Tea for Two (1950) - full transcript

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

[BIG-BAND MUSIC PLAYING
OVER PHONOGRAPH]

[CHATTERING]

Hey, kids, get a load of me.

BOY 1: We give up. What is it?

I found it in my mother's trunk.
This is what she used to wear.

On Halloween?

[LAUGHING]

If you think this is creepy,
wait till you see Richard.

Here comes Flaming Youth now.

Ta-da!



This is what my dad wore 20 years ago.

BOY 2: Well, if he looked like that,
it's a wonder they didn't shoot him.

How could they wear
clothes like that in the open?

You haven't seen anything yet.

May I have this dance?

["CHARLESTON" PLAYING
OVER PHONOGRAPH]

GIRL: Do it out, Lynne.
- Go on, Richard, show them.

- Come on, Richard, come on.
- Don't step on her toes.

- Watch your hands.
BOY 3: Go, Richard, go.

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop.
Take off the record.

- What's the matter, Uncle Max?
- I will tell you what's the matter.

LYNNE: What is it?
- So easy it is to make fun of things.

Believe me, in this dress,
beautiful your mother was.



I know, Uncle Max.
We were just having some fun.

You are making fun from things
you don't know about.

We know all about 1929.
We've seen it in the movies.

The stock market crash, Prohibition.

Sure, that was when everybody drank
whether they liked it or not.

You were there maybe, no?

RICHARD:
No, but I know all about it.

Some things there are...

...that even a man of the world like you
wouldn't know.

- Like what, Uncle Max?
- Like this:

No matter how bad things can look,
always they could be worse maybe.

This I carry around so the same mistake
never again I won't make.

- Oh, it's just a strip of paper.
- Oh, but what a strip.

The first time this piece of paper I saw,
the end of the world I thought it was.

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Twenty-four, 23....

Eighteen...

...seven and a half.

Minus 10. I'm wiped up.

How can this be?

Max, as your lawyer,
I warned you this was going to happen.

Who could trust a lawyer?

As guardian of your niece's estate,
you should have done as I told you.

You should have invested it all
in government bonds.

What, and 2 and a half percent only
I get for her?

Am I crazy?

I made a fortune today. I sold short.

Short, short, he says.

- Who did you sell to?
- You.

Jeez, so now I am short.

- How can I tell Nanette?
- Pick up the phone and call her.

Pick--

No. At her dancing lesson she is.
I wouldn't disturb her.

- Why not?
- It could be maybe her last dance.

Her uncle is taking care
of her millions, she thinks.

Somebody should be taking care
of her uncle.

[PLAYING "I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW"]

[SINGING]
I know that you know

That I'll go where you go

I choose you, won't lose you

I wish you knew how much I long
To hold you in my arms

This time is my time
T'will soon be goodbye time

Then in the starlight, hold me tight

With one more little kiss say nighty-night

I know that you know

That I'll go where you go

I choose you, won't lose you

I wish you knew how much I long
To hold you in my arms

This time is my time
T'will soon be goodbye time

Then in the starlight, hold me tight

With one more little kiss say nighty-night

[LAUGHING]

- Well, how was I?
- Swell.

- You had your back turned.
- I always have eyes for you.

- Here, Nan, sit down.
- Thank you.

With money left in New York,
why knock yourself out this way?

Because I wanna get somewhere
in the theater.

In plain words, I am stage-struck.

JIMMY: Well, I guess
we're all hams underneath.

Right.

Did the crash catch you
very badly, Nan?

Not me, I have a smart uncle.
Mine's in government securities.

- Know what I'd do if I had your dough?
NANETTE: What?

Why not marry me and find out?

JIMMY: That's a tough way
to get information.

No, you don't get it.

Tommy wants a rich but honest woman
to take him away from all of this.

JIMMY: Somebody should.
- Correct.

Take me to a cottage
on the side of a hill...

Yes?

...where I can spend the rest of my days
looking out over acres of cool, green money.

Well, Nanette Carter, this is a surprise.
Fancy meeting you in a place like this.

- How did you know I was here?
- Elementary.

Singing lessons Monday and Wednesday,
dancing lessons Tuesday and Friday.

- You're a stickler for schedule.
- Mm-hm.

You don't happen to be on it
this afternoon.

Wait a minute, don't act that way.

I didn't wanna see you again
until you paid back that loan.

All right,
we had a little quarrel over dough.

Every time I call the house,
I get the brushoff.

I've missed you, baby.

The flame's still burning.

There's a fire extinguisher on the wall.
I've got to dress.

Just an act.
The kid's really crazy about me.

Yeah, sticks out all over.

If Bee Darcy hears that rumor,
you'll be sporting a mouse.

Don't worry, don't worry.
I keep my women separated.

You sure do, in class.

If you'd spend more time rehearsing rather
than giving advice and dancing lessons...

...we might get somewhere.

Can't expect us to live
on the money we loaned you.

There's been a crash, remember?
Money's tight.

You have got to help me
to get Nan interested in the show again.

Not a chance, that's your racket.

She's too swell a kid
to be led to the slaughter.

Somebody's gotta come across.

Tell about the new numbers.
Anything, get her up to the theater.

And have you put the bite on her?
Not a chance.

It's a great show. She'll triple her money.

Triple her money? Maybe.

Look, she drops more than that
every day at mahjongg.

Will you stop worrying about her?

Here's your coat.
We've gotta get up to the theater.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Why should I stay here
and bring her to the theater?

What are you complaining about?
Look at my date.

Ah-heh-heh-heh.

[PIANO PLAYING]

TOMMY: All right, everybody, take five.
- How are you, gentlemen?

Look, Larry's trying to keep the scenery
and the costumes on the cup.

- So what?
- Gotta show them a couple of numbers.

- Is "Crazy Rhythm" in any kind of shape?
- Well, as good a shape as I am.

Well, I guess that'll have to do.

All I'm asking is a little time,
a little credit.

When this show opens,
you'll get 100 percent on every dollar.

- I guarantee--
- Mr. Blair, can I speak to you for a minute?

Not now, honey.
I'm busy with these gentlemen, we're....

Uh....

Gentlemen, may I present Miss, uh....

Mabel Wiley.
Mr. Blair promised me a part in the show.

But up to now, I'm just a pony.

- You're a what?
- A pony.

- Theatrical lingo. A pony's a hoofer.
- Oh.

MAN 1:
Very attractive young lady, Blair.

I should think you could find her
a part somewhere.

Sure, sure, I'll find something.
Run along, honey, join your stable mates.

Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's go, Tommy.

TOMMY:
Ready at this end. Let's go, come on.

Just use your imagination.

Picture the gorgeous set
Mr. Woltz is gonna give us.

Uh-huh.

- And Mr. Grover's sensational costumes.
- Maybe.

Just see it in your mind, boys.
It's terrific.

The lure of the jungle,
the weird beating of the drums.

The madness of "Crazy Rhythm."

[BAND PLAYING "CRAZY RHYTHM"]

[SINGING]
Crazy rhythm, here's the doorway

I'll go my way, you'll go your way

Crazy rhythm
From now on, we're through

Here is where we have a showdown

I'm too high-hat, you're too low-down

Crazy rhythm, here's goodbye to you

They say that when a highbrow
Meets a lowbrow

Walking along Broadway

Soon the highbrow, he has no brow

Ain't it a shame? And you're to blame

What's the use of Prohibition?
You produce the same condition

Crazy rhythm, I've gone crazy too

[CHORUS HUMMING]

LARRY: Great number, eh, boys?
Got 10 more just like it.

- The show can't miss.
- That remains to be seen.

It's sure-fire, my judgment never fails.
Ask anybody, they'll tell you about me.

We have, and they have.

All right,
so you asked the wrong people.

Would Nanette be on the way
to toss money in my lap...

...if she weren't sure it was a sokola?

