Tango & Cash (1989) - full transcript

Ray Tango and Gabriel Cash are narcotics detectives who, while both being extremely successful, can't stand each other. Crime Lord Yves Perret, furious at the loss of income that Tango and Cash have caused him, frames the two for murder. Caught with the murder weapon at the scene of the crime, the two have no alibi. Thrown into prison with most of the criminals they helped convict, it appears that they are going to have to trust each other if they are to clear their names and catch the evil Perret.

Okay, let's do it.

10-4, 20 William 12.

We have you eastbound,
in pursuit of tanker truck.

Backup is available.

Air Unit 3 is in the area.

I see him, but l can handle this myself.

This is Air Unit 3. Forget it, Tango.

We'll take it from here. Drop back.

Drop dead. I've been on this case
for three months. l'm going around.

We're out of our jurisdiction, Tango.
County sheriff and CHP are on the way.

Whatever you're gonna do, do it now.

And good luck.

Thanks. Over.

- Jesus!
- Shit!

This guy's crazy!



Glad you could drop in.

You like jewelry?

Fuck you!

I prefer blonds.

Do the honors.

- Ray.
- Hey, captain.

What the hell's going on here?

Just letting the locals do their thing.

- You blew out the truck window.
- l noticed.

- Two guys are in the road.
- l noticed.

- We're out of our jurisdiction here.
- That's true.

- What the hell's going on?
- l heard a rumor about this truck.

- What about this truck?
- lt's not a truck.

- lt's a gas truck.
- No.

It's a major moving violation.

- Did you check the first panel?
- lt's full of gas, sir.

We checked the whole truck, asshole!
There's nothing in it!

And you're out of your neighborhood,
big city boy!

I want your badge! l want your weapon!
I want your ass!

Who in the fuck do you think you are?!

He thinks he's Rambo.


...is a pussy.

What do you know, it's snowing!

Anybody want to get high?

I'll be damned!

Not bad for a city guy.

Ray Tango.

He's done it to us again.

If it isn't Tango, it's Cash.

Tango and Cash! Cash and Tango!

These two cops are driving me crazy.

We have to do something about this.

I agree. l would like to handle
this myself, Mr. Perret.

No, we will handle it.


Not that way.

I have something else in mind.

Hey, Cash!

Well, if it isn't Armani with a badge.

Look out!

Police business!

Hey! This is my car!


What are you doing to my car?!

Son of a bitch!

What's the matter, ace?
Got a little headache?

You crazy guy!

What did you do with my car?!

I believe in perestroika!

Welcome to America!

Hey, Tango, l saw your picture in the paper.

- Nice suit.
- Thanks. Morning.

- Hey, Ray? Look at this.
- Yeah.

Blind luck. Hm.

- Hey, Ray.
- Yeah.

- Catherine's in your office.
- Ah, that's great.

Catherine, you just don't take off...

...on the spur of the moment. lt's--

What? lllogical?

- Very!
- lt's not that big a deal.

I'll be gone a month or two.

It takes that long to build a house,
not take a vacation.

A dance tour is not a vacation!
And besides, l just wanna get away.

You got everything you need
right here in this town.

Grime, crime and slime.

No, thanks.
I'd really rather be out of here.

Okay, then at least let me have
the phone numbers where l can reach you.

Why don't l just call you?

Why don't you just call me?


Catherine, if you're feeling stressed,
don't run away.

Stay here and we can
deal with this together.

Don't make me feel guilty.

I just feel like I need
some time alone, okay?

And l promise, lieutenant,
that I will be a good girl.

There it is!

The key word.


You're telling me you'll be this good girl
because you know, don't you...

...automatically, l think you'll be bad.

- Yes?
- Hey, Ray, what's a margin call?

- Why?
- Your stockbroker's on line 3.

- Says it's urgent.
- This is very important. Don't leave.


Hold on. Catherine.

I'm sorry, I have a plane to catch.

Catherine, don't go.

Think positive.


Harvey, yeah. Yeah, it's me, sure.

- Good thing you wore a vest.
- Hardly needed it with these.

Half-load soft lead slugs.

This guy was really sloppy.

Oh, boy.

Look at this, will you?

This shirt cost me 9 bucks.
Get me a new vest, will you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, pizza!

Who's been fucking with my gun?

The sight's shifted on it.

- Maybe you dropped it.
- l didn't drop it.

- Hey, captain!
- Yeah, Gabe.

You get anything out of that guy?

Nothing, he doesn't speak any English.
Our interpreter says he wants a lawyer.

- Let me question him.
- Question him?

The guy that just tried
to blow you away? Forget it!

Stay away from him, Gabe.


So you don't know any English, huh?

I don't know much Chinese, so we'll
have to give you a crash course, buddy.

But l got a feeling you're gonna be
a real quick learner.

Yeah, come here. Sit down.
There we go.

All right, this is lesson number one.

And the next lessons do get harder.

Who hired you to kill me?

I don't know!

"I don't know."

Nope, wrong answer. Try again.

I think he's one of Quan's men.

I don't know his name. I swear!

Look at that, Flattop.

You're speaking like a native already.

- What is this?
- English 101.

Since your scumbag lawyer
won't be here for quite some time...

...is there anything else
you wanna share?

Think hard.

A deal. Tonight.


...Front Street. 9:00.

Very good.

My compliments.

Pretty good for your first lesson.
Don't forget to wash your hands.

