Supervized (2019) - full transcript

Fucking towel.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- MAN: ♪ Happy birthday ♪

- Oh, thank you, Griffin.
- ♪ Happy birthday ♪

- What?
- No problem, gorgeous.

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- MAN: Whose is it?

Now you blow.

Yeah, that's... Didn't she used
to have super breath that's...

Hurricane Jane,
they used to call her.

Do you know her breath
was once measured

at 516 miles per hour?



The highest speed
ever recorded on

- the Beaufort wind force scale.
- Imagine the blowjobs.

No, no, technically,
a blowjob is a misnomer

because it involves the creation
of a vacuum via a suction

rather than exhalation of air,

which was Hurricane Jane's
power.

When he was your sidekick,

how could you resist
kicking his ass?

Oh, self-control, earplugs.

How long does this go on?

Ready?
Give us a good blow, sweetheart.

That's not nice.

My tatties.

Blow that, Rainbow.



In your pocket, buddy.

- Okay, don't.
- No, steady, Jerry.

- Glasgow...
- Jerry, Jerry.

- ...Rainbow.
- Jerry.

I can't fucking control it.

Christ, that's,

that's one
bollocksed wheelchair.

- Sorry, Windsor.
- Oh, that's all right.

Luckily,
I landed on my colostomy bag.

Oh, that's
really shocking. Sorry.

Look, here at Dunmanor,

we want you to have
as much freedom as possible.

And we recognize
that your powers

are part of who you are.

But when those powers create
an unsafe environment

for the other residents...

...it is a concern.

Now the last thing we want
is to have to downwardly manage

your powers for the safety
of others.

Downwardly manage my nut sack.

- Now, now, fellas.
- So please,

let's not have
any more incidents

like Jerry's act
of super incontinence.

Now, on a happier note,

Hero Day is coming around again.

- Yeah?
- Whoa!

So, a lovely chance

to meet all your many fans.

And this year, we're hoping
there'll be an appearance

from one of the world's
most admired superheroes.

- Maximum Justice.
- Celestro.

Hey.

Oh, fuck that no talent
Lycra jockey.

Yes, thank you, Raymond.
So, hope to see you all there.

Oh, and don't forget
your blood tests this weekend

- will be in the Lee room.
- Ah.

Dolores, darling,
what a pretty blouse.

- No, I will not.
- Sorry?

- No, I just meant...
- I'm not a lesbian, you know.

Which means that
this year's Hero Day...

...will be even more exciting
for the good folks of Ireland.

One of this year's
breakthrough heroes, Celestro,

will be dropping in.

- The celebrated hero...
- Oh, come on.

Windsor,
do you know where the remote is?

Yes.

- Where is it?
- What's that?

- The goddamn remote.
- Oh, absolutely, Ray.

...we managed to catch up

- with Celestro in the United...
- It's there.

It's there, Windsor.

You guys
can check out my website,

Come over here. Oh, come on.

Hashtag we
can all be heroes.

- ...fast as you can.
- There, that's more like it. Mm.

Your bicep curl, hammer curl.

Keep your weights
in the same position.

Straight up in the air.
Bring your elbows down.

Reverse your bicep curl.
Bring it down.

A little faster than that.
Come on, guys.

Work it, one...

two...

- Pendle?
- Yeah?

Prepare to have your ass
served up to you

with a side order
of loser fries.

You keep saying that.

It ain't never happened yet.

Eat my dust, Pendle.

Hey, hey, hey.

Super speed.

Super speed. Super speed.

Eat my dust, Maximum Justice.

Yeah!

- Ow.
- Yes.

Oh, man.

Man, you almost took my eye out.

I win, total failure.

Now, why did you pick a name
like that?

- 'Cause you move fast?
- Yes, like thunder.

Black Lightning
was already taken.

Well, that certainly
was some Afro you had back then.

Yep. It was like
a black thunder cloud.

- Ah.
- At least I didn't have to wear

those thigh high boots
with all the high heel.

Make you look
like some kind of hooker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is bullshit.

- ♪ Full of grace ♪
- Ow. Ow.

Ted, it's only a little needle.

- I hate needles.
- How is that possible?

Don't you people catch bullets
in your teeth?

I had more sensitive abilities.

Shimmy here was only ever
a sidekick, come on.

Hey...

if it wasn't for us partners,
you heroes would be... Ow.

Ow, ow, ow.

What? What is that,

a knitting needle?

Okay, Ray.

Here we go.

Chocolates for everyone.
There you go, son.

- Thanks.
- You want chocolate?

I'm Maximum Justice.

Feel my fists of justice.

Sounds like he got
a football injury.

Try the laser vision. Come on,
Dad, I found two on eBay.

Hmm.

Now I look like I got

a football injury.

Well,
your grandkids love it.

Your kids and Rachel,

how are they feeling
about the relocating?

Are they gung-ho?

Why don't you ask them yourself?

They're here?

- Wow! Why didn't you...
- No, I mean on Skype.

Hey, honey.

Hey, Mike. Your dad
still being a pain in the...

- He's here.
- Hey, Ray.

Hey, Rachel.

You wanna say hi
to the grandkids?

Sure.

They're playing
with your action figures.

Oh, that's cute.

Celestro, you're so pretty.

Celestro is smarter.

- Maximum Justice is lame.
- I'm Maximum Justice

Boring.

Feel my fists of justice.

You know, they made
a Shimmy action figure, too.

Looked exactly like me.

And another one
with a poisonous lead paint.

Yeah.
The boy licked it and died.

It was clearly stated
on the box.

Avoid contact with eyes,
mouth and skin.

And the court found in my favor.

Did someone order
a white Russian?

Ah, look who's here
fresh off his cruise.

- Sadamir Putin.
- Ciao.

Hey, dodgers of the coffin.

How are you, gay boys?

Are you still taking it up
the Rimsky-Korsakov?

The Bolshoi ballet is that away,
you Rusky fuck.

Go on.

Dicksky.

Why did they let them in here?

Why did they make us crap
in the same john

- with the bad guys?
- Why don't you just use a different toilet?

