Superstorm: A Love Story (2019) - full transcript

Hey there, good-looking.

Hey.

- You ready?
- Yeah, I had trouble with my toilet

and it's overflowing a bit.

That's disgusting.

If my boyfriend
would let me move in with him,

I wouldn't have to worry
about stuff like that.

- I don't know why you're with the guy.
He's such a dick.

Don't I know it.

Can you grab my stuff?

That's it?



We're going to your
cabin for the weekend.

How much clothing do I need?

You following me?
You catching my drift?

I'm following, I'm following.

Do you have your phone charger?

Check.

- Pain meds?
- Check.

Did you tell your mom we're going?

Not yet.

Remember what
happened last time.

I'll give her a call from the car

so she doesn't called the police again.

- Where's your cat?
- He's at my sister's.

I can't believe I'm dating a guy



who doesn't like cats.

Oh, I like cats, just not your cat.

But he's the cutest
little poopsie pants.

He's a little shit.

Okay, come on. Let's go.

So this is the cabin.

What, you don't like it?

No, it's nice enough.

I just have a bad
feeling about this place.

What kinda bad feeling?

Like I could be murdered at any moment.

Oh no. I wouldn't let anyone murder you.

But you could be the murderer.

Haven't killed anyone in a long time.

- Just be aware. I gave everyone I know this address.
- Ooh, perfect.

If they show up, more victims for me.

Ah, I knew it. I knew it.

You're gonna kill me.

And there's no one that's
gonna hear you scream.

- My goodness.
That's a psychotic gleam in your eyes

is kinda turning me on.

Ooh, if I knew that, I
woulda revealed my evil

a long time ago.

Stop. You're scaring me.

- You got a gun?
- A gun?

Here.

Use this just in case.

Great, I'll bludgeon 'em to death

with my Peewee football trophy.

Oh, hey, Sheriff Watkins.

Oh hey there, Jim.

Why don't you come on in?

This is Amy.

Ma'am.

Sorry to barge in on you.

We're just going around to all the houses

in the valley to alert everyone

about the pending storm coming in tonight.

- Yeah, I heard about it.
They said it could get pretty bad.

I'd say.

They're calling it a possible superstorm.

Superstorm?

That sounds scary.

Some kinda collision between
two types of snow storms

or something or other.
Don't know the particulars,

but I just wanted to give a warning.

Thank you, Sheriff.

I take it you have all
the emergency numbers

you might need.

Yeah, I'm all set with that.

Well, I'll let you
continue with your evening.

Thanks.

Sounds like it could be
worse than I thought.

That's it. We're gonna die.

Oh, jump to conclusions much.

Let's see.

We have enough food, right?

Yes, we have enough food

and there's even more in the freezer.

What about candles?

For romantic dinners?

In case the lights go out.

Even better than that, I have lanterns.

And what about heat?

Runs on propane.

I didn't even see that earlier.

Ooh, we're gonna be cuddling
in front of that later.

- Oh yeah.
- What about alcohol?

Oh, there's plenty of alcohol.

You may be able to take advantage of me.

Are you positive about the food rations?

Yes, I am positive.

There's so much food, we're
not gonna have to ration.

You can't say that.

You don't know how long
we're gonna be here.

Do you remember those soccer
players whose plane crashed?

The one in the Andes where
they had to eat each other?

Exactly.

I think we'll be okay.

If we don't make it, you think
I taste good enough to eat?

Oh yeah.

It's so mesmerizing.

Yeah, you are.

More, madam?

Silly question.

I wish this moment could last forever.

I guess we'll just have
to come here more often.

Oh, you're saying you'll keep me around?

Oh, you'll suffice.

Hm.

I'm just kidding.

- Are you kidding?
- Uh oh. Do I hear serious Amy coming out?

You're right. No, I'm not gonna
ruin this wonderful weekend together.

Look, we've been together for a year.

I'm very happy.

I know, but what if one day

you get sick of my being youthful and all?

Youthful?

I've seen what you look
like in the morning.

That's for me losing sleep

because of your snoring.

Yeah, yeah.

And for the record, I'm not
that much older than you.

Ooh, honey, I hate to break it to you

but you're pretty fucking old.

I think I should be offended.

I mean gray pubic hair

is not a young man's plight.

Yeah, now you're taking
it a little too far.

It's not gray... yet.

Just keep watching the fire.

Mesmerizing.

Yeah.

What the hell is that?

What the hell are you doing here?

I told you I was
coming here this weekend.

No, you said next weekend.

- No, I said this weekend.
Don't you have it written down some place.

Look, I do so I'm right.

Okay, I'm not gonna
fight with you about this.

Aren't you going to
introduce me to your friend

unless she needs to get dressed first?

- Amy, this is Kate.
Kate, Amy.

You're so...

cute... and perky.

Hey, you must be Big Jim.

It's Jim, just Jim.

Oh, watch it, sweetie.

The carpeting can get a little slippery.

I have some Barbie band-aids
if she has any boo boos.

You can just take your stuff
and bring it back to the car right now.

Ooh, you're joking.

There's no room in the inn.

Need I remind you I own half this place?

Look, Kate, I need you
to not be selfish here.

It's obviously a bad situation.

The situation is
that it's already snowing

and there's a storm coming.

No, they called that off.

Didn't you hear.

Wait, there's no massive storm coming?

Look, there's tons
of motels in the area.

Why don't you just stay at one of them?

- No.
- On me.

- No, this is my weekend.
This is my cabin.

If anyone should leave,

it should be you and the preschooler.

♪ Who's stuck in a traffic jam ♪

♪ I got more calls than a beach got sand ♪

♪ Suck it up, mm, suck it up ♪

♪ Mm, fill it up my coat ♪

You've been hiding me.

I haven't been hiding you.

Yes you have.

You're protecting me from her.

I can see why.

