Take a Girl Like You (1970) - full transcript
Young Jenny heads to the South of England to start a new career as a school teacher. Even before she has had a chance to settle in she meets Patrick, one of the local "lads". Within a short time she has her hands full when a number of the local boys take a liking to her. But who will be the lucky one who wins her affections?
(Train horn)
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, l would take a girl like you
♪ The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
♪ And I've got to get together again
♪ I don'! know maybe when
♪ But I've got to get together again
♪ A dream can never last
in a world that's moving fast
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ I don't know what 'rt would be
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, l would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes , l would take a girl like you
♪ I knew the day I met you
♪ I just had to get you
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Stay beside you day and night
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Cos it would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
- Thank you very much.
- Pleasure.
- Mr Thompson?
- The very same.
I'm um...Jenny Bunn, the new lodger.
Oh, yes, yes. The new... yes.
Well, entrez.
You've timed your arrival rather well.
Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.
(From door shuts)
I'll show you to your room,
if you'd like to follow me.
- Oh, Anna.
- I won’t be eating in tonight, Dick. Night.
Thai was Anna. Your fellow lodger.
Great fun, Anna. You'll like her.
- Mm. She looked very nice.
- Ooh, she is.
She's very nice. Yes.
Yes.
It's a long haul.
Good for the figure, though.
Now, this cupboard...
- Yes, this cupboard is all yours.
- Very nice.
And the chest of drawers.
- Over here.
- Oh.
The top two drawers are yours.
I'm afraid the wife rather likes to keep
the spare bedding in the...
- The lower ones?
- In the lower ones, exactly.
Yes, mm, yeah.
You'll be wanting to see the geography.
That's the loo and so on.
If you ever...
Ooh, there is just one little thing.
WOMAN: Dick! I asked you to lay the table
ages ago! Supper is practically ready!
Just coming, poppet.
I'm just showing Miss Bunn the geography.
I'm afraid we'll have to continue
our briefing session later on.
- Dick! Come on! Where are you?
- Coming...
Move your arse!
You're supposed to be helping ma!
A lot of bloody use you are, l must say!
DICK: Miss Bunn!
Nourishment!
Coming.
Anna...
Anna?
Ah.
She's just gone out.
Has she?
- And you're the new lodger?
- Y.
DICK: Miss Bunn!
We...
Oh, it's you, Patrick.
Anna's just left.
Yes, so Miss...
Oh, it's Jenny Bunn. Patrick Standish.
Miss Bunn's a teacher.
- Albert Road Primary.
- Great.
Well, we're just about to eat
Mustn't keep Miss Bunn from her calorie intake,
must we?
- I'll join you.
- There's just...
Don't worry, I've already eaten.
Well, you won’t mind watching us at the trough,
then.
Er...Mias Bunn, would you like to...
I hope you're satisfied. The fish is dry as a bone.
Not guilty, Your Honour.
Young Patrick here is the culprit.
- He's been chatting up our...
- Hello, stranger.
- Anna's gone out
- Martha, my angel, you're looking...
...sexier than ever.
- Thanks. You too.
Well, I'm afraid young Patrick's manly charms
have rather made Martha
forget the common courtesies.
You found us all right, then?
Thompson, you forgot the cruet!
(Gasps) Cruet.
Sit down anywhere you like, love.
My old man made a pass at you yet?
Not to worry. He will.
Just give him a kick in the crutch.
Want some fish, Paddy?
You may as well have Anna's.
Oh, no, thanks. No, really, I've er...
I've eaten.
Cross my heart.
- It's all so terrible here.
- (Giggles)
(Sniggers)
What's the joke, then, dear?
- Anything we can all share?
- Oh. No, nothing.
What do you do, Mr Standish?
Oh, my name is Patrick, actually.
I teach as well.
Oh, whence the unaccustomed modesty,
young Patrick?
Our Mr Standish is a distinguished moulder
of young minds at our technical college.
''Our technical college''? Anyone would think
he was the minister of education...
...instead of a crummy town councilor.
Some people fail to grasp
the importance of local government.
What are your politics, Miss Bunn?
Oh.
Well, my dads always been Labor.
Splendid!
Then we can count on your support
at the coming elections.
I'm afraid I've never voted.
(Laughs)
You're a born loser, Thompson.
(Continues laughing)
What do you teach?
Oh, graphics
Lettering, design.
Television advertising.
Films, credits.
- That sort of thing.
- Oh.
- I'll make the tea.
- I'll get it.
You could have taught up north.
Why come to a dump like this?
- Well, it's not Buckingham Palace but...
- All right, my darling.
I didn't mean a dump like this
(Whispers) Well, a dump like this.
This town, you mean?
Mm.
Well?
Trouble with t'folks?
Is that your idea of a northern accent?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Only I thought maybe we could have had
dinner together one night alone,
away from cod and...
...councilor.
Out of the question, I suppose?
Aye aye. Speedy Gonzales strikes again.
Oh, I think I'll skip the tea. It's um...
Well, it's my first night back
and I've got a lot to do.
Say good night to Dick for me, will you?
Bye.
- Hello.
- Hello.
How about that dinner
that was out of the question?
Still is.
Why?
I don't date other girls' boys.
Anna?
Do me a favour!
You know, this may...
Well, sound like a bit of a line.
But I've been waiting for years
for something like you to happen.
Thank you, kind sir.
There you go.
You birds have had the same line shot at you
for so long...
...that when some poor twit
com and tells you the truth...
Oh, you say il nice. I'll give you that.
Um...
- Would you like another one of those?
- No, thank you. I'm half tipsy already.
Lovely.
Um...
Um... That will be all right.
I'll um...get your coat, shall I?
Mm.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
Bye.
- This one?
- Yes, that's it.
Thanks.
Oh, no.
What the hell are they doing here?
Well, well, well.
Patrick and Jenny.
Just good friends, I take it?
- Hello.
- Small world.
Yes, too bloody small.
Your table is ready, sir.
Right, thank you.
You will stay to join us for a little libation
ere you depart, eh, Jenny?
Oh, you're not going to buy us a drink, are you?
Because if you are, we'll have one.
On... (Chuckles)
The boy's on form again.
- Right, here we go.
- If you'd like to...
You go in there, my dear.
Now, what'll 'rt be for everybody?
- Excuse me, do you mind if l take this chair?
- Same again for us.
A couple of postprandials for this comedian
and his companion.
Somebody else must be paying for this.
Somebody else is.
Here he is. Here's Julian now.
He's a grand chap.
You'll love him. I guarantee that.
- Who is he?
- A fellow traveler.
- He's helping Dick with his election campaign.
- And buying you dinner, it seems.
He must be an eccentric millionaire.
Ah, Julian.
I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.
- Patrick Standish.
- How do you do?
- Jenny Bunn.
- What lovely friends you have.
I'd think I'd better ask for some more places.
I hadn't gathered there'd be quite so many of us.
Oh, they're dashing off.
They have another engagement, as it were.
Oh, that's sad. That's more than sad.
- You'll have a drink, though, Miss Bunn?
- Oh, no, nothing, thank you.
I've had too much already.
- Have you indeed?
- Mm.
Well, yes...
Yes, I think you're right, we'd better...dash.
Come round the back if you're late.
We bolt the front door after 11.
Well, ciao.
And, hello.
Goodbye...
...comrades.
- This isn't where I live.
- No, it's where I live.
I thought you... you might like a cup of coffee.
Oh.
Why didn't you think to ask me
if that's what I'd like?
Because I also thought
you mightn't know your own mind.
I always know my own mind.
Hm.
One cup.
OK.
- It's very... unusual.
- Yes, it is...
...isn't it?
Lots of records.
Oh, yes, lots of...
...records.
Frank Sinatra and all sorts of other...
...people.
About that coffee...
Jenny...
I meant what I said.
You are a very pretty girl.
Jenny.
Jenny...
About that coffee you promised...
(Whispers) Pretty girl's coffee's here now...
Such a pretty girl.
Aren't you, hm?
A pretty girl.
Jenny is...
...a pretty girl.
Hm?
Jenny...
Oh, Jenny...
That hurt.
It were meant to and all!
- But why? All I did was...
- I didn't think you were like that. I really didn't.
Like what, for God's sake?
I want to go home, please.
Jenny...
I don't want you to go home.
I want you to stay.
Please.
I'll be good.
Promise.
Now, how about some...
coffee?
(Relaxing melody)
Mm... l like that
Mm.
Jenny...
Please.
No.
I didn't say you had to stop kissing me, though.
I said no.
And I meant no.
Jenny...
...l promise you.
I will stop...
...when you say stop and I...
I won’t go any further. I promise you, I will stop.
Well, I'm saying il now.
Stop.
But why there?
Cos there's where I know I can still say stop.
You mean,
a little further...
...and you might say yes?
I don't know.
You don't know?
You mean that...
nobody's ev...
A virgin?
You?
Yes.
Me.
There's a few of us left.
You look quite shocked.
I am.
I am shocked. I mean...
Well, I don't understand it. You
You don't look like a virgin.
Think I ought to wear a badge or something?
Oh, don't joke about il.
You shouldn't joke about it.
(Laughs)
You're having me on.
I'm not, you know.
No.
Tell me,
haven't they ever heard about the pill up north?
Yes, they have. They make you fat.
But it's nothing to do with that.
It's just me.
Me.
Yes, it's you.
And I'll tell you something.
You like kissing.
Or if you don't,
you put up a bloody good pretense.
And...
...just when I'm crazy for it.
I'm not ''it''.
I'm me.
Ah.
Well, that's just it, you see.
I know that you will like it.
I know you'd like it.
Oh, I know.
I know that
Well, if you know that, then...
Then why?
Hm?
Maybe I believe in love.
You mean...
...a preacher and ring and all that jazz?
Maybe.
Jenny, I'm going to tell you something.
Nobody cares about virginity any more.
And when Mr Right comes riding along,
he won’t care either.
He probably won’t.
I know. I know that
Well, if you know that,
then why the hell...
Why the hell, Jenny...
It's all I've got...
....to give.
All right.
Oh, boy.
Come on, it's getting late. I'll drive you home.
Friends?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're...
...friends.
Are you going to the canteen, then?
No.
Lunch is on me.
Oh. Thank you very much.
By the way, lend me a fiver, I'm broke.
No wonder you're always broke
with what they charge in here.
Was she worth it?
What do you think?
It's going to be a bit awkward, isn't it?
Both under the same roof.
I mean, what are you going to do about Anna?
Yeah, well, she was last term, wasn't she?
Who's looking after the college?
Oh, the students have taken il over.
Graham, I would like you to meet...
Yes, we've met
Ricard for me, Charles, and the same again.
So, are you coming along to
the Thompson rally tonight?
Oh, I suppose so.
You?
Oh, I vote for him, that's enough. Isn't it?
(Laughs)
Thank you.
So, tell me,
how was that lady I saw you with last night?
Oh, that lady you saw me with last night...
It was a most successful evening.
She was fine. She was fine.
Yes, she was fine.
Tiere.
That's what it's all about.
Tits and arse
in the words of the immortal Lenny Bruce.
Badly.
Eamonn?
- I'm afraid I don't agree.
- Well, you wouldn't.
Those that can, do. Those that can't, disagree.
It's not your hopeless lechery
you're worried about.
It's your moral hang-up.
Oh, I'm randy enough.
I'm exceptionally randy.
Aren't I?
Oh, yes, he's randy.
If I could pick and choose like you
That's just the point. If you're really keen on it,
choosing doesn't enter into it.
- As long as they say yes.
- I cannot believe that.
You wouldn't.
Love's what you're after. We're not.
Not even as an ideal?
Ideals? Please!
What one wants
is lots and lots of lovely sex for ever.