- You mean the daughter of H.B. Carter?
- I don't mean Little Red Riding Hood.

Do you know Miss Carter?

Know her? Why, we're engaged.

I didn't want the woman
dabbling in show business...

...but I'm a pushover for tears.

This is just a small part of the show.
We've got a great opening.

Act one, curtain goes up.

Now, just imagine, I'm 40 beautiful girls.

All right, 30.

Oop. I'm sorry. I'm awfully sorry.

End of act one.
Second act, completely different.

Curtain goes up.

All right, Blair,
that's enough, that's enough.

I'm trying to give you an idea.

MAN 2:
We'll talk it over, let you know on Monday.

- I'll see you later, Blair.
- But you haven't seen the third act.

- Larry wants you to watch the rehearsal.
- I'll watch my bankroll too.

LARRY:
Hello.

Nanette, darling.

Oh, I'm so glad you came over.

What kept you, darling? Up watching
Uncle Max make another million?

[LARRY LAUGHING]

- Who are the pallbearers?
- Costumes, scenery, theater manager.

They want a piece of the show,
but I'm saving that for the right party.

What took you so long, baby?

I had a little trouble convincing her
she belonged up here.

I knew you couldn't stay sore at me
once you'd seen me again.

- That's the old psychology.
- That's the old malarkey.

- Nan came up to see a rehearsal.
- Where do you get that Nan business?

What do you want me to call her?
Lucille?

Miss Carter will do.

Now that you're back in my life...

...who knows, maybe old Niagara Falls
will start beckoning.

NANETTE: I came here to see some numbers,
Larry, not to talk about Niagara Falls.

Consider the theater yours, baby.
We're breaking for lunch pretty soon.

You and I'll cut over to Antoine's
for one of our get-togethers.

- I can't today.
- Sure you can, I've got everything all set.

- What number would you like to hear?
- I want her to hear "Tea For Two."

"Tea For Two"?
It's the weak number in the show.

I'm thinking of tossing it out.

Go ahead.
Give her "I Only Have Eyes For You."

Okay, have it your way.
Come on, Nan, you can sit down front.

Put something in it, Jimmy.
Give me the works.

Don't worry, Casanova.
You're just about to get them.

Hello, love apple,
I thought you were backstage.

So I gathered.

When did Miss Rich Witch come back?
And what's with that fade-out kiss?

Just a come-on. Everybody else is broke.

She's got money they haven't even printed.
I've got to get it on the line.

The boys were breathing down my neck.

I suppose that quiet table at Antoine's
is riding along with the gag.

I can't fish for 25 G's in a one-arm lunch.
Those things need lighting and atmosphere.

And while you're sucking in atmosphere,
where do I eat?

Shh.

- The lunch wagon, as usual.
- That's what I thought.

Soon as I get the check to keep
this clambake cooking, I'll come right over.

Well, that's real clubby.

While you nibble on breast of partridge, I'm
choking down that shin of water buffalo.

Take it easy, will you, baby?
All right, Jimmy, let's go.

[PIANO PLAYING
"I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU"]

[SINGING]
Are the stars out tonight?

I don't know if it's cloudy or bright

'Cause I only have eyes for you

Dear

The moon may be high

But I can't see a thing in the sky

'Cause I only have eyes for you

I don't know if we're in a garden

Or on a crowded avenue

You are here

So am I

Maybe millions of people go by

But they all disappear

From view

And I only have eyes

For you

You are here

So am I

Maybe millions of people go by

But they all disappear

From view

And I only have eyes

For you

It's beautiful, Jimmy.

Every number's like that.
They'll kill the audience.

You can't go wrong throwing in 25 G's.

I don't recall mentioning the subject.

Wait a minute, what about lunch?

- Singing lesson, I haven't time.
- What's 25 G's?

You'd spend that on a maternity
hospital for destitute rabbits.

It's not the amount, Larry.
It's your attitude about it.

What attitude?
Do you think that I'd stoop to dishonesty?

Wouldn't you?

I might squat a little, but not for you.

- I'm sorry, I can't depend on you.
- Wait a minute.

I might be able to get by on 15.

Bye, Jimmy. Bye, Tommy.

Bye.

I wonder if Ziegfeld
had to go through all this.

Tommy, Jimmy, conference in the lobby.

I still don't get it.

If she refused you the money,
why are we coming out to her house?

Does Babe Ruth give up
when he's got two strikes on him?

Yeah, but you got four.

Now, just what am I supposed to do?

Give her a sob story.
She's a pushover for anyone in trouble.

No dice.
I'm not being a heel for your benefit.

It's for her benefit too.
She'll double her money.

- All right, why doesn't he do it?
- I've known her too long.

I can't come up with a starving mother.

And he hasn't any afflictions.

If a broken leg would help,
I could fix it for him.

This is it. Get a load of that setup.

Well, here we are, fellas.

Okay, Mac, what's the swindle box say?

- Three seventy-five.
- Three seventy-five?

I can buy AT&T for less.
There's one dollar.

One seventy-five, 1.78....

Don't just stand there, start digging.

It's gonna be a pretty shallow trench.
There's a buck.

- Is a Mexican dollar all right?
- No.

Give me that change. Two eighty-four.

- Here's another dime.
- Here's a quarter.

- Is 12 cents worth of stamps all right?
- No stamps.

Ten thirty-five, 45, 95 and 2.78,
3.75, right on the button.

Come on, boys.

[WHISTLES]

I didn't think we'd make it.

- Open sesame.
- I don't like the whole setup.

Well, as I live and try not to breathe,
Larry Blair.

Still don't like me, eh?

That wins you the honeymoon to Burma
and a home in fashionable Hell's Kitchen.

Never mind the bon mots.
I want to see Nanette.

I believe she was vaccinated against you.
I'll see if it took.

[NANETTE HUMMING]

Charming, isn't she?

- Shall we start walking home?
- We can't even afford that.

[PIANO PLAYING]

If you can cut the cadenza,
I have evil tidings.

The cadenza is cut. What's up?

To phrase it elegantly,
blabbermouth is here again.

- Larry?
LARRY: Hi, baby.

Didn't wait for the welcome mat.
I knew I'd be flowers in spring.

- That's for nothing.
- And not worth a penny more.

Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Tommy.

- Hello, Nanette.
- Hello, Nan.

NANETTE:
Nice to see you.

I didn't wanna barge in like this,
but Larry insisted.

- He's the insistent type.
LARRY: Heh, heh.

What are we standing around for?

Uncle Max still got
that high-powered bootlegger?

- How about some real Scotch?
- How about some French champagne?

- Swell.
- I'll try to arrange a passport for you.

Pauline, mind telling Stevens
to serve drinks?

Here we go, in that thirsty old rut again.

If this is about the conversation
we had at the theater...

...it was final.

We'll raise the dough someplace.

Kid was heartbroken because
you didn't hear the rest of his numbers.

He's been itching to play them for you.
Come on, Jimmy.

Tear her heart out.

Well, I'd like you to hear "Tea for Two."

Why waste time on a floppola?

Give her "I Wanna Be Happy."
That'll sell a million copies.

Let him play what he pleases.

[PIANO PLAYING "TEA FOR TWO"]

[SINGING]
Picture you upon my knee

Just tea for two and two for tea

Just me for you and you for me alone

You like it?

There's genius in that head.

Tunes that will make the world
a better place.

It's so nice to hear you appreciate
someone beside yourself.

The kid's sort of got under my skin.

Melodies like those
coming from a heart filled with despair.

- Despair?
- His mother's an invalid.

The guy's spent hundreds on doctors.
Nothing they can do for her.

That's terrible.

Got a sister too,
sweetest kid in the world.

He's depending on this show
to send her to Arizona.

Well, why hasn't he said something
about all this?

Not the type, proud as a lion.

