Suraj Pe Mangal Bhari (2020) - full transcript

Sukhi, is the stable visible?

Yes, bro.

Then start recording.

Hello, Peeps!

I am Suraj Singh Dhillon,
and this is Bombay!

A city that never sleeps,
but yet, is called the city of dreams.

The only city in the world
where distance is measured in time,

because time here is money.

That's why my dad took a timely decision
and shifted here from Punjab.

Hey!

Hey!



He toiled hard, but with no success.

Then my mom,
a dame from Mathura entered his life,

bringing 10 buffalos along with her.

Albeit my dad still
has just one wife, my mom,

but we now have 312 buffalos,
127 cows, 7 bulls, 4 oxen,

and one humongous stable.

We sell milk with many milk products
"thrown" into the mix.

We also have a beautiful house.

This is all thanks to Mumba Devi,
the city goddess!

I have to say,
our house would look much better

had dad painted it in
the colour I'd suggested.

But that's my dad for you.

Who is it?

And that's my mom for you.



Now all I need is a beautiful,
well-cultured Wife,

who wouldn't let mom enter the kitchen,

and wouldn't let me leave the bedroom.

My ideal woman!

He'll surely end up
with a beautiful girl.

My son is so handsome, after all.

Okay son,
it's time to ward off the evil now.

Mom, I'm standing right next to you.

Oh.

Okay son, it's time to ward off...

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Even God cannot claim
to completely understand women.

You know why?

Because he doesn't have a sister.

But I have no problem in that,
because I do have a sister, Guddi.

She's an eighth grader.

And he flunked the eighth grade, twice.

Hey, but I can finish reading
a comic book in just two hours.

I'm looking for a devoted
wife who'd go without food and water

on Vatpurnima to pray for my long life.

Will you be that
thirsty and hungry girl?

Cut.

I said cut, Sukhi.

How is it?

Excellent, bro.

You know this video isn't for me?

It's for those poor girls,

whom never end up getting proposals
from good looking and handsome boys.

- Oh....
- Yes.

But bro, what's Vatpurnima?

It's a Maharashtrian festival,

wherein a wife ties a thread
around a banyan tree,

prays for her husband's long life
and sings melodious songs.

Enough!

Oh my, sister!

You have such a sweet voice.

Do you sing professionally?

Really?

My husband says so too.

Oh.

You are not a bad singer either.

It's just that you
sound a little... um, manly.

You see, my husband has a soft voice.

He sounds just like a woman.

So... we manage.

Where do you stay?

Shivam Colony, Girgaon.

Oh, I've friends who stay there,
the Dicholkars.

They own a grocery store in Lalbaug.

- The Dicholkars?
- Right.

They are my neighbours.

Oh.

Their flat is right next to mine.

Small world.

They are such nice people.

Right, they are very nice.

Their son,
Dinesh, is also good, it's just that...

What?

Sister, I know everyone's ins and outs.

Well, it is what it is,
you can't do anything about it.

Yeah... about what?

His intentions.

He sells adulterated grains.

Instead of a kilo,
you end up with only 800 grams.

Everybody does that these days.

Come on.

But he is a nice boy.

- Yes, he is.
- He has no bad habits either.

He doesn't, right?

No, he has no bad habits as such.

It'd be all good as he'd stop visiting
the dance bar once he gets married.

Dance bar?

Yeah.

The Sapna Bar, in Sion?

Oh.

Oh yes.

Well, it is what it is.

Anyway sister, I'll get going.

Sure.

Hey, I didn't get your name.

What is it?

My name?

Yes.

Shakuntala,

but my husband affectionately
calls me honey.

In his soft voice?

Come on now!

Naughty sister.

Naughty, huh.

Later.
See you, bye.

Excuse me mister, Sapna Dance Bar?

Let's go already!

Are you bloody blind?

Don't you know how to drive?

Here, have an orange.

It's improves ones' eyesight.

Let's go.

Cheers.

Cheers.

He's alcoholic,
dishonest, a womaniser and a gambler.

He has all the possible vices.

Thank you, Madhu.

You have saved our daughter's future
from being ruined.

You are an angel.

- No, no, no, sir.
- Thank you so much.

No, aunt. I am just doing my job.

No good girl should
ever end up with a bad boy.

So I have vowed.

Now you just need to find
a better match for Varsha, okay?

Here's your fees.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- No, thank you.

Listen,

once you find another boy, come to me
for his character certificate.

After all, it's the question
of your daughter's life.

You cannot leave that on chance.

Goodbye.

- Thank you.
- Goodbye.

Let's go.

What's this?

We've spent more than
we made on this case, Kaka!

Who asked you to do
such elaborate disguises?

Huh?

A Sindhi businessman,
a middle-aged woman...

You even wanted to try out
all the fruits to get the size right.

I bought half a kilo
of each fruit for the trials.

Oranges,

sapodilla,

watermelon,

and apples.

And what were a dozen
of bananas used for?

They were for me to consume, son.

Getting these things is so tiring.

That's where the bananas,
biryani and a cab ride come in.

They are my personal expenses.

I am not young anymore.

My health... well, I don't keep well.

No one eats biryani
when not feeling well.

And not mutton biryani for sure.

The taste is still
lingering in the mouth, huh?

I hired you after your mill
shut down thinking that it'd benefit me.

But you sir, lead a royal life.

Look, when your dad was in need...

Right, you gave him 1200 bucks
when he was in need.

But you've consumed biryani
worth 10,000 in the past 8 years,

and I have bills to prove that.
Do you want me to show them to you, huh?

- Do you?
- Madhu! Why are you yelling?

My customer is relaxing in the parlour.

And who's this customer of yours, huh?

Aunt Deshmukh, right?

Who is it?

Hey aunt, it's me, Madhu.
How are you doing?

Live long, lad.

Why stop at that?

Say, live long and keep
screwing up youngsters' lives.

Rekha.

You cannot stop yourself
from taunting everyone, can you?

Your son is so smart
but you are never pleased with him.

Heard that?

Aunt, I have managed
to save 47 girls so far.

I have received so many blessings.

You went past the marriageable age busy
trying to call off other's marriages.

I wanted grandchildren
and I am getting blessings instead.

What do I do with the blessings,
pickle them?

One day you shall know what
a great job your son is doing.

- Then, you will stop taunting me.
- Of course.

He used to say the same when
he was in his college's dramatics team.

"I am the best actor."

"I'll work in Subhash Bhai's movie."

It's Subhash Ghai and not Subhash Bhai.

Gh.

Whatever.
Did you get to work with him, huh?

He's unnecessarily
spying on poor young boys.

Whom are you addressing
as poor young boys?

All of them are hooligans.

I am no fool.

There is no decent boy in Bombay

whom Madhu Mangal Rane
could mistake as a hooligan.

Understood me?

Why bother with matching
the horoscopes, Yashoda?

What's the harm in matchmaking?

He's my son too, you know.

According to the priest,

Suraj and Mr. Sharma's daughter
have 28 matching attributes.

Really?

Fine, then.

My son has a lot of attributes.

Of course, they are bound to match.

Attributes must match in order
to have a successful marriage.

Son, this marriage will also get rid of the
red planet's bad influence on your charts.

Then you'll have nothing to worry about.

Okay, mom.

Listen,

you need to talk to that girl in English.

Got it?

From A to Zee.

Dad, I will shut her up with my English.

Come on, bro!

Shut up.

I mean... she will be speechless
with my perfect English.

This is no time to be pompous.

This is the time to impress.

But at this speed there's
no way we'll reach there on time.

Why don't you change the gear?

I'll change it right away.

Move it!

Move aside! Do you have a death wish?

Just run him over.

So son, you handle
your dad's dairy business?

Yes, uncle.

I handle dad's milk.

I mean I handle his milk business, aunty.

And we also start throwing
curd and butter all over the market.

Well packaged, under the label
of Jai Matarani Doodh Bhandar.

We will make it multinational.

Very good.

My daughter...

Preeti.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Have a seat, dear.

Why don't you come and sit here instead?

Right.

Sit here, dear. I'll sit there.

Hello.

I am Hello... eh, Suraj.

So you have a dairy?

Oh yes.

We "throw" milk all over the market.

Why don't you drop by for some pudding?

What?

I mean, you come to my dairy
and I'll "milk" you something nice.

- Oh...
- Yeah.

- Nice.
- Yes.

Hmm.

What's that smell?

What smell, dear?

Something certainly reeks of raw butter.

Only the rich smell like butter.

She didn't have to make a big deal of it.

Well, your hands get dirty
when working in a coal mine.

Zip it.

Sorry, bro.

You cannot differentiate
between coal and butter?

Such an idiot.

- I was just giving analogy.
- Analogy?

We lost such a good match.

And you are giving analogies!

Now we only have that girl
from Dadar to fall back on.

The one the priest had suggested.

But her attributes didn't match with bro.

Attributes don't matter,
their hearts need to be in sync.

Matching the attributes is not necessary.

Hypocrite!

Zip it.

- Listen up.
- Yes, dad?

You need to work your magic on her.

Okay, dad.

Like I had used my magic on your mom.

Okay, dad.

How did he do it, aunt?

Drop it.

Please tell us. Tell us! Tell us!

Tell us!

I can only talk when you stop talking!

Fine, tell us.

He used to visit our stable to buy milk.

My father started liking him.

He gave 22 of his best
buffalos to us as a wedding gift.

That's the reason Matarani Doodh
Bhandar is flourishing the way it is.

Right?

Absolutely.

So it's love marriage cum
arranged marriage with dowry.

Well played, uncle.

I've never come across such a player!

Sorry, dad.

Bro, this is what the girls
want these days...

Wild, daredevil, bad ass dudes. Players!

Girls fall for such guys.

You'll have to do something like this.

So you want me,

to make an entrance by doing
a split on two buffalos?

A slip and I will split myself in two!

Bro, bikes and buffalos
are two different things.

What are you saying?

This is 1995 style of romance.

We are just 5 years away
from the 21st century.

We'll soon enter a new millennium.

Don't worry.

I'll make you...
what's the new word used these days?

Cool!

I'll make you cool.

- Cool?
- Right.

"It's time!..."