- Eh, Patrick?
- Yeah, sure.
Well, more or I.
More or less? Of course that's what one wants.
But one can't keep on
just banging away for ever.
- Why not?
- Surely one reaches a point when...
When what, old sport?
Who says one reach a point?
I don't actually mean point.
What I mean is that...
When deeper things
should be taken into consideration.
I said nothing...
I said nothing of the sort.
Well, you didn't exactly say it, old sport.
But I'm beginning to suss that the madly-havable
Miss Bunn could be rather dangerous.
- Jenny Bunn?
- Well, we've just time for one more round.
Yeah, why don't you buy it? It's just up there.
What makes you think that Jenny Bunn
can be dangerous?
Look, old sport...
She may be a great lay
but the Jenny Bunns of this world are not for us.
- Watch out or she'll have you into a church.
- A registry office.
Listen...
Patrick Standish has no intentions
of marrying Jenny Bunn or anybody else.
Of course you've no intention.
It's got nothing to do with intention.
We do lots of things without intending.
The trouble is,
we men like to think that the new
sexual emancipation is our secret weapon.
The Jenny Bunns of this world know the truth.
It's theirs.
Sex, sex, sex...
that's all they think about these days.
Oh, howl hate Sundays.
- I've made some coffee if anybody wants it.
- Mm...please.
I wonder what's happened to Patrick.
DICK: You what?
I said, I'm surprised we haven't seen
more of Patrick these last few days.
Does he often pop in, then?
He used to.
Are we canvassing this morning?
No point till the pubs close.
The new party slogan!
Don'! worry about Martha.
It's her age, you know.
Jenny...
I know you'll think I'm an interfering old fool but...
while we're on the subject of Patrick...
- Patrick?
- Patrick?
Huh! He's a real drag, that one.
A real drag.
Now, Anna, we all know about
hell hathing no fury and so on...
...but in very many respects Patrick Standish
is a very worthwhile human being.
He's totally incapable of forming
a meaningful adult relationship
and I should know.
(Doorbell)
l'll get it.
Don't blow your cool over Patrick Standish,
baby.
It's always a groovy dinner...the first time.
The full scene.
After that it's a little boozer and into bed, hm?
DICK: The troops are out in force.
Hi. We were just wondering about
canvassing and things like that and...
Talk Of the devil.
Not on an empty stomach, please.
- Hello, Jenny.
- Hello.
Well, we were just wondering about canvassing
and things.
And I said lo Graham,
the silly bastards going lo lose
unless somebody presentable
goes out and tells people that he's not...
...not as wet as he looks.
He's on form. The lads on form.
It would be a help, actually.
PATRICK:
You're on, but not until the pubs close, OK?
Well, I'll gel myself together, then.
Yeah, you do that
Are you coming, then, Jenny?
No, thanks. I've got to wash my hair.
- Hello, Graham.
- Hello.
Jenny.
Look, I...
I came round here especially to see you.
Look...
all that stuff between Anna and I...
Well, it's all over.
It's just that 'rt takes a long time
for the penny to drop with her, that's all.
That's not the impression she gave me.
Well, it's true.
Look, I tell you what,
you say the word and...
...and I'll strangle her.
No.
No, she'd probably think I care.
I've got an idea.
Let's you and l... get in the car.
Hm?
Before Anna has a chance to grab the from seat
Graham?
Coming.
Here, wail for me!
Come on, come on.
(Church bells)
Well, the smart set seems to be out in force,
don't they?
- Let's move on.
- Oh, but I want to go here.
I've never been here before.
All right.
I tell you what, you and Graham
go and find a table somewhere...
...and I'll try and park the car, all right?
Thank you, God, for a lovely day.
We've done it.
- What?
- We've ditched them.
- I know this little boozer down the road.
- Oh, no.
Besides, we cant do that.
But this is a godsend. We can be alone.
Oh, it wouldn't be fair.
- But don't you want to get rid of them?
- That doesn't make any difference.
Besides, you can't use people like that.
- No?
- No.
Anyway, I'd feel rotten. Wouldn't you?
You're right, of course.
That's fixed them.
Patrick!
Oh, there you are.
Look.
Can't even breathe in there, let alone drink.
We're all going back to my house for
a lovely lunch with bottles and bottles of wine.
Who is this guy? He's beautiful.
Hello, there.
Forgive.
This is Jenny Bunn and Patrick Standish.
- And this is Wendy.
- Hello there.
Hello.
Looks like it's going to be a groovy Sunday.
Oh, Anna,
you know what Martha's like about meals.
Oh, well, call her if you're worried.
I couldn’t care less.
All right.
Can I have sixpence?
Haven'! I seen you before somewhere?
It's possible.
Wendy's on telly, Graham.
She gives away the prizes on Honeymoney.
Oh, of course. Well, I must say,
in the flesh you're even more attractive.
So they tell me.
I think 'rt might be better if Wendy
went in your car, Patrick.
- OK.
- She more or I knows the way.
GRAHAM: I'll go with Ormerod.
All light?
Yes. All right
There was a lot of 'Oh, it's all ready
to dish up' and that, you know. But...
Oh, um...
Julian thought 'rt would be a good idea if Wendy
came along because she sort of knows the way.
Oh.
- If you'd like to jump in the back with Anna...
- No, no, it's all right. I'll go with Julian.
I'll come with you, Julian.
Smashing car.
(Tires screech)
Oh, could we have the hood up, please?
It's my hair, you know?
Yes, of course.
Anna...
I'm not trying to use you, darling...
...but would you mind getting off your arse
and giving me a hand?
Bloody women.
Knock it down. Knock it down there.
It's so big.
Well, biggish.
Wow.
In here, loves.
I'll just put on some music.
Some ice...
...and feel out the food situation.
It's enormous!
Well...
(Music starts)
Does he live here all alone, do you think?
I gather there's usually a couple...
Portuguese, I think.
No, no, no.
I mean, does he live here on his own?
I mean, you'd think that a house this big...
...he'd be married or something.
I dinnae imagine he goes short of company
when he feels the need of it.
They're taking a long time.
Well, we got here very quickly.
Mm. Even so, they're a long time.
Er...Jenny, there was something I...
Yes, Graham?
Well, I was wondering whether...
...maybe you'd consider...
...going out with me one evening next week?
Well, would you?
It's very nice of you, Graham.
Um... can we...
Can we leave il open?
Er... l really didn't expect you to say yes.
We should have
turned left at the church after all.
Yes, we should.
I'd better back up.
Can't you go into that field and turn?
Yes, that's a good idea.
Will you get out and see I don't fall into a ditch?
Oh, Christ!
There's no call for vulgarity.
Come on.
(Starts engine)
Signal!
(Engine strains)
You're not cross with me, are you, darling?
No.
No, no.
Wendy...
Stop it, Wendy.
(Clears throat)
(Patrick clears his throat)
How can you be sure
they haven't had an accident?
Cos it's so much more likely to be Wendy's fault.
She thinks it's madly sexy
to be hopeless about anything practical.
Yes, yes, yes.
But, look, if the civil aviation people
have decided to have their new airport here,
then Dick Thompson
isn't going to make them change their minds
Perhaps not. But there is an alternative site.
He might just swing it.
Seeing as he's the only socialist on the council,
I'd have thought you'd have been better off
to have had the Tories on your side.
Maybe so. But I'm a... idealist.
- I mean, you know.
(Car approach)
Ah.
I told you there was no need to panic
(Clunk of oar doors)
Hello.
Groovy!
Oh, I'm sorry, we got lost and...
Wendy... No, that's not very gallant, is it?
Only we turned left instead of turning light
Hello.
We got lost.
(Titers)
- Drinks?
- Yes, why not?
I'll get it for you, darling.
Rescue me.
Drop dead, ''darling''.
- What'll it be?
- Oh, anything.
Me too. A great big one, please.
Time we all ate something.
Now, which one of you top super girls
is willing to...
Yes.
Me.
JULIAN: There'is very little to do. A salad.
A salad? I learnt how to make
a trippy salad dressing in Marrakesh.
Ideally you need some kif.
- Fresh out.
- Drag.
We'll give you a yell when it's ready.
It must be very interesting,
working in the mass media.
And not entirely unremunerative,
I would imagine.
Definitely.
(Whistles) Wow.
This is some pad, hm?
It's all coming down.
- Is it?
- They're going to build a new airport.
Are they?
They say there's a very interesting shell grotto
in the grounds.
Ormerod said it's almost unique.
Oh, well, why don't you go and have a look at it?
Well, I thought we might all have a look at it.
After lunch.
I think I'll have a look at it now.
(Wendy giggles)
You're an awful man.
Oh, um...
Julian sent me for the corkscrew.
Have you found it?
You're sick.
He's not all that good in bed, anyway.
Is he?
Oh, go to hell!
Maybe we'd do better
trying to make it with chicks.
- Ever think of that?
- Don't be disgusting.
If sex is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Thai sounds vaguely familiar.
Anna, go try and round up the others, will you?
Well, I'll try.
(Jenny sighs)
Would it be all right if I went home now?
Now?
Well, I don't want to spoil your party.
You understand?
No, not really.
Patrick?
Tears?
He must be quite a lad. We must have
a talk about him one of these days.
Don't you... Don't you care about Wendy?
Care?
Wendy?
Well, that's not...not really...what she's for.
I mean, is it?
Ormerod here. Mm... a cab, please.
- But isn't she...
- Into town.
On the account
Thank you.
Hm?
Isn't she your um...
(Sighs)
...mistress?
(Laughs) No.
No, not really.
Well, I mean... Oh, we have it off once in a while.
She likes it.
I like it.
But caring doesn't really sort of come into it.
You know.
And is that all sex means to you?
A bit of fun?
I suppose you find that
a rather appalling attitude.
Well...
Better than Patrick's.
Well, she's welcome to him.
There's no need to be noble.
Wendy's got a rehearsal this afteroon.
She'll barely have time for lunch.
You've got digs at the Thompsons', haven't you?
- Mm.
- Then you must have met Pat Standish.
Hm?
You haven't?
Old sexy must be slipping up.
Old sexy?
He's the last of the professional bachelors.
He'll turn up.
Watch it.
Thanks for the tip.
Aha!
Hello, Dick.
I didn't hear you come in.
(Whispers) Good.
(Whispers) I didn't...
(Normal volume) ...didn't want to disturb...
...old thing upstairs.
Bad pres up there.
Oh, can't do anything right.
What's that you're drinking?
Cocoa.
Cocoa...
Oh, well...
I haven't been drinking bloody cocoa.
The way he pours them out.
Not singles. Not pub singles.
Not even doubles.
Bloody great trebles.
Who's ''he''?
Who's who?
The man who gave you all that drink.
Ah.
I'm with you.
Julian.
Mr Ormerod.
He's a socialist, you know.
Just because a chap has got money
doesn't mean to say that he can't be...
(Yawns) ...a socialist.
Well, I'm off to bed.
Yes, me and all. Christ!
- (Giggles)
- Here, let me help you.
Whoa-hoo!
Oh. Oh, Jenny.
Beautiful little Jenny.
(Both laugh)
- Come on, now.
Don't treat me like a bloody child.
I know I'm drunk, but I'm still a human being,
entitled to consideration and respect.
Of course you are.
I will not be humored. Now, Jenny, Jenny.
I want you to give me... a kiss.
One kiss, freely given.
And accepted with gratitude.
But... But not humbly,
because I am a human being
and I am entitled to consideration and respect.
- Good night.
- Oh, no, you bloody don't.
I've kept my hands off you all these weeks
and I'm fed up with it.
- Ssh!
- I don't see why these young...
- Now be a good lad.
- Don't give me all that good lad guff.
- I know how to please a woman.
- You're drunk!
