Surf Ninjas (1993) - full transcript

Two boys learn from a mysterious warrior that they are the heirs to the throne of Patusan and set out to overthrow the current monarchy.

Zatch: BY THE TIME

I HAD FOUND THEM,

I KNEW THE OTHERS

WERE CLOSE BEHIND,

AND SOON, THE BOYS' DESTINIES

WOULD BE CHANGED FOREVER.

[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYS]

[MAN SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ YEARS AND DAYS AND DAYS

AND YEARS, NO ONE CARES ♪

♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪

♪ I KILL ♪

♪ ASHES BLOWIN'

IN THE WIND ♪

♪ FADE TO BLACK ♪

♪ WILL IT TAKE HIM BACK

TO VIOLENCE? ♪

♪ TO GET MY MONKEY

IN THE JUNGLE ♪

♪ MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE ♪

♪ UH, UH, UH, UH-UH ♪

♪ MONKEY

IN THE JUNGLE ♪

HEY, GUYS, HOW MANY TIME

I GOT TO TELL YOU?

NO VAN HALEN TILL

I'VE HAD MY COFFEE.

WE'VE ALREADY HAD OURS.

GUYS, HOMEWORK?

YEAH.

HEY. HEY.

DAD, I THINK WE'RE

FALLING INTO A RUT HERE.

EVERY DAY

IT'S BREAKFAST,

"DID YOU DO YOUR

HOMEWORK," FIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT, DAD--

BREAKFAST, HOMEWORK, FIGHT.

I MEAN...

CAN'T WE JUST SAY

WE LOVE EACH OTHER

AND HAVE A MOMENT?

YOU'RE SMOOTH, JOHNNY,

BUT YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS GOING

TO GET OUT OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS

WITH THIS SMOOTH STUFF.

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

PSYCH.

GUYS, WHEN I GET UP

EVERY MORNING

AND GO TO

THE HAMBURGER STAND,

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT KEEPS ME GOING?

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I LOVE YOU--

AW.

HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU

GOING TO DO?

ARE YOU GOING

TO DRIVE ME CRAZY?

IS THAT WHAT

YOU WANT TO DO?

DO YOU WANT

TO DRIVE ME CRAZY?

NO, DAD.

WE JUST WANT TO DRIVE,

BUT THE MAN

WON'T LET US.

HOW CAN I MAKE YOU GUYS

UNDERSTAND?

YOU CANNOT LIVE

YOUR LIFE SURFING.

YOU NEED SOMETHING

TO FALL BACK ON.

WE'RE WAY AHEAD

OF YOU, DAD.

THAT'S WHY

WE SKATEBOARD.

[CLATTERING]

WHAT WAS THAT?

PROBABLY THAT DUMB CAT

KNOCKING SOMETHING OVER.

WE HAVE A CAT?

I'D PUT DOWN THAT KNIFE

IF I WERE YOU.

SERIOUSLY,

IF YOU DON'T WANT CHIVES,

I WON'T PUT THEM IN.

WELL, I WANT CHIVES, BRO.

YOU GOT IT.

IGGY, YOU'RE HERE

EVERY MORNING.

YOU'RE HERE EVERY NIGHT.

DON'T YOUR PARENTS EVER

ASK WHERE YOU BEEN?

MR. McQUINN,

MY PARENTS ARE SEALED

IN THE BIOSPHERE

IN ARIZONA. PIMENTO?

IT'S LIKE A LITTLE TOMATO.

YOU KNOW, THE BIOSPHERE.

IT'S LIKE A BUBBLE THING

IN THE DESERT.

A LOT OF PLANTS AND ANIMALS.

NOBODY'S ALLOWED

IN OR OUT.

LOOK, IT'D BE IMPOSSIBLE

FOR ME TO EXPLAIN IT

TO A LAYMAN LIKE YOURSELF.

IGGY, YOU NEED

A PROFESSIONAL LISTENER.

WELL, HE GOES TO THE SCHOOL

SHRINK EVERY DAY.

IT'S NOT HELPING.

BEETS?

IGGY, DON'T YOUR PARENTS

EVER FEED YOU? HUH?

AND DON'T THEY EVER

PROVIDE YOU WITH CLOTHING

EXCEPT

FOR MY BOXER SHORTS?

THESE ARE YOURS?

YES!

ALL RIGHT, DAD!

SEE YOU LATER.

BIOSPHERE. GOOD ONE.

I FEEL ONE COMING.

UH-OH,

HE FEELS ONE COMING.

OH, IT'S A GOOD ONE.

IT'S A KILLER.

[BELCHES]

ANCHOVY OMELET.

Zatch: THEY CAME

TO KILL THE BOYS,

AS I KNEW THEY WOULD,

BUT I WAS THERE

TO STOP THEM.

YOU GUYS

ARE VILE.

[BELCHES]

FROM NOW ON,

I WALK.

THEIR PAST HAD FINALLY

CAUGHT UP WITH THEM.

NOW THE TIME HAD COME

TO PREPARE THEM

FOR THEIR FUTURE.

MOTO-SURF!

MOTO-SURF!

MOTO-SURF!

♪ I BROUGHT THE DRUMS ♪

♪ THE BASS, THE FLUTE,

THE HARMONICA ♪

360!

♪ ALL THE WAY

FROM MALIBU TO SANTA MONICA ♪

♪ UP TO LONG BEACH

BACK TO HUNTINGTON ♪

♪ TAKE OUT MY SCOPES

SO I CAN SEE THE HONEYS ♪

HEAD DIP!

HEAD DIP!

OH, NO. WIPE OUT.

HAWAII FIVE-O

OPENING.

♪ NO ONE'S THINKIN'

'BOUT THEIR LESSON ♪

♪ NO MORE HOME WORKIN' ♪

♪ WORRYIN' ABOUT

THEIR PROFESSION ♪

♪ YOU JUST WANT

TO CHILL IN THE SUN ♪

♪ RELAX WITH A HONEY

AND HAVE FUN, FUN, FUN ♪

COPS! COPS!

GET DOWN! GET DOWN!

ADAM, GET DOWN.

OOH, THEY BUSTED

JONES AGAIN.

WE WEREN'T MOTO-SURFING.

YEAH. RIGHT.

YOU KNOW,

JUST ONCE

I'D LIKE

TO BE WRONG.

HURRY UP.

I'M OPEN!

COME ON!

SHOOT IT!

COME ON.

COME ON.

OVER--YEAH!

OH.

I NEED A HOMEWORK ALIBI.

MAYBE I CAN TELL THEM

THAT I WAS HAMMERED

BY THE FACT

I FOUND OUT I WAS

ADOPTED LAST NIGHT.

YOU WERE ADOPTED

LAST NIGHT?

WHY DIDN'T YOUR DAD

JUST ADOPT YOU

WHEN YOU WERE

A BABY?

IGGY, WE WERE ADOPTED

WHEN WE WERE BABIES.

WHAT IF I WAS ADOPTED,

AND MY DAD WAS A REALLY

RICH KING AND STUFF?

OH, YEAH.

KINGS ARE ALWAYS

GIVING UP THEIR KIDS

UP FOR ADOPTION.

HEY, IF MY DAD

WAS KING,

MAN, I WOULDN'T

HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT MY HOMEWORK

ANYMORE.

I'D DEFINITELY BE OUT

OF THE 11th GRADE.

AND IF LISA CAINE

WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH ME,

IN THE DUNGEON,

JUST LIKE THAT.

OH, I'D LOVE THAT.

THAT WOULD BE

THE GREATEST.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

I'M UP EL CREEK-O

DE MERDE.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THIS

FULL UNWELCOMING SPEECH

FOR THIS VISITING

GURU GUY, BABA RAM,

IN ASSEMBLY

SECOND PERIOD.

RELAX.

LOOK, IF YOU WANT

TO GET OUT OF IT,

TELL THEM I JUST FOUND

OUT YOU WERE ADOPTED.

GOOD.

