Super Stooges vs the Wonder Women (1974) - full transcript

Three men with supernatural powers interfere in a tribal warfare to prevent evil Amazons destroying the inhabitants of a village. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
(whimsical music)

(wind whistling)

(suspenseful music)


(gong clangs)



(groans and shouts)

(gong clangs)


- Give it to her, give it
to her, give it to her!


(gong clangs)

(weapons clanging)



(funky music)


- Fellow Amazons, hear my words.

I shall not waste time on oratory.

I propose to you as our warrior

to force Dharma to reveal his secret.

The secret of the sacred fire.


(mellow music)

- You sure this is the place?
- Yeah.

They say he eats here every day.

- There are no free tables, I'm sorry.

You'll have to come back later.

- This will make things easier.

If we make a disturbance,

we can dispose of him in the confusion.


Get down here!

- [Boys] What do you want us to do, boss?

- Clear everybody out.

(shouting and screaming)

We're ready to eat, wench,
now what have you got?


- Again.

- What are you waiting for?

You eat afterwards.

Go on, let's finish him off.



(wacky music)





- Hey he's the one we want!

All of you, knock him unconscious!


- Hmm?
- No no, not again!

- Heh.
- All right boys,

all together!


Now we got him!





- If you want a word of advice, Philonus,

I think we got the wrong man.


Hey, wouldn't it be better if we looked,

you know, if we went and looked somewhere

where it's a little quieter?

- Just a minute.

I'll teach that muscle-bound ox a lesson.

- He's not a man to be trifled with.

- Yeah?

You'd be surprised.





(sword clangs)



- Oh, my head.

- All right my hearties,
you've had your rest.

On your feet!

Get over here and give me a hand!

Hurry up!

Right, now pick up that weight.


Now hold it up in the air above you,

you (mumbling), jump to it, get a move on!

- I mean...
- Come on now,

sit down on that end.
- Oh dear.

- Come on, sit down.

- I don't know if it's gonna work.








- Pretty clever.

- I said I was sorry.


- Let's finish him off!



(wind whistling)


Before he comes after me!


(funky music)



- Let's go, m'hearties!

- The name is Moog.

The pleasure was all mine.


(light music)

- Egods, what's that?

- Must be a tourist, the
horse looks foreign to me.

- Doesn't look like the
type to put up a good fight.

(bells jingling)

I guess nobody told him he
can't ride through our territory

without permission.

- Why don't you teach him a lesson?



- Thanks.

- Philonus.
- Uh huh?

- What are you waiting for?

Show him who's boss, eh?
- Yeah.

Are you lads on vacation or something?

Attack that stranger!

He's trespassing!

(chuckling intimidatingly)
(suspenseful music)


(weapons clanging)

(hitting and punching)



(wobbling music)


- Can't you fools do anything without me?

Now stand back and watch
me bring him to his knees.

- Great words.

- Engarde, stranger.

Up til now we've only been
kidding with you, fight back!



- Uh huh, only kidding, eh?


(weapons clanging)



(clamoring in fright)

- Cunicula, you know what you are?

You're a lousy Jonah!

- Hey, wait for me, where you going?

I'm not a Jonah.

It was you who wanted me to molest him.


- Whoa!


(playful music)

(weapons clanging)



(gentle music)

(bells jingling)

(mysterious music)



- Are you the head man of these people?

- Yes.
- As of today,

your village is under our protection

and you'll be taxed accordingly.

- But this is one of Dharma's villages

and we're under his protection.

A quarter of all we produce goes to him

and we need the rest to survive.

- We don't want your produce,
we only want one thing.

The sacred fire.

Share it, or suffer for it.

- Only Dharma knows the
secret of the sacred fire.

- Then tell me where to find him, old man.

- You can kill me, and everyone else here,

but Dharma, nobody can kill.

For four centuries he's ruled
over the people of this valley

but where he lives, no one knows.

- Then how do you make him aware

that you need his protection?

- When such a need arises,
he appears out of nowhere

without warning.

- You lie, old man, you lie.
- No!

- Then why doesn't your Dharma appear now

to save you from us?

(explosion booms)

(horses neighing wildly)

- [Dharma] I am Dharma!

- [Amazon Warrior] After him!


(explosions booming)

(horses neighing wildly)

- Why are you looking up there?

I give you a choice.

If you leave these people in peace,

you will come to no harm.

