Super High Me (2007) - full transcript

WE GOT ONE PATIENT
READY TO COME UP.

JUST STEP THAT WAY
TO THE DISPENSARY.

THANKS.

(man)
HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD. HOW YOU DOING?

(man)
PRETTY GOOD.
WELCOME TO THE HEALTH CENTER.

(Benson)
THANKS.

NICE TO BE HERE.

SO, LIKE, HOW DO YOU--

HOW WOULD I EVEN BEGIN
TO DECIDE

WHICH KIND TO CHOOSE?



IT DEPENDS ON YOUR LEVEL
OF TOLERANCE.

IF YOU'RE A FIRST-TIME PATIENT,
YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO WITH
SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT LIGHTER.

IT'LL GIVE YOU MORE, LIKE,
OF A BODY HIGH,

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING

TO GIVE YOU THE FEEL
OF HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.

LIKE, THE PURPLES
ARE MORE OF A--

LIKE IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS
SLEEPING

AND BACK PAINS AT NIGHT,
YOU'RE REAL UNCOMFORTABLE,

THE PURPLES WILL PUT YOU
TO SLEEP.

THEY'RE THE REAL STRONG,
MORE POTENT ONES,

THAT WITH THE KUSH TOO.

THEY'RE A LITTLE
MORE POTENT ONES.

SO THE $45 MIX,
THOSE ARE THE ONES



THAT YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING
TO GET THE FEELING OF IT.

I FEEL HIGH JUST THINKING
ABOUT ALL THIS.

[lively music]

*

(man)
I'M GOING TO BRING OUT
YOUR NEXT COMIC NOW.

HE'S VERY FUNNY.

HE'S ON VH1; YOU SEE HIM
ON A LOT OF THINGS.

LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR MR. DOUG BENSON.

[cheers and applause]

(Benson)
I SAW THAT MOVIE SUPER SIZE ME
WHEN I WAS HIGH.

MISTAKE!

THAT IS FUCKED UP, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE THE PREMISE
OF THAT MOVIE

IS THAT IT'S BAD TO EAT
A LOT OF McDONALD'S,

AND I'M SITTING THERE ALL HIGH,
LIKE, THINKING,

"OH, I COULD GO FOR A HOT APPLE
OR A FRENCHIE AT THIS POINT.

HOOK ME UP, MAN."

AND HE'S JUST GORGING IT ALL
ON HIMSELF

AND THEN THROWING UP, AND, OH,
IT'S DISGUSTING, THAT MOVIE.

IF THAT'S A MOVIE,

IF EATING McDONALD'S
FOR 30 DAYS IS A MOVIE

AND PEOPLE ARE WILLING
TO PAY TO SEE IT,

I'VE GOT A MOVIE.

I'M GOING TO SMOKE POT EVERY DAY
FOR 30 DAYS,

TRY TO REMEMBER TO FILM IT...

[laughter]

AND MY MOVIE'S GOING
TO BE CALLED SUPER HIGH ME

OR BUSINESS AS USUAL.

I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET...

[laughter and applause]

ON THE TITLE.

SO THAT STARTED OUT
AS A JOKE IN MY ACT,

AND THEN A FILMMAKER--
I'M USING THE TERM LOOSELY--

SAW ME SAY THAT,
AND WE HAD A DISCUSSION,

AND WE'RE REALLY FUCKING
DOING IT.

(male narrator)
DOUG BENSON:

STAND-UP COMEDIAN,
NOTED POT SMOKER.

IN FACT, HIGH TIMES MAGAZINE
RECENTLY NAMED DOUG

THE NUMBER TWO POT COMIC
IN THE COUNTRY.

BUT THAT DOESN'T PUT DOUG BENSON
ABOVE THE LAW,

SO HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?

IN 1996, THE CITIZENS
OF CALIFORNIA

PASSED PROPOSITION 215,
WHICH ALLOWS PATIENTS

TO USE CANNABIS
FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES

IF THEY GET A RECOMMENDATION
FROM THEIR DOCTOR.

COMMON USES FOR MEDICAL CANNABIS
INCLUDE CHRONIC PAIN, HIV/AIDS,

DEPRESSION, NAUSEA,
OR A MEDICAL CONDITION

YOUR DOCTOR THINKS
IS APPROPRIATE.

KEEP IN MIND, THE EFFECTS
OF MARIJUANA VARY

WITH EVERY USER.

THIS IS THE STORY
OF JUST ONE PATIENT,

AND DESPITE YEARS
OF MARIJUANA USE,

EVEN THE NUMBER TWO
POT COMIC IN THE COUNTRY

HAS NO IDEA
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

WHEN HE GETS SUPER HIGH.

(Benson)
I'M NOT GETTING HIGH EVERY DAY
FOR 30 DAYS YET,

BECAUSE THERE'S A CATCH.

I HAVE TO NOT GET HIGH
FOR 30 DAYS

BEFORE GETTING HIGH
FOR 30 DAYS

TO SHOW HOW AWFUL IT IS
WHEN I CAN'T GET HIGH AT ALL

TO CONTRAST WITH HOW AWESOME

THE NEXT 30 DAYS
ARE GOING TO BE.

SO I HAVE TO NOT SMOKE
FOR 30 DAYS,

AND THAT'S GOING TO START
AT THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST.

(man)
* I SHOULD BE ASLEEP,

* BUT I'M AWAKE STILL

*

(man)
SO HOW DO YOU FEEL,
FIRST DAY?

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

BOY, THAT HAT MADE ME WANT
TO GO SMOKE POT.

EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF POT
NOW THAT I CAN'T HAVE IT.

TRAFFIC LIGHTS...

[laughs]

WHEN THEY'RE GREEN.

I'M GOING TO BE HOSPITALIZED,
I THINK.

REALLY?
I THINK SO.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT
TO BE FUNNY,

OR DO YOU REALLY
BELIEVE THAT?

I REALLY BELIEVE THAT.

WHY DO YOU BELIEVE
YOU'LL BE HOSPITALIZED?

IT'S GOING TO BE NASTY,

SMOKING ALL DAY EVERY DAY
FOR 30 DAYS.

I'VE NEVER SMOKED, LIKE, THAT--
I SMOKE A LOT OF POT,

BUT I'VE NEVER, LIKE,
DAY AND NIGHT FOR EVERY DAY

FOR 30 DAYS.

SO I'M A LITTLE SCARED.

BUT HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE
IF IT FUCKING KILLED ME?

[laughter]

THAT SPURLOCK MOVIE'D BE
THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE

IF HE JUST DIED AT ONE POINT
DURING IT...

[laughter]

FUCKING GRIZZLY MAN STYLE.

(Campbell)
SUPPOSEDLY,

YOUR DEPRESSION
IS GOING TO KICK IN TODAY,

IF IT'S GOING TO KICK IN.

SO THEY SAID,
TAKE THIS TEST.

RIGHT, BUT, LIKE--
THE ONLY ANSWER I CAN GIVE

IS RARELY--

WELL, NO,
BUT YOU WOULD EXAMINE--

'CAUSE IT'S ONLY BEEN
ONE DAY.

THAT'S OKAY.

BUT YOU'RE ALSO--
IT'S HOW YOU FELT

OVER THE PAST WEEK,
EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE SMOKING.

RIGHT? AND NOW
WE'RE GOING TO GO,

AND WE'RE GOING TO TAKE
THE SAME TEST

IN ANOTHER WEEK,

AND THAT'LL BE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT SMOKING.

(Benson)
I JUST DON'T--I'M NOT--

I'M NOT ON BOARD
WITH THIS ONE,

'CAUSE I SPENT THE LAST WEEK
SOME DAYS SMOKING,

SOME DAYS NOT,
AND I BARELY REMEMBER--

THIS IS ABOUT DEPRESSION.

SO THIS IS DAY TWO,

AND I'M DOING GREAT.

IT'S--SO FAR,
IT'S FUCKING NOT A PROBLEM.

I CAN TOTALLY NOT SMOKE POT
FOR TWO DAYS.

I'M JUST WRITING "RARELY"
ON EVERY ONE OF THESE.

(Campbell)
THAT'S TAKING IT
REAL SERIOUSLY.

WELL, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN--

I SPENT THE WEEKEND

GETTING FUCKING CRAZY HIGH
ALL WEEKEND.

I CAN'T REMEMBER--

WELL, DID YOU FEEL FEARFUL
AT ALL

DURING THE LAST SEVEN DAYS?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

MAYBE, LIKE IF I SAW
A COP COMING

OR SOMETHING OR--
I DON'T KNOW.

(Campbell)
DID YOU HAVE ANY CRYING SPELLS?

NO.
OKAY.

DID YOU FEEL HOPEFUL
ABOUT THE FUTURE?

I MIGHT HAVE.

AND, I MEAN,
THESE ARE MOSTLY FEELINGS

THAT I DON'T HAVE EVER.

OVER THE COURSE
OF THE TWO 30-DAY PERIODS,

WE'RE GOING TO DO
LOTS OF TESTS, YOU KNOW,

LIKE IQ TESTS
AND LUNG CAPACITY

AND JUST A BUNCH OF TESTS.

AND ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO BE,

THEY'RE GOING TO CHECK
MY SPERM COUNT,

AND BY "THEY," I MEAN
I'M HOPING IT'S A DOCTOR.

[laughter]

I HOPE THIS IS NOT A GUY
WITH A LOT OF PLASTIC CUPS

THAT HE'S NOT USING.

AND...

[laughter]

THEY'RE GOING TO CHECK
MY SPERM COUNT,

AND SO MY FIRST CHECK,
SPERM CHECK,

IS COMING UP IN THREE DAYS,
ON THURSDAY.

AND THE THING ABOUT GETTING
YOUR SPERM CHECKED IS,

YOU CAN'T MASTURBATE
OR EJACULATE INTO A LADY FOR--

OR WHATEVER YOUR THING IS--
FOR THREE DAYS.

THREE DAYS,
AND IT STARTED TODAY,

THAT I CAN'T--SO I'M, LIKE,
SO MUCH MORE UPSET

THAT I CAN'T MASTURBATE
FOR THREE DAYS

THAN I CAN'T SMOKE POT
FOR 30, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE I'M NOT LOOKING AT POT
ON THE INTERNET EVERY DAY.

THIS WAS ALMOST AS FUNNY
AS WHEN YOU'RE HIGH,

HONEST TO GOD.

I CAN TELL, BUT AN
UNTRAINED EYE COULDN'T TELL.

BUT I COULD TELL.

IT WAS STILL GOOD, THOUGH.

IT WAS STILL VERY GOOD.

WELL, I'M GLAD
YOU STILL LIKED IT.

(narrator)
THE PROHIBITION AGAINST
MARIJUANA BEGAN IN 1937.

SINCE THEN, IN ORDER
TO OBTAIN YOUR MEDICINE,

YOU HAD TO VISIT A GUY.

BUT WITH THE PASSING
OF PROPOSITION 215,

CALIFORNIA CITIZENS ARE ALLOWED
TO OPEN UP RETAIL SHOPS

KNOWN AS DISPENSARIES
TO LEGALLY SELL CANNABIS

TO QUALIFIED PATIENTS.

TO REPEAT THAT FOR THE STONERS
SHOWING UP LATE,

IN CALIFORNIA, YOU CAN LEGALLY
BUY POT IN A STORE

LIKE YOU'RE BUYING BEER
OR COOKIES.

[singing]

RIGHT NOW, IT'S JUST
A FREE-FOR-ALL.

(man)
IT'S THE WILD WEST.

WILD, WILD WEST.

AND I'M JESSE JAMES,
I GUESS, RIGHT NOW.

IT'S REALLY STRESSFUL.

ME BEING IN THIS
FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW--

MAN, WHEN I STARTED,
THERE WAS, LIKE, FOUR OF US.

RIGHT.

FIRST-TIME PATIENT?
COME ON IN.

YEAH, COME ON IN.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, CHIEF?

CAN I GET YOUR ID?
YES, SIR.

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR:
INDICA, SATIVA?

A HYBRID.

HYBRID? OKAY.

ANY--I MEAN, YOU GOT
A PAIN TYPE OF THING,

OR YOU JUST WANT THE HEAD
TO BE UP?

(Benson)
THESE ARE TWO JOKES
THAT I'VE WRITTEN

SINCE I STOPPED GETTING HIGH
THREE DAYS AGO,

JUST TO SHOW YOU WHERE I'M AT...

[laughter]

AND HOW IMPORTANT
MARIJUANA IS TO WHAT I DO.

WHY ISN'T THERE
A MILDEW-REMOVAL PRODUCT

CALLED MILDON'T?

[laughter]

SEE, THAT'S NOT TOO BAD.

I HAVEN'T LOST IT.

[laughs]

AND HERE'S THE OTHER ONE.

THE NEW SLOGAN FOR OLD NAVY--

HAVE YOU SEEN
THE NEW COMMERCIALS?

IT'S NO LONGER, LIKE,
OLD TV STARS BEING STUPID.

NOW IT'S, LIKE, TRYING TO BE HIP
AND COOL AND MATRIX-Y.

AND THE SLOGAN IS,
"GET YOUR FASH ON."

YOU KNOW, "GET YOUR FASH ON."

"GET YOUR FASH ON,"

WHICH WAS PROBABLY--
I WAS THINKING WAS PROBABLY

A REJECTED SLOGAN
FOR FASCISM

WHEN THEY WERE SITTING AROUND,

COMING UP WITH SLOGANS
FOR FASCISM

TO TRY TO GET IT OFF THE GROUND.