I'm just scared a frustration now
might seal him up.

He'll probably never put another note
on paper.

You sold it, kid.

Has it got anything, Nanette?

I think it has everything.

Try it with me.

- Go ahead, baby, try it.
- I'd love to.

[SINGING] I'm discontented
With homes that I rented

So I have invented my own

Darling, this place is a lovers' oasis

Where life's weary chase is unknown

Far from the cry of the city
Where flowers pretty

Caress the streams

Cozy to hide in
To live side by side in

Don't let it abide in my dreams

Picture you upon my knee

Just tea for two and two for tea

Just me for you

And you for me alone

[NANETTE HUMMING]

Nobody near us to see us or hear us

No friends or relations
On weekend vacations

We won't have it known, dear

That we own

A telephone, dear

Day will break and I'll awake

To start to bake a sugar cake

For you to take to all the boys

To see

[IN UNISON]
We will raise a family

A boy for you, a little girl for me

[IN UNISON]
Can't you see how happy

We would be

TOMMY: Oh, it sounded wonderful.
- Swell.

- It's a beautiful song, Jimmy.
- The first time it's been sung right.

- I still think it needs something.
- It needs a voice like Nanette's.

Don't worry, Bee sells the number.

Yeah, to New York and Philadelphia
at the same time.

This number could set me up
and solve all my problems.

Larry, I've changed my mind.
I'm gonna let you have the money you need.

You're wonderful.
I knew you couldn't let us down.

- Got too much heart, too much feeling.
- Too much money.

Here's to you, baby,
and a prosperous partnership.

As long as she's putting up the money,
why don't you let her play the lead?

[COUGHING]

- Jimmy, do you think I could?
JIMMY: I know you could.

If you weren't good,
I'd be first to tell you.

- We need you more than you need us.
- Take it easy.

It is a wonderful idea, but maybe Nan
feels she ain't ready for Broadway just yet.

Larry wants her to wait until
she's old enough to play character parts.

But why?
She's a new face and a new personality.

And just what we need.
And she's as ready as she'll ever be.

Ready for what?
Or am I too young to know?

Larry's show.
Oh, I'd love to do it, Jimmy.

- It's what I've been waiting for.
- Go ahead, Larry, she's a natural.

You keep out of this.
This happens to be my department.

I'd shove you in in a minute, baby,
but what about Bee?

You can't just break a contract like that.

Soon as this one clicks,
I'll build a show for you.

This stuff is smooth.
Didn't even feel it going down.

Now, listen, Larry,
I'm trying to get a hit.

And if Bee's gonna sing my songs
and murder them, I'd rather take them out.

Oh, now, you're starting.

Why, I wouldn't put up a dime
without your songs.

Wait a minute, he's right.
Bee would be terrific as Sally.

- What this character won't do for a dime.
- Baby, you're in.

Let's have the dough and I'll hustle
back and get things set.

Most of the country flat on its...broke.

And you're gonna trust your money
to light-fingered Louie?

You don't need a secretary,
you need a keeper.

I know what I'm doing, Pauline.

You'll have the money by tomorrow.
I'll get Uncle Max to sell bonds.

Swell, I'll leave the details to you.
Call me the minute they're settled.

- Let's go, boys, Circle 6-1010.
- Circle 6-1010.

If you have any money left, that offer
of marriage still goes at any time.

NANETTE: Bye, Tommy.
- Bye.

So long. I'll expect you at the theater
tomorrow at 10:30.

Don't be too sure.
I may have her committed by 10.

LARRY:
We're back in business again, baby.

Don't forget, Circle 6-1010.

NANETTE:
Right, bye.

- Bye, Nan.
- Bye, Nan.

- Get Uncle Max on the phone.
- That guy's got you hypnotized again.

Will you stop worrying, Pauline?

I'm getting what I want
for less than I expected to pay.

Now, get Uncle Max and hurry.

Mine not to reason why,
mine but to do and dial.

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]:
Ladies and gentlemen...

...from the President of the United States
comes this message:

The fundamental business of the country
is on a sound and prosperous basis.

Bank deposits have incr--

Maybe in Washington,
prosperous it still is.

Tell me, how busted I am busted?

It will take weeks to figure out
you haven't got enough...

...to pay the accountants.

Yeah, what do I do?

Live simply. In six months or so,
stocks may come back and be normal again.

Maybe in six months, I won't be normal.

One thing you can do
is stop Nanette's spending.

If you don't, you may have to
mortgage Westchester estate.

Oh, no, no, no,
Nanette's home never will I touch.

A solemn promise I made to her father.

[PHONE RINGS]

I will--

- Hello?
NANETTE [OVER PHONE]: Hello, Uncle Max.

It's Nanette. What should I tell her?

The truth.
You've got to explain it eventually.

Now, how can I explain tied up in paper,
all of her money is in paper?

And I should explain this. Hello?

I'm sorry, darling, I can't talk now.

Big stockholders meeting.

All day.

I will be home early.

Take care of yourself.

Hello?

Don't spend any money.

No, no, don't buy, don't--

Oh, goodbye. Yes, all right.

Everything I tried
was for Nanette's good.

Is that bad?

These stocks were.

In addition, you've fallen for every
crackpot scheme that walked in here.

Oil in Texas, gold in Alaska.

No, no, no, gold it was in Texas
and oil in Alaska.

Everything lavish,
expensive, sumptuous.

Well, that reminds me, come.

I'll show you something, come.

Now I show you something.

Look.

What the devil is that?

Tidy Boy it is called.

A pants hanger and presser
at the same time.

Remarkable it is how this little thing
knows what to do.

I'll show you how it works.

Just a minute.

From the leviathan to a rowboat.

Why everything you doubt?

The simple things sometimes
dividends pay.

The tie clasp, the zipper.

Don't forget the safe safety pin
for babies.

Now, was it my fault it was so safe,
the diapers they couldn't get off at all?

In this little gizmo could be millions.

First, the cord you plug in.

And in a....

Mr. Bloomhaus,
will you call this number, please?

Just a little demonstration, Hattie.

It's all right,
Mr. Bloomhaus has always been eccentric.

- What does she mean, eccentric?
- It's an expression they use at the asylum.

Come, I show you this.

In the night, this roller is hot.

And it goes up and down the pants.

In the morning,
fresh like from the tailor, no?

Yes, well, I'm sorry
I can't spend the night watching it...

...but I have a law practice.

Now, remember, no more promoting.

Cut Nanette's spending to the bone
for the rest of the year.

Maybe not anywhere I'll get,
but I will talk to her.

You might solve a lot of things
if you just try saying no for a change.

No to what?

Everyone who comes in here with a share
of stock or a half-baked gadget like that.

Try turning down a few.

If you could say no, no, no
instead of yes, yes for 24 hours...

...you'll have saved
a hundred thousand dollars.

Remember now.

No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes.

Words.

Huh?

[PHONE RINGING]

No, no, no.

MAX:
"Stocks plunge again.

[MUTTERING]

Billions lost in market.

Government bonds hold firm."

Lean forward, sweetheart.
I'm gonna make you comfortable.

No, don't bother.
Closer it puts me only to the paper.

Oh, now, here.

- Isn't that better?
- Yes, much better.

- Uncle Max--
- Nanette--

Did you enjoy your dinner, darling?

Yes, fine, fine.
A little too expensive, maybe.

Perhaps we should cut down.

Cut down for what?

It was a simple dinner.
Roast beef, salad, crêpe suzette.

A couple of fried eggs
has the same vitamin.

And the chicken,
she works for less money, no?

Now, you know that eggs
give you indigestion.

Other things also do.

- Nanette, my--
- Uncle Max--

[CHUCKLING]

Uncle Max, I have a surprise for you.

- She has a surprise for me.
- Uh-huh.

Shall I pour your drink, sir?

