Sweater Girls (1978) - full transcript

(shimmering music)

(dramatic music)

- [News Announcer] The sovereign
principality of Monaco,

where dreams can still come true,

where an American actress
can become a princess.

(smooth music)

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Let's go all the way ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ I want you every day ♪



♪ Let's go out on a date tonight ♪

♪ I know a hideaway ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Come on in, slide my way ♪

♪ You're a natural wonder, baby ♪

♪ How'd you like to be my main ♪

♪ I could take you to heaven, baby ♪

♪ In the back of my Chevrolet ♪

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Let's go all the way ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪



♪ Please let me make my play ♪

♪ When I take you out tonight ♪

♪ I hope we'll go astray ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Come on, let's go all the way ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ I want you tonight ♪

(crickets chirp)

(horn honks)

- [Actor On Screened Movie]
Myrtle, look, it's broken loose

from the compound, and
it's headed for the city.

- [Girl In Car] Hey!

- What'd I do?

- [Actor On Screened Movie]
We've gotta get there first

and warn the people.

- There, that's better.

- How could you do a thing like that?

- Gee-zoomie, Pete, it's the
only clean place in the car.

- What are you talking about?

I spent all afternoon on this heap!

There's not a speck of dust on it!

- [Actor On Screened Movie]
Captain, sound the alarm.

It's coming toward the city.

- [Captain On Screened Movie] Right, sir.

(sirens on screened movie wail)

- Kenny!

If you really loved me,
you wouldn't do that.

- Do what?

- You know what, with your
gooey old tongue and everything.

- What brought that on?

- I just don't like it, that's all.

- Why not, everybody does it.

- Oh, well, then maybe we just better go.

- [Actor On Screened Movie]
There it is, Colonel.

- Kenny!
- Good Lord!

I don't know if we'll be able to stop it.

- But certainly the tanks.
- John, John!

I thought I'd never find you.

I heard...

John, it's getting bigger by the minute!

- You promised!

You promised, and you did
it again, you pinned it!

God, I'm going crazy, and I'm
gonna be as crazy as you are!

- Let me out.

- Let yourself out!

- Just let us out, Pete.

- No!

- Just come out, go around, open the door,

and let us out.

- No.

- Why not?

- Just no is all.

- Malorie, we're through!

You've ruined my night
and my entire weekend!

I never wanna see you again!

(dramatic music)

- Girls.

- [Actor On Screened
Movie] Hey, I told you

to stay away from this thing.

Haven't you caused enough trouble?

- She broke up with you.

Gosh, I'm really sorry, Pete.

- [Actor On Screened Movie]
Ever since you discovered

this thing and started playing with it,

it hasn't stopped growing.

Now look what it's become.

- Think she meant it?

- Sure sounded that way.

- Yep.

Sure did.
- John, what can I do?

- I've got one suggestion.
- You think I should've

told her?
- Don't play with it anymore!

Get the hell out of here.
- Told her what?

- She gets me so excited,
I can't even stand up,

let alone open the door for her.

(Kenny laughs)

- Well, sure you should've told her.

Girls love to stuff like that.

(creature on screened movie roars)

- Look out, Colonel!
(woman screams)

(doors bang)

- [Blonde Girl] Goddamn Pete!

- What'd he do?

- All he ever wants to do is feel me up.

- Oh, Sharon.
- I don't wanna talk about it.

- What am I gonna do?

- What are you gonna do?

- Yeah, I mean, this morning,

Mom promised my grandmother that I'd look

after her house while she's
off at a buyer's convention.

- [Sharon] So?

- So, Mom said no boys.

She was dead serious, too.

If Kenny came over,
and Mom ever found out.

- She'd cut your tits off.

Well, your mom.

- And I'm afraid to tell Kenny about it.

I can't have him over
for a picnic or anything.

- At least you've got a
guy who'd wanna come over.

- [Brunette Girl] But
it's the 4th of July.

Kenny's my steady!

- I remember having one of those once,

for six months, six months, three days,

one hour, and 44 minutes.

- Oh, Share, I'm really sorry.

Hey, I know!

Let's spend the holiday together!

We can just both disappear.

- And not even think about them.

It's gonna be a long, lonely
4th of July for you and me.

But I just thought of
something, a terrific idea,

so they'll never, ever know.

We're gonna join the Sweater Girls Club.

- Huh?

(tense music)

- Oh, tomorrow's the 4th.

It's gonna be a big day
for a lot of people.

Least, I know it's gonna be
for Judy and me, right, Judy?

- Yeah, I'm real excited about it, too.

I just hope it isn't too rushed.

- Oh, it'll be worth it.

By tomorrow night, we'll
be full-fledged members in.

- In what?

- We're joining the Sweater Girls Club.

- And what the hell is
the Sweater Girls Club?

- You'll find out.