LET ME PUT THIS

IN YOUR LANGUAGE, DUDE.

THIS MAY BE A PRETTY

GROOVY SCENE FOR YOU,

BUT I TAKE IT

PRETTY SERIOUSLY.

ARE YOU PREPARED?

I TOLD YOU, MR. DUNBAR.

EVERYTHING'S

UNDER CONTROL.

NO WORRIES, BRA'.

GOOD...

BRA'.

"BRA'."

I'VE GOT NOTHING.

I'VE GOT...

OH!

'CAUSE I'M

A PROFESSIONAL.

HOW YOU DOING?

HEY.

HI, GUYS.

IT'S OUR PRIVILEGE

TO WELCOME

ONE OF THE WORLD'S

GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADERS,

THE BABA RAM OF MEE GROB.

AN ASIAN-AMERICAN STUDENT

HAS BEEN PERSUADED

TO VOLUNTEER...

WHOO!

AND PREPARE

A WELCOMING PRESENTATION,

WHICH, I'VE BEEN ASSURED,

IS IN THE TRADITIONAL

ETHNIC STYLE.

♪ MMM ♪

♪ BA ♪

♪ BA ♪

♪ BA ♪

YOU'LL LOVE THIS KID.

♪ OM ♪

♪ OM ♪

♪ A BA BA BA

BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BA BA BA

BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BABA RAM ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ BABA RAM ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN' ♪

♪ BABA RAM

BA-BA BA-BA BA-RAM ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS

FROM YOUR HOMEWORK

LAST NIGHT, ADAM.

OH, THE HOMEWORK SPAIN.

MANY...PEOPLE...

THINK...SPAIN

IS...

HERE.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

ON THE OTHER HAND,

THERE'S A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT

THAT CLAIMS SPAIN...

IS...HERE.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

THOSE PEOPLE, TOO,

ARE WRONG.

SO WHERE IS SPAIN?

COULD BE...HERE?

COULD BE...

HERE.

HERE?

HA HA HA!

HERE.

HERE?

HERE.

Zatch: WHO WOULD WANT

TO HURT THESE BOYS?

ONLY I KNEW

THE ANSWER WAS ON AN ISLAND

13,000 MILES AWAY

IN THE HEART

OF AN EVIL SOUL.

HELLO.

P.A.: COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

COLONEL CHI IS ALMIGHTY.

COLONEL CHI

WILL TAKE CARE OF US.

COLONEL CHI IS STRONG.

COLONEL CHI

WILL LEAD US FOREVER.

COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

COLONEL CHI IS ALMIGHTY.

COLONEL CHI

WILL TAKE CARE OF US.

COLONEL CHI IS STRONG.

COLONEL CHI

WILL LEAD US FOREVER.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Machine: HI.

THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE

YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

AND DON'T HANG UP.

HELLO?

[DIAL TONE]

HELLO!

DAMN!

COLONEL CHI IS GOOD.

COLONEL CHI IS WISE.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Machine: HI.

THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE

YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

YES. ARE THEY DEAD?

DON'T GIVE ME ANY EXCUSES.

THOSE BOYS DIE TONIGHT,

OR YOU'LL ANSWER TO ME HERE

IN THE DUNGEONS OF SRI WAN.

OH, UH, BY THE WAY,

DID YOU CALL EARLIER

AND HANG UP?

DAMN!

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

WHOO! THE WAVES

ARE PUMPIN'!

ALL RIGHT.

LATER!

WH-WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT COMING

WITH US?

I'LL BE THERE

IN A MINUTE.

I'VE JUST GOT TO WAX

THE OLD MAN-TO-WAVE

FRICTION REDUCING VEHICLE.

SURFBOARD.

OH. OK, SO THEN WE'LL

SEE YOU OUT THERE, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

GOT TO PUT SOME WAX ON

THE BOARD, YOU KNOW,

SO I DON'T SLIP OFF. WAX.

GOT TO HAVE

A LOT OF WAX.

HEY, SKIP, TED,

PUTTING SOME WAX ON.

HA HA HA!

AAH!

DUDE, I THINK

I FULLY DINGED MY BOARD

ON A ROCK OR SOMETHING.

BRO, WE'RE LEAVING.

NOW? OH, I HAD

SOME MOVES IN ME, TOO.

YEAH, RIGHT.

YOU'VE NEVER SURFED

A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HEY, TOMORROW WE START OUT

EARLY, OK? FIRST THING.

[GRRR]

[ARF]

THANKS, MAN.

JOHNNY!

LET'S GO, IGGY.

WE'RE GROWING OLD

HERE.

HEY.

[MUMBLES]

I'M SORRY.

STILL HUNGRY, HUH?

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE

REALLY GREAT ON THIS, THOUGH?

SWEET PICKLES.

YEAH? DO YOU EVER

STOP EATING?

YOU FREELOADER, YOU.

SO, HOW WAS SCHOOL

TODAY, GUYS?

THEY TRIED TO

MAKE ME FIND SPAIN.

THEY TRIED TO MAKE ME

FIND SPAIN ONCE.

I SAID, "IT COULD

BE ANYWHERE."

HEY, SO DID I.

TAKE OUT THE TRASH,

WILL YOU, GUYS?

SEE? NOW YOU'RE LEARNING.

THE MAIN THING

WITH TEACHERS IS CONFIDENCE.

YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING,

YOU CAN SELL THEM ANYTHING.

HOW DO YOU THINK

I PASSED U.S. HISTORY?

ONE DAY, WE WERE TAKING

THIS TEST AND...

[TAPPING]

DAD?

REMEMBER THE GUY

YOU SAID WOULD COME

IF WE DIDN'T

EAT OUR VEGETABLES?

HE'S HERE.

THAT'S NOT

THE BOOGEYMAN.

IT'S A HOMICIDAL KILLER.

ZATCH.

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AH-HYAH!

YOU'RE GETTING OLD, MAC.

AAH!

AAH!

HYAH!

HYAH, SKATEBOARDER!

HYAH!

ME NO SPEAK ENGLISH.

I WASH DISHES.

I--OH, FINE.

I--AAH!

ZATCH, GET THE KIDS

OUT OF HERE!

NO! WE'RE NOT LEAVING

OUR DAD!

YOU'VE GOT

TO GO NOW!

COME ON.

NO. NO! DAD!

NORMALLY, I'D STAY AND FIGHT,

BUT IT IS A SCHOOL NIGHT.

JOHNNY, WAIT UP!

COME ON.

LISTEN. WHO ARE YOU?

JUMP!

LET'S GO!

OH! AAH!

KWANTZU!

AAH!

HEY, LOOK,

I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS.

I'M JUST GOING TO EXPLAIN

TO THESE NINJA GUYS

THAT I DON'T

HAVE ANY--MMM!

LISTEN. WHAT

IS GOING ON?

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS

FOR ONE MINUTE?

JUST ONE MINUTE.

I GOT ONE THING TO SAY,

AND THEN

I'LL BE QUIET.

HEY!

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

I FELT REALLY SAFE

IN YOUR ARMS,

AND I'VE NEVER SAID

THAT TO A MAN BEFORE.

LISTEN,

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE

OUR DAD ALL ALONE

WITH THOSE GUYS.

QUIET!

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

YOU MUST BE QUIET.

LOOK, WHO WERE

THOSE QUIMBIES

IN THE CAMOUFLAGE

PAJAMAS?

BOY, THOSE UNIFORMS

REALLY GIVE THEM

A CHAMELEON-LIKE ABILITY

TO BLEND IN WITH

THEIR SURROUNDINGS.

WOULD YOU GUYS

JUST SHUT UP

AND LET THIS GUY--

WHERE'D HE GO?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT I MISS HIM ALREADY.

Zatch:

THEY HAVE TAKEN HIM.

WHOA! HOW DOES

HE DO THAT?

LIKE THIS.

"THEY HAVE TAKEN HIM."

WHO TOOK HIM?

