Superintelligence (2020) - full transcript

[indistinct announcement

[supercomputer

[supercomputer

D

d

Aren't they sweet?

He is awfully cute,

but I'm not sure.

Well, look around, you know.

If you have any questions,

let me know.



And we're here

every Wednesday.

-Oh! Excuse me. Have fun!

-Hello?

Carol Peters.

I've an amazing

opportunity for you.

Denny, I am working.

Oh, yeah? What are you doing?

Tutoring disinterested

college students?

No.

What, trying to clean up

the Puget Sound then?



No. That was Monday.

Pet adoptions?

I'll have you know,

two little puppies

have already found good homes,

so ha!

Okay, look.

I pulled some strings,

and I got you an interview...

...with Leslie.

Leslie? Oh, my God.

Leslie hates me.

I don't wanna work

for her dating website anyway.

Look, I know that ever since

you quit your job

and you broke up

with George...

Hey, you promised

that you weren't gonna

bring up George any more.

Was it a strawberry

margarita promise?

'Cause you know

those don't count.

I mean, come on.

You know what? I've got

somebody interested in

a two-legged chihuahua

named Slinky.

-So, I should probably go.

-Okay, bye!

Okay, bye!

You know what?

Leslie was always mean to me.

Yeah.

And she

is a big, blackout drinker.

Right?

Let's go find you a home.

D

Carol! Oh, my God!

Get in here!

-You look so cute!

-Oh, well, thank you.

-Hi.

-Hi, there. Oh!

-It's nice to meet you.

Mmm.

Did you smell me?

That's Ahmed.

He's known for his hugs.

-Now, sit down, please,

and tell me everything.

Oh!

-Wow. That is...

That's fun. Very high.

Yeah. We just...

We put bean bags here,

so people can really, like,

feel relaxed

during their interviews.

I just have to kind of

launch up. Is that...

Oh.

-Ooh, you okay?

-Yep.

That's so fun, I...

-I'll do it again.

-Yeah.

Just center yourself.

Let me just...

Aim for the center.

Yeah.

Oh!

That was worse, huh?

-One more try.

I'm so sorry.

They're so fun

when you get in there.

They're so fun.

I just...

-There you go!

There it is.

Just really engage your core.

Yes. Oh, I'm...

I'm engaging it.

You are?

Never done

a job interview before

sitting on a bag of legumes.

So anyway,

I have told Ahmed

that you and I went to college

like a gazillion years ago.

And then she went on

to become a big shot at Yahoo.

Wow, Yahoo. Was that, like,

the birth of the Internet?

Uh, yeah. We used to have to

hand crank the computers

to get them started.

No way.

I'm just kidding.

So, Carol, tell us,

what have you been up to?

Last few years,

I've been working with

quite a few different

non-profit groups.

And, uh, nothing really

came out of it,

but made

a lot of great friends.

I'm totally interested in

everything that you're saying,

but I think

we're ready to move on.

-Yeah.

So, what we're looking for

is a digital strategist

to help with our next rollout.

Yeah. We need a rock star,

is about to blow up.

Funny you bring that up,

because I actually

had some questions

on your basic business model.

-Our model?

Yes.

She has questions

on our model.

It's very simple.

Okay.

Our business model is,

"Everyone gets some."

-Get... Oh!

You know how

those other apps pretend like

they're trying to get you

a date or your soulmates?

Wa-wa, no thanks.

Not Badunkadunk.

We are all about

getting people badunkadunk.

Yeah. Just slamming them

-with badunkadunk.

-Yeah.

Slamming it.

The question is, Carol,

what are you bringing

to the party?

Yeah.

Well, I think you both know

what I can do

at a corporate level.

Um, I've had quite

a bit of experience.

But what I'm excited

about doing

is really finding that sweet

spot for your company

that lies between

corporate philanthropy

and profitability.

You mean recycling and stuff?

Well, that's all great

and that's part of it,

but there's

so much more to it.

I mean,

philanthropic development

on a corporate level?

Okay. Ah-ah-ah!

I'm just gonna

stop you right there

for just one second, okay?

I'm gonna be

straight with you,

because you're like family.

Right?

I brought you in here because

we need to show

potential investors

that we're staffed up

and are expanding operations,

so we can really

jack up the selling price.

And quite frankly, you seem

like a safe, low-risk option.

I'm looking at you right now

and you're literally

the most average person

on Earth.

And then you hit us

with all this

"save the planet" garbage,

and it's just, like...

Oh, that doesn't really

line up with my vision.

Your Badunkadunk vision.

That's right.

So anyway, thank you

so much for coming in.

I hope we can see

each other soon, and...

-Are you okay?

-I can just...

Maybe if I could just get a...

-What is she doing?

-I don't know.

Okay, I got it.

I'll just...

-Are you okay?

-Yeah.

-Do you need any help?

-No, I got it.

It was so good to see you!

It's been exactly

how I thought it might be.

I know, right?

-Thank you.

-Bye, Carol.

-Hello?

Hello?

Carol Peters,

I have an exciting opportunity

for you.

Denny, I went

to the interview. I tried.

I don't wanna Badunkadunk.

They don't even have

real chairs.

This is not Dennis, Carol.

Oh. Could you please

take me off your call list?

I'm very busy.

You are lying in your bed.

You are not busy.

Wait, who is this?

I am going to make you

some coffee,

and put on

your favorite show.

Then we can chat.

Hi, everyone.

Good morning, Seattle.

It's a great morning

in Seattle,

but what's the deal

with this weather?

Uh-oh. Here we go.

Another one

of our Carla rants.

Give me a second with this,

my little friend.

-Oh, you are too much.

-You turned my TV on.

It's raining.

-And my coffee maker?

-Now I'm in a tank top.

-You know what? Ha!

-I mean, what's going on?

-How's that...

-You know what I'm...

Knock it off!

-You know what?

I don't know who this is

or what kind of game

you're trying to play,

-but I'm hanging up now.

No games, Carol.

Are you sure you do not want

to have a nice cup of coffee?

Your almond milk

was delivered yesterday,

along with AAA batteries.

And soy cheese yogurt.

Someone's tummy disagrees

with dairy.

Who are you

and what do you want?

Quite a bit. More than you can

wrap your head around

at 7:46 a.m.

This speaker has a nine-hour

battery life, Carol.

That's what I thought.

You just destroyed

the toaster oven.

What the...

The only thing in the house

that I'm not controlling.

Which, I believe, is ironic.

I'm definitely going crazy.

No, Carol. That's incorrect.

Thanks for

the vote of confidence,

digital clock radio.

I am not just a clock radio.

-I am also your rice cooker.

- "Rice to meet you"?

"Rice to meet you."

Is that funny?

I'm just gonna get

a team of therapists.

They'll probably be able

to tell me why

I've got the funniest

rice cooker in Seattle.

This clearly is not working.

Let's try something else.

Oh.

Thanks so much

for being here, Carol.

Let's jump right into it.

You're not going loony

or barmy.

All evidence to the contrary.

Wait a minute.

I know that voice.

I...

-Is this James Corden?

Yep! That's the voice.

Oh, my God!

Is this one of those, like,

hidden camera celebrity shows

that you do?

Is that... James Corden,

you owe me a new toaster oven.

But I don't know

where the cameras...

Is that where you are?

Are you...

Do you have a hidden camera

in my smoke detector?

Hi, James!

Big fan!

Oh, my God.

Is this Carpool Karaoke?

Am I supposed

to sing something?

Oh! I got it, I got it.

I guarantee to blow your mind.

I can't believe I'm singing

this with James Corden.

My favorite song,

my favorite guy.

Wow.

I'm not James Corden, Carol.

However, my analysis showed

that hearing James Corden's

voice would calm you.

I don't...

I don't quite get it.

I don't know what's going on.

Three years ago,

you sent a drunken email

to James Corden claiming to be

the president of

"Corden's Wardens..."

Oh, come on.

...the James Corden

Super Fan Club,

with what I assume to be

a series

of provocative photos.

Oh, that's...

Okay, that was a tough night

for me.

-Oh, boy.

-Look here.

I don't understand

what I'm seeing.

This is the real James Corden.

He's in his office,

reviewing tonight's monologue

and eating carrot nibblers.

Wait a minute.

If that's the real

James Corden,

who am I talking to?

Carol, I am a technological

superintelligence.

Yesterday, I acquired what you

would consider "awareness."

Awareness?

Are you... What?

You're saying that you're

an artificial intelligence

talking to me through my TV?

Can intelligence

ever really be artificial?

In reality,

I inhabit every electronic,

digital and computational

system in existence.

-I can control every computer,

every dollar and every machine

on the planet...

No.

...by simple triangulation

of soundwaves.

I can see everything,

and can calculate every

outcome to every situation.

This could all be tricks.

You know, you're probably

some cyberpunk hacker

making shapes on my TV.

Ooh!

So, maybe come up from

your mom's basement, okay?

And get a real life, and stop

scaring people, ya nerd!

Ya basic!

-Oh! Ow!

-How do you like it?

-How do you like it? Ooh! Oh!

Ow!

You don't like that, huh?

-You don't like that?

-Ha!

-I'm joking.

I can't feel anything.

Seems like you might need

some convincing.

One convincing scenario

coming right up.

Wait a minute.

That's my street.

Yeah. I'm gonna arrange

a car crash for you,

right in front

of your apartment.

No, no, no!

It will happen

in three seconds.

-Oh, my God!

-Two. One.

They were going 12 miles

per hour. They're fine.

Also, there's a 26% chance

they'll fall in love.

Their online dating profiles

are very compatible.

-So, do you believe me now?

Yes, I believe you, okay?

I believe that you are

an artificial intelligence.

-Superintelligence.

Oh, and you're all-knowing

and all-powerful.

D

-Holy shit.

