Taxi 3 (2003) - full transcript

Keep dreamin', brother!

Are you free?

Mylord's offer is tempting,
alas, my heart is taken...

But maybe I can amend that?

Aaah... mylord is
targetting my feelings!

Who must I kill, at this rate?

Nobody, but I must get to the airport.
You think it's possible in 20 minutes?

20 minutes? Leaves me enough time
to finish my sandwich... get on board!

It's a perfect opportunity to test out
some new settings...

let me know what you think!

Do you mind if I put some music on?



No... but get moving!

And there we go...!

Mylord is lucky, the streets of
Marseille are empty in winter...

it's more practical for sightseeing!

Yeah, lucky me...

But all this visiting is
gonna make us late...

fasten your seatbelt please,
I'm gonna have to switch to 3rd gear...

No problem!

You got some change?

Well, no...

Me neither...!

Wasn't that Daniel?

Who else'd you think?
The Air Force?

Looks like he's in good shape!
The cops won't catch him anytime soon!



I wouldn't be so sure...
Apparently, the cops have a new weapon!

A new weapon? What kind of weapon?

A secret one.

"State Police"

This is boring...

Oh shit! 298 km/h!

Attention!
White cab driving at 298 km/h...

I repeat: 298 km/h!

Roger, we're on it!

I was worried there,
I thought they were asleep!

But that's a cop car!

Oh no, just some old pals...

They're very playful, you know!

Bertrand, get his number
as soon as we're close enough!

Don't worry...

"Go Marseille!"

Hey that's not a plate number!
It's an email!

Ok, game's over.
Hang on!

Hey, why are you stopping?

Are you kidding?
I'm pedal to the metal!

Is that nitro?

Oh no, a friend of mine has a bar...

it's made with Pastis.

If you want, I can give you the address...

You're very kind!

Hold on a second... is that a TGV?

Yeah, it's a good machine...

it's fast in the curves...
but kinda slow in a straight line!

Mamma mia!

Where do I drop you off?

Here!
Right here.

19 minutes 32 seconds!

I'm impressed!
No customer ever managed that...

usually whenever I stop, hop!
... straight in the bag!

Thanks!

You're sure it's the right place?

Absolutely.

Oh, I see...

Well thank you for your cooperation...

Tell me, don't I know you from somewhere...?

If I'd ever met you, I'd remember that!

Bon voyage!

Emilien's never gonna believe me!

Subtitles by Smarties

What's wrong?

Nothing. I had a nightmare.
Go back to sleep, darling.

What the hell are you doing?

Nothing! It's only been 8 months
that I can't sleep!

Because of that gang?

They've been bugging us for 8 months.
8 months! I can't get them off my mind!

I noticed that! I've been trying
to tell you something for 8 months!

I know, I know... We just can't
get them, no matter how we try!

Did you hear what I said?

Of course!

And I'm glad you mention it,
because 37 hold ups in 8 months...

all dressed up as Santa Claus,
can you imagine that?

And you don't believe in
Santa anymore, right?

I do! I mean, no,
it's not the problem...

Now winter's here and I worry about the
Christmas present they may be preparing!

Speaking of which, I already know
what I'm getting you for Christmas...

Thanks Petra but you can't help me.
I must catch that gang by Christmas!

And me ?milien, I need to talk
to you BEFORE Christmas!

Ok, that's a deal.

What are you doing?

I'm going to the office.

But it's 3 AM!

What? Oh yeah... That's ok.
I'll avoid rush hour traffic.

There won't be any traffic for sure!

Good!

See you in the office?

Hello, I'd like to
make an appointment!

Oh - Lily, honey!
You up already!

Yes! I'm awake at 4 AM,
because my man is fixing his car!

But it ain't broken!
It's winter time.

I am just making some modifications
to make it more stable in the cold...

Listen, could you also install a heater
in my bed when you got time?

It would make me a bit more stable
too, since I'm ALONE in a cold bed!

Except that it's not just in
winter time but all year round!

Don't say that, Lily...

Don't touch me! It'll take me forever
to remove the stains with a scrungie!

Uh... what's a scrungie?

A scrungie is used to clean out jugs,
pans and stupid pots - like me!

Don't say that! Let me wash my hands,
I'll be with you in a minute.

Oh no no no dear sir,
that's not how it works!

You wash your hands, then wait an hour
for that "white spirit" stench to vanish

and by then, usually
it's time to go to work!

Gee you're really up and running today!

Look, I woke up two hours ago,
watched you in your sleep for 30 min,

and since I couldn't sleep,
I decided to do something useful

instead of just watching TV!

Daniel! We don't HAVE a TV!

Never mind, it's the
principle that counts!

There's no TV, no stereo

no curtains, no couch, not a single
vase to put some flowers in...

assuming you'd ever offer me flowers...

But we DO have a fridge. It's filled
with motor oil, but we have a fridge!

Lily...

We also have a shower
that smells of gas...

a washer, specially designed
to wash car covers...

a wardrobe, in which
my dresses must fight

for room with host of tires...
- Lily!

And finally, a glorious symbol of our
luxurious life, we also own... a garage!

Hey what's wrong with you?
You're getting your period?

No I'm not, that's the whole point!

I just can't live anymore in a garage!

I am a women.
Do you remember what that is?

A woman is not just a smile
and a peachy soft skin.

A women moves, thinks, evolves, and
sometimes would like some comfort!

Oh dear... all this just because
I like to tinker with my car!

That's women for you...!

What's all that fuss about,
white spirit smells good!

Lily, what are you doing?

I'm going back to live with my parents.

What, you're trading a garage
for an army barracks?

Barracks with curtains, a small
garden and flowers on the table!

Lily, this is ridiculous.
You can't leave me like that!

You thought it was funny to
live in here with me!

