Tango Shalom (2021) - full transcript

Behold, the promised land!

Thy sayeth unto you,
behold the promised land.

Crown Heights.

Brooklyn.

Oh, Moshe! Moshe!

Shlomi, we talked about not
using the computer on Shabbat.

Sundown is at 7:41. Got
four minutes and 12 seconds.

And it should only be for
religious studies or business.

This is business.

"U.S. unemployment
at danger levels."

Dad, we're heading
to the next Great Depression.



Where is Shira?

Where do you think?

Kowalski at the plate.

Bottom of the ninth,
two out, runner on third.

One second.
I know, Daddy.

But this is for business.

Someday I could run
a baseball team.

It's very close
to Shabbat, Shira.

Yes! We won! Whoo hoo!

Yes!

Mmm.

Do you want some more?

Give me your plate. Take
a little bit. We have plenty.

Thank you.



Mia closed
the store today.

Business is so bad.

I told you, Dad.

By day, I'm Moshe Yehuda,
the shy, Hasidic Jew,

but by night...

I am...

Fernando Caliente,
the hot, Hasidic bullfighter!

The bull's going fast!

I'll protect you.

Any questions?

- Yes, Avi.
- Rabbi Yehuda,

why do women wear scarves
or wigs on their heads?

To cover their head
is for respect.

The same way it is forbidden
for a man to touch any woman

other than one's wife.

So, where's Hashem?

Everywhere!

And how do we find him?

And what do we do
on Shabbat?

We

Come on, come on, boy.
Come come.

- Come on, kids.
- Grandpa!

And take you bags.
Take your bags.

Shabbat shalom.

- See you guys next Monday.
- Bye, Rabbi.

Shabbat shalom.

Hello, Moshe.
How are things?

Ah, I could complain,
but it wouldn't help.

Unfortunately, I've got
something else for you

not to complain about.

If you can't pay
the back rent on this unit,

I'll need a new tenant.
I'm sorry, Moshe.

Borah, you've been more than
fair and patient with me.

Moshe, to what
do I owe the visit?

Ready to buy that couch
we've haggled over since Purim?

Last time we spoke,
Yosef, you were so busy

that you were thinking
of hiring someone

to help you
in the storeroom.

Moshe, the job is yours.

I can't pay a lot,
just above minimum wage.

Yosef, can you have a look
at the label on this sofa?

You had to hire the helper
and we can't afford it.

Mara, Moshe's in need. He has
five children he has to feed.

What about the six children
we have to feed?

Sha. I will not
abandon my friend.

So, Moshe,
when can you start?

Yosef, I have to turn
down your kind offer.

But blessing to you
and your family.

Bye.

Why do you even talk like that?

I can spell
as good as you.

- Cannot!
- Can too!

- Cannot!
- Can too!

- Cannot! Cannot!
- Can too! Can too!

Esther and Rifka.

the two of you are giving me
such a headache. Stop.

Look at this, Ma.

"Since start of the recession,
suicide is up 20%.

This is what you want
to share with your mother

before a dinner party.

Daddy!

- Sorry, Ma.
- Just trying to be

Do me a favor,
take this contraption

and be
in the other room.

Come on hooligans.

Come on.

- Mommy, Esther's bothering me.
- Come on, go, go, go, go.

Don't ask.

Raquel, you outdid yourself.

The chicken, the ,

the roasted potatoes.

Thank you, Rahamim.

Your kids are the best.
Beautiful, handsome, brilliant.

Thank you, Marina.

I so look forward
to being their Aunt Marina.

Grandma.

Shira, can you take the kids
out into the playroom?

Adult talk time. March!

Well, Mrs. Zlotkin, it's so nice
for you to come here for dinner

and meet our loving Mama.

Thank you.

You know, Mrs. Yehuda,

you have so much in common
with my mother.

Like what?

Well...

Sewing. Uh...

you both have a talent
for making creative garments.

What do you make?

I spent time at the

I make prayer shawls,

- yamakas.
- Hmm.

I could get you a discount.

Hmm.

Well, I work
for a fashion company.

My specialty is girdles,

lace panties,
and bikini bras.

What?

Bikini bras.

Mama, ma, what is it?

I miss Rahamim's beard.

Mama, I did not shave
my beard because of Marina.

When we fell in love,
he had a beard.

But nowadays,
a Jewish woman

with progressive views,

pretty soon
you'll wear loud clothes,

you stop uttering
the Sabbath,

you think about having sex...
in a group!

May I say something?

Your Rahamim,
he's a fine man.

Maybe a little too old
for my Marina.

But his success
at the Wall Street stock market,

fantastic.