(tense music)

(woman on screened movie moans)

(men chattering)

(relaxed music)
(men shouting)

- What are you guys doing tonight?

- I don't know, what about you?

- I have a date with Lynne.
- You wish.

- Would I lie to you guys?

- If the opportunity arose.

- Think you'll score?

- Does a goose go barefoot?

(relaxed music)

- Aw, Jim, your next
piece will be your first.

- Yeah, try telling that to your sister.

- Hey, what do you mean by that?

- George!

- [Jim] You'll figure it out.

- Oh, well, funny she hasn't mentioned it.

You think she'd be proud of that one.

- Some girls are funny that way.

- Shoot it, Jim!

- Hey, that's what I'm gonna do tonight.

- If you do, which you won't,

the shock will probably kill you.

- If I don't, the shock
will probably kill Lynne.

I've got her kinda used to it by now.

- Yeah, you wish.
- Hey!

- Hang loose, you guys, I gotta run.

- Hey, don't break up the game.

- Get Henry, he'll play.

Take it easy, fellas, or
anyway you can get it.

I'll be thinking of you bimbos tonight.

- That yo yo can be a real
pain in the ass sometimes.

- You know, if he had half
the chicks he says he has,

he'd be lucky to weigh 50 pounds.

- Come on, Henry, let's play, come on.

- Ah, come on, Henry, you're on my team.

- I quit.

- Oh, come on!
- I'm with you.

- Well, how'd you make out last night?

- The same.

No, worse.

She's on the rag.

- So what?

- It ain't sanitary.

- Ain't sanitary, huh?

- What ain't sanitary?

- Never mind, Henry,
you wouldn't understand.

- Here it is the 4th of July,
and we're playing B-ball.

- Yeah.

Maybe we should go down to the lake.

Might be some chicks there.

- Ah, I don't know.

- Yeah, and I know where
we can get some beer.

- [George] Where?

- Henry's old man.

- Come on, you guys.

- Hey, Sammy, you coming?

- Yeah, I gotta go mow the lawn.

I'll see you guys later.

(lively rock music)

♪ I drive around town, hey boy ♪

♪ Yes, I drive around town, hey boy ♪

♪ I'm gonna make love tonight ♪

- This stuff tastes like piss!

It's warm!
- What do you expect

for goodness' sakes?

- I'll go get some ice, pay him, Andy.

- Come on, you guys, give me a break.

- We are.

You can come along with us.

Maybe we'll get you laid.

- Think so?

- Sure.

- No luck.

All outta ice.

- Shit, warm beer.

- I know a place uptown
where we can get some.

I'll stop there on the way.

You coming, Henry?

- Where you going?

- [Pete] Down to the lake.

- Nah, it's too crowded.

- Don't worry about it.

We know a private spot, come on!

- I better not.

(lively rock music)

(girls chattering)

- Hey, hi, Lynne.

- Hi, Lynne.
- Hi.

Hey.
- Got you working today, huh?

- Only a few more minutes.

Boy, am I ever glad you guys stopped in.

- You've already heard?

- Heard, it's all over town.

It's just awful, terrible, horrible.

- [Sharon] Well, I don't
think it's all that bad.

- Sharon Standish, how could you?

- Well, after all, I'm the
one that broke up with him.

- What, you and Pete broke up?

I can't believe it.

- Yeah, and she really, really loved him.

He's so popular.

- Oh, Sharon, you poor thing.

- It isn't as bad as what you heard.

- That isn't even what I heard.

I had a date with Jim
last weekend, remember?

And we're supposed to
go out again tonight.

- Well, what's so horrible about that?

- This morning, that
crappy Penny came in here

and told me Jim practically got

on Voice of America about me.

- [Sharon] And he said?

- He laid me.

- He didn't !

- He did.

- He laid you?

- No, he said he did.

- Hmm.

- [Lynne] All we did was neck a little.

- I believe you, Lynne.

You know, you're not the first
girl he's said that about.

He's even said it about me.

- About you?

Boy, is he a liar.

- [Sharon] You know it.

- I think I'm gonna kill him.

- Oh, there's no need to do that.

There are lots and lots of
ways to manage this situation.

- Yeah, with Sharon and me on the case.

- Now, this stuff about your reputation,

that's what you get for playing the field.

- You might be better off with a steady.

- No decent guy is even gonna
look at me at this rate.

- Oh, Lynne, sure they would.

- Yeah, if you join the Sweater Girls.

- The Sweater Girls?
- Yeah!

And you're in luck, initiation's today.

- It's at 9024 Hollyhaven Avenue.

Think you can find it?

- Sure thing, what time?

- Be there at two o'clock, and, remember,

the password is lamb's wool.

- 9024 Hollyhaven, lamb's wool, two pm.

Got ya.

- Okay, we'll see you then.

- See you later.

Uh oh, Joella Gilore,
the mysterious whore.

- Look out, Lynne, it's skag time.

Let's get outta here.

