Swingers (2016) - full transcript

I will fuck all of you!

Fucked again.

FRAGILE FLOWER, Valdis Hartmanis

Tomorrow.

SWINGERS

This is bullshit.

Hi.

I'm home.

Don't take off the shoes!

Why?

You have to take out the trash.



There's not much to take out.

It will only take two minutes

if we skip the excuses.

Did you call your mom?

Hey!

Tomorrow. I'll call her tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a busy day for you.

Taking out the trash, calling mom.

Stop.

Stop what?

I love you too.

This is for you.

Baby!

Coming, coming.



Just don't open your eyes.

Not yet, not quite yet.

There's my little tiger!

Come on, baby, come on!

Handcuffs?

A surprise.

What is that?

I wanted to show you

what I've been doing lately.

I know that it is not much yet.

But my friends love it.

Wait, explain what it is.

Jewellery. Made from natural stones.

I made them myself.

That's wonderful,

but why are you showing them to me now?

I wanted to show you

that I'm capable of something on my own.

I've been even thinking about an online shop.

It's really great that

you've started something on your own…

but do you realize that it's Friday night?

It's our anniversary, and I have desires,

you know perfectly well what they are.

Curd snacks for 11 years in a row.

For every year that we've been together —

a single curd snack.

Our life in general is just

one huge curd snack.

But you love them.

So what?! I am a woman,

I love it when someone gives me flowers.

I'll bring you flowers tomorrow.

Tomorrow?! Tomorrow! Always tomorrow!

At work no one's capable of anything either,

I have to order them around, same here.

I'm a woman, I want to relax for once.

You could at least fix the clothes-stand!

Why are you staring at me?

Why are you staring at me like that?

Fine, I'll fix it.

Sure, put the headphones on, remove yourself.

I don't want to do that.

But I do!

Bunny! I want lots of things as well.

I'm talking about this.

What is that? What's that?

Nothing.

Baby, you need to earn these things.

What are you doing?

My glasses!

They're Gucci, for fuck's sake.

Stop that.

I'm tired.

Not now.

Stop.

Hello, my little friend!

Here we go again.

When did we last see each other?

Stop. I don't want to.

Was it three months ago?

Hello! Haven't you withered there?

It's not responding.

The flu epidemic has started. — So what?

And now you want me to…

What? — What?

What? — You know very well what.

Stop, I'm tired. — Hello, buddy.

No. — Hello, buddy.

Stop, I don't want to!

Baby.

You are so stubborn!

Just one night, do you understand?

We'd go there, see what it is,

get an adrenaline rush and that's it!

And you would get another trophy of yours.

So what?

Baby, you're on my team, aren't you?

Baby, you should support me.

But I don't want to sleep with other men.

Who is forcing you to sleep

with other men?!

You would only have to sleep with

one other man!

I don't want to!

I want to spend a night together differently.

What's the difference?

It's huge! Massive!

I don't like the idea of

my man desiring other women.

I don't want to!

You waste all of your sexual drive

on that stupid computer!

What?

Exactly! How can we live if we

haven't had any physical contact

for three months? Do you understand it?

Baiba!

What? Don't you baiba me!

But I'm tired.

Listen.

What if we want to? I want to.

You have to have intimacy.

You have to?

Yes, you have to have sex.

But I'm very tired.

And now I will feel guilty

if I'm unable to…

Either we're having sex right here right now

or you have to offer me something else.

Hello.

Can you help me?

What happened?

Can you give me a jacket or something?

Seriously, what happened?

Could you give me a jacket, please?

Which one? My jacket?

I don't care. Give me yours.

Ok.

Naturally.

Be careful, it's very expensive.

Should I go and ring the doorbell?

No. — Are you locked out?

Could you get me to your apartment?

What do you mean?

Just get me to your place.

Ok.

How?

Should I climb over?

Ok.

It will be fine.

Come on.

Just in case - my mom's called Ruta Berzina.