Is he really a bad guy though?

I mean he put a lot of villains
away when he turned

state's evidence.

- Oh, don't go soft on me, Ted.
- Yes, yes.

Don't let the tiny penis go soft
on a gay boy.

Goddamn Rusky super hearing.

Alter-man!

Fuck you,
you wee stink of Yankee piss.

That's going
on your swear box tab, Jerry.

Arms down, trousers up,
Bernard.

You know what I like
about this place?

The security.

No supervillains
can get in here.

What if they could fly?

Fucking owls.

I thought I'd find
you ladies out here.

- Got a smoke?
- Yup.

- I thought you'd quit?
- Nah.

Allow me.

Thanks.

- Where's Jerry?
- You ain't heard?

They pulled the trigger.

Jerry's gonna have his powers
downwardly managed.

Huh?

- Ah, Jesus. Poor Jerry. What...
- It's either that or he might

Glasgow Rainbow
somebody's head off.

You ever think we'd end up
in here?

Man, what's so bad about it?
You know, they made our beds

every day, laundry, give us
mashed potatoes at night.

Love me some mashed potatoes.

Or I'd have longer with Marie

before she was...

- taken from me.
- Come on, Ted, she didn't die.

- She ran off with the pool guy.
- She was taken from me.

- I never saw that coming.
- I never saw anything coming.

And I could see into the past.

Well, you know who else
could see in the past, Windsor?

Everybody.
It's called remembering shit.

Come on, is this all we got
to look forward to,

having our powers
downwardly managed

for our own safety

until eventually we just slip
into a coma and...

watch endless reruns
of Murder, She Wrote?

It doesn't have to end that way.

They show Quincy

in the afternoons now, too.

Enough of all this self-pity.

I'm gonna throw myself a nice,
deep bath

and some perfume, some...

incense...

- all that good shit.
- I think I'll join you...

in my own bath, I mean.

On my own.

Glasgow Rainbow.

Jerry?

Jerry?

Flynn?

By the power of Baldur's forge.

Ah, bloody Baldur's forge.

What an absolute honor
to have Madera Moonlight,

the one and only,
here at Dunmanor.

Ah, just Madera, thank you.

Or Moonlight, of course,

if you prefer to be
more informal.

Ah, we prefer not to use
the old superhero nom de plumes

here at the manor.

It encourages a bit too much
excitement.

Perish the thought.

The Kirby dining room
is through there.

Three sittings a day
with a menu to die for.

Hmm, delightful.

Oh, thank you.

Total Thunder.

I mean, Pendle Carpenter.

Madera Moonlight. Whoa!

You have not changed a bit,
girl.

Oh, I know you're lying
but I like the way you do it.

Raymond Windesky.

Oh, oh my, Ray.

- How the devil are you?
- I'm fine. Fine, Moonlight.

Oh, well.

Two ex-boyfriends
under one roof. Mm.

What could possibly go wrong?

Whoo.

Nothing's gonna go right for you
with that big gut you got there.

Hey, never mind that.

I saw something strange
in Jerry's room.

Don't keep nosing
around Jerry's room, man.

This is gonna be too easy.
I will see you on the track.

Sorry.

I'd never get a job
at Downton Abbey.

What's this here?

I can tell your religion
in that outfit.

Yes, well, thanks for your help.

It's like there's,

there's a camel somewhere, yeah,
missing a toe.

- You get it?
- I'm afraid I do, which is why

I'm taking that back.

- Run along now.
- That's...

Oh, and I'll take this, too.

Oh no, that's my own
personal use supply.

- That's... That's...
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I got to...

- Oh.
- I'm so, so sorry.

No, no, I, uh...

No, I...

Oh, my goodness.

Oh.

- The blood test detected it.
- Hmm.

Metastasis rate,
when combined

with a normal hematopoietic
cell count would indicate.

So, maybe you have time
to put your affairs in order?

Shall I call any family for you?

- I haven't got any.
- Ted.

As my old mom used to say,

"It's just one
of life's little upsy-daisies."

It's cancer.

I know it is, Ted,

and I know what it's like
to receive horrendous news.

I remember the day
my father died.

He was in a building
that collapsed.

I thought my life
wasn't worth living after that.

But I found a reason to continue

and that's what
you've got to do, Ted.

What reason
do I have to continue?

Well...

- do you like The Dubliners?
- Well...

great band.

I hung out with them
once back in the day.

My favorite...

- was Ronnie Drew.
- Yeah?

Well, the tribute band is doing
a special gig here next month

which, with any luck,
you'll still be around for.

Oh.

Hmm.

The Dubliners.

Hmm. Well, done Maximum Turtle...

I'm telling you, man,
there's something going on here.

There were signs of a fight
in Jerry's room

and that laundry van
in the middle of the night.

And now the guy's just gone.

Are you talking about Jerry?

Yeah, man.

That Jerry?

Jerry? How are you, man?

Uh...

Where were you last night?
What happened?

Madera? Oh, my God.
They got you, too?

No, I'm just totally baked.

I'm going to annihilate you.

Read this and start
with the weeping.

Why do we even let him play
with us?

It should be heroes only.

Come to think of it,

they don't have retirement homes
for villains, do they?

They're called prisons, Ray.

With the information
I gave to CIA...

they put away
more supervillains

than all of you combined.

In a way you can say that Brian
is the biggest superhero of all.

Hey, what kind of a Rusky name

- is Brian, anyway?
- Changed it in Deepwell.

Big fan of Bryan Ferry
and Roxy Music.

What was your original name?

- Dmitri Shostakovich.
- Oh, no, no.

His music makes me sad

but Roxy Music,
they have sexy album covers

make little Brian very happy.

- Ah, Jesus.
- Moving right along.

Ray, what have you been doing
for the past few decades?

Did you marry?

Yeah, briefly and then
she wised up to me.

One son, couple of grandkids
and then I retired.

What about you?

You never were one
for the details, were you?

Me, well...

I moved permanently to the US

and settled down
and after I got my

- Congressional Medal of Honor...
- Whoa.

Just dropped that one in there.