THEY WERE PROBABLY LIKE--
SOMEBODY WAS LIKE,

"HOW ABOUT,
'GET YOUR FASH ON'?"

"GET OUT OF HERE.

"THAT'S STUPID.

WE'VE DECIDED TO GO WITH
'FASCISM: WATCH WHAT HAPPENS.'"

[laughter]

THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE
WHO SMOKE A LOT OF POT

AND HAVE QUITE A LOT OF SUCCESS.

I DON'T THINK ONE
PRECLUDES THE OTHER.

JUST A DIFFERENT PATH,
AS THEY SAY.

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION

ABOUT MEDICAL MARIJUANA?

I'M JUST CURIOUS.

WHAT'S MY OPINION
ABOUT MEDICAL MARIJUANA?

WELL, THERE IS NO SUCH THING
AS MEDICAL MARIJUANA.

IN THE '70s,

THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR
THE REFORM OF MARIJUANA LAWS

FAILED IN THEIR ATTEMPTS
TO LEGALIZE MARIJUANA

FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES,
MUCH TO MY CHAGRIN IN COLLEGE,

BECAUSE I DID SMOKE,
I DID INHALE,

AND I ATE BROWNIES.

SO THEN WHAT THEY DID WAS,
VERY INTELLIGENTLY,

THEY REWRAPPED THEIR ARGUMENT.

THEY REPACKAGED IT
AS A MEDICAL ARGUMENT,

BECAUSE CANNABINOIDS--
THEY'RE LIKE THC

AND OTHER STUFF--THEY DO HAVE
SOME VALUE MEDICALLY

BUT NOT AT ALL
WHAT THE ACTIVISTS ARE SAYING

THEY HAVE.

WHEN I WEAR MY HAT

AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN,

I THINK OUR WAR ON DRUGS
HAS COMPLETELY FAILED,

THAT MARIJUANA SHOULD BE LEGAL
FOR RECREATIONAL PURPOSES,

AND THAT'S
MY PRIVATE CITIZEN HAT.

BUT WHEN YOU COME TO ME

AND I'M WEARING
MY LITTLE TIE AND STETHOSCOPE

AND PLAYING DOCTOR HERE,

DO I EVER ASK A PATIENT

TO INHALE
THE CRUDE COMBUSTION PRODUCTS

OF A DRIED PLANT

THAT I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT ELSE IS IN IT

AND I ALSO DON'T KNOW
WHAT STRENGTH YOU'RE GETTING--

IS IT GOOD SHIT?
IS IT BAD SHIT?

IS IT--YOU KNOW, IS IT STUFF
THAT YOU GREW ON YOUR OWN,

YOU GOT FROM MEXICO,

OR DID YOU GET B.C. BUD
FROM COLOMBIA?

WHAT'S IN IT?

OKAY, GO AHEAD.
BLOW.

KEEP GOING; KEEP GOING
EVEN THOUGH YOU THINK

THERE'S NOTHING THERE.

OKAY, THAT'S FINE.

JUST RELAX.

I NEED YOU TO TURN YOUR HEAD
TOWARD EITHER WALL--

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH.

GIVE ME A NICE HARD COUGH.

[coughs]
BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT'S THE "TURN THE HEAD
TO THE SIDE" PART ABOUT?

YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE COUGHED ON?

YEAH, EXACTLY.

"OKAY, I'M GOING TO GRAB
YOUR BALLS.

NOW I WANT YOU TO COUGH
IN MY FACE."

SO, YOU KNOW,
TO CUT TO THE CHASE,

YOU HAVE NOT,
AFTER 17 YEARS OF DOING THIS,

YOU HAVEN'T DONE
ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE

THAT I CAN TELL.

GOOD MORNING.

HI.

I HAVE YOUR DATE.

I HAVE YOUR TEST.

HA HA. CHEERS!

HEY, GOOD MORNING.

(man)
HOW ARE YOU?

DOUG.
DOUG, YES.

PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU.

COME ON BACK.

WELL, SO YOU'RE DOING THIS FILM,

AND YOU'VE STOPPED USING
BOTH ALCOHOL AND POT.

I WAS WONDERING,
AS YOU LOOK BACK ON IT,

WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT POT?

WHAT DOES IT DO FOR YOU
WHEN YOU SMOKE?

UM...

IT JUST--

THE SIMPLEST EXPLANATION
I CAN GIVE IS,

IT JUST MAKES EVERYTHING
MORE FUN.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST MAKES--

MAKES MY BRAIN WORK DIFFERENTLY,
YOU KNOW.

YEAH, IT'S--IT SEEMS LIKE IT,
STRANGELY, GIVES ME

A LONGER ATTENTION SPAN.

SO, YEAH, SO IT'S BEEN SIX DAYS,

AND I'M DOING OKAY.

IT'S NOT--I THINK--
I DON'T THINK IT'S AS ADDICTIVE

AS SOME PEOPLE THINK.

LIKE, I ONLY THINK
ABOUT SMOKING POT CONSTANTLY.

[laughter]

THAT'S THE ONLY TIME
I THINK ABOUT IT.

I'M STARTING TO LEARN--

YOU KNOW, LIKE,
MAKING THIS MOVIE

IS FORCING ME TO LEARN TO
ACTUALLY BE INTERESTED IN PEOPLE

AND ASK A QUESTION AFTER
THEY ANSWER THE FIRST QUESTION.

(Tompkins)
WELL, ISN'T IT MOSTLY PEOPLE

ASKING YOU QUESTIONS?

WELL, NO, WE GO AROUND.

WE'VE BEEN SPENDING
A LOT OF TIME, LIKE,

IN DISPENSARIES
AND, YOU KNOW,

WITH PEOPLE
THAT ARE ADVOCATES

FOR POT,
OF WHICH I NORMALLY

AM NOT THAT INTERESTED IN.

RIGHT.

I JUST WANT TO SMOKE IT, SO--

WELCOME TO THE BENSON
INTERRUPTION, EVERYBODY.

[cheers and applause]

SO--BUT ALSO I'VE NOT HAD
A DRINK IN OVER A MONTH,

AND THAT IS--

[man groans]

FUCKING, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO TELL ME.

IT'S THE WORST.

SOMEBODY IN THE AUDIENCE,

WHEN YOU SAID
THAT YOU'D STOPPED DRINKING,

ACTUALLY SAID,
"OH, HE LOVES TO DRINK."

[laughter]

SHE WAS REALLY CONCERNED

THAT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO--

(Benson)
SEE, IT'S TRUE,

AND I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND,

THAT IS A FUCKING SACRIFICE.

LIKE, THAT IS
WHAT I'M GIVING UP,

BECAUSE THE SMOKING,
IT'S NOT A SACRIFICE,

BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SAID,
"OH, I USED TO HAVE

SO MANY AWESOME TIMES
WITH MY FRIENDS, SMOKING."

[laughter]

"REMEMBER THAT PARTY
WHEN WE HAD CIGARETTES?"

HEY, REMEMBER THAT TIME?

WE HAD TOO MANY
CIGARETTES.

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED.

I SMOKED SO MANY--

BOY, WE HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.

WE HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME.

YEAH, I'M JUST GOING
WITH SOME FRIENDS.

WE'RE GOING TO, LIKE,
GET A COUPLE PACKS OF CIGARETTES

AND PROBABLY JUST GO OUT
ON A PORCH.

SO WE'RE DRIVING OUT
TO THE VALLEY

TO FIND OUT ABOUT, APPARENTLY,
IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD,

THERE'S A ROGUE COP
WHO SHOWS UP AT DISPENSARIES

AND SHUTS THEM DOWN.

(Duncan)
I THINK WHAT'S HAPPENING

RIGHT NOW UP IN NORTH HOLLYWOOD

IS THAT WE HAVE
A LOCAL POLICE OFFICER

WHO IS CONFUSED
AND PERHAPS HOSTILE

TO MEDICAL CANNABIS.

AND HE HAS SORT OF SET IT
ABOUT--AS HIS MISSION

TO CLOSE THE DISPENSARIES.

AND THAT'S UNFORTUNATE,
BECAUSE WHAT WE'RE SEEING NOW

IS SORT OF A BREAKDOWN
IN DUE PROCESS.

I'M JUST CURIOUS
ABOUT WHAT A ROGUE COP IS.

YOU KNOW, IS IT JUST ONE GUY

WHO JUST PUTS HIS UNIFORM ON
AT HOME

AND LOOKS IN THE MIRROR
AND SAYS, "BE CAREFUL OUT THERE"

AND GOES AROUND
SHUTTING THINGS DOWN?

DO YOU THINK A ROGUE COP'S
GOING TO SHOW UP

WHILE WE'RE IN THERE?

NO.
THIS IS DON DUNCAN.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

DOUG BENSON,
HE'S THE HERO OF OUR MOVIE,

SO TO SPEAK.

(Frye)
IT LOOKS LIKE THIS MR. SMITH

IS JUST--WENT RENEGADE, MAN.

YOU KNOW, I'M A REAL THING.

THIS IS A REAL
BUSINESS LICENSE.

THIS IS WHAT WE DO.

AND, OF COURSE,
THE FIRST TWO MONTHS,

THEY THOUGHT THAT, "OKAY,
BLACK DUDE'S ABOUT TO COME HERE

AND OPEN UP A DOPE SHOP."

I COULD FEEL IT, OKAY?

BUT WHEN IT DIDN'T TURN OUT
TO BE THAT--

"OH, ACTUALLY,
THIS GUY'S AN EX-SCIENTIST,

"AND HE--MASTER'S DEGREE,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

"AND HE'S NOT TURNING INTO THIS,

"AND, ACTUALLY,
IT'S PRETTY DAMN GOOD,"

'CAUSE WE GOT
A FREE SECURITY GUARD

THAT PATROLS THE PARKING LOT.

THEN I WAS COOL.

THEN SIX MONTHS PASSED.

EVERYTHING'S COOL.

PEOPLE THINK
THAT MEDICINAL CANNABIS,

WHEN YOU USE THAT WORD,

YOU'RE JUST TALKING
ABOUT STRAIGHT MARIJUANA.

HALF OF THE PATIENTS THAT COME
THROUGH HERE CAN'T SMOKE,

BECAUSE THEY'RE IN HERE

FOR SOME SMOKE-RELATED TYPE OF,
YOU KNOW, DEAL.

SO I HAVE ALL TYPES OF PILLS,
AND THIS IS LIP BALM, MY MAN.

THIS IS CHAP STICK,
AND IT DOES THE JOB.

AND IT WORKS?

(Frye)
I HAVE AN OLDER GENTLEMAN

WHO SWEARS
BY THIS TOPICAL SPRAY.

YOU PUT IT IN.

BOOM, YOU SPRAY IT ON,
AND IT ACTUALLY WORKS.

THERE'S A LOT
OF DIFFERENT WAYS

OF GETTING THC INTO YOUR SYSTEM,

AND IT'S NOT
ALL ABOUT SMOKING.

DRIVING TO SACRAMENTO.

DOUG REFUSES TO SIT
IN THE PASSENGER SEAT.

SITS BEHIND ME.

[laughter]

THIS WILL ALL BE VERIFIED
IN HIS LITTLE FUCKING--

(Benson)
IT'S CALLED MISS DAISY STYLE.

[laughter]

HE GOES--I SAY, "JUST DON'T
FIRE UP IN MY CAR."

YOU KNOW, "IF YOU WANT WEED,
WE'LL PULL OVER,

AND WE'LL FUCKING--
OOH, YOU KNOW."

AND WE DRIVE UP TO SACRAMENTO,

AND--YOU KNOW, BUT STONERS
ARE ALL LIKE FOUR-YEAR-OLDS.

I SEE HIM BACK THERE,
AND HE STARTS FIRING IT UP.

AND I'M LIKE, "I CAN SEE YOU
THROUGH THE REARVIEW MIRROR."

BUT STONERS ARE, LIKE I SAID,
FOUR-YEAR-OLDS,

SO HE'S LIKE, "HEE HEE,
NO ONE CAN SEE ME."

I'M LIKE, "FUCKING IDIOT."

AND I'M LIKE--
I SMELL FIRE AND SMOKE

AND MARIJUANA AND EVERYTHING.

AND HE'S LIKE,
"I'LL BLOW IT OUT THE WINDOW."

SO HE ROLLS DOWN THE WINDOW
AND BLOWS IT OUT.

NOW, BEAR IN MIND
WE'RE ON THE 5, GOING 80.

SO HE BLOWS IT OUT--AH!

IT ALL COMES FUCKING POURING
BACK IN.

I'M LIKE,
"YOU GODDAMN DUMB STONER."

"SORRY, IT WAS ALMOST 4:20"
OR WHATEVER HE'S FUCKING--

MY MOM CALLED ME TODAY
AND LEFT ME A MESSAGE

SAYING SHE LOST OR BROKE
HER GLASSES,

SO SHE NEEDS NEW GLASSES,
SO THAT'S WHY I WANT TO--

THAT'S THE MAIN REASON
WHY I WANT TO GO

TO THE POST OFFICE TODAY,
'CAUSE I FEEL BAD

THAT SHE'S SITTING AROUND
WITHOUT GLASSES

UNTIL SHE GETS A CHECK FROM ME.

(man)
YOU HELP HER OUT
FINANCIALLY?

YEAH, I PAY
FOR PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.

(Odenkirk)
SEE, THAT'S THE THING.

I'M VERY TORN.

I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO
YOUR DOCUMENTARY,

BUT HERE I AM--
I'M VERY TORN ABOUT POT,

BECAUSE I HONESTLY--I WISH
THAT I COULD SMOKE POT,

LIKE, TWICE A YEAR.