Tell her that I loved her very much.

Don't be silly.

It will be fine. Don't look down.

So…

You should…

Yes, you got it.

I've got you, I've got you.

Thank you.

Bunny!

Bunny!

Bunny!

Should we have some fun?

Step aside.

Actually, you know,

there is something to it.

Understand me, Ilze,

I'm not one of those guys

who enjoy only the missionary position.

I'm a progressive man.

Do you want me to change into something else?

I want you to surprise me somehow!

Fuck, I need something new!

And what about me?

Me, me, me.

Do you realize that I work night and day

to provide all these things for us?

I only ask one thing in return! One!

Make me happy!

Is that so hard to understand?

You can go back to your Lode…

Darling, don't perceive it as humiliation

or cheating.

It's a type of group sex.

We have problems with one-on-one sex,

and you're interested in group sex.

Don't worry.

Take a look!

This is a beautiful couple!

They have six-month long experience,

which means they'll show us the ropes.

Did you just say "ropes"?

I don't want to see

some stranger coming to our house

and showing some ropes to my wife.

Stop, please! It's not that bad.

The rules state that at any moment

you can say "no".

"No."

Ok, give me my phone.

No. — Give me the phone,

I'm sick of your whining.

I don't want to.

Stop, you've lost your mind.

Let's just hear what they sound like.

Ok, two, six, five…

Jesus!

You are insane.

Call!

Baby.

Baby, look who's calling. Look!

Missed it.

They're not picking up.

Hallelujah!

Yes!

Where are you going?

I'll fix the shelf!

What are you doing?

I'm calling them back.

Why? No! Kitten, please, don't.

I will!

We have to salvage this evening somehow.

Fantastic.

Hello, did you just call me?

Yes.

We called to enquire about that online ad.

Yes.

You know which ad I am talking about.

Possibly.

Tell me, do you and your wife…

Could you keep it down?

…do you have any plans for tonight?

No, not really.

Neither do we.

What are you offering?

What are we offering?

Well, we're ready.

Oh, yes!

So are we. It's just that…

For us it's…

This is our first time…

and I thought that you could

be so kind as to show us the…

Yes…

…ropes.

I really like that word.

So do I.

Let's do it like this:

text me your address.

Yes! — And we'll be there in an hour.

Ok. I'm…

You're coming.

Let's go, baby.

Do you really expect me to come?

Yes, I really expect you to come.

I will not. — Yes, you will.

No, I will not! No!

I love when you're being stubborn,

you are so sexy. Come on, baby, let's go.

No! No! — Yes! Yes!

Fuck you!

You keep talking about marriage,

but you don't even understand what it means

to be together in good times and bad! - Hey!

I could've started cheating a long time ago,

I could have fucked the entire Riga!

But I haven't, can you even appreciate that?

Could you do this one little thing for me?

But I… — I want you to have some fun,

to experience something new.

Do you understand that I find it disgusting?

Do you find me disgusting as well then?

What are you talking about?

Let me tell you one thing…

My colleagues' wives have even had boob jobs.

Upgraded! From their 115 grams to 450!

Am I asking you to have surgeries?

Bunny, I love you exactly the way you are!

Who else is like this nowadays?

I'm the only one.

Listen.

Do you even love me?

Here you go.

Vodka?

It's not just vodka, it's very good vodka.

And vodka is actually the best thing

that could happen to you right now.

Here.

Yes.

And another one.

Another?

One is not enough.

Drink.

Kaspars.

Inga.

I hope that you at least

won't leave me naked on the balcony.

Yeah.

Tea.

It's hot.

Well, that's the point.

Am I bothering you?

No, no. Everything's fine.

I am such an idiot!

I believed every word he said.

That he loves me, that he will get divorced.

That he wants me and only me.

And then his wife suddenly comes home.

Well hello there!

Leaves me on the balcony in my underwear.

I thought he would handle everything.

And that's it!

But no!