He's no Bill Gates,

but any woman
would be happy to say

he's my son-in-law.

Or any woman would be proud
to say he's my son,

beard or no beard.

- I'm dizzy!
- Mama!

I'm dizzy.

This is crazy.

I'm a simple woman,
I'm a plain woman.

I can't have controversy!

Hey, Mama, we understand.
I want you to have schnapps.

Here, come, come,
here's some schnapps.

Here.

- A bissel. A bissel.
- Want some more?

A bissel. A bissel.

Let's put our differences
on the side, okay?

Now, I think that Rahamim,

you wanted to talk to me
and Raquel in private.

See you later.

Oh yeah,
give her the bottle.

Um, Rahamim, I'm sorry.

Mama's a little meshugenah right
now but things will change.

But that's not what I want
to discuss with you privately.

As my older brother,
you've always been there for me.

Advised me, protected me.

When I got through business
school with your help

and became a big success, I knew
I'd be able to pay you back.

That is so nice
of you, Rahamim.

But the firm's hedge fund

that my clients and I
have been investing in

has collapsed and half of
my capital is gone with it.

That's terrible,
terrible, Rahamim.

But thank Hashem you still
have the other half...

The other half is gonna
have to cover fines.

So I'm not gonna be able
to afford the big wedding

at the Waldorf Astoria
Grand Ballroom

that Marina, the love
of my life, is entitled to.

I'm hoping...

I can again turn to my older
brother for some help.

Oy vey iz mir.

Oy vey iz mir.
Oy vey iz mir.

Why didn't you talk
about our problems?

How could I?

Look, Hashem told me
to get a job.

He didn't say I have
to get it in our neighborhood.

What, you're gonna
go to gentiles for a job?

Moshe... I've never seen you
like this before.

Moshe?

Moshe?

- Moshe?
- Hmm.

Good luck.

That'll be six dollars.

Yeah, those are fine.

Okay.

You know what?
I'll take two more.

Would you
like them wrapped?

Sure.

- Watch where you're going!
- He's scared.

I'm looking for a job.

I'm sorry,
the job was just taken.

Tough out there, huh?

Oy, yeah.

Thank you.

Good luck!

Congratulations.
It'll be a nice place to work.

Now, we just need you
to take a physical.

A physical? Why?

Everybody gets a physical
around here.

You think carrying water up
and down stairs is easy?

Just go right out that
door, make a sharp left,

go to the back room.

Just take all your clothes off,
put that hospital gown on.

Doctor will be here
in a couple minutes, okay?

You know, you're very lucky
to be in this boat.

You think you're just
gonna be carrying water?

There's a lot
of action here.

But we have
to check you out!

Uh, Moshe.

What is it exactly
that you have to check out?

Basic things,
your blood pressure.

- Anything else?
- Your lungs,

for respiratory problems.

- And that's it.
- Yes.

Except for one important thing
that undetected,

has led
to employee lawsuits.

I have to check
your testicles

for hernia.

...eight and one,
side two forward.

One, we'll step forward.

Very good. Now we're gonna
add embellishments.

So we're gonna do it
like this, amagues and voleos.

Amague. Very good.

And voleos.

Make sure that your knees
are staying close.

Forward, amague.

And voleos.

And we repeat
one more time.

And

Amague and voleos.

Back.
Repeat one more time.

And

And one, two,

Three, four, amague.

Five and voleos.

And repeat again.
One and step.

And amague. Voleos.

Back. Continue
one more time.

And one. Side two.

Make sure that your knees
are closed at all times.

And amague. Voleos.

Okay, I think
you guys are doing good.

We're gonna continue next
week. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to disturb you.

You didn't, it's okay.
Are you a dancer?

I do. Not that kind of dancing.
What kind of dancing is that?

Argentine tango.

You've never
seen it before?

Not even on TV?

I don't watch TV.
I'm a Hasidic Jew.

I teach, I study.
I mean, It's very entertaining.

But I'm not allowed
to do that kind of dancing.

Well, what kind of dance
are you allowed to do then?

Like the Hora.

The Hora?
Can you show me?

Please, I'd love to see.

Come in, show me.

Please.

Wow.

Wonderful. You are even
more talented than I sensed.

You are an artist.

My name is Viviana Nieves.
What's yours?

Moshe Yehuda.

Would you like to learn
the tango, Mr. Yehuda?

I can't. I'm not allowed
to touch a woman.

It's okay. I have an idea.
Look in the mirror.

I'll do the steps
and you can imitate them.

- Come, look in the mirror.
- It's okay, I better...

Please, just try it, it's easy.

Okay, first of all,
feet together, shoulders down,

chest up, knees bent.

