Superman III (1983) - full transcript

Wealthy businessman Ross Webster (Robert Vaughn)discovers the hidden talents of Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor), a mischievous computer genius. Ross decides to abuse his talents, in a way to help Webster with his plans for economic control. When the man of steel interferes, something must be done about Supes. When Gus' synthetic Kryptonite fails to kill Superman, it turns him in an evil incarnation of his former self. The tar-laced Kryptonite pits man against himself, setting up the Clark vs. Superman battle.

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Next, please.

Come on, come on.

Next.

Name.

Gus Gorman.

Ah, yes. August Gorman.

Have you looked for
work this week?

- Yes.
- What kind?

- Kitchen technician.
- Dishwasher. Any luck?

No, but...

Mr Gorman, according
to our records,



you've been unemployed
for 36 weeks.

No, it's 35.

Not counting this week.

You secured employment
in June as a

messenger and were
discharged after...

- one day for losing...
- No, they said I lost it.

I did not lose it. It was
stolen by a pickpocket.

A television set?

It was a teeny-tiny, teeny-weensy
Japanese television set.

The other employment
you found was in

a fast-food joint, which lasted...

28 minutes?

That's some kind of
record. Talk about fast.

Those people are
crazy. They expect



you to learn that
stuff in one day.

"Hold the lettuce.
Hold the ketchup.

Can I have some sauce, please?"

Mr Gorman...

"Two buns. No buns. Some cheese."

Mr Gorman, the city of Metropolis
is generous to a fault, but...

I'm not the fault.

Thirty-six weeks of
chronic unemployment.

Thirty-six weeks of living off the
taxes of hard-working citizens.

Do you know what you are?

Don't call me a bum,
I'm not a bum.

You are, I was about to
say, no longer eligible.

- Well, look...
- Next.

Wait. What about this
week? I need this week.

Next.

You mean, that's it?

"Finished," like "over"?

Next.

"Next" as in "bye."

Next.

Name.

Excuse me, brother,
can I have a light?

- How you doing, Alex?
- Hi, Jimmy.

Huh? Ah.

Excuse me.

Say thank you.

Wow.

Way to go, Superman.

Your drink is on its way.

Sir.

Excuse me...

but what if you wanna program two

bilateral coordinates
at the same time?

You can't do that.
It's impossible.

- But if you can't...
- Oh, no.

Computer technology
is very advanced,

young lady, but it can't do that.

But if you think we can't do
it that way, what happens...?

Sir.

Good Lord.

How did you do that?

I don't know. I just did it.

- Who's this?
- That's him, Ross Webster.

Just after he received the award
for Humanitarian of the Year.

He is good-looking.

Because I gave him F2 at a 50th.

One thing I don't understand...

the point of the
story Lois wrote is

how Ross got this great honour...

and you bring me
one picture of him

and 15 pictures of
this other person.

Who is she?

Lorelei Ambrosia.
She's Webster's...

She's just Webster's.
Let's leave it at that.

- Who's this other woman?
- His sister, Vera Webster.

- Picture looks fuzzy.
- What?

The picture's fine, chief. She
looks like that in real life.

- She's VP of Webscoe Industries.
- I really don't understand you.

A boring banquet and you bring
me 3,000 boring pictures.

Yet Superman saves a man from
drowning on Third Avenue...

while you just stand there and
you don't bring me one picture.

Chief, I didn't have
my camera with me.

A photographer eats
with his camera. A

photographer sleeps
with his camera.

- I'm glad I'm a writer.
- Mr White, please.

It's time for you to draw this
month's winning JINGO number.

Prize is an all-expenses
trip to South America.

I don't know why the
idiot in Circulation...

Good morning.

- Hi, Clark.
- Hi, Lois. Morning, Jimmy.

You've got mustard on your lapel.

Excuse me, Mr White, I
hate to interrupt...

Sorry. I'm busy. I got a
paper to get out here.

It'll never replace
the printing press.

- What's the number, Mr White?
- Fifty-three.

- Mr White...
- Fifty-three.

Mr White...

You've got to pull
three more numbers.

I promised I'd call them back
today. What do you think?

Well, I don't know, Kent...

I think it'd make
a terrific story.

What's a terrific story?

Kent's been invited to
his high-school reunion.

- Say.
- Yeah.

Could we have the next number?

It's practically an American
institution. Isn't it?

I don't know, Mr Kent. Most of the

people I know are
still in high school.

Thirty-three.

What I thought this story would
be about, Mr White, is...

Thirty-three.

Is how much the typical small town
has changed in the last 15 years.

Take me, for example:

Can I really go back
to middle America

now as a Metropolis sophisticate?

I'm really excited about this.
In fact, I was looking around...

in my closet last night...

and I even found my old
high-school sweater.

- Smallville.
- Mr White.

Can I go ahead and
make my travel plan?

Same question about mine.

Tell your people the
prodigal son and

his photographer are coming home.

Oh, gee, thanks, Mr White.

It isn't easy for me to lose
one of my best reporters.

- That's okay.
- You deserve the vacation, Lois.

Thank you.

Lois, are you going some place?

Clark, you know some people get to
go all the way to Smallville...

and then there are others of
us who have to go to Bermuda.

Golly.

- Bye.
- Bye, Miss Lane.

Have fun.

Mr White, the next number, please.

Well, I guess I
better be going too.

So I'll be going.

Bye.

Couldn't we get a
computer to do this?

- Hey, what is this?
- First pay cheque.

This is the first
rip-off, man. We're

supposed to get 225 a week, right?

This says, "$143.80." How am
I supposed to live on that?

State tax, federal tax,
social security tax...

It's so you're still getting
some money when you hit 65.

So I'm getting money
when I...? 65?

I want mine now.

I want to enjoy it
while I'm young. I

wanna get up and get down. Boogie.

Actually, it's probably more
like $143.80 and one half cent.

There are always
fractions left over,

but big corporations
round it down.

What do I do with half a cent?
Buy a thoroughbred mouse?

Everybody loses those fractions?

They don't lose them. You can't
lose what you never got.

Then what happens? The
company gets them?