I was sitting there naked for an hour

while he and his wife were

fucking, fucking and fucking!

Calm down.

Let's go there.

That's ok.

I want to see his face

when he finally comes to the balcony,

but there's no one there.

Baby!

Invent a new name for yourself.

What?

Like Liene, Zane, Baiba, whichever.

Fantastic.

Liene.

No, I don't want to.

I simply don't want to.

How can you not understand it?

Why do you have to go to such extremes?

We could have started with couple's therapy.

So that there's some kind of logical growth.

Brush your teeth!

Teeth, teeth!

All you care about is brushing teeth.

Listen,

how about we go to a hotel?

Let's get a room there. Just the two of us.

You stink!

Ok, I stink, but…

Wash your armpits!

Again. I don't understand what to do!

All the time - Andris, wash your armpits,

do this, do that,

but I don't want to!

I remember my father saying,

"Look at her mom, she will be just like her…"

Leave my mother out of this, ok?

Yeah. I'm a total moron.

Total moron!

Now that is absolutely true.

Fantastic.

Let's go. — Wait.

I've always been afraid of people

who live in buildings like these.

Didn't your house in Lode look the same?

It was the countryside, not the big city.

Come on, stop.

In Lode, these houses formed the city centre.

Sure, "city".

Let's go.

No, I'm scared.

It's called adrenaline, bunny, adrenaline.

Idiot!

Andris!

Please, come in.

Hello! Come in!

Good evening!

Good evening! I'm Baiba.

Juris.

Pleased to meet you, Juris.

Pleased to meet you.

Liene.

Yes, pleased to meet you too.

My husband will be right here.

Andris.

Andris.

Slippers.

Here you go.

Thanks, I'm good. — Yeah, we're good.

Ok.

You're amazing!

How lovely!

Well, take off your clothes!

Baby.

I didn't mean it like that.

I'll help you, ok?

That's a great fur coat.

Thank you.

You should thank my wallet.

Hello!

Juris.

Andris.

Well… Is that for me?

For you. — Yes.

Yes!

Shall we go inside?

Let's go, baby.

Let's go, baby.

Oh my god!

Rudolfs Blaumanis and Lermontov.

Amazing.

Baby, I like this.

I feel at home here.

Like at your mom's home in Lode.

Come on, baby, pull yourself together.

This will be an incredible night!

What?

You didn't tuck your shirt in…

Please, sit down.

Yes, please. — Thank you.

Here you go.

Please, take a seat.

Is this you?

That's Andris with friends from university.

Why do you still have that picture?

He doesn't even see those friends anymore.

Beautiful.

You still had hair.

Imagine that!

Where? — You can't find the tip?

Let me help you.

The tip?

I'm an expert when it comes to tips.

You have such beautiful stones.

Really?

They really bring out your neck.

Did you buy them online?

No, right here, in a local drugstore.

Did you hear that, baby?

Fantastic, Juris.

Look at that!

How did you two come to… this?

Well, actually, I came up with the idea.

You can't say no to a lawyer.

You're a lawyer?!

Well, yes. I live according to one principle,

like in that joke…

What kind of films are the best ones?

Pornographic ones.

There's no violence, everyone makes love,

and there is always a happy ending.

Just like in life.

I'll pour some more. — I love it.

It's true!

What do you do?

He's a doctor. — Really?

I'm a pulmonologist.

He specializes in lungs.

I'm a doctor.

Great.

If we get too excited…

and we're suddenly unable to…

at least we'll have a professional doctor

to save us by giving us mouth-to-mouth.

That's great, right?

I love it.

Listen, is it true that

neurosurgeons in Latvia receive

only 600 euros a month in salary?

I wouldn't know, I'm a pulmonologist.

That's horrible.

That's insane!

So you earn even less, right?

You're not digging into someone's brain.

Come on, stop.

They say that the human soul lives in lungs.

And you believe that as a doctor?

The older he gets, the stronger his belief.