I'M SERIOUS.

WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT
TWICE A YEAR?

WHY DO YOU SAY
YOU WISH YOU COULD?

I'VE GOT TWO KIDS.

I DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO IT.

EVERY TIME I THINK
ABOUT BUYING SOME,

I'M LIKE, "HOW? WHAT?"

THE LAST TIME
YOU DID MY SHOW AT UCB,

YOU STARTED TALKING
ABOUT HOW RIDICULOUS IT IS

FOR A GROWN MAN
TO STILL BE SMOKING POT

AND STILL BE--

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

YEAH, YOU WERE LIKE,
"COME ON.

IT'S TIME TO GROW UP."

WELL, YEAH.

YEAH, SEE?
YOU STILL FEEL THAT WAY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

LOOK AT YOU.
IT'S SAD.

I DON'T THINK
YOU ACTUALLY SMOKED POT.

I THINK YOU SMOKED OREGANO,
AND YOU'RE TRYING--

LOOK AT ME; I'M ON
DAY TEN OF NOT SMOKING,

AND I'M FINE.

YOU FEEL GREAT?

WELL, NO,
I DON'T FEEL GREAT.

I'D STILL LIKE TO DO IT.

REALLY? WOULD YOU?

YEAH, AND I'M GONNA.

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT.

I HAVE TO.

AND YOU'RE GOING
TO DO IT EVERY DAY.

I'M GOING TO DO IT A LOT.

THEN I MIGHT NOT
LIKE IT ANYMORE AFTER THAT.

NO, I THINK YOU WON'T
LIKE IT AFTER A FEW DAYS.

PEOPLE SAY POT SMOKERS ARE LAZY.

I DISAGREE;
I'M A MULTITASKING POT SMOKER.

YEAH, JUST THE OTHER DAY,
I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

THAT'S ONE.

[laughter]

STONED.
TWO THINGS AT ONCE, MOTHERF-ERS.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE
THAT SECOND ONE BACK.

I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

I WAS PUTTING EYEDROPS
IN MY EYES.

I WAS TALKING ON MY CELL PHONE.

AND I WAS GETTING HIT BY A CAR.

[laughter and applause]

* MAKING SHIT HAPPEN ON
SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD. *

[laughter]

IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD

WHEN PEOPLE ARE JUST STANDING
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU

WHILE YOU'RE DOING COMEDY

AND THEY'RE JUST STANDING THERE
LIKE THIS.

"YEAH, I HEARD YOU.

GOOD ONE."

NEVER HAD PEOPLE
JUST STANDING THERE.

"WHAT'S NEXT?"

ARE THERE ANY POT SMOKERS HERE
TONIGHT?

ANY POT SMOKERS IN THE HOUSE?

YEAH, ALWAYS
IN THE SHITTY SEATS

'CAUSE THEY GOT HERE LATE.

[laughs]

FIRST OF ALL, DUDE,

CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING OUT
OF THE HOUSE OR HOTEL ROOM.

YOU DID IT, MAN.

CONGRATULATIONS.
BRAVO.

'CAUSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.

YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR ROOM.

YOU'RE LIKE, "LET'S GO
TO THE COMEDY SHOW."

[inhales]

"FUCK IT;
WE GOT A TV RIGHT HERE."

I WAS IN A SHOW

CALLED THE MARIJUANA-LOGUES,

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,

IT'S LIKE THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

BUT WITH POT
INSTEAD OF VAGINAS.

AND SOMETIMES
PEOPLE ARE OFFENDED.

THEY COME UP TO ME,
AND THEY'RE LIKE,

"ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF VAGINAS?

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH VAGINAS?"

I'M LIKE, "NO, I HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH YOUR WEIRD VOICE,

BUT I"--WE LOVE VAGINAS
AT THE MARIJUANA-LOGUES.

WE WANT VAGINAS IN THE SEATS,

ESPECIALLY VAGINAS
THAT SMOKE MARIJUANA,

WHICH I SAW ONCE IN INDONESIA.

[laughter]

COST ME $6 AND A CHICKEN...

AND A LIFETIME OF REGRET,

'CAUSE I CAN'T GET THAT IMAGE
OUT OF MY HEAD.

PLUS, SHE WOULDN'T PASS
THE SHIT.

THAT IS RUDE.

THAT IS RUDE,
TO BOGART A JOINT

WITH YOUR VAGINA.

DON'T DO IT, FELLAS.

IT'S LIKE MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS

KEEPING ME FROM ENJOYING
MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS,

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH
A VAGINA THAT HAS FIRE IN IT,

AND YOU CAN'T SMOKE THAT JOINT
THROUGH HER ASSHOLE.

[laughter]

OH, DID YOU SEE THE SIGN
OUTSIDE?

IT SAYS, "ADULT MATERIAL
WILL BE COVERED."

MY NAME IS DOUG BENSON,
AND I'M ABOUT TO GET SUPER HIGH.

[laughs]

WOW, I THINK I FOUND
THE PERFECT PLACE TO FART.

I THINK THAT--I THINK POT'S
ILLEGAL THERE, OVER THERE,

BUT IT'S LEGAL OVER THERE,
THAT WAY.

I THINK.

OR MAYBE THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

YEAH, POT IS LEGAL OVER THAT WAY
AND ILLEGAL THAT WAY.

I'M PRETTY SURE.

I WENT ON THE,
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT, TODAY,

THE PARASAILING OVER THE LAKE,
LAKE TAHOE.

THAT WAS SWEET.

IF YOU GUYS GET A CHANCE
TO DO IT, GO FOR IT.

I DON'T HAVE ANY JOKES
ABOUT IT YET.

[laughter]

AS SOON AS I BROUGHT IT UP,
I WAS LIKE,

"WHY THE FUCK
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS?

"YOU HAVE NOTHING FUNNY TO SAY
ABOUT IT,

OTHER THAN PROMOTING
THE ACTIVITY,"

'CAUSE IT WAS REALLY GOOD.

[laughs]

BUT I WAS UP THERE,
LIKE 1,200 FEET, GOING,

"MAN, I SHOULD HAVE
FUCKING SMOKED A BOWL

"BEFORE DOING THIS,
'CAUSE IT MAKES--

SMOKING POT MAKES EVERYTHING
MORE FUN."

(man)
SO ARE YOU READY?

MM-HMM.

YOU'VE GOT 25 MINUTES.
BEGIN.

[bell dings]

[rock music]

*

(Ross)
THINK YOU'RE FUNNIER
WHEN YOU'RE SOBER?

I SWEAR NOTHING'S CHANGED.

REALLY?

OTHER THAN I'M HAVING
A LITTLE LESS FUN.

DOUG BENSON SMOKES
SO MUCH POT

THAT HE BUYS IS ROLLING PAPER
AT COSTCO.

[laughter]

HE LOOKS BRIGHTER AND SHINIER,
I THINK.

(woman)
GLOWING.

YEAH, YOU'RE GLOWING.

(Benson)
WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE OF
THE BABY.

HE'S EITHER SOBER
OR PREGNANT.

THAT'S BECAUSE
I'M PREGNANT.

[laughter]

EVERY DAY IS A JOY

NOW THAT MY BABY'S COMING.

I RECENTLY SAW A DOG
IN A CAGE, AND--

HANG ON; THERE'S MORE.

AND THE CAGE HAD A SIGN ON IT
THAT SAID, "I BITE."

AND I WAS LIKE, "THAT IS GOOD
TO KNOW, DOGGIE,

"BUT THAT'S NOT THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING ABOUT YOU.

"YOU SHOULD MAKE
A SIGN THAT SAYS,

'I MAKE SIGNS.'"

[laughter]

(Cohan)
SO I'M GOING TO TEST
YOUR MEMORY,

AND I WANT YOU TO SAY
THESE WORDS BACK TO ME

AFTER I SAY ALL THREE.

IT'S THREE WORDS.

OKAY.

BOAT, CUCUMBER, WIRE.

BOAT, CUCUMBER,
WIRE?

JUST SAY IT BACK TO ME.

I LIKE TO PUT A QUESTION MARK
AT THE END.

THERE; YOU CAN ALWAYS
PUT A QUESTION MARK

AT THE END
OF ANYTHING YOU LIKE.

NOW,

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU
CERTAIN THINGS.

I WANT YOU
TO ACTUALLY NAME THEM.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS THING?

FANCY.

A WATCH.

WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS THING?

A PEN.
ALL RIGHT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE THIS
WHEN I'M HIGH.

NOW, REMEMBER THOSE THREE WORDS
I ASKED YOU BEFORE

OR TOLD YOU BEFORE?

I'D LIKE YOU TO TELL ME--

SEE?
I KNEW IT.

TELL ME BACK.
IT WAS ONLY THREE WORDS.

I KNOW.

BOAT AND CUCUMBER.

OKAY.

THERE WAS A THIRD WORD.

I KNOW.
BOAT, CUCUMBER...

[whispers]
BOAT, CUCUMBER.

I DON'T KNOW THE THIRD ONE.

ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOT TWO OUT OF THREE.

IT WAS "WIRE."

WIRE.

OKAY.

NO WONDER.

REPEAT THIS AFTER ME,
GRAHAM.

BOAT, CUCUMBER, WIRE.

BOAT, CUCUMBER, WIRE.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE GOOD TOO.

I'M NOT A STONER.

YOUR LUNGS GOT BETTER.

HOW MUCH BETTER?

3% IN 23 DAYS.

SO THAT'S--SO I'M AT 93%?

92%, SO--
WHICH IS ACTUALLY--

YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT
INSUBSTANTIAL.

I MEAN, I CAN'T TELL YOU

IF IT'S STATISTICALLY
SIGNIFICANT, BUT--

SEE, THAT MEMORY TEST--
I KNEW I WAS 89%

FROM THREE WEEKS AGO.

SO WHAT THREE WORDS
DID HE TELL YOU?

HE TOLD ME...

WIRE, BACON,
AND SOME OTHER ONE?

[laughs]

HE DID WORSE THAN I DID!

AND HE DOESN'T SMOKE POT
EVER.

OH, HEY, JIM.

I WAS HOPING THAT WAS YOU,

BUT I'M NOT PSYCHIC.

WELL, WE'LL FIND OUT
ABOUT THAT, WON'T WE?

WE'LL FIND OUT
HOW PSYCHIC I AM.

(Underdown)
I HAVE THE EXACT SAME DECK
OVER THERE.

WE'RE GOING TO FLIP A CARD UP,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GUESS
WHICH ONE OF THE CARDS

WE'RE FLIPPING UP.

AND, TO MY KNOWLEDGE,

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN
A TEST DONE BEFORE

WHICH COMPARES PSYCHIC ABILITY

BEFORE AND AFTER
THE INFLUENCE OF MARIJUANA.

IT'S GROUNDBREAKING, YEAH.

(Underdown)
IT'S GROUNDBREAKING RESEARCH.

FIRST CARD,
EVERYBODY SEE THE FIRST CARD?

AND, DOUG, WHAT IS YOUR GUESS?

(Benson)
TRIANGLE.

(Underdown)
FIRST GUESS IS TRIANGLE.

WHAT'S YOUR GUESS?

CIRCLE.

CIRCLE IS THE GUESS.
OKAY.

PLUS...

SO THAT'S IT?

WE ONLY GOT ONE--
IS THAT RIGHT--THE WHOLE TIME?

1 HIT OUT OF 25, WOW.

(man)
SO YOU'RE NEGATIVE PSYCHIC.

YOU'RE SPECTACULARLY
NOT PSYCHIC.

SPECTACULARLY
UNPSYCHIC.

(Underdown)
YEAH.

WHAT ALLEGEDLY HAS HAPPENED
IS THAT A D.E.A. AGENT

TRIED TO GET IN
WITHOUT HIS PROPER CREDENTIALS,

AND THE SECURITY GUARD DID
WHAT HE'S PAID TO DO,

WHICH IS TO SAY,
"NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

GET OUT OF HERE."

IT WAS LED BY JOHN SMITH AGAIN.

(man)
THAT'S THE--

THE SAME GUY WHO'S BEEN TOLD
TO STOP DOING THIS

UNTIL CITY COUNCIL RECONVENES

AND WE PUT TOGETHER
AN ORDINANCE.

HE FEELS HE'S RAMBO AGAIN.

AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
NBC SHOWED UP.

KTLA SHOWED UP.

THE D.E.A. IS STILL INSIDE.

(Benson)
THERE YOU GO!
THERE YOU GO!

THERE HE IS,
THE GREAT JOHN SMITH!

[people booing and applauding]

(Frye)
THIS IS CALIFORNIA, BABY.

WE VOTED THIS IN.
YOU'RE NOT WELCOME.

AND WE AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE.

(people chanting)
GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

GO AWAY, D.E.A.!
GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

(man)
YOU HIT HIM!

(woman)
OH, MY GOD!

[people yelling]

(man)
THAT'S CALLED HIT AND RUN!

(Frye)
YOU JUST HIT A PATIENT.

(man)
SPECIAL AGENT JOHN SMITH,
COME ON DOWN!

[people yelling]

(Frye)
YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS.

(man)
WE HAVE NO DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEES
INVOLVED IN THIS.

(man)
ARE THEY REALLY D.E.A.?

THEY'RE REAL D.E.A. OFFICERS,
AGENTS, YES.

AND JOHN SMITH'S
NOT UP THERE?

WE HAVE NO DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEES
INVOLVED IN THIS INCIDENT.

(man)
SO JOHN SMITH'S NOT IN THERE.

NO.

(man)
AND HE'S NOT UP THERE EITHER?