They can't be bothered
collecting that

from your pay cheque
any more than you.

Then what happens to them?

Well, they're just floating around

out there. The
computers know where.

How many sugars?

One and a half.

It's quitting time,
Gus. You coming?

Yeah. No, actually, I got some
stuff to finish up, so...

Working overtime,
huh? What are you

doing, buddy? Looking for a raise?

Yeah, looking for a raise.

You bet.

But my Uncle Al on my father's
side, he won't eat her stuffing.

He says it should be cooked on the

outside. She cooks
it on the inside.

My mother told my Aunt Helen.
She's my father's half sister.

- I told you that, right?
- Yeah.

- And anyway, the family...
- Hey, hey.

- Look at that.
- Wow.

Okay, your choice: You can turn
back or pull over till it's over.

- How long will it take?
- Can't tell with these fires.

I mean, that fire... That's
spreading like wildfire.

It's just a building burning.

It's not just a building.
That's a chemical plant.

You know what I mean. It's
like... It's like chemicals.

If any of that stuff
goes up in smoke,

we're in for a hairy
time around here.

- Clark.
- Yeah?

I want you to keep these
people distracted.

What are you doing?

What am I doing? Remember
what the chief said?

A photographer always
goes after a story.

That could be dangerous, Jimmy.

Danger goes with the
territory, Mr Kent.

Help me.

- How can I help?
- Get this man a helmet.

- It's you. Forget the helmet.
- How bad is it?

My God, it's a nightmare.
Everything's

either explosive or
flammable or worse.

Get the ladder truck in here.

- It won't reach.
- My God, they're trapped.

What's he gonna do? Fly
them down one at a time?

Let's go. Everybody,
down there. Move it.

Come on. Hurry up.

There you go.

Right down there. Take it easy.

All right. Everybody down there.

Keep moving.

Sir, get out. I'll show
you the quickest way.

Go on. Look after the
others. I can't leave.

Why not?

I got to stay and
look after those.

That's concentrated Beltric acid.

If that stuff heats up over 180
degrees, we've got a crisis...

that'll make this fire
look like a picnic.

What does it do?

As long as it remains stable,
it's just ordinary acid.

But if it begins to heat
up, it'll turn volatile.

You'll get a great cloud of smoke
that will eat through anything.

Steel, concrete, anything.

Who the hell is that?

Hey, you. Get off there. I'm just
gonna get a couple more shots.

Ow. Ah.

Tell them to bring their
hoses back here. Quickly.

Help.

Help. Help me.

Help. Somebody help me.

- Help.
- It's all right.

- Superman. My leg.
- I got you. Take it easy.

All right. We'll go nice and easy.

Okay, I'm sorry. All
right? Here we go.

Medics. Over here, please.

That's it. Here you go.

Go easy. It's the left leg.

- My camera.
- Yeah.

It's a clean break right
across the fibula.

- My camera.
- Sorry, Jimmy. You'll be okay.

Get that fire out,
otherwise there'll be an

acid cloud all over
the Eastern seaboard.

- The pump house is gone.
- What?

- The pump house.
- We've lost the water pressure.

- We've got to have water.
- How?

Lake Comooga's five miles from
here. We'd need a five-mile hose.

- Where's this lake?
- That way.

Tell them it's hopeless.

You told me we had an
adequate water supply.

Water.

I tell you, that man's a miracle.

Carol, you got gorgeous.

Look at you.

That was against Mid-City.
I'll never forget it.

Fourth quarter, score was tied...

we're back at the 25-yard line.

Coach sends in a play,
Right Flanker Option.

You really have grown, Clark.

You look very well,
Miss Bannister.

I can't complain. I
take the stairs a

little slow and I
have these spells.

But really, I can't complain.

Lana?

Clark?

Would you excuse me?
There's someone

I'd really like to say hello to.

Lana?

Lana Lang? It's great to see you.

Clark.

- You look wonderful.
- Me? No, you look...

Let me give you a hand with that.

No, no. I can manage.

This is the first time you've come
back since your mum passed away.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

I heard that you and...

- Donald split up.
- Did you eat yet?

No.

Beg your pardon. Excuse me. Sorry.

- That's not right.
- No?

You're right about Donald and
me, but... Hold this, okay?

Oh, sure.

Hi, Kent.

Hi. How you doing?

I'm sorry. I'm going nuts. Thanks.

- Clark.
- Yeah.

Lana.

Oh...

Hey, sweet.

Here I am.

Remember when you
were prom queen? All

these guys were
waiting for a dance?

There's only one guy on your
dance card now. Huh, honey?

- That's good old...
- Brad Wilson.

- Hi, Brad.
- Hi, Kent.

Long time no see.

You know, see, see, see?

- Come on, Lana.
- No, I can't.

- Clark already asked me.
- I did?

- Yeah.
- Oh, excuse me.

Lana, I haven't danced...

Ah, Gorman. Another
week, another check.

Don't you have another one for me?
I put in a voucher for expenses.

What?

Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

Ooo...

Thanks for helping me out.

You kidding? A lot of guys
would like to be where I am.

You'd be surprised at how
many offers I didn't get.

Even Brad wouldn't stick around.

It really isn't easy.

The streamers? Yeah,
you just pull, and...

No, not the streamers. Everything.

Not that I'm complaining.
It's just that...

I don't know why, I just
feel like I can talk to you.

What?

I feel like I can talk to you.

- You can?
- Yes.

- You know something, Lana?
- What?

I always...

I always wished that you would.

I mean, even back in high school.

- Remember when you were...?
- Queen of the prom.

Then three years after the royal
wedding, the king abdicated.

- Isn't that terrible?
- Yeah, sure is.

There must be a gallon of
potato salad left over.

You know what the problem is?

I don't know, too much mayonnaise?

Donald loved mayonnaise. Why
would that be the problem?

No, the problem is, why
do I stay in Smallville?

Believe me, I've
asked myself that.

Do you know how lucky you are to

live in Metropolis?
The Big Apricot.

Well, Lana, you could...

Easy to say. But how?
What about Ricky?

- Ricky?
- My little boy.

- You? Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.