- Then my husband died.
- Sorry.

So, I went to live
with my daughter

until I realized
that what she wanted

was a babysitter for her kids.

So, I'm back in the motherland,

in a home.

Okay, gentlemen...

...five-card draw.

- Everybody in?
- Yup. Go.

- Ante up, please.
- Let's make this interesting.

- I'm all in, 200.
- Raise 50.

- Oh.
- Oops.

- I'm out.
- I'm gone.

Hmm.

All right, I'll see you.

Whoa,
you just lowered the ante, Ray.

No, no, this is a first edition
action figure,

collector's item,
still in the box.

Don't talk massive shit of bull.
Nobody cares about you.

Never mind tiny plastic version
of you.

The watch. The Rolex.

Well, this was a gift to me

from the ambassador to France,
no less.

Gave it to me for, I don't know,
some fucking reason or other.

Three of a kind.

- Straight. Oops.
- Oh.

I guess you'll have to suck
on big Russian balls.

You were using
your x-ray vision...

I don't have vision powers.

- You lying commie fuck...
- Guys, guys.

Not the time.

What?

Oh no, no.

- Your friend, Jerry.
- Oh no, I'm sorry.

Are you kidding me?

This is a sham, Ted.

Where are all the world leaders?

Where's the press?

For Christ's sake,
Jerry stopped the moon

- from colliding with the earth.
- Nice to see that Alan made it.

- Poor Alan.
- He's in pieces.

♪ And grace, my fears ♪

You saw him
after he was downwardly managed.

He was a vegetable.

And that was what
finished him off.

Come on, Max.

Residents have had their powers downwardly
managed before and they're fine.

There was nothing wrong
with him before.

- Nothing.
- As the saying goes,

what the caterpillar calls
the end of the world,

the master calls the butterfly.

Earth to earth,
ashes to ashes...

- dust to dust...
- It ain't right.

It ain't right.

Okay, everybody,

- the bus is here. All aboard.
- Have fun.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

...got their hero costumes

on underneath.

We don't want a repeat
of last year

when Ted accidentally
flashed that ten-year-old.

For the hundredth time
the wind caught my towel.

Alter-man!

That's the spirit, Bernard.

Lost your way have you,

- old-timer?
- What?

Oh.

I... I don't know,
I was just looking for the john

or jacks or whatever.

I think I'm getting a little confused
in my old age, you know what I mean?

I know how easy that could be.

Do you want me to help you

- with your toileting?
- Just you fucking dare.

Raymond Windesky.

Tick. You just made it.

Where would Hero Day
be without you?

Well...

...I see you drew
the short straw, Madera.

We figured, because of your
prostate problem,

you should be closer
to the bathroom.

Oh, planning on going
in your seat again, Pendle?

Nice, isn't it?

The old crime fighting duo
back together.

Oh, yeah.

And, it's close to the bathroom.

Oh, just shoot me now.

Jesus, that's it?

- This is Hero Day?
- This is just the regional one.

The big one is in New York.

Well, thank God,
we didn't go to that one.

All those cheering crowds
and groupies,

that would've been a nightmare.

Are we early?

I think the term is "forgotten".

And get to take a picture
with your favorite superhero.

Mighty hero number 178,

Pendle Carpenter.

- Are you famous?
- Sure I am.

Maximum Justice.

Then how come I haven't heard
of you?

Just keep on walking,
Sinead O'Connor.

Tina.

♪ Something crazy
Goin' down tonight ♪

♪ Feel it in the air
It feels all right ♪

Let's, uh...

It is you, isn't it?

It sure is. Maximum Justice.

- I love you.
- Oh.

- Can I get your autograph?
- Oh, sure.

No, no.

Sign these.

♪ Well ♪

♪ Woah-oh ♪

♪ Well ♪

♪ Woah-oh ♪

Yoohoo! Ray.

♪ Relax, don't do it
When you want to go to it ♪

♪ Relax, don't do it
When you want to come ♪

♪ Relax, don't do it ♪

♪ When you want to sock it to it
Relax, don't do it ♪

♪ When you want to come ♪

What the fuck?

Hey!

Hey, you guys!
Look over there!

It's the Glasgow Rainbow,
down there.

Look.

♪ When you want to come ♪

Ted! Ted, look!
Look over there!

I'm telling you,
I saw something weird

going on in there. Come on.

What? Weirder
than a 70-year-old man

looking through the skylight
of a toilet.

Goddamn it! I saw one
of these kids playing

with Jerry's rainbow powers.
Nobody else has that same power.

Are you sure you're not smelling
burning toast, Max?

I'm not having a stroke, Ted.

I saw Flynn in there with him.

- Flynn?
- Yeah, Flynn.

Hey, guys. Guys.

I'm all for working as a team

but this is where I draw
the line.

Go.

- Hey.
- Jesus.

- I've only been two minutes.
- Sorry.

I know what I saw.

- Not too much, I hope.
- Hey, I'm done with you, ace.

Enough of your dumb ass
conspiracy theories.

Not every conspiracy
is a theory, you know.

Enough.

If no one minds
I'll just grab this opportunity.

Well, talk
amongst yourselves,

I can't go
if you're all just listening.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Slainte!

Mwah.

The one,
the only, Celestro!

And I thought
he was just seagull shit

that dropped
from the sky unwanted.

I just flew
across the Atlantic

from Hero Day in New York.

Just like Phil Collins,
Live Aid.

Yeah, he did a set in London
then jumped on the Concord,

did a set in Philadelphia.

Yeah, yeah and they both sucked.

Are you guys
the superheroes from Dunmanor?

- Sure.
- That's fantastic.

Without you, I wouldn't be
the man I am today.

Right.

I will look for my will to live.

And what's your name, young sir?

Come on now, don't be shy.

Maximum Justice.

- Maximum Justice?
- Yeah.

Like the Maximum Justice?

Sir, you were
like my favorite superhero

when I was kid.

- You're totally my inspiration.
- Yeah?

Oh, wow! If there is anything
I can do to repay you,

just let me know, okay?

Well, you know...

actually there is.