Why are we being so formal?

Let's drink to being on a first-name basis!

On a first-name basis!

Ilzite!

I mean, Lienite!

I always forget which one is which.

To us being on a first-name basis!

Well. — Well?

It's warm.

Very delicious.

Why did you sit down on my Hugo Boss pants?

I have creases there.

Hello.

I feel like smoking.

What are you doing? Are you insane?

Do I look beautiful?

Yes, you look beautiful.

I want a fur coat like this one.

When will you buy one for me?

When will you buy one for me?

I'll buy one for you tomorrow!

Well, doctor…

Well, doctor! Shall we smoke? — Let's smoke.

Do you have an ashtray? — Of course.

Actually I don't need one.

Sure, these fancy smokes don't need them.

Do you smoke regularly?

No. And you?

Well, if there is a

complicated case at work, I'll go through

a pack pretty quickly.

In that case, you won't be swinging for long.

Why?

Let me tell you as a doctor, man,

men who smoke have damaged sperm count

and the quality of their semen is very low.

Really? — Yeah.

So it was your wife who wanted this?

Did you only just get it?

Of course.

Then clearly you must have

some problems with potency yourself.

Who, me? Let me tell you one thing.

Your wife will later inform you

if I have any problems with potency.

That's awesome, man!

Now that's a proper answer, man!

You're game!

A man should be game for anything, right?

Depends how you look at it.

It's great that your wife is up to this,

it wouldn't work for you as a monologue.

I'm a pulmonologist.

Pulmonologist, sorry.

Do you realize that this night

will cost me 600 euros per hour?

That's a great way how to buy off.

Six hundred euros per hour…

Yes. And everyone's happy.

Wait, so it means that your girl…

she doesn't even want to be here.

Sure she does.

If she ever wants to get married, that is.

Wait, you're not married?

We have no kids, and we're not married yet.

Listen, what else should I know?

You know, so that…

so that it would be nice…

so that it would go properly.

You know…

she enjoys being daddy's little girl.

She likes it if she is overpowered.

Be rough. Grab her by the hair…

or grab her throat.

With power?

She loves it. She won't show it, of course.

But there will come a moment when you'll know

that she loves it.

I don't think she'll give it to you anyway.

Why not?

Because she is mine.

Ok, ok.

Tell me what your wife likes.

My?

She will show you everything herself.

Yes.

Fucking hell.

Yes, very much so.

Have you heard this joke?

(this joke cannot be translated)

Yeah.

It's great, right?

You know what, man,

fucking hell, let me tell you.

Fucking hell!

Very beautiful colour, by the way.

What?

I mean the nail polish.

Thank you.

I'll bring you some socks.

Is it normal that I feel so…

…so normal?

You're an amazing photographer.

Yes, yes, I'm good.

You have very tasteful self-portraits.

Thank you.

Your apartment is also very tasteful.

I like it too.

Socks.

You're so kind.

Not because you actually saved my life.

Because you understand me so well.

Am I bothering you?

Why?

You keep getting text messages.

No, no.

Is it a woman?

No.

It must be a woman.

No, no, I don't have any women.

No?

No, I don't.

Kaspars: PLEASE, PICK UP THE PHONE!

Sweetie: GO FUCK YOURSELF

No.

Pick up the phone!

Does this look good on me?

Let's dance! — Ok.

You have something hard there.

It's my brooch.

Terrific. — Right?

Yes!

Actually, you have lots of terrific things.

Stop.

I like you so much!

Seriously? — Yes.

This can't be the first time you're swinging.

What? — It is!

Come on! — Seriously.

Well, you're my swinging benchmark then.

That's right, Andris also wants to dance.

Andris!

That didn't work. I hit you in the stomach!

A little lower than that.

Keep up, baby, keep up!

Listen,

when will we get on with… it?

Do you want to begin?

Well, I was wondering — how?

I was thinking — how?

You have amazing breasts. — Stop.