Yes, but it's not funny anymore and
I've been trying to tell you for months!

First of all you don't live with ME,
you live with your CAR!

This garage is too small
for both of us!

It's your car or me. Good bye!

Hi there, girls!
Getting the puppies some fresh air?

Hey, take it easy!
What's a little joke between friends...

Well then... Merry Christmas!

But...? What are you doing...?

Did you sleep in here?

No, I was just dozing for five minutes...

Must've been 5 long minutes then,
the folder is stamped on your face!

See, it's the same with trees...

You know, tree stumps?
One circle equals one year?

Well see, I can tell you've
been sleeping for...

...20 years.

Oh, forget it.
Just forget what I said, ok?

Apparently nobody likes jokes
anymore around here...

To think that I signed up because
I thought we'd have some fun...

Stop it or I'm gonna split
your side... with an axe!

Hey guys! I just got some fresh
weed here, want some?

Oh, no, no...
NO! No no no...!

Don't be stupid guys, it's high quality!
Straight from Jamaica!

Gosh really, from Jamaic...?
... no! Who'd you think we are?

OK then - your loss.
Bye!

Bye...

Tell me...

Hey!
What about some coke?

Rashid...!

Well then, good day to you...

What's that supposed to mean?

And what are all these posters on the wall?

Uh... Bob Marley?

Damnit, this is a police
station, not a squat!

Are you aware that we've been trying
to catch a gang for the past 8 months?

The Santa Claus gang?

Yes, the Santa Claus gang!

Glad you remembered
the name, at least!

37 robberies in 8 months,
and no clue, nothing!

I've searched everywhere...
and nothing, nothing at all.

I feel useless.
A loser.

How about if I... if I ask
Rashid for a little, uh, tonic?

No.

I'm just trying to help here...

How about a little breakfast then?

Just to get some energy back?

OK, let's go have breakfast.

Guess you were a little hungry, eh?

I haven't eaten for days, out of
worrying over this case!

I have these terrible nightmares.

I'm strapped to a chair and a dozen
Santas dance around me...

It's horrible!

Stop it. Stop it, it's horrible!

Your shoe's untied.

Plus it'll be Christmas soon,
they'll be able to hide much better!

That's right! It was easier in July!

Yeah but we didn't catch 'em then...

And now Christmas is coming,
and I know they're up to something.

Something big, to finish
the year with a bang.

There's one thing that's puzzling me:
why do they dress up as Santa Claus?

Nobody would suspect a Santa!
Look over there...

Santa is nice, he gives presents,
looks dorky in his big red outfit...

It's usually too big...

Or too small...

It's a perfect disguise...

to hide...

a gun!

I can see that you are interested
in our new food processor

it can chop, slice and grind!

Do you have kids?

You there, freeze!
Police!

Don't move!
You are under arrest!

What happened?

I got one, Alain!
It took me 8 months, but I got one!

But how did you know he was a fake,
I mean, a member of the gang?

Have you ever seen a Santa
carry a peacemaker?

A gun! How'd you know?

This dork dropped it!

What a dork!

Yep, dorky for sure.

You're a dork!

The inspector's gonna like this!
Let's go!

Hello boss! Look what I got here!
Shit, where is he when you need him?

You, put your ass down
there and don't move, ok?

Well, until the Chief gets here,
let's just pretend I'm the Chief, ok?

I think that desk fits me, what d'you think?

Hey, you're sure about this?

Bof, he's gone anyway...
And after this catch,

I'm sure we won't remain simple
inspectors much longer, trust me!

Ok Santa, in the meantime you're gonna
tell us how you got a cop's gun...

Who did you steal it from?

Alain, I think that Santa
is looking for an address...

The Marseille region?

Whenever you forget something,
my colleague will use the directory.

You got that?

Now about this gun... you know,
there is a registration number here...

All we have to do is
search the database,

and in a few seconds we'll know

which idiot got his weapon mugged!

What a dork!
He stole Gibert's gun!

- Impossible!
- I swear. Take a look!

Did you know that you stole this
from our favorite commissioner?

Can you explain how
you pulled that off?

Alain...

Maybe it would be easier
if we removed the sticky tape...?

You're right.
That might help.

?milien?

Co... commissioner!

I'm needed out there...

But why are you dressed up
like that, Commissioner?

I am doing my job, ?milien. I tried
to infiltrate the Santa Claus gang...

but you had to screw up
everything, as usual!

I'm... I'm sorry, Chief, but...!

Why didn't you inform us,
we would all have joined you!

It's not an invasion,
It's an infiltration...

Precise, meticulous
and SOLITARY!

But don't worry ?milien, I'll get
a tailored costume for you.

It includes a cap and a whistle,
so you can infiltrate every crossroad!

And now would you please
unfasten me, so I can kill you?

Of course, Chief.

Shit...
Alain took the key with him!

Hurry up ?milien,
I'm losing patience!

5 minutes, Chief.

Are you Commissioner Gibert?

No, not yet...

I mean, I'm not commissioner yet and
I'm not called Gibert... unfortunately.

I mean, I sure wouldn't want
to be called Gibert, but...

The key, ?milien...!

Right away, Chief!

Are you commissioner Gibert?

Yes I am... wha wha...
wow... what can I help you?

Good afternoon.
My name is Qiu.

Qiu? Coo, how cute! I would queue
for your coo... chie.. uh?

I mean, that's a really
cute name, "Qiu"...

That name from China?

Yes. My mother is chinese,
and my father... swiss.

Aah, I know the place well...
Switzerland, that is.

I am a journalist from
World International.

I am currently working on a big
report about the French police.

I want to follow closely the work of a big
inspector, and I heard you are the biggest.

Err, yeah that's right... 6' 4" and 220 Ib,
that's pretty big for the police...

How impressive.