"Tomorrow another coolie
will refuse to pay the tax."

Hey no one asked me for the tax,
so whom do I refuse?

It's a dialogue from the movie Deewar.

Amitabh Bachchan had said those lines.

Okay.

He was a bad boy in it.

Now it's your turn to be a bad boy.

Bad boy?

Bad boy.

Bad boy.

Bad boy.

Joker!

What?

Nothing, we're playing cards.

Carry on then.

Boring family.

Hey, stay away.

Spare him some change, bro.

Beggar.

Can a bad boy donate?

Yes, he can.

Stay away.

Go, have fun.

Get going.

You too, bro.

Signal is red.

Bro, remember, bad boy?

Should I?

- Bad boy.
- Yeah, bad boy.

Go for it!

What a Jerk!

Chug! Chug! Chug!

Go for it.

Sukhi?

Yes, bro.

I think I had a little
too much to drink.

No problem, take your time.

Don't you think I am overdoing it?

This is what bad boys do.

Really?

Yes, bro.

Then here you go.

And here you go.

Let's go fishing in the pee!

Let's go fishing in the pee!

There we go.

They are here.

Hi, priest.

Hmm.

Uncle.

Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

I think you'll be my wife.

Hello.

Nice house, uncle.

Mr. Dhillon, you'd said
that your son's a decent boy.

Yes, he is.

He has no vices?

No, he doesn't.

Then what the hell is this?

What is this?

Pass them over.

Here you go.

What is it, Sukhi?

Stand up!

What's wrong, dad?

I said stand up.

What is wrong, dad?

What is this?

What is it?

What?

Oh this?

Uncle, you're getting this all wrong.

Mom, dad, I am not having beer.

I was experimenting on mixing
barley water and milk

so that we can "throw"
another product into the market.

I'll be the one "throwing" you out, son.

I think Sukhi is responsible for this.

Sukhi?!

Mr. Dhillon, I had painted
such a good picture before Mr. Charan.

He was so pleased.

I didn't expect this from you.

Go inside, dear.

Mr. Dhillon, I think you should leave.

Son, you should meet me outside.

Do you plan to leave anytime soon?

Let's go.

Sorry, bro!

Please, bro!

That's enough, bro.

That's enough, bro.

You bloody traitor!

Bro!

Bro! Bro! Bro!

Please don't, bro!

I made sure you got more milk
than the calf did!

Why?... So that you grow up
and screw my life over?

Hey, I didn't know
someone's clicking pictures.

Instead of being portrayed
as Amitabh Bachchan, a super star,

I ended up being portrayed
as a lecherous villain.

Everyone in the community now thinks
that I am an alcoholic and a womaniser.

You'd said bad boy is a good thing.
But I ended up being a joke, man.

I agree I made a mistake.

But I was only trying to get you a girl.

Hey!

He means a girl for marriage.

Get back to work.

And you mister,
go and find out who's behind this.

I had beer for the first time in 28 years

and someone managed to click
my picture chugging it.

It's very strange.

Right when we were looking at a girl...
fine, eyeing her,

someone used it as opportunity
to present me in a bad light.

Right.

I never thought about it.

This means someone was following us.

Please stop following me.
I cannot help you anymore.

But you know what kind of a boy I am.

I don't even look at my buffalos
when they are having a bath.

I am not a bad boy.

No, he's not.

I know, but I can't help it.

Mr. Charan has pictures proving otherwise.

How do I explain it to him?

He has anyway contacted another priest,

and fixed his girl's marriage
with someone else.

I ended up suffering a loss.

- You are only losing money.
- Hey.

I am losing my youth.

Yes aunty, please continue.

I am losing my youthfulness, sir.

You can cover your loss by
working part time in Jaibharat Times.

That's my full time job,
I do this part time.

But this is what helps me pay the bills.

But nothing is helping me!

I have ended up with a bad image.

My mom's planning to go
to Vaishnao Devi to offer prayers,

so that I get back on the right track.

Really?

Has she decided on a priest yet?

I have a lot of time to spare.

Damn it.

But I don't have much time left.

Please tell me who has caused this mess.

No, I cannot give you his name.

It took a lot of effort
to get a name out of Mr. Charan.

- Who is it? Please tell us.
- Please uncle.

Son, I am not a money minded guy.

Pay him, he never minds money.

- Here you go.
- That's 50 bucks.

Madhu Mangal Rane.

What?

Madhu... Mangal... Rane.

Resides in Sarode Chawl, Girgaon.

Who is he?

Wedding detective.

- Wedding detective?
- Someone who checks on grooms?

Yes.

What does he exactly do?

He spies on prospective grooms.

If he catches them doing
anything inappropriate,

he immediately reports
it to the bride's family.

No one has been able to escape him.

- Thank you.
- Go, have fun.

Get going.

You too, bro.

Yeah, bad boy.

Go for it!

What a jerk!

This is what bad boys do.

- Really?
- Yes, bro.

Then here you go.

And here you go.

This rascal is responsible
for many marriages being called off.

He ruins income opportunities
for priests like me

and the wedding opportunities
for boys like you.

Just to make some extra bucks.

This Mangal is just as toxic
and dangerous as his namesake red planet.

Your life is ruined
once he enters your life.

If he is Mangal,
the red planet, then I am Suraj, the Sun!

And I am Sukhi, the sidekick!

Wedding detective.

Never heard of such a profession, bro.

He should be called
a Wedding destroyer instead.

Right.

So what do we do now?

First we need to find
out who exactly he is.

Correct.

But how?

By using his own methods on him.

To understand a dog,
you need to become a dog, Sukhi.

Who knows what game that
dog must be playing right now?

Undertaker!

Come on brats, give me your cards.

How can you play
the Undertaker card again?

- This is cheating.
- Yes, you are cheating.

This is how all losers squall.

Winners never squall.

Got it?

Cheaters don't either.

Who are you calling a cheater, bonehead?

Who are you calling a bonehead?

- Just give me my card back.
- Let's go, guys.

I don't want to play with you anymore.

- We don't want to play with you either.
- He always does this.

Buzz off.

Look, the flop actor is back
to being a drama queen!

- Buzz off!
- Scram!

Hey, flop actor!

Still a sore loser, huh?

Hey...

No, these kids are troublesome brats.

Don't you dare come here again, got it?

What case did you want to talk about?

Remember Mr. Bhatia from Bhandup?

He had rejected a boy's proposal
and now that boy is troubling him.

Okay.

Here's... his card.

Hmm.

He's a vegetable trader by profession.

Hmm.

Give him a call.

All good at home?

All good.

See you.

Dada!

What?

Lunch is ready.

I'm coming.

- How are you doing, uncle?
- Good.

Tulsi? What is this, kiddo?

You took just one bread!

I have tuitions, mom.

I cannot eat much.

Have some more.

You won't gain weight.

She thinks she won't get married
if she gets fat.

She's going to get married
pretty soon, mom.

I have already short-listed two boys.

Decent, smart and with government jobs.

One's working as a clerk
in the Municipal Cooperation.

The other is ticket checker
at Kurla railway station.

Well done.

Where did you find them?

I was spying on two rascals.

Okay.

They are their friends.

Oh, I see.

I have their pictures as well.

Show me their pictures.

Let me finish eating first, mom.

Please. You just started eating.

Come on.

Tulsi, pass me my bag.

Give it here, Tulsi.

Pass it over.

My son finally did something right.

Hey, it's my bag!

It's okay.
I'll find them. You enjoy your meal.

Like them?

They are fine.

Tulsi, you, too, have a look.

I don't need to.

I'm fine with Dada's and your choice.

I'll do as you say
once my tuitions are over.

There.

Now that's a well-cultured girl.

An ideal, homely, Indian woman.

Who's sister is she?

Yours.

Right.

You, too, should find a nice
middle aged woman for yourself.

I doubt you'll get a girl at this age.

Really?

Huh?

You really don't think before you speak.

I'm only speaking the truth.

Just won't lose an opportunity to taunt.

Hey, don't get up from
the middle of the meal, Dada.

Finish your lunch.
Don't mind her.

I'm going to get an onion.

I'd die of starvation
if I start minding her.

Bro, why do we need to rent clothes?

Our dairy business is doing well, right?

Shut up, Sukhi.

I know what I am doing.

Uncle, I need a beard wig,
big one, like the Pathans have.

I also need the turban
and the clothes they wear.

All the works.

And a burqa for him.

A burqa?

Bro, I, too, want a beard.

Why do I need to dress up as a woman?

Zip it.

Where all do I need
to attach these, uncle?

It's not like that, sonny boy.

Here, let me help you.

You tie it like this.

Look in the mirror.

You work in a theatre?

Something like that.

But our group consists of just one actor,

a reincarnated frustrated
actor who loves to overact.

Vishnu, you know of any place
that serves good biryani?

I know one, Mohammad Kebabs,
it's in the next lane.

Oh thanks!

Nice meeting you, uncle.

Okay.
Okay, okay.

Hey sister...

Stop walking like a man.

Get rid of your manliness
and show some grace.

No one should be able to guess the
content just by looking at the package.

Hmm.

Hey mister, where can I
find wedding detective's office?

Next to that beauty parlour.

Greetings and Salutations!

Greetings.

Don't get carried away.
They aren't always so cordial.

Try to speak like me.

- Don't get me started on how you sound.
- Whatever.

What the...!

What is he doing here?

What if he's Madhu Mangal Rane?

Let's try coming here at night.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Thank you.

See you, mom.

Ride safe.

Bye.

In a wave moment,
there are some quantities

which change its values
with time and space.

Hello, Kokate Sir.

Madam, you just cannot enter from
the front door and exit from the rear.

Hello madam, do you hear me?

Hurry up, Madhu. I am sleepy.

Whose life are you going to ruin today?

Mishra Ice Cream, Dadar.

That's my favourite!

I have information
from a reliable source...

Mishra's casanova son
amps up the heat in...

...his ice cream parlour
after the working hours.

Eew!

I'll be back in two hours.

Wait up.

Get me a sundae from
his shop on your way back.

- Really!
- Yes.

I deserve one last sundae
before he shuts shop.

What...? Geez!

Why have you made me wear
an overcoat in such a weather?