No, no, no, I pour it my....

My Scotch, it shrinks too.

Alcohol evaporates in the summer, sir.

Yeah, in the Sahara Desert,
that much couldn't evaporate.

You might as well know the truth,
Uncle Max. Larry was here.

We've made up again.

With all my troubles,
that loudmouth back in my life comes yet.

Gee.

- Will there be anything else, sir?
- What else could there be?

Put locks on everything,
including the locks.

Very well, sir.

Larry has changed, Uncle Max.

He's mellowed.

Yeah, on this Scotch, anyone would.

Whenever that Larry Blair shows up,
I smell a rat.

Calm down, darling.
I know what I'm doing.

I want you to hear something.

Something else there is?

A very beautiful song.

In the mood I am not for songs.

It was written by a brilliant
young composer, Uncle Max.

- A friend of mine.
- Mm-hm.

Mellow I suppose he also got?

Now, you just listen.

[PLAYING "TEA FOR TWO"]

[SINGING]
Picture me upon your knee

With tea for two and two for tea

Just me for you

And you for me alone

Nobody near us to see us or hear us

No friends or relations
On weekend vacations

We won't have it known, dear

That we own a telephone, dear

Day will break and I'll awake

And start to bake a sugar cake

For you to take

For all the boys to see

We will raise a family

A boy for you

And a girl for me

Oh, can't you see how happy

We would be?

- Well, what do you think of it?
- Very pretty, but I am full of tea.

For dinner, I had six saucers.

Now, you just relax
and I'm gonna fix you a nice drink.

Relax, she says, gee.

Wait till you hear me sing
in a crinoline gown...

...with a hoop skirt and a lace parasol.

Another fancy dress affair.

Nani, a costume like that
costs how much?

- Just $25,000.
- Ah.

I'll get it. Don't move.

I can't move.

I wanna put the money
into Larry's show, Uncle Max.

Oh, Larry's show, that's different.

I thought-- What?

But I'm gonna play the leading part.

For 25,000, all the parts you should play.

Positively.

All you have to do
is sell a few of my securities.

That's more positively.
Positively impossible.

You have to stop this spending.

But it isn't spending, Uncle Max,
it's an investment.

Twenty-five thousand dollars
is a mere drop in the bucket.

Have you looked in the bucket lately?
No, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

But you're gonna have to,
because I've already said yes.

That's the trouble.

Everybody says yes.

If everybody says no,
the banks would be bulging again.

- What are you talking about?
- Sit down.

Sit down.

If no you would say
to everybody for 24 hours...

...hundred thousand dollars to me
it would be worth.

Could you make that a little clearer?

Don't plain I speak?

Hundred thousand dollars
if you say no for 24 hours.

Do you mean it?

What I don't mean, I don't say.

Uncle Max, you've got a bet.

I-- What do you mean bet?

For a hundred thousand dollars,
I'll say no to everything for 24 hours.

Don't be ridiculous.
I'm just saying what Early--

And I'll give you better odds.

Odds or ends, I am not interested.

It's 10:00, Saturday.

I'm gonna say no to everything
for 48 hours...

...and all you have to do
is pay me 25,000.

I open my mouth,
immediately, you put your foot in it.

You just said you didn't say
what you didn't mean.

- You gonna welsh on me now?
- That's not the question.

How could I know
if you said yes or no, huh?

Uncle Max,
ever since I was a little girl...

...you and I've played fair
in everything, haven't we?

Don't you trust me?

With my life.

But this is money.

Then we'll leave it in the hands
of a third party, okay?

Pauline!

Luckily, I just happened to be waiting
at the keyhole.

Anything wrong?

I just bet Uncle Max $25,000...

...that I could say no to everything
until 10:00 Monday night.

Well, that sounds perfectly normal.

Of course, we'll have to put padding
on these walls.

You're to stay with me
and see that I keep my bet.

What kind of a bet?

You are not putting up anything.

Oh, I'm just risking my chance
at what I've been working for, hoping for.

And if I lose,
I won't ask for one thing for a whole year.

Just let's forget the whole thing....

- For a year?
- Yes.

Three hundred and sixty-five days.

Excepting leap year,
which didn't get me any place either.

Just bare expenses.

No more minks,
singing lesson, dancing lesson?

No more big parties?

No, not even a new dress.

Every question you would answer?

Not wriggling around
to change the meaning?

A plain, straightforward no
to every single question.

Cross my heart.

[CLOCK CHIMING]

- Get ready.
- Get set.

Go, we're off.

- Now, now--
- This is gonna be fun.

Fun, yeah.

I'm already laughing: ha, ha.

If the money I was to give you now,
the bet, you would call off, yes?

No.

And don't you try any more
of your childish tricks.

If I'd said yes and no in the right places,
I'd be wearing mink.

Will there be anything else, sir?

Some bicarbonate.

And call my lawyer.

In trouble I think I am again.

Very well, sir.

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]: The president
of the United States assures the people...

...that the fundamental business
of the country...

...is on a sound and prosperous basis.

- Stevens!
- In Washington yesterday--

And see how much for this you can get.

Sound and prosperous business.

[MUTTERING]

Hello, Larry?

I'm sorry to have kept you so long.

It's okay, sweet.

I've been sitting here
on my little old iron cot just waiting.

Well, everything is fine.
I'll have the money on Monday.

Swell, I knew you'd come through, baby.

I can turn over now and hit the hay.

Be at the theater early tomorrow.

Happy dreams, sweetheart.

Twenty-five G's, love apple. We're in.

Here, pick a pawn ticket. It's on me.

Oh, my platinum wristwatch.

Larry, you're wonderful.

I know it, sugar, but keep on telling me.

Oh, Larry.

- Hello, I've been waiting for you.
NANETTE: Hi.

- Yeah, we've been waiting.
- It's a beautiful day.

That's snappy dialogue
for 10:00 in the morning.

- I was afraid you'd changed your mind.
- You don't know me very well.

I'm Pauline Hastings,
if anyone's interested.

- Oh, yes, Miss Carter's secretary.
- I've been promoted, I'm a private eye.

Is Larry here?

In the lobby with the wolves.

If Nanette Carter don't show up
in five minutes...

...there won't be any first or second act.

So she's a little late.

Fine thing when a guy with the integrity
of Gandhi and genius of Ziegfeld...

...has to be distracted by crummy bills.

But she's 25 minutes late.

She's bringing 25 G's. A grand a minute.

Where can you better that?

JIMMY:
There they are, down there.

Well, there's plenty of room
to talk in here.

LARRY:
Nan, baby.

I was worried about you.
Thought maybe you had a traffic accident.

No, she was unfortunate. She got here.

What'd you drag her along for?

Termite control.

You told Beatrice
about the switch in parts?

One problem at a time, honey.
Come meet the boys.

Come on, Pauline.

See what I mean?

We'll see you after you're finished, Nan.

Boys, I want you to meet Miss
Nanette Carter, the future Mrs. Larry Blair.

And there's a future for you.

- How do you do?
- Felicitations.

Now, Miss Carter,
let's get down to business.

Miss, Carter, do you stand ready
to guarantee Mr. Blair's indebtedness?

- Why, I--
- Careful.

No.

No? Uh, heh, heh, heh.
You don't understand, baby.

They mean the 25 grand
you promised to have on Monday.

I know, and I'll have it by then.

MAN: Oh, well, Monday will be all right.
- You had me there for a minute, honey.

Can we depend on your check
for $25,000 on Monday night?

- Why, I--
- Uh-uh.

No.

Anyone care to try for 50,000?

Do you guarantee anything for this man?

- No.
- Aha.

That's all I wanted to know.

Excuse me.

- That'll hold me too. I'll see you later.
- Bon voyage.

How could you do this to me?

It was a pleasure.

Larry, everything is gonna be all right.

What do you mean?