She isn't that bad.

She just takes some getting used to.

Like a rash?

The situation probably
just caught her off guard.

She was being defensive.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what,

if the snow isn't too bad in the morning,

we can go home if you want.

No.

I'm gonna stay and I'm
gonna mark my territory.

You sounded a little creepy
and weird.

It kinda makes me think
you're gonna pee everywhere.

Yeah.

I know.

- Good night.
- Night.

Oh, hey, Big Jim. What's up?

I didn't realize anyone was in here.

Oh, I'll be with you in a sec.

I just gotta finish up
this really awesome article on elephants.

You're being very loud

and there's other people in the house.

Oh, oh, sorry.

Hey, hey, come in here a sec.

I gotta ask you a question.

Did you know there's two different kinds

of elephants out there?

An Asian elephant and an African elephant.

Two kinds, dude.

Does that blow your mind or what?

It's very exciting.

Dude, this is gonna
be an awesome weekend.

You're being loud again.

Listen to me going on about elephants

when the host of the place
needs to use the facilities.

Dude, I think me and you are gonna become

really good friends.

I don't think so.

Me and Big Jim are gonna be tight.

Name is Jim, just Jim.

Mm-hm.

Well, they sure
weren't fooling around

about that storm coming overnight.

Yup.

Looks like we're gonna be here a while.

Gives us time to get to
know one another better.

Ah, making a western omelet.

I haven't had one of those in years.

I see you're using scallions.

- Oh, you don't like them.
- No, I love them but Jim despises them.

- Oh no, no, no.
It's green onions he doesn't like.

Hon, green onions and
scallions are the same.

- What are you talking about?
- They're the same thing?

Then why are they
called different things

if they're the same?

That's just one of the
great mysteries of life.

I've made Jim these omelets before

and he's never said a word.

Maybe he didn't wanna disappoint you.

You know how Jim can be a pushover.

I mean, he's sweet and compassionate,

but I would not call him a pushover.

How long have you two been together?

About a year?

Hm. Well, maybe you're not
pushing his buttons hard enough

with those little fingers of yours.

So, Amy, what do you do?

I'm a barista.

So you serve coffee
from behind a counter.

I'm a barista.

Yes, of course.

But it's just like saying a
bike messenger is a courier

or a janitor is a custodian.

Yet they're perfectly fine occupations...

I assume.

And what do you do, Kate?

Oh, I'm a stock consultant.

Oh, congratulations.

That sounds like a very important job.

Well, as long as we enjoy what we do,

that's the most important thing.

And I'm still in my 20s
and have plenty of time

to reach my goals.

Yes, but you have to
fulfill some of those goals

otherwise you're left with
a life of childish whims.

Oh, mother fucker!

Did somebody call me?

Hey, I really liked those articles

in that magazine last night.

Do you have any more reading materials

with articles like that?

No, but there's this magic little box

that you probably have in your pocket

where you just type into
it whatever you want

and hit search and it'll find it for you.

You'll have to excuse Miller.

He's a little tired this morning.

This one's an animal in the sack.

Oh, I'm sorry, dude. That was rude.

It's all right, dude.

What, it's been a couple
months for you guys?

Give it a little more time.

She'll be like roadkill in the sack.

There she is. How's
the little finger feeling?

It's fine.

- What happened?
- Just a little culinary mishap.

Oh, speaking of which
I hope you don't mind.

I remade the omelets.

You... remade the omelets?

They didn't have the
right texture to them.

- That's fine, Kate.
You know what,

how 'bout you just cook
the whole time we're here.

- That makes sense. I mean, I
know how three of the four of us eat

and you can serve the coffee.

Jim, let me be up front with you.

Coming back from a torn
ACL can be a tricky thing.

The recovery time can up to nine months

and that's just to be
able to walk without pain.

But it will heal.

Yes, but you'll miss a substantial time

from playing and to play
at the level you've been at

might not be a possibility,

at least not at your level of play.

I don't wanna see you
come all the way back

just to sit on the bench.

Football is all I know.

I will get back to where I was.

I wish you luck.

Thanks, Doc.

They laid a foul on.

It's his first and the team's first.

Morissette at the line.
Just shooting one.

Hey, baby.

Knee's acting up?

Yeah.

Who's playing?

The guys in red versus the guys in blue.

I like blue.

I'm gonna go with the guys in blue.

They're down by two touchdowns.

I always like the underdog.

It makes it so much more interesting.

Yeah?

Is that what I am to you?

To me, you always take the cake.

Oh cake.

I'm sorry I made such shitty omelets.

Who said you make shitty omelets?

The speed at which you were
eating Kate's told me so.

I was eating your original batch,

the ones with the lumpy texture.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I especially liked those
green things you put in them.

They weren't kidding
about it being a superstorm.

Yeah, super.

Hey, I need you to do me a favor.

While we're here, lay off Amy.

You mean look
at me, aren't I the cutest.

That Amy?

She can't help it if she's cute.

Oh, shut up, Jim. She's not that cute.

She's just so... cute.

What's the deal with this Miller guy?

He's a good guy.

So is that his first name or his last?

His name is Miller Bayer.

His name is Miller Bayer?

What were his parents thinking?

So what does Miller Bayer do for a living?

I'm a waiter.

Oh, sounds interesting.

Yeah. With a good chance of
becoming the new headwaiter.

Oh.

- Mm-hm.
Yeah, it's a lot of responsibility,

but I think I can handle it.

Yeah. At least you have
something to aspire to.

Yeah.

But really I'm just doing the waiter thing

until I can get my big break as an actor.

All those crazy times.

Do you remember that
Christmas party where we met,

the one where we smoked all that weed?

How could I forget?

I was trying my best to impress you

and I kept smoking and smoking
and trying not to cough.

You were failing miserably.

What can I say? I was
a newbie with a dooby.

You sure were.

