Systemfehler - Wenn Inge tanzt (2013) - full transcript

WHEN SHE'S DANCING

Inge doesn't epilate
She doesn't mind

Hair in her armpits
Swaying in the wind

Bad haircut, no make-up
The girl doesn't smile

She never wears dresses
Cause that's not her style

Inge wants to change the world
She recycles

Bringing bottles to the bottle bank
In her self-knit sweater

She likes the nerdy type
Rather than cool guys

Because she likes to talk.
But. . .

When Inge is dancing
She like to spaz out

Make you lose your mind



When Inge is dancing
She jumps like a hippie

Barefoot in the sand

When inge is dancing, dancing, dancing
She dances alone

Come on, Inge
Please stop dancing, dancing, dancing

Come on, Inge!

- This is great! We'll kick ass!
- Yeah, today is the day!

If nothing goes wrong now, we made it!

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, my friends, life is funny.

I always wanted to be a rock star.

Money, chicks, all of it.
You know the drill.

But when I'm about to make
my dreams come true, I mess up.

How the hell did that happen?

Well, I'd better rewind.



Where are they?

And who's idea was it
to load up the bus before school time?

Don't forget your interview
for the internship today at three.

Three o'clock on the dot, not ten past.

Sure. Bye!

Interview? I thought
you were taking a six-month break?

Yes, but my life planning doesn't agree.

If your dad's a management consultant
you're screwed.

But royally screwed.

- Where's our van?
- I sold it.

What?

How else would I have bought my new amp?
The old one was ready for the trash.

Great, we just need an audience.
Then we'll get started.

Chill out.
I sold the van to Fabio.

You sold it to Fabio?

Can he even drive?

I take that question back.

Will someone help me carry my amp?

Since when am I your intern?

Max, this van's a real firecracker!

- But what a shitty time to load it up.
- Is this Whiners Anonymous?

Disgusting!
Take it away.

Relax dude, it's a cute little spider.
Look at it.

I have arachnophobia.
I even have a certificate.

A certificate? From Spider-man?

- Take it easy guys.
- Get rid of it.

- Come on, hurry up.
- Wait a minute. Let me make some space.

Let's move it, Hildegard.

- Do you have her day and night?
- Stop whispering, she's deaf.

I only have her half the day
for another eight weeks

and then
this stupid community service is over.

I locked the rehearsal room, dude.

Try not to trash it today.

Why not'?

- Because Red Music contacted us.
- What?

They heard "When Inge is Dancing"
and liked our demo.

They're sending someone.

- Awesome, dude!
- That's great, man!

But we can't mess up again.

We need a professional show
and a great sound.

So, no posing, no self-doubt
and no mind-expanding substances.

Okay? Sound check at six o'clock sharp.

- Okay? Alright?
- Yeah, no problem.

Red Music!

Red Music, guys.
How great would that be?

That would be awesome.

Then my dad would finally
stop his career bullshit.

Would you like to switch dads?

Are you serious? Your dad's chilling
in Cuba and doesn't bother you.

My dad bugs me every single day.

You've got a point, compadre.

I was thinking about women.
They'll all be after us, right?

No, just after you.

Well, maybe with some exceptions.

Inge. Great to see you.
I love how you ignore fashion trends.

I know you have to impress your pack.

But maybe
you could skip your idiotic banter?

Of course. What's your problem?
Apart from your dress?

You are my problem, Max.

Because you lust after me.

Very funny.

Hey, it's Inge, the dancing queen.
Everything okay?

Please get to the point.
More people want to insult me.

I want you punk twats...

"Punk rock twats."
Please continue.

I want you punk rock clowns
to stop playing that song about me.

- What song?
-"When Inge is Dancing." What else?

Why do you think it's about you?

Because my name is Inge and
I'm the laughing stock of the school.

- But it could just be a coincidence.
-It's a coincidence.

It's about a different Inge.

Okay, Max, I'll tell you in a way that
even a deaf amoeba would understand.

You're not playing that song!
Understood?

No way!
"When Inge is Dancing" is our hit.

Without "lnge"
we'll never get our record deal.

Record deal?

How very important.

Instead of that commercial crap,
you could help the community.

Like playing
at the Summer Charity Festival.

The Summer Charity Festival?

Are you serious?

Okay, listen. If we were to play
at the Summer Charity Festival,

you'd be the first one I'd call.
I promise.

But until then
we're in the music business.

That means we're after women and money,
princess.

But maybe a flower child like you
can't grasp that.

- Arsehole.
- I thought you were a pacifist.

Inge, dance for me.

One more time
and I'll dance on your grave.

The song is about Inge Grabowski.

- Grabowski, the 12th grader?
- Yeah.

But that's a guy, his name's lngo.

Right. Of course.

You pop stars think
you can get away with anything.

- Trashing the place, smearing walls.
- We didn't do that.

I don't care. You're still responsible.
It's everywhere, on walls, tables...

Why is it our fault?

Are you messing with me?
Aren't you "System Error?"

Sure, but that only says "error."

It could've read "modem error."

- Or "observational error."
- Or "erection error."

You little smart-arses.
It read "system error."

It's a shame you destroyed the evidence.

Don't you watch CSI, Mr Lohmeier?

Hands off the crime scene.

So you want war?

You can get it.
No problem, I'll remember.

Now get lost, and take the can with you.

Relax.

The nerve.

That's not what I call music.

Great.

Thank you, Inge.

Important notice: the school library
will be closed due to illness.

Shit! I hope it's nothing serious.

Very funny, Hochanger.

Before I confront you with the grades
from your last exams,

I want you to know that
the teacher's band, "The Fab Three",

will be playing
at the festival in two days.

I promise you it'll rock.

Damn, I didn't know you guys could rock.

Maybe we could still play?

Fine, let's start with you, Hochanger.

Brilliant as always: zero points.

What? Wait a minute.

- It was about...
- Baroque music.

Not rock music played in bars.

Almost.

- Okay, so where's Lukas?
- I don't know. Over there somewhere?