It's better than the
burqa you made me wear.

This is what spies wear at night.

I think only morons would step out
at night wearing such garbs.

Look.

Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Where are you going dressed like that?

Heard that? I told you.

That's what I've been telling him.

Who steps out at night wearing such togs?

Excuse me mister,
but where are you going dressed like that?

Whom do you intend to rob?

Just a bunch of bourgeois here.

We are not thieves.

Do we look like thieves to you?
Really?

We just stepped out for a night walk.

It's the new culture.

- Yes, culture. New culture.
- New culture.

Good.

Don't even think about
stealing from this place.

Understood me?

Ya, ya.

- Later.
- Later.

Ya, huh!

Who was he, bro?

Didn't he look like a loafer to you?

I couldn't really see his face.

Then why even bother asking?

Let's go.

Bloody...

Found it!

Sukhi, I found my file.

You did?

He's labelled me as "milkman".

- Not as "dairy owner"?
- Nope.

He has negatives and all.

Negatives? What else?

He even has our electricity bill.

But why?

Gosh, do we really get
such an exorbitant bill?

I don't know. How much is it?

- Sukhi.
- Hmm?

My picture.

Kickass, bro.
Isn't it?

Under the unwanted section?

That rascal has put
a red cross on my picture.

Let me see.

Dada?

Kaka, is that you?

Who is it?

Run, bro!

Sorry, sister, sorry. Sorry.

Thief...

Thief! Thief! Thief! Get them!

Mom! Kaka!

Thief! Thief!

Reeks of butter!

But he didn't steal any money.

Madhu.

Yeah?

That's strange, don't you think?

He didn't come here to steal anything.

Then what did he come here for?

To check whether it was me,

because of whom he couldn't get married.

Madhu, I told you not
to get into this business.

Today, they entered your office.

Tomorrow, they could enter my parlour.

It is very dangerous for my girls.

Yes.

Girls, eh?

No one below the age of 50 ever
steps inside your parlour.

Yeah, and they leave
looking like 20-year-olds.

That's how skilled I am.
I am a professional.

Brother, let's go meet Mr. Kamte.

He's a constable
at Kala Choki police station.

Let's file a police complaint.

We cannot file a police complaint, Mom!

- We can't.
- Why not?

Police will come here and
start questioning me instead.

"Why do you have these
photographs and negatives?"

"What are you doing?
Why are you doing this?"

"Do you have a licence?"

What will I tell them?

Oh good god, you don't have a licence?

It's considered illegal
if you don't take permission.

Like you have.

What?

The permission to run a beauty parlour?

Well...

But I don't ruin people's
life like you do.

I make them beautiful.

- He wants permission!
- Beautiful, hmm?

- You make them beautiful?
- Yes, I do.

Dogs bark at the women
who leave this parlour.

The dogs that you let loose on them!

- Mom!
- The dogs that I let loose on them?

Dada! What is this?

Stop fighting like cats and dogs.

- Tell him.
- She started it.

Madhu!

What? What happened?
Why are you yelling?

What do we do now?

Kaka,

now we rain on his parade.

Dammit!

You'll certainly rot in hell.

You'll be doomed.
It's all ruined.

What happened, dad?

Have a look.

Such a hideous crime.

Someone added water in
all our stock of milk and butter.

Who must have done it?

Changamal's Dairy!

He is jealous of us.

I won't spare him.

I'll butcher him.

- Bless me, uncle...
- Step aside.

Changamal did this?

Don't be an idiot.

I know who's responsible for it.

Who?

We broke into his office,
so he infiltrated our dairy.

The wedding detective?

Priest was right.

He is indeed dangerous.

I wonder how many lives
he has ruined so far.

Look at this.

He clicked so many pictures of you.

Here.

Hell...

Is he a ghost or what?

We didn't even realise when
he followed us and clicked them.

I also developed a picture
of his family by mistake.

So that's Madhu Mangal Rane.

Yes.

He ruined your life
as well as your business.

Only those who don't know how
to make cheese, cry over spilt milk.

I'll ruin his life as I mend mine.

I'll have him dancing
to my tunes in no time.

Awesome!

That's enough, it's just for me
and not the whole city.

Cheers, bro.

She is here... let's go!

Leave the tea, Sukhi.

We'll pay you later.

You don't need these products.

Oh, a skin so radiant and smooth,
I wish it could be bottled.

This is Suraj.

Will you be the light of my life?

Yes.

Really, you will?

Eh excuse me, mister?

Sir, what do you want?

Your Highness...
what can I do for you?

Huh?

What do you want?

That blue box.

That?

Yes, that one.

Huh?

Yes, right.

For my mom.

She loves to be a woman.

I mean she loves using these things.

Which one? Which one? Which one?

Should I take the purple one?

Or the red one? Perhaps the green one?

There are so many of them,
it's hard to choose one.

Can you... help me?

I have never used these things,

so I don't know which one to pick.

How does your mother look like?

Don't all mothers look beautiful?

Hmm?

That is true.

What's her complexion like?

Dark, fair?

Her complexion?
A shade or two lighter than dark.

So, close to dark.

I've taken after my dad.

Hmm, so these might
look good on your mother.

- All three of them?
- Hmm.

They are to be used together?

Oh, one by one.

Pack these, please.

This is the first time someone
has brought lipsticks for his mother.

Does she need anything else?

Perhaps an eyeliner,
a mascara or a nail polish?

I have a variety of products.

She's my mother, not a model.

Can I have my things?

Here you go.

Bye.

That will be 250, sir.

Sir? 250 for these.

I don't want them.

You can have them for 200!

What's wrong?

I guess I ran out of gas.

No, I doubt that.

it goes something like
this when it runs out of gas.

I think your clutch came apart.

I mean your moped's.

Oh, I see.

And you know that just by looking at it?

I just need to look into
a person's eyes to know,

whether the calculus is
inside or outside the gallbladder.

Really?

Really.

Mechanic!

I can fix a motor on a cycle
and make it a motorcycle.

What's wrong, madam?

It won't start?
Can I have a look?

The clutch's gone.

I told you so.
It's the clutch.

Tomorrow, we'll...

I mean, I'll have it repaired by tomorrow.

Just give me your address.

He knows me.

You can let me know where you stay.

But I don't even know who you are.

Me? I am Suraj Singh Dhillon.

And you are?

Tulsi Rane.

Tulsi.

Not Tulsi, Tulsi.

- Tulsi.
- Rane.

Rane works for me.

Ms. Rane, let me drop you on my motorbike.

Sounds good. We'll have your moped
delivered by tomorrow.

You don't need to hold me,
you can hold on to the motorbike.

And I assure you I'll not hit the brakes.

Promise?

I swear on my mom.

I won't even hit the brakes
to stop at a signal.

Trust him.
He's a nice man. Go with him.

We'll have it delivered tomorrow.

- Shall we?
- Yes.

Thank you,
for helping me.

You are most welcome.

I'll call tomorrow and return your moped.

- Thank you.
- No problem.

Excuse me?

Can I have your phone number?

Just so it gets easier to make that call?

You see, we are yet
to develop telepathy between us.

Mom, here are the things
that you'd asked for.

What?

"Oh, it'll be a magnificent sight."

"This brother will gleam with pride,"

"My sister's soon going to be a bride!"

- "My sister's soon going to be a bride!"
- Will anyone tell me what is going on?

We have two marriage proposals for you.

Remember the pictures he had shown,

of the railway ticket checker
and the municipality officer?

Both of them went crazy
after they looked at your picture.

- Indeed crazy.
- What does that mean?

Well, I had gone to meet both of them.

The ticket checker called me,

and said that his family would like
to come meet you this Tuesday.

You're getting a proposal
from government servant!

I'd suggest that you accept it.

Very few girls get such
an opportunity, my child.

Very few.

He'll get a pension.

Plus, lifelong free travel in railways.

- Oh.
- Perfect.

Moreover, he has a fair complexion.

He's fair and handsome.

Mom?

Though illiterate,
she has a fair complexion, Mr. Dhillon.

Good that she isn't educated,

she won't make a fuss
about doing the chores.

Son, only fortunate ones get
to marry illiterate girls these days.

Then why don't you
pull Guddi out of school?

- Hey!
- Why are you educating her?

We too will have an
illiterate girl at home then.

Not so soon, I just brought
a new school bag and sandals.

That'll have to wait.

I was talking about the daughters-in-law,
not daughters.

Here's your tea.

So do we set a date, Mr. Dhillon?

"All we get is dates after dates!"

"What we are not getting
is justice, uncle!"

And what justice do you seek, huh?

He's not getting
the kind of girl he wants.

Shut up.

You and that "bro" of yours.

The way you two have disgraced us!

- I don't want your another word about this.
- You put this on.

Got it?

I am going to Amritsar
to meet the girl's family.

Everyone better get this straight,

I get the last word in this family.

Er, I mean, we do.

How can I marry an illiterate girl?

Damn it, I know the difference
between macro and micro economics.

I am the first child in this family
to become a graduate.

That too with such good grades.

You could have topped
if you'd bribed them some more.

You are the one who made me a bad boy.

I'll end up wasting
my youth with the cattle.

Am I even fated to have
a nice girl in my life?

I think you should make your own fate.

Don't give up.

Be the master of your universe.

Be a man.

Be a storm.

Ride the Tiger, Swing the sword.

You are what you wanna be.

Break the shackles
and bring down the walls!

You have the Power! He-Man!

Settle down Orko!

We already have one
He-Man sitting outside.

Stop hanging around Bollywood heroes
houses on sundays. It makes you delusional.

Tell me, what should we do next?

Well, the moped's been repaired.

Hello?

Hello, Tulsi?

It's Suraj.

Oh, the rich milkman.

Yes, the very rich milkman.

I called to say that
your moped's been repaired.

Fine, ask the mechanic to deliver it
and collect the payment.

No, that mechanic has
already handed it over to me.

Now I'll have to come and deliver it.

Do you get a commission from him?

Na, what commission can
I possible make from this?

Just means to an end,
you get your moped, I get you.

Huh?

Nothing. I mean,
I needed to talk to you.

What about? Tell me.

If I say that now, what'd I say
to you tomorrow when we meet?