Now cut it out!
- Ow!
(Thud)
Well, well.
Here we are, then.
(Groans)
- She's ruined me.
- You can't ruin a ruin.
Bed!
(Clears throat) My New Statesman.
Chop chop.
There's a good boy.
Next time pick somebody your own size.
- He only tried to rape me.
- Oh, rape!
He's just a dirty old man, dear.
If you'd said yes he'd have run a mile.
(Laughs) Yes.
Do you know what it's like to be married to Dick?
I mean, actually married to him.
Well, it's a joke, really.
Rape?
Do you know when we last did it?
Oh, surely that's not the only thing in life.
That's what you're thinking.
People must cope. Well, I'm coping.
- I'll find somewhere else at the weekend.
- Don't bother, dear.
I'll pay a month's rent, of course.
Don't be silly.
You mustn't throw your money around.
- No, I can't stay, not after what's happened.
- Nothing's happened.
Dick will have forgotten all about 'rt
in the morning.
Or at least he'll pretend he has.
He won’t try it again.
So you forget all about 'rt too, eh?
Just trot upstairs to bed.
All light?
I urge you to vote for Dick 'Thompson.
A man with young ideas
Vote fora man with a conscience.
Vote Thompson, the candidate you can trust
Ladies and gentlemen,
vote for a man with a mind of his own.
- Can I have your number, please?
- It's meant to be a secret ballot, ain't it?
- Yes, but...
- We only want your number.
It won’t tell us how you voted.
How do I know you don't go back in there
and find out who ain't voted?
And then use their number
to put your own candidate in.
Don'! be absurd.
This lady represents the socialists.
And I am a Conservative Party helper.
It's purely a matter
of checking up all the numbers
so we can find out at the end of the day
who hasn't voted.
- She's Labor, is she?
- Yes.
Well, I'll giveit to her, then.
(Whispers) 6832.
6832.
Well, don'! tell her!
Erm...
I was wondering if
when you've finished the voting
you'd like to come and have something to eat.
No, thank you. It's through there, the voting.
Look, Jenny, I know l behaved very badly
on Sunday. Unforgivably badly.
- And I'm not going to blame you...
- 3741.
What?
3741 .
Thank you.
(Hisses) Will you go away?
I will when you've listened to what I've got to say.
Er...4660 and 4661. Thank you.
Look, I'm ashamed of myself.
Really ashamed of myself. I behaved like a pig.
I'm not interested.
- Oh, can I have your number, please?
- Certainly not
Thank you. 1090.
1090. Thank you.
Jenny?
Well, really!
All right, Mr Big Heart-throb.
You've had your fun.
Kiss and make up and everything's on again,
cos who could resist Mr Teenage Idol?
Is that what you reckoned?
Well, you can bugger off!
Bravo, my dear.
2612.
♪ Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer
♪ We'll keep the red flag flying here
(cheering)
Speech!
You've all heard enough speech from me
in the last few days.
- You can say that again.
(Laughter)
Touché, touché.
Seriously, though.
In all seriousness, I would like to say a heartfelt
thank you to all those who've done their bit
towards achieving this truly fantastic victory.
SUPPORTERS: Hurray!
In particular I would like to thank my wife Martha.
Hear, hear!
Martha literally carried me through the final
dramatic hours of this campaign.
(cheering)
Let joy be unconfined.
I told you Dick Thompson
would make them change their minds.
Well, Miss Bunn,
you do help to improve the party image.
Oh!
- I didn't think you were coming.
- I changed my mind, didn't I?
- ...and must reappraise its policies.
- Yes, yes.
Must be flexible.
We mustn't betray our principles, of course.
- There is a very interesting...
- Excuse me a moment.
What do you want?
- There is one thing more.
- What?
- He is dead.
- What?
That man you're waiting for.
That decent, handsome, romantic fella
that won't lay you before you're married.
He's not around.
He had his head blown off in 1914.
- (Scoffs) There's plenty of men who...
- Oh, yeah, who won’t touch you.
Who respect you. Yes, there are. Lots and lots.
People like Graham.
Graham's much nicer than you are.
I am not saying that he is not.
But there's one thing you've got to face up to.
You dig bastards like me. You should go with
thoughtful people like Graham, but you don't.
You don't.
You are a bastard!
Yes, I am.
Yes.
Now get your coat.
All right, but only on my terms.
All right. Now get your coat.
All right.
Excuse me.
- Young lady's...
- Hm?
A pamphlet for the young lady. I...
♪ Down the road you fly
♪ When love is young
♪ And hearts are high
♪ Gin, I tell you now
♪ You're the only one
♪ I ever got to love somehow
♪ And I know now
♪ It takes a lot of loving
to make the world go round
♪ And 'rt will take a lot of loving
♪ A lot of loving
♪ To make up for all the things
♪ That are bringing me down
Jenny, listen.
Listen, it's a barrier your being a virgin,
don't you see that?
Nobody believes in virginity any more. Nobody.
♪ Girl, without a doubt
♪ You're the only one I ever got to care about
♪ And I know now
♪ It takes a lot of loving
to make the world go round
♪ And 'rt will take a lot of loving
♪ A lot of loving
♪ To make up for all the things
that are bringing me down
Phew.
The idea of virgin brides, Jenny, went out with...
well, with going to bed with tarts.
It's like thinking that nice girls
shouldn't enjoy sex.
- Jenny.
- Hm?
Oh, Jenny.
(Both giggle)
- No.
- Why?
- Because.
- Because why?
Just because - that's why.
(Exhales heavily)
Put the kettle on, love.
I'm dying for a cup of tea.
''I'm dying for a cup of tea.''
She's killing me.
(Chuckling)
One will just have to revise one's thinking.
- Don't you ever tell a lie?
- Constantly.
But we were talking about you, old sport.
Oh.
Well, that's over. That's finished.
She's had it, and I've had it.
I thought the whole point was nobody'd had it.
Oh, well, it's all very fascinating.
Do you feel frightfully, son of...thing about il all?
- No. No, I feel fine.
- So your weekends free?
You can say that again.
Good.
(Laughs)
You know, she's got a will of iron, that gilt.
An invisible line is in the middle of her thigh.
Above that is, 'Whose turn is it to make the tea?'
Where is the virginal Miss Bunn today?
She's gone up north for the weekend,
it's her mother's birthday or something.
(Both laugh)
- What are we doing here?
- Have faith.
Er...l was wondering er...
I was wondering if er...
Any chance of Martha coming along?
Sure. It will have to be at your own expense,
though, I'm afraid.
Martha's not in the budget.
Oh, yes... well, I'll er...
I'll er... Yes, light
Erm... Ah, yes. Yes!
Well, one needs to have faith, doesn't one, eh?
What is this?
Some magical mystery tour or something?
No, Dick's going on television tonight
to save my great big house.
- Big deal.
- No, only regional.
(Door closes)
I needn't have bothered to get dressed up.
Sony, love.
This commercial television -
very tally, I must say.
Well, fairly tally.
Ah!
- Don't forget to watch me.
- Hm.
Tonight we have in the studio,
two prominent and highly involved personalities
to argue the pros and indeed the cons.
On my right is Councilor Dick Thompson,
who opposes the present sits
on rather surprising grounds for a socialist
And to oppose him Sir Gerald Culthorpe Jones,
the permanent architectural consultant
to the Airport Commission.
We in the Airport Commission
are philistine by nature.
I'm as keen as any man on earth to have our
countryside kept for what it should be kept for-
that is for walking, for recreation, for leisure,
for pleasure, for sporting activities
I'd like to make a point here
before we stray of the straight and narrow.
We must...
There are other factors to be taken into account.
- Over here.
- The point is, we are...
- Hello, darling.
- ...straying a little from the point...
Oh, you've brought the lovely Patrick with you.
How super!
Yes, isn't it? Now get a drink, love, and shut up.
We're trying to watch this programme.
I realise er...
the necessity of airports
for those involved in air travel, particularity.
Yes, I think everyone does
And, well... I'm glad you admit that.
tn this particular case
I think that over 70 per cent of the villagers
have in fact expressed a desire to be rehoused
in modem rehousing.
Whereas Mr Ormerod doesn't want to be
rehoused - is that the basis of your argument?
I'm trying to look at it
from the architectural aspect of.
Do you seriously prefer that gimcrack
Palladian pile to a perfectly respectable
and well-mannered Queen Anne rectory?
Erm...well, it's more modem on the one hand.
It's a great deal bigger.
Old William Morris once wrote...
I think that old William Morris would have a great deal
to say about the ''Return From The Wars''.
What? The what?
The 15th-century pub which stands bang
in the middle of your proposed main runway.
- 'Then, of course, the 15th-century aims house...
- He's...bloody smooth, isn't he?
"The 17th-century wash-hand stand which
stands in the place of honour in the town hall.
Yes, there is that. There is that.
But I mean, 14th century, 15th century,
I mean, there's a difference.
And yet you seriously...
He's making a bit of a cockup of it, isn't he?
Shall we just go away? It might be kinder.
- Won’t he mind?
- Probably.
But I really don't think I shall be able to make
the right sort of noises.
(Babbles)
Then what are you pruposing to do?
What are you pruposing to do?
DICK: Because I think that is the right
soda-economize grounds for doing that
And what are your qualifications for saying this?
Well, I was talking to my wife last night
And is she an expert on 18th-century
architecture er any other architecture?
- She knows a lot more about it than I do.
- I think that's obvious to us all.
WOMAN: Well, apparently, there is this theory
that if this fluoride debate keeps up
the human race will be sterile in 20 years.
JULIAN: Yes.
- Did you say it was their house?
Hm? Those two?
Well, it's Daddy's, really. But he's had to go
and live in the West Indies for being so rich.
- Oh.
- Mm.
Apparently, these scientists in California
discovered that only a third of the human brain
is being used at any one time.
- That's what they say.
- Yes, well, I think man's intelligence
has completely outstripped his capacity
to be moral.
Anyway, you know the whole thing
is going to come to a head.
Yes.
Perhaps it's got something to do
with atomic tests.
Well, that's what I think.
JULIAN: Yes
- Drinkies?
- Mm-mn.
No more drinkies for you.
We don't want you falling asleep new,
do we, darling?
(Wendy moans)
My... strong...
(Wendy gigglesl)
Oh, what is it, darling? What's the matter?
Nothing.
I'll be all right.
That's good.
But nothing's happening.
Don't you find me attractive?
- Hm?
- Yes.
Yes, of course I do.
(Giggles)
You'd never guess, would you? (Laughs)
You know, I must have been more potted
than I thought.
There's a sexpot like
that just begging for it and...
(Pop) Nothing.
Was she very put out?
Yes, she was a bit.
She asked me whether I was...
...whether I was queer.
(Both laugh)
She would.
Wendy's got a very simple view
of human nature.
Yeah, but you know the funny thing about it,
I dug her.
I really dug her. What do you think of that?
What do I think about that, old sport?
I think you're in dead schtuck.
You're hung up on something you can't have.
Jenny? Do you mean Jenny?
- Don't say I didn't warn you.
- (Whistles)
You couldn’t have understood me.
I'm finished with Jenny Bunn.
Yes, so you say.
But the fad is Jenny doesn't do it
and now you don't either.
- I hope it's not catching.
- Yeah, but you...
All right. What do I do now?
- Get Miss Bunn into bed.
- What do you think I've been trying to do?
Ah, yes, but you've been playing by her rules.
You must go to her and say,
''Will you or won’t you?''
- Oh, I have.
- No, you haven't.
You've been saying,
'Will you or won’t you, please?'
(Mouths)
Oh! What are you doing here?
Well, I came to meet you.
Oh, yeah?
Do you want a lift?
You are full of surprises.