I just lost my scenery,
my costumes, my theater.

You'll get them back on Monday
when I bring the check.

- You said you wouldn't have it on Monday.
- But I will.

- If only people would stop asking questions.
- What's questions to do with it?

Couldn't you have said yes?

- No.
- Uh-uh.

One of us has gone nuts.

Do you know what this means?

The cast will disband,
the chorus will get other jobs.

No, they won't. You can bring them all
to my place until Monday.

Oh, that'll be nice.

All 40 of them?

Well, why not?
We have enough food, don't we, Pauline?

If we haven't, they can eat each other.

- Supposing Uncle Max doesn't loosen?
- He will.

- You just said--
- Never mind what I said.

You've got to trust me.

Now you go and invite them all up
to Westchester.

I guess I'll have to work this out
in my own head.

Gonna be mighty lonely up there,
partner.

[BAND PLAYING "CHARLESTON"]

WOMAN 1: Larry.
WOMAN 2: Come on, Larry.

WOMAN 3:
Come on.

ALL:
Hey.

[MURMURING]

- Larry.
- Aw.

Sometimes I think
you're losing your mind.

How could you make a bet that stupid?

Believe me, easy it wasn't.

What makes you think she hasn't said yes
while you've been away?

Her word. Cheat, Nan wouldn't do, no.

If a bachelor you weren't,
better you'd know.

You got me talking that way.

All right, William, stay over Sunday.

A nice weekend
we will have in the country.

We relax and take things easy.

Fine, I could stand a rest.

Early, look what they are doing.

These silly fellows make a mistake.

Hello, hello, put it back.

Put it back, you have the wrong address.

We have pianos.

You ain't kidding, bud.

This is the third we delivered
this morning.

- Gee.
- We got 36 army cots and blankets.

Where do you want them?

You think war
maybe has been declared again?

I cannot un--

Hurry up with that piano. We're waiting.

Don't just stand there, give them a hand.
We wanna get rolling.

- The right house it is?
- Of course.

[WATER SPLASHING]

William, look, look.

Who are those people?

How can I tell?
They have got nothing on. Jeez.

EARLY:
Come on.

[CHATTERING]

[PIANO PLAYING]

Pauline.

Welcome to Insanity Lodge.

I'm a combination usher
and chambermaid.

Who are these people here?

Actors or lunatics,
I haven't made up my mind.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

See what I mean?

What kind of language is:

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Swiss-esse.

Where is Miss Nanette?

I'm in no mood for riddles.

Find her, I want to see her.

Look, I've got 32 cots to make up
and I'm three sheets in the wind already.

Make them later.
Tell her we are in the study. Come.

I wouldn't go in there if I were....

Oh, well, they're old enough to know.

Max, this atmosphere
is hardly conducive to business.

[SCREAMING]

This is all your fault,
with the yes and no foolishness.

Never in my life, I, uh....

Come.

In here, we can be private.

Now, girls, here's the idea.

Watch me closely.

You're disturbing me.

Please go.

[LAUGHING]

This I don't believe.

LARRY:
Go.

[PLAYING "I WANT TO BE HAPPY"
ON PIANO]

[SINGING]
When skies are gray

And you say you are blue

I'll send the sun smilin' through

[JIMMY HUMMING]

I wanna be happy

But I won't be happy

Till I make you happy too

When skies are gray
And you say you are blue

Well, what are you gonna do?

I'll send old Sol smilin' through

[IN UNISON]
I want to be happy

But I won't be happy

Till I make you happy too

And I can make you happy too

You're gonna be swell.
You've nothing to worry about.

- I'm so nervous I have duck bumps.
- That's good, I want you to be on edge.

Don't worry, I will be until Monday night.

- What happens Monday night?
- Either Uncle Max or I will have a stroke.

- By the way, Jimmy, how's your sister?
- My sister?

Oh. She's doing fine.

Why, the doc says her leg
is gonna be as good as new.

Her leg? I thought it was her lung.

Well, it's a vicious circle.

I'll explain it to you sometime.

Would you mind
if I ask you a personal question?

I'd rather you didn't ask me
any questions.

This one's important.

Are you engaged to Larry?

I mean, is it definite?

No, it's not definite.

Does that mean you don't love him?

- No.
- What does it mean?

Jimmy, will you please stop
asking me questions?

I'm allergic to them.

There's one more question
I'd like to ask.

Will you kiss me?

No.

Pauline, what do you want?

Anything you might have left over.

Your uncle is looking for you.
He's frothing in every pore.

Oh, poor Uncle Max.
I'd better go and explain things.

Where is he?

By now, possibly under three acrobats.

We'll have to squeeze through the house
and find him. Pardon us.

It's all right.

Sign here please, Nanette.

Does this whole business strike
anyone else as slightly imbecilic?

Nobody asked you.

I volunteered.

Can I go now?
I have 32 cots to make up.

I want you to witness this agreement.

How would you like it signed?
Bed Sheet Annie?

May I ask where you sleep?

I didn't know you cared.

Until the expiration of this contract...

...you will share Miss Carter's room
and keep awake.

What for?

It's possible you might say yes
in your sleep.

Haven't we all?

And if one word you say about this,
your job you lose.

All 32 cots?

If, however, you detect Nanette saying yes,
you get a bonus of $250.

Just a minute.

Do you think I would betray my best friend
for a measly $250?

I'll take it.

How about it?

[SINGING] Oh, do, do, do
What you done, done, done before, baby

Do, do, do what I do, do, do adore, baby

Let's try again

Sigh again

Fly again to heaven

Baby, see, it's A-B-C

- I love you and you love me
- I love you and you love me

I know, know, know
What a beau, beau, beau should do, baby

So don't, don't, don't
Say it won't, won't, won't come true, baby

My heart begins to hum

- Dum di dum di dum dum dum
- Dum di dum di dum dum dum

So do, do, do
What you done, done, done before

Oh, do, do, do
What you done, done, done before, baby

Do, do, do what I do, do, do adore, baby

Let's try again
Sigh again

And fly again to heaven

Baby, see, it's A-B-C

- I love you and you love me
- I love you and you love me

You dear, dear, dear
Little dear, dear, dear, come here, snappy

And see, see, see
Little me, me, me make you happy

My heart begins to sigh

- Die di die di die die die
- Die di die di die die die

So do, do, do

What you done, done, done

- Done, done, done before
- Done, done, done before

Oh, that was swell, Nan.

When Larry Blair gives a weekend,
it bubbles.

Anything you don't see, just ask for.
Expense means nothing around here.

Oh, Mr. Blair,
when will we rehearse my part?

Part? Oh, yeah, stick around.

I'll go over it with you later.

All right, in the living room
for "Oh Me! Oh My!"

Come on, step on it.

WOMAN:
Well, here goes the merry-go-round again.

Is this a show or a dance marathon?

Put your whip away, Simon.

I'll go, but I'll take my tea with me
to keep me company.

Don't let the water out till I get back.

I'll be over on the chaise lounge,
Mr. Blair.

- Huh?
- Oh, yeah.

Sahib, your panatelas.

Thanks. Take a couple
to last you through the day.

TOMMY:
Thanks, it's gonna be a long one.

You know, that living room
is gonna be kind of cramped.

Knock out a wall.
Don't bother me with details.

Okay, I hope you know
what you're doing.

Hi.

Hi, can we get together
in a rose arbor or something?

- I'll have the gardener build one.
- Good.

Everything all right?

Just swell, baby.

I'll probably rehearse
all my shows out here.

Fresh air and sunshine give me ideas.

Why isn't Miss Darcy here?

Bee? Oh, she had something
to do in town.

Probably show up tonight or tomorrow.

How did she take the switch in parts?

Tickled pink
after I explained things to her.

Bee will do anything I tell her.

I was wondering why she wasn't here.