- Oh, no, that's all I need is the kids

to see me with that tramp Joella.

- Hey, hey, Lynne, it's me,
come on, I need to talk to ya.

- Gee, Joella, I would,
but I have to close right.

What happened to you?

- What do you think happened?

The usual, only maybe a little more so.

- Just sit back there in that booth,

and face away from the
door, okay, do you mind?

- No, anything you say, Lynne.

You're the only one who's
ever been nice to me.

(bluesy rock music)

- [Radio DJ] Hope you're
enjoying this July 4th holiday.

KMRT, Los Angeles.

(Pete whistles)

- I think there's a Ford in our future.

- No, it's him, here.

- [Judy] But!

(tires screech)

- Hey, Sharon!

Gosh, Judy, I didn't mean to
give you fits or anything.

Here.

Bet you think I'm really a creep, huh?

- Joella Gilore's a creep.

Henry Crankite's a creep.

Maybe he's just a brain.

But you, Pete, you could never be a creep.

- I couldn't?

See, there's something I
wanted to talk to you about.

- God, those guys from Fairfield,

they just go (grunts), zip up,

and roll you out on the sidewalk
wherever you happen to be.

God, never again.

- [Lynne] Do you mean that?

- Well, just look at me.

- Do you really mean never again, Joella?

- You mean, do I mean
I'll never do it again

or never do it again with
a guy from Fairfield?

- Never do it again, til you're married.

- Til you're married?

- The way it's supposed to be.

- Til you're married?

Oh, God, I wonder if anybody
would marry me this weekend.

Gee, but nobody will
even talk to me this way.

I'm not getting anything but laid.

But what will I do with my time?

I already spend hours and
hours in the public library.

The library closes at
seven, and, after that.

- Joella, what you've always
wanted is popularity, right?

Well.

(romantic pop music)

- [Judy] What was it you wanted to ask me?

- Yeah, what was it you wanted to ask me?

- Petey, you were gonna
ask me something about her.

- Who?

Must not have been very important.

- Come on, Pete, let's go!

Come on, let's get going, all right?

Come on, beer's getting cold!

- [Pete] Looks like I gotta run.

- Me, too, or I'll be
late for you know what.

- [Pete] Yeah, well, I'll see you.

(romantic pop music)

(tires squeal)

- Well, what did he say?

- Oh, I'll tell you later.

- Hey, come on, get it, get it!

Oh, Kenny, get him!

Down, look out!

(boys chuckle)

- Tired, Pete?

- A little.

- Yeah, just like your
Ford, old and tired.

- Outrun your Pontiac any day.

- (laughs) My ass!

You must be dreaming.

You get a little beer and it
goes straight to your head.

- There isn't a Pontiac made
that can outrun a V8 Ford.

- You wanna bet?

- Yeah, anything.

- How about a case of beer.

We're almost out.

Loser springs for the next one.

- Yeah.

- You bet your sweet ass.

- Hey, what about Henry?

- [Andy] Leave him.

- You can't do that.

Come on, Andy, put him in Pete's car.

- That's not fair.

- Why not?

- Extra weight.

- Don't worry about it, throw him in.

- Come on, throw him in.

- Wake up, Henry, wake up.

- Come on, Henry, come on!

- Come on, get up.

- Let's go.

Come on.

Come on, will ya?

Come on, come on, get
down, watch your head.

- Hey, if you're coming
with me, come on, let's go!

(engines rev)

(birds tweet)

(gentle music)

- [Judy] What time did you
tell Bonnie to be here?

- [Sharon] About 20 minutes ago.

- Well, I certainly hope she hurries.

We could use a few laughs.

(person knocks)

- Guys, angora, um, cashmere.

Oh, damn it, I forgot the secret word.

- Hi, Bonnie.
- Come in, Bonnie.

(girls chuckle)

- Hey, where'd you get the crazy sweaters?

- My grandmother's a buyer
for Miller's, Bonnie.

- Chin-chi-chitti, so that's
where you got the sweater idea.

No wonder, no wonder.

- That's not exactly
how it happened, Bonnie.

You see, we, no, forget it.

The real story is too complicated.

- Too ridiculous.

- Too sad.

- To go into it, I should've guessed.

Let's get with it.

(gentle music)

- Lamb's wool!

- [Sharon] Oh, that must be Lynne.

- Geez, what planet, Janet?

- What is it?

- [Sharon] It's a Joella Gilore.

- Set fire to it.

- Better get her inside
before somebody sees her.

- Lamb's wool, damn it!

- Joella, why are you here?

- Well, golly, Lynne told me to come.

Don't you believe me?

- Well, I guess we have to.

- Well, you better, 'cause, from now on,

I'm turning over a new leaf.

This morning or, gee, I
guess it was about noon,

I quit putting out.

- Well, I never!

- I know you never, but
I used to all the time.