Yes, well, er...a surprise a day
keeps the doctor away, doesn't it?
Julian's having...
he's having a wake on Saturday.
For the house.
- He wants us to come.
- (Sighs)
So he lost his lovely old house, then?
How do you mean? Us?
Us.
What are we sitting here for?
Yeah, it's bloody silly, isn't it?
Well, it's your fault.
Yeah, OK.
Jenny, I want to ask you one question.
And I want you to think seriously
before you answer it.
Which is more important to you -
me, us or that virginity of yours?
Well, I can ask you the same question.
Which is more important - me, us or sex?
But you and me is us. Us making love is us.
Us having sex is us.
But look, if I say yes - if I say yes...
Well, then...
- What about after?
- Oh, sure it's a risk.
Yeah, it's a risk.
But it's a risk everybody has to take.
- Don't you see that?
- (Sighs)
That's marvelous, that is.
You make it sound like one of those
''grab machines'' in a penny arcade.
You may win a gold watch, but even if you don't,
you'll get a few Smarties and a plastic comb.
Why should I take that risk?
Why the hell should I?
Because if you don't, you won’t know.
You'll never bloody know.
Oh, sure you'll get married then you'll do it
in some hotel room in the Costa Brava
or wherever he bloody well takes you.
But you still won’t bloody well know.
But if you say yes, then I'll be giving, Jenny.
Giving for giving's sake.
Risks, sure - uninsured, uncovered,
no perks, no money back if dissatisfied,
just you and I alone, in bed,
making it.
But it's me that'll be risking everything, Patrick,
not you.
No, you're wrong again. I'm at risk too, I risk...
Well, sex for the fun of it,
all the birds I might have had.
- No, it's not the same.
- Yes, it is.
You're safe behind that virginity of yours
in exactly the same way as I'm...
I'm safe in my world of dollies and birds,
into bed and out of bed, and Bob's your uncle.
But if it works...
if it really works...
then it will be over for me too.
(Train passes in distance)
All right, then.
All right.
When?
Now?
Now?
Now.
(Engine revs)
Hang on.
No go.
Graham's upstairs watching Come Dancing
on television or something.
Oh.
A hotel.
Mr and Mrs Smith.
No loot.
I'm skim too.
I know. Harry will cash me a cheque.
(Car horn beeps)
Can you do me a favour? I need some cash.
I'm sorry, Mr Standish, the till's made up.
Won't she take a cheque, then? (Chuckles)
Erm...
He's er... He's made up the till.
- Oh.
- Mm.
(Sighs)
What now, then?
(Laughs)
We're behaving like a couple of kids, aren't we?
I tell you what.
Saturday...my place. Two o'clock.
I'll get rid of Graham if I have to kill him
and we'll have all the time in the world,
the whole afternoon.
Yes, yes. Anything. Anything you say, only,
please don't talk about it.
Right
(Laughs)
- Never?
- Yes
- Consummatum est?
- Not yet.
- Oh, I see. When?
- Saturday.
We'll try and make your bash later.
- Yes, well, do try.
- I will.
Well, it will be the last day in the old home.
If we can't erm...
I'll send you a signed testimonial.
Hang on. Hold that tiger!
It can slay till Monday.
- Sorry. But do try and come.
- Yes, wait...
Well, son of, aprés-ski.
(Laughs) Promise.
MARTHA: I am not coming!
l am not going to be seen in public with you
or bloody Julian Ormerod!
(Dick argues)
(Arguing continues)
MARTHA: He's a phoney! We had enough of it
Shut up! Stop screaming at me!
- What a shout up! No Patrick?
- He said he'd be along later.
It's 11:35. We've been asked for 12.
Do you think they'll be long?
DICK: I am going.
- Oh, the sooner the better, mate.
- How dare you!
- We ought to go.
Well, I'll try again.
They sound like they're getting tired. Hang on.
Tell them I'm leaving soon
whether they're ready or not.
(Argument continues)
Hello, Jenny.
- Hello, love.
- You look ready, at least.
I'm not coming, actually.
Oh?
You too?
- Neither is Patrick.
- Oh. Isn't he?
Well, I suppose I...
Yes, I suppose I could come for a while.
(sighs)
I could do with a drink.
MARTHA: ...has nothing to do with you. Piss off!
(Door slams)
Dick's coming. Martha isn't.
Well, that's something settled.
♪ Let me make you
♪ lnto somebody's somebody
♪ Cos without me, baby
♪ You're nobody's nobody
♪ I'm coming on strong
♪ Just watch me move, I'm tagging along
♪ I've got to, got to prove that I can make you
♪ Somebody's...
- Drinks?
- Oooh.
- It's awfully, sort of, thing, isn't it?
- Yes, ghastly.
Ah, here we are.
- Hey, Julian.
- Hello!
(All say hello)
- There's masses of food in the garden.
- Oh. Y.
- Hello.
- Hello
Ah, well, going down in style, I see.
Yes-
Sorry, I wasn't able to do anything
to stem the tide of progress,
but you know
once these planning johnnies get going...
- Don't give it another thought, Dick.
- Well, this will go down a fair treat.
Oh, there's masses.
Excuse me.
Jolly nice to see you, Jenny.
I thought you weren't coming.
I wasn't, but...
- Well, iechyd da.
- Chin-chin.
(Laughter)
- Ah, more people.
Hello!
Hello! Hello!
- Super to see you.
- Hello.
Hello.
(Camply) Hello.
♪ Just sit down, girl
♪ You might as well
♪ I'm into my thing
♪ I'm sure not everybody will tell
that you're somebody's somebody...
I told you Dick Thompson couldn’t pull it off.
On the contrary, he was invaluable.
Ah...
Julian. Graham.
Er...Graham, be a good chap and leave us
alone for a couple of seconds, will you?
- A few words.
- Of course, old sport.
Julian...
I was wondering whether you'd had a chance
to have a few words yet.
With who, love?
Well...your friends...in high places.
Well...no, actually.
Oh, well. Haven'! had time, I expect.
No, again, I'm afraid.
I took it for granted that you understood that...
Look, it's frightfully important in politics today,
you must come across on the box.
Oh, yes. Yes.
So...you're not going to...push me, then?
Well, I say 'push', it's just that I...
I have told one or two people you son of were.
Well, that was very rash of you, wasn't it?
And that's another reason for not
Politicians are meant to be discreet
You know?
WOMAN: Hi, Julilan.
- Hello.
Remember me?
I-I-I didn't mention your name.
Thanks, Julian.
♪ Got to tell you
♪ About the things I want
♪ You to do, baby
♪ And the things you can'!
♪ Just sit down, girl
♪ You might as well...
JULIAN: Ah, Jenny, love.
Er... introductions.
- This is Jenny Bunn...
- Hello. I have to go.
Can I ring for a taxi?
Excuse me. So soon?
Ah, yes, it's almost two o'clock.
Yes.
How do you know I had to be back by two?
Oops! Have I been frightfully indiscreet?
Oh, he told you. Patrick told you.
(Dick yells drunkenly) Capitalist Swine!
Ah - well, don't worry, Jenny, love.
It was just...boy talk.
You know? Boy talk.
Boy talk.
- Capitalist swine!
(Guests laugh)
The drink is on me.
Aha, it is, you know. Oh, if you only knew.
Everything on me.
Capitalist swine!
- Come along, Dick.
- Oh, capitalist swine.
Very mine...
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Ooh.
I think you'd better get the Councilor home.
That's easier said than done.
- Where's Jenny?
- I don't know. In the hall, I think.
Jenny, we... we've got to get Dick back home.
- Do you want a lift?
- No, thank you.
- Are you sure?
- Y.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
Graham, for Gods sake, give me a hand,
before he throws up all over Julian's scene.
Yes, yes, yes. All right.
Oh...hang on.
(Giggling from upstairs)
Come here.
Come on.
- Capitalist swine.
- Hello!
ANNA: That's it, baby, you're doing fine.
Oh, look out, you... Oh.
(Door closes)
(Car drives away)
SPEAKING CLOCK: ...seconds.
(Three pips)
At the third stroke,
it will be 2:29 and 50 seconds.
(Pips)
(Drunken singing)
I feel faintly responsible...
...faintly guilty.
Patrick did tell me about your...afteroon.
But it shouldn't have mattered.
I wasn't thinking.
It was all my fault for letting it slip out
Unforgivable.
(Sighs) I do feel, though, Jenny,
it's frightfully important...
for your own sake, that you understand
how we chaps think.
We?e men and we think about girls
Girls we like, girls we don't like...
(Cork pops)
...gilrls we've had, girls we'd like to have had.
Girls that...
...girl's that don't.
And we talk.
We tell each other everything.
All about the sort of um...
before, during and after...
...and... we lie.
We lie about the girls we've had and...
...we lie about the girls we'd like to have had.
Even Patrick lies.
Poor Patrick.
(Ringing tone)
(Phone ringing)
(Ringing tone)
(Drunken muttering)
ANNA: There's a step!
- Oh, no.
- Push.
There's a letter for him by the phone
when he comes to.
- Where are you going, then?
- I'm leaving him.
That's frightfully disloyal of you, baby.
Trust Miss Hippy Bloody Bohemian
to take that line.
- Just get out of my way before I miss my train!
- Oh, charming!
Taxi! Taxi?
- Where's Jenny?
- She's still at Ormerod's.
Well, what the hell is she doing there?
- I suppose you took her.
- No.
Who asked you
to slick your bloody snout in this?
She wanted to go.
- Then why didn't you bring her back with you?
- She didn't want to come.
- Where are the keys?
- They're in my pocket.
Never again.
- Push him.
- Don't let him fall.
You really...must forgive Patrick...
...and the rest of us.
(Applies handbrake)
(Train horn)
(Train horn)
It... It's no-one's fault, actually.
I mean, 'fault' doesn't really enter into it.
It's like a game.
Sex is... is like a game.
A super son of...game.
A game in which no-one has to say no...
just yes.
(Clicks fingers)
Julian?
Oh, I wonder, have you seen Julian, please?
I think he's upstairs.
PATRICK: Julian?
Julian, I wonder whether...
Well... congratulations.
Yes, congratulations.
You...and Julian?
Why?
- Why?
- I don'! know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I demand an explanation.
Well, I don'! have one!
He got you drunk...didn't he?
You just tell me he got you drunk.
- You smooth-talking bastard.
- Now, look...
- You knew she was my girl.
- Leave him alone and shut up. Shut up!
You told him. You told him about us!
And you did all this just to get even, is that it?
Hm?
- Thank you very much!
- Don'! lose your cool.
- Just shut your bloody mouth!
- You make me sick.
You make out you're so modern,
spout all that rubbish about risks and all that
and it doesn't mean a thing, not a thing, to you.
Oh, I meant it.
Yes, I meant it.
- I meant every word.
- Oh, you meant it!
Like you meant everything else
you could think up to throw at me.
''It's a barrier you being a virgin, Jenny.
Nobody believes in virginity any more.''
- I'm not gonna try...
- It was something to brag about with the boys!
- You even lied about that!
- Believe that, I won’t spoil your fun!
Fun? It doesn't seem to have entered your
mucky little mind that I might have loved you.
Love? That's rich coming from you.
Love's trusting somebody.
JENNY: Trust? Ha-ha!
Yes, trust! 'Ooh, I don'! seem
to have any cloth on.
We're just good friends, you know.'
Drop dead!
Jenny!
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
♪ And I've got to get together again
♪ I don'! know maybe when
♪ But I've got to get together again
♪ A dream can never last
in a world that's moving fast
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ I don't know what 'rt would be
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ I knew the day I met you
♪ I just had to get you
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Stay beside you day and night
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Cos it would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, l would take a girl like you
♪ The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
♪ And I've got to get together again
♪ I don'! know maybe when
♪ But I've got to get together again
♪ A dream can never last
in a world that's moving fast
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ I don't know what 'rt would be
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, l would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes , l would take a girl like you
♪ I knew the day I met you
♪ I just had to get you
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Stay beside you day and night
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Cos it would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
- Thank you very much.