I'd much rather bow out
than cause any friction.

Honey, don't talk about bowing out.
We're all depending on you.

I mean, that face, that figure, that voice.

There won't be any slip-up
on the check?

NANETTE:
No, you'll have it Monday night.

JIMMY:
Nan, they're waiting for you to rehearse.

Well, thanks.

Now, listen, big shot.

You can kid Nanette along,
but you can't me.

Meaning what?

You haven't said a word to Bee
about the parts.

Look, Chopin, stick to the ivories.
Let me handle the delicate matters.

You hadn't the guts to tell her.

You're just stringing Nan along
for the money.

After we're married,
it's community property.

I'm using my money,
if you look at it from the right angle.

Stop kidding yourself.
She has no intention of marrying you.

LARRY:
Where do you get your information?

From the feed box.

As far as you're concerned,
she'd just as soon marry a chimpanzee.

Where's she gonna find a chimpanzee
with my talent?

Here, buy yourself a driver's license.

Hey, you, buster.

Buster?

BEE:
Just a moment.

Are you the new guy
they hired to play the butler?

What I play around here
shouldn't happen to a dog.

- Who are you?
- Beatrice Darcy.

I play the lead in this clambake.

And I'm looking for a no-good, chiseling,
double-crossing stinker.

That description I recognize.
He's at the pool, relaxing.

Well, I'll settle that.

Wait a minute.

Right now, it is maybe better
you don't disturb him.

Why not?

Busy he is fixing it for Nanette Carter
to play the leading part.

- Nanette Carter?
- Mm-hm.

I play the lead.

Maybe yes, maybe no.

In your place, I will go and find out.
Go, go.

I'll find out, pop.

You can bet your underwear.

That I have already lost.

This isn't very much of a part,
just one page.

We'll enlarge it as time goes on.

Let's hear it.

I love you, darling. I always will.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Keep going. What else does it say?

"Jasmine goes into his arms
in a passionate embrace."

Okay, follow directions.

I've got to see what you have to offer.

Remember where we left off.

MABEL:
But, Mr. Blair....

You're no seal, Roscoe,
you've gotta come up for air.

Ah, heh. The water's fine, sweetheart.

Did you bring your bathing suit?

I've got better ideas.

Why wasn't I told about
this chowder party?

Thought you'd like a free weekend.
You're up in all the numbers.

All except the one about Nanette Carter
taking my part.

That's just economics, it'll work out.
Be a good girl and let papa handle things.

I got a glimpse
of what you were just handling.

I'll take care of this personally.

Wait a minute, baby,
you'll crab the whole setup.

[PLAYING "OH ME! OH MY!"]

Fine, kids, relax a minute.

This is where Miss Carter
goes in the number.

So watch closely.

[SINGING]
Oh, me, oh, my, oh, you

No other girl will do

Cares will be forever ended
And this world would be so splendid

If you cared enough, dear, to be true

Oh, me, oh, my, oh, you

Those lips, those eyes of blue

You're so lovely, you're so sweet

You simply lift me off my feet

Oh, me, oh, my, oh, you

All right, kids, follow me.

[HARP PLAYING]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold it.

Just what do you think
you're trying to slip over?

Nothing. Larry told you
about the change in parts.

You're gonna play Lucille.
It's just as good a part.

Oh, yeah? Well, isn't that just cozy.

I'm left in New York
while you sharpies pull a fast one.

Now, let me tell you something.

TOMMY:
I love show business. Don't you?

Wait a minute, I'll do the talking.

Please watch where you are dripping.

All right, Johnny Weissmuller, talk.

Wait till I get my breath.

Now, now, take it easy.
It's just a switch in parts.

That's all. I was gonna tell you,
but it slipped my mind.

- Slipped your mind?
- His mind can slip through a watch spring.

Mr. Blair, what about my part?

Stick around. You'll get it
down the center of your skull.

TOMMY:
Oh, be reasonable, Bee.

You get "Call of the Sea,"
the best number in the show.

I'll play the lead
and get "Call of the Sea" too.

So tell Miss National Bank
to go peddle her account someplace else.

Look, look, look, everybody fights.
No one gets anyplace.

Maybe I could settle this.

Who's this character?

That's Uncle Max, honey.

Well, that settles everything.

All right, Uncle Max, blow.

No, blow I don't. I stay right here.

He happens to be Nanette's guardian.

Sure, sugar. He, uh, owns the joint.

Oh. Oh, well, that's different.

Go ahead, Uncle Max, speak your piece.

I speak.

Nanette, darling--
Excuse me just for a minute.

Do you think, darling, you can play the part
better than this young lady? Huh?

No.

Why, of course she can.
She'll play rings around her.

Over my dead body.

Nobody wants your body.

Do you think, darling,
that young man's music...

...is good enough for your voice?

- Huh?
- No.

Do you want to play the part
or in the show put money?

No.

So tomorrow morning, everybody out.

All the vultures fly home, yes.

Oh, come on, fellas, snap out of it.

We'll get backing someplace else.

Come on, Jimmy, hit those keys.

I'll show you
how this number should be sung.

Nice try, honey.

[MURMURING]

Look, baby, it's all a mistake.
I can fix it in five minutes.

You should've fixed it
a little earlier, Larry.

I'm not well.

Not well at all.

Nanette, my darling, I am very sorry.

Nanette....

There are times a man
better off would be if he hung himself.

BEE [SINGING]:
Oh, me, oh, my, oh, you

This is one of the times.

BEE:
No other guy will do

I may be wrong, but it seems to me
you've been acting very strangely of late.

Oh, no, I haven't, Jimmy.

You imagine it.

I don't understand
what this is all about, Nan.

I'm sorry, Jimmy.

Of course, maybe I'm not supposed to.

If you can't tell me the reason
for the sudden switch...

...at least tell me
why you've avoided me ever since.

You see, I had a headache.

And Uncle Max let me
stay in my room for dinner.

Do you have to have his permission
to go to your room?

No.

There's something about all this
I don't quite get.

- Will you have a cigarette?
- No, thanks.

If you didn't say "No, thanks,"
I'd better look up a psychiatrist.

Oh, I changed my mind.

That seems to be
about the best thing you do.

Jimmy, I'm sorry I said that
about your music.

I didn't really mean it.

I don't think you meant
anything you said.

And I'm pretty sure
I know the reason why.

You know, in a way,
I'm just as glad the show is off.

"Tea for Two"
wouldn't have clicked without you.

Well, who said the show is off?

You certainly wouldn't put up the money
after what Larry did to you.

NANETTE: Look, I gave my word.
And I'm just like my Uncle Max.

I never welsh.

All those people have worked hard
to make the show a hit.

- We mustn't let them down.
- That's a wonderful way to look at it.

Whether I sing your songs
or someone else does...

...they're gonna be heard.

And they're gonna get over.
They're just too good not to.

I wouldn't bet on it.

Well, I would.

They're gonna bring the world
a lot of pleasure and happiness, Jimmy.

Your mother and sister
are gonna be so proud of you.

Yeah.

There's something about them
I'd like to explain.

LARRY:
It's not hard to understand.

I had Nanette set up for a pigeon
if you hadn't yakked all over the place.

- The setup got just a little bit off-line.
- That can happen too.

We're gonna be married. Would I
double-cross the girl I'm gonna marry?

Oh, brother. You'd double-cross yourself
if you thought you could make a buck.

I'm sorry you had to get it that way, Nan.

It's only what I expected
from Larry, Jimmy.

He hasn't soured you on all men,
has he?

That depends on the man.

[MAX SNEEZES]

Excuse me. Gesundheit.

It's none of my business, but it looks to me
like you're getting kicked in the short ribs.

I suppose it does look that way.

Why don't you just
run up and down the hall yelling yes?

Then I'd get a fur coat and Mr. Bloomhaus
would get rid of his heartburn.