I said there'd be no trouble today.

Lukas, what's wrong?
We're up next.

Max, I can't play.
It's just not possible.

Dude, of course you can.
Drop the act.

It's not an act.

Look. Do you see?
Weird, huh?

What's going on with you?
You played every gig.

Sure, until they arrived.

- Who are "they?"
- Girls.

Dude, girls don't bite. Okay?

Maybe by accident sometimes.

You always wanted to have a girlfriend.

Okay, come on. I've got an idea.

Fabio, we need something
to help him relax.

What about our ban on drugs?

It's lifted.
It's an emergency.

Damn, not now.

- What's that?
- I don't know.

This is given before operations.

Are you still stealing
from your dad's practice?

At least I care about my dad's work.

- Feeling better?
- Everything okay?

Well, then we can't fail!

Good evening, we're System Error
and this is "Consumption infarct."

Dear beloved customer
We're opening counter three

Special offer, no exchange
So goodbye forever

Little crap at high prices

The expensive shit company
welcomes you

First t thought t don't need anything

But then I bought a second just in case

Who knows what happens tomorrow?
It's a unique offer

What you have you have
And that's the only way to relax

You want to consume?
Come join the queue

Cause everyone wants a piece
The sale is on!

Buy,buy,buy,buy,buy,buy,buy!

Consumption infarct!
Consumption infarct!

Gucci, Prada, Prenzlauer Berg
And your kid's learning how

To walk, walk, walk, walk
To the organic market

Pay money, vote liberal,

I can't eat as much
As I want to puke

Must have, need, want
consume, buy, ought to

Five, four, three, two, one,
It's mine!

Inge opens her mouth
And you want to shrivel

But if you tell her to shut up
She will start to snivel

Inge likes animals
But she's a bad lay

Anything you say
she considers harassment

Throwing stones, rebelling
She'd rather ask

She thinks wearing
a Che Guevara shirt is enough

First row, water balloon fight
She gives it her all

Wet t-shirt contest
Everyone has seen enough

When Inge is dancing
She likes to spaz out

Make you lose your mind

When Inge is dancing
She jumps like a hippie

Barefoot in the sand

When inge is dancing, dancing, dancing
She dances alone

Come on, Inge
Please stop dancing, dancing, dancing

Come on, Inge!

What's going on?

Joscha, everything alright?

Dude, are you okay?

No, I think I broke my hands.

- Nonsense.
- Shit! It hurts like hell.

- Why are we whispering?
- Hey guys, everything alright?

- Dan Biermann, Red Music.
- Sure. Of course. Hello.

I'd let you open for Madsen
in Musikwerk this Saturday,

but I guess you can't anymore.

Madsen in Musikwerk?

Of course we can.

He just strained his fingers a little,
ah... bruised them.

Plaster on it, some rest, and it's fine.

Listen carefully.

I've had enough of school bands
who don't show up at the gig.

Their mums are angry,
something hurts or their grades suck.

For this to work,
I have to rely on you 100%. Understood?

- Of course.
- Not 98%, not 99%, but 100%.

-100, one zero zero. Of course.
- Alright.

- So you want the gig, or?
- No "or." We're there, right?

That was clearly a "yes."

I'll give you half an hour.

I want to hear "When Inge is Dancing".
The other songs you can pick yourselves.

Time to go.
Give me your number, I'll call you.

- Can I have another beer?
- Sure.

- This is my mobile number.
- Sure.

- And this is our office number.
- Sure, of course.

- I'll call.
- Okay, thanks man.

Was that amazing or what?

That's something,
employing a nude band.

I respect that.

What do you mean, "no stress?"
He's stripping again.

- What are we going to do with him?
- Come on, relax.

He just took a bit too much
and drank too little. Overdose.

- Did you take some, too?
- You lifted the ban.

- Now what?
- Nothing, just relax.

They know me around here.

You can sit just around and chill.

This is amazing!

Master...

- We have a problem.
- Good evening.

I see.

- Max?
- Yeah?

Oh shit, right.
I'll go get a doctor.

- I used to have one just like that.
- Really?

So, what's happening?

We'll keep both your friends here,
so they can sober up.

The other one
tore a tendon in his left hand.

- His right hand capsule is damaged.
- Not broken?

So, he just needs a plaster
and some rest?

It will take a few weeks to heal.

A couple of weeks?

- Shit.
- You're telling me?

Looks like we'll need a new guitarist.

I can't be replaced.

I have a unique style.

It's just one gig.

You want to do a casting call?

I play the flute even better
than I play guitar.

Please.

Shit.

He's good.

We're screwed.

I told you I'm irreplaceable.

Shit, uncle Herb. Why now?

It's a disaster.
It's the worst that could've happened.

And? Do you like it?

It sucks.

It hurts my back after only 15 minutes.

Try this one.
It's a marvelous model.

One of our big sellers.

And you know all about those, right?

- Your best bet is Inge.
Jnge?

She's the most talented guitar student
I've ever had.

It's way too narrow.

I can't even turn in my grave
if he's messing up again.

Herb, Inge is a complete dweeb.

She's a party-pooping hippie freak.

This one sucks, too.

Herb, would you please
drop the whole dying act?

You know you're still fit. Just because
you haven't had a hit in 30 years...

In 28 years.

"Roses from Hawaii" stayed
in the charts for four weeks.

At the top of the chart.

Roses from Hawaii

They show you that I love you

That I'll always stay with you

Those were great lyrics.

- I can't stand seeing you in a coffin.
- It could soon be reality.

Max, I might not be there
for your garden party.

This isn't polyester, or is it?

- No, it's 100% silk.
- Really?

I'm allergic to polyester.

Quite a handicap when you were working
in pop music in the 70s.

- Could I?
- Of course.

This is really going too far.

Herb...

I don't know what I'd do if you...

Max, that's really sweet,
but I like to be prepared.

You should be, too.

That's why I strongly advise you
to ask Inge.

It sounds like the lyrics
of a pop song, "Ask lnge."