Oh, and you were the pro?

We left the party early. We got lost.

We drove around for hours and
we ended up in Panama City.

And we ended up crashing
on the beach and...

I remember it well.

Remember when we woke up,

all those crabs were all over us?

They were hanging for parts of our body

they had no business being.

We had to go to the showers

and pluck each other for an hour.

Everyone always thinks it's
just about taking the orders,

but there's so much
more that goes into it.

Like, I gotta remember all the specials.

Sometimes they got foreign names

and they can get pretty tricky.

We had some crazy times in college.

Remember that time we
went to Bullwinkle's?

Or the time that you bet
that you could drink me

- under the table. - Oh.
- Yeah, you lost.

That was a bit embarrassing.

Embarrassing? You
started a barroom brawl.

Well, it was my
fault for taking the bet.

I mean, look at you and look at me.

How was I gonna win?

You were so plastered

that you fell off the bar stool

right in front of a wheelchair.

I know.

I looked up and all I saw are two wheels

coming right at my head.

Then he swerved around you

and hit the waitress

and her tray of drinks just
flew right across the bar

and hit those guys.

Oh my gosh. I looked up and
all I saw were fists and feet flailing.

It was like the Wild West in there.

And then you picked me up

and you threw me over your shoulder

and you took me out.

My own personal hero.

And the night was still young.

But it was still your fault.

- Of course it was.
It always is.

Sometimes when I get back to the table,

I forget who ordered what,

but instead of giving
everyone the wrong food,

I want them to think
that I'm this super-duper waiter, right?

So I just kinda hold up a plate on display

and say something like

the chicken, blah, blah, blah?

Someone always raises their
hand and I still look like

I know what I'm doing.

So as drunk as you were,

you still didn't wanna go home.

Oh, okay. And you weren't drunk?

Tipsy. Tipsy at best.

Yeah, okay.

So then you were drunk off your ass

in the movie theater

and you just started
yelling at me to get you

a giant bucket of popcorn.

So like an idiot, I get it for you.

And you had the bucket what, five minutes

before you give out a
big blood curdling scream

and just throw the popcorn everywhere?

And then you start yelling at me, "I want
another bucket. I want another bucket.

Get me another bucket of popcorn."

And then up until everyone in the theater

just started yelling at us.

Oh, it was such a mess.

And then the manager
came and threw us out.

Well, it was your fault for
taking me to a horror film.

That was very scary.

A horror film? We saw
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding".

Well, marriage can be a scary thing.

Well, how scary it could have been?

I mean, you said "I do".

So you have your black coffee

and then you have your specialty coffees.

And then it gets into all
the various flavor bursts,

and then if you want
your milk steamed or not.

And they have like oat
milk and almond milk

and all these crazy milks.

It's this new thing.

Yeah, mostly like a Brooklyn thing.

But yeah. And then it's like,
what kind of cup do you want?

Iced or hot?

I like iced.

So it wasn't just my imagination?

Once upon a time we had
some fun together.

Yeah, we did.

Don't mind me. I'm
just getting some water.

Hey, there's a lot of snow outside.

Maybe later on, we go build a snowman.

Yeah. And maybe while we're at it,

we can build some snow angels too.

So what are you kids talking about?

Oh, we're just talking about our dreams,

the people we wanna become in the future.

And who is it you
wanna be in the future?

Well, mostly I wanna do stage work.

I wanna be taken seriously as an actor.

So you're an actor.

Kate failed to mention
that you were an actor.

I don't want be an actor.

I already am an actor.

Miller is a fine waiter
at with Le Chateau Dadue

with an eye in training to
become the manager one day.

Remember we talked about that, honey?

Yes.

But you know what, I don't
know how to do the scheduling

or be in charge of anyone.

Did I say waiter?

I meant headwaiter at Le Chateau Dadue.

Well, not yet, but hopefully soon.

So Miller, what type of
acting gigs have you done?

Well, let's see.

I was recently in a
Wellington Bank Commercial.

Really?

Was it a speaking role?

I was speaking, but
you couldn't hear me.

So you were in the background.

Kinda.

I was outside of the bank

driving by and talking on my phone.

But you could definitely see
me when I stop at a light.

What does something like that pay?

Oh, I didn't get paid.

I didn't even know they
were shooting a commercial

till I saw it on TV a few days ago.

That's gotta do wonders for your career.

Oh, also I've been doing a one-man show

for the last few months.

Anyone want more wine?

Sounds good.

So tell me about this one-man show.

Uh, Jim, would you like more wine?

Sure.

Why don't you help me?

It's not like there's a wine cellar.

It's just right in the kitchen.

So anyway, I've been
doing a one-man show

where I talk about my past

and my life as an actor.

That sounds interesting.

So where could we
catch this one-man show?

Do you know Schulman's Deli in the city?

Yeah, I know it well.

Is it in the theater right next door?

- Oh no.
It's in Schulman's Deli.

Yeah, they have a small theater

- in the basement.
- Oh.

In the basement of the deli.

Yeah. I do a show the third
Thursday of every month.'

Oh couldn't get
a weekend spot, huh?

Son of a bitch!

So I've been trying to
get that weekend slot,

but there's a waiting list
and everyone wants it.

And it's really tough to get.

You must be far down the list.

Well, I'm on my way.

So Amy, I know you said
you have some aspirations.

What are they?

I plan to go to FIT next year.

I wanna be a fashion designer.

Oh, I think that is wonderful.

And you would be great at designing

a line of children's clothing.

- Okay, okay.
Maybe we should just calm down here.

I think you should calm down, Jim.

Yeah, you seem edgy.

Edgy?

I seem edgy?

Yeah, you're turning red.

I am not edgy.

Ladies, ladies, were
ruining Big Jim's wine buzz.

I'm not buzzed and my
name is Jim. Just Jim.