I mean, at least
here we have a house

and I've got a job
that pays the bills.

Except for last winter when the
fuel bills kept going up and up.

Yeah. Even had to pawn
my diamond ring then.

That's a shame.

You never got married?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Well, I was...

No. Not...

You know, years later you can
look at someone and think:

"Well, I guess that's
the one that got away."

Give me that again, old buddy.
Run it by me just one more time.

- Eighty-five thousand dollars.
- Missing?

Embezzled, Mr Webster.
Stolen from the firm.

By whom?

That's what I want to
know. By whom? Whom?

Vera, get a hold of yourself.

Nobody else ever will.

I don't know.

Whom?

In the old days it was simple.

We kept books, we knew what was
going in and what was paid out.

If somebody wanted to rob you...

they'd come in with a gun
and say, "Stick them up."

Now they get blasted computers
to do their dirty work.

My old friend, you are yesterday.

Whoever pulled this
caper is tomorrow.

Mr Webster, it's time
for your massage.

Does this woman have the
right to burst in...?

Now, now, Vera. Simpson, you
know my psychic nutritionist?

Hello.

We are trying to
hold a meeting here.

Why don't you hold your breath
instead. Maybe you'll turn blue.

- Improvement.
- I'm about to take a human life.

Simpson, would you excuse
us for a second, please?

- Mouths closed. Ears open.
- She's a big pig.

I can't have anyone with
me who isn't with me.

Now, girls.

Simpson.

Well, old chum. What now?

Kiss the 85 thou goodbye?

Keep on paying the
thief his salary

until he shakes the
money tree again?

He's bound to slip
up sooner or later.

Why?

That's what they always
say in the movies.

He won't slip up at
all. No, not at all.

He'll keep quietly taking
the bread from our mouths.

He'll keep a low
profile and won't do

a thing to call
attention to himself.

Unless, of course, he is a
complete and utter moron.

I'll go first. Andrew.

- I'll pick Chris.
- You feel good? You feel ready?

Ricky, your shoe.

You mean, we've got to take Ricky?

You guys lost the toss.

All right, come on, Ricky.

- Wait, wait...
- Come on, good luck.

- I just can't stand this.
- Oh, Lana. It'll be okay.

I know, I was a late
bloomer myself.

It's not just that
he's small, he's the

only kid in town without a father.

Oh, look. He's stewed to the gills
in the middle of the afternoon.

Gee, all he had was
chocolate milk.

No, him.

Hey, sweet thing.

Little kid getting hassled, huh?

- Kent, you still here?
- I seem to be, Brad.

All he needs is a few pointers
from the old champ here.

I won the all-country bowling
trophy two years in a row.

I didn't know that.

Yeah. Natural athlete
can play any sport.

Brad, you're just
gonna make it worse.

- It's all right. It'll be okay.
- He'll make it worse.

You watch, he'll get a spare.

Come on, Ricky.

Hey, kid, you're
holding it all wrong.

Let old Brad show
you how it's done.

Brad.

Excuse me. Say,
Brad, I think maybe

he'll be better off
doing it his way.

For a guy lucky to be waterboy,
you've got a big mouth.

I don't think he needs a lesson
in front of the other kids.

- He needs a man to show him.
- He's doing just fine. Excuse me.

Here you go, Ricky.

And give it your best
shot. Okay? There you go.

Sorry.

Ah-choo.

Gesundheit.

Thank you.

Hey, Gus, the boss
wants to see you.

He can see me all right.
Hello, Mr Lewis.

No, not that boss. The boss.

- You mean, the boss...
- Yup.

- Wants to see me?
- Yup.

Oh, my God, why would
he wanna see me?

I mean...

Why would the boss wanna see me?

There's no reason.

Then why'd he...? Oh, I know.

It's my suggestion for
the volleyball uniforms.

That's it.

Ross the boss. Ross
the boss. The boss.

Be calm. Be cool. Be collected.

Mr Webster? Mr Webster?

Mr Webster, I did
not... Mr Webster.

Mr August Gorman?

August Gorman here.

I know you're a man of compassion,
and I don't wanna go to jail...

because they have
robbers and rapists...

I just wanna ask you one question.

You've been a naughty
guy, haven't you?

Come on, admit it now.

You've been just a little
bit naughty, haven't you?

- I was kind of...
- That's all right. I understand.

I can... What do the
young folks say today?

"Dig where you're
coming from, brother."

- You wanna be rich, right?
- How, what?

I was born rich. Never worn
the same pair of socks twice.

What do you do with your socks?

I don't know. They're
laundered and sent

to some charitable
institution, I think.

Actually, I don't know. Maybe
they turn them into dust rags...

or pen-wipers or something.

Or maybe socks.

Yes. That never occurred to me.

Gus, you know something?
You're a genius.

A naughty genius,
but what the hell?

Nobody's perfect, right? Cheers.

Because of the half-cent
thing with the computers.

No, no, because computers
rule the world today.

The fellow that can
fool the computers

can rule the world himself.

I've been searching for somebody
who can make these machines...

do what they're not
supposed to. Get my drift?

- Yes.
- Gus...

Webscoe, the Webscoe industrial
complex, is a family-owned cartel.

Some magnesium here,
some zinc there.

Railroads, farm machinery.
You follow me?

I follow you, sir.

Gus, do you know what I want now?

- No.
- I want coffee.

All right. Black,
cream, sugar, or...?

No, you don't seem to understand.

Under different company names, I

control the price
of coffee beans...

in Venezuela, Brazil, Bolivia,
Jamaica and the Republic of Gabon.

But I've got a problem and I
think maybe you can help me.

One country won't play
ball with me. You

know how that can
bug a guy, right?

That could bug... What country?

- Colombia.
- Colombia?

Colombia has two important
exports, and one of them's coffee.

And I've tried to reason with
them. Believe me, I've tried.

But this one miserable,
pissant little country...

has the gall to think
it can dictate

the economy of an
open market. Gus.

Gus, my friend...

we're going to teach them
a lesson, aren't we?

Destroy the entire
Colombian coffee crop...

right down to the last bean.

- The last bean, we are.
- Right.