If not, the power of
Dharma will destroy you!

- I want him alive, after him!

(whimsical music)


- This way!


- This is your last warning.

Raze this valley again, and
none of you will leave it alive.

(explosions booming)

(dramatic music)

(fire crackling)

(mysterious music)

- Oh immortal Dharma, hear the
plea of your humble servants.

And give them the benefit
of your great wisdom.

(flames crackling)

(wind whistling)

- Here is your Dharma,
my defenseless children.

What is it, how do you
wish me to help you?

- We do not seek your help.

We only wish to thank you
for saving us this morning

from the Amazons.

- I cannot accept thanks
that I have not earned.

Since last night I have been

in meditation with my ancestors.

- [Old Man] But if it
was not you, great lord,

then who could it have been?

- It was probably the soul of
someone recently passed on.

That saw that I was busy
and chose as a gesture

of good will to protect you.

- Even if that's so, what
happened this morning

is still your doing.

For only you have such powers.

And that is why we have
brought you these gifts

as a sign of our appreciation and thanks.

Without you, we are at
the mercy of the Amazons.

- Since you insist, I have
no choice but to accept

your presents with profound emotion

and rest assured that Dharma's protection

will be as strong in the future
as it has been in the past.

For hundreds of years
it has been my destiny

to defend the people of this valley

and the sacred fire that burns forever

is the symbol of my immortality.

- Tell us, great lord, what should we do

if the Amazons decide to
attack our village again?

- Very good, very good.

Place the baskets around my feet as usual.

Where are my favorite hot peppers?

Don't say you've forgotten again!

- I put them personally in one
of the baskets, great lord.

- I thought I made it quite clear,

no peppers, no protection!

- I assure you that they
are in one of the baskets,

great lord.

- Ah, there they are!

You wanted to know what to do, uh...

- If the Amazons should return and attack!

- You need say no more.

If that terrible day should come,

there is only one cause of action

that I would advise you to take

and that is to do nothing.

- Nothing?

- Dharma has spoken!

- But they'll kill us all!
- Not if you practice

the art of passive resistance

and put your faith in
Dharma the all-powerful.

- But what if...
- Silence!

My defenseless children,
if you are attacked,

you will turn to me as
you have always done

and I'll help you as I did today.

Do not worry, my immortal presence

is constantly awake and always
on guard to protect you,

and now my children, I leave you.

Lower your eyes, bow down, bow down.

(mysterious music)

(flames crackling)

(light music)

Put out the fire, Grog,
and place these baskets

in the storeroom.

And as for you young man, how
many times have I told you

not to impersonate me while I'm sleeping?

- The more he talks, the
less I understand him.

- Now what's all this about the Amazons?

- They were out in the
village looking for you

and I scared them off
with a few of your tricks.

- All these accursed women
think about is making war.

Well, I suppose we'll
have to arrange a meeting

and try to talk them out of it.

- That'll be impossible.

But look Dharma, if you'll
allow me to expose myself

to the sacred flame so attain immortality,

I think I could handle them.


Look, I know almost all your tricks now,

and I know I could
impersonate you perfectly

if only you'd allow me to become immortal.

- Come with me, hmm.


Do you believe that by
simply passing through

the so-called sacred flames,
you will become immortal, eh?

- Yes, isn't that how you became immortal?

All you have to do is tell
me the right way to do it.

I put my hand in it once, it
nearly burnt my fingers off.

- You did?


Well, when you put your
faith in old wives' tales.

And I'm sorry to have to tell you this,

but I'm not immortal.

- Ah, you only say that.

- You don't believe me?
- No.

- All right then, my boy,
let me ask you a question.

If I really am immortal, then
why am I taking such pains

to teach an impetuous youth
like you everything I know?

To amuse myself?

- Never thought of that.


Maybe that's it.

Gets boring doing the same
thing for hundreds of years.

- The only reason has been to prepare you

to inherit this costume when I die.

For 400 years it's been passed
on from master to student.

The only thing you can
call immortal about Dharma,

whether you like it or not,
is the style of his clothes.

- So you're just like any other man.

- And I make mistakes like any other man.

One of them being to adopt an
irresponsible youth like you.

You may have learned the
tricks, but it is his wisdom

that makes Dharma great.

- If it's not true, then
who invented the story

of the sacred fire that gives immortality?