Oh!

I forgot to tell him I
may be playing a tomato

in a local car commercial next week.

It's a speaking role.

What was that all about in there?

What?

Oh, are you gonna be
all pouty wouty now?

Maybe.

Does little
boy need kissy wissies

to make him feel better?

Get off me.

I was standing up for you in there

and you teamed up with
her and attacked me.

I would rather join forces with ISIS.

If anything, I was being
Switzerland in the situation.

Well, I do like your Alps.

Let me just say, if anyone
was attacking anyone in there,

it was you attacking poor Miller

about his acting career.

- His what?
- You cannot fault a guy for following his passion.

Honestly, I think you're envious of him.

Are you being serious right now?

I mean, he's good-looking.

- Whatever.
- He's younger.

I'm still in my 30s.

You act like I'm on the top
step to the nursing home.

And he's with Kate.

Oh great. Now you're angry... again.

You forgot to include
that he's also a moron.

And why should that bother you?

I don't know.

Maybe because I think she should be

with someone more established.

And that wouldn't bother you even more?

You know, maybe you
should go into psychiatry

instead of fashion.

It's okay to share your
feelings with me, Jim.

I'm not just some hot
piece of ass you got here.

Maybe it would be easier if you were.

Well, too bad.

'Cause I got the bod and
the brains to go with it.

Look, here's what I know.

I was married to Kate for 12 years

and I truly want her to
find the right person.

And Miller Bayer is not that person.

I found the right person

and I'm deliriously happy.

Well, that's all the
time we have for today.

Our session is over.

Ah!

Ah.

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

So I hope noise earlier
wasn't coming from in here.

What noise was that, Jim?

Well, I mean, the only
reason I'm even saying anything

is just 'cause we all
have to sit on this couch.

So if it was, it would
be kinda disgusting.

I can assure you that
we were in the bedroom

as discreet as possible.

It didn't sound that way.

I'm sorry, dude.

We didn't mean to disturb you.

This one just gets out of control.

I know what you mean.

Amy here is like an Olympic gymnast,

great at the mounting
and sticking the landing.

What?

Okay, I think those pain
meds are getting to you.

Come on. Don't be shy in
front of our guests, babe.

Come here.

Do you know what I love about Kate?

She's all business at
work during the week,

setting those guys straight,

putting them in their place.

And then she comes home

and does the same thing to me.

I remember when we
were on a fishing trip

and just went and made love on the docks.

The only thing I
remember about that trip

is stepping on a nail on the dock

and having to go to the emergency room

to get a tetanus shot.

What about the time that we made love

in the corner of the mattress store?

Mm, yeah.

You fell asleep in the
corner of the mattress store.

Maybe you dreamt the rest.

Well, last month we were
at the amusement park and-

- No, don't, stop. Don't tell that story.
- Oh, come on.

- It's private.
- We're all, We're all friends here.

So anyway, the Ferris wheel gets stuck

and we're way at the top

and I start freaking out.

And the next thing I know

my pants are around my ankles and well,

I'm getting a little bit-
Okay, okay, we get the rest.

Thank you.

I'm just gonna say
we may have been stuck,

but we were the only car rocking.

Woo hoo!

Okay, okay, calm down now.

Well, that reminds me of the
hiking trip that we went on.

It started raining so we
just ran from the trail

and went under the ledge of the rocks

and, well, we spent the next
few hours being very romantic.

You remember that.

Honestly, you lost me at gymnast.

I don't know where these
stories are coming from.

Yeah, that last story
was with me, not Amy.

It what?

- The hiking story?
That was when we went to Washington.

Oh shit. I think you're right.

Wow, this has been really fun.

I got an idea.

Let's play a game.

I told you it doesn't matter how hard

you press with the marker.
I still don't know what it is.

Come on. Don't just
sit there, say something.

- A farmer?
- What? No, does that really look like a farmer to you?

I don't know, a fireman, a cop?

What?

Two firemen, two cops?

No!

Um, a cockatoo?

What?

Time's up?

- Oh, come on.
No, that was not a minute.

That was a very quick minute.

It actually ran out a long time ago.

I just let it go over because you guys

are so bad at this, I
didn't want it to stop.

Oh!

You guys are cheating.

I don't know how yet,
but I'm gonna figure it out soon enough.

Amy darling,

how do you plan to go to fashion school

when you draw like a
far-sighted two-year-old

with alcohol withdrawal tremors?

I don't know. I'll hire someone for that.

I don't know how the
answer is not a cockatoo.

- Thank you, Miller.
- I mean, the resemblance is remarkable.

How is this a cockatoo?

There are clearly arms and legs here.

- Oh.
Then what kinda bird is it?

It's not a fucking bird.

Is it Don King?

Don who?

Don King. He's a...

You know what, forget about it.

Are these two people related?

Well, in a way yes.

Are they George and Barbara Bush?

- George and Barbara Bush?
What?

George, Jr. And his wife.

What is wrong with you people?

No. These on the top of
this guy's head are feathers.

So that would make him a...

A transvestite?

A guy dressed up as a cockatoo.

A Native American.

This is a Native American.

Feathers on his head.

So that would make him a what?

Uh...

Not a cowboy.

Look, see, there's a buckle on the hat.

Oh, it's the buckle is throwing me off.

I mean, we have

buckles on our belts.

Maybe some shoes have buckles but a hat?

It's a Pilgrim.

It's a fucking Pilgrim.

Do you see there's the guy

with a buckle on his hat and a fucking...

Are you guys, are you
aware of Thanksgiving?

You know, it's actually
not a bad drawing

now that we know what it is.

- Thank you.
- But I think if you drew a turkey, that would help.

You know what my favorite
part of Thanksgiving?

The cranberry sauce.

- Yeah. - Mm.
- And the stuffing.

Oh yeah, but that'd
be hard to draw though.