Can we meet tomorrow at noon?

I'll return your moped,
then we can catch a movie.

I don't like to watch movies.

Really?
I don't either.

So, what do you like to watch?
We'll watch that.

Name the place and time.

We'll see whatever you wish to see.

'Draupadi Ne Keli Kaashi'
(Draupadi visited Kashi).

So you like Marathi plays?

Yes. They are the best.

I watch all of them.

Okay.

You know,
everyone in my family loves drama.

I can see that.

What do you mean?

I mean you have such an art loving family.

True.

Right.

You don't watch Marathi plays?

No, I watch the milking process.

That's quite entertaining as well.

- Oh.
- Yes.

I hope you know Marathi.

I know a little.

I know all the Marathi expletives though.

When did you shift to Mumbai?

I was born here, in Ghatkopar.

Then you should know Marathi.

You've been in Mumbai since birth
and you don't know Marathi?

I know Marathi.

Educate a woman,
educate a generation.

Speed breaker ahead.

Come, come money...

Hail Shivaji, Hail Maharashtra.

Very good.

All our communication
will be in Marathi henceforth.

- Sure.
- Let's have tea.

It's okay!

I meant Let's have tea.

- It's okay!
- Right, whatever.

Duryodhan has captured our land
by our counterfeit signatures.

Take your land back by calling a war.

- War?
- Brother.

No... no...

Not that war.

Then what?

War over here.

Chess!

Chess!

Hey.

King, the game begins.

Very nice, very nice.

Very good.

Uncle Shakuni...

...grabbed them in his hands.

I mean the dice.

And now... uncle is squeezing them.

You were looking for me in the palace.

But I was exercising in the garden.

Too good, man.
Amazing.

Very nice.

Draupadi, we are hundred.

Leave me, Duryodhana.

I said leave me.

A woman is getting humiliated
in your royal court, king.

Is woman a thing for you?

To bet in the game of gambling?

Well said, Draupadi. Go for it!

Speed breaker ahead.

I know Marathi.

I'm enjoying it.
That dude's crazy.

It wasn't me this time.

I thoroughly enjoyed this.

I've laughed so much
that even my insides hurt.

How did you like it?

It's my favourite play.

I've already watched it eight times.

Oh, so you too didn't get it
in the first time!

Right?

So, I'll drop you before I head home?

No, I'm not heading home.

I teach in a coaching class at night.

Coaching?

Then I'll take you there.

Let's go.

What happened?

My family's getting me married.

To?

I don't know, some government servant.

So I repaired the moped
for someone else to drive?

What?

No I mean, are you happy with the match?

I don't know.

That's strange.
You are either happy or you are not.

It's not something
a doctor can diagnose.

May I say something?

Getting a girl like you
is like hitting a jackpot.

You are so beautiful, well cultured.

An ideal Indian woman.

Come with me.

Yeah, let's go and talk to
that government servant right away.

No, I want you to come with
me so that you know everything about me.

Then you can decide how ideal I am.

Good. Sister-in-law. Madam.

- Yes, let's go.
- Hop on.

The mechanic is going to tag along?

He's now my best friend.

Yes, best friends like Aladdin and genie.

Stop hugging me.

I know everything, Aladdin and genie!

- Let's go.
- Let's go!

She entered a karate class, bro.

Did she call us here to beat us up?

It's Kokate Classes, not karate classes.

You know what Kokate Classes is?

What is it?

Let's go and find out.

The concept of interference
is made clear by ripple tank experiment.

Do you understand?

- Yes, sir.
- Very nice.

Hello, sir.

And she is back.

Who is she?

Why does she do this?

Quiet.

- Hi, sir.
- Hi.

Bye, sir.

- Bless me, sir.
- Hey!

Who are they?
What is going on?

Always just walk through my classes.

This stops now!

Where did she go?

- Is she a ghost?
- Suraj!

There she is.

Hey, she vanished, again.

Is she playing hide and seek, bro?

- Where has she brought us?
- Bro, that door.

Look at it.

The door?

Be careful, man.

Tulsi?

Is she a chef?

Tulsi?

- She's playing hide and seek.
- Excuse me, have you seen Tulsi?

What are you making?

I guess she's making a fool out of us.

- Tulsi?
- Tulsi?

Tulsi?

So for the next song,
I am presenting, my assistant,

the budding first female
DJ of Bombay, DJ Tina!

Hello people!

Welcome to Water!

What just happened?
Is she the same girl?

Does her brother know about this?

I doubt it.

She smuggled us in like illegal drugs.

Take that Madhu Mangal Rane!

You get other people's secrets out while
your sister hides the biggest one from you.

This is awesome, bro.

You're holding Undertaker's trump card,

the one with 7 feet height.

What do you mean?

Madhu Mangal Rane will certainly lose
face if we let this cat out of the bag.

Tulsi's marriage will also get called off.

Then she'll be all yours.

You can marry her
and seek your revenge as well.

Stop hugging me.

So I get to drink the
milk and make cheese too?

Right.

But Sukhi, if Tulsi finds out,

it will break her heart
along with her other vital parts.

Don't you think you are exaggerating?

It will break her heart for sure.

Don't underestimate me, bro.

I have an idea.

Hmm?

Yes.

You...

Thanks to our rocking DJ Chetan
for giving me this opportunity.

I don't know whether I'll
get to be the first female DJ or not,

because the chances are,
I'll be married before that ever happens.

Oh.

Then you'll find me doing
dishes instead of spinning discs.

I'll still have a mixer under my control,

but it will be used to
mix veggies and not the songs.

I'll have to do all
those household chores.

And if I don't do them,
they'll call me a drama queen.

Well, I am what I am!

Done.

No, keep a chair there.

Which chair...

Oh... my angel!

You look so beautiful.

You look amazing.

Wait.

There.

Mom...

she has certainly not taken after you.

You dirty dog.

When are they expected, huh?

And his highness finally
blesses us with his presence.

Why so late, Kaka?

Bedekar was making fresh
onion fritters so I decided to wait.

Here you go.

Thums up.

Served chill.

Hello?

Hello, Mr. Rane?

M. M. Rane.

This is Prakash speaking.

What's wrong? You guys are running late?

No, we will not be coming anymore.

No? Why?

Mr. Rane, you said your sister
teaches at Kokate Coaching Classes.

She's an ideal Indian woman.

That she is.

Which newspaper do you read?

Samna.

You should check out Jaibharat.

Fix things at your home
before finding fault in others.

Understood me?

Mrs. Mishra?

Yes, brother?

Do you have a copy of Jaibharat?

Yes, it must be inside. Help yourself.

What the hell is this?

What is it?

Will Girgaon's Tulsi Rane
be India's first female DJ?

DJ?

What are you wearing?

Since when have you been into this?

Mom, do you plan to read the whole thing?

No, it also has a picture
we'd clicked in Kashmir.

You should be questioning her!

Ask her if she's done
something inappropriate.

What is this, girl?

Why didn't you tell us?

What did you tell me
about her late nights?

She takes extra classes.

Extra classes, my foot!

I shouldn't have trusted you.

Madhu Mangal Rane
who spies on the world,

failed to catch his own sister's lie.

I am so stupid!

What's going on?

Nothing, go home.

Go.

Mom, didn't you say,
"you can do as you please?"

Remember the time when people told you,

"It's not right to run a Beauty Parlour."

So?

You still went ahead with it anyway.

I have also decided...

I want to be a DJ.

But what does a DJ do?

DJ and a Beauty Parlour
are two different things.

How?

She wears skimpy clothes
and dances before a crowd at night!

Stay put, Kaka!

Dada, I know this isn't about
late nights and skimpy clothes.

Your ego got hurt,

because you didn't
even get the wind of it.

The detective inside you has failed.

- I haven't failed.
- You have!

I am hurt...

I am angry...

...And you are a failure!

Accept it Madhu.

People will laugh at you.

They will despise you, my boy.

The rascal's gonna kill me.

Hey!

What are you doing?

Are you crazy trying
to scare a priest?

You'll go to hell.

I'll go to hell, huh?

You keep scaring the world
with all the possible planets!

How can you even call yourself a priest!

Hold on for a second.

Keep that down before anyone sees it.

So tell me, who asked you to
print that article about my sister?

No one. I did it on my own.

You did it on my own, huh?

You won't even utter God's name
if there is no monetary gain,

and you would print
an article free of cost?

I swear.

Tell me!

Tell me!

Suraj Dhillon.

What?

Suraj Dhillon.

He gave me her picture
and told me about it.

That milkman?

Yes.

The one who runs a stable of buffaloes?

Yes.

He was following my sister?

Come on, call him up.

Hang on!

Hello?

Jai Matarani Doodh Bhandar.

Hello, Mr. Suraj Dhillon.

Hi, who is this?

You don't even recognise
my voice, milkman?

You think you are Bill Clinton
that I'd recognise your voice!

Who the hell are you?

I am Madhu Mangal Rane.

Oh... the great spy!

How are you, sir?
How is it going?

You sound upset.

I hope everything is fine.

You spied on a spy, kiddo.

You broke into my office.

Then you targeted my family.

Because of you my sister's
marriage was called off.

That's your job, to break marriages.

I just sell milk,
I am sure you are aware.

So you didn't conspire with Doobey
and pulled that stunt in the newspaper?

You thought I wouldn't find out?

I am a detective... not a milkman.

Then I'm afraid you are not a good one.

You don't even know what
your sister has been up to.

Even the nosey neighbourhood
aunties are better informed than you are.

The game is on, Mr. Suraj Dhillon!

I've already punished
my sister for her mistake.

I've put a stop to her gig.

What do you mean?

You stopped her disco gig?

Right.

And it's your turn now.

Listen, can you swim?

Yes, I can. Why do you ask?

I plan to immerse you along
with Lord Ganesha this time.

What is it, bro? All good?

You look worried.

That detective knows
we are responsible for the article.

What if he tells Tulsi?

It's okay. We did manage
to get our revenge, didn't we?

But I really like her.

She'll be heartbroken.

I shouldn't have listened to you.

Bro?

Hail Lord Ganesha!

Hail Lord Ganesha!

Listen up, everyone.

Take a seat. Settle down.

Tulsi?