Ray? Your ship's come in.

There's a big bust going down
at 4942 Front Street.

- Great. ls that reliable?
- Very reliable. A phone tap.

- Fantastic.
- What the hell is this?

Downtown clown
versus Beverly Hills wop.

- All the news that's fit to print.
- l don't understand you.

You make a shitload of money.
What are you doing this for?

- Action.
- Action?

Good old American action.

If you want to stare death in the eye,
you should've gotten married.

Is that a proposal?

Gabriel Cash.

Oh, God.

How many millions? How many?

How many this time?

Oh, God!

Ray Tango!

How he loves to dance.

He waltzes in and takes all my drugs...

...and then Tangos back out again.

I've had enough of this.

Too much television...

...can hurt your eyes.

Now.... Now do you understand
why we mustn't kill them?

No, Mr. Perret. l do not understand.

It would be much quicker.

And easier.


...and easier.

Yes, quick and easy
is how you make a cake.

Or clean a toilet bowl, or shop...

...by mail.

But quick and easy is not how you run
a multimillion-dollar business such as ours.

Now, Mr. Quan.

On the east side--

That's your part of the city.

--Gabriel Cash...

...has cost me more than $60 million...

...including guns, drugs
and various other enterprises.

On the west side...

...Mr. Lopez...

...Ray Tango...

...has cost me even more.

Two little mice...

...and so much damage.


...if we kill them,
we risk all-out war with the police.

They're heroes already.

Why make martyrs of them?

Instead of death...

...we have a game.

A game that only we can win.

Within two weeks...

...l will be taking delivery
of the largest shipment of weapons...

...that we have ever handled.

Within that time...


...and Cash...

...will be safely tucked away...

...behind bars.

Aren't they beautiful?

You almost got yourself killed, pal.

I'd say it's the other way around.

I pull this trigger,
your throat's hanging off that wall.

You pull that trigger,
I'll blow you in half.

You never had a chance
to hit me with that gun.

Not with this one. This one.

- You know me, huh?
- l hear you're the second-best cop in L.A.

I heard the same thing about you.

- Stay off my case.
- What makes it your case?

I've been on it for three months.

Then you're stupid. l've been on it for half
an hour now and l'm all caught up with you.

- Stay off my case.
- Nice tie.

It's your bust.
How do you wanna do this?

- l'll go first. Cover me on three.
- Okay.


- Two.
- Three.


What's the score, babe?

My turn. Don't move!

Don't move your hands.

l don't think his hands
are going anywhere.

Wanna do the honors?

He's wired.

No, no, no. This is all wrong!

- You ought to be a cop.
- Did you expect this?

No, I didn't this,
and l didn't expect you, either.

Why the hell is he wired?

I don't know, but
you'll play hell getting anything out of him.

I'm gone. Ciao, babe.

Drop your weapons!

- Freeze!
- We're cops!

Wait a minute! We're on the same team!
Just read this, goddamn it!

I'm gonna blow
both your fucking brains out!

- No problem.
- l'm convinced.

The man's hysterical.

- l'd like a receipt for that.
- Yeah, me too.

We can talk about this.

Christ, that's my gun.

- What's your gun doing here?
- That's my gun, I put it in my locker.

It's not your gun now!

It's evidence.

- Why's your gun here?
- They stole it.

Tell me what you did.

I don't know this man.
I didn't come with him.

And with your permission,
I'll be leaving. Ciao.

You may not have arrived with him,
but you're leaving with him.

You're making a mistake.

You're going down for this.

Get these bastards out of here! Now!

- You're bad karma.
- l hope you got a good lawyer.

Perret says use this tape here.

- ls it true Tango shot a federal officer?
- No comment.

- Was Detective Cash there too?
- No comment.

What do they have?

They got a .380
with Cash's fingerprints.

They think it's the murder weapon.
Ballistics is checking it.

They were found at the scene of the crime.
Nobody else was seen coming or going.

What else?

Sir, tape is ready.

What tape?

- Show us the money.
- It's in the suitcase.

- Open it.
- It's all there.

- Count it if you want to.
- We want to.

Okay, where's the stuff?

Right here. Best high for the buy.
Direct from the department lockup.

- You know, I like dealing with cops.
- Why's that?

It restores my low opinion
of human nature.

Really? In that case, you'll love this.

Lieutenants Ray Tango and Gabriel Cash...

...two highly decorated officers,
go on trial today...

...for slaying an undercover agent
during a drug-sting operation.

Officers Tango and Cash insist...

...they are victims of a setup,
possibly a retaliation by criminal figures...

...aimed at taking the two top cops
out of action.

Expert witnesses
will lead off the prosecution's case.

Mr. Skinner, you've heard the tapes.

If you had to make a judgment
regarding its authenticity...?

There's no reason for me to believe
it isn't genuine.

How did you test this tape?

I took samples of the suspects' voices...

...and compared them to the tape
with an oscilloscope. They matched.

When this is over, remind me
to rip Jumbo there's tongue out.

With a tow truck.

When I entered the premises,
I saw the two suspects, the guns...

...the money, the drugs, the dead body.
That's what l saw.

When these two guys show up...

...l figure the whole thing's gone sour.

So l'm gonna go in
and clear everything up...

...when they kill him.

When this is over, we have to pay
Jabba the Hutt here a visit.

I'll bring the chain saw.

I'll bring the beer.

Detective Cash assaulted me.