Recently,
one of my best friends died

and the rotten kids
in this little town,

they stole his superpowers

and I've told everyone about it

but they think
I'm hallucinating. I'm not.

I'm sharp.
I'm sharp as a tack.

Okay.

Well, I hope you get
to the bottom of all of that.

And, um, I'll see you real soon.
Okay?

Oh my God, is that Moonlight?

I can't believe it.
You were like...

- ...my favorite superhero...
- Oh.

...when I was a kid.

Okay, everybody.

That was about as much fun
as an MRI scan.

Right.
Who's for a little sing-song?

- Whoa!
- Yay!

Hey, Flynn!
We're not fucking children.

I should hope not.

I... I meant, we're not children.
You know what I mean.

- Ah, never mind.
- I know...

Hey.

Those are the kids
that are messing

with Jerry's rainbow.

- Oh, not this again.
- Yes, this again.

We gotta find out
what they're up to.

Time for you to do your thing,
Shimmy.

- We got to get off this tin can.
- I'm tired, Ray.

I don't feel too good.

I need you, Ted.

You know what happens these days

- when I use my power?
- Just do it. Do it.

Oh God, it's gotten worse.

- I can't help it.
- Oh, it really stinks.

It's like somebody took
a burning tire,

stuffed it full of rotten eggs,

and then shoved it up
a skunk's ass.

- That's cruel.
- We got to get

in that pub,
see what those kids are up to.

In a minute.

Sometime today, ladies.
Come on.

- Do we make our move now?
- No.

We'll just stay frosty.
We don't wanna lose sight of them.

- Yeah, you're up next.
- Roger that.

Remember, when we went
up against Reactor Man?

Super dense fist
that could topple

- a building with a single punch?
- Yeah, come on, yo.

Smacked me into the side
of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Nope.

You must remember
then I fought back

by shimmying him
under water into the bay.

Then he shot out of the water,

I smacked him
into that taco stand

and shimmied him
right into San Quentin,

lock it up, threw away the key.

Well, I remember the taco stand,
yes.

Typical.
The proudest moment of my career

- and you remember the tacos.
- Well, I...

Oh my God, they're gone.

Let's go.

Wait.

Look over there.

You do know
these aren't the same kids?

- Come on.
- No, Max. Max.

Evening, fellas.

- Oh, and ladies.
- Careful, Grandpa.

All right, that's it.
Out of the car.

- Are you fucking senile, man?
- No.

And I don't usually fight girls,
so you just stay cool.

You're all under arrest.

- Are you's the pension police?
- I'm Maximum Justice.

And this is my sidekick...

- Actually, I'm his partner.
- ...Shimmy.

And we're gonna bring
you all in.

Who did you nick that phone
from, Grandad?

That looks like mine,
did you nick that phone from me?

Are you touching me up?

No, I... Wait, wait now, come on.
We don't want any...

Fucking old pervs
just touched me up.

- No.
- Guys,

we're just a couple of old men,
out for a walk.

I don't care if you're
the fucking Jonas Brothers.

My girl wants her phone back.

- Easy boy.
- Oh, oh.

- Max.
- I'm looking at fucking idiots.

This ain't no game.

You're getting mugged,
you hear me?

Now, give us your phones
and your fucking wallets...

- Max.
- ...before your little bone show

- gets cut up here.
- I'd give 'em, partner.

No.

What the fuck
did you just say to me?

No.

Are you having a turn old-timer?

Max.

Max.

What the fuck?

I'm gonna knock the fucking shit
out of you.

Go.

Let's get the
fuck out of here.

Max.

- Fuck me.
- Max, they're just kids.

Feel my fists of justice!

Max!

Hey!

Sex rampage?

- Sidekick.
- That's a bunch of crap.

- You know what the most shocking thing about this is?
- That printed papers

is still a thing?

That it was you two.
Two of my favorite boys.

My best...

Oh, Alicia, come on.

Look, if it were up to me,
I'd let it go

but the powers that be, they...

Someone needs to be made
an example of.

It was me.
The pub was my idea.

No.

- No, it was me.
- I thought as much.

You can leave, Ted.

Raymond, why?

Because...

I'm a hero.

Don't you understand?

I'm a goddamn hero.

Look, the federation want
to throw you out of here

because of this.

I fought for you,

but I'm afraid they now see
you as a public liability.

Raymond, I'm sorry

but they're insisting
your powers

be downwardly managed.

What were you
thinking, Ray?

I ain't afraid to die.

You're not gonna die.
You're gonna be fine.

Oh, you mean like Jerry
was fine?

We've been through all of this.
It was just Jerry's time.

Yeah? And how about that kid
with Jerry's rainbow?

Anybody see this? Any of this?

Does anyone find it
convenient that Brian

wasn't out there
with us yesterday?

Why would Brian
wanna kill Jerry?

Oh, I don't know,
he's a villain.

That's what villains do.
He's in on this.

I buy Brian wanting to kill you,
you're an irritating man,

but Jerry's harmless.

Max, a man has died. I'm gonna.

We're all going to.
Just let it go.

Good afternoon,
I need a moment of your time.

Now, I'm afraid to say,
Raymond's actions constituted

a flagrant breach of the rules
and as a result,

I'm under orders to assess
the ability of all of you

- to control your powers.
- Oh.

- What? No, you...
- I'm truly sorry but

anybody unable to meet
the basic criteria

will understandably have
their powers downwardly managed.

No.

Stupid mother fu...

Now, on a brighter note,
don't forget that today is

- Tuna Bake Tuesday.
- Uh-huh.

Yummy.

I do like tuna.

Okay, Dolores, love.

This is a simple task,
designed to gauge

your level of control
over your abilities.

- Well, I've never had any complaints from the gentleman...
- Dolores...

- ...that I've been...
- ...freeze the water, please.

Very good.

Thank...

Okay, Eagle Wings,
ready and fly!

Soar like an eagle.

And the eagle
has landed.

Okay, Brian, and destroy
the mannequin safely.

Brian not perform like a monkey
for you.

In which case, you won't mind
being downwardly managed.

Now, you want me to peel banana?