- Pleasure.
- Mr Thompson?
- The very same.
I'm um...Jenny Bunn, the new lodger.
Oh, yes, yes. The new... yes.
Well, entrez.
You've timed your arrival rather well.
Supper'll be ready in a few minutes.
(From door shuts)
I'll show you to your room,
if you'd like to follow me.
- Oh, Anna.
- I won’t be eating in tonight, Dick. Night.
Thai was Anna. Your fellow lodger.
Great fun, Anna. You'll like her.
- Mm. She looked very nice.
- Ooh, she is.
She's very nice. Yes.
Yes.
It's a long haul.
Good for the figure, though.
Now, this cupboard...
- Yes, this cupboard is all yours.
- Very nice.
And the chest of drawers.
- Over here.
- Oh.
The top two drawers are yours.
I'm afraid the wife rather likes to keep
the spare bedding in the...
- The lower ones?
- In the lower ones, exactly.
Yes, mm, yeah.
You'll be wanting to see the geography.
That's the loo and so on.
If you ever...
Ooh, there is just one little thing.
WOMAN: Dick! I asked you to lay the table
ages ago! Supper is practically ready!
Just coming, poppet.
I'm just showing Miss Bunn the geography.
I'm afraid we'll have to continue
our briefing session later on.
- Dick! Come on! Where are you?
- Coming...
Move your arse!
You're supposed to be helping ma!
A lot of bloody use you are, l must say!
DICK: Miss Bunn!
Nourishment!
Coming.
Anna...
Anna?
Ah.
She's just gone out.
Has she?
- And you're the new lodger?
- Y.
DICK: Miss Bunn!
We...
Oh, it's you, Patrick.
Anna's just left.
Yes, so Miss...
Oh, it's Jenny Bunn. Patrick Standish.
Miss Bunn's a teacher.
- Albert Road Primary.
- Great.
Well, we're just about to eat
Mustn't keep Miss Bunn from her calorie intake,
must we?
- I'll join you.
- There's just...
Don't worry, I've already eaten.
Well, you won’t mind watching us at the trough,
then.
Er...Mias Bunn, would you like to...
I hope you're satisfied. The fish is dry as a bone.
Not guilty, Your Honour.
Young Patrick here is the culprit.
- He's been chatting up our...
- Hello, stranger.
- Anna's gone out
- Martha, my angel, you're looking...
...sexier than ever.
- Thanks. You too.
Well, I'm afraid young Patrick's manly charms
have rather made Martha
forget the common courtesies.
You found us all right, then?
Thompson, you forgot the cruet!
(Gasps) Cruet.
Sit down anywhere you like, love.
My old man made a pass at you yet?
Not to worry. He will.
Just give him a kick in the crutch.
Want some fish, Paddy?
You may as well have Anna's.
Oh, no, thanks. No, really, I've er...
I've eaten.
Cross my heart.
- It's all so terrible here.
- (Giggles)
(Sniggers)
What's the joke, then, dear?
- Anything we can all share?
- Oh. No, nothing.
What do you do, Mr Standish?
Oh, my name is Patrick, actually.
I teach as well.
Oh, whence the unaccustomed modesty,
young Patrick?
Our Mr Standish is a distinguished moulder
of young minds at our technical college.
''Our technical college''? Anyone would think
he was the minister of education...
...instead of a crummy town councilor.
Some people fail to grasp
the importance of local government.
What are your politics, Miss Bunn?
Oh.
Well, my dads always been Labor.
Splendid!
Then we can count on your support
at the coming elections.
I'm afraid I've never voted.
(Laughs)
You're a born loser, Thompson.
(Continues laughing)
What do you teach?
Oh, graphics
Lettering, design.
Television advertising.
Films, credits.
- That sort of thing.
- Oh.
- I'll make the tea.
- I'll get it.
You could have taught up north.
Why come to a dump like this?
- Well, it's not Buckingham Palace but...
- All right, my darling.
I didn't mean a dump like this
(Whispers) Well, a dump like this.
This town, you mean?
Mm.
Well?
Trouble with t'folks?
Is that your idea of a northern accent?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Only I thought maybe we could have had
dinner together one night alone,
away from cod and...
...councilor.
Out of the question, I suppose?
Aye aye. Speedy Gonzales strikes again.
Oh, I think I'll skip the tea. It's um...
Well, it's my first night back
and I've got a lot to do.
Say good night to Dick for me, will you?
Bye.
- Hello.
- Hello.
How about that dinner
that was out of the question?
Still is.
Why?
I don't date other girls' boys.
Anna?
Do me a favour!
You know, this may...
Well, sound like a bit of a line.
But I've been waiting for years
for something like you to happen.
Thank you, kind sir.
There you go.
You birds have had the same line shot at you
for so long...
...that when some poor twit
com and tells you the truth...
Oh, you say il nice. I'll give you that.
Um...
- Would you like another one of those?
- No, thank you. I'm half tipsy already.
Lovely.
Um...
Um... That will be all right.
I'll um...get your coat, shall I?
Mm.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
Bye.
- This one?
- Yes, that's it.
Thanks.
Oh, no.
What the hell are they doing here?
Well, well, well.
Patrick and Jenny.
Just good friends, I take it?
- Hello.
- Small world.
Yes, too bloody small.
Your table is ready, sir.
Right, thank you.
You will stay to join us for a little libation
ere you depart, eh, Jenny?
Oh, you're not going to buy us a drink, are you?
Because if you are, we'll have one.
On... (Chuckles)
The boy's on form again.
- Right, here we go.
- If you'd like to...
You go in there, my dear.
Now, what'll 'rt be for everybody?
- Excuse me, do you mind if l take this chair?
- Same again for us.
A couple of postprandials for this comedian
and his companion.
Somebody else must be paying for this.
Somebody else is.
Here he is. Here's Julian now.
He's a grand chap.
You'll love him. I guarantee that.
- Who is he?
- A fellow traveler.
- He's helping Dick with his election campaign.
- And buying you dinner, it seems.
He must be an eccentric millionaire.
Ah, Julian.
I'd like you to meet two friends of mine.
- Patrick Standish.
- How do you do?
- Jenny Bunn.
- What lovely friends you have.
I'd think I'd better ask for some more places.
I hadn't gathered there'd be quite so many of us.
Oh, they're dashing off.
They have another engagement, as it were.
Oh, that's sad. That's more than sad.
- You'll have a drink, though, Miss Bunn?
- Oh, no, nothing, thank you.
I've had too much already.
- Have you indeed?
- Mm.
Well, yes...
Yes, I think you're right, we'd better...dash.
Come round the back if you're late.
We bolt the front door after 11.
Well, ciao.
And, hello.
Goodbye...
...comrades.
- This isn't where I live.
- No, it's where I live.
I thought you... you might like a cup of coffee.
Oh.
Why didn't you think to ask me
if that's what I'd like?
Because I also thought
you mightn't know your own mind.
I always know my own mind.
Hm.
One cup.
OK.
- It's very... unusual.
- Yes, it is...
...isn't it?
Lots of records.
Oh, yes, lots of...
...records.
Frank Sinatra and all sorts of other...
...people.
About that coffee...
Jenny...
I meant what I said.
You are a very pretty girl.
Jenny.
Jenny...
About that coffee you promised...
(Whispers) Pretty girl's coffee's here now...
Such a pretty girl.
Aren't you, hm?
A pretty girl.
Jenny is...
...a pretty girl.
Hm?
Jenny...
Oh, Jenny...
That hurt.
It were meant to and all!
- But why? All I did was...
- I didn't think you were like that. I really didn't.
Like what, for God's sake?
I want to go home, please.
Jenny...
I don't want you to go home.
I want you to stay.
Please.
I'll be good.
Promise.
Now, how about some...
coffee?
(Relaxing melody)
Mm... l like that
Mm.
Jenny...
Please.
No.
I didn't say you had to stop kissing me, though.
I said no.
And I meant no.
Jenny...
...l promise you.
I will stop...
...when you say stop and I...
I won’t go any further. I promise you, I will stop.
Well, I'm saying il now.
Stop.
But why there?
Cos there's where I know I can still say stop.
You mean,
a little further...
...and you might say yes?
I don't know.
You don't know?
You mean that...
nobody's ev...
A virgin?
You?
Yes.
Me.
There's a few of us left.
You look quite shocked.
I am.
I am shocked. I mean...
Well, I don't understand it. You
You don't look like a virgin.
Think I ought to wear a badge or something?
Oh, don't joke about il.
You shouldn't joke about it.
(Laughs)
You're having me on.
I'm not, you know.
No.
Tell me,
haven't they ever heard about the pill up north?
Yes, they have. They make you fat.
But it's nothing to do with that.
It's just me.
Me.
Yes, it's you.
And I'll tell you something.
You like kissing.
Or if you don't,
you put up a bloody good pretense.
And...
...just when I'm crazy for it.
I'm not ''it''.
I'm me.
Ah.
Well, that's just it, you see.
I know that you will like it.
I know you'd like it.
Oh, I know.
I know that
Well, if you know that, then...
Then why?
Hm?
Maybe I believe in love.
You mean...
...a preacher and ring and all that jazz?
Maybe.
Jenny, I'm going to tell you something.
Nobody cares about virginity any more.
And when Mr Right comes riding along,
he won’t care either.
He probably won’t.
I know. I know that
Well, if you know that,
then why the hell...
Why the hell, Jenny...
It's all I've got...
....to give.
All right.
Oh, boy.
Come on, it's getting late. I'll drive you home.
Friends?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're...
...friends.
Are you going to the canteen, then?
No.
Lunch is on me.
Oh. Thank you very much.
By the way, lend me a fiver, I'm broke.
No wonder you're always broke
with what they charge in here.
Was she worth it?
What do you think?
It's going to be a bit awkward, isn't it?
Both under the same roof.
I mean, what are you going to do about Anna?
Yeah, well, she was last term, wasn't she?
Who's looking after the college?
Oh, the students have taken il over.
Graham, I would like you to meet...
Yes, we've met
Ricard for me, Charles, and the same again.
So, are you coming along to
the Thompson rally tonight?
Oh, I suppose so.
You?
Oh, I vote for him, that's enough. Isn't it?
(Laughs)
Thank you.
So, tell me,
how was that lady I saw you with last night?
Oh, that lady you saw me with last night...
It was a most successful evening.
She was fine. She was fine.
Yes, she was fine.
Tiere.
That's what it's all about.
Tits and arse
in the words of the immortal Lenny Bruce.
Badly.
Eamonn?
- I'm afraid I don't agree.
- Well, you wouldn't.
Those that can, do. Those that can't, disagree.
It's not your hopeless lechery
you're worried about.
It's your moral hang-up.
Oh, I'm randy enough.
I'm exceptionally randy.
Aren't I?
Oh, yes, he's randy.
If I could pick and choose like you
That's just the point. If you're really keen on it,
choosing doesn't enter into it.
- As long as they say yes.
- I cannot believe that.
You wouldn't.
Love's what you're after. We're not.
Not even as an ideal?
Ideals? Please!
What one wants
is lots and lots of lovely sex for ever.
- Eh, Patrick?
- Yeah, sure.
Well, more or I.
More or less? Of course that's what one wants.
But one can't keep on
just banging away for ever.
- Why not?
- Surely one reaches a point when...
When what, old sport?
Who says one reach a point?
I don't actually mean point.
What I mean is that...