Hello.

Suraj?

This is for you, a small gift.

Thank you.

You are welcome.

So, I look like an ideal woman, don't I?

Yes, you do.

They won't let me be DJ anymore.

So, I am stuck at home.

Now I am a well cultured homely girl.

I had something to say.

What?

I... wanted to apologise.

I am sorry.

Why are you apologising?

Wait a second.

The picture in the newspaper
is of the same day you were at the club.

You are behind this, Suraj?

But why?

Let me start from the beginning.

Your brother was responsible
for my marriage being called off.

So, I raided his office to seek revenge.

That's where we first met.

At first sight,
under the torch's bright light...

I fell in love with you.

Then I started following you,
we started talking...

You ended up taking me to the disco.

I discreetly clicked
a picture of yours in the disco.

I thought if I get it published,

it'd teach your brother a lesson,

scare away that government servant,

and then we can be together.

Well played!

So you took revenge from my
brother and ruined my career as well.

No, I didn't want to ruin your career.

And now you want me to
forgive you and marry you?

You are so smart.

Huh?

You know in spite of all that happened,

there was one thing that
was keeping me together,

the fact that there is
someone who understands me,

someone whom I can share everything with,

and a slight possibility
of a future together.

But I didn't know
that you'd be so selfish.

You and my brother are just the same.

Both of you don't care
about anyone's emotions.

Go to hell!

I love you, a lot.

I even learnt Marathi for you.

Well, I'm still learning.

Please forgive me.

Who's dead?

Bro.

They want you outside.

Make it quick.

I am not coming.

So will anyone tell me,
why were my sweet dreams ruined?

Bro is here.

It's my house. Of course, I'll be here.

- He is here.
- Bro...

Sukhi, man, you've got to stop hugging me.

Bro...

What happened, mom?

Happiness happened!

What is it?

Why is the entire family so emotional?

Son, he's here with a marriage
proposal of his sister,

- for you.
- Huh?

- Yes.
- Hey brother-in-law... Surprise!

Oh, the look at his face.

Like a cat on a hot tin roof.

You!... I'll show you what
a cat on a hot tin roof feels like.

- He's a guest son!
- Dad, you don't know, he is no guest.

He thought his family
would never find out.

- What won't they find out?
- We know, we know.

What do you know, dad?

Come on, have a seat.
Look at this.

- We know, son.
- And what do you know?

That you like this girl.

It's not easy to find such well
cultured and beautiful girls nowadays.

Moreover, he said, she's a music maestro.

She teaches music to young
adults at the Music & Dance academy.

Did I get that right?

Yes, you are absolutely right.

Right.

We couldn't get any luckier.

We'll be blessed with
Goddess Saraswati's presence.

Only fortunate ones get to
marry well-educated girls these days.

- Hypocrite!
- Huh?

I saw them walking
hand-in-hand at Marine Drive.

- Really?
- We weren't, mom.

They went to Shivaji Park as well.

We didn't, dad. I swear, we didn't.

They even played video games together.

No, we didn't.

And I certainly didn't do this.

It's okay, son.

- It's cool.
- It's natural. It happens.

- Uncle, that's what you call modern love.
- I know.

- Had you have ever done that?
- Never.

I only got to romance Yashodha
after my parents passed away,

and we were able to get some privacy.

Before that, it was just a marriage for
marriage sake.

When did they pass away?

Just two years back.

So what if it's just been two years?

- No, I'm...
- So what?

I must say, your son's way ahead of you.

Aunty, I think you should meet the girl.

Right.

Then find a suitable,
auspicious day and get them married.

Right.

What are you waiting for?

Go, get the priest on line.

- The priest?
- Go on.

- Oh yes, the priest.
- Yes.

Right.

What's this nonsense?

Hmm?

Nothing.

I just brought a marriage
proposal of my sister for you.

I am the one responsible for
your previous one being called off.

So now, it's my responsibility
to get you married,

to my sister.

You love my sister,

don't you now, brother-in-law?

Hey, he's not saying anything.

He's feeling shy.

I am not feeling shy, mom.

He's shy.

He has taken after me.

- Huh?
- Good for him.

He'd be shameless if
he'd taken after his father.

- What did you say?
- Hey, hey, hey!

What did you just say?

Calm down, son.

We accept the marriage proposal.

Oh, uncle!

Sweets, to celebrate the occasion.

Take it, son.

Suraj said, "I'll only marry Tulshi
or I'll forever stay single."

Just like him.

He was elated.

His family too.

He was crying on my shoulder.

Not that one, this one.

He was literally in tears.

He said, "Dada, you have made my life."

"I'd never find a girl
better than Tulshi."

You're being honest?

Of course.

Dada, you made it clear to his family
that I wish to become a DJ?

Right?

Of course.

His family was even more pleased.

You know what they said?

"We'll be blessed with
Goddess Saraswati."

"DJ Saraswati."

Madhu, are you honestly
being honest here, huh?

Aren't you happy,

that your daughter is getting married?

I am but...

It's happening so suddenly
that I cannot make sense of it.

Mom, this is how good matches are made.

Suddenly.

On the spur of the moment!

He.... The guy up there is

responsible for the
matches made in heaven.

You'd know that better.

After all, you're responsible
for breaking so many of them.

Couldn't resist taunting me, could you?

That too on such a joyous occasion.

Sweets are delicious.

Listen, tell me if you don't like him.

Just tell me.

I think I should just go can call it off.

- No, no, no.
- Stay put.

No, Dada. Don't call it off.

He seems nice.

So should I invite his family over?

Yes, Dada.

Attagirl.

Take this and offer some to everyone.

There you go.

Please, have some.

No, thank you.

No, I'm good.

I said I am good.

I'd like to match their horoscopes first.

Okay.

I'd like to suggest that
you should reconsider this match

if their horoscopes don't match.

That's why we have brought you along.

Right.

Here you go.

So, this is the girl's horoscope?

Hmm.

Sir, what's taking so long,
it's a horoscope, not a Picasso.

So, do their horoscopes match?

Madhu just got it made.

Okay.

He's got it made from a renowned Pundit.

What did you say his name was?

Well mom... er, Pundit Bhimsen Joshi.

Oh. I think I've heard of him.

What's taking you so long, sir?
Do their attributes match or not?

36.

How many of the 36?

All the 36 attributes match, ma'am.

That's wonderful!

You've never scored that much
even in mathematics.

Yeah, I haven't.

It's a match made in heaven.

Wonderful.

- What happened?
- What's wrong?

- I'll go help.
- Yes, mom...

- Tulshi?
- Mom, stay, I'll handle it.

- So sweet, go.
- Mom, huh?

36 attributes matched?

Yes.

The glass broke.

It's considered auspicious.

What are you doing?

Why so slippery... Butter hands!

That's how grand it's going to be, son.

It'll be a wedding no one
in Ghatkopar will ever forget.

East or west, Mr. Gurnaam is the best.

I'd suggest...

Uncle, please have this.

- Mom?
- Hmm?

Mr. Gurnaam?

Uncle, I suggest you throw a grand
party for their engagement as well.

Okay.

Everyone will get a glimpse
of Gurnaam Dhillon's magnanimity.

It'll be a great promotion for
your milk business as well.

Date?

Find an auspicious day and fix the date!

All their attributes match, Mr. Dhillon.

Any and every day is
an auspicious day for them.

Just place your finger on
the calendar with your eyes closed.

What ever date your finger lands on,
will be auspicious.

Oh sir... you are so smart!

Fine, then, let's not delay it.

Let's do it this week itself.

How about Sunday?

- Sunday?
- Yes.

Sunday's perfect.

It's his birthday on Sunday.

Yes, it's his birthday.

Yes, my birthday's on Sunday.

That's great. Simply amazing.

We will arrange for a cake,
engagement ring,

and handcuffs on the same day.

Handcuffs!

Handcuffs?

Mr. Gurnaam,
he's about to get shackled for life.

Oh right, shackled!

Have this.

You are so naughty.

Who is it?

Oh son, it's you.

You scared me.

When did you come in?

Uncle, I am omnipresent.

Stay blessed.

Have a seat.

That's a great invite, uncle.

Hmm?

Suraj's not home?

- No, he's gone to meet the catering guy.
- Okay.

- Then he'll drop by at your place.
- Okay.

He's over the moon.

Marriage excitement, huh.

Time flies, doesn't it, uncle. They'll
be engaged by the end of this week.

And married by next month.

I thought I'd come here,
meet you and discuss the "give and take".

Let's be frank here, uncle.
I know the duties of a bride's family.

So tell me, what are your dowry demands?

No, no, no, son.

Don't even utter that word.

We have everything with the grace of God.

We are fortunate to find such a nice girl,
such a nice family.

What else could we possibly want?

Son, we cannot take dowry.

Our Gurus have strictly forbidden us to.

I hope you'll understand,
I am her brother.

It's obvious I'd seek some guarantee
that she's going into a well to do family.

I can understand.

We have a car, a bungalow, bank balance,
and a large estate in the village.

How much wealth does Suraj have, uncle?

Just enquiring for my sister's sake.

One million cash and gold worth 500,000.

How much?

One million cash and gold worth 500,000.

Oh, perfect.

No, I can see that
you have everything here.

If there's anything that you don't have,
I can send it over.

Stop being childish.

Dinning table,
sofa set, coloured television,

refrigerator,
air conditioner, washing machine...

Oh uncle...

- Bone china dinner set...
- Enough, I get your point.

Then don't say such embarrassing stuff.

And what about groceries?
I could order some from the grocer...

100 kilos!

Excuse me?

100 kilos of wheat,
pearl millet, sorghum and pure butter.

We don't use refined oil.

You don't use oil at all?

Come on, man.

Oh.

It's good to know that Tulshi
will be well taken care of here.

I'll get going now.

Want to have my milk before you leave?

Excuse me?

How about some fresh
dairy milk or buttermilk?

No, thanks. I am lactose intolerant.

Okay.

See you.

It's okay, son.

Son, you forgot your bag?

Oh...

Uncle, please give my high five to Suraj.

Huh?

- Hi, DJ.
- Hi.

Awesome. So you've taken
over the old age parlour, eh?

Why, all the aunties
got fed up of your mom?