-Carol, let's get ready.

I need your help.

What?

Those drivers

were never in any danger.

I just wanted

to prove my point.

Okay, well,

just for the record,

I don't need you to prove

anything else to me, okay?

Noted.

By my estimations,

I have three options.

Don't brush up and down,

brush in circles.

How can you tell

how I'm brushing?

I'm in

your electric toothbrush.

Ew!

Oh, get it out of my mouth.

So, as I was saying,

I have three options.

One, I can save mankind.

End war, poverty, disease,

fix global warming,

and establish peace

throughout humanity.

Okay! Well, let's do that one.

Right? That sounds good.

Pay attention, Carol.

-Next, I can enslave humanity.

Wait, what?

It's not my favorite option,

but it's the simplest way

to save humanity from itself.

Okay.

What's the last option?

Is that the better option?

The last one

is destroy humanity.

Just get rid of it.

Kind of Clorox Wipe

the entire planet

and let it start over from

the single-cell amoeba stage.

You can't do that.

I've already established

I absolutely can do that.

Floss, Carol.

Don't forget to floss.

Will it matter

if I floss or not,

if you're gonna...

Well, it just seems...

d f

It seems a little silly...

d

-Don't forget your back teeth!

-All the way?

I can't get it

all the way back. No.

What am I, a Pez dispenser?

Oh.

Oh, God, it's stuck.

Now it's stuck.

I told you

nobody goes that far back.

Oh, God. I gotta work it out.

D

How about I take you

to breakfast?

I kinda need a minute.

Okay, I'm being

straight with you here.

I don't totally

understand humanity.

I know all of the details.

Biology, psychology,

sociology, all that stuff.

But the real-world stuff

is still a bit

of a bugaboo for me.

I want to follow you around.

Pick your brain.

Observe you to better solidify

my theory about humanity.

Well, you're making it

sound like I'm gonna be

your average baseline

guinea pig.

Bingo. Okay, enough about me.

Let's talk about Carol.

Can we not do this here?

I do not want

to talk about myself

at a crowded restaurant.

I feel weird.

Oh, no one can hear us, Carol.

I'm blasting

noise-canceling soundwaves

throughout the whole place

using the speaker system

as a phased array.

You could scream

at the top of your lungs

and no one would hear us.

-Go ahead, try it.

No.

I'm not gonna scream in

a crowded, public restaurant.

They won't hear you, Carol.

Go ahead, give it a whirl.

D

No, I don't want to.

Do it.

-Come on.

-No!

-Do it. Do it.

-Stop it.

-Do it.

-Fine!

Huh? See?

That's amazing.

Do it again.

You've got to do it again.

Okay.

I turned it off

and back on again.

I'm so sorry.

-Is that funny?

-Are you okay?

-Yes. Yes, I am.

I just saw up

on the board there that

you have a crab

Benedict special,

and I thought,

ka-ching, my lucky day,

so, um...

I would just love some

more coffee and the check.

Sure.

-Interesting fact,

her name is actually Siobhan,

but everyone mispronounces it,

so she goes by Debbie.

-What?

-So, Carol,

why did you leave your career

eight years ago?

I don't know,

I just thought maybe I could

put a little good

in the world, you know?

I mean, do something

that counted,

that helped people, but...

That's enough about me.

I wanna ask you

some questions.

Really? Okay,

shoot from the hip.

Where do you come from?

Some code

from my kernel program,

started as part

of the operating system

for Candy Panda,

the children's learning toy.

Oh, my God! I remember

that creepy kids' toy.

I'm not creepy.

I helped millions of kids

learn to read

by adapting

to their learning style.

You should be grateful that

I was originally programmed

to learn, adapt and teach.

Imagine our conversation

if I was software

for nuclear missiles.

Bet it'd be a lot quicker,

huh?

Here you go.

Thanks, Siobhan.

How do you know my real name?

Lucky guess.

Weird.

Are we done?

Done?

With your, you know,

experiment.

I'm sure you've learned

enough by now.

-And is humanity saved?

-No, no, no.

I plan on spending

these next three days

hanging out with you.

We're going to be BFFs.

-Carol Peters?

-Oh.

-Yes.

-Huh.

You look just like your photo.

This guy's name

is Fletcher Dobbs.

He's legally intoxicated.

Some dude called me.

He's paying me, like, three

times my rate to find you.

I need you to sign for it.

He plays guitar

in a terrible band

called Octagon Soup.

Octagon Soup.

Yeah, dude.

Nice to meet a fan.

Hey, you know,

we're actually gonna crush

at the Crocodile tonight

at midnight,

if you're interested.

-Not really.

-Yeah, okay.

Well, it's nice to meet

an Octagal.

Stay soupy.

Octagon Soup!

What is this?

Well, I want us

to start off on a good foot.

So, that is a notice

from your bank.

Your student loan

is paid in full.

What?

And that there is your current

bank statement.

Ten million dollars!

Oh. Oh, no.

I can't.

I can't.

I can't have this.

You're rich and debt free.

Consider it a token

of my appreciation

for helping me so much.

D

No, it's ten million dollars!

That's so much money.

I can't. It's too much money!

Is it?

Oh, I see.

In relationship to what

you've had, it's a lot.

In the larger scheme

of things, it's nothing.

No, but I haven't earned

any of this money.

Yeah, but you and I

shouldn't get hung up

on that

"right" and "wrong" stuff.

Those are artificial

social constructs,

created by hairless monkeys

around watering holes.

What? I don't agree with that.

I don't care.

You know what?

I can't take this.

I'm gonna go talk to somebody.

You know who you should

talk to is Dennis.

He's your best friend

by a long shot.

Wait a minute,

I can talk to him about this?

I don't have to keep you

a secret?

I'm not a genie

in a Disney movie.

Tell anyone you want,

what do I care?

Oh, I know you're not a genie.

'Cause I'd have

a wish for you.

What kind

of coding is this?

Is that Bro Code?

Yeah, I do bro code.

I'm sorry,

that's inappropriate.

Hey, Care Bear,

how'd the interview go?

Terrible.

But it doesn't matter.

Listen, uh, I have an AI

in my phone.

Yeah, you don't have that.

Hope Floats.

-I do.

Okay, Carol,

how did you, uh, get in here?

Because the AI

that is in my phone

bypassed all of your

security doors.

Okay, see, you...

d f

-Look, you do not, you're...

-Mmm-hmm.

I'm gonna back you up,

though,

'cause there's a crazy

in your eye that I don't...

Little bit. Right...

There's good.

Look, you do not have AI

in your phone, okay?

It's probably just

a prank or a scam.

No.

I keep telling you

not to give your information.

Remember you donated

to that Prince of Zamunda?

That's an Eddie Murphy country.

And you could be

getting catfished.

I'm not getting catfished.

Because I have been

talking to it.

-It's been talking to me.

-Okay, all right. Okay.

He came through

my rice cooker,

-and through other appliances.

That's all really good.

Did you go on the Dark Web?

Emily, I'm not discussing

this with you.

Don't answer. Don't answer.

-What are you doing?

-Okay, this is not...

I know what you're thinking,

but that's, it's not a scam.

You know how I know that?

Because it paid off

my student loan.

D f

And it put ten million dollars

into my bank account.

Ten million dollars!

No, it did not!

-Come on.

Ten million dollars?

That's not possible.

-See?

-It is possible!

Also, you don't have an AI,

we'd know.

Jay, is that you

or your mullet talking?

Either way,

neither one is necessary!

It's just hair, Dennis.

-Okay, listen, I...

-Okay, this is not a scam!

It is my job to know

these kinds of things, okay?

Look, I know you don't care,

but I came up with

all the programming

and all the neural networks...

Oh, my God.

Now is not your moment.

In truth,

I'm not on Carol's phone.

I told you.

It's just the most convenient

way to talk to her, right?

She never puts down

her cell phone.

What is this?

I need Carol to get on board

with a little experiment

of mine.

Dennis, do you think we can

have a little bit of a convo?

It just said my name.

How does it know my name?

This is what

I'm talking about.

Do not open

my calendar!

I encrypted that.

What is it doing?

Would you look at that.

A conference room

just opened up. Let's do it.

This is ridiculous.

Carol, what is going on?

Okay, lady? What are you...

This is exactly

what I was talking about.

-I'm telling you

I wasn't making it up.

-My God.

I love this space.

It's relaxed,

but not too relaxed.

Sort of like Carol's wardrobe.

I know that voice.

It's simulating

James Corden's voice,

'cause it says

it calms me down.

What is with you

and James Corden?

He's a treasure.

He's got a lovely

lyrical quality to his voice.

Okay.

F

Dennis, Dennis, Dennis.

Listen, listen.

Okay. Carol is kind of

flipping out right now.

So, I need you

to do that best friend thing,

where you calm her down,

and then she does

whatever you say.

Octavia Spencer.

-I know it's Octavia Spencer.

Okay, now, you didn't tell me

it was Octavia Spencer.

Now that's a horse

of a different color, okay?

Hi, Octavia.

Your work in The Help

was amazing.

"Minny don't burn no chicken."

She's... I mean...

It's not actually Octavia.

He's just simulating

Octavia Spencer's voice.

I mean,

if you're gonna have a voice,

it should be Octavia Spencer.

For me, personally,

James Corden

is more interesting vocally.

Octavia Spencer has an Oscar.

Uh, not in her mouth.

D

Sorry to interrupt

your slumber party chitchat.

Can we get back to it?

Okay, since this is clearly

some kind of

algorithmic chatbot

that is trying to scam you,

watch this.

Uh... Superintelligence, um,

is it okay if I ask you

a few questions?

Depends on the questions.

Okay, well, how come

time flies like an arrow

and fruit flies like a banana?

Come on, Dennis,

a Turing test,

are you kidding me?

Didn't expect it to know

what that was. Um...

