Surf Ninjas (1993) - full transcript

Zatch: BY THE TIME
I HAD FOUND THEM,

I KNEW THE OTHERS
WERE CLOSE BEHIND,

AND SOON, THE BOYS' DESTINIES
WOULD BE CHANGED FOREVER.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[MAN SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ YEARS AND DAYS AND DAYS
AND YEARS, NO ONE CARES ♪

♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ I KILL ♪

♪ ASHES BLOWIN'
IN THE WIND ♪

♪ FADE TO BLACK ♪

♪ WILL IT TAKE HIM BACK
TO VIOLENCE? ♪



♪ TO GET MY MONKEY
IN THE JUNGLE ♪

♪ MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE ♪

♪ UH, UH, UH, UH-UH ♪

♪ MONKEY
IN THE JUNGLE ♪

HEY, GUYS, HOW MANY TIME
I GOT TO TELL YOU?

NO VAN HALEN TILL
I'VE HAD MY COFFEE.

WE'VE ALREADY HAD OURS.

GUYS, HOMEWORK?

YEAH.

HEY. HEY.

DAD, I THINK WE'RE
FALLING INTO A RUT HERE.

EVERY DAY
IT'S BREAKFAST,

"DID YOU DO YOUR
HOMEWORK," FIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, DAD--
BREAKFAST, HOMEWORK, FIGHT.



I MEAN...

CAN'T WE JUST SAY
WE LOVE EACH OTHER

AND HAVE A MOMENT?

YOU'RE SMOOTH, JOHNNY,

BUT YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS GOING
TO GET OUT OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS

WITH THIS SMOOTH STUFF.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

PSYCH.

GUYS, WHEN I GET UP
EVERY MORNING

AND GO TO
THE HAMBURGER STAND,

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT KEEPS ME GOING?

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I LOVE YOU--
AW.

HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?

ARE YOU GOING
TO DRIVE ME CRAZY?

IS THAT WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO?

DO YOU WANT
TO DRIVE ME CRAZY?

NO, DAD.

WE JUST WANT TO DRIVE,

BUT THE MAN
WON'T LET US.

HOW CAN I MAKE YOU GUYS
UNDERSTAND?

YOU CANNOT LIVE
YOUR LIFE SURFING.

YOU NEED SOMETHING
TO FALL BACK ON.

WE'RE WAY AHEAD
OF YOU, DAD.

THAT'S WHY
WE SKATEBOARD.

[CLATTERING]

WHAT WAS THAT?

PROBABLY THAT DUMB CAT
KNOCKING SOMETHING OVER.

WE HAVE A CAT?

I'D PUT DOWN THAT KNIFE
IF I WERE YOU.

SERIOUSLY,
IF YOU DON'T WANT CHIVES,

I WON'T PUT THEM IN.

WELL, I WANT CHIVES, BRO.

YOU GOT IT.

IGGY, YOU'RE HERE
EVERY MORNING.

YOU'RE HERE EVERY NIGHT.

DON'T YOUR PARENTS EVER
ASK WHERE YOU BEEN?

MR. McQUINN,
MY PARENTS ARE SEALED

IN THE BIOSPHERE
IN ARIZONA. PIMENTO?

IT'S LIKE A LITTLE TOMATO.

YOU KNOW, THE BIOSPHERE.

IT'S LIKE A BUBBLE THING
IN THE DESERT.

A LOT OF PLANTS AND ANIMALS.

NOBODY'S ALLOWED
IN OR OUT.

LOOK, IT'D BE IMPOSSIBLE
FOR ME TO EXPLAIN IT

TO A LAYMAN LIKE YOURSELF.

IGGY, YOU NEED
A PROFESSIONAL LISTENER.

WELL, HE GOES TO THE SCHOOL
SHRINK EVERY DAY.

IT'S NOT HELPING.

BEETS?

IGGY, DON'T YOUR PARENTS
EVER FEED YOU? HUH?

AND DON'T THEY EVER
PROVIDE YOU WITH CLOTHING

EXCEPT
FOR MY BOXER SHORTS?

THESE ARE YOURS?

YES!

ALL RIGHT, DAD!
SEE YOU LATER.

BIOSPHERE. GOOD ONE.

I FEEL ONE COMING.

UH-OH,
HE FEELS ONE COMING.

OH, IT'S A GOOD ONE.
IT'S A KILLER.

[BELCHES]

ANCHOVY OMELET.

Zatch: THEY CAME
TO KILL THE BOYS,

AS I KNEW THEY WOULD,

BUT I WAS THERE
TO STOP THEM.

YOU GUYS
ARE VILE.

[BELCHES]

FROM NOW ON,
I WALK.

THEIR PAST HAD FINALLY
CAUGHT UP WITH THEM.

NOW THE TIME HAD COME

TO PREPARE THEM
FOR THEIR FUTURE.

MOTO-SURF!

MOTO-SURF!

MOTO-SURF!

♪ I BROUGHT THE DRUMS ♪

♪ THE BASS, THE FLUTE,
THE HARMONICA ♪

360!

♪ ALL THE WAY
FROM MALIBU TO SANTA MONICA ♪

♪ UP TO LONG BEACH
BACK TO HUNTINGTON ♪

♪ TAKE OUT MY SCOPES
SO I CAN SEE THE HONEYS ♪

HEAD DIP!
HEAD DIP!

OH, NO. WIPE OUT.

HAWAII FIVE-O
OPENING.

♪ NO ONE'S THINKIN'
'BOUT THEIR LESSON ♪

♪ NO MORE HOME WORKIN' ♪

♪ WORRYIN' ABOUT
THEIR PROFESSION ♪

♪ YOU JUST WANT
TO CHILL IN THE SUN ♪

♪ RELAX WITH A HONEY
AND HAVE FUN, FUN, FUN ♪

COPS! COPS!
GET DOWN! GET DOWN!

ADAM, GET DOWN.

OOH, THEY BUSTED
JONES AGAIN.

WE WEREN'T MOTO-SURFING.

YEAH. RIGHT.

YOU KNOW,
JUST ONCE

I'D LIKE
TO BE WRONG.

HURRY UP.

I'M OPEN!
COME ON!

SHOOT IT!

COME ON.

COME ON.

OVER--YEAH!

OH.

I NEED A HOMEWORK ALIBI.

MAYBE I CAN TELL THEM

THAT I WAS HAMMERED
BY THE FACT

I FOUND OUT I WAS
ADOPTED LAST NIGHT.

YOU WERE ADOPTED
LAST NIGHT?

WHY DIDN'T YOUR DAD
JUST ADOPT YOU

WHEN YOU WERE
A BABY?

IGGY, WE WERE ADOPTED
WHEN WE WERE BABIES.

WHAT IF I WAS ADOPTED,

AND MY DAD WAS A REALLY
RICH KING AND STUFF?

OH, YEAH.
KINGS ARE ALWAYS

GIVING UP THEIR KIDS
UP FOR ADOPTION.

HEY, IF MY DAD
WAS KING,

MAN, I WOULDN'T
HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT MY HOMEWORK
ANYMORE.

I'D DEFINITELY BE OUT
OF THE 11th GRADE.

AND IF LISA CAINE
WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH ME,

IN THE DUNGEON,
JUST LIKE THAT.

OH, I'D LOVE THAT.

THAT WOULD BE
THE GREATEST.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

I'M UP EL CREEK-O
DE MERDE.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS
FULL UNWELCOMING SPEECH

FOR THIS VISITING
GURU GUY, BABA RAM,

IN ASSEMBLY
SECOND PERIOD.

RELAX.

LOOK, IF YOU WANT
TO GET OUT OF IT,

TELL THEM I JUST FOUND
OUT YOU WERE ADOPTED.