- We know, and it's got
you the lousiest reputation

in three counties.

- But I never did it
for money, not a dime.

- Then I give up, it's
hopeless for this girl.

- Listen, I know you
guys don't like me much,

but you gotta listen to me.

From now on, I'm saving it for marriage.

- What's left of it.

- No more jaw jobs in the library?

- No more backseat bangs?

- It was usually the front
seat, it used to happen so fast,

but, no, no more.

- Promise?

- Yeah, and I wanna
join the Sweater Girls.

- Is she serious?

- Well, look at it this way, the guys

don't know where we are,
so if we let her join,

we're safe.

- For today, anyway.

- Please.

- Okay, you can join.

- We'll get you all fixed up,

and you can run around
with us and everything.

- But, first.

- You gotta tell us what it's like.

- To go all the way.

- Can't seem to remember.

- (sighs) Really rich.

- [Sharon And Judy] Oh, come on, Joella!

- My sweater, girls.

(exciting music)

- You ready?

(boys chatter)

Okay, on three.

One, two, two and a half!

(tires screech)

(George laughs)

(engines rev)

- Okay, one more time, on three.

One, two, three!

(tires squeal)

(lively music)

- [Truck Driver] Whoa!

(tires screech)

(lively music)

(tires squeal)

(lively music)

(car booms)

(lively music)

- Baby!

(comical music)

(car booms)

(bumper clangs)

Baby.

Baby, I'm sorry.

Baby, I'm sorry.

- Gee, Ken, sorry about your
car, but I coulda told you.

- My car, you killed my car.

- It's not dead, just wounded.

Come on, let's go get George.

We'll come back for it later.

- Yeah, we're out of beer.
(bottle shatters)

- I'll be back, I promise, baby.

Wait for me!

(soft pop music)

(doorbell rings)

- Hey, it's me Lynne!

I mean, lamb's wool!

- [Sharon] Well, Lynne,
you better tell us.

Are we expecting anybody else?

- When does Marilyn Monroe arrive?

- What do you mean?

Oh, hi, Joella.

You mean did I tell the guys?

Of course not, how dumb do you think I am?

Don't answer that!

Hey, you guys didn't, did you?

- Positively no boys allowed.

- This isn't a trick, is it?

I mean, Jim isn't here, is he?

- No, he's not here.

- Lynnie, you're gonna keep that date.

- Not this kid.

- Oh yes, you are.

- You wanna get into the
Sweater Girls, don't you?

- Then there's this little
matter of your initiation.

(gentle music)

- You're what they call continental.

- What's that?

- Russian hands and Roman fingers.

- What the hell?

I wasn't trying anything.

What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing.

(gentle music)

Wouldn't it be easier if
we got out of our clothes?

(Jim gags)

- What?

- I said, don't you think
we ought to get undressed?

- That's what I thought you said.

- If I take off something, will you?

- Sure.

(gentle music)

- Your turn.

(gentle music)

Now you.

(gentle music)

Oh, it's so beautiful outside.

Why don't we do it outside?

Do you have a blanket?

- No, but I've got a towel.

- Well, see that tree out there?

Why don't you go put that
towel under the tree?

- All right.

(gentle music)

- Quick, I'm almost down to my thing!

Throw me your shorts!

(car revs)

- Hey, what are you doing?

- Just joining a club!

Your car will be at 9024
Hollyhaven in the morning.

Goodbye, it's been fun!

(Lynne laughs)
(comical music)

♪ And I'm gonna hold you in my arms ♪

♪ And whisper, Baby, I love you so ♪

♪ Now that you're mine,
I'll never let you go ♪

- Well, golly Holly, I wanna
know what's with Lynne.

- Yeah, gee, she's been gone for hours.

- With that snake Jim.

- [Bonnie] Well, you know
more about these things

than we do.

- Yeah, what do you think, Joella?

- Think we lost her?

- Could be.

- Ah, gee!

And after she was so hacked
off at Jim and everything.

- But that makes only four of us!

We can get out of these icky pink things.

- [Bonnie] And get into
those godawful blue ones.

(soft pop music)

- Hey, Bonnie, who does your bra?

- [Bonnie] I do, Ida.

- My mom does mine.

She always leaves puckers in it.

- I guess it's up to you to fill them out.

- You're not suggesting falsies?

- It's what's up front that counts.

- Oh, quit worrying,
Judy, you've got enough.

- Yeah, I wonder if Pete,
I mean Kenny thinks so.

- Forget the guys.

- Sure, Share.

Gee.

- Yeah, gee, the guys.

(tires squeal)

- [Kenny] Pull over, it's a piss call!

(Henry gags)

- Kid can't drink.

- G-E-O.

Hey, you know, you can
never buy this stuff.

All you do is lamb it.

- Hey, watch it, man!

- What's the matter?

- I just bought these shoes.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- First my car, and now my shoes.

- I said I was sorry.