He put a chair on my chest and sat on it.

I couldn't find a piano.

The son of a bitch can speak English!

The squarecrow can talk!

- Squarecrow?
- What would you call it?

As the attorneys
for Tango and Cash left the courtroom...

...their mood can only
be described as grim.

They clearly face an uphill battle...

...if not an impossible one.

Ray, somebody set you up good.
I feel we should cop a plea.

You can guarantee me minimum security?

Absolutely. No question.
That'll be the deal.

Is Cash's attorney
giving him the same advice?

If he's smart, he is.

I want to talk to Cash.

I need to work on my
statement for the court.

Why do you wanna see me?

First of all, l wanna say
I'm not fond of your kind.

Oh, really, what kind is that?

You're a glory hound and a hot dog.

That stings.

Let me know when the critique is over.

It's over.

- My lawyer wants me to cop a plea.
- Mine too. Eighteen months.

Lompoc Federal Country Club.

I understand they open the gym at 5 a.m.
You can start pumping early.

- Who do you think set us up?
- l don't know.

I got a lot of admirers. You?

I got a few.

Look, if we cop a plea,
we cop it together.

I think what you're saying is your lawyer
wanted you to consider making a deal...

...but you didn't want to leave
this glory hound holding the bag.

Sound about right, Ray?

- About.
- Very generous guy.

- l'll make the statement.
- l will.

- No way.
- Why not?

- You'll screw it up.
- When's your birthday?

- Why?
- When were you born?

- Why?
- Day and month.

- You want to do my horoscope?
- Don't give me the year.

When were you born?

- May.
- February. Ha-ha-ha!

I got seniority.
I'll make the statement.

August 16.

I read your records. lsn't that the date
you were hatched? August 16th ring a bell?

I got seniority.


All rise.

The court is now in session.

The Honorable
Judge McCormack presiding.

Be seated.

Your Honor.

The defendants wish
to change their plea.


Very well, counselor.
What is the plea?

Your Honor, may l approach the bench?

Proceed, Mr. Tango.

It's okay.

Your Honor, l've been
a policeman for 12 years.

I think it's the best organization
in the country.

I've been accused of being too aggressive
in taking criminals off the street.

Well, if that's a sin...

...then l guess l'm guilty.

All the cops l've worked with
are good cops.

You are.

Doing a tough job.

I only hope that the outcome of this trial
is such that the whole department...

...is not judged
by what has transpired here.

Thank you.

Ray. Ray, will you let me handle this?

Not bad.

Do you have anything to add, Mr. Cash?

- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- No! No, no.

- Yeah.
- No.

Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently.

And l wish l could be as forgiving.

But l can't, because...

...this whole thing...

...fucking sucks!

This is the biggest pile of shit!

- Your Honor!
- Order!

That's right! Yeah!


- Your Honor!
- Be seated, Mr. Cash.

Your Honor, the defendants
wish to plead no contest...

...to a charge of
voluntary manslaughter.

I take it this is part of an agreement?

Yes. The state recommends a sentence...

...of not more than 18 months
in a minimum-security facility.

Mr. Cash, Mr. Tango, do you
enter this plea of your own free will?

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

The agreement is
acceptable to the court.

The defense and the state
will deliver the proper documentation.

Court is adjourned.

Now that Tango and Cash
are behind bars...

...you don't have to be afraid anymore.

What's the matter, gentlemen?
You don't share my enthusiasm.

Mr. Perret, l am sorry...

...but l cannot appreciate
these games you keep playing.

Forgive me for asking, Mr. Perret...

...but what happens in 18 months
when they get out?

Use your imagination.

What makes you think
they'll ever get out again?

Now go take care of your business.

I got a feeling this is
gonna be a great year.

These bozos ever hear
of shock absorbers? Welcome to Club Fed.

You told me this was a vacation.

End of the line. Get out.

You, this way!

What do you got to say now, genius?

I don't think there's
a golf course here.

Make yourselves
at home sweet home, boys.

This has gotta be a mistake.
What do you think?

l think my underwear
is riding into my throat. Ow!

They're not there?
They were on that bus!

I'm already trying to trace them.

They were transferred
off the bus near Victorville.

We gotta find them.

Your underwear problem is solved.

l noticed. You can stop
holding in your stomach.

Come on! Somebody bribed
the prison board! That's why we're here!

They're as crooked as
everybody else in this deal.

Oh, man.

I'll tell you one thing.
Whoever set us up is fucking connected.

Who do you think it is, Quan?


No, wait! l got it!

It's Lopez!

It's Lopez! Follow me through here.

Lopez has a guy pretend
to try and kill me...

...and claims that Quan put him up to it.

That Chinese guy feeds me
bogus information about the setup.

That way Lopez figures, no matter
what happens, I'll think it was Quan.

All the time it's Lopez,
and now l know it, right?

Well, what do you think?

I think with your lQ,
you're unarmed and still very dangerous.

Okay, Sherlock Holmes, if you're so smart,
you tell me who set us up.

- l don't know yet.
- Yeah! You don't know shit!

What are you doing?



And don't flatter yourself.


I don't know you that well.

Don't worry.
Someday the other one will drop.

Attaboy, tripod! You just keep talking.

Sure thing, Minnie Mouse!

By the way...

...l think they're gonna stick us
in general population.


Well, you know they don't put cops
in general population.

Never put cops in
general population, huh?

Cash, l'll light your fucking bowels!