Both of them. — Stop, you're making me blush.

I have an idea.

Let's play a game.

Spin the bottle!

Let's play spin the bottle!

What bottle?

You spin a bottle and kiss someone!

Who's in? — Everyone's in!

Let's play it!

Well, as they say…

You two!

Come on! Come on, baby.

Yes!

Who's spinning now? — You.

No!

No! — Ok.

Wait, we need to switch seats.

Here. No, here.

Who's spinning?

I'll spin.

Ok, now I'll spin.

Ok, that's it.

Go on, baby.

Andris.

Baby.

Andris!

I have an idea! Let's play another game.

Yes. Andris!

Baby! I love you!

Andris, give me your hand.

Andris.

Andris?

Andris, everything's fine.

Relax, everything's fine.

Baby, do you like it?

Yes.

Andris, she likes it.

I love you, baby.

I love you too.

Fantastic.

I love you.

Your heart is beating.

Whose? Mine?

Are you worried?

No.

Kiss her!

Me? — No.

Kiss her properly.

Watch.

Do you like to observe?

What?

I want you.

Me? — Yes.

Now? — Now.

Should we turn off the light?

Why?

Baiba, I will show you all the ropes now.

Fuck.

There you are. — Yes.

There you are!

Stop!

Turn on the light!

I did not come here to sit in the dark.

Ok, which one's our room?

Your room's there. — Thank you.

What?

Let's go.

I… — Yes?

I've never…

Are you shy?

It's just that…

This is fate.

I'll… go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

Hurry up.

"Go fuck yourself."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Go fuck yourself," huh?

Let me show you.

Let me show you who's fucking who.

I'll show you.

Fasten your seatbelts…

It's going to be a bumpy night.

Is this the one? — Yes.

The brooch!

Oh my god! — Amazing.

What is amazing? Listen,

I'm not ready. I'm too shy.

Stop. — I actually didn't even want to.

Everything will be fine.

Stop. You're amazing.

I'm amazing? — You're amazing.

Stop. Get off of me. Jesus.

Andris! — Calm down.

Jesus, look at your breasts! — Embarrassing.

I want to touch them. — My breasts?

Yes! — Oh god, please don't.

I want to touch them. — Come on, stop!

I actually didn't want to have sex

tonight at all, do you get it?

You are so beautiful!

Don't pull up my skirt, don't!

What's that?

What? I told you I wasn't ready!

Yes! — What?

This is so embarrassing! — Epic!

Oh my god! Get off!

What are you doing?

Don't undress. Leave your pants on.

This will be a wonderful night. — Stop.

You look like a woman who is…

both passionate and sexy…

I do?

…and rough and gentle. — Oh my god!

Oh god!

What do you like about me the best?

What was that? Did you hear it?

Noise.

What is this for?

It's my grandmother's.

Grandmother's? — Yes.

Do you remember?

How is she doing?

She passed away last summer.

That's a shame.

What are you doing?

Mating dance. — Mating dance?

Yes!

Striptease!

What? — Striptease!

What striptease?!

Tell me, aren't you at least a little worried

about what is happening there?

Look me in the eyes!

I'm not worried.

I'm 28 years old, I work as a teacher,

I live alone, I can provide for myself,

generally, I'm quite an optimistic person,

taking everything that life has to offer.

Everyone tells me to listen to myself,

but no one tells me to take

what the life has to offer.

I've listened to myself since the age of 14

and, to be honest, it's been total shit.

Which is why now

I want to make love

because I deserve it,

because everyone deserves it,

we all deserve it,

and then we will get love and children,

and everything will simply be beautiful.

Beautiful.

Why didn't you tell them we knew each other?

And you?

I didn't know how you would react.

Did you know that you were coming to my home?

Are you insane?

I hadn't heard anything about you for years.

Around fifteen.

Yeah, at least.

This is crazy!

I was so confused when I saw you there.

Seriously.

So was I.