GOOD.

LET ME PUT THIS
IN YOUR LANGUAGE, DUDE.

THIS MAY BE A PRETTY
GROOVY SCENE FOR YOU,

BUT I TAKE IT
PRETTY SERIOUSLY.

ARE YOU PREPARED?

I TOLD YOU, MR. DUNBAR.

EVERYTHING'S
UNDER CONTROL.

NO WORRIES, BRA'.

GOOD...

BRA'.

"BRA'."

I'VE GOT NOTHING.

I'VE GOT...

OH!

'CAUSE I'M
A PROFESSIONAL.

HOW YOU DOING?

HEY.

HI, GUYS.

IT'S OUR PRIVILEGE
TO WELCOME

ONE OF THE WORLD'S
GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADERS,

THE BABA RAM OF MEE GROB.

AN ASIAN-AMERICAN STUDENT

HAS BEEN PERSUADED
TO VOLUNTEER...

WHOO!

AND PREPARE
A WELCOMING PRESENTATION,

WHICH, I'VE BEEN ASSURED,

IS IN THE TRADITIONAL
ETHNIC STYLE.

♪ MMM ♪

♪ BA ♪

♪ BA ♪
♪ BA ♪

YOU'LL LOVE THIS KID.

♪ OM ♪
♪ OM ♪

♪ A BA BA BA
BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BA BA BA
BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BABA RAM ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BABA RAM ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN' ♪

♪ BABA RAM
BA-BA BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS

FROM YOUR HOMEWORK
LAST NIGHT, ADAM.

OH, THE HOMEWORK SPAIN.

MANY...PEOPLE...
THINK...SPAIN

IS...

HERE.

HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!

ON THE OTHER HAND,

THERE'S A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT
THAT CLAIMS SPAIN...

IS...HERE.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

THOSE PEOPLE, TOO,
ARE WRONG.

SO WHERE IS SPAIN?

COULD BE...HERE?

COULD BE...

HERE.

HERE?

HA HA HA!

HERE.

HERE?

HERE.

Zatch: WHO WOULD WANT
TO HURT THESE BOYS?

ONLY I KNEW

THE ANSWER WAS ON AN ISLAND
13,000 MILES AWAY

IN THE HEART
OF AN EVIL SOUL.

HELLO.

P.A.: COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

COLONEL CHI IS ALMIGHTY.

COLONEL CHI
WILL TAKE CARE OF US.

COLONEL CHI IS STRONG.

COLONEL CHI
WILL LEAD US FOREVER.

COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

COLONEL CHI IS ALMIGHTY.

COLONEL CHI
WILL TAKE CARE OF US.

COLONEL CHI IS STRONG.

COLONEL CHI
WILL LEAD US FOREVER.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Machine: HI.
THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE
YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.
AND DON'T HANG UP.

HELLO?

[DIAL TONE]

HELLO!

DAMN!

COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Machine: HI.
THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE
YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,
I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

YES. ARE THEY DEAD?

DON'T GIVE ME ANY EXCUSES.

THOSE BOYS DIE TONIGHT,

OR YOU'LL ANSWER TO ME HERE
IN THE DUNGEONS OF SRI WAN.

OH, UH, BY THE WAY,

DID YOU CALL EARLIER
AND HANG UP?

DAMN!

HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!

WHOO! THE WAVES
ARE PUMPIN'!

ALL RIGHT.
LATER!

WH-WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT COMING
WITH US?

I'LL BE THERE
IN A MINUTE.

I'VE JUST GOT TO WAX

THE OLD MAN-TO-WAVE
FRICTION REDUCING VEHICLE.

SURFBOARD.

OH. OK, SO THEN WE'LL
SEE YOU OUT THERE, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

GOT TO PUT SOME WAX ON
THE BOARD, YOU KNOW,

SO I DON'T SLIP OFF. WAX.

GOT TO HAVE
A LOT OF WAX.

HEY, SKIP, TED,
PUTTING SOME WAX ON.

HA HA HA!

AAH!

DUDE, I THINK
I FULLY DINGED MY BOARD

ON A ROCK OR SOMETHING.

BRO, WE'RE LEAVING.

NOW? OH, I HAD
SOME MOVES IN ME, TOO.

YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU'VE NEVER SURFED
A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HEY, TOMORROW WE START OUT
EARLY, OK? FIRST THING.

[GRRR]

[ARF]

THANKS, MAN.

JOHNNY!

LET'S GO, IGGY.

WE'RE GROWING OLD
HERE.

HEY.

[MUMBLES]

I'M SORRY.

STILL HUNGRY, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE
REALLY GREAT ON THIS, THOUGH?

SWEET PICKLES.

YEAH? DO YOU EVER
STOP EATING?

YOU FREELOADER, YOU.

SO, HOW WAS SCHOOL
TODAY, GUYS?

THEY TRIED TO
MAKE ME FIND SPAIN.

THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME
FIND SPAIN ONCE.

I SAID, "IT COULD
BE ANYWHERE."

HEY, SO DID I.

TAKE OUT THE TRASH,
WILL YOU, GUYS?

SEE? NOW YOU'RE LEARNING.

THE MAIN THING
WITH TEACHERS IS CONFIDENCE.

YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING,

YOU CAN SELL THEM ANYTHING.

HOW DO YOU THINK
I PASSED U.S. HISTORY?

ONE DAY, WE WERE TAKING
THIS TEST AND...

[TAPPING]

DAD?

REMEMBER THE GUY
YOU SAID WOULD COME

IF WE DIDN'T
EAT OUR VEGETABLES?

HE'S HERE.

THAT'S NOT
THE BOOGEYMAN.

IT'S A HOMICIDAL KILLER.

ZATCH.

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

AAH!
AAH!

AH-HYAH!

YOU'RE GETTING OLD, MAC.

AAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

HYAH, SKATEBOARDER!

HYAH!

ME NO SPEAK ENGLISH.

I WASH DISHES.

I--OH, FINE.

I--AAH!

ZATCH, GET THE KIDS
OUT OF HERE!

NO! WE'RE NOT LEAVING
OUR DAD!

YOU'VE GOT
TO GO NOW!

COME ON.

NO. NO! DAD!

NORMALLY, I'D STAY AND FIGHT,
BUT IT IS A SCHOOL NIGHT.

JOHNNY, WAIT UP!

COME ON.

LISTEN. WHO ARE YOU?

JUMP!
LET'S GO!

OH! AAH!

KWANTZU!

AAH!

HEY, LOOK,
I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS.

I'M JUST GOING TO EXPLAIN
TO THESE NINJA GUYS

THAT I DON'T
HAVE ANY--MMM!

LISTEN. WHAT
IS GOING ON?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS
FOR ONE MINUTE?

JUST ONE MINUTE.
I GOT ONE THING TO SAY,

AND THEN
I'LL BE QUIET.

HEY!

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I FELT REALLY SAFE
IN YOUR ARMS,

AND I'VE NEVER SAID
THAT TO A MAN BEFORE.

LISTEN,
WHAT ARE WE DOING?

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE
OUR DAD ALL ALONE

WITH THOSE GUYS.

QUIET!

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

YOU MUST BE QUIET.

LOOK, WHO WERE
THOSE QUIMBIES

IN THE CAMOUFLAGE
PAJAMAS?

BOY, THOSE UNIFORMS

REALLY GIVE THEM
A CHAMELEON-LIKE ABILITY

TO BLEND IN WITH
THEIR SURROUNDINGS.

WOULD YOU GUYS
JUST SHUT UP

AND LET THIS GUY--

WHERE'D HE GO?

I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I MISS HIM ALREADY.

Zatch:
THEY HAVE TAKEN HIM.