Cash, l'm gonna put
brown sugar in your ass!

Shit, I put half these guys away.

Tango, you're going to be my bitch!

I'll kick your fucking ass!

- You know what l hate?
- What?

- Litter.
- Goddamn it!

- What?
- l forgot the marshmallows.

I don't think rehabilitation
is working here.

They're just misunderstood, really.


Bring them to me!

Cops! Cops!

Bring them here!

Come here!

I want to talk to you.

Hey, punk!

When I get out of here,
I'll tear you a new ass.

You know Captain Dynaball here?

Yes! Yes! l loved you
in Conan the Barbarian.

If you need me, me and my ass
will be in the neighborhood.

You fucking pig! lt's over for you!

You're gonna be very popular here.

Funny, l don't see your fan club, either.

Hey! That crapper is mine!

And what am I supposed to use?

I don't give a shit!
Just don't use that.

Okay, bud. We're gonna
get one thing straight right now.

That is yours!

Would you mind stopping that?

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

I'm not afraid of you.

You see that?

I killed him.


He was my best friend.

Crazy people aren't afraid of anybody.

Would you look at that?

Sugar is up. l cannot believe this!

Let's dance, Tango!

Come on, Cash!

Get the bag on him!

Kill him!

Kill him!

Kill the fucker!

You're dead meat, Tango!

- They got you?
- What's it look like?

Oh, yeah, let me guess.

The welcoming committee.

It's either that or a surprise party.

Don't make a move.

We'll talk our way out of this.

I don't think they're into small talk.

If we panic, we're history.

Ah, the infamous...

...Cash and Tango.

Dishonored, imprisoned.

What a shameful fall from glory.

And who are you?

Just think of me as somebody who...

...doesn't like you very much.

The surprise party is out.

Oh, shit. That's the guy
I followed to the setup.

Don't panic.

Tarty Tango.
You're a pretty boy, aren't you?

I'm panicking.

How would you like me
to change it for you?

- l wouldn't.
- How about you?

- Maybe you first.
- Don't panic.

I'll cut your throat,
yank your tongue out the hole...

...and tie it in a Windsor knot for you.

- l don't wear ties. That's him.
- Brave boy.

You wanna cut my throat?! Go ahead!

You wanna cut my fucking head off?!

You can bowl the motherfucker
for all I care! Just don't let him do it!

I don't wanna get killed by this
limey immigrant jerk-off!

I wanna get killed
by an American jerk-off!

You fucking wanker!

Put it away for now.

Just for now.

Some of your other friends
want to say hello first.

What are you doing?

- Buying time.
- Time for what?

I don't know yet.

- Oh, shit, it's Conan. lt's Conan.
- What?

- We're gonna get FUBAR now.
- What's FUBAR?

You'll see.

Real bad-ass cops!

You don't look so tough now, do you?

Do you, you fuck?!

He must mean you.

This pig and his cop friends...

...broke my ribs, my leg and my jaw.

You broke that jaw?

- He deserved it.
- Why did you do that?

- Why?
- Yeah, why?

- l was having a bad day!
- Like now?

Like now!

Don't panic!

Don't panic!

Rats in a maze...

...men in a cage.

Come on, lads. Place your bets!
Which bloke survives?

Who's a brave boy?

Who fries first?

Cook, you bastard!

Tango, you got any family?

Yeah. You?

I'm going steady with an alimony check.
That's about it.

First, Mr. Cash.

No, don't do it! No!

- Cash!
- lt's all right, man.

Motherfuck you!

Son of a bitch!


Fuck you.


Fry, Tango.

Get them the hell down!

Off the scaffolding!

Lock this place down!

Ah, shit.

Cash, you fight this one. I'm burned out.

- You look like hell, Cash.
- Matt?

- Matt, it is you, isn't it? Say it is.
- lt is.

- Oh, God, am I glad to see you!
- Cash!

- Yeah?
- My arm.

- Who's this guy?
- Matt Sokowski. I'm assistant warden.

He was my C.O.
when l started on the force.

- You guys are in deep shit.
- Shit.

- Really?
- Yeah. Who the hell set you up?

I think we just met him.

If this creep wants us dead so bad,
why doesn't he put a bullet in our head?

Why play this game?

Maybe he has a boring nightlife.

- How'd he get in?
- Anything can happen behind these walls.

All you need is the cash.
We have the best guards money can buy.

You got the bucks, you get what you need.
The place is corrupt.

Once you're back in general population,
somebody's gonna nail you.

The way l see it,
- escape.



I'll get a spoon
and we'll start tunneling out of here...

...and you can help me chew through
the bars. Come on, this is bullshit.

What's with your friend?

He's upset. He misses his wardrobe.

What are you saying, Matt?

Listen, l got a plan worked out.

How do we trust him?

We've known each other for 15 years.

- We trusted our lawyers.
- And the judge.

And that got us nowhere.
This time, you're gonna have to trust me.

Now that is a risky proposition.

Come on, Gabe, l got a present for you.

You're unbelievable.

I do miss my wardrobe.

This is the prison ventilation system.

You get to it from
the utility shaft in the yard.

This main ventilation shaft
leads outside beyond the wall.

I can shut one of these fans down
and leave this vent door unlocked.

I'll get you the right work detail and leave
everything you need outside the shaft.

This way looks faster.

- No, long way around.
- Let's stick to plan A.

Let's get you guys to the infirmary.