Beautiful. Get your arms
in a frame position.

We are gonna start
with the right foot back.

And one,

two, three, four,

five, six.

Okay, we're gonna add a
little bit more embellishment.

Side,
move forward, good.

Wow. Whoo!
Excellent.

- This is the tango.
- The tango.

Wow. I've never seen anyone
pick the steps up so quickly.

Incredible.

How much do I owe you?

Nothing.
It's on the house. Thank you.

But I do offer
an introductory

One lesson a week
for four weeks.

Thank you...

- Sorry. Excuse me. One second.
- But maybe someone else.

Wait. Hello.

- I have to go.
- What?!

How could you do this to me.
No, I don't want to discuss it!

I hate you! I hate you!

Is...
Is everything all right?

My dancing partner,
Jose Hernandez

is choosing another partner
in the ballroom competition

- Ana Parda.
- That's terrible.

But I'm sure that perhaps
you can find someone who...

He was my lover.
We were going to marry.

She was my best friend.

Oy vey iz mir.

I hate you! I hate you,
Jose Hernandez,

I hate you, Ana Parda!

I'm gonna enter
this contest and be better.

That's the spirit.

With Hashem's help,
everything is possible.

Wait, you be my partner.
You be my partner.

You have more natural
danceability than my students.

I'll show you the routine.

It's impossible.

Well, couldn't Hashem
make an exception

in case of an emergency?

There is a huge cash prize
we can split.

Please consider it.

I can't. I'm sorry.

I desperately need
the prize money.

I'm sorry,
I've gotta go. Sorry.

Your brother called.

is a nervous
wreck about the wedding.

- Baby! My little...
- Mama! You gotta calm...

- ...baby.
- Mama, you gotta calm down.

Your blood pressure.

Mrs. Yehuda,
look who's here.

Moshe's here. Everything gonna
be all right. Moshe's here.

Everything's
gonna be all right.

I will do my best.

Tell me the situation.

Let me explain!
Please, Mama.

Explain. Explain!

The company owner has been
charged with insider trading.

- Oy vey iz mir!
- He had me trade stock too.

The government
wants to implicate me.

Oy vey iz mir!

Rahamim, be honest with me.

Did you knowingly
make illegal deals?

- No!
- No. No.

He's a good boy.
He never stole a cookie!

But I feel guilty that maybe
I should've suspected it.

No!

What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?

A crook?!

A crook?!

I have to learn from
the New York Times

that my daughter
is gonna marry a crook?!

Who is broke?!

Mother, please!

Don't you dare
call my son a crook!

He's... He's...
He's rich in spirit!

He's an opportunist!

You know what? Quiet!

You cry,
it gives me a headache!

A pain in the tuchus!

Ah, she's a warmonger!

- She's a warmonger!
- Ma, please.

I'm a warmonger? I am?
What's a warmonger?

You're a lunatic!

Luna luna luna
luna lunatic!

I'm leaving. That's it!

And you, we'll talk later.

I can't believe
this is happening.

Tango shalom!

Raquel? Raquel, wake up.

I had a dream.

What is it?

I have a solution
to our finances.

Mmm. That's wonderful.

What is it?

The tango.

There's a televised dance
contest in a month.

The gentile instructor,

she believes that her and I,
we can make a lot of money,

dancing the tango.

- The tango?
- Yeah.

A... A gentile
dancing teacher

wants to tango with you?
In a TV contest?

Yes.

A female,
gentile dancing teacher?

From... From what I remember
about the tango,

the dancers' bodies touch

in very provocative ways.

That is the case.

How do you plan on reconciling
that with your morals?

I haven't figured
that out yet.

Are you crazy?!
Are you out of your mind?!

Dance the tango?!
Dance the tango?!

With a female
dancing teacher!

This is not my Moshe.

This is... This is...
This is some imposter.

What happened
to your beliefs, Moshe?

Our beliefs?

Our children's beliefs?

Raquel, love of my life,

I will do nothing
to compromise our beliefs.

Have you prayed to Hashem
about this state of events?

- Yes, I have.
- And?

What has Hashem
said to you?

You're in
a spiritual crisis.

Moshe, you need help.

Aye. Tomorrow I'm gonna
go speak to Rabbi Menahem.

That's a wise decision,
Moshe.

Sorry to disturb you.

Moshe Yehuda
is waiting in your office.

Please, excuse me.

Sit.

It's been a while
since you came to see me.

Eh, your father
would be proud

of all the knowledge you
got from Hasidic studies.

Thank you, Rabbi Menahem.

No?

Um, I'm having a bissel problem.

Moshe, to take me
from a meeting,

it should be more than
just a bissel problem.