With that pants presser be careful.
It bites.

I'm watching it, sir.

No matter who says what,
my furniture get back in the morning.

That's impossible, sir.

Stevens, experience as you have had...

...how do you get a woman to say yes?

At our time of life, sir,
that's quite a problem.

Shall I plug this contraption in, sir?

No, I plug.

You start it.

Start it.

Gee.

Will there be anything else, sir?

Gee.

[CLATTERING ON WINDOW]

- What's the matter?
- We're being shelled.

Oh, it's hysterical Charlie again.

Put out the light.

Why does a girl always say that to me?

[RUSTLING]

[CLANKING]

Well, buster. I didn't expect you.

No. Come to the window.

Something interesting you will see.
Come.

He's coming up.
Shall I get some hot water?

- No.
- This is one time you can say yes.

I won't squeal.

Oh, well.
They took Valley Forge barefooted.

Hoo. Hoo.

George Washington.
And keep your big mouth shut.

Nan. Nan.

Why didn't you answer me?
I could break my neck.

This ladder needs dental work.

Don't be that way, baby.
We can straighten everything out.

The fact that I didn't invite Bee up proves
that I wanted you to get the part.

You've got class, baby.

Bee's just a little
two-bit honky-tonk performer.

This will show you
who comes first with me.

Hey, look out, I'm slipping.

Catch me.

Hey, do it again. Nan didn't see it.

[PHONE RINGING]

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

He--?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? Hello?

Who is ringing so many bells?

EARLY:
Good morning, Max.

Oh, it's you, Early.

What's bad today?

This is good news.

If you can get here and sign
some releases before the market opens...

...we may be able
to salvage some assets.

You've got just an hour to make it.

- With bells on, I will be there.
- All right.

By 10:00 at my office we will be, yes?

- No.
- But we must.

Couldn't a little faster we go?

No.

Please forget about
that yes-and-no, yes?

No.

Only 20 minutes we have left.

Maybe killed we get, but we make it.

[SIREN WAILING]

Complications yet.

Good morning.
Don't you think you were driving fast?

- No.
- No?

Everything I can explain, officer.
For business I am late.

If any later I am,
there will be no business.

- Let's see your driver's license, please.
- Driver's license.

Are you Miss Nanette Carter?

No.

Of course she is Nanette Carter.
Right there it says so.

Just a minute.
Doesn't she know who she is?

Sometimes she gets confused.

- Is this your car, miss?
- No.

- Well, where'd you get it?
- Out of the garage.

Our-- Please, our garage.

- Let's see the registration.
- I haven't got it.

Just a minute, officer. Immediately.

I can tell you everything.

I think in my pocket I have it.
In my pants, maybe.

I put it in my.... Yesterday, I....

I....

Golf or basketball?

Is it your business if my legs I like cool?

To New York I must get
before Wall Street opens.

You can hear the Dow Jones
at the police station.

Police station?

Officer, if you can keep us till 10 tonight,
I'd appreciate it.

I think that can be arranged.

Wait a minute. I am Max Bloomhaus
from Carter and Bloomhaus.

And I'm Terry Clancy of Highway 31.
Follow me.

You cannot do this with me.

I have to be in New York
before Wall Street opens.

Come on, Uncle Max, get in the car.

An outrage this is.

An American citizen I am, a taxpayer.

Formerly.

It's your own fault.
You pulled the throttle.

Already the market is open.

Money I am losing I haven't even got.

ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]: The president
of the United States repeats...

...that the fundamental business
of the country...

...is on a sound and prosperous basis.

Cruelty this is.

Run into a tree.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

I will show them.

Mr. Blair, do you feel like
rehearsing my part this morning?

Do I look like I feel like it?

In spite of strains, bruises,
rain, sleet or snow...

...the show must go on, Mr. Blair.

You're getting all balled up
with the post office. Don't bother me.

How, O Laughing Water.

Where have you two been?

In the pokey.

We've been in jail.

Heavens to Betsy, what's he done now?

I murdered a nosy woman.

Say, that's a snappy outfit.
Who's your tailor?

[LAUGHING]

We thought you were lost.
Where have you been?

Where you should have been
for the last 10 years.

LARRY: Hello, honey.
I was beginning to worry about you.

That's very touching, Larry.

The kid here
got a little bad news this afternoon.

- What sort of bad news?
- About his sister.

- Oh, no, Jimmy.
- Now, wait a minute.

He didn't wanna tell you,
but I persuaded him.

- You're used to handling things.
- What happened?

Nothing. The fact that I never had one.

My mother lives in Philadelphia
and she's quite hale and hearty.

It was an embryo of his 10-cent-store mind
to pry money out of you.

Thanks, Jimmy.

But you're telling me something
I already knew.

So I've nurtured a Benedict Arnold
in my bosom. A Judas Iscariot.

- Oh, shut up.
- That drops the show right in the sewer.

But what do you care?
You're a knight in shining armor.

All right, Lancelot, start peddling your tune
to the nightclubs and radio stations again.

Stop bleeding. You'll get the money.

What makes you think
she'll give after this?

She told me she was going through with it
for the sake of the kids.

She did? That's great.

You'd better stick with Bee.

She's your kind. You can chisel together.

I've got to tell the company.
Don't want them to lose that old spirit. Ooh.

Psst. Psst.

Young man,
are you in love with my ward?

- What?
- A simple question it is.

Do you love Nanette?

Well, since you put it
in such a roundabout way, yes.

Well, why don't you find out
if she loves you?

How?

Easy solution I have. Ask her.

You mean you approve of me?
You want me?

No, no, no, not to me. Propose to her.

Well, she's a little upset right now.

Good. Yes she might say by accident.

Go ahead.
Go ahead and don't shilly-shally.

And only yes take for an answer, no?

Thanks.

[PLAYING "TEA FOR TWO"]

What is it, Jimmy?
Have you thought of something else?

I don't blame you for being sore, Nan.
You got quite a deal.

It's my fault for letting it get this far.

What made you weaken?

I found out I was in love with you.

Isn't that approach a little corny, Jimmy?

It's just a statement of fact.
I didn't expect you to believe it.

Well, it's a little difficult
under the circumstances.

Yeah, I suppose it is.

But it's the truth.

All I want is a chance to prove it.

What do you say, Nan?

Did Uncle Max suggest this?

Not altogether. He just backed me up.

NANETTE:
Oh, I see.

JIMMY:
Have I got a chance, Nan?

Right now, Jimmy, I have to say no.

Does that mean if I wait a little while,
it might be yes?

Well, I have to say no to that too.

I see. I guess I never should have asked.

You love my music, and I was silly enough
to put a personal element to it.

Your music is you, Jimmy.

Well, then you can't love one
without the other.

Oh, Nan, I'm not asking you to boil over.

I'd be satisfied
if you just cared a little.

Do you, Nan?

No, Jimmy. No.

Well, I stuck my chin out
and got what I deserved.

- Goodbye, Nanette.
- Jimmy, where are you going?

The other side of the tracks.

I guess I never should have skipped over.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Would everyone be quiet
for just a minute, please?

I have a very important announcement
to make.

In exactly one minute,
I have a surprise for you.

I can't wait.

[LAUGHING]

[CHIMING]

- I made it.
- Saved by the gong.

Yes, yes, yes. I never enjoyed
saying anything so much in my life.

Just a minute.
Would you mind letting us in on the gag?

Well, you see,
I bet Uncle Max $25,000 and I won it.

Oh, now I can tell Jimmy
how I really feel.

You'd better tell me.
Jimmy left for New York.

Oh, no. Well, he wouldn't go
without seeing me.

Never mind Jimmy.
Does this mean I get the dough?

Do I get the lead?

You're back in the other part, love apple.
Back to work, kids.

How about my little star taking over?