You guys are ridiculous.

I think it's a perfect drawing.

If I wasn't drinking,

I would've gotten it immediately.

Okay, our turn.

If we win this, it's the best out of five.

Mm, but it's not my turn
to draw again though is it?

- 'Cause I hate... It is.
- The drawing part of this game.

It's okay.

Just concentrate.

Oh shit!

How am I gonna draw that?

'Cause how the hell am
I gonna draw a password?

Uh, shit, I said the word.

Wait a minute. The
the answer is password?

Like the password is password.

Holy shit, that's funny.

The password is password.

I'm not following.

You know, like the game show "Password".

The password is password.

Ah, I feel like I'm playing a game

with my dead grandparents.

Wait, no, no, no, no, no.

You can't take another.
You can't take a second card.

You have to at least lose a turn.

What? Just let him take the card.

They're so gonna lose this thing already.

This one's a good one.

- All right.
Ready, set, no.

Okay.

A pizza.

Pepperoni.

Um, sausages?

Meat balls?

Um, um, anchovies.

That's it!

- Yeah.
- Yes!

Here we go.

- Hey, no.
They got anchovies and I got Pilgrim?

What bullshit.

Hey, we got best three out of five.

We won fair and square.

No.

Next time, it's me and Kate

on the account of my partner's blindness

because I was clearly drawing a Pilgrim.

It is not my
fault that you draw like a caveman.

Touche.

Touch me.

What do you wanna be when you grow up?

When I grow up,

I wanna be a garbage man

so that I can take all
the neighbor's trash cans

on one block and switch them
with the neighbor's trash cans

on the other block,
just to fuck with them.

When I grow up, I
wanna be a jackhammerist.

Wait, what's that?

What is what?

The jackhammerist?

It's the guy who holds
the jackhammer, duh.

Duh.

Anyway, when I grow up,

I wanna be a jackhammerist

so I can shout dirty things

to all of the sweet bun
fellows that walk by.

I like that. Yes.

Yeah.

When I grow up,

I want to be the person
who makes the announcements

on the trains and mumble

so people don't understand
what I'm saying.

And then they get all scared
that they missed their stops

or worse, they got on the wrong trains.

That is truly fucked up.

You're all so cynical.

Boo.

Tell us, dude, what do you
wanna be when you grow up?

When I grow up,

I wanna be a florist

so I could stand outside,

see every person that
passes by my store and say

here's a rose because you are as beautiful

as this rose inside and out.

Have a wonderful day.

That is the most disturbing thing

I have heard all week.

That was beautiful, dude.

It's funny how in most situations

just about every person is more tolerable

when you're drunk.

I know, it's like getting
root canal tomorrow.

Have a drink.

About to meet your
daughter's ex-con boyfriend.

Have a drink.

About to be audited by
the IRS. Have a drink.

Having a breast enlargement
because you're self conscious

about your boob size.

Have a drink.

What?

No, that was kinda weird.

Yeah, very.

I love you Katie bear.

No, this part is not so tolerable.

Sweet dreams.

Where are you going?

Are you serious?

Come on, Ted.

We've been doing this for a long time.

There's gotta be some good news out there.

You have to have something in the works.

I'm trying, Jim, I really am.

But since your injury,

you lost a few steps.

Tell me something I don't know.

I know it, you know it,
the whole league knows it.

All the other teams,

I mean, somebody's gotta be
looking for an offensive tackle.

I will work out for each
and every single one of them

just to show them what I can still do.

You just got
cut from Pittsburgh, okay?

It's new.

Let me get you with a trainer,

we'll rehab the knee.

You come back stronger next year.

- No, no!
If we don't get something going soon,

they're gonna forget my name.

Call, call around the league.

Call the CFL.
I mean, hell, if you can't find anything,

call the Arena League.
Somebody's gotta be looking for someone.

Is that what you want?

You wanna take a step back

rather than, what, go out on top?

I want to play.

I just want to play.

All right, Jim.

We'll be in touch.

What the hell are you doing?

Good morning.

Not yet it's not.

Kate told me about your football days.

It was one of the first
conversations we had

on our first date.

Oh, that must have been
exciting being on a date

and then she's talking
about her ex-husband.

She spoke proudly of you.

She lit up every time she said your name.

I went home that
night and looked you up.

I don't really follow football.

You were awesome, dude.

Fast and stronger than
anyone else on the field.

I was pretty good.

Don't be modest.

I bet you were a god to a
lot of little kids out there.

I had some fans.

You played for a long time.

That's not easy.

Eight years at Pittsburgh,

three years in Canada in the Arena League.

Wow.

So lucky to have played your
heart out for all those years.

All I wanna do is win.

You were a winner.

You still are.

Okay.

Now this is getting very weird

and you're making me uncomfortable

because they're gazing at
me and you're touching me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I get that way around greatness.

It's amazing what you did.

Thanks.

Do you miss it?

Every day.

I would take a selfie with you,

but it's probably not the right place.

It definitely is not.

Now, can you get out of my bed?

Yeah.

See you later, buddy.

We are not buddies!

It's really coming down out there.

Yeah, windy too.

They say it's supposed
to end later today,

but I doubt we're getting out by tomorrow.

It'd better if we had cell service.

I know.

We rely on them so much these days.

You probably don't remember
not having a cell phone.

Yeah, I came out of the womb with one

with a pre-loaded Barbie app.

Hm, I figured.

What about MTV? Do you remember
when they actually played music videos?

Music videos?

What are music videos?

Let me ask you a question.

Do you know how to upload
a video to YouTube?

Mm-mm. Lots of nonsense on there.

That means no.

How old are you?

You should eat your
food before it gets cold.

It looks really good.

Good idea to have you do all the cooking.

It's all in the seasoning.

Anyway, it's good hangover food.

Mm-hm, yeah.

Good times last night.