- Yeah, you're about
the sorriest guy I know.

- Me?

You're the guy with the wet shoes.

- Thanks to you.

- Well, there's no charge for the shine.

(boys grunt)

- [George] All right.

(boys grunt)

Get him, go, go.

(boys grunt)

- Evening, fellas.

What ya doing?

- Nothing.

- Kenny here just lost his wallet.

I was helping him look for it.

- Mm hmm.

You boys been drinking?

- Us, what gives you that idea?

- Just a notion I got.

Open up your trunk.

Well, looky here.

Reckon I'm gonna have
to confiscate this beer,

seeing as how you fellas
ain't old enough to have any.

By the way, where'd you get this stuff?

- Uh...

Found it?

- Well, I hope you don't find no more.

You boys go on home now.

If I catch your asses around here again,

I'm gonna lock you up.

- Yes, sir.

(police band chatters)

Well, that's that.

- Minor problem.

- Oh, come on, you guys.

- [Radio DJ] Hey, you're in tune

with the West's greatest independent,

the world's friendliest station, KMRT.

And here's the country
chart-buster, "Heavy-handed Heart."

- Oh, Henry, let me help you.

Go ahead.

- Thanks.

- [Kenny] Oh, Henry, Henry, Henry!

(twangy country music)

- Thanks, Henry.

(twangy country music)

(tires squeal)

(crickets chirp)

- [Jim] Hi, going into town?

- [Driver] Yeah, get in.

(car revs)

That's certainly an unusual costume.

- It's not a costume.

- So you always dress that way?

- Not if I can help it.

- Oh, I see.

- Shit!

(tires screech)

(George hums)
(lively rock music)

♪ You-ee-ee-ee ♪

- Damn, this stuff makes me horny!

Let's go get some chicks.

We should find Joella.
- Joella?

- Good idea.

Where?

- How about Sharon?

Does she have any friends?

- Yeah, plenty, but I
don't know where she is.

- You don't know?

She's your girl, ain't she?

- I think they're having some kind

of girls only party tonight.

- [Andy] I'd sure like to find
out. Maybe Joella's there.

- Joella.

- [Andy] What do you know about it, Henry?

- Remember what you promised.

- That's true, Andy.

- [Henry] Fucking-A right.

- Let's go find the party!

- Hey, that's Jim's wheels.

- Yep, sure looked like them.

- Wasn't Jim supposed to be strapping

on Lynne right about now?

- Follow that car.

(tires screech)
(horn honks)

- No good fucking asshole kids!

They oughta lock you up and
throw the key away, pricks!

- What'd she say?

- Goddamn asshole pricks,
you got your assholes in,

gonna get locked in jail.

- Don't catch up, let's just
see where they're going.

(crickets chirp)

- [Bonnie] Hey, get a look at Joella.

- [Judy] Gee, Joella, you look so neat.

- [Sharon] Yeah, really, really sharp.

- Guess everything's gonna work out for me

all because you guys are so cool.

(Lynne giggles)

(crickets chirp)

♪ Dum dum dum dum ♪

- Just the pants, ma'am.

- Lynne, you took everything.

- Not quite, I left him his shoes.

Hey!

♪ Rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Wildcats High ♪

♪ Rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Wildcats High ♪

♪ Rah, rah, rah ♪

♪ Wildcats High ♪

(girls cheer)

- I wonder what happened to Jim.

What was she carrying into the house?

- Looked like a pair of pants.

- Maybe that's all that's
left of him. (laughs)

- Pull out, let's go see.

- Let's go.

- Hey, what about Henry?

- [Pete] Fuck him.

- Why not?

- God, I need a drink!

- I think I know where
she keeps some booze.

- [Sharon] Now, Lynne, you
gotta tell us everything.

- Top to bottom.

- [Bonnie] Yeah, did he?

- [Sharon] Yeah, did you?

Come on!

- None for me, thanks.

- [Sharon] Well, Lynne,
we're all here now,

waiting with baited breath,
just the five of us.

- Eek, no, not five.

(Lynne screams)

(dramatic music)
(Lynne screams)

- What's the matter?

- I just saw somebody at the window.

- It's probably just a rapist.

- Bonnie, can't you ever be serious?

- It's just your imagination.

I'll show you.

(Lynne screams)

George, what are you doing here?

- I'm looking for Jim.

I thought I saw his car outside.

- He lent it to me.

- Oh, can I come in?

- Not allowed.

- Private club.

- Girls only.

- Sorry.

- Yeah, me, too.

- [Bonnie] Goodnight!

- God, where's the den?

I gotta watch George Gobel.

(tense music)

- Hey, guys, guys, guys.

There's a whole flock of them
in there, including Joella.

- You mean Joella Gilore
the mysterious whore?

- In the flesh.

Judy and Sharon, too.

- Well, let's go in.

- No, we can't, no guys allowed.