But you got so much.
You know, like...

A wise man once said, I think
it was Attila the Hun:

"It is not enough that I succeed.

Everyone else must fail."

Seems fair.

- Gus.
- What?

You are going to do this for me.

- How?
- The weather.

You didn't say your
mother was here.

I'm his sister. His baby sister.

Gus, tell me, have you
ever heard of Vulcan?

Hi, Ms Vulcan.

Vulcan is the weather satellite
our government put up...

to monitor the weather.

But if somebody were to reprogram
it, it could do much more.

It could make weather.

Storms and floods.

Blizzards, heat waves.

How do you do that?

Like everything else in
the 20th century, Gus.

You push buttons.

There you go.

It's the first time
I won anything.

You won my hand, Maury.

But this is the first time
I won anything valuable.

Let's get one with the sombreros.

Mr White, you'll be in this,
handing them their plane tickets.

- Why do I have to do this?
- Why do I have to do this?

You're lucky I didn't fire you. I

get a chance at
exclusive photos...

of history's biggest factory fire.

He comes home with a broken leg
and 12 melted rolls of film.

It was hot.

Smile, Mr White.

South America. I can't
believe my luck.

See, if you don't want
them to trace it back...

you've got to punch in to some
little rinky-dink outfit...

that has a little Mickey
Mouse computer...

Some place you can
sneak into, right?

Somebody could...

Some place where nobody knows him
so they can't connect him with us.

Webscoe has 112 subsidiaries.

They're all linked into the
central computer system.

How about some place...

small?

Smallville. This is Smallville.

We'll have a
five-minute stop here.

Mind your step.

Watch your step, please.

Thanks, Selma.

Thanks a lot, Lana.
Have a good day, now.

Let me help you, Lana.

I'm sorry.

- Thanks, Clark.
- Sit down, Buster. Good boy.

Come on, Buster, sit
down. That's a good boy.

Okay. You all set? Great.

Wow.

I'm not saying another word.

That's it. Okay?

Jesus Christ.

Don't they have picnics
in Metropolis, Mr Kent?

Well, not quite like this, Ricky.

- Mum and I do this all the time.
- You do?

I'll help you.

Stay close by and
be careful, okay?

Okay, Mum.

Come on, Buster. Let's find you
a rabbit. Come on. Rabbit.

- This is so nice for him.
- Here you go.

It's even nicer when there's a man
around, which isn't that often.

- There's a lot of choices.
- The good ones are married.

That's why Brad thinks
he's God's gift to women.

He won't take no for an answer,
but he's the only one asking.

No, Lana, I meant there's
a lot of choices here.

This is really quite
some picnic. There's...

some of that.

Green stuff.

Hey, pâté.

Boy, this pâté is really unusual.

I didn't make any... Oh, Clark.

That's Buster's dog food.

- It's good.
- Don't eat it.

What time's the dog eat?

- This is nice.
- Here.

It's all right, Lana.

Thanks.

Hey, where you going? Come on.

Buster, stop messing about.

- How much longer...?
- I was just thinking...

- I'm sorry. No, go ahead.
- No. You.

Well...

I was just thinking that...

somebody like you could do
really well in Metropolis.

I suppose I have to
face it. I'm not gonna

find what I want in
Smallville any more.

Could I make it in Metropolis?
What would I do when I got there?

Call me.

- No, I wouldn't wanna call you.
- You don't wanna call me?

Yes, I wanna call you, but I

wouldn't wanna be a
nuisance to you.

I don't think you could ever
be a nuisance to me, Lana.

Clark, may I tell you something?

My oil pan is leaking.

See? There's something dripping.

- Can I give you a hand?
- No, thanks.

With all the car trouble I have,
I studied up on auto repair.

Look at this.

Oh, boy.

Lana, I think I'll just go see
if Ricky's all right. You okay?

Yeah.

Gosh, is he all right?

Hi.

Superman?

That's me.

Mum. Mum.

There you go. He's all right,
but have a doctor check him.

Thank you.

- I'm Lana Lang. This is Ricky.
- Nice to meet you.

And this is Clark.

I really have to be going.
So long, Ricky. Bye.

We were flying, Mum.

What were you doing, anyway?

I was looking for Buster.

- Buster. Buster.
- I found him.

Come on, boy. That's it.

Mr Kent, Superman was here.

- What?
- Yes, he really was.

Aren't you excited?

I'm from Metropolis. I
see Superman every day.

You do? Could you get
me his autograph?

I don't know. If I had a nickel
for every time some little kid...

Yeah? What do you want?

We're in big trouble, aren't we?

- What?
- We're in big trouble.

First, they lost the invoice.

When they found it, they realised
they came up short on a few items.

So I rented a car
because I missed the

plane from Cleveland.
4:00, you know.

And a flat tyre on the
highway. What a kicker.

Had to fix it myself with
these little pinkies.

And I figured your
boss was gonna be

real peeved, you know what I mean?

What do you mean?

He is going to hang our
butts against the wall.

He wanted this special
order installed...

in his office no later
than tomorrow morning.

Let me in because I got
to set it up tonight.

Get all what set up?

Pal, you are a real lifesaver.
I mean, a real lifesaver.

- Which way's the office?
- Straight on ahead.

- Follow me.
- I'm right behind you.

Oh, yeah.

Not bad. It's pretty good.

You know what's wrong
with this Singapore wing?

Sling. Singapore Sling.

What's wrong with it?

There's not enough vodka in it.

There's no vodka in it.

What did I tell you?
Put some vodka in it.

What did you...? You know.

- Yeah.
- There's vodka in it now, buddy.

Yeah, perfect.

- You never do pass out, do you?
- Nope.

Never.

Job well done, buddy.

You thought I was drunk
too, didn't you?

Fooled you.

Get the keys, get the keys.

Somebody's drunk.

Hello, baby.

How's the little baby?

Okay.

All right, let's get
down to it. Let's do it.

One, two, button your shoe.

"Both keys at the same time"?

Whoa.

Wait. Wait a minute.

Think you've won, don't you?

The Philly Flash.

Okay, ready?

One, two, three.