When deeper things
should be taken into consideration.
I said nothing...
I said nothing of the sort.
Well, you didn't exactly say it, old sport.
But I'm beginning to suss that the madly-havable
Miss Bunn could be rather dangerous.
- Jenny Bunn?
- Well, we've just time for one more round.
Yeah, why don't you buy it? It's just up there.
What makes you think that Jenny Bunn
can be dangerous?
Look, old sport...
She may be a great lay
but the Jenny Bunns of this world are not for us.
- Watch out or she'll have you into a church.
- A registry office.
Listen...
Patrick Standish has no intentions
of marrying Jenny Bunn or anybody else.
Of course you've no intention.
It's got nothing to do with intention.
We do lots of things without intending.
The trouble is,
we men like to think that the new
sexual emancipation is our secret weapon.
The Jenny Bunns of this world know the truth.
It's theirs.
Sex, sex, sex...
that's all they think about these days.
Oh, howl hate Sundays.
- I've made some coffee if anybody wants it.
- Mm...please.
I wonder what's happened to Patrick.
DICK: You what?
I said, I'm surprised we haven't seen
more of Patrick these last few days.
Does he often pop in, then?
He used to.
Are we canvassing this morning?
No point till the pubs close.
The new party slogan!
Don'! worry about Martha.
It's her age, you know.
Jenny...
I know you'll think I'm an interfering old fool but...
while we're on the subject of Patrick...
- Patrick?
- Patrick?
Huh! He's a real drag, that one.
A real drag.
Now, Anna, we all know about
hell hathing no fury and so on...
...but in very many respects Patrick Standish
is a very worthwhile human being.
He's totally incapable of forming
a meaningful adult relationship
and I should know.
(Doorbell)
l'll get it.
Don't blow your cool over Patrick Standish,
baby.
It's always a groovy dinner...the first time.
The full scene.
After that it's a little boozer and into bed, hm?
DICK: The troops are out in force.
Hi. We were just wondering about
canvassing and things like that and...
Talk Of the devil.
Not on an empty stomach, please.
- Hello, Jenny.
- Hello.
Well, we were just wondering about canvassing
and things.
And I said lo Graham,
the silly bastards going lo lose
unless somebody presentable
goes out and tells people that he's not...
...not as wet as he looks.
He's on form. The lads on form.
It would be a help, actually.
PATRICK:
You're on, but not until the pubs close, OK?
Well, I'll gel myself together, then.
Yeah, you do that
Are you coming, then, Jenny?
No, thanks. I've got to wash my hair.
- Hello, Graham.
- Hello.
Jenny.
Look, I...
I came round here especially to see you.
Look...
all that stuff between Anna and I...
Well, it's all over.
It's just that 'rt takes a long time
for the penny to drop with her, that's all.
That's not the impression she gave me.
Well, it's true.
Look, I tell you what,
you say the word and...
...and I'll strangle her.
No.
No, she'd probably think I care.
I've got an idea.
Let's you and l... get in the car.
Hm?
Before Anna has a chance to grab the from seat
Graham?
Coming.
Here, wail for me!
Come on, come on.
(Church bells)
Well, the smart set seems to be out in force,
don't they?
- Let's move on.
- Oh, but I want to go here.
I've never been here before.
All right.
I tell you what, you and Graham
go and find a table somewhere...
...and I'll try and park the car, all right?
Thank you, God, for a lovely day.
We've done it.
- What?
- We've ditched them.
- I know this little boozer down the road.
- Oh, no.
Besides, we cant do that.
But this is a godsend. We can be alone.
Oh, it wouldn't be fair.
- But don't you want to get rid of them?
- That doesn't make any difference.
Besides, you can't use people like that.
- No?
- No.
Anyway, I'd feel rotten. Wouldn't you?
You're right, of course.
That's fixed them.
Patrick!
Oh, there you are.
Look.
Can't even breathe in there, let alone drink.
We're all going back to my house for
a lovely lunch with bottles and bottles of wine.
Who is this guy? He's beautiful.
Hello, there.
Forgive.
This is Jenny Bunn and Patrick Standish.
- And this is Wendy.
- Hello there.
Hello.
Looks like it's going to be a groovy Sunday.
Oh, Anna,
you know what Martha's like about meals.
Oh, well, call her if you're worried.
I couldn’t care less.
All right.
Can I have sixpence?
Haven'! I seen you before somewhere?
It's possible.
Wendy's on telly, Graham.
She gives away the prizes on Honeymoney.
Oh, of course. Well, I must say,
in the flesh you're even more attractive.
So they tell me.
I think 'rt might be better if Wendy
went in your car, Patrick.
- OK.
- She more or I knows the way.
GRAHAM: I'll go with Ormerod.
All light?
Yes. All right
There was a lot of 'Oh, it's all ready
to dish up' and that, you know. But...
Oh, um...
Julian thought 'rt would be a good idea if Wendy
came along because she sort of knows the way.
Oh.
- If you'd like to jump in the back with Anna...
- No, no, it's all right. I'll go with Julian.
I'll come with you, Julian.
Smashing car.
(Tires screech)
Oh, could we have the hood up, please?
It's my hair, you know?
Yes, of course.
Anna...
I'm not trying to use you, darling...
...but would you mind getting off your arse
and giving me a hand?
Bloody women.
Knock it down. Knock it down there.
It's so big.
Well, biggish.
Wow.
In here, loves.
I'll just put on some music.
Some ice...
...and feel out the food situation.
It's enormous!
Well...
(Music starts)
Does he live here all alone, do you think?
I gather there's usually a couple...
Portuguese, I think.
No, no, no.
I mean, does he live here on his own?
I mean, you'd think that a house this big...
...he'd be married or something.
I dinnae imagine he goes short of company
when he feels the need of it.
They're taking a long time.
Well, we got here very quickly.
Mm. Even so, they're a long time.
Er...Jenny, there was something I...
Yes, Graham?
Well, I was wondering whether...
...maybe you'd consider...
...going out with me one evening next week?
Well, would you?
It's very nice of you, Graham.
Um... can we...
Can we leave il open?
Er... l really didn't expect you to say yes.
We should have
turned left at the church after all.
Yes, we should.
I'd better back up.
Can't you go into that field and turn?
Yes, that's a good idea.
Will you get out and see I don't fall into a ditch?
Oh, Christ!
There's no call for vulgarity.
Come on.
(Starts engine)
Signal!
(Engine strains)
You're not cross with me, are you, darling?
No.
No, no.
Wendy...
Stop it, Wendy.
(Clears throat)
(Patrick clears his throat)
How can you be sure
they haven't had an accident?
Cos it's so much more likely to be Wendy's fault.
She thinks it's madly sexy
to be hopeless about anything practical.
Yes, yes, yes.
But, look, if the civil aviation people
have decided to have their new airport here,
then Dick Thompson
isn't going to make them change their minds
Perhaps not. But there is an alternative site.
He might just swing it.
Seeing as he's the only socialist on the council,
I'd have thought you'd have been better off
to have had the Tories on your side.
Maybe so. But I'm a... idealist.
- I mean, you know.
(Car approach)
Ah.
I told you there was no need to panic
(Clunk of oar doors)
Hello.
Groovy!
Oh, I'm sorry, we got lost and...
Wendy... No, that's not very gallant, is it?
Only we turned left instead of turning light
Hello.
We got lost.
(Titers)
- Drinks?
- Yes, why not?
I'll get it for you, darling.
Rescue me.
Drop dead, ''darling''.
- What'll it be?
- Oh, anything.
Me too. A great big one, please.
Time we all ate something.
Now, which one of you top super girls
is willing to...
Yes.
Me.
JULIAN: There'is very little to do. A salad.
A salad? I learnt how to make
a trippy salad dressing in Marrakesh.
Ideally you need some kif.
- Fresh out.
- Drag.
We'll give you a yell when it's ready.
It must be very interesting,
working in the mass media.
And not entirely unremunerative,
I would imagine.
Definitely.
(Whistles) Wow.
This is some pad, hm?
It's all coming down.
- Is it?
- They're going to build a new airport.
Are they?
They say there's a very interesting shell grotto
in the grounds.
Ormerod said it's almost unique.
Oh, well, why don't you go and have a look at it?
Well, I thought we might all have a look at it.
After lunch.
I think I'll have a look at it now.
(Wendy giggles)
You're an awful man.
Oh, um...
Julian sent me for the corkscrew.
Have you found it?
You're sick.
He's not all that good in bed, anyway.
Is he?
Oh, go to hell!
Maybe we'd do better
trying to make it with chicks.
- Ever think of that?
- Don't be disgusting.
If sex is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer.
Thai sounds vaguely familiar.
Anna, go try and round up the others, will you?
Well, I'll try.
(Jenny sighs)
Would it be all right if I went home now?
Now?
Well, I don't want to spoil your party.
You understand?
No, not really.
Patrick?
Tears?
He must be quite a lad. We must have
a talk about him one of these days.
Don't you... Don't you care about Wendy?
Care?
Wendy?
Well, that's not...not really...what she's for.
I mean, is it?
Ormerod here. Mm... a cab, please.
- But isn't she...
- Into town.
On the account
Thank you.
Hm?
Isn't she your um...
(Sighs)
...mistress?
(Laughs) No.
No, not really.
Well, I mean... Oh, we have it off once in a while.
She likes it.
I like it.
But caring doesn't really sort of come into it.
You know.
And is that all sex means to you?
A bit of fun?
I suppose you find that
a rather appalling attitude.
Well...
Better than Patrick's.
Well, she's welcome to him.
There's no need to be noble.
Wendy's got a rehearsal this afteroon.
She'll barely have time for lunch.
You've got digs at the Thompsons', haven't you?
- Mm.
- Then you must have met Pat Standish.
Hm?
You haven't?
Old sexy must be slipping up.
Old sexy?
He's the last of the professional bachelors.
He'll turn up.
Watch it.
Thanks for the tip.
Aha!
Hello, Dick.
I didn't hear you come in.
(Whispers) Good.
(Whispers) I didn't...
(Normal volume) ...didn't want to disturb...
...old thing upstairs.
Bad pres up there.
Oh, can't do anything right.
What's that you're drinking?
Cocoa.
Cocoa...
Oh, well...
I haven't been drinking bloody cocoa.
The way he pours them out.
Not singles. Not pub singles.
Not even doubles.
Bloody great trebles.
Who's ''he''?
Who's who?
The man who gave you all that drink.
Ah.
I'm with you.
Julian.
Mr Ormerod.
He's a socialist, you know.
Just because a chap has got money
doesn't mean to say that he can't be...
(Yawns) ...a socialist.
Well, I'm off to bed.
Yes, me and all. Christ!
- (Giggles)
- Here, let me help you.
Whoa-hoo!
Oh. Oh, Jenny.
Beautiful little Jenny.
(Both laugh)
- Come on, now.
Don't treat me like a bloody child.
I know I'm drunk, but I'm still a human being,
entitled to consideration and respect.
Of course you are.
I will not be humored. Now, Jenny, Jenny.
I want you to give me... a kiss.
One kiss, freely given.
And accepted with gratitude.
But... But not humbly,
because I am a human being
and I am entitled to consideration and respect.
- Good night.
- Oh, no, you bloody don't.
I've kept my hands off you all these weeks
and I'm fed up with it.
- Ssh!
- I don't see why these young...
- Now be a good lad.
- Don't give me all that good lad guff.
- I know how to please a woman.
- You're drunk!
Now cut it out!
- Ow!
(Thud)
Well, well.
Here we are, then.
(Groans)
- She's ruined me.
- You can't ruin a ruin.
Bed!
(Clears throat) My New Statesman.
Chop chop.
There's a good boy.
Next time pick somebody your own size.