Let's close this thing.

This one's great.
I'm staying!

Roses from Hawaii

It's incredible.

Forget it.
The acoustics in there suck.

BIG HUGS,
YOUR MUM

- Don't you ever knock?
- I did.

I even paid the entrance fee.

So, Herb, the garden party's on, right?

Sure, but don't ruin the lawn again
and don't throw the sofa in the pool.

But if I pass away by then,
you can do whatever you like.

- Herb?
- Yes?

If you really die...

Then I'll have to deal
with all that burial crap.

Maybe you don't care,
but my parents will show up.

- You wouldn't do that to me, would you?
- I'd rather not.

Let's be honest, it would be terrible
for the band's image if Inge joins.

She's just too "organic"...

Who cares?
We could use a woman in the band.

You mean you could use a woman.

At least she can play guitar.

I could play Joscha's parts on keyboard.
I'm not doing much anyway.

Have you even heard our music?

We play guitar punk, dude.

- Guitar punk rock.
- Guitar punk rock!

That's why I don't have much to do.

Compadres, let's face it.

We have no choice.

We have to make a deal with the devil.

That's why we're sending in
our best man.

Take care, okay?

What's wrong with you, you Peeping Tom!

Is Youporn down today?

Sometimes you get to know someone
from a whole other angle.

- What do you want?
- Right.

We... I mean, I...

I mean, we...

Okay, listen up.
Here's the deal...

Joscha injured his hands, but we have
an important gig on Saturday.

It's just a few songs,
but they're very important.

- So, you thought to yourself...
- So, I thought to myself...

Why don't I ask...

Why don't I ask you.

- Because?
- Because you're a good guitar player.

- Because I'm a good guitar player?
- Yes.

That's just pathetic.

You've tortured me for years
with your macho bullshit.

You've been tormenting me for weeks
with your song...

And now you think
I'll join your band to save your arses?

Okay, I get it.

Okay-

- Count me in.
- Excuse me?

I'm in.

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

That is, on my terms.

- Your terms?
- Yes.

Max, from now on you can
no longer call her "princess."

What then?

-"Inge," for example.
- Sure.

Anything else?

We have to accompany the freshman choir
at the charity concert.

Shit, I knew she'd make us do that.

Unfortunately, I can't help you there.

This is your chance, Fabio.

Fuck, she isn't kidding.

She also demands to deflower Lukas.

- She shot herself in the foot there.
- What?

Very funny.

We can't play "When Inge is Dancing."

That's impossible.

I promised Dan Biermann we'd play it.

Part of that 100 fucking per cent.

This sucks.
We're screwed!

Record deal, tour, the charts.

All because our lead guitarist
thinks the stage is as big as his ego.

Are you serious?
Now it's my fault?

Why did our lead singer call the song
"When Inge is Dancing?"

Why not Mandy or Heidi, or your mother?

It's too late to change it, right?

It's already on the radio.

Exactly, that's what Biermann wants.
Not Mandy or your fucking mother.

- I'll die a virgin.
- Better a virgin than an intern.

I'll have to go there now.
Shit!

This gig would've prevented all that.

What if we comply with lnge's demands
and are nice to her?

Maybe we can convince her then.

Maybe Fabio's right.

We don't have anything to lose.

Let's try it.
There she is.

Remember,
extremely friendly and charming.

- Now get out there.
- Come on.

- So?
-Well, prin... Inge.

We rehearse at three o'clock,
in the basement.

And then... And...

This is...

Our demo CD.

How about notes?

Wow, Inge, great haircut!
You really look great.

Yes, you're not like those chicks
we do backstage.

A lot more classy, honestly.

Wait, Inge.
Those three are on drugs, okay?

- I can write the notes down for you.
- Really?

- That went well, right?
- Great!

We'll regret it, compadres.

Where the hell is she?

- Is "Hi" short for "Sorry I'm late?"
- Relax.

I had a meeting for the festival
and I listened to the demo.

And? What do you think?

I'd love to know, too,
but we don't have time.

Would you mind not smoking in here?

That wasn't in your notes.

You know what Mrs Stranger would say.

"Cigarette smoke is the best protection
against pregnant women."

Compadres, we need three songs.

"Drinking for a Better World,"
has a cool intro.

- I think we...
- I'm sorry.

This is a band decision, okay?

Let her, we could use a third opinion.

- I agree.
- This is going great.

I think you're really missing

something a little slower.

It might work commercially as well,
as it would attract a wider audience.

But you'd have to show
another side of yourselves.

Like a love song.

- What?
- A love song, Max.

"Love", you should know that.

It's basically the same as "self-love",
but for another person.

Right, love.
Speaking of clichés.

Inge, from a musical perspective,

what do you think about it?

Musically? Don't get angry,
but isn't it all the same?

I wrote the notes down myself.

- Your music theory is a little rusty.
- Sure.

How do you make it sound all fuzzy?

It's called "overdrive," not "fuzzy."

Pure sex.
Aren't your panties on fire?

I'm not wearing any.

So, all your songs basically...

go something like this...

I don't like the way you look
I hate your face

I only like your sister
Or actually, I don't

And then you jump angrily
up and down on the stage.

Right?
'Very funny,

You know, even without your help...

You're about to sign a record deal?

I think you already told me that.

So, what are we playing?

"Drinking for a Better World,"
because of the intro.

Fabio.

We could play the intro
of "When Inge is Dancing",

just in case...

I thought I'd made myself clear.

If you want to play that, I'm out.

Okay,
then we'll try "Consumption infarct".

Okay-

What? I played exactly
what's written here.

Exactly. Where's the fire?
It has to rock, with passion.

- It should rock more?
- Yes.

That's terrible.

Okay, block it with your fingers.

Put your right hand on the strings,

and relax your left hand,
so it sounds more aggressive.

No, it still sounds shit.

Try rage. Maybe there's someone
you hate with a passion.

Right...
Great, thanks.

Use that feeling when you play guitar.