Yeah. Now we'll see
what we'll see.

Oh.

Oh...

Oh.

Come on, please.

There it is.

Hello. Now...

getting down to business.

I am a genius.

I am a...

Longitude...

and the other thing.
Latitude, right?

Oh, look, Maury. A native wedding.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

No one said at the Daily Planet
that this was the rainy season.

Meteorologists are baffled by
the tornado and rainstorms...

that struck the country of
Colombia this afternoon...

threatening to destroy
the nation's entire

coffee crop for the
next five years.

Gale-force winds up to...

an incredible 250 miles an
hour lashed the countryside...

while 12 inches of rainfall have

already been recorded
in just one day.

A spokesman for the Department of

Meteorology said
this was, I quote:

"The most awesome display of
natural forces since Noah's ark."

If I laugh any harder,
I'll split my sides.

To defy all laws of weather
systems known to science.

What a shame.

Poor little Colombia. Well...

I'm gonna get you for
that, you big silly.

Bubba, do you realise
what we're on to?

Do I?

Every time a drunk sobers up,
he'll drink Webster coffee.

Why stop at coffee?

A cup of coffee gets the world
off to work in the morning.

But what keeps the world working?

Diet soda?

Vera, you mean...? You mean...?

Today, coffee.

Tomorrow, the oil.

Oil?

If Gus can push the
right buttons...

I can have it all. Holy cats.

All the oil.

All the pumps.

All the tankers.

This is some nifty idea, Vera.

- Boss?
- Very nifty.

- Just the man I want to see.
- Boss, it is not my fault.

Isn't it neat? There...

- What's not your fault?
- Superman.

How was I to know he was gonna
start doing his thing...

when you started doing your thing?

- What are you talking about?
- What am I talk...?

It was just on television,
man. Didn't you see it?

Don't call me "man."

I just saw Colombia bite
the dust. That's all.

You didn't see the
man come flying out

of the sky from the
clouds? It was him.

With his cape flapping in the...

His cape was flapping in the wind.

He was flying. He was great.

He was just flying around...

His cape was blowing in the wind
like this. It looked like a flag.

And he landed right in the
middle of this big plantation.

And he checked everything
out with his X-ray vision.

And then he put these laser beams
out of his eyes onto everything.

Straight-out laser points.

Dried up everything.

Just like that.

I'm talking about drying it up,
like machines in the men's rooms.

You know what I mean?

Hot air comes out when you
put your hands under.

Sometimes they don't work, right?

But Superman's worked.

You think he stood around
to take bows? Not this man.

No, sir. He flies
off again. Right?

Then he saw what really
caused the trouble.

He flew into the tornado...

went down to the bottom of it,
and turned it upside down.

He made the little end on top
and the big end on the bottom.

I was gonna go crazy.

I've never seen nothing like it.

The big end was on the bottom.

Little end on the top.

Mr Ross, it was... The big...

Superman's bad.

I'll say he was.

I mean, he was bad.

No.

No.

Here, let me help.

It was a perfect plan.
It was foolproof.

And we were the fools.

It's not my fault. I did
what I was supposed to do.

He ruined it. That lousy
do-gooder ruined it.

Now that he's pulled
off this stunt,

he'll try and ruin
my oil scheme too.

- I've got to get rid of him.
- How?

Shoot him? You know
about him and bullets.

- Kryptonite.
- What?

Or krypton-ham, or krypton-heimer?

I forget what you call it, but
it's stuff that can hurt Superman.

- How would you know about that?
- I know a few things.

I know, from the graffiti I saw.

Wait a second.

She's right.

Kryptonite. I remember reading
about it in an interview with him.

Where does it come from?

The same planet Superman
came from: Krypton.

Where is Krypton?

It's nowhere.

It blew up in space, years ago.

They sent Superman here from
there when he was just a baby.

I know some things too.

Wait a minute. You know what
happens when a planet explodes.

Debris. Things floating in space.

So?

So all we have to do is find out

where in heaven
Krypton used to be.

Then we get good old Gus to
contact the Vulcan satellite.

Old Gus has been
doing some thinking.

Good. That's why I
keep you around.

Yeah. I've been
thinking that I'm not

making enough money for this gig.

Gus, if there's anything I hate...

it's greed.

Greed? Mr Ross, just a minute.

Let me tell you something.

I can't ski.

Once Gus contacts the
Vulcan satellite...

he orders it to search
through space...

around where Krypton went bye-bye.

Then the laser probe locks on to
a floating chunk of Kryptonite.

The computer analyses
the components...

and the boys at the lab
duplicate the stuff down here.

"Unknown"?

"Unknown"?

What the hell, he
ain't gonna smoke it.

Mr White can't be responsible.

Where is he?

Please, Mr Stokis.

He'll pay for this.

Get out your wallet.

- Good morning.
- Don't you "good morning" me.

"Old, old relationships suddenly
seem very much the same.

The prettiest girl
in the school..."

is still the prettiest
girl in the school.

- Hello?
- Hello. Oh, hi, Clark.

Lana. Hi, I was just
thinking about you.

Oh...

Listen, I have a
problem with Ricky.

Why? What happened to Ricky?

It's Superman's autograph you
got him. He got carried away...

and told the kids Superman
was coming on his birthday.

Okay, it was wrong...

but when Wednesday comes and

Superman doesn't
show, it's gonna...

Well, Lana, in this case I think I

can go ahead and
speak for Superman.

I mean, he and I are
pretty close, you know.

And you can tell
Ricky that Superman

will be there on
Wednesday, all right?

Well, he's gonna get the best
home-cooked meal he's had...

in a long time.

Tell Superman we think
he's wonderful.

All right.

- But, Clark...
- Yeah?

You're the best.

And I'll take it to the
Supreme Court if I have to.

But it wasn't our fault.
It was an act of God.

In a church?

Hey.

Here's that compound you ordered.

Can't imagine what
you want with it.

But you got it.

What the hell am I afraid
for? I'm from Earth.

Lana, I really wasn't
expecting all this.

I guess they did get a
little carried away.

Superman, we all know...

that you're not looking
for honours and awards.