Why use your plan A?

It's a hell of a lot better than your plan B,
which you don't even have.

Not yet, Cash, but I will.

My partner in pain.

I only got a minute.
Sokowski got us trash detail. Let's go.

- Whoopee! Race you to the Dumpster.
- lt's set up for right now. Come on.


- What?
- l'm not going. l changed my mind.

Did you have a brain meltdown?

I have a slight aversion
to getting FUBAR.

- What's FUBAR?
- "Fucked up beyond all recognition."

What is your problem?

I'm not waltzing into anybody's trap.
I don't trust Sokowski!

Sokowski's a cop, for chrissake!

What's this?

This is my fiancée, Slinky.

Up, Slinky.

- Let's see how business is.
- Seriously...

...you are one major mistrustful,
maladjusted human fucking being!

Well, l love you too.

Ray, I'm not coming back for you.

You're making a big mistake.

You don't have to.
I hope you make it on the outside, Cash.

Let's go, you're late!

I hope you and Cousin It here...

...are very happy together...

...and raise a beautiful litter.


Where've you been, asshole?
You're a half hour late.

I'm doing my best, boss.


There he is!

Come on, let's go!

Out of my way!

- What are you doing here?
- l got lonely.

I can't hold it all day!


Come on, Cash!

- This way!
- Come on!

Move it!

Your friend Matt
waltzed you right into a trap!

How could you be so stupid?

Matt's dead.

They cut his throat ear to ear.
Know what l mean?


Yeah. This is the way.

You'll like this.
It's the best ride in the park.

Come on, this way!

- Know where you're going?
- Absolutely.

Sure you know where you're going?

I know exactly where I'm going!

Then get your ass out of my face
and get there!

Come on!

- ls this the only way?
- No.

We can go back. Let's go!

This way!

- You sure this is the way?
- lt's exactly the way!

Let's go! Sector 4!

- Tango!
- What?

Don't touch those wires.


- Know what?
- What?

I'm getting real tired of electricity.

Nag, nag, nag!

- Now what?
- Okay, no problem.

Jump to those wires, slide down,
and we're home free.

- That's your plan?
- Yeah.

We're gonna fry.

- You know anything about electricity?
- No.

If you only touch one wire and don't touch
the ground, you don't get electrocuted.

- Right?
- l don't know.

I don't either.

- l owe you from back there.
- Uh-huh.

So you can go first.

- Uh-uh. And you still owe me.
- l knew you'd say that.

If l don't make it, will you even try?

Depends how close you get.

What's the matter, Tango?
Come on, dog!

Come on, dog! Heel!

Come on, puppy!

You want more?

Move it, move it!

Come on, Tango.

Come on, doggy!

Speak, doggy! Speak!


That was fun.

Jesus Christ! What did you do,
stop for coffee and a Danish?

I hate Danish.

- Come on, we gotta get out of here.
- All right.

- Nice doing time with you.
- l'll never forget that time in the shower.

If it gets too hot for you
in the streets...

...go to a club named Cleopatra's.
Ask for Catherine.

- She'll know where to find me.
- Got it.

Hey, Ray!

I really do owe you one.

Quan and Lopez on line one.

Put them on.

Gentlemen, l've already heard
about the escape.

Mr. Perret...

...this is most disturbing.

We are being threatened by two maniacs.

I think we must take some action.

There you go thinking again.
That'll be the cause of your downfall.

Try to control your fear.

These men are convicted killers
and fugitives.

They won't last long on the outside.

Mr. Perret, we cannot rely
on the police. I insist--

Don't insist!

Insistent people make me angry.

Everything is under control.

Cover your tracks.

Oh, you're beautiful.

Oh, gee. Hope they're all right.

Attention, commencing live fire test.


Hey, Gabe, l knew you'd come here.
How'd you get out?

You got something I can change into?

Sure, sure.

Nice to see we have
the same taste in clothes.

Hey, Gabe,
do you need a special weapon?

I need a gun, a big gun.

Oh. Are those big enough for you?

Yeah, perfect.

I always knew we shared
the same taste in weaponry.

Gabe, check out the pooch.

A new invention
in senior-citizen home protection.

Well.... Hmm.

- Well, you know, the gun boots are great.
- Perfect.

See you, buddy.

Knock, knock.


From the look of your diet, you're not
too interested in counting calories.

Could it be you're too busy counting
the money they paid you to set us up?

I didn't set you up.

You think I'm judging you unfairly?

Hell, yes! l had nothing to do with it!

Nothing to do with it?

Wyler, can we be frank?

You're looking terribly anemic.

I think what you need
is a little... iron in your diet.

I know you switched those weapons...

...and planted the murder weapon
at the scene, didn't you?

- They paid me.
- Who paid you?

- l don't know.
- You FBl guys are real brainy.

- Think, think, think!
- An Englishman with red hair.

Yeah, and a ponytail.

"You're going down for this."
Remember those lyrics?

You sang it to me loud and clear.
But you're going down.

It doesn't matter. They want me dead.
My life isn't worth shit.

That's true. But I need you anyway.

Take me in! l'll tell them what l know!
We'll help each other.

I hope you got paid real well, Wyler.

You wanna split it?

Wyler! Wyler!

Who are you?

What are you doing here?

Who the hell do you think you are?

Excuse me!


Who hired you to do the tape, Skinner?

Lucky for me this place is soundproof.

Nobody will hear me
beating the truth out of you.