THE SAME ONES WHO WANT YOU

DEAD, YOUR HIGHNESSES.

WHY DO YOU KEEP

CALLING US THAT?

BECAUSE YOU ARE

CROWN PRINCES,

AND YOUR FATHER

WAS A KING.

OH, UNREAL.

REMEMBER WHEN

I SAID BEFORE...

"WHAT IF MY FATHER

WAS A KING"?

THIS IS

COMPLETELY INSANE.

I'M A CROWN PRINCE.

NOT YOU.

THEY ARE

CROWN PRINCES,

AND THEIR FATHER

WAS A KING.

AND YOU ARE A MANIAC,

AND YOUR FATHER

WAS A MANIAC...

AND HIS FATHER

WAS A MANIAC,

AND HIS FATHER

WAS A MANIAC.

ADAM, DON'T HELP ME.

YOU GET THE POINT.

AND THE GUY HIS FATHER

BOUGHT HIS HOUSE FROM

WAS A MANIAC.

ADAM.

GOOD THINKING,

O PATCHED ONE.

LET THEM THINK THEY'RE

THE REAL CROWN PRINCES.

WE'LL USE THEM

FOR DECOYS.

HEY, I'M GOING

TO GO CALL THE COPS.

LISTEN, THIS COULD

BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS,

SO I WANT YOU TO KEEP

ONE EYE ON MY FRIENDS

AND ONE--

WELL, YOU JUST DO

THE BEST YOU CAN.

Zatch: LISTEN TO ME.

SEARCH YOUR MEMORIES,

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

WHAT DO YOU

REMEMBER OF LIFE

BEFORE YOU CAME

TO AMERICA?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BEFORE"?

WE WERE BORN HERE.

WEREN'T WE?

YOUR BROTHER WAS

TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER.

BUT YOU MUST REMEMBER

SOMETHING OF PATUSAN.

PORTA-SAN?

UH, YOU MEAN THOSE TOILETS

AT CONSTRUCTION SITES?

EW, I'D GIVE

UP THE THRONE.

NO, NOT PORTA-SAN.

PATUSAN.

FOR 4,000 YEARS,

PATUSAN...

RULED BY ONE LINE

OF WARRIOR KINGS,

WAS THE MOST PEACEFUL

PLACE ON EARTH.

THEN ONE DAY,

THE PEOPLE GATHERED

TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTH

OF CROWN PRINCE AD-HAM...

OF WHOM

THE PROPHECIES FORETOLD

WOULD BECOME

A TRUE VISIONARY.

AND HIS BROTHER,

CROWN PRINCE YOW-NI,

WOULD BE EVEN

A GREATER WARRIOR KING

THAN HIS FATHER.

IT WAS FORETOLD

IN THE SEVENTH CYCLE,

AFTER MEN FLEW

AS EAGLES TO THE MOON--

Adam: WHOA, BABE.

YOU JUST LOST ME.

THE PEACE WOULD BE

BROKEN BY BLOODSHED.

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

[GUNSHOTS]

A VIOLENT COUP

LED BY COLONEL CHI,

A FOREIGN MERCENARY,

DEVASTATED OUR COUNTRY.

I WAS HEAD OF

THE IMPERIAL GUARD.

IT WAS MY DUTY

TO PROTECT THE ROYAL FAMILY

AT ANY COST.

HYAH! HYAH!

HYAH!

CHARGE!

HYAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

AAH!

UHH!

ROTTEN HAT.

I WAS SUMMONED

TO THE PALACE

AND THERE ENTRUSTED TO

PROTECT THE ROYAL PRINCES,

YOW-NI AND AD-HAM,

FROM CHI'S DETERMINATION

TO KILL THEM.

Johnny:

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

THE PROPHECIES FORETOLD

THAT ON YOW-NI'S

16th BIRTHDAY,

HE WOULD

ASCEND THE THRONE,

AND PATUSAN WOULD BE

FREE ONCE MORE.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

Johnny: I'M GOING

TO BE 16 IN 2 WEEKS.

I KNOW, YOUR HIGHNESS.

[WOMAN SPEAKING PATUSANI]

[BABY CRIES]

[SPEAKING

PATUSANI]

[SPEAKING

PATUSANI]

[CRYING]

HYAH!

ZATCH, YOU AND THOSE CHILDREN

WILL NEVER ESCAPE!

HYAH!

HYAH!

OOH! OOH!

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

UH, UH...

UHH!

AAH! AAH!

AAH!

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

[CRYING]

[TRUMPETING]

AS THE PROPHECIES

FORETOLD,

THE ENTIRE ROYAL

FAMILY WAS KILLED,

EXCEPT FOR THE 2 YOUNG

CROWN PRINCES, WHO ESCAPED.

WHOA, THAT WAS REALLY

AN EXCELLENT STORY.

MAC WAS A FORMER

AMERICAN SAILOR.

OY.

AHH!

[GUNSHOTS]

AAH!

[GUNSHOTS]

AAH!

[CRYING]

[CRYING]

MAC HAD WORKED

FOR THE ROYAL FAMILY

FOR MANY YEARS.

HIS LOYALTY TO THEM

WAS BEYOND REPROACH.

IT WAS INTO HIS ARMS

THAT I ENTRUSTED

THE 2 CHILDREN.

YOU WERE THOSE CHILDREN,

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

FOR COLONEL CHI,

YOU ARE THE LIVING THREAT

TO HIS RULE.

TO ME, YOU ARE

THE LIVING PROPHECY

WHO WILL

FREE OUR COUNTRY.

DON'T YOU HAVE TO DRIVE

TO DO THAT?

MAN, I REALLY WANT

TO DRIVE.

LISTEN, WE DON'T WANT

TO FREE ANYTHING, TONTO.

WE WANT OUR DAD BACK.

THAT'S ALL.

MAC IS INCONSEQUENTIAL.

THE REBELLION

IS WHAT COUNTS NOW.

YOU MUST RETURN WITH ME

TO PATUSAN.

HEY!

OUR DAD IS NOT

INCONSEQUENTIAL.

YOU,

YOUR PROPHECY...

YOUR REBELLION...

THAT'S

INCONSEQUENTIAL.

YOU HAVE NO SENSE

OF DUTY OR HONOR.

YOU HAVE NO SENSE

OF HUMOR, OK?

LISTEN UP, AMIGO.

WE'RE GOING

TO THE COPS.

COMPRENDE?

LATER ON.

I DON'T HAVE

TO CONVINCE YOU.

IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

IT HAS CHOSEN YOU.

HEY, OK,

I GOT IT ALL WIRED.

THE COPS SAID TO MEET US

AT YOUR DAD'S BURGER PLACE,

THAT IS, IF IT'S COOL

WITH OUR SIGHT-CHALLENGED

FRIEND HERE.

HEY,

HE DISAPPEARED AGAIN.

SO, YOU WANT ME

TO BELIEVE

THAT THIS COLONEL CHEESE

OR WHOEVER HE IS

SENT THESE COWBOY NINJAS

TO BUMP HEADS

'CAUSE HE'S NUT-UP

AT YOUR OLD MAN?

LISTEN, ALL I KNOW

IS THAT THESE

SKETCHY-LOOKING NINJAS

DROPPED OUR DAD

AND WENT AGGRO

ON THE FOOD HUT.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS,

FROM THE TOP,

BUT THIS TIME HOW ABOUT

WE BRING IN AN INTERPRETER?

EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU OPEN?

REALLY, THEY GOT

KILLER SHAKES, MAN.

IT'S WORTH THE WAIT.

YOU KNOW THE FOOD IS GOOD,

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...COPS.

SO, YOU SURE YOU KIDS

ARE GOING TO BE

ALL RIGHT TONIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH. I TOLD YOU.

OUR UNCLE'S STAYING WITH US.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR UNCLE IGGY, HUH?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE

A PATROL UNIT

OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE TONIGHT

JUST IN CASE ANYBODY

GETS ANY FUNNY IDEAS

AND TRIES TO MESS

WITH YOU GUYS.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW

WHAT I REALLY THINK...