- When the first Dharma
stumbled across this cave

and discovered its secret, he was inspired

to call himself the
keeper of the sacred fire

and appear before the people of the valley

behind a curtain of flame,
wearing the mask I wear today.

He was also...

He was also the first
one who levied a tax.

In return for advice and protection.

But as for why the fire burns at all,

that's a mystery that
has yet to be solved.

- But without immortality, there's no way

to destroy the Amazons.

- If you rely purely on physical strength,

you will never destroy them anyway.

You must use guile.

And I will decide our
strategy as long as I'm alive.

- How long is that gonna be?

- If I have my way, as long as possible.

- Well I hope I don't
get tired of waiting.

- Well done.

But remember one thing.

The more you learn now,
the easier it'll be

when I do pass away and
you become the new Dharma.

We have a heavy responsibility

towards the people of this valley,

and we must try never to let them down.

And now it is the hour to
retire and resume my meditation.

Oh, and no taking advantage
of my spiritual absence

to steal my costume.

- I intend to go hunting
so you don't have to worry.

Sleep well.


- My boy, you're not as
dumb as I thought you were.

(gentle music)

- Oh!
(horse neighing)

Oh, oh.


- Can I help you?

- I think I sprained my ankle.

- Well there's nothing
broken as far as I can see.

What are you doing out here alone?

Where do you come from?

- I lost my way.

- Well I'm happy it was I who found you.

- My horse shied and bolted.

I fell off and twisted
my foot when I landed.

Surely you could do something
if you looked at it.

- Not me, but I know somebody who can.

- Ah!

- There you are.

Keep your weight off it for a day or two

and it'll be as good as
new before you know it.

Well, it's time for my meditation.

Mind if I leave you?

- It's the best think you could do.

- Hmm, I thought that's how you felt.

Well, I'll leave our guest in your hands,

and, uh, don't forget she needs rest.

(light music)

- Glad I found you?

- You know I am.

But even though I want to stay with you,

I must soon return to my own people.

(crying out)
- The Amazons!

The Amazons!

Must save Dharma.

(mysterious music)

- Here, wait for me here.

Dharma, Dharma!

(Fire crackling)

Let me help you.


- No Aro, it's useless.

Those evil savages.

I tried to get them to
listen, but you are right.

And now you inherit the role of Dharma.

Take my costume, and ride towards the east

until you reach a large city.

And there you will find
two friends of mine,

they are waiting for you.

One is called Chang and
the other is called Moog.

The three of you will avenge me.

- But what if they refuse to help me?

- They also seek immortality,

and they know that
Dharma is the one person.

Aro, all you have to do is
pull the wool over their eyes.

They wanna believe so
it won't be difficult.

Throw my body in the fire

and you must avenge me
to save this valley.

From the Amazons.


(birds chirping)


- Lena!

- Can it be that the stories
of his immortality are true?

I pierced his chest with my lance.

(arrow whooshes)

- I want him alive.

(whimsical music)

After him!

Get after him!

Find me him!


(clamoring in foreign language)

(gentle music)


- You mention that name to me again

and you'll make a big mistake!

- Do you need some help, friend?

- Not especially.

Now, tell me, why can't I mention Moog?


- You're gonna bite off more
than you can chew again,

let's get out of here.

- What are you waiting for?

Destroy him!

- Keep him alive!
- I heard 'ya.

- Hey!

- Tell me something.

What are you doing with types like these?

- You tell me why

you're prying into
other people's business.

- Need some help, friend?
- No thanks!

- Hey you?

(banging and clanking)


(whimsical music)


- Milady, I could not resist the urge

to steal a fleeting kiss.


- Need some help, friend?
- No thanks!







- Help!

- The offer is still open.

- Then join in, friend!


(weapons whooshing and clanging)

Go to the right.

- It's just a question of time.


- Moog!

- Thanks for helping out, friend.

- What are you talking about?

I'm trying to find a girl.

- What's she look like?

Well, wish you luck!
- Oh, wait!


(whooshing and clanking)



- Why don't you introduce yourself?

- What's your name?
- Moog.

- My, that's a fine name.

I think you rather like me, eh?

My name is Myra.

And I live in the village of Junga,

not far from here at all.

Perhaps you'll come to see me.

Like it?

I'll be expecting you.



(playful trumpeting)



(light music)

(hands smacking)


- Philonus, Philonus.

Hey, he's what's the matter with you?



Bumbling fool almost broke a cat.