Oh? Yes, sure! When I look in the mirror
I often impress myself, me personally...

May I get "embedded"
with you for a few days?

As often and as long
as you want...!

Err, I mean, as long as needed
to conduct your probe.

I like to be in bed too when
I probe err... embedded...

Thank you very much.
Do we start now?

With pleasure...

- Thank you, coochie...!
- You're welcome.

What are you doing, dressed
up as Santa in your office?

Eh? This!
This is a camouflage.

We are trying to catch a gang, whose
members disguise as Santa Claus.

So we have to merge with their universe
in order to penetrate them better...

And the handcuffs?

I have no idea, they're not mine!

So, any further questions?

Come in.

Am I disturbing?

Oh no, in my current state,
nothing can disturb me anymore...

Well since you're alone in your
office and not doing any work,

I'd like to talk with
you for 5 minutes.

Petra, please, not now.
We'll discuss it at home tonight, ok?

At home all think about is your work.
So I thought now that you're at work,

...maybe we could discuss
something about our home!

Not today Petra.
Just not today, ok?

But you've been telling me
"not today" for 8 months now!

Listen, I am in shit creek up to my neck
so please don't push me down - not you!

What is it this time?

I caught a Santa.
With a gun, can you imagine?

So of course, I thought
he was from the gang!

You don't need to see a Santa
or a gun to think about it!

You're ALWAYS thinking
about that gang!

Yes, but this time there were both:
a Santa AND a gun, so I arrested him.

You disarmed him by yourself?

Well... yes?

Guess he wasn't
from the gang, then.

Unfortunately not...
It was Gibert, dressed up as Santa.

Sure, just laugh at me.

It's the worst day of my life, and you
are laughing instead of cheering me up!

You'd like me to cheer you up?

Why, yes... you could say something nice,
some tender, loving words...

for example, tell me some good news.
Just for ONCE today, some GOOD news!

?milien! I am pregnant.

No!

Yes!
How's that for good news?

Well yes, of course...
But how long have you been...?

For 8 months, ?milien!

- No!
- Yes!

Oh... but how did it happen?

I met the Holy Ghost,
8 months ago...

8 months? It can't be! I was there,
I would have seen, your belly...

And your breasts...

Aah... so that's why they became so...!

And you... you're gonna keep it?

It's a bit too late
to ask that question!

Well yes, but...
why didn't you tell me?

I've been trying to
tell you for 8 months!

I've placed cauliflowers in every room!
There... and there!

Oh... yeah, I was wondering
about all those veggies!

And I hung up at least 20 echographies.
They are everywhere!

Is it my baby?

Well for now it's mine.

If you want a share of it,
you'll better wake up!

Is the baby normal?

Good question, when you
know the father...

but yes, amazingly,
everything is normal!

But then... if you're pregnant
and everything is normal...

and you want to keep the baby...
That means I will be a daddy?

Yes! What a display of brainpower!
You should consider joining the police.

I am going to be a daddy?

Yes. And this child will need
a super-daddy.

Count on me Petra,
Count on me...!

Lily!

What a fool you are.

What good is your big car now, if you
can't put the woman you love in it?

Rapid test?

Rapid test for what?

Two bars...
What does that mean, two bars?

Hello!

Hello!

Do you have the box
that comes with this?

Let me see...

"Clearblue rapid test".
Hey, isn't that a pregnancy test?

Yes exactly, that's what
I'm anxious to find out!

Aaah, I see... Let me fetch them,
they're right next to the condoms...

Guess what, I'm out of them!

They're in high demand these days.
Women love to make those presents...

...a cute little baby for Christmas!

See, I want to find out if
this is my Christmas present!

Aaah, I see... Just a minute,
let me ask my daughter.

Angel!

She's studying pharmacy,
she knows all that stuff by heart.

You'll see, it's really impressive!

Angel, what's that?

I am so sorry daddy!
I swear I tried to be careful!

But I drank a little too much
and ran out of protections...

But honey! There are condoms here,
I told you to just help yourself!

Yes, but we don't
have his size!

Who did that to you?

I have no idea!

What do you mean, "no idea"!
Doesn't that guy have a name?

I told you, I was drunk!
I can't remember all their names!

Oh my God...!

Oh come on... merry Christmas!

"Where is the police?"

Gentlemen, this is serious.

All the attempts we made to
arrest the Santa Claus gang

including a personal commando
operation carried out by myself

have failed, part of them because
of a over-zealous ?milien...

But nevermind, this is the past!
The future is ours! And we'll do...

what we decided yesterday
to do tomorrow, starting today!

You should write that down.
That's a good one...

Maybe a little twisted,
but I think it sounds good...

?milien, your shoe's untied.

Yeah, it's just great...

That's good...
Ok... now, where was I?

At "this is serious", Chief!

Yes it IS serious!

And I won't accept any inopportune
mistakes or nauseous deviations!

Don't write that.

I want everything to be perfect,
smooth, "clean"! "Super-clean"!

You see, last summer I attended
a training seminar with the FBI...

so you see, some of the language
stuck... it's a reflex.

Crazy, eh?

...eh?...

So now I am giving you the "go"...

Not having caught the Santa gang
before Christmas is not an option!

Of course this means no
vacations, sick leaves...

Not even an excuse letter
from your parents!

Especially since miss Piu... Qiu,
journalist of the... magazine

Is giving us the honor of
following us on this mission.

So I hope she will return to her country
with a good opinion of our police!

The important words to
this mission are:

Concentration, Reflection...
... Action!

The codename for
this mission will be...

Operation "Snow-white"

Uh, that means
"Blanche-Neige" in French...

And guess who'll
play the dwarves...

Yeah... it's awesome...!

So from now on, I want each
and every one of you on alert 24/7!

So is this clear?

Questions?

Me!

You?

Yes!

Oh?