But when we heard that you were
coming to see your pal Ricky...

we realised that this was our
chance to say thank you.

First, for putting out
the Lake Comooga fire.

And not least, for
saving little Ricky.

So since you already have
the key to our hearts...

Superman...

may I present you with
the key to the city.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

As you were.

Now listen up.

I just came in directly...

from the Pentagon...

and you better believe there's
a damn good reason that I did.

Because God has given us...

one of the greatest
gifts in the world:

Chemicals.

Now, you people,
you like to go sit

in church on Sunday, don't you?

You like to sit and
watch the Super Bowl.

Yeah.

Sit on what?

You sit on moulded, plastic seats.

Moulded to your well-fed behinds.

Now, I don't have to tell you
that America leads the world...

in high-grade plastics.

We cannot afford a
chemical-plastics gap.

Now, listen to me.

Do you want...

our President of the United
States sitting down...

to write a peace treaty...

and have his ballpoint
pen bust open...

and the ink run out all over
his nice, clean trousers...

in front of the world leaders?

No. No.

Now, we all know...

that last week, half of this
great nation of ours...

almost bit the bullet...

if it wasn't for this man here.

And all I can say is, thank
the Lord for Superman.

Superman, you saved our bacon...

and I'd like to
show our gratitude.

This is a small token
of our appreciation...

to show to you for saving us
from a chemical-plant disaster.

Thank you very much, General.

This is very nice. Thank you.

It's very nice.

Unknown. How am I supposed to
know what "unknown" means?

It means unknown. It means
nobody knows what it means.

- Hello, boss?
- Gus?

- Gus Gorman here.
- I know that. How did it go?

You know how they're always trying
to find the secret recipe...

in that chicken in the bucket?

And nobody seems to
know the ingredient...

because it's unknown, right?

In the Kryptonite
there was an unknown

element and Superman didn't die.

He didn't die.

I ask you to kill Superman...

and you're telling me you couldn't
even do that one simple thing.

Hello?

He hasn't had an
afternoon nap for years.

This is the biggest
day of his life.

I don't know how to thank you.

You did with that wonderful lunch.

Oh, well, I do like to cook.

- You'll take some coffee?
- Yes, please.

- Decaffeinated, of course.
- Right.

Hello? Yes.

What?

Oh, really?

Yeah, he's here.

I'll tell him. Okay,
thanks. Bye-bye.

Superman, that was
my friend Betty.

There's an accident
on the bridge. A

trailer crashed through the rail.

It's hanging off the bridge
and the driver's in the cab.

I'm sorry. I hate to
make you rush off.

Well, there's no rush.

But the bridge...

It's okay. I always
get there on time.

Come on, let's relax a little.

It's unusual finding
a good-looking

girl like you alone like this.

Listen, are you sure you shouldn't
do something about the bridge?

What bridge?

You're right.

I have to get going.

Get him out of there. Come on.

Get him out. Get him out quick.

Come on. Get him away.
That thing's gonna go.

Everybody okay? Joe?

What can I do to help?

Not much of anything now.

If only you'd got
here a minute sooner.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

"At a special session of
the General Assembly...

178 countries voted to
censure Superman...

with only Colombia abstaining."

I can tell you one thing.

He wasn't so mean and nasty
the other day in Smallville.

In fact, he was so
full of niceness...

I hated laying that
big chunk of...

Kryptonite. Don't you see?

That stuff we ran off in the lab

wasn't a complete
failure after all.

Right after Gus gave it to him,
he started to turn into...

an ornery, evil,
malicious, selfish...

- A normal person.
- Yes.

And now that Superman is out
of the nice-guy business...

We can get to work on that oil.

And now, the supreme moment,
as the last runner...

the one given the great honour of
lighting the ceremonial flame...

runs the last leg of a marathon
that began seven days ago...

as this torch has been passed
from athlete to athlete...

for 970 miles...

across the country.

How can he say that
pure categories

have no objective meaning...

in transcendental logic?
What about synthetic unity?

Hi, honey. Am I in your way?

Stick around, you may
learn something.

Hi, Lorelei.

All the oil tankers
in the world are

totally controlled by computers.

They tell them where to go,
how much oil to pick up...

and where to deliver it.

Don't they have captains
on these ships?

Yes, but they don't need them.

That's a throwback to some
sentimental, seafaring baloney.

You will command the tankers to
sail toward a 50-mile area...

in the middle of the
Atlantic Ocean.

And do what?

And do nothing.

Just sit there.

How are all the people
gonna get their oil?

You catch on fast, old buddy.

Every oil pump in
America is run by...

- Computers. I know.
- Will you stop interrupting?

I'm sorry.

You will command the
pumps to stop pumping.

Then I want you to program
one special command...

into all these systems.

Tell them these orders
are irreversible.

So it would be impossible for
anybody to switch them back.

Can you do this for me, old buddy?

Old pal?

You know, you get your
way all the time.

And it's not right.

I wanna know when I get a taste.

I think you've already had a
taste of freedom, haven't you?

Or would you prefer jail?

You can't run that
jail number on me.

Because I know I mean more to you
out here doing things for you...

than sitting in jail doing
nothing for nobody.

I see.

What do you want?

What? A waste basket?

No. These are plans.

Blueprints.

- For what?
- A computer.

- We've already got computers.
- No, not like this.

There's not a computer like this
in the whole world any place.

It doesn't exist. You see...

we have to build it.

What will it do?

Anything I tell it.

What will it do for me?

For you? It will do anything you
tell me to tell it to do for you.

Wow.

Tell me.

First of all, if anyone attacks
this machine or anything...

the computer counter-attacks it.

I mean, it finds their
weaknesses and wipes them out.

Right, old buddy.

You deal with my oil and
I'll build you your machine.

Okay, I'll do it.

But I'm not so sure about
this irreversible business.

They all kind of
went... What the hell?

That's it. The last tanker.

They're all mine now. All mine.

Yay.

Not quite.

What's that in the
upper-middle quadrant?

It's a tanker.

And it's going the wrong way.

Skipper?

There it is again.
"Proceed immediately to...

latitude 30 north,
longitude 45 west.