WHAT?

I THINK SOME GUYS

ARE PROBABLY

LEANING ON YOUR OLD MAN.

THEY CAME IN,

THEY TORE THE PLACE UP,

AND HE SPLIT.

I MEAN, HE'S PROBABLY

OUT THERE

CHILLED OUT SOMEWHERE

TAKING IT EASY,

SO DON'T EVEN WORRY

ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?

GOOD NIGHT, FELLAS.

[SIGHS]

YOU KNOW...

MY DAD ISN'T

CHILLING OUT SOMEPLACE.

HE WOULD NEVER SPLIT ON US.

HE LOVES US.

ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, KID.

Iggy: [SCOTTISH ACCENT]

ALL RIGHT!

NOW YOU KIDS

GET IN HERE

AND CLEAN UP

YOUR BLOODY ROOM,

AND I KNOW BEST,

'CAUSE AFTER ALL,

I'M 37.

NOW, DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT

THERE AND BEAT YOU

WITH A LEG OF MINE

THAT NO LONGER WORKS,

'CAUSE I'LL DO IT!

UH, HE'S A VERY

DISTANT RELATIVE.

GET OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

HEY, YOU TWO

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN

TONIGHT, ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT

ANYTHING COMING DOWN

ON THOSE KIDS

IN THERE.

BRO?

YEAH, WHAT'S UP?

I'M FEELING KIND OF...

FREAKED.

FREAKED.

NO WORRIES, BRA'.

I'M HERE.

EVERYTHING'S GOING

TO BE COOL.

HEY...

10...

BUT WHAT IF WHAT THAT ZATCH GUY

WAS SAYING WAS TRUE,

AND IT'S, LIKE,

MY DESTINY

TO BE A PRINCE

AND A SEER

AND YOUR DESTINY TO BE

A PRINCE AND A WARRIOR?

AND DON'T FORGET.

I'M THE KING.

YOUR DAD'S NOT GOING

TO MISS THESE MAGAZINES.

THERE'S A WHOLE STACK OF

THEM UNDERNEATH THE BED.

IGGY, YOU CAN'T BE

THE KING OF PATUSAN.

YOU'RE NOT ASIAN.

OH, YEAH? I'VE GOT

2 WORDS TO SAY TO YOU.

DAVID CARRADINE

IN KUNG FU.

[SIGHS]

Zatch:

CROWN PRINCE AD-HAM

WOULD BECOME

A TRUE VISIONARY.

THAT'S WEIRD.

WHERE'S SHINOBI?

I THOUGHT

I WAS PLAYING SHINOBI.

I'VE NEVER BEEN

ON THIS LEVEL BEFORE.

WHAT A COOL GAME.

[LAUGHING]

AAH!

JOHNNY, YOU OK?

HEY, GUYS, WHAT'S TALL,

DARK, WEARS A PATCH,

AND ALWAYS SEEMS

TO BE ON MY BUTT?

DO YOU SEE HOW EASILY

I COULD'VE KILLED YOU

IF I WAS SENT

BY COLONEL CHI?

OH, THAT'S

A BIG CHALLENGE.

I'M 11 YEARS OLD.

WHY DON'T YOU

JUST GIVE YOURSELF

A BIG PAT ON THE BACK?

SHH!

Look!

OH, WOW.

COULDN'T WE JUST GO BACK

TO THE BEGINNER'S LEVEL?

COME ON, LET'S GO.

Quickly.

Wait here.

[GAS HISSES]

I THINK

HE'S COOKING.

WHAT?

Let's go. Now.

AAH!

HYAH! HYAH!

HYAH!

ZATCH!

AAH!

[CRUNCH]

AAH!

HEY, NOT THAT WAY!

COME ON!

COME ON, BROTHER.

WHEN CAN WE

GO BACK HOME?

YOUR HOME IS PATUSAN.

NO, OUR HOME IS THAT HOUSE

BACK THERE ON OCEAN PARK.

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT

TO GO BACK THERE, MAN.

OUR PAL LONG JOHN SILVER

HERE LEFT THE GAS ON.

REAL BRIGHT. WHAT IF

THE HOUSE BLOWS UP?

OH!

THAT WAS OUR HOME.

HE BLEW UP OUR HOME.

I HAD NO CHOICE.

NOW YOU HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO COME WITH ME.

IT'S YOUR DESTINY.

YOU HA--

YOU HAD NO CHOICE?

YOU HAD NO CHOICE?

YOU'RE INSANE!

GET YOUR ROTTEN HANDS

OFF MY BROTHER!

BE STILL,

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT

THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

YOUR LIVES WILL NEVER

BE THE SAME AGAIN.

BUT WHAT ABOUT

OUR DAD?

I'LL HELP YOU FIND MAC.

THAT, TOO, IS PART

OF YOUR DESTINY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I JUST DID THAT.

WHAT OF THIS ONE?

THE COMMONER?

WHY DON'T YOU

JUST BLOW HIM UP?

I AM RESPONSIBLE

FOR THE DESTRUCTION

OF MY BEST FRIEND'S

PERSONAL PROPERTY.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS,

BUT IT HAPPENED.

AND NOW EVERY TIME I SAY

"WHAT IF," IT COMES TRUE.

I SAID, "WHAT IF THE HOUSE

BLEW UP?" AND IT BLEW UP!

I HAVE THIS TREMENDOUS

RESPONSIBILITY.

WHAT IF I LOSE

THIS POWER?

OH, MY GOD!

I JUST SAID, "WHAT IF

I LOSE THIS POWER?"

I JUST HAD THIS POWER,

AND I BLEW IT.

I HAD IT, AND I LOST IT.

YOU KEEP HIM

TO AMUSE YOU, YES?

LIKE A BOY WOULD KEEP

A MONKEY OR SNAKE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST

BLEW UP SOMEBODY'S HOUSE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I'M ACTUALLY A KING.

WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM.

THOSE GUYS SAW HIM

WITH US.

THEY'RE GOING

TO COME AFTER HIM.

HE'S GOT TO COME WITH US.

THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.

I'VE GOT TO BE VERY--

I GOT TO CONCENTRATE

ON WHAT I'M DOING.

I'VE GOT BE VERY CAREFUL.

WHAT IF I JUST NORMALLY--

LET'S GO.

[SHOUTING]

P.A.: MANCHU

TO THE STRETCHING CHAMBER.

MANCHU

TO THE STRETCHING CHAMBER.

AAH!

BED OF NAILS

FOR PRISONER LEE.

BED OF NAILS

FOR PRISONER LEE.

MANCHU...

THIS ALMOST GOT WET.

COME HERE.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH

THIS ELECTRONIC

PIECE OF JUNK

SHORT-CIRCUITS

ALL THE TIME.

YOUR BATTERY PACKS

ARE DRY, COLONEL.

I KNOW THAT!

PERHAPS...

PERHAPS I SHOULD

DO SOMETHING

TO MAKE YOU REMEMBER

HOW IMPORTANT IT IS

FOR IT TO STAY THAT WAY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

TELEPHONE.

[RING]

GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Machine: HI.

THIS IS COLONEL CHI.

I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW,

BUT IF YOU LEAVE

YOUR NAME AND NUMBER

AND THE TIME YOU CALLED,

I'LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.

AND DON'T HANG--

YES?

ZATCH!

I SHOULD'VE KNOWN.

KILL HIM!

KILL THEM.

[BEEP BEEP]

HOLD ON FOR A SECOND.

I'VE GOT CALL WAITING.

YES?

KILL THEM!

KILL THEM IMMEDIATELY!

GOOD.

NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

YES, KILL THEM!

SEND MORE MEN

TO LOS ANGELES.

COACH.

THE BOYS ARE ALIVE,

I CAN FEEL IT,

AND I WANT THEM DEAD.

Zatch: WELCOME

TO LITTLE PATUSAN,

WHERE OUR PEOPLE ESCAPED

CHI'S REIGN OF TERROR

AND SETTLED

IN LOS ANGELES.