- [Andy] Screw that, Joella's there.

I'm getting in!

- What do you think, Pete?

- [Andy] Come on, last one in is a queer!

- Pete?

Queer?

Queer?

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Let's go all the way ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ I want you every day ♪

♪ Let's go out on a date tonight ♪

♪ I know a hideaway ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Come on in, slide my way ♪

♪ You're a natural woman, baby ♪

♪ How'd you like to be my main ♪

♪ I could take you to heaven, baby ♪

♪ In the back of my Chevrolet ♪

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Let's go all the way ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Please, let me make my play ♪

♪ Can I take you out tonight ♪

- Hi.

I just dropped in to say hello.

♪ Sweater girl ♪

- Are you looking for Sharon?

- Not particularly.

- Is Kenny with you?

- Sort of.

Can I come in?

- Well, you're not supposed to.

- Pretty please.

- Well, if you're very, very quiet.

- Shh, shh.

(glass shatters)

Oops.

(Judy giggles)

- Are you drunk?

- I hope so.

Gee, you look great.

- Thank you.

We better sit down before you fall down.

- Hey, how you doing?

- [Kenny] Huh?

- Kenny, up here!

- Oh, hey, Andy.

Nothing much is happening, what about you?

- Nah, I'm coming down.

(Andy shouts)

(Andy grunts)

- That was fast.

You okay?

- Yep, didn't spill a drop.

My back's broken, though.

- As long as it's nothing serious.

- Nah, think I'll check out the porch.

(bottle shatters)

(ladder thuds)

(twangy music)

- Hi.

- Hey, you're not supposed to be in here.

- Where is everybody?

- Who's everybody?

- Joella, I came to see Joella.

- Too late, Joella doesn't do it anymore.

- She doesn't?
- No.

- How do you know?

- Because she just joined our club.

- You changed her?

That's a dirty trick.

- Maybe, but we did it,
so you might as well go.

- I can't!

- Why not?

- I hurt my back.

- Can the crap, Andy.

- No, no kidding.

- You are hurt.

- Hmm?

Oh, I am.

Oh, that hurts.

I think I better lie down.

- Here, lie here, and I'll go get

some Mercurochrome and band aids.

- I think a bed would be better.

- Just lie here, Andy.

(lively rock music)

George!

- Hi.

Care to join me?

- I thought you left.

- I did.

Can't you see?

What are you doing here?

- Your friend Andy hurt himself.

I'm here to get some medicine.

- [George] Well, help yourself.

- Thanks a lot.

(Lynne screams)

- What was that?

- Sounded like Lynne.

- Oh, you just stay put,
Joella, and don't get messed up.

We don't wanna have to redo you.

(Lynne shouts)

- Upstairs, let's go.
- Okay!

(Lynne shouts)

- [Bonnie] (gasps) George!

(George grunts)

(George moans)

(Lynne whimpers)

- Hi, George.

He's all right, just passed out.

- You sure?

- You look gorgeous, George.

- Just throw a blanket over
him, he'll be all right.

- So that's what they look like.

- Bonnie, for God's sakes.

- Well, gee, kinda icky
looking, aren't they?

- I always thought they were kinda cute.

- Oh, hi, girls.

Goodnight, girls.

(door rattles)

- Hello, police?

I wanna report a burglary.

♪ I wanna kiss you, kiss you tonight ♪

♪ I wanna hold you til daybreak ♪

♪ I wanna love you, love you tonight ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

(light pop music)

- Hi, gang.

- Kenny!

Where's Pete?

- I thought he was here with you.

- [Sharon] I haven't seen him.

- Where's Judy?

- She went into the kitchen.

- Share, Judy, you have
any clothes around here?

- Sure, Lynne, we both do.

They're in the guest
bedroom, help yourself.

- Okay.

(light pop music)

- What are you two doing?

- Just talking.

- In the dark?

- What's wrong with that?

- Just looks funny.

- Well, don't worry about it.

- Need more beer!

I'm gonna go to the car and get some more.

- Better not, Andy, this
is a private club meeting.

- We won't disturb you.

Give me the keys, Pete.

(comical music)

- Hey, where you going?

- You still alive?

- Where you going?

- Party, come on.

- Hey!
- Come on, Henry.

- Wait a minute, I'm coming!

- [Jim] All I want is a ride back to town.

- [Driver] Well, that's
all I wanna give you.

- [Jim] Then let's go!

- [Driver] In just a minute.

(Jim shouts)
Wait!

(exciting music)

(light pop music)

- You shouldn't be doing that.

- I know it.

- Oh, is something wrong, Henry?

- No.

I mean, yes.

Where's the bathroom?

- Upstairs.

(light pop music)

(door creaks)

- Henry Crankite, you're peeking!

- No, I just have to go to the bathroom.

- Well, obviously it's not in here.

- You sure are pretty, Lynne.

- [Lynne] I thought you
had to go to the bathroom.