- With my compliments.
- Ah!




- I think the time has come for us

to get the hell out of here!

- I think you're right, let's go!

(clamoring and shouting)

- Again.

Three towers of strength united...

- Just give me a message.

Your enchanting is more
impressive in public.

- You should not sneer
at religious rituals.

All right.

You must attack as soon as you can.

Wipe out all the villages,

carry off or kill the
young men, show no mercy.

You must eliminate all resistance,

leaving no one to help those three.

- I'll use Mila.

- No, Akela, trust me.

You should not put your faith in her.

- [Akela] Why not?

An Amazon could never be a traitor.

(gong clangs)

- The sacred fire of Dharma.

It's been burning like that
for thousands of years.

But take care, stare at it too long

and the flames will blind you.

- Are you trying to tell us
that to attain immortality,

we have to get burned?
- Mm hmm.

- Well it didn't hurt
you, you look pretty good

for 400 years old.

- Look, what are we waiting for?

Let's proceed with the ceremony.

- Have patience, my friend.

I must first consult the gods.

It is only through them
that I can determine

when is the right moment.

So while you two make yourselves at home,

I shall retire to my quarters

and seek their advice using
the power of meditation.



- Honorable partner, if you ask me,

we are being taken for a pair of fools.

- Well let's hope he finds it easy

to get through to the gods.

- Let's hope so.

- He could keep us
waiting around for weeks.

- If you want my opinion, I don't believe

he's telling us the truth.

I think that story about the
gods is just to put us off.

Look, let's try passing
ourselves through the flames

and see what happens.

All right?

- But what if he's telling the
truth and we do get burned?

- He must have done it, so we can too.

- You think so, eh?

- Why sure, as far as he's concerned

we're just a couple of suckers.

- Better a sucker than a
cinder, that's what I say.

Besides, we don't know
the right way to do it.

- It's simple, look.

Just put your hand in to start.

I'll bet it doesn't even get hot.

- You bet me, big deal.

What if I get burnt?

- You win the bet.

But nothing will happen, you'll see.

- So why don't you try it?
- Why don't I try it?

I guess I could, but, uh, at the moment

I don't happen to have a hand free.

Go on.

- All right.

I'll give it a try first.

(fire crackling)

Hey Chang, you're right!

- Try it again?

- Not even a blister.

- You see?

What did it tell you?



Chang, wasn't it you who said
it wouldn't burn your hand?

- But it didn't burn yours!

What, poor me.

- I used to work as a
blacksmith when I was a kid,

I guess that's why the
fire didn't hurt me.

- Why didn't you say so?

- I'm sorry, I just didn't think about it.

- Oh god, it's all scorched!

- Well you're the one who
talked me into doing it.

- That's no excuse, you
could have stopped me.


- May the great goddess Ares protect you!



(dramatic music)

- Come on, wake up.

- Ai, ugh.

- What do you say?

- I said, "Ai," 'cause
that means ouch in dialect.

- So, you put your hand
in the sacred fire, hmm?

- Only to see if it was hot.

- All right, serves you
right if you got burned.

- It's okay for you.

- That's right, I hope
it's taught you a lesson.

Without my guidance and without
the approval of the gods,

whoever touches those flames
will get a nasty burn.

We have to wait for a sign.

- Hmm, what did I tell you?

We've got to wait for a sign.

Otherwise, will you listen, no!

You talked me into it.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- That right?

You don't, huh?

Ah, you can't fool me.


- Yeah, you're too
smart for your own good.

- Oh come on, come on.

This is no time to squabble.

If you follow me, you can
hear the decision of the gods.

First, I must congratulate
you on your good fortune.

You have been selected to
fight against the Amazons,

after which you'll be able to
pass through the sacred flame.

And so attain immortality.

- Are you sure you heard that right?

- After four centuries of
experience, I can guarantee

the message is correct.

- Couldn't they have meant
the other way around,

immortality and then?

- One of the requirements
for admittance to the ranks

of the immortal is the
execution of an noble deed.

And in your case that
means fighting the Amazons,

so make your choice.

- The old man's right.

- Who are you calling old man?

- Sorry, but you are 400 years old.

- It's going to be dangerous.

The Amazons are warriors.

- If you don't want to
earn your immortality,

then I may as well go and
look for someone else.

- All right, if you say so.

I just think it's risky.

- Don't tell me you're scared!