COME. WE'LL GO

THE IMPERIAL PALACE--

THE BEST PATUSANI

FOOD IN L.A.

YOUR HIGHNESSES

WILL BE SAFE HERE.

YOU'LL FIND

YOUR SUBJECTS LOVE YOU

AND ARE LOYAL TO YOU.

GREAT. WE'RE

THE PRINCES OF TAKE-OUT.

HEY, WHAT DID THEY EAT?

Man:

DON'T EAT THE CHICKEN!

TABLE FOR 4?

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

THEY DO NOT SPEAK

PATUSANI, GUM-BEY.

HE'S PROSTRATING HIMSELF

TO SHOW YOU HIS LOYALTY.

HIS NAME IS GUM-BEY.

GUMBY?

AS IN

POKEY'S FRIEND?

HOW'S IT HANGING,

GUMBY?

THIS WAY,

YOUR HIGHNESS.

THIS WAY.

THERE'LL BE TROUBLE,

GUM-BEY.

YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT

BEFORE YOU TAKE US IN.

TROUBLE? HA! TROUBLE

DOES NOT WORRY ME.

HIS HIGHNESS YOW-NI

IS TO BE

MY DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND.

ME? A HUSBAND?

THIS IS A DAY

OF REJOICING.

I MUST TELL OTHERS.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

TIME OUT.

HOLD ON.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOO-HOO!

WHAT DID HE MEAN

WHEN HE SAID

I WAS GOING TO BE, LIKE,

HIS DAUGHTER'S HUSBAND?

THE WEDDING

WAS AGREED TO

BY YOUR FATHER

AND GUM-BEY

WHEN YOU WERE

CHILDREN.

THAT'S REASONABLE.

TECHNICALLY, HE'LL BE

YOUR GUMBY-IN-LAW.

[GAMELAN PLAYS]

[MAN SPEAKING PATUSANI]

[APPLAUSE]

AND NOW FOR YOUR HIGHNESS

AND FOR ALL OF US,

A MOST JOYFUL MOMENT

AS YOU MEET

YOUR FUTURE BRIDE.

[APPLAUSE]

AAH.

HEY, YOU KNOW

WHAT THEY SAY--

CHICK'S GOT A VEIL,

DUDE BETTER BAIL.

YEAH. IF THEY COVER

HER FACE,

PICK UP THE PACE.

IF SHE'S AFRAID

TO SHOW IT,

SHE'S...

PROBABLY NOT

VERY ATTRACTIVE.

[APPLAUSE DIES DOWN]

WOW.

YOU WANT TO GO

TO THE MALL SOMETIME?

WAY TO CLOSE

THE DEAL, CASANOVA.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO GO OUT.

SOON YOU WILL BE MARRIED.

AND I WILL BE YOURS

FOREVER...

YOUR HIGHNESS.

HEY, YOU THINK MAYBE

WE OUGHT TO TELL HER

THAT JOHNNY'S

JUST THE DECOY,

AND I'M THE ONE SHE'S

REALLY GOING TO MARRY?

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

WE COULD TELL HER

LATER.

LATER'S GOOD.

MAN, I COULDN'T SLEEP

LAST NIGHT.

EVERYTHING SMELLED

LIKE CHOW MEIN.

LOOK AT THAT.

YOU GUYS...

LOOK AT THIS.

Girl:

HELP!

AAH!

AAH!

RUN, RUN, RUN!

AAH!

AAH!

Man: LET'S GET

OUT OF HERE!

HELP!

TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!

TELL ME!

HELP!

HEY!

TAKE YOUR HANDS

OFF MY BETTY.

IT'S THEM!

NOW!

IT WOULD BE REAL GREAT

IF YOU RAN LIKE A MOTHER

AND GOT WINKY

THE ONE-EYED BLACK BELT.

[YELLING IN PATUSANI]

DON'T WORRY, BRO.

I'VE PLAYED

THIS LEVEL BEFORE.

I GOT TO GET MY POWER BACK.

I GOT TO GET MY POWER BACK.

HYAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

LET'S SEE...

FISH...LOBSTER...

OCTOPUS!

EAT SQUID, PONCHO!

AAH!

500 BONUS POINTS!

YES!

WHAT IF I COULD

ACTUALLY CONTROL

THE OUTCOME OF THIS FIGHT?

Zatch: AND HE WILL BECOME

AN EVEN GREATER WARRIOR

THAN HIS FATHER.

I'M DOING IT.

I'M DOING IT.

HYAH!

[ODE TO JOY PLAYS]

THANK YOU.

WOW.

HYAH!

JOHNNY!

HYAH!

AAH!

AAAH!

HYAH!

CHOPSTICKS. PERFECT.

HUH?

AAAH!

OW!

AAH!

AAAH!

OH...THANK YOU.

I BEAT MY BEST SCORE.

I LOVE THIS GAME.

SERIOUSLY,

DON'T THANK ME.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN

DO AS YOUR MONARCH.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I MEAN, FOR A MOMENT,

I ALMOST HAD THOSE GUYS.

I LOVE THE PART

WHEN I WAS, LIKE...

[CRASH]

SORRY.

YOUR DESTINY

IS DRAWING NEAR.

SOON YOU WILL BE

A GREAT WARRIOR.

IF HE'S A GREAT WARRIOR,

WHAT ABOUT THE KID HERE?

YOU'LL BE A SEER

OF VISIONS.

CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND TELL ME

WHAT YOU SEE.

I SEE YOU,

LEADING THOUSANDS

VICTORIOUSLY INTO BATTLE

AND BECOMING

A NATIONAL HERO.

REALLY?

OH, MY GOSH!

YOU'RE WEARING A DRESS!

WHAT'S THIS?

PSYCH!

WHAT A BONEHEAD.

DUH!

I LOVE THIS.

LEGS.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

THANK GOODNESS.

YOU ARE THE SYMBOL

OF THE REVOLUTION.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

EVEN WHEN THEY ASK YOU

NOT TO PUT MSG IN,

YOU STILL PUT IT IN,

RIGHT?

UH-HUH.

I KNEW IT.

THEY'VE TAKEN

YOUR FATHER TO SRI WAN.

WHAT'S THAT?

THE FORTRESS OF DEATH.

WELL, WE GOT TO GO

GET HIM!

YES. YOUR HIGHNESSES MUST

RETURN TO PATUSAN. COME!

AW, IT'S

LIEUTENANT SPENCE.

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

LET'S GO, LET'S GO!

BUT HE WANTED

TO HELP US!

LISTEN, HE'S NOT

GOING TO FALL FOR

THAT UNCLE IGGY BIT

AGAIN.

HOW ABOUT AUNT IGGY?

Ro-May: COME ON. OUR FRIENDS

WILL HELP US ESCAPE.

QUICKLY!

WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

GETTING DISGUISES.

YOU DIDN'T RECOGNIZE ME,

DID YOU?

WOULD YOU GET IN?

DISGUISES.

[ENGINE STARTS]

WELL, HELLO, KIDS.

COME ON,

WE GOT TO HURRY!

LET'S GO!

MOVE!

GET ON THE BOAT!

HURRY!

MAN!

JOHN! ADAM!

HEY, AREN'T YOU,

UH--

ALL RIGHT. HI, I'M UNCLE IGGY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

ALL RIGHT, KIDS,

I'M 37.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

COME HERE! COME HERE!

STOP RIGHT HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON

AROUND HERE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU

FROM GETTING KIDNAPPED.

NOW LET'S GET

OUT OF HERE QUICKLY.

LET'S GO.

WE'RE NOT BEING KIDNAPPED.

WE'RE STARTING

A REVOLUTION.

EVERYTHING IS COOL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?

REVOLUTION? HOLD UP.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

LET ME TELL Y'ALL

SOMETHING.