Hm.

I usually don't let myself

get out of control around strangers.

It's okay. I have it all on my phone.

We should have taped Jim.

I haven't seen a smile that
big on his face in eons.

Really?

He's a fun guy.

Jim is fun?

Our Jim is fun?

- Yeah.
We laugh all the time.

I think the last time
I saw Jim smile that big

was when he recovered a fumble

and ran it 43 yards for a touchdown.

And that was late 2000s.

Yeah, that musta been a
really great time for him.

- Don't get me wrong.
It wasn't always a fairy tale.

Obviously.

You haven't seen all the sides of him yet.

I love him.

I could accept all of him.

- That's sweet.
But you know how guys keep their walls up.

We're not playing high school
mind games with each other.

Hon, you're a year in. I've had 12.

Believe me when I tell you

that things aren't always as they seem.

I don't really foresee any death traps

lurking around the corner.

I'm on the same team as you, Amy.

Us ladies need to stick together

even if you are from a younger generation.

Me and Jim are fine.

It's like buying a used car

and you're lucky enough to
know the previous owner.

I know how to bang the engine
here to get it started,

how to touch it lightly there

when stopping at a red light.

I know how to hit the gas hard

and when to ease up on the brake.

The owner's manual is mine now.

I think I can figure it out.

Well, if you need to talk,

you know where to find me.

Oh, there's breakfast for you there.

I gotta study my lines
for that audition this week.

Is that for the role
where you have a split personality

and the other personality
as a 10-year-old boy?

Nah, I didn't get that one.

Oh, I'm surprised. You
were perfect for that role.

Oh, do you wanna run lines with me?

Ooh, sorry hon, I
have things to do today.

- All right. You ready?
I'm just gonna jump in.

I'm ready.

Hey, what's a tough guy like you

doing in the ladies room?

To tell you the truth, sweetheart,

I'm not here to powder my nose.

Well, you better start yapping

or I'm liable to scream.

I saw you sitting

with that dopey-looking
excuse for a date in there

and thought that maybe
you could use my help.

Help with what?

With teaching you a
thing or two about love.

You got me figured wrong, fella.

I give the lessons and I give 'em hard,

like a ruler across
the knuckles from a nun

so big her name is Sister Sasquatch.

I oughta knock the sass right outta ya.

But instead I think I'll put
that lip to some good use.

Oh, my.

Take me to the infirmary.

I've lost all the feeling in my legs.

What do you say we get outta this dump

and hope a train to Naughtyville.

Two tickets coming right up.

The express kind.

Was pretty good, right?

Yeah. It's typed really nicely.

No typos.

Oh, you think I got a
chance of getting the part?

Um...

I know what you're saying.

I got too much talent
to be in a student film.

You know what you do have?

Confidence. And that
will take you a long way.

Well, I have been studying
the craft for five years.

The confidence just came along with it.

Five years. Wow.

Um... yeah, maybe we
should just do it again.

I think I got it.

But we could do it again for fun.

Yes, make sure your backs are straight.

Yes. Only a few more.

Are we breathing?

I said are we breathing?

- Yes.
- That's it.

Good, yes, all right.

Yes, dig in there.

Dig in.

Hey, hey, no, where do
you think you're going?

- Come on, join us.
- I'm just gonna get some coffee.

How much longer?

My organs are starting to hurt.

All right, you gotta keep
moving until you hit a wall.

And then once the pain
passes, you will feel

a euphoria enveloping you.

- I'm scared.
- Woo!

Don't worry, Mama's got you.

Hey, no, no, no. Get up.

Come on, join us.

- Can't.
You're not a legally certified trainer.

You gotta get rid of all
the evil toxins in your body.

Oh, I'm on good terms
with my evils and my toxins.

- Ooh, ouch!
- Ooh, uh.

Ah!

Oh!

Oh, my ankle.

You okay?

Oh, my ankle.

- I think it's broken.
- If you'll get some ice.

Just looks like a sprain.

Believe me, I've seen
many of those in my day.

Thank You, hon.

How's that feel?

That's okay.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Of course.

You know
what this reminds me of?

That one time when you injured your back

and we stayed on the
couch together for a week.

- Remember that?
- What would I have done

without you?

Remember all those massages I gave you?

Oh, do I.

Except they always ended up
turning into something else.

Mm. What can I say?

I have magic hands.

Where was the spot?

Was it here?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was the spot.

Yeah, that injury happened

a long time ago, right, Jim?

Yeah, yeah, you're right, it did.

Jim, would you mind
giving my calf a massage?

It feels like it's cramped

being in one place for so long.

- Right there?
- Mm, yeah. That's the spot.

Mm, yes, oh, it feels so good.

Yeah, yeah.

A little higher.

Mm, yes.

Mm, yeah.

A little higher.

Yes.

Oh, it feels so good, mm.

You were so brave.

A woman was chasing after
a stroller down a ramp.

- Remember? - Yeah.
- She couldn't catch it

because of her heels.

And then you came out of nowhere,

ran down the ramp, lifted the
stroller up like Superman,

and you saved the woman and her baby.

This was I had to do.

You were always my hero.

That is an amazing story.

Jim, can you come here for a sec?

You got a light?

What? Why are you smoking?

Why don't you sit down and
take a load off, big boy?

Do you need help with something?

Funny you should ask.

Funny? Why is it funny?

And why are you acting so weird?

I thought you like it weird.

How does that feel?

Feels good.

It's not making any sense tonight.

How does it sound if later
I cook you some roast beef?

Succulent.

What was that for?

What, am I not good enough for you?

What?

- What are you talking about?
- Am I not woman enough for you?

What's going on?

You're gonna fuck me and
you're gonna fuck me good.

That's what's going on.

Come on.

Okay.

Grab it harder, like you own it!

What about these?

Are these good enough for you?

Uh huh.

Are you sure?