WHOA! HOW DOES
HE DO THAT?

LIKE THIS.

"THEY HAVE TAKEN HIM."

WHO TOOK HIM?

THE SAME ONES WHO WANT YOU
DEAD, YOUR HIGHNESSES.

WHY DO YOU KEEP
CALLING US THAT?

BECAUSE YOU ARE
CROWN PRINCES,

AND YOUR FATHER
WAS A KING.

OH, UNREAL.

REMEMBER WHEN
I SAID BEFORE...

"WHAT IF MY FATHER
WAS A KING"?

THIS IS
COMPLETELY INSANE.

I'M A CROWN PRINCE.

NOT YOU.

THEY ARE
CROWN PRINCES,

AND THEIR FATHER
WAS A KING.

AND YOU ARE A MANIAC,

AND YOUR FATHER
WAS A MANIAC...

AND HIS FATHER
WAS A MANIAC,

AND HIS FATHER
WAS A MANIAC.

ADAM, DON'T HELP ME.

YOU GET THE POINT.

AND THE GUY HIS FATHER
BOUGHT HIS HOUSE FROM

WAS A MANIAC.
ADAM.

GOOD THINKING,
O PATCHED ONE.

LET THEM THINK THEY'RE
THE REAL CROWN PRINCES.

WE'LL USE THEM
FOR DECOYS.

HEY, I'M GOING
TO GO CALL THE COPS.

LISTEN, THIS COULD
BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS,

SO I WANT YOU TO KEEP
ONE EYE ON MY FRIENDS

AND ONE--

WELL, YOU JUST DO
THE BEST YOU CAN.

Zatch: LISTEN TO ME.

SEARCH YOUR MEMORIES,
YOUR HIGHNESSES.

WHAT DO YOU
REMEMBER OF LIFE

BEFORE YOU CAME
TO AMERICA?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BEFORE"?
WE WERE BORN HERE.

WEREN'T WE?

YOUR BROTHER WAS
TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER.

BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER
SOMETHING OF PATUSAN.

PORTA-SAN?

UH, YOU MEAN THOSE TOILETS
AT CONSTRUCTION SITES?

EW, I'D GIVE
UP THE THRONE.

NO, NOT PORTA-SAN.

PATUSAN.

FOR 4,000 YEARS,

PATUSAN...

RULED BY ONE LINE
OF WARRIOR KINGS,

WAS THE MOST PEACEFUL
PLACE ON EARTH.

THEN ONE DAY,
THE PEOPLE GATHERED

TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH
OF CROWN PRINCE AD-HAM...

OF WHOM
THE PROPHECIES FORETOLD

WOULD BECOME
A TRUE VISIONARY.

AND HIS BROTHER,
CROWN PRINCE YOW-NI,

WOULD BE EVEN
A GREATER WARRIOR KING

THAN HIS FATHER.

IT WAS FORETOLD
IN THE SEVENTH CYCLE,

AFTER MEN FLEW
AS EAGLES TO THE MOON--

Adam: WHOA, BABE.
YOU JUST LOST ME.

THE PEACE WOULD BE
BROKEN BY BLOODSHED.

AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

[GUNSHOTS]

A VIOLENT COUP
LED BY COLONEL CHI,

A FOREIGN MERCENARY,

DEVASTATED OUR COUNTRY.

I WAS HEAD OF
THE IMPERIAL GUARD.

IT WAS MY DUTY
TO PROTECT THE ROYAL FAMILY

AT ANY COST.

HYAH! HYAH!

HYAH!

CHARGE!

HYAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

AAH!

UHH!

ROTTEN HAT.

I WAS SUMMONED
TO THE PALACE

AND THERE ENTRUSTED TO
PROTECT THE ROYAL PRINCES,

YOW-NI AND AD-HAM,

FROM CHI'S DETERMINATION
TO KILL THEM.

Johnny:
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

THE PROPHECIES FORETOLD

THAT ON YOW-NI'S
16th BIRTHDAY,

HE WOULD
ASCEND THE THRONE,

AND PATUSAN WOULD BE
FREE ONCE MORE.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

Johnny: I'M GOING
TO BE 16 IN 2 WEEKS.

I KNOW, YOUR HIGHNESS.

[WOMAN SPEAKING PATUSANI]

[BABY CRIES]

[SPEAKING
PATUSANI]

[SPEAKING
PATUSANI]

[CRYING]

HYAH!

ZATCH, YOU AND THOSE CHILDREN
WILL NEVER ESCAPE!

HYAH!

HYAH!

OOH! OOH!

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

UH, UH...

UHH!

AAH! AAH!

AAH!

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

[CRYING]

[TRUMPETING]

AS THE PROPHECIES
FORETOLD,

THE ENTIRE ROYAL
FAMILY WAS KILLED,

EXCEPT FOR THE 2 YOUNG
CROWN PRINCES, WHO ESCAPED.

WHOA, THAT WAS REALLY
AN EXCELLENT STORY.

MAC WAS A FORMER
AMERICAN SAILOR.

OY.

AHH!

[GUNSHOTS]

AAH!

[GUNSHOTS]

AAH!

[CRYING]

[CRYING]

MAC HAD WORKED
FOR THE ROYAL FAMILY

FOR MANY YEARS.

HIS LOYALTY TO THEM
WAS BEYOND REPROACH.

IT WAS INTO HIS ARMS

THAT I ENTRUSTED
THE 2 CHILDREN.

YOU WERE THOSE CHILDREN,
YOUR HIGHNESSES.

FOR COLONEL CHI,
YOU ARE THE LIVING THREAT

TO HIS RULE.

TO ME, YOU ARE
THE LIVING PROPHECY

WHO WILL
FREE OUR COUNTRY.

DON'T YOU HAVE TO DRIVE
TO DO THAT?

MAN, I REALLY WANT
TO DRIVE.

LISTEN, WE DON'T WANT
TO FREE ANYTHING, TONTO.

WE WANT OUR DAD BACK.

THAT'S ALL.

MAC IS INCONSEQUENTIAL.

THE REBELLION
IS WHAT COUNTS NOW.

YOU MUST RETURN WITH ME
TO PATUSAN.

HEY!

OUR DAD IS NOT
INCONSEQUENTIAL.

YOU,
YOUR PROPHECY...

YOUR REBELLION...

THAT'S
INCONSEQUENTIAL.

YOU HAVE NO SENSE
OF DUTY OR HONOR.

YOU HAVE NO SENSE
OF HUMOR, OK?

LISTEN UP, AMIGO.

WE'RE GOING
TO THE COPS.

COMPRENDE?
LATER ON.

I DON'T HAVE
TO CONVINCE YOU.

IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

IT HAS CHOSEN YOU.

HEY, OK,
I GOT IT ALL WIRED.

THE COPS SAID TO MEET US
AT YOUR DAD'S BURGER PLACE,

THAT IS, IF IT'S COOL

WITH OUR SIGHT-CHALLENGED
FRIEND HERE.

HEY,
HE DISAPPEARED AGAIN.

SO, YOU WANT ME
TO BELIEVE

THAT THIS COLONEL CHEESE
OR WHOEVER HE IS

SENT THESE COWBOY NINJAS
TO BUMP HEADS

'CAUSE HE'S NUT-UP
AT YOUR OLD MAN?

LISTEN, ALL I KNOW

IS THAT THESE
SKETCHY-LOOKING NINJAS

DROPPED OUR DAD

AND WENT AGGRO
ON THE FOOD HUT.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
FROM THE TOP,

BUT THIS TIME HOW ABOUT
WE BRING IN AN INTERPRETER?

EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU OPEN?

REALLY, THEY GOT
KILLER SHAKES, MAN.

IT'S WORTH THE WAIT.