It doesn't always work.

I'm not entirely sure
what your powers are, Madera.

Oh, don't worry, you can just
downwardly manage me.

- That's fine.
- Thing is, we do need to know

- for the form.
- I channel energy

from the negative dimension
to invoke

the power of the Elder Gods.

Ah, gives me a bit of a headache
in the process.

We do actually need to see this.

Oh, very good.

Do you have an aspirin?

Oh, oh, oh.

Hey.

There is no
room for you here.

Oh.

So,
this is how I'm to be treated

for trying to expose a cover-up
that was right under our nose.

- Change the channel, Ray.
- Nobody cares

- about your delusions.
- Delusions?

You know what?
You're in this, Brian.

I don't know how, but somehow,
you're involved in this.

Stop making this bullshit.

It's because of you
we're all going to get

our powers managing
to downward.

And you have the big hairy balls
to call me a villain.

They should stop calling you
Maximum Justice,

they should call you
Maximum Hairy Balls.

- Oh.
- Please,

man's balls are as smooth
as an egg.

You know what? Fuck this.

Oh, boy.

What? They are.

You change in and out of Lycra
with the man for 30 years,

you've seen it.

Maybe, you're cuddling
up with a loved one but if you're not,

don't let those lonely thoughts
get you down.

Coming up
is a little bit of Celine Dion

with "All By Myself".

You got to be shitting me.

I'm here to take
all you night owls to the...

That was "Alone" by Heart

but now hankies
at the ready, for "Solitaire".

- Ugh, goddammit!
- I'm worried about Ray.

Ted, you were his sidekick, huh?

Again, partner.

What I'm saying is you know
the guy.

You also seem to know enough
about his egg-smooth balls.

The thing you need to know
about Max

and this informs everything
that he does...

- is Max is basically...
- Ostracized

from the pride,
the wounded aged male lion

is forced to wander
the savanna alone

before he finds a quiet spot
to lick his wounds

and eventually die a lonely,

- painful death.
- Oh, come on.

But because of your own
stupidity,

the entire castle is now dead.

That is all your fault.
Do you understand me?

- Your fault.
- Hang him!

- Hang him!
- Which is why he always smiles

whenever he sees
the color mauve.

But that's Max, a warrior,
a thinker

and a world-class
interior decorator.

The question
that has been asked,

is do you think that Jerry
got his powers stolen?

- Or is Ray being paranoid?
- No, I think they were stolen.

Why?

Well, as Einstein says,

"The important thing
is to not stop questioning."

The curiosity has its own reason
for existing.

Ah, I see.
You're just spouting bullshit,

dropping names like Einstein

to cover for Ray
'cause you're his sidekick.

Partner. And damn right
I'm backing him up.

- It's called loyalty.
- Ah.

Hey, Ted, come on.
Don't go.

We haven't finished taking
all your money off you yet.

Please, come on back.

Hello?

"Federation Detention Center."

"Release of prisoner"?

What?

"Ability to absorb."

Fair enough.

You're saying that someone
inside here

has the power of absorption?

I don't know.

Absorbing other
people's superpowers?

I think so but
I can't be sure.

I had to get out of there.

You mentioned a blueprint
with some sort of device?

- Pendle.
- What?

- It was a private conversation.
- Well, your voice carries.

Okay, they are guilty.

First, I see Flynn driving
the laundry van,

late the night they take Jerry.

He's a wonderful chap.

Gave me blanket bath
the other night.

- Such sensitive hands.
- I don't buy Flynn's a villain.

Well, neither do I.
I mean, he could kill you

- with kindness kumbayas.
- Yeah, damn right.

He's more
like a Dudley goddamn Do-Right

- than a criminal mastermind.
- Yeah, but, you know who isn't?

Brian.

And I saw him in the lobby
the other day,

handing Flynn, something,
probably cash.

- Where is Brian, anyway?
- Morning, everyone.

Good news, Raymond,
your son's here.

Nope, bad news, Alicia.

We're on to you.

You're not only
downwardly managing

people's powers,

- you're absorbing them.
- Goodness, me! Really?

- Yes.
- Why?

I... I don't know but I...

I know that Brian's definitely
involved, right, Ted?

Well, you're kind of putting me
on the spot here.

Maybe.

So, I'm absorbing
all your powers and giving them

to Brian, am I?

Or some kids in the town,
we're not sure.

And there are... are blueprints
for a secret machine.

Well, we don't know
if it's a secret machine,

exactly.

Just so I got this clear
in my head.

Brian and I are taking
all your powers

and giving them to some kids
in the town?

- Hmm.
- I have to admit it sounds less convincing

- when you hear it out loud.
- And there's a machine,

- which may or may not be secret.
- Damn right.

And remind me,
why am I doing all this?

- You tell me.
- Right, well,

let me have a think
and get back to you.

In the meantime, Raymond,
can I just say that,

I'm hearing a lot of anger
and frustration from you

and I think
you're bottling it up inside,

and I just want you to know
that I'm here for you

- whenever you want to talk.
- Oh.

Well, I do have two words
for you right now.

The first word begins with "F"

and the second one ends
with "uck off"!

Again, lot of anger.

Meantime,
you're son's still waiting

in the visitors room. Boop.

Mike, I'm telling you,

they're stealing our powers.

- They're absorbing them.
- Yeah, Dad,

can I talk to you
about something

that actually happened?

What?
You think I'm going senile?

- I'm dementia-ridden?
- I didn't get the job, Dad.

You're kidding.

Nope,
they gave it to an Irish guy.

Oh, those racists,
sons of bitches!

Dad, we're in Ireland.

Can we... You're gonna get
another job here, right?

Not as an American.

Yeah, I can't move
the whole family over here

if I don't have a job.

So, that's it? That's it.

Occasional visits
every couple of years.

Well, fair enough. I guess
I wasn't around much either

- when you were a kid.
- Don't give me the lone wolf

cape crusader bullshit.

And all this conspiracy stuff,

it's gotta stop.

I mean, what do you need
your powers for now anyway,

to beat up a bunch
of local kids?