Oh, I'm sure.

You don't sound like you're sure.

- Oh, I'm positive.
- Prove it to me.

Now pick me up and
carry me to the bedroom.

- What?
- Don't fight me. Now, do it.

Least to have service.

Uh, yeah.

I know, it's
getting so frustrating.

I don't know
why it's happening.

There's still no service.

I'm sure it'll come come back
as soon as the snow stops.

Your mom's probably
planning your funeral by now.

Ah, the worrying will do her good.

Keep her on her toes.

She never liked me much.

That's not true.

Oh, come on.

Every time I walked in the room,

she'd do that cute thing
where she would say,

"It smells like something's rotten,

like something has died in the wall."

I always
thought it was so funny

when she did that,

You should go visit her for lunch.

I'm sure she'd enjoy it.

Uh, I'm afraid that she'd poison me.

Well, the two of
you were really close at one point.

Hm.

How does she like Amy?

They get along really well.

I figured she would.

She's so eager.

Eager to please everyone.

I thought the two of
you were getting along.

Only because it's important to you

for some reason.

She's a part of my life.

Yeah, for now.

You never had an issue
with the other women I dated.

Well, that's because
they were all attempts

at replacing me, all
attempts for things to appear

as though they were status quo.

And what's Amy?

I think she's a Girl Scout

who recently grew out of her miniskirt

and she needs someone to save her

from the big cruel world and
you are more than thrilled

to be the oversized ape,
banging on your chest,

showing off to all the
other apes in the jungle.

Ah, that's tight.

Is it so wrong to wanna be with someone

who cares about me,
someone who makes me feel special?

You're not yourself with her.

No, Kate, I wasn't myself with you.

How can you say that?

We were married for 12 years.

Yeah, when we were in
college, things were great.

When I got drafted by Pittsburgh,
things were even better.

But when my career was over,

we were over.

You were miserable. Jim.

All I ever knew was football.

Waking up every day and training

ever since I was a little kid,

Then I had football and I had you.

I had to adjust to being some,

just regular married guy.

Regular married guy?

You make it sound so awful.

All I'm saying is that
I had to give up something

that was such a part of me.

Yeah, but you gave
me up in the meantime.

You didn't give me a
chance to find myself,

find a version of me that
we both could've lived with.

I gave you more than enough time.

A year, Kate.

You gave me a year.

And it was the hardest year of my life.

It was an adjustment for me as well.

But it shouldn't have been about you.

I gave you everything for all those years

and when I needed you the most,

you weren't there for me.

You didn't give me time to find myself.

It was like a little
more of you died each day.

And I saw how it was killing you inside

and I couldn't do anything to help you.

And I knew that if I stayed,
I would die with you.

Well, we're both still here.

Well, I don't have to ask
who made the roast beef.

What's wrong with the roast beef, Kate?

Doesn't taste like roast beef.

Tell me what it tastes like.

Like a burnt hockey puck.

I think it's succulent.

I agree.

You don't even know
what succulent means.

And what is this supposed to be?

Oh, that's called broccoli.

Well, it tastes like
wadded up toilet paper,

used toilet paper.

Do you eat a lot of
use toilet paper, Kate?

And they're called mashed potatoes

because they're supposed to be mashed.

It feels like there's volleyballs in here.

Well maybe if Your Highness

didn't fall off her pedestal with a boom,

she could've made dinner herself.

I can hardly walk on this ankle.

I think you're faking it for attention.

It actually didn't look that bad.

You're gonna take her side on this?

I'm not taking anyone's side.

I'm just saying, I don't
think it looked that bad.

Didn't look that bad?

Didn't look that bad?

Is this proof enough?

It could be broken for all I know.

Is this proof enough for you?

Look at me. I'm hobbled.

My foot is split in two.

That's pretty good.

You should take up acting.

- Oh, that's enough out of both of you.
Just sit down and eat.

About the acting thing, Miller.

You're not very good.

Yeah, right.

My acting teachers tell me how good I am.

That's because you pay them to say that.

If they didn't say that,

you'd find a new acting teacher.

Well, then why do I
get all these auditions?

Do you get any callbacks?

It's a tough business.

You're very good-looking

but what you do can't be deemed as acting.

You deliver all of your lines
in a slow monotone fashion

like Stephen Hawking.

So he delivers them like he's dead.

Could you tell her
how good you thought I was this morning?

I mean, like you said,
it's a tough business,

but you still have that
restaurant manager option

- on the table.
- Yeah, but, I don't know how to be in charge of people.

You'll learn.

I'm afraid of the cooks.

What?

I'm afraid of the cooks.

I have a fear of the cooks. I don't know
what they would do to me if I yelled at them.

God, I can't
eat any more of this shit.

- I don't mean to be rude.
- No, of course you don't.

If you don't mind,

I'm gonna go to the fridge
and get the leftovers

that I made.

I don't mind if you choke on them.

Excuse me.

Oh, I said, I don't
mind if you choke on them.

You think you're so
wonderful, don't you?

I think she is.

I do too.

It sounds like the plows
are coming through.

I never thought a plow would
give me so much pleasure.

That came out wrong.

I'm kinda bummed though.

I wanted to spend more
time here with you guys.

I like you guys.

Oh, Miller. We like you too.

I don't like you.

Mm.

I just want everyone to know

that I take back the
things that I said earlier.

It was harsh and I apologize.

Let's just chalk it up too it
was a bunch of cabin fever.

So my cooking isn't that bad?

Your textures are off

and your seasonings are
iffy, but otherwise...

And did you mean what
you said about my acting?

It's a tough business.

Eureka!

Oh, just a bunch of
text messages about work.

And a bunch of messages from Mom,

Mom, Mom, Mom.

I got a callback.

I got a call back for a film, a real film.

Was it a silent film?

Congratulations. I knew you could do it.