What if I add a triplet at
the fourth beat of the second measure?

What did you always do?

It's really quite easy,
there's a trick...

Joscha, you have let her show you that.

Well, that's actually wrong.

She should actually...

Dear beloved customer
We're opening counter three

Special offer, no exchange
So goodbye forever

Little crap at high prices

The expensive shit company
welcomes you

First t thought t don't need anything

But then I bought a second just in case

Who knows what happens tomorrow
It's a unique offer

What you have you have
And that's the only way to relax

You want to consume?
Come join the queue

Cause everyone wants a piece
The sale is on!

Buy,buy,buy,buy,buy,buy,buy!

Consumption infarct!
Consumption infarct!

Gucci, Prada, Prenzlauer Berg
And your kid's learning how

To walk, walk, walk, walk
To the organic market

Pay money, vote liberal

I can't eat as much
As I want to puke

Must have, need, want
Consume, buy, ought to

Five, four, three, two, one,
It's mine!

Hello there, ladies.

- And you, too, of course.
- Arsehole.

Take up your pens and write this down.

My traditional pool party is on Friday,
and Saturday we're playing at Musikwerk.

And you're both coming. Okay?

- What is it now?
- Lazy bastard.

I've been setting up for you all day,

and you just hang around here and...

chat up your groupies?

Do you need anything, or are you just
showing off your wonderful personality?

- Did you insult him?
- The flower boy?

- Yes.
- I have no idea.

Max, yes or no?

I don't know, they all look the same.

- I probably insulted a few.
- Why?

Because they got in the way
during the soundcheck,

so I kindly asked them to go away.

He said, "Get lost or I'll shove
your stalk up your mouth."

Yes, but you don't know the context.

Then he kicked me and said,
"Sod off, you bratty little dweeb."

That sounds about right.

I mean it.

Could you try not being
an anti-social prick for just one day

and co-operate instead?

What do you want from me?

We made a deal:
We're accompanying your shitty...

pretty flowers. . .
That's our deal, okay?

If it doesn't concern our performance,
take care of it yourself.

Okay, if that's the way you want it.

Could you take the big flower costumes
out of their boxes?

- Put them in the guy's dressing room.
- Okay.

I think I do have something
that directly concerns your gig.

- You wouldn't dare.
- You'll see.

Oh, before I forget...

Don't you dare not wear those costumes,

or else you'll be alone on stage
Saturday. Understood?

- I've never looked so ridiculous.
- Is she nuts?

How embarrassing.

She's taking the piss!

At least I'm not a spider.

I won't stand a chance
with the girls now.

- Honestly, how do I look?
- Like a stupid flower.

You won't have to worry about stage
fright, as no one will recognise you.

Enough. She can forget about it!

Relax! You'll break the stalks.

I don't care.

Fabio, you'll play the guitar parts
on keyboard.

- I thought it wasn't possible?
- Relax already, we'll manage.

-"We?" What will you be doing?
- Stop it, guys.

Think about the record deal on Saturday.

Do you want to risk it because of this?

- Do you?
- No.

- We'll make it.
- Look at the crap we have to play.

You can't smoke in here,
it interferes with photosynthesis.

Photosynthesis!
Because you're a flower...

Spring is in the air

Everything is starting to blossom

Here, there and everywhere

Flowers are blossoming in the field

They're white, blue, red and yellow

Isn't it a wonderful sight?

Next up are Mrs Stranger
and Ménage a Two's.

The Fab Three.

Next up, Mrs Stranger
and the Fat Three.

We're the Fab Three.

I'll speak to you later.

Herb, I don't know
what color options they have.

- No.
-Max! Max!

- Hurry up!
- What are you doing?

- I'm naked!
- What?

Have you gone completely mad?

Did you take one of Fabio's pills?

He said these were different,
but it has the same effect.

Why did you strip naked?

I don't know.
Everyone's so happy and naked.

- I just had to undress, you know?
- I don't.

Those freshman punks stole my clothes.

Max, you've got to...

- I have to finish talking to Herb first.
- Hurry up!

Max!

Herb, I don't care about coffins.

Who cares if they're oak or ash?
You're not going to die.

And we're not playing at your funeral,
as it's canceled.

Please drop the whole dying swan act.

Yes, me, too.

Hi, Mrs Stranger. No encore?

Now listen carefully, Hochanger.

I'm not going to let
a little prick like you

make a fool of me
in front of the whole school.

"The Fat Three!"

I've had enough of this.

I've had enough of your provocations.

Give me the keys to the rehearsal room.

Because I won't support
your music either.

But Saturday's concert
is really important.

I couldn't care less.
Give me the key.

No, we just put
all our instruments in there.

You're going to give me that key,
immediately!

Now our band's reputation is ruined.

Ever heard of street credibility?

- You supported it, because Inge...
-lnge, Inge... I can't stand that name.

Why do we let
that little nature freak mess with us?

She won't play
"When Inge is Dancing" anyway.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

- Anything else?
- Yes, there is.

I think it's messed up that Inge
plays different guitar parts than me.

The groove is destroyed.
It will be a huge problem on Saturday.

That's the least of our problems,
compadres.

- Stranger took the rehearsal room keys.
- What?

- We lost our instruments.
- Great.

Well, at least you got your kicks.

- Then we're done for.
- Of course not.

We have to get it back tonight,
so we can rehearse in the morning.

- We'll break into the school.
- You're kidding.

Do you have a better idea?

Forget it, I won't help with that.

Forgot about street credibility?

But if we get the record deal
on Saturday, you're back, right?

- What do you mean?
- Think about it.

It's no big deal, guys. I did it before.
It's a piece of cake.

Wait a minute. No, that was a movie.
"Ocean's Eleven."

Sorry.

Well guys, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

- Wrong. You'll drive the van.
- What? I...

And there's my personal nightmare.

Inge!

- When are we rehearsing?
- We have to steal our instruments back.

- Stranger took our keys.
- What's wrong with you?

Did she catch you smoking?