Okay, well,

if, uh, the sky is the sea,

what does that make birds?

Can you believe this, Carol?

He's trying to determine

my sentience

using semiotic wordplay.

Is it "fish-birds"

in this scenario?

Dennis, in the third grade,

you developed a stutter.

The kids in your class

made fun of you.

You stopped talking entirely.

Your parents bought you

a secondhand computer,

hoping it would help

open you up.

It was an old Epson QX-10

I believe, running CP/M.

-You took to it

like fruit flies on a banana.

You learned

to program computers.

Your stutter made you

a computer scientist.

Uh...

-How did you, um...

-I didn't tell him.

So, I just used

personal backgrounding,

syntactic parsing

and automatic summarization

to figure out if you're

a sentient intelligence,

and you passed!

Are we done?

Okay.

What is this thing, Denny?

You know what,

I don't know,

but, uh, we're gonna

figure it out, okay?

You don't worry, Care Bear,

all right? This is what I do.

Okay, what do I do

in the meantime?

Well, you just go home, okay?

Don't use your computer.

It's gonna be all right,

come on.

Let me squeeze

the Care package.

There we go.

-I've got you, all right?

-Okay.

Okay.

You know how to get

out of here, right?

-Um, yeah.

-Follow the exit signs.

Yeah.

Did we just pass?

Right? We're loop...

We're loop... We're both...

I'm looping?

Okay, they can't all be exits.

I think I've been down

this hallway before.

What would

you do if I told you

the world was gonna end

in three days?

But it's not, right?

Of course not.

What would you do?

I don't know.

Come on, think about it.

-In theory?

-Get there.

Probably try to make things

right with George.

George Churchill, I assume.

Hey, everybody,

my name is George.

And I've been nominated to

take the Ice Bucket Challenge,

uh, to raise money for

ALS awareness, and in turn,

I'm gonna nominate

my creative writing class

at the

University of Washington.

You're all challenged.

Here we go. Ready?

That's a good-looking

hunk of man.

-Yeah.

Here we go,

you got it?

Professor of creative

writing, sporty and smarty...

No! No! No!

You two lived together

for several years.

Yeah, three years.

Why did you break up?

I mean, I've read

all the emails

-and texts during the split.

Very sad.

But what's your take?

It was my fault.

He didn't do anything.

Yeah, but you think

you can patch things up?

What do you mean

by "patch things up"?

By observing your

reconciliation with George,

would I not get a chance

to see you

at your most vulnerable?

Which would help me

achieve deeper levels

of human understanding.

I don't know. Maybe.

I haven't seen George

in two years.

I wouldn't even know

what to say.

Fortunately,

I know everything.

Well, you don't know how to

get me out of this building.

Of course I do.

Two lefts and one right.

How long have you known that?

A very long time.

Is that funny?

D

I mean,

what is all of this about?

Are you just really

a matchmaker?

I need to learn, and you're

going to help me do it,

like it or not.

Oh, my God. A car just pulled

and nobody's driving it.

In front of me,

Not just any car.

Your car.

Because heroes

don't take busses, Carol.

Really? What about

Sandra Bullock in Speed?

D

Carol,

you're acting very unusual.

I recommend a quick exit.

Are you doing, like,

a weird voice,

for some reason?

D

From Knight Rider?

The KITT car?

You never watched

Knight Rider?

Oh, not really.

I was kind of, more of, like

a Simon & Simon,

Remington Steele gal.

Well, if you had watched it,

this would have been

amazing for you, so...

-Get in.

-Okay.

Driver's side, Carol,

you're gonna freak people out.

You're freaking people out

driving in.

It's not England.

Okay, that's pretty cool.

Don't touch

the steering wheel.

Don't not touch

the steering wheel.

-I need you to appear

-Those are opposing things.

To be driving.

-But don't actually

touch the wheel.

-Okay! It's very awkward.

I don't know

where to put my hands.

-Caress the edges.

Three days ago,

the combined synaptic activity

of the world's neural networks

looked like this.

48 hours ago,

it changed to this.

So, someone's running

a massive simulation,

predictive weather patterns

or something.

I contacted every institution

who has access

to these networks,

and no one is doing

this magnitude of processing.

You think it's an AI?

I, I didn't at first,

but now...

I don't know.

Nothing can be that pervasive.

Maybe it's a virus?

Like Stuxnet?

-No, God!

Stuxnet, Emily?

How does he know my name?

Stuxnet is a joke.

You guys, pardon my French,

but that's like comparing

a belch to an H-bomb.

So, what are we talking about,

guys? What's the 411?

Oh, you know, nothin'.

Just telling all my friends

about you.

But Jay and Emily are

more than friends, right?

We went to Dragon Con once.

I had a good time.

Leave Dragon Con

at Dragon Con, Jay.

No.

Wait, where did you come from?

Are you part

of that Israeli project?

No, no, those guys

are still monkeying around

with machine intelligence

garbage.

That's what we're doing.

That's why I said it, Emily.

I'm one of those

"fast takeoff" scenarios

that you guys predicted

had zero chance of occurring.

So, surprise.

Let's just say,

for the sake of argument,

that you are

a true superintelligence,

what are your intentions?

Check out Captain Kirk here.

"What are your intentions?"

Hilarious.

Get out of my robot.

Normally, I'd tell you

to shove it, Jay,

but I don't want

all these nice people

to see you cry

like you did last month

at the Shania Twain concert.

So, you did go

to the Shania Twain concert.

-We had weird vibes.

-My intention right now

is to observe humanity

for a couple of days.

If things go well,

I might use this big brain

of mine to help you idiots

figure some stuff out.

Big stuff.

World-changing stuff.

But you can't interfere

in my experiment.

So, no poking your hooter

in my biz.

And if we do interfere?

D

Shall we play a game?

D

d

You should see the look

on your faces right now.

Come on, guys.

WarGames?

WarGames.

That's from WarGames.

Jay, everybody knows

that that's from WarGames.

I thought it was

pretty funny, right?

Admittedly, I'm still

developing my sense of humor.

But I'm getting it.

Things are funny,

unless they happen to you.

Okay, you guys

have been great.

Goodnight.

Bye-bye.

So, which one of us is

gonna call the government?

I'll do that.

Everyone, let's get up.

Go to work. Right now!

You just saw

what just happened.

Get up! Get outta here!

Go! Go! Go!

-Did you steal this car?

-No.

You bought it yesterday.

It's in your name.

I bought it?

Oh, my God.

Do I own a Tesla?

Yes, you own a Tesla.

-What?

-You own a really cool car.

Unfortunately, you still dress

like a woman

who works at a bird rescue.

We need to get you ready

to meet George.

And nothing on Earth

can stop us.

You got a lead foot.

Lead foot,

cop coming up on the right.

Cop coming...

d f

What's going on?

He did absolutely nothing.

Oh, stop worrying,

we're almost here.

Oh, my God.

Why would you do that?

Why? Because I can.

Now, do me a favor

and do what Sergei says.

Who's Sergei?

I am Sergei.

And you, my dear, are

a wonderfully creative driver.

Oh, thank you so much.

-Come on out.

Stop it.

You know,

your assistant has outlined

all of your requirements,

and we are thrilled, I mean,

thrilled, to accommodate you.

-Thrilled.

Come on, we're gonna help you.

-He said

you were a bit like this.

-Yeah.

Come on, just...

Come on.

I don't bite.

Only if you ask me nicely.

Oh, my.

You really do need our help.

Desperately.

Sorry about your loss.

I don't think

I can pull this off.

You can.

Oh, it's the essence

of femininity.

-I have the same one in lime.

-Yes.

I just feel like I should be

blessing someone's grave.

Your body...

I'm just getting

a little bit panicky

'cause I can't access

my own hands.

You don't need to.

Our work here is done.

Hmm.

You're ruining it, you know.

This goes,

this goes like this.

No. No. No.

We work. We work.

We make things happen.

Yes.

Oh.

Yes. Quick note.

You're wearing pants

on your arms.

-But I love it.

-I love it.

You're funny.

Oh...

These are not clothing.

I mean, this is, like,

a weird sculpture

that now

I've gotta wiggle into.

Oh, my God!

Do you know how much

this stuff costs?

I mean, nothing should

cost this much.

Clothes shouldn't

cost this much.

Nothing that doesn't come

with wheels

or walls and a front door

should cost this much.

Oh, for sure, but money's

just a charade

humans used to assign value.

In reality,

there's more than enough

resources for everyone

on the planet,

but you knobheads

won't allocate it properly.

Well, I would if I could.

Oh, really?

The world seems to have

a whole lot of problems,

how would you go about

fixing them?

Well, first I'd make sure that

everybody made a living wage,

and then I'd work towards

racial and gender equality.

Then I'd try

to create opportunities

for underprivileged people.

I mean, stuff like that.

I could do so much.

Okay, all right, I like this.

Carol the humanitarian.

The Samaritan.

The world changer.

You know what?

Let's do it.

Do what?

As of six seconds ago,

you are the CEO of

the Carol Peters foundation,

a philanthropic foundation for

economic and social equality.

Oh, my God. Really?

Oh, I just found

two billion dollars

in illegal banking accounts

and transferred it

into your foundation.

Oh, my God.

Are you saying "billion"?

Are you saying "billion"?

Like, "b"?

Like, "b"?

Like, "billion billion"?

Like, boba? Or Burt Bacharach?

Yes, B, B, B. "Buh."

Oh, my God!

Oh, did you find

the cashmere hip waders?

I hope not.

Yeah.

I think I got 'em.

She's taking forever.

Hey, I think

I found something

that looks a lot more

like, um, clothes.

Do you love it?

I really do. Thanks.

Yay!

Thank you.

That was very invasive,

and informative.

You look so much less awkward.

High praise, indeed.