How much does it pay?

Well, it's not a paid role.

Oh, oh, hey dude.

I was trying not to make too much noise.

- You want some?
- Get up!

I sense that you're
angry about something.

Are, are we not buddies anymore?

We never were and never will be.

What did,
what did I do wrong?

I don't understand.
Is this because I'm dating Kate

'cause I would dump her in a second

to be friends with you, man.

Let's go, you piece of garbage.

Oh wait, but I, I'd do anything
to make this right though.

I really would.

Whoa, what's going on here.

I'll tell you what's going on.

This loser boyfriend of
yours was doing lines

- in the bathtub.
- Ah, it's not true.

I was just smelling it.

I like the way it smells.

Did you know about this?

No, of course not.

You know my rule of
no drugs under my roof.

Not even weed, dude?

You were smoking weed
while you were here?

I can remember. I've been
so hopped up all weekend.

How could you let this
low life in my house?

I didn't know.

I knew I didn't like
him from the first minute

I laid my eyes on him.

You didn't like him, be honest, Jim,

because I was dating him.

No, I didn't like him 'cause
he's not good enough for you.

Oh, okay, so what am I supposed to do?

Spend the rest of my life alone.

You spend your days with all
these professional, distinguished men

and you went to the lowest,
darkest, dirtiest places

to find this guy.

I can hear you. I'm standing right here.

Shut up!

It was just one of those things, okay?

We ran into each other a few times.

We had some things in
common. We started dating.

Bullshit. You have
nothing in common with him.

Hey, he's a good guy.

He's simple. He doesn't have any skillset.

I was trying to help him out.

Help him out?

You mean, help him out with what?

What is it? I know you're
not even with him for the sex.

I mean the moans didn't last that long.

What?

I'm trying to figure out
why you're even with him.

Look, Jim, there's
nothing to figure out.

I understand you want me to be happy,

but I'm a big girl, okay?

I can figure things out on my own.

None of this would've ever happened

if you didn't just give
up on us and run away.

I didn't run away.

I stayed waiting for you to come home.

You stayed for a year.

I was scared, okay?

I was scared of what
would happen if I stayed.

Yeah, I believe that you were scared,

but what you were scared
of was that the money

wasn't coming in anymore.

I can't believe you just said that.

Why, why? 'Cause it's true?

No, I was never in it for the money.

I loved you for who you were.

I loved you long before
your career started.

I loved everything about you.

And then when you retired,

it was like you were gone.

Yeah, well I'm still the same person.

Yeah, you are now, but you
weren't then.

I thought you were dead.

I'm more alive than I've ever been.

Fuck!
What am I doing?

Fuck.

What are you doing?

Figure the roads will be clear enough,

we can head out first
thing in the morning.

Is everything okay?

I heard what you two were talking about

when you were arguing.

I can't compete with Kate.

I'm tired of fooling myself
into thinking that I can.

She's beautiful. She's a great cook.

And you guys have had an
entire lifetime together

and me... I'm just a blip.

You're not just a blip, Amy.

You mean everything to me.

I just wanna go to
bed. I'm really tired.

We will head out in the morning, okay?

So is everything okay now?

No, you idiot!

Everything is not, okay?

And in case you haven't figured it out,

you and I are done.

What about Big Jim?

Do you think he'll still be my friend?

No, Miller? He's not
your friend.

Just go sleep on the couch.

Well, cars are dug out,
driveway's cleared enough.

Roads are plowed.

That was quick.

Jim, we need to talk.

Look, I know this
weekend got out of hand.

I'm sorry.

Don't apologize. I get it.

But there are still
some unresolved feelings

between you and Kate.

I wanna be with you.

I'm not so sure.

Are you breaking up with me?

No, I'm not.

I'm just not willing
to play second choice.

When you figure it out,

let me know.

Amy.

This is nice.

Yeah, it's definitely better

than us fighting all the time.

Our old spot, our little
table in the corner.

See if the menu's the same.

Hey, it might be our old spot,

but it's not the old pricing.

So have you heard from Amy?

Well, no.

Um, aren't you Jim Chapel?

Yeah.

I'm a huge fan.

Pittsburgh wasn't the same after you left.

- Thanks.
- Can I take a selfie with you?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Whoa.

Oh man, that's great.

Wait till my friends see this.

Thank you.

Could've taken our
order while he was here.

So what are you going to order?

I think I'm going to get-

- Let me guess, Chicken Marsala?

Well, if you know what
you like, why change it?

But you know what you like.

I'm not still following.

When we think of us together,

we think of us from the old days.

We think of us when we were shiny and new.

I tarnished us when I moved.

And I will never forgive
myself for not staying

and trying to work things out.

And worse than that, you'll
never forgive me, I know.

What are you trying to say?

You're like my best friend, Jim,

and I want you to be happy.

You're a part of me and
I want you to be happy too.

I need you to do something else.

What is it?

Go get Amy.

That silly little 12-year-old girl

loves you with everything she's got.

She can't cook to save her life,

but she sure does know
something about love

and she makes you happy.

Well, what about dinner?

Why are you still here
and not running to her?

Now, where is that waiter?

Listen, Jim,

the season's already begun

and I'm not getting calls for you.

I mean nothing from the
Arena League, the CFL,

or the bigs.

You've had a special career.

It's nothing to be ashamed about.

I just can't accept that it's over.

Who the hell wants
to be playing football

their whole lives?

It's all I know.

Look, you left it all
out there on the field.

Everyone knows it and everyone admires it.

Promise, Ted,

if anyone calls,

let me know.

Jim.

There's not gonna be any more calls.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I was an idiot. I'm sorry.

There's no one in this world
that I'd rather be with than you.

You're my everything.

I want you to move in with me.

I want you to be the
last thing I see at night

and the first thing I see in the morning.

Stop.

You had me at you were an idiot.