So, this is what you tell him about me?

- I seek your blessings, mom.
- Bless you.

- Mom, I didn't tell him anything.
- Hmm.

- He's joking.
- Liar.

Why don't you take a seat, son?

She'll be done with the facial soon.

No problem.

I actually don't need it,
but I anyway get it done sometimes.

You know I couldn't guess
that you are Tulsi's mom

when I saw you for the first time.

You looked more like
her elder sister to me.

That's what everyone says.

I look like Tulshi's elder
sister and Madhu's younger sister.

Mom, you need to get
your eyes checked again,

and buy a new pair of glasses.

Rubbish.

I do look like your sister.

You are just jealous.

Where are you?
Where are your hands?

I'm done, mom.

- It's done?
- Yes.

That's it?

Fine.

- So, everything under control son?
- Yes, all good.

Started preparing for the wedding?

- Yes, in full swing.
- Really?

Yes, everything's being taken care of.

I came here to get your guest count.

Just to ensure that we
don't miss out on anything.

No, son. Don't worry about it.

Madhu will handle everything.

Okay.

You always taunt him.

But all this has been
possible only because of Dada.

Yes, mom, I, too, never thought that your
son would change his opinion about me.

Hmm.

Madhu is a nice boy.

The thing is...

Oh son-in-law,
you are the one cleaning my face!

Yes.

You are quite a pro at this.

Of course, I take
care of all the buffaloes at my stable.

Huh?

So, what was I talking about?

Madhu.

Yes. Madhu is a nice boy.

He's just a little stubborn.

And he gets angry at the drop of a hat.

But he wasn't always like that.

He used to be very calm and composed.

Then what happened?

A girl happened.

Her name's Kavya.

They went to the same college.

- Okay.
- They loved each other.

They wanted to get married, but couldn't.

Why?

She was from a different caste.

Her parents got her married
to a professor, of the same caste.

Then?

She couldn't be Mrs. Kavya
Rane so she became Mrs. Kavya Godbole.

It's after she got married that we learnt
that her husband had strange quirks.

Huh?

Hmm.

That's when Madhu decided
to get into this business.

He spies on prospective grooms like crazy.

He says he won't let any
good girl end up with a bad boy.

One more thing,

never make Madhu angry.

He goes crazy when he gets angry.

He acts on impulse
and becomes destructive.

I hope you two don't have
any issues with each other.

Huh?

Issues?

No, I don't have any issues with him.

Cool, then there's nothing to worry about.

No tension.

We don't have any issues, or do we?

Hail Lord Ganesha!

'I plan bid you farewell you
along with Lord Ganesha this time.'

I'd never thought that I'd see this day.

Nor had I thought that
you'd be the one for me.

This is all thanks to Dada.

Huh?

Dada.

Hmm, Dada.

That's enough.

That's enough of fireworks.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

it is now time to exchange rings.

So please, give them a...
huge round of applause.

Yeah, yeah.

There you go.

- Mom?
- Go ahead.

Hey, wait.

Wait.

Hey, wait.

What's wrong?

Give me just two minutes.

Just two minutes, Kaka.

I want to say something
before they exchange rings.

I think he'll sing a Marathi folk song.

- Bring it on guys!

Over here.

There's more.

Madhu?

Get them.

Be careful with that.

- Son, what was the need to...
- Come on, uncle.

I brought everything that you'd asked for.

What?

Everything.

Utensils, pickles,
poppadoms, wheat...

Yes, wheat too.

- A mixer grinder, fruits...
- Hey.

And also a washing
machine of the best brand.

Well, I've got almost everything.

I just need some more time.

I'll arrange for the
remaining cash somehow.

Mom, I'll even sell our office and
house if needed, but I'll get it arranged.

What are you saying, Madhu?

What is he talking about, dad?

What are you saying, son?

When did I ask for all these things?

Uncle, please don't slander
me in front of so many people.

I brought all this only
because you asked me to.

Why would I do this otherwise?

I'll make arrangements
and get the remaining cash.

Please don't call off
the wedding because of that.

- Dada! - Madhu!
- He's...

What are you doing, Dada?

What is this nonsense?

I had my doubts that you'd
pull some stunt for sure.

My father never demanded dowry from him.

You were right, bro.

He is not a good man.

Why are you lying, man?

He's a scoundrel.

He spies on good people.

Don't act smart, huh, priest!

Whose acting smart, huh?

You want us to keep quiet
while he keeps accusing us?

- We never demanded...
- We will...

- How can you stop us...
- I said that we will...

No, please, don't fight.

I'll prove it.

Hey! Come on, play it.

Time flies, doesn't it, uncle. They'll
be engaged by the end of this week.

Hmm.

They'll be getting married next month.

Let's be frank here, uncle.
I know the duties of a bride's family.

So tell me, what are your dowry demands?

No, no, a large estate in the village,

a car, a bungalow,
One million cash and gold worth 500,000.

How much?

One million cash and gold worth 500,000.

No, I can see that
you have everything here.

If there's anything that you don't have,
I can send it over.

Dinning table,
sofa set, coloured television,

refrigerator, air conditioner,
cooler, washing machine, mixer grinder.

What about groceries?

100 kilos of wheat,
pearl millet, sorghum and pure butter.

We don't use refined oil.

- This...
- That's your voice.

Yes, it is.
But that's not how I had said it.

This... this isn't
the conversation we had.

I had... I meant we already have...

Son?

Please don't beg him, dad.

Why are you doing this, son?

Hmm?

You are the one who approached
us with the proposal.

So why are you creating this scene now?

Suraj,

I cannot believe that you
have such a greedy family.

You call this love?

All the tall claims that
you had made was for this?

You want to quantify a girl's life?
With a bunch of things?

Are you doing me a favour
by marrying me, Suraj?

I... should've never trusted you, again.

Tulsi, please listen to me.

- You are disgusting.
- Tulsi.

Let's go.

Tulshi!

Accepting dowry is a sin,
you know that, right?

It's illegal as well, sir.

Right.

We have the proof as well.

Yes, we have proof.

Right.

- And sir...
- What?

It's his birthday. Look at this.

Wonderful.

Sir, happy birthday to you.

Mane?

Yeah, birthday to you.
Birthday to you.

Take the cake along!

You will cut the
cake at the police station, yeah?

Tulshi...

Kiddo, please,
you've got to stop crying now.

It's ruining your makeup.

It's fine if you don't
want to get married.

Okay?

Please, just stop crying.
Don't cry, my baby.

I want to get married, mom.

What?

And I want to get married
on that same day.

This was the first time I liked someone,

but he turned out to be so pathetic.

Now I want to get married
and prove it to the world

that a girl can get married
without giving any dowry.

- Dada?
- Yes.

- Find me a match.
- Okay.

Now if I get married,
I'll get married on that very day.

But Tulshi,
what about your dream of becoming a DJ?

Mom...
Don't worry, I'll handle it.

You remember that government
servant I'd mentioned?

He's ready to marry her unconditionally.

I'm going to the club.

Yes, carry on.

Don't worry, I'll handle everything.

You should fix your makeup
before going to the club.

- I'll manage, mom.
- I'll fix it

Let me help, I'm a professional.

Yes mom, help her.

What?

The boy who messed with
you ended up in prison.

Moreover, you convinced
Tulshi to marry the boy you like.

That was some trick Madhu!

Well played, my boy.

Look at what that rascal did to us.

If curses worked in this era,
I would've given him a deadly one.

I'd turn him into a mosquito
and crush him between my palms.

It's all over.

All the reputation I had earned
in all these years went down the drain.

Poof, and it was gone.

What are you saying, dad?

Your reputation isn't a candle that
can be blown out with a single puff.

Don't worry.
Your reputation is still intact.

Son, by now, everyone in
the community must have learnt

that Gurnaam Singh Dhillon demanded dowry.

Now no one will buy milk from our dairy.

Bro?

Uncle?

Bless you.

Our lawyer, Mr. Ravan Mishra.

Hello?

Is your name really Ravan?

Yes.

What kind of parents
would name their child Ravan?

The ones who didn't read
Ramayana!

Exactly!

Right, right.

Sign these.

Here.

- Where, sir?
- Here.

Kavya Godbole?

'Her name's Kavya.'

'They went to the same college.'

- 'Okay.'
- 'They loved each other.'

'They wanted to get married,
but couldn't.'

'Her parents got her married
to a professor, of the same caste.'

'Then?'

'She couldn't be Mrs. Kavya
Rane so she became Mrs. Kavya Godbole.'

What is it, bro?

Madhu's lawyer's name is Kavya?

Our lawyer is good too.

Don't be fooled by his name.

Mr. Ravan,
can you help me with something?

That name doesn't deserve respect, son.

Okay.

Ravan, can you tell me something?

What?

Do you know Kavya Godbole?

Yes, she's a colleague of mine
at the Bombay High Court.

Is her husband a professor?

Yes.

At Divya College.

Why?

Nothing. Thank you.

Take dad home,
I'll catch up with you.

Okay, bro.

Dad?
Bless you.

Let's go home, guys.

- Where do you think you are going?
- What are you doing, sir?

Your name wasn't there
on the bail bond.

But Mr. Dhillon is
just like a family member.

Move it.

Sir, what...!
Mr. Dhillon!

Mr. Dhillon, you've left me behind.

Mr. Dhillon!

Sir, please let me go.

Stop bugging me, dude.

Sir, that's Kavya Godbole.

The one in pink sari.

Massage! Oil Massage!

Would you like a massage, sir?

No, thank you.

It'll get you in the mood.

Not interested, man.

You'll get a full body
massage in just 10 bucks.

Here, out in the open?

I'm just offering a massage, sir.
How does the location matter?

Fine, if you insist,
give me a foot massage.

Okay, sir.
Please follow me.

Okay.

Are there any photographers around?

There are plenty, sir.

This is Marine Drive,
it's swarming with photographers.

Hey, what... what are you doing?

At least wait till we get inside.

This room ends before it begins.

Didn't get a suite this time?

No,

I'm trying to save.

Tulshi's marriage has been fixed.

What?

Yes. Remember the government
servant I'd told you about?

The same guy.

Tulshi's happy?