YOU KNOW THE FOOD IS GOOD,
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...COPS.

SO, YOU SURE YOU KIDS

ARE GOING TO BE
ALL RIGHT TONIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH. I TOLD YOU.
OUR UNCLE'S STAYING WITH US.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR UNCLE IGGY, HUH?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE
A PATROL UNIT

OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT

JUST IN CASE ANYBODY
GETS ANY FUNNY IDEAS

AND TRIES TO MESS
WITH YOU GUYS.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I REALLY THINK...

WHAT?

I THINK SOME GUYS

ARE PROBABLY
LEANING ON YOUR OLD MAN.

THEY CAME IN,
THEY TORE THE PLACE UP,

AND HE SPLIT.

I MEAN, HE'S PROBABLY
OUT THERE

CHILLED OUT SOMEWHERE
TAKING IT EASY,

SO DON'T EVEN WORRY
ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?

GOOD NIGHT, FELLAS.

[SIGHS]

YOU KNOW...

MY DAD ISN'T
CHILLING OUT SOMEPLACE.

HE WOULD NEVER SPLIT ON US.

HE LOVES US.

ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, KID.

Iggy: [SCOTTISH ACCENT]
ALL RIGHT!

NOW YOU KIDS
GET IN HERE

AND CLEAN UP
YOUR BLOODY ROOM,

AND I KNOW BEST,

'CAUSE AFTER ALL,
I'M 37.

NOW, DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT
THERE AND BEAT YOU

WITH A LEG OF MINE
THAT NO LONGER WORKS,

'CAUSE I'LL DO IT!

UH, HE'S A VERY
DISTANT RELATIVE.

GET OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

HEY, YOU TWO
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING COMING DOWN

ON THOSE KIDS
IN THERE.

BRO?

YEAH, WHAT'S UP?

I'M FEELING KIND OF...

FREAKED.

FREAKED.

NO WORRIES, BRA'.

I'M HERE.

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE COOL.

HEY...

10...

BUT WHAT IF WHAT THAT ZATCH GUY
WAS SAYING WAS TRUE,

AND IT'S, LIKE,
MY DESTINY

TO BE A PRINCE
AND A SEER

AND YOUR DESTINY TO BE
A PRINCE AND A WARRIOR?

AND DON'T FORGET.
I'M THE KING.

YOUR DAD'S NOT GOING
TO MISS THESE MAGAZINES.

THERE'S A WHOLE STACK OF
THEM UNDERNEATH THE BED.

IGGY, YOU CAN'T BE
THE KING OF PATUSAN.

YOU'RE NOT ASIAN.

OH, YEAH? I'VE GOT
2 WORDS TO SAY TO YOU.

DAVID CARRADINE
IN KUNG FU.

[SIGHS]

Zatch:
CROWN PRINCE AD-HAM

WOULD BECOME
A TRUE VISIONARY.

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHERE'S SHINOBI?

I THOUGHT
I WAS PLAYING SHINOBI.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
ON THIS LEVEL BEFORE.

WHAT A COOL GAME.

[LAUGHING]

AAH!

JOHNNY, YOU OK?

HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S TALL,
DARK, WEARS A PATCH,

AND ALWAYS SEEMS
TO BE ON MY BUTT?

DO YOU SEE HOW EASILY
I COULD'VE KILLED YOU

IF I WAS SENT
BY COLONEL CHI?

OH, THAT'S
A BIG CHALLENGE.

I'M 11 YEARS OLD.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GIVE YOURSELF

A BIG PAT ON THE BACK?

SHH!

Look!

OH, WOW.

COULDN'T WE JUST GO BACK
TO THE BEGINNER'S LEVEL?

COME ON, LET'S GO.

Quickly.

Wait here.

[GAS HISSES]

I THINK
HE'S COOKING.

WHAT?

Let's go. Now.

AAH!

HYAH! HYAH!

HYAH!

ZATCH!

AAH!

[CRUNCH]

AAH!

HEY, NOT THAT WAY!

COME ON!

COME ON, BROTHER.

WHEN CAN WE
GO BACK HOME?

YOUR HOME IS PATUSAN.

NO, OUR HOME IS THAT HOUSE
BACK THERE ON OCEAN PARK.

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT
TO GO BACK THERE, MAN.

OUR PAL LONG JOHN SILVER
HERE LEFT THE GAS ON.

REAL BRIGHT. WHAT IF
THE HOUSE BLOWS UP?

OH!

THAT WAS OUR HOME.

HE BLEW UP OUR HOME.

I HAD NO CHOICE.

NOW YOU HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO COME WITH ME.

IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

YOU HA--

YOU HAD NO CHOICE?
YOU HAD NO CHOICE?

YOU'RE INSANE!

GET YOUR ROTTEN HANDS
OFF MY BROTHER!

BE STILL,
YOUR HIGHNESSES.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT
THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

YOUR LIVES WILL NEVER
BE THE SAME AGAIN.

BUT WHAT ABOUT
OUR DAD?

I'LL HELP YOU FIND MAC.

THAT, TOO, IS PART
OF YOUR DESTINY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I JUST DID THAT.

WHAT OF THIS ONE?

THE COMMONER?

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST BLOW HIM UP?

I AM RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE DESTRUCTION

OF MY BEST FRIEND'S
PERSONAL PROPERTY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,
BUT IT HAPPENED.

AND NOW EVERY TIME I SAY
"WHAT IF," IT COMES TRUE.

I SAID, "WHAT IF THE HOUSE
BLEW UP?" AND IT BLEW UP!

I HAVE THIS TREMENDOUS
RESPONSIBILITY.

WHAT IF I LOSE
THIS POWER?

OH, MY GOD!

I JUST SAID, "WHAT IF
I LOSE THIS POWER?"

I JUST HAD THIS POWER,
AND I BLEW IT.

I HAD IT, AND I LOST IT.

YOU KEEP HIM
TO AMUSE YOU, YES?

LIKE A BOY WOULD KEEP
A MONKEY OR SNAKE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST
BLEW UP SOMEBODY'S HOUSE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M ACTUALLY A KING.

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM.

THOSE GUYS SAW HIM
WITH US.

THEY'RE GOING
TO COME AFTER HIM.

HE'S GOT TO COME WITH US.

THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.
I'VE GOT TO BE VERY--

I GOT TO CONCENTRATE
ON WHAT I'M DOING.

I'VE GOT BE VERY CAREFUL.
WHAT IF I JUST NORMALLY--

LET'S GO.

[SHOUTING]

P.A.: MANCHU
TO THE STRETCHING CHAMBER.

MANCHU
TO THE STRETCHING CHAMBER.

AAH!

BED OF NAILS
FOR PRISONER LEE.

BED OF NAILS
FOR PRISONER LEE.

MANCHU...

THIS ALMOST GOT WET.

COME HERE.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH

THIS ELECTRONIC
PIECE OF JUNK

SHORT-CIRCUITS
ALL THE TIME.

YOUR BATTERY PACKS
ARE DRY, COLONEL.

I KNOW THAT!

PERHAPS...

PERHAPS I SHOULD
DO SOMETHING

TO MAKE YOU REMEMBER

HOW IMPORTANT IT IS
FOR IT TO STAY THAT WAY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

TELEPHONE.

[RING]

GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Machine: HI.
THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE
YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.
AND DON'T HANG--

YES?

ZATCH!

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

KILL HIM!

KILL THEM.

[BEEP BEEP]

HOLD ON FOR A SECOND.
I'VE GOT CALL WAITING.

YES?

KILL THEM!

KILL THEM IMMEDIATELY!

GOOD.
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

YES, KILL THEM!

SEND MORE MEN
TO LOS ANGELES.

COACH.