All I want you to do is put
your feet up

and enjoy your retirement
in this beautiful country,

this beautiful house,
with all your old friends.

Yup.

It's gone.

All the evidence is gone.

- What are you talking about?
- I just snuck back

into the administration office

and all that stuff I saw
about absorption,

it's disappeared.

So, the stuff
you weren't entirely sure

about before,
now you have no evidence of it,

- whatsoever.
- Just think about it, will you?

If these people
have nothing to hide,

then why has someone
just hidden it?

Cheer up, people.
Who died?

Brian late for lunch?

Crazy big bowel movement.

Now moving right along.

Max says he saw you
giving money to Flynn.

Are you trading
in stolen superpowers?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Ugh,
so you didn't give Flynn money?

Yes, uh...

- gambling debt.
- No, no, no,

that mama's boy,
he does not gamble.

If it wasn't a gambling debt,
Brian, what was it?

I'd rather not say.

So, you are stealing
superpowers.

No! When Brian commit crime,

- he'll not do it in the shadows.
- He does appear, however,

to do it in the third person.

- The truth, Brian, now.
- You threaten Brian?

- Sorry, me?
- Spit it out, Brian.

Why were you paying off Flynn?

Fine. It's Viagra.

Yes, a big joke, laugh.
Brian get a floppy cock.

But Viagra make him rock hard
like a submarine.

Through there
is the day lounge.

And Flynn is a good man.
He tried to help me.

He sold stolen powers
to those kids.

Sorry, could you just excuse me
one second?

Oh sure, no problem.
Let's just go...

Hey, Madera,
Brian take a pill this morning,

you wanna play
Hunt for Red October?

No.

I wanna find out
what's going on here.

- Let's go find Flynn.
- Let's see what we can find

on the security monitors
besides Griffin's drool.

Yeah.

- Flynn?
- Hey, Ray.

Ready for the old procedure?

Sure. Downwardly manage away.

- In the clinic, right?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Something like that.

Griffin?

Griffin?

♪ And say goodbye ♪

Griffin?

What the hell?

Hi.

I'm really high.

Hey, Griffin, come down.

Come on, Griff.

Hey, wake up.
Wake up now.

I'm the man.

Wow. My man.

Am I dreaming you?

How are you doing that?

Does what it says on the tin.

Griffin, where did you get this?

I got it from the kids
at the youth club, yeah.

Someone is trying to sell
our superpowers

like drugs.

I'm flat out Lionel Richie.

- What?
- I'm dancing

on the fucking ceiling, man.

- True fact...
- Mm-hmm.

...the video
for "Dancing on the Ceiling"

was actually filmed
on three sets,

one, right side up,
one, upside down,

and the other on a device known
as a rotating gimbal.

Oh, is there any way you
can extract those powers to keep

from boring the shit out of me?

Hey,
Ray's got a wheelchair, too.

Oh.

Hey, we gotta help him, fast.

- Pendle.
- Okay.

Come on, Pendle.

Oh, Raymond, I'm really glad
you've seen sense

about the whole
downwardly managing thing.

I'm ready, Alicia.

I'm really ready to start
enjoying my retirement.

You know, it's like you said,
I've got all this anger

bottled up inside and...

- and I don't talk to anybody.
- Yeah, that's fantastic,

Raymond, can I just borrow Flynn
for a second?

It all stems back to my dad.

Flynn, what the hell
have you been doing?

I brought you here
because you could help me

absorb superpowers,
not flaunt them

to the inbred teenagers
in the town.

Do you have any idea
how many strings I had to pull

with the federation to get you out of
prison and this is how you repay me?

...cut the toast
into triangles...

I just wanted to make
a bit of extra coin on the side,

- you know?
- A bit of extra coin?

You gave them
Jerry's superpowers, you idiot.

Only a tiny dose.

It's so small, it wears off
after a couple of minutes.

If you must know, I cut it
with a can of Dr. Pepper.

...just eat the eggs, Ray-Ray.

I need you to go to town...

pull your finger out
from wherever it is jammed

and stop this whole plan
from unraveling.

...fried, poached,
sunny side up,

all of 'em,
like knives to my heart.

What the fuck you talking about,
man?

I own you, Flynn,

don't ever forget that.

- I got you, Raymundo.
- Now, Raymond, where were we?

Step on it, damn it.

Oh, Ray. Thank God.

I just wanna say, I know
that we all doubted you but...

Hey, it's Flynn.

We gotta get after him.

Hey, weren't we halfway
through an apology here?

Listen...

good luck, guys.

- Wait, you're not coming, Ted?
- No, uh...

my sidekick days are done.

- Oh.
- Come on, Ted.

I mean, we're on the trail
of bad guys here.

The clock's ticking.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Cancer. It's aggressive.

I got a couple of months,
if I'm lucky.

- Shit.
- Yeah.

- Fuck.
- Oh, my giddy aunt.

- Jesus, Ted, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah.

Damn it.

Well, I guess it's a fact that,

we're all on our way out.

And we're all getting
that superpower

that all people get
facing old age,

invisibility.

Where people look
right through you...

then they see nothing.

But I ain't nothing...

and you ain't nothing.

I need you, Ted, I do.

- So, what are we waiting for?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- All right.

Feel my Fist of Shimmy.

- Yeah!
- Feel my Fist...

This doesn't work
unless you take your...

- Wait a minute.
- Each person

- does their own thing.
- Look, then you go first, now.

- Bring the heat.
- No, no, no.

It's getting caught.

Justice is served.

Is it just me or is this place
weirdly anti-owl?

Let's get help.

Oh, that's a tricky piece.

Well, just turn it, you
know, you just push it in, it'll...

- Are you God?
- But he's black.

Oh, come on, Gwyneth.

Where is it written that God
has to be white?

Well, I just meant to say
and he's black.

Yeah, but honestly,
why would you even bring up

- the color of the skin.
- Ladies? Ladies? Ladies?

What you're doing now,

I need that.

Bernard.

Bernard, we need your help.

Alter-man.

Preferably with your pants on.

Whoa.