It was just as crazy as that time

when you didn't come to the registry office.

You disappeared somewhere.

Was it all because of that fucking dude?

I guess so.

He is absolutely terrible,

he's a total moron.

I'm sorry that I…

I, sweetie… Well, yes…

…I acted inconsiderately.

I was rash.

That's the way I am.

Yes. Yes, that's how it is.

I will kill you, you bitch!

I want children, do you understand it?

So do I.

I can't go on pretending,

I feel like I've spent my entire life

as someone else, but…

I want to be myself.

You don't have to pretend anymore.

Well, yes, but…

Wait, you don't even understand…

I've never… — Never…

Excuse me.

Pumpkin.

I want to apologize.

Me too. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I was such an idiot!

Me too. Yes. Guilty.

I don't know what came on to me. — No.

I just…

This is for our new life.

Beautiful. You have such exquisite taste.

Flowers, obviously.

I know you love good dry wine.

Dry, yes, I love it.

I crossed the line with that fight.

Yes, me too.

You see, I work all the time. I don't know…

What don't you know? — What do you do?

What do I do?

What do you do?

What I do is I wait for you.

Ok, fine.

I love you, and I want to hear

if you can forgive me.

Yes, of course. You're forgiven.

No, I'm really sorry. — Really…

Truly.

Pumpkin.

What is it?

Yes.

Why is the tea in the sink?

I don't know, it fell. Wind or something.

Pumpkin, where are you going?

Let's go outside.

I want to take a walk.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing. I want to take a walk.

What is happening?

Let's go?

Pour me some wine.

I brought it here for a reason.

Kitten.

What?

Why are you so desperate to leave?

Why do you say "desperate"?

I'm not that desperate.

Kaspars…

stop talking nonsense.

So, should we…

What's that?

Wind.

Let's go outside.

Kaspars. — Yes?

You're not going to fool me.

This is not going to work.

What do you mean?

I see, my breasts are too small.

No. You're being… — No, I…

What?

You're somehow… — What?!

Is my belly too large, are my legs too fat?

No! — Then what is wrong with me?

You're too bossy!

It's not working!

Bossy?

What happened?

Are you alright?

What are you doing?

I'm having a panic attack.

What? — It's a panic attack.

What panic attack?

You don't want me.

Andris doesn't want me.

Why? What is wrong with me?

Listen, calm down.

What is wrong with me?

Calm down. You're perfectly fine. Alright?

Talk to me.

What? — Talk. Say something.

What? — Anything.

Talk. Talk to me! I can't!

What should I say?

Anything. Just talk, please.

Law in Latvia is administered by the Supreme,

District, Regional Court,

Court of Arbitration… — Keep going.

In case of war — Military court.

Yes! — Justice is delivered by organs…

Don't talk about organs.

Ok.

Ok. I come from Riga.

I was born in Riga, I live in Riga,

I love this city.

Ilze, I mean, Liene…

she is from Lode, between Cesis and Valmiera.

Yes, go on.

She studied medicine,

then she dropped out of school

because of her first love!

What?

What?

Yes. And then she came to me.

To you?

To me.

To you…

What?

What's wrong?

Son of a bitch.

What?

Such lies!

What are you talking about?

That son of a bitch.

Are you alright?

How old is that foolish girlfriend of yours?

Well…

How old is she? When was she born?

Seventy… — Nine, right?

Yes.

They know each other.

Are you alright?

They know each other!

From Lode! They know each other!

Calm down! — He was also a student,

he was going to become a doctor, he studied

there together with his first love

who dumped him for some kind of

rich dick.

For you!

Ok, calm down. You…

That's why he put on the shirt. — Maybe…

That's why he was wearing cologne.

Should I call an ambulance?

He knew everything!

You assholes!

Fuck!

Wait, wait.

I got it! Let's go to a club!

I'm tired.

Yes.

Ok, this is Inga, I found her on the balcony.

She's the mistress of our neighbour.