What's that gift
on your desk, Chief?

A gift?

Ooh! That's very kind.
Is that for my birthday?

Uh, when were
you born, Chief?

In July!

Must be for Christmas, then.

Whatever. It's the
intention that counts!

Well there's something new...

Very nice.
Who is it from?

Must be someone
that knows you well!

There's a little button on top...

Yes...?

Put the guns down!

Aah, it's wonderful...

Hey, you Pigs, this is Santa!
If you still believe in me, meet me

at the European Bank for your gifts.
But hurry up, we leave at noon!

Does anyone know
what time it is?

IT'S 5 TO 12, CHIEF!

RED ALEEERT!

I said "discreetly"! How am I
supposed to work with such jerks!

Those assholes... no no,
don't write this down, miss Qiu.

It's just a temporary reaction,
typical French - we fight sometimes

...however, we still mean it!

Gibert here. Deploy and await my signal.
Let us initiate... uh... well, let's go!

They will probably act like last time,
exit from the back in a fast car...

All we have to do is wait.
We'll catch them by surprise.

Chief... we won't surprise them
since THEY sent us the message?

Look, they sent us a message to fool us,
being certain we'd take it for a joke...

But that's counting without me,
Commissioner Gibert!

Commissioner Gibert is
not falling for their trap!

He is here, on time,
ready to attack!

I understand, Chief, but what if the
trap consisted in attracting us here?

Come on, think ?milien, think!
It doesn't make sense,

why would a gang alert the cops when
they are about to commit a crime?

I know, I know, that's
what's worrying me...

They haven't been acting stupidly
during the last eight months...

There's a first time for everything! And
particulary for stupidities, trust me!

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless they are certain
they'll manage to escape?

Hahaha... just let them try!
There's no escaping me, believe me!

Chief!

Yes?

They will have to pass over us
if they want to leave that bank!

What's that thing, there?

It's... it's a nightmare!

Are you ok, Chief?

I'm fine, I'm fine! What are you
waiting for to start the pursuit?

How are we supposed to
stop a machine like that?

How should I know?
Show some initiative, damnit!

Alain, requisition a car!

That guy's got some nerve!
Why didn't he stop his car?

For a black cop in Marseille?
Fat chance!

Well yeah, but still... he could've
slowed down, at least!

It's OK! It's OK.
I'm used to it.

Chief, maybe we should requisition
one of our own cars!

Good thinking, ?milien.
GET IN THE CARS!

Now this is our new security system.
It's unique worldwide!

It's based on the "ATLAS"
system used by the police.

All you have to do is push this button
and the cops will get here ASAP.

It's really efficient!

Oh shit oh shit!

- Oh shit, my ride!
- Oh shit, my ride!

Maybe I should get off here,
you would lose some weight!

C'mon ?milien, your 50 Ib won't make
a difference! And you, GO GO GO!

So here we are in the famous
Marseille harbour...

over there it's the "Canneli?re",
taking it's name from cannabis...

you know, to make ropes...

it was built by King Louis XIV
in 1661 and... watch out!

What the fuck...?
Are you keeping up, son?

Certainly, sir! "... was built by
King Louis XIV in 1661"...

You don't have to follow what
I'm SAYING, you moron!

I'm talking about that big truck
with the big tires, there!

Oh dear oh dear...

See, my little coochie,
the problem is the staff!

They don't pay any attention
during recruiting!

For example this lad would make
an excellent swimming instructor,

but now he's in a car chase without
even having a driver's license!

Wha... what's that?
You don't have your license?

Well no, I only joined
the police yesterday!

I don't believe this!

Calm down, ?milien. All he has to do
is follow that big truck over there...

...piece of cake really, even a
swimming instructor could do it!

What do I do now?

You follow it, son,
just follow it!

That truck must be drinking
a gallon of gas per mile!

It'll run dry long before us!
I'd say in 5 or 10 minutes...

That's supposing we're
still alive in 5 minutes!

We will, we will...

Maybe we should stop and
apologize to these people...

There's a time for everything, ?milien.
Let's rush first, we'll apologize later...

But we're rather
CRUSHING right now...!

Stop your play on words,
?milien! That's enough!

Am I supposed to stop now?

Huh? What for?

There's a swimming pool!

Yes, that might be a good...
STOP!

Phew... that was
really close, eh?

Hey! Watch it, there!

I knew we wouldn't
last 5 minutes...

See? That's some good insulation,
that is. Not a single leak!

Um... is this standard
procedure with the police?

Absolutely not! In most of
cases, the cars leak...

Chief... I... I can't swim!

Oh, don't worry, Alain! We have
a swimming instructor with us...

Ah, my little Daniel!
What a pleasure to see you again.

Oh dear, you don't
look too good...

I think you're spending too much
time with my daughter.

Just kidding! At your age, it's
normal to have some fun...

Have you seen my driver by any chance?
He's running late...

I just saw him at the crossroad.
He'll be here in no time.

Glad to hear it!

Tell me, is Lily here
by any chance?

Yes, she is.
LILY!

I'm sorry darling,
I thought you were upstairs...

It's ok, daddy,
I'm used to it...

Look who is here...

Good morning Lily.
Can we talk for a minute?

Not now.
I have to go see my doctor...!

Can you drop me off Daddy,
it's on your way...

Sure, honey, if my driver
ever gets here...

Now that you mention it,
I thought he had some trouble...

Maybe I could drop you off...
both of you?

Affirmative.

It'll teach him to be late.
And now - all aboard!

To the Boulevard Cassini, driver.

Very well, Madam.

Tell me, you are late! Daniel
kindly offered to drive us,

so I'll meet you back at the
barracks after my appointment.

Tell me, didn't you use
to drive a bit faster?

Who, me? Well, there's a lot of people
on the streets this time of year...

and there's a lot of potholes,
so I can't drive very fast...!