I'm having financial
difficulties,

and I failed
to find work.

And have you prayed to Hashem?

Yes. And Hashem
spoke to me.

Mazel tov!

We can do wonders when
we do not doubt Hashem.

This is what I say to myself.

So what's the problem?

What?!

He wants me to dance
the tango in a contest.

Hashem told you to dance

in a tango contest?

Not in so many words.
The point is, Rabbi Menahem,

He didn't tell me
not to dance the tango.

I see.

Oy.

Moshe, life is a ladder

that gets you closer to Hashem.

On one hand,

there is a time
for bold acts.

On the other hand, there is
a time for cautious acts.

On one hand,

you could find a quick way

to solve
your financial woes.

But...

on the other hand,

you could choose and act

that could be
a profanation

of your sacred faith

and cause an ostracizing

of your family.

Study the Torah, Moshe.

All the answers
are there.

Shalom.

Thank you, Rabbi Menahem.
Shalom.

May I help you?

It was really
nice of you

to give this man
food and a blanket.

Would you like something
to eat or a blanket?

No no, thank you.
Thank you.

My name is Moshe Yehuda.

I'm a Hasidic Jew.

Are you questioning
your beliefs?

Yes...
I mean, no no no. I...

I still have my beliefs.

But...

through those beliefs, I can't
find the answer to my dilemma.

Which is?

But I will have to touch
a woman other than my wife.

I see.

Shakespeare wrote...

"The problem is not
in the stars but in ourselves."

Ask yourself
this question, Moshe.

How can I achieve my goal

without sacrificing
my sacred beliefs?

Well, I wanna thank you

for your advice
and Shakespeare's advice.

I don't know
if it's gonna help me.

But I appreciate
the effort on your part.

Thank you.

Good luck, Moshe.

Thank you, uh...

My friends
call me Anthony.

Thank you, Anthony. Bye.

Huh.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hello.

I would like to speak
to your leader.

You're not of our faith.

And you don't even believe
in Prophet Muhammad.

But I believe in Abraham,
like you do.

So.

- Maybe I speak to...
- No no.

Mm-mm.

This guy wants to come in.

Take everybody inside.

Why are you here?

My name is Moshe Yehuda.
I'm a Hasidic rabbi.

I came here
to ask for advice.

Okay, let's go talk.

Other people, even my own,

will not offer their help.

Let me ask you a question.

As a Muslim, are you allowed
to dance with another woman?

We live in modern times.

Like there are
many different Christians

and many different Jews,

there are all kinds
of Muslims.

In my culture which,
like your own,

touching a woman in dance
is forbidden.

What if Allah told you
to dance the tango?

He would never do
such a thing.

It would be
an evil inclination.

Oy.

But it could
very well be

that Allah
is testing this person

to see if he
is observing his laws.

We have the same thing
in our religion

when God told Abraham
to kill his son Isaac.

I am sorry.

I cannot tell you
to dance the tango.

I would advise

that you not even observe
others doing the tango.

You need to look into
your own religious beliefs

and come
to your own conclusion.

You might find
there is no need

to touch this woman
in tango.

Well, that's not possible.

I must go.

My congregation
is awaiting prayer.

Let there be peace
between us.

I am in a spiritual crisis!

And I'm not close
to solving it.

I'm running out
of holy men!

Hey.

There's a Hindu temple
a few blocks from here.

Dude.

You're too late for the wedding,
but not for the celebration.

I didn't come here for the
wedding. I've got big problems.

Big problems
can be such big fun.

Problems? Fun? Why?

'Cause they lead
to solutions.

Put this on your head, take
off your shoes, come inside.

So, tell me, what is
this big problem of yours

that begs
for a fun solution?

I'm having financial
difficulties

that I can solve
by dancing the tango.

- But I can't touch a woman.
- Hmm.

And no fun solution.

What's so funny?

I bear my soul and you
give me a balloon?

Read the Torah,
search my heart,

dance without touching.

And here is a balloon!

Ah!

I have a solution
to my dilemma.

- Mm.
- But I must have your blessing!

I found a way
to enter the dance contest

without touching a woman!

By putting a balloon
between me and her.

Moshe, that's the most
ridiculous,

crazy idea I've ever heard.

And I'm embarrassed

to even have a discussion
with you on this.

On the other hand...

if you're not
touching the woman...

would not be sinful.

On the other hand,

if you don't want
to offend Hashem,

you cannot
even touch a hair.

You cannot even have
eye contact with her.

And she should be
dressing very modestly,

which, if I understand

the communication
from that dance tango,

it's impossible.

But on the other hand...

when it comes to Hashem...

who's to say
what's not possible?