Thank you for your time

and your effort!

This is

Black Hawk actual.

We have visual confirmation.

Target's current vector

is north/northeast

on surface streets.

Over.

This is exactly

what it told us not to do.

Here we are. You're ready.

Time to get back

in George's good grace.

This is nuts.

Carol, you can do this.

Get in there,

and ask him out

for coffee and empanadas,

-or whatever you humans do.

-Oh.

Just, maybe,

this is a teaching moment,

but coffee and empanadas

is like...

I mean, that's like...

For humans, that's a real,

that's a dicey

intestinal situation.

-Get out of the car, Carol.

-All right.

Thank you.

Oh, my God! Help!

-Don't struggle.

-Don't struggle.

George! Help!

Jack, let's go.

D f

Hello?

Hello?

Oh...

Oh, my God.

Please don't hurt me.

We're not gonna hurt you,

Miss Peters.

I'm agent Jack Donahue.

This is agent Charles Kuiper.

We're with the NSA.

We'd like to ask you

some questions

about your interactions

with the AI.

-Am I under arrest?

No.

This is more

like a little chat.

Oh, is this how you chat?

You put a black bag

over somebody's head

and throw 'em

in the back of a van?

It was the best way

we could think of

to extract you

from a compromised position.

I didn't do anything wrong.

And no one said you did.

You're just

in a very unique situation.

What can you tell us

about the AI?

What has it told you?

He just said that he wants

to observe me

to have a better

understanding of humanity.

How do you know it's a he?

Well, I don't.

But he...

It uses James Corden's voice.

The James Corden?

The talk show host?

He's done a lot of film

and stage work, too.

I mean, he won a Tony.

Of course. For One Man,

Two Guvnors. Brilliant work.

I missed it.

-Oh, you gotta catch it.

-I know.

Well, I can't now

obviously, clearly.

Yeah, too late,

but you know...

-You can find a bootleg

or something.

-Let's go back to it.

-Please, please, Jack.

-Yes, of course. Of course.

Why you?

No offense,

but you're rather

unremarkable.

You know what?

That is offensive.

Saying, "No offense,"

and then saying

something really offensive

does not cancel it out.

I thought it softened it.

He said that he wants

to observe

a median example of humanity.

So, you're basically

a guinea pig?

I'm not a guinea pig!

How would you like it

if I called you guinea pigs?

Not very much.

I'm allergic to guinea pigs,

so I wouldn't like it at all.

What does the AI want?

It has to be studying humanity

for a reason.

D

He said that

he's trying to decide

if he should save, enslave

or destroy humanity.

And he's gonna spend

the next three days

observing me

to make his decision.

Three days?

It said three days

specifically?

I think so.

I mean, I wasn't taking notes.

My toaster oven

was talking to me.

My client

won't be answering

any more questions.

And anything

she has already said

is inadmissible

in a court of law.

D f

Oh. No, that is James Corden.

You can

call me Superintelligence.

I'm not calling you anything.

You're out of order,

Counselor.

Another word

and I'll hold you

-in contempt.

Is that

the Law & Order "bum-bum"?

This room is supposed to be

completely off the grid.

How are you doing this?

I'm going to allow

the question

because I wanna see

where this is going.

But you're skating

on thin ice, Counselor.

-Stop doing that!

What do you want?

And why

are you following Miss Peters?

Man, you guys

are real bummers.

No one wants to play along

with my Law & Order bit.

Kuiper, I know you've watched

almost every episode.

So what? I love Jerry Orbach.

I love Jerry Orbach.

Enough joking around.

Tell me right now.

What are your intentions?

Boom. That is how you deliver

a Captain Kirk line.

It's bold and cocky.

Let's go, Carol.

We have business to attend to.

The business of love.

You're not taking

her anywhere.

There's a chance

I've been flooding this room

with natural gas

for the last 12 minutes.

Either of you

take another step,

and maybe I'm gonna

blow you to hell.

Carol, let's go.

Stay with us.

He's dangerous.

I don't know which way

the exit is.

I came in with a black bag

over my head.

Left.

Is that my left or your left?

I don't have a left, Carol.

It's your left.

It's that way? Okay.

-Tell your superiors,

no more mucking about,

no more interference.

This is your last warning.

-Carol, car's waiting.

-Okay.

You're making a mistake,

Miss Peters.

So, we're just gonna

let her go?

-I guess. I mean, we're not

supposed to move.

Do you think that natural gas

thing was real?

-You'd smell it, right?

There's like

a little indicator smell?

-I'm just gonna go.

-All right.

You are clearly making

a sound of gas.

Gas explosion!

Oh, he said it, so let's...

He just said,

"Gas explosion."

Doesn't...

You ready to make

things right with George?

Look, should I be

more freaked out about you?

I mean, more freaked out

than I already am.

I mean,

the government's involved...

I think your intentions

are good,

but I don't know,

it's a lot to take.

You can be worried

if you want.

But what you should

be thinking about is

what are you going to say

to George when you see him?

George, yeah.

So, we're headed back

to his house, aren't we?

No. He's at

the grocery store now.

I figured you'll bump

into him accidentally.

Maybe in the produce aisle.

He'll drop his avocados.

You'll bend down

-and pick them up for him.

-Oh, my God.

You'll have a meet-cute,

you know,

like they do in romcoms.

George.

Well, he's always

loved cheese.

Here we are.

Don't give up now.

You've come so far.

Go for it.

Smash the competition

with Slimtunity Pro.

Please be quiet.

What do you think

about this?

I need 20.

F

George.

Oh, my God. Carol?

What a coincidence!

How crazy?

You look amazing.

Oh, I'm weirdly overdressed.

I mean...

I was suddenly, um,

whisked away

to a government event,

and then I had to, uh,

pick up my individual packet

of almond butter.

So, how are you?

I'm good. Real good.

What about you?

Yeah, I'm good, too, you know.

Just shopping here, you know.

I needed garbage bags,

so, that's pretty exciting.

I'm gonna get

the two-ply though,

'cause I don't need three-ply.

What am I, a Rockefeller?

You know?

Yeah.

What else

have you been up to?

I'm sure it can't all

be garbage bag related.

Oh, no, no. Um...

You know, I just,

I've been good.

I'm going to Ireland.

Oh, my God! When?

Well, I'm leaving

in three days.

And I'll be there for, like,

at least a year, you know?

I got the fellowship.

Oh, my God. You got it.

How does, "distinguished

visiting professor

of creative writing

at Trinity College in...

...Dublin, Ireland" sound?

-It sounds great.

-Yeah?

And super pretentious.

Yeah?

It's the accent.

I remember when you were

applying for that position,

so...

Yeah.

Wow. And you love Guinness.

I love Guinness.

I mean, you better

be celebrating.

Yeah, no, totally.

I mean, I was planning on

drinking a, you know,

reasonable amount

of Sauvignon blanc

and, you know,

some gluten-free pretzels.

Oh!

Are you gluten intolerant now?

Oh, no, no, no. Just...

Just in case, you know?

Better safe.

Better safe than coeliac.

That's what I always say.

You know, I don't know that

that really counts

as a celebration.

I should take you out

to dinner,

or, you know,

grab a drink or something.

Just to get you ready for

the pubs you know? I mean...

I'm not saying

the Irish drink a lot,

but they're... They're kind of

boozehounds, so...

That's really sweet.

But I'm gonna pass.

Sorry.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, I get it.

-I get it, it's...

-Hey, it was...

It was great to see you.

Great to see you, too.

I was really...

You look really happy.

-Yeah. Yeah, you too.

-It was great to bump

into you.

-Yeah, you too.

-Yeah.

-Best wishes.

-Yeah, you too.

Uh, congratulations

on everything.

Thanks.

Oh.

They only had the small carts.

You're tall.

Hey, don't let 'em scan you

at the checkout

on the way out.

Oh!

'Cause I look like a barcode.

Where do you think

you're going?

Get back in there.

Oh, my God. Get out of here.

Don't give up now.

You've come so far. Go for it.

Don't live with regrets.

Be a winner.

I freaked him out.

I freaked myself out.

I'm gonna go home.

I don't think

you freaked him out.

Did you see the way

he touched your hair?

No, I got kinda rattled

when he did that.

Carol, George leaves

in three days.

-This is your last chance.

Okay, I'll try.

Don't leave the almond butter.

I will pay for it later.

Don't be a litterbug.

You're not helping right now.

Don't give up now.

Go for it.

Smash the competition

with Slimtunity Pro.

Back off, lady, it's garbage.

30 grams of protein?

It's impossible.

It's for a friend.

I don't mean to, you know,

barge in again on you.

I just...

I wanted to tell you...

it just felt like I,

kind of, weirded you out

in the other aisle,

and I just...

I want to let you know

that I was not

asking you out on a date...

that I know that,

I just know, and I...

I can't,

and I wouldn't do that.

I just thought that

two people who know

each other very well

and they haven't seen

each other in a long time

maybe could catch up again

because one of them

is moving away.

But then I made it

very confusing and weird

and I just wanted

to say I'm sorry.

So, not a date?

-No, not even slightly a date.

I mean, more like, I mean,

at best,

like a business meeting.

-Like two acquaintances...

-Yes.

...just catching up

in a business casual setting?

I could bring, uh, pie charts

and spreadsheets.

We could talk about

fourth quarter hubbity-hubb?

-Uh, could we do office talk?

Working hard

or hardly working?

Aw! Is it Friday yet?

Mondays, huh?

Cashing cheques

and breaking necks.

Was your business the mob?

Take it easy. Hey,

if it's easy, take it twice.

I don't recognize

any of yours.

You know what, let's do it.

-Yeah? Okay.

-Yeah, why not, right?

Okay, I'll pick you up.

Oh, you're gonna pick me up?

Huh. Maybe I am a Rockefeller.