There await further orders."

Hell, that's the middle
of the Atlantic.

I'm not taking my ship there
just to await further orders...

no matter what that says.

We're supposed to
go to Metropolis,

and we're going to Metropolis.

All right.

That's where she is. Yeah.

Come on, get it up there.

Miss?

Miss, can you hear me?

Listen, we are here to help you.

Don't jump. I repeat, do not jump.

Thought you'd never get here.

Don't expect me to save you.
I don't do that any more.

Don't worry.

I'm long past saving.

Well...

don't let me keep
you from anything.

I'm not in a rush.

What did you have in mind?

Lots of things.

Oh, yeah?

Ooo...

If you'll just do me one
little favour first.

What's that?

Well...

See, there's this little boat...

and it's not going where
it's supposed to go and...

Stop all engines.

Stop all engines.

Hi.

How about a little après-ski?

Champagne?

Take your turn like
everybody else.

Stop it.

He's coming over here, Martha.

Don't you do that.

Don't. Please.

Hit him with your handbag.

Help me. Please, help me.
Somebody's beating up my husband.

- I've got to call the police.
- Jack, go with her, okay?

The third one today, and
at night it's worse.

Somebody's behind this.

You can't tell me there's no oil.

You can't say someone's not
getting rich off this.

Someone's always getting rich.

You know who suffers?
The small guy.

The East Coast gets the
brunt of the spill.

No, I cannot go out
with you tonight.

No. I'm busy tomorrow night too.

Oh, yeah? Doing what?

I'll think of something. Look...

- I got to go. Ricky needs me.
- Lana.

Brad, please stop calling
me. I've told you.

Well, you listen to me, huh?

You better start
appreciating old Brad.

What else you got in Smallville?

What else have I
got in Smallville?

I think I got the right answer.

So do I.

Smallville Airport,
what flights do

you have to Metropolis tomorrow?

- Where do I put this?
- Over there.

- Where do you want this?
- Put it up there.

Are you kidding? I'm
not going in there.

Hey, hey. Come on.

Just leave him alone.

I can't get through.
Something's happening.

Hey, look. Superman's drunk.

I wanna see what's happening here.

Ricky. Ricky.

- Ricky.
- Yeah, that's right.

Thank you.

It's a disgrace,
that's what it is.

I'll tell you, nobody's ever
gonna trust that creep again.

He's washed up.

What are you looking at? Huh?

Excuse me. Superman?
It's me, Ricky.

Ricky from Smallville.

Tell them you won't hurt anybody.

He's changed.

No. Maybe he's just sick.

Superman, please get better.

He's not listening to you.

Yes, he is. He can hear me.
He's got super-hearing.

Superman, you're just in a slump.

You'll be great again.

You can do it, Superman.

Superman, you can
hear me, can't you?

Superman, you're just in a slump.

You'll be great again.
You can do it, Superman.

Superman, you can
hear me, can't you?

He's gone nuts.

Come on.

I can give as good as I get.

Oh, yeah? All right,
come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

What's the matter, Kent?
Too warm for you, huh?

Come on, chicken. Come and get me.

You've been on my
nerves a long time.

You always wanted to fly, Kent.

Now's your chance.

Skipper.

God, would you look at that.

Miss Lorelei Ambrosia
isn't at home right now.

But if you'd care to
leave a message...

why not deliver it
to her in person?

So you've finally shown
your true colours.

Well, if you're looking for us,
here's where you'll find us.

Do drop in.

Wow, this is fun.

Fun? The fun's just starting.

Wait till Superman finds us,
then you'll see some fun.

Wait, you gonna
mess with Superman?

Let's go. I want to be ready for
him when he falls into our trap.

I just don't see why you can't
balloon down like the rest of us.

Well...

No way.

I just don't believe
a man can fly.

Watch out, horsy.

Don't, don't, don't.

Just don't try to fly.

Don't try to fly.

Will you get out of my way.

- Hurry. Hurry up.
- I am hurrying.

- I can't see anything.
- Turn on the light.

- Where's the light switch?
- Where do you usually find it?

I don't know. I guess
I'll check the doorway.

God, it's pitch-black in
here. Oh, that's better.

Wow, what a jukebox.

I told you, didn't I?

There. The ultimate computer.

It does everything
a computer can do

and 1000 things none
of them can do.

Let's give it a dry run.

Wait a minute. We've
got to wait for Gus.

Who needs Gus?

He's the only one
who can operate it.

Like fish he is.

I know enough about computers
to put a PhD to shame.

Come now, brother dear,
you didn't think...

I was gonna let that little
man run the show, did you?

Why don't peons tidy
up when they're done?

Come on, Bubba, it's showtime.

Engage those buttons to
activate the alpha circuit...

and lock the modular grid.

You. Activate circuits
29 through W-7...

and start full-power coordinates
on exterior defensive systems.

In other words, push
this red button.

How did you know about that?

He's here.

Good. Let's give him
something to worry about.

Now, let's see...

Tracking systems locked.

Let the games begin.

Don't tense up now, honey.

Come on, Bubba, you're
wasting your rockets.

Come on, Superman.

Let him have it, Ross.

Bubba, keep firing.

Keep him occupied while
I get the MX ready.

What the hell is going on?

You keep your rockets
coming. He won't

notice the missile till too late.

So much for your catlike reflexes.

Oh, God.

No more. Look, you sit.

Sit, sit.

Help.

Hello? Forget you, jackass.

That's him out of the way.

Sis, how would you like to control
all the world's weapons systems?

Baby.

It's Daddy.

Hey, what are you
doing with my baby?

Gus, old buddy, genius.
Come up and join the fun.

He's still coming. Arm
the inner defences.

All right, the game's over.

Hi, honey.

I don't know you, lady.

But the other night...

I'm sorry, but that wasn't me.

That guy's gone.

And you're next, Webster.

Never underestimate the
power of computers.

How do you like it?

I think it's typical of
people like you, Webster.

Instead of helping
others, the four

of you just wanna help yourselves.

Four of you?

You mean, us? Four? Wait...

Hey, man.