- I do, badly.

- [Lynne] Well, don't
you think you better?

- That's okay.

- No, it's not, Henry.

I mean, it's bad for the kidneys.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

It can cause complications in later life.

- Well, then, I better go.

You wait right here.

- Sure, Henry, sure, cross my heart.

- Okay then, remember, you promised.

(light pop music)

- I guess I just don't understand

what you were doing in the
kitchen with the lights out.

- I told you, man, we were just talking.

- Talking?

Talking about what?

- About you, Kenny.

- Me, what about me?

- Well, uh-

- Just things.

(tires screech)

- The cops!

- What about him?

- Let's go!

- Joella, where are you going?

- I gotta go potty.

- Go!

- [Kenny] Hey, come on, let's go.

- [Sharon] You guys better get outta here.

- [Kenny] Pick him up.

- [Andy] I got him.

- [Kenny] Get his legs,
head first in the closet.

- [Pete] Okay.

- Okay, I got it.

(doorbell rings)

(tense music)

(cop knocks)

- Okay?

- Okay, let's go get outta here.

(doorbell rings)

- You guys better get outta here!

- Out the back door.
(doorbell rings)

(tense music)

- [Andy] Quick, in there!

(tense music)

- I'll get the front door.

- Sorry to bother you, little lady,

but we had a report of
a burglar in the house.

Are your parents at home?

- Grandmother, sir.

No, sir.

- Mind if I have a look around?

- Well, as you can see,
there's no one here.

- For your own protection,
I better have a look.

- [Judy] Yes, sir.

(tense music)

(boys grunting)

- Did you hear that?

- No, no, I didn't hear a thing.

- Not me!

- Stand back, girls,
this could be dangerous.

(tense music)

Reach for the sky!

Now what's going on here?
(George snores)

Did you girls know he was in there?

- Yes.
- No!

- Now which is it?

- Oh, morning, Chief,
how's the crime business?

Har-de-har-har.

- What are you doing in there?

- I just stopped in to take a bath.

So if you'll excuse me.

- I never will understand
you young people.

Why can't you all be
more like my daughter?

She'd never do anything like this.

She's a lady.

Anyway, I'll just take my beer to my car.

Now don't you girls go
away, I wanna talk to you.

(tense music)

(crickets chirp)

- That son of a bitch, there
goes another case of beer.

- He shouldn't be allowed
to get away with that shit.

- He's going back into the house.

(crickets chirp)

Hey, I got an idea.

Where the hell is Henry?

- Joella.

I hardly recognize you tonight.

- It's true, there have
been some changes made.

- I'm sure you're still the same hot,

I mean, warm-blooded individual
I've heard so much about.

- And I'm sure you're every bit as clever

and inventive as they say you are.

- Why don't we find someplace to be alone?

- And talk?

- Yeah.

- Why don't you wait right here for me.

I'll be right back.

(dramatic music)

- Hey.

You look like you could
use some sobering up.

You're drunk!

I see two of you.

(Joella shouts)
(George laughs)

- You creep!

(George laughs)

(Joella whimpers)
(George gurgles)

- Joella?

Gee, Joella, you're all different again.

- Henry, it was awful!

- What happened?

Come on.

You better get those wet things off.

So, what do you wanna talk about?

- Politics.

Who do you wanna win the election?

- You mean presidential?

- Of course.

- Well, confidentially,
Joella, I've never liked Ike.

- Me, neither.

Stevenson, though.
- Yeah, Stevenson.

They call him an egghead.

- Just brilliant, just
a brilliant statesman.

- [Henry] Brilliant.

- I expect you all to act like
ladies just like my daughter.

And I'm calling that
young hoodlum's parents

to come get him right now.

- No!

No, we'll call them.

- Well, all right, but you
girls listen to what I say.

- We will.
- You bet.

- Thank you very much, Sergeant.

- Sorry you couldn't stay longer.

- I am, too, but I have
a job that must be done.

Goodnight, girls.

- Goodnight!

- What the fuck?

(comical music)

- Quick, give me Jimmy's car keys.

- [Driver] Look, give it a try.

Are you so stubborn?

Please!

(tires squeal)

- I'll get you, you son of a bitch!

(tires squeal)

Shit!

(comical music)

Goddamn bastards!

When I catch you, I'll cut your nuts off!

(tires squeal)

Oh, what now?

(tire whirs)

(tires squeal)

(tire whirs)

What the hell?

Goddamn it!

Oh, no!

(dramatic music)

(cans clang)

(Sergeant pants)

(police band chatters)

Goddamn!

- [Judy] Yes?

- May I use your phone?

- Of course.

Please, don't sit down.

(girls chuckle)

- You mean you've never had a girl?

- No.

- That's too bad.

I wish you'd told me before.

I mean, before tonight.

- [Henry] Why?

- Well, now it's too late.