ARE YOU SAYING JOHN SMITH
ISN'T UP THERE?

I KNOW JOHN SMITH,
OFFICER SMITH.

HE IS NOT THERE.

DOESN'T THE POLICE
OR ANY LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL

THAT WANTS TO INVADE OUR SPACE
HAVE TO HAVE A WARRANT TO DO SO?

I'M NOT GOING
TO COMMENT ON THAT.

AND YOU WON'T COMMENT

ON WHETHER OR NOT
THEY HAVE A WARRANT.

I'M NOT GOING TO COMMENT
ON THAT.

(woman)
OFFICER, WILL YOU BE
LEAVING OFFICERS HERE?

(man)
IF THEY DON'T HAVE A WARRANT,
THEN THEY SHOULDN'T BE HERE.

OKAY.

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON
ITS NINTH HOUR.

WORD IS,
IS THAT THE D.E.A. LOCKSMITHS

THAT WERE HERE
THAT WE RAN AWAY

ARE GOING TO PROBABLY BE
COMING BACK.

THE ISSUES
THAT THEY'RE HAVING IS,

THEY NEED TO GET INTO THE SAFE,
APPARENTLY, THAT'S UPSTAIRS.

AND WE ALSO HAVE WORD THAT,
YEAH,

THEY DO HAVE A SEARCH WARRANT,
BUT GUESS WHAT?

THERE'S NO SIGNATURE ON IT.

(woman)
WHO SIGNED THE WARRANT?

WHAT JUDGE SIGNED THE WARRANT?

(man)
WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW!

(Frye)
THIS IS WHY WE WAITED
ALL NIGHT:

BECAUSE WE KNEW
THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

BUT THAT'S OKAY;
WE HAVE IT ON FILM.

(man)
GO BUST A METH LAB,
YOU PUSSIES.

(man)
GO DOWN THE STREET
AND DO YOUR JOB, MAN.

(woman)
THEIR JOB IS NOT
IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

THEIR JOB IS TO GET THE HELL
OUT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

(Frye)
YUP.

(narrator)
SO ISN'T MARIJUANA LEGAL
IN CALIFORNIA?

WELL, IT IS,

BUT THE LAW IS NOT RECOGNIZED
BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

TO EXPLAIN, THE TENTH AMENDMENT
TO THE BILL OF RIGHTS SAYS

THAT STATES HAVE THE RIGHT
TO GOVERN THEMSELVES

WITH REGARD TO POWERS
NOT GRANTED OR PROHIBITED

BY THE CONSTITUTION.

IN THE LAST CENTURY, MANY ISSUES
HAVE CHALLENGED THIS AMENDMENT,

INCLUDING ABORTION,
GAY MARRIAGE, AND GAMBLING.

AS OF TODAY,
FEDERAL ANTIDRUG LAWS

ARE IN DIRECT CONFLICT

WITH LAWS IN CALIFORNIA
AND SEVERAL OTHER STATES

THAT ALLOW PATIENTS LEGAL ACCESS
TO MEDICAL MARIJUANA.

BYE, SPACE NEEDLE.

SO...

CAN I INTEREST YOU
IN SOME ASSORTED NUTS?

[ticking]

(man)
WELL, THE WHOLE IDEA

WAS THAT I WOULD HELP FACILITATE
THE GROWTH OF SO MUCH MARIJUANA

THAT THE D.E.A. AND ALL THE
AGENCIES IN THE UNITED STATES

WOULD NEVER BE ABLE
TO DESTROY IT

AT THE RATE
I WOULD HELP CREATE IT

AND THAT, ULTIMATELY,
I, ONE MAN, WOULD NEUTRALIZE

THE WORK OF THE ENTIRE D.E.A.

WITH THEIR
MULTIBILLION-DOLLAR BUDGET.

(man)
HE CALLS HIMSELF
THE PRINCE OF POT,

BUT HE MAY BECOME THE PRINCE
OF FEDERAL PRISON.

I JUST WAS WATCHING 60 MINUTES,

AND THERE'S, LIKE, A WHOLE STORY
ABOUT MARC EMERY...

PRINCE OF POT.

YEAH, AND HOW THEY WANT TO,
YOU KNOW,

EXTRADITE HIM AND ALL THAT.

THE GUY--I WOULD LOVE
TO INTERVIEW THAT GUY.

[upbeat sitar music]

*

SEE, 'CAUSE I HAVE THIS IDEA
THAT NONE OF THIS IS ANY GOOD

UNLESS YOU HAVE TO FACE
TEMPTATION.

[laughs]

I'M JUST SAYING THERE'S
NO VIRTUE WITHOUT TEMPTATION,

SO I JUST MAKE SURE--

I STILL GET
TO SMELL IT.

THAT'S ONE THING
THAT'S KIND OF NICE.

WELL, YOU SEE,
EVEN THAT'S GIVING IN

TO A LITTLE BIT OF IT
RIGHT THERE, EH?

SO I'M CORRUPTING YOU
JUST BY BEING IN THE PROXIMITY.

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW,
I'VE SEEN MORE GROW ROOMS

THAN ANYBODY ELSE ALIVE
IN CANADA--I THINK 400 OR SO--

AND BEEN ARRESTED 22 TIMES,
JAILED 17 TIMES,

RAIDED 6 TIMES--
ALL FOR POT, NOTHING UNSAVORY.

YOU KNOW, I, IF ANYTHING,
HAVE A GOOD REASON

NEVER TO HAVE TO USE DRUGS,

AND, TYPICALLY,
I ONLY EXPERIMENT

WITH THE PSYCHEDELICS ONCE
EVERY SIX MONTHS OR A YEAR

AND SMOKE POT, RIGHT?

AND I DON'T BELIEVE I HAVE
ANY DRUG DEPENDENCIES.

AND HAVING TREATED DRUG ADDICTS,

I CAN SEE WHAT--
BY THE WAY, DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

OF THE 65 PEOPLE I TREATED,
60 OF THEM

DID NOT HAVE THEIR
BIOLOGICAL FATHER IN THEIR LIFE

FOR ALL OR PART
OF THEIR CHILDHOOD,

AND THAT, I FOUND, WAS THE MOST
KEY, FUNDAMENTAL COMPONENT

OF EVERY SINGLE DRUG ADDICT,
ALMOST,

IS THAT THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER
WAS NOT THERE

FOR A LOT
OF THEIR PREPUBESCENT LIFE.

I FOUND THAT POT MADE ME
MORE PATIENT.

IT MADE ME A MORE CREATIVE LOVER
AND A CREATIVE WRITER.

BUT IF YOU SMOKE POT,
YOU GET MORE EXPANSIVE.

EXPLANATIONS GET LONGER.

WE PAID FOR THE SUPREME COURT
CHALLENGE IN CANADA.

THEY GOT THE SUPREME COURT
TO TRY AND MAKE POT LEGAL.

WE LOST SIX TO THREE, RIGHT?

EVERYBODY WANTS TO FUCK.

AS SOON AS YOU DISCOVER...

LET ME DRINK YOUR THING.

DON'T WORRY; MY COLD SORES
AREN'T CONTAGIOUS.

THE THING ABOUT POT...

BUT I REMEMBER, FOR EXAMPLE,

WHEN I SHOT A PUCK
THROUGH A WINDOW...

I FOUND THAT IT WAS A LOT EASIER
TO RAISE KIDS AFTER A JOINT.

A LOT OF PEOPLE LIVE
IN INNER CITIES.

YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD
ENRICH OUR COMMUNITY

WITH MORE MONEY, MORE WEED,
MORE EVERYTHING, RIGHT?

ARE YOU
IN THE PERFORMANCE INDUSTRY?

YEAH, I'M A STAND-UP COMEDIAN.

HOLY CRAP.

I FEEL LIKE I WENT THROUGH
SOME SORT OF MARIJUANA GAUNTLET.

[people talking]

I KNOW HE'S NOT SMOKING,

AND HOW CAN YOU--
HOW CAN IT NOT BE AROUND?

THERE ARE UCB GUYS
OUT THERE.

GO FIND THEM.

I'M NOT TALKING TO THAT CULT.

I'LL CALL WALSH.

HUEBEL'S PROBABLY
GOT SOME.

AND THIS DUDE IN THE BUSHES
HAS GOT SOME.

(man)
THAT GUY'S GOT HELLA WEED.

HE'S TOTALLY SMOKING...

OR HE'S MAKING
A CELL PHONE CALL.

I'M A FRIEND OF DOUG BENSON'S.

I'VE NEVER SMOKED POT
IN MY LIFE.

I JUST NEVER DID IT.

NEVER--I'VE BEEN DRUNK ONCE

IN SEVENTH GRADE.

BUT I'VE BEEN TAKING
ANTIDEPRESSANTS FOR 12 YEARS.

SO I DO HAVE A LID ON IT.

OH, AND I'VE KILLED SIX HOOKERS.

I'M NOT SAYING I'M A SAINT.

WE ALL HAVE OUR--
WE ALL SELF-MEDICATE.

(Benson)
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS A TREAT?

COOKIES MADE BY FAMOUS AMOS.

[laughter]

HAVE YOU GUYS HAD THOSE,
FAMOUS AMOS COOKIES?

OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE DELICIOUS.

SO GOOD.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID,
WE COULDN'T AFFORD THOSE.

THAT'S RIGHT; WE HAD TO EAT
THE KNOCKOFF BRAND.

WE'D EAT COOKIES MADE
BY HEINOUS ANUS.

[laughter]

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT;
I DIDN'T CARE.

I DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN.

EVEN THOUGH
I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD,

I ATE THEM UP...

[gobbling noises]

ONE AFTER THE OTHER,

'CAUSE EVERYTHING TASTES GREAT
WHEN YOU'RE STONED.

LET ME ASK YOU GUYS...

[laughter]

A QUICK QUESTION.

ARE THERE ANY POT SMOKERS HERE
TODAY?

ANY POT SMOKERS AT ALL?

[cheers and applause]

(man)
IN YOUR LAST HOURS OF--
HOW URGENT--HOW--

IT'S--I DON'T FEEL--I DON'T FEEL
ANY URGENCY AT ALL.

SO DOES THAT--DOES THAT
BEG THE QUESTION

THAT MAYBE YOUR WHOLE EXISTENCE
IS A MISTAKE?

YEAH, IT'S A LIE.

SHUT UP.

SHUT UP;
IT'S MY TOAST.

ANYWAY, DOUG BENSON...

YES.

TO MANY MORE YEARS
OF SOBRIETY.

NO, I'M GOING
TO START SMOKING TOMORROW.

OKAY, WELL,
THAT'S COOL.

[laughs]

[heartbeat]

[regal horn music]

*

WE'VE GOT THE VOLCANO.

WE'RE READY FOR ME TO MEDICATE
AND START THIS THING.

BUT I NOTICED IT'S 4:00,
AND I FELT--

(man)
WE'LL WAIT TILL 4:20.

WE GOT TO START AT 4:20.

I GOT TO TAKE MY FIRST HIT
AT 4:20.

BUT THAT'S HOW I AM.

LIKE, I--YOU KNOW, I'M EXCITED
ABOUT GETTING HIGH,

BUT I CAN WAIT
UNTIL THE COOLER TIME TO DO IT.

YOU SAID THIS THING WAS EASY.

OKAY, SO WHAT YOU DO IS,
YOU PUT YOUR HERBS--

WHETHER THAT BE LAVENDER
OR ROSEWOOD,

WHATEVER YOU'RE USING
AS AN AROMATIC.

PLACE IT HERE ON THE GRINDER.

THEN YOU GRIND
YOUR PLANT MATERIAL--

SHIT.

(Benson)
OH, MY GOD.

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.

OKAY, SO YOU GRIND
YOUR PLANT MATERIAL...

RIGHT.

WHICH WE JUST SAW.

JESUS, ALEX.

GOOD LORD.

THIS IS MY WEED
ALL OVER THE FLOOR NOW.

NOW I'M GOING TO BE
SMOKING THE DUST.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO PUT THAT
IN THE WEED.

THAT'S, LIKE, AN OLD ROACH
ON THE GROUND.

(Campbell)
ONE, TWO, THREE.

(Benson)
MAN, YOU SHOULD GO ON, LIKE,
MARTHA STEWART AND DO THIS.

YEAH, KNOCK MORE SHIT
ON THE FLOOR, THOUGH.

IT'S ALL SET TO GO.

ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GOING
TO BE ABLE TO DO ALL THAT.

I MIGHT JUST RESORT
TO SMOKING IT.

I'M TELLING YOU, I THINK

THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER
FOR YOU THAN SMOKING.

(Benson)
4:20.

I KNOW IT'S MUCH BETTER FOR ME,

BUT IT'S A PAIN IN THE ASS.

JUST PUSH IN ON IT,
AND--

THAT'S...A HUGE RIP.

[sultry music]

RIGHT.

(man)
* LET ME LOVE YOU

* LIKE I NEVER DID BEFORE.

* LET ME LOVE YOU

* NOW.

*

* LET ME HOLD YOU

* LIKE I NEVER DID BEFORE.

* AND YOU WON'T BE AFRAID

* WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME.

* LET ME LOVE YOU...

[laughter]

(woman)
I LIKE IT.

I LIKE IT.

I LIKE ALL OF IT.

WAIT, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TALK
ABOUT SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE.

YOU FUCKED ME UP HERE.

YOU'RE LIKE, "THESE AREN'T
THE DROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR."

I'M LIKE, "I LIKE IT NOW.

I LIKE ANTIPOT ADS."

THAT DOESN'T MAKE
ANY SENSE AT ALL.