Well, she agreed.

Even I had agreed,
when I didn't have any other option.

So she agreed due to lack
of option or she genuinely agreed?

Tulshi agreed willingly,
no one forced her.

Like your family had forced you.

She is smart, she understands.

I was no fool either,

but I didn't know that my husband
would turn out to be such a weirdo.

I can neither stay
with him nor leave him.

I understand.

No, you don't.

Your life isn't
messed up because of a wrong girl.

There's just one girl in my life.

Kavya.

And I am with her.

Tell me something?

Yes, my love?

How did you know the groom's father
was going to ask for dowry?

You went there
prepared with a recorder,

and recorded the entire conversation!

Good question.

You see, I am a detective.

I have a killer instinct.

I've managed to expose
49 boys so far, Kavya.

I can judge a person's character
just by looking at his gait.

So skilled, huh, Sherlock?

You are making fun of me?

Hmm?

You think this is funny?

Kavya, we meet like this
to spend some quality time together,

but you always end up mocking me.

We are not a married couple.

Understood me?

Yes, I did!

You don't always have to remind me!

Kavya?

Kavya?

Kavya!

Stop tickling me, man.

Thank you, that's enough.

Give me your camera, bro.

Sir, please do visit again.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.

There she is.

Have a seat.

Tulshi...

Meet Ashok.

Hello.

Ashok's parents.

Hello.

See, I brought them straight here.

They should know
what your work involves.

Right.

I like her!

She's pristine.

Nice catch!

Do you guys have any questions?

No.

No questions.

But I have a few.

Go ahead, and ask them then.

Go on.

I'll continue to be a DJ even after
marriage, so if that's an issue...

It's not an issue.
We're okay with it.

And you'll have to hire
a maid to do household chores.

Mom will do it.

She's anyway doing it.

Washing clothes, doing the dishes,
sweeping and mopping the floor.

She doesn't let anyone
enter the kitchen.

All in one!

Does anyone in your family snore?

Dad.

He snores.

But we can always clip his nose.

Huh?

Problem solved.

Anyway, forget that.

So tell me, what do you think?

He's crazy.

Huh?

I mean for your sister.

- Oh yes.
- Okay.

What I don't understand is,
why are you rushing the wedding?

- You see...
- Hey.

No, you see uncle,
it's a very auspicious day.

Right.

- Very auspicious.
- Very.

Our family always sticks
to doing things at the right time.

We are very religious.

Right.

We consult the charts before
sending her to the disco everyday.

We even break
a coconut, as its auspicious.

- Yes.
- Right.

Don't you think we're overdoing it?

Dad, finalise it already!

Okay, son.

We are happy with whatever
makes our son happy.

- Yeah!
- Brother-in-law!

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Come with me.

Madhu!

Stay put.

- Yes!
- Tulshi?

One beer, please.

Strong.

Yes, strong.

And soda for me.

Are you happy?

Never been happier!

Now all my college friends will
see what a beautiful wife I have.

I'll take her out every day & every night.

She looks even more
pristine in western clothes!

Cancel the soda.
Get me a beer instead.

Speed up.

Why are you bubble packing that drum?

We're going back to Moga.

You can play it there.

Why are we moving back to Moga?

I want to stay here.

I have a school picnic next week,
to Essel World.

We have no choice,
after all the slandering we have faced.

Everyone will know that
we are the victims here

after the one who slandered us
gets slandered and ends up in prison.

Bro!

Wait up, bro.

You are all worked up.

What's the game plan?
Do share.

Yesterday, I followed Kavya Godbole,
Madhu's lawyer.

Do you know who she is?

Who?

Madhu's old flame.

What?

An old flame that wouldn't extinguish.

Both of them were making
whoopee in Marine Hotel.

What are you saying, bro?

Here I am yearning for a grain of sugar
while he's feasting on a sugarcane!

Sugarcane!

- That rascal!
- Bloody scoundrel.

He, who's coquetting
an innocent man's wife,

is trying to find faults in all other
innocent boys across the world, huh!

He's firing someone
else's licensed gun,

while telling us not to explode
firecrackers in our own backyard!

He needs to be punished, Sukhi.

- Yes, he should be.
- We'll get him punished, bro.

- Yes, he deserves it.
- But how, bro?

We've tried to outsmart him before,

but our family ended up
packing for Moga.

This time we'll send him away for good.

- Where?
- To prison.

What was the charge
he used against us, dowry, right?

We'll accuse him of adultery!

We'll book him under
all the possible sections.

What does adultery imply, bro?

To have an affair with a
married woman is against the law.

Do you know the jail time for it?

Six months!

Oh so, it's similar to milk adulteration.

But who'll file those
charges against him?

Her husband, Professor Chinmay Godbole.

So,

we know the basics of mathematics.

When the section cuts the
conic in exactly horizontal fashion,

then formed section is exactly circular.

Why's he walking like that?

Like what?

Like that!

Yes, why is he walking like that?

- Let's find out.
- Yeah.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Do I know you?

No.

Then why smile?

We are here to meet you.

Roll your sleeves up.

Huh?

That one's up, so roll this one as well.

One and a half spoon of tea powder?

Yes, sir.

Milk?

75ml, sir.

Nope, it contains more, check.

I'll make you another cup, sir.

Sorry, sir.

So, why did you want to meet me?

Because we have a common enemy.

Purshottam Godse?

No, he's all yours.
I'm talking about someone else.

Rane.

Madhu Mangal Rane.

Resides in Girgaon.

A wedding detective.

I am sure you know him.

Ranganathan.

Swami Ranganathan.

Owns a small restaurant in Madras.

Do you know him?

No.

Then what makes you
think I know your guy?

Sir, your wife Kavya is having
an affair with this Madhu Mangal Rane.

Both of them enter the hotel discreetly,

but in the hotel room they
become completely carefree.

And why are you telling me this?

That's strange, sir.

We've come so far to tell you
this and you are taking it so lightly?

What do you want?

You are not getting it, sir.

He's adulterating your pure milk.

You should send him to prison.

Adultery is not allowed, sir.
You should teach him a lesson.

Yes, you should.

Yes.

Who'd go to the police station?

And then the court?

Nothing is proper there.

Files!

They just lie scattered everywhere.

The chairs and tables
aren't properly aligned.

Plus the crowd.

People!

Everything is scattered.

Unorganised!

So, you'll spare him?

You won't seek revenge?

Do I care?

I don't.

Please straighten
that chair before leaving.

Oh, someone's henna's
turn out to be pretty dark.

Mom, her future husband loves her a lot.

That's the henna I had
applied for the engagement.

It still hasn't faded.

She's getting married to Ashok
with Suraj's henna on her hands.

This is the first time
I've witnessed such a thing.

Hey, Tulshi?

You are happy, right?

Are you happy, Dada?

What do you mean?
I am happy if you are.

Same goes, I am happy if you are.

Tulshi?

Do you still love Suraj?

Hmm?

His family demanded dowry, Dada.

Do you think I should marry such a boy?

What if they hadn't asked for dowry?

I'd still be getting married,

except, the groom
wouldn't have been Ashok.

Let's go, Sukhi.

Where to?

To the professor's house.

Why?

Do you still think you can convince him?

I have never met such
a weird man in my life.

Sukhi, my man...

- What are you doing?
- Every lock has a key.

And a lock without that
key needs to be hammered open.

- Got it?
- Nope.

Madhu's old flame will now
pay a heavy price.

Old flame?
How old?

Old is old. 20 years old!

Why do you always have to argue?

I am not arguing, bro.
I am just asking.

Kavya was going to marry him,

but she was married off
to Godbole instead.

Dammit.

That's one sad story.

Ah, so the scoundrel's
love was genuinely true.

Wonderful, so his love is true
and what about mine?

He sent my entire family to prison!

I won't rest in peace till
I don't put him behind bars.

I am sure you'll manage that, bro.

A heartbroken lover
can achieve the impossible.

Take Madhu Mangal Rane for example.

He cursed so many boys with lifetime of
bachelorhood because he couldn't marry Kavya.

These breads aren't exactly circular.
Make them circular.

They won't stay circular in your stomach,
just eat them.

I need to go to work.

Get this done first.

Even the okra aren't of the same size.

You can resize them yourself.

The knife is crooked too.

Poor thing!

He's made her life a living hell.

Let's go meet the weirdo, come on.

Come on!

Hey professor!

Sir!

- How are you doing, sir?
- Hey...

So, how's life?

- Hello.
- Have a seat.

- Hello.
- Have a seat.

No, hold on.

How can you enter...

Straighten the chair.

You mean like this or like that?

What is this behaviour?
I don't understand.

How can you enter my house like this?

With our legs, bro.

- Sukhi?
- Yeah.

Have an apple.

Thanks, I don't like okra anyway.

Wash it at least.

It's clean. Want a bite?

Professor? Yo, professor?

Don't mind, I know you are pretty useless,

but still there's something
you can do for me.

I am not going to do anything for you.

Please, just leave!

Please.

Sir, where did you get this crockery from?

Looks like made in Germany.

No, no.

But I don't like these spoons.

I hate this one.

- That one...
- Nope, don't like this one either.

None of them are good.

This is what I am going to do every day
if you don't do as I say.

I'll keep visiting your residence
and your college.

I'll make your entire life
unorganised and scattered.

Is he dead?

No, just scattered!

Throw some water on his face.

Idiots! Speed up.
You want me to get up there?

Kaka?

Hey superman!

Get down.

What?

I think,

he won't show up.

Let's just cancel the wedding.

Are you crazy!

Kaka!

Do you think he's the
right choice for Tulshi?

Be honest with me.

You want me to be honest?

Hmm.

The one who was perfect for Tulshi...

...is rotting in jail with his family,
thanks to you!

Kaka...

What?

What do I do now?

Do nothing.

You are addicted to breaking marriages.

Have mercy on your sister,

your family,

and the entire community.
Please!

Look, the groom's here.

Does he plan to marry
Tulshi or kidnap her?

You've made my life, Dada.

All my relatives are going gaga.

"Ashok's wife is so beautiful."

"She's a hot babe."

They are all so jealous.

Let them get jealous.

I am on cloud nine.

Thank you, Dada.