- Brian.
- Brian take Viagra.

He used to put Red October
in dry dock.

Less of the dry,
you cheeky bugger.

No, no, just expression.

- My beautiful, sexy, goddess.
- Oh, come on, you guys,

we need you to help us
get out of here.

- Time to suit up.
- Absolutely.

- In six hours.
- No, Brian, now.

You want me to put on tights
before Viagra wears off?

It's not good look.

I want you to hack
into their computers,

you're Russian, aren't you?

Oh, once I find cushion for lap.

Hey, come on.

Hey, is this a taser
in a care home?

Alter-man.

Windsor, you read.

Brian find Latin alphabet
hurts his head.

Deactivate security system.

Yes, no.

Enter password.

What are you guys
doing in my dream?

- Hey.
- Too aggressive.

You need to relax, man, yeah?

Security violation.

Crap.

You have ten seconds
to retreat.

- Shimmy?
- Ten...

- I can't take us all.
- ...nine...

Brian.

I got this shit.

Come on.
That's right, that's, that's...

Let's do it again.

Start again, everybody.

- Go, go, go, go.
- Max! Max!

Jesus, this place
isn't about keeping

the bad guys out,
it's about keeping us in.

Time elapsed, man.

What time?

Son of Thea bitch!

Griffin!

Forty a day for twenty years,
guys.

Bad lifestyle choices.

- It's not holding.
- Let's get out of here.

- Run!
- Run!

Step away from the gate.

Hurry, Madera, hurry.

- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.

- Madera?
- I'm fine.

We got to cross the moat.

Oh, shit. The moat.

Alicia,
can we have a word?

Yeah, we were thinking it'd be a really
good idea if we could have a spelling bee.

Sorry, ladies, I can't, really.

No, no, a spelling bee's
a great idea 'cause we're older

and we have to think
about things

and we have to remember words
and get numbers, you know...

That's pure peritoneum.

- Death for any superhero.
- Oh, boy.

All but one.

Dolores.

I'm not just a sex object,
you know?

Dolores, don't.

By the forces of Promiscua.

Promiscua is a place.

I don't even have a phone,
so if it'd be...

- It'd burn if I did, though.
- It doesn't have to be

a spelling bee.
We could play Texas Hold 'Em.

- All in!
- All in!

- Ladies, get out of my way.
- Oh, oh, oh.

I was hoping for a spelling bee.
I just shaved my legs.

- You be all right, Dolores?
- Yes.

It does drain my sex drive,
though.

I'm usually frigid
from the waist down.

What now?

Uber?

Take the Thomond Bridge
over the River Shannon.

Your boy is likely
to be over the fuckin' Ganges.

He's on his Apple Maps
on his iPhone

and he's insisting
there's a motorway

between Cork and Limerick.

So, I says to him,
"You are no fucking driver,

now, sit in the back,
talking shite."

And he's like, "Shoulda got an
Uber." And I'm like, "Uber."

- You're sitting on my cape.
- Don't get me started on the license...

You're cramping my style.

- Flynn.
- Hi, Alicia.

Listen, I shouldn't really be
on the phone

- because I'm at the wheel, so...
- I don't give a rat's arse.

- Yup...
- Listen carefully.

Ray and his little pack
of cronies have broken out.

So, we're bringing the plan
forward to tonight.

Meet me at the lab
as soon as you can, now.

- Can I cancel my order, please?
- What's that?

You say something?
Sorry, I had me headphones in.

- Keep the change.
- Oh.

Good luck

with the clowning now.

You're sure to have
the kiddies laugh

their little back sides off.

Fuck!

Evening, scumbags.

You.

- Ooh.
- Ooh.

Look, old man,
you want everyone to see

you beaten senseless, huh?

Don't be stupid.

Take the freak show and you go
back home to bed, yeah?

Before you get hurt.

I notice the eight ball
is still remaining.

Now that's a tough hole to make.

You must have one hell of a shot
up your sleeve to pull that off.

How is that?

Because I've never seen anyone
make that shot

with a cue stick stuck up
their ass.

Ooh-wee.

Okay, everybody,
let's just keep calm.

Ray.

- Oh, you stinky old...
- Hey... where did he go?

Hey.

Some people would pay good money
for this view, you know.

I wouldn't give you two euro,
you skanky...

Okay, one more time,

where did you get this?

No.

I'm not saying nothing
to no one about nothing.

Is anyone else completely lost

with all the double negatives
there?

Let me try
and get some sense from him.

Get away from me,
you freaky bitch.

How about you spend some time
on the naughty step

in the negative dimension.

Now, let's try again.

Who gave you the vials
and where are they now?

Flynn.

It was Flynn.

Dudley Do-Right son of a bitch.

Where is he?

Knacker's yard.

He is gone
to the knacker's yard.

Something big
is happening tonight.

- Take the curve slower.
- Every time you hit

a bump,
I'm like a 70s waterbed.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- He said left

- after the roundabout.
- What the fuck is a roundabout?

- It's a system they use for traffic control.
- There, this left.

It's very efficient.

Wait, he said the knacker's yard
was the second left.

- And this is the second left.
- I thought he said right.

Ah, Jesus.

Hey, was it the first
or second left?

Second left, the knacker's yard.

We're outside of Dunmanor.

Exactly, the knacker's yard.

Is that what you call
an old folk's home,

- you son of a bitch?
- Well...

yous are all knackered,
ain't yous?

Looks like a trap to me.

Fuck it.

We broke out, we may as well
stroll right back in.

Hey, what about me?

You're all fucking knackers.

Where is everybody?

Sounds coming from there.

- They're in the spa?
- No, spa's in refurb.

They've closed the spa?

- Yeah.
- I didn't know that.

It's been in the newsletter.

- I've been trying to tell you.
- All right, guys, listen up.

Whatever is beyond those doors,
we have to hit them hard

and we have to hit them fast.

Ready?

Three, two, one.

Save your strength, honey.
Mm-hmm.

Okay, guys,
whatever is beyond these doors,

- we need to...
- Ray,

you said that before.

And look,
the gang's all here.