I HATE 'EM.

I HATE ANTIPOT ADS, 'CAUSE
THEY COME ON LATE AT NIGHT

WHEN I'M SITTING AT HOME,
TRYING TO RELAX,

SMOKE A JOINT, WATCH SOME
TELEVISED ENTERTAINMENT.

SUDDENLY, A COMMERCIAL COMES ON
WITH A BIG HEAVY MESSAGE LIKE,

"JUST TELL GRANDMA
THAT YOU COULDN'T PICK HER UP

BECAUSE YOU GOT HIGH."

I'M WATCHING THAT,
AND I'M THINKING,

"GOOD IDEA."

I'VE BEEN LYING TO GRANDMA
FOR YEARS

ABOUT MY POT-SMOKING PROBLEM.

NOW I CAN FINALLY TELL HER
THE TRUTH.

I CALL HER UP.

"GRANDMA, I CAN'T PICK YOU UP.

I JUST--I'VE BEEN USING
MY NEW VAPORIZER."

[laughter]

(Silverman)
WOW.

THIS IS FROM THE HEALTH CENTER.

I DON'T KNOW THIS.

NO, JUST HIT IT.

I JUST SUCK IT,

JUST DRAG IT IN.

IT'S READY.

DRAG IT.

THAT'S GOOD;
YOU TASTE IT MORE.

YEAH, YEAH,
IT'S DEFINITELY GOT A TASTE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I HAD A VAPORIZER
FOR, LIKE, A DAY,

AND I LEFT IT
AT ADAM CAROLLA'S HOUSE.

(man)
YOU'RE BURNING ALL THE THC...

IT'S HEALTH--
IT'S, LIKE, VEGAN--

(man)
YEAH, CALIFORNIA--

OH, DOUG!

I'M NOT YOUR CAT.

I DON'T HAVE A CAT.

[upbeat guitar music]

[exhales]

MMM!

ARE YOU EXCITED THAT THIS PLACE
IS REOPENED?

WELL, I THINK, YOU KNOW,
IT'S ONLY FAIR.

MY PRACTICE IS FOCUSED
ON CRIMINAL DEFENSE,

SO IT'S UNFORTUNATE
TO USE THE WORD

"CRIMINAL DEFENSE"
IN THE SAME SENTENCE

AS, YOU KNOW,
DEALING WITH PATIENTS,

BECAUSE THEY'VE
CRIMINALIZED THIS.

YOU HAVE TO, YOU KNOW,

BASICALLY START
FROM SCRATCH AGAIN.

THEIR COMPUTERS
WERE ALL TAKEN AWAY.

ALL THEIR PATIENT RECORDS
WERE TAKEN AWAY.

OH, THEY HAD TO GET
EVERYTHING TOGETHER.

THEY HAD TO START--
THEIR PRODUCT WAS TAKEN.

AND HOW ARE THEY ABLE
TO REOPEN?

WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR THEM
TO GET TO THIS POINT?

THEY'RE ABIDING
BY THE LAWS HERE.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THERE'S
A STATE LAW IN PLACE HERE.

THEY'RE NOT COMMITTING
ANY KIND OF CRIMES HERE.

(Benson)
COULD I GET A GRAM

OF THE PLATINUM O.G. KUSH?

MAYBE A KUSHBAR
AND A MAUI WOWIE.

A CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER
SANDWICH,

A KUSHBAR, AND A MAUI WOWIE.

CUCUMBER, WIRE, BOAT.

[instrumental music]

*

WELL, HELLO, DOUG.

HELLO.

SO TODAY

IS YOUR FIRST WEEK
OF BEING BACK ON POT.

SO HOW ARE YOU DOING?

UM...

GREAT.
[laughs]

IT'S KIND OF

A LITTLE BIT BACK TO NORMAL.

IT SEEMS LIKE
IT'S FAIRLY IMPORTANT FOR YOU

TO COMMUNICATE TO ME

THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T
CHANGE YOU VERY MUCH,

THAT YOU REALLY WANT ME
TO HEAR THAT MESSAGE.

YEAH, IT PROBABLY SOUNDS
DEFENSIVE TOO, A LITTLE BIT,

LIKE, "YEAH, I'M THE SAME GUY,
YOU KNOW, EITHER WAY."

WOULD YOU MIND IF I SMOKED POT
BEFORE OUR SESSIONS?

REALLY?

I'M JUST ASKING

HOW YOU WOULD FEEL
IF I WERE TO DO IT.

I GUESS IT WOULD DEPEND
ON HOW IT CHANGES YOU.

WHO KNOWS;
YOU MIGHT SEEM

MORE INTERESTED IN ME
IF YOU WERE HIGH,

WHICH WOULD MAKE ME
LIKE IT MORE.

I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS WONDERING
HOW MUCH YOU FELT

I WAS INTERESTED IN YOU
AS IT IS.

[laughs]

YOU SEEM INTERESTED ENOUGH,

BUT THAT'S--

THAT'S THE THING ABOUT IT IS,

IT'S YOUR JOB,
IS TO SEEM INTERESTED.

SEE, THIS IS WHY I WOULDN'T EVER
PAY A THERAPIST,

'CAUSE THEY FUCKING
MAKE YOU GO CRAZY.

HE SAYS TO ME, HE GOES,
"WOULD YOU LIKE IT

IF I SMOKED POT SOMETIME
BEFORE OUR SESSION?"

AND THEN, WHEN YOU START
THAT KIND OF CONVERSATION

WITH A THERAPIST,
IT JUST BECOMES HIM GOING,

"WELL, DO YOU WANT ME TO THINK
THAT YOU THINK

THAT I WANT YOU TO BE HIGH
WHILE I'M HIGH?"

YOU KNOW,
IT GETS VERY CONVOLUTED,

AND I WAS ALREADY FUCKING HIGH.

[laughter]

AND I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT HE WASN'T.

BUT HERE'S THE THING.

I FIND THIS PLACE THAT'S, LIKE,
RIGHT NEXT TO MY HOME,

AND THEY'RE DOING IT
ON RELIGION.

THEY'RE DISTRIBUTING POT
AS A RELIGIOUS MOVEMENT.

SO YOU DON'T NEED
TO HAVE A--

SO YOU DON'T EVEN NEED
A LICENSE.

YOU JUST GO IN AND BUY IT.

OKAY, GOT TO BE SERIOUS.

THIS IS CHURCH.
IT'S TIME FOR CHURCH.

IN REVELATION,
IT TALKS ABOUT A PLANT

FOR THE HEALING OF ALL NATIONS,
WHICH CANNABIS IS.

SO WE'RE SELLING WEED
FOR THE LORD

ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD.

ALL RIGHT, WELCOME
TO TEMPLE 420 SERVICES TODAY.

EVERYONE, DOUG BENSON
WAS ON LAST COMIC STANDING,

AND WE INVITED HIM TO COME
THE OTHER EVENING

TO OUR COMEDY.

BUT HE WASN'T SURE, BECAUSE
HE DOESN'T FULLY BELIEVE IN GOD,

SO HE'S HERE TO COME
TO THESE SERVICES

AND CHECK OUT TEMPLE 420,
OUR 420 SERVICES.

(Silverman)
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN GOD?

(Benson)
HE SAID IT SO MATTER-OF-FACTLY.

"AND HE DOESN'T BELIEVE
IN GOD."

SO, EVERYBODY, THERE'S GOING
TO BE PUNCH, AND"--

(Craig X)
THERE WILL BE PUNCH.

DO THE ATHEISTS
GET PUNCH?

THE ATHEIST
GETS PUNCH TOO,

RIGHT IN THE FACE,
WITH THE TRUTH.

[laughter]

IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN
TO OUR TEMPLE BEFORE,

WE'LL JUST LET YOU KNOW
WE'RE A JUDEO-CHRISTIAN TEMPLE.

YOU HAPPEN TO BE ON SATURDAY,

SO WE HAVE THE OLD TESTAMENT,
JEW-Y THING GOING ON.

IF YOU COME BACK TOMORROW,

WE GOT THE NEW TESTAMENT,
ALL RIGHT?

SO FEEL FREE TO COME BACK
ANY DAY.

SERVICES ARE ALWAYS AT 4:20.

I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU A JOKE,

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK ANY
OF THE MATERIAL UP HERE TODAY

HAS BEEN AIMED
AT YOU SPECIFICALLY.

I THINK YOU'LL REALLY
ENJOY THIS JOKE.

WHY DID
THE LITTLE STRAWBERRY CRY?

BECAUSE HIS MOTHER
WAS IN A JAM.

[laughs]
COME ON.

AND THEN THEY PUT WEED IN,
AND EVERYBODY GOT REALLY HIGH.

SO, ANYWAY...

[laughter]

SO THIS GUY HAS SERVICES
EVERY SATURDAY AND SUNDAY

AT 4:20, RIGHT?

AND WE WENT TODAY, AND IT WAS--

I BROUGHT, LIKE,
THREE OR FOUR FRIENDS,

AND THEN THERE WERE
SOME CHILDREN RUNNING AROUND

AND A COUPLE OTHER DUDES.

AND THERE WAS A WHOLE SERVICE
BUILT AROUND WHY, YOU KNOW--

SINCE THE LORD IS GOOD
AND WE LOVE THE LORD,

WEED.

[alarm beeping]

[soft rock music]

(man)
* I'M FEELING OLDER.

* A DIFFERENT TIME,
ANOTHER SHOW. *

THAT'S REAL NICE.

THAT'S REAL GOOD.

I ALREADY SEE A STAR
IS GOING TO BE THE FIRST ONE.

I'M ALREADY FEELING IT.

(Underdown)
AND, DOUG, WHAT'S YOUR GUESS?

I'M GOING TO GUESS STAR.

(Underdown)
FIRST GUESS IS STAR.

SECOND CARD.

HOLDING IT UP.

(Benson)
I'M GOING TO GUESS SQUARE.

(Underdown)
SQUARE.

THIRD GUESS.
HOLD IT UP.

TRIANGLE.

FOURTH GUESS.

HOLD IT UP.

(Benson)
CIRCLE.

(Underdown)
SEVEN RIGHT THIS TIME.

THE FIRST TIME,
YOU GOT ONE RIGHT.

SO YOU'VE DONE
SEVEN TIMES BETTER.

HOWEVER, SINCE YOU ONLY GOT 7
OUT OF 25, YOU DON'T--

THERE'S NO EVIDENCE
OF PSYCHIC ABILITY.

(Escalante)
HOW ABOUT MEDICAL PROSTITUTION?

'CAUSE THAT'S SOMETHING
THAT I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN,

AND I'D LIKE TO--
I DON'T SMOKE POT,

AND I'LL JOIN YOUR FIGHT
IF YOU'LL JOIN MINE.

YOU'LL--YEAH, I'LL JOIN
YOUR FIGHT.

THAT'S AN AWESOME FIGHT.

WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT
PROSTITUTES?

LIKE, I'M HAVING TROUBLE
FOLLOWING THIS;

I SMOKE A LOT OF POT.

MEDICAL PROSTITUTION,
JUST FOR--I NEED--

I REALIZE
PROSTITUTION IS ILLEGAL,

BUT I NEED IT
FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES.

I THINK MARIJUANA'S

A MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE
VICTIMLESS CRIME

THAN PROSTITUTION,
'CAUSE, UNFORTUNATELY,

THE WOMEN THAT DO
THE PROSTITUTING

GOT THERE SOMEHOW
THAT WAS PROBABLY TERRIBLE.

AND YOU SHOULD TALK TO THE GUY
THAT YOU HAVE TO KNOW

TO GET THE PROSTITUTE TOO.

HE'S WAY WORSE THAN YOUR GUY.

IT'S--YEAH, MY GUY'S NEVER--

I'VE NEVER HAD A DEALER
SLAP ME AROUND...

(woman)
NOT YET.

AND TELL ME TO WAIT IN THE CAR.

(man)
WELCOME TO MINNEAPOLIS.

THANKS.

WHAT'S THE PROPER WAY
TO ADDRESS YOU? SENATOR?

THAT OR JOHN OR--
I DON'T CARE; WHATEVER YOU WISH.

SENATOR JOHN.

I BELIEVE YOU'RE
THE FIRST POLITICIAN

THAT'S BEEN WILLING TO SPEAK
ON CAMERA

ABOUT THIS SUBJECT.

I WAS CO-AUTHOR

OF SEVERAL
MEDICAL MARIJUANA BILLS

JUST BECAUSE I SEE AND TALK
TO ENOUGH PEOPLE

WHO WERE USING IT

FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
I PROBABLY--

PERFECT EXAMPLE OF ONE
WHO NEVER TRIED A CIGARETTE,

NEVER SMOKED A JOINT,

HASN'T DONE SO
AND DON'T INTEND TO DO SO.

AND I JUST THINK THAT THE IDEA

THAT GOVERNMENT IS GOING
TO STEP IN THERE

AND TELL EVERY DOCTOR
AND EVERY PATIENT,

NO MATTER HOW HARD
THEY'RE HURTING,

THAT "WE'RE NOT GOING
TO LET YOU DO THIS

"BECAUSE WE HAVE
THIS OTHER FEAR

THAT'S NOTHING RELATED
TO WHAT YOU'RE DOING."

IF YOU SEE, IF YOU TALK
WITH SOMEBODY WHO'S SUFFERING

AND THEY--YOU KNOW,
THIS MAKES A DIFFERENCE,

I DON'T CARE
WHAT FEAR YOU HAVE;

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU GOT
TO TRY AND DO THE RIGHT THING.

