Tango (1993) - full transcript
Vincent, a stunt pilot, is acquitted of murdering his wife and her lover. However, a few years later, L'Elegant, the Judge in the case, comes to blackmail him. The Judge's nephew, Paul, is having trouble with his wife and they demand that Vincent kill her. The Judge, a confirmed bachelor, takes Paul and Vincent on the road to search for Paul's wife Marie. The three men get on well together, and spend their time discussing their relationship with women.
Clear off, idiot!
Get it up!
See? It's easy
You're crazy. Are you blind?
Moron! Cretin!
You're out of yourtiny mind
Turn that damn music off
You're an arsehole
Vincent, don't push me too far
All I ask is a bit of courtesy
Show some respect, or else
Clearly respect is Greek to you
It won't go in yourthick skull
Look at me
M. Lefort? I didn't see you
You look well
What a lovely day
Watch out, I'm starting up
That bastard
He's sick, plain sick
Is it only to annoy me or
does it amuse him?
I'm coming
Don't. Not yet
Hell, it's good
When's your husband back?
He's up there, we're safe
- It's me
- I know. I heard you
- Having a bath?
- I felt sticky
There's a funny smell in here
Really? What kind of smell?
That's odd, it's like sperm
Ah, I know
It's that new floor polish
Just you and me, great isn't it?
Yes, it's wonderful
Look at this landscape
You should see it from the air
I often think of you up there
Me too, I often think of you
I try to imagine you.
If you're bored?
Me bored? Never.
No, I'm always busy
Good, I'd hate you to be bored
My love
Shit!
It's not him
It's not Vincent's writing
You said he didn't suspect
Yes, but now I'm scared
I swear, he tried to kill me
I think I'd better disappear.
I won't phone you either
What d'you mean "chicken"?
I can't risk my life for a f...
"Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women"
Oh my God
"Happy anniversary, my love.
Meet me at the airfield
"I've a surprise.
Love you, Vincent"
Darling, please forgive me
- What d'you mean?
- Let me explain
Explain what? That I've become
a workaholic?
Blind to his wife's needs?
Is that what you want to say?
No need to, H?l?ne. I know
It's I who should apologize.
But I'm going to change
You won't recognize me
It's ourwedding anniversary.
I'll take you up for a spin
I'll show you something new
Look, my love. Our house
You've never seen this view
Isn't it beautiful?
To celebrate our anniversary,
we'll loop the loop
It's fun
I've cut your seat-belt
When we're upside down,
out you go
Not cross?
I loved you so much
Goodbye, my love
Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
or not guilty...
...of killing Mariano Escobar
in a car crash?
The jury finds him not guilty
Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
or not guilty...
...of killing H?l?ne Baraduc,
his wife?
The jury finds him not guilty
Consequently, Vincent Baraduc,
you're a free man
No "buts". You're free, old chap.
It's as simple as that
Thanks for not wearing a bra
When a woman's not wearing one,
you can imagine her naked
It's very arousing, believe me
But when she's undressing,
it's best if she wears one
So she's not naked too soon
It prolongs the pleasure. See?
Just imagine the thrill...
...of slipping a bra strap
over a bronzed shoulder...
...or solving the puzzle of
a new fastener
They make such gorgeous things
nowadays in ladies' lingerie
I've a confession to make
I can't resist women who wear
'Jicky' perfume
- Even if they're ugly?
- That's what's incredible
Women who wear 'Jicky'
are never ugly
When I met my wife, for example.
One whiff, and I was in love
You're married?
It's awful. I'm here with you,
yet I still love my wife
But looking at you, I wish
I were a widower
Yes, life would be simpler if
she were run over by a bus
See the problem?
Monsieur, yourwife has been
run over by a bus
82 francs. Can I settle up?
Marie?
Hello, dear. Had a good day?
Marie, for God's sake.
This is serious
No, it's not serious.
I'm not in love
Sorry, let me introduce you.
Paul, my husband. Monsieur...?
Monsieur Gora brought me home
in his taxi
- You can't do this
- I can, because I am
You're just doing it
to hurt me
Yes, just to hurt you.
It's my turn
Stop it
Stop it, please
Paul, imagine going into
a tea-room
lmagine seeing me with a stranger,
fondling his fly and saying:
"How divine, no underpants
"And yet, it's so arousing
taking off a man's pants"
What would you do? Sit down
at ourtable, smiling
And order a cup of tea?
Ah, I get it now.
I hardly know that girl
- I've not even fucked her
- Pity. Lots of others, I bet
Forgive me, Marie.
I'm a full-time creep
I only realize how much I need you
when I'm with anotherwoman
Forgive me
I'm leaving. I'm sick of this
Don't go. Don't spoil things
I've forgiven you 100 times
I'm tired. I've had enough
Sorry we didn't finish
Goodbye, Paul
God, what a fool I am
If you don't mind, I'll be off.
You don't need me now
Good riddance!
About time too, Marie
I can breathe again. Thanks
That's right, you tell her.
Women are bitches or nymphos
Take yourwife, for example
She hails my cab,
she brings me here
She doesn't ask my name,
or offer me a drink
And the end result?
What a let-down
Listen. Normally, I'm a
quiet sort of bloke
But right now, I'm pissed off,
exceedingly pissed off
So, do me a favour
Go home to your monkey house
and be nice to your family. OK?
Sandrine?
It's me
There you are, silly
So, had a good day?
Bored all alone, aren't you?
Fine. You sit and sulk.
I'll make dinner
And when I say "dinner"
I mean dinner
Dinner!
Did you iron my shirts?
Only joking, I know it's not
your job
Let's see what's on TV
Never lift a finger, do you?
Still, that's how I like you.
Sweet and silent
If I belch and fart,
you don't complain
Nor if I forget to put on
my slippers
I put my feet on the table,
forget the shopping...
...stay in bed till noon...
...go to the Motor Show,
smile at married women...
...and you never rant and rave,
or make snide remarks
You leave me in peace
I do the same for you
You're a great girl
I dreamed of being single.
No ties. Free to do as I like
But she's been gone a month and
I've no desire to do anything
It's always like that
But people get over lovers' tiffs
Not this one. I can't forget her,
I'm obsessed
She's always on my mind
She's more present than ever
Some days I wish her dead
You said it, not me
- Sure it's here?
- Yes
- You do the talking
- If you like
- He may tell us to get lost
- I doubt it
Like the cut?
- The cut? D'you like it?
- Fine
In court they call me Elegance
That him?
Yes
It's fishy
Really? Why's that?
He has no line
So?
I don't trust him
Paul, you're nice but spineless
I hope you never find
a four-leaf clover
Hello. Any luck?
My name's Fran?ois de Nemours.
But people call me Elegance
- I'm Paul, his nephew
- Bully for you
- Remember me?