I'm not allowed to do it anymore.

- Why?

- [Joella] I had to swear off
to get into the Sweater Girls.

- The Sweater Girls?

- Yeah, the club.
- What club?

- I wish I could help you out.

- Boy, so do I.

- Henry.

Henry, I don't think
it's a good idea, Henry.

Henry.

Henry.

- Okay, smart-A, stop with the jokes,

get somebody over here.

You just wait til your
parents hear about this.

- Hear about what?

We didn't do anything.

- You know, somehow, I
just don't believe that.

And, believe me, they're
gonna hear about it.

When I think of all the trouble we went to

to raise you kids, the sacrifices we made.

(Henry coughs)

(Sergeant speaks indistinctly)

You know, I was young once, too.

I never would've thought of
doing something like that.

- Good grief, it's Daddy!

(plate shatters)

- Now who else is here?

- Nobody.

Besides, you're not allowed upstairs.

- Why is that?

- Because Grandma said
so, and she meant it.

- Well, I'm going out to my car
and wait for reinforcements.

Now, you girls better be good.

- I wonder where Joella is.

- Joella.

- Let's go find out.

- What's the matter?

- Daddy's downstairs!

(comical music)

See, you're wrong, Henry.

This is a Corinthian
column, and that's an Ionic.

- Yeah, okay, you're right.

She's so smart.

That's what she was doing in the library.

- [Bonnie] And I always wondered.

- Well, now you know.

- Well, I'm certainly relieved.

- [Joella] Why?

- Well, we didn't see you
around and none of the guys.

- We got a little suspicious.

- I told you, I turned over a new leaf.

- We were discussing Greek architecture.

- Yeah, well, if it was anybody but Henry.

(tires screech)

- Oh my God.

The police.

- Hey, you, hey, you!

Wait a minute, get out of that car, punk.

You thought you'd try it again, huh?

- Try what again?

- Don't get wise with me.

You're going to jail, smart ass.

- I didn't do nothing, I just got here.

- And another thing, what are you

doing running around like that?

You some kind of fruit or something?

- Oh, please, please, let me go home.

- Home?

Jail will be your home!

- So how come you were sitting

in the kitchen with the lights out?

- What are you getting at, Ken?

- You're taking my girl.

Damn it, I thought so.

(Kenny screams)
(Kenny groans)

- What's the matter?

(Kenny shouts)

What are you doing?

- I'm drunk!

- Well, aren't we all?

Come on, let's go inside.

- No.

I'm real comfortable here.

- Suit yourself.

(TV chatters)

- Hi, Pete.
- Hi.

- Where's Kenny?

- [Pete] He's outside on the lawn.

- Is he hurt?

- No, just drunk.

- Oh.

I think I'll go get a drink.

(romantic music)

- I thought she would never leave.

- All ducks on deck.

Okay.

(Joella hums)

(light music)

- Ow!

Pontiac!

(lively rock music)

- [George] Hey, big Ken,
come on outta there.

Pete wants to talk to you.

- Leave me alone, I got work to do.

- Hey, I know how to get him out.

(beer fizzes)

- Hey, what the hell are you doing?

Hey!

Hey!

You're always pissing on me!

What the hell's the
matter with you, anyway?

- You know what you are?

You're a pain in the ass.

- Me?

I didn't ask you here.

Why don't you just buzz off.

- I'll leave when I'm ready to leave.

- Well, get ready, 'cause you leaving.

(boys grunt)

(lively rock music)

(Pete laughs)

(Kenny laughs)

(George laughs)

- What are you guys doing?

Come on, guys, can't you
take a little kidding?

(George screams)
(Kenny laughs)

- Oh, shit, it's almost noon.

- Why, what's happening at noon?

- Nothing, I just gotta go.

(lively rock music)

(George whimpers)

(romantic music)

- [George] Who are you?

- Hi, I'm Candy.

I just moved here from Fairfield.

- Fairfield?

- And Kenny was nice enough
to ask me to go to the lake.

He was the first cute guy I met.

- Well, it pays to shop around.

- I'll say.

What's your name?

- George.

- (sighs) That's nice.

And yours?

- Pete.

(bluesy music)

- Hey, why don't you
come to the lake with us?

- I don't think that
would be such a good idea.

(bluesy music)

- Well, maybe some other time.

- Yeah, maybe.

- Well, I'm sorry, but we can't stay.

We're in a big hurry.

- Why?

- Important business.

See you guys later.

(lively rock music)

♪ I took her out, hey boy ♪

♪ Yes, I took her out, hey boy ♪

♪ I wanna make love when I saw her ♪

- Well, what now?

- Let's go to the lake.

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Let's go all the way ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Please let me make my play ♪

♪ When I take you out tonight ♪

♪ I hope we'll go astray ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ Come on, let's go all the way ♪

♪ Sweater girl ♪

♪ I want you tonight ♪

(shimmering music)