PEOPLE THAT NEED MARIJUANA,
THEY'RE NOT DOING IT

BECAUSE IT'S FUN,
IT'S ENJOYABLE, IT'S EXCITING.

IT'S SOMETHING
THAT NO OTHER MEDICATION,

WHETHER PRESCRIBABLE OR NOT,
CAN DELIVER WHAT MARIJUANA DOES

AND CAN PROVIDE ME
WITH THE QUALITY OF LIFE.

WELL, THE FIRST TIME I TRIED IT
WAS WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY 17.

I DIDN'T TRY IT ANY EARLIER
THAN THAT.

AND I JUST--THE FIRST TIME
I WENT THROUGH CHEMOTHERAPY

WAS WHEN I WAS 17.

AND IT WAS ACTUALLY MY MOM
AND MY BEST FRIEND AT THE TIME

GOT ME A LITTLE BAG AND SAID,
"DO IT."

AND IT HELPED TREMENDOUSLY,
LIKE, WITH ANXIETY, WITH PAIN,

WITH EVERYTHING.

PERSONALLY, I LOOK AT YOU GUYS,

AND I SAY YOU DON'T NEED IT,
RIGHT?

BUT I'M NOT A DOCTOR, OKAY?

IF YOU WENT TO A DOCTOR

AND A DOCTOR HAS SAT DOWN
WITH YOU

AND HE'S WILLING TO PUT
HIS LICENSE ON THE LINE

TO SAY THAT YOU GUYS NEED IT,

NOBODY ELSE CAN TELL YOU
WHETHER YOU NEED IT OR NOT

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOOK
LIKE YOU NEED IT.

YOU KNOW, THE ONLY REASON
PEOPLE ACCEPT ME FOR USING IT

IS 'CAUSE THEY SEE ME
IN A CHAIR.

EXHIBIT "A."

EXHIBIT "B."

EXHIBIT "C."

[laughs]

(man)
* NO MORE WILL I BE AFRAID.

(Benson)
THERE'S A COMMERCIAL ON NOW--

IT'S THE ABSOLUTE WORST ONE--

WHERE A YOUNG TEENAGED
LADY, GIRL

IS MELTING INTO A COUCH.

SHE'S PHYSICALLY MELTING.

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

HER BODY IS TRANSFORMING.

SHE'S LIKE:

SHE'S MELTING, AND THERE'S
A GIRL SITTING NEXT TO HER GOES,

"SHE SMOKES POT."

[laughter]

"THIS IS WHAT SHE'S BEEN LIKE

"EVER SINCE
SHE STARTING SMOKING POT.

THIS IS ALL WE EVER DO."

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
THE GIRL WHO DOESN'T SMOKE POT,

NOT EXACTLY THE MOST FUCKING
SPARKLING PERSONALITY

IN THE WORLD.

HOW MUCH OF A LOSER
DO YOU HAVE TO BE

TO BE THE PERSON THAT'S
MORE BORING THAN THE STONER

AND HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO

THAN SIT
AND WATCH THE STONER MELT

AND NOT EVEN FUCKING CALL 911...

[laughter]

OR EVEN 411 TO SAY, "I'VE GOT
SOME INTERESTING INFORMATION"?

[laughs]

SO THE GIRL'S MELTING
INTO THE COUCH.

LET'S PICK UP
WHERE WE LEFT OFF.

THE GIRL'S MELTING.

AND, AS A POT SMOKER,
I'M NOT DETERRED.

I'M WATCHING THAT COMMERCIAL
GOING,

"HOW DO I GET A HOLD
OF SOME OF THAT WEED?"

[laughter]

"THAT IS SOME AMAZING SHIT

"THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TRY.

"I HAVE BEEN SMOKING
THE CAN'T-FIND-MY-KEYS WEED,

"AND SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD,

"THERE IS SOME
MELTING-INTO-THE-COUCH SHIT.

"THAT WOULD BE
AN INCREDIBLE RIDE.

"PLUS, IF I MELT INTO THE COUCH,
MAYBE I'D FIND MY KEYS.

IT WOULD BE
A WIN-WIN SITUATION."

SO THIS IS WHAT ONE GUY GAVE ME
LAST NIGHT,

THIS REALLY NICE FELLOW

WHO SAID HE HEARD ME
ON THE RADIO YESTERDAY MORNING,

AND HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND
WERE LIKE,

"WE HAVE TO GO SEE HIM."

THIS, I GOT FROM SOMEONE ELSE
WHO DOES NOT WANT TO BE NAMED.

AND THIS ONE, I GOT
FROM SOMEONE--

YET A THIRD PARTY
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE NAMED.

AND WE JUST MADE A BLEND
OF ALL THREE

AND ENJOYED IT BEFORE OUR DAY
AT MALL OF AMERICA.

[rock music]

*

LAST TIME I WAS HERE
IN BEAUTIFUL MINNEAPOLIS,

I, YOU KNOW, WENT TO GO GET
MY FLIGHT OUT ON SUNDAY,

AND I'M WALKING
AROUND THE TERMINAL.

I CAN'T FIND MY GATE,
CAN'T FIND MY GATE.

HOURS GO BY, HOURS.

AND THEN I FINALLY REALIZE
I'M AT MALL OF AMERICA.

[laughter]

I WROTE THAT JOKE TODAY
WHEN I WAS HIGH

AT MALL OF AMERICA.

(man)
THIS IS THE BROWNIE PORTION
OF THE EXAM.

YOU MAY BEGIN.

[bell dings]

I'M TOTALLY GOING TO LOSE
A LOT OF POINTS

FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO OPEN IT.

I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE
AND NOT TRY.

UH!

UH!

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING?

WHAT HAS YOUR MOOD BEEN LIKE
IN THE LAST WEEK?

MOSTLY GOOD.

WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
YOUR MOOD

AS EUPHORIC?

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD WORD FOR IT.

DOES ANYBODY WANT
TO COME UP HERE

AND GET HIGH WITH DOUG?

COME ON UP.

[applause]

ANYONE IN THE AUDIENCE
WHO DIDN'T WANT

TO COME UP HERE
AND GET HIGH WITH DOUG

CAN GET HIGH
IN THE AUDIENCE...

AND TRY TO GET
THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU HIGH.

THIS IS ALREADY PACKED, SO--

OH, YOU WANT
TO GET HER HIGH.

I'LL JUST GET HER HIGH;
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

"THAT'S AMERICA,"
SOMEONE YELLS OUT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

AMERICA.

YEAH.

[cheers and applause]

YOU'RE WELCOME VERY MUCH.

YOU KIDDING ME?

(Roberts)
OKAY, SO--

OKAY, DOUG'S GOING TO GET
A LITTLE MORE HIGH.

THAT WAS
A PRETTY BIG HIT THERE.

YOU MAY HAVE YOUR SENSIBILITIES
OFFENDED RIGHT NOW,

BUT YOU ARE NOT
BEING MADE TO SMOKE DOPE.

WE'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD
VENTILATION SYSTEM.

IT'S MOSTLY GOING UP.

UPSTAIRS, THEY'LL BE
COMPLETELY HIGH.

WE VENT RIGHT INTO
THE APARTMENTS ABOVE,

SO, YEAH--

I'M ALLERGIC TO WEED.

[laughter]

THE IDEA OF THE PIECE
IS THAT MYSELF AND ROB RIGGLE

ARE OFFICERS,
UNDERCOVER OFFICERS.

YEAH, EVERYBODY LAUGHING IT UP
AT COMEDY.

YEAH, YEAH.

PEOPLE SMOKING GRASS.

YOU GUYS, WHAT'S THAT?

(Riggle)
OH, SHIT.

WHAT IS THIS?

EVERYBODY KNOW WHAT THIS IS?

IT'S GRASS.

THAT'S A POUND OF GRASS.

THAT'S A POUND
OF GRASS.

(Riggle)
STREET VALUE: $200 MILLION.

$200 MILLION!

[laughter]

PICK ANY PROBLEM.

WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE REASON
FOR DIVORCE?

(Riggle)
MARIJUANA.

ABORTIONS.

MARIJUANA.

VOLCANOES.

MARIJUANA.

WHO CAUSED HURRICANE KATRINA?

MARIJUANA!

WHY DO PEOPLE
BECOME JEWISH?

MARIJUANA.

[man over intercom]
SAN BRUNO.
THIS STATION IS SAN BRUNO.

(man)
SO, WELL, ANYWAY,
WELCOME TO OAKSTERDAM.

(Benson)
THANK YOU. I LOVE IT.

ISN'T IT AWESOME?

IT'S REALLY GREAT.

I USUALLY DESCRIBE IT AS...

THE COUNTERCULTURAL VISION
OF DOWNTOWN REDEVELOPMENT

FOR OAKLAND.

MY NAME'S RICHARD LEE,

AND I'M THE OWNER
OF THE BULLDOG COFFEE SHOP

AND THE OAKSTERDAM GIFT SHOP

AND THE PUBLISHER
OF THE OAKSTERDAM NEWS.

THIS WAS THE FIRST PLACE,
SO IT'S MATURED,

AND THINGS ARE--YOU KNOW,
THIS IS THE FIRST PLACE

TO ISSUE PERMITS.

SO I THINK
IT'S A LOT MORE MATURE

THAN THE OTHER PLACES
THAT ARE JUST NOW GETTING CLUBS

IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IF YOU TRY TO FIGURE OUT
THE OVERALL CANNABIS MARKET...

(narrator)
ANALYSTS RANK CANNABIS

AS THE NUMBER ONE CASH CROP
IN AMERICA,

WELL ABOVE COTTON, WHEAT,
AND TOBACCO,

WITH CALIFORNIA RESPONSIBLE
FOR ONE-THIRD

OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY'S
CANNABIS SUPPLY.

IN 2006 ALONE, ESTIMATED SALES
FROM CALIFORNIA CANNABIS

EXCEEDED $12 BILLION.

IF TAXED, THESE SALES
COULD HAVE EASILY GENERATED

OVER $1 BILLION
IN GOVERNMENT REVENUE.

IT'S, LIKE, GOING TO BE
THE NEW LOTTERY FOR CALIFORNIA.

EXACTLY, THAT'S WHAT I THINK
IT'S GOING TO BE, EVENTUALLY.

IT'S GOING TO BE
A LOT LIKE GAMBLING.

(man)
SR-71 IS THE FIRST
STEALTH AIRPLANE,

SO WE LIKE TO THINK OF OURSELF
AS A STEALTH COFFEE SHOP

FLYING BELOW THE FEDERAL RADAR.

WE HAVE OUR MEDIUM OVER HERE
ON OUR SECOND PAGE.

WE JUST KEEP OUT ONE MEDIUM
AT A TIME,

JUST USUALLY MEDIUM-
AND HIGH-GRADE.

WE GOT OUR PRICES RIGHT HERE
NEXT TO THE WEIGHTS

SO YOU KIND OF KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH.

WE KEEP ALL THREE HIGH-GRADES
AT A TIME.

YOU CAN ALWAYS FEEL FREE
TO TAKE THEM OUT.

YOU CAN SMELL THEM,
SQUEEZE THEM,

WHATEVER HELPS YOU MAKE
A DECISION.

LET ME ASK--YOU GOING
TO SMOKE A SPLIFF, MA'AM?

ALL RIGHT.

DO WE HAVE ANY MARIJUANA SMOKERS
HERE IN THE PARK TODAY?

[scattered cheers and applause]

ANY LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS
HERE IN THE PARK TODAY?

[laughter]

I ASKED THOSE
IN THE WRONG ORDER.

(Glazier)
I'M A GARDENER, A LANDSCAPER,

SO I LIKE TO HELP
AIDS AND CANCER PATIENTS

GROW THEIR OWN MEDICINE

TO KEEP THE PRICE DOWN

AND TO JUST DECENTRALIZE
THE WHOLE ECONOMY.

WELL, OAKSTERDAM IS BASICALLY
A PRIVATE JOKE

THAT A FEW AIDS PATIENTS
USED TO CHUCKLE ABOUT

WHEN THE FIRST MARIJUANA CLUB
CAME HERE.

AND MOST OF THOSE PEOPLE
ARE NOW DEAD.

MOST OF THE ORIGINAL PATIENTS
FROM OAKSTERDAM HAVE DIED.

IT'S CALLED
INDOLE-3-BUTYRIC ACID.

IT'S BASICALLY--IT'S A HORMONE.

WHAT IT DOES IS,
IT SOFTENS UP THE PLANT TISSUE,

AND IT SORT OF STERILIZES IT
AT THE SAME TIME.

AND WHAT'LL HAPPEN IS,
AFTER A FEW DAYS,

THE TISSUE'S SOFT,
AND LITTLE ROOTS WILL PUSH OUT,

AND IT BECOMES
ITS OWN LITTLE PLANT.

THESE WERE TAKEN ON THE 15th.
TODAY'S THE 22nd.

SO IN SEVEN DAYS,
WE HAVE CREATED LIFE.

SO YOU CAN SEE THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN INDICA OVER THERE

AND SATIVA HERE.

THIS ONE'S INDICA?

RIGHT.

SEE, SHORT, SQUAT.
BIG, FAT LEAVES.

THIS IS TALL,
MORE BRANCHY.

THINNER LEAF.

THIS IS ACTUALLY A HYBRID;
IT'S NOT PURE SATIVA.

IF IT WAS PURE SATIVA,

IT'D BE EVEN THINNER
AND BLANKIER.

THE WORST MOVIE TO SEE
WHEN YOU'RE HIGH,

THE WORST ONE EVER, I THINK,
IS A MOTION PICTURE

CALLED SUPER HIGH ME.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I JUST FUCKED UP MY OWN JOKE.