Besides, taking things nice and easy
from time to time can't hurt...

Indeed, just so long as I'm not late...

What? What's wrong?

It hurts!

Where, honey?
What's hurting?

My belly...!

Your belly? But that's terrible!
What are we going to do, General?

I have no idea!
Does it hurt very badly, darling?

Noo - o.
It's over now.

It's over?

Yes, it's over.

It's over!
It's over... it's over...

Tell me Daniel, you're really a nervous
wreck today! What's wrong?

It's because Christmas is nearing...
All those presents... makes me nervous.

I can see that... what's that
thing you got on your ear?

Oh that...? Nothing, it's just
a new gadget: a stress-o-meter!

One bar: nothing's wrong.
Two bars: nothing goes!

Well apparently,
nothing goes!

I know! That's why
I'm driving so slowly...

Thank you for driving,
it was a pleasant trip.

See you tonight, darling.

I'll touch a word to my doctor, but
I'm afraid your case is desperate...

Pardon me for intruding,
but I'm running late!

And here we go...

Come in.

Peek-a-boo!

Hello...

AAAH...!

Are you ok?

I'm fine...
I'm fine...

But you see, we're even betrayed
by our own equipment here!

How am I supposed
to work like that?

You should mention this in report.
We cruelly lack funding!

We need more stable chairs,
and taller doors - see?

Oh yeah, and we need
life jackets in our cars!

You were there earlier - blub!
See?

Besides, our shoes could be
more comfortable, too...

My feet hurt terribly!
Ouch!

Maybe if you removed this...?

Oh...?

Wonder who did that,
I hate those practical jokes!

I've had sore feet for six months!
That ain't funny!

You know, this makes
me all tense!

Just relax, commissioner!
You are so nervous.

It's because of that gang,
the Santa Claus gang...

Don't worry about it...
I'm going to take care of you.

You know how to
use that thing?

Yes, a little bit...

They delivered it just last week.
Good thing I hid my typewriter!

Just relax, commissioner...

You'll feel better so much better...

You think so?

I am sure.

But now I can't see anything...
is that normal?

Yes, it's normal.
Just relax!

That feels so good... eh?

I feel like you're taking
all my worries away...

That's exactly the case...
You'll see...!

I think I'm falling asleep...

I'll wake you up.

That was terrific!

What the fuck do you think you're doing?
You have any idea where you are?

No, where am I?

In front of the police station!

Oh, really? Looks more
like a garage to me...

Just you wait, buddy...

My respects, general!

At ease!

Thank you Daniel. I'll see you
tonight at home, then.

Oh, Daniel! You're my savior!

Could you do me a favor
and drop me somewhere?

I don't drop my friends, but I can
give you a ride if you want...

I am so glad to see you!

Please, sir?
Has the problem subsided?

Yes, I guess so...

Oh, and would you please keep this
parking spot for me, I'll be back...

Right...

Hey, hey, slow down,
I got plenty of time!

OK boss!

Daniel, you won't believe
what's happening to me.

Same here, you'll never guess
what's happening to me!

Try to guess... it's something
absolutely unbelievable!

You got promoted?

No it's not about my job,
it's personal... come on, guess!

You're getting married?

Better than that Daniel!
I'M GONNA BE A DADDY!

But that's impossible!

Yes it is possible!

Oh, it's wonderful...!

Lily is pregnant too.

No way!

But... that's awesome Daniel,
we'll be daddies together!

That's unbelievable... after all these
years of friendship, we'll...

we'll have a child together!

I mean... uh...
I mean, one each...

...but at the same time.

Each of us separately!

Yeah... separately, yes!

How long has she been pregnant?

8 months.

8 months?!
You could've told me earlier!

I only found out this morning!
You're the first one to know.

I haven't even told mommy yet!
What about you - how long?

2 bars.

What do you mean, "2 bars"?

Yeah, that's some new gadget...
you pee on it,

and it tells you how long
you've been pregnant.

And well, it's been
2 bars for her.

Oh yeah? That's cool.

Yeah, it's cool...

Commissioner...?
You've got visitors!

What are you doing, Gibert?

Aaah...!
It's a pleasure to see you again!

Uh... that's nothing...
We were simply... that is...

my colleague... she's Chinese...

She was just showing me
a relaxation technique...

How to get 5 hours of sleep
in 5 minutes... to save time.

It gives you a lot of energy!

However, today's class is over.
See you later, Commissioner!

Thanks.

Thanks, my little... Qiu.

So, what can I do for you?

She even put cauliflowers everywhere
in my office, but I was so busy...

I didn't even notice that!
How stupid can I be?

Very stupid,
but I had already noticed...

But why cauliflower?

What do I know? But I should at
least have noticed something...

But no, nothing!
I'm such a loser, Daniel...

Oh, stop it. If you were such a loser,
you wouldn't be the father!

You think so?

Of course! Petra
isn't masochistic...!

Thanks.
That's a bit reassuring.

Oh, don't be too reassured,
we're still in deep shit!

How's that?

Well, you're always
chasing thieves...

I'm always tinkering with an engine,
no wonder they're freaking out!

And I'm not an expert, but a kid
must need some room... and time!

Guess we'll have to change habits and
stop worrying only about our jobs...

You're right! We have to watch him
take his first steps, go to school...

Oh, really?
So we'll have to seal them all up?

I suppose so...

Oh...? That's just insane...
How can you prepare for it?

That's some good shit...
Did you get it from Rashid?

Yep... hold on, you know Rashid?

Well yeah, a little...

The sun is coming out...

Hey Daniel... Santa riding a scooter,
isn't that a bit weird?

Yeah... he's supposed
to ride a sleigh...

Watch this... he's discreet yet
nervous, that's not normal!