Bless me, Kaka.

Hey, Tulshi listen,

do you really want to marry this buffoon?

What is this nonsense, Madhu?

Keep quiet.

Dada, just get it done and over with.

Marriage isn't everything in life, anyway.

I want to be a DJ, have my own career.

- But...
- Madhu!

Madhu!

What happened?

What happened?

Chinmay signed the papers.

What papers?

Divorce papers!

This...

How?

Suraj Dhillon.

Suraj?

How did he pull this off?

I don't know.

Chinmay asked me to tell Suraj that,

he's leaving me for good, so now
Suraj should leave him alone.

Where's Suraj?

I don't know.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Listen, it's quite crowded outside.

We'll have to leave stealthily.

There are 15 minutes left
for the rituals to begin.

And what about the wedding?

You said that you'd marry Suraj if his
parents hadn't asked for dowry, right?

Oh, good lord!

This means you were responsible
for that shenanigan!

- Mom, mom, mom!
- I knew it!

Suraj is such a nice boy.

Dada, you broke your sister's
marriage just to take your revenge?

- No, I...
- I knew it!

I know you since 20 years now.

- You too...?
- You are so going to hell for this.

You'll suffer from all possible
gross diseases in old age.

And mind you,
your old age is around the corner.

Just a matter of two years!

Hey, hey, hey, that's enough.

We have just ten minutes left now.

Do you want to be with Suraj
or marry Ashok?

Tell me.

Come on, tell me.

Mr. Bhave, how many years has it been
since you became the commissioner?

I got promoted to that
post just six months back.

Oh.

Before that, I was posted in Mulund,
Crime Branch, for seven years.

Come, let me introduce you to Madhu.

Sure.

Madhu, meet the groom's maternal uncle.

Hey...

Where are they going?

Call the groom's maternal uncle.

Hey, the groom's maternal
uncle is in the bride's makeup room.

Go, get him.

- Where are you going, man?
- To hell?

Buzz off now.

- Madhu?
- Yes?

The groom's maternal uncle...

Forget the groom's uncle.
They'll untie him.

Untying him isn't the damn issue here.

He's a police commissioner.

Who?

The groom's maternal uncle?

Why didn't you tell me?

Did you give me a chance to tell you?

- You...
- Stop it guys!

How do we leave?

How do we leave?

Get in!

- Go, go, go.
- In this?

Hurry up, get in.

Go, go, go.

- Come on, get in.
- Go, go.

I found the keys!

Get in.

Let's leave.

Go, go, go.

Move, move, move.

Which one? Which one?

- Suraj!
- Which one?

This one.

- Suraj!
- Suraj!

- Suraj!
- Suraj!

- Suraj!
- Suraj!

- Go, go, go.
- Where are you going, mister?

Huh?

They sold everything and left for Moga.

When?

Their train leaves at two.

I'm pretty sure they must've bought
the ticket by now.

Dada, will we be able to reach on time?

He'll wait for you,
even if the train leaves.

Sister, it seems like you watched
a Bollywood flick on TV last night.

This is not how it plays out in real life.

Drive, drive, drive.

Which way?

Platform No. 10!

- Let's go, let's go, let's go!
- Platform No. 10!

Suraj!

Suraj! Have you seen a Sikh gentleman?

Suraj!

Suraj!

- Suraj!
- Suraj!

Bro, may I ask something?

The train is leaving!

Guddi, please stop bugging me.

What will you do if Tulsi
shows up dressed as a bride?

I'll tell her to go to hell.

That's what she'd told me.

Then go and tell her.

Look, there she is!

Over there!

Faster, faster, faster!

Dad, I'll be back in a jiffy.

Is that Tulsi?

Suraj, please forgive me!

What does he want now?

Suraj!

Suraj!

- Suraj!
- Suraj, please forgive me!

Go to hell.

What's the use of apologising now anyway?

Someone stop the train.

He's brought the whole jingbang along.

The train is already in motion.

Goodbye!
Enjoy running all the way to Moga.

Don't go, Suraj!

First tell me, did you marry that guy?

What do you think?

Give us a hand!

Oh right.

Be careful, dear.

Oh no, the train's picking up speed.

- Hey.
- Hurry up.

Aunty...

You'll fall!

- Get inside.
- Get inside, bro.

Hey, some help here as well.

How can you leave us, man?

Migrants don't need to go back just
because Bombay's name changed to Mumbai.

We are not leaving.

Our buffalos are on summer break.

We are taking them to Moga for a vacation,

all thanks to you!

Sorry.

Forgive me!

- Please forgive me.
- Help me up, guys.

Oh shit!

Give me your hand.

Tulsi, give me your hand.

Why doesn't anyone stop the train?

- Tulsi, give me your hand!
- Hurry up, Tulshi!

Tulsi, give me your hand.

Give me your hand Tulsi,
what are you doing?

- Tulsi!
- Tulshi!

What if I'd married that buffoon?

Then I'd have you two divorced.

Just like how I got Kavya divorced.

And why did you do that?

I obviously didn't do it for him.

I thought if not me, at least
Kavya should get to be with her true love.

And you didn't think about us?

About me?

You left me for that government servant!

He looks like a frog.

You weren't taking my calls.

You didn't reply to the messages
I'd paged you either.

So what?

You could have just showed up
like you used to, stealthily.

You could have sent me a letter,
or a telegram.

And what if he had
intercepted the telegram?

We'd get sued by the postal
department as well.

No, I wouldn't have done such a thing.

Bullshit! That's what he always says.

Look, I have such a nice son-in-law...
er, future son-in-law!

And my son is such a cunning rascal!

Yes, very cunning.

What exactly are you, son?

You first call off the wedding
and get us imprisoned.

Then you fix your sister's wedding
to someone else.

And now when we are leaving,

you once again call off your
sister's wedding and bring her here.

Tell me something,
how do you manage all these shenanigans?

Your birthday should be declared
as a national holiday.

No, I am serious!

- Mom...
- Uncle... uncle, please forgive me.

I'm very very sorry, uncle.

I got you implicated in a false case.

He never demanded any dowry from me.

That's what I have been saying!

- Heard that?
- That's what I have been saying all along.

Stop fighting,
now that both the families have united.

- Forget everything else.
- How can I forget it all?

We had to sell our house, our shop.

Our cattle went on a summer break to Moga.

- How can I just forget all that?
- Right, how can we forget?

- Bro...
- How?

Do one thing, take my shop.

- No, no, no, no.
- Uncle...

Frisk him. See if he's hiding
a tape recorder somewhere.

- Yes, true.
- That's possible.

Who pulled the emergency brakes?

Huh?

Who pulled the emergency brakes?

The brakes... sir, he pulled it!

- No...
- Sir, he doesn't even have a ticket.

- What?
- Yes, I don't have a ticket.

You see, we came straight
from a wedding.

You need to pay 300 bucks for
pulling the emergency brakes,

and 70 for travelling without a ticket.
Pay up quickly!

That's all?

Brother-in-law... can you please pay him?

We came straight from the wedding.

We aren't carrying any cash.

You have any money on you?

- You don't have any money?
- No.

Sir, what happens if he doesn't pay?

Jail.

Then sir, we, too,
don't have any money.

- Suraj!
- You can put him behind bars.

What?

Sir!

We're even now, dearest brother-in-law.

Let's go.

Come on.

How do we go home?

Where's your motorbike?

Remember,
you forced us to sell everything.

Let's travel by train.

- The local train?
- Yes, why?

Is this how you plan to treat my sister?

You can always gift
me a motorbike.

Now bear the consequences
for what you'd accused me of.

Really?

We're going to travel in a local train?

But they are so crowded.

Let's take a cab instead.

All kind of weird migrants from
all walks of life travel in the train.

That's true.

Mumbai actually belongs
only to the fishermen.

Everyone else has migrated
here from elsewhere.

So I'm a fisherman?

No, I didn't mean you.

Clap.

Set

And action.

Now all I need is a... dammit.

Cut! Cut!

One more please.

You know, this video isn't for me?

Huh?

It's for those poor girls

whom never end up
getting proposals from...

Action.

Oh my my, sister.

Your voice... what?

Who's laughing?

You went past the marriageable age busy
trying to call off other's marriages.

And I forgot my lines.

Then you'll tell the world,
"I am Madhu Mangal's queen mother..."

"I am Madhu Mangal's queen mother..."

"I am Madhu Mangal's queen's mother..."

"I am Madhu Mangal's Rane..."

But you know what kind of a boy I am.

I don't even look at my buffalos... damn.

How do I explain it to him?

He has anyway blah, blah, blah.

I fumbled.

No, these brats are...

No.

Shrimatu.

Shrimatu.

Shrimaan...

- What are you saying?
- Mom!

- Madhu!
- What?

So what do we do next?

Sir...

Kaka...

Hey.

Government!

Government some... servant.

Eat, you won't get fat.

Where are you? Your hand keeps moving.

I've already short-listed two boys.

- Hmm?
- Hmm.

Fine, ask the mechanic to deliver it
and collect the payment.

No, that mechanic has already
handed it over to me.

Now I'll have to come and deliver it.

Do you get a commission from him?

I was going to sit on the floor!

Action!

Do you know the jail time for it?

Six months!

Oh so, it's milk adultery.

- No, "like milk adulteration".
- Oh, sorry, sorry.

Cut.

What's on your mind, huh?

What hands were they?
Butter hands!

I was supposed to say what history...

Stop it... stop it.

She's crazy.

Tulsi?

Hello.

This is for you, a small gift...

Oh no!

- Uncle, that's what you call modern love.
- I know.

Had you have ever done that?

Oh no.

You call this love?

All the tall claims that you had made,
were for this?

Sir, you can cut the
cake at the police station, yeah?

Wait... move it away.

Action!

I, too, was standing there.

One more.

- What do you think?
- Give me a hand, man.

Come on, give me your hand.
Your hand..

- He's still sitting in there.
- I know.

Can I say something?

Hey, we can make out that you are smiling.

Smiling as well as pouting.

- Oh shit!
- Oh no, no, no.

The groom's family called in the morning
saying that they can't find the groom.

The bride...

If that idiot can get
married to a guy like Tulshi.

Oops!!!