- Should I?
Well, you might. But we're not
here to test your memory
We're here with a job offer
- I'm retired
- I know
This is a job you can't refuse
Killing this man's wife
What do you think?
Frankly, I think nothing
Or rather, that you're crazy
and I'm normal
So, you loonies take a walk,
while we normal folk fish
- Without a line?
- That's right, without a line
Fish don't bug me, I don't bug them.
Life's easierthat way
Forgive me insisting but you're
missing the point
What we said was, it's a job
you can't refuse
So, I repeat my uncle's question.
What d'you think?
I'm cold, let's go in
I show you my wife, you kill her,
you come back, everyone's happy
- Where's the problem?
- I'm not a hit-man
We know. That's why we're not
paying you
- What will make me?
- Not much. Close your eyes
Look. Imagine you're in
a time machine
"Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
of killing his wife H?l?ne?
"The jury finds him not guilty.
Vincent Baraduc, you're free"
- Ring a bell, pal?
- We're pals?
We soon will be.
Why waste time?
When you stood trial for killing
yourwife and her lover...
...I slightly misled the jury
so you would be acquitted
- I sat on some experts' reports
- Why?
In my book, wife-killing
isn't really murder
And I thought one day I might
need a guy like you
And today's the day!
If you refuse,
I order a retrial
In common parlance...
We have you by the goolies
Those reports prove you guilty,
so if I dig them out...
Oops, twenty years in jail
What d'you say?
Got a photo of yourwife?
Damn, she's beautiful
That doesn't help
She'll be there
Yes, women always run home
to their mums
- Been to Valence?
- No
It's charming. See, we even
take you sightseeing
You really can't complain
You're quiet
Living alone shrinks your vocab
You're not alone now. We're here
Listen, we really like you
You sulking will spoil the trip
Want a sweet? Strawberry, lemon,
pineapple?
- Whatever... pineapple
- Good choice
Trouble is, the lemon paper looks
the same, and I hate lemon
Got any other music?
I only like this
Sensual, isn't it?
And fatalistic
Does it have to be so loud?
Yes, the volume knob's bust
What the hell's that?
What happened?
We're lucky to be alive
Why kill yourwife?
She stops me living
I was married forten years,
now I want play
But I can't. You're free of
yourwife
No questions asked
I want the same. No questions
That's stupid.
All women stop men living
If everyone did like you,
there'd be no pussy left
We don't say kill them all
Just the ones who bother us
personally
The ones we're fool enough
to live with
You're in no position to argue
I don't count, I've never
been married
- Never had sex?
- 'Course. That's not the same
My grandpa said "A good hand job
beats a bad marriage"
He mimed it as he spoke
It made my grandma cry,
but I thought he was right
How can we help wondering if
they're wearing bras?
Or admiring a pretty bum
in a summer skirt?
Can I help it if women
wear perfume?
With Marie...
- My wife's name was Marie
- "Was"? She's not dead
In my mind you've killed her
Marie and I had some great times,
but I rememberthe bad ones
One shitty minute blots out
a week's joy
A bit of friction degenerates
into an argument
They watch us, smiling,
waiting for mistakes
Like refs with a yellow card
Women are just a pain in the arse
I disagree. I adore all women
As long as we don't live with them
Just look at that couple
What did he do to deserve her?
He had friends, life was good
She spread her legs, and he traded
his life for a moment's pleasure
It's obvious. Men and women
weren't made to live together
We try, we hope
But we're made for a quick
wham, bam and goodbye...
...before we get hooked
The joke is everybody knows it
Look at your parents, friends
But everyone thinks they can
beat the odds
That's how couples get married
and end up hating each other
You know how to depress a guy
The worst thing is, I agree
Of course you do. Look at them
With three kids, he's had it.
No more escape, no more fun
And those two have bickered for
150 years without giving an inch
See that little twit there
Panting afterthe waitress because
she wiggled her bum at him
That one there interests me
A nice girl stuck with a creep
lmagine a lifetime with him
He'll have affairs with sluts...
...just to prove something...
...while he has a treasure at home
Look at his hands. Pig hands
How many fannies has he groped?
Disgusting!
Don't exaggerate
You'd have her pulling a gun and
shooting her pig dead, that it?
Once, ages ago, although it...
Shit!
Paul, the car
Vincent, the girl. Nobody move
Ladies and gentlemen. I'm a judge.
It was self-defence
You saw and heard nothing.
It's a bad dream
Step on it
The volume knob's broken
Tango's fatalistic, isn't it?
Like a sweet?
Take one. The pineapple...
...is delicious
Here's a joke
Look at us three
A is going to kill B's wife
underthe kindly eye of C
Guess who's the killer?
And who'll be the widower?
Why kill anyone's wife?
I can't forget her
They asked me to do it
You're a killer?
No more than you are
See? We've that in common
My name's Madeleine
Pretty name, Madeleine.
It suits you
- Was he your husband?
- Yes
- Know what the law says?
- Not exactly, but I can guess
- Are you afraid?
- Yes, a bit
My husband didn't exist for me.
Shooting a ghost isn't a crime
Why did a girl like you marry
a guy like that?
Maybe because I was bored.
He sometimes made me laugh
He didn't always drink beer,
he weighed 20 kilos less
Then one day, eating fish fingers,
you take out a gun and kill him
Why today?
What good's a man who doesn't
want children?
Can I ask you a favour?
Will one of you make me pregnant?
I'm ovulating today
He's stupid. He'll never even
see the baby
- Are you jealous?
- Not at all
I imagine them behind a bush
Her, thighs wide, smiling
Him, going in and out, white bum
bobbing in the grass...
...fondling her breasts
I couldn't have fucked her
How d'you get a girl pregnant
with yourwife on your back?
He does as he pleases.
I can't. It pisses me off
Thank you
- All right?
- Yes, it's been ages
How d'you know it'll work?
You don't know till you try
Once, ages ago, although it
feels like yesterday...
...I hosted a dinnerwith all the
women I'd loved but nevertold
Some knew each other, but none
knew why they were there
I explained that at some point
I'd loved each one of them
But I hadn't told them for
fear of ruining my life
Most, being unhappily married,
fully understood
I looked them all over.
Frankly, I had no regrets
- Did you leave yourwife?
- No, she left me last month
So why kill her if she's
off your back?
She's right
No, I can't bear her being alive
without me
She may be having fun, she's with
another man... maybe several
You don't understand
I understand perfectly.
You still love yourwife
So? I hate it when she's there.
When she's gone, I miss her
At least when she's dead...
Sensual music, isn't it?
You dance well for a misogynist
Who says I'm a misogynist?
I love women, I don't want
to live with one
Why not?
Maybe I'm afraid I won't make
the grade. Who knows?
So, how shall I kill her?