Hey... just 5 minutes ago we agreed
to stop worrying about the job

to spend more time with our kids,
so drop the hot pursuit idea!

Follow him!

Aye aye... Commissioner!

I need verification on a scooter,
registration N 75BM13, over.

It was stolen 2 weeks ago!

Yes! You see,
it pays to persevere!

You better tell Petra about it...

Daniel, we'll just follow it,

localize his HQ and hand the case
over to Gibert. You have my word!

Ok.

You're a real friend,.
What would I do without you?

Screw things up
even more?

Yeah, for sure...

We're losing him!
The first lead I got in 8 months,

and I'm fucking losing it!

Hey, calm down!
There's a solution to every problem.

Daniel, what are you doing...?

Daniel, what's wrong with you...!

You got a better idea
to follow a scooter?

Uh... no!
But we'll get noticed!

Just act naturally,
you'll be fine!

"Act naturally"?
Oh, alright...

So... now that you found his HQ,
you call the Commissioner!

Hold on. I screwed up last time,
this time I want to make sure!

Hey! You have a Santa, a stolen scooter
and an abandoned storehouse.

What more do you want?
His legal file?

I just want to make sure!
Come on, give me 5 minutes!

Bingo!

Is that enough, or you want to
check if they have real guns?

Nah, that's ok...

But we should find out
how many they are.

Follow me!

Will you stop it? You said that you'll
hand the case to the commissioner.

Yes, but the first question he'll ask
will be "how many are they?"

And I need to know if this is their
HQ or only a secondary base.

Come on, just give me 5 minutes!

?milien, I got a bad feeling
about this. Don't do it!

Don't worry, I've seen it in a movie.
You force the body to do what you want.

It's all in your head.

I know, that's what worries me!

If something happens to
me, you call Gibert.

?milien... your shoe's untied!

Oh dear...

Hello?

I'm back from my physician,
does that interest you?

Oh yes, if he's a good doctor!

He's an excellent doctor!

The prefect's daughter recommended him,
and she had 4 children in 4 years!

Well that's gonna be tough to beat...

Yes, especially if we don't
see each other again!

Listen Lily. I'll do anything, but
you should give me a chance!

So what I propose is...

Why are you whispering like that?

Because of the Santas! They just
pulled ?milen out of the trash can

and I think they're going to...

Lily? Lily!

Oh shit...

But... what are
you doing here?

Guess...

You're wasting your time.
Torture me, I won't say a word!

We do not need
to make you talk.

We already know everything.
Besides, torture is out of fashion.

There are much more effective
methods to make a man talking.

No kidding?

For example, tenderness...

It can be a very
dangerous weapon.

Tell me, what is a handsome man
like you doing in a place like this?

Just doing my job...
Ah, no! Don't do that!

Yet you are not insensible
to my "arguments"...

Yes I am!
That's my cell phone!

Ah...? Let's have a look...

Oh, what a nice model!

But it's shut off...
I'm going to turn it on.

No!
You can't do that!

I'm out of credits...

That's against basic
human rights!

That's inhuman,
what you're doing to me...

They say hunger justifies the means...

and I am very hungry!

Petra!

Can't answer now because I'm very busy.
Leave your ID and I'll keep you posted.

?milien, it's Petra. I guess you
are on a mission again.

I just wanted to tell you
that I am proud of you.

Of your dedication
to your work.

I know how you put all your
energy in everything you do.

But you should also think about
yourself from time to time.

You should relax a little,
find some pleasure in life.

And maybe we could spend
a little more time together...

That's all. Call me back
when you're done. Kiss!

Hello Daniel...!

Why are you still here? Have you
seen ?milien, I can't find him!

Actually I have seen him,
he got kidnapped!

Kidnapped?! You're kidding,
what good would that do?

What do I know! They were all disguised
as Santa and loaded with weapons!

Dressed as Santa? It must
be the Santa Claus gang!

I guessed that much...

Good job, ?milien! He picked up their
trail again - by himself!

Actually we BOTH did!

They're as good as dead!
I got an infaillible plan!

And ?milien?

He'll be fine Daniel, trust me!

Get in the car!

Would you mind sticking around with us?
I got a BAD feeling about this mission!

And ?milien?

Ah, ?milien...

Once we find the Santa Claus
gang, we find ?milien...

but... will he still be alive?
Who knows...

That's promising...

Commissioner!

Ah, good timing!

We're just about to catch
the Santa Claus gang,

we'll throw them right
into the sack, those Santas!

Can... can I come with you, please?

Absolutely not.
It's way too dangerous,

and this arrest won't be a pretty
Christmas story, trust me!

Oh, Commissioner... please...

Uh...? OK, let's go then,
it's not very far...

Hey!
Follow us, ok?

Spread out!

Yep, Christmas time is here!

I'm gonna hit them with some
early fireworks, wait and see!

How do you know they are here?

I got my own spies! My brother Jean-
Robert works with the City Sewage...

he took the police exam
with me, but failed...

even though he copied
everything off me!

but he messed up the order of the
answers, so he got it all wrong!

You know, that happens all the time!
A friend of mine...

Ok, ok, enough!

Anyway, he called me last night

and told me about suspicious activities
in the mall, so I investigated...

And what did I find? A tunnel
between the bank and the mall!

Of course! That way they'll steal
the money and spend it right away!

No! Sunday, they'll rob the CLOSED bank
and leave by the OPEN mall - as Santa!

Of course! Nobody will notice them
since there are Santas everywhere!

Exactly! And that's why they've been
dressing up as Santa from the beginning

in preparation of that hold-up!
It's the biggest bank in Marseille.

Of course, of course...!
Commissioner, you are a genius!

No, no, Alain... I got an inherent
talent, that's true...

but it's really just a
question of training.

It is!

Can I make a phone call?