Look at you, you oughta
be ashamed of yourself.

I'm not afraid.

- Hmph.

I don't know what it is with you,

you always say one thing and mean another.

- All right, I'll do it (mumbles),

but honorable master,
there's only one thing.

I can't fight with this hand.

- There's no need to call me master.

I'm Dharma to you.

I'll look for an ointment
in the old man...

Old ointment I mean that
I'll prepare especially

from magic infusions.

(suspenseful music)

- At every full moon you
will give us another 100

sacks of grain.

- Leomides, don't give into their demands!


- Does he speak for all of you?

- No, not all of us.

He is young and has
yet to learn restraint.

- Amazons, back to camp!

(dramatic music)



- In 400 years, this is the first time

I've ever seen anybody riding a cow.

- It's a buffalo.
- He's right.

By the way, where are we going?

- To the village of Junga.

We have to convince the people
there to fight at our side.

- The village of Junga?
- Yes, why?

- Well it's just a
place that interests me.


- What has happened here?

- [Old Man] Oh great
lord, the Amazons returned

and carried off the best of our young men.

And 100 sacks of grain.

- The come has come to fight back.

- How, great lord?

We are at the mercy of these evil women.

Better to pay their taxes
than to be massacred.

- And to allow your young men
to be carried off as slaves?

(gentle music)

- At last, come.

Oh, I was almost sure you would force me

to ride away with you, and I
feel so weak and defenseless.

- Why, I'd rather die before
I lifted a finger against you.

- Oh, when I think how strong you must be,

I don't think I'll ever
be able to resist you.

Tell me how.

- Didn't you hear what I said?

I have no intention of forcing you.

- No, but won't you do
anything to possess me?

Don't you like me or something?

How about if I kiss you?

(laughing playfully)

- Well, what do you think?

- Oh great lord, it was you who told us

that we should seek to live in peace.

Times have changed Leomides.

- You must listen
Leomides, we must resist!

We'll be wiped out if we listen to you!

- The boy is right.

You must give us time
to decide, great lord.

Go to the other villages.

If they decide to fight, then we will too.

- [Aro] Moog!

Moog, in the name of
the gods, where are you?

- You have to go now.

I live for the day when you
return and carry me off.

- [Aro] Oh great Dharma,
where the hell is he?



- See you soon, my little goddess.


- Let's go, Moog!

- What on earth's got into you too?

- No you're the one who's been burned.

- Burned?
- I was just getting

some information.

- Sure, and I can't help
you with a magic potion.


(fire crackling)

- We've been to every
village in the valley,

and none of them are willing to fight.

- We'll go it alone.

- You know old man Dharma used to,

rather I was thinking that...

- That's all right, we
know you're old and wise.

It's our friend Moog
here who lacks wisdom,

suggesting we should
fight the Amazons alone.

- I think Moog's got a point.

We should be more than a match for them.

According to the gods,
if we stick together,

there's no force in the
world capable of beating us.

- And I say they're right.

(dramatic music)

- There's no way in from this side.

- No.

And unless we grow wings, we'll
never get over the palisade.

- That's right.

There's only one answer.

Learn to fly.

You'll have to keep up a
slow, continuous movement!

- [Moog] What am I up here
for if you know so much?

- There can be no progress without risk.

If you succeed, then all humanity

is going to be indebted to you.

- And if I fail, what will
humanity do for me then?

- Moog, you the heaviest!

If you manage to fly,
then it'll be easy for me!

- I guess I just don't
have the pioneer spirit,

and if you ask me, I'm not
gonna make a good pigeon.



Slow, continuous movement, huh?



- You know, flying will work
if use a different method.

I guess humanity isn't
ready for wings yet.

I've got something better.

(mysterious music)







- Release the prisoners.

- The horses, Chang.

Get the prisoners mounted and all of you

ride out in the confusion.

I'm going to open the main gate.

- Come on, this way, hurry!

(whimsical music)

- Do your worst, hurry!

(gong clanging)

Hurry, hurry!

(dramatic music)

Show no pity!

- Go!



There will be no peace for
the people of this valley

until those three have been captured

and the vultures have
consumed their bodies.


- Your escape has put us all in danger!

The Amazons will come back

and we'll be worse off than before.

- You're wrong, Leomides.

- Look, you haven't seen the way Dharma

and those two friends of his can fight.

If they can help us, we
can defeat those women.