Why don't you just write it
on a blackboard?

If you go up the canopy, through
the louvre windows to the staircase,

then through the toilets,

and then via the air shaft
to the rehearsal room,

you can exit through the side entrance.

There won't be an alarm.

Who wants to steal
the chalk from the blackboard?

Should I repeat it more slowly?

Thanks, but we know how to break in.

Inge, we'll meet tomorrow at three.

- Where?
- I'll ask Herb if we can play there.

- I'll get back to you.
- Okay.

'BYE. Inge.
- Bye.

The good thing about dying is...

That I'll soon see Janis Joplin
and Jimi Hendrix in person.

Roy Black and Rex Guildo,
and Flipper and Lassie.

And Marilyn, of course.

I hope she still looks
as foxy as she used to.

What do you think of my outfit?
Too morbid for a funeral?

Well...
I'm really happy we can rehearse here,

but could you tone down the "I'm dying"
show a little? For the band?

My death shouldn't embarrass you, Max.
If I can handle it, you can.

Perhaps something a little more modest?

- Modest?
- I wore it at Dieter Thomas Heck.

In '72 or '73.

I topped the charts for two weeks
with "Cuban Geraniums".

They sure beat chestnuts

it was "Greek Geraniums".
Don't start that Cuba shit again.

"Cuba shit"?

I'll keep stirring up shit
until you call them.

Herb, please don't start this again.

But you're the one who just took off.

That's why I keep bringing it up.

- When I think about how...
- That's enough!

"How she must have felt.
I was still a minor and stole money..."

I can't hear it all again! Okay?

Or perhaps something a little warmer.

Yes, in case there's a drought.

Here's the plan.

First we climb the gymnasium.

Then we get to the canopy

and reach the staircase
via the louvre windows,

climb into the air shaft in the toilets,

and then we're in the rehearsal room.

We take the instruments out
via the side entrance and drive off.

Okay-

- Can we trust her?
- Hildegard? Absolutely.

Shall we synchronize our watches?

I don't believe time passes
at a pace measurable by watches.

I'm probably most experienced.

- Because of that movie, of course.
- Sure, he's a pro.

Give me a leg-up.

This shit came from your shoes.

No, from Lohmeier's dog.

I've got shit on my hands!

So, I guess that stuff
on your shoulder isn't chocolate?

This is it.

Shit.

Screwdriver.

- Dude, be careful.
- I am careful!

That was our only flashlight.

Now I just have to very carefully...

Watch out.
Don't make so much noise.

- Shit!
- Are you okay?

Everything alright?

Now what? Do we climb in?

- You take the lead.
- I did it.

Shit, it's dark in here.

Doesn't one of you have a lighter?

- You might.
- Me?

Of course!
I even brought my Zippo lighter.

Hold it.

- Don't tell me you're going to smoke.
- Why not?

- Fire alarm?
- Nonsense. Where did I put them?

Great against dandruff.

Run to the toilets!

Turn the bloody lights on!

This way!

Just turn everything on!

What's gotten into him?

Everything off!

What the hell is going on?

It doesn't look half bad, compadre.

No dude, very eighties.
Boney M.

Give me a hand.

Fabio, come on. Let's go!

- Everything okay?
- Fabio, come on.

Go to where you see light,
drop down and we'll catch you.

Fabio?

- Shit.
- I thought you'd catch me?

Shit, my drum kit!

I'm going to check the school.
I'll be back in a bit.

- I have to go check on the school.
- What?

The school!
Shut up already.

- I... Shut up!
- What?

- What should I do?
- I... Who cares... Let's go.

Dude.

So, everything okay?

Fabio set his noggin on fire again,
otherwise it went fine.

- Come, help us carry the stuff.
- How am I supposed to do that?

Very funny.

Oh shit, Mr Lohmeier.

Guys. Guys!

Mr Lohmeier is coming!

Dude... What?

What's his problem?

Joscha!

Mr Lohmeier. Hurry!

Stay right there, Fabio.

Shit. What's he doing here?

- Hello, Mr Lohmeier!
- Get down.

Jnge?
- Great to see you.

What are you doing here?

- I have a problem.
- What kind of problem?

Shut up already.

I was over at a friend's place
and it got late,

and then some idiot
screwed the valve off my tire.

Mr Lohmeier,
would you walk me home?

I get scared walking alone at night.

I'd like to, but...

I heard some ringing in the school.

And I thought
I saw light burning somewhere inside.

I just want to make sure
nobody broke in.

- You could join me for a minute.
- No, I really can't join you.

Because my parents would kill me
if I don't go home right now.

Okay, I see.

- He heard something.
- Really?

I understand, I'll be on my way then.

I'll be fine.

They did catch that rapist, right?

- Oh well, enjoy your evening. Bye.
- Bye.

What's wrong with you?
Have you gone mad?

Inge, wait... I...

- I'll walk you home.
- Okay, great.

Thanks.

Two animal lovers on a walk.

I don't know if you know,
but I'm in Max Hochanger's band.

He's such an idiot.

You're telling me?

A friend of mine told me
that his macho attitude

has everything to do
with his erectile dysfunction.

Tell me about it.

I mean, I know what you mean.

- Dude, that was close.
- Yeah.

- That was really nice of her.
- I got it.

- Max!
- Where's our stunt driver?

- I'll call him.
- Max!

- Erectile dysfunction?
- Dude!

Joscha?
He's gone, you can come back.

Did you expect that?

I'll recommend her
for a Nobel Prize, okay?

What was that all about?

- I wanted to save the van.
- How noble.

ONE MESSAGE FROM MARIA (CUBA)

MESSAGE DELETED

I'M IN THE HOSPITAL,
DON'T FORGET ME. HERB

- Herbert Kénig?
- Second door on the left.

Hello Max!
Just a minute.

We're making a plaster cast
of my most valued member.

- For the hall of fame.
- Keep it up, Herb.

It just has to harden.

- The plaster.
- Right.

I see. I'll go get a cup of coffee.