Suit yourself!

Oh, ain't that funny,
?milien's got the same one!

Yes.

The stupid cops found out everything.

Switch to plan B.

- OK!
- OK. Bye.

That's such a nice language...
I mean, Chinese...

It just melts in your ear!

Chief, there's activity
in the parking lot.

On your marks. If that four wheeled
monster appears, nail it on the spot!

Roger that!

The Christmas vacation is over,
Gibert will make sure of that!

What the hell is that?

Hey, where's that
big monster truck?

They're getting away!
Do something!

I commandeer this vehicle.
Alain, follow me!

We have a beautiful view
over Marseille from here.

I see that. Is it quiet,
in wintertime?

Oh yes, very quiet.

STOP!

Commissioner, wait for me!

Stop... in the name of the Law!

Like I told you, Minister,
we are cruelly underfunded.

Indeed... one bike for two
officers, that's too little.

Way too little, yes...

Tell the chopper pilot
we'll be in time.

I will miss you,
my little ?milien...

But because I like you,
I won't make you suffer...

Gee, thanks...

You will even have the privilege to
know the exact time of your death

thanks to this highly precise
device... that's my Swiss side...!

This device will set free that ball,
which will swing along the cable...

and you'll have the
best seat for the show.

Uh... how much time will I have?

You'll have exactly 5 minutes.

Great...!

Use your time well to purify
your soul, ?milien...

It is important to thoroughly clean
your soul and come to peace...

before you face your Maker.

Only 5 minutes to clean up that
mess, that's a little tight there...

Focus on the essential, then...

I'm keeping your cell
phone as a souvenir.

I am a bit sentimental...

that's my Chinese side.

Clean up my soul...
Yeah, right...!

Right here and now, I would
sure appreciate a miracle!

Even a small one...!

Oh no, not the ball...!

Oh no, not the taxi!

Daniel! You can't imagine
what has happened to me.

It was terrible, we must find her!
She took my cell phone...

I mean, they also got
all the money...

but the cell phone... that cell
phone was a gift from Petra!

Imagine what would happen if she
calls and a Chinese girl answers...

Uh, ?milien...? Tell me, did I just
save your life or was it a dream?

Well, yes... so what? I would've
done the same for you!

Oh yeah? That way I would have died
crushed by a cop car, that's great!

Don't say that. My driving
has improved a lot!

But your manners haven't! How about
saying "thank you for saving my life"?

If I don't catch that gang,
you saved my life for nothing.

Gibert will kill me because
I screwed up again!

We'll find that gang, but first,
tell me: "Thank you"!

Oh yeah? How are we gonna find
it, we don't have a single clue!

Say: "Thank you"!

THANK YOU!
THERE, ARE YOU HAPPY?

YEAH!

I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm so sorry!

It's... it's my nerves, I just
can't take it anymore.

The Chinese girl, she...

She tortured me for hours,
it's hard to recover from it.

She tortured you?

Yes. It was terrible!

What kind of tortures?

Oh my, she did things I didn't
even know you could do!

I mean, you can't imagine the things
she did. In fact I'm still sore...

I mean, it hurts me just
from talking about it, Daniel.

I see.

Don't worry... we'll catch that
Chinese chick. Come with me.

Did you see, did you overhear
anything that could help us?

No...

She was telling about a chopper pilot
set to pick them up somewhere, but...

She had fur on her boots.

Fur on her boots?

You don't feel anything?

No...

It's cold...

Oh yeah, you're right...
is that melted snow?

Yes. And that means two things.
It's from somewhere high up and nearby.

And... since they were wearing fur
boots, they're going back there...?

Probably...

But why would they take all that
money on a mountain top?

What's on the other side
of the mountain...?

Switzerland...

But of course!

Daniel, she's half Swiss,
so she knows the place!

They'll travel by car as high as
possible, then ski back down...

and what with all the tourists
there, nobody will notice them!

And from the Swiss ski station,
they're taking a chopper to the bank!

That plan is awesome!

So now we're looking for a ski station
that's close to the Swiss border...

where you can land a chopper
and has a lot of tourists.

- Val d'Is?re!
- Val d'Is?re!

Did you just see something?

No. Absolutely nothing.

Sentinel N1, negative.
Nothing to report here.

So where are you going
to spend your holidays?

Bof, we haven't decided yet...
Probably in the snow somewhere.

Now we can only hope that we
were right in our deductions...

and their car is around
here somewhere.

You look on the right,
I'll look on the left.

OK.

?milien, don't tell me you can't
tell your right from your left!

Oh, you mean on
YOUR right side!

I'm in front of you,
so that's MY left...

You're not in front of me,
you're sitting besides me!

Yes, but I imagined I was sitting
in front of you, and if I was, I...

What...?

Daniel! The car!

Got'cha!

Let's take a shortcut, turn
right as soon as you can!

Why, you know this place?

Never mind, all these ski stations
are the same. Turn right, trust me!

Tell you what, I'd rather
trust myself and turn... right!

Watch out!

That was a close one!

What is this road, Daniel?

I don't know,
watch out for signs!

Don't these cars look a bit strange?

Nah, they're local plates...
Must be ski instructors...

What are those signs saying?

Says "1 min 10 sec, 2nd place"
Isn't that disturbing?

Not at all, we'll do better
on the second lap...

Oh shit...

Look, those tracks
are from a ratrack!

They must have transferred the
money into it and continued uphill.

We'll never catch them,
the pursuit is over!

The pursuit never stops.

Daniel, I know you're fast, but
a taxi can't climb a mountain!

Nothing is impossible
to a stout heart!

What do you think about
my winter collection?

Oh yeah, not bad at all!

Tell me, you've tested this, right?

No, never...

Hey, it seems to be working!

Yeah I guess so...

But how are we going to
find them in all that snow?