Yourwife, how shall I do it?
Search me. I've no idea
Neither have I. You're the client.
You choose
What do I do? Strangle her?
Stab her in the guts?
Poison?
Set her alight?
Well? Decapitate her?
Chain-saw?
You're depressing me
Tell me, will this kill a woman
at point-blank range?
We'll take it. How much?
No ammo?
Yes, you're right.
The necessary, please
I fish without a line so I shoot
without bullets, eh?
Skip the gift wrap.
It's for now
Don't mind him. He's like that.
Bit of a joker
Goodbye, Vincent
Like it?
I'm staying here
I got a job in the dress shop
where I bought this
With luck, I'll be forgotten
Not by everybody
Not everybody
Madeleine's going. She's bored.
She'd rather sell dresses
- We'll miss her
- So soon?
You dance well. We could've tried
foxtrot, paso doble, bossa nova
Well, let's say goodbye and
skip the platitudes
Thanks for everything
- Will I know if you're pregnant?
- No, it'll be my secret
Goodbye, Madeleine.
And stay away from creeps
Promise
Step on it
Quick, I'm weakening
Prevention is betterthan cure
Hello, I'm a friend of Marie.
I was in the area...
...so I was wondering if...
If Paul sent you, tell that shitface
to deliver his own messages
No offence...
...but if he's a friend...
...I don't envy you
Well?
- Did you like Marie's mum?
- Very much. Why?
Nothing. She likes you too.
But yourwife's not there
- Where is she?
- Too far for us to find
Nice meeting you. I'm off home.
You should go too
Want to see your file?
It's fascinating
20 years, minimum
If I'm on form, it'd be 30.
30 years at your age...
- You're bluffing
- Think so?
I wouldn't risk it. We still
have you by the goolies
We agreed to kill my nephew's
wife, and we'll do it
She's a million miles away
Why bother finding her?
She's gone for good
- She ditched you. Forget her
- No way
A living wife, wherever she is,
is always a threat
So, where is she?
In Africa with
'"M?decins Sans Fronti?res'"
The bitch!
She's screwing a doc
Well, you know what they say
"Doctors Without Borders.
Nurses without knickers"
So the three of us set off,
bound for Africa
North orSouth?
We didn't care
Trouble was, ever since I
lost my wife looping the loop...
... I swore I'd never again
get in a plane
It seems ludicrous driving down
to Africa in a station wagon
Were we in so little hurry to kill
Paul's wife? Perhaps
The truth was we got on well
together
We didn't want to break up
too soon
It was like a holiday
Days without schedules,
silence without nagging...
... vulgarity without guilt...
... the promise of good times,
without women
We haven't come very far
What's the rush? In a hurry
to be widowed?
What a waste. That waitress
What a waste
An angel
I knew a place where the waitress
was the owner's wife
One day he asked her not to wear
any knickers
It turned him on thinking of her
waiting on tables like that
Somehow the word got out and
the restaurant was packed
She was a beauty and the thought
of her bare bum turned us on, too
Funny, eh?
D'you think she does the same?
- Men are one-track minded
- Aren't you?
Of course, that's how I know
men are one-track minded
Sandrine, stop driving me crazy
You know my name?
You're really called Sandrine?
I've never been so moved
Think of all those bedrooms.
Mine's 212. Will you come?
Perhaps
My cat's called Sandrine.
She's pretty too
Thank you
- I don't think she'll come
- Why not?
You didn't do it right
Did you sleep around?
A bit. Actually... not much
- But when she's dead, I will
- How very male
They think if they were single
they'd fuck non-stop. Crap!
Look at all these guys dying to
get laid tonight
But none will make a move
Like to bet?
Pick any single woman here,
the prettierthe better
In underthree minutes
I'll get her upstairs
If I fail, you can go home
That one
Excuse me, Madame, may I
sit down for a minute?
Be my guest
I'm with two friends overthere,
and we made this stupid bet
I bet them I could sit down
at yourtable...
...and within three minutes...
...we'd walk out of the restaurant
and up to your room
So would you walk out of here
up to the first floorwith me?
I'd like to win my bet
Your bet's so unrealistic
it's ludicrous
How could a man like you seduce
a woman like me so fast?
I know, but I can't back out.
I've bet a lot of money
All right. I've finished my meal.
You can escort me out. Let's go
Not yet. It must be plausible.
I said three minutes
As you wish. Let's chat
- Do you come here often?
- No, not very
Me neither
It's very hot forthis time
of year, don't you think?
Yes, but... this is the South
Well, I think... that should do it.
Shall we go?
- What do you know!
- That you're not going home
No, please, let's use the stairs.
So I can be with you longer
My room's on the third floor.
Can you face all those stairs?
Yes, willingly
It's a shame it's just a bet
If I had the nerve to seduce you,
we'd be climbing these stairs...
...and I'd be admiring your legs,
your behind...
And aren't you?
Yes, but it's all for nothing
I could have described
your swaying hips...
...memorized your undulating back...
...basked in your perfume
Paul's taken care of, I may be
lucky with the waitress
What about you, my poor friend?
I'm going to order dessert,
a huge one, maybe two
Then I'll have a brandy from
the mini-bar
And watch a porno film
on cable TV
Know what? I'll probably be
the happiest of the three
We would have reached the
third floor
Not out of breath because
we'd have walked up slowly
We'd have gone down the corridor
Good evening Madame, Monsieur
We'd have reached my room
I'd have put my key in the lock,
and opened it
Well, goodbye and thank you
You've beaten your friends.
But you can't quit now
I've made a bet, too
I can't tell you what it is
forthe moment. Come in
Look, I'd love to but...
I'm married, soon to be widowed
I'm married too. You know,
everybody is these days
But... I can't see my husband,
nor yourwife
- Oh, it's you. What's up?
- Get dressed
- What time is it?
- 5.30
Paul's not in his room.
Don't like it
- Where is he?
- I've no idea
But I said I don't like it.
That's all
Maintenance here. There's
a leak in your bathroom
Paul, we've a long drive ahead.
Be downstairs in 6 minutes
Was it good?
Was it good?
Forgive me, but it's my wife
you've been screwing...
...forthe past six hours
So I wondered if it was good
- Yourwife?
- Didn't she say?
She's ashamed of me,
she always has been
We've been married for 20 years
I was never good enough
But I can't live without her
What would become of me?
I'm boring you
Not at all. But I'm in a hurry,
my uncle's waiting
Her family's rich, she rents
hotel rooms forthe year
I work as a bellboy just to be
near her
Bellboy, at my age!
Lmagine it
Each year a different hotel
Cannes, Biarritz, Deauville -
I forget where else
Always luxurious places.
She loves luxury
Well, you saw her room.
Superb, isn't it?
But don't let me keep you
How many lovers has she had?