- Have they left?
- Yeah, come in.

Herb...

Those two were the hottest groupies
in the scene.

They made plaster casts
of all the singers' cocks

and collected them for the future.

Why only now?

There were tumescence problems
back then.

If you catch my drift. Drugs, alcohol...

- But this time it worked.
- Congratulations.

So, why are you here?

A nurse still owed me
a free haemodialysis.

Women...

A huge, unfathomable world.

By the way, how are things with Inge?

Well, she can play guitar alright.

I never thought
she'd play "When Inge is Dancing".

To be honest, she hasn't, actually.

- Yeah, I know.
- And?

I'm just waiting for the right moment.

- But the gig's in two days.
- You're telling me?

- Herb!
- Hi, Inge.

Come here.

I just bumped into two crazy women
with a plaster cast and your name on it.

A big one?

Well, I have to get going.

We're rehearsing tomorrow at three.

- Okay.
- Be careful with my things.

Inge, about yesterday night...

- That was...
-it's alright. Forget about it.

Great, then...

And, how do you like the band life?

Well...

It's okay.

Max is not home
and I am dying.

Please leave a message.

This is Dan Biermann of Red Music.

You have a photo shoot
at half four in Musikwerk.

We have to be careful with Herb's stuff.

Shit, dude!

You know what Herb is like.

Buy an Apple, drink till you drop,
Protest, join the parade

Hardcore porn, Aldi withdrawal

Invest, cash in,

Lobbyists, consumer
Businessmen, competitor

Nine to seven, never strike,

Unions, like them on Facebook

Everything is shit

Everything is garbage

There really is nothing
That I want from you

I wouldn't even piss on you
If you were on fire

Cause everything is shit

Shit, shit, shit

Everything is shit
Everything is garbage

There really is nothing
That I want from you

I wouldn't even piss on you
If you were on fire

Cause everything is shit

Okay. great!

Inge, that was really great.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- Thanks.

We just have to work
on your stage appearance.

- My what?
- Stage appearance.

What's wrong with my appearance?

First of all, you can't use a footstool.

No, I need it for my posture

and it gives me better control.

Screw control.

Anything else?

Your outfit.
It could be a little sexier.

- So, you think I'm not sexy?
- Definitely.

- Pick it up.
- Great.

From guitarist to telephonist.

Listen, I mean even sexier.

It's just for one gig.
Afterward you can...

put on your Amish outfit again,

which all the guys
normally go wild about.

Hot enough for you?

Yes, that will do.

That's... That's good enough.

- That'll do for now.
- Just a minute. Max!

- Great. Just one more thing.
- Max!

- It's like this...
- I'll give you Max.

Max, Dan Biermann is on the phone.
Something went wrong.

- Hello?
- What's taking you?

- Where should we be?
- At the photo shoot, where else?

Photo shoot? Nobody told us about that.

I need the pictures for PR.
Don't make me wait.

- I left a message on your machine.
- Right, but it's...

Not this school band shit again.

No, we'll go right now
and we'll be there in half an hour.

If you're not here in half an hour,
the whole thing's off.

We're on our way!

- Make it quick, and bring instruments.
-Yes. Bye.

We have to be at Musikwerk
in half an hour.

- What?
- Biermann left a message on the machine.

We have a photo shoot. If we're not
there in half an hour, I'll go berserk.

I'm alive!

- Wow!
- Sure, "Wow."

You'd better be "wow" on Saturday, too.

Hey, what's-your-name,
take that over there.

Unbelievable.

- Cool.
- Haven't seen this before, huh?

Sure, on TV.

Listen up, GUYS-

If you want to make it,
you have to up your game.

So, no more broken answering machines.
Make it run smoothly.

Did you bring your stage clothes?

That's Madsen.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, guys.

Glad you could make it.

Thank you, of course.

- I hate when that happens.
- Have fun. Good luck.

- Take care.
- See you later.

We'll call.

That's your photographer, Mike.
Dynamike!

Hi, I'm Michael.

Go! Get moving!

- What about those posters?
- Right, yeah. Stress!

I'll look into it.
You can start.

Come, let's go.

How hard can it be?
Take one of these and stick this on.

- Do it!
- Of course, boss.

That looks great.

Great, you guys!

- Max.
- Yes?

- What's up?
- The keyboard player.

- Drugs?
- No, it's...

It's one of his rituals.
He's allergic to drugs.

The concert is sold out, you know.

- How he behaves is your problem.
- He'll be alright.

By the way,
great idea to replace your guitarist.

- Why?
- Cause she's got tits.

Tits are better than no tits.

- It's just temporary.
- Temporary tits are great, too.

Come check this out.

Cool or what?
I had them print your hit on it.

Some people will know it from the radio.

- That's a brilliant idea.
-It's your unique selling point, guys.

Unlike other school bands,
you have a small hit.

- Otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.
- Of course.

Okay guys, I've got a lot to do today,
and I'm always on time.

What's-your-name, order me a pizza!

Now we're really screwed.

- I have to tell her.
- Are you mad?

If you tell her now
we won't have a guitarist on Saturday.

What should I do then?

Oh shit!

- Is there no back exit or something?
- I don't know.

- Max.
-lnge!

You know I'm helping
at the organic coop tomorrow?

No problem. If we add a song
we can still rehearse it.

Which one?

We don't really know yet,
but it'll be something easy.

All your guitar parts
are quite easy, actually.

- What are we waiting for? I'm hungry.
- You can't go out there.

- Why not?
- Because...

- Because. ..
- Take a guess.

Are you kidding me?
I have to go. I'm being picked up.

- I mean it, you can't go.
- What's going on?

They won't let me go.

- What? Why not?
- You know, because...

Because... Because.

Because... Because.

- Because?
- Yes, because.

I don't get it. But I do know
I'll catch hell if I'm late for dinner.

I have to go.

- Oh, because!
- Yeah, because.

Sometimes I'm really... phew!

Are you guys on something?

Nonsense, it's because of...

- Our surprise for you.
- A surprise?