Hey, I see you got all my greatest hits.

And Tango's.

You put together a nice compilation.

He told me he'd kill me.

- Who?
- He didn't tell me his name.

I swear to God!

How fortunate they asked you
to authenticate your own work.

I am the foremost expert.

You won't be for long if you keep
using junky equipment like this.

What do you mean?
It's state-of-the-art equipment.

What do you want to know?!

- How were you contacted?
- By phone.

- How'd you get him the tape?
- By mail.

- Where to?
- l don't remember the address.

But l recorded the conversation.

- Happy to play it for you.
- There you go!

Captain Schroeder, please.

He's got to be there.
Would you check, please?

All right. Just tell him his favorite
stockbroker is back in town. He'll know.

- Five-buck cover charge, pal.
- Sure.

- Catherine working tonight?
- Who?

- Catherine.
- Don't know any Catherine.

Catherine here tonight?

We have a hundred Catherines here.

Hey! Joe! Sticks!

- Where's my beer?
- I'm sorry. He distracted me.

- l've been waiting 15 minutes.
- I'm sorry.

Tell you what, this one's on me.
I'm really sorry.

Cover that exit. Come with me.

What do you think you're doing?

Hold it.

- Kiki, nice work.
- Wait a minute.

I'm Catherine.

Only one person calls me that.

Ray Tango said you could
help me find him.

I haven't seen Ray in a while.

There's a full-blown
police convention out there.

Is there someplace else we can talk?

Is he all right?

Not if l don't get out of here.

- Out the back, through the alley.
- They'll have it covered.

Any other ideas?

Hey, Elvis!

What size do you wear?

Hold it.

Let's have a look.

Something wrong?

Hey, Lynn, let's go!

Hey, Red.

Aerobics instructor, huh?

- Kiki?
- Hey, bud, get your hands off my property.

Any chance of a three-way?

Dykes on bikes, eh, captain?

So then you knew who I was all along.

l figured it out. You and Ray
have been getting a lot of press lately.

I bet.

We were set up good.

l know. Ray couldn't have
done all the things he's accused of.

You l'm not so sure about.


God, how did this happen?

Sliding off a high-tension wire
into a pine tree at 40 mph...

...tends to slip a disk or two.

Let's see if we can slip it back in.

- How's that feel?
- Are you kidding?

Six or seven more hours of this
and l'll be on the road to recovery.


...what's the story with you and Ray?

What do you mean?

You know.
Do you love him? Hate him?

None of the above?

I love him.

You do?

Of course. He loves me too.
He just has a funny way of showing it.

You guys see a lot of each other?

He comes and goes as he pleases.

That's a little insensitive.

But l live my own life.

Good for you.


- Kiki?
- Yeah?

- Lower?
- Yeah.


I'll just move it around real slow.

- Don't stop.
- l can do this all night.

God, prove it.



- Deeper.
- Oh, my God, Gabe!

- l can feel it going in!
- Oh! Harder!

- lt's almost in!
- God! It's all the way in!

Heads up, sleazebag!


- Captain?
- This the way you screen all your guests?

I'm sorry, captain.

Freeze! Drop the duck!


Real great police work!
Way to go, Cash! Way to stay on top of it!

- What were you doing?
- Nice to see you too.

You almost nailed your captain.

At least l saw him!
What were you doing in there?

I was getting ready to make my move.

- By the way, your girlfriend--
- My sister!

- My what?
- Your what?

- My sister.
- She's your--?

That's great! I don't mean that.

Look, l know it had to look bad.

I never deliberately
punched out anyone in my life.

But you I'm gonna hammer
right through the lawn.

- Oh, really?
- Who do you think you are?

Don't you know how to use a doorbell?
Just stick out your finger and push.

- lsn't this 125 Orange Grove Street?
- Yeah, it is.

This is my place. l have some rights
under my own place, don't I?

No, Catherine. lt's my roof, my house,
and l let you dwell here.

I pay you rent!

- You're two weeks late.
- lf you would check your mail....

Well, in Tango's defense,
he has been in prison.

Excuse me, my pantyhose
are riding into the unknown.

Way up in the unknown.

Just answer me one thing, seriously.

What were you doing on the couch
with Queen-for-a-Day?

It's none of your business.


She got the brains and the looks.
How do you figure it?

I don't.

- Smoke?
- No.

To protect against guys like him!

All right. All right, that's it!

You're not gonna run us in, are you?

No, but I can only keep the department
off your backs for 24 hours.

The feds are on the case!

I suggest you slip into something
a little more butch.

You get rid of Daffy Duck there
and try to clear your names.

Already started.

What do you got?

This tape will clear our names.

Compliments of Jumbo the forger.


Yeah. So, what have you got?

About quarter to four.

Look, start with this.

We lD'd that creep from the warehouse.

- Ponytail?
- Yeah. His name's Requin.

Look him up.
The address is right there.

You got 24 hours to find the guy
who set you up.

- When's the clock start?
- Five minutes ago.



...what were you doing
with the Elephant Man?


Come in the house. Change your clothes.

You'll make a very ugly bride someday.

Is that a proposal?

- Blue one's nice.
- Blue it is.

Sorry about my behavior tonight.

I just want you to be okay.

I'm okay.

I can't believe all that's happened.
How did you get out of prison?

Cash. He had a friend on the inside.

I didn't wanna come here,
but I had no other place to go.