Hmm.

On the other hand...

Thank you very much for
your wise, spiritual decision.

Shalom.

I have the answer. We dance
with a balloon between us.

Look, it's insane.

No one has ever tangoed
with a balloon between them.

We'd be different,
that's for sure.

There are other details
that we must allow for.

I cannot have contact
with your hair,

you must wear
a very modest dress,

and we have to avoid
eye contact.

Well, what if I dance
with my eyes closed,

wear an ankle-long coat
with a hood,

and shave my head?

I don't think Hashem
would require that.

Thank Hashem for me.

Are you sure that
Rabbi Menahem approved

dancing the tango with a balloon
between you and this shiksah?

Not in so many words.

Uh...
How do you plan to... to...

Ah!

the hot
Hasidic bullfighter.

Mrs. Hot Hasidic
Bullfighter approves!

We're gonna rehearse
eight hours a day

and we start tomorrow.

You up to the challenge,
Moshe Yehuda?

What challenge?

And I wanna thank you
for accepting me

as your friend
and partner.

We come from
such different cultures.

I grew up in Jerusalem,
son of Romanian Jews

who fled the Nazis.

And you,
and Argentinian tango dancer.

I'm Jewish.

What?

I'm Jewish, I'm a Jew.

My real name...

Is Vivienne Bernstein.

It's just Viviana Nieves
sounds better

for an Argentine
tango dancer.

Are you religious?

If religion is going to temple
and high holidays now and then.

What do you believe in?

I think people need
to be kind to one another.

I like that.
I like that very much.

Oh my God, look at the time.
I've gotta go.

I'll see you tomorrow,
okay? Bye.

I took the liberty
of inviting the person

who gave me the idea
about the balloon.

I hope you don't mind.

Not at all.

Ravi Prajna,
meet Viviana Nieves.

It's a pleasure to meet you and
thank you for your great idea.

What did you think of the early
results of your inspiration?

Bloody marvelous.

Thank you for allowing me
to be privy

to such a fun adventure that I
know will be met with success.

Well, it looks like we've
made some real progress.

So, we're ready
for the big competition?

No, we're far
from being ready.

Still have a lot more to do.

Confidence is like a
golden sword one wields

in the quest
of achievement.

I've only one more bit
of advice to add

to the previous
pontificating.

Wee!

Are you okay, Viviana?

Thank you, Moshe.

It's just this contest
means so much to me.

My husband,
Javier Nieves.

He's Argentinian.

We met in his tango class.

Then I moved
to Argentina with him.

And then he died.

Two years ago.

Perfect health,
just sudden heart attack.

May he rest in peace.

And this is my daughter.

Dara.

She's seven.

She's so pretty.

Such intelligent eyes.

She has multiple sclerosis.

I'm so sorry.

That's why this
is so important to me.

I was hoping to win
enough money

to pay for this
experimental treatment

that my insurance
doesn't cover.

I think that Hashem
would like us to win.

I'm sorry I'm late.

You're late on top of tango
dancing, what's with that?

What? What, this...

You shouldn't bring up
private matters like that.

Private?
It's all over cyberspace.

Mendel Meyer posted this:

"Which religious Hasidic rabbi
isn't so religious or Hasidic?

Rabbi Moshe Yehuda,
that's who."

Mendel Meyer did this
on the internet?

It can't be!
He's only seven!

Dad, seven is like ancient
in internet years.

The whole neighborhood knows.

What's the big deal?
They were just dancing.

The grand rabbi approves.

Papa,
did Rabbi Menahem approve

of you lying
on top of a woman?

He didn't lie
on top of her, you dummy.

She fell on top
of him. Dummy.

Don't call me a dummy!
I am not a dummy!

Someone tweeted
"He jumped on her."

This is ridiculous!
Accidents happen!

You're all being
judgmental narrow-minded gossips

like everyone else
in this neighborhood.

So stop it, all of you!

Shira, I appreciate
you defending me,

but not everyone in this
neighborhood is a judgmental,

narrow-minded gossip.
You shouldn't generalize.

All right, there'll be
no more talk about this.

Everybody, go to your rooms,
close your doors.

Your father and I are
gonna talk in private.

Go go go! Go go go!
Everybody go!

I wanna thank you, Raquel,

for being so calm
in this troubling situation.

Are you crazy?!

- Are you out of your mind?!
- It was an accident.

I don't wanna know
about accidents.

I don't want explanations!

Tomorrow, you are going
to Rabbi Menahem,

he will tell you how to behave,
and you will do it!

Sleep on the couch! I don't
want you on my bed tonight.