Yeah, because you helped us break in.

So, Max thought of something nice.

- Tell her.
- Really?

Yes, of course.

Is it nice?

It's like a candlelight dinner,
in a very special place.

But you can't know where it is, okay?

- So, I should shut my eyes?
- Exactly!

Just in case,
we'll tie Fabio's cape around you.

Great, a batman-burka.

- Come along now.
- My foot, be careful!

Hey, cool.
"When lnge..."

- Can I get out now?
- Fabio has to finish dinner.

This thing smells funny.

- Like jackal.
- What?

What perfume are you using?
Jackal No. 5?

- I'm taking this off.
- Wait!

Okay-

You like it?

Yes?

Wow, Max.
You've found a really nice spot.

Half an hour in that jackal bag
was worth it.

Jackal bag?

Is that the candlelight dinner?

That's why you don't write love songs.

So, you're all taken care of.
We've got to go.

Have a wonderful time!

Crisps?

My God. Seriously...

Why did you bring me here?

It's a band ritual. We do this with
new members before the first gig.

A band ritual?

One of us shows the new member
our super-secret handshake.

Pay attention now.
Hold out your hand.

Like this.

And then you pull.

Hello?

Sorry, Mala. I lost track of time.

Sure. Just a moment.

Max, I... It's... It's urgent,
because of the toads tomorrow.

Bye.

Dude, don't touch Herb's stuff.

Max, how are you?

- Good.
- Yes?

- Have you seen Inge?
- No, but look at Fabio.

He took a pill with a gnome on it and
has been sitting like that ever since.

If your dad's a doctor
you're set for life. Funny or what?

You know his dad's a veterinarian,
right?

- You're nervous, huh?
- Yes.

- Because of Inge?
- Yes.

You have to talk to her, so we can
still rehearse "When Inge is Dancing".

Thanks for the tip.
That makes me feel better.

She's such a great guitarist, it's...

- She's just unique.
- Yeah, she's great.

"Unique."

And you? Talk to any girls yet?

No, dude.

I think I never will.

Sobautzik.
Dude, look at Julia Sobautzik!

- Great!
- I'll get something.

Wait! I'll manage.

You'll manage?

Don't you get it?
This is my chance!

She's naked, man.

Nude party!

Last one to strip
has to down a Jégermeister!

Nude! Nude! Nude! Nude! Nude!

Come on, you can do it.

It's working.

Inge.

Well...

Could we practice the handshake again?

I, um...

I lost it somewhere halfway.

Of course.

Okay-

You go like this, and then...

That was amazing.
It was almost perfect.

Almost?

I'm a perfectionist.

Shit, they're wearing Herb's clothes.

I, um... Please don't go anywhere.

- C)Kay?
-Okay

Don't touch Herb's clothes, okay?

I never expected him to go this far.

- What?
- He was only going to be nice.

What are you talking about?

Max.

He's supposed to
get you to play the song.

But that he'd do this...

What song?

"When Inge is Dancing", obviously.

Nonsense, that was out of the question.

He promised Biermann
long before we got you to help us out.

Inge, do you really think Max would miss
out on a record deal because of you?

Tell me, Joscha...

Are you doing this for your ego?
Or are you jealous?

I, little princess,
I don't need anything. Cause I'm back.

Which means you're out.
You're out.

Just out of curiosity...
Do you really believe Max likes you?

Look around you.
Look, he can have anyone.

Why would he try something
with the biggest nerd around?

Why?

Max, I wish you all the best
for tomorrow.

Look for yourself and think about it.

- Could we meet afterward?
- Sure.

There he is.
Ask him yourself.

She's a little fanatic.

Where were we?

Did you promise Dan Biermann
to play "When Inge is Dancing"?

Did you really think I'd be that dumb?

Shit.

- Inge!
- Hey, dude.

Dude, there's no problem.
I can play again.

Max, you're sweet.

Sweetie.

You're so...

Sweet.

You've got such a muscular chest.

And now I'll make you...

really happy-

Good party?

Yes, well...

I'll fix everything.

I haven't seen so many
beautiful girls in a long time.

I could get used to it.

So, what's wrong?

You don't look too great.

Inge?

- Well...
- You messed it up.

Absolutely. And how.

She thinks I'm an arsehole,
and she's right.

There's always a moment
when you have to choose.

Sleep around or be loyal?

Do you want a hit
even when you hurt people you love?

Or is there something more important
than a record deal with Red Music?

You always said
you have to fight for your dreams.

That's true, I said that.

But now I'm nearing the end,
I realise what's really important.

Herb?

You're not really dying?

You know, living as if it could end
any second has it's good sides.

It helps you focus on what matters.

Thanks.

Hey. Max!

Dude, Julia is amazing!

We're a perfect match, like Ding
and Dong, or whatever that's called.

She taught me
a trick against stage fright.

And then you imagine you're...

Hey, Max.
Great party.

See you tonight.

I'll get going as well.
See you at seven, when we go.

- Always the same, before going on...
- Tell me about it.

- Time to go.
- Hey, ready to go?

Come on, we're late.

No problem, I know a special shortcut.

Guys, with my taped finger
I can even play the solo!

This is great! We'll kick ass!

- Yeah, today is the day!
- Exactly!

What's wrong with you?

- Nothing, man.
-It's not your charity chick, is it?

You should've seen her
try to kick me out

when I told her I'm back.

Max, I had to tell her.
I didn't have a choice.

You were really tough.
Daddy must be proud of you.

Don't come crying to me again,
you ego tripper.

I'm an ego tripper?

Look in the mirror, arsehole.
And leave my Dad out of it.

- You don't even talk to yours.
- What do you know?

All I know is that your parents
are so horrible,

that you fled Cuba in a hurry

and for weeks your parents thought
you were dead.

Why do you think I did that?

Because of our band, you idiot!

Peace out, guys.

Guys, let's discuss that another time...

so we can focus on
what's really important, our gig.

That's right, compadres.

- Max, are you alright?
-"Yihaa."