- He only tried to rape me.
- Oh, rape!
He's just a dirty old man, dear.
If you'd said yes he'd have run a mile.
(Laughs) Yes.
Do you know what it's like to be married to Dick?
I mean, actually married to him.
Well, it's a joke, really.
Rape?
Do you know when we last did it?
Oh, surely that's not the only thing in life.
That's what you're thinking.
People must cope. Well, I'm coping.
- I'll find somewhere else at the weekend.
- Don't bother, dear.
I'll pay a month's rent, of course.
Don't be silly.
You mustn't throw your money around.
- No, I can't stay, not after what's happened.
- Nothing's happened.
Dick will have forgotten all about 'rt
in the morning.
Or at least he'll pretend he has.
He won’t try it again.
So you forget all about 'rt too, eh?
Just trot upstairs to bed.
All light?
I urge you to vote for Dick 'Thompson.
A man with young ideas
Vote fora man with a conscience.
Vote Thompson, the candidate you can trust
Ladies and gentlemen,
vote for a man with a mind of his own.
- Can I have your number, please?
- It's meant to be a secret ballot, ain't it?
- Yes, but...
- We only want your number.
It won’t tell us how you voted.
How do I know you don't go back in there
and find out who ain't voted?
And then use their number
to put your own candidate in.
Don'! be absurd.
This lady represents the socialists.
And I am a Conservative Party helper.
It's purely a matter
of checking up all the numbers
so we can find out at the end of the day
who hasn't voted.
- She's Labor, is she?
- Yes.
Well, I'll giveit to her, then.
(Whispers) 6832.
6832.
Well, don'! tell her!
Erm...
I was wondering if
when you've finished the voting
you'd like to come and have something to eat.
No, thank you. It's through there, the voting.
Look, Jenny, I know l behaved very badly
on Sunday. Unforgivably badly.
- And I'm not going to blame you...
- 3741.
What?
3741 .
Thank you.
(Hisses) Will you go away?
I will when you've listened to what I've got to say.
Er...4660 and 4661. Thank you.
Look, I'm ashamed of myself.
Really ashamed of myself. I behaved like a pig.
I'm not interested.
- Oh, can I have your number, please?
- Certainly not
Thank you. 1090.
1090. Thank you.
Jenny?
Well, really!
All right, Mr Big Heart-throb.
You've had your fun.
Kiss and make up and everything's on again,
cos who could resist Mr Teenage Idol?
Is that what you reckoned?
Well, you can bugger off!
Bravo, my dear.
2612.
♪ Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer
♪ We'll keep the red flag flying here
(cheering)
Speech!
You've all heard enough speech from me
in the last few days.
- You can say that again.
(Laughter)
Touché, touché.
Seriously, though.
In all seriousness, I would like to say a heartfelt
thank you to all those who've done their bit
towards achieving this truly fantastic victory.
SUPPORTERS: Hurray!
In particular I would like to thank my wife Martha.
Hear, hear!
Martha literally carried me through the final
dramatic hours of this campaign.
(cheering)
Let joy be unconfined.
I told you Dick Thompson
would make them change their minds.
Well, Miss Bunn,
you do help to improve the party image.
Oh!
- I didn't think you were coming.
- I changed my mind, didn't I?
- ...and must reappraise its policies.
- Yes, yes.
Must be flexible.
We mustn't betray our principles, of course.
- There is a very interesting...
- Excuse me a moment.
What do you want?
- There is one thing more.
- What?
- He is dead.
- What?
That man you're waiting for.
That decent, handsome, romantic fella
that won't lay you before you're married.
He's not around.
He had his head blown off in 1914.
- (Scoffs) There's plenty of men who...
- Oh, yeah, who won’t touch you.
Who respect you. Yes, there are. Lots and lots.
People like Graham.
Graham's much nicer than you are.
I am not saying that he is not.
But there's one thing you've got to face up to.
You dig bastards like me. You should go with
thoughtful people like Graham, but you don't.
You don't.
You are a bastard!
Yes, I am.
Yes.
Now get your coat.
All right, but only on my terms.
All right. Now get your coat.
All right.
Excuse me.
- Young lady's...
- Hm?
A pamphlet for the young lady. I...
♪ Down the road you fly
♪ When love is young
♪ And hearts are high
♪ Gin, I tell you now
♪ You're the only one
♪ I ever got to love somehow
♪ And I know now
♪ It takes a lot of loving
to make the world go round
♪ And 'rt will take a lot of loving
♪ A lot of loving
♪ To make up for all the things
♪ That are bringing me down
Jenny, listen.
Listen, it's a barrier your being a virgin,
don't you see that?
Nobody believes in virginity any more. Nobody.
♪ Girl, without a doubt
♪ You're the only one I ever got to care about
♪ And I know now
♪ It takes a lot of loving
to make the world go round
♪ And 'rt will take a lot of loving
♪ A lot of loving
♪ To make up for all the things
that are bringing me down
Phew.
The idea of virgin brides, Jenny, went out with...
well, with going to bed with tarts.
It's like thinking that nice girls
shouldn't enjoy sex.
- Jenny.
- Hm?
Oh, Jenny.
(Both giggle)
- No.
- Why?
- Because.
- Because why?
Just because - that's why.
(Exhales heavily)
Put the kettle on, love.
I'm dying for a cup of tea.
''I'm dying for a cup of tea.''
She's killing me.
(Chuckling)
One will just have to revise one's thinking.
- Don't you ever tell a lie?
- Constantly.
But we were talking about you, old sport.
Oh.
Well, that's over. That's finished.
She's had it, and I've had it.
I thought the whole point was nobody'd had it.
Oh, well, it's all very fascinating.
Do you feel frightfully, son of...thing about il all?
- No. No, I feel fine.
- So your weekends free?
You can say that again.
Good.
(Laughs)
You know, she's got a will of iron, that gilt.
An invisible line is in the middle of her thigh.
Above that is, 'Whose turn is it to make the tea?'
Where is the virginal Miss Bunn today?
She's gone up north for the weekend,
it's her mother's birthday or something.
(Both laugh)
- What are we doing here?
- Have faith.
Er...l was wondering er...
I was wondering if er...
Any chance of Martha coming along?
Sure. It will have to be at your own expense,
though, I'm afraid.
Martha's not in the budget.
Oh, yes... well, I'll er...
I'll er... Yes, light
Erm... Ah, yes. Yes!
Well, one needs to have faith, doesn't one, eh?
What is this?
Some magical mystery tour or something?
No, Dick's going on television tonight
to save my great big house.
- Big deal.
- No, only regional.
(Door closes)
I needn't have bothered to get dressed up.
Sony, love.
This commercial television -
very tally, I must say.
Well, fairly tally.
Ah!
- Don't forget to watch me.
- Hm.
Tonight we have in the studio,
two prominent and highly involved personalities
to argue the pros and indeed the cons.
On my right is Councilor Dick Thompson,
who opposes the present sits
on rather surprising grounds for a socialist
And to oppose him Sir Gerald Culthorpe Jones,
the permanent architectural consultant
to the Airport Commission.
We in the Airport Commission
are philistine by nature.
I'm as keen as any man on earth to have our
countryside kept for what it should be kept for-
that is for walking, for recreation, for leisure,
for pleasure, for sporting activities
I'd like to make a point here
before we stray of the straight and narrow.
We must...
There are other factors to be taken into account.
- Over here.
- The point is, we are...
- Hello, darling.
- ...straying a little from the point...
Oh, you've brought the lovely Patrick with you.
How super!
Yes, isn't it? Now get a drink, love, and shut up.
We're trying to watch this programme.
I realise er...
the necessity of airports
for those involved in air travel, particularity.
Yes, I think everyone does
And, well... I'm glad you admit that.
tn this particular case
I think that over 70 per cent of the villagers
have in fact expressed a desire to be rehoused
in modem rehousing.
Whereas Mr Ormerod doesn't want to be
rehoused - is that the basis of your argument?
I'm trying to look at it
from the architectural aspect of.
Do you seriously prefer that gimcrack
Palladian pile to a perfectly respectable
and well-mannered Queen Anne rectory?
Erm...well, it's more modem on the one hand.
It's a great deal bigger.
Old William Morris once wrote...
I think that old William Morris would have a great deal
to say about the ''Return From The Wars''.
What? The what?
The 15th-century pub which stands bang
in the middle of your proposed main runway.
- 'Then, of course, the 15th-century aims house...
- He's...bloody smooth, isn't he?
"The 17th-century wash-hand stand which
stands in the place of honour in the town hall.
Yes, there is that. There is that.
But I mean, 14th century, 15th century,
I mean, there's a difference.
And yet you seriously...
He's making a bit of a cockup of it, isn't he?
Shall we just go away? It might be kinder.
- Won’t he mind?
- Probably.
But I really don't think I shall be able to make
the right sort of noises.
(Babbles)
Then what are you pruposing to do?
What are you pruposing to do?
DICK: Because I think that is the right
soda-economize grounds for doing that
And what are your qualifications for saying this?
Well, I was talking to my wife last night
And is she an expert on 18th-century
architecture er any other architecture?
- She knows a lot more about it than I do.
- I think that's obvious to us all.
WOMAN: Well, apparently, there is this theory
that if this fluoride debate keeps up
the human race will be sterile in 20 years.
JULIAN: Yes.
- Did you say it was their house?
Hm? Those two?
Well, it's Daddy's, really. But he's had to go
and live in the West Indies for being so rich.
- Oh.
- Mm.
Apparently, these scientists in California
discovered that only a third of the human brain
is being used at any one time.
- That's what they say.
- Yes, well, I think man's intelligence
has completely outstripped his capacity
to be moral.
Anyway, you know the whole thing
is going to come to a head.
Yes.
Perhaps it's got something to do
with atomic tests.
Well, that's what I think.
JULIAN: Yes
- Drinkies?
- Mm-mn.
No more drinkies for you.
We don't want you falling asleep new,
do we, darling?
(Wendy moans)
My... strong...
(Wendy gigglesl)
Oh, what is it, darling? What's the matter?
Nothing.
I'll be all right.
That's good.
But nothing's happening.
Don't you find me attractive?
- Hm?
- Yes.
Yes, of course I do.
(Giggles)
You'd never guess, would you? (Laughs)
You know, I must have been more potted
than I thought.
There's a sexpot like
that just begging for it and...
(Pop) Nothing.
Was she very put out?
Yes, she was a bit.
She asked me whether I was...
...whether I was queer.
(Both laugh)
She would.
Wendy's got a very simple view
of human nature.
Yeah, but you know the funny thing about it,
I dug her.
I really dug her. What do you think of that?
What do I think about that, old sport?
I think you're in dead schtuck.
You're hung up on something you can't have.
Jenny? Do you mean Jenny?
- Don't say I didn't warn you.
- (Whistles)
You couldn’t have understood me.
I'm finished with Jenny Bunn.
Yes, so you say.
But the fad is Jenny doesn't do it
and now you don't either.
- I hope it's not catching.
- Yeah, but you...
All right. What do I do now?
- Get Miss Bunn into bed.
- What do you think I've been trying to do?
Ah, yes, but you've been playing by her rules.
You must go to her and say,
''Will you or won’t you?''
- Oh, I have.
- No, you haven't.
You've been saying,
'Will you or won’t you, please?'
(Mouths)
Oh! What are you doing here?
Well, I came to meet you.
Oh, yeah?
Do you want a lift?
You are full of surprises.
Yes, well, er...a surprise a day
keeps the doctor away, doesn't it?
Julian's having...
he's having a wake on Saturday.
For the house.
- He wants us to come.
- (Sighs)
So he lost his lovely old house, then?
How do you mean? Us?
Us.
What are we sitting here for?
Yeah, it's bloody silly, isn't it?