I'd say 200, maybe more
Next morning I do the room,
change the warm fragrant sheets
I don't airthe room; to savour
the scents of her night
Sometimes she's in the shower
I hearthe water streaming over
her body
I'll be changing the sheets
you screwed her in
- Did you make a lot of mess?
- Not too much
- Look, I'm sorry
- Don't be. It's my fault
I made the best of a bad job.
I deserve it, I assure you
- Which is your room?
- 417
Nice room. You should see
the staff quarters
Well, here's your room
I've considered suicide,
but what would happen to her?
Goodbye, Monsieur
I won't ask "Was it good"?
No, don't ask
I won't ask you, either
No, don't
In case you're wondering,
and despite appearances...
...for me it was good
OK, I lost the bet so I still
have to kill yourwife
But what's the point?
She didn't stop you screwing
last night. Be logical
No! You can't be logical
with women
Why do we fall in and out of love
with them?
I just want to understand
You can't. And that's that
What the hell's he up to?
You ran out of petrol, OK
But when we flip a coin and
the old boy loses...
...you grumble that he's slow
That's a bit much!
Here he is
Shit! My wife.
She was in that truck
I swear. Marie was in the truck,
next to the driver
- You dreamed it
- I did not. I saw it
Marie ran off with a lorry driver.
Come on
- Will someone explain?
- No. Get in
Paul saw his wife in a lorry
that went past
Marie?
Yes, Marie. I've only got
one wife
So "nursing the poor" in Africa
means humping truckers
What a nit I am
Hey, watch out!
Shut up
I'm OK. I'll teach that shitface
Cool it, Paul, don't get excited
I'm cool as ice. Who's excited?
Marie, get down
You don't scare me
But I'm not after you.
I want my wife
I want her out here. Now!
Should we help?
No... we do nothing
D'you hear, Marie? Get out
Get the fuck out
What d'you want with my girl?
I thought you were in Africa
I'm going. He's giving me a lift
This ape?
Lunatic
I'm talking to my wife
Yourwife? The guy's a comedian.
That's rich
Marie, let's start again.
Forgive me
Come back
Please
No, Paul, it's over. I'm sorry.
We can't go backwards
I'll brain him
Come on. Don't be afraid
Stop it. You're grotesque
Get him, Raymond.
Beat him to a pulp
- Grab my chick, eh?
- It's all a mistake
Fancy her, do you?
He mistook your lady
Ah, now he says she looks like
any old bird?
Go on, Raymond, kill them
Hang on tight
Next time you see yourwife
in a car or a UFO...
...keep it to yourself, OK?
So I made a mistake
That's an understatement.
You're off your head
Step on it
I won't rest until we shake off
that loony
My foot's right down
Shit
So long, you fags
- What year is your car?
- '70
Are spare parts easy to get?
This is stupid
Your uncle talked you into it.
Now you can't back out, can you?
You're killing yourwife
to please your uncle
Odd kind of family spirit
- That's not the point
- I know it's not
Look at me. I killed my wife.
Did it make me happier? No
Call it off. It's forthe best
Let's stop. Hey, Elegance!
Listen to Paul
Tell him, you'll feel better
Look, I've been thinking
I can see that from your face
You don't want to kill Marie.
You had a revelation...
...at the roadside
OK, I agree. You're right
Here, let me show you something
Pascal Labadie, 36, surgeon
Pierre Lassalle, 32, anaesthetist
And how about Alain Gosset?
Age 30, nurse. Nice-looking, eh?
- What's all this?
- Nothing
Just showing you Marie's colleagues.
Which one do you prefer?
No, I mean which one will Marie
prefer for starting a new life?
To father her children?
Get the picture?
It's unbearable, isn't it?
Listen to my nephew
He's been thinking. About Marie.
It's still on
Shit. Fuck. God damn it!
What's wrong, son? Cracking up?
Yes, I'm sick of this shit.
We kill her, we don't, we do
She's the end of the world,
we've no car, yet we carry on
Just look at the three of us
At what? Three men hitch-hiking
on a sunny day. What's wrong?
What's wrong is, even if an idiot
finally gives us a lift...
...we cram ourselves in an Avis
rent-a-car...
...and next week we're still
in southern Spain
lt'll take years to widow you
I'm sick of this shit
Want to kill her? Let's do it
Is there an airfield nearby?
Move over. Get the hell in
Didn't you quit flying?
This is an emergency
Remember how it works?
I'll soon find out
Shouldn't we gain height?
I can't
Technical problem?
Personal problem
Vertigo
Well, you get a better view
If we crash, it's not farto fall
Is it her? Sure this time?
- No second thoughts?
- It's too late forthat
- OK?
- Yes, I'm fine
I loaded the gun with blanks
- Idiot! Why do that?
- Don't know. I just did
I've a hunch you loaded blanks
Am I right?
Why come all this way?
Leave it to me. I'm right
- Are you Marie?
- Yes
Your husband Paul sent me
He asked me to kill you.
I don't want to
But for complicated reasons,
I can't refuse
I see. But I really don't know
what to say
Ready?
There. You're a free man
Like it?
Brill
And your friend?
She wants to be an air hostess
Well? Was it fun?
You won't do that in a 747
Sure you don't want to be
a pilot?
I'm sure
- See you Sunday
- 'Bye
What a lovely age
Yes, too bad they grow up
Coffee, cream, biscuits...
...sponge, p?t?, Ajax...
- Coming shopping?
- No, Paul's staying
I'm teaching him apple tart.
It's fortonight
With a scoop of vanilla.
Never forget the vanilla
See you later
This is the life
Even in autumn it's still warm
If it does get a bit chilly...
...we'll light a fire and
you'll play the guitar
Cheer up, I'm only kidding
lt'll be great, you'll see
We'll eat fat meat, chicken skin,
buttered potatoes
We'll get fat, but who cares?
We've only ourselves to please
There'll be just us
We'll tell dirty jokes...
...allow swearwords in Scrabble,
hold dick contests
We'll fart when we want
You know... about Marie
I wonder...
I wonder, that's all
Don't worry, lad. It'll pass.
It always does
Hello. How are you?
What the hell are you doing?
You're mad
D'you want to ruin everything?
I won't. Don't worry
I just want to know something
Now I'm dead, is Paul happier?
It's hard to say
You may not like this
But yes, he's doing alright
He gets a bit depressed but
not for long. It's OK
Ever mention me?
Or rather, yes
Sometimes. In his sleep
So you didn't tell him?
Will you?
I don't think so
What's your name?
Goodbye, Vincent
Yourturn, Vincent
Yourwife was beautiful.
I forgot to tell you
I know. Why say that?
I think of her. I wonder if we
did the right thing
I mean, if I hadn't killed her
and she'd returned to France...