I'VE BEEN HAULING

MY ACT ALL OVER TOWN,

STEPPING OVER NINJAS

ALL SHAPES AND SIZES,

SO EVERYTHING IS MOST

DEFINITELY NOT COOL,

LITTLE MAN.

LIEUTENANT...

[CRACK]

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT, BABY.

[CRASH]

P.A.: WELCOME TO THE SRI WAN

RE-EDUCATION FACILITY.

YOU! COME ON!

COME ON!

ALL RIGHT, MAC.

WHAT IS YOUR

APPROXIMATE WEIGHT?

180?

[CHUCKLES]

200.

I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU

ANYTHING, CHI.

YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT

WHERE MY BOYS ARE.

REALLY, MAC-O?

WELL, WORD HAS IT

THAT YOUR BOYS ARE

ON THEIR WAY HERE

TO JOIN THEIR DADDY-O

IN HELL.

OH, YEAH, THIS IS

DEFINITELY ME.

HEY, IF WE GET THERE

AND PEOPLE AREN'T

DRESSED LIKE THIS,

IT'S REALLY GOING

TO AFFECT MY CONFIDENCE.

[VOMITS]

LOOK, THERE IT IS.

HEY, GUYS!

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE

THE COAST OF PATUSAN.

COME LOOK.

OH, YEAH. AT LAST.

MY COUNTRY!

GOOD FOOD, REAL TOILETS,

ROOM SERVICE...

EVERYTHING'S FREE.

HELP YOURSELF.

UH, PARDON ME.

YOU SEE--

HOW DID YOU GET

THOSE HANDCUFFS OFF?

I HAD A KEY.

WHERE?

WE SEARCHED YOU.

I SWALLOWED IT

LAST TUESDAY.

WHOA. HOW'D YOU KNOW

YOU WERE GOING TO NEED IT?

I SWALLOW IT

EVERY TUESDAY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING

TO STOP US, LIEUTENANT SPENCE.

I DON'T WANT

TO STOP YOU.

IN FACT, I'M THINKING

ABOUT JOINING YOU.

YOU ARE?

LOOK, I AIN'T HAD

A VACATION IN 17 MONTHS,

AMONGST OTHER THINGS,

AND I'M IN SOME DEEP NEED

OF SOME SERIOUS LAUGHS,

YOU KNOW

WHAT I'M SAYING?

BESIDES, I JUST HAD

THIS FUNNY FEELING

THAT GOING

WITH YOU GUYS...

IS YOUR DESTINY?

HEY, LOOK,

PATUSAN.

YO, WHAT'D YOU

DO THAT FOR?

YOU KNOW IT'S GOING

TO GET SPOTTED.

I PUT A HOLE IN IT.

SOON, IT WILL SINK TO

THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

SERIOUSLY,

THAT'S AN EXCELLENT

PLACE TO HIDE IT.

YEAH. WHAT IF

WE'RE GETTING HAMMERED,

AND WE GOT TO BAIL?

WE SHALL EITHER BE

VICTORIOUS OR IN OUR GRAVES.

THERE'S NO GRAY AREA

WITH YOU, IS THERE?

I MEAN, THE GLASS

IS EITHER HALF-FULL,

OR WE'RE DEAD.

COME ON!

NOW STAY TOGETHER

ON THE TRAIL.

WATCH OUT

FOR LARGE RED ANTS,

LIZARDS

WITH SHARP TEETH,

AND BLACK PYTHONS,

WHICH CAN SUFFOCATE

A MAN IN ONE SQUEEZE.

THANKS.

♪ THIS IS THE DANGEROUS

WORLD WE CHOOSE... ♪

JUST BEYOND THAT RIDGE

IS THE VILLAGE

OF MEE GROB.

WHILE IN PATUSAN,

GUESTS OF THE REVOLUTION

STAY AT

THE MEE GROB HILTON.

THAT'S

THE MEE GROB HILTON,

SERVING STRANGE THINGS

IN SHELLS SINCE 1207.

IT'S THE BIRTHPLACE

OF A GREAT HOPE.

WOW. THEN I GOT

TO GET A T-SHIRT.

I CAN SEE THE MORNING

COOKING FIRES.

THERE WILL BE

MANY SUPPORTERS.

THEN WE'LL GO

TO THE CAVES OF KWANTZU,

THE CAVES

OF THE ANCIENTS.

WHAT'S THERE?

YOUR INHERITANCE.

MONEY?

NO...

SOMETHING NOT EVEN

MONEY CAN BUY--

THE KNIVES OF KWANTZU.

KNIVES?

OH, YEAH. SERIOUSLY,

THAT'S SOMETHING MONEY

CAN'T BUY--KNIVES.

ONCE I WENT TO A CUTLERY

STORE AND SAID,

"HERE'S $100,000.

CAN I BUY A KNIFE?"

THEY SAID, "NO. MONEY

CAN'T BUY KNIVES."

GEE, I GUESS THAT'S WHY

YOU HARDLY EVER SEE

ANY OF THEM AROUND.

ON THE THIRD DAY

OF THE EXPEDITION,

THEY CAME ACROSS

A GIANT RUBBER PLANT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY

COULD NOT CUT IT DOWN.

FOR, AS WE KNOW,

MONEY CAN'T BUY KNIVES.

WALKING AROUND THE PLANT,

THEY CONTINUED ON

THE SHORES OF PATUSAN.

IS THERE NO WAY WE CAN SHUT

THIS CHATTERING MONKEY UP?

YOU KNOW,

I'D CUT HIM,

BUT I DON'T

HAVE A KNIFE.

WHO WOULD DO

SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

I'LL GIVE YOU

3 GUESSES.

BUT WHY DID THEY SPARE

THAT OLD MAN

AND THOSE FEW OTHERS?

SO THERE WOULD BE SOMEONE

LEFT ALIVE TO TELL.

TELL WHAT?

TO WHO?

TO ANYONE

WHO'D HELP US.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD

HAPPEN TO THEM.

WE'RE NEAR KWANTZU,

BUT THE ENTRANCE

TO THE CAVE IS HIDDEN.

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

HOW ARE WE

SUPPOSED TO FIND IT?

IT'S NOT MY DESTINY

TO FIND IT.

OF COURSE NOT.

I AM THE KING.

OK. WHAT IF

I FIND IT?

Adam:

MAYBE DOWN HERE.

HEY!

COME BACK HERE!

WHAT ARE YOU

DOING WITH THAT?

I'M TALKING TO YOU.

FREEZE RIGHT THERE.

WHOA! COOL!

YOU KNOW, BOY, DON'T YOU?

WHERE IS IT?

WHERE IS IT?

[RUMBLING]

AAH!

JOHNNY!

ARE YOU OK?

YEAH.

HEY, I FOUND WALDO!

REALLY?

PSYCH!

SERIOUSLY,

3 YEARS AGO,

MY COUSIN

WENT IN A CAVE,

NEVER CAME OUT.

THEY NEVER

FOUND HIM.

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT

HAPPENED TO HIM.

THEY THINK MAYBE HIS

BODY WAS EATEN BY BATS.

Spence: IF YOU KEEP ON

TELLING THEM CAVE STORIES,

THEN YOU AND YOUR COUSIN

WILL HAVE A LOT

MORE THINGS IN COMMON.

THE WEAPONS OF KWANTZU.

JUST AS THE PROPHECIES

FORETOLD,

THESE WEAPONS WILL BE YOURS,

YOUR HIGHNESS.

4,000 YEARS...

OF WARRIOR BLOOD,

SPIRIT, AND ENERGY

ARE HELD IN THESE WEAPONS.

THAT SPIRIT NOW...

WILL ENTER YOU.

STAND AND DEFEND YOURSELF!

NOT YOU, HIM!

DEFEND MYSELF?

LISTEN--

KWANTZU! HAH! YAH!

LISTEN, WHAT IS IT

WITH YOU? YOU KNOW--AAH!

LISTEN! HOLD ON!

LISTEN! HOLD ON!

HOLD ON! HOLD ON!