You know the song from
iddler on the Roof has a line: F

♪ Posing questions
that would make ♪

♪ A rabbi's eyes
go crossed ♪

Look, Moshe,
are my eyes crossing yet?

I'm sorry to bring
disservice to you, Rabbi.

Having known your father,

a good man,
who raised you correctly,

and knowing you have
no history of falsehoods,

I can only assume
this was an accident.

- Yep.
- But...

that leaves me
with the fact

that your recklessness
caused an accident.

And I'm sure

that was not pleasing to Hashem.

You embarrassed a woman,

held her,

so she would not hit
her on the floor.

Yeah.

Well, that leaves me
with a question.

Does that action supersede

the recklessness

of your meshugenah
enthusiasm?

Uh...

Yes.

If the Grand Rabbi Menahem
gave his approval for you

to continue on this strange
journey, so be it.

After all,
I'm a devout wife.

Who am I to argue
with the Grand Rabbi.

So have your strange
adventure, Moshe.

On the couch.

It's okay.

Stay with me, focus.

Focus.

Strong. Balance.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Lead.

Straighter. Balance.

And keep them open.
Keep your frame.

Don't stop.

I can't do this.
They're watching.

The whole time they're
watching. I can't do this.

It's okay, you're gonna get
used to people watching you.

Not these kind of people.

I can't do this.

Maybe tomorrow
you'll see things differently.

I can't do this!

Moshe, you can!

Moshe?

So I am going to get the most
beautiful

I'm gonna get a latke.

My mother is a born baker.

I'm at a loss, Hashem.

You want me
to ask for help?

Please guide me
through this!

Hashem?

Hashem? Hashem?

Hello, Moshe.

Hashem?

Remember me?

- Father Anthony, right?
- That's right.

- May I join you?
- Please.

What brings you
to this neighborhood?

Where else would I go
for good deli?

I love their

- Want one?
- No thank you.

How'd you make out
with your problem?

I followed yours
and Shakespeare's advice.

I found a way
to achieve my goals

without sacrificing
my sacred beliefs.

By dancing
with a balloon.

Between me and a woman.

A balloon?

A marvelous idea.

But there's so many
prying eyes,

waiting for me to fail.

I'm unable to perform.

And I think
that God told me

to ask for help,
which confuses me

because I was
asking him for help.

When I was a young priest,

I had a spiritual problem,

questioning my faith
and my commitment to the cloth.

Frankly, I was
in a deep depression.

But with the right
spiritual guidance

and the help of a very
good Jewish shrink...

I learned that
what had drawn me

to the priesthood,
in the first place,

my desire to help people,
it was a good quality.

It's like... It's like I had
a... had a muscle in one arm

that worked really well.

But in the other arm,
I had a muscle

that had atrophied.

I had to train that muscle
to do its job.

And what job was that?

To be able to ask people
for help.

Moshe... Moshe...

I'm so relieved
you're here.

He's been
like this all day.

I'm having such a problem
with Marina.

She doesn't care if we
have a low-class caterer.

She's crazy!

I don't know what to do.

I need you
to help me find a way

to have a wedding
she deserves.

A wedding that
won't embarrass me.

- I need...
- I can't help you.

I need your help.

Your older brother
needs your help.

For once,
I need your help!

And Rachel...

I need you to trust me.

Yosef, is Moshe
not your dear friend?

Rahamim, what you're asking me
to do could make big problems.

Convincing people Moshe walks in
a storeroom is so out of reason?

Not at all.

Soooo?

How do we convince people

that a young, pretty,
shiksah dancing partner

is just a young, pretty,
shiksah dancing partner.

Mmm.

We got him.

Moshe, thank you for coming.

This is my sister Brenda.

I'm pleased
to meet you, Brenda.

And this is Dara,
of course.

Hi, Dara. Oh boy, you look
as beautiful as your photos.

I am not
gonna stand for this!

I am gonna take Moshe home
right now! I am humiliated!

Do you see what he's doing?

- What's wrong?
- We've got trouble.

Can you take Dara in the back
room and start on homework

and I'll join you
in a second?

I love you, baby.

'Cause this is not my Moshe.
I need to bring him home.

I am Moshe's wife.

Don't talk.

Just listen.

You're very beautiful.

And I don't know
if I can trust you.

But I'm gonna trust Moshe.

And I'm letting him enter
this dance contest with you.

But you can't list him as your
partner. He must have an alias.

Now...

...as you listen
to what I'm telling you

you must act for those two
bearded note-takers out there.

Like what I'm telling you
is upsetting you.

And when Moshe
and I leave,

You must act very upset.

Do you understand?

- Yes.
- Good.

Come on.

Wait.

Your alias,
what do I enter?