Put it to the council of elders.

- So be it, Azov.

Tomorrow we will vote on
whether to fight or not.

- No, they're not mine.
- Myra, Myra!

- I have to go, that's my mother.

You wait here.

Keep an eye on the children.

I won't be long!

- Oh, if only we could get
our hands on those three.

That would really be an accomplishment.

- Well so far we haven't had much success.

How do you propose to do it?

- You realize who we
could deal with supposing

we capture just one of them?
- The Amazons?

- Nah, you may be right, but
every time we go to the camp

for those witches, I get the feeling that

we're really asking for trouble.

- They're not gonna hurt us.
- Yeah, sure.

(light music)

- We wish to request an
audience with your queen.

This is my squire and I am Philonus,

lord of the forest within the valley.

- We have information about the men

who released your prisoners.
- Open the gate.

- Hello noble Queen of the Amazons...

- May there always be peace
between you, him, and me.

- You let me do the talking.

- Well I thought it was
optional to mention me.

- What is this information
you have for me?

- Noble queen, we have heard that you wish

to penetrate the refuge into which Dharma

and his friends have withdrawn.

- Well we know how to do it

and for a certain consideration...

- You mean you can show us the
secret way into the mountain?

- Exactly, noble queen.

- The sacred fire flows
out of the mountain.

- And I can show you how to acquire it.

- I see, and your price?
- We wish for...

- Philonus, listen.

- No!

We ask nothing your majesty in return.

- These men are under my protection.

Accompany them to the guest tents

and provide them with food, drink,

and whatever else they want.

- That sounds like a good deal, eh?

- Tell the captain I wish to see him.

- Thank you.

We appreciate your
hospitality, your highness.

- You wish to see me?

- We are entrusting you with
command of the expedition

which will capture Dharma.

- If such an undertaking is
possible, I shall succeed.

Although I am aware it will not be easy.

- [Akela] We will devise a plan.

- Even so, he is still
immortal and in my opinion

he could be more use to us as a friend.

- Friendship with Dharma
would mean losing our control

over the villages on the
other side of the mountain.

- Your desire to increase
our power in that valley

will become the reason for our downfall!

- Enough, enough Mila, you
have not been called here

to protest our decisions
but to receive orders.

And as a military commander,
you will obey those orders

without question.

Capture Dharma, I want him in my power.

If you fail, I advise
you not to return here.

You will find yourself
suspended by your feet.

(suspenseful music)


(crying out)


(whooshing and smacking)


- Take your horses.
- Chang, Moog!



(wind whistling)



- I see no reason for you to laugh,

there is no escape, your fate is sealed.

You have, however, one
way to save yourself.

Tell me the secret of the sacred fire.

Make me immortal, and in
return for immortality,

I will spare your life.

- Since I am already immortal,

my life is not at stake.

- Let's see how true that is.

Now that you're no longer
behind that curtain of fire.

- Be careful!

According to the legend,
whoever harms Dharma will die!


- You must not forget that
until he has told us the secret,

it is important to keep
him alive, oh noble queen.

Mila already knows where
the eternal flame is.

- That's no help to you.

Put your finger in that fire
and it'll burn up like a torch.

- Every mystical ceremony is
based on specific formalities

and rites, we'll never learn
the secret if you kill Dharma.

- Very well.

Torture will persuade you to
tell us all you need to know.

- Allow me time to consult the gods.

I must seek their cooperation.



- I'm not worried,
Dharma's not going to die.

Even if they try roasting him.

He's immortal.

- But we're not and we never will be

if he doesn't come back.

What the hell are we
waiting for, to grow old?

No, we gotta free him.
- I thought you had

arranged for Meme to
meet us outside the gate

with the horses.

Well she isn't here, so
what do you expect us to do,

walk all the way?
- Get out of sight!

She probably got lost,

do you see what I see?

Two horses.

- You figure...
- What are we waiting for?

- Love, Philonus.

You really mean to tell me that you want

to run off with a couple of horses?

We don't even know who they belong to.

- Either we steal them
or else we walk home

so you better make up your
mind what you wanna do.

- I think I did already.
- Well?

- I don't like walking.

- Okay, we'll take 'em by surprise.

The best way will be to close...

- And hit 'em when they're not looking.

What if it happens to be
those two friends of Dharma's?

We'll be flat on our
backs before we know it.