How about following
their tracks, for example?

Oh yes, that's a clever idea!

If they manage to escape in a chopper,
is your taxi equipped for that?

?milien, don't overdo it! That's
already pretty good, don't you think?

Oh, I'm not complaining! But maybe
I should call the general, then...

What an excellent idea!

Uh, can I borrow your cell phone?
The Chinese girl still got mine...

Put the money into the rucksacks.
We must leave before sundown.

Back to work!

You think they are still there?

That's hard to say...

Hello?

Oh, ?milien! Operation "Snow-white"
has already started.

I'll be with you in 10 minutes.
Your Commissioner is with me,

he insisted to participate
in the operation!

Oh, no...!

- Commissioner!
- Yes?

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Alain, I served for 18 months
in the Chasseurs Alpins,

13th batallion, special forces!
So I know about mountains!

Alright, but... we are high up here!

Have you ever seen
snow before, Alain?

Well... you know,
I'm from around here...!

Ah...? Oh.
Ok then, let's go!

Ok, hit the road!

I'm going to take a look.
Don't want to take chances.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you...

Relax, just give
me 5 minutes...

Damn it - it's always
the same story!

You were right.
We should stay together.

See that? You could have waited
instead of ruining my carpet...

Take it easy, it's just water!

No, for now it's still snow,
and snow leaves traces!

Alright, I'll clean up
your fucking car!

Oh yeah? How are you
gonna do that?

I said, I'll clean it!
How, is my problem!

Come on! Let's go.

You know how to ski?

No, but I know
how to drive!

Damn it!
Follow me!

Hey! It's a forest, Daniel!

So what? Are you scared in a forest?

No, I'm scared in a car!

Uh... what... what are
you doing, Daniel?

Well, I think I can put
the tires back on now...

There, we localized the chopper!
Get ready!

Chief! Are you sure that...?

Shut up Alain, I checked everything
myself this time. I'll be just fine!

Ok boys, here we go!

What happened?

Wait for me-e-aah!

I think the cord is
a little too short...

Of course it's too short!

Wait, you can't do that!

Oh yeah? Watch me!

There we go.

Wait for me...!

And here comes Hans Gerhardt,
from Austria, he's the number 10...

in a great shape this season...

Are you sure we're on the road?

I think that as long as we
follow these poles, we're good...

After his record in Kitzb?hl and
on this optimal race track,

it's hard to think of anybody
that could outrace him...

He has set a record
on all intermediary times...

He is literally flying across
this World Championship...

This victory cannot escape him...

Ooops - it did. A... taxi...
beats him by a split-second.

It's too calm...

You could leave me
a little souvenir...

Souvenirs aren't allowed
where you're headed to.

However, you will have
plenty of time to clean up!

Ok, take her away!

Tell me, you don't seem to be very angry
considering she tortured you for hours!

Well... bygones are
bygones, right?

Sure...

Oh, by the way, you haven't seen
Gibert? Shouldn't he be here?

I'm coming!

Well yeah, there he is!

O- oh! I am comi-i-ng!

Chief! Be careful when
you're landing!

Oh, don't worry ?milien,
it's just snow...

Banzai...!

Oh dear... the water must
be pretty cool, too!

Hello!

?milien? My waters broke,
I'm about to give birth!

What, you're giving birth?
Here? Right now?

Well it's gonna take some
time, but hurry up!

I'm coming Petra!
I'll be there right away!

Commissioner!
Petra is having a baby!

And guess who's getting
another job...

Daniel!

I'm here, I'm here!
Everything will be fine now.

I beg you, please don't faint!
It's not the right time for this!

Don't worry, everything be fine.
You hear me? You'll be fine!

?milien, that's not the right time!
You gotta cope with this!

Watch over the monitor.
You'll see the contractions coming.

- I'll see contractions on a screen?
- Yes.

Watch a screen, watch a screen...
which one shows contractions?

It must be this one...

Yes, it's that one!

Push! Push!

But where do I push?

Not you! She has to push
at every contraction!

Contractions!

Push, honey, push, push!

Now breathe, breathe!

Not you! She has to breathe!

Breathe darling, breathe, breathe!

Contractions!

Push! Push!

Get out of here!

Push! Get it out of here!
Come on, push, push!

Now breathe...

Ok, breathe!
Man the bellows, breathe, breathe!

Ok, one more time,
I can see the head!

The head...?

Contractions, ?milien!

Ok darling, push the head!
Push the head! Push it outta there!

Contractions!

Almost there!

One more time my love, push!
Push! Breathe! Sneeze! Puke!

Ok, now relax.

Relax, relax, relax...

It's a beautiful baby boy.

Relax everything...

I'm a daddy...

Would you like to cut
the umbilical cord?

Maybe we should wait a little
with that if you don't mind...

What are you doing here?

Training...

Why? Are you pregnant?

No, but the woman
I love is pregnant.

And I want to be ready
when my time comes.

Where did you find a woman stupid enough
to have a baby with a draft of air?

I was very lucky.
And I promised her things.

Like what?

To spend more time with her than with
my car, to become the best of daddies...

And the fridge?

The fridge is empty!

I would also be the best of husbands,
if she agrees to marry me, that is...

And did she believe you?

Not at all!

In fact, it's the first time in her life
that she made a real mistake.

Because right now,
I was absolutely sincere.

What men lack is not sincerity,
it's the time to apply it.

The time to make all these
nice words possible.

Lily, would you marry me?

That's easy, now that you made me
pregnant, you feel compelled...

Lily!

In any case, you're not doing it right.
We are very traditional in our family!

Lily, would you give me the
honour to become my wife?

It depends...

Depends on what?

On how good of
a lover you are...

You got one hour
to convince me!

You'll never last!

Wanna bet?

"Intensive care"

?milien...

?milien!