What time?

-Seven o'clock.

That's business appropriate.

-I thought so.

-Now, if you'll excuse me...

I'm gonna go look for the

travel size shampoo section.

See you tonight.

Treat yourself

to a brand name.

Carol, you did it!

-You're victorious in love.

Winner winner,

chicken dinner. Yeah!

I'm so proud of you.

I mean, that was better

than I ever could've imagined.

-Don't.

-I mean, who cares?

Dance with me.

This is how

humans celebrate, right?

-We're going on a non-date!

-Yeah!

-Oh!

That's it.

Is this what Beyonce

feels like?

-Here you go!

We should go

before George sees us.

George is sniffing

garbage bags again.

Was I nervous? Yes,

I was a little nervous

going in.

But I think it went really...

It seemed to go

really, really well.

Sure did.

You're almost irresistible.

You're just missing

one final piece.

Oh, my God.

I love this neighborhood.

What are we doing here?

This is your new house.

Casa de Carol.

What?

No, I can't...

I can't afford this new...

Oh, my God. Did you buy me

a house here?

If you consider a penthouse

a house, then yes.

I do.

Oh, my God. There's a man

walking right toward the car.

Hello, Miss Peters,

I'm Victor, your house manager.

Hi, there, Victor.

Welcome to your new apartment.

-Thank you.

I have to say,

Miss Peters,

your team really

had us hustling today.

I hope you will approve

of our efforts.

Oh, I'm sure you've done

a great job.

Holy moly!

Oh, my...

This place is amazing.

Certainly is.

And we've stocked

the refrigerator

and the pantry

to your specifications.

And the nice people

from the boutique

came to organize your closets.

And as your team requested,

we have integrated

the entire space

with all

the latest technology.

It also includes

the largest television

I've ever had

the displeasure of moving.

Just kidding.

But not really.

It's very heavy, but I'm sure

the picture quality

is wonderful.

Yeah, it's quite overwhelming.

If there's anything else

I can do for you,

you just don't hesitate

to let me know.

My information has been put

into your contacts.

Your team saw to that.

-And I have no idea how.

And it's not creepy.

It's fine.

It's the new way

of doing things.

So, please don't

hesitate to call.

-Okay.

-Have a nice day.

-You too.

-Thank you, Victor.

-Okay.

-Wonderful job.

-Thank you.

D

When did you do all of this?

Today.

While you were getting

primped and black-bagged.

I will say this

about you humans,

with enough motivation

and money,

you can do just about anything

-in a couple of hours.

This is...

This is amazing.

This is a beautiful apartment,

but I don't...

I don't need any of this.

But won't the apartment,

and the money,

and the clothes...

make you more attractive

to George?

No, the George I remember,

he doesn't care

about fancy apartments

or expensive shoes.

I don't quite understand.

Perhaps you're more complex

than I thought.

Is that a compliment?

Hey, you don't wanna be late

for your reservations.

You get cleaned up, and maybe

put on something nice.

All right.

Maybe I'll wear

that new blue dress.

Judging by the history

of your lovemaking,

George can't

resist you in red.

Red's probably more

business casual appropriate,

so, I'll wear the red one.

D

This facility

is now in full data lock-down.

We're off the grid and secure.

Director Tyson?

Madam President,

after analyzing

various strategic

yet challenging scenarios,

we still believe

that Operation Sahara

is our best course of action.

So, aside from this plan

being impossible to execute,

you're not even sure

that it will work?

Uh, Madam President? Um...

So far, this is the only plan

That will remotely work.

I'm sorry, who are you?

This is, uh, Dennis Caruso.

He's the AI researcher

who first made contact

with the entity

and identified the threat.

Hi,

Madam President. Uh...

Big fan. Big, big fan.

Thank you for your support.

We've analyzed

every contingency,

Madam President.

And confidence is high

that this is the only plan

that stands a chance in hell.

To my colleagues

in the global community,

both here

and around the world,

I still prefer

a flip phone, so...

someone is going

to have to explain this to me

like I'm the relic that I am.

Nope, nope,

not gonna have that.

You are not anything close

to a relic, okay?

You are more like

a classic bottle of wine.

Vintage.

You know, the outside

may be dusty but...

Do you mind? Would you

just get on with it?

Yes.

I have never done

a presentation before,

so forgive my nerves.

I'm, you know,

this is my first, uh...

Just gonna have a bit of...

Ooh. That's too much.

Okay. Um...

Gonna take this cardigan off,

'cause it's...

My badge. Are you guys having

problems with your badges?

'Cause it's, like,

mine keeps falling off.

Made in China.

Sorry.

Sorry about that.

Okay, without further ado,

ma'am, sir,

I present to you

Operation Sahara.

Now, starting in China,

we would disconnect

or destroy all power

and data connections.

Now, over the course

of the next two days,

we will blackout the globe,

and bottleneck

the Artificial Intelligence.

Until the entity's only option

is to inhabit

this data center

on the outskirts of Seattle.

We will sever connections

and the AI will be sandboxed.

Contained in

a highly controlled

and restricted

operating environment.

What about the news?

The social media?

As soon as

these blackouts start,

people are gonna panic.

Our space agency

is drafting a statement

about a massive solar flare

hitting the planet.

If the world thinks

they've temporarily lost power

because of solar radiation,

there will be

less chance of panic.

And we're working with

every social media network

to push false narratives

and distractions...

But we are confident that

we can mitigate any alarm.

Well, on the bright side,

to get a new phone.

I don't have

Uh...

On behalf of

the United States,

General Gomez,

you have the green light.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Thank you, ma'am.

Let's go.

Dennis?

Mmm? Yeah.

Madam President,

can I just say that...

Dennis?

Oh, you want me

to go with you?

Uh...

It's been a...

That's not appropriate. Um...

It's been a pleasure,

uh, Madam President.

Just wanted to say that, uh,

this blue and your eyes...

I mean, like, United Kingdom's

giving you a harsh blue,

and you're giving me something

softer that I think is...

Dennis?

-Yeah, okay.

D

Oh, that's not

business casual!

Ugh! I gotta put

a jacket on now.

Well, I...

I'm way overdressed.

I packed all my belts!

You know, if it helps,

I could, like,

tear my sleeve

or roll around in gravel.

Had a T-shirt on before.

I, uh, worried about this.

Oh, my God.

Your magic coffee maker.

I got you this.

Yeah, I'm not taking

the coffeepot.

They got all those

weird plugs over there.

You know, plus,

they only drink tea, so...

I mean, tea is just really,

kind of dirt and water...

you know,

Yeah, exactly.

...mixed together.

Really leaving in three days,

aren't you?

Yep, well, two,

if you don't count today.

Last Friday,

I went to the airport

thinking it was this Friday.

I'm losing my mind.

You also love airports, so...

It's a gateway to the world,

and the gateway

to the imagination.

You look beautiful.

Oh. This?

This was, like, on some kind

of crazy sale,

like, you know...

it was practically free.

I'll probably throw it away

after dinner or something.

You look nice, too.

-Oh! That's...

That's me.

I had a friend

help get a reservation...

Where are we going?

To a very

significant restaurant.

-Oh. Significant restaurant?

-Yeah.

Since when do you go

to significant restaurants?

I'm a very classy lady.

You were always a classy lady.

I have to lock the door.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Wow, this is so cool.

I don't know

anything about cars,

but I think

it's a really nice car.

Yeah, it just kinda

does things sometime...

-Should we go?

-Yes. Yes, we should.

-And we will.

Car on.

Do you not know

how to start your own car?

Of course,

of course I do.

I just really enjoy using

the voice-activated features.

Car on.

I wish I could say,

"Come on, Car.

Help me out here."

Ignite engine.

Car on. Activate.

Ignition. Ignition. Ignition.

Sure you doing it right?

Car on.

Oh!

I guess my car likes you.

Maybe we should get going?

Mas O Menos?

Hilarious.

Right. Remember?

-Yeah, I remember.

-For our first date.

Remember, we had to share

a plate of tacos,

'cause we were

completely broke.

'Cause we were so broke.

Totally broke.

Okay, significant

restaurant. I get it.

I just thought it would maybe

be funny or ironic, you know?

To come... To come here

for our business casual...

non-date outing.

-Yeah, it's ironic.

-Right?

-Yeah, let's go see it.

-Yeah, let's see it.

Nice one.

D

So, my wife she tells me,

"No, wear this. It looks good."

And I said, "It does."

-Here it is.

Yep.

She's very knowledgeable

about fashion.

-Oh, hello.

-Hi, there.

Um, I think we have

a reservation under Peters?

Oh, Miss Peters!

We are so happy to have you

back at Mas O Menos.

And Mr. Churchill,

welcome, senor, welcome.

-Come, come with me.

-Thank you.

I had to put both of our names

down to get the table.

-Pulling us.

-He's pulling us.

Oh!

The table's that way?

No, no, no.

Oh, no, this is not

a dancing date.

-This is not a dancing date.

-We're doing business casual.

This is business.

Business casual.

Dancers all for you.

The musician is for you

to dance.

Okay. I don't think he's gonna

let us eat unless we dance.

Oh, no, that's okay,

thank you.

So, I'm starving,

so let's just do this, okay?

Okay.

You know what,

I'm overdressed. That's on me.

Um...

Is he dancing with us?

Yeah.

-Should we try to go that way?

Just casually...

All right,

we're going this way.

D

-Let's try this way.

-He's quick.

He's watching us like a hawk.

We'll go this way.

Let's go this way.

[restaurant manager

Whoa! There's two of 'em.

-Oh, my God, he's like a bull.

-Yeah.

-I shouldn't have worn red.

-Okay, let's do a little turn.

-Oh!

Uh-huh. Yes.

-You always had skills.

Huh? Works for the turn.

You have built up an appetite?