...she might've tracked you down
to see how you are without her
She might've moved here
We might've met in the supermarket
She might've wanted to come back
At least we'd be four for Scrabble
That's why I was wondering
Even when they're dead,
they're a pain in the arse
Get it up!
See? It's easy
You're crazy. Are you blind?
Moron! Cretin!
You're out of yourtiny mind
Turn that damn music off
You're an arsehole
Vincent, don't push me too far
All I ask is a bit of courtesy
Show some respect, or else
Clearly respect is Greek to you
It won't go in yourthick skull
Look at me
M. Lefort? I didn't see you
You look well
What a lovely day
Watch out, I'm starting up
That bastard
He's sick, plain sick
Is it only to annoy me or
does it amuse him?
I'm coming
Don't. Not yet
Hell, it's good
When's your husband back?
He's up there, we're safe
- It's me
- I know. I heard you
- Having a bath?
- I felt sticky
There's a funny smell in here
Really? What kind of smell?
That's odd, it's like sperm
Ah, I know
It's that new floor polish
Just you and me, great isn't it?
Yes, it's wonderful
Look at this landscape
You should see it from the air
I often think of you up there
Me too, I often think of you
I try to imagine you.
If you're bored?
Me bored? Never.
No, I'm always busy
Good, I'd hate you to be bored
My love
Shit!
It's not him
It's not Vincent's writing
You said he didn't suspect
Yes, but now I'm scared
I swear, he tried to kill me
I think I'd better disappear.
I won't phone you either
What d'you mean "chicken"?
I can't risk my life for a f...
"Hail Mary, full of grace.
Blessed art thou among women"
Oh my God
"Happy anniversary, my love.
Meet me at the airfield
"I've a surprise.
Love you, Vincent"
Darling, please forgive me
- What d'you mean?
- Let me explain
Explain what? That I've become
a workaholic?
Blind to his wife's needs?
Is that what you want to say?
No need to, H?l?ne. I know
It's I who should apologize.
But I'm going to change
You won't recognize me
It's ourwedding anniversary.
I'll take you up for a spin
I'll show you something new
Look, my love. Our house
You've never seen this view
Isn't it beautiful?
To celebrate our anniversary,
we'll loop the loop
It's fun
I've cut your seat-belt
When we're upside down,
out you go
Not cross?
I loved you so much
Goodbye, my love
Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
or not guilty...
...of killing Mariano Escobar
in a car crash?
The jury finds him not guilty
Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
or not guilty...
...of killing H?l?ne Baraduc,
his wife?
The jury finds him not guilty
Consequently, Vincent Baraduc,
you're a free man
No "buts". You're free, old chap.
It's as simple as that
Thanks for not wearing a bra
When a woman's not wearing one,
you can imagine her naked
It's very arousing, believe me
But when she's undressing,
it's best if she wears one
So she's not naked too soon
It prolongs the pleasure. See?
Just imagine the thrill...
...of slipping a bra strap
over a bronzed shoulder...
...or solving the puzzle of
a new fastener
They make such gorgeous things
nowadays in ladies' lingerie
I've a confession to make
I can't resist women who wear
'Jicky' perfume
- Even if they're ugly?
- That's what's incredible
Women who wear 'Jicky'
are never ugly
When I met my wife, for example.
One whiff, and I was in love
You're married?
It's awful. I'm here with you,
yet I still love my wife
But looking at you, I wish
I were a widower
Yes, life would be simpler if
she were run over by a bus
See the problem?
Monsieur, yourwife has been
run over by a bus
82 francs. Can I settle up?
Marie?
Hello, dear. Had a good day?
Marie, for God's sake.
This is serious
No, it's not serious.
I'm not in love
Sorry, let me introduce you.
Paul, my husband. Monsieur...?
Monsieur Gora brought me home
in his taxi
- You can't do this
- I can, because I am
You're just doing it
to hurt me
Yes, just to hurt you.
It's my turn
Stop it
Stop it, please
Paul, imagine going into
a tea-room
lmagine seeing me with a stranger,
fondling his fly and saying:
"How divine, no underpants
"And yet, it's so arousing
taking off a man's pants"
What would you do? Sit down
at ourtable, smiling
And order a cup of tea?
Ah, I get it now.
I hardly know that girl
- I've not even fucked her
- Pity. Lots of others, I bet
Forgive me, Marie.
I'm a full-time creep
I only realize how much I need you
when I'm with anotherwoman
Forgive me
I'm leaving. I'm sick of this
Don't go. Don't spoil things
I've forgiven you 100 times
I'm tired. I've had enough
Sorry we didn't finish
Goodbye, Paul
God, what a fool I am
If you don't mind, I'll be off.
You don't need me now
Good riddance!
About time too, Marie
I can breathe again. Thanks
That's right, you tell her.
Women are bitches or nymphos
Take yourwife, for example
She hails my cab,
she brings me here
She doesn't ask my name,
or offer me a drink
And the end result?
What a let-down
Listen. Normally, I'm a
quiet sort of bloke
But right now, I'm pissed off,
exceedingly pissed off
So, do me a favour
Go home to your monkey house
and be nice to your family. OK?
Sandrine?
It's me
There you are, silly
So, had a good day?
Bored all alone, aren't you?
Fine. You sit and sulk.
I'll make dinner
And when I say "dinner"
I mean dinner
Dinner!
Did you iron my shirts?
Only joking, I know it's not
your job
Let's see what's on TV
Never lift a finger, do you?
Still, that's how I like you.
Sweet and silent
If I belch and fart,
you don't complain
Nor if I forget to put on
my slippers
I put my feet on the table,
forget the shopping...
...stay in bed till noon...
...go to the Motor Show,
smile at married women...
...and you never rant and rave,
or make snide remarks
You leave me in peace
I do the same for you
You're a great girl
I dreamed of being single.
No ties. Free to do as I like
But she's been gone a month and
I've no desire to do anything
It's always like that
But people get over lovers' tiffs
Not this one. I can't forget her,
I'm obsessed
She's always on my mind
She's more present than ever
Some days I wish her dead
You said it, not me
- Sure it's here?
- Yes
- You do the talking
- If you like
- He may tell us to get lost
- I doubt it
Like the cut?
- The cut? D'you like it?
- Fine
In court they call me Elegance
That him?
Yes
It's fishy
Really? Why's that?
He has no line
So?
I don't trust him
Paul, you're nice but spineless
I hope you never find
a four-leaf clover
Hello. Any luck?
My name's Fran?ois de Nemours.
But people call me Elegance
- I'm Paul, his nephew
- Bully for you
- Remember me?
- Should I?
Well, you might. But we're not
here to test your memory
We're here with a job offer
- I'm retired
- I know
This is a job you can't refuse
Killing this man's wife
What do you think?