COULD WE JUST STOP THIS?

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A REALLY

BAD AURA ABOUT YOU.

AAH!

I DON'T KNOW

IF YOU'VE NOTICED,

BUT EVERYWHERE WE GO,

YOU HAVE TO FIGHT...

AND THAT MEANS

YOU GOT A PROBLEM,

AND I THINK

IT'S ALL

BECAUSE OF A DEEP-SEATED

EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

AAH!

HYAH!

HYAH!

THE WARRIOR SPIRIT'S

WITHIN YOU.

HYAH!

LISTEN, I DON'T WANT

ANY SPIRITS IN ME!

I DON'T WANT

ANY SPEARS IN ME!

I DON'T WANT

ANYTHING IN ME!

YOU MANIAC!

HYAH! HUH!

YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT

THROUGH YOUR HEAD.

I DON'T WANT

TO FIGHT YOU.

LISTEN,

SPIRIT OR NO SPIRIT,

IF YOU SWING THAT THING

AT ME ONE MORE TIME,

I'M GOING

TO KICK YOUR BUTT!

AAH!

OK.

OK. OK--

[CHOIR SINGING

BEETHOVEN'S ODE TO JOY]

OK!

HYAH!

NEVER MESS WITH ZORRO.

WOW! JOHNNY'S AMAZING.

I KNOW. HE CAN GET A JOB

AS A SUSHI CHEF, NO PROBLEM.

[EXPLOSION]

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A CHAIN GANG.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WE HAVE TO GO

AROUND THEM.

IF WE'RE PICKED UP

BY ONE OF THE PATROLS,

WE'LL END UP PRISONERS

OURSELVES.

WHOA! THIS TRAIL

IS MASSIVELY NARROW.

WHAT IF SOMEBODY FELL?

WHOA!

WHOA!

WHOA! WHOA!

OOF!

AAH!

ADAM!

WHAT HAVE I SAID?

I'M SORRY!

WHOA! WHOA!

AAH!

AAH!

Adam:

OH, WIPE OUT!

AAH!

WOW! INSANE RIDE.

YEAH, RIGHT.

♪ DON'T TELL ME

IF YOU'RE WRONG OR RIGHT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW,

THERE'S JUST ONE THING ♪

♪ THAT I BELIEVE IN... ♪

DROP THE PIECE, PUNK.

THIS IS LAPD.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

♪ I'M HOT,

READY OR NOT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW I'M COMIN' ♪

♪ I CAN'T WAIT... ♪

THERE'S

TOO MANY SOLDIERS.

THERE'S NOTHING

WE CAN DO FOR THEM.

WHAT? HEY, THAT'S

MY BROTHER DOWN THERE!

I'M GOING AFTER HIM!

NO, WAIT!

IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

YOU CAN'T DO THIS ALONE.

WORRIED ABOUT YOUR

PRECIOUS LITTLE REVOLUTION?

NO...

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

AAH!

BOY, KIDS--THEY JUST DON'T

WEIGH THE RISKS, DO THEY?

SO YOU WANT TO GRAB

A CUP OF COFFEE?

AAH!

[THUDS]

OOH! OW! OH!

YAAH!

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

OK. STAY HERE.

NO.

YOU WAIT HERE.

♪ TOO BAD, YOU MADE ME MAD ♪

♪ AND NOW YOU KNOW IT ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE... ♪

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

HI.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

♪ HERE COMES TROUBLE ♪

♪ PRETTY SOON

THEY'RE GONNA PAY, BOY ♪

♪ HERE COMES TROUBLE ♪

♪ LITTLE DO THEY KNOW... ♪

AAH!

WHAT DID YOU

SAY TO THEM?

YOU'LL FIND OUT

ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT.

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP? HEY, DID YOU

SLIDE DOWN THE MOUNTAIN?

YEAH.

WASN'T IT STYLIN'?

FULLY.

UH, OK, MR. HERO,

NOW HOW IN THE HECK

ARE YOU GOING TO

GET US UP OUT OF HERE?

HEY...HEY.

HEY-HEY-HEY!

WHOA!

SHH.

LET'S GO!

COME ON! COME ON!

[RIFLES COCK]

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

Iggy: YOU MAY ONLY

HAVE ONE EYE,

BUT YOU DON'T

MISS A TRICK.

GET IN! GET IN! GET IN!

AAH!

ANYONE NEED A RIDE?

HYAH!

HYAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

COME ON! LET ME GO!

I'M ON A ROLL!

COME ON!

LET'S GO!

ADAM, YOU'RE DRIVING!

AIN'T IT

BITCHIN'?

COME ON! GO! GO! GO!

SERIOUSLY,

THERE'S DYNAMITE HERE.

WELL, THROW IT AT THEM!

I GOT ONE!

I GOT ONE!

LOVE OF KWANTZU!

LIGHT IT FIRST!

I NEED A LIGHT!

I NEED A LIGHT!

WAIT, WAIT!

I GOT SOMETHING.

CIGARETTES?

YEAH, YEAH.

I KNOW I SHOULD QUIT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD

GET THE PATCH.

LOOK WHO I'M TALKING TO.

OK, BABY!

YEAH!

THAT'S THE WAY

TO GO!

ALL RIGHT!

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

THEY'RE OVERJOYED

TO HAVE THEIR KING BACK.

COOL.

UP UNTIL NOW, I DIDN'T

KNOW IF YOU WERE WORTHY.

NOW I KNOW YOU ARE.

WORTHY OF WHAT?

Zatch:

OF THIS.

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

THE HEADBAND OF

A PATUSANI WARRIOR PRINCE.

AHEM!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

AHEM. AHEM.

AHEM!

OH, GIVE HIM ONE.

LET'S GO.

OOH!

UH!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

Men:

KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

[CHEERING]

MY PEOPLE,

IF YOU KNOW THIS SONG.

YOU CAN JOIN US.

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

JOHNNY, CAN I TALK

TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

YEAH.

TALK TO ME FOREVER.

I'VE BEEN THINKING.

LOOK, I KNOW I TALKED

A LOT ABOUT MARRYING YOU

AND BEING QUEEN

AND EVERYTHING--

I KNOW.

NO PROBLEM.

AS SOON AS

WE RESCUE MY DAD,

I'LL TELL HIM,

AND THEN WE--

BUT, JOHNNY, LISTEN.

LOOK, ALL MY LIFE, I'VE

BEEN DOING EVERYTHING

THAT WAS EXPECTED

OF A TRADITIONAL

PATUSANI GIRL.

AND?

AND WHO DO MY PARENTS

THINK THEY ARE,

TELLING ME WHO

I'M GOING TO MARRY?

I MEAN,

I'LL DECIDE

WHO I'M GOING

TO MARRY, NOT THEM.

THAT IS, IF I MARRY.

I MEAN, THAT WAS REALLY

A SWELL KISS AND ALL, BUT...

I JUST DIDN'T WANT

TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS

ABOUT

THE MARRIAGE THING.

WE CAN STILL DATE,

RIGHT?

YEAH, THEY MUST BE

EXPECTING AN ATTACK.

CHECK OUT ALL THE GUNS.

THEY'RE ALL POINTING

RIGHT AT US.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND?

THERE'S A REEF NO SHIP

COULD GET PAST,

WHICH REALLY

DOESN'T MATTER,

SINCE THE ONLY SHIP

WE HAD, I SUNK.

Adam:

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

IT'S NOT SHOWING ME

ANYTHING.

I MEAN, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE

LIKE MAGIC, ISN'T IT?

I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL.

THE MAGIC IS REAL.

BUT IT'S WITHIN YOU.

IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN.

NOW TELL ME,

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

THOSE TREES OVER THERE.

ARE PATUSANIS ANY GOOD

AT WOODCARVING AND STUFF?

THEY ARE AMONG THE BEST

IN THE WORLD.

WELL, WHAT, DO YOU WANT

TO BUY A SOUVENIR?

REMEMBER, BEND YOUR KNEES.