Well, it's your fault.
Yeah, OK.
Jenny, I want to ask you one question.
And I want you to think seriously
before you answer it.
Which is more important to you -
me, us or that virginity of yours?
Well, I can ask you the same question.
Which is more important - me, us or sex?
But you and me is us. Us making love is us.
Us having sex is us.
But look, if I say yes - if I say yes...
Well, then...
- What about after?
- Oh, sure it's a risk.
Yeah, it's a risk.
But it's a risk everybody has to take.
- Don't you see that?
- (Sighs)
That's marvelous, that is.
You make it sound like one of those
''grab machines'' in a penny arcade.
You may win a gold watch, but even if you don't,
you'll get a few Smarties and a plastic comb.
Why should I take that risk?
Why the hell should I?
Because if you don't, you won’t know.
You'll never bloody know.
Oh, sure you'll get married then you'll do it
in some hotel room in the Costa Brava
or wherever he bloody well takes you.
But you still won’t bloody well know.
But if you say yes, then I'll be giving, Jenny.
Giving for giving's sake.
Risks, sure - uninsured, uncovered,
no perks, no money back if dissatisfied,
just you and I alone, in bed,
making it.
But it's me that'll be risking everything, Patrick,
not you.
No, you're wrong again. I'm at risk too, I risk...
Well, sex for the fun of it,
all the birds I might have had.
- No, it's not the same.
- Yes, it is.
You're safe behind that virginity of yours
in exactly the same way as I'm...
I'm safe in my world of dollies and birds,
into bed and out of bed, and Bob's your uncle.
But if it works...
if it really works...
then it will be over for me too.
(Train passes in distance)
All right, then.
All right.
When?
Now?
Now?
Now.
(Engine revs)
Hang on.
No go.
Graham's upstairs watching Come Dancing
on television or something.
Oh.
A hotel.
Mr and Mrs Smith.
No loot.
I'm skim too.
I know. Harry will cash me a cheque.
(Car horn beeps)
Can you do me a favour? I need some cash.
I'm sorry, Mr Standish, the till's made up.
Won't she take a cheque, then? (Chuckles)
Erm...
He's er... He's made up the till.
- Oh.
- Mm.
(Sighs)
What now, then?
(Laughs)
We're behaving like a couple of kids, aren't we?
I tell you what.
Saturday...my place. Two o'clock.
I'll get rid of Graham if I have to kill him
and we'll have all the time in the world,
the whole afternoon.
Yes, yes. Anything. Anything you say, only,
please don't talk about it.
Right
(Laughs)
- Never?
- Yes
- Consummatum est?
- Not yet.
- Oh, I see. When?
- Saturday.
We'll try and make your bash later.
- Yes, well, do try.
- I will.
Well, it will be the last day in the old home.
If we can't erm...
I'll send you a signed testimonial.
Hang on. Hold that tiger!
It can slay till Monday.
- Sorry. But do try and come.
- Yes, wait...
Well, son of, aprés-ski.
(Laughs) Promise.
MARTHA: I am not coming!
l am not going to be seen in public with you
or bloody Julian Ormerod!
(Dick argues)
(Arguing continues)
MARTHA: He's a phoney! We had enough of it
Shut up! Stop screaming at me!
- What a shout up! No Patrick?
- He said he'd be along later.
It's 11:35. We've been asked for 12.
Do you think they'll be long?
DICK: I am going.
- Oh, the sooner the better, mate.
- How dare you!
- We ought to go.
Well, I'll try again.
They sound like they're getting tired. Hang on.
Tell them I'm leaving soon
whether they're ready or not.
(Argument continues)
Hello, Jenny.
- Hello, love.
- You look ready, at least.
I'm not coming, actually.
Oh?
You too?
- Neither is Patrick.
- Oh. Isn't he?
Well, I suppose I...
Yes, I suppose I could come for a while.
(sighs)
I could do with a drink.
MARTHA: ...has nothing to do with you. Piss off!
(Door slams)
Dick's coming. Martha isn't.
Well, that's something settled.
♪ Let me make you
♪ lnto somebody's somebody
♪ Cos without me, baby
♪ You're nobody's nobody
♪ I'm coming on strong
♪ Just watch me move, I'm tagging along
♪ I've got to, got to prove that I can make you
♪ Somebody's...
- Drinks?
- Oooh.
- It's awfully, sort of, thing, isn't it?
- Yes, ghastly.
Ah, here we are.
- Hey, Julian.
- Hello!
(All say hello)
- There's masses of food in the garden.
- Oh. Y.
- Hello.
- Hello
Ah, well, going down in style, I see.
Yes-
Sorry, I wasn't able to do anything
to stem the tide of progress,
but you know
once these planning johnnies get going...
- Don't give it another thought, Dick.
- Well, this will go down a fair treat.
Oh, there's masses.
Excuse me.
Jolly nice to see you, Jenny.
I thought you weren't coming.
I wasn't, but...
- Well, iechyd da.
- Chin-chin.
(Laughter)
- Ah, more people.
Hello!
Hello! Hello!
- Super to see you.
- Hello.
Hello.
(Camply) Hello.
♪ Just sit down, girl
♪ You might as well
♪ I'm into my thing
♪ I'm sure not everybody will tell
that you're somebody's somebody...
I told you Dick Thompson couldn’t pull it off.
On the contrary, he was invaluable.
Ah...
Julian. Graham.
Er...Graham, be a good chap and leave us
alone for a couple of seconds, will you?
- A few words.
- Of course, old sport.
Julian...
I was wondering whether you'd had a chance
to have a few words yet.
With who, love?
Well...your friends...in high places.
Well...no, actually.
Oh, well. Haven'! had time, I expect.
No, again, I'm afraid.
I took it for granted that you understood that...
Look, it's frightfully important in politics today,
you must come across on the box.
Oh, yes. Yes.
So...you're not going to...push me, then?
Well, I say 'push', it's just that I...
I have told one or two people you son of were.
Well, that was very rash of you, wasn't it?
And that's another reason for not
Politicians are meant to be discreet
You know?
WOMAN: Hi, Julilan.
- Hello.
Remember me?
I-I-I didn't mention your name.
Thanks, Julian.
♪ Got to tell you
♪ About the things I want
♪ You to do, baby
♪ And the things you can'!
♪ Just sit down, girl
♪ You might as well...
JULIAN: Ah, Jenny, love.
Er... introductions.
- This is Jenny Bunn...
- Hello. I have to go.
Can I ring for a taxi?
Excuse me. So soon?
Ah, yes, it's almost two o'clock.
Yes.
How do you know I had to be back by two?
Oops! Have I been frightfully indiscreet?
Oh, he told you. Patrick told you.
(Dick yells drunkenly) Capitalist Swine!
Ah - well, don't worry, Jenny, love.
It was just...boy talk.
You know? Boy talk.
Boy talk.
- Capitalist swine!
(Guests laugh)
The drink is on me.
Aha, it is, you know. Oh, if you only knew.
Everything on me.
Capitalist swine!
- Come along, Dick.
- Oh, capitalist swine.
Very mine...
- Come on, come on, come on.
- Ooh.
I think you'd better get the Councilor home.
That's easier said than done.
- Where's Jenny?
- I don't know. In the hall, I think.
Jenny, we... we've got to get Dick back home.
- Do you want a lift?
- No, thank you.
- Are you sure?
- Y.
I'm not going.
I'm not going.
Graham, for Gods sake, give me a hand,
before he throws up all over Julian's scene.
Yes, yes, yes. All right.
Oh...hang on.
(Giggling from upstairs)
Come here.
Come on.
- Capitalist swine.
- Hello!
ANNA: That's it, baby, you're doing fine.
Oh, look out, you... Oh.
(Door closes)
(Car drives away)
SPEAKING CLOCK: ...seconds.
(Three pips)
At the third stroke,
it will be 2:29 and 50 seconds.
(Pips)
(Drunken singing)
I feel faintly responsible...
...faintly guilty.
Patrick did tell me about your...afteroon.
But it shouldn't have mattered.
I wasn't thinking.
It was all my fault for letting it slip out
Unforgivable.
(Sighs) I do feel, though, Jenny,
it's frightfully important...
for your own sake, that you understand
how we chaps think.
We?e men and we think about girls
Girls we like, girls we don't like...
(Cork pops)
...gilrls we've had, girls we'd like to have had.
Girls that...
...girl's that don't.
And we talk.
We tell each other everything.
All about the sort of um...
before, during and after...
...and... we lie.
We lie about the girls we've had and...
...we lie about the girls we'd like to have had.
Even Patrick lies.
Poor Patrick.
(Ringing tone)
(Phone ringing)
(Ringing tone)
(Drunken muttering)
ANNA: There's a step!
- Oh, no.
- Push.
There's a letter for him by the phone
when he comes to.
- Where are you going, then?
- I'm leaving him.
That's frightfully disloyal of you, baby.
Trust Miss Hippy Bloody Bohemian
to take that line.
- Just get out of my way before I miss my train!
- Oh, charming!
Taxi! Taxi?
- Where's Jenny?
- She's still at Ormerod's.
Well, what the hell is she doing there?
- I suppose you took her.
- No.
Who asked you
to slick your bloody snout in this?
She wanted to go.
- Then why didn't you bring her back with you?
- She didn't want to come.
- Where are the keys?
- They're in my pocket.
Never again.
- Push him.
- Don't let him fall.
You really...must forgive Patrick...
...and the rest of us.
(Applies handbrake)
(Train horn)
(Train horn)
It... It's no-one's fault, actually.
I mean, 'fault' doesn't really enter into it.
It's like a game.
Sex is... is like a game.
A super son of...game.
A game in which no-one has to say no...
just yes.
(Clicks fingers)
Julian?
Oh, I wonder, have you seen Julian, please?
I think he's upstairs.
PATRICK: Julian?
Julian, I wonder whether...
Well... congratulations.
Yes, congratulations.
You...and Julian?
Why?
- Why?
- I don'! know.
What do you mean, you don't know?
I demand an explanation.
Well, I don'! have one!
He got you drunk...didn't he?
You just tell me he got you drunk.
- You smooth-talking bastard.
- Now, look...
- You knew she was my girl.
- Leave him alone and shut up. Shut up!
You told him. You told him about us!
And you did all this just to get even, is that it?
Hm?
- Thank you very much!
- Don'! lose your cool.
- Just shut your bloody mouth!
- You make me sick.
You make out you're so modern,
spout all that rubbish about risks and all that
and it doesn't mean a thing, not a thing, to you.
Oh, I meant it.
Yes, I meant it.
- I meant every word.
- Oh, you meant it!
Like you meant everything else
you could think up to throw at me.
''It's a barrier you being a virgin, Jenny.
Nobody believes in virginity any more.''
- I'm not gonna try...
- It was something to brag about with the boys!
- You even lied about that!
- Believe that, I won’t spoil your fun!
Fun? It doesn't seem to have entered your
mucky little mind that I might have loved you.
Love? That's rich coming from you.
Love's trusting somebody.
JENNY: Trust? Ha-ha!
Yes, trust! 'Ooh, I don'! seem
to have any cloth on.
We're just good friends, you know.'
Drop dead!
Jenny!
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ The sun begins to rise as I open up my eyes
♪ And I've got to get together again
♪ I don'! know maybe when
♪ But I've got to get together again
♪ A dream can never last
in a world that's moving fast
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ I don't know what 'rt would be
♪ But somethings got to happen to me
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ It would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you
♪ I knew the day I met you
♪ I just had to get you
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Stay beside you day and night
♪ And never let you out of my sight
♪ Cos it would take a girl like you
♪ To make a dream come true
♪ And maybe break my heart in two
♪ Yes, it would take a girl like you