That's only his last name. He
likes to be called "Superman."

See, I'm not with them, Superman.

You could've fooled me, mister.

That's very good.

Let's see how long he can
carry on without any air.

He's still coming.
He's going to get me.

Don't bet on it.

You're hurting him.

- That's Kryptonite.
- Yes.

- This time we got it right.
- You're a genius.

You've invented a machine that
can find anybody's weak spot.

Congratulations, old buddy.

You'll go down in history as
the man who killed Superman.

I'm... No.

Superman.

No.

- Where do you think you're going?
- Never mind.

- Turn the power up.
- Hasn't he had enough?

Turn it up.

Power. More power.

Whoa.

Ow.

Seventy-five. Current 7.75.

There's a current level of 7 that
is not supposed to be on bar...

Oh, here it is.

What's going on?

I don't know. The power's gone.

Gus must have pulled the plug out.

It worked.

It worked. I got it.

What have you got?

- Give me that screw.
- This screw?

- That screw.
- Never.

Hey, wait. I can't see.

What?

Holy...

No. Make it stop.

I can't. It's out of control.

But how? Where's it
getting the power from?

It's feeding itself.

It wants to live.

It's this thing here.
We'll go to the zoo.

I'll do that tomorrow, and
then we'll go on to the...

- What's happening?
- It's okay, Ricky.

Put the lights on.

Stop it. You're killing him.

Stop it.

Hey. Put me down.

Don't leave us alone
in here. Superman.

Oh, I get it.

The coaxial energy
shaft is engaging

the grid source factor. Right.

We're through, frogface.
I'm splitting.

Hey, wait a minute.

Girls. Girls, come out of there.

Sis.

Help me. Please.

Sis.

Sis?

Oh, my God.

What is that?

Lorelei.

Sis, it's your Bubba.

Help me. Help.

Superman.

Honey.

Honey, I'm stuck here.
Help. What about me?

Look out.

Bubba?

Thank you, brother.

Regular or premium?

She hasn't had a drink in so long,

give her a tankful
of the good stuff.

How you doing?

Please don't talk to me. I'm
having enough trouble hanging on.

Okay, we'll go slow.
You're perfectly safe.

I'm not gonna argue with you.

I mean, any man who can trick
my machine can do anything.

How did you beat my defences?

Those defences are good as long as
it didn't know it's in trouble.

This time it didn't
see the danger.

I went in with plain old acid.

It didn't know that when acid gets
hot, it'll eat through anything.

- Watch the trees.
- Whoa.

I guess it died of
acid indigestion.

But what's gonna happen
to Ross and the ladies?

They're gonna have
to see the police.

It's not your problem any more.

Are we in Metropolis yet?

Nope. We're just gonna make a
little stop right over there.

Whoa.

We're on the ground, Gus. Morning.

- You okay, Supe?
- I'm fine.

Excuse me a second.

Can you guys spare one of these?

- Sure, Superman.
- It is Superman, isn't it?

Are you kidding? Is that...?

Didn't you see us
fly out of the sky?

We're the only two men who
can fly. "Is it Superman?"

Just right.

Okay, Gus, let's go.

I was afraid you'd say that.
I thought I'd take the bus.

Well, suit yourself. Does your
boss have a computer here?

Yeah, he got a little
bitty one about that big.

You tell him he can do a lot worse

than to give Gus
Gorman here a job.

Wow, thank you, Supe.

Take care.

I'll see you around.

So long.

Take it easy, man.

Well, you got good references,
so if you want that job...

Nah, this is not for me. I
think I'll take that bus.

Can you tell me where
the bus station is?

Yeah, about nine, 10
miles over there.

Nine or 10 miles. Okay.

Hey. You really flew with him?

Superman? Have you ever
seen Superman before?

No.

Oh, you don't know about me
and him? Me and Superman?

Yeah, we go way back together.

We always, usually,
sometimes, we...

Nine or 10 miles?

I think I'll walk.

Yeah, I'll walk.

Yeah.

Clark.

What a nice surprise. Come in.

- Gosh. Hi, Mr Kent.
- Hi, Ricky.

Guess who Mum's
having dinner with.

Who?

Superman.

Yeah, that's what I
came to tell you.

Superman said to tell
you he's sorry...

but he's run into a problem and he

won't be able to have
dinner with you.

I guess he misses
a lot of dinners.

Yeah.

Would you mind settling for me?

Any day.

- I'll get my things.
- Okay.

You know, Lana, I was talking
to Superman the other day.

You know, he and I, we talk a lot.

And he felt badly about you
having to pawn your diamond ring.

Well, he found...

He found this one
just lying around.

He wanted you to have this.

Wow, a ring from Superman.

- It's okay. I got it.
- Sorry.

Look at that.

- Oh, Clark.
- It's okay.

It fits.

It looks really pretty.

Thank you.

Well...

- Brad.
- Brad.

Son of a bitch.

Kent, I hate you.

I've always hated you.

- You know why?
- No.

- Because you're nice.
- Not really.

And nice guys finish last.

Lois, I've got to hand it to you.

Who else could turn a
vacation into a story...

that'll blow the lid off
corruption in the Caribbean?

I knew I was on to something when
that taxi driver kidnapped me.

Lois, you're terrific.

I have to be. Seems I've
got some new competition.

The story that you wrote
on the class reunion?

- I thought it was terrific.
- Thanks.

And fascinating. I liked the part
about the little girl back home.

I'll take you to lunch and
you tell me about it.

I'd love to, but I'm having lunch
with Mr White's new secretary.

- Hi, Lana.
- Hi, Clark.

Lana. Lois, say
hello to Lana Lang,

Smallville's newest
gift to Metropolis.

I'm glad to meet you. I
like your writing a lot.

Thank you.

I like your sparkler a lot.

Me too. I couldn't believe
it when Clark gave it to me.

- Clark gave it to you?
- Yes.

Mr White.

Mr White, look what
I've got for you.

People, I am in love
with this machine.

Mr White, excuse me, but I have a

couple of errands to
run before lunch.

- Go ahead, Mr White.
- Where's the handle?

There is no handle. You
just push the button.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]