USE YOUR ARMS.

GOOD.

NOW YOU'RE STYLIN'.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS READY

TO CHECK OUT THE WAVES?

YEAH!

YEAH!

TH-THIS MAY COME AS

A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I...

NEVER SURFED

A DAY IN YOUR LIFE?

WE ALL KNOW.

IT'S LIKE

A BIG JOKE.

REALLY?

HUH.

BUT WHAT IF YOU COULD?

THE ABILITY'S

WITHIN YOU, BRO.

WHAT IF I COULD?

LET'S SHRED!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

Men:

KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU, DUDES!

AAH!

AAH!

BROTHERS DON'T SURF.

THIS GET BACK

TO THE 'HOOD,

WON'T NONE OF THE HOMIES

TALK TO ME AGAIN.

♪ ANOTHER DAY IS DONE ♪

♪ STILL THE HUNGER

BURNS INSIDE OF ME ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ THE HEART BEATS

TO A DIFFERENT DRUM ♪

♪ LIKE THUNDER, IT WAKES ME

FROM MY SLEEP ♪

♪ HOLD ON,

THIS DEVIL TAKES ITS TOLL ♪

♪ I MUST CHASE THE FIRE

THAT FEEDS MY SOUL ♪

♪ OH, YOU'VE--YOU'VE

GOT TO DIG DOWN DEEP ♪

♪ OH, WHEN YOU WANT

TO WAKE THE DEAD ♪

♪ FROM THEIR SLEEP ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ YOU'LL KNOW

WHERE TO FIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNTIE

THESE HANDS OF FATE ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ THERE'LL BE NO CHAINS

TO BIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

I SURFED!

WHOA!

♪ FOR SURE,

THE TIME HAS COME ♪

♪ OH, I GOT TO LOOK

THE FUTURE IN THE FACE ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ I GOT TO GET

ON MY SHOES ♪

♪ AND RUN MY RUN ♪

♪ OR I'LL JUST BE A LOSER

IN THIS HUMAN RACE ♪

♪ HOLD ON ♪

♪ THE DEVIL

TAKES ITS TOLL ♪

I SURFED! I SURFED!

JOHNNY, DID YOU SEE IT?

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

♪ OH, YA GOT

TO DIG DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,

DOWN DEEP ♪

♪ WHEN YOU WANT

TO WAKE THE DEAD ♪

♪ FROM THEIR SLEEP ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ YOU'LL KNOW

WHERE TO FIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ I CAN'T UNTIE

THESE HANDS OF FATE ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

♪ THERE'LL BE NO CHAINS

TO BIND ME ♪

♪ FROM NOW ON ♪

OOH!

[YELLING]

HERE, BRO, YOU'RE

GOING TO NEED THIS.

YOU MEAN

WE'RE SEPARATING?

YES.

THIS IS AN ATTACK.

OH. AAH!

AAH!

YEAH. NOW THIS FEELS

A LITTLE BIT MORE FAMILIAR.

AAH!

OW! OHH! OW! OW!

AAH!

YES!

WHOA-OH-HO-HO!

OOH! OW! OH! OH! OW!

JOHNNY!

ZATCH!

ZATCH!

HE'S NOT MOVING!

ZATCH, COME ON!

ZATCH?

WHAT...

IF I DON'T...

DIE?

HEY, IT WORKS.

OHH!

AAH!

OOH, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

I SAID I'M SORRY.

WHEN YOU START A BATTLE,

YOU MUST FINISH IT.

GO, MY NEPHEWS.

NEPHEWS?

HE'S YOUR UNCLE.

YOUR FATHER,

YOUR REAL FATHER,

WAS THE KING,

HIS BROTHER.

YOU'RE MY UNCLE?

NO. NOT YOU.

AHH!

DAD, YOU CHILL HERE

WITH UNCLE ZATCH.

I'M GOING AFTER CHI.

YOU CAN'T GO AFTER HIM

ALONE, JOHNNY.

HE CAN IF

IT'S HIS DESTINY.

AW, YOU NEVER LISTENED

TO ME BEFORE.

HOW CAN I STOP YOU NOW?

[GROANING]

WHOA! OH-HO-HO!

AAH! OW! OW! OW!

YEAH!

AAH!

I'M WET!

AAH!

I'M OK.

WELL...

AT LAST.

OHH!

COME ON.

AAH!

AAH!

AHH!

UH-UH-UH.

YOU HAVE A SWORD.

I DON'T HAVE MY GUN.

DON'T YOU WANT THIS

TO BE A FAIR FIGHT?

TAKE THAT, METALFACE.

AAH!

OOH!

OH!

AAH!

NO! NO! NO!

WATER! WATER!

WA--

HA HA HA HA!

NAH.

AAH! WATER!

WATER!

YEAH! YEAH!

YEAH!

KWANTZU!

YES!

PATUSAN.

THEY'RE JUST THE DECOY.

IT'S HILARIOUS.

I MEAN,

I'M THE REAL KING.

YOU'RE ALL MY SUBJECTS,

AND SHE'S MY CHICK.

I MEAN...

ENJOY.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING

ANY OF THIS, ARE YOU?

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT

A GREAT HOLY MAN

WHO WAS BORN IN YOUR

FATHER'S NATIVE VILLAGE.

THE BABA RAM

OF MEE GROB.

AHH...HUH?

WA-WAIT A SECOND.

I KNOW THIS MAN.

BARBARA ANN. YES.

A VERY FUNNY MAN, YOU KNOW.

VERY FUNNY.

[SPEAKING PATUSANI]

ROCK 'N' ROLL,

DUDE.

CONGRATULATIONS,

YOUR HIGHNESSES.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

YOUR MAJESTY.

PRINCESS.

I THINK THEY'RE WAITING

FOR YOU TO SAY SOMETHING.

I'VE GOT NOTHING.

I'LL HANDLE IT,

BRO.

KWANTZU, DUDES!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

KWANTZU!

THEY LOVE THIS WORD.

IT MUST MEAN, LIKE...

FREE BEER OR SOMETHING.

AS MY FIRST ACT

AS YOUR KING...

I HEREBY DISSOLVE

THE MONARCHY,

GIVE THE GOVERNMENT

TO ITS PEOPLE,

'CAUSE YOUR DESTINY'S

TO BE FREE!

I MEAN, DON'T

GET ME WRONG--

COOL HEADGEAR, I LOVE

THE CLOTHES AND ALL, BUT...

[GROANING]

EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.

[GROANING]

NEWS FLASH!

YOUR SIDE LOST!

OH-HO-HO-HO!

OH! OW! OW! OW! OH!

LIKE I WAS SAYING,

AS MY FUTURE QUEEN AND I

GO OFF TO TAKE OUR S.A.T.s,

REMEMBER,

WE'RE ALL CREATED EQUAL.

'CAUSE I WAS BORN

INTO ROYALTY,

I'M NO DIFFERENT

FROM YOU.

PUT MY FACE ON A STAMP,

A 50-CENT PIECE,

AND LET'S CALL IT A DAY.

FOR NOW, MY PEOPLE,

I'M OUT OF HERE.

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

♪ LOOKIN' FOR ROMANCE ♪

♪ SAW BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ SO I THOUGHT

I'D TAKE A CHANCE ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TRIED PEGGY SUE,

TRIED BETTY LOU ♪

♪ TRIED MARY LOU, BUT I

KNEW THEY WOULDN'T DO ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

LET'S GO!

YES! A-HA HA!

OH, DANCING NOW!

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME ROCKIN'

AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ BA-BA-BA

BA-BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ WENT TO A DANCE ♪

♪ LOOKIN' FOR ROMANCE ♪

♪ SAW BARBARA ANN, SO I

THOUGHT I'D TAKE A CHANCE ♪

♪ WITH BARBARA ANN ♪

♪ TAKE MY HAND ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME

ROCKIN' AND A-ROLLIN' ♪

♪ ROCKIN' AND A-REELIN',

BARBARA ANN ♪

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