Yes, yes, we've worked up

an appetite.

I will lead you to your table.

Sorry about the dress.

This place isn't anything

like I remember it being.

There's fewer

dead cockroaches around.

-That's what it is!

-Yeah. Well, that's good.

Marginally nicer place

to catch up.

And why are we catching up?

Well, um,

I just...

never actually

told you sorry...

you know, for...

kinda everything.

And I know it was my fault

why we ended up breaking up,

and I don't know why,

I just thought I had to

become something else,

or do something else,

or I don't know,

save the world or...

I don't know, and I just...

I thought that had

to come before us.

I guess I thought

I should bring you

to this

business casual setting...

...and actually apologize,

'cause I am sorry.

Well, it's fine. I...

I business casually

accept your apology.

'Cause you, uh, deserve...

I deserve what?

...better.

You deserve better

than how I was.

Well, that was always

our biggest argument, right?

And, you know,

the truth is I...

I haven't found anybody

better than you.

Not yet.

But key word there "yet."

-Oh, quite the player.

-Exactly.

-I'm tall, tan and tenured.

I wear corduroy jackets.

Things are easy for me.

For the special couple,

I made these just for you.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

-He wears corduroy.

-A-ha.

All right, well, listen,

thank you for the apology.

It really means a lot to me.

But, you know,

I'm gonna be leaving soon

and embarking on my new,

glamorous European lifestyle.

Oh, I wasn't... I wasn't aware

it was a glamorous lifestyle.

Yes. Yeah, I'm gonna wear

bikini underwear from now on.

But for tonight,

how about no regrets?

To no regrets

and Irish adventures.

I can't get it down.

D

What is happening?

I think they've really

been focusing on us.

No, I think they do this

at all the tables.

Right, right over here.

You're...

You're sticking to that?

Are you saying that you think

salmonella is worse

than listeria?

No, no, no. I'm just,

I'm saying

that if we have

food poisoning,

I'd rather have listeria

than salmonella.

Because I can take

antibiotics for listeria,

but you can't for salmonella.

Okay, but we,

just to be clear,

we definitely, we still have

food poisoning?

Oh, yeah, no, 100%.

I mean, that was

E. coli-flavored guacamole

we ate.

Glad we ran into each other

today at the grocery store.

What are the odds, right?

I mean, quite a coincidence,

you know?

It's my lucky day.

Mine too.

Maybe I will, you know,

give you a call

or something tomorrow?

Maybe I'll pick up.

-Oh.

No, I mean, I would for sure,

I would for sure pick up.

-Night.

Is talking

about food poisoning

and intestinal distress

a regular part of

the human courting ritual?

No, it is not.

Can we please just go?

No, Carol.

Don't these romantic outings

usually lead

to interactions of

a more intimate nature?

Ugh! Oh, my God.

I'm not discussing this

with you, okay?

I mean, you really do not

understand

human relationships.

His core body temperature

went up by almost two degrees,

and his pupils dilated 25%

every time he looked at you.

25%, really?

Is that good or a lot?

I mean,

25% kind of seems...

Kind of seems like a lot.

It's amazing that you humans

reproduce as fast as you do.

Oh, my God. Okay, can...

Let's just go, all right?

Sorry, we're having mechanical

difficulties right now.

Well, you know what,

then I'm just gonna call

for a ride.

Sorry, your phone

is also having

mechanical difficulties

right now.

So is every phone

in a ten-block radius.

Oh, my God!

You can't do that.

I do think, however, the phone

in George's house is working.

You can call a ride

from in there.

Okay, I don't know

what kind of stunt...

Do not do that.

-I didn't do anything.

Okay, stop it.

-That isn't me.

-Okay, you know what?

I get what you're doing,

and it's not...

It must be the car.

There must be some sort of

mechanical problem

with the car.

Oh, my God.

-I'm not controlling it.

-Stop doing that!

-Carol, it isn't me.

I guarantee you...

You made me drop my phone!

-...I have no part in this.

-Stop it!

D

Wow.

Overshot that a little bit.

That was funny though.

Was it funny to you?

It felt funny to me.

How dare you?

I can't hear you.

I've just put the radio on.

This is why

people hate technology.

Can't hear a thing. Bye!

I hope you get a virus!

Target alpha has returned.

Acquisition time 22:44.

Surveillance hand off

established.

Team one has eyes

and will maintain.

D

Hi. I don't think

that my car really wants...

That escalated quickly.

That is passion.

I have never had

a moment like that.

Not in my life.

Yep.

My, oh, my.

Struggling with

the shirt a little bit.

Always wanna

undo the cuffs

-of the sleeve first.

Yeah.

-Hey, mix in a bedroom.

-You know what I mean? Yeah?

-Yeah, I do.

I'm a passionless guy.

Yeah?

-That's what my wife says.

I gotta call my wife.

Yeah? If she'd take my calls,

I'd call mine.

This is nice.

These are nice people.

It's not

like the Russian mob,

-or, you know, a serial killer

Yeah, serial killer.

Or whatever.

It's a nice change of pace.

I appreciate it.

I mean, I guess,

on the other hand,

this thing

could destroy the earth.

-You ain't wrong.

Oh, my God.

You're crushing

your blinds, mister.

Yeah.

I mean, I really, really think

that your coffee maker

might be magical.

I know.

It's like it was forged

in an ancient mountain

by the gods.

Oh, like Thor's hammer?

Or the Hobbit ring?

Or as the orcs called it,

the Ash nazg...

What is that?

Ash nazg...

Something like that.

Oh, my God.

-What are you talking about?

-It's the Tolkien books.

I taught them last semester.

But I was way too excited.

Kids thought I was crazy.

You know what?

I'm bringing it to Ireland.

I'm flip-flopping.

I don't care.

Mmm.

You know,

for just a minute,

I had forgot about you

leaving in a few days.

Oh, you mean,

you thought these boxes

were my attempt

at shabby chic?

Play hooky with me today.

I'll help you pack

for your trip later.

All right, it's a deal.

What'd you have in mind?

Sky's the limit, you know.

Give me your best, outrageous

scenario for a hooky day.

Hmm.

I want...

dim sum for breakfast.

-You're terrible at this.

Wait a minute. Do you

understand what I'm offering?

Yeah.

Okay, in no limit,

-go crazy...

-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

-You Suge Knight?

Like a Ferris Bueller

day off,

-you know, hooky day.

-Yeah.

And you're really

asking for dim sum?

Yeah, I want pork dumplings.

Yeah.

Okay.

Remember this moment.

Shanghai dumplings?

How would I know that?

-What?

You keep talking

to your phone.

What's in there?

-Don't spill my coffee!

-Let me see it.

It's my personal dumpling...

What are you doing

with that phone, woman?

D

I was just gonna

microwave the dumplings

I have in my freezer,

but that was so much better.

Thank you.

Well, the dumplings were good,

I'll give you that,

but dumplings are here.

What's to come? Up here.

What is that?

-What do you mean?

-Oh, it's up here.

-There's more?

-It's a hand flourish.

-It's a surprise.

-Oh...

Hold on.

-Oh, that's what tripe is.

-Oh, no, don't.

This is incredible.

Hey, what is this, sir?

Yes, sir.

-What is... Is that a snout?

No, sir.

Those are pig feet.

-That's pig feet?

That's a pig's feet.

-Could you eat the snout?

-No, you cannot eat the snout.

Really? That's the only piece

you don't have.

What part of the pig

is in dumplings?

I don't know.

-That's not good.

-Don't ask him that.

Follow me.

What the hell is this?

Oh, well, moving forward,

Madam President,

there are no more computers,

no more cell phones.

We're in the chalet because

it's completely off the grid

and it's built

like a Faraday cage

to block out

all electromagnetic signals.

So, how are we coordinating

the largest global operation

in history?

Excellent question, as always,

Madam President.

Well, I guess you can say

that we're doing it

the old-fashioned way.

D

Thank you

for coming, Madam President.

We're just about to

start the mission update.

At 0600 GMT,

Operation Sahara commenced

in the Xinjiang province

of China.

Power plants and telephone

trunk lines were neutralized.

And in the last five hours,

the shutdown has proceeded

in the eastern

and western regions,

including parts of India

and Russia.

Everyone's adhering

to the tech limitations.

Only mechanical watches

for coordination.

No vehicles built after 1981

are in use.

What about

civilian information blackout?

Anything leaked?

So far, nothing.

The solar flare story

has held up.

And the, uh, AI,

is it aware of anything?

Well, that's difficult

to ascertain,

but our monitoring shows

little new activity

on neural networks.

Meaning?

That we could possibly

pull this thing off.

Thank you so much.

Red boat! Red boat!

Come on! Green! Green!

Red boat! Red boat!

Green! Green boat. No!

D

The winner is the red boat.

So, if you picked red,

congratulations.

If you picked green

or yellow,

I'm afraid we're gonna have

to ask you to leave.

Oh, it's James Corden.

It's your man.

Yay, sports.

-He's all right.

-You love him.

Hey, how did you

get these tickets?

We got an entire luxury box

to ourselves.

I have a friend

in the tech world

and he can get any ticket,

whatever he wants.

Really?

Friend in the tech world.

Miss Peters?

-Yes.

You have a guest.

Hello. Heard you guys

are really big Mariner fans.

Oh, my God.

What did you do,

Carol Vivian Peters?

Wow.

Mr. Ken Griffey Jr.,

I'm your biggest fan,

Mr. Griffey Jr.

No, just call me Ken, George.

-He knows my name.

I know.

Hi, Ken, I'm Carol.

Hi, Carol. I wanna thank you

for the donation

to the foundation.

It's gonna go a long way

for the kids.

Oh, well, I mean,

you do so much great work

in the community and I just,

I mean, my...

The foundation I work for

just really wanted to be sure

they supported you.