THE BOYS ARE ALIVE,
I CAN FEEL IT,

AND I WANT THEM DEAD.

Zatch: WELCOME
TO LITTLE PATUSAN,

WHERE OUR PEOPLE ESCAPED
CHI'S REIGN OF TERROR

AND SETTLED
IN LOS ANGELES.

COME. WE'LL GO
THE IMPERIAL PALACE--

THE BEST PATUSANI
FOOD IN L.A.

YOUR HIGHNESSES
WILL BE SAFE HERE.

YOU'LL FIND
YOUR SUBJECTS LOVE YOU

AND ARE LOYAL TO YOU.

GREAT. WE'RE
THE PRINCES OF TAKE-OUT.

HEY, WHAT DID THEY EAT?

Man:
DON'T EAT THE CHICKEN!

TABLE FOR 4?

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

THEY DO NOT SPEAK
PATUSANI, GUM-BEY.

HE'S PROSTRATING HIMSELF
TO SHOW YOU HIS LOYALTY.

HIS NAME IS GUM-BEY.

GUMBY?

AS IN
POKEY'S FRIEND?

HOW'S IT HANGING,
GUMBY?

THIS WAY,
YOUR HIGHNESS.

THIS WAY.

THERE'LL BE TROUBLE,
GUM-BEY.

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
BEFORE YOU TAKE US IN.

TROUBLE? HA! TROUBLE
DOES NOT WORRY ME.

HIS HIGHNESS YOW-NI

IS TO BE
MY DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND.

ME? A HUSBAND?

THIS IS A DAY
OF REJOICING.

I MUST TELL OTHERS.

NO, NO, NO, NO.
TIME OUT.

HOLD ON.
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOO-HOO!

WHAT DID HE MEAN
WHEN HE SAID

I WAS GOING TO BE, LIKE,
HIS DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND?

THE WEDDING
WAS AGREED TO

BY YOUR FATHER
AND GUM-BEY

WHEN YOU WERE
CHILDREN.

THAT'S REASONABLE.

TECHNICALLY, HE'LL BE
YOUR GUMBY-IN-LAW.

[GAMELAN PLAYS]

[MAN SPEAKING PATUSANI]

[APPLAUSE]

AND NOW FOR YOUR HIGHNESS
AND FOR ALL OF US,

A MOST JOYFUL MOMENT

AS YOU MEET
YOUR FUTURE BRIDE.

[APPLAUSE]

AAH.

HEY, YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY--

CHICK'S GOT A VEIL,
DUDE BETTER BAIL.

YEAH. IF THEY COVER
HER FACE,

PICK UP THE PACE.

IF SHE'S AFRAID
TO SHOW IT,

SHE'S...

PROBABLY NOT
VERY ATTRACTIVE.

[APPLAUSE DIES DOWN]

WOW.

YOU WANT TO GO
TO THE MALL SOMETIME?

WAY TO CLOSE
THE DEAL, CASANOVA.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO GO OUT.

SOON YOU WILL BE MARRIED.

AND I WILL BE YOURS
FOREVER...

YOUR HIGHNESS.

HEY, YOU THINK MAYBE
WE OUGHT TO TELL HER

THAT JOHNNY'S
JUST THE DECOY,

AND I'M THE ONE SHE'S
REALLY GOING TO MARRY?

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

WE COULD TELL HER
LATER.

LATER'S GOOD.

MAN, I COULDN'T SLEEP
LAST NIGHT.

EVERYTHING SMELLED
LIKE CHOW MEIN.

LOOK AT THAT.

YOU GUYS...

LOOK AT THIS.

Girl:
HELP!

AAH!
AAH!

RUN, RUN, RUN!

AAH!
AAH!

Man: LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE!

HELP!

TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!
TELL ME!

HELP!
HEY!

TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF MY BETTY.

IT'S THEM!

NOW!

IT WOULD BE REAL GREAT
IF YOU RAN LIKE A MOTHER

AND GOT WINKY
THE ONE-EYED BLACK BELT.

[YELLING IN PATUSANI]

DON'T WORRY, BRO.

I'VE PLAYED
THIS LEVEL BEFORE.

I GOT TO GET MY POWER BACK.
I GOT TO GET MY POWER BACK.

HYAH!

AAH!
AAH!

AAH!
AAH!

LET'S SEE...
FISH...LOBSTER...

OCTOPUS!

EAT SQUID, PONCHO!

AAH!

500 BONUS POINTS!

YES!

WHAT IF I COULD
ACTUALLY CONTROL

THE OUTCOME OF THIS FIGHT?

Zatch: AND HE WILL BECOME
AN EVEN GREATER WARRIOR

THAN HIS FATHER.

I'M DOING IT.
I'M DOING IT.

HYAH!

[ODE TO JOY PLAYS]

THANK YOU.

WOW.

HYAH!

JOHNNY!

HYAH!

AAH!

AAAH!

HYAH!

CHOPSTICKS. PERFECT.

HUH?

AAAH!

OW!

AAH!

AAAH!

OH...THANK YOU.

I BEAT MY BEST SCORE.

I LOVE THIS GAME.

SERIOUSLY,
DON'T THANK ME.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN
DO AS YOUR MONARCH.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I MEAN, FOR A MOMENT,
I ALMOST HAD THOSE GUYS.

I LOVE THE PART
WHEN I WAS, LIKE...

[CRASH]

SORRY.

YOUR DESTINY
IS DRAWING NEAR.

SOON YOU WILL BE
A GREAT WARRIOR.

IF HE'S A GREAT WARRIOR,

WHAT ABOUT THE KID HERE?

YOU'LL BE A SEER
OF VISIONS.

CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND TELL ME
WHAT YOU SEE.

I SEE YOU,

LEADING THOUSANDS
VICTORIOUSLY INTO BATTLE

AND BECOMING
A NATIONAL HERO.

REALLY?

OH, MY GOSH!

YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS!

WHAT'S THIS?

PSYCH!

WHAT A BONEHEAD.

DUH!

I LOVE THIS.
LEGS.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

THANK GOODNESS.

YOU ARE THE SYMBOL
OF THE REVOLUTION.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

EVEN WHEN THEY ASK YOU
NOT TO PUT MSG IN,

YOU STILL PUT IT IN,
RIGHT?

UH-HUH.
I KNEW IT.

THEY'VE TAKEN
YOUR FATHER TO SRI WAN.

WHAT'S THAT?

THE FORTRESS OF DEATH.

WELL, WE GOT TO GO
GET HIM!

YES. YOUR HIGHNESSES MUST
RETURN TO PATUSAN. COME!

AW, IT'S
LIEUTENANT SPENCE.

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

BUT HE WANTED
TO HELP US!

LISTEN, HE'S NOT
GOING TO FALL FOR

THAT UNCLE IGGY BIT
AGAIN.

HOW ABOUT AUNT IGGY?

Ro-May: COME ON. OUR FRIENDS
WILL HELP US ESCAPE.

QUICKLY!

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

GETTING DISGUISES.

YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME,
DID YOU?

WOULD YOU GET IN?

DISGUISES.

[ENGINE STARTS]

WELL, HELLO, KIDS.

COME ON,
WE GOT TO HURRY!

LET'S GO!
MOVE!

GET ON THE BOAT!
HURRY!

MAN!

JOHN! ADAM!

HEY, AREN'T YOU,
UH--

ALL RIGHT. HI, I'M UNCLE IGGY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

ALL RIGHT, KIDS,
I'M 37.

HEY, HEY, HEY!
COME HERE! COME HERE!

STOP RIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON
AROUND HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU
FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED.

NOW LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE QUICKLY.

LET'S GO.

WE'RE NOT BEING KIDNAPPED.

WE'RE STARTING
A REVOLUTION.