Do I get to do
an emotional scene, Mr. Blair?

Cheer up, honey.
Maybe Jimmy hasn't left yet.

[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]

NANETTE:
Uncle Max.

What's wrong?

Has anybody got the right time?

At the sound of the gong,
it will be exactly two minutes past 25,000.

Boing.

All right, Uncle Maxie,
give me the money.

Give me, give me, give me.

- How do you do, Miss Hastings?
- Mr. Early.

What are you doing here so late?

I have a very unpleasant duty to perform.

Nanette must be told Uncle Max
cannot possibly pay off this ridiculous bet.

Would you give me that again slowly?

We'd better settle this right away.

- Are they all in there?
- Yeah, come on.

[BAND PLAYING MUSIC]

Hold the music, kids.
Simmer down a minute.

I have a man here
with a gruesome message.

Okay, chum, you're on.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You may all pack up
and leave as quietly as possible.

Look, you're busting up a rehearsal.

There won't be any more rehearsal
or any more show.

What are you trying to pull now?

Looks like Nan is broke.

And you couldn't raise a dime
with a block and tackle.

- Broke?
- I can't be.

Temporarily, I'm afraid you are, Nan.

But my government bonds.

Your uncle didn't trust the government.

Uncle Max, what does he mean?

My darling, your money I have handled...

...like a Dutch uncle
who should have stayed in Holland.

But the 25,000 that I won.

Maybe in six months,
stocks come back up again. Phew.

Six months?
What will I eat in the meantime?

The actors.

I told you from the start
she was a phony.

Does this mean
that I don't get to emote?

I'll write you a suicide scene.
We'll play it together.

This ends my faith in human nature.
I don't deserve a deal like this.

Stop picking on her. She's had enough.

- It's all right.
- Oh, yeah?

Suppose you take over.
You can have the whole show.

Book, score, contracts
and all the debts that go with it.

I'm washed up.

Somebody should get
a sock in the kisser for this.

- Well, I'm happy to oblige.
- Oh.

Did you hurt your hand?

Well, there goes the Pied Piper
with the rats.

And my ambitions with him.

Oh, well. What's wrong in being broke?

I've been broke all my life
and look at me.

There must be
a better argument than that.

I'm sorry, darling.

Much that doesn't mean,
but what else can I say?

But I made such a fool of myself.

Maybe, I guess,
everything I do is wrong.

Just a bungling old schlemiel I am.

No, you're not.

You're my Uncle Max.

Whatever we've lost,
we haven't lost each other.

Why, I love you more now
than I ever did.

Oh, come on, cheer up, you two.

Love and money aren't everything.

What am I saying?

I guess it was just too good to be true.

A lead on Broadway and Jimmy,
all in one package.

If anything that young man is worth,
back he will come to you.

Sure he will.
Just as soon as he hears about--

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

What did I tell you? Come in.

Good evening.

Only him it is.

Well, that's a nice, cheery welcome.

I've been going over
these statements Larry threw.

Maybe there's a chance
to save the show.

Tommy, that fortune you wanted
to marry me for is all gone.

Only temporarily.

The fundamental business of the country
is on a sound and prosperous basis.

Thank you, Mr. President.

TOMMY:
I've got it all figured out.

Larry's put the company
10 grand in the hole.

We've gotta raise 35,000
to get the show on.

Oh, nice cheering up.

We've got to raise it.
It's Nan's one big chance to recoup.

For 35,000, Wall Street I could buy out.

The sidewalks too.

No dice, Tommy.
Only government bonds from here on in.

I even had a new title: No, No, Nanette...

...and an angle
on how to raise the dough.

But if that's the way you feel....

Something is cooking
in that hoofer's head.

And I'm gonna take the lid off
and find out what it is.

Hey, twinkle toes.

How do you figure to raise 35,000?
And hand me a rod.

Listen, who in this wide, cold city
had the integrity and foresight...

...to sell his best friend short
and is now loaded with lettuce?

Eenie, meenie, minie, Moe Early.

Right.
Now, if you'll step into my office....

Gladly.

[WHISPERING]

I just adore rolling down
these quiet country roads at night.

Don't you, Mr. Early?

I prefer driving in the daytime.

Have you enough room?

Oh, I'm quite comfy. Thanks.

[ENGINE SPLUTTERING]

- That's strange.
- What's the matter?

I seem to be out of gas.

Oh, no, Mr. Early.

[CHUCKLING]

I'm quite sure I filled it this morning.

Mr. Early, how could you?

- How could I what?
- Running out of gas.

You know, I had no idea there was so much
of the mad, impetuous boy in you.

- I assure you, Miss Hastings, I--
- Oh, please don't explain, William.

It isn't that I don't trust you.

It's just that....

Well, you're so strong and....

No. No, please don't.

- You mustn't.
- What am I doing?

I just don't dare trust myself
in the darkness with you.

Your personality simply overpowers me.

Where are you going?

Home, like a good little girl.

Good night.

Oh! Oh.

- Oh.
- Miss Hastings.

Pauline. Are you hurt?

I'm afraid I've broken my tibia.

Well, I'll help you to the car.

Oh, no. No, I can't.

- Can't you walk?
- No, no, no.

I'm afraid you'll have to carry me.

Oh, Willy, you're so muscular.

- I was a hammer thrower at Harvard.
- Oh?

Class of '19.

Very nice. Beautiful wedding ring.

How much did it cost?

Ten gallons of gas and a sprained ankle.

[BAND PLAYING "NO, NO, NANETTE"]

[SINGING] We're going to Atlantic City
We have packed our dresses pretty

Soon you'll see us
Mingling with the throng

Before we start on our vacation
We have one more obligation

Let us ask Nanette to come along

Why should we take Nanette along?
She'll be an extra dame

Because we fellows like Nanette

Oh, did I hear my name?

Please let her go

Please let her go.

No, no, Nanette

No, no, no, no

No, no, Nanette, that's all I hear

I get it the whole day through

No, no, Nanette, regales my ear

No matter what I may do

Sometime perhaps I'll have my way

When I am old and turning gray

But just as yet it's always

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Nanette

CHORUS:
No, no, no, no, no

We've packed our suntan lotion
For a weekend at the ocean

When the sea begins a-calling me

A sort of tempting incantation

Fills me with elation

It seems to say come out and play

Come along and learn the old, old song

The song of love's sweet fascination

Something fills me
With a thousand thrills

When the sea is a-calling me

When the sea begins a-calling me

A sort of tempting incantation

Fills me with elation

It seems to say come out and play

Come along and learn the old, old song

The song of love's sweet fascination

Something fills me with a thousand thrills

When the sea is a-calling me

There's only one way to be happy

And that's to make another happy

When skies are gray
And you say you are blue

I'll send the sun smiling through

I want to be happy

But I won't be happy

Till I make you happy too

The fortuneteller
And the tea leaf in the cup

Make up the tea
For you and me

[BAND PLAYING "TEA FOR TWO"]

[CHORUS HUMMING]

["TEA FOR TWO"
PLAYING OVER PHONOGRAPH]

And so that is how
your papa and mama got married.

A wonderful story it is, no?

Well, anyhow, I liked it.
Where are the other children?

They ducked around 1931.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

LYNNE:
That's Mom and Dad.

- Let's show them the outfits.
- Okay.

- Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mom.

Look.

NANETTE: Ha, ha,
where did you kids find these clothes?

I found them in your old trunk, Mom.

Say, if you looked this funny,
why did Dad ever marry you?

- Because he looked this way.
- Oh, no.

Can't you do something
with these children?

Good grief.
Are these monsters really ours?

- I warned you about having children.
- It was your idea, darling.

[SINGING]
We will raise a family

A boy for you, a girl for me

[IN UNISON]
Can't you see how happy we would be?

I still say that song stinks.

[ENGLISH SDH]