You're my brother.
Where else are you supposed to go?

- The North Pole would be nice.
- Seriously, what are you gonna do?

Maybe you'd be better off
turning yourself in.

- And talking to the press.
- No.

- How's the career going at the club?
- That's great!

You're being hunted
and you're worried about my dancing?

I'm not worried about anything.

If you needed a little extra cash,
I could buy you a bond or something.

It's a seven-and-a-quarter yield.

Big money.

- You help me out more than you need to.
- No, I don't.

I spend so much time with my career,
I hardly get a chance to see you.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.
I love you.

Put her there.

Push them back, way back!

I gotta go.
I don't wanna put you in jeopardy.

- What are you talking about?
- All that filth and scum l have to deal with.

- Here I am!
- See?

Clock's running, Ray. Let's go.

See you later.

- Mind if l have a word with Kiki?
- No.

I just wanted to say
I was having a wonderful time...

...until Captain Fantastic leaped the couch
and smashed through your door.

Anyway, when this is straightened out,
could we get together again?

Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice.

Maybe we can go down to the ballpark--

Can l talk to you?

Cash, l don't think my sister is your type.

Easy, mate.

Come on.

Been expecting you.

Shame, shame. Ponytails are out
this season. How you doing, Cash?

Things are getting better by the second.

- There's a party on the roof.
- Can l invite Mr. Potato Head?

Sure. Wouldn't be a party
without Potato Head.

- No!
- Plan A.

This party's really fun!

Thanks. How about it, Requin?
Hell of a view, huh?

Come on, meat puppet!
Who pulls your strings?

Piss off! Bollocks to plan A!

I like this. The view's great up here!

- What'd he say?
- Plan A's a loser.

Hold on. Give me a name, Death Breath,
or you're going back to England in a baggie!

Up yours, asshole!
You ain't worth a toss.

Go on, drop me.

Do it!

Plan A is definitely a loser.

- Bigtime. Let's go to plan B.
- You got a plan B?

Hiroshima. Ring a bell?

This is plan B?

Can l talk to you for a minute?

Not now, l'm busy.

Just a second. Please.

- Seriously, you're getting a little radical.
- What's radical?

Blowing a man's head off with
a fucking hand grenade is a touch much.

You got your way, I got mine.

I'm kind of glad you didn't want to talk.

Let me just shoot him in the leg.
He'll talk.

I want the whole package!

Maybe he doesn't know anything.

- l don't really care!
- What do you mean?

What the fuck? You're a cop!

I was a cop! But because of this dirtbag
and his friends, we're on the run!

No. It's payback!

That's enough! l mean it!

- ls it?
- Oh, man, l heard about you.

- Did you?
- l heard you were a Section 8.

I didn't believe that sadistic bullshit
I heard you pulled...

...but you're for real!

If you don't want to get sticky,
get back...


You got it, sicko.

You blew it, pal. This asshole's
out of control and l can't stop him.

I'm not going down for this.

- l'm out of here!
- Don't forget to write!

You want my vote for the Psycho
Hall of Fame, asshole? You got it!

You really do look like shit
in a ponytail.

No. I'm sorry.

Bye-bye, birdy. Bye, baby!

I don't wanna hear it.

Perret! The geezer you want
is Yves Perret!

Who the hell is Perret?

The bloke with me in prison.

- Where's he now?
- The desert. Ryko Airfield.

Think he's telling the truth?

It's not raining
and he's standing in a puddle.


You just fell for the oldest routine
in the book. Bad cop....

Worse cop!

- Did you sleep with my sister?
- l don't believe you!

- Did you two bump uglies with my sister?
- "Bump uglies."

- Did you?
- l was so drunk, I don't remember.

Come on, worse cop, we're late.

My little contribution to birth control.

Bloody hell!

Bloody dud.

- What about my sister?
- lt's a free country.

- What's that mean?
- People are free.

- So?
- So your sister is very free.

I'm going to kill you.

Okay, Owen, let's have it.

- Oh, my--
- God!

Double-armored, bulletproof glazing.

120mm cannon on the driver's side.

Transfer case has torque splitting.

It'll see 60 in five and a half seconds
and pull high-tens in the quarter.

What is that?

That is an RV from hell. Care to join me?

- What do you think?
- l'm impressed.

- Very impressed?
- Very impressed.

Does he have gray matter, or what?
Owen, gone! Home run!

This thing will go through a brick wall.

- We are in business.
- Oh, yeah, we're in business.

Do you know what kind of firepower
we're talking about here?

This is a violent work of art!

Who holds the pink slip? Satan?

Why don't you take a look inside?

Isn't this the same guy that invented
your exploding bazooka boots?

Hey, Owen has milliseconds of genius,
believe me.

What's this one do?

Ultra-booster. lt's nitrous oxide.

Uh-huh. And what's that mean?

What's the difference? We'll take it.

No, you can't take that.
It's one of a kind, a prototype.

Owen, trust us.
We won't put a scratch on it.

Owen, we're fully insured.

Fully insured?

Run this guy Perret
through your computer.

Okay. l'll see what I can dig up on him.

- Cash?
- Yeah?

Owen's not family, is he?


Ryko Airfield was abandoned 10 years ago.

It's in private hands now.
There's been a lot of construction...

...but look for a main building
about a mile in from the perimeter.

Thanks, Owen.

Looks quiet.

This is insane.

Very insane.

You get the feeling
things are about to get bloody?