Just imagine, she was standing there

on the balcony half-naked for like an hour.

That's when I decided I should somehow…

Warmed her up, did you?

Yes, exactly. Warmed her up.

But it was nothing special.

What?

Pumpkin?

Pumpkin, what is it?

Are you alright?

Yes? Let's go to the bed.

Help me! He's not feeling well!

He has a weak heart!

You're not serious about running away.

I'm absolutely serious!

Come on. This can't be a coincidence.

It has to be fate!

We were meant to meet here tonight.

Yes. Where shall we run then?

Where will we run to?

Wherever. Wherever you want. — Where?

Do you really think that I will live

among this Soviet-style furniture?

We will buy new furniture.

With your pulmonologist's salary.

Ilze! — Yes.

But I saw it in your eyes. — In my eyes?

Then you should have also seen that

I only slept with you

because of foolish nostalgia.

Jesus.

Why didn't you come that time?

Why, why, why?

Because I knew that we would live

exactly the same way as my parents do.

Soviet furniture — the main attraction!

And those special dishes

that you only use when

special people arrive on special occasions!

God, do you understand,

do you realize that I wanted

everything to be special for me all the time?

Wait, you no longer believe in love?

Of course I do.

But you can't survive on love alone.

And you! You still don't understand that!

Wait, so it means that you haven't

achieved anything apart from that wallet?

Have I ever wanted anything more?

He and his jokes are so trite!

You talk like a little boy.

What boy?

I talked to him in the kitchen.

Did you discuss your entire lives?

No, not our entire lives.

But he told me all about the ways

how he keeps buying you off.

Yes. — Yes!

How you want to get married, but he doesn't.

Yes, that's true.

He also told me how to fuck you.

That's why you were so good at it, right?

Because my man told you

what you should do.

No, quite the opposite.

I did the exact opposite.

Enough with this sentiment.

Are you and your missus happy?

Yes! I am very happy.

See, after having had proper sex

you have finally cheered up!

He's happy, Jesus Christ.

What did you think it was —

some kind of charity sex?

That's exactly what it was.

Sex and that's it. That's what you wanted.

Just sex.

Oh god!

You're simply…

…totally…

…icy.

You're different.

Different, icy. And what about you?

Wonton!

You and your lady both —

two wontons!

All you eat is wontons and wontons!

I can't believe it. You have changed so much.

I'm a completely different person.

That small rural girl was flushed away.

Just because you and I were good together

does not mean that something should continue.

We were good together? — Yes, we were.

Valdis.

Kaspars.

I don't want you to misunderstand something.

What?

Are you with him?

Yes.

How can I misunderstand that?

You see, but you did misunderstand!

She was naked from the very beginning.

And that's why you slept with her?

Seriously?

With a woman!

I had to try it.

Haven't I told you what it's like —

with women?

Didn't I tell you what it was like…

with Iveta, with Baiba?

You really shouldn't generalize like that!

No, if it were Arnolds, I could understand.

Ok, it happens.

But with… So how was it?

Well, we just tried it a little. A little!

A little?!

I wrote a few rash messages to you

and you jump onto the first bitch

that appears on my balcony!

Wait. — That's exactly what happened!

Not really. — Then what did happen?

How can you expect them to accept us

if you can't accept them yourself?

Who even told you that something happened?

It did happen!

You see.

Shut up when the men are talking!

Shut up!

Let your laboratory rat speak!

Yes, exactly! She is an experiment.

What experiment?! We had sex!

No, she is an experiment.

Tell him that you're an experiment! Tell him!

We had beautiful sex.

Don't listen to her! Don't listen to her!

Beautiful sex with you!

Valdis! Valdis!

Enough. Enough.

That's it, enough.

We had beautiful, beautiful sex.

I will fight for my happiness.

So will I!

They locked the doors! Do you understand?

Seriously?

All this farce was necessary only to

get into each other's pants?

Listen!

Listen to what?