Fernando Caliente.

I love it.

I don't know.

I don't know
what he's up to.

You must be Mara's cousin
from Kansas City.

Not very friendly.

Well, if he's unfriendly,
he underestimates

how unfriendly we can be.
Come on.

We've got work to do.

You two are great!

You're gonna impress
a lot of people.

Thank you.
We work very hard for this.

We need to get it to the
point where we can impress

some really tough judges.

We have two weeks
to get better.

Oy. Two weeks?

What's wrong?

- Our costumes.
- Ah! I totally forgot!

Finding a designer now,
going for fittings,

without drawing suspicion?

Oy is right.

Ready, lead. And...

- Good, very good. Much better.
- Thank you.

One more, just
the count, from the beginning.

Chest up, ready.
From the very start.

And lead, lead, lead. Forward,
you wanna go forward. Yes.

Chest strong.

What do you call
that stitch you're making?

Good.

I need to shorten
the pants.

I'll be here longer.

You go and I'll lock up.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Focus.

You know, the costume
you're making for Moshe,

is very inventive.

Thank you.

Your costume
for Viviana...

...drop dead.

Drop dead?

- Okay.
- And back, side.

Then we go around.

I'm sorry I called, uh...

your son...
a... a crook.

Amague.

I'm sorry
I called you crazy.

Actually,
you called me crazy.

Well, when I'm talking about
money, I get a little, uh...

sedrate.

And...

- We start the set?
- Good job, Moshe.

You know, in Russia...

my father, he had
a... a... a clothing business.

You know?

The government,
they took it, they seized it.

And... it killed him.

I hated being poor.

I hated it.

When my husband
got sick...

and then he died,

I still haven't found
what I'm living for.

Okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Here's to the feds
dropping the charges

against my Rahamim.

- Mozel tov.
- Mozel tov.

Maybe you'll grow
your beard again, Rahamim.

Ahh!

Mama, don't push
your luck.

I wanna thank Viviana

for everything
that she's done for my Moshe.

Awww.

But I'm still jealous.

I never had
a best friend before.

Who is that?

You!

And I wanna thank you all
for helping Moshe

and his meshugenah decision
to enter a tango contest.

And this is...
this is to Hashem.

To Hashem.

Dad, they know
you're in the contest tomorrow.

What?!

They know you're tangoing
with Viviana tomorrow.

Everyone's chatting about it.

"Fernando Caliente
is Rabbi Moshe Yehuda."

Someone spotted them.

Mara and I
were shop lookouts.

After that first day,
nobody paid attention.

They had
to find out somehow.

I don't know.

Shira?

Shira, what's wrong, Shira?

She's okay.

Do you wanna talk
about it, sweetheart?

No.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!

I really thought
he loves me.

Who loved you?

David Cohen.

When I told him
about the contest,

I swear,
I was bragging about you.

I didn't think he'd go
and blab about it to everyone.

How old is he?

He's 18.
He's a freshman at Yeshiva.

Do you love him?

Did by any chance you love him
with more than just your heart?

No, except...

What?

I let him kiss me
once on the cheek.

I see.

And now, I hope he flunks
out of college

and becomes a bum on the street.
I hate him! I hate him!

I don't think Hashem would want
his children to hate so much.

Hate should be reserved
for poverty, for injustice.

And maybe one day Yankees
play the Mets.

Well, what about
the contest?

It's gonna be so hard
for you to dance

with all of those judgmental
eyes watching you,

waiting for you
to be unholy.

Hey, it's okay.

Moshe, you need
to get your sleep.

You need your rest
for the contest tomorrow.

It's going to be
so hard to dance

in front of judgmentals,

expecting me to be unholy.

Hashem will see you through.

You think so?

Why not?

Azoy.

Ready to go,
crane in place.

I want all of you
to look at the camera...

All these cameras.

Standby. Good. Over there.

- Gotta go.
- Hot on the set!

All camera's standby.

Camera one, go.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we present our first annual

Tango America contest.

I wanna welcome to this exciting
event all those present here

and our international
television audience.

We are live from Soho
Dance Studio New York City.

I hope my community's
not watching this.

Now, we've assembled
for this competition

some tremendous dancers,

These dancers
are gonna be competing

for $250,000
for first prize,

$150,000 for second prize,

and $50,000
for third prize.

- Stop it!
- You stop!

- Stop!
- Stop it!

Meet our contestants.

The competition
is starting.

Don't feed Rivkah
any more blintzes.

She's gonna get fat.

It's a smidge, a schmechel.

Jose Hernandez

and Ana Parda.

Oy vey iz mir.

What "vey iz mir"?