EVERYTHING IS COOL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?

REVOLUTION? HOLD UP.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

LET ME TELL Y'ALL
SOMETHING.

I'VE BEEN HAULING
MY ACT ALL OVER TOWN,

STEPPING OVER NINJAS
ALL SHAPES AND SIZES,

SO EVERYTHING IS MOST
DEFINITELY NOT COOL,

LITTLE MAN.

LIEUTENANT...

[CRACK]

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT, BABY.

[CRASH]

P.A.: WELCOME TO THE SRI WAN
RE-EDUCATION FACILITY.

YOU! COME ON!

COME ON!

ALL RIGHT, MAC.

WHAT IS YOUR
APPROXIMATE WEIGHT?

180?

[CHUCKLES]

200.

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU
ANYTHING, CHI.

YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT
WHERE MY BOYS ARE.

REALLY, MAC-O?

WELL, WORD HAS IT

THAT YOUR BOYS ARE
ON THEIR WAY HERE

TO JOIN THEIR DADDY-O
IN HELL.

OH, YEAH, THIS IS
DEFINITELY ME.

HEY, IF WE GET THERE

AND PEOPLE AREN'T
DRESSED LIKE THIS,

IT'S REALLY GOING
TO AFFECT MY CONFIDENCE.

[VOMITS]

LOOK, THERE IT IS.

HEY, GUYS!

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE
THE COAST OF PATUSAN.

COME LOOK.

OH, YEAH. AT LAST.

MY COUNTRY!

GOOD FOOD, REAL TOILETS,
ROOM SERVICE...

EVERYTHING'S FREE.
HELP YOURSELF.

UH, PARDON ME.
YOU SEE--

HOW DID YOU GET
THOSE HANDCUFFS OFF?

I HAD A KEY.

WHERE?
WE SEARCHED YOU.

I SWALLOWED IT
LAST TUESDAY.

WHOA. HOW'D YOU KNOW
YOU WERE GOING TO NEED IT?

I SWALLOW IT
EVERY TUESDAY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO STOP US, LIEUTENANT SPENCE.

I DON'T WANT
TO STOP YOU.

IN FACT, I'M THINKING
ABOUT JOINING YOU.

YOU ARE?

LOOK, I AIN'T HAD
A VACATION IN 17 MONTHS,

AMONGST OTHER THINGS,

AND I'M IN SOME DEEP NEED
OF SOME SERIOUS LAUGHS,

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?

BESIDES, I JUST HAD
THIS FUNNY FEELING

THAT GOING
WITH YOU GUYS...

IS YOUR DESTINY?

HEY, LOOK,
PATUSAN.

YO, WHAT'D YOU
DO THAT FOR?

YOU KNOW IT'S GOING
TO GET SPOTTED.

I PUT A HOLE IN IT.

SOON, IT WILL SINK TO
THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

SERIOUSLY,

THAT'S AN EXCELLENT
PLACE TO HIDE IT.

YEAH. WHAT IF
WE'RE GETTING HAMMERED,

AND WE GOT TO BAIL?

WE SHALL EITHER BE
VICTORIOUS OR IN OUR GRAVES.

THERE'S NO GRAY AREA
WITH YOU, IS THERE?

I MEAN, THE GLASS
IS EITHER HALF-FULL,

OR WE'RE DEAD.

COME ON!

NOW STAY TOGETHER
ON THE TRAIL.

WATCH OUT
FOR LARGE RED ANTS,

LIZARDS
WITH SHARP TEETH,

AND BLACK PYTHONS,

WHICH CAN SUFFOCATE
A MAN IN ONE SQUEEZE.

THANKS.

♪ THIS IS THE DANGEROUS
WORLD WE CHOOSE... ♪

JUST BEYOND THAT RIDGE

IS THE VILLAGE
OF MEE GROB.

WHILE IN PATUSAN,
GUESTS OF THE REVOLUTION

STAY AT
THE MEE GROB HILTON.

THAT'S
THE MEE GROB HILTON,

SERVING STRANGE THINGS
IN SHELLS SINCE 1207.

IT'S THE BIRTHPLACE
OF A GREAT HOPE.

WOW. THEN I GOT
TO GET A T-SHIRT.

I CAN SEE THE MORNING
COOKING FIRES.

THERE WILL BE
MANY SUPPORTERS.

THEN WE'LL GO
TO THE CAVES OF KWANTZU,

THE CAVES
OF THE ANCIENTS.

WHAT'S THERE?

YOUR INHERITANCE.

MONEY?

NO...

SOMETHING NOT EVEN
MONEY CAN BUY--

THE KNIVES OF KWANTZU.

KNIVES?

OH, YEAH. SERIOUSLY,

THAT'S SOMETHING MONEY
CAN'T BUY--KNIVES.

ONCE I WENT TO A CUTLERY
STORE AND SAID,

"HERE'S $100,000.
CAN I BUY A KNIFE?"

THEY SAID, "NO. MONEY
CAN'T BUY KNIVES."

GEE, I GUESS THAT'S WHY

YOU HARDLY EVER SEE
ANY OF THEM AROUND.

ON THE THIRD DAY
OF THE EXPEDITION,

THEY CAME ACROSS
A GIANT RUBBER PLANT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY
COULD NOT CUT IT DOWN.

FOR, AS WE KNOW,
MONEY CAN'T BUY KNIVES.

WALKING AROUND THE PLANT,

THEY CONTINUED ON
THE SHORES OF PATUSAN.

IS THERE NO WAY WE CAN SHUT
THIS CHATTERING MONKEY UP?

YOU KNOW,
I'D CUT HIM,

BUT I DON'T
HAVE A KNIFE.

WHO WOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

I'LL GIVE YOU
3 GUESSES.

BUT WHY DID THEY SPARE
THAT OLD MAN

AND THOSE FEW OTHERS?

SO THERE WOULD BE SOMEONE
LEFT ALIVE TO TELL.

TELL WHAT?

TO WHO?

TO ANYONE
WHO'D HELP US.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN TO THEM.

WE'RE NEAR KWANTZU,

BUT THE ENTRANCE
TO THE CAVE IS HIDDEN.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

HOW ARE WE
SUPPOSED TO FIND IT?

IT'S NOT MY DESTINY
TO FIND IT.

OF COURSE NOT.
I AM THE KING.

OK. WHAT IF
I FIND IT?

Adam:
MAYBE DOWN HERE.

HEY!

COME BACK HERE!

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH THAT?

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

FREEZE RIGHT THERE.

WHOA! COOL!

YOU KNOW, BOY, DON'T YOU?

WHERE IS IT?

WHERE IS IT?

[RUMBLING]

AAH!

JOHNNY!
ARE YOU OK?

YEAH.

HEY, I FOUND WALDO!

REALLY?

PSYCH!

SERIOUSLY,
3 YEARS AGO,

MY COUSIN
WENT IN A CAVE,

NEVER CAME OUT.

THEY NEVER
FOUND HIM.

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM.

THEY THINK MAYBE HIS
BODY WAS EATEN BY BATS.

Spence: IF YOU KEEP ON
TELLING THEM CAVE STORIES,

THEN YOU AND YOUR COUSIN

WILL HAVE A LOT
MORE THINGS IN COMMON.

THE WEAPONS OF KWANTZU.

JUST AS THE PROPHECIES
FORETOLD,

THESE WEAPONS WILL BE YOURS,
YOUR HIGHNESS.

4,000 YEARS...

OF WARRIOR BLOOD,
SPIRIT, AND ENERGY

ARE HELD IN THESE WEAPONS.

THAT SPIRIT NOW...

WILL ENTER YOU.

STAND AND DEFEND YOURSELF!

NOT YOU, HIM!