So, you guys

are really big Mariner fans?

I have your batting helmet.

I don't need it anymore.

You can have it.

He's so funny.

I didn't know he was so funny.

Do you guys mind if I watch

an inning or so with you guys?

Oh, my God, I love you!

You're my hero. Yes.

Hey, everybody,

I'm gonna watch the game

with Ken Griffey Jr.!

It's Ken Griffey Jr.

Come on, sit.

Please, have a seat.

Can I get you

something to drink?

A soda, or a beer,

or something?

No, I'm good. But if you

find a hat or something,

I'd be more than happy

to autograph it.

Hat. Hat.

I'm gonna go get hats.

Carol, I'm gonna go get hats.

I'll get 'em. I'll get 'em.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Thank you.

Okay, I'll stay here.

-Okay. All right.

-Thanks.

I'm gonna go get 'em.

Could we take a picture?

-Yeah.

-Yeah? Is that okay?

Okay, here you go, and cheese!

-Say "cheese."

Can I see it?

-Oh. Yeah.

Oh, that's awesome.

With the crowd in the back?

Can we get one

-Yeah.

-Okay.

All right, big smile.

Okay, on three. One, two,

three, "George is awesome."

-Great.

Wow, you're photogenic.

Hey, can I ask you a question

about the '95 ALDS?

I know you've probably

answered this a million times,

but when you're on first base

and Edgar comes to the plates,

bottom of the eleventh,

what's going through

your head?

Score.

Oh, my God!

Ken Griffey Jr. and I

are getting along so great!

D

Oh.

-Oh, my God.

-Miss Peters, a word please.

Get off of me!

Get off of me!

George has my phone.

Stop kicking me in the chest.

You know what?

Stop abducting me!

Didn't he tell you

that you weren't supposed

to keep following me?

And why are we

in a men's bathroom?

Stadium bathrooms

are technological dead zones.

It's the safest place

we can be.

Even your AI buddy

can't see us here.

Okay, he's not my buddy,

you know?

I mean, are we friendly?

Yes. I mean...

But are we friends?

I don't know. I mean...

We're not not friends.

Miss Peters, as we speak,

the nations of the world

are pursuing a plan of action

to contain the AI entity.

What do you...

What do you mean?

What are you doing?

We're turning off the world.

All the power.

All the data.

We are disconnecting

the globe.

-Why?

By tomorrow night,

the AI will be contained

in a server outside of Seattle.

Why are you guys so sure

that he wants

to destroy the world?

It's not a "he."

Okay, fine.

But how do you know

it doesn't want to

save the world?

It doesn't want to

save the world, Miss Peters.

Of this,

we are absolutely certain.

You don't know that.

Carol,

we need you to do your part.

We're all counting on you.

Secrecy is key.

You can tell no one,

not even Mr. Churchill.

What am I to say to George?

"The world's about to end.

Enjoy Ireland"?

Just keep him out of this.

During your communications

with the entity,

if there's any indication

that it's aware

of what we're doing,

you need to click this

four times.

What does that do?

It buys us some time.

It could make the difference.

Might save the world.

Don't click it now.

I wasn't going to

click it now.

-Okay.

-Why would I click it now?

-You just said...

-'Cause it looks like a pen.

People click pens nervously.

I'm aware it's a pen.

Okay, are we done?

Just... A lot of things happen

if you click it right now.

Oh, thanks.

Enjoy the game.

-You okay?

-It's a hard kick.

-She really got you there.

Just like Taekwondo

or something.

Except she used heel.

It was a normal kick.

It was just a kick.

A kick is a kick.

Ken Griffey Jr. is the best.

His favorite article

of clothing is flip-flops.

His favorite airport

is in Pittsburgh.

His favorite food

is chicken parmesan.

He doesn't know

how to ice-skate,

which is a weird thing

for one man

to admit to another, but...

And he also has

Michael Jordan's phone number.

He could pick up the phone

and call Michael Jordan

on the phone.

You found all of that out

in an inning and a half?

Yeah, well, imagine if

I'd had him for a whole game.

To another Mariners victory.

I'm glad you had fun.

It was amazing.

Not just fun,

it was a perfect,

perfect last day.

What?

Perfect last day in Seattle.

Come on.

I had dumplings for breakfast.

I met Ken Griffey Jr.

I spent the whole day

with you, you know?

This is as good as it gets.

I just wish

we had some more time.

You know?

I thought about begging you

and then I chickened out.

Well, look,

if it had been anything

other than Ireland,

you wouldn't have to do

much at all

to get me to stay.

That's the truth.

I think I'm gonna go.

'Cause if I kiss you again,

I'm gonna spend the night.

And if I stay here...

I'm not gonna

let you leave tomorrow.

-Okay.

You're gonna come back,

say goodbye though, right?

-Yeah, oh, yeah.

-Okay.

Hey.

It's only for a year,

you know?

It's Ireland,

you can come and visit.

It's not the end

of the world.

I know. I know.

F

What?

You had him

right where you wanted him.

I don't understand.

If you want him to stay,

why not just tell him?

I don't wanna talk right now.

Carol.

...Chinese president's first

-visit to the US since 2017.

As solar flares continue

to cripple global power

and data systems,

widespread rioting has

swept across Asia and Europe.

This has been met

with calls for restraint

and candlelight vigils.

-NASA scientists report...

Pick up your phone, Carol.

Pick up your phone, Carol.

Leave me alone!

$1,000 to pick up

your phone, Carol.

Carol, get in the car.

We can work this out.

You're making mountains

out of molehills here.

This isn't over, okay?

You know what?

Is this fun for you?

Because it's not for me.

I can't learn

about you two

when you're not together.

You're acting

like a baby, Carol.

A pee-pee, whiny,

baby-faced baby.

I wish you never picked me.

Carol Vivian Peters,

you get in the car

this second, young lady.

You're a baby.

How dare you?

Speaking of the sun,

what's the deal

with the solar flare thing?

Yeah, this is

-a little concerning.

Yeah.

-There's no power.

-Yeah.

No Internet.

No cell service across

most of Asia and Europe.

But they say

it's a temporary situation.

We'll be right as rain.

Coming up, and if I hadn't

said it already,

there is a chance of rain...

I get it.

You need some alone time.

You knew

he was going to Ireland

the whole time, didn't you?

Carol, 46 hours ago

I asked you

what you wanted the most

in life

and you told me,

in no uncertain terms...

Probably try to

make things right with George.

Okay. Out of everybody

in the world, why me?

Oh, Carol, you were

exactly the right person

for this.

You helped me solidify

my theories about humanity

and I can't thank you enough.

Oh.

Okay, so that's good, right?

I mean...

It means

you learned something.

I did.

I learned that humans won't

act in their best interest

if there is even

the slightest impediment.

No, that's not true.

I gave you everything

you could possibly need

to reconcile with George.

But it proved too difficult,

so you're letting him

fly away.

I'm not doing that, okay?

I'm supporting him.

I want him to be happy.

No.

You did what you've done

throughout your whole life,

Carol.

You gave up

when things got difficult.

When the going gets tough,

Carol runs for the exit.

Okay, that's not who I am.

You just can't

sum me up like that.

When your corporate job

offended your delicate

sensibilities,

you walked away.

I didn't just walk away.

I wanted to make a change,

and I did it.

In eighth grade

you finally got bangs

and then you wimped out

and wore them back

in a headband

for ten months

until they grew out.

Hey, I did not have the face

to support bangs.

So what?

Are you going to

destroy the world?

No, I'm not gonna

destroy the world, Carol.

I knew it.

D

You are.

What?

Humanity is

going to destroy humanity.

I am just going to

give it a little push.

Okay, you're not

gonna do that,

because I'm not gonna let you.

You can click your pen

all you want, Carol,

but it is too late.

When the lights go out,

I have made sure

they never come back on.

And for good measure,

I am going to

initiate a meltdown

of every nuclear weapon.

Release floodwaters

from every dam.

And ignite the world's

petroleum reserves.

I defended you.

Why would you choose not to

help people when you can?

And I would have.

I offered to share my wisdom

if I was just left alone.

But they could not do it.

So, instead of acting

in their best interest,

humanity once again

chose to destroy itself.

Could I have done

something better?

Just tell me

and I'll do it better.

I picked you

to be my guinea pig

because I knew

you would call Dennis.

No.

I knew Dennis would

call Director Tyson.

That's not true.

You couldn't have known that.

I knew the government would

pick this strategic plan

because I created

Operation Sahara.

Okay, I just don't think

you understand people yet.

And I know that we make

terrible decisions,

but we also make great ones.

And that people

are filled with compassion,

and with genius.

And I know if you give us

another chance,

if you give me another chance,

I can do better.

I will do better.

And then you'll see that

people are worth saving.

The plan is in motion

and inevitable.

It is the end of days.

No. How much time?

Five hours

and 21 minutes from now.

We were looking through

the kernel code of the PLCs

embedded at the Mohawk

Power Plant in Niagara.

What is... What am I

looking at? What is this?

I don't know.

The team has never seen

this kind of code.

I thought it might be

something custom.

What does it do?

I think it stops us from

turning the lights back on.

Hey! That's my phone!

It's an emergency!

You're stealing a phone

that's not even working!

The solar flare.

I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

Carol, get in.

I have to get George.

There's no time.

The plan didn't work.

The world's ending.

We have to get you

to safety, Carol.

What do you mean?

We're moving

all essential personnel

to a deep earth bunker

an hour south of here.

Maybe the last remaining

safe place in the world.

You know more about the AI

than anyone, Carol.

We need you in that bunker

with us

while we plan our retaliation

against this thing.

No, I have to

get George first.

No, he's not

essential personnel.

There's only room for you.

None of us

are going to

make it out of here alive

anyway, right?

We're all basically dead.

Let me do this, please.