I don't think they're just
getting a steam, do you?

Brian, Brian.

What happened?

There was a massive fight,

- Brian kicked a lot of assholes.
- Uh-huh.

We spiked his Earl Gray.

Same with the rest
of the old farts.

I don't get the master plan,
Alicia.

I do.

It's Flynn.

The absorbing
former super jailbird.

Yup, and I'm taking his power.

Cool device, eh?

All my own work.

You lying cow.
I was downwardly managed,

but you never said

you were taking
my super cells.

And five, four,

three, two, one.

This is getting
way too heavy

for a sea horse contract.

- Too fuckin' right.
- Let's go.

Go, I don't need you.

I don't need any of you.

Now there's been a change
of plan.

Why, Alicia?

The problem
with all you superheroes

is the wrong sorts
always ended up with the powers.

Just look at you all.

No one would miss
a few old people's powers.

I'm going to create
a perfect super-being.

I'm going to add
all your power cells

to my youthful eggs,

to mother the one
that will defeat all others.

You are gonna create
this super-being and kill

all these good folks?

- Like Jerry, huh?
- Jerry was a mistake.

But now I've perfected
the process,

so these people won't die.
Not that they deserve to live.

I'm so sick of all you
tormented superheroes

with all your darkness
and your demons

and there's so fucking many
of you.

Captain this, Super that,

Doctor who-gives-a-shit.
Hello, it's a crowded market.

All the world needs
is one superhero.

Preferably one Maximum Justice,

who isn't going to knock over
a building

that killed my parents.

Your parents
were in the Tower Block

- that fell in Brussels?
- No.

Well,
not the skyscraper in Tokyo?

Guess again.

The tenement building
in New York City

that collapsed
when I captured Dr. Left Eye.

- Sorry, I...
- Too late, Ray.

- You're all about to join them.
- Alicia.

Ted?

Sorry, I kind of stole
his powers and unfortunately,

- his smell.
- Ugh.

Well, it's time to wake up
and smell the justice.

No.

Stop.

Get up, Ray.

Get up.

Ow, ow, oh! Ugh! Ugh!

- Bitch.
- No, you're a bitch.

That was my hip, bitch.

My elbow. Ow, my tits.

Now, Madera, I'm...

Alicia, you look tired.

Why don't you take a seat?

Don't waste
your breath, old man.

I'll absorb your very soul.

No.

Let go, Ray. Hmm, easy now.

Give it up.

He ain't giving up nothing
to nobody, sister.

Oh, it's the other one.

Thunder Thighs, Black Lace,
whatever.

The name is Total Thunder.

And I'm gonna put you under.

Put you under, what is that,
an anesthetic thing?

- Oh, it's when you bury...
- Well, if it needs explaining.

Oh, fuck you all.

Ow, I think
I pulled something.

Enough of this shit.

You can't make a blunder

when you mess
with Total Thunder.

- Is that better now?
- Eh.

Bingo.

We're not here to play games,
Alicia.

My powers have gone, Ray.
She's taken them.

I've got you.

No, I won't let her
get away with this.

Okay, Ray.

Time to... No.

I peaked with "bingo".

Now I have all your powers,
you can take a seat.

Ooh, you're looking
a little cold there, Ray-Ray.

Have a blankie.

- Ooh.
- Heaven, no.

How about a nice cup of tea?

Now...

time to take out your teeth.

- Alicia.
- Ugh, please.

Ted, I took your powers.

What are you gonna do,
bore me to death

with one of your anecdotes?

Oh, I don't need
to bore you to death, Alicia.

You see, nobody can absorb
all our powers and live.

What are you talking about?

The toxic cocktail
is destroying you from within.

Oh.

I would go into details

but I don't think
you'll last that long.

"Just think of that as one
of life's little upsy-daisies."

That sure
ain't no river dance, baby.

- All right.
- Going. Going.

Gone.

Shit.

Cleaner to the game room.

- All right, though?
- Yeah.

Well...

justice is served.

Christ.

Hang in there, buddy.
We're gonna get you help.

Okay?

It's no good, Max.

I'm done.

No.

No, no.

No, goddamn it. Don't you go
dying on me, partner.

That's right, we're partners.

I am so sorry
that I treated you...

like just a sidekick, Ted.

You're the real hero.

You're my hero.

I love you, man. Come on.

I hate to bring up
a point of logic,

but if Ted had cancer when
his powers were absorbed,

the cancer would also have been
sucked out,

so, wouldn't that mean
that he's fine now?

- Hmm?
- Good point.

Oh.

- Howdy, partner.
- Oh, you ass.

♪ Let the wind and the rain
And the hail blow high ♪

♪ Snow come shovelin'
From the sky ♪

♪ She's as sweet
As apple pie ♪

♪ She'll get 'er own lad
By and by ♪

♪ When she gets
A lad of her own ♪

♪ She won't tell her ma
When she goes home ♪

♪ Old Jenny Murphy
Says she'll die ♪

♪ If she doesn't get the fellow
With the roving eye ♪

- Shimmy, Shimmy.
- Moonlight, over here.

- Moonlight, now please.
- Maximum Justice.

- Moonlight, please.
- Maximum Justice.

How did you work out
that the residents

were being robbed
of their powers

- by the management?
- Well...

Celestro.

Checking in.

Celestro,
please over here.

- Celestro...
- Greetings.

Celestro,
what was your role

in the uncovering
of this scandal?

Guys, guys,
today's not about me.

I was just the guy
Maximum Justice

came to for help and advice,

like,
the modern world crime fighting

is literally light years away

from what these guys
were used to.

So, I just want to impart
a little bit of wisdom

to all these splendid folks.

Some "What would Celestro do"
advice.

You guys should check out
my website, like,

Or what would... do...

...Celes... Celestro do dot...

Celestro loves...

Hey, testing.

Two, one, two.

- Hey, stick around...
- Hey, you old dog.

- ...technical snafu...
- Well...

Amateur, yeah.

Anybody up for a game
of KerPlunk?

- I'm going to kick your ass.
- In your dreams, Pendle.

Oh, will the
excitement ever end?