SUPER SIZE ME--
FORGET--

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY.

[cheers and applause]

MARIJUANA PEACE WAS
A LOT OF THINGS.

THIS IS DENNIS PERON,

FOUNDER OF THE MEDICAL
MARIJUANA CLUB MOVEMENT

AND MANY, MANY THINGS.

APRIL 14, 1994.

I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY,
'CAUSE THE DAY BEFORE,

YOU CALLED US ALL UP AND SAID,

"WE'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED
TOMORROW."

(Peron)
THE CHIEF OF POLICE
HAD CALLED ME THAT DAY,

SAID HE WAS GOING IN,
BUSTING US.

I SAYS, "LOOK, CHIEF.

"YOU CAN COME IN.
YOU CAN BUST US.

"BUT YOU REMEMBER STONEWALL?

"THESE PEOPLE
ARE GOING TO FIGHT BACK.

THEY'RE NOT JUST GOING
TO LAY DOWN."

IN THE END, WE KNEW WE'D WIN,

AND IT'S A GOOD THING
THAT WE WROTE IT FOR THE PEOPLE,

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HAVE--

IT'S GOT A LOT OF HOLES IN IT,
THEY SAY.

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY
IT'S VERY LOOSELY WORDED.

(Shaw)
PIONEER LAW.

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY,
"ALMOST ANYBODY CAN GET IT

"WITH THIS LAW.

DON'T VOTE FOR IT," BUT...

IT WAS DONE IN THE NAME
OF MY DEAD FRIEND,

MY DEAD BROTHERS AND SISTERS
WHO DIED OF AIDS.

OUT OF ALL THAT PAIN,
ALL THAT SORROW,

SOMETHING GOOD WOULD HAPPEN.

THAT HAD TO BE
THE SUM OF THEIR LIFE,

THAT THE WORLD CHANGED.

(Benson)
YOU KNOW, A LOT OF COMEDIANS

WORK REALLY HARD
ON THEIR JOKES.

BUT WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING...

[laughter]

IS SMOKING A LOT OF POT.

SO I'VE BEEN HIGH, PROBABLY,
ABOUT 22 HOURS--

NO, NOT--
WELL, MORE LIKE 18 HOURS A DAY.

I PROBABLY GET SOBER
DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

FOR A FEW HOURS.

AND IT'S PROBABLY GOING
TO PROVE NOTHING.

[laughter]

AND WEIRD LAUGHS
IN THE AUDIENCE.

"HA HA!

"HA HA!

"AH!

"THIS GUY'S LIVING
IN A CARTOON WORLD.

"HE'S GOT A CARTOON APARTMENT.

HA HA!"

MUIR WOODS,
NORTH OF SAN FRANCISCO,

HOME OF THE MIGHTY REDWOOD.

LET'S ENJOY IT TOGETHER,
SHALL WE?

THEY REALLY TOOK THE TREAT
OUT OF RICE CRISPY TREAT.

THIS THING TASTES HORRIBLE.

HOW'S IT GOING?

(man)
EXPRESS YOURSELF THERE.

FUCK THIS FIRST AMENDMENT AREA.

[laughter]

I KNOW THIS GUY WHO HAS A DOG
THAT CAN TALK.

YOU CAN ASK--
YOU CAN ASK THE DOG--

[laughter]

YOU CAN ASK--
THIS IS SERIOUS.

YOU CAN ASK THE DOG
ANYTHING YOU WANT,

AND THEN IT'LL ANSWER,
TALKING-STYLE.

SO I GO--I GO--

I GO, "WHAT'S THE THING
ON TOP OF A HOUSE?"

AND THE DOG GOES, "ROOF!"

I'M LIKE, "OKAY,

WHO'S THE GREATEST
BASEBALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME?"

AND THE DOG GOES, "RUTH!"

I'M LIKE, "OKAY, THAT'S GOOD."

NAME A TOURIST ATTRACTION
IN THE SAN FRANCISCO AREA.

"WHARF!"

[laughter]

AND THEN I'M LIKE,
"BE MORE SPECIFIC."

"FISHERMAN'S WHARF!"

[laughter]

THIS IS DAY 23 OF A PROJECT
THAT I'M WORKING ON

CALLED SUPER HIGH ME.

I'M SMOKING POT
ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS,

STARTING FROM WHEN
I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING

TO WHEN I GO TO BED AT NIGHT.

AND IT HAS BEEN AWESOME.

[laughter]

I THINK--YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK THIS MONTH
THAT YOU WEREN'T STONED,

I THINK YOU HAVE
A POT GLAND IN YOUR BODY NOW,

AND IT JUST RELEASES POT
WHEN YOU GO WITHOUT.

YOU HAVE--IT'S LIKE
A CAMEL HUMP,

AND YOU DON'T SEE IT.

AND SO THE WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE,
YOU'RE JUST STONED.

IT'S JUST

SUPER HIGH ME
FOR 60 GODDAMN DAYS,

BUT YOU'RE NOT--WHAT IT IS IS,
"OH, I'M GOING TO SPEND A MONTH

"NOT SMOKING IT.

"I'M JUST GOING TO GET IT
FROM MY GLAND IN MY NECK

WHERE I KEEP EXTRA POT
IN CASE OF AN APOCALYPSE."

HOW GREAT WOULD IT BE
IF THE LAST THING IN THE MOVIE

IS THAT IT BURSTS
OUT OF MY HEAD?

AND IT LOOKS LIKE TOMMY CHONG,

A LITTLE--YOU GROW ANOTHER--

[Benson imitating Chong]
"I WAS IN YOUR HEAD, MAN.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM
FOR A DUDE IN YOUR HEAD, MAN."

[laughter]

"I WAS FUCKING CRAMPED, MAN.

YOU GOT ANY WEED?"

DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS
TO MAKE THAT LEAP

TO HAVING A DOCTOR
GIVE YOU THE THING

SO YOU CAN JUST GO
IN DISPENSARIES AND...

I DON'T KNOW.

BUY AMAZING WEED?

THEN MY NAME'S
ON SOME LIST SOMEWHERE.

THAT'S TRUE.

RIGHT?

(man)
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO REALLY TRACK DOWN--

I DON'T KNOW IF THERE IS
A LIST THAT EXISTS,

BUT UP HERE, IT SEEMS
LIKE THERE WOULD BE.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
COULDN'T THEY JUST--

WOULDN'T THEY JUST
PENCIL YOUR NAME IN

IF THEY EVER SEE YOU ANYWHERE
DOING ANYTHING?

WELL, THAT'S TRUE, YEAH.

[laughs]

YOU'RE PRETTY OPEN
ABOUT IT.

BUT I DON'T HAVE A TON
OF MATERIAL ABOUT IT, BUT--

UH-UH.

I DID TALK--I DID SAY
I SMOKED POT ON CONAN,

SO THAT'S PROBABLY NOT
THE SMARTEST THING.

[laughter]

PEOPLE WATCH THAT,
RIGHT?

FEDS LOVE CONAN.

BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS:

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MARIJUANA
IN A PILL?

SO WHAT'S THIS--

LIKE, COCOA KRISPIES
THAT ARE FULL OF WEED?

CUCUMBER, BOAT, WIRE.

I STILL GOT IT.

WE'RE GOING TO DO
THAT MINI MENTAL STATUS THINGY,

BUT WHAT'S--

YOU KNOW--

CUCUMBER, BOAT, WIRE?

OH, NO, THIS TIME,
IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

OKAY, GOOD.

SEE, I KNEW YOU'D REVIEW
THE TAPE,

SO, BASICALLY, I CHANGED IT.

I CHANGED IT ALL
COMPLETELY AROUND.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK
AT THE TAPE.

I'VE BEEN OBSESSED
WITH CUCUMBER, BOAT, WIRE

SINCE IT HAPPENED,

'CAUSE NOBODY REMEMBERS.

BUT IF IT'S STILL THREE WORDS,
I'M GOING TO BE GOOD--

I'M GOING TO BE AWARE ENOUGH

TO BE ABLE TO GET IT RIGHT,

EVEN THOUGH I'M...MEDICATED.

YES, YOU ARE MEDICATED.

[laughter]

(cooing)
"YES, YOU ARE.

LITTLE MEDICATED PATIENT."

YOU SOUND MORE MEDICATED
THAN YOU DID LAST TIME.

THIS IS A QUESTIONNAIRE
ABOUT POT

THAT I DEVISED
FOR THIS MOVIE

TO JUST ASK
RANDOM PEOPLE

TO SEE HOW MUCH
THEY KNOW ABOUT POT

AND THE SITUATION WITH POT
IN AMERICA TODAY.

HERE WE GO.

EAST BAY, FIRST QUESTION.

WHAT PERCENTAGE OF AMERICANS
SMOKE POT?

80%.

EXCELLENT GUESS;
IT'S 99%.

[laughter]

VERY CLOSE, THOUGH.

DO YOU SMOKE POT?

NOT RECENTLY.

YES.
NO.

ABOUT FOUR OR FIVE TIMES
A YEAR.

NO.
WELL, IT DEPENDS ON, LIKE--

[laughter]

WRITE THAT DOWN
AS A "YES."

NO.
OCCASIONALLY.

OCCASIONALLY?
NO.

YES, I DO.
DO YOU SMOKE POT?

YES.

WELCOME TO THE MAJORITY.

OKAY, THREE WORDS.

CAB, AVOCADO, BRICK.

CAB, AVOCADO, BRICK.

PERFECT.

NOW, COUNT BACK FROM 100,
SUBTRACTING 7.

SO START WITH 100,
AND TELL ME WHAT'S--

93.
UH-HUH.

[laughs]
COME ON.

93.

82.

OKAY.

73.

MM-HMM.

IS THAT RIGHT?

KEEP GOING.

JESUS.

73, 64.

DO YOU THINK POT
IS ADDICTIVE?

YES.
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

I QUIT SMOKING POT
FOR 30 DAYS,

AND NOW I'M SMOKING POT
AGAIN.

SO YOU'RE WRONG.

DO I SEEM HIGH TO YOU
RIGHT NOW?

MAYBE A LITTLE.

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

I'M TOTALLY HIGH
RIGHT NOW.

[laughter]

AT WHAT--THIS IS
AN IMPORTANT ONE

AT THIS JUNCTURE.

AT WHAT AGE DO YOU THINK
IT'S OKAY FOR KIDS

TO START GETTING HIGH?

UH, 18?

MAYBE, LIKE, 16.

7.
14.

18.
18.

AS SOON AS YOU CAN USE
THE LIGHTER.

18.
18?

30.

I THINK THEY NEED TO TALK
TO THEIR PARENTS FIRST.

27, ACTUALLY.

27.

OKAY, WHAT ARE THOSE THREE WORDS
THAT WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE?

CAB, AVOCADO, BRICK.

YOU SCORED!

EXCELLENT.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT 24 THIS TIME.

AND LAST TIME...

YOU GOT 27.

SO OVER 22 IS STILL NORMAL,

BUT YOU BARELY GOT IT.

CAB, AVOCADO, BRICK--
YOU WERE JUST WAITING FOR THAT.

YOUR--ACTUALLY,
IT'S INTERESTING.

YOUR MATHEMATICAL FUNCTIONS
COMPLETELY ARE GONE.

I MEAN, YOU REALLY--
THE SERIALS SEVENS,

YOU KIND OF COMPLETELY
GOT YOURSELF--

SERIAL SEVENS.

SEE, THAT'S WHAT I DID IS,

I SWITCHED IT TO SERIAL NINES
PARTWAY FOR SOME REASON.

WHAT'S THE CHEMICAL NAME

FOR THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT
IN POT?

TETRAHYDROCANNABINOL.

NO, IT'S AN APPLE.

[laughter]

WHAT'S--OH, WAIT; THAT'S
THE ANSWER TO THE NEXT ONE.

[laughter]

WHAT'S THE BEST FRUIT
TO TURN INTO A PIPE?

AN APPLE.
AN APPLE.

APPLE, YES.

[laughter]

WHAT DO YOU CHARGE
FOR AN EIGHTH?

THE GOOD STUFF
OR THE BAD STUFF?

HA HA!
I GOT YOU!

SAY HELLO
TO OFFICER BENSON.

[laughter]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HIGH
AT WORK?

IF SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?
IF NOT, WHY NOT?

UM...

YOU CAN TAKE THE FIFTH.

HOW MANY--
OR TAKE AN EIGHTH.

HOW MANY PRESIDENTS--
BOOM.

YOU KNOW, IN TERMS OF
PHYSICAL HARM,

AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME,
ZIPPO.

DO YOU FEEL, THOUGH,

LIVING LIKE THIS
IS SUSTAINABLE?

IN OTHER WORDS,
FOR YOUR CAREER,

YOU KNOW, SMOKING--

I THINK I COULD GET AWAY WITH IT

BUT THAT I DON'T INTEND TO.

WHY?

BECAUSE--

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT

I'D BE SICK
OF SMOKING POT

AT THE END OF THE 30 DAYS,
AND IT TURNS OUT I'M NOT.

IT'S BEEN GREAT.

BUT I'VE BEEN HAVING PEOPLE
DRIVE ME AROUND EVERYWHERE.

[woman over speaker]
YOU ARE FREE TO GO.

HOWEVER, REMEMBER, IF YOU LEFT
A GREEN-TAG ITEM

AT THE BAGGAGE STAND,

PLEASE WAIT FOR IT HERE
AT THE JET BRIDGE

OFF THE RIGHT-HAND SIDE
WITHOUT CAUSING A TRAFFIC JAM.

HAVE A GREAT AFTERNOON.