DEFEND MYSELF?
LISTEN--

KWANTZU! HAH! YAH!

LISTEN, WHAT IS IT
WITH YOU? YOU KNOW--AAH!

LISTEN! HOLD ON!

LISTEN! HOLD ON!

HOLD ON! HOLD ON!
COULD WE JUST STOP THIS?

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A REALLY
BAD AURA ABOUT YOU.

AAH!

I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT EVERYWHERE WE GO,
YOU HAVE TO FIGHT...

AND THAT MEANS
YOU GOT A PROBLEM,

AND I THINK
IT'S ALL

BECAUSE OF A DEEP-SEATED
EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

AAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

THE WARRIOR SPIRIT'S
WITHIN YOU.

HYAH!

LISTEN, I DON'T WANT
ANY SPIRITS IN ME!

I DON'T WANT
ANY SPEARS IN ME!

I DON'T WANT
ANYTHING IN ME!

YOU MANIAC!

HYAH! HUH!

YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT
THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

I DON'T WANT
TO FIGHT YOU.

LISTEN,
SPIRIT OR NO SPIRIT,

IF YOU SWING THAT THING
AT ME ONE MORE TIME,

I'M GOING
TO KICK YOUR BUTT!

AAH!

OK.

OK. OK--

[CHOIR SINGING
BEETHOVEN'S ODE TO JOY]

OK!

HYAH!

NEVER MESS WITH ZORRO.

WOW! JOHNNY'S AMAZING.

I KNOW. HE CAN GET A JOB
AS A SUSHI CHEF, NO PROBLEM.

[EXPLOSION]

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A CHAIN GANG.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE HAVE TO GO
AROUND THEM.

IF WE'RE PICKED UP
BY ONE OF THE PATROLS,

WE'LL END UP PRISONERS
OURSELVES.

WHOA! THIS TRAIL
IS MASSIVELY NARROW.

WHAT IF SOMEBODY FELL?

WHOA!

WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA!

OOF!

AAH!

ADAM!

WHAT HAVE I SAID?
I'M SORRY!

WHOA! WHOA!
AAH!

AAH!

Adam:
OH, WIPE OUT!

AAH!

WOW! INSANE RIDE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

♪ DON'T TELL ME
IF YOU'RE WRONG OR RIGHT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW,
THERE'S JUST ONE THING ♪

♪ THAT I BELIEVE IN... ♪

DROP THE PIECE, PUNK.

THIS IS LAPD.
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

♪ I'M HOT,
READY OR NOT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW I'M COMIN' ♪

♪ I CAN'T WAIT... ♪

THERE'S
TOO MANY SOLDIERS.

THERE'S NOTHING
WE CAN DO FOR THEM.

WHAT? HEY, THAT'S
MY BROTHER DOWN THERE!

I'M GOING AFTER HIM!

NO, WAIT!

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.

WORRIED ABOUT YOUR
PRECIOUS LITTLE REVOLUTION?

NO...

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

AAH!

BOY, KIDS--THEY JUST DON'T
WEIGH THE RISKS, DO THEY?

SO YOU WANT TO GRAB
A CUP OF COFFEE?

AAH!

[THUDS]

OOH! OW! OH!

YAAH!

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

OK. STAY HERE.

NO.

YOU WAIT HERE.

♪ TOO BAD, YOU MADE ME MAD ♪

♪ AND NOW YOU KNOW IT ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE... ♪

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

HI.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

♪ HERE COMES TROUBLE ♪

♪ PRETTY SOON
THEY'RE GONNA PAY, BOY ♪

♪ HERE COMES TROUBLE ♪

♪ LITTLE DO THEY KNOW... ♪

AAH!

WHAT DID YOU
SAY TO THEM?

YOU'LL FIND OUT
ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT.

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP? HEY, DID YOU
SLIDE DOWN THE MOUNTAIN?

YEAH.

WASN'T IT STYLIN'?
FULLY.

UH, OK, MR. HERO,

NOW HOW IN THE HECK

ARE YOU GOING TO
GET US UP OUT OF HERE?

HEY...HEY.

HEY-HEY-HEY!

WHOA!

SHH.

LET'S GO!

COME ON! COME ON!

[RIFLES COCK]

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

Iggy: YOU MAY ONLY
HAVE ONE EYE,

BUT YOU DON'T
MISS A TRICK.

GET IN! GET IN! GET IN!

AAH!

ANYONE NEED A RIDE?

HYAH!

HYAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COME ON! LET ME GO!
I'M ON A ROLL!

COME ON!
LET'S GO!

ADAM, YOU'RE DRIVING!

AIN'T IT
BITCHIN'?

COME ON! GO! GO! GO!

SERIOUSLY,
THERE'S DYNAMITE HERE.

WELL, THROW IT AT THEM!

I GOT ONE!
I GOT ONE!

LOVE OF KWANTZU!
LIGHT IT FIRST!

I NEED A LIGHT!
I NEED A LIGHT!

WAIT, WAIT!

I GOT SOMETHING.

CIGARETTES?

YEAH, YEAH.
I KNOW I SHOULD QUIT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
GET THE PATCH.

LOOK WHO I'M TALKING TO.

OK, BABY!
YEAH!

THAT'S THE WAY
TO GO!

ALL RIGHT!

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

THEY'RE OVERJOYED
TO HAVE THEIR KING BACK.

COOL.

UP UNTIL NOW, I DIDN'T
KNOW IF YOU WERE WORTHY.

NOW I KNOW YOU ARE.

WORTHY OF WHAT?

Zatch:
OF THIS.

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

THE HEADBAND OF
A PATUSANI WARRIOR PRINCE.

AHEM!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

AHEM. AHEM.

AHEM!

OH, GIVE HIM ONE.

LET'S GO.

OOH!

UH!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

Men:
KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

[CHEERING]

MY PEOPLE,
IF YOU KNOW THIS SONG.

YOU CAN JOIN US.

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!
KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!
KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!
KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

JOHNNY, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

YEAH.

TALK TO ME FOREVER.

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

LOOK, I KNOW I TALKED
A LOT ABOUT MARRYING YOU

AND BEING QUEEN
AND EVERYTHING--

I KNOW.
NO PROBLEM.

AS SOON AS
WE RESCUE MY DAD,

I'LL TELL HIM,
AND THEN WE--

BUT, JOHNNY, LISTEN.

LOOK, ALL MY LIFE, I'VE
BEEN DOING EVERYTHING

THAT WAS EXPECTED

OF A TRADITIONAL
PATUSANI GIRL.

AND?

AND WHO DO MY PARENTS
THINK THEY ARE,

TELLING ME WHO
I'M GOING TO MARRY?

I MEAN,
I'LL DECIDE

WHO I'M GOING
TO MARRY, NOT THEM.

THAT IS, IF I MARRY.

I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY
A SWELL KISS AND ALL, BUT...

I JUST DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS

ABOUT
THE MARRIAGE THING.

WE CAN STILL DATE,
RIGHT?

YEAH, THEY MUST BE
EXPECTING AN ATTACK.

CHECK OUT ALL THE GUNS.

THEY'RE ALL POINTING
RIGHT AT US.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND?

THERE'S A REEF NO SHIP
COULD GET PAST,

WHICH REALLY
DOESN'T MATTER,

SINCE THE ONLY SHIP
WE HAD, I SUNK.

Adam:
TELL ME ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

IT'S NOT SHOWING ME
ANYTHING.

I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
LIKE MAGIC, ISN'T IT?

I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL.

THE MAGIC IS REAL.

BUT IT'S WITHIN YOU.
IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

NOW TELL ME,
WHAT DO YOU SEE?

THOSE TREES OVER THERE.

ARE PATUSANIS ANY GOOD
AT WOODCARVING AND STUFF?