Frankly, I think nothing
Or rather, that you're crazy
and I'm normal
So, you loonies take a walk,
while we normal folk fish
- Without a line?
- That's right, without a line
Fish don't bug me, I don't bug them.
Life's easierthat way
Forgive me insisting but you're
missing the point
What we said was, it's a job
you can't refuse
So, I repeat my uncle's question.
What d'you think?
I'm cold, let's go in
I show you my wife, you kill her,
you come back, everyone's happy
- Where's the problem?
- I'm not a hit-man
We know. That's why we're not
paying you
- What will make me?
- Not much. Close your eyes
Look. Imagine you're in
a time machine
"Is Vincent Baraduc guilty
of killing his wife H?l?ne?
"The jury finds him not guilty.
Vincent Baraduc, you're free"
- Ring a bell, pal?
- We're pals?
We soon will be.
Why waste time?
When you stood trial for killing
yourwife and her lover...
...I slightly misled the jury
so you would be acquitted
- I sat on some experts' reports
- Why?
In my book, wife-killing
isn't really murder
And I thought one day I might
need a guy like you
And today's the day!
If you refuse,
I order a retrial
In common parlance...
We have you by the goolies
Those reports prove you guilty,
so if I dig them out...
Oops, twenty years in jail
What d'you say?
Got a photo of yourwife?
Damn, she's beautiful
That doesn't help
She'll be there
Yes, women always run home
to their mums
- Been to Valence?
- No
It's charming. See, we even
take you sightseeing
You really can't complain
You're quiet
Living alone shrinks your vocab
You're not alone now. We're here
Listen, we really like you
You sulking will spoil the trip
Want a sweet? Strawberry, lemon,
pineapple?
- Whatever... pineapple
- Good choice
Trouble is, the lemon paper looks
the same, and I hate lemon
Got any other music?
I only like this
Sensual, isn't it?
And fatalistic
Does it have to be so loud?
Yes, the volume knob's bust
What the hell's that?
What happened?
We're lucky to be alive
Why kill yourwife?
She stops me living
I was married forten years,
now I want play
But I can't. You're free of
yourwife
No questions asked
I want the same. No questions
That's stupid.
All women stop men living
If everyone did like you,
there'd be no pussy left
We don't say kill them all
Just the ones who bother us
personally
The ones we're fool enough
to live with
You're in no position to argue
I don't count, I've never
been married
- Never had sex?
- 'Course. That's not the same
My grandpa said "A good hand job
beats a bad marriage"
He mimed it as he spoke
It made my grandma cry,
but I thought he was right
How can we help wondering if
they're wearing bras?
Or admiring a pretty bum
in a summer skirt?
Can I help it if women
wear perfume?
With Marie...
- My wife's name was Marie
- "Was"? She's not dead
In my mind you've killed her
Marie and I had some great times,
but I rememberthe bad ones
One shitty minute blots out
a week's joy
A bit of friction degenerates
into an argument
They watch us, smiling,
waiting for mistakes
Like refs with a yellow card
Women are just a pain in the arse
I disagree. I adore all women
As long as we don't live with them
Just look at that couple
What did he do to deserve her?
He had friends, life was good
She spread her legs, and he traded
his life for a moment's pleasure
It's obvious. Men and women
weren't made to live together
We try, we hope
But we're made for a quick
wham, bam and goodbye...
...before we get hooked
The joke is everybody knows it
Look at your parents, friends
But everyone thinks they can
beat the odds
That's how couples get married
and end up hating each other
You know how to depress a guy
The worst thing is, I agree
Of course you do. Look at them
With three kids, he's had it.
No more escape, no more fun
And those two have bickered for
150 years without giving an inch
See that little twit there
Panting afterthe waitress because
she wiggled her bum at him
That one there interests me
A nice girl stuck with a creep
lmagine a lifetime with him
He'll have affairs with sluts...
...just to prove something...
...while he has a treasure at home
Look at his hands. Pig hands
How many fannies has he groped?
Disgusting!
Don't exaggerate
You'd have her pulling a gun and
shooting her pig dead, that it?
Once, ages ago, although it...
Shit!
Paul, the car
Vincent, the girl. Nobody move
Ladies and gentlemen. I'm a judge.
It was self-defence
You saw and heard nothing.
It's a bad dream
Step on it
The volume knob's broken
Tango's fatalistic, isn't it?
Like a sweet?
Take one. The pineapple...
...is delicious
Here's a joke
Look at us three
A is going to kill B's wife
underthe kindly eye of C
Guess who's the killer?
And who'll be the widower?
Why kill anyone's wife?
I can't forget her
They asked me to do it
You're a killer?
No more than you are
See? We've that in common
My name's Madeleine
Pretty name, Madeleine.
It suits you
- Was he your husband?
- Yes
- Know what the law says?
- Not exactly, but I can guess
- Are you afraid?
- Yes, a bit
My husband didn't exist for me.
Shooting a ghost isn't a crime
Why did a girl like you marry
a guy like that?
Maybe because I was bored.
He sometimes made me laugh
He didn't always drink beer,
he weighed 20 kilos less
Then one day, eating fish fingers,
you take out a gun and kill him
Why today?
What good's a man who doesn't
want children?
Can I ask you a favour?
Will one of you make me pregnant?
I'm ovulating today
He's stupid. He'll never even
see the baby
- Are you jealous?
- Not at all
I imagine them behind a bush
Her, thighs wide, smiling
Him, going in and out, white bum
bobbing in the grass...
...fondling her breasts
I couldn't have fucked her
How d'you get a girl pregnant
with yourwife on your back?
He does as he pleases.
I can't. It pisses me off
Thank you
- All right?
- Yes, it's been ages
How d'you know it'll work?
You don't know till you try
Once, ages ago, although it
feels like yesterday...
...I hosted a dinnerwith all the
women I'd loved but nevertold
Some knew each other, but none
knew why they were there
I explained that at some point
I'd loved each one of them
But I hadn't told them for
fear of ruining my life
Most, being unhappily married,
fully understood
I looked them all over.
Frankly, I had no regrets
- Did you leave yourwife?
- No, she left me last month
So why kill her if she's
off your back?
She's right
No, I can't bear her being alive
without me
She may be having fun, she's with
another man... maybe several
You don't understand
I understand perfectly.
You still love yourwife
So? I hate it when she's there.
When she's gone, I miss her
At least when she's dead...
Sensual music, isn't it?
You dance well for a misogynist
Who says I'm a misogynist?
I love women, I don't want
to live with one
Why not?
Maybe I'm afraid I won't make
the grade. Who knows?
So, how shall I kill her?
Yourwife, how shall I do it?
Search me. I've no idea
Neither have I. You're the client.
You choose
What do I do? Strangle her?
Stab her in the guts?
Poison?
Set her alight?
Well? Decapitate her?