OW!

MY NAME IS DOUG BENSON,
AND I AM SUPER HIGH.

[low note]

[laughs]

CALIFORNIA'S
A MEDICAL MARIJUANA STATE.

[scattered cheers]

SO I GOT MY LICENSE.

I GOT A FUCKING LICENSE
TO SMOKE POT.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO DO A TEST
OR ANYTHING.

I JUST HAD TO GO,
"IT HURTS ME IN MY BACK."

"HERE YOU GO.

I'M A DOCTOR;
HERE YOU GO."

AND I'M LIKE, "$200."

AND NOW I HAVE A LICENSE
THAT SAYS I CAN SMOKE POT.

NO ONE HERE HAS THAT,
NOT IN IDAHO.

BUT YOU SHOULD,

'CAUSE THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

[man sneezes]

MOST--BLESS YOU.

YOU GUYS ARE ALLERGIC
TO THE TRUTH.

[laughter]

AND I'M STANDING
ON MY OWN JACKET.

I'M SCARED.

IT'S SCARY TO BE IN A STATE
THAT DOESN'T--

THAT IT'S, YOU KNOW,
COOL WITH IT.

I MEAN, NOT THAT--
YOU KNOW, CALIFORNIA,

IT'S LEGAL ON A STATE LEVEL.

BUT ON THE FEDERAL LEVEL,
IT'S STILL ILLEGAL,

SO A FED COULD SWEEP IN
AND FUCKING BE LIKE, "NUH-UH."

beep!

[man on answering machine]
THE PHARMACY IS BEING RAIDED

RIGHT NOW,
AS OF ABOUT THREE MINUTES AGO.

CALL ME BACK.

ULTIMATELY, IT COMES DOWN
TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

TO DECIDE WHAT IS
AND IS NOT LEGAL.

MARIJUANA IS ILLEGAL
IN ANY FORM UNDER FEDERAL LAW.

FEDERAL DRUG AGENTS RAIDED

11 MEDICAL MARIJUANA OUTLETS
TODAY IN L.A. COUNTY.

THE D.E.A. AGENTS

SWOOPED DOWN ON L.A. CLINICS

BECAUSE FEDERAL AUTHORITIES
DON'T RECOGNIZE CALIFORNIA'S LAW

THAT ALLOWS MEDICAL USE
OF MARIJUANA.

YESTERDAY, D.E.A. AGENTS
APPLIED SEARCH WARRANTS

AND WENT INTO 11 FACILITIES
HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

(man)
YEAH, THEY'VE BLOCKED OFF
THE ROAD,

AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING OFF.

I'M GOING TO GET OUT.

(Benson)
LET'S GO.

(woman)
THEY TOOK ALL OF THE MEDICATION
AND PATIENT RECORDS

IN ALL OF THESE FACILITIES.

THE CLIMATE OF FEAR
IS VERY REAL.

(Walker Young)
* OH, I SAID
PLEASE DON'T TEAR ME DOWN. *

* I'M JUST NOW STANDING UP.

* I'VE MADE
SOME BIG MISTAKES. *

* I WANNA GET FUCKED UP
JUST LIKE I USED TO DO *

* WITH MY DADDY PRESIDENT.

* I WILL BREAK ALL THE RULES.

* OH, I WILL HAVE
NO REGRETS, *

* 'CAUSE I AM PRESIDENT NOW.

* YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT,

* A DUMB GOOD OL' BOY
COULD EVER ACHIEVE IT, *

* POLITICS AND FAME,
FAME AND DISASTER. *

* LET'S GO TO WAR.
I'LL SHOW YOU THE MASTER. *

* YOU KNOW, THESE PUPPET STRINGS
ARE HARD TO BREAK. *

*

(man)
I'M WAITING FOR A SHERIFF

WHO NEEDS
MEDICAL MARIJUANA.

I'M NOT GONNA SAY
IT WON'T HAPPEN,

BECAUSE IF IT'S NEEDED,
IT'S NEEDED.

YEAH, IF IT'S NEEDED,
IT'S NEEDED.

THAT'S WHY
I KEEP FIGHTING.

ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU BELIEVE
IN WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

[people talking]

[people chanting]
SAFE ACCESS NOW.
SAFE ACCESS NOW.

SO WE ARE NOT SUPPORTIVE
OF THIS ACTION TODAY.

THE CITY OF WEST HOLLYWOOD
BELIEVES

THAT WE HAVE A HANDLE
ON THESE FACILITIES.

WE HAVE REGULATIONS IN PLACE.

WE WORK CLOSELY
WITH THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

TO ENSURE THAT THEY OPERATE
WITH THE INTENT AND SPIRIT

OF PROPOSITION 215.

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
HAS THE RIGHT.

WE CAN'T STOP THEM.

WE DON'T HAVE
THE LEGAL AUTHORITY.

[people booing]

[people chanting]

[slow rock music]

*

[lively horn music]

*

[siren wailing]

[people chanting]
GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

GO AWAY, D.E.A.!
GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

GO AWAY, D.E.A.!
GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

GO AWAY, D.E.A.!

THESE PEOPLE ARE EMPOWERED
BY THE STATE.

THE STATE LAW
IS BEING BROKEN HERE

BY THE FEDERAL AGENTS
RIGHT NOW.

THESE GUYS SHOULD BE ENFORCING
CALIFORNIA STATE LAW, PERIOD.

(man)
THEY'RE NOT
SHUTTING US ALL DOWN,

AND WE WILL REOPEN,
BECAUSE IN CALIFORNIA,

THE BIGGEST TREES IN THE WORLD
GROW FROM LITTLE SEEDS.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE SEED.

ALL THESE PEOPLE THAT WERE
BEHIND US EARLIER

ARE LITTLE SEEDS.

THIS MOVEMENT
WILL NOT BE SHOT DOWN.

WELL, YOU KNOW
I'VE BEEN A PATIENT

FOR ALMOST 11 OR 12 YEARS.

WHEN I CLIMBED UP THOSE STAIRS
IN SAN FRANCISCO

AND RAN INTO DENNIS PERON
WALKING DOWN THE FIRST BLOCK

AND HE SAID,
"RICHARD, I'M SENDING A GUY

TO LOS ANGELES
WHO CAN HELP YOU,"

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS
GETTING MYSELF INTO.

BUT I'M A PROUD
AMERICAN PATRIOT,

AND I WILL CONTINUE FIGHTING
FOR MEDICAL MARIJUANA.

SO IT'S 4:20 ON DAY 30 ON--

[Campbell over speakerphone]
DOUG BENSON, IT'S OVER.

OH, IT'S JUST STARTING.

[laughs]

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW,
GOING INTO THIS THING,

I THOUGHT THAT BY DAY 30,

I WOULD BE SO SICK OF POT
AND BEING HIGH

AND JUST BE DYING
TO BE DONE WITH IT

FOR AT LEAST--
AT LEAST TAKE A BREAK

FOR A LITTLE WHILE, YOU KNOW?

BUT I'M SITTING HERE.

IT'S 4:20, AND I'M ABOUT
TO LIGHT JOINT NUMBER TWO.

OKAY.

'CAUSE, YEAH,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO NOW.

YOU'RE OFF THE CLOCK, SO--

I TOTALLY DON'T HAVE TO.

IT'S PERSONAL CHOICE NOW.

UM...

ROLL SOME MORE JOINTS.

YOU GUYS ARE HERE ON DAY 30.

THIS IS DAY 30 OF GETTING HIGH
ALL DAY EVERY DAY

FROM THE SECOND I WAKE UP
IN THE MORNING

UNTIL I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT.

AND I GET TO WAKE-AND-BAKE.

THAT'S HOW I START.

AND THEN I DON'T HAVE A RHYME
FOR THE END OF THE DAY, BUT...

(woman)
IS THE PROGRAM INTERVENTION?

WHAT'S THAT?

IS THE PROGRAM
INTERVENTION?

IS THE PROGRAM
INTERVENTION?

[laughter]

NOW, ARE WE PLAYING
JEOPARDY OR SOMETHING,

WHERE THE QUESTION
IS THE ANSWER?

[laughter]

'CAUSE THAT WAS WORDED
REALLY STRANGELY.

I HAVEN'T--
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL

IF I HAD
AN INTERVENTION, MAN.

I GUESS YOU COULD TRY
TO DO ONE NOW,

BUT THIS IS THE LAST DAY.

[laughter]

KIND OF FUCKED-UP TIMING.

"STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING."

THAT'S LIKE IF THE GUY
IN SUPER SIZE ME

WAS LIKE, ON DAY 30,
"I CAN'T DO IT."

WELL, YOU ALREADY DID
A LOT OF DAMAGE.

SO THIS IS DAY 30,
AND I GOT TO SAY, HONESTLY,

IT'S A FANTASTIC WAY TO LIVE.

I RECOMMEND YOU ALL BECOME
STAND-UP COMICS

WHO DON'T HAVE ANYTHING, REALLY,
THAT YOU HAVE TO DO

DURING THE DAY.

AND AT NIGHT, YOU CAN GET AWAY
WITH ACTING LIKE A BUFFOON

IN FRONT OF NICE PEOPLE

WHO JUST WANT
AN OLD-FASHIONED INTERVENTION.

[laughter]

AND, FINALLY,
DO YOU THINK SICK PEOPLE

WHO FEEL BETTER
WHEN THEY SMOKE POT

SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO SO

IN THE PRIVACY
OF THEIR OWN HOMES

WHILE NOT OPERATING
HEAVY MACHINERY

AND POSSIBLY WATCHING

A PROJECT RUNWAY MARATHON
ON BRAVO?

YES.

YES.
JOE IS RIGHT!

THANK YOU, JOE.

YOU WERE AWESOME, MAN.

EVERYBODY, YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR COMING OUT.

I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

BYE-BYE.

[cheers and applause]

KEEP IT GOING
FOR DOUG BENSON, EVERYONE!

(Walker Young)
* WELL, I SMOKE
EVERY WEED, MAN. *

* I PLANT
THAT BIG OLD SEED, SON. *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS IN TOWN. *

* FROM THE SUPER STICKY GREEN
TO THE HEADACHE MIX OF BROWN, *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

* WELL, I SMOKE IT
TILL I'M DEAD, *

* 'CAUSE IT FEELS GOOD
IN MY HEAD. *

* I SMOKED A LOT
IN WESTERN CAROLINE. *

* I SWEAR
ON THAT ORANGE CRUSH, *

* SO SWEET
IT'LL MAKE YOU BLUSH. *

* YOU'RE FEELING GOOD
WITH YOUR ILLEGAL SMILE. *

* I SMOKE EVERY WEED, MAN.

* I PLANT
THAT BIG OLD SEED, SON. *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS IN TOWN. *

* FROM THE SUPER STICKY GREEN
TO THE HEADACHE MIX OF BROWN, *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

*

* WHEN I VISIT THE PHARMACY,

* I'M GONNA SEE MY GOOD FRIEND
MIKE *

* I SAY, "OH, BOY,
I'VE 40 DIFFERENT STRAINS. *

* AND I SMOKED THEM ALL.

* VOLCANO TO THE BRAIN.

* I THINK I CAN REMEMBER
ALL THE NAMES. *

* YOU GOT THE BUBBA KUSH,
BUBBLE GUM, *

* BLUEBERRY, SOUR D,
ALASKAN THUNDERFUCK, *

* AK-47, AND THE O.G. KUSH.

* YOU GOT THE PURPLE
AND THE URKLE, *

* GRANDDADDY, MOTHER SHIP,
AND THE ORANGE CRUSH, *

* G-13, AND LITTLE BALLS
OF HASHISH. *

* YOU GOT THE BUBBA KUSH,
BUBBLE GUM, *

* BLUEBERRY, SOUR D,
ALASKAN THUNDERFUCK, *

* AK-47, AND THE O.G. KUSH.

* YOU GOT THE PURPLE
AND THE URKLE, *

* GRANDDADDY, MOTHER SHIP,
AND THE ORANGE CRUSH, *

* G-13, AND LITTLE BALLS
OF HASHISH. *

* I SMOKE EVERY WEED, MAN.

* I PLANT
THAT BIG OLD SEED, SON. *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS IN TOWN. *

* FROM THE SUPER STICKY GREEN
TO THE HEADACHE MIX OF BROWN, *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

*

* SOME PEOPLE CALL IT DOPE.

* SOME THINK IT SMELLS
LIKE BURNING ROPE. *

* I TELL YOU
IT RELIEVES MY MIND *

* JUST TO KNOW
WE'RE A COMPASSIONATE STATE. *

* I THINK IT'S TIME
TO MEDICATE *

* WITH THE BUBBA KUSH,
BUBBLE GUM, *

* BLUEBERRY, SOUR D,
ALASKAN THUNDERFUCK, *

* AK-47, AND THE O.G. KUSH.

* YOU GOT THE PURPLE
AND THE URKLE, *

* GRANDDADDY, MOTHER SHIP,
AND THE ORANGE CRUSH, *

* G-13, AND LITTLE BALLS
OF HASHISH. *

* I SMOKE EVERY WEED, MAN.

* I PLANT
THAT BIG OLD SEED, SON. *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS IN TOWN. *

* FROM THE SUPER STICKY GREEN
TO THE HEADACHE MIX OF BROWN, *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

* FROM THE SUPER STICKY GREEN
TO THE HEADACHE MIX OF BROWN, *

* I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

* YEAH, I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *

* YEAH, I SMOKE
EVERY STRAIN THERE IS AROUND. *

* YEAH, I SMOKE EVERY STRAIN
THERE IS AROUND. *