THEY ARE AMONG THE BEST
IN THE WORLD.

WELL, WHAT, DO YOU WANT
TO BUY A SOUVENIR?

REMEMBER, BEND YOUR KNEES.
USE YOUR ARMS.

GOOD.

NOW YOU'RE STYLIN'.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS READY
TO CHECK OUT THE WAVES?

YEAH!
YEAH!

TH-THIS MAY COME AS
A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I...

NEVER SURFED
A DAY IN YOUR LIFE?

WE ALL KNOW.

IT'S LIKE
A BIG JOKE.

REALLY?

HUH.

BUT WHAT IF YOU COULD?

THE ABILITY'S
WITHIN YOU, BRO.

WHAT IF I COULD?

LET'S SHRED!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

Men:
KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

AAH!
AAH!

BROTHERS DON'T SURF.

THIS GET BACK
TO THE 'HOOD,

WON'T NONE OF THE HOMIES
TALK TO ME AGAIN.

♪ ANOTHER DAY IS DONE ♪

♪ STILL THE HUNGER
BURNS INSIDE OF ME ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ THE HEART BEATS
TO A DIFFERENT DRUM ♪

♪ LIKE THUNDER, IT WAKES ME
FROM MY SLEEP ♪

♪ HOLD ON,
THIS DEVIL TAKES ITS TOLL ♪

♪ I MUST CHASE THE FIRE
THAT FEEDS MY SOUL ♪

♪ OH, YOU'VE--YOU'VE
GOT TO DIG DOWN DEEP ♪

♪ OH, WHEN YOU WANT
TO WAKE THE DEAD ♪

♪ FROM THEIR SLEEP ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ YOU'LL KNOW
WHERE TO FIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNTIE
THESE HANDS OF FATE ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ THERE'LL BE NO CHAINS
TO BIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

I SURFED!

WHOA!

♪ FOR SURE,
THE TIME HAS COME ♪

♪ OH, I GOT TO LOOK
THE FUTURE IN THE FACE ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ I GOT TO GET
ON MY SHOES ♪

♪ AND RUN MY RUN ♪

♪ OR I'LL JUST BE A LOSER
IN THIS HUMAN RACE ♪

♪ HOLD ON ♪

♪ THE DEVIL
TAKES ITS TOLL ♪

I SURFED! I SURFED!

JOHNNY, DID YOU SEE IT?
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

♪ OH, YA GOT
TO DIG DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,
DOWN DEEP ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WANT
TO WAKE THE DEAD ♪

♪ FROM THEIR SLEEP ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ YOU'LL KNOW
WHERE TO FIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNTIE
THESE HANDS OF FATE ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ THERE'LL BE NO CHAINS
TO BIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

OOH!

[YELLING]

HERE, BRO, YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED THIS.

YOU MEAN
WE'RE SEPARATING?

YES.
THIS IS AN ATTACK.

OH. AAH!

AAH!

YEAH. NOW THIS FEELS
A LITTLE BIT MORE FAMILIAR.

AAH!

OW! OHH! OW! OW!

AAH!

YES!

WHOA-OH-HO-HO!

OOH! OW! OH! OH! OW!

JOHNNY!

ZATCH!
ZATCH!

HE'S NOT MOVING!

ZATCH, COME ON!

ZATCH?

WHAT...

IF I DON'T...

DIE?

HEY, IT WORKS.

OHH!

AAH!

OOH, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

WHEN YOU START A BATTLE,
YOU MUST FINISH IT.

GO, MY NEPHEWS.

NEPHEWS?

HE'S YOUR UNCLE.

YOUR FATHER,
YOUR REAL FATHER,

WAS THE KING,
HIS BROTHER.

YOU'RE MY UNCLE?

NO. NOT YOU.

AHH!

DAD, YOU CHILL HERE
WITH UNCLE ZATCH.

I'M GOING AFTER CHI.

YOU CAN'T GO AFTER HIM
ALONE, JOHNNY.

HE CAN IF
IT'S HIS DESTINY.

AW, YOU NEVER LISTENED
TO ME BEFORE.

HOW CAN I STOP YOU NOW?

[GROANING]

WHOA! OH-HO-HO!

AAH! OW! OW! OW!

YEAH!

AAH!

I'M WET!

AAH!

I'M OK.

WELL...

AT LAST.

OHH!

COME ON.

AAH!

AAH!

AHH!

UH-UH-UH.

YOU HAVE A SWORD.
I DON'T HAVE MY GUN.

DON'T YOU WANT THIS
TO BE A FAIR FIGHT?

TAKE THAT, METALFACE.

AAH!

OOH!

OH!

AAH!

NO! NO! NO!

WATER! WATER!

WA--

HA HA HA HA!

NAH.

AAH! WATER!

WATER!

YEAH! YEAH!

YEAH!

KWANTZU!

YES!

PATUSAN.

THEY'RE JUST THE DECOY.

IT'S HILARIOUS.

I MEAN,
I'M THE REAL KING.

YOU'RE ALL MY SUBJECTS,
AND SHE'S MY CHICK.

I MEAN...

ENJOY.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ANY OF THIS, ARE YOU?

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT
A GREAT HOLY MAN

WHO WAS BORN IN YOUR
FATHER'S NATIVE VILLAGE.

THE BABA RAM
OF MEE GROB.

AHH...HUH?

WA-WAIT A SECOND.

I KNOW THIS MAN.

BARBARA ANN. YES.
A VERY FUNNY MAN, YOU KNOW.

VERY FUNNY.
[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

ROCK 'N' ROLL,
DUDE.

CONGRATULATIONS,
YOUR HIGHNESSES.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

YOUR MAJESTY.

PRINCESS.

I THINK THEY'RE WAITING
FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING.

I'VE GOT NOTHING.

I'LL HANDLE IT,
BRO.

KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU!
KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!
KWANTZU!

THEY LOVE THIS WORD.

IT MUST MEAN, LIKE...

FREE BEER OR SOMETHING.

AS MY FIRST ACT
AS YOUR KING...

I HEREBY DISSOLVE
THE MONARCHY,

GIVE THE GOVERNMENT
TO ITS PEOPLE,

'CAUSE YOUR DESTINY'S
TO BE FREE!

I MEAN, DON'T
GET ME WRONG--

COOL HEADGEAR, I LOVE
THE CLOTHES AND ALL, BUT...

[GROANING]

EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

[GROANING]

NEWS FLASH!

YOUR SIDE LOST!

OH-HO-HO-HO!

OH! OW! OW! OW! OH!

LIKE I WAS SAYING,

AS MY FUTURE QUEEN AND I
GO OFF TO TAKE OUR S.A.T.s,

REMEMBER,
WE'RE ALL CREATED EQUAL.

'CAUSE I WAS BORN
INTO ROYALTY,

I'M NO DIFFERENT
FROM YOU.

PUT MY FACE ON A STAMP,
A 50-CENT PIECE,

AND LET'S CALL IT A DAY.

FOR NOW, MY PEOPLE,
I'M OUT OF HERE.

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

♪ LOOKIN' FOR ROMANCE ♪

♪ SAW BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ SO I THOUGHT
I'D TAKE A CHANCE ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TRIED PEGGY SUE,
TRIED BETTY LOU ♪

♪ TRIED MARY LOU, BUT I
KNEW THEY WOULDN'T DO ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

LET'S GO!

YES! A-HA HA!

OH, DANCING NOW!

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'
AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA
BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

♪ LOOKIN' FOR ROMANCE ♪

♪ SAW BARBARA ANN, SO I
THOUGHT I'D TAKE A CHANCE ♪

♪ WITH BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME
ROCKIN' AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',
BARBARA ANN ♪

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