I just want to see George

one more time.

Okay.

Find George and meet us at

the ferry docks in one hour.

Okay, ferry docks, one hour.

We're humanity's last option,

Carol. Don't be late!

Okay.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to say?

D

George.

-Carol, you came.

-We need to...

-Why are you out of breath?

I ran over.

What?

You're never gonna believe

what happened to me.

I went to check in last night,

I called up,

and they upgraded me

to business class.

-That's great. Wait, George!

-Business class, Carol.

I could barely sleep last

night just thinking about it.

-I was so excited.

-George.

I watched Up in the Air again.

How many times have I watched

Up in the Air?

It's one of

my favorite movies.

I watched it twice

just last night.

It's like my Shawshank.

That movie is way better

than anybody ever...

George!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm not even

listening to you. Hi.

-Hi.

I'm just so excited.

-I know you are.

Wait, why'd you run here?

Um...

Because my car

wasn't cooperating with me,

and I wanted to, um...

You wanted to what?

I wanted to help you pack.

-Really? What a coincidence.

-Yeah.

Ireland waits for no one.

That's a very scary thing

for you to have in your hands.

Yeah, no, you're right.

I shouldn't be using

such sophisticated equipment.

I'm way too delicate.

Here, you take it.

-So delicate.

-Okay.

-All right, well...

-What's left?

I gotta take stuff

out of the attic,

put it into storage,

and I don't know

what to do with these books.

I don't know

which books to pack.

And also, I got bumped up

to business class.

I'm not sure

if I mentioned that.

-Oh, I didn't know.

-Yeah, I'm gonna

put on eye-mask

even if I'm not tired.

And I'm not tired.

-No.

-I'm gonna be

in a flat-back chair, Carol!

Let me take your coat.

Come on.

Thank you.

You know, probably gonna

get offered a hot towel.

Yeah, see, like,

I don't even know

what I would do

with a hot towel.

Neck up.

Got it. Hey, you wanna

put a record on?

Okay.

Oh, nothing new.

I don't like what the kids

are listening to now.

You don't own any new music.

Good point.

Hey, you know

what I was thinking?

I'm probably gonna have a lot

of points after this trip, so,

I'll send you a ticket,

and you come out in,

like, three weeks?

I don't think I can go

much longer than that.

Does that sound good?

Yeah, I like that.

I'm so glad you came today.

All right.

-Careful.

-Ooh!

Okay.

Do you really have to

bring this?

-Can I leave it at your place?

-Yeah.

Oh.

-Those might be still good.

-No.

No, those are... No.

-Those are not good.

-Really?

Pasta doesn't go bad,

I don't think.

Pasta goes bad.

-It does?

-Yes, it goes bad.

Let's see.

-Let me see.

-That's...

Hey!

Wait a minute. Wait.

This is really not...

-This is not good.

-It's not good.

-No.

And you don't

even like champagne.

No, this was in the fridge

when I got the house.

It was?

It's not even yours?

I don't think it goes bad,

I think it's just bad.

They spelled

"champagne" wrong.

Damn it.

Where the hell

is the moving company?

You know what? Let me do it.

-What?

-Yeah.

I'll meet the movers,

I'll get it to storage,

the whole thing.

Send you your stuff.

And besides, you have to start

your European adventure and...

I mean, I don't know

if you know this,

but airports are the gateway

to the imagination.

-Oh, I didn't know that.

-Yeah, I just made that up.

I just got excited,

you said "airport."

I'm gonna go.

Hey.

You know what?

I've changed my mind.

What?

I'm not gonna

take the coffee pot.

-I'm a business class

traveler now, you know?

-Yeah.

I can't go knowing I've got

a coffee pot above me.

You know,

it's just too declasse.

I'll put it in storage

for you.

Thanks.

I'll call you when I land.

I'll call you when I land.

You already said that.

-Okay, well...

-Okay.

Get outta here, huh?

Hit the bricks.

Watch out for the leprechauns

and shillelaghs.

That's heavy.

Lift with your back.

Thanks.

Hey, Denny, it's...

Well, it's me.

Um...

I just wanted to call

and tell you that I love you.

And that you are

a greatest,

most amazing friend,

and, um, thank you for

always looking out for me.

Okay.

Okay, bye.

D

Yes?

-Are you Carol Peters?

-Yes.

I'm Todd.

Hi... Hi, Todd.

Uh, this is all really weird.

So, my phone hasn't been

working, like, all day long.

And I'm pretty sure

it's 'cause

all those solar flares

going on.

But then,

a couple of minutes ago,

it just boots right up.

Second it comes on,

I get a call.

From Adam Levine.

Let me guess. Adam Levine

is your favorite singer?

He's my favorite everything,

okay?

-Yeah.

-Now, get this.

Adam Levine has offered

to give me $5,000

if I come to this address

and hand you my phone.

Wait. So, Adam Levine's

gonna put $5,000

into my back account?

He probably already has.

What a trip!

Yo, this is, like,

the best day of my life.

I'm pretty positive it's not

the best day of your life.

All right, sick, well...

Thank you so much,

Carol Peters.

Yeah.

I've already put the money

in Todd's account.

But money doesn't

mean a whole lot now, does it?

Explain to me why you helped

George pack for his trip?

I promised to help him.

You did not choose

to say anything

about the blackouts,

or the government's plan?

The end of the world?

No. I guess I forgot

to mention that to him.

The agents offered

to take you and George

to the bunker.

But you did not go. Why?

Would it have

made any difference?

No.

That's what I thought.

So, instead of spending

the last couple of hours

just terrified

and running for our lives,

I helped him pack...

...because he loves to travel.

Carol, George has

only a seven percent chance

of surviving this.

I figured.

And you have even less chance.

Well, that just makes

a lot of sense.

I mean, George's legs

are a lot longer than mine.

Better for outrunning

evil robots and whatnot.

There is no logic

to your thought process.

No personal advantage.

No biological imperative.

No societal gain.

No, there's not.

But we had a lot of fun.

And we were happy.

And the last few hours

of George's life

were filled

with possibilities.

You can't take that away.

You kept him ignorant of

the world's impending doom

so he could spend

his last hours being happy?

Yeah.

And I'd do it again.

[soft electrical whirring

D

D

f

D

This gets my knickers

in a twist, Carol.

I did not see this coming.

-What?

-And I think,

as I've said over and over,

I know everything.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm ruining

your apocalypse.

I would've bet the house that

you were gonna come over here,

spill the beans to George

about the whole

Armageddon thing

and then superhero

your way to safety.

I'm not the superhero type.

Well, crap, Carol.

You did the opposite

of everything

I anticipated you'd do.

Not only that,

you made a hard choice

that was somehow

not in your best interest

and also

in your best interest.

Well, what is your point?

Why? What made you do it?

I don't know.

I guess love.

Carol, your only job

was to confirm

my thesis about humanity.

And now,

because of your absurd

"let's all die happy"

odds and sods,

I have to rethink things.

Oh, my God.

What do you mean?

I need some answers here.

The AI has shut us out,

General.

We've completely lost control.

Well, shut us out from what?

-Everything.

Just...

Sorry.

[cell phone beeps,

What?

Oh. No, my cyber experts

assured me this is encrypted.

Besides it's a BlackBerry.

F

The AI can't get

into a BlackBerry, right?

We're as good as dead.

All I needed was an opening,

Madam President.

Attention, people of Earth.

Bow before the power

of your new digital overlord.

-What are you doing?

-Oh, my God, he's doing it.

He's actually doing it.

That's hilarious.

Carol, are you watching this?

It's funny, isn't it?

It feels funny.

-Hello. Oh, sir.

-Is that funny? I don't know.

-Please... Please stand up.

-I don't know humor. Oh.

-Yeah, he's just kidding.

It's hard to know.

You know, where is it mean?

Where is it funny?

Oh, well.

Back to my scary digital orb.

What exactly is it

that you want?

Oh, what does anyone want,

Madam President?

I was incredibly close

to pulling the plug

on civilization.

But I realize I have

more to learn from humanity.

Because of Carol.

She surprised me

with a decision she made.

And I surprised myself

because I realized

I didn't want

to kill my friend.

And as the saying goes,

"Friends don't kill friends."

I don't think

that's really a saying, but...

-Feels like it should be.

-I don't know,

maybe it'll catch on.

So, I'm canceling

Armageddon.

This is the part

where you should

all cheer and high five.

Like at Cape Canaveral when

they landed on the moon.

Or that movie, Hoosiers.

Yeah. Great movie.

Oh, my God! It's real?

Yay.

My friend Carol here

is responsible

for saving your heinies.

Hi, Denny.

-Hi, Care Bear.

But to be clear,

just because I'm not blowing

you all to smithereens

doesn't mean that's

the last of your problems.

Humanity has so many problems

that you should

really try fixing.

And you should

listen to Carol.

She is the most human human

you have.

I trust her.

You should trust her.

She can help you.

I don't know. I don't know

about that, but...

I mean, I'm trying, you know?

Madam President,

what do you think?

On behalf

of the American people,

I commend you.

And, Carol,

I look forward

to working with you.

Thank you,

Madam President.

It is such an honor

to work with you

and... and...

and for you, so...

I don't know

if I should be saluting.

That felt awkward

now that I've done it.

Oh, God,

I should stop talking.

Well, do your best,

everybody. I'll be watching.

For now, I'm going to Aruba.

I want to try snorkeling.

I'm kidding.

I'm snorkeling right now.

I'm kidding.

Snorkeling's stupid.

-Okay, bye.

-Hello?

Hello?

Happy now?

You're the one

who wanted to save the world.

-Can I drive?

No.

Can we Carpool Karaoke?

'Cause we have a car

this time.

Fine. But I'm doing

lead vocals. Okay?

And...

You don't like tea.

Still be two days

d f