Chain-saw?
You're depressing me
Tell me, will this kill a woman
at point-blank range?
We'll take it. How much?
No ammo?
Yes, you're right.
The necessary, please
I fish without a line so I shoot
without bullets, eh?
Skip the gift wrap.
It's for now
Don't mind him. He's like that.
Bit of a joker
Goodbye, Vincent
Like it?
I'm staying here
I got a job in the dress shop
where I bought this
With luck, I'll be forgotten
Not by everybody
Not everybody
Madeleine's going. She's bored.
She'd rather sell dresses
- We'll miss her
- So soon?
You dance well. We could've tried
foxtrot, paso doble, bossa nova
Well, let's say goodbye and
skip the platitudes
Thanks for everything
- Will I know if you're pregnant?
- No, it'll be my secret
Goodbye, Madeleine.
And stay away from creeps
Promise
Step on it
Quick, I'm weakening
Prevention is betterthan cure
Hello, I'm a friend of Marie.
I was in the area...
...so I was wondering if...
If Paul sent you, tell that shitface
to deliver his own messages
No offence...
...but if he's a friend...
...I don't envy you
Well?
- Did you like Marie's mum?
- Very much. Why?
Nothing. She likes you too.
But yourwife's not there
- Where is she?
- Too far for us to find
Nice meeting you. I'm off home.
You should go too
Want to see your file?
It's fascinating
20 years, minimum
If I'm on form, it'd be 30.
30 years at your age...
- You're bluffing
- Think so?
I wouldn't risk it. We still
have you by the goolies
We agreed to kill my nephew's
wife, and we'll do it
She's a million miles away
Why bother finding her?
She's gone for good
- She ditched you. Forget her
- No way
A living wife, wherever she is,
is always a threat
So, where is she?
In Africa with
'"M?decins Sans Fronti?res'"
The bitch!
She's screwing a doc
Well, you know what they say
"Doctors Without Borders.
Nurses without knickers"
So the three of us set off,
bound for Africa
North orSouth?
We didn't care
Trouble was, ever since I
lost my wife looping the loop...
... I swore I'd never again
get in a plane
It seems ludicrous driving down
to Africa in a station wagon
Were we in so little hurry to kill
Paul's wife? Perhaps
The truth was we got on well
together
We didn't want to break up
too soon
It was like a holiday
Days without schedules,
silence without nagging...
... vulgarity without guilt...
... the promise of good times,
without women
We haven't come very far
What's the rush? In a hurry
to be widowed?
What a waste. That waitress
What a waste
An angel
I knew a place where the waitress
was the owner's wife
One day he asked her not to wear
any knickers
It turned him on thinking of her
waiting on tables like that
Somehow the word got out and
the restaurant was packed
She was a beauty and the thought
of her bare bum turned us on, too
Funny, eh?
D'you think she does the same?
- Men are one-track minded
- Aren't you?
Of course, that's how I know
men are one-track minded
Sandrine, stop driving me crazy
You know my name?
You're really called Sandrine?
I've never been so moved
Think of all those bedrooms.
Mine's 212. Will you come?
Perhaps
My cat's called Sandrine.
She's pretty too
Thank you
- I don't think she'll come
- Why not?
You didn't do it right
Did you sleep around?
A bit. Actually... not much
- But when she's dead, I will
- How very male
They think if they were single
they'd fuck non-stop. Crap!
Look at all these guys dying to
get laid tonight
But none will make a move
Like to bet?
Pick any single woman here,
the prettierthe better
In underthree minutes
I'll get her upstairs
If I fail, you can go home
That one
Excuse me, Madame, may I
sit down for a minute?
Be my guest
I'm with two friends overthere,
and we made this stupid bet
I bet them I could sit down
at yourtable...
...and within three minutes...
...we'd walk out of the restaurant
and up to your room
So would you walk out of here
up to the first floorwith me?
I'd like to win my bet
Your bet's so unrealistic
it's ludicrous
How could a man like you seduce
a woman like me so fast?
I know, but I can't back out.
I've bet a lot of money
All right. I've finished my meal.
You can escort me out. Let's go
Not yet. It must be plausible.
I said three minutes
As you wish. Let's chat
- Do you come here often?
- No, not very
Me neither
It's very hot forthis time
of year, don't you think?
Yes, but... this is the South
Well, I think... that should do it.
Shall we go?
- What do you know!
- That you're not going home
No, please, let's use the stairs.
So I can be with you longer
My room's on the third floor.
Can you face all those stairs?
Yes, willingly
It's a shame it's just a bet
If I had the nerve to seduce you,
we'd be climbing these stairs...
...and I'd be admiring your legs,
your behind...
And aren't you?
Yes, but it's all for nothing
I could have described
your swaying hips...
...memorized your undulating back...
...basked in your perfume
Paul's taken care of, I may be
lucky with the waitress
What about you, my poor friend?
I'm going to order dessert,
a huge one, maybe two
Then I'll have a brandy from
the mini-bar
And watch a porno film
on cable TV
Know what? I'll probably be
the happiest of the three
We would have reached the
third floor
Not out of breath because
we'd have walked up slowly
We'd have gone down the corridor
Good evening Madame, Monsieur
We'd have reached my room
I'd have put my key in the lock,
and opened it
Well, goodbye and thank you
You've beaten your friends.
But you can't quit now
I've made a bet, too
I can't tell you what it is
forthe moment. Come in
Look, I'd love to but...
I'm married, soon to be widowed
I'm married too. You know,
everybody is these days
But... I can't see my husband,
nor yourwife
- Oh, it's you. What's up?
- Get dressed
- What time is it?
- 5.30
Paul's not in his room.
Don't like it
- Where is he?
- I've no idea
But I said I don't like it.
That's all
Maintenance here. There's
a leak in your bathroom
Paul, we've a long drive ahead.
Be downstairs in 6 minutes
Was it good?
Was it good?
Forgive me, but it's my wife
you've been screwing...
...forthe past six hours
So I wondered if it was good
- Yourwife?
- Didn't she say?
She's ashamed of me,
she always has been
We've been married for 20 years
I was never good enough
But I can't live without her
What would become of me?
I'm boring you
Not at all. But I'm in a hurry,
my uncle's waiting
Her family's rich, she rents
hotel rooms forthe year
I work as a bellboy just to be
near her
Bellboy, at my age!
Lmagine it
Each year a different hotel
Cannes, Biarritz, Deauville -
I forget where else
Always luxurious places.
She loves luxury
Well, you saw her room.
Superb, isn't it?
But don't let me keep you
How many lovers has she had?
I'd say 200, maybe more
Next morning I do the room,
change the warm fragrant sheets
I don't airthe room; to savour
the scents of her night
Sometimes she's in the shower
I hearthe water streaming over
her body
I'll be changing the sheets
you screwed her in
- Did you make a lot of mess?