That's Viviana's best friend
and her ex-boyfriend.

Anti-semites.

What's an anti-semite
look like?

That.

Look how superior
he thinks they are.

He doesn't even know
what we have in store for him

and his new Miss Right.

Pablo and Valeria Churrasco.

and.

anuel and Guadalupe Inglesias. M

and

Facundo Garcia
and Eliana Dominguez.

Oh my God.

They must've been
late entries.

So?

in Argentina.

You said this competition
was gonna be tough.

Yeah, but not this tough.

We don't stand a chance.

We'll see.

My stomach.

Ooh.

Oh wow.

- When are they coming up?
- Soon, baby.

What are you doing?

I'm praying.

Mm. Good.
We need it.

I heard on the street
that Moshe is faltering.

He will sin.

Why?

Why are you hoping
that he sins?

We should be praying
that he doesn't sin.

Now, let us pray.

Ladies and
gentlemen, Fernando Caliente

and Viviana Nieves.

- Where's the balloon?
- Tied to a chair.

Well, go get it! Hurry!

- Where are they?
- I don't know.

If he touches her
just once...

We're gonna kick him out
of the community.

And his whole family.

Ta!

Oh.

- Come on, Moshe! You can do it!
- Look!

- Wow.
- Yes!

Oh, that's my Fernando.

She is beautiful.

I know.

It's a twirling rabbi.

My brother, the
bullfighter. I

can't believe it.

Ladies and
gentlemen, the time has come

to announce the winners
of our contest.

I'm sorry it took
so long for our judges

to make their decision.

But when you hear
the results

I'm sure
you'll understand why.

In third place
and winners of $50,000,

Jose Hernandez
and Ana Parda.

At least they didn't
come out first.

Now, for second place

and winners of $150,000

Manuel
and Guadalupe Inglesias.

Ahhh.

And now, are you ready

for our first place winners?

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

so, here it is.

Are we ready?

It's $250,000. Whoo!

Facundo Garcia
and Eliana Dominguez!

- Give them a hand. Fantastic.
- Oh.

Two outstanding
tango dancers.

Congratulations. Ah, come on,
let's give them a hand, folks.

Congratulations.

Soak it in, folks,
soak it in.

First place prize.
$250,000

for Facundo Garcia
and Eliana Dominguez.

Let's hear it for them.

Whoo!

Oh, okay. Uh...

Okay.

Wow.

Well, ladies and gentlemen,
it appears

that I have to make
one more announcement.

And it's probably the reason
why our judges took so long

to make their decision.

Our producers
and sponsors have decided

For this event,
and all future events,

there will be
a fourth award.

And it will be given
to dancers

who take tango into
inventive directions. Wow.

That award will be $100,000.

And this year,

the award goes to...

Fernando Caliente...

Moshe!

Sorry!

Yes!

Where are they?

There they are.

Come on. Come on, you guys.
Come on, that's you!

Oh my goodness.

- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.

That's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you guys.

Give 'em all a hand.
That's fantastic.

- Fred Astaire.
- No, Susan. Gene Kelly.

Hanna, like Fred Astaire.

- It's a Gene Kelly situation!
- Sorry! No! No!

Thank you.

Whooo!

You're a true inspiration.

I try.

This is the greatest
wedding ever.

Who needs the Waldorf Astoria
Grand Ballroom anyway, huh?

Aww.

There you go.
For you, my little sweetie pie.

- Aw, no crying. Come on.
- Let's dance.

Thank you for having Rahamim
invite us to the wedding.

That was very compassionate,
Rabbi Yehuda.

Mozel tov, Moshe.
It's a beautiful wedding.

And our children are enjoying
your school. Right, Mendel?

I've got ideas
how to make it better.

I think we've got
a new partner.

Did Rahamim give you
the letter and the present

- that I received?
- Yes.

We were just
about to studying it.

"Dear Moshe..."

on heading of your
successful dancing

without sacrificing
your beliefs.

And I thank
your brother Rahamim

for inviting me
to his wedding celebration,

which, like the tango contest,
I cannot attend

because of
my religious beliefs.

I offer Rahamim
and his bride Marina

my best wishes.

And I include a gift
that is symbolic

of the oneness
of all people...

"...and respect
for their differences."

Imam Ahmed.

A banana?

Peel the banana.
Peel the banana.

Each peel represents...

A different religion!

But the important
thing is...

- The banana!
- The banana.

The banana.

I feel bad for Viviana.

She's such a good person.

She deserves some mozel.

I don't think we have to
worry about Viviana's mozel.

Aww.

Look, Moshe.

That balloon.

It's dancing by itself.

No.

It's not dancing by itself.