Come on, Max. We'll deal with
the tofu-witch after the record deal.

I'll even apologise to her, okay?

"When Inge is Dancing" will blow them
away. This is what we dreamt of.

Yeah, I know.

If nothing goes wrong now, we made it!

What could possibly go wrong?

Wicked.

Isn't the concert today?

- Yes.
-It'll start soon then, right?

No idea.

What a shame I didn't get to see
my nephew play one last time,

before I...

But, if you won't join me...

- Then I can't go either.
- Herb?

Of course I'd show solidarity with you.

Last wishes are flexible,
your vengeance is more important.

Okay, I'll take you there.
But I'll leave right away. Deal?

Deal.

- Guys, there's a bus stop over there.
- Great!

There's something
I've been meaning to ask you.

What did you get community service for?

Well, I was sitting around, when...

- That's just what I thought.
- I should've denied everything.

You should've just erased
all the witnesses' memories.

Does anyone have any cash?

- What? Why?
- Screw it.

Bus driver, these passengers
don't have valid tickets.

Your dog pissed on my case.

He only pees where it smells like pee.

Domino, come on!
Good dog.

- How much time is left?
- About half an hour.

- We'll run from here. Let's go!
- What?

- Let's go! Let's go!
- But I have to push Hildegard.

I don't want to stick out.
I'd rather not be recognised.

Stay here, at the wheelchairs.

- The wheelchairs?
- You'll have a great view.

Come here.
Have fun.

Wait, Inge! Could you perhaps
get me something to drink?

Of course
I'll get you something to drink.

A coke would be great, and some nuts.
Those cashew things.

- Alright, a coke and some nuts?
- Yes, please.

And perhaps they have pretzels
and sausage? With mustard of course.

And another coke.

- What the hell kept you?
- We ran into some trouble.

Where's the little one with tits?
And why is he back?

Because I'm the guitarist.

Fucking school bands!
Just open with "When Inge is Dancing".

- Hurry up already!
- Yeah, yeah.

- What a jerk.
- I'll be back in a second.

He's nicer when he's naked.

Hey. Herb!

This is Hildegard.
Hildegard, meet Herb.

Those guys sure can pick their groupies.

Time to get up.
If you'll give me a hand.

The view up here is much better.

The next band's from around here.
They're about to break through.

System Error
with "When Inge is Dancing"!

Herb!

Start playing!

You've got to be kidding me.
Start playing!

Start playing, idiot!

- I'm sorry, but I can't.
- What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you?

I won't play
"When Inge is Dancing" today.

I never want to play it again,

because I hurt someone very special
with that song...

and I'm going to stop doing that.

It's worth more to me
than anything else. I'm sorry.

That was obviously just a joke.

We'll continue with a special!

Play, dude! Play!

What's wrong with you, arsehole?
If you don't start playing right away...

Fuck off, then.

I'm Inge,
and this is "When Inge is Dancing".

Hey, don't you think you should
go back and play with your band?

Yeah, glad to see you here.

I hope you don't mind
that I stole your groupie?

This will undoubtedly
become my longest relationship.

Now, get up on stage
and show them how it's done.

Inge doesn't epilate
She doesn't mind

Hair in her armpits
Swaying in the wind

Bad haircut, no make-up
The girl doesn't smile

She never wears dresses
Cause that's not her style

Inge wants to change the world
She recycles

Bringing bottles to the bottle bank
In her self-knit sweater

She likes the nerdy type
Rather than cool guys

Because she wants to talk.
But...

When Inge is dancing
She like to spaz out

Make you lose your mind

When Inge is dancing
She jumps like a hippie

Barefoot in the sand

When inge is dancing, dancing, dancing,
She dances alone

Come on, Inge
Please stop dancing, dancing, dancing

Come on, Inge!

I just open my mouth
And you shrivel

"Shut up, baby"
Don't give me that drivel

You say I like animals
But I'm a bad lay

I hate your macho crap
I'll harass you instead

Throwing stones, rebelling
She has more to say

You don't need permission
To save the world

First row, water balloon fight
She gives it her all

Wet t-shirt contest
Everyone has seen enough

When Inge is dancing
She like to spaz out

Make you lose your mind

When Inge is dancing
She jumps like a hippie

Barefoot through the sand

When inge is dancing, dancing, dancing,
She dances alone

Come on, Inge
Please stop dancing, dancing, dancing

Come on, Inge!

When Inge is dancing

She goes full speed ahead
Abandoning all reason

When Inge is dancing
There's no stopping her

She's completely out of control

- I love you.
- I love you.

When Inge is dancing

She goes full speed ahead
Abandoning all reason

When Inge is dancing
There's no stopping her

She's completely out of control

When inge is dancing, dancing, dancing,
She dances alone

Come on, Inge
Please dance, dance, dance for me

Come on, Inge!

Come on, Inge!

Come on, Inge!

And that's how it was, compadres.

Life's full of surprises.
Just don't get nervous.

We got our record deal.

But whether or not we'll break through,
who knows?

The most important thing is
that Inge and I found each other.

We really did.
Who would've thought it?

Hurry up, Max, we'll miss our flight!

Adios! Bye!

From here on, you're on your own.

Come here.

Roses from Hawaii

They show you that I love you

And I'll always stay with you

I send you roses from Hawaii

It was already late
And I wanted to pay long ago

The pifia colada
was rushing through my veins

Then suddenly I saw her

Like a dream
A melody

I said, "Aloha"
And walked over to her

Roses from Hawaii

They show you that I love you

And I'll always stay with you

I send you roses from Hawaii

Full of desire
I fly back to Honolulu

And I think to myself
"Could it really be a year ago?"

Tell me where to find you

On Waikiki beach again

If I see you again
I'll never let you go

Roses from Hawaii

They show you that I love you

And I'll always stay with you

I send you roses from Hawaii

Roses from Hawaii

They show you that I love you

And I'll always stay with you

I send you roses from Hawaii

I send you roses from Hawaii