But come to think of it, I
got what we want right here.

You know what this is?

It's a secret weapon, that's what it is.

- If you're not gonna help me

then I'll have to handle it by myself!



(mysterious music)


- I give up, I give up, it was my idea.


- If you let me go, I'll save your life.

- I'm beginning to pity you.

Where did you come from this time, huh?

Where did you come from?

- We've been to the Amazons.

They're old friends of
ours and they're always

happy to see us.

We come and go whenever we please.

- Well he's telling you he's
a friend of the Amazons.

- That's right, and if
you don't believe it,

I'll give you some proof!

We saw Dharma being
questioned by the queen.

- I don't believe a word you're saying.

Why don't you tell us how you caught him

if you want him to open up?

- As we approached the gate,

I give him a hail.

"Advise your noble queen that Philonus

"and his humble squire
request an audience."

They open up without even looking at us.

- That's all you do?

- Yeah that's all, and
once we're in the camp,

we walk around and go wherever we please.

And I'll tell you something else...


(warbling music)


(laughing slowly)

(mysterious music)

- Advise your noble queen that Philonus

and his humble squire request an audience.

- I knew you'd get here.
- You did, huh?

- Yeah.
- Suppose you know

how to get away too, huh?

- Where there's a will, there's a way.

Come on, hurry.

It's coming.

Let's get out of here.


(crying out)

Mina, you hurt?

There, he knows here.

(moaning sexily)

If you two have reached
an honorable agreement,

it would be a good idea
for us to get out of here.

- A man sure knows how to handle a woman.

Come on.

If you're ready, let's go.

(whimsical music)

Quick, over this precipice.

- We can't escape that way!
- Don't be so sure.

Here, take this.

Here's one for you.



Now, grab the corners, hold
it over your heads, and jump.

- Ay yay yay, how do you know this works?

- I don't, you'll find
out on the way down.

- Ay yay yay.


(gong clanging)


(arrows whooshing)


Now all we need is horses.

- I happened to be passing by.

I can lend them to you if you'd like.

- Lend them to the great Dharma.

I'll take Mila with me.

- You know, I may be
wrong, but I'm getting

the idea you're following me.

- And I thought it was
you who was following me.

- You coming?

- No I'm not.

Philonus is my guardian,
and even if he's a bandit

it would be wrong to desert him.

- Well how do you like that?

When you next see your
guardian, you can give him

our thanks for helping us get away.

Hyah, hyah!

- Advise your noble queen

that Philonus and his humble squire

Cunicula greet her and
request an audience.

(arrows whooshing)

Hey, didn't you hear, we
wanna speak to the queen?

- You are speaking to her, you vermin,

and I now give you fair warning.

Keep well away from here
if you value your lives.


(arrows whooshing)

- Look, if you listen to a word of advice

from me for once Philonus,

I think we'd better get out of here.

I mean before one of those
arrows finds its mark.

You stay if you like, but I'm going.

- Get back at that butch if
it's the last thing I do.

Hey, where'd you go?

She might at least have told
us what we've done wrong.


- I knew I'd see you again.

- Good news for you, Dharma.

- Leomides and the council of elders

has voted in favor of war,

and the other villages have too.

- My friends, the Amazons will
try to destroy your village.

There's no need to panic, though,

we have plenty of time to get ready.

According to their custom,

they will not launch an
attack before the full moon.

That means we still have eight days,

and that's more than
enough time to prepare

a surprise or two.

I know that with hard
work and some luck too

we'll put them to rout.

(villagers cheering)

All right Chang, let's go.

Find Moog, we'll start at once.

- This is the forest at the
lower end of the valley.

You can count on Akela
to come through there.

- That's just what we want.

- Our plan depends on the
men from the other villages

attacking at the right moment.

What's he looking for?
- I don't know.


- You know something about that smell?

Well the sacred fire,
it smells the same way.






- I am sorry Leomides, but
we've talked it over again

and we are not prepared to
risk the lives of our men

by fighting against the Amazons.

- You mean you decided that now?

At the last moment?

- You must understand that
there was much to debate,

much discussion before
the decision was taken.

Listen to reason, Leomides,
you have no chance of winning.

It's a lost cause.

There is still time to escape
into the hills with us.

- That's not true.

There's not even time to warn Dharma.

The full moon is risen.

(mysterious music)

- [Villager] I blocked the neck

with the rope to keep the liquid in.