They could.

If one of us doesn't make it back,
I just want you to know that...

...you're the best cop
I ever worked with.

There's something
I want you to know, Ray.

If you don't make it back and l do...

...l am gonna date your sister.

Look, Cash, I got nothing against you.

But l don't want Catherine getting
that 2-in-the-morning phone call...

...saying something's happened to you.

If she has to live with that,
it would kill me.

Nothing's gonna happen to me.
I'm charmed.

I'll tell you what. l'll stay away...

...until you give me your blessing.
Fair enough?

In that case...

- ...never.
- Thought so.

Let's go to work.
Something's coming over the computer.

It's Owen with that information on Perret.

- We're at the location.
- Coming up on a very serious gate.

- ls this place fortified?
- Don't know for sure.

Better use extreme caution.

- Cash?
- Yeah?

Listen to the man.

Yes, Mommy.

Oh, my God!

Subtle! Real subtle!

We're in!

Get the hell out of here!

Come on.

Where the hell are we?
It looks like a goddamn pit!

Come on!

Cash, watch the right!

Your left!

- l'm gonna go for it!
- Cash, no!

- Yes!
- No!


Subtle! Real subtle!

Where'd you learn to drive?

Stevie Wonder.

- We're on fire!
- Yeah, we're cooking now!

- lt's a dead end!
- We're in a goddamn maze!

- We're blocked in!
- This son of a bitch is playing with us!

Oh, shit!

Come on!

Get the sons of bitches!

- Do you want the good news or bad news?
- The bad.

We're almost out of gas.

- The good?
- We're almost out of gas.

What's this guy own, a used-car lot?

Come on!

Bring them in!

All right!
That's gotta be the last of them!

Home team!

- Behind you!
- What the hell is that?

Not the Welcome Wagon!

- We gotta bail!
- What was that noise?

Don't worry, Owen. A few speed bumps!

- Let's get out of here!
- l need a gun!

You guys aren't holding out
on me, are you?

- Here.
- Why is yours bigger than mine?

Genetics, peewee.

Why aren't you guys
talking to me anymore? Say something.

Perret's gotta be in there.

Must be. lt's the only building left standing.

Any chance he might surrender?

Not likely.


...use extreme caution.


Nice collection.

Yeah, toys for tots.

No more owes-ies. We're even.

- How do you figure?
- l just saved your life.

We'll discuss it later.

- Let them come, Mr. Perret.
- We are ready.

Bombs for tots.

Facility destruct sequence...

- ...is now engaged.
- Cash!

This clock works backwards
or somebody activated a bomb.

Yeah, wonder who.

- How do we stop it?
- We don't. Let's get Perret.

Get me a toy too.

Tango, we only got 11 minutes.

Raiders scored three touchdowns
in 11 minutes.

Yeah, but they had three time-outs.


Look out!

- You okay, Cash?
- Yeah, clean exit.

- You're lucky.
- l've been shot plenty of times.

I never felt lucky about it.

Stop complaining.

- Right side.
- Got it.

- He has a hell of a hobby!
- We got our own TV show.

What do you think?

I think we better get the hell out.

Not yet. Game's just starting.

Over here.

Let her go!

All right, Requin.

You want me? You got me.

I got you both now, don't I?

Two for the price of one.

Pretty boy's trying to
get the drop on me.

Drop your fucking gun
or l'll drop sister here!

Drop your gun, Cash.

I can take him.


Drop your goddamn gun!

I drop it...

...and we're both dead and you know it.

If you don't drop it, we all go up.

Recognize plan B?

She fancies me.

She might even lose her head over me.
Know what l mean?

You don't know my mate here.

He's looking forward
to kicking your brains in.

Ain't you, Sonny?

Well, pretty boy...

...l'd like you to watch me...

...pleasure your sister slow and easy.

But l only got a few minutes
to carve you up!

We never talked about plan C, asshole.

Think it's a dud?

- FUBAR. Bigtime.
- We gotta find Catherine.

When the Great Scorer comes
to write against your name, he'll mark...

...not that you won or lost...

...but how you played the game.

What bullshit!

- Shit!
- This game has cost me a lot.

- l'll blow this maniac into the ozone.
- You gotta know which one he is.

I do.

I leave you with this thought, gentlemen.

- Great. All you need now is a gun.
- Got it.

So do l.

All right, let's take him alive.

- Kneecaps on three.
- Call it.



- My sights are off.
- Mine too.

Cash, get the door!

Hurry up!

- She all right?
- She's coming to.

- How'd you know who to shoot?
- The ring.

- No, the monogram.
- Monogram?

It was reversed.

- What about the ring?
- On the wrong hand.

Are we clever or what?
Let's blow this place.

20 seconds, Cash.

There's a lot of new pollution
in the sky tonight and they call it Perret.

Kiki, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm okay.
I'm just worried about you.

Thanks. I'll probably lose my arm
on account of saving him.

Catherine, come on, it's a scratch.

Cash, you got sloppy and stumbled.

Sloppy? l took that hit for you!

After all l've done for you,
you're still ungrateful.

- Done for me?
- Yeah.

Guys, this is no time to argue.

He just can't accept
that he's the number two cop.

It's very hard for him to handle.

Dream on.
You got your version, I got the truth.

Why don't you just admit it,
that you guys work well together.

No matter what you say, Ray...

...l've at least earned the right
to date your sister.

- Over my dead body.
- Deal?

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