Do you think that it's normal?

I… — What? What?

We should find out if they know each other.

Exactly!

Exactly…

Calm down!

I will fuck all of you!

Calm down!

Let me in!

Fur! Shut up, ok?

Ok, ok.

Fur! This piece of shit!

Fur! Fur coat! — Amazing.

It's second-hand crap!

Fantastic! Take a look!

Look what you've done!

This fur is crap! It's garbage!

Come, put on your classic,

fantastic fur coat!

Did you see that?

Martins, take a look at how I'm swinging.

You'll be dead from laughter!

Come here!

Bitch!

Oh my god!

It's on fire!

Fucking insane!

Fuck! — Fuck!

Fucking unbelievable! Fire!

Baby! Fuck…

Amazing!

You know each other!

You know each other! Right?

How was sleeping with

your former boyfriend?

How was it?

Well?

What? — What do you mean "what"?

I told you she won't give it to you.

This is for you.

You're all morons.

Fantastic.

Bitch!

Babies!

This has been great.

Bye!

Baby!

Can you appreciate what he's done for you?

Just look at this place!

It's like a fairy-tale.

Everything's beautiful. In order.

Of high quality, fragrant.

Just take a look at him.

Where else will you find a man like that?

Do you know why he is like that?

Because he is gay.

He's gay.

By the way, we're in a relationship.

For two years now.

So why did he sleep with me then?

That's a very good question.

Why did you sleep with her?

Because he wants children.

And only a woman can give him children.

Are you insane? What are you talking about?!

But that's exactly what you said, darling.

Valdis, Valdis!

We talked about children, didn't we?

We talked about children. It's…

Let go of him!

…I wasn't going to leave you for her.

What?

Valdis!

You liked it, didn't you?

You liked it?

Yes!

You're insane. You're sick.

You're a fucking fetishist,

you can't get it up

unless I'm dressed as a toreador.

You're a total maniac!

Everything's covered in my pictures.

You practically live in a museum,

the environment here is sterile,

you need everything to be on shelves,

that is not normal,

it is a disease,

you even iron your underwear.

Do you understand?

Do you understand what you have become?

You're not just gay,

you're a pedantic gay,

you're a total pedant.

You're a freak.

You keep reproaching women,

but you're no better than them!

Take a look at yourself!

Look what you have become!

Do you know how much it hurts? — Yes.

I'll go outside.

For a smoke.

This is how much time you will have

to either… Option A:

get rid of her

and we'll pretend that nothing ever happened.

Or option B:

you disappear from my life…

forever.

Thank you.

You ruined everything.

Did you…

…did you have sex?

What?

Did you have sex?

No, of course not.

Neither did we!

But that's good.

What's good?

Baby! — What?

Now I get it.

Now I get it,

you are my woman,

and most importantly — I believe you.

I believe you will never cheat on me!

Baby.

I want you.

I want you.

I want you globally.

Keep on wanting.

What? — What?

You're the sexiest chick on the planet.

Go to hell!

I want…

an online-store.

I'll get you one.

And to never again…

Ok, ok.

Baby, I'll get you everything. Everything.

The main thing is that I believe you.

Here you go.

No!

Bunny! You…

Oh, you!

My bunny!

Is that a yes?

I don't know.

I didn't have sex with him.

I didn't.

And you?

I…

I know!

I know.

You didn't have sex either. I know.

I'm such a fool.

No, really!

Andris, you live with a complete moron.

I'll understand if you want to take a break.

I can stay at my workplace if you want.

I'm not normal,

how could I push you, whom I love so much,

into the hands of another woman?

Just so… So that you would get jealous…

I'm a stupid cow. — No.

I'm such a stupid cow! — No, stop.

I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry.

My darling.

Please forgive me.

You're the only one I love! Stop!

Listen…

should we have some curd snacks?

Now? — Yes.

For what?

For what?!

Hello!

Are you gay?

Married?

Six months later