- [Villager] What are these things for?

- [Villager] it's a new weapon,

Dharma showed us how to make it.

(suspenseful music)


- Amazon warriors!


(dramatic music)

(explosions whistling and booming)

(horses neighing wildly)

Rally to me, to me!

To the river, to the river!

(explosions whistling and booming)

Back to the village!
- Where's that?

- Rally to me!

(explosions booming)
(horses neighing wildly)

Get behind the palisades!

- Attack, attack!

(horn blowing)


(dramatic music)


(explosions booming)


(cries out)


- Moog can hold them back.

If we capture the queen, we're safe.

Half of you that way, the rest that way.


(whimsical music)



Behind you, they broke through!


- That's the way, teach
those evil witches a lesson

they won't forget!

- Why don't we help?
- We should,

but we don't have any weapons.


- Well how do you use it?

- Use it?

This little invention's
right out of the future.

This insignificant ball will
pulverize the whole world.




- What happened to the reinforcements?

Leomides must have backed down.

- He'd better come up with something soon

or we'll lose our skins
as well as immortality.

- Well, we haven't lost anything yet.

I've prepared a little
surprise for our friends.

Get to the cave as soon
as you've taken care

of our visitors.


- How many have you got?

- A whole bag full.

More than we need, Philonus.

- You and I may be
prepared to go down there,

but what about the others?

- So are we.

- If this weapon works, we'll be heroes!

- Philonus, we must hurry or the Amazons

will win and kill everybody!

- All right, each man will
arm himself with a new weapon.

Our surprise attack will
be the turning point

in the battle.

Victory will be our triumph.

And in future those witches
will respect the name Philonus!

- And his humble squire, of course.

- Hmph.

(whimsical music)

(weapons whooshing and clanging)

- Get ready, my hearties!

It is within our grasp to free this valley

from female tyranny!

Ready, forward!
- Charge!

- Come on!
- Forward!



Now what?

- I guess it has to be perfected.

- Idiot.

What do we do now, Meme?

- We fight anyway.

- Right, let's go.

- It should have been tested.

- Now you tell me!

(dramatic music)

(weapons whooshing and clanging)




- Let's get out of here!
- Run for your lives!

(arrows whooshing)




(whimsical music)

- Flank number two, full speed ahead.

- Full speed ahead!

- Flank number three, ignite flames.

(flames whooshing)

- Left, right, left, right.

Keep those (mumbles) clear to your right.

- I can't see to the right,

I got a guy with a limp on the left!

- Left, right, left, right,
(mumbles) left, right.

- Retreat into the woods!

- Can't you keep those flames straight?

- I'm trying, I got a man on
the right with a limp now.

- Left, left, left, left, left right left.

(flames whooshing)

- Hold steady, Amazons.

Fight to the end!

- Forward my hearties, now's
the time to save the day!

Open the gate, open the
gate, come on, move!

- Forward Amazons, hold your ground!

Fight back!




(dramatic music)

(fire crackling)


- Kneel down my brothers
and listen to my words.

Prostrate yourselves.


My noble allies, I say goodbye to you.

I go now to a place that
is not of this earth.

(fire crackling)

You must have faith,
you must have patience.

I will teach you the secrets
of immortality when I return.



- What does he mean, farewell?

Where did he go?

We've been tricked!

(playful music)

♪ Got it done ♪

♪ Got it made ♪

♪ You're the one that
connotes with dragons ♪

♪ You can use ♪

♪ Man your life is in danger ♪

♪ So keep fighting ♪

♪ Not to break ♪

♪ Got a chance ♪

♪ So come on and control
your strength, men ♪

♪ So get out ♪

♪ 'Cause your life is in danger ♪

♪ You're not a fool ♪

♪ Everything's a guess ♪

♪ You're so fine ♪

♪ You so strong ♪

♪ You so fierce ♪

♪ So no one dies ♪

♪ These are confirmed (mumbles) ♪

♪ Are the things that
you find on your way ♪

♪ Like bomb that's a star
that blew up on your face ♪

♪ And you break it apart as you please ♪

♪ You've got me like (mumbling) ♪

♪ Things that you find on your way ♪

♪ Like a bomb that's a smile
spread up on your face ♪

♪ And you break it apart as you please ♪

♪ You can be like a carnival ♪

♪ Work it for fun ♪

♪ With the things that
you find on you way ♪