- Not too much
- Look, I'm sorry
- Don't be. It's my fault
I made the best of a bad job.
I deserve it, I assure you
- Which is your room?
- 417
Nice room. You should see
the staff quarters
Well, here's your room
I've considered suicide,
but what would happen to her?
Goodbye, Monsieur
I won't ask "Was it good"?
No, don't ask
I won't ask you, either
No, don't
In case you're wondering,
and despite appearances...
...for me it was good
OK, I lost the bet so I still
have to kill yourwife
But what's the point?
She didn't stop you screwing
last night. Be logical
No! You can't be logical
with women
Why do we fall in and out of love
with them?
I just want to understand
You can't. And that's that
What the hell's he up to?
You ran out of petrol, OK
But when we flip a coin and
the old boy loses...
...you grumble that he's slow
That's a bit much!
Here he is
Shit! My wife.
She was in that truck
I swear. Marie was in the truck,
next to the driver
- You dreamed it
- I did not. I saw it
Marie ran off with a lorry driver.
Come on
- Will someone explain?
- No. Get in
Paul saw his wife in a lorry
that went past
Marie?
Yes, Marie. I've only got
one wife
So "nursing the poor" in Africa
means humping truckers
What a nit I am
Hey, watch out!
Shut up
I'm OK. I'll teach that shitface
Cool it, Paul, don't get excited
I'm cool as ice. Who's excited?
Marie, get down
You don't scare me
But I'm not after you.
I want my wife
I want her out here. Now!
Should we help?
No... we do nothing
D'you hear, Marie? Get out
Get the fuck out
What d'you want with my girl?
I thought you were in Africa
I'm going. He's giving me a lift
This ape?
Lunatic
I'm talking to my wife
Yourwife? The guy's a comedian.
That's rich
Marie, let's start again.
Forgive me
Come back
Please
No, Paul, it's over. I'm sorry.
We can't go backwards
I'll brain him
Come on. Don't be afraid
Stop it. You're grotesque
Get him, Raymond.
Beat him to a pulp
- Grab my chick, eh?
- It's all a mistake
Fancy her, do you?
He mistook your lady
Ah, now he says she looks like
any old bird?
Go on, Raymond, kill them
Hang on tight
Next time you see yourwife
in a car or a UFO...
...keep it to yourself, OK?
So I made a mistake
That's an understatement.
You're off your head
Step on it
I won't rest until we shake off
that loony
My foot's right down
Shit
So long, you fags
- What year is your car?
- '70
Are spare parts easy to get?
This is stupid
Your uncle talked you into it.
Now you can't back out, can you?
You're killing yourwife
to please your uncle
Odd kind of family spirit
- That's not the point
- I know it's not
Look at me. I killed my wife.
Did it make me happier? No
Call it off. It's forthe best
Let's stop. Hey, Elegance!
Listen to Paul
Tell him, you'll feel better
Look, I've been thinking
I can see that from your face
You don't want to kill Marie.
You had a revelation...
...at the roadside
OK, I agree. You're right
Here, let me show you something
Pascal Labadie, 36, surgeon
Pierre Lassalle, 32, anaesthetist
And how about Alain Gosset?
Age 30, nurse. Nice-looking, eh?
- What's all this?
- Nothing
Just showing you Marie's colleagues.
Which one do you prefer?
No, I mean which one will Marie
prefer for starting a new life?
To father her children?
Get the picture?
It's unbearable, isn't it?
Listen to my nephew
He's been thinking. About Marie.
It's still on
Shit. Fuck. God damn it!
What's wrong, son? Cracking up?
Yes, I'm sick of this shit.
We kill her, we don't, we do
She's the end of the world,
we've no car, yet we carry on
Just look at the three of us
At what? Three men hitch-hiking
on a sunny day. What's wrong?
What's wrong is, even if an idiot
finally gives us a lift...
...we cram ourselves in an Avis
rent-a-car...
...and next week we're still
in southern Spain
lt'll take years to widow you
I'm sick of this shit
Want to kill her? Let's do it
Is there an airfield nearby?
Move over. Get the hell in
Didn't you quit flying?
This is an emergency
Remember how it works?
I'll soon find out
Shouldn't we gain height?
I can't
Technical problem?
Personal problem
Vertigo
Well, you get a better view
If we crash, it's not farto fall
Is it her? Sure this time?
- No second thoughts?
- It's too late forthat
- OK?
- Yes, I'm fine
I loaded the gun with blanks
- Idiot! Why do that?
- Don't know. I just did
I've a hunch you loaded blanks
Am I right?
Why come all this way?
Leave it to me. I'm right
- Are you Marie?
- Yes
Your husband Paul sent me
He asked me to kill you.
I don't want to
But for complicated reasons,
I can't refuse
I see. But I really don't know
what to say
Ready?
There. You're a free man
Like it?
Brill
And your friend?
She wants to be an air hostess
Well? Was it fun?
You won't do that in a 747
Sure you don't want to be
a pilot?
I'm sure
- See you Sunday
- 'Bye
What a lovely age
Yes, too bad they grow up
Coffee, cream, biscuits...
...sponge, p?t?, Ajax...
- Coming shopping?
- No, Paul's staying
I'm teaching him apple tart.
It's fortonight
With a scoop of vanilla.
Never forget the vanilla
See you later
This is the life
Even in autumn it's still warm
If it does get a bit chilly...
...we'll light a fire and
you'll play the guitar
Cheer up, I'm only kidding
lt'll be great, you'll see
We'll eat fat meat, chicken skin,
buttered potatoes
We'll get fat, but who cares?
We've only ourselves to please
There'll be just us
We'll tell dirty jokes...
...allow swearwords in Scrabble,
hold dick contests
We'll fart when we want
You know... about Marie
I wonder...
I wonder, that's all
Don't worry, lad. It'll pass.
It always does
Hello. How are you?
What the hell are you doing?
You're mad
D'you want to ruin everything?
I won't. Don't worry
I just want to know something
Now I'm dead, is Paul happier?
It's hard to say
You may not like this
But yes, he's doing alright
He gets a bit depressed but
not for long. It's OK
Ever mention me?
Or rather, yes
Sometimes. In his sleep
So you didn't tell him?
Will you?
I don't think so
What's your name?
Goodbye, Vincent
Yourturn, Vincent
Yourwife was beautiful.
I forgot to tell you
I know. Why say that?
I think of her. I wonder if we
did the right thing
I mean, if I hadn't killed her
and she'd returned to France...
...she might've tracked you down
to see how you are without her
She might've moved here
We might've met in the supermarket
She might've wanted to come back
At least we'd be four for Scrabble
That's why I was wondering
Even when they're dead,
they're a pain in the arse